Model Homes Part 3 | TBN

Model Homes Part 3

Watch Model Homes Part 3
September 30, 2020
27:29

Bishop and Mrs. Serita Jakes sit down with Pastors Touré and Sarah Jakes Roberts; Elder Brandon and Pastor Cora Jakes Coleman; and Dexter and Larissa Jakes for Model Homes 3: The Quarantine Edition.

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Model Homes Part 3

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  • ♪♪♪
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Bishop Jakes: This is so funnybecause this is where we--
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  • you said we don't know, butyou all were our little kids,
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  • so we went through allof that with you all.
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  • Dexter Jakes: You're aroundsomeone 24 hours and then it's
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  • a new period of time, you caneither go crazy or it can really
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  • bring you all together.
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  • Cora Coleman: For us, marriageis giving you my heart, giving
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  • you the power to hurt me deeperthan anybody else can and hoping
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  • that you don't.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Marriage doesn'twork if you're not willing to
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  • be vulnerable.
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  • Sarah Roberts: When you'reblending your family and you're
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  • looking for someone who's gonnacome into this preexisting
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  • dynamic, the married couple isreally gonna be the foundation
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  • of the family even if thechildren were there before
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  • the spouse.
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  • Bishop Jakes: I think once youget a rhythm and what you can
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  • expect from each other then youadjust to that, that does a
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  • whole lot, don't you?
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  • Serita Jakes: Yeah, yeah, itdoes but we do get updates
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  • because situations dictatea different reaction.
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • ♪ The Potter's TouchThe Potter's Touch ♪
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  • Bishop Jakes: Most generally,you model the home you
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  • came from...
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  • Serita Jakes: Or not.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Well no, like forinstance, you.
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  • I mean the way you functionis a lot like your aunt
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  • who raised you, you know?
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  • Serita Jakes: That's me.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Yeah, it's you, soyour idea of a good wife or your
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  • idea of what a husband shouldbe, a lot of times is affected
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  • by where you came from, itmodels your idea; either you
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  • emulate it or you're trying notto be where you came from,
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  • sometimes it's that too.
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  • But one way or the other itaffects the model, and then the
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  • real art of marriage is to takethe model she had in mind and
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  • the model that I had in mind andmerge it together into what God
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  • had in mind for us and for ourdestiny, would you all agree
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  • with that?
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  • Dexter Jakes: Absolutely.
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  • Bishop Jakes: So we're gonnatalk a little bit about that,
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  • you all can just jump inand feel free.
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  • Serita Jakes: Like you doanyway.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Like you doinganyway, don't act like you're on
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  • TV, they're acting all bougietoday but this is really how
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  • they are, give them about threeminutes for them to figure out
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  • how to--
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  • When you start talking aboutmarriage, let me start with
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  • Cora, how long do you think ittook you and Brandon to get
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  • into a groove of whatworks for you?
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  • Cora Coleman: Well we've beentogether for nine years in June,
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  • well married for nine years inJune but we've been together for
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  • 11 years, and I think that inour marriage, I'd say maybe year
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  • six was kind of when we startedkinda getting into not really
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  • arguing any more, having agroove and an understanding for
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  • one another, and really beingable to understand each
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  • other's languages.
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  • Not just our love language butwe come from way different model
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  • homes, like our homes arecompletely different, there's no
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  • similarities whatsoever outsideof the fact that we both have
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  • our mothers.
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  • And so it was very, verydifficult for us to try to
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  • figure out what our culture wasgonna be without me saying,
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  • well, mom and dad did it thisway, or well, mom and dad said,
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  • well, this is what mamawould say,
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  • and having to get outof that and say okay,
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  • well, yeah, that's whatyour mom and dad did,
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  • and that works really great forthem and that can be wonderful,
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  • but what will our culture be?
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  • And kind of designing that forourselves so that our children
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  • can look and see our marriage asopposed to oh, they're just
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  • doing the same exact thing thattheir parents did.
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  • So it took us about, I'd sayfive or six years, and we're
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  • still you know learning but wehaven't had an argument or a
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  • fight in several years, yeah.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Now, Toure andSarah, you all had a very unique
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  • experience 'cause you're ablended family so you can speak
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  • from a perspective that's veryunique, talk about how that
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  • blending worked and how you allconnected and how do you find
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  • time for you in the midst of theRoberts bunch?
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  • In lieu of The Brady Bunch, Icall it the Roberts bunch.
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  • Sarah Roberts: Yeah, I thinkblending a family was something
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  • that I wanted to be reallyintentional about.
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  • I'd been married before and so Iknew that the dynamic between
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  • whoever's coming intothe lives of my children
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  • was really, reallyimportant to me,
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  • but I also knew that wecouldn't just decide like, hey,
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  • we're getting married,and then overnight expect
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  • for them to kind of gel.
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  • So once we really felt that Godhad brought us together and that
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  • this was something that he wasgonna do and you are gonna walk
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  • out marriage and life together,I knew pretty early on that I
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  • wanted the kids to get to knowone another.
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  • And because I was living inDallas at the time, he was in
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  • Los Angeles, I flew out with mychildren and we all went out on
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  • dates to you know Disneyland,went to Dave & Busters, we had
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  • dinner, we all went to hisapartment and like made cookies
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  • and had dinner.
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  • But I wanted them to have anopportunity to get a feel for
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  • me, I wanted to get a feel forthem, right?
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  • Because I wanted to make surethat we had the same perspective
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  • on parenting, I think whenyou're blending of family and
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  • you're looking for someone who'sgonna come into this preexisting
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  • dynamic, the married couple isreally going to be the
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  • foundation of the family even ifthe children were there before
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  • the spouse.
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  • And so, we have to share a lotof things in common, how do you
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  • feel about X, Y, and Z?
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  • What are your thoughtson when they should date?
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  • What are your thoughts on canshe wear a two-piece?
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  • I mean every little thing wekinda had to come to an
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  • agreement with before presentingit to the children, we didn't
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  • hash it out in front of the kidsbut we took a minute.
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  • Even if it's something going onnow and maybe we share a
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  • different perspective, we kindof put a pin in it with the
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  • children, we come to our room,we got to the car, whatever,
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  • we huddle, right?
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  • And then we figure out the gameplan is gonna be and who's gonna
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  • present it.
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  • Bishop Jakes: What I really likeabout what you said, there were
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  • many great things but one of thethings is, in essence, I'll say
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  • that you didn't say it this waybut this is what it meant, you
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  • dated the kids along with datinghim and I think that's
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  • very important.
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  • 'Cause a lot of people, they getmarried, they're into each other
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  • but they're not into the kids,you have it's a package deal and
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  • the kids need some time toadjust to who is this new person
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  • in my life?
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  • And feel respected and feelincluded and feel a part of all
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  • of that, and that's an amazingpart of it.
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  • How was it for you, Toure?
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  • Toure Roberts: It was the same:we were very intentional about
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  • wrapping our arms around thekids and really watching them.
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  • I think for me, because I didn'traise Malachi, Mackenzie, you
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  • know in those early years, Iwanted to get to know them and
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  • to understand their ways but Iwas also very intentional about
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  • letting them know that you'renot my step-son, you're not my
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  • step-daughter, I'm in it, I'm init for real and I'll do whatever
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  • it takes to learn.
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  • So I was intentional about doingone-on-ones with them and really
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  • trying to understand them andlearn them.
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  • And you know for us, it was justbeing intentional, like
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  • Sarah said.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Now, betweenDexter and Lari, you ought to
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  • have a whole lot of storiesbecause you've been married
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  • how long?
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  • Dexter Jakes: About seven weeks.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Seven weeks, whathave you learned in the
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  • seven weeks?
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  • Dexter Jakes: So with us beingin quarantine it's pretty much
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  • presented a pretty uniquechallenge for the two of us, I
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  • think our foundation will alwaysreflect these times.
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  • So when you're around someone 24hours and then it's a new period
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  • of time, you can either go crazyor it can really bring you all
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  • together, and a lot of ways it'sreally brought us together.
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  • It's kinda extended thehoneymoon in some ways but it
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  • allows you to really get closeand just build a foundation,
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  • especially for ourcommunication, all of those
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  • things have increased as abyproduct of this time where we
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  • can really hone in, focus onwhat our real vision for our
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  • relationship is.
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  • So we may not have gotten intothat rhythm but we definitely
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  • gotten to the point where we cansay this is a part of our
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  • foundation and whatever we havegoing forward this has to be
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  • baked into the plan.
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  • So it's been very good, I don'tthink we've ever been better.
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  • Bishop Jakes: Look atthe grin on his face.
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  • Cora Coleman: I can definitelyagree with the statement of
  • 00:09:02.391 --> 00:09:04.860
  • quarantine strengthening yourcommunication because like
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  • you're forced to haveconversations, like you're
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  • forced to find entertainmentwithin each other that you
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  • wouldn't have normally been ableto pay attention to.
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  • And I'm seeing that not justwith Brandon but with my
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  • children, like I have learned alot more about my children in
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  • this time that I did not knowabout; just being with them
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  • 24/7, both from a spiritual andeducational place but also a
  • 00:09:34.256 --> 00:09:38.761
  • behavioral place, you know?
  • 00:09:38.794 --> 00:09:40.463
  • There are some things thatthey've needed some help on and
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  • I just have to apologize toteachers, I'm realizing, because
  • 00:09:45.301 --> 00:09:49.705
  • they were not inaccurate intheir sentiments towards my
  • 00:09:49.739 --> 00:09:55.277
  • children, sounds like they werevery accurate, as it were.
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  • Dexter Jakes: Theyweren't wrong at all.
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  • Sarah Roberts: I think,P.T. you have to speak
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  • to this I'll speak for myselfthough, I don't know
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  • that I feel like ourcommunication has strengthened
  • 00:10:08.324 --> 00:10:10.626
  • just because P.T.constantly makes me
  • 00:10:10.660 --> 00:10:12.862
  • communicate in general,like P.T. makes
  • 00:10:12.895 --> 00:10:15.731
  • people communicate, likehow are you feeling like 24/7.
  • 00:10:15.765 --> 00:10:19.235
  • So I think my major adjustmentwhen we first got married was
  • 00:10:19.268 --> 00:10:22.505
  • learning to communicate myfeelings because he's constantly
  • 00:10:22.538 --> 00:10:26.242
  • asking about how I'm feeling,what my pulse is, or what's your
  • 00:10:26.275 --> 00:10:29.945
  • thoughts on this, what's yourvision on that?
  • 00:10:29.979 --> 00:10:31.681
  • So I don't think mycommunication has really
  • 00:10:31.714 --> 00:10:34.316
  • strengthened but what I do thinkhas strengthened between us
  • 00:10:34.350 --> 00:10:37.219
  • during quarantine is our need toreally tap into ourselves and to
  • 00:10:37.253 --> 00:10:42.892
  • understand what we need asindividuals and not necessarily
  • 00:10:42.925 --> 00:10:46.595
  • what we need and a coupleor a family.
  • 00:10:46.629 --> 00:10:48.531
  • So much of our life is pouredout to other people, whether
  • 00:10:48.564 --> 00:10:51.600
  • it's the kids or the church ortouring or the businesses, and
  • 00:10:51.634 --> 00:10:56.005
  • we can kind of get distracted bythat and not have to check in
  • 00:10:56.038 --> 00:10:59.141
  • with ourselves.
  • 00:10:59.175 --> 00:11:00.476
  • But what this is showing us,because you can't just get in
  • 00:11:00.509 --> 00:11:02.978
  • the car and go on a drivewithout some thought and you
  • 00:11:03.012 --> 00:11:06.215
  • can't just go out to dinner andgo to the spa or whatever, it's
  • 00:11:06.248 --> 00:11:09.919
  • really forcing us to address ourown feelings, like what do
  • 00:11:09.952 --> 00:11:13.022
  • you need?
  • 00:11:13.055 --> 00:11:14.356
  • What are you feeling?
  • 00:11:14.390 --> 00:11:15.725
  • And saying things like you know,this is really getting to me,
  • 00:11:15.758 --> 00:11:17.593
  • like I thought I was doing okaybut I'm actually having a little
  • 00:11:17.626 --> 00:11:20.596
  • bit of anxiety today,yesterday I felt good,
  • 00:11:20.629 --> 00:11:22.865
  • today I feel anxiety.
  • 00:11:22.898 --> 00:11:24.734
  • Because there is no outlet rightnow, some of the outlets that
  • 00:11:24.767 --> 00:11:26.869
  • we're used to usingwe just don't have.
  • 00:11:26.902 --> 00:11:30.973
  • I think even for me like withthe house, you know I'm cooking
  • 00:11:31.006 --> 00:11:34.110
  • every single day and there'ssomething to being able to be
  • 00:11:34.143 --> 00:11:39.281
  • like, "Oh, I'm ordering foodtonight," you know?
  • 00:11:39.315 --> 00:11:41.984
  • We don't really order food inbecause, one, there's 18.000 of
  • 00:11:42.017 --> 00:11:46.122
  • us and we don't know what'shappening with the food, you
  • 00:11:46.155 --> 00:11:49.391
  • know what I mean?
  • 00:11:49.425 --> 00:11:51.293
  • You don't order food the way youused to order food.
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  • We put so muchpressure on ourselves to like
  • 00:11:54.096 --> 00:11:55.865
  • you know, I need to cook, I needto do that and if I don't I'm
  • 00:11:55.898 --> 00:11:58.000
  • not gonna be a good wife, andlike, Toure could care less,
  • 00:11:58.033 --> 00:12:01.170
  • as long as there'ssomething to eat.
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  • Toure Roberts: Just feed me.
  • 00:12:03.572 --> 00:12:05.608
  • Larissa Jakes: He'll be okay.
  • 00:12:05.641 --> 00:12:07.409
  • Sarah Roberts: He's like, "Wecan order in, I'll eat hotdogs,
  • 00:12:07.443 --> 00:12:09.178
  • whatever," but I'm like thereneeds to be this grand
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  • restaurant style meal.
  • 00:12:11.213 --> 00:12:14.216
  • Bishop Jakes: You know what'sreally important, is being
  • 00:12:14.250 --> 00:12:15.785
  • honest about each other'sexpectations, because a lot of
  • 00:12:15.818 --> 00:12:20.356
  • times when you start outyou start out polite
  • 00:12:20.389 --> 00:12:23.859
  • and you don't really saywhat you really expect,
  • 00:12:23.893 --> 00:12:27.429
  • but that's gonna wear out.
  • 00:12:27.463 --> 00:12:32.201
  • Honesty up front isreally, really a good thing,
  • 00:12:32.234 --> 00:12:36.238
  • about how you feel, expressingwhat your expectations are, what
  • 00:12:36.272 --> 00:12:40.442
  • the boundaries are on bothsides, so that you can enter
  • 00:12:40.476 --> 00:12:43.979
  • into some common ground, somegood understanding.
  • 00:12:44.013 --> 00:12:47.049
  • Because a lot of times you canacquiesce to the other person
  • 00:12:47.082 --> 00:12:50.953
  • and just say what you think theywant you to hear and that's okay
  • 00:12:50.986 --> 00:12:54.690
  • if you were gonna only bemarried for six months or a
  • 00:12:54.723 --> 00:12:57.026
  • year, but we've been married 38years, 38 years is a long time
  • 00:12:57.059 --> 00:13:02.097
  • to play act.
  • 00:13:02.131 --> 00:13:04.333
  • You know, you can't play act for38 years, you know 38 years,
  • 00:13:04.366 --> 00:13:08.470
  • you're going to be realat some point.
  • 00:13:08.504 --> 00:13:10.906
  • And it's very important to letthe other person know who you
  • 00:13:10.940 --> 00:13:16.278
  • really are at your core, what'simportant to you, because if
  • 00:13:16.312 --> 00:13:20.115
  • you're not careful you'll bebusy giving somebody something
  • 00:13:20.149 --> 00:13:23.652
  • that's not important to them atthe expense of something else
  • 00:13:23.686 --> 00:13:27.923
  • that really is important.
  • 00:13:27.957 --> 00:13:29.959
  • Bishop Jakes: Some things canonly come from God, and she
  • 00:13:33.829 --> 00:13:38.534
  • said, "I am a woman of asorrowful spirit, but have
  • 00:13:38.567 --> 00:13:43.639
  • poured out my soul before theLord," she said, "I'm a praying
  • 00:13:43.672 --> 00:13:48.978
  • woman," God said, "The thingthat brings peace to pain is
  • 00:13:49.011 --> 00:13:55.017
  • making your request made knownunto God."
  • 00:13:55.985 --> 00:13:58.954
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:13:58.988 --> 00:14:03.893
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:14:03.926 --> 00:14:10.633
  • How is your prayer life lately?
  • 00:14:10.666 --> 00:14:13.636
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:14:13.669 --> 00:14:23.646
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:14:23.679 --> 00:14:30.753
  • Bishop Jakes: Your kids aregenerally grown before you
  • 00:14:35.157 --> 00:14:36.792
  • really have real conversations,real conversations; real
  • 00:14:36.825 --> 00:14:41.497
  • conversations where you feelempowered enough to
  • 00:14:41.530 --> 00:14:43.933
  • have conversations.
  • 00:14:43.966 --> 00:14:45.267
  • There are things that Dexter andI talked about as adults, I mean
  • 00:14:45.301 --> 00:14:49.371
  • we talk about everything.
  • 00:14:49.405 --> 00:14:50.973
  • Serita Jakes: Dexter's an adult?
  • 00:14:51.006 --> 00:14:52.608
  • Sarah Roberts: No way,absolutely not.
  • 00:14:52.641 --> 00:14:55.010
  • Bishop Jakes: Yeah, he's marriednow, he's a big boy now.
  • 00:14:55.044 --> 00:14:57.880
  • Dexter Jakes: Oh yeah, I'man adult now, glory to God.
  • 00:14:57.913 --> 00:14:59.348
  • Cora Coleman: Yeah,whatever, whatever.
  • 00:14:59.381 --> 00:15:03.585
  • Dexter Jakes: This ain'ta sleep over buddy.
  • 00:15:03.619 --> 00:15:07.589
  • Bishop Jakes: No, but he and I,we've had a lot of deep
  • 00:15:07.623 --> 00:15:11.026
  • conversations, he says, "Whydidn't you say certain things to
  • 00:15:11.060 --> 00:15:14.129
  • me when I was younger?"
  • 00:15:14.163 --> 00:15:15.497
  • I said, "It wasn't time yet."
  • 00:15:15.531 --> 00:15:17.032
  • So at different ages anddifferent stages, and then the
  • 00:15:17.066 --> 00:15:19.568
  • other thing that I learned andthis may help somebody, and I
  • 00:15:19.601 --> 00:15:23.973
  • did not know thisin real time speed.
  • 00:15:24.006 --> 00:15:26.041
  • I did not understand the powerof a father's voice.
  • 00:15:26.075 --> 00:15:32.081
  • When you are a father or amother and you say something,
  • 00:15:33.449 --> 00:15:37.353
  • maybe trying to snatch the kidout of something that you know
  • 00:15:37.386 --> 00:15:40.522
  • is dangerous, that intention isgood but what you say has more--
  • 00:15:40.556 --> 00:15:46.562
  • I underestimated the impact ofthe force of the words, because
  • 00:15:46.929 --> 00:15:51.133
  • I'm a bottom-line person,I want you out of it.
  • 00:15:51.166 --> 00:15:54.003
  • I want you out, I'm gonna fixit, move this over here,
  • 00:15:54.036 --> 00:15:56.505
  • move it over there.
  • 00:15:56.538 --> 00:15:58.173
  • But you have to understand, justbecause of the role you're in
  • 00:15:58.207 --> 00:16:02.011
  • those words have a lot of powerand they leave a lot of scars or
  • 00:16:02.044 --> 00:16:06.648
  • they hurt very deeply in a waythat you weren't even after
  • 00:16:06.682 --> 00:16:10.953
  • hurting the child, you're afterfixing the problem.
  • 00:16:10.986 --> 00:16:14.523
  • But it's just like reachingafter a goblet and breaking the
  • 00:16:14.556 --> 00:16:19.261
  • china cabinet, okay?
  • 00:16:19.294 --> 00:16:21.196
  • So this is where mamas becomeamazing because they balance out
  • 00:16:21.230 --> 00:16:27.236
  • that proclivity in a waythat's important.
  • 00:16:29.271 --> 00:16:32.474
  • I'm not sure that if the man isneutralized to communicate, like
  • 00:16:32.508 --> 00:16:37.713
  • and I shouldn't say all mothersare like your mother, but I
  • 00:16:37.746 --> 00:16:41.583
  • think if a man is neutralized tothe point that he communicates
  • 00:16:41.617 --> 00:16:44.920
  • like a mother does, the childdoesn't get to see both sides.
  • 00:16:44.953 --> 00:16:49.058
  • So when you end up married to aman, if he doesn't communicate
  • 00:16:49.091 --> 00:16:53.462
  • like a woman, you don'trecognize male communication.
  • 00:16:53.495 --> 00:16:57.399
  • You don't fully know untillater, that's why I'm telling
  • 00:16:57.433 --> 00:16:59.935
  • you right now, I may not be hereto see it but I'm telling you
  • 00:16:59.968 --> 00:17:03.439
  • right now, your report cardscoming 10 years down the road,
  • 00:17:03.472 --> 00:17:06.442
  • 15 years down the road, and whatyou begin to find out is that
  • 00:17:06.475 --> 00:17:10.145
  • none of us did it perfect, butwe did it, and you're not gonna
  • 00:17:10.179 --> 00:17:15.484
  • do it perfect either.
  • 00:17:15.517 --> 00:17:17.486
  • And so part of the compassionthat comes, I understand my
  • 00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:22.491
  • father so much better now than Idid when he was here because I
  • 00:17:22.524 --> 00:17:26.962
  • didn't really get who he wastil I tried to do it.
  • 00:17:26.995 --> 00:17:31.300
  • I understand things that went onbetween he and my mother that I
  • 00:17:31.333 --> 00:17:34.436
  • could never understand until Ihad reached their point in life,
  • 00:17:34.470 --> 00:17:38.307
  • in age, in stress.
  • 00:17:38.340 --> 00:17:41.376
  • And I began to understand, wow,it's easy to be, what do they
  • 00:17:41.410 --> 00:17:46.949
  • call it, a Monday morningquarterback is much easier than
  • 00:17:46.982 --> 00:17:50.819
  • it is to play that rolefor 38 years.
  • 00:17:50.853 --> 00:17:53.856
  • You do that 38 years and call meback, or 48 years and call me
  • 00:17:53.889 --> 00:17:58.627
  • back, to survive, to survive isnot easy, there has to be--the
  • 00:17:58.660 --> 00:18:04.666
  • reason your mother and I arestill together, I believe, one,
  • 00:18:05.634 --> 00:18:10.072
  • we have a chemistry, secondly,we have common goals between us.
  • 00:18:10.105 --> 00:18:14.610
  • When I say chemistry I'm nottalking about chemicals, we
  • 00:18:14.643 --> 00:18:18.180
  • found a rhythm that works forus, we found a rhythm that works
  • 00:18:18.213 --> 00:18:22.551
  • for us; she knows me, shedoesn't push my buttons, I don't
  • 00:18:22.584 --> 00:18:25.921
  • push her buttons.
  • 00:18:25.954 --> 00:18:27.422
  • It's a mutual respect, you justdon't push each other's buttons.
  • 00:18:27.456 --> 00:18:31.827
  • If she's running something, Idon't put my mouth in it, if I
  • 00:18:31.860 --> 00:18:36.031
  • running something, she don't puther mouth in it.
  • 00:18:36.064 --> 00:18:38.734
  • This is the message: you do nothave to be good at everything,
  • 00:18:38.767 --> 00:18:42.404
  • you do not have to be theperfect father, you do not have
  • 00:18:42.437 --> 00:18:45.507
  • to be the perfect mother, youhave to be there.
  • 00:18:45.541 --> 00:18:48.944
  • I don't think that you're gonnaget your report cards, too, and
  • 00:18:48.977 --> 00:18:52.814
  • they're gonna come back in withminuses and checks and pluses
  • 00:18:52.848 --> 00:18:57.085
  • and twos as life goes on, andthen their kids'll get them and
  • 00:18:57.119 --> 00:19:00.422
  • my parents got them, and soforth and so on.
  • 00:19:00.455 --> 00:19:02.858
  • But amidst all of the minusesand the critiques, talk to the
  • 00:19:02.891 --> 00:19:06.762
  • kids who didn't have no fatherand didn't have no mother or
  • 00:19:06.795 --> 00:19:10.132
  • their mother left them in thetrashcan and you begin to
  • 00:19:10.165 --> 00:19:12.601
  • realize, as intimidating asparenting is and being married
  • 00:19:12.634 --> 00:19:17.973
  • is, you don't have to be theperfect wife or the perfect
  • 00:19:18.006 --> 00:19:21.944
  • mother or the perfect father,but you do have to be there and
  • 00:19:21.977 --> 00:19:26.014
  • you do have to contribute andyou do have to bring something
  • 00:19:26.048 --> 00:19:28.617
  • to the table.
  • 00:19:28.650 --> 00:19:29.952
  • And if the goal is to beperfect, then who gets
  • 00:19:29.985 --> 00:19:32.354
  • the prize?
  • 00:19:32.387 --> 00:19:33.722
  • Brandon Coleman: Right, yeah.
  • 00:19:33.755 --> 00:19:35.057
  • I think I agree with that too,as a young husband, as a young
  • 00:19:35.090 --> 00:19:36.925
  • father who didn't have a father,I think that's something that I
  • 00:19:36.959 --> 00:19:41.463
  • had to really put on and tolearn, that it's not
  • 00:19:41.496 --> 00:19:43.632
  • about perfection.
  • 00:19:43.665 --> 00:19:45.267
  • And perfection is something thatI kinda grew up with, knowing
  • 00:19:45.300 --> 00:19:48.670
  • how we grew up you know, it wasalways a struggle, it was a
  • 00:19:48.704 --> 00:19:50.739
  • fight, so I always put on mybest hat you know to bring some
  • 00:19:50.772 --> 00:19:53.942
  • relief, always trying to beperfect, always trying to do
  • 00:19:53.976 --> 00:19:56.645
  • things right.
  • 00:19:56.678 --> 00:19:58.013
  • And as a father, I recognize youknow my kids ain't perfect, so
  • 00:19:58.046 --> 00:20:00.282
  • then it's like I find myselftense or find myself wrong, and
  • 00:20:00.315 --> 00:20:05.254
  • then having to come back and toyou know apologize or find
  • 00:20:05.287 --> 00:20:09.258
  • myself in those spaces where Ishow my imperfectness.
  • 00:20:09.291 --> 00:20:14.696
  • I find the most vulnerableplaces to have to come back to
  • 00:20:14.730 --> 00:20:18.400
  • my 12 year old and say you knowwhat, I'm sorry, baby, you know?
  • 00:20:18.433 --> 00:20:21.470
  • When all I've everknown was right,
  • 00:20:21.503 --> 00:20:22.804
  • but I also see it spillover to the kids,
  • 00:20:22.838 --> 00:20:25.040
  • and I recognize a lot ofanxieties if you will,
  • 00:20:25.073 --> 00:20:28.543
  • of having to put on that faceof perfectness or perfection,
  • 00:20:28.577 --> 00:20:32.814
  • and I see my kids pick it uphere and there.
  • 00:20:32.848 --> 00:20:35.150
  • And I think as I continue togrow and we have these
  • 00:20:35.183 --> 00:20:37.386
  • conversations, some of thethings I recognize is it is
  • 00:20:37.419 --> 00:20:40.422
  • about showing up, it's notnecessarily about being perfect
  • 00:20:40.455 --> 00:20:42.924
  • or making it you know it'sfinest per se, but it is about
  • 00:20:42.958 --> 00:20:47.296
  • you know spend that quality timein those moments to really
  • 00:20:47.329 --> 00:20:50.365
  • understand each other andunderstand what it is that our
  • 00:20:50.399 --> 00:20:53.068
  • goal is as a family, as a unit,as a husband and wife, as
  • 00:20:53.101 --> 00:20:57.205
  • parents, that really makes thosemoments that much more special
  • 00:20:57.239 --> 00:21:02.911
  • rather than just trying tohustle and bustle and be perfect
  • 00:21:02.944 --> 00:21:06.515
  • for everybody to see.
  • 00:21:06.548 --> 00:21:08.417
  • So that's something else I'mlearning that I'm taking in as
  • 00:21:08.450 --> 00:21:10.485
  • well from watching you guys,especially Toure and pops,
  • 00:21:10.519 --> 00:21:13.455
  • that's something I get a chanceto witness and to consider.
  • 00:21:13.488 --> 00:21:17.492
  • 'Cause it's not about theperfection and I think it brings
  • 00:21:17.526 --> 00:21:20.062
  • a lot more scars and problemstrying to do that and recognize
  • 00:21:20.095 --> 00:21:23.398
  • that you don't add up toperfection.
  • 00:21:23.432 --> 00:21:26.501
  • So that's something else, too,that I think we are being more
  • 00:21:26.535 --> 00:21:29.204
  • intentional about, or at leastme especially, I can can speak
  • 00:21:29.237 --> 00:21:31.573
  • for me, but being moreintentional about the idea that
  • 00:21:31.606 --> 00:21:35.977
  • it's not about being perfect,but it's about doing your best
  • 00:21:36.011 --> 00:21:38.547
  • and it's about being present,
  • 00:21:38.580 --> 00:21:40.649
  • bringing your besteffort forward.
  • 00:21:40.682 --> 00:21:42.384
  • Bishop Jakes: That's allyou can do.
  • 00:21:42.417 --> 00:21:43.985
  • Cora Coleman: I think it alsohelps those who are out there
  • 00:21:44.019 --> 00:21:45.921
  • who feel like if I had had thiskind of family, things would
  • 00:21:45.954 --> 00:21:50.392
  • have gone different, if I hadthis kind of mama or if I had
  • 00:21:50.425 --> 00:21:53.261
  • this kind of daddy, there isstruggles no matter what daddy,
  • 00:21:53.295 --> 00:21:57.833
  • no matter what mama,you grow up in a castle
  • 00:21:57.866 --> 00:22:01.103
  • you're still gonna havechaos, you know?
  • 00:22:01.136 --> 00:22:03.572
  • That it doesn't matter, there'salways gonna be those plus signs
  • 00:22:03.605 --> 00:22:08.110
  • and minuses no matter whatteacher you get, no matter what
  • 00:22:08.143 --> 00:22:11.880
  • life you are, you know fortunateenough to live.
  • 00:22:11.913 --> 00:22:15.751
  • And I think that it's importantfor us to be able, as a
  • 00:22:15.784 --> 00:22:19.321
  • community, to give each otherpermission to not be perfect, to
  • 00:22:19.354 --> 00:22:23.458
  • give each other permission tofeel, to give each other
  • 00:22:23.492 --> 00:22:26.862
  • permission to have a bad day.
  • 00:22:26.895 --> 00:22:29.231
  • To let our men--I think thatKobe Bryant's passing away and
  • 00:22:29.264 --> 00:22:33.535
  • the men being able toemotionally show their hurt and
  • 00:22:33.568 --> 00:22:37.606
  • their pain really was amonumental experience for us as
  • 00:22:37.639 --> 00:22:41.710
  • a community because we havelived so long telling black men
  • 00:22:41.743 --> 00:22:45.847
  • they can't cry, they shouldn'tshow their emotions, that that's
  • 00:22:45.881 --> 00:22:49.484
  • a weakness, that we were able toreally give you men permission
  • 00:22:49.518 --> 00:22:54.689
  • to be emotionally distraughtabout the situation.
  • 00:22:54.723 --> 00:22:58.393
  • And I think that when we giveeach other permission to feel,
  • 00:22:58.427 --> 00:23:02.030
  • to really be engaged with oneanother and the fullness there,
  • 00:23:02.063 --> 00:23:05.801
  • that things and homescan really change.
  • 00:23:05.834 --> 00:23:09.271
  • I don't think that we do aservice, a proper effective
  • 00:23:09.304 --> 00:23:12.040
  • service, if we show thateverything is perfect and
  • 00:23:12.073 --> 00:23:16.645
  • everything is going great and wenever had a bad day ever in our
  • 00:23:16.678 --> 00:23:21.383
  • lives, and no one ever hurt us,and we never had any problems.
  • 00:23:21.416 --> 00:23:26.755
  • I think it's important for themto be able to see, yeah, I have
  • 00:23:26.788 --> 00:23:29.958
  • some scars, yeah, that hurt metoo, yeah, I'm still carrying
  • 00:23:29.991 --> 00:23:34.129
  • some of the pain of whathappened to me as a child,
  • 00:23:34.162 --> 00:23:38.467
  • and it brings us togethereven the more.
  • 00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:42.537
  • Toure Roberts: I think speakingof bringing together,
  • 00:23:42.571 --> 00:23:44.873
  • when I think aboutthis quarantine
  • 00:23:44.906 --> 00:23:46.842
  • and I don't want to beinsensitive to the pandemic
  • 00:23:46.875 --> 00:23:50.245
  • because we knowa lot of people are in pain,
  • 00:23:50.278 --> 00:23:52.280
  • but the quarantine, part of it,I believe is where a lot of
  • 00:23:52.314 --> 00:23:56.751
  • healing is going to take place.
  • 00:23:56.785 --> 00:23:58.620
  • Because I know for me, my eyesare better now, I'm seeing
  • 00:23:58.653 --> 00:24:04.593
  • things better now, even havingto be, getting to be, I should
  • 00:24:04.626 --> 00:24:07.829
  • say, at home with the family24/7, I'm seeing myself, I'm
  • 00:24:07.863 --> 00:24:13.568
  • seeing my marriage, I'm seeingmy relationship with my kids,
  • 00:24:13.602 --> 00:24:18.273
  • I'm thinking differently, I'meven looking at the house and
  • 00:24:18.306 --> 00:24:21.443
  • things that the house needs andvarious things.
  • 00:24:21.476 --> 00:24:23.245
  • And so, I really think thatthere's a healing for families
  • 00:24:23.278 --> 00:24:26.982
  • right now during this time tonot be afraid to take a look,
  • 00:24:27.015 --> 00:24:32.153
  • to not be afraid to see and toremodel our homes perhaps,
  • 00:24:32.187 --> 00:24:36.558
  • maybe all of our homes
  • 00:24:36.591 --> 00:24:39.060
  • need to be remodeledin some areas.
  • 00:24:39.094 --> 00:24:41.029
  • Maybe the home is good, thefoundation is great, you know
  • 00:24:41.062 --> 00:24:45.534
  • the--now I'm not noconstruction guy--but all the
  • 00:24:45.567 --> 00:24:48.303
  • walls are up, but maybe we needsome paint over there, maybe
  • 00:24:48.336 --> 00:24:51.406
  • there was a crack that I'd nevereven noticed was there, and now
  • 00:24:51.439 --> 00:24:54.376
  • I'm gonna be gettingthe stucco for that.
  • 00:24:54.409 --> 00:24:56.044
  • And I think this quarantine hascreated an opportunity for that.
  • 00:24:56.077 --> 00:24:59.981
  • Larissa Jakes: I think it's veryimportant for us to remember how
  • 00:25:00.015 --> 00:25:02.450
  • to see each other through afilter of love, especially being
  • 00:25:02.484 --> 00:25:06.421
  • home in quarantine.
  • 00:25:06.454 --> 00:25:08.523
  • You're 24 hours with thatperson, something that she or he
  • 00:25:08.557 --> 00:25:12.193
  • might say at the moment that youare feeling a certain way,
  • 00:25:12.227 --> 00:25:15.830
  • you're going to hear itdifferent than what their
  • 00:25:15.864 --> 00:25:18.066
  • intention was in first place.
  • 00:25:18.099 --> 00:25:20.569
  • So I learned from Sarah that youdon't hear it just because your
  • 00:25:20.602 --> 00:25:24.773
  • feelings are good that day, youhear through a filter of love.
  • 00:25:24.806 --> 00:25:29.344
  • So I might not be feeling welltoday but I'm listening to him
  • 00:25:29.377 --> 00:25:33.915
  • through the filter of love, I'mgonna put this filter and I'm
  • 00:25:33.949 --> 00:25:37.252
  • going to understand hisintentions and not his words.
  • 00:25:37.285 --> 00:25:40.989
  • And that's important for thecommunication to flow better so
  • 00:25:41.022 --> 00:25:45.460
  • we can see those cracks and thewall that has to be painted
  • 00:25:45.493 --> 00:25:49.164
  • together as a unit.
  • 00:25:49.197 --> 00:25:50.832
  • We're gonna see it clearer forour family and repurpose our
  • 00:25:50.865 --> 00:25:54.669
  • goal and repurpose our plan, butwe are going to get there.
  • 00:25:54.703 --> 00:25:59.407
  • female announcer: This is youropportunity to hear Bishop's fun
  • 00:25:59.441 --> 00:26:02.277
  • hit-series on family, marriageand relationships.
  • 00:26:02.310 --> 00:26:06.314
  • Bishop Jakes: And I'm onlyasking for one thing both from
  • 00:26:06.348 --> 00:26:09.250
  • men and women, is to give up onthe possibility that everything
  • 00:26:09.284 --> 00:26:14.456
  • you think is right.
  • 00:26:14.489 --> 00:26:16.024
  • female announcer: Today, foryour gift of any amount, you
  • 00:26:16.057 --> 00:26:18.593
  • will receive "Model Homes," thethree-part audio series and a
  • 00:26:18.627 --> 00:26:22.330
  • set of four Scripture magnets tohelp keep the Word front
  • 00:26:22.364 --> 00:26:26.167
  • and center.
  • 00:26:26.201 --> 00:26:27.669
  • Bishop Jakes: I don't need youto be victorious in here, I need
  • 00:26:27.702 --> 00:26:31.139
  • you to be victorious out there.
  • 00:26:31.172 --> 00:26:33.141
  • female announcer: In addition tothe "Model Homes" series and
  • 00:26:33.174 --> 00:26:35.310
  • magnet set, for your gift of $90or more, you will also receive
  • 00:26:35.343 --> 00:26:39.614
  • the Joshua 24 wall art and "10Promises From God for Parents,"
  • 00:26:39.648 --> 00:26:44.753
  • and the "Model Homes:30-Day Devotional."
  • 00:26:44.786 --> 00:26:47.856
  • Serita Jakes: I got you.Bishop Jakes: You got me?
  • 00:26:47.889 --> 00:26:49.658
  • Serita Jakes: I got you.Bishop Jakes: Okay.
  • 00:26:49.691 --> 00:26:51.693
  • female announcer: God wantsto bless your home life,
  • 00:26:51.726 --> 00:26:53.895
  • don't wait, call or go onlinetoday and get your copy
  • 00:26:53.928 --> 00:26:57.265
  • of "Model Homes."
  • 00:26:57.298 --> 00:26:59.300
  • female announcer: Feel free toreach out to us on social media
  • 00:27:00.301 --> 00:27:02.303
  • and share your story of how Godis impacting your life.
  • 00:27:02.337 --> 00:27:05.607
  • We look forward to seeing younext time
  • 00:27:05.640 --> 00:27:07.609
  • on "The Potter's Touch."
  • 00:27:07.642 --> 00:27:08.943
  • ♪ The Potter's TouchThe Potter's Touch ♪
  • 00:27:08.977 --> 00:27:12.781
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:27:12.814 --> 00:27:17.085
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:27:21.156 --> 00:27:25.860
  • CC BY ABERDEEN CAPTIONING1-800-688-6621WWW.ABERCAP.COM
  • 00:27:25.894 --> 00:27:30.001