Praise | Jimmy Evans | September 29, 2020 | TBN

Praise | Jimmy Evans | September 29, 2020

Watch Praise | Jimmy Evans | September 29, 2020
September 29, 2020
54:00

Matt and Laurie Crouch host Jimmy Evans from Colorado.

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Praise | Jimmy Evans | September 29, 2020

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  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:00:01.146 --> 00:00:02.614
  • - [Laurie] It's a goodtime for a marriage, Jim.
  • 00:00:02.614 --> 00:00:04.950
  • - Jimmy Evans, if wedon't get this right.
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  • Nothing else matters.
  • 00:00:06.852 --> 00:00:08.587
  • - [Jimmy] Every marriage canbe built upon four simple laws
  • 00:00:08.587 --> 00:00:11.757
  • that will guarantee youlifelong success in marriage.
  • 00:00:11.757 --> 00:00:14.726
  • - Laurie's elbowingme right now.
  • 00:00:14.726 --> 00:00:16.195
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:00:16.195 --> 00:00:17.162
  • - Snarky, snack on the set.
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  • - When you build your marriage,
  • 00:00:19.832 --> 00:00:21.300
  • you're building thefoundation of your future.
  • 00:00:21.300 --> 00:00:23.035
  • - I'm elbowing her now.
  • 00:00:23.035 --> 00:00:25.204
  • - [Jimmy Evans] I wasa terrible husband.
  • 00:00:25.204 --> 00:00:26.772
  • We fought like cats and dogs.
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  • And I'm just thinking,
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  • I'm losing my marriage.
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  • And I don't know what to do.
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  • God made four simple laws,
  • 00:00:32.578 --> 00:00:34.613
  • that govern marriage.
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  • Our marriage went fromthe brink of divorce,
  • 00:00:36.849 --> 00:00:38.584
  • to phenomenal.
  • 00:00:38.584 --> 00:00:39.952
  • - If you don't start telling us
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  • what these four laws are,
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  • I'm going to jump over there
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  • and we're going to fight.
  • 00:00:45.190 --> 00:00:46.425
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:00:46.425 --> 00:00:47.693
  • - [Jimmy Evans] I seeit all over the world.
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  • People who are bitter enemies,
  • 00:00:48.627 --> 00:00:49.962
  • because you're justbreaking the law.
  • 00:00:49.962 --> 00:00:51.864
  • - Stop breaking the law.(Jimmy laughs)
  • 00:00:51.864 --> 00:00:54.500
  • - [Jimmy] When you understandthe four laws of love,
  • 00:00:54.500 --> 00:00:56.902
  • it will resurrect the deadmarriage just like that.
  • 00:00:56.902 --> 00:01:00.672
  • (upbeat music)
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  • - [Announcer] Tonight onPraise, from Colorado.
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  • Founder and CEO ofMarriage Today, pastor,
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  • author and golfer, Jimmy Evans.
  • 00:01:15.187 --> 00:01:18.223
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:01:18.223 --> 00:01:21.059
  • - [Announcer] And now,Matt and Laurie Crouch.
  • 00:01:21.059 --> 00:01:25.697
  • - A few days ago Laurie and I
  • 00:01:25.697 --> 00:01:28.033
  • celebrated our 35thwedding anniversary.
  • 00:01:28.033 --> 00:01:31.303
  • - Yay.
  • 00:01:31.303 --> 00:01:32.304
  • - It was the 2020 all the way.
  • 00:01:32.304 --> 00:01:34.173
  • - Yeah, it was a veryuniquely strange.
  • 00:01:34.173 --> 00:01:37.743
  • I think the highlight ofour anniversary this year
  • 00:01:37.743 --> 00:01:41.113
  • is we went to REIand I bought a shirt.
  • 00:01:41.113 --> 00:01:44.550
  • - In grand junction.
  • 00:01:44.550 --> 00:01:45.851
  • - So it's a long story.
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  • We had a friend that needed us.
  • 00:01:48.187 --> 00:01:50.622
  • They had to get to the hospital.
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  • It was a weird thing.
  • 00:01:52.758 --> 00:01:54.259
  • So we are in a season of 2020,(Laurie mumbles and laughs)
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  • but marriages stillhave to work inside of.
  • 00:02:00.566 --> 00:02:03.835
  • Look, Jimmy what's allhappened this year.
  • 00:02:03.835 --> 00:02:07.272
  • You know, a RNA viruschanged the world.
  • 00:02:07.272 --> 00:02:10.442
  • - [Jimmy] Yup.- [Laurie] Crazy.
  • 00:02:10.442 --> 00:02:11.977
  • - [Matt] You know, racialtensions went to a level unseen.
  • 00:02:11.977 --> 00:02:14.513
  • That are causing all sortsof stresses and strains.
  • 00:02:14.513 --> 00:02:17.583
  • But yet in the midst of that,
  • 00:02:17.583 --> 00:02:19.218
  • we have to create andwe have to continue
  • 00:02:19.218 --> 00:02:22.721
  • to create love andfoster the right things
  • 00:02:22.721 --> 00:02:26.525
  • inside of our homes.
  • 00:02:26.525 --> 00:02:28.026
  • I could make a casebased upon knowing you
  • 00:02:28.026 --> 00:02:30.662
  • that if we don't get this right,
  • 00:02:30.662 --> 00:02:32.164
  • nothing else matters.
  • 00:02:32.164 --> 00:02:33.465
  • - Nothing else matters.
  • 00:02:33.465 --> 00:02:34.299
  • - Unpack it.
  • 00:02:34.299 --> 00:02:35.467
  • Let's talk about your new book.
  • 00:02:35.467 --> 00:02:37.169
  • Let's work off your new book,
  • 00:02:37.169 --> 00:02:38.637
  • but we're talking about
  • 00:02:38.637 --> 00:02:40.138
  • trying to work on one ofthe most important things
  • 00:02:40.138 --> 00:02:42.107
  • on the planet.
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  • Which is the nuclear family.
  • 00:02:43.041 --> 00:02:44.409
  • - I love, lovebeing with you guys.
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  • Thank you for having me.
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  • In a Genesis one,God created marriage.
  • 00:02:46.979 --> 00:02:51.149
  • - [Matt] Okay.
  • 00:02:51.149 --> 00:02:52.517
  • - As the first institutionhe ever created.
  • 00:02:52.517 --> 00:02:54.653
  • Ah, Genesis twogives the detail.
  • 00:02:54.653 --> 00:02:56.888
  • That's what my book"Four Laws" is about.
  • 00:02:56.888 --> 00:02:58.590
  • We're gonna talk about thefoundational laws of marriage.
  • 00:02:58.590 --> 00:03:00.892
  • - [Matt] Okay
  • 00:03:00.892 --> 00:03:02.294
  • - But marriage is thefoundation of all of society.
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  • And world history proves
  • 00:03:04.396 --> 00:03:05.697
  • as goes marriageas goes society.
  • 00:03:05.697 --> 00:03:07.833
  • - Okay.
  • 00:03:07.833 --> 00:03:09.067
  • - There has neverbeen a great society
  • 00:03:09.067 --> 00:03:09.868
  • built on weak marriages.
  • 00:03:09.868 --> 00:03:11.403
  • And when marriagebegins to fail,
  • 00:03:11.403 --> 00:03:13.171
  • there was a Harvard sociologistnamed Carle Zimmerman.
  • 00:03:13.171 --> 00:03:16.141
  • And in 1947,
  • 00:03:16.141 --> 00:03:18.043
  • he published a report called"Family and Civilization".
  • 00:03:18.043 --> 00:03:21.280
  • And in there hestudied Rome, Greece,
  • 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.282
  • Sumeria, Egypt, Babylon,
  • 00:03:23.282 --> 00:03:25.183
  • all the great societiesthat fell from within.
  • 00:03:25.183 --> 00:03:28.186
  • And what he wantedto find out was
  • 00:03:28.186 --> 00:03:30.088
  • were there commonalities.
  • 00:03:30.088 --> 00:03:31.790
  • He found out theywere exactly common.
  • 00:03:31.790 --> 00:03:34.626
  • And in his book,
  • 00:03:34.626 --> 00:03:35.560
  • he talks about the eight signs
  • 00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:37.829
  • of an atomistic age ofsociety that is coming apart.
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  • Number one is marriageloses its sacredness.
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  • - [Matt] My goodness.
  • 00:03:43.735 --> 00:03:45.237
  • - In every single societythat has fallen from within.
  • 00:03:45.237 --> 00:03:47.439
  • The second iscohabitation increases.
  • 00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:50.242
  • The third thing is women lose
  • 00:03:50.242 --> 00:03:51.843
  • their inclinationfor childbearing.
  • 00:03:51.843 --> 00:03:53.745
  • And the birth rate isdropping all over the world.
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  • In America, the birthrate is dropping.
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  • Women don't feelsafe having children
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  • outside of marriage.
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  • Because marriagebonds parents together
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  • to have children ina safe environment.
  • 00:04:02.187 --> 00:04:04.256
  • And so on and on and on.
  • 00:04:04.256 --> 00:04:05.957
  • So Carle Zimmerman said in 1947,
  • 00:04:05.957 --> 00:04:08.860
  • he was warning an alarm
  • 00:04:08.860 --> 00:04:10.896
  • that we were liberalizingour laws in America.
  • 00:04:10.896 --> 00:04:13.965
  • And if we continue toliberalize our family laws,
  • 00:04:13.965 --> 00:04:17.269
  • we would end up likethose societies.
  • 00:04:17.269 --> 00:04:19.137
  • Presently, we have alleight of the atomistic signs
  • 00:04:19.137 --> 00:04:23.175
  • present in America.
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  • God calls, in Malachi,God calls marriage,
  • 00:04:24.710 --> 00:04:27.379
  • the holy institutionthat he loves.
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  • It is that sacred.
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  • So remember marriageloses its sacredness.
  • 00:04:31.616 --> 00:04:34.252
  • Well, marriage, some people say,
  • 00:04:34.252 --> 00:04:35.220
  • "Well, marriage is just,
  • 00:04:35.220 --> 00:04:36.221
  • is just a piece of paper."
  • 00:04:36.221 --> 00:04:38.023
  • In Matthew 19, When Jesus,
  • 00:04:38.023 --> 00:04:39.591
  • the Pharisee cameto Jesus and said,
  • 00:04:39.591 --> 00:04:41.159
  • "Can we divorce ourwives for any cause?"
  • 00:04:41.159 --> 00:04:42.828
  • And that's what they meant.
  • 00:04:42.828 --> 00:04:43.895
  • Women were property.
  • 00:04:43.895 --> 00:04:45.130
  • And Jesus says, "WhatGod has joined together,
  • 00:04:45.130 --> 00:04:47.566
  • "let not man separate."
  • 00:04:47.566 --> 00:04:49.401
  • Marriage is nota piece of paper.
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  • It is an act ofthe spirit of God
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  • and it's sacred.
  • 00:04:52.871 --> 00:04:54.139
  • And so whenever God putsus together in marriage,
  • 00:04:54.139 --> 00:04:56.808
  • now Karen and I havebeen married 47 years.
  • 00:04:56.808 --> 00:04:58.543
  • - [Laurie] Yeah.
  • 00:04:58.543 --> 00:04:59.378
  • - [Jimmy] Okay.
  • 00:04:59.378 --> 00:05:00.612
  • And so, you know, youhave a 47th anniversary,
  • 00:05:00.612 --> 00:05:02.147
  • you go to the store and buy ashirt. (Matt and Laurie laugh)
  • 00:05:02.147 --> 00:05:03.281
  • - 35 too.
  • 00:05:03.281 --> 00:05:04.516
  • - ( Jimmy laughs) 50.We'll buy two. So...
  • 00:05:04.516 --> 00:05:06.785
  • - (Matt and Laurie laugh)
  • 00:05:06.785 --> 00:05:10.756
  • - We might buy you one.
  • 00:05:10.756 --> 00:05:12.224
  • - Thank you.
  • 00:05:12.224 --> 00:05:13.291
  • Please send me ashirt (mumbles).
  • 00:05:13.291 --> 00:05:15.394
  • So we got marriedat 19 years old
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  • and we were dumberthan a box of rocks.
  • 00:05:18.029 --> 00:05:20.265
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:05:20.265 --> 00:05:21.199
  • - [Jimmy] We had no idea.
  • 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:22.734
  • I mean, and I got saved theweek before we got married.
  • 00:05:22.734 --> 00:05:25.203
  • And I was a terrible husband.
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  • You know, no one ever.
  • 00:05:27.472 --> 00:05:29.007
  • I met the preacher who marriedus on the day we got married.
  • 00:05:29.007 --> 00:05:31.309
  • No one ever gave me anymarriage advice or Karen.
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  • And so we got married
  • 00:05:34.212 --> 00:05:35.347
  • and I thought,
  • 00:05:35.347 --> 00:05:36.848
  • I thought Karen was the mostbeautiful woman I'd ever seen.
  • 00:05:36.848 --> 00:05:39.418
  • And she was the weirdesthuman I'd ever met.
  • 00:05:39.418 --> 00:05:41.119
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:05:41.119 --> 00:05:42.354
  • And I just thought,Jesus, Jesus help her.
  • 00:05:42.354 --> 00:05:43.422
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:05:43.422 --> 00:05:44.356
  • - I knew I was normal. You know?
  • 00:05:44.356 --> 00:05:45.557
  • And we fought likecats and dogs.
  • 00:05:45.557 --> 00:05:48.193
  • I mean, so I golfed, Igolfed a lot back then
  • 00:05:48.193 --> 00:05:51.596
  • and it ruined our marriage.
  • 00:05:51.596 --> 00:05:52.831
  • I mean, and I wasa horrible husband.
  • 00:05:52.831 --> 00:05:54.099
  • And so, um we foughtand fought and fought.
  • 00:05:54.099 --> 00:05:57.602
  • And so I just thought,
  • 00:05:57.602 --> 00:05:59.538
  • Karen is the problem.
  • 00:05:59.538 --> 00:06:00.705
  • And she's not going to change.
  • 00:06:00.705 --> 00:06:02.441
  • So one night I came home
  • 00:06:02.441 --> 00:06:04.075
  • and she confrontedme on golfing.
  • 00:06:04.075 --> 00:06:06.511
  • And I just said, "Getout of the house,
  • 00:06:07.646 --> 00:06:08.980
  • "go pack your bags andget out of the house."
  • 00:06:08.980 --> 00:06:11.183
  • And she went inthe bedroom crying
  • 00:06:11.183 --> 00:06:12.784
  • and I knew we had to separate
  • 00:06:12.784 --> 00:06:14.419
  • cause we were really damagingeach other at that point.
  • 00:06:14.419 --> 00:06:16.755
  • And so she ran inthe bedroom crying
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  • and I sit in the living room.
  • 00:06:19.024 --> 00:06:20.025
  • Now that morningI read my Bible,
  • 00:06:20.025 --> 00:06:21.760
  • now I was an idiot,
  • 00:06:21.760 --> 00:06:22.694
  • but I was a sanctified idiot.
  • 00:06:22.694 --> 00:06:23.862
  • (Laurie and Matt laugh)
  • 00:06:23.862 --> 00:06:25.063
  • So I read my Bible thatmorning, in John 16.
  • 00:06:25.063 --> 00:06:28.333
  • And it said, "TheHoly spirit will come
  • 00:06:28.333 --> 00:06:30.669
  • "and he'll leadyou in all truth."
  • 00:06:30.669 --> 00:06:32.204
  • So I read that, went towork, went to play golf,
  • 00:06:32.204 --> 00:06:34.539
  • came home, Karen hadgot this huge bag.
  • 00:06:34.539 --> 00:06:36.074
  • So Karen's in the bedroom crying
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  • and I'm in the living room.
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  • And I'm just thinking,
  • 00:06:39.444 --> 00:06:40.979
  • I'm losing my marriage
  • 00:06:40.979 --> 00:06:42.647
  • and I don't know what to do.
  • 00:06:42.647 --> 00:06:44.449
  • And so I said, just, I said,
  • 00:06:44.449 --> 00:06:46.852
  • "Holy spirit teach mehow to be a husband."
  • 00:06:46.852 --> 00:06:49.321
  • Now, I don't know how toexplain what happened.
  • 00:06:49.321 --> 00:06:51.923
  • But again, I thought, you know,
  • 00:06:51.923 --> 00:06:54.860
  • the second before Iprayed that prayer,
  • 00:06:54.860 --> 00:06:57.529
  • I thought I'm Mr.Wonderful.
  • 00:06:57.529 --> 00:06:59.331
  • I just accidentally marriedthe devil's ex-wife.
  • 00:06:59.331 --> 00:07:01.199
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:02.400
  • - You know, whoknew? I didn't know.
  • 00:07:02.400 --> 00:07:03.802
  • - [Laurie] Oh my God.- And so, I mean, I'm serious.
  • 00:07:03.802 --> 00:07:05.570
  • I just thoughtI'm Mr. Wonderful.
  • 00:07:05.570 --> 00:07:07.072
  • You know, so when Iprayed that prayer,
  • 00:07:07.072 --> 00:07:09.741
  • it was like, somethingfell off of my eyes.
  • 00:07:09.741 --> 00:07:12.811
  • I don't know how to explain it.
  • 00:07:12.811 --> 00:07:14.145
  • Blinders fell off my eyes.
  • 00:07:14.145 --> 00:07:15.413
  • And I saw myselffor the idiot I was.
  • 00:07:15.413 --> 00:07:17.782
  • - [Matt] Wow.
  • 00:07:17.782 --> 00:07:19.050
  • - And I saw Karen forhow precious she was.
  • 00:07:19.050 --> 00:07:20.285
  • I mean, in an instant of time.
  • 00:07:20.285 --> 00:07:21.786
  • So went down the hall, she,
  • 00:07:21.786 --> 00:07:24.055
  • Karen was bawling in bed.
  • 00:07:24.055 --> 00:07:25.257
  • And I said, "I'm sorry."
  • 00:07:25.257 --> 00:07:27.792
  • And she said, "Your mouth,
  • 00:07:27.792 --> 00:07:29.494
  • "you've damaged mewith your mouth."
  • 00:07:30.695 --> 00:07:31.796
  • And I said, "I know, I have."
  • 00:07:31.796 --> 00:07:33.732
  • And so um we made up that night,
  • 00:07:33.732 --> 00:07:36.601
  • but we weren't okay.
  • 00:07:36.601 --> 00:07:37.836
  • You know, we werestill very numb.
  • 00:07:37.836 --> 00:07:39.638
  • So I woke up the nextmorning and I just, I said,
  • 00:07:39.638 --> 00:07:41.840
  • "Holy spirit I wantyou to teach me
  • 00:07:41.840 --> 00:07:43.808
  • "how to be a husband."
  • 00:07:43.808 --> 00:07:45.076
  • And he did. He justlittle by little,
  • 00:07:45.076 --> 00:07:47.979
  • he just began to showme how to come home,
  • 00:07:47.979 --> 00:07:50.982
  • to be nice toKaren, to touch her.
  • 00:07:50.982 --> 00:07:53.652
  • You know, outside thebedroom to be nice
  • 00:07:53.652 --> 00:07:56.321
  • and gentle and stuff.
  • 00:07:56.321 --> 00:07:57.422
  • And so one morning I woke up
  • 00:07:57.422 --> 00:07:59.858
  • and the Lord told me toturn to Genesis chapter two.
  • 00:07:59.858 --> 00:08:03.428
  • And so,- [Matt] Wait.
  • 00:08:03.428 --> 00:08:04.262
  • - Okay.
  • 00:08:04.262 --> 00:08:05.730
  • - Laurie's elbowing meright now.( Laurie laughs)
  • 00:08:05.730 --> 00:08:07.232
  • - Okay Laurie.
  • 00:08:07.232 --> 00:08:08.733
  • - She's just wearing meout when you start being,
  • 00:08:08.733 --> 00:08:10.769
  • being nice outside the bedroom.
  • 00:08:10.769 --> 00:08:12.537
  • (Jimmy and Laurie laugh)
  • 00:08:12.537 --> 00:08:13.838
  • That was when theout ministry got it.
  • 00:08:13.838 --> 00:08:14.839
  • - Okay, I get it. I get it.
  • 00:08:14.839 --> 00:08:16.107
  • Okay, you can keep itup Laurie. Keep it up.
  • 00:08:16.107 --> 00:08:17.642
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:08:17.642 --> 00:08:19.311
  • So I woke up andthe Lord told me
  • 00:08:19.311 --> 00:08:20.879
  • to turn to Genesis chapter two
  • 00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:22.547
  • and I turned there andI read verses 24 and 25.
  • 00:08:22.547 --> 00:08:26.518
  • And it says," For this causea man will leave his father
  • 00:08:26.518 --> 00:08:29.120
  • and mother, andcleave unto his wife.
  • 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:30.755
  • "And the two shallbecome one flesh."
  • 00:08:30.755 --> 00:08:32.791
  • And The Holy spiritsaid, read it again.
  • 00:08:32.791 --> 00:08:34.559
  • But it didn't meananything to me.
  • 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:35.827
  • I just thought, Ithink I heard that
  • 00:08:35.827 --> 00:08:37.062
  • at a wedding once, youknow, or something.
  • 00:08:37.062 --> 00:08:38.330
  • And I read it againand I just thought,
  • 00:08:38.330 --> 00:08:39.998
  • I just don't understand that.
  • 00:08:39.998 --> 00:08:40.932
  • And He said, well read it again.
  • 00:08:40.932 --> 00:08:42.968
  • And all of a suddenI saw four laws.
  • 00:08:42.968 --> 00:08:45.503
  • - [Matt] Oh my goodness.
  • 00:08:45.503 --> 00:08:46.438
  • - From the very beginning, see.
  • 00:08:46.438 --> 00:08:47.205
  • - [Laurie] Wow.
  • 00:08:47.205 --> 00:08:48.139
  • - When God creates everything.
  • 00:08:48.139 --> 00:08:49.641
  • He creates order.
  • 00:08:49.641 --> 00:08:50.875
  • But see, when itcomes to marriage,
  • 00:08:50.875 --> 00:08:52.110
  • we just think whata chaotic mess.
  • 00:08:52.110 --> 00:08:53.511
  • Not the way God created it.
  • 00:08:53.511 --> 00:08:55.146
  • When God created the universe,
  • 00:08:55.146 --> 00:08:56.448
  • he put physical lawsin place that govern.
  • 00:08:56.448 --> 00:08:59.884
  • It causes safety, orderand predictability.
  • 00:08:59.884 --> 00:09:03.421
  • That's what laws do.
  • 00:09:03.421 --> 00:09:04.789
  • Without laws there,it isn't safe.
  • 00:09:04.789 --> 00:09:06.925
  • That's the way peoplefeel about marriage.
  • 00:09:06.925 --> 00:09:08.627
  • There's not order andthere's no predictability.
  • 00:09:08.627 --> 00:09:10.695
  • So you just feel like,
  • 00:09:10.695 --> 00:09:11.930
  • I'm going to be luckyif I survive this.
  • 00:09:11.930 --> 00:09:13.131
  • Okay.- [Laurie] Right.
  • 00:09:13.131 --> 00:09:14.432
  • - And most peoplearen't right now.
  • 00:09:14.432 --> 00:09:15.700
  • And so I read that andI saw the four laws.
  • 00:09:15.700 --> 00:09:18.670
  • And the Word taught methe four laws of love
  • 00:09:18.670 --> 00:09:21.106
  • and I teach this.
  • 00:09:21.106 --> 00:09:22.107
  • My book is about it.
  • 00:09:22.107 --> 00:09:23.541
  • It radically changedour marriage in one day.
  • 00:09:23.541 --> 00:09:26.645
  • They're simple.
  • 00:09:26.645 --> 00:09:27.579
  • If a person's watching
  • 00:09:27.579 --> 00:09:29.581
  • and I don't likecomplicated stuff,
  • 00:09:29.581 --> 00:09:31.049
  • you're gonna love this.
  • 00:09:31.049 --> 00:09:31.783
  • - [Laurie] Yeah.
  • 00:09:31.783 --> 00:09:32.717
  • - It is, any person can do it.
  • 00:09:32.717 --> 00:09:34.052
  • And see from the very beginning,
  • 00:09:34.052 --> 00:09:36.421
  • we see when Godmade Eve for Adam,
  • 00:09:36.421 --> 00:09:38.523
  • He said this, "For this cause."
  • 00:09:38.523 --> 00:09:40.625
  • As soon as He createdEve for Adam, He said,
  • 00:09:40.625 --> 00:09:42.327
  • "For this cause a man willleave his father and mother,
  • 00:09:42.327 --> 00:09:44.896
  • "cleave unto his wife. Thetwo shall become one flesh."
  • 00:09:44.896 --> 00:09:48.166
  • And the man and his wifewere both naked and ashamed.
  • 00:09:48.166 --> 00:09:50.135
  • Those are the four laws of love.
  • 00:09:50.135 --> 00:09:51.770
  • And when I saw him,it was just like,
  • 00:09:51.770 --> 00:09:53.672
  • I'd never seen it before.
  • 00:09:53.672 --> 00:09:55.206
  • Everything made sense.
  • 00:09:55.206 --> 00:09:56.241
  • Well, it supernaturally healed.
  • 00:09:56.241 --> 00:09:58.576
  • I mean, our marriage went
  • 00:09:58.576 --> 00:09:59.778
  • from the brink ofdivorce to phenomenal.
  • 00:09:59.778 --> 00:10:02.814
  • In about a threemonth period of time.
  • 00:10:02.814 --> 00:10:04.616
  • It wasn't instant, but,
  • 00:10:04.616 --> 00:10:06.151
  • and I've taught thisall over the world.
  • 00:10:06.151 --> 00:10:07.218
  • - [Laurie] Yeah.
  • 00:10:07.218 --> 00:10:08.053
  • - And so I began,
  • 00:10:08.053 --> 00:10:09.521
  • people started coming tous for marriage counseling.
  • 00:10:09.521 --> 00:10:12.023
  • I was in business.
  • 00:10:12.023 --> 00:10:13.224
  • People started coming to us
  • 00:10:13.224 --> 00:10:14.492
  • in our church formarriage counseling.
  • 00:10:14.492 --> 00:10:15.460
  • We had no idea why anybody
  • 00:10:15.460 --> 00:10:16.494
  • would come to us for counseling.
  • 00:10:16.494 --> 00:10:17.929
  • Well, I just taughtpeople the four laws.
  • 00:10:17.929 --> 00:10:20.131
  • And then I cameinto the ministry,
  • 00:10:20.131 --> 00:10:22.033
  • as a marriage counselor first
  • 00:10:22.033 --> 00:10:23.168
  • then as a pastor.
  • 00:10:23.168 --> 00:10:24.703
  • And I started doing seminarson the four laws of love.
  • 00:10:24.703 --> 00:10:27.439
  • Well, I've been allover the world now,
  • 00:10:27.439 --> 00:10:28.707
  • teaching this and everything.
  • 00:10:28.707 --> 00:10:30.175
  • And the thing that's sowonderful about it is,
  • 00:10:30.175 --> 00:10:32.577
  • it's so profoundly simple.
  • 00:10:32.577 --> 00:10:34.179
  • And anyone can do it.
  • 00:10:34.179 --> 00:10:35.647
  • I promise, there'll bepeople watching this program
  • 00:10:35.647 --> 00:10:37.782
  • right now.
  • 00:10:37.782 --> 00:10:38.750
  • You've been hurt by marriage.
  • 00:10:38.750 --> 00:10:39.884
  • You're confused about marriage.
  • 00:10:39.884 --> 00:10:41.352
  • Maybe you're single and you'refearful of being married.
  • 00:10:41.352 --> 00:10:43.421
  • I promise you,when you understand
  • 00:10:43.421 --> 00:10:45.390
  • the four laws of love,
  • 00:10:45.390 --> 00:10:46.424
  • you will say, I can do that.
  • 00:10:46.424 --> 00:10:48.126
  • - Okay. First of all.
  • 00:10:48.126 --> 00:10:50.128
  • Ah, welcome to Colorado.
  • 00:10:50.128 --> 00:10:52.397
  • Welcome to our studioshere in Colorado.
  • 00:10:52.397 --> 00:10:54.599
  • - [Jimmy] Oh my goodness.
  • 00:10:54.599 --> 00:10:56.034
  • - Jimmy, we're going tounpack the four laws of love.
  • 00:10:56.034 --> 00:10:58.636
  • We're going to unpackit for an hour.
  • 00:10:58.636 --> 00:11:02.240
  • This book is already out.
  • 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:03.975
  • You can go to Amazonright now and order it.
  • 00:11:03.975 --> 00:11:07.579
  • Do that, get it.
  • 00:11:07.579 --> 00:11:09.047
  • We want you to get thisbecause it's that critical.
  • 00:11:09.047 --> 00:11:12.650
  • I just, you know,in, you know, we're,
  • 00:11:12.650 --> 00:11:15.687
  • we're here in theseason of 2020,
  • 00:11:15.687 --> 00:11:19.390
  • COVID, racial, you know?
  • 00:11:19.390 --> 00:11:22.594
  • And it, you startedtalking about
  • 00:11:22.594 --> 00:11:26.030
  • these laws of marriage,
  • 00:11:26.030 --> 00:11:30.101
  • but they,
  • 00:11:30.101 --> 00:11:31.336
  • and I started to feelthis kind of connection
  • 00:11:31.336 --> 00:11:33.304
  • to the season that we're in.
  • 00:11:33.304 --> 00:11:34.706
  • You were showingthat first of all,
  • 00:11:34.706 --> 00:11:37.475
  • laws bring safety.- [Jimmy] That's right.
  • 00:11:37.475 --> 00:11:39.277
  • - What was thesecond thing? It was
  • 00:11:39.277 --> 00:11:40.512
  • - Order.
  • 00:11:40.512 --> 00:11:41.346
  • - Order and
  • 00:11:41.346 --> 00:11:42.347
  • - Predictability
  • 00:11:42.347 --> 00:11:43.815
  • - And what do we not havein the United States?
  • 00:11:43.815 --> 00:11:47.085
  • - That's exactly right.- Right.
  • 00:11:47.085 --> 00:11:48.219
  • - That's exactlyright. The rule of law.
  • 00:11:48.219 --> 00:11:49.654
  • - The rule of law.
  • 00:11:49.654 --> 00:11:51.055
  • So it's almost like thisnuclear thing that God created.
  • 00:11:51.055 --> 00:11:55.660
  • If you go out to the next ring,
  • 00:11:57.295 --> 00:11:59.130
  • it's supposed to do thatfor a societal situation.
  • 00:11:59.130 --> 00:12:02.534
  • And look at whereour society is.
  • 00:12:02.534 --> 00:12:04.836
  • And if anyone'swatching this program
  • 00:12:04.836 --> 00:12:06.504
  • and doesn't think that theworld's screwed up right now.
  • 00:12:06.504 --> 00:12:09.641
  • You're just,( Laurie laughs)
  • 00:12:09.641 --> 00:12:11.142
  • you don't have a TV oryou don't read newspapers.
  • 00:12:11.142 --> 00:12:12.577
  • - You haven't been out lately.
  • 00:12:12.577 --> 00:12:13.545
  • - You haven't been out.
  • 00:12:13.545 --> 00:12:15.480
  • So if you'recloistered somewhere,
  • 00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:17.081
  • maybe it's, maybe it'snot weird for you.
  • 00:12:17.081 --> 00:12:19.818
  • But it seems like God said,(Laurie mumbles and laughs)
  • 00:12:19.818 --> 00:12:23.154
  • Let me break thisdown real simple.
  • 00:12:23.154 --> 00:12:25.256
  • When you get thenuclear thing right,
  • 00:12:25.256 --> 00:12:27.992
  • it's going to helpsolve the cycle.
  • 00:12:27.992 --> 00:12:30.695
  • - It's the, it's the foundation.
  • 00:12:30.695 --> 00:12:32.030
  • It's the foundationof all of society.
  • 00:12:32.030 --> 00:12:34.232
  • God created marriagebefore there was a church.
  • 00:12:34.232 --> 00:12:37.802
  • Before there was a governmentand everything else.
  • 00:12:37.802 --> 00:12:39.938
  • So you have stable marriages,you have a stable society.
  • 00:12:39.938 --> 00:12:43.408
  • Okay?
  • 00:12:43.408 --> 00:12:44.542
  • But when themarriage is crumble,
  • 00:12:44.542 --> 00:12:45.944
  • the foundation has crumbled
  • 00:12:45.944 --> 00:12:48.446
  • and all of society beginsto crumble with it.
  • 00:12:48.446 --> 00:12:50.615
  • It's the foundationof education.
  • 00:12:50.615 --> 00:12:52.317
  • Look at our education system.
  • 00:12:52.317 --> 00:12:53.751
  • It's the foundationof our government.
  • 00:12:53.751 --> 00:12:55.119
  • It's the foundation of our laws.
  • 00:12:55.119 --> 00:12:56.754
  • See people who aremarried or well married.
  • 00:12:56.754 --> 00:12:59.691
  • They don't need alot of government.
  • 00:12:59.691 --> 00:13:01.192
  • They're just, they're happy.
  • 00:13:01.192 --> 00:13:02.427
  • They obey the laws,they're taxpaying.
  • 00:13:02.427 --> 00:13:04.095
  • But when the family breaks up,
  • 00:13:04.095 --> 00:13:05.997
  • the children are messed up.
  • 00:13:05.997 --> 00:13:07.498
  • They begin to commit crimesthrough juvenile delinquency.
  • 00:13:07.498 --> 00:13:10.068
  • Most violent crimesare committed by a man
  • 00:13:10.068 --> 00:13:12.871
  • who recently broke up withhis wife or girlfriend.
  • 00:13:12.871 --> 00:13:15.573
  • And so when you havethe destruction ofthe nuclear family,
  • 00:13:15.573 --> 00:13:19.177
  • it, all of societygoes along with it.
  • 00:13:19.177 --> 00:13:21.446
  • So you're literally building.
  • 00:13:21.446 --> 00:13:22.947
  • When you build your marriage,
  • 00:13:22.947 --> 00:13:24.182
  • you're building a foundation.
  • 00:13:24.182 --> 00:13:25.416
  • But also when youbuild your marriage,
  • 00:13:25.416 --> 00:13:27.485
  • you're building thefoundation of your future.
  • 00:13:27.485 --> 00:13:29.187
  • I think when childrenare born, I think.
  • 00:13:29.187 --> 00:13:31.256
  • - This is common I think, isor at least it was in my day.
  • 00:13:31.923 --> 00:13:35.560
  • A parent looks ata child and says,
  • 00:13:35.560 --> 00:13:37.295
  • "I hope they growup, get married
  • 00:13:37.295 --> 00:13:39.564
  • and have childrenand grandchildren."
  • 00:13:39.564 --> 00:13:41.900
  • That's what you want.
  • 00:13:41.900 --> 00:13:42.800
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:13:42.800 --> 00:13:43.735
  • - You don't say I want my child
  • 00:13:43.735 --> 00:13:45.403
  • to grow up in dyetheir hair purple
  • 00:13:45.403 --> 00:13:46.704
  • and burn down a building.
  • 00:13:46.704 --> 00:13:48.039
  • Parents don't pray that.
  • 00:13:49.007 --> 00:13:50.208
  • So, the age olddream of parenting,
  • 00:13:50.208 --> 00:13:52.644
  • and what I'm saying is,that dream can come true
  • 00:13:52.644 --> 00:13:54.946
  • for every person evenyoung people today,
  • 00:13:54.946 --> 00:13:57.949
  • they've lost thehope of marriage.
  • 00:13:57.949 --> 00:13:59.784
  • They haven't lost the dream.
  • 00:13:59.784 --> 00:14:01.419
  • They dream of being married,
  • 00:14:01.419 --> 00:14:02.787
  • but they just don'tthink it's possible.
  • 00:14:02.787 --> 00:14:04.422
  • And I say this allover the world,
  • 00:14:04.422 --> 00:14:06.391
  • you have a 100% chanceof success in marriage.
  • 00:14:06.391 --> 00:14:10.561
  • You don't have a 50% chance.
  • 00:14:10.561 --> 00:14:13.131
  • Let me say, why does God use me?
  • 00:14:13.131 --> 00:14:15.133
  • Because if I can doit, anybody can do it.
  • 00:14:15.133 --> 00:14:17.368
  • That's the reason God uses me.
  • 00:14:17.368 --> 00:14:19.203
  • And so, the four laws of lovecreate the foundation for...
  • 00:14:19.203 --> 00:14:23.341
  • Literally anunshakable foundation.
  • 00:14:23.341 --> 00:14:25.043
  • Karen and I have beenmarried for 47 years
  • 00:14:25.043 --> 00:14:26.878
  • and we love eachother, we're happy.
  • 00:14:26.878 --> 00:14:29.180
  • We've been through aton like you guys have,
  • 00:14:29.180 --> 00:14:31.082
  • we've been through aton, but Jesus said,
  • 00:14:31.082 --> 00:14:33.484
  • If you lay the foundationof his word under your life,
  • 00:14:33.484 --> 00:14:36.788
  • the rain comes, the wind blows,but that house will stand.
  • 00:14:36.788 --> 00:14:40.591
  • But if you build yourhouse upon the sand,
  • 00:14:40.591 --> 00:14:43.227
  • the rain comes, the wind blows
  • 00:14:43.227 --> 00:14:44.529
  • and the house fallsand great is its fall.
  • 00:14:44.529 --> 00:14:46.264
  • And so, I'm saying a lotof people kind of blame
  • 00:14:46.264 --> 00:14:48.333
  • the failure of marriage on God,
  • 00:14:48.333 --> 00:14:50.501
  • or they think it's just chaotic.
  • 00:14:50.501 --> 00:14:51.903
  • And what I do,
  • 00:14:51.903 --> 00:14:53.171
  • I'm saying that everymarriage can be built
  • 00:14:53.171 --> 00:14:55.807
  • upon four simple lawsthat will guarantee you,
  • 00:14:55.807 --> 00:14:59.010
  • lifelong success in marriage.
  • 00:14:59.010 --> 00:15:00.578
  • Absolutely guaranteed.
  • 00:15:00.578 --> 00:15:02.013
  • And the thing that it does is
  • 00:15:02.013 --> 00:15:04.482
  • you can unpackyour bags and exit.
  • 00:15:04.482 --> 00:15:06.384
  • You can be in a marriage
  • 00:15:07.618 --> 00:15:08.786
  • where you think we'regonna be married
  • 00:15:08.786 --> 00:15:09.787
  • the rest of our lives.
  • 00:15:09.787 --> 00:15:11.022
  • And it seems likethis. I'm a golfer.
  • 00:15:11.022 --> 00:15:13.057
  • The worst thing to do isget on the golf course
  • 00:15:13.057 --> 00:15:15.560
  • and start hitting bad shots
  • 00:15:15.560 --> 00:15:16.961
  • and not know why,it's maddening.
  • 00:15:16.961 --> 00:15:18.863
  • But when you're a golfer
  • 00:15:20.365 --> 00:15:22.200
  • and you get out andyou hit a bad shot,
  • 00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:23.835
  • you think why do I did that?
  • 00:15:23.835 --> 00:15:25.436
  • And so you correct it.
  • 00:15:25.436 --> 00:15:26.571
  • The worst thing in the world
  • 00:15:26.571 --> 00:15:28.006
  • is to be in a badmarriage and not know why.
  • 00:15:28.006 --> 00:15:29.540
  • When you understand thefour simple laws of love.
  • 00:15:29.540 --> 00:15:33.211
  • Karen and I had a couple lastyear on the brink of divorce.
  • 00:15:33.211 --> 00:15:36.781
  • There's a couple we know,
  • 00:15:36.781 --> 00:15:38.282
  • and they were on thebrink of divorce.
  • 00:15:38.282 --> 00:15:39.817
  • I gave him my book for"Four Laws of Love."
  • 00:15:39.817 --> 00:15:42.520
  • They are absolutely...
  • 00:15:42.520 --> 00:15:44.555
  • They need to get a roomwhen you're around them.
  • 00:15:44.555 --> 00:15:46.424
  • (Woman chuckling)
  • 00:15:46.424 --> 00:15:47.625
  • They are the absolute,most giddy couple.
  • 00:15:47.625 --> 00:15:48.960
  • And they have a personalBible study every week
  • 00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:51.396
  • over the four laws.
  • 00:15:51.396 --> 00:15:52.497
  • And they go backto the four laws
  • 00:15:52.497 --> 00:15:54.232
  • and they just keep saying,
  • 00:15:54.232 --> 00:15:55.400
  • "We just can't believe,we almost walked."
  • 00:15:55.400 --> 00:15:58.469
  • And it's so simple.
  • 00:15:58.469 --> 00:15:59.604
  • So every couple,
  • 00:15:59.604 --> 00:16:01.139
  • if they just understand andapply these four simple laws,
  • 00:16:01.139 --> 00:16:04.509
  • you can live in awonderful, successful...
  • 00:16:04.509 --> 00:16:06.811
  • You may have some problems youmay go through some of that
  • 00:16:06.811 --> 00:16:08.880
  • but you gotta make it.
  • 00:16:08.880 --> 00:16:09.714
  • - [Woman] Right.
  • 00:16:09.714 --> 00:16:10.648
  • - So it's the wonderful thing.
  • 00:16:10.648 --> 00:16:11.516
  • - Two things.
  • 00:16:11.516 --> 00:16:13.051
  • First of all,
  • 00:16:13.051 --> 00:16:14.285
  • we haven't been as muchthrough as much as you
  • 00:16:14.285 --> 00:16:16.654
  • because I don't golf.
  • 00:16:17.688 --> 00:16:19.057
  • (all laughing)
  • 00:16:19.057 --> 00:16:20.892
  • So that's one thing.- Lucky you.
  • 00:16:20.892 --> 00:16:22.193
  • - Second thing is,
  • 00:16:22.193 --> 00:16:23.728
  • if you don't start tellingus what these four laws are,
  • 00:16:23.728 --> 00:16:26.697
  • I'm gonna jump over thereand we're gonna fight.
  • 00:16:26.697 --> 00:16:29.767
  • - I'm making everybody wait.
  • 00:16:29.767 --> 00:16:30.868
  • (all laughing)
  • 00:16:30.868 --> 00:16:33.171
  • - You know what I loveabout the laws of God.
  • 00:16:33.171 --> 00:16:35.840
  • I've said it even this morning
  • 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:37.942
  • is that there's 10 commandments.
  • 00:16:37.942 --> 00:16:40.144
  • - [Jimmy] That's right.
  • 00:16:40.144 --> 00:16:41.079
  • - God makes it so simple for us
  • 00:16:41.079 --> 00:16:42.580
  • to live such a beautiful,wonderful life.
  • 00:16:42.580 --> 00:16:46.050
  • Not saying we're not gonnahave trouble or anything,
  • 00:16:46.050 --> 00:16:48.352
  • but if we stick with the laws,
  • 00:16:48.352 --> 00:16:49.787
  • we get through itwith such grace
  • 00:16:49.787 --> 00:16:52.256
  • and such peace, and provision,and everything from God.
  • 00:16:52.256 --> 00:16:55.660
  • So that is the gospel.
  • 00:16:55.660 --> 00:16:57.762
  • That it is a simple thingif we'll just abide by it.
  • 00:16:57.762 --> 00:17:00.998
  • - Need to know the laws.
  • 00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:03.501
  • So we need to get there.- Priorities.
  • 00:17:03.501 --> 00:17:04.936
  • - But John Wayne shot amovie here called "True Grit"
  • 00:17:04.936 --> 00:17:08.739
  • put the reigns in his mouth
  • 00:17:08.739 --> 00:17:10.074
  • and the guns andthe whole thing.
  • 00:17:10.074 --> 00:17:12.076
  • And he had a quote that said,
  • 00:17:12.076 --> 00:17:13.878
  • "Life's hard. It's harderwhen you're stupid."
  • 00:17:13.878 --> 00:17:17.515
  • (all laughing)
  • 00:17:17.515 --> 00:17:18.516
  • We wanna get outof the stupidity
  • 00:17:18.516 --> 00:17:20.118
  • of why we don't know whymarriage doesn't work.
  • 00:17:20.118 --> 00:17:24.288
  • So the four laws, number one is-
  • 00:17:24.288 --> 00:17:26.791
  • - Of priority.
  • 00:17:26.791 --> 00:17:28.326
  • It's for this cause a man willleave his father and mother.
  • 00:17:28.326 --> 00:17:30.328
  • And so your mother andfather before you married
  • 00:17:30.328 --> 00:17:32.430
  • are your most importantblood bond. Okay?
  • 00:17:32.430 --> 00:17:35.133
  • And so for God said, forthis cause of marriage.
  • 00:17:35.133 --> 00:17:38.202
  • Now, remember Adam andEve didn't have a mother.
  • 00:17:38.202 --> 00:17:41.339
  • Adam and Eve were bothdirectly created by God.
  • 00:17:41.339 --> 00:17:43.975
  • So the reason that we know
  • 00:17:43.975 --> 00:17:45.209
  • that these laws are foreveryone, universally
  • 00:17:45.209 --> 00:17:47.912
  • is because theydidn't have a mother.
  • 00:17:47.912 --> 00:17:50.148
  • God said, for this cause,
  • 00:17:50.148 --> 00:17:52.049
  • a man will leave hisfather and mother
  • 00:17:52.049 --> 00:17:54.085
  • and then so on and so forth.
  • 00:17:54.085 --> 00:17:55.386
  • Well, before you get married,
  • 00:17:55.386 --> 00:17:56.821
  • your mother and father areyour most important blood bond,
  • 00:17:56.821 --> 00:17:58.956
  • they're your mostimportant relatives.
  • 00:17:58.956 --> 00:18:01.092
  • And so you hear the saying thatblood is thicker than water.
  • 00:18:01.092 --> 00:18:04.428
  • And that basically means that,
  • 00:18:04.428 --> 00:18:05.696
  • you know, fire breaksout, stick with blood.
  • 00:18:05.696 --> 00:18:07.665
  • Okay, let me giveyou another saying.
  • 00:18:07.665 --> 00:18:09.534
  • The blood may bethicker than water,
  • 00:18:09.534 --> 00:18:10.835
  • but spirit isthicker than blood.
  • 00:18:10.835 --> 00:18:12.937
  • And when God puts a marriedcouple together by His spirit,
  • 00:18:12.937 --> 00:18:15.740
  • yokes them togetherby his spirit,
  • 00:18:15.740 --> 00:18:17.575
  • that relationship immediatelybecomes a more important
  • 00:18:17.575 --> 00:18:20.278
  • than any other thing in life.
  • 00:18:20.278 --> 00:18:21.512
  • - I get it.
  • 00:18:21.512 --> 00:18:22.914
  • - And so in-laws, in-lawscan be a blessing,
  • 00:18:22.914 --> 00:18:24.448
  • in-laws can break breakupa lot of marriages,
  • 00:18:24.448 --> 00:18:26.317
  • because if you haveconfused loyalties,
  • 00:18:26.317 --> 00:18:28.619
  • in my case, Karenand I got married,
  • 00:18:28.619 --> 00:18:30.421
  • but our in laws weren'ta problem, golf was.
  • 00:18:30.421 --> 00:18:32.723
  • And so we got married.
  • 00:18:32.723 --> 00:18:34.625
  • You fall in love becauseyou prioritize each other,
  • 00:18:34.625 --> 00:18:37.762
  • everyone naturallyprioritizes relationship
  • 00:18:37.762 --> 00:18:40.031
  • at the beginning,
  • 00:18:40.031 --> 00:18:41.199
  • but once we secureeach other's affection,
  • 00:18:41.199 --> 00:18:42.800
  • we begin to take eachother for granted, okay?
  • 00:18:42.800 --> 00:18:44.969
  • And so I played golf
  • 00:18:44.969 --> 00:18:46.938
  • and the night that I...
  • 00:18:46.938 --> 00:18:49.173
  • And Karen just shoot...
  • 00:18:49.173 --> 00:18:50.608
  • Karen doesn't mindme playing golf,
  • 00:18:50.608 --> 00:18:51.676
  • she minds it coming before her.
  • 00:18:51.676 --> 00:18:53.711
  • And I would come homeexhausted from golf,
  • 00:18:53.711 --> 00:18:55.446
  • nothing left to give
  • 00:18:55.446 --> 00:18:56.914
  • and Karen just becameso resentful of that.
  • 00:18:56.914 --> 00:18:59.884
  • On the night that ourmarriage was healed,
  • 00:18:59.884 --> 00:19:01.385
  • I went into the bedroomand I apologized to Karen
  • 00:19:01.385 --> 00:19:03.821
  • and I said, I'm hangingmy golf clubs up.
  • 00:19:03.821 --> 00:19:05.323
  • Now, that's when sheknew Jesus had my heart.
  • 00:19:05.323 --> 00:19:08.159
  • And so I got my golfclub for three years
  • 00:19:08.159 --> 00:19:11.596
  • and our marriage was healedbecause I put her first again.
  • 00:19:11.596 --> 00:19:13.931
  • I mean, it was immediate.
  • 00:19:13.931 --> 00:19:16.033
  • That was the problemin our marriage
  • 00:19:16.033 --> 00:19:17.702
  • and Karen prioritize me, Ijust wouldn't prioritize her.
  • 00:19:17.702 --> 00:19:20.304
  • Marriage has to comebefore your children.
  • 00:19:20.304 --> 00:19:22.406
  • Children are a temporaryassignment. Okay?
  • 00:19:23.507 --> 00:19:25.810
  • So we have two children ourson's with me right now.
  • 00:19:25.810 --> 00:19:29.180
  • We have two children.
  • 00:19:29.180 --> 00:19:30.081
  • Our children were born.
  • 00:19:30.081 --> 00:19:31.882
  • They lived with us.
  • 00:19:31.882 --> 00:19:33.284
  • They moved out.
  • 00:19:33.284 --> 00:19:34.752
  • And then most of our marriedlife has been without our kids.
  • 00:19:34.752 --> 00:19:37.121
  • Now we're veryclose to our kids,
  • 00:19:37.121 --> 00:19:38.656
  • but even then they don't wantyou breathing down their neck.
  • 00:19:38.656 --> 00:19:40.091
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:19:40.091 --> 00:19:41.325
  • - So children comeand children go.
  • 00:19:41.325 --> 00:19:43.060
  • But if you prioritize yourchildren above your marriage,
  • 00:19:43.060 --> 00:19:46.264
  • your spouse is gonnabecome resentful of that.
  • 00:19:46.264 --> 00:19:48.132
  • Especially thehusband's gonna...
  • 00:19:48.132 --> 00:19:49.367
  • If a man puts his workbefore his marriage
  • 00:19:49.367 --> 00:19:51.269
  • the wife's gonna becomeresentful of that.
  • 00:19:51.269 --> 00:19:53.104
  • What I'm saying is,
  • 00:19:53.104 --> 00:19:54.372
  • all of your married life.
  • 00:19:54.372 --> 00:19:56.140
  • There has to be thepriority of marriage.
  • 00:19:56.140 --> 00:19:58.576
  • And here's how youprove priority.
  • 00:19:58.576 --> 00:20:00.511
  • What will you give up for me?
  • 00:20:00.511 --> 00:20:02.713
  • If I'm really first,
  • 00:20:02.713 --> 00:20:03.948
  • you'll give up a ballgame with your buddies.
  • 00:20:03.948 --> 00:20:06.417
  • If I'm really first,
  • 00:20:06.417 --> 00:20:07.685
  • you're gonna give up
  • 00:20:07.685 --> 00:20:09.153
  • the time that you spendwith the kids to be with me.
  • 00:20:09.153 --> 00:20:11.255
  • You're gonna comehome early from work.
  • 00:20:11.255 --> 00:20:13.090
  • If I'm not first, you'regonna make excuses.
  • 00:20:13.090 --> 00:20:15.359
  • What happens islegitimate jealousy.
  • 00:20:16.494 --> 00:20:19.096
  • So in Exodus, God says,"My name is jealous"
  • 00:20:19.096 --> 00:20:22.933
  • with a capital J.
  • 00:20:22.933 --> 00:20:24.368
  • And here's what jealousyis a protective emotion.
  • 00:20:24.368 --> 00:20:26.671
  • It can be wrong,
  • 00:20:26.671 --> 00:20:28.139
  • but jealousy naturally saysyou belong to me first.
  • 00:20:28.139 --> 00:20:31.309
  • God is a jealous Godbecause he loves us
  • 00:20:31.309 --> 00:20:33.477
  • and wants us first.
  • 00:20:33.477 --> 00:20:34.779
  • And when something comesbetween us and God,
  • 00:20:34.779 --> 00:20:36.714
  • He becomes jealous of it.
  • 00:20:36.714 --> 00:20:38.149
  • And he begins to oppose it.
  • 00:20:38.149 --> 00:20:39.850
  • Not because He hates usbut because He loves us.
  • 00:20:39.850 --> 00:20:42.420
  • The level of jealousy, itmatches the level of love.
  • 00:20:42.420 --> 00:20:46.557
  • So Karen becamelegitimately jealous of golf
  • 00:20:46.557 --> 00:20:50.227
  • and she began to express thatbut I didn't listen to it.
  • 00:20:50.227 --> 00:20:52.930
  • I ignored it and almostruined our marriage.
  • 00:20:52.930 --> 00:20:54.932
  • So fast forward toour marriage today,
  • 00:20:54.932 --> 00:20:57.234
  • if I said to Karen, "HeyI want to play golf,"
  • 00:20:57.234 --> 00:20:59.003
  • And she said, "Hey, I needyour help around the house,"
  • 00:20:59.003 --> 00:21:00.738
  • I'd say, "Great."
  • 00:21:00.738 --> 00:21:02.573
  • I'll help around the house.
  • 00:21:02.573 --> 00:21:03.908
  • Golf is down the list,way on down the list.
  • 00:21:03.908 --> 00:21:06.777
  • So anytime that you'remarried successfully,
  • 00:21:06.777 --> 00:21:10.014
  • you have to say to your spousein real terms, you're first.
  • 00:21:10.014 --> 00:21:13.918
  • You're first before the kids,
  • 00:21:13.918 --> 00:21:15.453
  • you're first before work,your first before friends,
  • 00:21:15.453 --> 00:21:17.722
  • you're first beforeyour smartphone.
  • 00:21:17.722 --> 00:21:19.757
  • Now, a lot of people today
  • 00:21:19.757 --> 00:21:21.258
  • are divorcing becauseof technology.
  • 00:21:21.258 --> 00:21:23.427
  • And I can't rememberthe statistic
  • 00:21:23.427 --> 00:21:24.995
  • and I may miss quotethis, but I think
  • 00:21:24.995 --> 00:21:27.098
  • the word Facebook is on halfof all divorce documents.
  • 00:21:27.098 --> 00:21:30.000
  • - [Matt] My goodness.
  • 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:31.435
  • - And so and it's nothingnecessarily wrong with Facebook,
  • 00:21:31.435 --> 00:21:33.371
  • but I'm saying the social media
  • 00:21:33.371 --> 00:21:34.872
  • getting on social media anddoing all that kind of stuff.
  • 00:21:34.872 --> 00:21:37.541
  • You have to put your phone down.
  • 00:21:37.541 --> 00:21:40.010
  • There has to be a time whenyou turn your phone Off.
  • 00:21:40.010 --> 00:21:42.613
  • - I'm elbowing her now.
  • 00:21:42.613 --> 00:21:44.215
  • (jimmy laughs)
  • 00:21:44.215 --> 00:21:45.049
  • - No you're not.
  • 00:21:45.049 --> 00:21:46.283
  • - Now you know, therewas a point in time
  • 00:21:46.283 --> 00:21:48.486
  • I wanna remind everybody'cause I'm so old.
  • 00:21:48.486 --> 00:21:51.021
  • There was a time wedidn't have smartphones.
  • 00:21:51.021 --> 00:21:52.590
  • - Yeah.- Yeah.
  • 00:21:52.590 --> 00:21:54.091
  • - And you were alone and itwas possible to be alone.
  • 00:21:54.091 --> 00:21:56.160
  • And so I had a couple, thatshe was extremely resentful.
  • 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:59.230
  • This is Blackberry days.
  • 00:21:59.230 --> 00:22:01.298
  • And she was extremely resentfulof her husband's Blackberry.
  • 00:22:01.298 --> 00:22:04.135
  • And they came in for counseling
  • 00:22:04.135 --> 00:22:05.770
  • and I'm sitting theretalking to him and she said,
  • 00:22:05.770 --> 00:22:08.372
  • he's never alone.
  • 00:22:08.372 --> 00:22:09.807
  • He always has his Blackberryand he always responds
  • 00:22:09.807 --> 00:22:11.776
  • to it every timehe gets a message.
  • 00:22:11.776 --> 00:22:13.110
  • He got a messagewhen we were talking
  • 00:22:13.110 --> 00:22:15.246
  • and responded to it.
  • 00:22:15.246 --> 00:22:16.647
  • (woman gasps)
  • 00:22:16.647 --> 00:22:17.848
  • And she reached overand hit the Blackberry.
  • 00:22:17.848 --> 00:22:19.049
  • So that's whatI'm talking about.
  • 00:22:19.049 --> 00:22:19.850
  • And he said, "What?"
  • 00:22:19.850 --> 00:22:21.085
  • And I said, "No,you listen to me.
  • 00:22:21.085 --> 00:22:22.553
  • You got to put that thingdown and turn it off."
  • 00:22:22.553 --> 00:22:24.588
  • And he said, "Well,this is my business."
  • 00:22:24.588 --> 00:22:25.856
  • And I said, "Youput business on hold
  • 00:22:25.856 --> 00:22:27.691
  • or you gonna lose your wife.
  • 00:22:27.691 --> 00:22:29.026
  • You have a choice.Your wife or your..."
  • 00:22:29.026 --> 00:22:30.795
  • Their marriage was transformed.
  • 00:22:30.795 --> 00:22:32.263
  • - [Woman] Wow.
  • 00:22:32.263 --> 00:22:33.497
  • And he looked at meand he said, "Really?"
  • 00:22:33.497 --> 00:22:35.099
  • And I said, "Don't you get it?
  • 00:22:35.099 --> 00:22:37.034
  • She wants you, she'sjealous of you."
  • 00:22:37.034 --> 00:22:38.969
  • And he said, "Honey,is that right?"
  • 00:22:38.969 --> 00:22:40.738
  • She said, "Yeah, exactly.
  • 00:22:40.738 --> 00:22:42.306
  • That's what I've beentrying to say to you."
  • 00:22:42.306 --> 00:22:43.641
  • He just thought she was nagging
  • 00:22:43.641 --> 00:22:45.609
  • and didn't understandhow busy he was.
  • 00:22:45.609 --> 00:22:47.711
  • She was fighting for his heart.
  • 00:22:47.711 --> 00:22:50.014
  • She was fighting for thesoul of the relationship.
  • 00:22:50.014 --> 00:22:52.750
  • And so in the very beginning,
  • 00:22:52.750 --> 00:22:54.585
  • when God createdmarriage, He said,
  • 00:22:54.585 --> 00:22:56.387
  • this has to be first.
  • 00:22:56.387 --> 00:22:57.988
  • "For this cause a man willleave his father and mother."
  • 00:22:57.988 --> 00:23:00.157
  • It has to be first.
  • 00:23:00.157 --> 00:23:01.659
  • So if you're married and yourspouse has been complaining
  • 00:23:01.659 --> 00:23:05.896
  • and saying, honey, youknow, put the kids to bed
  • 00:23:05.896 --> 00:23:08.165
  • and come in here be with me.
  • 00:23:08.165 --> 00:23:09.300
  • Honey, come home from work.
  • 00:23:09.300 --> 00:23:10.568
  • And honey, stop playing golf.
  • 00:23:10.568 --> 00:23:11.869
  • Honey get off theTV or whatever.
  • 00:23:11.869 --> 00:23:13.938
  • They're not nagging, they'refighting for your heart.
  • 00:23:13.938 --> 00:23:16.674
  • They're fighting for thesoul of the relationship.
  • 00:23:16.674 --> 00:23:18.809
  • And if your response is,
  • 00:23:18.809 --> 00:23:20.077
  • "Aah, I'll be therein a little while."
  • 00:23:20.077 --> 00:23:21.479
  • Video games have endeda lot of marriages,
  • 00:23:21.479 --> 00:23:24.281
  • all kinds of stuff.
  • 00:23:24.281 --> 00:23:25.616
  • Here's what you say.
  • 00:23:25.616 --> 00:23:27.351
  • "I'm sorry, when we gotmarried I put you first
  • 00:23:27.351 --> 00:23:32.156
  • and you know something,I'm taking you for granted
  • 00:23:32.156 --> 00:23:34.525
  • and I'm giving my first andmy best to someone else.
  • 00:23:34.525 --> 00:23:37.795
  • And I'm sorry, willyou forgive me?"
  • 00:23:37.795 --> 00:23:39.430
  • It will resurrect the deadmarriage just like that.
  • 00:23:39.430 --> 00:23:42.500
  • And your spirit.
  • 00:23:42.500 --> 00:23:43.734
  • It will penetrateyour spouse's heart.
  • 00:23:43.734 --> 00:23:45.035
  • - So how do you...
  • 00:23:45.035 --> 00:23:46.637
  • If there's a couple sittingon a couch watching this
  • 00:23:46.637 --> 00:23:50.941
  • and you've just made anuncomfortable setting.
  • 00:23:50.941 --> 00:23:55.946
  • (Jimmy laughs)Right?
  • 00:23:56.747 --> 00:23:57.681
  • - That's my job, I'm good at it.
  • 00:23:57.681 --> 00:23:58.616
  • - Yeah, okay.
  • 00:23:58.616 --> 00:23:59.817
  • So you've made anuncomfortable setting.
  • 00:23:59.817 --> 00:24:02.520
  • How do you get theconversation started like,
  • 00:24:02.520 --> 00:24:07.258
  • do you point out some of thethings the other person does
  • 00:24:07.258 --> 00:24:10.928
  • that feels likethe prioritization?
  • 00:24:10.928 --> 00:24:14.732
  • The only thing I can thinkof and I'm being honest,
  • 00:24:14.732 --> 00:24:17.334
  • look at me,
  • 00:24:17.334 --> 00:24:18.869
  • is sometimes she worries aboutthe household more than me.
  • 00:24:18.869 --> 00:24:23.440
  • So, you know, likesome who's coming
  • 00:24:26.777 --> 00:24:29.914
  • or who's coming overor is lunch prepared
  • 00:24:29.914 --> 00:24:33.250
  • or I mean she'll do alittle bit of the household
  • 00:24:33.250 --> 00:24:36.620
  • that she's I mean,
  • 00:24:36.620 --> 00:24:38.389
  • women's brains, think abouteverything all at once.
  • 00:24:38.389 --> 00:24:41.725
  • We think about onething at a time.
  • 00:24:41.725 --> 00:24:43.594
  • - Right.
  • 00:24:43.594 --> 00:24:44.828
  • - And so I'm thinkingabout sitting there
  • 00:24:44.828 --> 00:24:46.897
  • with my proteindrink in the morning
  • 00:24:46.897 --> 00:24:49.099
  • and she's thinking about lunchand then what's for dinner?
  • 00:24:49.099 --> 00:24:51.535
  • And do I have to cook?- You're welcome.
  • 00:24:51.535 --> 00:24:53.370
  • (all laughs)
  • 00:24:53.370 --> 00:24:54.638
  • Karen asked me in thebathroom every morning
  • 00:24:54.638 --> 00:24:55.973
  • What I want for dinner.- You're welcome.
  • 00:24:55.973 --> 00:24:57.875
  • (Karen chuckles)
  • 00:24:57.875 --> 00:24:59.109
  • See, she's making anexcuse for what...
  • 00:24:59.109 --> 00:25:01.378
  • Yeah.
  • 00:25:01.378 --> 00:25:02.479
  • - Somebody has to.
  • 00:25:02.479 --> 00:25:03.347
  • - That's right.
  • 00:25:03.347 --> 00:25:04.882
  • - So how do you treat theuncomfortable environment
  • 00:25:04.882 --> 00:25:06.984
  • you've ultimately created
  • 00:25:06.984 --> 00:25:08.552
  • in several householdswatching this?
  • 00:25:08.552 --> 00:25:11.021
  • - Well, two ways.
  • 00:25:11.021 --> 00:25:12.022
  • First of all youask your spouse.
  • 00:25:12.022 --> 00:25:13.824
  • - Do I do that?
  • 00:25:13.824 --> 00:25:15.459
  • - Yeah, do it withoutbeing defensive.
  • 00:25:15.459 --> 00:25:17.094
  • Say, "Do I ever make youfeel like you're not first?"
  • 00:25:17.094 --> 00:25:20.064
  • Okay. Number one.
  • 00:25:20.064 --> 00:25:21.398
  • Number two, you complainbut you don't criticize,
  • 00:25:21.398 --> 00:25:24.435
  • there's big difference.
  • 00:25:24.435 --> 00:25:25.903
  • When you criticizesomeone, you say,
  • 00:25:25.903 --> 00:25:27.805
  • "Matt, let me just tellyou something right now.
  • 00:25:27.805 --> 00:25:30.207
  • I'm mad at you becausehere's what you did
  • 00:25:30.207 --> 00:25:32.009
  • and here's what you meant.
  • 00:25:32.009 --> 00:25:33.277
  • The judge and jury havemet and you can confess
  • 00:25:33.277 --> 00:25:35.613
  • and that's all..."
  • 00:25:35.613 --> 00:25:36.814
  • It's like, "Hey, I didn't..."
  • 00:25:36.814 --> 00:25:37.915
  • And I'm judging your motives.
  • 00:25:37.915 --> 00:25:40.284
  • Complaining is like this,
  • 00:25:40.284 --> 00:25:41.852
  • "Hey Matt, you did that.
  • 00:25:41.852 --> 00:25:43.087
  • Can I tell you howit made me feel?
  • 00:25:43.087 --> 00:25:44.221
  • But I'm not saying I'm right.
  • 00:25:44.221 --> 00:25:45.689
  • I'm just sayingthis is how I feel."
  • 00:25:45.689 --> 00:25:47.291
  • And so you say to your spouse,
  • 00:25:47.291 --> 00:25:49.159
  • "Honey, can I tellyou how I feel?
  • 00:25:49.159 --> 00:25:50.794
  • And I'm not telling you...
  • 00:25:50.794 --> 00:25:52.129
  • I'm not accusingyou of anything.
  • 00:25:52.129 --> 00:25:53.831
  • I just really feel like
  • 00:25:53.831 --> 00:25:54.965
  • that you loveso-and-so more than"-
  • 00:25:54.965 --> 00:25:56.433
  • - Okay, so what ifthere is a uncomfortable
  • 00:25:56.433 --> 00:26:01.271
  • and let's call it worsethan uncomfortable, you now.
  • 00:26:02.673 --> 00:26:05.509
  • The fact that weactually enjoy each other
  • 00:26:07.611 --> 00:26:12.416
  • more than any other people.
  • 00:26:12.416 --> 00:26:14.251
  • - [Jimmy] Right.- We talk about that often.
  • 00:26:14.251 --> 00:26:16.053
  • So I mean, we cando little things
  • 00:26:16.053 --> 00:26:19.356
  • that could be improvedhere and there
  • 00:26:19.356 --> 00:26:20.658
  • but you know, I'm not-
  • 00:26:20.658 --> 00:26:22.826
  • - Always a higher way.
  • 00:26:22.826 --> 00:26:23.961
  • [Woman chuckles]
  • 00:26:23.961 --> 00:26:25.462
  • - There's always somebodyfurther down the road
  • 00:26:25.462 --> 00:26:26.964
  • where you actually don't mucheven care for the person.
  • 00:26:26.964 --> 00:26:31.568
  • - Right?
  • 00:26:31.568 --> 00:26:32.803
  • - How do you getthis conversation?
  • 00:26:32.803 --> 00:26:35.272
  • We're only in lawnumber one here,
  • 00:26:35.272 --> 00:26:36.674
  • which is prioritization.
  • 00:26:36.674 --> 00:26:38.909
  • How do you prioritize
  • 00:26:38.909 --> 00:26:40.377
  • somebody that you're noteven all that excited about.
  • 00:26:40.377 --> 00:26:43.013
  • - Well Karen and Ifell out of love.
  • 00:26:43.013 --> 00:26:45.249
  • - Okay.
  • 00:26:45.249 --> 00:26:46.183
  • - We didn't love each other.
  • 00:26:46.183 --> 00:26:47.418
  • When I went in and toldher that I was sorry,
  • 00:26:47.418 --> 00:26:49.253
  • we didn't have any emotions.
  • 00:26:49.253 --> 00:26:51.522
  • And in some people's...
  • 00:26:51.522 --> 00:26:53.323
  • During COVID-19 thedivorce has skyrocketed
  • 00:26:53.323 --> 00:26:55.759
  • because people are together.
  • 00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:57.695
  • And so you fell in love becauseyou prioritized each other,
  • 00:26:57.695 --> 00:27:01.665
  • you fell out of lovebecause you didn't.
  • 00:27:01.665 --> 00:27:04.234
  • How do you get back in love?
  • 00:27:04.234 --> 00:27:05.335
  • Just fix the problem.
  • 00:27:05.335 --> 00:27:06.804
  • You just start prioritizing.
  • 00:27:06.804 --> 00:27:07.905
  • - It can start reversing-
  • 00:27:07.905 --> 00:27:09.106
  • - Oh, absolutely.
  • 00:27:09.106 --> 00:27:09.973
  • - All right.
  • 00:27:09.973 --> 00:27:10.808
  • - So in our marriage,
  • 00:27:10.808 --> 00:27:12.242
  • I woke up the morningafter I apologized to Karen
  • 00:27:12.242 --> 00:27:15.446
  • and I changed.
  • 00:27:15.446 --> 00:27:16.680
  • I came home from work,didn't go play golf,
  • 00:27:16.680 --> 00:27:18.348
  • hung up my golf clubs.
  • 00:27:18.348 --> 00:27:19.583
  • I would say fouror five days later,
  • 00:27:21.118 --> 00:27:23.520
  • we laughed for the first time.
  • 00:27:23.520 --> 00:27:25.022
  • We had stopped laughingbecause we fought so much.
  • 00:27:25.022 --> 00:27:27.458
  • And I remember the firsttime one of us laughed
  • 00:27:27.458 --> 00:27:29.460
  • I thought, I don't thinkwe've laughed in months.
  • 00:27:29.460 --> 00:27:32.563
  • And then a few dayslater we started
  • 00:27:32.563 --> 00:27:35.999
  • kind of kidding aroundand being buddies.
  • 00:27:35.999 --> 00:27:38.235
  • A few weeks later,
  • 00:27:38.235 --> 00:27:39.470
  • we were back in love,a few months later,
  • 00:27:39.470 --> 00:27:41.371
  • it was back where it was.
  • 00:27:41.371 --> 00:27:42.973
  • It was more thanwe ever had been.
  • 00:27:42.973 --> 00:27:44.808
  • Our marriage...
  • 00:27:44.808 --> 00:27:45.776
  • You can fall back-
  • 00:27:45.776 --> 00:27:47.377
  • - [Matt] It can happen.
  • 00:27:47.377 --> 00:27:48.178
  • - Oh my gosh.
  • 00:27:48.178 --> 00:27:49.713
  • We seen it all the time. Isee it all over the world.
  • 00:27:49.713 --> 00:27:51.014
  • People who are bitter enemies
  • 00:27:51.014 --> 00:27:53.117
  • because you're justbreaking the law.
  • 00:27:53.117 --> 00:27:54.985
  • It's like gravity.
  • 00:27:54.985 --> 00:27:56.320
  • If you respect gravityit's wonderful.
  • 00:27:56.320 --> 00:27:58.021
  • If you don't, you're justgonna get hurt real bad.
  • 00:27:58.021 --> 00:27:59.723
  • - [Woman] Yeah.
  • 00:27:59.723 --> 00:28:00.758
  • - So before we go to law two.
  • 00:28:00.758 --> 00:28:02.359
  • Law one being thisprioritization,
  • 00:28:02.359 --> 00:28:05.529
  • do you admit and say,"Don't really like you,
  • 00:28:05.529 --> 00:28:09.433
  • but I'm willing tostart prioritizing-
  • 00:28:09.433 --> 00:28:11.535
  • - Are you pointing at me?
  • 00:28:11.535 --> 00:28:12.703
  • - No, no.
  • 00:28:12.703 --> 00:28:13.537
  • Do you do that?- Absolutely.
  • 00:28:14.505 --> 00:28:16.106
  • Honey, I don'tlike where we are.
  • 00:28:18.275 --> 00:28:20.210
  • I don't like being around you.
  • 00:28:20.210 --> 00:28:21.478
  • But what I realize isI've made a mistake.
  • 00:28:21.478 --> 00:28:24.414
  • I'm not treating you the way...
  • 00:28:24.414 --> 00:28:26.350
  • Let me say it.
  • 00:28:26.350 --> 00:28:27.284
  • Plus I hate divorce. Okay.
  • 00:28:27.284 --> 00:28:29.019
  • And so I had a friend yearsago when I was in business.
  • 00:28:29.019 --> 00:28:31.655
  • - Nice guy, he was asalesman for a TV station.
  • 00:28:31.755 --> 00:28:35.726
  • And just kind of anormal looking guy,
  • 00:28:35.726 --> 00:28:37.594
  • my son one day andman, he looked great.
  • 00:28:37.594 --> 00:28:40.197
  • I mean, he had lost like 30pounds in shape, dressed well,
  • 00:28:40.197 --> 00:28:43.467
  • hair all done and I said,"My goodness, you look great."
  • 00:28:43.467 --> 00:28:47.237
  • He said, "Well, I'm divorced,I have to look great."
  • 00:28:47.237 --> 00:28:50.374
  • - Hello.- Well, but here's my point.
  • 00:28:50.374 --> 00:28:52.643
  • He was doing for a strangerwhat he wouldn't do
  • 00:28:52.643 --> 00:28:54.978
  • for his wife.- There you go.
  • 00:28:54.978 --> 00:28:56.246
  • - If he was willing towork in his marriage.
  • 00:28:56.246 --> 00:28:58.048
  • And so we get all fixed up
  • 00:28:58.048 --> 00:28:59.683
  • and we kill ourselvesand everything.
  • 00:28:59.683 --> 00:29:01.118
  • And we go out,we're (indistinct).
  • 00:29:01.118 --> 00:29:02.853
  • We're all romantic anduntil we fall in love.
  • 00:29:02.853 --> 00:29:05.923
  • How did you fall in love?
  • 00:29:05.923 --> 00:29:07.224
  • you didn't fall inlove being a slob.
  • 00:29:07.224 --> 00:29:09.793
  • You didn't fall in loveignoring each other.
  • 00:29:09.793 --> 00:29:12.462
  • And so if you get divorced,
  • 00:29:12.462 --> 00:29:13.897
  • you're gonna go outand meet someone,
  • 00:29:13.897 --> 00:29:15.299
  • and you're gonnaknock yourself out,
  • 00:29:15.299 --> 00:29:17.034
  • just so when you fallin love, you begin
  • 00:29:17.034 --> 00:29:18.836
  • to do the same thing.- Same thing.
  • 00:29:18.836 --> 00:29:20.971
  • - So if you'regoing to be in love,
  • 00:29:20.971 --> 00:29:22.739
  • the law, the first law is,
  • 00:29:22.739 --> 00:29:25.175
  • every single day, thishas got to be first.
  • 00:29:25.175 --> 00:29:28.312
  • And so when our kids wereyoung, we learned this law,
  • 00:29:28.312 --> 00:29:32.115
  • I came home from work, wewould sit and eat dinner
  • 00:29:32.115 --> 00:29:34.418
  • as a family, we'd spendtime with the kids,
  • 00:29:34.418 --> 00:29:36.086
  • I'd put the kids to bedand pray with the kids.
  • 00:29:36.086 --> 00:29:38.889
  • And that was our time.
  • 00:29:38.889 --> 00:29:40.123
  • And we told the kidswhen they're younger,
  • 00:29:40.123 --> 00:29:41.425
  • "You've had your timewith mom and dad,
  • 00:29:41.425 --> 00:29:42.659
  • "now this is our time."
  • 00:29:42.659 --> 00:29:44.027
  • And so we wouldgo in the bedroom
  • 00:29:44.027 --> 00:29:46.430
  • and we had a little area,sitting area in there.
  • 00:29:46.430 --> 00:29:48.932
  • Lock the door, with popcorn,
  • 00:29:48.932 --> 00:29:50.934
  • we'd sit there andtalk, whatever.
  • 00:29:50.934 --> 00:29:52.569
  • And so one day ourdaughter picked the lock
  • 00:29:52.569 --> 00:29:56.540
  • on our door.
  • 00:29:56.540 --> 00:29:57.741
  • Now, we were beingvery friendly,
  • 00:29:57.741 --> 00:30:00.611
  • to each other that I waslaying hands on the sister.
  • 00:30:00.611 --> 00:30:03.614
  • And I was administering to her.
  • 00:30:03.614 --> 00:30:05.449
  • And so, but wescared her straight,
  • 00:30:05.449 --> 00:30:07.885
  • she became a nun, sheloves her convent.
  • 00:30:07.885 --> 00:30:10.120
  • (laughs)- And so...
  • 00:30:10.120 --> 00:30:11.321
  • - Oh my God!
  • 00:30:14.591 --> 00:30:15.459
  • - We're gonna haveto change the rating
  • 00:30:17.427 --> 00:30:19.463
  • on the corner ofthis broadcast now.
  • 00:30:19.463 --> 00:30:21.798
  • Go ahead.
  • 00:30:21.798 --> 00:30:23.066
  • - But the point beingthat the children want,
  • 00:30:23.066 --> 00:30:26.937
  • and I say this kinda jokingly,
  • 00:30:26.937 --> 00:30:28.739
  • children are simplelittle creatures,
  • 00:30:29.940 --> 00:30:31.441
  • they only want one thing,they want to possess yourself.
  • 00:30:31.441 --> 00:30:33.410
  • They want you 24/7 ,ifit's up to children,
  • 00:30:33.410 --> 00:30:36.813
  • they don't care about yourmarriage, they're selfish,
  • 00:30:36.813 --> 00:30:38.649
  • that's natural to them.
  • 00:30:38.649 --> 00:30:39.883
  • They will nevergive you time alone,
  • 00:30:39.883 --> 00:30:41.752
  • they will wear you out, sothat you don't have time,
  • 00:30:41.752 --> 00:30:43.921
  • you have to train your childrento respect your marriage.
  • 00:30:43.921 --> 00:30:46.857
  • - Wow.
  • 00:30:46.857 --> 00:30:48.125
  • - And so what we did iswe taught our children,
  • 00:30:48.125 --> 00:30:49.960
  • now you've had your time, nowmom and dad have our time,
  • 00:30:49.960 --> 00:30:52.663
  • if it's not an emergency,
  • 00:30:52.663 --> 00:30:54.598
  • stay in bed. and they say,
  • 00:30:54.598 --> 00:30:56.033
  • "Well I have to go to thebathroom." well use your diaper
  • 00:30:56.033 --> 00:30:57.434
  • it's there for a reason.(laughs)
  • 00:30:57.434 --> 00:30:59.469
  • I need a drink.
  • 00:30:59.469 --> 00:31:00.904
  • Well, let's see if yousurvive till in the morning
  • 00:31:00.904 --> 00:31:01.838
  • you'll learn to drink more,
  • 00:31:01.838 --> 00:31:03.440
  • whatever they say there'sa monster in my room,
  • 00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:05.108
  • well you havesomeone to talk to.
  • 00:31:05.108 --> 00:31:06.276
  • So just be quiet, leavemom and dad alone.
  • 00:31:06.276 --> 00:31:08.679
  • And so the thing though,if we trained our children
  • 00:31:08.679 --> 00:31:11.648
  • to respect our marriage
  • 00:31:11.648 --> 00:31:12.883
  • now listen, our kidsare both married.
  • 00:31:12.883 --> 00:31:14.618
  • Our daughter has beenmarried for 25 or so years,
  • 00:31:14.618 --> 00:31:17.254
  • our son has beenmarried 23 years.
  • 00:31:17.254 --> 00:31:18.855
  • They train their childrenjust like we did.
  • 00:31:18.855 --> 00:31:20.924
  • They are doing exactlywith their children.
  • 00:31:20.924 --> 00:31:23.260
  • And here's what happens.
  • 00:31:23.260 --> 00:31:24.628
  • When our kids left.
  • 00:31:24.628 --> 00:31:25.829
  • We grieved forabout five minutes.
  • 00:31:25.829 --> 00:31:28.198
  • And then we got to run aroundthe house with no underwear.
  • 00:31:28.198 --> 00:31:31.935
  • But the point beingwe just weren't,
  • 00:31:31.935 --> 00:31:34.237
  • when the kids leftwe weren't like,
  • 00:31:34.237 --> 00:31:35.739
  • oh, the reason forour lives has left,
  • 00:31:35.739 --> 00:31:38.208
  • they're not the reason for it.
  • 00:31:38.208 --> 00:31:39.242
  • We love our children dearly.
  • 00:31:39.242 --> 00:31:40.644
  • We have five grandchildren,we just adore them.
  • 00:31:40.644 --> 00:31:42.512
  • But the point beingJesus and each other,
  • 00:31:42.512 --> 00:31:45.882
  • Jesus is first, wehave each other.
  • 00:31:45.882 --> 00:31:48.251
  • That's the core ofour relationship.
  • 00:31:48.251 --> 00:31:50.020
  • And then we have ourkids and our grandkids
  • 00:31:50.020 --> 00:31:52.055
  • and everything else.
  • 00:31:52.055 --> 00:31:53.290
  • But many people whenthey make their child
  • 00:31:53.290 --> 00:31:55.292
  • the center of their universe,
  • 00:31:55.292 --> 00:31:57.527
  • when the child leavesthey just (indistinct).
  • 00:31:57.527 --> 00:31:59.896
  • And what do they do wrong?
  • 00:31:59.896 --> 00:32:01.198
  • They misprioritizetheir marriage.
  • 00:32:02.366 --> 00:32:04.634
  • But even then, there maybe some people right now,
  • 00:32:04.634 --> 00:32:06.570
  • 60 years old, or whatever.
  • 00:32:06.570 --> 00:32:08.271
  • And they say,
  • 00:32:08.271 --> 00:32:09.706
  • well we made all thosemistakes, just correct them.
  • 00:32:09.706 --> 00:32:11.308
  • You can alwaysfall back in love.
  • 00:32:11.308 --> 00:32:13.543
  • See, it's likeaction is the engine.
  • 00:32:13.543 --> 00:32:16.680
  • Emotion is the (indistinct).
  • 00:32:16.680 --> 00:32:18.648
  • Don't worship your emotions
  • 00:32:18.648 --> 00:32:20.517
  • and sit here and say,
  • 00:32:20.517 --> 00:32:21.752
  • "Oh my gosh, we'rein such bad shape."
  • 00:32:21.752 --> 00:32:23.086
  • No, no, start acting right.
  • 00:32:23.086 --> 00:32:24.955
  • Just start doing the rightthing and the emotions
  • 00:32:24.955 --> 00:32:27.190
  • will catch up.- Will follow.
  • 00:32:27.190 --> 00:32:28.759
  • - You know what, that's sogood for your kids though.
  • 00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:31.628
  • - [Jimmy] Absolutely.
  • 00:32:31.628 --> 00:32:32.562
  • - To know that your mom and dad,
  • 00:32:32.562 --> 00:32:35.165
  • my mom and daddidn't fight a lot.
  • 00:32:35.165 --> 00:32:36.600
  • But I knew that if therewas tension, I felt it.
  • 00:32:36.600 --> 00:32:39.569
  • And it was horrible just thatatmosphere in the in the room,
  • 00:32:39.569 --> 00:32:44.574
  • - Law two, the four laws of love
  • 00:32:45.442 --> 00:32:47.010
  • Jimmy Evans, we'resitting here in Colorado,
  • 00:32:47.010 --> 00:32:49.446
  • getting the wholedrill go, law two.
  • 00:32:49.446 --> 00:32:51.381
  • - Law of pursuit for this cause,
  • 00:32:51.381 --> 00:32:53.083
  • a man will leave hisfather and mother
  • 00:32:53.083 --> 00:32:54.217
  • and will cleave unto his wife.
  • 00:32:54.217 --> 00:32:55.719
  • Well, the word cleaveis not a common word
  • 00:32:55.719 --> 00:32:57.888
  • in the English language.
  • 00:32:57.888 --> 00:32:59.389
  • When we think of cleavewe think of (indistinct).
  • 00:32:59.389 --> 00:33:00.490
  • And that's not a pretty picture
  • 00:33:00.490 --> 00:33:01.792
  • to get your hand (indistinct).
  • 00:33:01.792 --> 00:33:03.460
  • The word cleave is theHebrew word that (indistinct)
  • 00:33:03.460 --> 00:33:06.129
  • and it means liketo climb a mountain.
  • 00:33:06.129 --> 00:33:07.597
  • It's an energy word.
  • 00:33:07.597 --> 00:33:08.865
  • It means to pursuewith all your energy.
  • 00:33:08.865 --> 00:33:11.501
  • And so for this cause, a manwill reprioritize his family
  • 00:33:11.501 --> 00:33:15.906
  • and pursue his wifewith all of his energy.
  • 00:33:15.906 --> 00:33:18.508
  • And so marriage is work.
  • 00:33:18.508 --> 00:33:20.710
  • Marriage works whenyou work at it.
  • 00:33:20.710 --> 00:33:22.312
  • - That's weird 'cause Iclimbed a mountain yesterday.
  • 00:33:22.312 --> 00:33:24.614
  • - [Jimmy] There you go.
  • 00:33:24.614 --> 00:33:25.549
  • - You're getting my attention.
  • 00:33:25.549 --> 00:33:26.750
  • - Well, see, a lotof people think it is
  • 00:33:26.750 --> 00:33:29.453
  • this happily everafter mentality.
  • 00:33:29.453 --> 00:33:31.455
  • We're gonna get married
  • 00:33:31.455 --> 00:33:32.923
  • We're gonna get a nicehouse with a picket fence.
  • 00:33:32.923 --> 00:33:34.491
  • We're gonna have kids,happily ever after.
  • 00:33:34.491 --> 00:33:36.426
  • No, you're not ifyou don't work at it.
  • 00:33:36.426 --> 00:33:38.662
  • It's like when you work out
  • 00:33:38.662 --> 00:33:39.930
  • and you work out tothe degree workout,
  • 00:33:39.930 --> 00:33:41.731
  • you look good, you feel good.
  • 00:33:41.731 --> 00:33:42.799
  • And everybody knows that.
  • 00:33:42.799 --> 00:33:43.700
  • "No pain, no gain."
  • 00:33:43.700 --> 00:33:44.768
  • But in marriage, we thinkif we have to work out
  • 00:33:46.169 --> 00:33:47.771
  • if there's something wrong,
  • 00:33:47.771 --> 00:33:49.272
  • many people believe if Ihave to work at marriage,
  • 00:33:49.272 --> 00:33:51.341
  • that means I didn'tmarry my soulmate.
  • 00:33:51.341 --> 00:33:53.176
  • Because if I marry my soulmate,
  • 00:33:53.176 --> 00:33:54.744
  • see, I'm gonna wakeup every morning
  • 00:33:54.744 --> 00:33:56.213
  • and look at himjust go hallelujah.
  • 00:33:56.213 --> 00:33:58.215
  • It's happening all over again.
  • 00:33:58.215 --> 00:33:59.649
  • It's just chemistry.
  • 00:33:59.649 --> 00:34:00.684
  • It's just always been this way.
  • 00:34:00.684 --> 00:34:02.285
  • Now, if you marryyour perfect soulmate,
  • 00:34:02.285 --> 00:34:03.854
  • you're gonna wake upand smell their breath.
  • 00:34:03.854 --> 00:34:05.622
  • You're gonna see them inthe harsh morning light,
  • 00:34:05.622 --> 00:34:07.524
  • you're not gonnalike 'em sometime.
  • 00:34:07.524 --> 00:34:09.126
  • And you're gonna have towork at that relationship.
  • 00:34:09.126 --> 00:34:11.027
  • If you marry yourperfect soulmate,
  • 00:34:11.027 --> 00:34:12.896
  • you're gonna find out justhow messed up they are.
  • 00:34:12.896 --> 00:34:14.965
  • There is no such thing, Ihave counseled for 40 years.
  • 00:34:14.965 --> 00:34:18.435
  • There is no suchthing as a fairy tale.
  • 00:34:18.435 --> 00:34:20.837
  • Look, by the way, and wepray for people in Hollywood.
  • 00:34:20.837 --> 00:34:23.573
  • And there are a lot ofmore wonderful people.
  • 00:34:23.573 --> 00:34:25.275
  • Hollywood is the one telling us
  • 00:34:25.275 --> 00:34:26.676
  • about this happilyever after thing.
  • 00:34:26.676 --> 00:34:28.345
  • They have the worstrelationships on earth.
  • 00:34:28.345 --> 00:34:29.946
  • And I feel sorry for 'em,
  • 00:34:29.946 --> 00:34:31.248
  • I'm not trying to judge 'em.
  • 00:34:31.248 --> 00:34:32.482
  • But it just doesn't work.
  • 00:34:32.482 --> 00:34:33.717
  • The fairytale thingjust doesn't work.
  • 00:34:33.717 --> 00:34:35.619
  • And so Karen and I,you guys have one
  • 00:34:35.619 --> 00:34:38.255
  • of the greatestmarriages I've ever seen.
  • 00:34:38.255 --> 00:34:39.923
  • You work at it.
  • 00:34:39.923 --> 00:34:41.191
  • You guys are always together,
  • 00:34:41.191 --> 00:34:43.360
  • And so Karen I workin our relationship,
  • 00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:45.595
  • what does that mean?
  • 00:34:45.595 --> 00:34:46.530
  • You meet each other's needs.
  • 00:34:46.530 --> 00:34:48.165
  • We have very important needs.
  • 00:34:48.165 --> 00:34:49.499
  • A woman's most importantneed is security.
  • 00:34:49.499 --> 00:34:52.235
  • There's nothing that makesa woman feel more secure
  • 00:34:52.235 --> 00:34:54.671
  • than a selfless, sensitive male.
  • 00:34:54.671 --> 00:34:57.807
  • There's nothing that makesa woman feel more insecure
  • 00:34:57.807 --> 00:35:00.210
  • than a detached selfish male.
  • 00:35:00.210 --> 00:35:02.646
  • And so that's hernumber one need,
  • 00:35:02.646 --> 00:35:04.614
  • her number two need issoft, non-sexual affection.
  • 00:35:04.614 --> 00:35:08.919
  • She don't wanna betreated like a sex object.
  • 00:35:08.919 --> 00:35:10.453
  • She wants affection.
  • 00:35:10.453 --> 00:35:11.521
  • - Do you see that
  • 00:35:13.290 --> 00:35:14.124
  • (indistinct)
  • 00:35:14.124 --> 00:35:16.359
  • That one actually hurt, okay?
  • 00:35:16.359 --> 00:35:18.228
  • - So number threeis they want open
  • 00:35:20.197 --> 00:35:22.165
  • and honest communication.
  • 00:35:22.165 --> 00:35:23.400
  • Women don't want the headlines.
  • 00:35:23.400 --> 00:35:25.168
  • And so when women are talking
  • 00:35:25.168 --> 00:35:26.836
  • when men talk,
  • 00:35:26.836 --> 00:35:27.771
  • you come home (indistinct)
  • 00:35:27.771 --> 00:35:29.005
  • your words you go,I went up here.
  • 00:35:29.005 --> 00:35:30.473
  • (indistinct) And (indistinct),how did you feel about it?
  • 00:35:30.473 --> 00:35:34.377
  • I don't have any feelings.
  • 00:35:34.377 --> 00:35:35.645
  • And so when womenask the question,
  • 00:35:35.645 --> 00:35:39.482
  • how is your day today?
  • 00:35:39.482 --> 00:35:40.283
  • You say what?
  • 00:35:40.283 --> 00:35:41.484
  • 6:32 this morning, Icame into consciousness.
  • 00:35:41.484 --> 00:35:43.687
  • I was thinking aboutmy meeting with Bob
  • 00:35:43.687 --> 00:35:45.522
  • and feeling a little insecure.
  • 00:35:45.522 --> 00:35:46.590
  • And she loving.
  • 00:35:46.590 --> 00:35:49.025
  • She wants the blow by blow.
  • 00:35:49.025 --> 00:35:50.660
  • When Karen and I got married,I thought she was nosy.
  • 00:35:52.028 --> 00:35:55.165
  • And I really did 'cause she'salways asking questions.
  • 00:35:55.165 --> 00:35:57.300
  • And I thought, I don'twanna feed the monster.
  • 00:35:57.300 --> 00:35:58.802
  • If you wanna kill amonster, don't feed it.
  • 00:35:58.802 --> 00:36:00.537
  • And the moreinformation is her drug,
  • 00:36:00.537 --> 00:36:03.673
  • and so I can't feed this addict.
  • 00:36:03.673 --> 00:36:06.676
  • And it drove her crazy.
  • 00:36:06.676 --> 00:36:07.944
  • And she would sayhow are you doing?
  • 00:36:07.944 --> 00:36:09.179
  • And I didn't knowif had any feelings.
  • 00:36:09.179 --> 00:36:11.047
  • Well, when ourmarriage was healed.
  • 00:36:11.047 --> 00:36:12.315
  • I said to her one day,
  • 00:36:12.315 --> 00:36:14.217
  • "Okay, we're gonna talk tonight,
  • 00:36:14.217 --> 00:36:15.385
  • "as long as you wanna talk."
  • 00:36:15.385 --> 00:36:16.620
  • And I just thought, Iam the greatest husband
  • 00:36:16.620 --> 00:36:18.288
  • in the history of the world.
  • 00:36:18.288 --> 00:36:19.689
  • And b, they're gonnafind me dead tomorrow
  • 00:36:19.689 --> 00:36:21.291
  • with my brain sucked up.
  • 00:36:21.291 --> 00:36:22.659
  • That sister will suckmy brain up my head.
  • 00:36:22.659 --> 00:36:25.428
  • And so, we sat down that night.
  • 00:36:25.428 --> 00:36:28.064
  • And for the firsttime in our marriage,
  • 00:36:28.064 --> 00:36:30.333
  • we talked in about an hour
  • 00:36:30.333 --> 00:36:32.235
  • and a half later, and she kepttalking about my feelings.
  • 00:36:32.235 --> 00:36:33.970
  • How did you feel about this?
  • 00:36:33.970 --> 00:36:35.238
  • I'd say, "I don'tfeel about that."
  • 00:36:35.238 --> 00:36:36.172
  • She said, "Yeah, you did."
  • 00:36:36.172 --> 00:36:37.107
  • And she told me how I felt.
  • 00:36:37.107 --> 00:36:38.675
  • - I love her so much.
  • 00:36:39.676 --> 00:36:40.777
  • - And so anyway, I love to talk
  • 00:36:41.878 --> 00:36:45.048
  • to Karen every day,
  • 00:36:45.048 --> 00:36:47.017
  • I can't believe Ilove talking to her.
  • 00:36:47.017 --> 00:36:49.185
  • The other thing was whenI started talking to her,
  • 00:36:49.185 --> 00:36:50.920
  • she opened up sexually.
  • 00:36:50.920 --> 00:36:52.489
  • See women, this is one ofthe most important needs
  • 00:36:52.489 --> 00:36:55.025
  • the woman has.
  • 00:36:55.025 --> 00:36:56.326
  • And this is what I say to men
  • 00:36:56.326 --> 00:36:57.761
  • because this getsmen's attention.
  • 00:36:57.761 --> 00:36:59.462
  • Communication isimportant to a woman
  • 00:37:00.597 --> 00:37:01.931
  • as is sex is to a man.
  • 00:37:01.931 --> 00:37:03.833
  • And the more a man communicates
  • 00:37:03.833 --> 00:37:05.869
  • with his wife, the moreshe feels connected,
  • 00:37:05.869 --> 00:37:08.638
  • and the more she feelsopen to him sexually.
  • 00:37:08.638 --> 00:37:10.907
  • So (indistinct), numberfour is leadership.
  • 00:37:10.907 --> 00:37:14.110
  • Women do not wanna be dominated
  • 00:37:14.110 --> 00:37:15.612
  • but they want their husbandto be the loving initiator
  • 00:37:15.612 --> 00:37:17.914
  • of the well being of the home.
  • 00:37:17.914 --> 00:37:19.616
  • And so the kids, romance,finances, spirituality.
  • 00:37:19.616 --> 00:37:23.753
  • And so working atyour marriage means
  • 00:37:23.753 --> 00:37:26.823
  • I'm gonna work atmeeting your needs.
  • 00:37:26.823 --> 00:37:28.458
  • And we're different, okay,
  • 00:37:28.458 --> 00:37:29.726
  • men is number oneis honor, respect.
  • 00:37:29.726 --> 00:37:31.428
  • Men have a tremendousneed for respect.
  • 00:37:31.428 --> 00:37:33.963
  • We're very sensitivein our egos.
  • 00:37:33.963 --> 00:37:35.532
  • Number two is sex.
  • 00:37:35.532 --> 00:37:37.033
  • Most men, some women are moresexual than their husbands.
  • 00:37:37.033 --> 00:37:39.035
  • But most men are more sexualthan their wives, is sex.
  • 00:37:39.035 --> 00:37:41.771
  • Number three is we wannabe buddies with our wives.
  • 00:37:41.771 --> 00:37:43.673
  • We don't wanna be mothered,
  • 00:37:43.673 --> 00:37:44.874
  • we had a mother, wedon't want another one.
  • 00:37:44.874 --> 00:37:46.676
  • We want a buddy,
  • 00:37:46.676 --> 00:37:47.977
  • we want our wivesto hang out with us.
  • 00:37:47.977 --> 00:37:49.679
  • And number four, wewant domestic support.
  • 00:37:49.679 --> 00:37:52.115
  • You come into this place
  • 00:37:52.115 --> 00:37:53.316
  • and Laurie has her touchall over this place.
  • 00:37:53.316 --> 00:37:55.385
  • That women turn ahouse into a home
  • 00:37:55.385 --> 00:37:57.354
  • and men love that,we're different.
  • 00:37:57.354 --> 00:37:58.488
  • And so what I'm saying is,
  • 00:37:58.488 --> 00:37:59.789
  • if you're a woman watching this,
  • 00:37:59.789 --> 00:38:01.558
  • I just told you how towork at your marriage.
  • 00:38:01.558 --> 00:38:03.927
  • Honor your husband,maybe the sexual needs.
  • 00:38:03.927 --> 00:38:07.063
  • Be his buddy and takecare of the house
  • 00:38:07.063 --> 00:38:10.300
  • and those are important.
  • 00:38:10.300 --> 00:38:11.835
  • For a husband I just told youhow to meet your wife's needs.
  • 00:38:11.835 --> 00:38:13.903
  • You have to work atthe relationship.
  • 00:38:13.903 --> 00:38:16.206
  • Now in my book, "TheFour Laws of Love."
  • 00:38:16.206 --> 00:38:18.708
  • Every section is aboutone of these laws
  • 00:38:18.708 --> 00:38:20.910
  • and it has severalchapters in there.
  • 00:38:20.910 --> 00:38:23.079
  • So I go into detail likeon the law of priority,
  • 00:38:23.079 --> 00:38:25.215
  • prioritize communication,prioritize relationships,
  • 00:38:25.215 --> 00:38:28.017
  • prioritize romance, all of that.
  • 00:38:28.017 --> 00:38:29.819
  • But in the law of pursuit,
  • 00:38:29.819 --> 00:38:31.087
  • I actually have a chapter
  • 00:38:31.087 --> 00:38:32.322
  • in there calledthe servant rules.
  • 00:38:32.322 --> 00:38:33.923
  • Marriage doesn't workunless you serve each other.
  • 00:38:33.923 --> 00:38:36.926
  • You see, I talk in one ofmy seminars about the secret
  • 00:38:36.926 --> 00:38:40.330
  • of ultimate sexual fulfillment
  • 00:38:40.330 --> 00:38:42.332
  • is the servant spirit.
  • 00:38:42.332 --> 00:38:43.800
  • When two servantsget into bed together
  • 00:38:43.800 --> 00:38:45.502
  • to have sex they get out happy.
  • 00:38:45.502 --> 00:38:47.303
  • When a selfish person or twoselfish people get into bed,
  • 00:38:47.303 --> 00:38:49.773
  • they get out frustrated.
  • 00:38:49.773 --> 00:38:51.307
  • I'm not gonna have amarriage unless I serve you.
  • 00:38:51.307 --> 00:38:53.743
  • And your needs aredifferent than mine.
  • 00:38:53.743 --> 00:38:55.879
  • Karen, I just thoughtKaren is so weird.
  • 00:38:55.879 --> 00:38:57.781
  • No, she's normal.
  • 00:38:57.781 --> 00:38:59.048
  • Karen's a normal woman.
  • 00:38:59.048 --> 00:39:00.683
  • And when I meet herneeds, she's so happy.
  • 00:39:00.683 --> 00:39:03.153
  • And so when you're married,
  • 00:39:03.153 --> 00:39:05.155
  • and you're not working
  • 00:39:05.155 --> 00:39:07.323
  • at meeting each other's needs,
  • 00:39:07.323 --> 00:39:08.925
  • you start having fights
  • 00:39:08.925 --> 00:39:10.293
  • about you're notmeeting my needs.
  • 00:39:10.293 --> 00:39:12.128
  • And a lot of times,
  • 00:39:12.128 --> 00:39:13.396
  • you're saying I needyou to talk to me.
  • 00:39:13.396 --> 00:39:14.664
  • And like I said, I justthought she was weird.
  • 00:39:14.664 --> 00:39:16.866
  • I thought that's not normal.
  • 00:39:16.866 --> 00:39:18.168
  • And so it is normal.
  • 00:39:18.168 --> 00:39:19.602
  • So the second law of marriage,
  • 00:39:19.602 --> 00:39:21.404
  • what God said is,
  • 00:39:21.404 --> 00:39:22.906
  • you're gonna have to workat this relationship.
  • 00:39:22.906 --> 00:39:25.108
  • This pursuit is notgonna work by itself
  • 00:39:25.108 --> 00:39:28.244
  • - That law one, law two.
  • 00:39:30.213 --> 00:39:31.815
  • So, law one.
  • 00:39:31.815 --> 00:39:34.150
  • - [Jimmy] The law of priority.
  • 00:39:34.150 --> 00:39:35.051
  • - Priority and pursuit,
  • 00:39:35.051 --> 00:39:36.786
  • we've knocked through that.
  • 00:39:36.786 --> 00:39:38.121
  • Law number three.
  • 00:39:38.121 --> 00:39:39.689
  • - Law of partnership,
  • 00:39:39.689 --> 00:39:41.157
  • God says, "They tooshall become one."
  • 00:39:41.157 --> 00:39:43.159
  • And so I do seminarsall over the world.
  • 00:39:44.360 --> 00:39:47.697
  • And I've asked two questionsto people all over the world,
  • 00:39:47.697 --> 00:39:51.367
  • and I have gotten the sameresponse in every culture.
  • 00:39:51.367 --> 00:39:54.671
  • And my first question is,how many of you grew up
  • 00:39:54.671 --> 00:39:56.573
  • in a home, or oneof your parents
  • 00:39:56.573 --> 00:39:58.608
  • was clearly dominantover the other parent?
  • 00:39:58.608 --> 00:40:00.977
  • Immediately, 60 to70% of hands go up?
  • 00:40:00.977 --> 00:40:03.980
  • Immediately, theydon't think about it.
  • 00:40:03.980 --> 00:40:06.316
  • My second question is, howmany of you think that,
  • 00:40:06.316 --> 00:40:08.918
  • that dominance hada negative effect
  • 00:40:08.918 --> 00:40:10.653
  • on your parents marriageand on your family?
  • 00:40:10.653 --> 00:40:12.689
  • Immediately, everyhand goes back up.
  • 00:40:12.689 --> 00:40:15.191
  • God made us to be partners.
  • 00:40:15.191 --> 00:40:17.427
  • There's never a referencein Genesis one and two,
  • 00:40:17.427 --> 00:40:20.563
  • of Adam being overEve or Eve over Adam,
  • 00:40:20.563 --> 00:40:22.932
  • they were partners.
  • 00:40:22.932 --> 00:40:24.400
  • Eve was created as aequal complement to Adam,
  • 00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:27.370
  • but she was not subjectedto him until the fall.
  • 00:40:27.370 --> 00:40:30.740
  • And when the fall happened,
  • 00:40:30.740 --> 00:40:31.908
  • God came to Eve and says,
  • 00:40:31.908 --> 00:40:32.942
  • "Now, because you've done this,
  • 00:40:32.942 --> 00:40:34.811
  • "your desire is gonna beto dominate your husband,
  • 00:40:34.811 --> 00:40:36.880
  • "but he's gonna dominate you."
  • 00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:38.414
  • In other words, when therewas one God in the garden,
  • 00:40:38.414 --> 00:40:40.383
  • it was all good.
  • 00:40:40.383 --> 00:40:41.518
  • But now thatthere's three of us,
  • 00:40:41.518 --> 00:40:42.785
  • and you guys wannabe your own gods,
  • 00:40:42.785 --> 00:40:44.454
  • there's a fight onwith no decided winner.
  • 00:40:44.454 --> 00:40:47.090
  • And you look at marriagethis day, and say,
  • 00:40:47.090 --> 00:40:48.358
  • "By the way, this isa gender neutral sin."
  • 00:40:48.358 --> 00:40:50.727
  • There's just many dominantwomen as there are dominant men.
  • 00:40:50.727 --> 00:40:52.795
  • And I was dominant.
  • 00:40:52.795 --> 00:40:54.364
  • When Karen and I got married,
  • 00:40:54.364 --> 00:40:55.899
  • I have a leader personality,I have a strong personality.
  • 00:40:55.899 --> 00:40:58.635
  • I dominated Karen is I mean,
  • 00:40:58.635 --> 00:41:00.603
  • she couldn't handle me, shecouldn't handle me verbally.
  • 00:41:00.603 --> 00:41:03.072
  • She couldn't handleme emotionally.
  • 00:41:03.072 --> 00:41:04.140
  • And I beat her down.
  • 00:41:04.140 --> 00:41:05.642
  • I didn't mean to, but thatwas just my personality.
  • 00:41:05.642 --> 00:41:07.710
  • Well, when I repented to Karen,
  • 00:41:07.710 --> 00:41:10.547
  • I made her my partner.
  • 00:41:10.547 --> 00:41:12.048
  • And here's what Karen and I say.
  • 00:41:12.048 --> 00:41:13.750
  • See dominance means you'regonna to pay a price
  • 00:41:13.750 --> 00:41:15.852
  • if you cross me,
  • 00:41:15.852 --> 00:41:17.320
  • dominance meansI'm gonna train you
  • 00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:19.055
  • that you're notgonna overpower me,
  • 00:41:19.055 --> 00:41:20.723
  • I'm gonna get my wayevery single time.
  • 00:41:20.723 --> 00:41:22.392
  • There's no goodwill,
  • 00:41:22.392 --> 00:41:23.893
  • there's no goodwill inthe dominant relationship.
  • 00:41:23.893 --> 00:41:25.662
  • Because somebodyis being abused,
  • 00:41:25.662 --> 00:41:27.163
  • somebody is being misusedin that relationship.
  • 00:41:27.163 --> 00:41:28.998
  • So when Karen (indistinct)marriage when we were healed,
  • 00:41:28.998 --> 00:41:30.867
  • we became partners, andhere's what we said,
  • 00:41:30.867 --> 00:41:32.902
  • "Every decision we make,we make as partners,
  • 00:41:32.902 --> 00:41:35.505
  • "and we don't bully each other,
  • 00:41:35.505 --> 00:41:36.839
  • "and we don'tdominate each other."
  • 00:41:36.839 --> 00:41:38.474
  • And there's never a conversationin the Evans household
  • 00:41:38.474 --> 00:41:41.044
  • about who the boss is,'cause Jesus is the boss.
  • 00:41:41.044 --> 00:41:43.880
  • Karen and I are partners.
  • 00:41:43.880 --> 00:41:45.315
  • And every time we're makingan important decision,
  • 00:41:45.315 --> 00:41:47.417
  • we're talking and praying.
  • 00:41:47.417 --> 00:41:48.985
  • And I never say to Karen,
  • 00:41:48.985 --> 00:41:50.286
  • "Now God told me to do this
  • 00:41:50.286 --> 00:41:51.521
  • "if you don't goalong with this,
  • 00:41:51.521 --> 00:41:53.356
  • "now he's gonna judge you."
  • 00:41:53.356 --> 00:41:54.457
  • See that's wrong.
  • 00:41:54.457 --> 00:41:55.825
  • I never bully her.
  • 00:41:55.825 --> 00:41:57.293
  • We don't make each otherpay a price for disagreeing.
  • 00:41:57.293 --> 00:41:59.996
  • And what I say to Karen is,
  • 00:41:59.996 --> 00:42:01.497
  • "If you don't agreewith me, that's great.
  • 00:42:01.497 --> 00:42:02.865
  • "I just don't wanna makea decision without you."
  • 00:42:02.865 --> 00:42:04.934
  • If you go through our home,
  • 00:42:04.934 --> 00:42:05.969
  • any major decision,
  • 00:42:05.969 --> 00:42:07.003
  • it has three names on it, Jesus,
  • 00:42:07.003 --> 00:42:08.805
  • Jimmy and Karen, every decision.
  • 00:42:08.805 --> 00:42:11.207
  • There's not one majordecision in our home
  • 00:42:11.207 --> 00:42:13.409
  • that one person madewithout the other.
  • 00:42:13.409 --> 00:42:15.345
  • I did a conference,and we're sitting here,
  • 00:42:15.345 --> 00:42:17.914
  • (indistinct) you gota beautiful place.
  • 00:42:17.914 --> 00:42:19.616
  • And I did a conferenceand I was talking
  • 00:42:19.616 --> 00:42:20.984
  • about making decisions together.
  • 00:42:20.984 --> 00:42:22.986
  • And a woman came up to meafter the session, she said,
  • 00:42:22.986 --> 00:42:26.456
  • "So my husbandshould have talked
  • 00:42:26.456 --> 00:42:28.024
  • "to me before he bought the7000 acre ranch this week?"
  • 00:42:28.024 --> 00:42:30.693
  • Her husband bought a 7000acre ranch without talking
  • 00:42:33.096 --> 00:42:35.665
  • to her and they hadserious marriage problems.
  • 00:42:35.665 --> 00:42:37.900
  • And the point being,yes, we're partners.
  • 00:42:37.900 --> 00:42:40.169
  • It's a law of partnership.
  • 00:42:40.169 --> 00:42:41.738
  • The goodwill that,you don't fall
  • 00:42:41.738 --> 00:42:43.906
  • in love bullying each other.
  • 00:42:43.906 --> 00:42:45.541
  • You fall in lovebecause you're partners,
  • 00:42:45.541 --> 00:42:47.443
  • you talk about things.
  • 00:42:47.443 --> 00:42:48.911
  • And so the issuesare not important,
  • 00:42:48.911 --> 00:42:51.447
  • it's the relationshipthat's most important.
  • 00:42:51.447 --> 00:42:53.416
  • - What about a tractor?
  • 00:42:53.416 --> 00:42:55.485
  • - Okay, you sinnedman, confess right now.
  • 00:42:55.485 --> 00:42:58.087
  • - Just a tractor.
  • 00:42:58.087 --> 00:42:59.088
  • (laughs)
  • 00:42:59.088 --> 00:43:00.256
  • - We're phoning in for a friend.
  • 00:43:00.256 --> 00:43:01.124
  • - Yeah, yeah.
  • 00:43:01.124 --> 00:43:02.392
  • A friend just phoned in.
  • 00:43:02.392 --> 00:43:03.926
  • - Well, it really doesdepend on your relationship
  • 00:43:03.926 --> 00:43:07.130
  • and also your budget.
  • 00:43:07.130 --> 00:43:08.564
  • Because there are peoplethat they really shouldn't go
  • 00:43:08.564 --> 00:43:10.933
  • to the store and buyanything without talking
  • 00:43:10.933 --> 00:43:12.201
  • because they havesuch tight budget.
  • 00:43:12.201 --> 00:43:14.337
  • But there are other peoplethat are more fluent
  • 00:43:14.337 --> 00:43:15.838
  • and they've beenmarried long enough
  • 00:43:15.838 --> 00:43:17.440
  • to trust each other thatyou can go buy a tractor,
  • 00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:19.042
  • I don't care, but youcan't go buy a house.
  • 00:43:19.042 --> 00:43:21.778
  • You can't make those.
  • 00:43:21.778 --> 00:43:23.279
  • There's a violation.
  • 00:43:23.279 --> 00:43:24.247
  • I remember I got a car last year
  • 00:43:24.247 --> 00:43:25.782
  • and I leased my cars andso I leased a new car.
  • 00:43:25.782 --> 00:43:28.117
  • And I brought it home
  • 00:43:28.117 --> 00:43:29.619
  • and Karen said, "Should youhave talked to me about that?"
  • 00:43:29.619 --> 00:43:31.287
  • - [Woman Host] (laughing).
  • 00:43:31.821 --> 00:43:33.723
  • - And I said "WellI'm sorry Karen."
  • 00:43:33.723 --> 00:43:34.657
  • I was just renewing my lease
  • 00:43:34.657 --> 00:43:35.858
  • and she said, "Okay,well I guess I like it."
  • 00:43:35.858 --> 00:43:37.493
  • And I just thought,well ... I didn't know.
  • 00:43:37.493 --> 00:43:38.928
  • I just ... I wasn't thinkingI was buying anything.
  • 00:43:38.928 --> 00:43:40.463
  • I was just kind of updating,but we need to be partners.
  • 00:43:40.463 --> 00:43:43.733
  • And there's such asense of good will.
  • 00:43:43.733 --> 00:43:45.535
  • - [Man Host] Let me stepin just for a second.
  • 00:43:45.535 --> 00:43:47.036
  • She brought home a car onetime without talking to me.
  • 00:43:47.036 --> 00:43:50.907
  • - [Jimmy] Oh lord.
  • 00:43:50.907 --> 00:43:52.141
  • - And I was so happy. Icouldn't see straight.
  • 00:43:52.141 --> 00:43:53.776
  • - [Jimmy] (Laughing) .
  • 00:43:53.776 --> 00:43:54.811
  • - Right?
  • 00:43:54.811 --> 00:43:56.045
  • - And I knew that wasgoing to be the ...
  • 00:43:56.045 --> 00:43:56.579
  • - Right?
  • 00:43:56.579 --> 00:43:57.313
  • - Yes, he did.
  • 00:43:57.313 --> 00:43:58.147
  • - That was awesome.
  • 00:43:58.147 --> 00:43:59.348
  • - I traded in yourcar for a better one.
  • 00:43:59.348 --> 00:44:00.616
  • - A old SUV for a betterSUV, and it was awesome.
  • 00:44:00.616 --> 00:44:04.020
  • - [Jimmy] Awesome. Good job.
  • 00:44:04.020 --> 00:44:05.488
  • - But I was matterof fact about that.
  • 00:44:05.488 --> 00:44:06.923
  • - I was actualy on atrip. I was on a trip.
  • 00:44:06.923 --> 00:44:08.524
  • I came back. It was like,"Oh." You know, and it,
  • 00:44:08.524 --> 00:44:11.360
  • you know was awesome.
  • 00:44:11.360 --> 00:44:12.562
  • - [Jimmy] Well, thereare many people.
  • 00:44:12.562 --> 00:44:13.763
  • They're strangers livingin the same house.
  • 00:44:13.763 --> 00:44:14.597
  • - [Man Host] Wow.
  • 00:44:14.597 --> 00:44:15.832
  • - They are divided,many people have
  • 00:44:15.832 --> 00:44:17.333
  • divided banking accounts.There's nothing wrong
  • 00:44:17.333 --> 00:44:18.735
  • with having differentbank accounts,
  • 00:44:18.735 --> 00:44:20.269
  • as long as that's not thespirit of the marriage.
  • 00:44:20.269 --> 00:44:22.038
  • And so we're partners, Godsaid these two become one.
  • 00:44:22.038 --> 00:44:26.042
  • We are one team.We parent together.
  • 00:44:26.042 --> 00:44:29.078
  • We make our decisions together.
  • 00:44:29.078 --> 00:44:30.546
  • We worship together.
  • 00:44:30.546 --> 00:44:32.115
  • We're to- In otherwords, we're together.
  • 00:44:32.115 --> 00:44:34.183
  • You can't be oneunless you're together.
  • 00:44:34.183 --> 00:44:37.086
  • And so Karen and I, like youguys, we love being together.
  • 00:44:37.086 --> 00:44:40.656
  • We're best buds.
  • 00:44:40.656 --> 00:44:42.125
  • Now, remember we wereenemies almost divorcing,
  • 00:44:42.125 --> 00:44:44.093
  • but now we're best friendsand we share everything.
  • 00:44:44.093 --> 00:44:46.796
  • There's just neverthe sense that I have,
  • 00:44:46.796 --> 00:44:48.798
  • that Karen's goingto violate me.
  • 00:44:48.798 --> 00:44:50.299
  • - [Woman Host] Right.
  • 00:44:50.299 --> 00:44:51.534
  • - That she's going togo over here and do this
  • 00:44:51.534 --> 00:44:52.335
  • and leave me behind.
  • 00:44:52.335 --> 00:44:53.336
  • I know if she goes over here,
  • 00:44:53.336 --> 00:44:54.670
  • I'm gonna go overthere with her.
  • 00:44:54.670 --> 00:44:55.838
  • Or at least I'm gonna say,
  • 00:44:55.838 --> 00:44:57.039
  • "Hey, while you'regone, we're all good."
  • 00:44:57.039 --> 00:44:58.541
  • You know, "Bless you."
  • 00:44:58.541 --> 00:44:59.776
  • But a lot of people,they're just enemies,
  • 00:44:59.909 --> 00:45:01.611
  • living in the same house,sharing a checkbook and kids,
  • 00:45:01.611 --> 00:45:04.247
  • but they despise each otherbecause there's no sense of
  • 00:45:04.247 --> 00:45:08.050
  • good will and partnership.
  • 00:45:08.050 --> 00:45:09.485
  • - Law four and thenyou're going to have
  • 00:45:09.485 --> 00:45:11.721
  • to land the plane and, you know,
  • 00:45:11.721 --> 00:45:13.189
  • kind of pray for a wholebunch of people that ...
  • 00:45:13.189 --> 00:45:16.025
  • - (laughing)
  • 00:45:16.025 --> 00:45:17.059
  • - Are in very uncomfortable ...
  • 00:45:17.059 --> 00:45:18.127
  • - (laughing)
  • 00:45:18.127 --> 00:45:19.395
  • - I have a feelingthis is going to be
  • 00:45:19.395 --> 00:45:20.663
  • one of the highest ratedshows we've ever done.
  • 00:45:20.663 --> 00:45:22.165
  • - [Jimmy] (laughing)
  • 00:45:22.165 --> 00:45:23.432
  • - But I just knowthere's gonna be
  • 00:45:23.432 --> 00:45:25.301
  • some people that aregonna need prayer.
  • 00:45:25.301 --> 00:45:26.969
  • - [Jimmy] Right, absolutely.
  • 00:45:26.969 --> 00:45:28.237
  • - [Man Host] Law fourand the land the plane.
  • 00:45:28.237 --> 00:45:29.739
  • - Law of purity. The manand his wife were both naked
  • 00:45:29.739 --> 00:45:31.874
  • and not ashamed. The wordnaked, there is the word 'arom'
  • 00:45:31.874 --> 00:45:34.710
  • in Hebrew and it means exposed.
  • 00:45:34.710 --> 00:45:36.779
  • They weren't justphysically naked.
  • 00:45:36.779 --> 00:45:38.381
  • They were mentally,emotionally, spiritually,
  • 00:45:38.381 --> 00:45:40.349
  • and physically naked.
  • 00:45:40.349 --> 00:45:41.551
  • God created marriagewhere there was no fear.
  • 00:45:41.551 --> 00:45:43.786
  • I don't ... You seeanything you want to see.
  • 00:45:43.786 --> 00:45:45.955
  • We're friends here,until they sinned.
  • 00:45:45.955 --> 00:45:49.225
  • And when Adam and Eve sinned,
  • 00:45:49.225 --> 00:45:50.426
  • they immediatelyhid their privates.
  • 00:45:50.426 --> 00:45:53.029
  • They immediatelyhid from each other
  • 00:45:53.029 --> 00:45:54.297
  • and they hid from God.
  • 00:45:54.297 --> 00:45:55.698
  • See, when we're pure,we trust each other.
  • 00:45:55.698 --> 00:45:58.467
  • And we have intimacyon every level
  • 00:45:58.467 --> 00:46:00.937
  • when we're careful withwhat we say and do.
  • 00:46:00.937 --> 00:46:03.005
  • And we take responsibilityfor our problems ...
  • 00:46:03.005 --> 00:46:05.541
  • See that the thing thathealed our marriage
  • 00:46:05.541 --> 00:46:07.076
  • was the two words, "I'm sorry."
  • 00:46:07.076 --> 00:46:09.245
  • I had never said those wordsin all of our marriage.
  • 00:46:09.245 --> 00:46:11.681
  • I always blamed Karen and thosewords healed our marriage.
  • 00:46:11.681 --> 00:46:15.017
  • And so I'm going to be careful,
  • 00:46:15.017 --> 00:46:17.587
  • because you're soprecious to me,
  • 00:46:17.587 --> 00:46:19.055
  • I'm going to be carefulin how I treat you.
  • 00:46:19.055 --> 00:46:21.157
  • And when I make a mistakeI'm going to say I'm sorry.
  • 00:46:21.157 --> 00:46:22.859
  • So Adam and Eve sinned,
  • 00:46:22.859 --> 00:46:24.627
  • they then beganto hide themselves
  • 00:46:24.627 --> 00:46:26.162
  • from each other and from God.
  • 00:46:26.162 --> 00:46:27.997
  • So I had verbally abused Karen.
  • 00:46:27.997 --> 00:46:31.701
  • When I got angry at her,I said things to her
  • 00:46:31.701 --> 00:46:33.436
  • that were very hurtful toher, out of frustration,
  • 00:46:33.436 --> 00:46:35.838
  • out of, you know,dominance or whatever.
  • 00:46:35.838 --> 00:46:38.241
  • And that's whyKaren told me that
  • 00:46:38.241 --> 00:46:39.775
  • "Your mouth Jimmy is worstthing that ever happened."
  • 00:46:39.775 --> 00:46:42.211
  • And so I apologized to Karen.
  • 00:46:42.211 --> 00:46:45.348
  • We started workingon our relationship
  • 00:46:45.348 --> 00:46:47.717
  • and she was coveredwith fig leaves.
  • 00:46:47.717 --> 00:46:50.019
  • And I didn't knowit, emotionally.
  • 00:46:50.019 --> 00:46:52.488
  • She would not openherself to me.
  • 00:46:52.488 --> 00:46:54.390
  • I was not safe, a safe person.
  • 00:46:54.390 --> 00:46:56.525
  • So we ... Our marriage hadbeen healed for a year or so
  • 00:46:56.525 --> 00:46:59.195
  • and one day we were talkingand she just brought out
  • 00:46:59.195 --> 00:47:00.930
  • this very private thing to me.
  • 00:47:00.930 --> 00:47:03.532
  • And I said, "Karen, howlong has it been happening?"
  • 00:47:04.934 --> 00:47:07.303
  • She said, "A long time."
  • 00:47:07.303 --> 00:47:09.238
  • I said, "Why didn'tyou tell me?"
  • 00:47:09.238 --> 00:47:10.172
  • She said, "You weren't safe."
  • 00:47:10.172 --> 00:47:11.540
  • But because of me beingcareful, and because of me
  • 00:47:12.975 --> 00:47:16.679
  • beginning to takeresponsibility for my behavior,
  • 00:47:16.679 --> 00:47:20.216
  • the fig leavesstarted dropping off
  • 00:47:20.216 --> 00:47:21.584
  • because now I was a safe person.
  • 00:47:21.584 --> 00:47:23.653
  • And so Karen and I ...She's my best friend.
  • 00:47:23.653 --> 00:47:27.156
  • We can talk about anything.
  • 00:47:27.156 --> 00:47:28.624
  • We can share any feeling,we share any dream.
  • 00:47:28.624 --> 00:47:30.927
  • We can share ourbodies with each other.
  • 00:47:30.927 --> 00:47:32.762
  • But for a lot of people,
  • 00:47:32.762 --> 00:47:34.630
  • "You've hurt me. I'mnot first in your life."
  • 00:47:34.630 --> 00:47:38.601
  • "You don't meet my needs."
  • 00:47:38.601 --> 00:47:40.236
  • "You don't pursue meand make me a partner."
  • 00:47:40.236 --> 00:47:42.371
  • "You do all these kindsof things without me."
  • 00:47:42.371 --> 00:47:44.206
  • "You violated me. And Ikeep trying to tell you,
  • 00:47:44.206 --> 00:47:46.776
  • and you won't takeresponsibility for your actions.
  • 00:47:46.776 --> 00:47:48.577
  • And you say things to me thatare wrong, you've hurt me."
  • 00:47:48.577 --> 00:47:51.480
  • Well so they'reviolating the law purity.
  • 00:47:51.480 --> 00:47:54.750
  • The man and his wife werenaked without any shame,
  • 00:47:54.750 --> 00:47:57.353
  • because there wasn'tany sin there.
  • 00:47:57.353 --> 00:47:59.689
  • Once sin came in andthey began to sin
  • 00:47:59.689 --> 00:48:02.191
  • against each other. Nowthey had this cat fight.
  • 00:48:02.191 --> 00:48:04.994
  • They had a horriblerelationship. And by the way,
  • 00:48:04.994 --> 00:48:06.996
  • three chapters later, the Bible,
  • 00:48:06.996 --> 00:48:08.698
  • the world was full ofviolence and immorality
  • 00:48:08.698 --> 00:48:11.300
  • and God regretted that hehad made man on the earth.
  • 00:48:11.300 --> 00:48:13.302
  • They spread that to theirchildren and their children
  • 00:48:13.302 --> 00:48:15.571
  • and their children and theworld became corrupted.
  • 00:48:15.571 --> 00:48:17.707
  • So if there's a person, a man
  • 00:48:17.707 --> 00:48:20.476
  • like me that was dominant,verbally abusive or whatever.
  • 00:48:20.476 --> 00:48:22.912
  • And they're watching,you gotta cut it out.
  • 00:48:22.912 --> 00:48:25.915
  • You fell in love being careful.
  • 00:48:25.915 --> 00:48:28.050
  • You fell in love being careful.
  • 00:48:29.051 --> 00:48:30.519
  • I picked Karen up on ourfirst date at 16 years old.
  • 00:48:30.519 --> 00:48:33.289
  • And I drove so carefully,and five years later,
  • 00:48:33.289 --> 00:48:36.359
  • I was driving her like a maniac
  • 00:48:36.359 --> 00:48:37.460
  • and I didn't care what she said.
  • 00:48:37.460 --> 00:48:38.394
  • I was scaring her to death.
  • 00:48:38.394 --> 00:48:39.795
  • I would talk so carefully.
  • 00:48:39.795 --> 00:48:41.397
  • Everything I said wasjust poetic and careful,
  • 00:48:41.397 --> 00:48:44.467
  • five years later, I just wasattacking her with my mouth.
  • 00:48:44.467 --> 00:48:47.770
  • You fall in lovebecause you're careful
  • 00:48:47.770 --> 00:48:50.072
  • and you fall in lovebecause you're humble.
  • 00:48:50.072 --> 00:48:52.308
  • And when you fallin love, you're like
  • 00:48:52.308 --> 00:48:53.542
  • "I'm sorry. DidI say something?"
  • 00:48:53.542 --> 00:48:55.544
  • "Well, I'm so sorry.Did I do something?"
  • 00:48:55.544 --> 00:48:57.780
  • And then later onin the relationship,
  • 00:48:57.780 --> 00:48:59.281
  • when you're takingeach other for granted,
  • 00:48:59.281 --> 00:49:01.283
  • you're justbombasting each other
  • 00:49:01.283 --> 00:49:02.785
  • and won't takeresponsibility for it.
  • 00:49:02.785 --> 00:49:04.420
  • So in our relationship, Ihad never said, I was sorry
  • 00:49:04.420 --> 00:49:08.290
  • until the night ourmarriage began to be healed.
  • 00:49:08.290 --> 00:49:10.826
  • And after that, I becamethe world's expert
  • 00:49:10.826 --> 00:49:12.995
  • in saying, I'm sorry, andI still did things wrong.
  • 00:49:12.995 --> 00:49:15.731
  • I still do things wrong today.
  • 00:49:15.731 --> 00:49:17.299
  • But the difference today is
  • 00:49:17.299 --> 00:49:19.301
  • I'll go to Karenand say, I'm sorry.
  • 00:49:19.301 --> 00:49:21.504
  • And so there are night Karenand I were talking about
  • 00:49:21.504 --> 00:49:23.005
  • something and she gotmad at me and she-
  • 00:49:23.005 --> 00:49:24.507
  • - (laughing)
  • 00:49:24.507 --> 00:49:25.708
  • - And she went andsat in the other room.
  • 00:49:25.708 --> 00:49:26.976
  • You know, you know whenyour wife's mad at you,
  • 00:49:26.976 --> 00:49:28.544
  • after 47 years.
  • 00:49:28.544 --> 00:49:29.378
  • - Yeah. Yeah.
  • 00:49:29.378 --> 00:49:30.312
  • - And so ...
  • 00:49:30.312 --> 00:49:31.547
  • - After 35, it'spretty clear too.
  • 00:49:31.547 --> 00:49:33.349
  • - And so I walked by her
  • 00:49:33.349 --> 00:49:34.617
  • and she was sitting in her chair
  • 00:49:34.617 --> 00:49:36.152
  • and I walked by and Ipinched on the cheek.
  • 00:49:36.152 --> 00:49:37.653
  • And I said, "I'm an idiot."And I said "I'm an idiot."
  • 00:49:37.653 --> 00:49:40.523
  • And she said,"You're a good man."
  • 00:49:40.523 --> 00:49:41.624
  • - [Woman Host] (laughing).
  • 00:49:41.624 --> 00:49:43.092
  • So, you know, if I justtake responsibility for it.
  • 00:49:43.092 --> 00:49:45.895
  • But if I would have letthat go into a cold war,
  • 00:49:45.895 --> 00:49:48.264
  • and this is what I didwhen we first got married,
  • 00:49:48.264 --> 00:49:50.366
  • we would go dayswithout talking.
  • 00:49:50.366 --> 00:49:52.334
  • If you didn't do what Iwanted, I punished you.
  • 00:49:52.334 --> 00:49:53.969
  • And we'd go days withouttalking, we don't do that.
  • 00:49:53.969 --> 00:49:56.472
  • And we keep short accounts.We don't go to bed on anger.
  • 00:49:56.472 --> 00:49:59.308
  • And so I'm saying toeverybody watching right now,
  • 00:49:59.308 --> 00:50:02.378
  • God made four simple lawsthat govern marriage.
  • 00:50:02.378 --> 00:50:05.915
  • It has to be first.You have to work at it.
  • 00:50:05.915 --> 00:50:09.452
  • You have to be partners,and you have to be careful.
  • 00:50:09.452 --> 00:50:11.854
  • And you have to take careof your responsibility.
  • 00:50:11.854 --> 00:50:13.422
  • That's as complicated as it is.
  • 00:50:13.422 --> 00:50:15.357
  • And God made those lawsand upon those laws,
  • 00:50:15.357 --> 00:50:17.893
  • you are going tohave a good marriage.
  • 00:50:17.893 --> 00:50:20.563
  • - Pray for people.
  • 00:50:20.563 --> 00:50:21.397
  • - Okay.
  • 00:50:21.397 --> 00:50:22.364
  • - [Woman Host] Love it.
  • 00:50:22.364 --> 00:50:23.799
  • - Father, I just prayright now for every couple,
  • 00:50:23.799 --> 00:50:25.668
  • every individualright now, watching.
  • 00:50:25.668 --> 00:50:27.803
  • If they've beenhurt by marriage,
  • 00:50:27.803 --> 00:50:30.339
  • heal their heartsand give them hope
  • 00:50:30.339 --> 00:50:32.441
  • in the mighty name of Jesus.
  • 00:50:32.441 --> 00:50:33.843
  • I pray supernatural healing,
  • 00:50:33.843 --> 00:50:36.278
  • that would go on olderpeople, younger people,
  • 00:50:36.278 --> 00:50:38.747
  • single people, divorcedpeople, married people,
  • 00:50:38.747 --> 00:50:40.516
  • heal hearts supernaturally.
  • 00:50:40.516 --> 00:50:43.152
  • Take what the devil has done
  • 00:50:43.152 --> 00:50:45.454
  • and reverse it Lord,
  • 00:50:45.454 --> 00:50:46.655
  • so that you can do amiracle in their lives.
  • 00:50:46.655 --> 00:50:48.958
  • I pray that you'll givepeople renewed hope
  • 00:50:48.958 --> 00:50:51.627
  • for marriage andfor their marriages.
  • 00:50:51.627 --> 00:50:53.762
  • And I bind Satan. I bindthe spirit of divorce.
  • 00:50:53.762 --> 00:50:57.433
  • I bind the spirit of anger
  • 00:50:57.433 --> 00:50:59.135
  • and the spirit of hopelessness
  • 00:50:59.135 --> 00:51:00.503
  • in the name of Jesus.And I pray a blessing,
  • 00:51:00.503 --> 00:51:03.772
  • the blessing of marriage.
  • 00:51:03.772 --> 00:51:05.040
  • - [Man Host] Thank you lord.
  • 00:51:05.040 --> 00:51:06.275
  • - The blessing ofa lasting marriage.
  • 00:51:06.275 --> 00:51:07.076
  • - [Woman Host] Yes.
  • 00:51:07.076 --> 00:51:08.577
  • - The blessing of a happyhome and a happy future
  • 00:51:08.577 --> 00:51:10.479
  • upon every single individual
  • 00:51:10.479 --> 00:51:12.448
  • and couple watching right now,
  • 00:51:12.448 --> 00:51:14.216
  • bless them Lord, I prayin Jesus name. Amen.
  • 00:51:14.216 --> 00:51:17.052
  • - Amen.
  • 00:51:17.052 --> 00:51:17.887
  • - Amen, wow.
  • 00:51:17.887 --> 00:51:19.155
  • If you're landing intoand there's a couple
  • 00:51:19.155 --> 00:51:23.192
  • sitting somewhere,wherever they're watching,
  • 00:51:23.192 --> 00:51:25.561
  • they could have flipped oninto a hotel room somewhere.
  • 00:51:25.561 --> 00:51:28.797
  • And they're, they'resitting there
  • 00:51:28.797 --> 00:51:30.199
  • and there's an uncomfortablevibe because of ...
  • 00:51:30.199 --> 00:51:32.635
  • They want thingsbetter. What's first?
  • 00:51:32.635 --> 00:51:37.640
  • What do they do first?It's uncomfortable,
  • 00:51:38.807 --> 00:51:40.075
  • they think emotions aresupposed to be working.
  • 00:51:41.277 --> 00:51:44.213
  • And emotions you said werethe caboose of the train.
  • 00:51:44.213 --> 00:51:47.349
  • - [Jimmy] That's right.
  • 00:51:47.349 --> 00:51:48.284
  • - Not the engine of the train.
  • 00:51:48.284 --> 00:51:49.084
  • - [Jimmy] That's right.
  • 00:51:49.084 --> 00:51:50.286
  • - So what's first? Whatcan they do tonight
  • 00:51:50.286 --> 00:51:53.055
  • to make one step forward?
  • 00:51:53.055 --> 00:51:56.292
  • - The Bible says a softanswer turns away wrath,
  • 00:51:56.292 --> 00:51:58.761
  • and humility is the answer.
  • 00:51:59.662 --> 00:52:01.897
  • And that is when mymarriage was healed.
  • 00:52:01.897 --> 00:52:04.633
  • When Karen ... When we almostdivorced, I attacked Karen.
  • 00:52:04.633 --> 00:52:07.503
  • When our marriage washealed, I walked in and said,
  • 00:52:07.503 --> 00:52:09.205
  • I was sorry. AndI humbled myself.
  • 00:52:09.205 --> 00:52:11.807
  • And here's the old saying,
  • 00:52:11.807 --> 00:52:13.042
  • "The best person doesthe right thing first."
  • 00:52:13.042 --> 00:52:15.411
  • And there's this standoff,and you're sitting there
  • 00:52:15.411 --> 00:52:17.112
  • waiting for your spouseto say, they're sorry.
  • 00:52:17.112 --> 00:52:19.515
  • Well, the best person doesthe right thing first.
  • 00:52:19.515 --> 00:52:22.284
  • And Karen was the bestperson in our relationship.
  • 00:52:22.284 --> 00:52:24.587
  • But I finally didthe right thing.
  • 00:52:24.587 --> 00:52:25.821
  • If there's tension,if there's a standoff,
  • 00:52:25.821 --> 00:52:28.691
  • someone get humble andsomeone say, I'm sorry.
  • 00:52:28.691 --> 00:52:32.061
  • And that's the beginning of it.
  • 00:52:32.061 --> 00:52:33.629
  • - But don't expectemotions immediately.
  • 00:52:33.629 --> 00:52:36.398
  • - No, but ...
  • 00:52:36.398 --> 00:52:37.633
  • - [Man Host] Do theright thing first.
  • 00:52:37.633 --> 00:52:38.300
  • - Exactly right.
  • 00:52:38.300 --> 00:52:39.568
  • But if you begin todo the right thing,
  • 00:52:39.568 --> 00:52:40.803
  • I'm promise you you'regoing to fall back,
  • 00:52:40.803 --> 00:52:42.004
  • I promise you you'regonna fall back.
  • 00:52:42.004 --> 00:52:43.973
  • You're just breaking the law.You're just breaking the law.
  • 00:52:43.973 --> 00:52:46.709
  • If you stop breaking the law,
  • 00:52:46.709 --> 00:52:48.010
  • everything goes backto where it was.
  • 00:52:48.010 --> 00:52:50.346
  • - Just like that one moviethat I quote occasionally,
  • 00:52:50.346 --> 00:52:52.615
  • "Stop breaking the law!"
  • 00:52:52.615 --> 00:52:54.149
  • - [Jimmy] (laughing).
  • 00:52:54.149 --> 00:52:55.050
  • - You know?
  • 00:52:55.050 --> 00:52:56.118
  • - [Woman Host] (laughing)
  • 00:52:56.118 --> 00:52:57.052
  • - Okay. So Four Laws of Love.
  • 00:52:57.052 --> 00:52:59.321
  • - (laughing)
  • 00:52:59.321 --> 00:53:00.556
  • Jimmy, listen to me, youexplain it so well ...
  • 00:53:00.556 --> 00:53:03.759
  • - [Woman Host] So good.
  • 00:53:03.759 --> 00:53:04.994
  • - That it makes mesometimes think that
  • 00:53:04.994 --> 00:53:07.062
  • we should just runthis thing back to back
  • 00:53:07.062 --> 00:53:09.164
  • to back to back.
  • 00:53:09.164 --> 00:53:10.466
  • - Seriously.
  • 00:53:10.466 --> 00:53:11.700
  • - And just fix thenuclear family.
  • 00:53:11.700 --> 00:53:13.869
  • - [Jimmy] That's right.
  • 00:53:13.869 --> 00:53:15.104
  • - Because thereare so many things
  • 00:53:15.104 --> 00:53:16.338
  • that are tryingto tear it apart.
  • 00:53:16.338 --> 00:53:17.806
  • The Four Laws of Love, makethe nuclear thing work,
  • 00:53:17.806 --> 00:53:21.010
  • the outer ring, whichis society works better.
  • 00:53:21.010 --> 00:53:23.979
  • This is super important stuff.
  • 00:53:23.979 --> 00:53:25.681
  • Please get this book forsomebody, get it to them,
  • 00:53:25.681 --> 00:53:28.484
  • order it by going to Jimmy'swebsite, or go to Amazon
  • 00:53:28.484 --> 00:53:31.687
  • If you can't wait that long.
  • 00:53:31.687 --> 00:53:33.289
  • Get it and it'll be sentto you. And so thank you.
  • 00:53:33.289 --> 00:53:37.860
  • - Welcome. Good to be here.
  • 00:53:37.860 --> 00:53:39.094
  • - Amazing stuff, we'llsee you next time.
  • 00:53:39.094 --> 00:53:41.196
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:53:41.196 --> 00:53:43.766