Bobby Schuller | TBN

Bobby Schuller

Watch Bobby Schuller
March 29, 2017
27:31

Do Less, Be More, Connect With Others

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Bobby Schuller

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  • Bobby Schuller: Would you stand with me
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  • and we're gonna say this together?
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  • We say it every week.
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  • We realign our identity with the Word of God, with grace.
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  • Hold your hands like this as a sign of receiving
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  • this great gift God has for us.
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  • "I'm not what I do.
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  • I'm not what I have.
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  • I'm not what people say about me.
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  • I am the beloved of God.
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  • It's who I am.
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  • No one can take it from me.
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  • I don't' have to worry.
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  • I don't have to hurry.
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  • I can trust my friend Jesus and share his love with the world."
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  • Thanks, you can be seated.
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  • Today we're gonna talk about how to connect deeply with God
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  • and how to connect deeply with people.
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  • And, actually, we're gonna talk even more about the latter.
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  • The greatest human need is to connect deeply with others.
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  • All of us need to have a sense of bonding.
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  • You've heard me probably say, "The greatest human need is
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  • dignity," and that's the same thing.
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  • Dignity is the belief that I'm worthy of love and belonging
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  • or I'm worthy of respect, all right?
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  • Shame is the opposite.
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  • "I don't deserve respect,
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  • or I don't deserve love or belonging."
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  • So this is what psychology says: That your deepest human need
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  • is the need to bond deeply with others.
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  • So you may have lots of friends and a big family who love you,
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  • and yet, somehow, you are always out of emotional energy,
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  • you're constantly fighting the need to withdraw
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  • or to do something else to escape.
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  • That is rooted in your inability to bond deeply with others,
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  • with your friends and family.
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  • It's so easy to be with a bunch of people and leave exhausted.
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  • Now, here's-- like, maybe you've had that
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  • experience where you're with an old friend, or with your spouse,
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  • your boyfriend, or girlfriend, or whatever.
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  • You're sitting by a fire and all of the sudden you start having
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  • this really interesting deep, vulnerable, honest,
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  • story image-rich conversation.
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  • And four or five hours go by and it was like that.
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  • And you look at the clock and you think,
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  • "Where has the time gone? We need to go to bed."
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  • And yet it was so meaningful.
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  • It's 3 in the morning, you should be exhausted
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  • and you've sort of are, but in another way you're energized.
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  • You feel alive in a way you haven't in a long time.
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  • That's called flow.
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  • It's actually a term in positive psychology called flow
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  • when you're really connecting with someone.
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  • It's almost like you go into a time capsule because you
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  • are meeting your greatest human need: bonding.
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  • You're bonding with someone.
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  • Conversely, imagine you're sitting with someone you really
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  • love or care about and all you do is talk about things to do,
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  • the weather, this and that, huh?
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  • And 20 minutes of that goes by and you're like,
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  • "Oh, get me the heck outta here. I'm exhausted."
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  • Have you ever felt that way?
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  • Especially--yeah, many of us, in fact, all of us can feel
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  • exhausted after having shallow, kind of, meaningless
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  • conversations with people we love.
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  • And we don't understand this but, unconsciously,
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  • it's very disappointing for us.
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  • We reached out, but we didn't find anything there.
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  • It was all surface.
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  • And so that's not only disappointing, it's boring,
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  • and it's uneventful, and unmemorable.
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  • The only thing you remember is that you're not sure
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  • you wanna do it again.
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  • You want a break from that.
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  • This is all touching, again, on the deepest human need,
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  • which is to connect deeply with others.
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  • And the greatest human fear is the fear of abandonment,
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  • C.S. Lewis does a great job of writing on this, but the fear
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  • of being outside, not belonging, of not having a home.
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  • So many of the mistakes that we make are in our desire to
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  • connect with others, though we don't know it, or in our fear
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  • that people are gonna abandon us or leave us.
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  • The main thing that gets in the way of us connecting and bonding
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  • deeply with others, please hear this, it's shame.
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  • Shame is the thing that gets in the way.
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  • So much more shame than anything else, nothing else
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  • is even worth mentioning. It's shame all the way.
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  • Guilt is not bad.
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  • Shame is.
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  • Guilt is outside of yourself, shame is who you are.
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  • Guilt says something like, "I made a mistake.
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  • That's not me.
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  • I'm gonna do different next time."
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  • Shame says, "Of course, I made that mistake.
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  • That's what I do.
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  • I'm gonna keep doing this.
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  • I need to hide it."
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  • Guilt says, "I'm better than this."
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  • Shame says, "I'm this and much worse."
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  • So shame takes on many shapes.
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  • It looks like proving.
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  • It looks like overworking.
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  • It looks like trying to make everyone happy,
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  • even the friend of your neighbor five houses down.
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  • The person you're never gonna see again.
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  • It means obsessing at night about something
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  • some stranger said to you.
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  • Again, someone else you're never gonna see.
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  • Yet, another reminder that you're not really
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  • worthy of respect.
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  • Today's Scripture reading was from John chapter 15.
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  • And this is one of my favorites.
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  • Hannah and I, when we first started dating,
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  • memorized this pericope, John 15.
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  • We studied it.
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  • And I can go forever--I won't, don't worry.
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  • I could go forever on this all day long, but the long and short
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  • of it is this, Jesus gives this metaphor.
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  • He says, "I, Jesus, I'm the vine, and my Father's the
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  • gardener, and you are the branches.
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  • Stay attached to me and you will bear fruit."
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  • We used to have a prayer that we'd say here
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  • where the Holy Spirit is the sap.
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  • The Scripture doesn't say that but I love the image of the sap
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  • being--that through Jesus Christ comes the Holy Spirit,
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  • everything we need.
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  • And he says, "I am the vine, you are the branches.
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  • If you stay attached to me, you are going to reach out
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  • and bear fruit.
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  • If you do not stay attached to me," and the other part says,
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  • "if you do not abide in me or abide in my love, if you try
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  • to do it on your own, you will, like a cut off branch,
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  • you will wither and die.
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  • And the gardener, the Father, will come and cut you off.
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  • But if you abide in me, you will bear fruit.
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  • Fruit that will last."
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  • And he says, "The way you abide in me is obey my command.
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  • And this is my commandment to you: Love one another
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  • as I have loved you.
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  • If you love one another, you will abide in me
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  • and you will bear fruit.
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  • If you abide in me, you will obey my commands.
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  • And this is my command: Love one another," and so on.
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  • The Greek word that Jesus uses here does not exist in English.
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  • It's meno.
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  • So the best word we pick is abide.
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  • So abide is close.
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  • But meno means to, like, find a very safe, wonderful home,
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  • a place of belonging.
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  • Imagine you're in the mountains, and it's cold, and it's snowing.
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  • And you and your friends, or maybe your kid, or you're with
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  • your siblings, or your neighbor, or best friend, or something,
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  • and you're playing in the snow, you snowball fight,
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  • and you're sledding.
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  • And all of the sudden the wind starts to pick up
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  • and the snow starts to fall.
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  • And all of the sudden you don't feel as safe as you did before.
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  • You're not scared, but you're not safe.
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  • And you think, "We should head back to the cabin."
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  • And you start wandering through the woods looking through
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  • the cabin, and you can't seem to find it.
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  • Meanwhile, you're getting colder; it's getting colder
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  • outside and it's getting darker.
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  • And you crest over a hill, and there you stand on the top of
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  • the hill and see in the distance the cabin from when you came,
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  • from where you came.
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  • And out of the chimney is coming, you know,
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  • billows of smoke.
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  • And it's comforting and warm and, yet, it's on the distance.
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  • And you start walking towards that place to get closer.
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  • And when you come in you're covered in snow,
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  • and the first thing you do is stomp, stomp, stomp.
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  • You get all that snow off your feet and off your legs.
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  • And you see Grandma Pursley has made a plate
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  • of hot chocolate and marshmallows.
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  • And there it is; it's waiting for you.
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  • And you go, "Oh, this is great."
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  • There's a fire going.
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  • You take off all of the outer clothing.
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  • And then you take--the best part, you go to the fire
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  • and you take your socks off.
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  • And if you know anything about the snow,
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  • you don't take your socks off.
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  • You peel them off, 'cause they're--it's like a peel.
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  • And that peel is the world's greatest feeling.
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  • It just--right off your feet.
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  • And you hang those things on the fire and you put your feet up.
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  • And now you look outside and you see the snow falling,
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  • but it's no longer dangerous.
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  • It's interesting, it's beautiful,
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  • it adds to the ambience.
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  • It's better that it's snowing now than if it weren't snowing
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  • at all because you got your fire, and you got your hot
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  • cocoa, and you got your grandma, and you got everything you want.
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  • And you're sitting there looking outside and it's just great.
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  • That word, that feeling: meno.
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  • All right?
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  • So that is what Jesus says.
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  • He says, "Do that in my love.
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  • Abide in my love. Meno in my love.
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  • Find a home in my love."
  • 00:09:46.040 --> 00:09:49.290
  • And then he finishes, again, by saying, "You did not choose me.
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  • I chose you and appointed you to bear fruit.
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  • And this is my command: Love one another."
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  • It couldn't be any clearer.
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  • Look, when we try and do it on our own according to our works,
  • 00:10:04.040 --> 00:10:07.210
  • according to our own agenda, we shrivel up and die.
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  • When we abide in the love of Jesus Christ just as we are,
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  • we allow him to do his thing.
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  • And we respond to his love and build our love around that by
  • 00:10:16.040 --> 00:10:19.270
  • connecting deeply with others, and then we're bearing fruit.
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  • And that's what life is all about.
  • 00:10:22.160 --> 00:10:25.060
  • And that's why the church is so important.
  • 00:10:25.070 --> 00:10:26.250
  • A community of people who love the Lord and love each other
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  • just as they are, not as they should be.
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  • A community of real grace, community of real grace.
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  • You know, it's so good; it is so good to feel love
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  • and to be loved.
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  • And the main thing that gets in the way is just this belief that
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  • I don't deserve it somehow or I gotta earn it.
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  • You do enough; you don't have to earn anything.
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  • You deserve love.
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  • You're a beloved child of God.
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  • Jesus paid the price so that you could connect deeply with God.
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  • And that gives you the freedom to reach out.
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  • Some people might reject you, but because you're rooted
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  • in the Father's love you're safe.
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  • So--and some people will reject you.
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  • And that's okay.
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  • Who cares about them?
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  • Reach out to other people.
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  • Amen?
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  • Can I get an amen to who cares about them?
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  • I didn't hear that. Who cares about them?
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  • Amen? Amen.
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  • If you're vulnerable, and honest, and you're reaching
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  • out to others and they don't respond, it's either not
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  • God's timing or it's not right.
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  • Reach out to others.
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  • People want you. Amen.
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  • That's right. Amen.
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  • Do less, be more, okay?
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  • Do less, be more.
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  • Now, some of you, you says, "I don't' do a lot already.
  • 00:12:00.160 --> 00:12:02.160
  • I already struggle to get out of the house.
  • 00:12:02.170 --> 00:12:04.110
  • I feel like I need to do more, 'cause I don't do much at all."
  • 00:12:04.120 --> 00:12:07.220
  • That's still--there's still doing too much.
  • 00:12:07.230 --> 00:12:09.270
  • There's a business of head there that many of us experience.
  • 00:12:09.280 --> 00:12:13.200
  • That is I go over and over in my head.
  • 00:12:13.210 --> 00:12:16.240
  • I stay busy, constantly thinking:
  • 00:12:16.250 --> 00:12:18.200
  • resentment, self-pity, right?
  • 00:12:18.210 --> 00:12:23.250
  • Constant concern and worry about money,
  • 00:12:23.260 --> 00:12:27.080
  • or health, or other things.
  • 00:12:27.090 --> 00:12:28.260
  • Just spinning my wheels in my head constantly that's keeping
  • 00:12:28.270 --> 00:12:32.180
  • me away from what I need most, which is to love
  • 00:12:32.190 --> 00:12:36.120
  • and to be loved.
  • 00:12:36.130 --> 00:12:39.220
  • So do less, and be more, and abide in him.
  • 00:12:39.230 --> 00:12:45.180
  • The most important thing in all of our relationships
  • 00:12:45.190 --> 00:12:50.010
  • is we have to be there with our friends and our family.
  • 00:12:50.020 --> 00:12:55.140
  • Give priority to your relationships.
  • 00:12:55.150 --> 00:12:58.000
  • It's just that simple.
  • 00:12:58.010 --> 00:12:59.190
  • Make it the number one most important thing.
  • 00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:02.290
  • One of the best litmus tests to asks is if you just
  • 00:13:03.000 --> 00:13:05.010
  • ask your friends and family, "Are you, do you think
  • 00:13:05.020 --> 00:13:07.140
  • you're a priority in my life?"
  • 00:13:07.150 --> 00:13:09.120
  • If you had a lie detector test on them, what would they say?
  • 00:13:09.130 --> 00:13:13.070
  • Honestly?
  • 00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:15.170
  • The currency of love is time.
  • 00:13:15.180 --> 00:13:18.140
  • Love is spelled T-I-M-E.
  • 00:13:18.150 --> 00:13:23.290
  • The people who need you, they need your time.
  • 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:26.230
  • They need you to be around.
  • 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:28.040
  • They need you to pencil them into your calendar, okay?
  • 00:13:28.050 --> 00:13:31.250
  • Now I'm talking to a mirror.
  • 00:13:31.260 --> 00:13:34.040
  • People need your time.
  • 00:13:34.050 --> 00:13:36.130
  • They need you present.
  • 00:13:36.140 --> 00:13:38.150
  • And in order to be present to other you've got to unclutter
  • 00:13:38.160 --> 00:13:43.140
  • your life and not be so--unclutter your brain
  • 00:13:43.150 --> 00:13:48.230
  • and unclutter your life.
  • 00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:52.120
  • Vilfredo Pareto was a gardener who became an economist.
  • 00:13:52.130 --> 00:13:57.030
  • Are you familiar with Pareto's principle?
  • 00:13:57.040 --> 00:13:59.290
  • Now, if you're trying to sort it out it's the colloquial
  • 00:14:00.020 --> 00:14:02.190
  • known as the 80/20 rule.
  • 00:14:02.200 --> 00:14:05.240
  • Pareto's principle, which seems to be present in almost every
  • 00:14:05.250 --> 00:14:08.070
  • economic system whether it's big or small, whether it's how you
  • 00:14:08.080 --> 00:14:12.220
  • manage your personal life or how the United States economy works,
  • 00:14:12.230 --> 00:14:16.050
  • 20% of the input is responsible for 80% of the outcome.
  • 00:14:16.060 --> 00:14:22.140
  • That's true in this church.
  • 00:14:22.150 --> 00:14:24.110
  • Eighty percent of the volunteering is done by twenty
  • 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:26.040
  • percent of the people, right?
  • 00:14:26.050 --> 00:14:29.070
  • Eighty percent of the giving is done by twenty percent
  • 00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:31.000
  • of the people, usually.
  • 00:14:31.010 --> 00:14:33.000
  • In your job 80% of the output of your company is usually
  • 00:14:33.010 --> 00:14:36.090
  • coming from 20% of your customers.
  • 00:14:36.100 --> 00:14:39.060
  • Eighty percent of your worries are coming from twenty percent
  • 00:14:39.070 --> 00:14:42.070
  • of your life, your headaches.
  • 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:44.010
  • It's coming--right?
  • 00:14:44.020 --> 00:14:45.190
  • And it's an amazing way to think about the fact
  • 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:48.220
  • that your business doesn't make you more productive.
  • 00:14:48.230 --> 00:14:54.130
  • The work for work principle is not real.
  • 00:14:54.140 --> 00:14:59.250
  • Most of the stuff you're busy with isn't anything;
  • 00:14:59.260 --> 00:15:03.120
  • it doesn't matter.
  • 00:15:03.130 --> 00:15:05.160
  • Most of the stuff you're doing that is busy doesn't matter.
  • 00:15:05.170 --> 00:15:11.280
  • C.S Lewis said, "Only lazy people are busy."
  • 00:15:11.290 --> 00:15:20.010
  • See, there's a big difference between being productive
  • 00:15:21.280 --> 00:15:24.070
  • and being busy.
  • 00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:26.160
  • And that's what we need to understand.
  • 00:15:26.170 --> 00:15:29.200
  • Tim Ferriss, who's not a Christian, he's an author
  • 00:15:29.210 --> 00:15:32.060
  • on how to, like, manage your businesses better.
  • 00:15:32.070 --> 00:15:34.170
  • Anyway, he had a vitamin company and he applied
  • 00:15:34.180 --> 00:15:36.210
  • this 80/20 rule to his business.
  • 00:15:36.220 --> 00:15:38.140
  • And he realized 80% of revenue in him company
  • 00:15:38.150 --> 00:15:41.000
  • was coming from 20% of his customers.
  • 00:15:41.010 --> 00:15:43.060
  • And so most of the time he was spending was
  • 00:15:43.070 --> 00:15:45.130
  • with the unproductive 80%.
  • 00:15:45.140 --> 00:15:47.170
  • So he just fired them.
  • 00:15:47.180 --> 00:15:49.030
  • He was like, "I'm not gonna do business with them anymore.
  • 00:15:49.040 --> 00:15:51.100
  • I'm just gonna zoom in on that 20% that's 80% of my income."
  • 00:15:51.110 --> 00:15:55.260
  • And he said he started focusing on making
  • 00:15:55.270 --> 00:15:57.240
  • more customers like that.
  • 00:15:57.250 --> 00:15:59.050
  • In 6 weeks his business was making 6 times as much money
  • 00:15:59.060 --> 00:16:02.280
  • and he had way fewer headaches.
  • 00:16:02.290 --> 00:16:04.220
  • He said, "A hundred percent of my problems were coming
  • 00:16:04.230 --> 00:16:06.260
  • from the unproductive eighty percent of my clientele."
  • 00:16:06.270 --> 00:16:10.240
  • And this is what he realized in the way he was managing
  • 00:16:10.250 --> 00:16:13.160
  • his life and his business.
  • 00:16:13.170 --> 00:16:14.280
  • Can we put that quote back up?
  • 00:16:14.290 --> 00:16:16.160
  • Being busy is a form of laziness, lazy thinking,
  • 00:16:16.170 --> 00:16:21.210
  • and indiscriminate action.
  • 00:16:21.220 --> 00:16:24.010
  • The only reason I'm putting this up there is that I believe you
  • 00:16:24.020 --> 00:16:27.120
  • have a choice to make your friends and family a priority
  • 00:16:27.130 --> 00:16:31.030
  • and to not be constantly busy with errands, with work,
  • 00:16:31.040 --> 00:16:36.270
  • with all the stuff you think you have to do that you feel guilty
  • 00:16:36.280 --> 00:16:40.070
  • about if you don't do it.
  • 00:16:40.080 --> 00:16:41.290
  • Just be brave and cut a lot of that stuff outta your life so
  • 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:45.170
  • you can enjoy your life and connect deeply with the people
  • 00:16:45.180 --> 00:16:49.200
  • who want you and who need you.
  • 00:16:49.210 --> 00:16:52.110
  • And they do.
  • 00:16:52.120 --> 00:16:56.020
  • I remember Hannah was saying, like, she wanted this in her
  • 00:16:56.030 --> 00:16:58.210
  • life and she was talking to her brother, Nate, and he suggested
  • 00:16:58.220 --> 00:17:02.050
  • that one of the times he connected deepest
  • 00:17:02.060 --> 00:17:04.030
  • with others was when he had a prayer partner.
  • 00:17:04.040 --> 00:17:06.230
  • So she got a prayer partner and now this prayer partner
  • 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:09.130
  • has become one of her deepest friends, why?
  • 00:17:09.140 --> 00:17:11.180
  • Because when you pray with somebody, you're challenged
  • 00:17:11.190 --> 00:17:14.110
  • every time you sit to have the intent to talk about
  • 00:17:14.120 --> 00:17:17.220
  • what eating at you.
  • 00:17:17.230 --> 00:17:19.060
  • What can I pray for?
  • 00:17:19.070 --> 00:17:20.220
  • And the first thing you're gonna think about it something
  • 00:17:20.230 --> 00:17:22.180
  • that's bugging you, right?
  • 00:17:22.190 --> 00:17:25.000
  • So think about having a prayer partner.
  • 00:17:25.010 --> 00:17:27.020
  • But connect deeply with others.
  • 00:17:27.030 --> 00:17:28.150
  • So there's four things you can do, huh?
  • 00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:30.040
  • Four things to connect deeply with others.
  • 00:17:30.050 --> 00:17:32.060
  • Number one, when you connect--when you meet with
  • 00:17:32.070 --> 00:17:35.040
  • somebody and you wanna connect deeply with them, be vulnerable.
  • 00:17:35.050 --> 00:17:39.200
  • Just be you.
  • 00:17:39.210 --> 00:17:41.240
  • We are so afraid of talking about our sin, our addiction.
  • 00:17:41.250 --> 00:17:46.140
  • So afraid of speaking our opinion.
  • 00:17:46.150 --> 00:17:48.210
  • So afraid of saying that we're angry.
  • 00:17:48.220 --> 00:17:51.050
  • So afraid of saying we're in love, or we have a dream,
  • 00:17:51.060 --> 00:17:54.090
  • or whatever it is that's in your heart.
  • 00:17:54.100 --> 00:17:57.000
  • When you are vulnerable,
  • 00:17:57.010 --> 00:17:59.130
  • we think that's gonna push people away.
  • 00:17:59.140 --> 00:18:01.200
  • They're not ready for this.
  • 00:18:01.210 --> 00:18:03.150
  • But it does the exact opposite.
  • 00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:05.110
  • When you are vulnerable and you share all of your messy stuff
  • 00:18:05.120 --> 00:18:08.280
  • with somebody else, it draws them closer to you.
  • 00:18:08.290 --> 00:18:12.120
  • Why?
  • 00:18:12.130 --> 00:18:14.110
  • Because it's easier to talk to sinners than it is to saints.
  • 00:18:14.120 --> 00:18:19.130
  • It is.
  • 00:18:19.140 --> 00:18:21.020
  • It's easier to talk to a drunk than it is to talk to a pastor.
  • 00:18:21.030 --> 00:18:27.010
  • When you sit down with somebody who's a mess,
  • 00:18:27.020 --> 00:18:30.110
  • you know they're not gonna judge you.
  • 00:18:30.120 --> 00:18:35.110
  • Here's the thing: we're all sinners, huh?
  • 00:18:35.120 --> 00:18:38.040
  • Some of us are a little better at hiding.
  • 00:18:38.050 --> 00:18:40.160
  • Nobody's perfect.
  • 00:18:40.170 --> 00:18:42.210
  • And the people who come closest to perfection are those who have
  • 00:18:42.220 --> 00:18:47.100
  • given up on being perfect, and embrace their imperfections,
  • 00:18:47.110 --> 00:18:52.270
  • and have simply said, "God does the saving.
  • 00:18:52.280 --> 00:18:56.210
  • It's up to him."
  • 00:18:56.220 --> 00:18:58.290
  • And they just begin to live from a place of faith and confidence,
  • 00:18:59.000 --> 00:19:03.020
  • and not hustling, and trying, and proving all the time.
  • 00:19:03.030 --> 00:19:06.200
  • That's a very scary place to get to,
  • 00:19:06.210 --> 00:19:09.040
  • but it's so awesome to be there.
  • 00:19:09.050 --> 00:19:11.200
  • Be vulnerable.
  • 00:19:11.210 --> 00:19:14.110
  • Talk about what's eating at you and with most people,
  • 00:19:14.120 --> 00:19:17.150
  • it'll draw them closer to you.
  • 00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:19.150
  • Some people will reject you.
  • 00:19:19.160 --> 00:19:21.210
  • That's okay.
  • 00:19:21.220 --> 00:19:23.090
  • You're rooted in the House of God.
  • 00:19:23.100 --> 00:19:25.160
  • Let go of your fear of abandonment.
  • 00:19:25.170 --> 00:19:27.290
  • Your fear of abandonment is the very thing
  • 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:29.200
  • that's keeping you isolated.
  • 00:19:29.210 --> 00:19:32.050
  • So number one, be vulnerable when you meet with people.
  • 00:19:32.060 --> 00:19:34.230
  • The more vulnerable you are the better.
  • 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.270
  • And to be vulnerable means to be seen deeply.
  • 00:19:36.280 --> 00:19:40.080
  • Number two, and men really struggle with this,
  • 00:19:40.090 --> 00:19:43.010
  • don't resent your responsibility.
  • 00:19:43.020 --> 00:19:47.070
  • And women struggle with this, too, but I know that there
  • 00:19:47.080 --> 00:19:50.070
  • is a responsibility that comes with having love in your life
  • 00:19:50.080 --> 00:19:54.060
  • whether it's romantic love or being a dad
  • 00:19:54.070 --> 00:19:56.250
  • or an uncle or a best friend.
  • 00:19:56.260 --> 00:20:00.030
  • The currency of love is time.
  • 00:20:00.040 --> 00:20:02.090
  • And if you wanna have love in your life, you have to be
  • 00:20:02.100 --> 00:20:05.020
  • willing the yield some of you time and especially
  • 00:20:05.030 --> 00:20:08.110
  • your attention to the people you love.
  • 00:20:08.120 --> 00:20:13.000
  • You feel like you lose freedom because you don't get to do a
  • 00:20:13.010 --> 00:20:15.180
  • lot of the things that you wanted to do, but you inherit a
  • 00:20:15.190 --> 00:20:18.030
  • new freedom: freedom of intimacy.
  • 00:20:18.040 --> 00:20:20.240
  • You inherit the ability to bond deeply with others.
  • 00:20:20.250 --> 00:20:23.180
  • And all of the sudden that gives all of your successes and all
  • 00:20:23.190 --> 00:20:26.270
  • the stuff you wanna do in life, gives it flavor and joy
  • 00:20:26.280 --> 00:20:29.070
  • rather than crossing the finish line alone
  • 00:20:29.080 --> 00:20:32.180
  • and feeling isolated and abandoned.
  • 00:20:32.190 --> 00:20:35.280
  • So, number one, be vulnerable.
  • 00:20:35.290 --> 00:20:37.140
  • Number two, don't resent your responsibilities.
  • 00:20:37.150 --> 00:20:39.290
  • Number three, be the first.
  • 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.150
  • So be the first to say, "Let's go on a date."
  • 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:46.280
  • Be the first to say, "I'm sorry."
  • 00:20:46.290 --> 00:20:48.210
  • Be the first to say, "Let's make a change."
  • 00:20:48.220 --> 00:20:50.150
  • Be the first to say, "Let's go over our calendar," or whatever.
  • 00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:53.190
  • And I already know there's usually that one person
  • 00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:56.040
  • in a couple who's always the first.
  • 00:20:56.050 --> 00:20:58.280
  • You're saying to me, "I'm always the first, Bobby."
  • 00:20:58.290 --> 00:21:02.060
  • And I say to you, be the first to talk to your spouse,
  • 00:21:02.070 --> 00:21:06.110
  • or boyfriend, or girlfriend about you're always
  • 00:21:06.120 --> 00:21:08.230
  • the first, all right?
  • 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:14.060
  • You've got to be vulnerable.
  • 00:21:15.090 --> 00:21:18.220
  • You've got to speak your opinions.
  • 00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:20.120
  • You can't bottle everything up and feel loved.
  • 00:21:20.130 --> 00:21:24.100
  • And number four, and this is the last thing,
  • 00:21:24.110 --> 00:21:27.230
  • believe you are wanted.
  • 00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:32.080
  • You are.
  • 00:21:32.090 --> 00:21:34.160
  • Believe you are wanted when you get angry.
  • 00:21:34.170 --> 00:21:37.120
  • Believe you're wanted when you disagree.
  • 00:21:37.130 --> 00:21:39.280
  • Believe you are wanted when you say no to something.
  • 00:21:39.290 --> 00:21:44.070
  • Believe you are wanted when you sin.
  • 00:21:44.080 --> 00:21:46.260
  • Believe you are wanted even in the midst of whatever
  • 00:21:46.270 --> 00:21:50.040
  • addiction it is you're facing.
  • 00:21:50.050 --> 00:21:51.280
  • Believe you are wanted even though you're depressed.
  • 00:21:51.290 --> 00:21:54.290
  • Believe you are wanted even though you have doubts about
  • 00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:57.010
  • your faith or your doubts in your relationship.
  • 00:21:57.020 --> 00:21:59.210
  • Believe you are wanted even in your tired.
  • 00:21:59.220 --> 00:22:01.280
  • Believe you are wanted if you're sick.
  • 00:22:01.290 --> 00:22:04.230
  • Believe you are wanted
  • 00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:06.110
  • if you think you're a loser or a failure.
  • 00:22:06.120 --> 00:22:07.260
  • You are wanted. You are wanted.
  • 00:22:07.270 --> 00:22:10.250
  • And you're not only wanted by God, you're wanted by the people
  • 00:22:10.260 --> 00:22:13.050
  • who want you, by the people in your life who love you.
  • 00:22:13.060 --> 00:22:17.070
  • They want you.
  • 00:22:17.080 --> 00:22:18.260
  • They want you just as you are.
  • 00:22:18.270 --> 00:22:21.210
  • And none of us are as good at hiding the stuff
  • 00:22:21.220 --> 00:22:23.070
  • as we think we are.
  • 00:22:23.080 --> 00:22:24.240
  • Most the time people already know it's there.
  • 00:22:24.250 --> 00:22:26.120
  • They're just curious what it is.
  • 00:22:26.130 --> 00:22:29.050
  • "Finally, you told me."
  • 00:22:29.060 --> 00:22:33.030
  • You are wanted. It's a good thing.
  • 00:22:33.040 --> 00:22:36.270
  • We need to bond, guys. We need to do it.
  • 00:22:36.280 --> 00:22:39.160
  • If you don't bond deeply with others, you'll always wonder
  • 00:22:39.170 --> 00:22:44.070
  • what's missing in your life.
  • 00:22:44.080 --> 00:22:45.250
  • That's what it is.
  • 00:22:45.260 --> 00:22:47.140
  • You needed to bond deeply with God and with others.
  • 00:22:47.150 --> 00:22:50.020
  • And I'll invite the band to come forward.
  • 00:22:50.030 --> 00:22:53.080
  • So I want to finish this with one thought.
  • 00:22:53.090 --> 00:22:55.080
  • We're--I didn't plan this around this, but we are launching
  • 00:22:55.090 --> 00:22:58.080
  • small groups next week.
  • 00:22:58.090 --> 00:23:01.210
  • And if you feel like you don't feel safe with
  • 00:23:01.220 --> 00:23:06.120
  • certain--you need to bond deeply with a third party
  • 00:23:06.130 --> 00:23:08.190
  • that is a great way to do it.
  • 00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:11.180
  • It is such a low commitment, 10 weeks.
  • 00:23:11.190 --> 00:23:14.270
  • Sometimes the small groups, honestly, don't work out.
  • 00:23:14.280 --> 00:23:17.010
  • You never know.
  • 00:23:17.020 --> 00:23:18.150
  • Sometimes they jive, and sometimes they don't.
  • 00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:20.050
  • But it's just 10 weeks.
  • 00:23:20.060 --> 00:23:21.190
  • And then when it's over you can duck out,
  • 00:23:21.200 --> 00:23:23.040
  • and if it's awesome you can stay in.
  • 00:23:23.050 --> 00:23:26.050
  • I remember when we were in our small group
  • 00:23:26.060 --> 00:23:30.060
  • and it took us awhile to get there.
  • 00:23:30.070 --> 00:23:32.060
  • But it was a few weeks in and someone asked this question,
  • 00:23:32.070 --> 00:23:35.200
  • "What is the number one thing that offends you most?"
  • 00:23:35.210 --> 00:23:38.220
  • And that question, for whatever reason, it was like all night.
  • 00:23:38.230 --> 00:23:42.170
  • We went into the late hours of the night talking about it.
  • 00:23:42.180 --> 00:23:47.150
  • One person was saying, "When I work really hard and nobody
  • 00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:50.220
  • recognizes what I accomplish."
  • 00:23:50.230 --> 00:23:53.090
  • There were three in our small group, incidentally, who all
  • 00:23:53.100 --> 00:23:55.280
  • three were siblings, and they all three had the same answer:
  • 00:23:55.290 --> 00:24:00.250
  • "I hate it when people are condescending to me and they say
  • 00:24:00.260 --> 00:24:03.290
  • I'll never believe in the real world, you know?"
  • 00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:07.000
  • Mine?
  • 00:24:07.010 --> 00:24:08.160
  • My greatest is when somebody calls me stupid.
  • 00:24:08.170 --> 00:24:10.130
  • That really, really hurts and really gets me offended.
  • 00:24:10.140 --> 00:24:14.100
  • So all very different.
  • 00:24:14.110 --> 00:24:16.070
  • And what those answers did was it caused us to look
  • 00:24:16.080 --> 00:24:18.150
  • at our families or experiences in school and life, and to
  • 00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:24.010
  • recognize that even though those things happened a long time ago,
  • 00:24:24.020 --> 00:24:28.060
  • they're affecting our ability to connect deeply with one another
  • 00:24:28.070 --> 00:24:31.050
  • and they were affecting the way that we were trying
  • 00:24:31.060 --> 00:24:33.240
  • to prove ourselves to others.
  • 00:24:33.250 --> 00:24:36.160
  • You need people in your life to grow like Jesus.
  • 00:24:36.170 --> 00:24:39.210
  • I could--I wouldn't know what Jesus was like if I didn't see
  • 00:24:39.220 --> 00:24:41.210
  • men and women of my life who are already living it out.
  • 00:24:41.220 --> 00:24:46.020
  • And people who on his behalf say, "Bobby, we love you
  • 00:24:46.030 --> 00:24:48.110
  • just as you are, not as you should be."
  • 00:24:48.120 --> 00:24:50.250
  • So get in a small group, okay?
  • 00:24:50.260 --> 00:24:53.110
  • Get in a small group.
  • 00:24:53.120 --> 00:24:54.220
  • It'll make a world of difference to you.
  • 00:24:54.230 --> 00:24:56.210
  • More than anything, if you can't do that I just want you to know
  • 00:24:56.220 --> 00:24:59.080
  • connect deeply with others, connect deeply with God.
  • 00:24:59.090 --> 00:25:02.170
  • Let's pray. Father, we come to you.
  • 00:25:02.180 --> 00:25:05.060
  • We thank you, God, that we are loved.
  • 00:25:05.070 --> 00:25:07.120
  • And I pray that people would just leave with this, like,
  • 00:25:07.130 --> 00:25:10.130
  • nagging feeling that what's eating me up is the fact
  • 00:25:10.140 --> 00:25:14.130
  • that I am not bonding with others.
  • 00:25:14.140 --> 00:25:16.190
  • And I pray that you begin to open those doors for us to see
  • 00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:19.290
  • ways that we're pushing some people away or others in which
  • 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:23.060
  • we are just giving in and not respecting ourselves.
  • 00:25:23.070 --> 00:25:27.090
  • Lord, help us to be vulnerable, to say what's on our mind,
  • 00:25:27.100 --> 00:25:30.200
  • to say no, to say yes to other things,
  • 00:25:30.210 --> 00:25:33.200
  • just connect deeply with others.
  • 00:25:33.210 --> 00:25:36.180
  • Lord, we need this so much, Father.
  • 00:25:36.190 --> 00:25:40.040
  • Thank you for this church.
  • 00:25:40.050 --> 00:25:41.240
  • Thank you for every person here.
  • 00:25:41.250 --> 00:25:43.210
  • They're all so loved by you.
  • 00:25:43.220 --> 00:25:45.100
  • And help us to understand how much you love us.
  • 00:25:45.110 --> 00:25:50.100
  • What a good Word your Scripture is to us.
  • 00:25:50.110 --> 00:25:52.290
  • We thank you.
  • 00:25:53.000 --> 00:25:54.150
  • It's in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
  • 00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:57.230
  • male announcer: God is moving in miraculous ways
  • 00:26:00.050 --> 00:26:02.070
  • through "Hour of Power."
  • 00:26:02.080 --> 00:26:03.270
  • Thanks to our faithful Eagle partners who provide the
  • 00:26:03.280 --> 00:26:06.100
  • foundational support our ministry needs we're able to
  • 00:26:06.110 --> 00:26:09.080
  • continue sharing God's love and dignity with the world.
  • 00:26:09.090 --> 00:26:13.070
  • Please prayerfully consider becoming an Eagle partner today
  • 00:26:13.080 --> 00:26:16.010
  • with a monthly gift of $50 or a one-time gift of $600.
  • 00:26:16.020 --> 00:26:21.020
  • As a thank you for your gift, Bobby will send you our recent
  • 00:26:21.030 --> 00:26:24.020
  • book, "Releasing Joy."
  • 00:26:24.030 --> 00:26:25.250
  • This leather-bound, 52-week devotional book features
  • 00:26:25.260 --> 00:26:28.220
  • inspirational Scripture and teachings from Bobby
  • 00:26:28.230 --> 00:26:31.110
  • for every week of the year.
  • 00:26:31.120 --> 00:26:33.100
  • As a Golden Eagle partner, with your gift of $100 a month
  • 00:26:33.110 --> 00:26:37.000
  • or a one-time gift of $1200, Bobby will send you a copy
  • 00:26:37.010 --> 00:26:40.240
  • of "Releasing Joy," with your name beautifully embossed
  • 00:26:40.250 --> 00:26:43.290
  • on the cover.
  • 00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:45.160
  • Your steadfast support enables our ministry to maintain
  • 00:26:45.170 --> 00:26:48.060
  • and extend its reach around the world.
  • 00:26:48.070 --> 00:26:51.070
  • Call, write, or go online to become an Eagle partner today.
  • 00:26:51.080 --> 00:26:54.260
  • We are so thankful for you.
  • 00:26:54.270 --> 00:26:58.040
  • [music]
  • 00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:02.160
  • CC by Aberdeen Captioning 1-800-688-6621 www.abercap.com
  • 00:27:03.140 --> 00:27:10.170
  • [music]
  • 00:27:15.250 --> 00:27:25.250