Bobby Schuller | TBN

Bobby Schuller

Watch Bobby Schuller
November 22, 2016
27:32

Love or Loneliness: It's Your Choice

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Bobby Schuller

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  • Bobby Schuller: Would you stand with me?
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  • We're gonna say this creed together.
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  • Hold your hands out like this as a sign of receiving.
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  • We're gonna say this.
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  • "I'm not what I do, I'm not what I have,
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  • I'm not what people say about me.
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  • I am the beloved of God. It's who I am.
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  • No one can take it from me. I don't have to worry,
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  • I don't have to hurry, I can trust my friend, Jesus, and
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  • share his love with the world." Thanks, you can be seated.
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  • Today, I simply wanna convince you of just one simple truth,
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  • and this is the truth of the gospel.
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  • And 50% of you will agree with me and 50% of you will disagree
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  • with me, but it is true, and it is this,
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  • you are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • You are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • You are worthy of love and belonging just as you are.
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  • With all the mistakes you've made,
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  • with your addictions, with your flaws,
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  • with your sin, with your rudeness,
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  • with your mental illness, with your loneliness,
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  • with your depression, whatever it is that you have,
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  • you are worthy of love and belonging just as you are.
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  • It is so important that if you hear nothing else that I say
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  • today that you hear that, that you, just as you are, are a
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  • treasure to God, and to me, and to this church.
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  • I want you to know that I love you,
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  • that God loves you, and it has nothing to do with your
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  • trophies, or how good you are, or how well behaved you are,
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  • or how you've got it together.
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  • Simply as you are, you are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • We live in a world that says that love that you need in your
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  • life, and we all need it, it has to be earned.
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  • So, all of us have the deep, abiding need, and hear this.
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  • You may not know what you want, but I do.
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  • You wanna connect deeply with people.
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  • If you're a human being, if you have a pulse, that's your need.
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  • You need to connect deeply with people.
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  • And that doesn't mean just to have friends.
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  • A lot of us have lots of friends,
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  • and we're married, and we've got--maybe you've got kids,
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  • or you've got, you know, you're Italian,
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  • or Greek, or something and you've got 11,
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  • you know, family members or whatever,
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  • but maybe it just feels like that in spite of having all
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  • these people who love me and that I love,
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  • I just don't--there's something missing.
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  • I'm not connecting with them.
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  • And that's what I wanna get at today.
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  • Brene Brown, who've I'm mentioned a couple of times,
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  • is a very pastor today and is super-hot right now because of a
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  • TED Talk he did about three or four years ago on this issue.
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  • And I think it's the most, or one of the most TED Talks ever
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  • given, and it's because she touched on this issue.
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  • As a psychologist, and remember, I'm not a psychologist,
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  • I'm just a pastor, but as a psychologist,
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  • she wanted to sort this out.
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  • Why is it that so many people struggle at the most basic and
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  • yet greatest human need, which is to connect with others?
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  • Why are people struggling with that?
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  • Why do people have friends but they're not connected?
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  • No intimacy, why? So, being a scientist, she
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  • decided to do the research. So this is where she landed.
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  • She basically figured out that those who were able to connect
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  • deeply with others believed they were
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  • worthy of love and belonging.
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  • In other words, they believed they were worth it.
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  • They believed that if somebody connected deeply with them that
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  • they had something that, they were a gift.
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  • And those who were unable to connect with others believed
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  • that intrinsically, that they didn't have what they needed to
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  • be worthy of love and belonging.
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  • And I think, and this is not her,
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  • this is me, I think that at the heart of that is that in order
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  • to connect deeply with others, you have
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  • to allow yourself to be seen.
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  • You have to just be you with no masks.
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  • And if you don't have someone in your life with whom you're
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  • wearing few masks, or no masks at all,
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  • you're very likely missing that deep connection that you need oh
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  • so bad, and you do need it, and so do I.
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  • This is why the gospel is the answer to the greatest human
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  • need, because the gospel makes you worthy.
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  • The gospel says that every single human being who responds
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  • with faith is completely forgiven and everything.
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  • I mean, it's shame. Isn't that the thing?
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  • It's the shame. I'm not enough of this or that,
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  • that's the thing that gets between us and other people.
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  • And God just says over you--let me just say it again,
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  • you're loved just as you are, not as you should be,
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  • because nobody is as they should be.
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  • And nobody ever will be. You are worthy of love and
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  • belonging by people right now. You are worthy just as you are
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  • of love, belonging, affection, and a good relationship.
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  • You're worthy of it, you deserve it.
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  • You're not what you do, you're not what you have,
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  • you're not what people say about you, you are loved.
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  • And the greatest, most awesome, joy-filled,
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  • holiest person in the universe loves you,
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  • his name is Jesus Christ.
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  • And I love you, too, and I want you to know that if he loves you
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  • just as you are, and he knows everything in your life just as
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  • it is, that you're worthy of love and belonging,
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  • that you don't have to be lonely.
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  • You don't have to feel lonely, you don't have to be lonely,
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  • you are loved just as you are.
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  • You don't have to hide anything, not from me,
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  • not from religious people, and not from your family.
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  • You don't have to hide anything because you are loved.
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  • And today, we're talking about the seventh commandment,
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  • and does anybody here off the cuff know the seventh
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  • commandment without looking at your Bible or something?
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  • That's right, man, very good.
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  • And actually, how many of you in your small groups are actually
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  • going through the Ten Commandments in your deal?
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  • Good, all three of you, that's terrific, congratulations.
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  • [congregation laughing]
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  • Anyway, okay, see, the thing about it,
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  • when you're thinking about the greatest moral code in human
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  • history, tested by time in every culture,
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  • why is the Ten Commandments so great?
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  • And--well, that's another answer,
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  • but in this code is this one commandment,
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  • you shall not commit adultery. Why is that?
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  • There's a lot of reasons, one is that I think family is at the
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  • heart of every societal crisis we face.
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  • I can tell you doing work with gangs,
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  • doing work with homeless people, those are
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  • family issues under the surface.
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  • Almost every guy in a gang doesn't have a dad.
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  • I mean, you just--you see that at the heart of many of the
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  • problems that we're trying to fix,
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  • an ounce of prevention really is a pound of cure.
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  • So that the heart of pretty much every healthy society
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  • is a healthy family.
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  • And that's why it's so important for everybody that's in this
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  • kind of work to work on helping people.
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  • But I wanna talk about a deeper issue here,
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  • and that is, you know, when you get married,
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  • you have this idea of what this great relationship is gonna be.
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  • I love doing weddings.
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  • When I have a wedding, there's so much hope,
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  • there's so much love and affection not only between the
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  • husband and the wife, but between all these family members
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  • who are becoming one, and there's celebration,
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  • and food sort of recaptures its ability to bring people together
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  • in dance, and music, and there's just so much joy and hope.
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  • And when you go into a marriage, you truly--you sort of are
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  • walking by faith. You really believe this is
  • 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:03.120
  • going to happen. And for some it really does,
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  • but for some it doesn't. And at some point, sometimes
  • 00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:10.170
  • in marriage, you get to a place where you forget what it was
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  • like to be in love or to have someone that was
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  • head over heels for you. And that's why adultery is so
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  • violent, because it is sort of the period, it's the final
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  • mark saying to your husband or your wife,
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  • "You're not good enough."
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  • It's so heartbreaking, it's humiliating.
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  • It completely robs the other person of joy.
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  • And don't get me wrong, I know that at the heart of
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  • adultery there are two people, not one.
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  • I mean, I know that there's two, but all of that to simply say I
  • 00:08:44.180 --> 00:08:49.140
  • think it's the pain that adultery causes, and the shame.
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  • If you're going through that, by the way, or if you've been
  • 00:08:56.090 --> 00:08:57.250
  • through that, I'm so sorry. If you're on either side of
  • 00:08:57.260 --> 00:09:00.150
  • that, I'm sorry, and I want you to know that if you're working
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  • through that in your marriage right now,
  • 00:09:05.230 --> 00:09:07.030
  • you can get through this.
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  • And if you've gone through a divorce,
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  • I want you to know that you can have love in your life,
  • 00:09:10.280 --> 00:09:13.030
  • and you can find somebody that you truly connect with deeply
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  • and can do life with. So just have hope, okay?
  • 00:09:17.180 --> 00:09:21.160
  • But, many of us here are not married, or are divorced,
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  • or widowed, or never wanna be married, or whatever.
  • 00:09:25.010 --> 00:09:28.140
  • So, I think this really touches on almost a deeper issue,
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  • and that's the value of relationships as a whole.
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  • That marriage, like every other relationship,
  • 00:09:34.100 --> 00:09:37.270
  • is sort of meant to meet the deepest need of human existence,
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  • which is to connect deeply with others.
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  • Sometimes being loved is not enough, you gotta feel loved.
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  • And that's I think what's missing for so many people,
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  • the idea that I really have someone in my life who's loyal,
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  • and loving, and that I can serve and love as well.
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  • I believe that first, one of the biggest issues is that many of
  • 00:10:02.070 --> 00:10:06.050
  • us don't understand how much we need to connect deeply in our
  • 00:10:06.060 --> 00:10:10.280
  • relationships, and how big of a deal they are,
  • 00:10:10.290 --> 00:10:14.110
  • especially at the end of our life.
  • 00:10:14.120 --> 00:10:15.210
  • I'm a pastor that's been to too many funerals of rich people who
  • 00:10:15.220 --> 00:10:20.150
  • die alone to know that that is not what you want.
  • 00:10:20.160 --> 00:10:27.020
  • And all of us, we spend so much of our time trying to succeed,
  • 00:10:27.030 --> 00:10:32.030
  • or leave our mark on history, or have a legacy.
  • 00:10:32.040 --> 00:10:34.110
  • And don't get me wrong, I love those things, I'm a dreamer, I'm
  • 00:10:34.120 --> 00:10:37.260
  • a builder, I'm a goal setter, but if I've learned anything as
  • 00:10:37.270 --> 00:10:40.230
  • a pastor, it's that I need to connect deeply with the
  • 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:44.250
  • people that matter to me. I need to connect with my
  • 00:10:44.260 --> 00:10:46.290
  • kids and my wife. I need to connect with my
  • 00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:48.190
  • closest friends. If I don't do that, my life will
  • 00:10:48.200 --> 00:10:52.060
  • have no meaning at all. That has to be the priority.
  • 00:10:52.070 --> 00:10:57.260
  • It is better to fail with friends than to succeed alone.
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  • I just believe that with all my heart.
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  • Intimacy is the greatest need you have.
  • 00:11:06.150 --> 00:11:09.210
  • And the greatest thing about succeeding is that you have
  • 00:11:09.220 --> 00:11:12.120
  • friends and family to celebrate with you
  • 00:11:12.130 --> 00:11:15.050
  • when you cross that finish line.
  • 00:11:15.060 --> 00:11:17.220
  • If you don't have any friends with you, don't even bother
  • 00:11:17.230 --> 00:11:19.110
  • succeeding, it'll only make you feel more depressed.
  • 00:11:19.120 --> 00:11:22.100
  • If you wanna know what matters most in your life,
  • 00:11:22.110 --> 00:11:24.060
  • look at the calendar. Look at your clock.
  • 00:11:24.070 --> 00:11:27.100
  • Love is spelled T-I-M-E.
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  • Wherever your time is, that's where your love is.
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  • That's the greatest treasure you have.
  • 00:11:34.230 --> 00:11:36.020
  • And Jesus says wherever your treasure is,
  • 00:11:36.030 --> 00:11:38.040
  • there your heart is as well.
  • 00:11:38.050 --> 00:11:40.260
  • So, this is a great proverb, you'll like this.
  • 00:11:40.270 --> 00:11:43.280
  • It's an African proverb that goes like this.
  • 00:11:43.290 --> 00:11:46.080
  • "If you wanna travel fast, go alone.
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  • If you wanna travel far, go with friends."
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  • And I believe it.
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  • So, in my life, there are lots of tools I could give you to
  • 00:11:57.170 --> 00:12:01.010
  • help you do better, but what I really wanna
  • 00:12:01.020 --> 00:12:03.210
  • answer is this idea. I think most of us have a friend
  • 00:12:03.220 --> 00:12:05.210
  • or two in our lives, or family members, but we may feel lonely.
  • 00:12:05.220 --> 00:12:09.030
  • And so, what I wanna speak to you is how to move in your
  • 00:12:09.040 --> 00:12:12.150
  • relationships that you have now, how can you move from where you
  • 00:12:12.160 --> 00:12:16.050
  • are now to being in a much better place?
  • 00:12:16.060 --> 00:12:20.020
  • I just wanna affirm to you that no matter how deep your
  • 00:12:20.030 --> 00:12:22.160
  • relationships are, they can go even deeper.
  • 00:12:22.170 --> 00:12:25.000
  • And there is no limit to how close you can
  • 00:12:25.010 --> 00:12:27.230
  • be to your family and your friends.
  • 00:12:27.240 --> 00:12:30.240
  • And there are four things that I think,
  • 00:12:30.250 --> 00:12:33.000
  • if you do these things, this is wisdom.
  • 00:12:33.010 --> 00:12:34.180
  • If you do these four things, you'll have so much joy in your
  • 00:12:34.190 --> 00:12:37.210
  • life, and you'll have people that are so loyal to you,
  • 00:12:37.220 --> 00:12:39.240
  • and love you so deeply, that you will die with a smile whenever
  • 00:12:39.250 --> 00:12:43.040
  • that day comes, alright? And I'll just start with the
  • 00:12:43.050 --> 00:12:45.170
  • first, and none of these are original, but the first one is
  • 00:12:45.180 --> 00:12:47.270
  • this, is that you have to be vulnerable.
  • 00:12:47.280 --> 00:12:52.020
  • Be vulnerable. To be vulnerable means that you
  • 00:12:52.030 --> 00:12:56.090
  • have to allow yourself to be seen deeply.
  • 00:12:56.100 --> 00:13:00.210
  • That there is that one, or two, or three, or four people
  • 00:13:00.220 --> 00:13:03.050
  • in your life that see you without all
  • 00:13:03.060 --> 00:13:08.080
  • the stuff that you put up for everybody else.
  • 00:13:08.090 --> 00:13:10.140
  • That there is a person, at least one person in your life that
  • 00:13:10.150 --> 00:13:14.000
  • knows your past, that knows what that guy did to you back in the
  • 00:13:14.010 --> 00:13:18.200
  • day, that knows about your stresses,
  • 00:13:18.210 --> 00:13:23.080
  • that knows about your deepest fears,
  • 00:13:23.090 --> 00:13:26.100
  • that knows about that reoccurring nightmare,
  • 00:13:26.110 --> 00:13:29.100
  • or that big dream or goal you have,
  • 00:13:29.110 --> 00:13:31.290
  • or that knows the grief you have about unfinished symphonies,
  • 00:13:32.000 --> 00:13:36.070
  • that there is somebody in your life that sees the stuff you're
  • 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:40.240
  • too afraid, or too proud, to show to anybody else.
  • 00:13:40.250 --> 00:13:46.050
  • And that's really what it is, right?
  • 00:13:46.060 --> 00:13:47.150
  • The greatest barrier to being seen deeply,
  • 00:13:47.160 --> 00:13:52.050
  • to being vulnerable, to connecting deeply with others is
  • 00:13:52.060 --> 00:13:53.250
  • either fear or pride.
  • 00:13:53.260 --> 00:13:56.030
  • And that's one of the biggest things you wanna think about.
  • 00:13:56.040 --> 00:13:57.170
  • Is the reason my spouse doesn't see me,
  • 00:13:57.180 --> 00:13:59.240
  • or my best friend doesn't see me,
  • 00:13:59.250 --> 00:14:01.190
  • or whomever, is it--am I talking to them out of fear and pride,
  • 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:06.150
  • or am I talking to them out of vulnerability,
  • 00:14:06.160 --> 00:14:09.060
  • out of courage, out of respect, out of love?
  • 00:14:09.070 --> 00:14:14.060
  • I believe that you're learning to be vulnerable because you're
  • 00:14:14.070 --> 00:14:16.150
  • brave. You're brave.
  • 00:14:16.160 --> 00:14:18.160
  • You have faith, you walk by faith,
  • 00:14:18.170 --> 00:14:20.000
  • and you have everything you need to open your heart to the people
  • 00:14:20.010 --> 00:14:23.030
  • in your life that love you.
  • 00:14:23.040 --> 00:14:25.050
  • And you're learning to allow them to see you.
  • 00:14:25.060 --> 00:14:27.120
  • I know from experience, trust me,
  • 00:14:27.130 --> 00:14:31.050
  • that when you're vulnerable, you feel weak,
  • 00:14:31.060 --> 00:14:33.040
  • but people see you as being strong.
  • 00:14:33.050 --> 00:14:35.090
  • For the most part, and not always,
  • 00:14:35.100 --> 00:14:36.220
  • some people will reject you, and you know that,
  • 00:14:36.230 --> 00:14:38.180
  • that's why there's fear and pride,
  • 00:14:38.190 --> 00:14:40.210
  • but for the most part, with the people you love,
  • 00:14:40.220 --> 00:14:44.060
  • when you're vulnerable, you think it will push them away,
  • 00:14:44.070 --> 00:14:46.220
  • but it will actually draw them closer.
  • 00:14:46.230 --> 00:14:48.190
  • See, that's the irony.
  • 00:14:48.200 --> 00:14:50.060
  • And, on top of that, you begin to give them the freedom to be
  • 00:14:50.070 --> 00:14:54.040
  • vulnerable about their stuff with you.
  • 00:14:54.050 --> 00:14:58.000
  • And now you're exchanging this gift
  • 00:14:58.010 --> 00:15:00.120
  • of your heart, not just the weather.
  • 00:15:00.130 --> 00:15:03.270
  • You're really talking about stuff that matters,
  • 00:15:03.280 --> 00:15:08.110
  • and you begin to experience what it's like.
  • 00:15:08.120 --> 00:15:10.120
  • And then, like, when you're going through a hard time,
  • 00:15:10.130 --> 00:15:11.290
  • all of a sudden you have this person in your life that,
  • 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:14.100
  • like, "I know I can talk to them about this.
  • 00:15:14.110 --> 00:15:16.270
  • I'm gonna go see so-and-so about this."
  • 00:15:16.280 --> 00:15:18.280
  • And can I just tell you, that's the greatest treasure you can
  • 00:15:18.290 --> 00:15:20.160
  • have on earth. So number one, if you wanna go
  • 00:15:20.170 --> 00:15:26.180
  • deep with people, you need to be vulnerable.
  • 00:15:26.190 --> 00:15:29.050
  • Number two, this is so cheesy.
  • 00:15:29.060 --> 00:15:32.100
  • I wish there was another phrase. Number two, this is from Dr.
  • 00:15:32.110 --> 00:15:37.170
  • Harley, and I tried to think of another way to say this,
  • 00:15:37.180 --> 00:15:41.260
  • but everybody has a love bank.
  • 00:15:41.270 --> 00:15:45.280
  • [congregation laughing]
  • 00:15:45.290 --> 00:15:48.180
  • Everybody has a love bank, and there is a--that's what he calls
  • 00:15:48.190 --> 00:15:51.210
  • it, and it's just so true, that everyone has,
  • 00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:54.040
  • in their heart, a sort of bank account with your name on it.
  • 00:15:54.050 --> 00:15:59.240
  • And if you want to do well in your relationships,
  • 00:15:59.250 --> 00:16:03.150
  • and this is also true in leadership.
  • 00:16:03.160 --> 00:16:04.280
  • If you're a manager, or you're in ministry or something,
  • 00:16:04.290 --> 00:16:10.130
  • going deep is all about making deposits
  • 00:16:10.140 --> 00:16:12.110
  • into the hearts of people.
  • 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:16.080
  • All of us have a love bank, right?
  • 00:16:16.090 --> 00:16:18.050
  • And very often, we have way more withdraws than deposits.
  • 00:16:18.060 --> 00:16:22.170
  • In fact, very often some of the people we love in our life are
  • 00:16:22.180 --> 00:16:24.180
  • like, "You owe me. You're in debt."
  • 00:16:24.190 --> 00:16:27.060
  • Right? It is so important.
  • 00:16:27.070 --> 00:16:29.200
  • I've learned that the value of thinking about,
  • 00:16:29.210 --> 00:16:33.180
  • "Have I made more deposits into this person than withdraws?"
  • 00:16:33.190 --> 00:16:38.050
  • There is a value to having a savings account in someone's
  • 00:16:38.060 --> 00:16:41.280
  • heart for a rainy day, because it will come.
  • 00:16:41.290 --> 00:16:45.060
  • You're gonna say something stupid,
  • 00:16:45.070 --> 00:16:47.070
  • or you're gonna do something foolish,
  • 00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:49.140
  • and you're gonna feel embarrassed,
  • 00:16:49.150 --> 00:16:51.030
  • and you're gonna need to say you're sorry,
  • 00:16:51.040 --> 00:16:52.210
  • and you're gonna need to make a withdraw.
  • 00:16:52.220 --> 00:16:55.010
  • So friends, I wanna tell you, make sure you
  • 00:16:55.020 --> 00:16:58.160
  • make more deposits than withdraws.
  • 00:16:58.170 --> 00:17:00.190
  • And let me also say this, what you think is
  • 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:03.070
  • a deposit may not be a deposit.
  • 00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:06.030
  • A deposit for you is not always, in fact,
  • 00:17:06.040 --> 00:17:08.260
  • is not usually a deposit for someone else.
  • 00:17:08.270 --> 00:17:11.210
  • That's why the "Love Languages" book was helpful.
  • 00:17:11.220 --> 00:17:13.170
  • There is a way in which people receive love.
  • 00:17:13.180 --> 00:17:16.060
  • In fact, statistically, men and women receive love very
  • 00:17:16.070 --> 00:17:19.110
  • differently, especially in a romantic relationship
  • 00:17:19.120 --> 00:17:22.000
  • and marriage. Your big surprise, the two
  • 00:17:22.010 --> 00:17:25.070
  • greatest statistical needs for men, I can hold up my one
  • 00:17:25.080 --> 00:17:28.110
  • and everybody knows what it is, right?
  • 00:17:28.120 --> 00:17:30.050
  • Sex, that's right.
  • 00:17:30.060 --> 00:17:32.110
  • This is not my data, alright. I'm just the messenger.
  • 00:17:32.120 --> 00:17:37.090
  • So in a marriage, number one is good sex, good sex.
  • 00:17:37.100 --> 00:17:41.260
  • Number two--number two and equally important by the way,
  • 00:17:41.270 --> 00:17:46.170
  • and here's the big surprise, recreational companionship.
  • 00:17:46.180 --> 00:17:51.040
  • In other words, men want to do fun stuff
  • 00:17:51.050 --> 00:17:54.050
  • with their girlfriend or their wife.
  • 00:17:54.060 --> 00:17:56.090
  • They wanna go on bike rides, and go bowling,
  • 00:17:56.100 --> 00:17:58.030
  • and go play golf, and go to the movies.
  • 00:17:58.040 --> 00:18:00.030
  • They wanna go do fun stuff. These, statistically, and
  • 00:18:00.040 --> 00:18:03.070
  • everybody's different, so your man may be different, but these
  • 00:18:03.080 --> 00:18:06.090
  • are the two greatest needs of men.
  • 00:18:06.100 --> 00:18:09.040
  • Two greatest needs of women, number one is affection.
  • 00:18:09.050 --> 00:18:14.170
  • Holding hands, the arm around, saying you're pretty.
  • 00:18:14.180 --> 00:18:19.010
  • I remember John Ortberg used to say,
  • 00:18:19.020 --> 00:18:21.060
  • "Give your wife four non-sexual hugs a day."
  • 00:18:21.070 --> 00:18:24.250
  • You know, women hug everything.
  • 00:18:24.260 --> 00:18:26.070
  • They hug dogs, and they hug teddy bears, and they hug
  • 00:18:26.080 --> 00:18:28.180
  • everything. So a hug is not sexual for
  • 00:18:28.190 --> 00:18:30.170
  • women. So number one is just affection,
  • 00:18:30.180 --> 00:18:33.030
  • just, like, being, like an affectionate person.
  • 00:18:33.040 --> 00:18:36.180
  • And also, the second one, and this is tied,
  • 00:18:36.190 --> 00:18:39.010
  • is just talking, a meaningful conversation.
  • 00:18:39.020 --> 00:18:42.110
  • Just talking, just sitting down and talking.
  • 00:18:42.120 --> 00:18:44.100
  • In fact, one of the rudest things you can say to your wife
  • 00:18:44.110 --> 00:18:46.180
  • if she says, "Let's talk," is--because she's already being
  • 00:18:46.190 --> 00:18:49.120
  • vulnerable asking you to talk, she's telling you what she needs
  • 00:18:49.130 --> 00:18:52.080
  • is to say, "Well, what do you wanna talk about?"
  • 00:18:52.090 --> 00:18:54.060
  • That's actually one of the worst things you can say.
  • 00:18:54.070 --> 00:18:56.050
  • "What do you wanna talk about?"
  • 00:18:56.060 --> 00:18:57.160
  • What you're saying is, "This is for you, not for me.
  • 00:18:57.170 --> 00:18:59.180
  • I don't really wanna talk to you."
  • 00:18:59.190 --> 00:19:01.110
  • So, just--and the reason I bring this up is,
  • 00:19:01.120 --> 00:19:05.000
  • people have all sorts of needs in various relationships,
  • 00:19:05.010 --> 00:19:07.230
  • but think about what the person needs,
  • 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:09.030
  • not about what you need, because it'll be different.
  • 00:19:09.040 --> 00:19:12.160
  • And if you really wanna know, just ask 'em.
  • 00:19:12.170 --> 00:19:15.070
  • People love getting asked that question.
  • 00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:17.080
  • So number one, be vulnerable. Number two, make more
  • 00:19:17.090 --> 00:19:20.000
  • deposits than withdraws, and you're doing that.
  • 00:19:20.010 --> 00:19:22.260
  • And number three, and this is so important,
  • 00:19:22.270 --> 00:19:26.020
  • don't resent the responsibility of relationships.
  • 00:19:26.030 --> 00:19:33.190
  • So, the more love you have in your life,
  • 00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:38.010
  • the less freedom you have. You know that, right?
  • 00:19:38.020 --> 00:19:40.090
  • The more love you have in your life,
  • 00:19:40.100 --> 00:19:42.020
  • the more responsibility you have.
  • 00:19:42.030 --> 00:19:44.180
  • If you just got a boyfriend or girlfriend,
  • 00:19:44.190 --> 00:19:46.020
  • you have less time and more responsibility, right?
  • 00:19:46.030 --> 00:19:48.260
  • If you get married, you have less
  • 00:19:48.270 --> 00:19:50.200
  • time and more responsibility. If you have kids, oh my gosh,
  • 00:19:50.210 --> 00:19:53.190
  • just forget about it, it's gone. You have no time and tons of
  • 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:57.110
  • responsibilities. If you get a dog, or a cat--all
  • 00:19:57.120 --> 00:20:04.080
  • I'm saying is that if you want love in your life, you
  • 00:20:04.090 --> 00:20:10.050
  • have to accept the fact that having love
  • 00:20:10.060 --> 00:20:12.210
  • in your life means you have responsibilities.
  • 00:20:12.220 --> 00:20:15.100
  • And it also means that a lot of your freedom evaporates.
  • 00:20:15.110 --> 00:20:18.190
  • So don't resent it. You can choose.
  • 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:21.140
  • You can be free and have no love in your life,
  • 00:20:21.150 --> 00:20:25.000
  • or you can have lots of love and have no freedom.
  • 00:20:25.010 --> 00:20:27.170
  • You can't have both, I believe.
  • 00:20:27.180 --> 00:20:29.190
  • So, this is why this was so helpful to me
  • 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:32.110
  • when I became a dad.
  • 00:20:32.120 --> 00:20:33.210
  • That one night, at 3 in the morning, after trying to rock
  • 00:20:33.220 --> 00:20:37.120
  • my colicky 9-month-old daughter back to sleep, and, like, you
  • 00:20:37.130 --> 00:20:41.240
  • know, falling asleep in the car practically all the time,
  • 00:20:41.250 --> 00:20:44.110
  • I realized that freedom is the currency of love.
  • 00:20:44.120 --> 00:20:49.020
  • Freedom is what you spend to have love in your life.
  • 00:20:49.030 --> 00:20:51.200
  • The more love, the less freedom. Don't resent it.
  • 00:20:51.210 --> 00:20:54.290
  • Just--I'm warning you, okay, ha, ha, ha.
  • 00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:57.280
  • 'Cause you can go the other way, too.
  • 00:20:57.290 --> 00:20:59.090
  • You can get rid of all the love in your life and be completely
  • 00:20:59.100 --> 00:21:01.090
  • alone and have all the freedom you want.
  • 00:21:01.100 --> 00:21:03.200
  • Do you want that? No, and you don't.
  • 00:21:03.210 --> 00:21:07.050
  • You don't resent the people that you love.
  • 00:21:07.060 --> 00:21:09.170
  • Remember, they have to be responsible to you, too.
  • 00:21:09.180 --> 00:21:11.150
  • It's a two-way street. They're stuck, too.
  • 00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:14.220
  • So that's a good thing, that's a good thing,
  • 00:21:14.230 --> 00:21:18.070
  • that you have love in your life and you have responsibility.
  • 00:21:18.080 --> 00:21:20.160
  • So, number one, be vulnerable.
  • 00:21:20.170 --> 00:21:22.090
  • Number two, make deposits into people.
  • 00:21:22.100 --> 00:21:24.160
  • Number three, you know, accept the fact that you have to be
  • 00:21:24.170 --> 00:21:26.280
  • responsible, and number four, and this is so important,
  • 00:21:26.290 --> 00:21:29.240
  • be the first. Be the first.
  • 00:21:29.250 --> 00:21:33.040
  • I think so many issues in couples and with friendships,
  • 00:21:33.050 --> 00:21:36.030
  • is nobody--everybody's too proud or too scared
  • 00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:39.230
  • to the be the first. To be the first to make that
  • 00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:42.200
  • call, to be the first to say, "I'm sorry," to be the first
  • 00:21:42.210 --> 00:21:47.060
  • to make an appointment, or to ask someone out
  • 00:21:47.070 --> 00:21:49.050
  • on a date, or to make a change, or to clean the house.
  • 00:21:49.060 --> 00:21:54.020
  • Did you know men are supposed to clean the house,
  • 00:21:54.030 --> 00:21:55.130
  • too? They are.
  • 00:21:55.140 --> 00:21:56.270
  • Can I get an amen, ladies? Men, are you supposed to
  • 00:21:56.280 --> 00:22:00.160
  • clean the house? Clean up your room, and
  • 00:22:00.170 --> 00:22:03.070
  • don't leave your underwear on the floor, and take out
  • 00:22:03.080 --> 00:22:05.100
  • the trash, and wash the dishes.
  • 00:22:05.110 --> 00:22:08.120
  • You take turns. So, be the first.
  • 00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:11.050
  • And nobody wants to do--you know, if you never do anything
  • 00:22:11.060 --> 00:22:13.210
  • around the house, nobody wants to do it because they
  • 00:22:13.220 --> 00:22:15.090
  • don't want it to be, like, the new job I have, right?
  • 00:22:15.100 --> 00:22:17.130
  • So let that go. Be the first to talk.
  • 00:22:17.140 --> 00:22:23.270
  • Be the first to sit someone down and say you're stressed out,
  • 00:22:23.280 --> 00:22:26.180
  • or you're missing out, or you're afraid.
  • 00:22:26.190 --> 00:22:28.220
  • Be the first.
  • 00:22:28.230 --> 00:22:30.030
  • Can I tell you, if you consistently are the first,
  • 00:22:30.040 --> 00:22:31.210
  • whether it's in leadership, or friendship,
  • 00:22:31.220 --> 00:22:33.090
  • or marriage, if you're the first, I can just tell you,
  • 00:22:33.100 --> 00:22:35.210
  • man, it goes so far. It goes so far with people.
  • 00:22:35.220 --> 00:22:40.260
  • It's a mature thing that people do.
  • 00:22:40.270 --> 00:22:42.210
  • When you start being the first, that means you've really grown,
  • 00:22:42.220 --> 00:22:45.110
  • that you've really become mature,
  • 00:22:45.120 --> 00:22:46.220
  • because you've learned to value your relationships more than
  • 00:22:46.230 --> 00:22:49.150
  • your pride and more than your fear and all those things.
  • 00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:54.080
  • And I so wanna encourage you, friends,
  • 00:22:54.090 --> 00:22:56.140
  • this is the most important thing in your life.
  • 00:22:56.150 --> 00:23:01.200
  • The handful of friendships in your life, that's what matters.
  • 00:23:01.210 --> 00:23:04.150
  • Your spouse, your family, your best friends,
  • 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:06.270
  • your siblings, these are the relationships that matter.
  • 00:23:06.280 --> 00:23:11.060
  • And I'm so proud of you because you've put those things first in
  • 00:23:11.070 --> 00:23:14.090
  • your life. God's gonna bless you for that.
  • 00:23:14.100 --> 00:23:16.240
  • And the deeper you grow with people, the deeper you're gonna
  • 00:23:16.250 --> 00:23:19.100
  • grow in your relationship with God, because we're Christians.
  • 00:23:19.110 --> 00:23:22.170
  • We experience God incarnationally.
  • 00:23:22.180 --> 00:23:25.230
  • We experience him spiritually, but we also experience him
  • 00:23:25.240 --> 00:23:28.020
  • through people, and that's a very good thing.
  • 00:23:28.030 --> 00:23:32.000
  • Father, thank you that you love us just as we are.
  • 00:23:32.010 --> 00:23:37.210
  • I might even just ask that everybody hold
  • 00:23:37.220 --> 00:23:39.030
  • your hands out like this.
  • 00:23:39.040 --> 00:23:41.100
  • Martin Luther talked a lot about the importance of the posture of
  • 00:23:41.110 --> 00:23:43.250
  • the body. And this is my favorite.
  • 00:23:43.260 --> 00:23:45.270
  • It's like you're opening up your whole body to God's goodness.
  • 00:23:45.280 --> 00:23:50.140
  • Receive, first of all, people, my brothers and sisters,
  • 00:23:50.150 --> 00:23:54.280
  • that we are a family, that you are a part of God's family,
  • 00:23:54.290 --> 00:23:59.080
  • and so am I, and that can't be taken from you.
  • 00:23:59.090 --> 00:24:02.050
  • You are loved.
  • 00:24:02.060 --> 00:24:03.180
  • Lord, we love you, and we thank you that you've called us.
  • 00:24:03.190 --> 00:24:06.180
  • Thank you for forgiving us, and we trust you and love you,
  • 00:24:06.190 --> 00:24:08.220
  • in Jesus' name, amen, amen.
  • 00:24:08.230 --> 00:24:12.170
  • Raf Imara: I was born in Baghdad, Iraq.
  • 00:24:13.020 --> 00:24:15.190
  • In 1991, my life, and many others, changed dramatically
  • 00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:21.260
  • when the Golf War started and we all had to be soldiers.
  • 00:24:21.270 --> 00:24:26.240
  • What I saw and experienced there was horrible and inhumane.
  • 00:24:26.250 --> 00:24:31.270
  • I'm the only one of my barracks who survived.
  • 00:24:31.280 --> 00:24:35.170
  • I was angry with God and disappointed because he allowed
  • 00:24:35.180 --> 00:24:39.190
  • this to happen.
  • 00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:41.280
  • Though I tried to move on, anger and sadness stood by me as a
  • 00:24:41.290 --> 00:24:46.170
  • shadow. Then one day, I saw "Hour of
  • 00:24:46.180 --> 00:24:50.050
  • Power." A young man said, "God loves you
  • 00:24:50.060 --> 00:24:53.180
  • no matter what you are."
  • 00:24:53.190 --> 00:24:55.170
  • I still question things, but now I leave it to God because he is
  • 00:24:55.180 --> 00:24:59.280
  • the one who answers and I have to trust him.
  • 00:24:59.290 --> 00:25:03.080
  • For now, he says to me, "You are my beloved son.
  • 00:25:03.090 --> 00:25:07.170
  • I gave you life and I will lead each day."
  • 00:25:07.180 --> 00:25:11.130
  • This has changed my life forever.
  • 00:25:11.140 --> 00:25:14.070
  • I am now more positive and happy with my life.
  • 00:25:14.080 --> 00:25:17.280
  • I want to thank you for your message and for giving me a
  • 00:25:17.290 --> 00:25:22.010
  • different perspective and purpose in my life.
  • 00:25:22.020 --> 00:25:25.080
  • I know now that God is here and he loves me.
  • 00:25:25.090 --> 00:25:29.050
  • Thank you. Sincerely, Raf Imara.
  • 00:25:29.060 --> 00:25:32.140
  • Bobby: Raf, thank you so much and we're so thrilled about your
  • 00:25:32.150 --> 00:25:35.010
  • new positive attitude and your understanding
  • 00:25:35.020 --> 00:25:38.010
  • of God's love for you.
  • 00:25:38.020 --> 00:25:39.110
  • I mean, that is why we get up in the morning is
  • 00:25:39.120 --> 00:25:41.210
  • for people like you.
  • 00:25:41.220 --> 00:25:43.010
  • And one of the reasons we're sharing these stories with the
  • 00:25:43.020 --> 00:25:45.220
  • whole world is because we have to raise money to continue to
  • 00:25:45.230 --> 00:25:48.160
  • reach these types of people.
  • 00:25:48.170 --> 00:25:50.060
  • When we ask for money, we're not asking for us,
  • 00:25:50.070 --> 00:25:51.160
  • we're asking for people like Raf,
  • 00:25:51.170 --> 00:25:53.130
  • we're asking for those people in the world that are going through
  • 00:25:53.140 --> 00:25:56.270
  • just a rough time, that are looking for hope,
  • 00:25:56.280 --> 00:25:59.240
  • and they don't know where to look,
  • 00:25:59.250 --> 00:26:01.060
  • and then on TV, we're there.
  • 00:26:01.070 --> 00:26:02.280
  • Recently, we prayed about it and we took a huge leap to go on a
  • 00:26:02.290 --> 00:26:07.280
  • nationwide network, and the price tag was $16.000 a month,
  • 00:26:07.290 --> 00:26:12.010
  • and we just said, "Let's do it. Let's step out in faith.
  • 00:26:12.020 --> 00:26:14.160
  • Let's go." So we did.
  • 00:26:14.170 --> 00:26:16.060
  • We made this move and we're asking people to get behind it.
  • 00:26:16.070 --> 00:26:19.020
  • And if the millions of people that watch, if everybody plays
  • 00:26:19.030 --> 00:26:21.130
  • just a small part in this, it'll be a piece of cake.
  • 00:26:21.140 --> 00:26:24.080
  • We can totally do it, and we're asking you to help us,
  • 00:26:24.090 --> 00:26:26.120
  • because that $16.000 is gonna reach hundreds of thousands of
  • 00:26:26.130 --> 00:26:29.190
  • people, millions every year if you get behind us and make our
  • 00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:33.160
  • dream a reality. We believe in you.
  • 00:26:33.170 --> 00:26:35.130
  • It's not for us, it's for people that are hurting, people
  • 00:26:35.140 --> 00:26:37.160
  • that need help, and you're doing it, and I'm so thankful for you.
  • 00:26:37.170 --> 00:26:41.000
  • male announcer: We receive thousands of letters each week
  • 00:26:41.010 --> 00:26:42.250
  • filled with testimonies of what God is doing in the lives of
  • 00:26:42.260 --> 00:26:45.180
  • "Hour of Power" viewers.
  • 00:26:45.190 --> 00:26:47.140
  • It's a blessing for us, and now we wanna share it with you.
  • 00:26:47.150 --> 00:26:50.290
  • So for every donation of $20 or more, we're going to
  • 00:26:51.000 --> 00:26:53.230
  • send you this new Beloved "Hour of Power" calendar.
  • 00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:57.080
  • Every page is filled with a short but beautiful quote from
  • 00:26:57.090 --> 00:27:00.120
  • these testimonies.
  • 00:27:00.130 --> 00:27:01.230
  • Let each month be a reminder of God's faithfulness and how your
  • 00:27:01.240 --> 00:27:05.060
  • support is changing lives. Call, write, or go online now.
  • 00:27:05.070 --> 00:27:10.110
  • [music]
  • 00:27:11.270 --> 00:27:21.270