Kill Yourself | TBN

Kill Yourself

Watch Kill Yourself
September 8, 2016
28:31

Living by Faith with Mike & DeeDee Freeman

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Kill Yourself

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  • And that cat has worked pretty well.
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  • I mean where you are in life you've done a great job.
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  • But then you begin to see how
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  • much of it has been you.
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  • It is astonishing to me,
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  • that we don't even know how much
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  • we are actively involved in shaping
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  • our own destinies without God.
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  • - Oh sorry.
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  • So I'm asking this question
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  • for the gentlemen that I'm here with.
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  • - [Pastor] Yeah, 'cause I saw him come up first.
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  • - He did but then he asked me if I would.
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  • So--
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  • - [Pastor] Oh that's sweet.
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  • - Okay, well I'm hoping I'm gonna ask the question
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  • the way he would.
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  • But anyway he--
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  • - [Pastor] Okay but he's right there.
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  • - Okay, so won't you come on sweetie.
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  • - And he's gonna be the lead in your house.
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  • And let's have him to lead now.
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  • And if he doesn't do it right,
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  • you all can practice together and you can assist him.
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  • But I like for you all to stand together.
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  • - Thank you, and so we feel really,
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  • like we're ahead of the game 'cause we are engaged.
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  • - [Pastor] Yeah you are.
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  • - Yeah, and so we are.
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  • I mean this is like fantastic.
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  • - [Pastor] I love it.
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  • I wish DeeDee would've gotten this
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  • long before. - [DeeDee] Babe, let it go.
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  • - [Female] Yeah, 'cause he wants me
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  • to just ask the question.
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  • - Okay, no, let him ask the question.
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  • Yes.
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  • - Thank you sir.
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  • - [Pastor] God bless you.
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  • - The question is, I heard you
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  • and I was listening very intently.
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  • Deny yourself, move self out of the way.
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  • Right?
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  • - [Pastor] Yes sir.
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  • - So in the meantime, this is all
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  • I know me, him,
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  • grew up, learned this that.
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  • So if I deny that person, move out of the way,
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  • then what is he gonna do?
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  • - [Pastor] Yeah yeah.
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  • (Pastor laughs)
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  • Do you have a name for him?
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  • (everyone laughs)
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  • - [Fiance] He's not schizophrenic.
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  • He is not schizophrenic.
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  • - 'Cause sometimes DeeDee is Renee.
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  • - You need to stop. - [Pastor] And so there's some
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  • - [Pastor] things Renee wants.
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  • - That's a real good question though.
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  • - That's a real good question.
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  • - Because that's why we were talking about
  • 00:02:58.050 --> 00:03:00.280
  • what you feel and what you go through
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  • is based upon who you are, your inward man.
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  • And we have developed - [Pastor] And the experiences
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  • our self concept - [Pastor] in situations yeah.
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  • - [DeeDee] based upon what we have been raised in.
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  • We mirror our parents
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  • however they were we become.
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  • And so all of that really dictates to you
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  • how you will handle another relationship
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  • or what you see.
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  • And so you really gonna have to get your perception
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  • of who you are now from the worst perspective.
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  • Because if you still look at who you are
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  • through how you saw how you were raised,
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  • that's not necessarily was how God wanted you to be.
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  • And you know, and that's how most of us deal with life.
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  • We build our life - [Pastor] All of us.
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  • based upon how we were raised - [Pastor] All of us.
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  • and not based upon the word of God.
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  • And so you gotta now, being mature enough
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  • to understand who you are
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  • must come from the word of God.
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  • Now you need to redevelop that.
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  • It's like "Okay God, this is how I feel,
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  • "but does that necessarily mean
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  • "that's the way you should feel?"
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  • You know, that's why I was saying earlier
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  • about how a lot of times how we view
  • 00:04:08.120 --> 00:04:12.120
  • something that has happened doesn't necessarily mean
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  • it was all that bad.
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  • It was just because of how we felt about it.
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  • How we think about it.
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  • - That's good baby.
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  • And so this segways over
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  • into an entirely different dynamic.
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  • 'Cause I really didn't finish
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  • all of what I wanted to share
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  • because when you leave 1st Corinthians now
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  • you gotta go straight to Ephesians five.
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  • When Paul said "Now husbands
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  • "love your wives as Christ."
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  • That takes on His identity and not me.
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  • 'Cause if she spit on me,
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  • (congregation laughs)
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  • and I am identified with Christ
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  • opposed to choking her out.
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  • I'll turn my cheek and give her another shot.
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  • That's an entirely different world from what
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  • you and I would do.
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  • I don't know the name of the guy
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  • who shows up at my house in me either.
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  • - [DeeDee] It depends on the guy is.
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  • - [Pastor] I know, that's what I'm saying.
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  • But I want that guy to be Christ.
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  • That's where I'm dying to this guy.
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  • And letting that guy.
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  • Listen, years ago, and I just remembered this.
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  • You know where I'm going?
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  • - [DeeDee] I'm just smiling.
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  • - [Pastor] I attended my funeral.
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  • - [DeeDee] Oh I remember that.
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  • - [Pastor] In a dream.
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  • I knew it was me in the casket.
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  • - That was before you started Pastoring.
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  • - That was before I started Pastoring.
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  • And I walked up to the casket.
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  • I should've got that then.
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  • God god.
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  • I walked up to the casket.
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  • I knew I was attending my funeral,
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  • but I couldn't see my face.
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  • It was just this glorious light in my face,
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  • but I knew it was me.
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  • And the Holy Ghost told me
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  • "This is where I need you.
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  • "To die to you,
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  • "and let me shine through you."
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  • So now I gotta go through this exchange
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  • of His way for my way.
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  • And I got an opportunity.
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  • Like I said you're gonna have an opportunity
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  • in the next 24 hours to exchange His way for your way.
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  • 'Cause I got ways of doing stuff.
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  • And some of those ways have worked.
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  • And I've relied on those ways.
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  • In talking to banks, and talking to people.
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  • And I've seen where it's been me.
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  • But I inquire of the Lord in all things.
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  • And as for God, His way is perfect.
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  • And If I do it His way, guess what that's gonna make me?
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  • Perfect.
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  • So you know what my confession is?
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  • I'm perfect.
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  • People don't like it because
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  • "Oh that's all, nobody's perfect."
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  • Speak for yourself.
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  • It's an entirely different dynamic.
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  • I see where I'm moving into an arena,
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  • but it's working for me.
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  • I'm moving into an arena that is kinda,
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  • it's not churchy.
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  • It crosses the grain of just religion and church,
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  • and most believers.
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  • So, that's my spiel.
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  • That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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  • Yes sir, thank you for your boldness.
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  • Yes ma'am.
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  • And if there are no other questions
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  • after Elder Don,
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  • then we can, be dismissed. - [DeeDee] Dismiss.
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  • - [Pastor] I want Brother Richard to come.
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  • But if you have a question come now
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  • so we can kind of pace ourselves.
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  • Yes ma'am.
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  • - I don't have a question I have a comment.
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  • Sunday we were there for your (inaudible) message
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  • and as you said the next 24 hours
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  • you're really gonna be tested on this thing.
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  • And when you speak on Sunday it was more like
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  • for me, I'm not ruled by my emotions
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  • that denying yourself.
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  • Not ruled by my emotions, so something came up
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  • in our marriage and I had to deal with it
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  • in denying myself.
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  • So I was really upset, really really upset.
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  • Really kinda sticking to myself,
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  • not talking to him, not really the way
  • 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:02.070
  • that I normally am.
  • 00:09:02.070 --> 00:09:03.220
  • But that denying yourself, not being ruled by my emotions
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  • piece came back up on the inside of me.
  • 00:09:07.040 --> 00:09:09.090
  • So on Wednesday--
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  • - [Pastor] It came up after you were upset?
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  • - Yes.
  • 00:09:13.220 --> 00:09:14.280
  • - [Pastor] Okay we gotta get this to come up.
  • 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:17.140
  • You know the cat's who are part of this ministry
  • 00:09:18.070 --> 00:09:21.020
  • they would always call me after they got high.
  • 00:09:21.020 --> 00:09:23.290
  • "Pastor, I got high again man.
  • 00:09:24.140 --> 00:09:29.050
  • "Okay, okay, don't worry about it.
  • 00:09:29.050 --> 00:09:31.230
  • "But here's what I need you to do.
  • 00:09:31.230 --> 00:09:33.290
  • "I need you to call me on your way to getting the drugs."
  • 00:09:34.140 --> 00:09:38.160
  • They call me high.
  • 00:09:40.060 --> 00:09:41.140
  • Call me.
  • 00:09:42.260 --> 00:09:44.250
  • But that's the objective.
  • 00:09:45.100 --> 00:09:46.230
  • We want that word to come up before you go there.
  • 00:09:46.230 --> 00:09:50.210
  • - [Short hair female] Yes.
  • 00:09:50.210 --> 00:09:51.140
  • - Okay, continue.
  • 00:09:51.140 --> 00:09:52.290
  • - What happened happened before you taught the message.
  • 00:09:52.290 --> 00:09:55.270
  • So when you taught the message
  • 00:09:56.050 --> 00:09:58.230
  • it put me back in remembrance of the lesson
  • 00:09:58.230 --> 00:10:01.030
  • of not being ruled by my emotion years ago.
  • 00:10:01.030 --> 00:10:03.240
  • - Okay.
  • 00:10:03.240 --> 00:10:05.080
  • - [Female with short hair] So that's why from Monday,
  • 00:10:05.080 --> 00:10:06.140
  • Tuesday, and Wednesday, I had to pull
  • 00:10:06.140 --> 00:10:08.080
  • myself together and remind myself
  • 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:10.130
  • of denying myself and not being ruled by my emotions.
  • 00:10:10.130 --> 00:10:13.230
  • So here come Wednesday and I hear it again,
  • 00:10:13.230 --> 00:10:17.050
  • and then all of a sudden some Isley Brother song
  • 00:10:17.050 --> 00:10:19.280
  • came in my head and Holy Spirit said call your husband.
  • 00:10:19.280 --> 00:10:22.230
  • And I'm like "No, not gonna call him."
  • 00:10:22.230 --> 00:10:25.090
  • But I said "Okay deny yourself, it's not about you."
  • 00:10:25.090 --> 00:10:28.260
  • So I call him and he said
  • 00:10:28.260 --> 00:10:30.090
  • "Oh I haven't gotten a concert in a while."
  • 00:10:30.090 --> 00:10:32.070
  • Okay whatever.
  • 00:10:32.070 --> 00:10:33.210
  • - A concert?
  • 00:10:33.210 --> 00:10:35.020
  • - [Female with short hair] Yeah, I sung to him,
  • 00:10:35.020 --> 00:10:36.000
  • that's what he calls a concert.
  • 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:37.070
  • - Oh oh.
  • 00:10:37.070 --> 00:10:38.000
  • Can I go on
  • 00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:39.210
  • My way without you
  • 00:10:39.210 --> 00:10:43.080
  • Oh oh
  • 00:10:43.180 --> 00:10:45.010
  • - [Female with short hair] Oh "I'm so In Love With You"
  • 00:10:45.010 --> 00:10:46.110
  • is that Isley Brothers?
  • 00:10:46.110 --> 00:10:47.240
  • I don't know who it was but.
  • 00:10:48.260 --> 00:10:50.000
  • - Which one was it?
  • 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:51.050
  • - [Male audience member] Al Green.
  • 00:10:51.240 --> 00:10:52.290
  • - [Female with short hair] Oh Al Green.
  • 00:10:52.290 --> 00:10:54.020
  • - Al Green, (smacks lips) oh girl.
  • 00:10:54.020 --> 00:10:54.280
  • (congregation laughs)
  • 00:10:54.280 --> 00:10:57.080
  • Al Green can't touch the Isley Brothers.
  • 00:10:57.150 --> 00:11:00.020
  • - [Female with short hair] Whatever.
  • 00:11:00.020 --> 00:11:01.080
  • But a song came in my head.
  • 00:11:01.170 --> 00:11:03.080
  • - That's not her point.
  • 00:11:03.080 --> 00:11:05.000
  • - A song came in my head and I called him
  • 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:07.140
  • like Holy Spirit said.
  • 00:11:07.140 --> 00:11:08.280
  • So I get home, well first I ask him what he want to eat.
  • 00:11:08.280 --> 00:11:11.180
  • Stopped and got him what he wanted to eat.
  • 00:11:11.180 --> 00:11:13.150
  • - That's what I'm talking about.
  • 00:11:13.150 --> 00:11:14.200
  • - [Female with short hair] And I'm like
  • 00:11:14.200 --> 00:11:15.240
  • oh my God Lord, I'm still kinda hot.
  • 00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:18.100
  • Get home and everything
  • 00:11:18.100 --> 00:11:19.240
  • and we in "Marriage Made EZ" so I can say this.
  • 00:11:19.240 --> 00:11:22.050
  • Get home and go ahead and do what
  • 00:11:22.050 --> 00:11:24.040
  • he's been talking about for years.
  • 00:11:24.040 --> 00:11:26.030
  • Seven steps, take off everything and then go take a shower
  • 00:11:26.030 --> 00:11:30.000
  • and get into bed. - [Pastor] Woo!
  • 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:31.050
  • And I'm like "I am not doing that Lord.
  • 00:11:31.160 --> 00:11:34.030
  • "We just got through--
  • 00:11:34.030 --> 00:11:35.150
  • - [Pastor] God, main man big daddy.
  • 00:11:35.150 --> 00:11:37.110
  • What was that again, seven steps.
  • 00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:40.240
  • - Seven steps.
  • 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:41.190
  • - Take off everything.
  • 00:11:41.190 --> 00:11:43.000
  • - [Female with short hair] Take off everything.
  • 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:43.240
  • - And get in the shower.
  • 00:11:43.240 --> 00:11:45.060
  • - [Female with short hair] And get in the shower.
  • 00:11:45.060 --> 00:11:45.290
  • - Good God for you.
  • 00:11:45.290 --> 00:11:47.110
  • - Is that in the front door or the bedroom door?
  • 00:11:47.110 --> 00:11:48.260
  • - The bedroom door.
  • 00:11:48.260 --> 00:11:50.090
  • - [Pastor] Bedroom door, that's what I'm talking about.
  • 00:11:50.090 --> 00:11:51.230
  • - The way our house is now (Pastor and DeeDee both talk.)
  • 00:11:51.230 --> 00:11:52.240
  • that we just moved into.
  • 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:54.040
  • But anyway anyway.
  • 00:11:54.040 --> 00:11:55.100
  • Anyway that's what happened.
  • 00:11:56.040 --> 00:11:57.170
  • So the fact that you're denying yourself
  • 00:11:59.170 --> 00:12:03.020
  • that I deny myself and I listened to Holy Spirit
  • 00:12:03.020 --> 00:12:05.150
  • all the way through.
  • 00:12:05.150 --> 00:12:06.290
  • The next morning he was acting differently
  • 00:12:06.290 --> 00:12:09.280
  • than he's been in the past couple of months.
  • 00:12:09.280 --> 00:12:12.250
  • Because of me denying myself
  • 00:12:12.250 --> 00:12:15.250
  • and doing exactly what Holy Spirit is telling me to do.
  • 00:12:15.250 --> 00:12:19.250
  • Although I don't feel like doing it.
  • 00:12:19.250 --> 00:12:21.120
  • And I don't wanna do it.
  • 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:22.200
  • But it's not about me, it's about Christ.
  • 00:12:22.200 --> 00:12:25.290
  • So thank you I appreciate it. - [Pastor] Yes ma'am.
  • 00:12:27.000 --> 00:12:28.180
  • - [Pastor] Outstanding, I appreciate that input.
  • 00:12:28.180 --> 00:12:31.120
  • Seven steps.
  • 00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:33.050
  • - [Voiceover] Just to clarify, seven.
  • 00:12:35.060 --> 00:12:38.250
  • - Seven steps.
  • 00:12:38.250 --> 00:12:40.080
  • - You got that Shirley? - [Pastor] - Seven steps,
  • 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:42.120
  • - [Pastor] and all the clothes off,
  • 00:12:42.230 --> 00:12:44.220
  • and in the shower.
  • 00:12:45.060 --> 00:12:46.180
  • Seven, I can name that tune in five steps.
  • 00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:51.050
  • (congregation laughs)
  • 00:12:51.050 --> 00:12:53.060
  • - Still not dead.
  • 00:12:57.030 --> 00:12:58.060
  • - [Pastor] Sir.
  • 00:12:58.060 --> 00:12:59.030
  • - Still not dead.
  • 00:12:59.030 --> 00:13:00.120
  • So not dead, that while you were
  • 00:13:01.030 --> 00:13:02.290
  • talking about denying yourself,
  • 00:13:02.290 --> 00:13:04.290
  • I'm thinking I hope she really gets this, right?
  • 00:13:04.290 --> 00:13:08.110
  • (everyone laughs)
  • 00:13:08.110 --> 00:13:10.270
  • What now?
  • 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:13.140
  • - [Pastor] Yeah right.
  • 00:13:19.170 --> 00:13:20.210
  • How 'bout that.
  • 00:13:22.020 --> 00:13:23.050
  • - [DeeDee] But what's so funny is.
  • 00:13:23.050 --> 00:13:24.150
  • - [Pastor] I love that.
  • 00:13:24.150 --> 00:13:25.210
  • - I guarantee you more than half of the
  • 00:13:25.210 --> 00:13:26.280
  • people sitting in this room was thinking that.
  • 00:13:26.280 --> 00:13:29.130
  • - But you said this is not a message for,
  • 00:13:30.190 --> 00:13:34.080
  • what'd you say?
  • 00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:37.000
  • - Yeah you can't be take it as a group.
  • 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:38.120
  • You gotta take this and own this.
  • 00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.050
  • - That was good, I liked that.
  • 00:13:40.050 --> 00:13:41.070
  • I appreciate getting these.
  • 00:13:41.070 --> 00:13:42.280
  • - Really for me, this is one of the hardest
  • 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:46.000
  • messages I've heard in a long time.
  • 00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:48.030
  • 'Cause it's not glancing blow.
  • 00:13:48.030 --> 00:13:51.040
  • It kinda just drilled me.
  • 00:13:51.040 --> 00:13:52.180
  • You talked about you show yourself this way at work
  • 00:13:53.010 --> 00:13:55.290
  • but the people that love you most you know.
  • 00:13:55.290 --> 00:13:57.290
  • I'll look at myself sometimes and I said something
  • 00:13:57.290 --> 00:14:00.040
  • to my wife or my kids and I'm like who is that?
  • 00:14:00.040 --> 00:14:02.150
  • Who is that that just showed up there.
  • 00:14:02.150 --> 00:14:05.290
  • But my question is this.
  • 00:14:06.130 --> 00:14:08.150
  • Last night I asked a question like three times,
  • 00:14:11.070 --> 00:14:15.240
  • and I thought I was being ignored.
  • 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:17.080
  • I didn't think, I felt, I responded.
  • 00:14:17.080 --> 00:14:19.120
  • Like I was being ignored right.
  • 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:21.090
  • They just didn't hear me.
  • 00:14:21.090 --> 00:14:22.230
  • But that rose up in me.
  • 00:14:22.230 --> 00:14:25.100
  • I felt a certain, not shame but regret.
  • 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:28.060
  • You know I apologized.
  • 00:14:28.060 --> 00:14:29.140
  • But when I peel it back as I'm listening to you,
  • 00:14:29.140 --> 00:14:33.000
  • what I would call a sense of pride
  • 00:14:33.240 --> 00:14:36.010
  • or thinking "I'm worth more than that,
  • 00:14:36.010 --> 00:14:37.230
  • "I should not be treated that way."
  • 00:14:37.230 --> 00:14:39.290
  • When I really pull it back a couple
  • 00:14:39.290 --> 00:14:42.200
  • of three steps from there,
  • 00:14:42.200 --> 00:14:44.060
  • it's really about not having the esteem in me.
  • 00:14:44.060 --> 00:14:47.260
  • You know what I mean?
  • 00:14:47.260 --> 00:14:49.040
  • It's not really that I think I'm so valuable
  • 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:51.100
  • and I shouldn't be treated that way.
  • 00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:52.280
  • It's that I have a deficit in my soul somewhere.
  • 00:14:52.280 --> 00:14:56.050
  • I have something lacking that
  • 00:14:56.050 --> 00:14:58.250
  • that's why I even have a sense.
  • 00:14:58.250 --> 00:15:00.290
  • The pride is like the fake covering of this deficit.
  • 00:15:00.290 --> 00:15:05.090
  • - [DeeDee] Yeah, and it could be.
  • 00:15:06.260 --> 00:15:08.050
  • - No, no, no, listen to me.
  • 00:15:08.050 --> 00:15:10.060
  • Because that's what I dealt with.
  • 00:15:10.060 --> 00:15:12.090
  • And the esteem can be too much.
  • 00:15:12.250 --> 00:15:17.010
  • And that's why you respond the way you do.
  • 00:15:19.020 --> 00:15:21.270
  • And that's why I looked at this.
  • 00:15:22.030 --> 00:15:24.020
  • That's the side that the Spirit of God had to check me on
  • 00:15:24.020 --> 00:15:28.210
  • so I don't want you to just be,
  • 00:15:28.210 --> 00:15:32.200
  • I don't want you capable of getting away
  • 00:15:32.200 --> 00:15:36.050
  • with just that side.
  • 00:15:36.050 --> 00:15:38.240
  • And I had to interrupt you at that particular time
  • 00:15:39.060 --> 00:15:42.240
  • because the Holy Ghost checked me
  • 00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:45.020
  • and says "A man should not
  • 00:15:45.020 --> 00:15:48.020
  • "think higher than he ought to."
  • 00:15:48.020 --> 00:15:50.220
  • So it is on the opposite end
  • 00:15:51.040 --> 00:15:54.060
  • that the enemy can get people
  • 00:15:54.060 --> 00:15:56.220
  • because they think too much of themselves.
  • 00:15:56.220 --> 00:15:59.270
  • Not enough of yourself is one side.
  • 00:16:00.070 --> 00:16:02.290
  • Too much of yourself is the other.
  • 00:16:02.290 --> 00:16:05.190
  • - But do you agree that it's both sides?
  • 00:16:05.190 --> 00:16:07.060
  • - I do agree.
  • 00:16:07.060 --> 00:16:08.120
  • I do agree, but I didn't want that to be
  • 00:16:08.120 --> 00:16:11.070
  • just left like people have
  • 00:16:11.070 --> 00:16:13.190
  • lack of esteem as such.
  • 00:16:13.190 --> 00:16:17.180
  • Because I had too much of esteem.
  • 00:16:17.180 --> 00:16:21.170
  • - Right, but because of deficits we can still feel.
  • 00:16:21.170 --> 00:16:25.220
  • like the other person obligated to fill that void
  • 00:16:26.020 --> 00:16:29.160
  • or take care of that. - [Pastor] To fill that
  • 00:16:29.160 --> 00:16:30.200
  • - [Pastor] deficit that we have.
  • 00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:31.140
  • I agree wholeheartedly.
  • 00:16:31.140 --> 00:16:32.190
  • So I just wanted to point that out.
  • 00:16:32.190 --> 00:16:34.050
  • And I apologize for interrupting.
  • 00:16:34.050 --> 00:16:36.230
  • - My concern is that I think I see myself often
  • 00:16:36.230 --> 00:16:40.140
  • overcompensating for that sense of deficit.
  • 00:16:41.020 --> 00:16:45.140
  • It's not like I'm really clearly aware of it.
  • 00:16:46.020 --> 00:16:47.210
  • It's kind of deeply buried somewhere.
  • 00:16:47.210 --> 00:16:49.290
  • But a response of "How dare you."
  • 00:16:49.290 --> 00:16:53.170
  • You know what I mean?
  • 00:16:53.170 --> 00:16:54.160
  • - [Pastor] Yes sir.
  • 00:16:54.160 --> 00:16:55.230
  • - Like when you talk about dying to yourself,
  • 00:16:55.230 --> 00:16:57.100
  • it's almost like there isn't the need,
  • 00:16:57.100 --> 00:16:59.280
  • there's no deficit in the first place,
  • 00:17:00.070 --> 00:17:02.040
  • so there's no pushing yourself up.
  • 00:17:02.040 --> 00:17:05.010
  • There's no overvaluing yourself.
  • 00:17:05.010 --> 00:17:07.040
  • It's just evenly keeled 'cause everything's like in balance.
  • 00:17:07.040 --> 00:17:10.110
  • - [Pastor] I got you.
  • 00:17:10.110 --> 00:17:11.160
  • - And as I hear you speak I realize
  • 00:17:11.160 --> 00:17:13.180
  • there's a lot in me.
  • 00:17:13.280 --> 00:17:15.260
  • The soulish area. - [Pastor] Yes sir.
  • 00:17:16.110 --> 00:17:17.230
  • - It's just out of balance.
  • 00:17:17.230 --> 00:17:19.100
  • And ego is a compensation for that.
  • 00:17:20.180 --> 00:17:22.270
  • And you know inaccurate self esteem,
  • 00:17:22.270 --> 00:17:27.190
  • overvaluing yourself in ways that aren't.
  • 00:17:28.080 --> 00:17:30.160
  • You understand what I'm saying?
  • 00:17:31.030 --> 00:17:32.070
  • - [Pastor] Absolutely, this is good.
  • 00:17:32.070 --> 00:17:33.030
  • - I don't know quite--
  • 00:17:33.030 --> 00:17:34.140
  • - [Pastor] Do you all understand what he's saying?
  • 00:17:34.140 --> 00:17:35.070
  • Okay good.
  • 00:17:35.070 --> 00:17:36.140
  • - I don't know quite what to do with that.
  • 00:17:36.140 --> 00:17:39.200
  • Like psychologically I could say
  • 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:42.080
  • "Okay well this theory has this in place
  • 00:17:42.080 --> 00:17:44.000
  • "or blah, blah, blah."
  • 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:45.070
  • But I don't really know where to go with that
  • 00:17:45.070 --> 00:17:46.210
  • spiritually, soulishly, I don't know what to do with it.
  • 00:17:46.210 --> 00:17:50.170
  • Because it creates problems in my relationships
  • 00:17:50.170 --> 00:17:53.240
  • because I end up wanting from others
  • 00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:57.170
  • what I lack in myself at core. - [Pastor] Come on, right.
  • 00:17:57.290 --> 00:18:01.030
  • - And that's problematic for me.
  • 00:18:01.030 --> 00:18:02.150
  • I don't know how to really engage that deeply
  • 00:18:02.150 --> 00:18:05.150
  • to solve it rather than to just deny myself
  • 00:18:05.150 --> 00:18:09.040
  • to the emotions of it.
  • 00:18:09.040 --> 00:18:10.050
  • I wanna solve it.
  • 00:18:10.050 --> 00:18:11.250
  • - I love this because the exposure that you
  • 00:18:12.100 --> 00:18:16.100
  • are allowing us to look into,
  • 00:18:16.100 --> 00:18:19.240
  • it's the transparency.
  • 00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:22.090
  • - [Male] I just want an answer.
  • 00:18:22.090 --> 00:18:23.100
  • - You so like that.
  • 00:18:23.100 --> 00:18:24.190
  • And that's good.
  • 00:18:25.100 --> 00:18:27.170
  • - [Male] I would stand in front of 5.000 people on TV.
  • 00:18:27.170 --> 00:18:29.250
  • I want an answer because my life
  • 00:18:29.250 --> 00:18:32.040
  • can be better by far.
  • 00:18:32.260 --> 00:18:34.270
  • If I really catch hold of it.
  • 00:18:35.130 --> 00:18:36.240
  • And I don't know, I don't know the answer.
  • 00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:38.230
  • - Absolutely, that's so good.
  • 00:18:39.020 --> 00:18:40.280
  • - That's very good.
  • 00:18:40.280 --> 00:18:42.020
  • - You can overcompensate on both sides.
  • 00:18:42.020 --> 00:18:45.010
  • And I was overcompensating on the side
  • 00:18:45.080 --> 00:18:48.050
  • where I felt so much of myself.
  • 00:18:48.050 --> 00:18:50.290
  • And the other side is the deficit that you're
  • 00:18:51.090 --> 00:18:54.040
  • looking or seeking.
  • 00:18:54.040 --> 00:18:55.150
  • And to get that balance,
  • 00:18:55.150 --> 00:18:57.140
  • and how to now navigate.
  • 00:18:57.140 --> 00:19:00.130
  • Okay, okay, what are you saying?
  • 00:19:00.130 --> 00:19:02.140
  • - The word.
  • 00:19:02.140 --> 00:19:03.140
  • - It's all the word.
  • 00:19:03.140 --> 00:19:05.090
  • It's the word because
  • 00:19:05.170 --> 00:19:07.190
  • I find the perfect balance
  • 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:11.190
  • of both spectrums right here in the word of God.
  • 00:19:12.010 --> 00:19:16.050
  • And I don't know, Pastor Charles pardon me but
  • 00:19:17.210 --> 00:19:20.280
  • in this process of killing yourself,
  • 00:19:21.190 --> 00:19:24.010
  • denying yourself, crucifying yourself.
  • 00:19:24.010 --> 00:19:26.230
  • Get rid of you.
  • 00:19:27.030 --> 00:19:28.080
  • There are so many dynamics to that
  • 00:19:30.050 --> 00:19:33.000
  • in your soul that you're gonna have to fight with
  • 00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:35.030
  • because just like my man mentioned here
  • 00:19:35.030 --> 00:19:38.150
  • that this other cat wants his way.
  • 00:19:38.150 --> 00:19:42.270
  • The cat who's been developed and defined by.
  • 00:19:43.050 --> 00:19:47.100
  • And that cat has worked pretty well.
  • 00:19:47.100 --> 00:19:51.140
  • I mean where you are in life you've done a great job.
  • 00:19:51.260 --> 00:19:54.200
  • But then you begin to see how
  • 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:56.140
  • much of it has been you.
  • 00:19:56.140 --> 00:19:59.050
  • It is astonishing to me,
  • 00:20:00.260 --> 00:20:04.210
  • that we don't even know how much
  • 00:20:06.040 --> 00:20:08.280
  • we are actively involved in shaping
  • 00:20:08.280 --> 00:20:11.160
  • our own destinies without God.
  • 00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:14.200
  • - And see this is the challenge.
  • 00:20:16.070 --> 00:20:17.160
  • And I don't think if I didn't have kids
  • 00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:19.270
  • I probably wouldn't see it.
  • 00:20:19.270 --> 00:20:21.160
  • But I don't ever wanna--
  • 00:20:21.250 --> 00:20:23.100
  • - [Pastor] How about that?
  • 00:20:23.100 --> 00:20:24.140
  • - No it's the ultimate (inaudible).
  • 00:20:24.140 --> 00:20:26.070
  • - [Pastor] You see that right.
  • 00:20:26.070 --> 00:20:27.180
  • - 'Cause they're innocent too and they react.
  • 00:20:27.180 --> 00:20:29.120
  • I mean you act a certain way and they'll cry.
  • 00:20:29.120 --> 00:20:31.150
  • You know my wife will just frown but they'll cry.
  • 00:20:31.150 --> 00:20:33.170
  • They'll actively be upset.
  • 00:20:33.170 --> 00:20:34.260
  • You know "You scared me."
  • 00:20:34.260 --> 00:20:36.260
  • My kids say "You scared me" 'cause I raised my voice.
  • 00:20:36.260 --> 00:20:38.180
  • That hurts my heart.
  • 00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:40.040
  • You know, I don't wanna ever.
  • 00:20:40.040 --> 00:20:41.270
  • I don't wanna be that guy you know.
  • 00:20:43.230 --> 00:20:45.280
  • I don't wanna be that guy.
  • 00:20:45.280 --> 00:20:47.150
  • - And so you gotta take that guy
  • 00:20:47.240 --> 00:20:49.030
  • back behind the woodshed.
  • 00:20:49.030 --> 00:20:51.080
  • - [Male] And kill him.
  • 00:20:51.080 --> 00:20:52.000
  • - Kill him.
  • 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:52.280
  • Don't say that.
  • 00:20:53.180 --> 00:20:55.040
  • - [DeeDee] Don't tell Pastor Charles that.
  • 00:20:55.040 --> 00:20:56.240
  • - You gotta take that guy behind that shed,
  • 00:20:56.240 --> 00:20:59.210
  • and you get that guy and you share with that guy
  • 00:21:00.020 --> 00:21:03.250
  • the word of the living God
  • 00:21:03.250 --> 00:21:06.030
  • and you make that flesh come in subjection
  • 00:21:06.030 --> 00:21:10.130
  • to the word of the almighty God.
  • 00:21:10.260 --> 00:21:13.050
  • Bringing it, every thought into captivity.
  • 00:21:13.050 --> 00:21:17.230
  • - [DeeDee] You will raise your kids better.
  • 00:21:18.100 --> 00:21:20.180
  • You'll have the best relationship ever.
  • 00:21:20.270 --> 00:21:23.010
  • - [Pastor] This is in my opinion the most powerful
  • 00:21:23.010 --> 00:21:24.110
  • lesson that I've ever taught in my life.
  • 00:21:24.110 --> 00:21:27.040
  • I promise you.
  • 00:21:28.140 --> 00:21:29.160
  • All this faith and I mean
  • 00:21:30.020 --> 00:21:31.240
  • it leads to the ultimate lifestyle of faith.
  • 00:21:31.240 --> 00:21:36.180
  • Because it's taught me to trust God
  • 00:21:37.020 --> 00:21:39.030
  • more than ever before.
  • 00:21:39.030 --> 00:21:41.000
  • I trust God more than ever before.
  • 00:21:41.190 --> 00:21:44.050
  • I don't worry about a thing.
  • 00:21:44.050 --> 00:21:46.270
  • And I'm getting me out of the way every single day.
  • 00:21:46.270 --> 00:21:50.120
  • It's a pat down.
  • 00:21:52.060 --> 00:21:53.120
  • Mike Freeman you will not show up today.
  • 00:21:53.120 --> 00:21:56.030
  • - The stuff that you talk about,
  • 00:21:57.280 --> 00:21:59.010
  • that we take over and we do.
  • 00:21:59.010 --> 00:22:01.210
  • You know like we're running it.
  • 00:22:02.020 --> 00:22:03.100
  • - [Pastor] Yeah.
  • 00:22:03.100 --> 00:22:04.080
  • - And although there might be
  • 00:22:04.080 --> 00:22:05.130
  • accomplishments and everything right,
  • 00:22:05.130 --> 00:22:06.290
  • at the end of the day none of those things
  • 00:22:10.190 --> 00:22:13.040
  • in front of my casket if I could see the dream,
  • 00:22:13.040 --> 00:22:15.270
  • they don't matter.
  • 00:22:15.270 --> 00:22:17.040
  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:18.250
  • Like a business, you did this, you taught.
  • 00:22:18.250 --> 00:22:22.000
  • Like those things,
  • 00:22:22.250 --> 00:22:24.180
  • they don't have merit. - [Pastor] None.
  • 00:22:26.020 --> 00:22:29.130
  • - They don't have a weight. - [Pastor] Nothing.
  • 00:22:29.130 --> 00:22:31.040
  • - But like I lived so much - [Pastor] Nada.
  • 00:22:31.040 --> 00:22:32.180
  • - of my time and my day. - [Pastor] Absolutely.
  • 00:22:32.180 --> 00:22:34.170
  • - Not even thinking about what God wants to do with me.
  • 00:22:34.170 --> 00:22:38.170
  • I'm not ashamed to tell you.
  • 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:42.120
  • I'm just telling you, like that's not the
  • 00:22:42.120 --> 00:22:44.200
  • first thing in my mind, it's not the second or third thing.
  • 00:22:44.200 --> 00:22:47.030
  • There's so much else going on
  • 00:22:47.030 --> 00:22:48.240
  • and I just don't know how to let that go.
  • 00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:53.240
  • It has worked well by normal standards.
  • 00:22:54.010 --> 00:22:57.000
  • Some, not always perfectly as you know.
  • 00:22:57.090 --> 00:22:59.270
  • How do you just release that?
  • 00:23:00.250 --> 00:23:03.080
  • - Don I get myself to myself.
  • 00:23:03.080 --> 00:23:05.250
  • And I sat there in my chair in my office.
  • 00:23:05.270 --> 00:23:08.050
  • The most humbling thing I've done of late
  • 00:23:08.050 --> 00:23:10.080
  • is get on my dog gone knees.
  • 00:23:10.080 --> 00:23:12.170
  • And awe man, you tell God,
  • 00:23:13.170 --> 00:23:16.160
  • "Listen, I have stood in my own way for so long.
  • 00:23:16.250 --> 00:23:21.050
  • "And I'm willing to yield totally to you
  • 00:23:22.250 --> 00:23:26.280
  • "and what you have for me."
  • 00:23:27.120 --> 00:23:29.040
  • And that's a constant.
  • 00:23:29.170 --> 00:23:31.020
  • 'Cause this thing wants to
  • 00:23:31.020 --> 00:23:32.190
  • resurrect itself every single day.
  • 00:23:32.190 --> 00:23:36.060
  • It literally wants to get up, and I sense it.
  • 00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:39.080
  • And when Jesus said "The enemy come for me,
  • 00:23:39.080 --> 00:23:41.290
  • "he'll find nothing in me."
  • 00:23:41.290 --> 00:23:43.160
  • That's what I'm after.
  • 00:23:43.160 --> 00:23:44.240
  • Until I'm not moved by anything anyone says.
  • 00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:49.200
  • I'm still at work.
  • 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:51.130
  • You don't see the sign,
  • 00:23:52.030 --> 00:23:53.170
  • but on my back now is men at work.
  • 00:23:54.080 --> 00:23:57.290
  • Construction, under construction every single day.
  • 00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:03.020
  • That's where I am.
  • 00:24:03.020 --> 00:24:04.210
  • I want God.
  • 00:24:04.210 --> 00:24:06.160
  • I want all God.
  • 00:24:07.110 --> 00:24:09.280
  • I want all God man.
  • 00:24:10.100 --> 00:24:12.240
  • I want all God.
  • 00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:14.230
  • I want all God.
  • 00:24:14.230 --> 00:24:17.100
  • And Jesus did it.
  • 00:24:17.250 --> 00:24:19.130
  • He was the chief example.
  • 00:24:19.130 --> 00:24:20.270
  • He showed us how to do it.
  • 00:24:20.270 --> 00:24:22.200
  • The things I say I hear my Father.
  • 00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:25.090
  • The things I do I see my Father.
  • 00:24:25.090 --> 00:24:27.200
  • I'll do nothing on my own accord.
  • 00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:29.190
  • He did that constantly.
  • 00:24:29.190 --> 00:24:30.260
  • So that's constant communication with Him.
  • 00:24:30.260 --> 00:24:33.130
  • You don't have time for folly,
  • 00:24:33.130 --> 00:24:34.200
  • you don't have time for foolishness.
  • 00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:36.140
  • You're like "Okay Lord."
  • 00:24:36.140 --> 00:24:37.200
  • But you can't get so spooky and so spiritual
  • 00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:40.230
  • that you're out of touch with what's happening around you.
  • 00:24:40.230 --> 00:24:44.110
  • You still gotta minister.
  • 00:24:45.070 --> 00:24:47.000
  • And still gotta come down to earth.
  • 00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:49.020
  • Earth to Mike, earth to Mike.
  • 00:24:49.020 --> 00:24:51.280
  • And He literally has come to the earth
  • 00:24:53.150 --> 00:24:56.180
  • to show us the Father.
  • 00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:58.120
  • And He says "The things that I've done,
  • 00:24:58.120 --> 00:25:01.090
  • "then you do also."
  • 00:25:01.180 --> 00:25:03.060
  • And the way I did it, we just mimicked His way.
  • 00:25:03.180 --> 00:25:06.160
  • That's why He said "The prerequisite of following me.
  • 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:10.060
  • "You want me, you gonna have to get you out of the way."
  • 00:25:10.060 --> 00:25:14.190
  • - I'm really glad you're my Pastor.
  • 00:25:17.170 --> 00:25:19.030
  • (congregation applauds)
  • 00:25:20.020 --> 00:25:22.030
  • It's really good to serve you.
  • 00:25:22.030 --> 00:25:23.200
  • - [Pastor] I appreciate that.
  • 00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:24.270
  • - I really enjoyed the word killing myself.
  • 00:25:26.150 --> 00:25:29.000
  • I think it's something we're gonna start
  • 00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:30.060
  • even today in just trying to kill ourselves
  • 00:25:30.060 --> 00:25:32.070
  • to put the other person's needs first,
  • 00:25:32.070 --> 00:25:34.200
  • to make sure that we're doing
  • 00:25:34.200 --> 00:25:36.090
  • what the Bible commands us to do.
  • 00:25:36.090 --> 00:25:38.090
  • - And I think deny yourself is not as strong as you need.
  • 00:25:38.090 --> 00:25:42.000
  • Sometimes you need to just say,
  • 00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:43.220
  • you gotta kill whatever it is that is keeping you
  • 00:25:43.220 --> 00:25:47.030
  • from what God wants you to do
  • 00:25:47.030 --> 00:25:48.160
  • so I'm grateful for the kill yourself movement.
  • 00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:51.100
  • - The word killing yourself, well, we were in the old camp
  • 00:25:51.100 --> 00:25:55.140
  • that said we would much rather use die to yourself,
  • 00:25:55.140 --> 00:25:59.270
  • but let me tell you, this is one of the best messages
  • 00:25:59.270 --> 00:26:02.150
  • I've heard Pastor Mike teach in a long time,
  • 00:26:02.150 --> 00:26:05.220
  • and it is a personal message that if each
  • 00:26:05.220 --> 00:26:08.260
  • and every one of us pick up on this message,
  • 00:26:08.260 --> 00:26:11.100
  • utilize it, and begin to work it in our lives,
  • 00:26:11.100 --> 00:26:14.190
  • we will see such a dramatic change,
  • 00:26:14.190 --> 00:26:17.150
  • not in just our marriage but in our life,
  • 00:26:17.150 --> 00:26:20.150
  • our church life, work life.
  • 00:26:20.150 --> 00:26:22.040
  • - For me it resonated a completely different way
  • 00:26:22.040 --> 00:26:24.180
  • because I have had an experience
  • 00:26:24.180 --> 00:26:26.090
  • where I lost my life and died and had to give way
  • 00:26:26.090 --> 00:26:31.050
  • to all the things of the world
  • 00:26:31.050 --> 00:26:33.180
  • so when he spoke of kill yourself,
  • 00:26:33.180 --> 00:26:36.130
  • and as a mature believer, you understand,
  • 00:26:37.220 --> 00:26:41.020
  • that we're doing exactly what the Word says,
  • 00:26:41.020 --> 00:26:44.100
  • that we have to die daily.
  • 00:26:44.100 --> 00:26:45.260
  • This was a wonderful opportunity,
  • 00:26:45.260 --> 00:26:47.240
  • not only to just hear the Word from them
  • 00:26:47.240 --> 00:26:50.100
  • but to also just rejuvenate our marr--
  • 00:26:50.100 --> 00:26:51.280
  • Make marriage easy.
  • 00:26:51.280 --> 00:26:52.110
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