T.D. Jakes - Winning at Home

January 28, 2025 | S25:E16

Your home is where ministry begins. Don’t neglect it!

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The Potter's Touch with T.D. Jakes | T.D. Jakes - Winning at Home | January 28, 2025
  • ...
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Female announcer: coming up on "the potter's touch."
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  • Bishop t.d. jakes: i don't care whether you're in the pulpit or
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  • In corporate or in business, we are not winning at home.
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  • We're making the money, we're climbing the corporate ladder,
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  • We're in the c-suites of america, we're breaking in
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  • And out.
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  • We're doing stuff, but it is hard to have a stable
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  • Relationship while you go after dreams.
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  • ♪ the potter's touch, the potter's touch ♪♪
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  • Bishop jakes: because once people respect you and then find
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  • Out you are human, they reject you, am i talking good?
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  • So winning at home implies it's a fight,
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  • You can't win if it's not a fight.
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  • And let me tell you something, i know you're sitting there
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  • Looking all cute, grinning, sitting beside each other, but i
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  • Know you don't grin every day like that at home.
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  • Can we be real for a minute?
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  • You can love somebody that gets on your last nerve, i mean your
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  • Very last nerve.
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  • My wife has a box in her bathroom, "mama's last nerve,"
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  • Okay, they can get on your very last nerve.
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  • It is difficult to hold it together and i'll tell you why.
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  • Because you care, because you care.
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  • I can have somebody weird at work or what i deem as weird
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  • Because i leave.
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  • My time at home is so little that, when i do get to get home,
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  • That's a big deal, and what happens is when you're miserable
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  • At home, you run from the house, which is exhausting, which means
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  • You create work to avoid the fact that you're not winning
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  • At home.
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  • Can we be real for a minute?
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  • And when it's stage time, we walk out on the stage, "praise
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  • The lord everybody, praise the lord, oh bless the lord,
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  • Oh glory to god, good to see you," but the reality is it's
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  • Hard to raise your children.
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  • I don't care whether you're in the pulpit or in corporate or in
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  • Business, we are not winning at home.
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  • We're making the money, we're climbing the corporate ladder,
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  • We're in the c-suites of america, we're breaking in
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  • And out.
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  • We're starting businesses, we're starting companies, we're doing
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  • Stuff, but it is hard to have a stable relationship while you go
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  • After dreams,
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  • Because everybody wants more of you and you don't
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  • Always have enough to go around.
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  • Demanding careers of any kind require great focus, and great
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  • Focus is at the expense--kids require great focus.
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  • The more children you have--i was talking to somebody, baby,
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  • She said to me, "i made it through the hard part," she
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  • Said, "they're out of diapers and stuff, i made it through the
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  • Hard part."
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  • I thought..."child, don't you get up here and teach that," you
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  • See how everybody laughing at that?
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  • Everybody laughing at that who got gray hair, dyed hair, or
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  • Somewhere in between, they know you ain't seen nothing yet.
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  • You gotta make it through adolescence, you gotta make it
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  • Through all kinds of stuff that these preachers are testifying
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  • About--that they were drug dealers and on drugs and selling
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  • Drugs and crackheads, that was at an earlier age and stage
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  • Of life.
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  • You got to steer through that traffic feeling like their
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  • Self-discovery is your failure, so whatever they experience, you
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  • Blame yourself.
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  • And so if you were busy working, building, doing, going,
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  • Evolving, then you regret that.
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  • If you're at home all the time, you say, "well, maybe i didn't
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  • Give you the right advice, maybe i--" everything that goes wrong
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  • Is not about you, everything that goes wrong is not
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  • About you.
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  • My wife had to learn every time i come home and...
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  • Every time that i come home and i'm not talking, it doesn't mean
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  • I don't like her, it doesn't mean that i'm mad at her, it
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  • Doesn't mean--every time i flip out, freak out, get weird, act
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  • Strange, it is not about you, so you don't need to fix nothing,
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  • You don't need to fix--you don't need to change anything, you
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  • Don't need to fix me.
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  • It is not your job to fix me, it is not my job to fix you, it is
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  • My job to love you broken because, if i can love you
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  • Broken, maybe i can love me broken.
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  • If i can't love you flawed, then i really don't love myself
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  • Flawed, talk to us.
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  • Serita jakes: wow, you said a mouthful.
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  • You know, when you said that it's not your job to fix me nor
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  • Mine to fix you, the thing that i realized that was most
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  • Important to you was that i fixed our home.
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  • He gave me a house and it wasn't what you wanted to give me, but
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  • To me it was the world.
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  • He gave me a house and then we went to goodwill
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  • And we went to salvation army, we went--
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  • Bishop jakes: that was a long time ago.
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  • Serita: yeah, this wasn't, but you know it was a long--
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  • Bishop jakes: i just want to put it in context.
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  • Serita: but it's relevant to where we are now, because if you
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  • Hadn't been able to give me a house, i couldn't practice on
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  • Making a home and so i found out that wherever you are, wherever
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  • Your heart is, that's your home.
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  • So to me, i had to make certain that wherever you went, you felt
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  • Like you were still in a home safe environment.
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  • And we didn't--let me tell you, i was teasing sarah because she
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  • Was one of our wic babies, she and cora were our wic babies,
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  • Jamar and jermaine were our cost right diapers with duct
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  • Tape around them because they were falling apart.
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  • You don't get to be a home because you've got everything
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  • That you need, you get to be a home because you are committed
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  • To creating a space of peace and tranquility, not just for
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  • Somebody else, but for yourself.
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  • I often wonder why david was on the rooftop and peeking at
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  • Bathsheba, and i thought, "well, the scripture says, 'it's better
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  • To be on the rooftop than dwell in the house with a
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  • Brawling woman.'"
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  • Dr. james, help me, could it be,
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  • Could it be that he was on the rooftop
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  • Because michal was raising?
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  • I mean, you know, they were celebrating.
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  • David, he was out killing lions and bears and and just going
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  • Forth and the women were dancing, and he came home and
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  • His wife was complaining because he was celebrated.
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  • How often is your house not a home
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  • For either of you because of the rivalry?
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  • The voices from the outside have crept through the windows and
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  • Made you discontented,
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  • And this is your friend, you're my buddy,
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  • And i want what's best for you, even if it's not me.
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  • Now i'm gonna say, i'm not gonna leave the potter's house, i'm
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  • Gonna sit in the balcony and roll my eyes and say, "but he
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  • Can preach, but he ain't nothing."
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  • But let me tell you, you've got to concentrate on making your
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  • House a home, where you're comfortable with yourself.
  • 00:09:56.846 --> 00:10:03.986
  • Some people, you don't even like you, you don't even like
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  • Yourself--not what you see in the mirror, but what life has
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  • Done to you, has broken your house down, where the walls are
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  • Leaning, the steps are collapsing because you don't
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  • Like you, and so you make it miserable for everybody
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  • Around you.
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  • You act like the couch is broken.
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  • All the time, they ask you, "where can i sit?"
  • 00:10:39.655 --> 00:10:44.827
  • You don't have anywhere to sit because you're so discontented,
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  • And life has dealt a lot of you deadly lethal blows, i get it,
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  • But let's do some renovating, let's do some renovating.
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  • Babe talks about us not having anything, and to me that's why
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  • We're here, because it's not the things, you know, it's not
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  • The things.
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  • I like it, but i don't have to have it.
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  • I like it, i like to get gussied up and the ripley's are here,
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  • They gave me my first designer purse.
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  • All of those are things,
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  • But who i am,
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  • Things didn't make me who i am.
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  • It was the struggle, pam, it was the no lights and no water and
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  • Broken down shoes.
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  • One of his ex-girlfriends gave me $5 because she saw runs in
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  • My 'hose.
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  • Do you not understand the opportunity that you have at
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  • This leadership summit to make a home?
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  • Male announcer: throughout the ages, history reveals a timeless
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  • Truth--that the torch of leadership
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  • Not only blazes trails,
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  • But lights the path for those who follow.
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  • Every era has its torch bearers who inspire, innovate, and take
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  • Risks, and when the moment calls for the changing of the guard, a
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  • New dawn rises and the flame multiplies.
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  • This is the international leadership summit, a place
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  • Where leaders from all walks are equipped to shape the future.
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  • Will your legacy light the way?
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  • Bishop jakes: you invested in your career.
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  • Are you invested in your children?
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  • I don't care whether they're in the church or not, i don't care
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  • Whether they finish college or not, i don't care whether they
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  • Did what you wanted them to do, i don't care if they went out
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  • There and did something different that you don't approve
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  • Of, i don't care if they in drag, i don't care if they
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  • Broke, busted, and disgusted.
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  • I don't care if they got a girlfriend, a dog, and slept
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  • With a cat, when you get covid and you're hooked up to a
  • 00:13:51.647 --> 00:13:56.118
  • Respirator, let me tell you what, girlfriend is coming in
  • 00:13:56.118 --> 00:13:59.488
  • There to wipe your head.
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  • Be glad to see 'em, don't be so self-righteous just because
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  • Their sin is different than yours that you mess around and
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  • Alienate your children and lock them up.
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  • I'm talking about winning at a home is not about winning
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  • On stage.
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  • Winning at home is about winning at home, it's not about winning
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  • On stage, it's not about using your kids as props in your play.
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  • So if they don't go to church, you're still my son.
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  • If they do go to church, you're still my son.
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  • If you sing in the choir, you're still my daughter.
  • 00:14:40.663 --> 00:14:43.499
  • If you preach, you're still my daughter.
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  • I don't love sarah because she can preach, i don't care whether
  • 00:14:45.634 --> 00:14:49.505
  • She can preach or not, i love sarah because she's my child.
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  • I loved her in dirty drawls--
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  • Sorry.
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  • Performance based love is not winning,
  • 00:15:03.218 --> 00:15:07.656
  • Performance based love is not winning, and we're
  • 00:15:07.656 --> 00:15:13.095
  • Tempted in the church to try to script our children for a photo
  • 00:15:13.095 --> 00:15:18.000
  • Op, and then if they're not photo ready, you're embarrassed
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  • By somebody who would die for you.
  • 00:15:26.875 --> 00:15:31.480
  • So what we're saying as we close today is that god wants you to
  • 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:36.618
  • Get the victory, yes, in the building fund.
  • 00:15:36.618 --> 00:15:39.822
  • Get the victory as an entrepreneur, that's wonderful.
  • 00:15:39.822 --> 00:15:43.192
  • Get the victory and get your doctorate degree,
  • 00:15:43.192 --> 00:15:45.394
  • That's wonderful.
  • 00:15:45.394 --> 00:15:46.729
  • Get the victory and climb your mountains, get the victory.
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  • The rumor that i don't support women in power is insane, my
  • 00:15:50.265 --> 00:15:55.504
  • Mother was a woman in power, my wife is a woman in power, my
  • 00:15:55.504 --> 00:16:00.876
  • Daughters are women in power.
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  • You could not know my daughters and think that, because both of
  • 00:16:03.145 --> 00:16:06.415
  • Them got opinions about everything.
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  • I have no problem with women in power, i want--half of my
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  • Executives are women in power, my cfo is a woman in power, my
  • 00:16:12.988 --> 00:16:18.494
  • New ceo is a woman in power, i don't have no issues with women
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  • In power.
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  • I was preaching women when other folks said women weren't
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  • Supposed to preach.
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  • I founded woman, thou art loosed, get out of my face.
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  • Just because somebody says something that you don't like,
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  • Don't let people tell you who somebody is that has got 30
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  • Years and 40 years and 50 years of support.
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  • I founded woman, thou art loosed, i raised up women that
  • 00:16:41.283 --> 00:16:44.987
  • You never saw and never heard of in your life.
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  • How dare you say that i don't support women in power?
  • 00:16:47.890 --> 00:16:51.360
  • It's a lie from the pits of hell, that's why i don't defend
  • 00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:55.164
  • It, because a lie always got an expiration date, but a truth is
  • 00:16:55.164 --> 00:17:01.070
  • Gonna live forever.
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  • I have--women, hear me--i got your back,
  • 00:17:02.571 --> 00:17:12.614
  • But rest assured,
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  • Just cause i don't call you don't mean i don't love you,
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  • Just because i don't call you just means that i stay in my
  • 00:17:19.955 --> 00:17:23.725
  • Place, i stay in my place.
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  • Are you staying in your place?
  • 00:17:28.664 --> 00:17:33.836
  • Are you standing your ground?
  • 00:17:33.836 --> 00:17:36.605
  • You're talking about buying land, are you standing
  • 00:17:36.605 --> 00:17:39.675
  • Your ground?
  • 00:17:39.675 --> 00:17:41.710
  • Your house is your ground, it's a ground wire.
  • 00:17:41.710 --> 00:17:48.917
  • Are you standing your ground, are you gonna give up your
  • 00:17:48.917 --> 00:17:51.920
  • Ground wire?
  • 00:17:51.920 --> 00:18:00.796
  • Serita: no.
  • 00:18:00.796 --> 00:18:06.602
  • Bishop jakes: somebody holler, no, go get your daughter, go get
  • 00:18:06.602 --> 00:18:13.509
  • Your daughter, i don't care if she's rude and disrespectful, be
  • 00:18:13.509 --> 00:18:16.311
  • The bigger person.
  • 00:18:16.311 --> 00:18:17.713
  • Don't pull out your ak-47 on her just because she got mad.
  • 00:18:17.713 --> 00:18:22.851
  • Sometimes i have to bite my tongue almost in two 'cause my
  • 00:18:22.851 --> 00:18:26.688
  • Gut reaction, if you come at me wrong or i perceive it to be
  • 00:18:26.688 --> 00:18:31.793
  • Wrong, or it's got the wrong voice inflection, because of the
  • 00:18:31.793 --> 00:18:37.132
  • Multitude of diapers that i changed, i participated, i
  • 00:18:37.132 --> 00:18:40.736
  • Changed diapers, i burped people, i carried my grown son
  • 00:18:40.736 --> 00:18:45.407
  • On my back.
  • 00:18:45.407 --> 00:18:47.409
  • He had surgery and he was in pain and he was crying, he's
  • 00:18:47.409 --> 00:18:50.779
  • 6'4, i'm old, i put him on my back like he was a baby because
  • 00:18:50.779 --> 00:18:55.851
  • He's my child, and i was patting on him and trying to help him
  • 00:18:55.851 --> 00:18:59.788
  • Because i love him.
  • 00:18:59.788 --> 00:19:02.724
  • I flew from nigeria to get back home to get by my oldest son's
  • 00:19:02.724 --> 00:19:07.563
  • Bed because he had a heart attack, i'm gonna be there.
  • 00:19:07.563 --> 00:19:13.168
  • Why in the world would i cut you up?
  • 00:19:13.168 --> 00:19:18.140
  • Why would i turn my weapons loose on you even if you turn
  • 00:19:18.140 --> 00:19:22.844
  • Yours on me?
  • 00:19:22.844 --> 00:19:27.349
  • I'm not saying i won't defend myself, but i won't go where i
  • 00:19:27.349 --> 00:19:31.553
  • Could go, because once you go where you could go, either them
  • 00:19:31.553 --> 00:19:37.125
  • Toward me or me toward them, you can't get that back.
  • 00:19:37.125 --> 00:19:43.031
  • Once you start really letting me have it, don't you think "i'm
  • 00:19:43.031 --> 00:19:46.735
  • Sorry" is gonna make me get amnesia because i--you know
  • 00:19:46.735 --> 00:19:52.608
  • What i'm gonna be thinking?
  • 00:19:52.608 --> 00:19:54.009
  • "so that's how you really feel.
  • 00:19:54.009 --> 00:19:57.145
  • Which one of you is the real you?"
  • 00:19:57.145 --> 00:19:58.680
  • You know--i'm talking about internal conflict, this is hard,
  • 00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:07.089
  • This is hard, what i'm talking about is hard.
  • 00:20:07.089 --> 00:20:10.826
  • Winning at home is hard, the devil would rather you win
  • 00:20:10.826 --> 00:20:14.529
  • Anywhere than win at home.
  • 00:20:14.529 --> 00:20:18.233
  • Can you imagine being jesus's mother?
  • 00:20:18.233 --> 00:20:25.941
  • She raised him, she hid him, she moved, she went down into egypt
  • 00:20:25.941 --> 00:20:32.948
  • To keep them from killing him, she carried a controversial baby
  • 00:20:32.948 --> 00:20:39.621
  • In her womb even when joseph was gonna get rid of her.
  • 00:20:39.621 --> 00:20:45.027
  • And then she followed him all the way to the end, and when she
  • 00:20:45.027 --> 00:20:53.902
  • Came to church, they said, "your mother's at the door," and jesus
  • 00:20:53.902 --> 00:20:59.007
  • Said, "who is my mother?"
  • 00:20:59.007 --> 00:21:04.146
  • How do you think that felt?
  • 00:21:04.146 --> 00:21:10.886
  • Yet when he is bleeding on the cross, she is standing there,
  • 00:21:10.886 --> 00:21:16.558
  • Watching him bleed on the cross, not just as a person in need
  • 00:21:16.558 --> 00:21:22.064
  • Of redemption.
  • 00:21:22.064 --> 00:21:25.767
  • She was saying, "he's your lord, he's your savior, he's your
  • 00:21:25.767 --> 00:21:33.475
  • Wonderful counselor, your kinsman, redeemer, your day
  • 00:21:33.475 --> 00:21:36.912
  • Star, your bulwark, your trumpets, your peace.
  • 00:21:36.912 --> 00:21:41.149
  • He's a constellation of israel,
  • 00:21:41.149 --> 00:21:45.520
  • But to me,
  • 00:21:45.520 --> 00:21:51.460
  • That's my baby on the cross.
  • 00:21:51.460 --> 00:21:58.333
  • For you, it's who's gonna sit on his right side and who's gonna
  • 00:21:58.333 --> 00:22:01.403
  • Sit on the left,
  • 00:22:01.403 --> 00:22:08.677
  • But that's my son on the cross."
  • 00:22:08.677 --> 00:22:12.147
  • May i never know what that feels like, i don't even want to
  • 00:22:12.147 --> 00:22:17.586
  • Feel that, i want to live and die and never see my
  • 00:22:17.586 --> 00:22:23.325
  • Children bleed.
  • 00:22:23.325 --> 00:22:26.928
  • Some of you have lost your children
  • 00:22:26.928 --> 00:22:30.999
  • And you know the pain,
  • 00:22:30.999 --> 00:22:38.240
  • And sometimes we find out too late how valuable people are and
  • 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:44.045
  • We love them better dead than we do alive.
  • 00:22:44.045 --> 00:22:47.916
  • And we come to the funeral screaming over things we should
  • 00:22:47.916 --> 00:22:52.020
  • Have said when they were living.
  • 00:22:52.020 --> 00:22:55.857
  • And when the bible says, "neither give place to the
  • 00:22:55.857 --> 00:22:58.427
  • Devil," it means territory, and family is territory.
  • 00:22:58.427 --> 00:23:03.565
  • I can't imagine, i can't imagine after 41 years, i can't imagine.
  • 00:23:03.565 --> 00:23:10.839
  • I'm not perfect, i'm flawed, i'm weird, i'm strange,
  • 00:23:10.839 --> 00:23:15.210
  • She peculiar,
  • 00:23:15.210 --> 00:23:20.382
  • I can't imagine living without her,
  • 00:23:20.382 --> 00:23:29.024
  • I can't even think about it.
  • 00:23:29.024 --> 00:23:34.696
  • I don't need her talent, i don't need her career, i don't need
  • 00:23:34.696 --> 00:23:37.766
  • Her money, i need her.
  • 00:23:37.766 --> 00:23:47.809
  • Anybody who thinks she's a prop, you don't know me.
  • 00:23:50.078 --> 00:23:54.816
  • My wife passed out, i almost had a seizure, paramedics in our
  • 00:23:54.816 --> 00:23:59.554
  • Bedroom, they said, "you can follow in the car,"
  • 00:23:59.554 --> 00:24:03.358
  • I said, "the devil is a liar.
  • 00:24:03.358 --> 00:24:06.995
  • If anybody gonna be in this ambulance,
  • 00:24:06.995 --> 00:24:08.897
  • I'mma be in this ambulance in case she need me
  • 00:24:08.897 --> 00:24:12.801
  • Say something."
  • 00:24:12.801 --> 00:24:17.005
  • Life is hard, it takes both of you to get through it,
  • 00:24:17.005 --> 00:24:24.179
  • Not perfect you.
  • 00:24:24.179 --> 00:24:25.647
  • Broken, flawed you is still valuable.
  • 00:24:25.647 --> 00:24:28.617
  • If you messed up, you still got value.
  • 00:24:28.617 --> 00:24:32.254
  • If you blew it, you still got value.
  • 00:24:32.254 --> 00:24:34.289
  • We gotta teach this in the house because if the children don't
  • 00:24:34.289 --> 00:24:38.860
  • See this, if they see how easily you can throw people away, when
  • 00:24:38.860 --> 00:24:43.331
  • You need them, they're gonna throw you away, you're gonna die
  • 00:24:43.331 --> 00:24:46.701
  • In a nursing home by yourself because you didn't teach
  • 00:24:46.701 --> 00:24:50.171
  • Stability to children.
  • 00:24:50.171 --> 00:24:52.173
  • My son tells me, "i'm gonna take care of my momma because i saw
  • 00:24:52.173 --> 00:24:55.577
  • You take care of yours, and i saw you feed grandma in the
  • 00:24:55.577 --> 00:24:59.047
  • Middle of the night, and he said, "it's in my nature to be a
  • 00:24:59.047 --> 00:25:01.816
  • Caretaker because you modeled it in front of me."
  • 00:25:01.816 --> 00:25:04.753
  • Don't you be surprised if you get old and you don't have
  • 00:25:04.753 --> 00:25:07.789
  • Nobody by your bed because you never invested in winning
  • 00:25:07.789 --> 00:25:12.694
  • At home.
  • 00:25:12.694 --> 00:25:14.062
  • I don't care what you build, i don't care how many millions of
  • 00:25:14.062 --> 00:25:17.399
  • Dollars you make.
  • 00:25:17.399 --> 00:25:18.733
  • I don't care if you get a billion dollars, a billion
  • 00:25:18.733 --> 00:25:20.769
  • Dollars can't wipe your mouth, a billion dollars can't clean your
  • 00:25:20.769 --> 00:25:25.073
  • Behind, a billion dollars can't take your temperature, a billion
  • 00:25:25.073 --> 00:25:29.144
  • Dollars can't see about you if you're in need, a billion
  • 00:25:29.144 --> 00:25:32.113
  • Dollars will not argue with the doctors and say, "no, that's my
  • 00:25:32.113 --> 00:25:35.517
  • Daddy, and why is he dirty,
  • 00:25:35.517 --> 00:25:37.619
  • And you gonna do something about that?"
  • 00:25:37.619 --> 00:25:48.129
  • So figure it out, because i believe that family is the
  • 00:25:48.196 --> 00:25:55.136
  • Gymnasium that god gave us for love to exercise in.
  • 00:25:55.136 --> 00:26:05.013
  • Bishop jakes: good soil is us building us.
  • 00:26:05.013 --> 00:26:11.586
  • Male: it's about integration, not competition.
  • 00:26:11.586 --> 00:26:14.089
  • You are the change makers.
  • 00:26:14.089 --> 00:26:17.125
  • Bishop jakes: we don't have to be monolithic in order to
  • 00:26:17.125 --> 00:26:20.695
  • Be united.
  • 00:26:20.695 --> 00:26:22.030
  • Mellody hobson: we can transform business in america.
  • 00:26:22.030 --> 00:26:24.799
  • Vusi thembekwayo: think scale.
  • 00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:26.534
  • John hope bryant: it's not a reboot, it's a reset.
  • 00:26:26.534 --> 00:26:29.571
  • Bishop jakes: all of us have seeds of potential in us.
  • 00:26:32.774 --> 00:26:37.178
  • Male: you got all the dna for success right inside of you.
  • 00:26:37.178 --> 00:26:40.448
  • Janell stephens: i started in my kitchen, actually, yes.
  • 00:26:40.448 --> 00:26:43.385
  • Female: i wanna change the idea of what a minority business is.
  • 00:26:43.385 --> 00:26:46.855
  • Male: the world's shifting.
  • 00:26:50.492 --> 00:26:53.895
  • Bishop jakes: tomorrow's up for grabs, right now is the moment.
  • 00:26:53.895 --> 00:27:00.669
  • This is just the beginning.
  • 00:27:00.669 --> 00:27:03.204
  • Female announcer: feel free to reach out to us on social media
  • 00:27:04.606 --> 00:27:06.675
  • And share your story of how god is impacting your life.
  • 00:27:06.675 --> 00:27:09.978
  • We look forward to seeing you next time on
  • 00:27:09.978 --> 00:27:12.180
  • "the potter's touch."
  • 00:27:12.180 --> 00:27:13.581
  • ♪ the potter's touch, the potter's touch ♪♪
  • 00:27:13.581 --> 00:27:19.688
  • Cc by aberdeen captioning 1-800-688-6621 www.aberdeen.io
  • 00:27:23.858 --> 00:27:23.858