Theology of Marriage | TBN

Theology of Marriage

Watch Theology of Marriage
November 7, 2017
27:31

Doing Life with Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke

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Theology of Marriage

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  • (slow guitar music)
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  • We came, we saw and we conquered
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  • About the world beneath our feet
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  • It was hopes, it was dreams
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  • but above everything
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  • There was you
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  • Right here with me
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  • (slow guitar music)
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  • - How's it going guys?
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  • Welcome to Doing Life.
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  • I'm Jeff, this is my wife Alyssa.
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  • Today, we're gonna be talking about a big picture question
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  • and that is what is marriage about.
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  • What's the purpose or another way to put that.
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  • What's the theology or what does the Bible say
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  • about why marriage exists?
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  • Now I just have a few thoughts on that,
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  • and then I wanna toss it to you.
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  • My first thing I think of that we see
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  • and that we actually talk a lot in our marriage.
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  • Is that marriage has a mission.
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  • That marriage has a mission.
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  • And we see that in the very first page of scripture.
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  • Whether you know the Bible or familiar with it or not.
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  • It gives the story of humankind and why were here.
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  • What God is doing and you go to the very first page
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  • and you see that God was creating Heaven and Earth.
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  • These two different dimensions,
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  • and actually in the Hebrew,
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  • it is the very first verse in the Bible,
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  • in the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth
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  • that has the connotation of this marriage.
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  • There were these two different things
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  • that were actually meant to be as one.
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  • Like a marriage analogy already
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  • and then with that our sin though comes into the world.
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  • We make poor decisions as the stewards
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  • over God's good creation and it fractures it.
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  • It breaks and things start going wrong.
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  • And here's the awesome part about God.
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  • God created us to live in fellowship with him.
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  • We broke not only the relationship between us
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  • but then the relationship with him,
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  • and the relationship with the rest of the Earth.
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  • And he through his creativity,
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  • when you keep reading in the book,
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  • decided to use the very same people
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  • that broke it to also fix it.
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  • He actually appoints people to continue his story,
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  • continue his mission and obviously the way you got to do
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  • that and the way you can do that primarily is through
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  • marriage and obviously through the legacy of kids.
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  • And that's what's beautiful about marriage
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  • is that we were created and put on this Earth for a mission,
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  • to put Heaven and Earth back together,
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  • or actually a better way to put it is,
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  • God is putting Heaven and Earth back together.
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  • - And we can be apart of it.
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  • - And we can be apart of it.
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  • We gotta join in, what would you say to that?
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  • - I think that's the thing too.
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  • I think in our culture today, we can often think like
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  • the goal is to get married.
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  • Every Disney movie is about the love story
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  • and then happily ever after and they end and cut.
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  • - They pretty much end on the honeymoon.
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  • - On the wedding and you're okay,
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  • well tells more about the marriage.
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  • And knowing that it doesn't end when you get married
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  • and marriage isn't about you being happy
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  • or your spouse being happy but it's an actual mission.
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  • You guys are on mission together to guard
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  • and to cultivate, to bring God's kingdom to Earth.
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  • And so it's a bigger picture and I think the thing is
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  • that marriage doesn't end with us,
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  • but it's going out and--
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  • - Telling a bigger story.
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  • - Telling a bigger story and that a marriage reflects
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  • Christ relationship to the Church,
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  • and how he's faithful and how he loves us.
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  • How he cherishes the church.
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  • How we follow and obey him.
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  • It's such a beautiful big picture.
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  • - Yeah and I don't know about people out there
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  • but I know for me, when I hear that, that fires me up.
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  • - It makes it sound--
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  • - It's so much bigger than us.
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  • - Exactly and that makes me excited.
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  • I don't want the spotlight on me
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  • because that's too much pressure.
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  • But if I realize our marriage just gets to live out
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  • and tell a story, that's really awesome,
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  • and that's really amazing.
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  • So we wanna toss it to a video, another perspective.
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  • Chip and Joanna Gaines, you guys probably know them
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  • if you watch anything that has to do
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  • with house renovation or house flipping.
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  • I know we are addicted to their show.
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  • It's absolutely incredible and this particular video
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  • is their love story and I think you guys will get
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  • some good stuff from it so take a look.
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  • (slow guitar music)
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  • - [Joanna] So Chip and I met in 2003,
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  • no we got married in 2003.
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  • - [Chip] Married in 2003.
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  • - We met in 2001 and I think it's funny
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  • because we were polar opposites.
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  • - I'm a white person, she's a young lady of color
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  • and so I mean honestly the differences didn't stop there.
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  • I mean we had been brought up in very similar environments.
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  • Our parents were both believers, brought up in the church.
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  • I'd say a common way to say that,
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  • middle class to some extent but other than that.
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  • My parents were fairly liberal when it came to,
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  • hey go out on your bike
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  • and drive around in the neighborhood for hours.
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  • And her parents were like go out in the backyard
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  • but only as long as you have bubble tape completely
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  • around your head neck and vital organs.
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  • And so obviously when that all came together
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  • and we bought our first house together,
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  • after we were dating for a few months.
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  • And then we moved in together
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  • which is biblically inappropriate,
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  • and we would not suggest that.
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  • - We didn't do that. - What?
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  • - Chip - Tell them the story.
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  • - The story is we met in '01 and Chip liked me a whole lot.
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  • - Yeah, right.
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  • - Kinda scared me.
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  • I though he was somewhat of a stalker,
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  • but then I realized he had a really good heart.
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  • We dated for a year and he proposed.
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  • We were married a year and a half later.
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  • No, we were married for a year.
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  • - Baby you're awful with our love story.
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  • - Listen, our love story is pretty simple.
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  • She saw me she was completely enamored for obvious reasons
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  • and I came over to her,
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  • and I said, listen what is your sister doing later?
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  • And she said, "Oh my sister is married."
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  • I said, well then fair enough.
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  • What are you doing later?
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  • And she said, "I have no plans
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  • "'cause I hadn't dated anyone in 18 years."
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  • And I said, well you're in for the ride
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  • of your life young lady.
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  • Are you ready to pony up?
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  • And she said, "I don't even know what that means,
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  • "but let's do it."
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  • And so the next thing you know, we had four children.
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  • And now we're writing basically marriage seminars.
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  • - No.
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  • - We speak on marriage and lovemaking.
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  • - Our short story is that we met each other in 2001,
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  • we were married in 2003.
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  • And from the beginning, it was a fun rollercoaster.
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  • I was a safe, over protected child
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  • and Chip was this rowdy, risky guy.
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  • And so you can imagine those two worlds colliding.
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  • It was very interesting, but somehow we figured out a way
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  • to make that work and have fun with it.
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  • - Sure and I think one piece of advice that I'd give myself,
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  • if I could go back in time
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  • and tell myself some piece of advice
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  • that would help our marriage.
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  • To be honest, it was just the idea that when I learned
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  • how to embrace Joanna for who she is
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  • and really support her all the way.
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  • I feel like that was a real light bulb moment for me
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  • and my relationship with her.
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  • And ironically I think that it was a back and forth,
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  • as I really envelope this concept of,
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  • I am going to support her and love her
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  • and fight for her, regardless.
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  • I feel like that open your heart to be able to reciprocate.
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  • - I love Chip and Jo Jo because they are complete opposites
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  • and yet their marriage totally rocks.
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  • - Yeah and they still have a great marriage.
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  • - Yeah, Chip is crazy and brings a new puppy home every week
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  • and Jo Jo is very structured.
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  • And yet they've learned to really embrace
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  • their peculiarities, embrace the differences
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  • and it makes them a stronger couple.
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  • And I think that's really important because often times
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  • I think people go into marriage thinking
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  • that we're gonna change our spouse,
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  • or little peculiarities really bother us
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  • and we're like, oh why can't they just be more like us.
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  • But I think the beauty of marriage is that
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  • as two individuals.
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  • Two totally different people coming together to become one
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  • and to tell a bigger story of reflecting Jesus.
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  • And that your particular peculiarities,
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  • and my particular ones are to strengthen us
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  • to make us more like Jesus, and it's a beautiful thing.
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  • And I think when you embrace it
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  • then you become even a better person than who you were.
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  • - Yeah, I think there's two categories there right,
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  • and that's what I think we talked about a lot
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  • is there is personality differences
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  • and then there is maybe something that is sinful
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  • or something that you see in their life
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  • that might be hurtful to them.
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  • You want them to change.
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  • So there is two different categories.
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  • Now if we're talking personality differences,
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  • or things of that nature,
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  • or peculiar things of their personality.
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  • Yeah, a lot of times,
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  • people get annoyed by that in marriage.
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  • If you you wanna learn what it is means to get annoyed,
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  • just get married.
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  • Just because it's two people in a house
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  • with all these different little things.
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  • - That grew up differently in different families.
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  • - Exactly and we're talking all the little things.
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  • I really get bother when someone puts the toilet paper
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  • facing the wall in regards to where it rolls.
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  • That really bothers me,
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  • and that's a weird personality trait of mine.
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  • And I think what we need to realize is
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  • there's two different categories.
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  • So there's that one, which don't try to change that.
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  • Live with that, embrace that,
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  • it's funny, it's different, it's unique.
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  • - And respect them too if there's ways that they can serve
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  • then serve them, then do that.
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  • - Exactly but what I will say and I wanna make sure.
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  • - I always make sure the toilet paper is how you like it.
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  • Exactly, exactly, so respect.
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  • If it is easy for you to respect the differences, do that.
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  • But then on the flip side, I wanna talk to you guys at home.
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  • If there is something in your spouse's life that you feel
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  • actually does need to change, and you feel convicted of that
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  • or you feel like it's really hurtful on your marriage.
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  • What you need to do is you need
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  • to ask the Holy Spirit to do that.
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  • 'Cause what happens a lot times
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  • is we try to be the Holy Spirit.
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  • We try to be the person that changes our spouse,
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  • and you can't do that.
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  • That's not your job, that's too much pressure you.
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  • - But it's so freeing.
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  • It's so freeing that you can't change it.
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  • It doesn't bear on you.
  • 00:10:05.160 --> 00:10:07.070
  • - Exactly and I played sports my life growing up
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  • and there was plenty of instances on the baseball field
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  • or the basketball court where it was very clear
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  • that a mistake was coming from someone thinking
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  • that they could do the coach's job
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  • or that they could do someone else's job.
  • 00:10:19.070 --> 00:10:20.180
  • When in reality do your job best
  • 00:10:20.200 --> 00:10:23.030
  • and that's to love them, to serve them,
  • 00:10:23.050 --> 00:10:24.230
  • to pray for them, to encourage them.
  • 00:10:24.250 --> 00:10:26.090
  • And then deeply plead with the Holy Spirit to change them,
  • 00:10:26.110 --> 00:10:28.270
  • and encourage them and real quick.
  • 00:10:28.290 --> 00:10:30.130
  • I just want to add one more little note,
  • 00:10:30.150 --> 00:10:32.160
  • and that is the changes or the peculiarities or the things
  • 00:10:32.180 --> 00:10:36.010
  • that actually need to change.
  • 00:10:36.030 --> 00:10:37.170
  • All of that is an opportunity for you to grow.
  • 00:10:37.190 --> 00:10:40.150
  • And what I mean by that is if there's things
  • 00:10:40.170 --> 00:10:42.130
  • in Alyssa's life that I think
  • 00:10:42.150 --> 00:10:43.240
  • actually really do need to change
  • 00:10:43.260 --> 00:10:45.070
  • or if there's just something you do that's peculiar.
  • 00:10:45.090 --> 00:10:47.230
  • Both of those are an opportunity for me to take
  • 00:10:47.250 --> 00:10:50.240
  • before the Lord and say, I actually can grow in this.
  • 00:10:50.260 --> 00:10:53.210
  • - So for instance, I struggle with anxiety,
  • 00:10:53.230 --> 00:10:56.030
  • and I know that really bugs you
  • 00:10:56.050 --> 00:10:57.100
  • because you sometimes can't fathom it.
  • 00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:59.230
  • - I'm the most free going and nothing bothers me.
  • 00:10:59.250 --> 00:11:01.030
  • - Right and so I think it's been really cool
  • 00:11:01.050 --> 00:11:02.160
  • in our marriage for me to grow
  • 00:11:02.180 --> 00:11:04.080
  • and change and give that to the Lord.
  • 00:11:04.100 --> 00:11:06.100
  • And then you come beside me and really be understanding
  • 00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:09.080
  • and patient and gracious.
  • 00:11:09.100 --> 00:11:10.260
  • - Yeah, I've completely grown
  • 00:11:10.280 --> 00:11:12.130
  • in my compassion and my love for you because of that issue.
  • 00:11:12.150 --> 00:11:14.280
  • So take it to the Lord
  • 00:11:15.000 --> 00:11:16.150
  • and understand everything no matter what
  • 00:11:16.170 --> 00:11:18.220
  • is an opportunity to grow.
  • 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:20.280
  • We're so excited to tell you about these two guide books
  • 00:11:26.060 --> 00:11:28.080
  • and also our main book, Love That Lasts.
  • 00:11:28.100 --> 00:11:30.220
  • Now what this is, is these are books
  • 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:32.170
  • that we've wrote that came from our story.
  • 00:11:32.190 --> 00:11:34.110
  • Two of them are guide books so they have exercises
  • 00:11:34.130 --> 00:11:36.120
  • and fill in the blanks.
  • 00:11:36.140 --> 00:11:37.110
  • - [Alyssa] A him and a her.
  • 00:11:37.130 --> 00:11:38.100
  • - Yeah things of that nature,
  • 00:11:38.120 --> 00:11:39.200
  • and then a main book that's our story,
  • 00:11:39.220 --> 00:11:40.270
  • that's our journey of dating, breaking up,
  • 00:11:40.290 --> 00:11:43.000
  • getting engaged, getting married,
  • 00:11:43.020 --> 00:11:44.250
  • having kids and what these three books in total
  • 00:11:44.270 --> 00:11:47.190
  • are trying to is answer the question
  • 00:11:47.210 --> 00:11:49.120
  • of what's God's vision for marriage.
  • 00:11:49.140 --> 00:11:52.080
  • For sexuality, for the journey we're on in dating
  • 00:11:52.100 --> 00:11:54.260
  • and in engagement and romance.
  • 00:11:54.280 --> 00:11:56.160
  • - And then the work books are just things we've learned
  • 00:11:56.180 --> 00:11:58.160
  • on the 12 main topics in marriage.
  • 00:11:58.180 --> 00:12:00.100
  • Communication, conflict and the mentors
  • 00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:02.200
  • that have poured into us
  • 00:12:02.220 --> 00:12:03.290
  • and given us so much wisdom on those topics.
  • 00:12:04.010 --> 00:12:06.010
  • - [Announcer] Receive your copy of Love That Lasts
  • 00:12:06.030 --> 00:12:08.080
  • as TBN's thank you for any gift of support today.
  • 00:12:08.100 --> 00:12:11.100
  • And with a gift of $70 or more,
  • 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:14.010
  • we'll also include the his and hers interactive work books.
  • 00:12:14.030 --> 00:12:17.180
  • Call or click now to share a gift and request yours,
  • 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:19.260
  • and start building a love that lasts.
  • 00:12:19.280 --> 00:12:22.280
  • (uptempo guitar music)
  • 00:12:25.110 --> 00:12:28.180
  • - We have a video for you guys
  • 00:12:32.140 --> 00:12:33.200
  • from Sean and Catherine Lowe.
  • 00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:35.050
  • Some of our friends from The Bachelor,
  • 00:12:35.070 --> 00:12:37.070
  • and the video is about what is love.
  • 00:12:37.090 --> 00:12:39.060
  • And I love that they're talking about this
  • 00:12:39.080 --> 00:12:40.280
  • because here they are on national television
  • 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:42.230
  • in a fairytale setting and they're gonna define for us
  • 00:12:42.250 --> 00:12:46.010
  • what love really is, so take a look.
  • 00:12:46.030 --> 00:12:49.000
  • (uptempo piano music)
  • 00:12:51.060 --> 00:12:52.190
  • - So a lot of people are skeptical about whether or not
  • 00:12:52.210 --> 00:12:55.160
  • you can find true love on the show that we were on
  • 00:12:55.180 --> 00:12:58.050
  • and we've beat the odds.
  • 00:12:58.070 --> 00:13:00.260
  • We are completely in love, but it's a process.
  • 00:13:00.280 --> 00:13:04.140
  • It's been a process, right.
  • 00:13:04.160 --> 00:13:06.270
  • - Yeah, you could find love anywhere
  • 00:13:06.290 --> 00:13:08.270
  • and there's no set timeframe
  • 00:13:08.290 --> 00:13:11.060
  • for how long it takes to fall in love.
  • 00:13:11.090 --> 00:13:13.000
  • Yes, the show was only filmed
  • 00:13:13.020 --> 00:13:15.030
  • over the course of a few months,
  • 00:13:15.050 --> 00:13:16.130
  • but I knew after eight or nine weeks
  • 00:13:16.150 --> 00:13:18.260
  • that I was falling in love with you.
  • 00:13:18.280 --> 00:13:20.170
  • And for me, it's what does love mean?
  • 00:13:20.190 --> 00:13:24.010
  • Love to me, means I wanna dedicate my life to this person.
  • 00:13:24.030 --> 00:13:28.070
  • And to quote the great John Mayer.
  • 00:13:29.150 --> 00:13:32.070
  • Love is a verb and I truly believe that.
  • 00:13:33.160 --> 00:13:37.060
  • Because if you really rest on just trusting the feeling
  • 00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:41.100
  • of love eventually that feeling is gonna waiver
  • 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:44.060
  • and you're gonna say well,
  • 00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:45.100
  • maybe I'm not in love with her.
  • 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:46.200
  • Or I've fallen out of love with her,
  • 00:13:46.220 --> 00:13:47.150
  • which so many people do.
  • 00:13:47.170 --> 00:13:49.020
  • Maybe I'll go to try to find love with somebody else.
  • 00:13:49.040 --> 00:13:50.260
  • But if I've learned anything from my old man
  • 00:13:50.280 --> 00:13:53.060
  • it's you gotta work at loving your wife.
  • 00:13:53.080 --> 00:13:56.070
  • And I think we're learning that
  • 00:13:56.090 --> 00:13:58.220
  • in the first year of marriage.
  • 00:13:58.240 --> 00:14:00.050
  • Sometimes it's hard to love one another
  • 00:14:00.070 --> 00:14:02.030
  • and sometimes we don't know what the other one needs.
  • 00:14:02.050 --> 00:14:06.090
  • In terms of the love that they're asking for
  • 00:14:06.110 --> 00:14:08.270
  • but it's something you work through.
  • 00:14:08.290 --> 00:14:11.040
  • And this first year of marriage,
  • 00:14:11.060 --> 00:14:12.140
  • I think we've learned a lot about that.
  • 00:14:12.160 --> 00:14:14.170
  • - Well yeah for sure and I mean love
  • 00:14:14.190 --> 00:14:16.220
  • is the most important thing to me.
  • 00:14:16.240 --> 00:14:20.020
  • And I found it with you and we were both skeptical,
  • 00:14:20.040 --> 00:14:24.050
  • just like everybody else was about finding our soulmate
  • 00:14:25.210 --> 00:14:29.050
  • or whatever we've just talked about.
  • 00:14:29.070 --> 00:14:30.100
  • - On a TV show.
  • 00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:31.070
  • - On a TV show and a cheesy one.
  • 00:14:31.090 --> 00:14:33.030
  • Nothing that actually had substance
  • 00:14:33.050 --> 00:14:35.230
  • but that was what we were supposed to do
  • 00:14:35.250 --> 00:14:38.010
  • and now I think we're just learning everyday.
  • 00:14:38.030 --> 00:14:41.290
  • Like you said, it's a verb and you have to work at it.
  • 00:14:42.010 --> 00:14:44.060
  • But it comes naturally to me.
  • 00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:46.010
  • - I know there are days you don't wanna love me.
  • 00:14:46.030 --> 00:14:48.100
  • - I do not like you at all.
  • 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:50.190
  • - But you've made the commitment to love me
  • 00:14:50.210 --> 00:14:52.200
  • and I know you've stuck to that.
  • 00:14:52.220 --> 00:14:54.260
  • And that's why we're together
  • 00:14:54.280 --> 00:14:56.130
  • because we probably could have bailed a dozen times by now.
  • 00:14:56.150 --> 00:14:58.140
  • But we're not going to, we're together for life.
  • 00:14:58.160 --> 00:15:02.160
  • - I love that they talked about us, what is love.
  • 00:15:04.230 --> 00:15:07.170
  • Because I think in our culture, in our generation.
  • 00:15:07.190 --> 00:15:09.120
  • This is a huge concept and definition that is really wonky.
  • 00:15:09.140 --> 00:15:13.060
  • That we don't really know.
  • 00:15:13.080 --> 00:15:14.210
  • I think you grow up thinking that love is maybe
  • 00:15:14.230 --> 00:15:16.180
  • the butterflies or the chemistry or you have that feeling,
  • 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:20.230
  • or all of a sudden it's like this magical, crazy moment.
  • 00:15:20.250 --> 00:15:24.290
  • But sometimes it's not that and I think as believers,
  • 00:15:25.010 --> 00:15:27.110
  • we need to go to scriptures
  • 00:15:27.130 --> 00:15:28.190
  • and ask God, what is love.
  • 00:15:28.210 --> 00:15:30.180
  • So Jeff, what do you think love is?
  • 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:33.120
  • - I don't know if I exactly can be the authority on that
  • 00:15:33.140 --> 00:15:35.170
  • but I think what we both like to do is go to scripture.
  • 00:15:35.190 --> 00:15:37.250
  • What does scripture say?
  • 00:15:37.270 --> 00:15:39.140
  • What does love say and we do also have to be honest
  • 00:15:39.160 --> 00:15:40.210
  • with the English language.
  • 00:15:40.230 --> 00:15:42.150
  • I think Hebrew had multiple words for love.
  • 00:15:42.170 --> 00:15:44.170
  • Greek had multiple words for love.
  • 00:15:44.190 --> 00:15:46.100
  • We have on word for love.
  • 00:15:46.120 --> 00:15:48.060
  • Which means I could say something
  • 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:49.070
  • like I love you Alyssa,
  • 00:15:49.090 --> 00:15:50.170
  • and I also love fajitas.
  • 00:15:50.190 --> 00:15:51.270
  • Hopefully that's not the same love.
  • 00:15:51.290 --> 00:15:53.090
  • I really like fajitas especially if they got the peppers
  • 00:15:53.110 --> 00:15:56.090
  • and onions in there and all that but anyways.
  • 00:15:56.110 --> 00:15:58.040
  • And so for us, I think it even makes it fuzzier
  • 00:15:58.060 --> 00:16:00.030
  • and easier to misunderstand because we have one word,
  • 00:16:00.050 --> 00:16:03.200
  • and that word just can not hold the weight
  • 00:16:03.220 --> 00:16:05.240
  • of what we're trying to do, of what that is.
  • 00:16:05.260 --> 00:16:07.250
  • So I think the question becomes, okay well what is it?
  • 00:16:07.270 --> 00:16:10.130
  • And I liked what you said.
  • 00:16:10.150 --> 00:16:11.200
  • First we have to define what it's not.
  • 00:16:11.220 --> 00:16:12.230
  • I don't think it's feelings.
  • 00:16:12.250 --> 00:16:14.080
  • I don't think it's butterflies
  • 00:16:14.100 --> 00:16:15.240
  • because ultimately if it is,
  • 00:16:15.260 --> 00:16:17.180
  • then I think a lot of people would
  • 00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:19.120
  • either get divorced a lot earlier.
  • 00:16:19.140 --> 00:16:20.230
  • Or if Jesus defined love like that,
  • 00:16:20.250 --> 00:16:23.140
  • he would have left us a lot earlier.
  • 00:16:23.160 --> 00:16:25.030
  • - I think it can get mixed up a lot with infatuation.
  • 00:16:25.050 --> 00:16:28.090
  • - Exactly, that's a good way to put it.
  • 00:16:28.110 --> 00:16:29.180
  • Infatuation.
  • 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:30.130
  • - Or lust.
  • 00:16:30.150 --> 00:16:31.210
  • - And so let's define what it is,
  • 00:16:31.230 --> 00:16:33.050
  • and I think for us, I think we heard a quote once
  • 00:16:33.070 --> 00:16:34.290
  • or a definition that we love and that is love is seeking
  • 00:16:35.010 --> 00:16:37.240
  • the highest good of the other.
  • 00:16:37.260 --> 00:16:39.190
  • So actually by that definition,
  • 00:16:39.210 --> 00:16:41.090
  • love has almost nothing to do with you personally.
  • 00:16:41.110 --> 00:16:44.010
  • Because it's an action and it's about another person.
  • 00:16:44.030 --> 00:16:46.290
  • You can't really have love without another person.
  • 00:16:47.010 --> 00:16:50.290
  • And it's gotta be about seeking their highest good.
  • 00:16:51.010 --> 00:16:53.010
  • Meaning there's gonna be sometimes where love is costly.
  • 00:16:53.030 --> 00:16:56.060
  • Where love hurts.
  • 00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:57.070
  • - [Alyssa] Sacrificial.
  • 00:16:57.090 --> 00:16:58.060
  • - [Jeff] Where love sacrifices.
  • 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:00.060
  • Where love actually is weighty.
  • 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:02.260
  • - [Alyssa] Or speaking the truth or--
  • 00:17:02.280 --> 00:17:04.230
  • - [Jeff] Exactly.
  • 00:17:04.250 --> 00:17:06.100
  • And I even think for example, I know there's a seminary
  • 00:17:06.120 --> 00:17:08.130
  • president I read an article about, just a little bit ago.
  • 00:17:08.150 --> 00:17:10.180
  • Who his wife came down with Alzhemier's
  • 00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:12.050
  • after they've been married for 40 years.
  • 00:17:12.070 --> 00:17:13.290
  • And severe Alzheimer's to the point where at the end
  • 00:17:14.010 --> 00:17:16.260
  • of their marriage, she had no idea who he was
  • 00:17:16.280 --> 00:17:19.070
  • and he has to remind her every five seconds.
  • 00:17:19.090 --> 00:17:21.240
  • - Like The Notebook.
  • 00:17:21.260 --> 00:17:22.190
  • - Yeah, pretty much.
  • 00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:23.260
  • And then she would, it is actually just exactly
  • 00:17:23.280 --> 00:17:24.200
  • like The Notebook.
  • 00:17:24.220 --> 00:17:25.250
  • And she would completely forget who he is.
  • 00:17:25.270 --> 00:17:28.020
  • And yet he didn't leave because he knew love
  • 00:17:28.040 --> 00:17:30.160
  • was seeking the highest good of the other.
  • 00:17:30.180 --> 00:17:33.030
  • And that's what we wanna zone in on.
  • 00:17:33.050 --> 00:17:34.120
  • That's what we want you guys to hear with this
  • 00:17:34.140 --> 00:17:36.280
  • is that love is seeking the highest good.
  • 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:38.150
  • And last thought is love is Jesus.
  • 00:17:38.170 --> 00:17:41.050
  • And what I mean by that if you want to know
  • 00:17:42.180 --> 00:17:43.230
  • what love is you don't gotta go searching.
  • 00:17:43.250 --> 00:17:46.050
  • You don't gotta go watch a Disney movie.
  • 00:17:46.070 --> 00:17:47.210
  • You don't gotta pick up a dictionary.
  • 00:17:47.230 --> 00:17:49.060
  • Ultimately we have an embodiment.
  • 00:17:49.080 --> 00:17:51.030
  • We have love put on flesh and that is Jesus.
  • 00:17:51.050 --> 00:17:54.040
  • So if you want the picture.
  • 00:17:54.060 --> 00:17:55.140
  • If you want the thing you can touch and smell
  • 00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:57.030
  • and taste and hold onto.
  • 00:17:57.050 --> 00:17:58.130
  • It's Jesus.
  • 00:17:58.150 --> 00:17:59.220
  • - Yeah and his love doesn't change.
  • 00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:01.130
  • It's steadfast just like the ocean waves.
  • 00:18:01.150 --> 00:18:03.090
  • Like it's constant.
  • 00:18:03.110 --> 00:18:04.150
  • - Exactly and that's what we see on the cross
  • 00:18:04.170 --> 00:18:06.100
  • is Jesus defines love for us and we see him pursuing us
  • 00:18:06.120 --> 00:18:09.260
  • ferociously, loving us and ultimately
  • 00:18:09.280 --> 00:18:12.140
  • laying down his life for us.
  • 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:14.250
  • - We are so excited for our new book,
  • 00:18:22.250 --> 00:18:24.040
  • Love That Last and yes that is cartoon
  • 00:18:24.060 --> 00:18:26.110
  • characters of us on the front.
  • 00:18:26.130 --> 00:18:28.090
  • And the question is what do we know about love that lasts,
  • 00:18:28.110 --> 00:18:31.060
  • and that's the whole point of this book.
  • 00:18:31.080 --> 00:18:32.170
  • We really don't but we wanna come alongside you
  • 00:18:32.190 --> 00:18:35.050
  • in your journey as people peer to peer saying,
  • 00:18:35.070 --> 00:18:38.080
  • what is God's heart.
  • 00:18:38.100 --> 00:18:39.270
  • Asking the same questions as you are for sexuality,
  • 00:18:39.290 --> 00:18:41.130
  • for marriage, for love and for dating.
  • 00:18:41.150 --> 00:18:44.150
  • - This is so exciting,
  • 00:18:44.170 --> 00:18:45.250
  • we trace our whole stories throughout it.
  • 00:18:45.270 --> 00:18:47.220
  • Growing up, our childhood, when we dated,
  • 00:18:47.240 --> 00:18:50.160
  • we were engaged and then marriage.
  • 00:18:50.180 --> 00:18:52.030
  • What God taught us through it and I think the cool thing is
  • 00:18:52.050 --> 00:18:54.150
  • we had come from two totally different views.
  • 00:18:54.170 --> 00:18:56.130
  • Jeff was more the prodigal son lifestyle.
  • 00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.140
  • I came more from the purity, love that waits culture.
  • 00:18:58.160 --> 00:19:02.190
  • It's good to have some distortions too.
  • 00:19:02.210 --> 00:19:05.210
  • So we caught up both of those and how God gave us hope
  • 00:19:05.230 --> 00:19:08.110
  • and healing in it.
  • 00:19:08.130 --> 00:19:10.090
  • - [Announcer] Call or click now to share a gift
  • 00:19:10.110 --> 00:19:11.270
  • and request your copy of Love That Lasts
  • 00:19:11.290 --> 00:19:14.060
  • as TBN's thank you for any gift of support today.
  • 00:19:14.080 --> 00:19:18.080
  • (uptempo guitar music)
  • 00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:24.230
  • - One of our favorite things is connecting
  • 00:19:26.020 --> 00:19:27.070
  • with you on social media.
  • 00:19:27.090 --> 00:19:28.250
  • We have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
  • 00:19:28.270 --> 00:19:30.200
  • We love hearing from you.
  • 00:19:30.220 --> 00:19:32.120
  • - So we can't wait to do live
  • 00:19:32.140 --> 00:19:33.150
  • with you guys, come say hi.
  • 00:19:33.170 --> 00:19:35.240
  • (uptempo guitar music)
  • 00:19:36.280 --> 00:19:40.010
  • We have a special treat for you guys.
  • 00:19:42.270 --> 00:19:44.060
  • It's a video from Chip and Joanna Gaines.
  • 00:19:44.080 --> 00:19:45.170
  • Everyone loves them.
  • 00:19:45.190 --> 00:19:46.160
  • I know we love them.
  • 00:19:46.180 --> 00:19:47.260
  • They're absolutely the best
  • 00:19:47.280 --> 00:19:49.030
  • and they are talking about legacy.
  • 00:19:49.050 --> 00:19:50.160
  • And this is important because to have a solid marriage
  • 00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:53.120
  • and to have a marriage where you understand what it's about.
  • 00:19:53.140 --> 00:19:55.260
  • You need to care about legacy.
  • 00:19:55.280 --> 00:19:57.200
  • That your marriage is gonna have ripples into your family.
  • 00:19:57.220 --> 00:20:00.120
  • Down the corridors of history and also in your community.
  • 00:20:00.140 --> 00:20:03.130
  • So take a look.
  • 00:20:03.150 --> 00:20:05.130
  • - I'm gonna just dive in here.
  • 00:20:05.150 --> 00:20:06.240
  • I think honestly when I think about my life
  • 00:20:06.260 --> 00:20:09.000
  • 50 years from now and what my legacy is.
  • 00:20:09.020 --> 00:20:11.280
  • I don't know what it is in my heart,
  • 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:13.180
  • but I really couldn't care less.
  • 00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:16.060
  • I want to be a good husband.
  • 00:20:16.080 --> 00:20:18.140
  • I wanna be a good father if I've got any money,
  • 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:21.260
  • if I've got any assets.
  • 00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:23.140
  • To be really frank that is almost irrelevant to me.
  • 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:27.070
  • I mean I want my legacy to be that my kids knew
  • 00:20:27.090 --> 00:20:30.050
  • that I love them and that my wife knew that I was faithful
  • 00:20:30.070 --> 00:20:32.290
  • and honored her every day of her life.
  • 00:20:33.010 --> 00:20:35.080
  • And if somebody else in the community seems to echo that,
  • 00:20:35.100 --> 00:20:39.060
  • obviously that would be appreciated.
  • 00:20:39.080 --> 00:20:42.220
  • But to think that I'm gonna waste even a minute
  • 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:45.030
  • hoping that somebody notices me or hoping that
  • 00:20:45.050 --> 00:20:48.220
  • somebody outside my wife ad my kids gives me any accolades.
  • 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:53.160
  • I think that's, to be really frank where we all miss it.
  • 00:20:53.180 --> 00:20:56.030
  • We all try to be the famous person
  • 00:20:56.050 --> 00:20:59.000
  • or the rich person or the successful business person,
  • 00:20:59.020 --> 00:21:01.240
  • as our wife and kids fall apart
  • 00:21:01.260 --> 00:21:04.150
  • at the seams underneath our nose.
  • 00:21:04.170 --> 00:21:07.170
  • And I'll tell you that I don't know what it is about me
  • 00:21:07.190 --> 00:21:09.220
  • but I was built with a passion
  • 00:21:09.240 --> 00:21:12.190
  • and a fire to sort of like not on my watch.
  • 00:21:12.210 --> 00:21:15.100
  • My wife will not die not knowing fully
  • 00:21:15.120 --> 00:21:18.140
  • how much I cared about her.
  • 00:21:19.160 --> 00:21:21.110
  • And I will make it my life's mission to make sure
  • 00:21:21.130 --> 00:21:25.000
  • that each of my kids understand
  • 00:21:25.020 --> 00:21:26.130
  • the same concepts and ideas.
  • 00:21:26.150 --> 00:21:29.090
  • - Well how do I top that?
  • 00:21:29.110 --> 00:21:30.130
  • - You can't.
  • 00:21:30.150 --> 00:21:31.080
  • - That's good and--
  • 00:21:31.100 --> 00:21:32.270
  • - Say some stuff.
  • 00:21:34.090 --> 00:21:35.190
  • You do your thing and what.
  • 00:21:36.260 --> 00:21:39.010
  • - I don't wanna go now.
  • 00:21:40.110 --> 00:21:41.290
  • For me in 50 years, I think the first thing is
  • 00:21:42.010 --> 00:21:44.240
  • I want my children and my husband really.
  • 00:21:44.260 --> 00:21:46.200
  • That's the first thing that set my heart
  • 00:21:46.220 --> 00:21:48.100
  • was I want my children to think I was a good mom.
  • 00:21:48.120 --> 00:21:50.090
  • That I loved them to the best of my ability
  • 00:21:50.110 --> 00:21:52.170
  • and that I set them up well for life.
  • 00:21:52.190 --> 00:21:55.090
  • Even for the relationships and for Chip that he knows
  • 00:21:55.110 --> 00:21:58.080
  • that everything I do is with him in mind.
  • 00:21:58.100 --> 00:22:01.230
  • I want my husband to think I'm great
  • 00:22:01.250 --> 00:22:05.030
  • and that's like Chip, that's where it really stops.
  • 00:22:05.050 --> 00:22:07.120
  • He's my audience, he's my cheerleader
  • 00:22:07.140 --> 00:22:10.090
  • and my biggest supporter.
  • 00:22:10.110 --> 00:22:11.230
  • And then I love the idea that if I get to help
  • 00:22:11.250 --> 00:22:14.250
  • a woman in her home to help create family
  • 00:22:14.270 --> 00:22:17.150
  • in an environment where her people can thrive
  • 00:22:17.170 --> 00:22:20.040
  • or helping marriages.
  • 00:22:20.060 --> 00:22:22.230
  • Just connect on a level of home whether that's on a project,
  • 00:22:22.250 --> 00:22:27.090
  • putting ship lap on a wall or doing a renovation.
  • 00:22:27.110 --> 00:22:30.230
  • I just think home is so important
  • 00:22:30.250 --> 00:22:32.260
  • and I think when our children sense that home
  • 00:22:32.280 --> 00:22:35.230
  • is the most important place.
  • 00:22:35.250 --> 00:22:37.150
  • I really think families thrive so if we can help in any way
  • 00:22:37.170 --> 00:22:40.070
  • with people in their homes and their family.
  • 00:22:40.090 --> 00:22:41.280
  • I think that's huge.
  • 00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:43.220
  • - Man, I love what they got to say about legacy.
  • 00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:45.130
  • - [Alyssa] So good.
  • 00:22:45.150 --> 00:22:46.240
  • First of all again, they're incredible,
  • 00:22:46.260 --> 00:22:48.030
  • and also specifically what they talked about.
  • 00:22:48.050 --> 00:22:49.210
  • I like how he was almost a little flippant
  • 00:22:49.230 --> 00:22:51.060
  • when he took what you wanted people
  • 00:22:51.080 --> 00:22:54.060
  • to know about your legacy.
  • 00:22:54.080 --> 00:22:55.150
  • He kind of said, "Oh I don't care."
  • 00:22:55.170 --> 00:22:56.200
  • because he thought we were talking about work.
  • 00:22:56.220 --> 00:22:59.010
  • And I love what he meant by that.
  • 00:22:59.030 --> 00:23:00.180
  • That at the end of the day, what you leave on this earth
  • 00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:03.120
  • in regards to your passion, or your job or your work.
  • 00:23:03.140 --> 00:23:05.210
  • You shouldn't care as much about that as like
  • 00:23:05.230 --> 00:23:08.260
  • with what Chip said.
  • 00:23:08.280 --> 00:23:10.050
  • More about your kids and your marriage.
  • 00:23:10.070 --> 00:23:11.270
  • And he's why honestly, I think if you truly understand.
  • 00:23:11.290 --> 00:23:14.260
  • If you wanna have a huge impact in this world,
  • 00:23:14.280 --> 00:23:17.110
  • beyond just your lifetime.
  • 00:23:17.130 --> 00:23:19.160
  • I promise it will probably happen
  • 00:23:19.180 --> 00:23:21.110
  • through the legacy of your family.
  • 00:23:21.130 --> 00:23:23.110
  • - I love that Mother Theresa quote.
  • 00:23:23.130 --> 00:23:25.090
  • We have it over our kids Lego table.
  • 00:23:25.110 --> 00:23:27.040
  • "If you want to make a change in the world
  • 00:23:27.060 --> 00:23:29.010
  • "go home and love your family."
  • 00:23:29.030 --> 00:23:30.240
  • - It sounds simple or it sounds non-spiritual
  • 00:23:30.260 --> 00:23:34.050
  • but it's actually the thing that will cause those ripples
  • 00:23:34.070 --> 00:23:36.190
  • all throughout your life, your kids life and on.
  • 00:23:36.210 --> 00:23:39.010
  • And I get the picture about.
  • 00:23:39.030 --> 00:23:40.110
  • I know you've probably seen it.
  • 00:23:40.130 --> 00:23:41.190
  • Just this patriarch of the family.
  • 00:23:41.210 --> 00:23:43.100
  • Think of the grandpa and the grandma of the family.
  • 00:23:43.120 --> 00:23:45.000
  • - [Alyssa] Like Parenthood.
  • 00:23:45.020 --> 00:23:45.250
  • - [Jeff] Yeah, exactly.
  • 00:23:45.270 --> 00:23:47.040
  • We love that show and the Braverman's.
  • 00:23:47.060 --> 00:23:48.120
  • You see this grandpa and grandma love each other
  • 00:23:48.140 --> 00:23:51.090
  • and that marriage has created lineage and legacy, and love.
  • 00:23:51.110 --> 00:23:55.120
  • And this community type ripple.
  • 00:23:56.210 --> 00:23:59.040
  • What would you add to that?
  • 00:23:59.060 --> 00:24:00.210
  • - I think the coolest thing is if you're out there
  • 00:24:00.230 --> 00:24:02.000
  • and you come from a broken home.
  • 00:24:02.020 --> 00:24:03.130
  • Maybe your parents aren't believers
  • 00:24:03.150 --> 00:24:04.270
  • or was really rough growing up.
  • 00:24:04.290 --> 00:24:06.210
  • The coolest thing about being in Christ is that
  • 00:24:06.230 --> 00:24:09.010
  • now you have an opportunity to have a new legacy.
  • 00:24:09.030 --> 00:24:11.210
  • You're beginning this new relationship with your husband,
  • 00:24:11.230 --> 00:24:14.080
  • your new family and now you have this legacy
  • 00:24:14.100 --> 00:24:17.000
  • to pour into them of Jesus followers,
  • 00:24:17.020 --> 00:24:19.220
  • redemption, healing and hope.
  • 00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:22.100
  • And it starts with you and your husband and that is so cool.
  • 00:24:22.120 --> 00:24:25.180
  • - Totally and I think, this is where we wanna end on.
  • 00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:27.250
  • Ultimately, the big picture we're trying to say here
  • 00:24:27.270 --> 00:24:30.000
  • is that the theology of marriage or asking
  • 00:24:30.020 --> 00:24:32.130
  • or understand the why of marriage is essentially just a map.
  • 00:24:32.150 --> 00:24:36.110
  • You have to be able to know where you're going
  • 00:24:36.130 --> 00:24:38.210
  • to have a healthy marriage.
  • 00:24:38.230 --> 00:24:40.060
  • And I think understanding what marriage even means
  • 00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:43.060
  • and what it's for and what God's design for it was,
  • 00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:47.060
  • means you're not gonna get lost.
  • 00:24:47.080 --> 00:24:48.240
  • Means you're gonna be able to get to your destination.
  • 00:24:48.260 --> 00:24:50.290
  • You're gonna be able to be successful
  • 00:24:51.010 --> 00:24:52.290
  • and have a healthy marriage.
  • 00:24:53.010 --> 00:24:54.070
  • So we love you guys so much.
  • 00:24:54.090 --> 00:24:55.230
  • One quick thing is, if you want to know more about this.
  • 00:24:55.250 --> 00:24:58.020
  • If you want to understand this more.
  • 00:24:58.040 --> 00:24:59.090
  • We have some work books we've written.
  • 00:24:59.110 --> 00:25:00.230
  • Love That Last for him and for her,
  • 00:25:00.250 --> 00:25:03.080
  • and the fun part about it is we have writing in there.
  • 00:25:03.100 --> 00:25:05.090
  • But then we also have a section in each parts that deals
  • 00:25:05.110 --> 00:25:08.170
  • and has exercises with how to walk through this.
  • 00:25:08.190 --> 00:25:11.130
  • How do you answer these questions?
  • 00:25:11.150 --> 00:25:12.260
  • And especially with this one, it's necessary.
  • 00:25:12.280 --> 00:25:14.290
  • What is the why?
  • 00:25:15.010 --> 00:25:16.030
  • What is going on here?
  • 00:25:16.050 --> 00:25:17.110
  • And what does God have for our marriage?
  • 00:25:17.130 --> 00:25:19.000
  • So we love you guys so much.
  • 00:25:19.020 --> 00:25:20.160
  • We hope you have a great week.
  • 00:25:20.180 --> 00:25:23.070
  • (slow guitar music)
  • 00:25:23.090 --> 00:25:26.080
  • Coming up next week, we're talking about boundaries.
  • 00:25:29.040 --> 00:25:31.010
  • Now this is one of things that you need to implement
  • 00:25:31.030 --> 00:25:33.060
  • early in a marriage and it can lead to a lot of life
  • 00:25:33.080 --> 00:25:35.190
  • and vitality and health.
  • 00:25:35.210 --> 00:25:37.220
  • Because we like to say, the small usually--
  • 00:25:37.240 --> 00:25:40.090
  • - [Alyssa] That either destroy.
  • 00:25:40.110 --> 00:25:41.280
  • - [Jeff] Or help a relationship or help a marriage.
  • 00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:44.090
  • And so that's what we're gonna be talking about.
  • 00:25:44.110 --> 00:25:45.270
  • How to do that.
  • 00:25:45.290 --> 00:25:47.130
  • - [Alyssa] Well also we have Lysa Terkeurst with us,
  • 00:25:47.150 --> 00:25:48.130
  • which we're so excited about.
  • 00:25:48.150 --> 00:25:49.220
  • So honored that she would come on the show
  • 00:25:49.240 --> 00:25:51.060
  • and she is going to be talking about how the mind
  • 00:25:51.080 --> 00:25:52.280
  • affects relationship and set you up for good boundaries.
  • 00:25:53.000 --> 00:25:56.180
  • - So I'm on the elliptical and I am trying my hardest
  • 00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:59.240
  • to stay in tuned, in sync, exactly with her.
  • 00:25:59.260 --> 00:26:03.020
  • And kind of had this thought like,
  • 00:26:03.040 --> 00:26:04.150
  • I think I can take her.
  • 00:26:04.170 --> 00:26:06.050
  • And I was convinced she hated me,
  • 00:26:06.070 --> 00:26:08.020
  • so everyday I walked into the gym and I would see her.
  • 00:26:08.040 --> 00:26:11.010
  • And I would assign her all these thoughts of hate
  • 00:26:11.030 --> 00:26:13.250
  • that she surely had toward me.
  • 00:26:13.270 --> 00:26:15.250
  • - She has a lot of wisdom.
  • 00:26:15.270 --> 00:26:17.040
  • She's on Power 31, she does Bible studies.
  • 00:26:17.060 --> 00:26:19.030
  • She's incredible.
  • 00:26:19.050 --> 00:26:20.010
  • - Yeah, so we can't wait.
  • 00:26:20.030 --> 00:26:20.280
  • Make sure you tune in next week.
  • 00:26:21.000 --> 00:26:22.180
  • On top of that we're also gonna include the one thing
  • 00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:25.130
  • you should never do.
  • 00:26:25.150 --> 00:26:27.040
  • We're so excited for our new book, Love That Lasts
  • 00:26:29.120 --> 00:26:31.120
  • because it's a book with our story, about our story,
  • 00:26:31.140 --> 00:26:34.040
  • primarily on why God's heart and vision
  • 00:26:34.060 --> 00:26:37.130
  • for sexuality, marriage and love is better than ours.
  • 00:26:37.150 --> 00:26:40.210
  • These are books that we wrote, that came from our story.
  • 00:26:40.230 --> 00:26:43.090
  • Two of them are guide books, so they have exercises
  • 00:26:43.110 --> 00:26:45.040
  • and fill in the blanks.
  • 00:26:45.060 --> 00:26:46.050
  • - [Alyssa] A him and a her.
  • 00:26:46.070 --> 00:26:47.030
  • - Yeah, things of that nature.
  • 00:26:47.050 --> 00:26:48.120
  • And then a main book, that's our story.
  • 00:26:48.140 --> 00:26:49.190
  • That's our journey of dating, breaking up,
  • 00:26:49.210 --> 00:26:51.280
  • getting engaged, getting married, having kids.
  • 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:54.210
  • - [Alyssa] And then the work books
  • 00:26:54.230 --> 00:26:55.180
  • are just things we've learned
  • 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:56.240
  • on the 12 main topics in marriage.
  • 00:26:56.260 --> 00:26:58.090
  • Communication, conflict and the mentors
  • 00:26:58.110 --> 00:27:00.240
  • that have poured into us and given us
  • 00:27:00.260 --> 00:27:02.000
  • so much wisdom on those topics.
  • 00:27:02.020 --> 00:27:03.240
  • - [Announcer] If you appreciate programs like this.
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  • We hope you'll help TBN keep them coming to you
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  • eye opening new book, Love That Last.
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  • And with the gift of $70 or more,
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  • we'll also include the his and hers interactive work books.
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