Praise | November 14, 2017 | TBN

Praise | November 14, 2017

Watch Praise | November 14, 2017
November 14, 2017
57:51

Matt & Laurie Crouch host The Spark Conference in Houston Texas with Joel & Victoria Osteen, John & Aventer Gray, Clayton & Ashlee Hurst and Dr. Gary Chapman.

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Praise | November 14, 2017

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  • - FEMALE ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON PRAISE ...
  • 00:00:02.110 --> 00:00:05.080
  • - MATT CROUCH: IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR IF YOU ARE
  • 00:00:05.100 --> 00:00:08.280
  • SINGLE, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:11.120
  • - ANNOUNCER: IT'S SPARK 2017.
  • 00:00:11.140 --> 00:00:13.060
  • - MATT CROUCH: WE BROUGHT THE SPARK TO YOU.
  • 00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:16.090
  • [ LAURIE CROUCH: I LOVE MARRIAGE YOU - [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:00:16.110 --> 00:00:19.010
  • - JOHN GRAY: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DOCTOR GARY CHAPMAN.
  • 00:00:19.030 --> 00:00:22.090
  • - GARY CHAPMAN: YOU WILL ACTUALLY SAY THE WORDS, I
  • 00:00:22.110 --> 00:00:27.000
  • LOVE YOU. WOO!
  • 00:00:27.020 --> 00:00:28.240
  • NOW YOU KNOW YOU GOT IT BECAUSE YOU SAID IT OUT LOUD.
  • 00:00:28.260 --> 00:00:30.200
  • I KNOW THAT IF GOD CHANGED OUR MARRIAGE GOD
  • 00:00:30.220 --> 00:00:32.230
  • CAN CHANGE EVERY MARRIAGE.
  • 00:00:32.250 --> 00:00:35.040
  • - ANNOUNCER: FIND OUT MORE ON HOW YOU CAN HAVE
  • 00:00:35.060 --> 00:00:37.020
  • A STRONG AND HEALTHY MARRIAGE WITH DOCTOR GARY
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  • CHAPMAN NEXT ON PRAISE!
  • 00:00:39.100 --> 00:00:41.070
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:00:41.090 --> 00:00:54.210
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:00:54.210 --> 00:01:06.180
  • - MATT CROUCH: IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR IF YOU ARE
  • 00:01:06.200 --> 00:01:09.220
  • SINGLE, STAY TUNED TO THIS BROADCAST.
  • 00:01:09.240 --> 00:01:12.060
  • WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:01:12.080 --> 00:01:14.030
  • JOHN GRAY, GET US STARTED.
  • 00:01:14.050 --> 00:01:15.190
  • - JOHN GRAY: YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I WAS DOING WELL
  • 00:01:15.210 --> 00:01:17.250
  • BEING SINGLE, 37 YEARS IN SINGLENESS, BUT THERE
  • 00:01:17.270 --> 00:01:20.220
  • WAS A SCRIPTURE THAT SAID HE THAT FINDS A WIFE FIND
  • 00:01:20.240 --> 00:01:23.250
  • A GOOD THING AND OBTAINS FAVOR FROM THE LORD.
  • 00:01:23.270 --> 00:01:26.240
  • I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD BY MYSELF, BUT WHEN
  • 00:01:26.260 --> 00:01:29.000
  • I FOUND MY FAVOR SIX AND A HALF YEARS AGO, MY LIFE
  • 00:01:29.020 --> 00:01:31.260
  • WENT TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.
  • 00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:34.010
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
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  • GOD BLESSED ME WITH A WOMAN WITH SO MANY GIFTS,
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  • SO MANY TALENTS, SUCH AN AMAZING HEART, AND WHO I
  • 00:01:37.170 --> 00:01:40.030
  • WAS AS AN INDIVIDUAL HER GIFTS ALLOWED ME TO
  • 00:01:40.050 --> 00:01:43.130
  • BECOME FAR MORE IMPACTING AND FAR MORE LAYERED THAN
  • 00:01:43.150 --> 00:01:46.210
  • I EVER WAS BEFORE.
  • 00:01:46.230 --> 00:01:49.110
  • I'M A BETTER MAN BECAUSE I CHOSE THE RIGHT ONE,
  • 00:01:49.130 --> 00:01:51.210
  • AND I GOT FAVOR WHEN I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.
  • 00:01:51.230 --> 00:01:53.270
  • MARRIAGE CHANGED EVERYTHING, AND THERE'S
  • 00:01:53.290 --> 00:01:56.080
  • NOTHING MORE POWERFUL IN THE EARTH THAN A BIBLE
  • 00:01:56.100 --> 00:01:58.270
  • BASED, CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE.
  • 00:01:58.290 --> 00:02:01.220
  • THE DEVIL IS AFRAID OF IT, AND THE EARTH IS IN
  • 00:02:01.240 --> 00:02:03.060
  • NEED OF IT.
  • 00:02:03.080 --> 00:02:04.160
  • - COME ON!
  • 00:02:04.180 --> 00:02:06.030
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:02:06.050 --> 00:02:08.000
  • - MATT CROUCH: JOEL, COME ON TALK ABOUT
  • 00:02:08.020 --> 00:02:09.060
  • MARRIAGE FOR A SECOND.
  • 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:11.030
  • - JOEL OSTEEN: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:02:11.050 --> 00:02:12.280
  • I CAN SAY LIKE JOHN, YOU KNOW, TOGETHER
  • 00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:14.190
  • WE'RE STRONGER.
  • 00:02:14.210 --> 00:02:16.160
  • THE SCRIPTURE SAYS ONE CAN CHASE A THOUSAND.
  • 00:02:16.180 --> 00:02:18.180
  • TWO CAN PUT 10.000 TO FLIGHT, AND I JUST
  • 00:02:18.200 --> 00:02:20.220
  • BELIEVE TOGETHER WE'RE TEN TIMES STRONGER, SO WE
  • 00:02:20.240 --> 00:02:22.180
  • JUST BELIEVE IN STRENGTHENING OUR
  • 00:02:22.200 --> 00:02:24.090
  • MARRIAGE AND NOT LETTING THINGS TEAR US APART, BIG
  • 00:02:24.110 --> 00:02:25.260
  • THINGS, LITTLE THINGS.
  • 00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:27.190
  • GOD HAS US IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND, AND WHEN WE
  • 00:02:27.210 --> 00:02:30.050
  • HONOR HIM AND HONOR THE PERSON GOD'S PUT IN OUR
  • 00:02:30.070 --> 00:02:31.160
  • LIFE, LIFE GOES BETTER, AND THAT'S HOW YOU REACH
  • 00:02:31.180 --> 00:02:33.130
  • THE FULLNESS OF YOUR DESTINY TOGETHER.
  • 00:02:33.150 --> 00:02:35.140
  • - BEAUTIFUL.
  • 00:02:35.160 --> 00:02:36.290
  • [ APPLAUSE ] YOUR THOUGHTS?
  • 00:02:37.010 --> 00:02:39.040
  • - CLAYTON HURST: WELL, WE REALIZED EARLY ON IT DOESN'T
  • 00:02:39.060 --> 00:02:41.190
  • MATTER WHOSE RIGHT BUT WHAT'S RIGHT, RIGHT?
  • 00:02:41.210 --> 00:02:44.090
  • - ASHLEE HURST: RIGHT.
  • 00:02:44.110 --> 00:02:45.170
  • - WE JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE WERE IN IT
  • 00:02:45.190 --> 00:02:48.030
  • TOGETHER REGARDLESS OF WHAT WE GO THROUGH.
  • 00:02:48.050 --> 00:02:49.250
  • YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:02:49.270 --> 00:02:52.050
  • WHEN ONE FALLS DOWN, THE OTHER ONE IS THERE TO
  • 00:02:52.070 --> 00:02:53.290
  • PICK EACH OTHER UP.
  • 00:02:54.010 --> 00:02:55.130
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:02:55.150 --> 00:02:56.290
  • - AND WE'RE GOING TO RUN OUR RACE TOGETHER.
  • 00:02:57.010 --> 00:02:58.210
  • I'VE GOT STRENGTHS AND GIFTS THAT GOD'S GIVEN
  • 00:02:58.230 --> 00:03:00.180
  • ME, AND GOD HAS GIVEN HER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
  • 00:03:00.200 --> 00:03:02.060
  • STRENGTHS, BUT WE'VE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER.
  • 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:03.270
  • BUT THAT'S WHY WHEN WE BRING THOSE STRENGTHS AND
  • 00:03:03.290 --> 00:03:05.180
  • THINGS TOGETHER THAT'S WHAT MAKES US STRONGER.
  • 00:03:05.200 --> 00:03:07.100
  • - MATT CROUCH: EVERYONE ON THIS SET TONIGHT
  • 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:10.030
  • [ APPLAUSE ] EXCEPT LAURIE AND ME ARE PASTORS AT
  • 00:03:10.050 --> 00:03:13.010
  • LAKEWOOD CHURCH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:03:13.030 --> 00:03:15.040
  • THANK YOU FOR LETTING US TUNE IN AND KIND OF GO
  • 00:03:15.060 --> 00:03:17.220
  • INTO THE CONFERENCE THAT'S UNDER WAY RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:03:17.240 --> 00:03:21.190
  • SPARK CONFERENCE 2017 IS RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:03:21.210 --> 00:03:24.180
  • YOUR THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE BEFORE WE GO TO THE CLIP.
  • 00:03:24.200 --> 00:03:27.050
  • - LAURIE CROUCH: I LOVE MARRIAGE.
  • 00:03:27.070 --> 00:03:28.260
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:03:28.280 --> 00:03:31.060
  • - WHY? WHY?
  • 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:33.090
  • - WHY?
  • 00:03:33.110 --> 00:03:35.030
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:03:35.050 --> 00:03:36.220
  • - BECAUSE LIKE JOEL SAID WE'RE BETTER TOGETHER,
  • 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:39.010
  • AND I BELIEVE --
  • 00:03:39.030 --> 00:03:40.210
  • - YOU MEAN ME AND YOU?
  • 00:03:40.230 --> 00:03:42.040
  • - YES.
  • 00:03:42.060 --> 00:03:43.200
  • JUST YOU AND ME, YES.
  • 00:03:43.220 --> 00:03:44.290
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
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  • IT'S ALL GOOD, BUT I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
  • 00:03:46.180 --> 00:03:47.230
  • YOU STAY TUNED.
  • 00:03:47.250 --> 00:03:49.020
  • I KNOW GOD'S GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:03:49.040 --> 00:03:50.250
  • - IT'S SPARK CONFERENCE 2017 AT LAKEWOOD CHURCH.
  • 00:03:50.270 --> 00:03:52.080
  • WATCH THIS.
  • 00:03:52.100 --> 00:03:53.180
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:03:53.200 --> 00:03:55.180
  • - WHY ARE WE ATTENDING SPARK?
  • 00:03:55.200 --> 00:03:56.260
  • - I DON'T KNOW.
  • 00:03:56.280 --> 00:03:57.290
  • WHY ARE WE ATTENDING SPARK?
  • 00:03:58.010 --> 00:03:59.090
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:03:59.110 --> 00:04:00.230
  • - SO THAT HE CAN BE EVEN BETTER AS A HUSBAND.
  • 00:04:00.250 --> 00:04:04.010
  • THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
  • 00:04:04.030 --> 00:04:06.050
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:06.070 --> 00:04:07.220
  • - I'M NOT -I'M SWEATING.
  • 00:04:07.240 --> 00:04:09.130
  • - I THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE MORE SEXUAL ONE IN
  • 00:04:09.150 --> 00:04:11.030
  • THE RELATIONSHIP, BUT AS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS EVOLVED --
  • 00:04:11.050 --> 00:04:15.120
  • - A LOT OF PRESSURE IN THIS ROOM.
  • 00:04:15.140 --> 00:04:17.280
  • THESE LIGHTS ARE GETTING HOT.
  • 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.140
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:19.160 --> 00:04:21.010
  • - I THINK I'M FINDING THAT WE'RE PRETTY EQUAL
  • 00:04:21.030 --> 00:04:22.270
  • WHEN IT COMES TO BEING SEXUAL.
  • 00:04:22.290 --> 00:04:25.020
  • - WOW!
  • 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:26.160
  • - I EVEN FORGOT THE QUESTION.
  • 00:04:26.180 --> 00:04:27.290
  • WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
  • 00:04:28.010 --> 00:04:29.190
  • - SO WHAT DID YOU TELL ME I COULD SAY?
  • 00:04:29.210 --> 00:04:31.000
  • - WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?
  • 00:04:31.020 --> 00:04:32.090
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:32.110 --> 00:04:33.200
  • - WHO DOESN'T HAVE AN END TABLE IN YOUR BEDROOM?
  • 00:04:33.220 --> 00:04:35.070
  • LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP YOUR LAMP?
  • 00:04:35.090 --> 00:04:38.160
  • - YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
  • 00:04:38.180 --> 00:04:40.160
  • - ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:04:40.180 --> 00:04:41.200
  • WE'LL SEE HOW THAT GOES.
  • 00:04:41.220 --> 00:04:43.070
  • - HE FARTS EVERY MORNING BEFORE HE GETS OUT OF BED.
  • 00:04:43.090 --> 00:04:46.040
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:46.060 --> 00:04:50.070
  • - IT WAS SUCH A SILLY ARGUMENT.
  • 00:04:50.090 --> 00:04:52.160
  • I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE THAT YOU REMEMBER IT.
  • 00:04:52.180 --> 00:04:55.260
  • - THAT ONE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT, BUT THAT WAS
  • 00:04:55.280 --> 00:04:57.290
  • THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF.
  • 00:04:58.010 --> 00:04:59.200
  • SO INAPPROPRIATE, BUT WHATEVER.
  • 00:04:59.220 --> 00:05:02.080
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:02.100 --> 00:05:04.030
  • - YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE
  • 00:05:04.050 --> 00:05:05.200
  • SEX ON DEMAND.
  • 00:05:05.220 --> 00:05:07.050
  • THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT YOU THOUGHT.
  • 00:05:07.070 --> 00:05:08.210
  • - YOU CAN'T TELL THEM THAT.
  • 00:05:08.230 --> 00:05:10.030
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:10.050 --> 00:05:11.220
  • - THE ONE THING I REALLY LIKED ABOUT VALERIE WAS
  • 00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:13.090
  • HER FORTHRIGHTNESS.
  • 00:05:13.110 --> 00:05:15.220
  • SHE WAS VERY BLUNT.
  • 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:17.130
  • AND IN CONVERSATION SHE WOULD JUST SPEAK HER MIND
  • 00:05:17.150 --> 00:05:19.030
  • AND THAT WAS GREAT.
  • 00:05:19.050 --> 00:05:20.110
  • LOVED IT.
  • 00:05:20.130 --> 00:05:21.260
  • - WHICH WAY ARE YOU GOING?
  • 00:05:21.280 --> 00:05:23.070
  • - THIS WAY.
  • 00:05:23.090 --> 00:05:24.110
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:24.130 --> 00:05:25.280
  • - WELL, NOT NECESSARILY ON DEMAND, BUT I DIDN'T
  • 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:27.180
  • THINK I'D HAVE TO WORK SO HARD.
  • 00:05:27.200 --> 00:05:29.180
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:29.200 --> 00:05:31.250
  • DO NOT USE THAT.
  • 00:05:31.270 --> 00:05:33.120
  • THAT SHOULD END UP IN THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR.
  • 00:05:33.140 --> 00:05:35.180
  • - THEN WE GOT MARRIED, AND SHE SPOKE HER MIND
  • 00:05:35.200 --> 00:05:37.090
  • AND TYPICALLY IT WAS DIRECTED TOWARD ME.
  • 00:05:37.110 --> 00:05:39.060
  • - I MIGHT NEED A RIDE HOME.
  • 00:05:39.080 --> 00:05:41.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:41.040 --> 00:05:44.170
  • - IF YOU DON'T FEED YOUR MARRIAGE BY GOING TO
  • 00:05:44.190 --> 00:05:46.090
  • THINGS LIKE SPARK, GOING TO MARRIAGE CLASSES, YOU
  • 00:05:46.110 --> 00:05:48.190
  • KNOW, READING THE BOOKS AND STUFF, YOU STARVE
  • 00:05:48.210 --> 00:05:51.110
  • YOUR MARRIAGE, AND YOUR MARRIAGE JUST WITHERS
  • 00:05:51.130 --> 00:05:53.010
  • ON THE VINE.
  • 00:05:53.030 --> 00:05:54.130
  • - IN MARRIAGE YOU GOT TO CONSISTENTLY DIE TO
  • 00:05:54.150 --> 00:05:56.030
  • YOURSELF AND LOOK AFTER THE OTHER PERSON.
  • 00:05:56.050 --> 00:05:58.080
  • - HE'S THE ONE WITH THE GOOD ANSWERS.
  • 00:05:58.100 --> 00:06:00.020
  • - THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO JUST FEED MORE AND
  • 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:02.230
  • MORE INTO OUR MARRIAGE AND HAVE THE TOOLS AND
  • 00:06:02.250 --> 00:06:05.070
  • RESOURCES WE NEED TO CREATE A
  • 00:06:05.090 --> 00:06:07.020
  • MIRACULOUS MARRIAGE.
  • 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:09.190
  • - I'M NOT EVEN SURE WE WOULD BE MARRIED STILL TO
  • 00:06:09.210 --> 00:06:12.100
  • BE HONEST WITH YOU, AND SO I'M VERY THANKFUL THAT
  • 00:06:12.120 --> 00:06:15.190
  • WE HAVE THIS AVAILABLE, AND I BELIEVE EVERYBODY
  • 00:06:15.210 --> 00:06:18.040
  • SHOULD BE HERE REALLY.
  • 00:06:18.060 --> 00:06:20.100
  • WE ALL NEED HELP.
  • 00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:22.100
  • WE'RE GOING ON 40 YEARS, AND WE STILL NEED HELP.
  • 00:06:22.120 --> 00:06:24.030
  • - NEED LOTS OF HELP.
  • 00:06:24.050 --> 00:06:25.290
  • - THIS NEXT MAN OF GOD HAS LITERALLY BEEN AN
  • 00:06:26.010 --> 00:06:31.240
  • AGENT OF CHANGE AND REVOLUTION, AND HEALING
  • 00:06:31.260 --> 00:06:34.030
  • FOR SO MANY MARRIAGES ACROSS THE GLOBE.
  • 00:06:34.050 --> 00:06:37.060
  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DOCTOR MARY CHAPMAN.
  • 00:06:37.080 --> 00:06:40.000
  • - MATT CROUCH: SPARK 2017 RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:06:40.020 --> 00:06:42.010
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:06:42.030 --> 00:06:48.210
  • - DOCTOR GARY CHAPMAN: YOU MAY BE SEATED.
  • 00:06:48.230 --> 00:06:51.040
  • THANK YOU.
  • 00:06:51.060 --> 00:06:53.000
  • WELL, I'M GOING TO SPEAK FOR MYSELF.
  • 00:06:53.020 --> 00:06:55.160
  • I CAN GLAD I CAME TO THIS CONFERENCE.
  • 00:06:55.180 --> 00:06:57.020
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:06:57.040 --> 00:06:58.260
  • IF I WERE NOT SPEAKING, I WOULD BE GLAD I CAME TO
  • 00:06:58.280 --> 00:07:00.210
  • THIS CONFERENCE.
  • 00:07:00.230 --> 00:07:02.130
  • THIS HAS BEEN FANTASTIC.
  • 00:07:02.150 --> 00:07:04.120
  • I'VE BEEN HERE FOR ALL THE SESSIONS LAST NIGHT
  • 00:07:04.140 --> 00:07:07.140
  • AND THIS MORNING, AND MAN, I'M JUST THRILLED AT
  • 00:07:07.160 --> 00:07:08.240
  • WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.
  • 00:07:08.260 --> 00:07:10.230
  • WELL, THIS HOUR I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU ON WHAT I
  • 00:07:10.250 --> 00:07:13.120
  • BELIEVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD IN THE
  • 00:07:13.140 --> 00:07:15.090
  • ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND THE MOST CONFUSING WORD IN
  • 00:07:15.110 --> 00:07:19.130
  • THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
  • 00:07:19.150 --> 00:07:21.250
  • I SAY THAT LOVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD
  • 00:07:21.270 --> 00:07:24.180
  • BECAUSE JESUS ONCE SAID, THIS IS THE WAY THAT THEY
  • 00:07:24.200 --> 00:07:27.210
  • WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE FOLLOWING ME, BY THE WAY
  • 00:07:27.230 --> 00:07:31.150
  • YOU LOVE EACH OTHER.
  • 00:07:31.170 --> 00:07:33.220
  • HE GAVE THE NON-CHRISTIAN WORLD THE RIGHT TO JUDGE
  • 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:37.000
  • WHETHER OR NOT WE'RE FOLLOWING HIM BY THE WAY
  • 00:07:37.020 --> 00:07:39.280
  • WE LOVE, SO THAT MAKES IT A PRETTY IMPORTANT WORD,
  • 00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:42.190
  • BUT I SAY IT'S THE MOST CONFUSING WORD IN THE
  • 00:07:42.210 --> 00:07:45.090
  • ENGLISH LANGUAGE BECAUSE WE USE THE WORD LOVE IN A
  • 00:07:45.110 --> 00:07:47.180
  • THOUSAND WAYS.
  • 00:07:47.200 --> 00:07:50.050
  • WE SAY, FOR EXAMPLE, I LOVE HOT DOGS.
  • 00:07:50.070 --> 00:07:53.200
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:07:53.220 --> 00:07:55.220
  • OR IN NORTH CAROLINA WHERE I LIVE WE SAY, I
  • 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:57.120
  • LOVE BARBECUE.
  • 00:07:57.140 --> 00:07:59.100
  • AND IN NORTH CAROLINA, THAT'S ALWAYS
  • 00:07:59.120 --> 00:08:01.180
  • PORK BARBECUE.
  • 00:08:01.200 --> 00:08:04.200
  • AND THEN I HEAR PEOPLE SAY, I JUST LOVE
  • 00:08:04.220 --> 00:08:06.160
  • THE MOUNTAINS.
  • 00:08:06.180 --> 00:08:11.200
  • OH, I LOVE THE BEACH.
  • 00:08:11.220 --> 00:08:13.170
  • LOVE MY DOG.
  • 00:08:13.190 --> 00:08:15.070
  • LOVE MY NEW CAR.
  • 00:08:15.090 --> 00:08:17.110
  • AND THEN WE SAY TO A SPECIAL SOMEONE
  • 00:08:17.130 --> 00:08:18.290
  • [ WHISPERING ] I LOVE YOU.
  • 00:08:19.010 --> 00:08:20.160
  • HOT DOGS AND BARBECUE.
  • 00:08:20.180 --> 00:08:22.080
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:22.100 --> 00:08:24.220
  • I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT A THOUSAND WAYS IN
  • 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:27.080
  • WHICH WE USE THE WORD LOVE.
  • 00:08:27.100 --> 00:08:28.230
  • I'M GOING TO TALK ONLY ABOUT THREE WAYS IN WHICH
  • 00:08:28.250 --> 00:08:30.280
  • WE USE THE WORD LOVE, AND I'M GOING TO FOCUS ON THE
  • 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:33.010
  • THIRD OF THESE.
  • 00:08:33.030 --> 00:08:34.270
  • THE FIRST ONE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS THE
  • 00:08:34.290 --> 00:08:36.240
  • EXPERIENCE OF FALLING IN LOVE.
  • 00:08:36.260 --> 00:08:39.150
  • I DOUBT YOU'VE EVER HEARD A LECTURE ON FALLING IN LOVE.
  • 00:08:39.170 --> 00:08:43.060
  • IN OUR CULTURE IF YOU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT
  • 00:08:43.080 --> 00:08:46.290
  • FALLING IN LOVE, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO
  • 00:08:47.010 --> 00:08:48.270
  • COUNTRY MUSIC.
  • 00:08:48.290 --> 00:08:50.160
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:50.180 --> 00:08:52.050
  • BECAUSE THEY'RE FALLING IN LOVE OR OUT OF LOVE
  • 00:08:52.070 --> 00:08:53.170
  • EVERY OTHER SONG.
  • 00:08:53.190 --> 00:08:55.140
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:55.160 --> 00:08:57.230
  • AND YET IN OUR CULTURE WE'RE BASICALLY TAUGHT
  • 00:08:57.250 --> 00:08:59.280
  • THAT THE THING YOU WANT TO MAKE CERTAIN OF BEFORE
  • 00:09:00.020 --> 00:09:02.250
  • YOU GET MARRIED IS THAT YOU'RE REALLY IN LOVE,
  • 00:09:02.270 --> 00:09:06.280
  • BUT NOBODY TELLS YOU HOW TO FIGURE THAT OUT.
  • 00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:09.270
  • I REMEMBER WHEN I WENT TO MY MOTHER MANY YEARS AGO,
  • 00:09:09.290 --> 00:09:11.290
  • AND I SAID, MOM, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
  • 00:09:12.010 --> 00:09:14.090
  • REALLY IN LOVE?
  • 00:09:14.110 --> 00:09:16.120
  • AND MY MOTHER SAID WHAT A LOT OF MOTHERS HAVE SAID
  • 00:09:16.140 --> 00:09:18.150
  • THROUGH THE YEARS, SHE SAID, SON, IF IT'S REAL,
  • 00:09:18.170 --> 00:09:23.000
  • YOU'LL KNOW IT.
  • 00:09:23.020 --> 00:09:24.230
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:09:24.250 --> 00:09:26.260
  • I LIKE MY MOTHER.
  • 00:09:26.280 --> 00:09:28.230
  • THAT DIDN'T HELP ME AT ALL.
  • 00:09:28.250 --> 00:09:30.000
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:09:30.020 --> 00:09:31.170
  • AND THE FACT IS WE DON'T HELP YOUNG PEOPLE VERY
  • 00:09:31.190 --> 00:09:33.040
  • MUCH, AND WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT VERY WELL.
  • 00:09:33.060 --> 00:09:34.250
  • SO I WANT TO SAY JUST A WORD ABOUT THIS KIND OF LOVE.
  • 00:09:34.270 --> 00:09:36.120
  • THIS KIND OF LOVE BEGINS WITH WHAT I CALL
  • 00:09:36.140 --> 00:09:39.220
  • THE TINGLES.
  • 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:42.040
  • I LIKE TO PICTURE INSIDE OF EVERY ONE OF US
  • 00:09:42.060 --> 00:09:44.230
  • THERE'S A LITTLE LOVE ALERT SYSTEM SIMILAR TO A
  • 00:09:44.250 --> 00:09:47.290
  • SMOKE ALARM, AND WHEN YOU SEE CERTAIN PEOPLE
  • 00:09:48.010 --> 00:09:50.140
  • THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY THEY LOOK AND THE
  • 00:09:50.160 --> 00:09:54.120
  • WAY THEY TALK AND THE WAY THEY EMOTE THAT GIVES YOU
  • 00:09:54.140 --> 00:09:57.090
  • A LITTLE TINGLE INSIDE.
  • 00:09:57.110 --> 00:09:59.070
  • IN FACT, IT'S THE TINGLES THAT MOTIVATE PEOPLE TO
  • 00:09:59.090 --> 00:10:01.060
  • GO OUT AND HAVE DINNER TOGETHER.
  • 00:10:01.080 --> 00:10:03.240
  • AND YOU KNOW SOMETIMES YOU LOSE THE TINGLES ON
  • 00:10:03.260 --> 00:10:05.230
  • THE FIRST DATE.
  • 00:10:05.250 --> 00:10:08.070
  • YOU FIND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT THEM THAT YOU CAN'T
  • 00:10:08.090 --> 00:10:11.110
  • TOLERATE, AND THE NEXT TIME THEY CALL YOU FOR A
  • 00:10:11.130 --> 00:10:13.260
  • HAMBURGER, YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY [ LAUGHTER ] AND
  • 00:10:13.280 --> 00:10:17.150
  • THAT RELATIONSHIP NEVER GETS OFF THE GROUND.
  • 00:10:17.170 --> 00:10:20.040
  • BUT THERE ARE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS THAT EVERY
  • 00:10:20.060 --> 00:10:23.060
  • TIME YOU GO OUT FOR A HAMBURGER IT GETS
  • 00:10:23.080 --> 00:10:25.060
  • TINGLIER AND TINGLIER AND TINGLIER, AND ONE NIGHT
  • 00:10:25.080 --> 00:10:27.100
  • ONE OF YOU WILL SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU
  • 00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:29.150
  • KNOW, I THINK I COULD LOVE YOU.
  • 00:10:29.170 --> 00:10:41.050
  • WE'RE TESTING THE WATERS TO SEE IF THEY FEEL WHAT
  • 00:10:41.070 --> 00:10:43.140
  • WE FEEL, AND IF THEY GIVE YOU A POSITIVE RESPONSE
  • 00:10:43.160 --> 00:10:45.130
  • SUCH AS, WELL, WHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT THAT?
  • 00:10:45.150 --> 00:10:49.170
  • OH, YOU HAVE A TENDER EVENING, AND THE NEXT
  • 00:10:49.190 --> 00:10:52.260
  • TIME THE MOOD IS RIGHT YOU WILL ACTUALLY SAY THE
  • 00:10:52.280 --> 00:10:56.200
  • WORDS [ WHISPERING ] I LOVE YOU.
  • 00:10:56.220 --> 00:10:59.290
  • AND YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO SAY [ WHISPERING ]
  • 00:11:00.030 --> 00:11:03.080
  • I LOVE YOU, TOO. WOO!
  • 00:11:03.100 --> 00:11:05.120
  • NOW YOU KNOW YOU GOT IT BECAUSE YOU SAID IT OUT
  • 00:11:05.140 --> 00:11:07.050
  • LOUD, AND FROM THAT MOMENT ON IT LITERALLY
  • 00:11:07.070 --> 00:11:09.090
  • BECOMES AN EMOTIONAL OBSESSION.
  • 00:11:09.110 --> 00:11:12.030
  • YOU CAN'T GET THEM OFF YOUR MIND.
  • 00:11:12.050 --> 00:11:15.160
  • YOU GO TO BED THINKING ABOUT THEM.
  • 00:11:15.180 --> 00:11:18.060
  • YOU WAKE UP THINKING ABOUT THEM.
  • 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:19.220
  • ALL DAY LONG YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.
  • 00:11:19.240 --> 00:11:21.220
  • THEY ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON YOU HAVE
  • 00:11:21.240 --> 00:11:24.000
  • EVER MET IN YOUR LIFE.
  • 00:11:24.020 --> 00:11:26.250
  • NOW, YOUR MOTHER CAN SEE THEIR FLAWS.
  • 00:11:26.270 --> 00:11:29.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:11:29.190 --> 00:11:31.150
  • BUT YOU CAN'T.
  • 00:11:31.170 --> 00:11:33.270
  • YOUR MOTHER WILL SAY, HONEY, HAVE YOU
  • 00:11:33.290 --> 00:11:36.290
  • CONSIDERED THEY HAVEN'T HAD A STEADY JOB IN
  • 00:11:37.010 --> 00:11:38.190
  • FIVE YEARS?
  • 00:11:38.210 --> 00:11:40.130
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:11:40.150 --> 00:11:42.050
  • AND YOU WILL SAY, MAMA, GIVE THEM A BREAK.
  • 00:11:42.070 --> 00:11:43.220
  • THEY'RE JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT OPPORTUNITY.
  • 00:11:43.240 --> 00:11:46.280
  • NOW, I WOULDN'T BE GIVING YOU ANY NEW INFORMATION
  • 00:11:47.000 --> 00:11:49.080
  • IF I TOLD YOU CAN GET THE TINGLES AFTER YOUR
  • 00:11:49.100 --> 00:11:50.290
  • MARRIED FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
  • 00:11:51.010 --> 00:11:56.010
  • OOOH!
  • 00:11:56.030 --> 00:11:59.040
  • HAPPENS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.
  • 00:11:59.060 --> 00:12:03.050
  • THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL IN THE MARRIAGE.
  • 00:12:03.070 --> 00:12:04.230
  • OKAY.
  • 00:12:04.250 --> 00:12:06.110
  • WE LOST THE TINGLES.
  • 00:12:06.130 --> 00:12:08.220
  • ALL WE EVER DO IS ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER OR JUST
  • 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:10.130
  • STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
  • 00:12:10.150 --> 00:12:12.220
  • IN A MARRIAGE LIKE THAT, IT STARTED YESTERDAY MORNING.
  • 00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:15.160
  • HUSBAND WENT TO WORK.
  • 00:12:15.180 --> 00:12:21.060
  • COULD HAVE BEEN THE WIFE JUST AS EASILY.
  • 00:12:21.080 --> 00:12:23.260
  • YESTERDAY MORNING, HE WENT TO WORK, AND ABOUT
  • 00:12:23.280 --> 00:12:27.170
  • 8:30 HE DID WHAT HE DOES EVERY MORNING AT WORK.
  • 00:12:27.190 --> 00:12:29.270
  • HE WENT TO GET HIS COFFEE.
  • 00:12:29.290 --> 00:12:32.100
  • BUT YESTERDAY THIS LADY WALKED UP TO THE COFFEE
  • 00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:34.020
  • POT AND SAID TO HIM, GOOD MORNING. OOH!
  • 00:12:34.040 --> 00:12:41.130
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:12:41.150 --> 00:12:43.060
  • KINDEST WORDS HE'S HEARD IN MONTHS.
  • 00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:44.160
  • GOOD MORNING.
  • 00:12:44.180 --> 00:12:46.200
  • 8:30 IN THE MORNING, AND HER HAIR IS COMBED.
  • 00:12:46.220 --> 00:12:49.090
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:12:49.110 --> 00:12:52.180
  • AND SHE SMELLS GOOD, AND RIGHT AWAY HE FEELS A TINGLE.
  • 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:55.140
  • HE GOES BACK TO WORK, AND ABOUT 10:30 HE SEES HER
  • 00:12:55.160 --> 00:12:59.150
  • GOING FOR COFFEE, AND HE GETS THIRSTY.
  • 00:12:59.170 --> 00:13:03.130
  • ARE YOU NEW AROUND HERE?
  • 00:13:03.150 --> 00:13:05.160
  • OH, WHAT'S YOUR NAME? OH.
  • 00:13:05.180 --> 00:13:07.070
  • WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
  • 00:13:07.090 --> 00:13:09.210
  • YOU KNOW MY FRIEND?
  • 00:13:09.230 --> 00:13:11.110
  • HE USED TO WORK OVER THERE.
  • 00:13:11.130 --> 00:13:12.270
  • LITTLE COFFEE POT CONVERSATION.
  • 00:13:12.290 --> 00:13:14.110
  • AND THE NEXT FEW DAYS HE ARRANGES FOR A FEW MORE
  • 00:13:14.130 --> 00:13:15.270
  • COFFEE POT RENDEZVOUSES, AND IF HE THINKS THAT SHE
  • 00:13:15.290 --> 00:13:18.000
  • MIGHT BE FEELING WHAT HE'S FEELING HE WILL SAY
  • 00:13:18.020 --> 00:13:20.160
  • TO HER, HOW ABOUT LUNCH SOMEDAY.
  • 00:13:20.180 --> 00:13:25.270
  • AND IF SHE AGREES, MANY TIMES ON THAT FIRST LUNCH
  • 00:13:25.290 --> 00:13:29.140
  • HE WILL TELL HER WHAT IT'S LIKE AT HIS HOUSE
  • 00:13:29.160 --> 00:13:34.070
  • JUST SO SHE KNOWS WHERE HE'S COMING FROM.
  • 00:13:34.090 --> 00:13:37.280
  • MARRIED BUT UNHAPPY.
  • 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:41.150
  • AND THE NEXT LUNCH SHE TELLS HIM HER STORY.
  • 00:13:41.170 --> 00:13:45.160
  • EVERY WOMAN HAS A STORY, A HISTORY.
  • 00:13:45.180 --> 00:13:51.010
  • AND THEN THEY START HAVING LUNCHES RATHER
  • 00:13:51.030 --> 00:13:55.050
  • REGULARLY, AND THEY TALK FREELY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
  • 00:13:55.070 --> 00:14:02.240
  • AND TWO MONTHS LATER HE SAYS TO HIMSELF, I DON'T
  • 00:14:02.260 --> 00:14:06.120
  • KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, BUT I FEEL CLOSER
  • 00:14:06.140 --> 00:14:08.130
  • TO HER THAN I DO MY WIFE.
  • 00:14:08.150 --> 00:14:10.280
  • WE'VE BEEN MARRIED 15 YEARS, AND I DON'T HAVE
  • 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:12.200
  • ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY TO HER, BUT IT'S SO EASY TO
  • 00:14:12.220 --> 00:14:14.290
  • TALK TO THIS LADY.
  • 00:14:15.010 --> 00:14:16.170
  • IT'S LIKE WE'RE ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH, AND HE
  • 00:14:16.190 --> 00:14:18.150
  • WILL SAY TO HER I KNOW A REALLY NICE PLACE FOR
  • 00:14:18.170 --> 00:14:20.060
  • DINNER IF YOU WOULD EVER BE INTERESTED.
  • 00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:22.030
  • AND IF SHE IS, HE WILL TAKE HER TO A
  • 00:14:22.050 --> 00:14:23.170
  • NICE RESTAURANT.
  • 00:14:23.190 --> 00:14:25.000
  • I MEAN, ONE THAT HAS FRESH FLOWERS AND CANDLES
  • 00:14:25.020 --> 00:14:26.250
  • ON EVERY TABLE.
  • 00:14:26.270 --> 00:14:28.080
  • I'M TALKING NICE RESTAURANT.
  • 00:14:28.100 --> 00:14:30.240
  • AND MANY TIMES AFTER THAT FIRST DINNER, THEY WILL
  • 00:14:30.260 --> 00:14:34.040
  • HAVE AN AFTER DINNER RENDEZVOUS.
  • 00:14:34.060 --> 00:14:40.090
  • OOOH.
  • 00:14:40.110 --> 00:14:42.210
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:14:42.230 --> 00:14:44.200
  • AND A FEW MORE DINNERS AND RENDEZVOUSES, HE'S
  • 00:14:44.220 --> 00:14:46.090
  • SAYING TO HIMSELF, OH MAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW MY
  • 00:14:46.110 --> 00:14:48.260
  • MOTHER GOING TO HANDLE THIS.
  • 00:14:48.280 --> 00:14:52.120
  • AND IF HE HAS CHILDREN HE WILL SAY TO HIMSELF,
  • 00:14:52.140 --> 00:14:54.180
  • I DON'T WANT TO HURT MY KIDS.
  • 00:14:54.200 --> 00:14:56.110
  • THAT'S THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS HURT MY KIDS.
  • 00:14:56.130 --> 00:14:59.280
  • IF HE'S A RELIGIOUS MAN HE MAY EVEN SAY TO
  • 00:15:00.020 --> 00:15:02.150
  • HIMSELF, YOU KNOW, MAYBE GOD JUST BROUGHT THIS
  • 00:15:02.170 --> 00:15:07.200
  • WOMAN ALONG TO GIVE ME A TASTE OF TRUE LOVE.
  • 00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:11.220
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:15:11.240 --> 00:15:14.120
  • AND TWO MONTHS LATER HE SAYS TO HIMSELF, A MAN'S
  • 00:15:14.140 --> 00:15:18.040
  • GOT TO DO WHAT A MAN'S GOT TO DO.
  • 00:15:18.060 --> 00:15:21.210
  • SO HE LEAVES HIS WIFE AND GOES OFF WITH THIS LADY. WHY?
  • 00:15:21.230 --> 00:15:24.020
  • BECAUSE HE LOST THE TINGLES HERE.
  • 00:15:24.040 --> 00:15:27.280
  • IN FACT, I CAN TELL YOU WHAT'LL SAY ABOUT HIS
  • 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:30.140
  • WIFE AT THAT JUNCTURE.
  • 00:15:30.160 --> 00:15:32.110
  • IT WAS A BIG MISTAKE.
  • 00:15:32.130 --> 00:15:34.150
  • NEVER WAS RIGHT.
  • 00:15:34.170 --> 00:15:36.170
  • WE JUST DISAGREED ON EVERYTHING.
  • 00:15:36.190 --> 00:15:38.270
  • IT WAS JUST A MISTAKE.
  • 00:15:38.290 --> 00:15:40.150
  • THAT'S ALL.
  • 00:15:40.170 --> 00:15:42.110
  • OH, BUT NOW I FOUND MY SOUL MATE.
  • 00:15:42.130 --> 00:15:45.070
  • BUT YOU KNOW WHAT NOBODY EVER TOLD HIM?
  • 00:15:45.090 --> 00:15:49.150
  • AND HE'LL NEVER READ THIS IN A MODERN MAGAZINE.
  • 00:15:49.170 --> 00:15:52.160
  • ONLY PLACE YOU FIND THIS OUT IS IN THE ACADEMIC
  • 00:15:52.180 --> 00:15:55.070
  • SECTIONS OF THE LIBRARY.
  • 00:15:55.090 --> 00:15:57.040
  • HE DOESN'T GO THERE.
  • 00:15:57.060 --> 00:15:59.090
  • WE'VE STUDIED IT NOW.
  • 00:15:59.110 --> 00:16:01.270
  • THE AVERAGE LIFESPAN OF THE OBSESSION IS TWO YEARS.
  • 00:16:01.290 --> 00:16:06.180
  • SOME A LITTLE LONGER.
  • 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:08.120
  • SOME A LITTLE LESS.
  • 00:16:08.140 --> 00:16:10.030
  • AVERAGE TWO YEARS, AND WE COME DOWN OFF THE HIGH.
  • 00:16:10.050 --> 00:16:12.000
  • NOW, LET'S BE GLAD WE COME DOWN OFF THE HIGH
  • 00:16:12.020 --> 00:16:14.010
  • BECAUSE IF WE DIDN'T, YOU'D HAVE TO CLOSE DOWN
  • 00:16:14.030 --> 00:16:16.200
  • BUSINESS, INDUSTRY, CHURCH, EDUCATION.
  • 00:16:16.220 --> 00:16:18.230
  • YOU CAN'T GET ANYTHING DONE WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE.
  • 00:16:18.250 --> 00:16:20.240
  • BEING IN LOVE IS NEXT DOOR TO BEING INSANE, BUT
  • 00:16:20.260 --> 00:16:24.250
  • SEE, NOBODY TOLD HIM THAT.
  • 00:16:24.270 --> 00:16:29.080
  • HE THINKS HE'S FOUND HIS SOUL MATE, AND FROM HERE
  • 00:16:29.100 --> 00:16:31.250
  • ON OUT HE'S GOING TO BE HAPPY FOREVER.
  • 00:16:31.270 --> 00:16:34.070
  • IN TWO YEARS FROM THEN, HE'LL COME DOWN OFF THE
  • 00:16:34.090 --> 00:16:36.200
  • HIGH BACK INTO THE REAL WORLD, AND THEY'LL HAVE
  • 00:16:36.220 --> 00:16:39.000
  • CONFLICTS, AND THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO SOLVE THEM,
  • 00:16:39.020 --> 00:16:41.090
  • AND THE WHOLE THING STARTS OVER AGAIN.
  • 00:16:41.110 --> 00:16:44.160
  • NOW, WHY WOULD I EVEN BRING THIS UP TO SUCH A
  • 00:16:44.180 --> 00:16:48.150
  • WONDERFUL GROUP LIKE THIS?
  • 00:16:48.170 --> 00:16:52.010
  • BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THIS BUILDING HAS THE
  • 00:16:52.030 --> 00:16:55.130
  • POTENTIAL OF FEELING THE TINGLES AT THE COFFEE POT.
  • 00:16:55.150 --> 00:16:59.220
  • I DON'T THINK IT'S A SIN TO FEEL THE TINGLES AT
  • 00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:02.030
  • THE COFFEE POT.
  • 00:17:02.050 --> 00:17:04.040
  • IT'S NOT PREMEDITATED.
  • 00:17:04.060 --> 00:17:06.080
  • YOU DON'T GET UP ONE MORNING AND SAY, I THINK
  • 00:17:06.100 --> 00:17:08.130
  • I'LL GET A CUP OF COFFEE AND GET THE TINGLES WITH
  • 00:17:08.150 --> 00:17:10.080
  • WHOEVER SHOWS UP.
  • 00:17:10.100 --> 00:17:12.000
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:17:12.020 --> 00:17:13.260
  • NO. BUT YOU'RE LIKELY TO MEET SOME PEOPLE IN YOUR
  • 00:17:13.280 --> 00:17:16.030
  • LIFETIME THAT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY
  • 00:17:16.050 --> 00:17:18.070
  • THEY LOOK AND TALK AND EMOTE THAT WILL GIVE YOU
  • 00:17:18.090 --> 00:17:19.220
  • A TINGLE.
  • 00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:22.040
  • I DON'T THINK IT'S SINFUL, BUT IT'S VERY
  • 00:17:22.060 --> 00:17:24.150
  • DANGEROUS IF YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED.
  • 00:17:24.170 --> 00:17:27.050
  • SO LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE HELP ON HOW TO
  • 00:17:27.070 --> 00:17:29.030
  • HANDLE THE TINGLES.
  • 00:17:29.050 --> 00:17:31.060
  • THE EASIEST TIME TO HANDLE THE TINGLES IS THE
  • 00:17:31.080 --> 00:17:33.030
  • FIRST MORNING AT THE COFFEE POT.
  • 00:17:33.050 --> 00:17:35.120
  • AND WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU FEEL THE TINGLES AT THE
  • 00:17:35.140 --> 00:17:37.290
  • COFFEE POT IS YOU GO BACK TO WORK, AND YOU TAKE THE
  • 00:17:38.010 --> 00:17:40.210
  • TINGLES TO GOD, AND YOU SAY TO GOD, OOOOHH, LORD!
  • 00:17:40.230 --> 00:17:48.050
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:17:48.070 --> 00:17:50.000
  • YOU KNOW WHAT I FELT AT THE COFFEE POT, AND YOU
  • 00:17:50.020 --> 00:17:52.000
  • KNOW THE THOUGHTS THAT WENT THROUGH MY MIND, BUT
  • 00:17:52.020 --> 00:17:54.040
  • I WANT TO THANK YOU THAT I DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW
  • 00:17:54.060 --> 00:17:56.270
  • THE TINGLES.
  • 00:17:56.290 --> 00:17:58.160
  • NOW, GUIDE ME AS I GO HOME AND DO MY HOMEWORK.
  • 00:17:58.180 --> 00:18:00.270
  • AND YOU GO HOME AND DO WHAT I'M GOING TO TEACH
  • 00:18:00.290 --> 00:18:03.020
  • YOU THIS HOUR, AND THAT'S THE DAY YOU SWEAR
  • 00:18:03.040 --> 00:18:04.230
  • OFF OF COFFEE.
  • 00:18:04.250 --> 00:18:06.280
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:09.040
  • YOU DON'T GO BACK TO THE COFFEE POT AT 10:30.
  • 00:18:09.060 --> 00:18:12.080
  • IN FACT, YOU DON'T DRINK COFFEE ANYMORE.
  • 00:18:12.100 --> 00:18:14.180
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:16.130
  • IF SHE LEAVES THE COMPANY, YOU CAN DRINK
  • 00:18:16.150 --> 00:18:18.080
  • COFFEE AGAIN, BUT RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
  • 00:18:18.100 --> 00:18:20.120
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:20.140 --> 00:18:22.280
  • BUT WHAT IF YOU'VE ALREADY HAD THE LUNCHES
  • 00:18:23.000 --> 00:18:25.090
  • AND THE DINNERS AND THE RENDEZVOUSES, AND YOU'RE
  • 00:18:25.110 --> 00:18:28.030
  • INTO WHAT PEOPLE CALL AN AFFAIR AND WHAT THE BIBLE
  • 00:18:28.050 --> 00:18:32.190
  • CALLS ADULTERY?
  • 00:18:32.210 --> 00:18:35.070
  • WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT?
  • 00:18:35.090 --> 00:18:38.050
  • THERE'S ONLY ONE RIGHT THING TO DO WITH AN AFFAIR.
  • 00:18:38.070 --> 00:18:41.230
  • YOU BREAK IT OFF.
  • 00:18:41.250 --> 00:18:45.040
  • OH, BUT I'LL DIE IF WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER.
  • 00:18:45.060 --> 00:18:47.280
  • I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
  • 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:49.220
  • NO, YOU WON'T DIE.
  • 00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:52.120
  • WE'VE STUDIED THAT, TOO.
  • 00:18:52.140 --> 00:18:54.060
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:54.080 --> 00:18:56.130
  • NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF THIS NATION HAS EVER DIED
  • 00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.270
  • FROM BREAKING OFF AN AFFAIR.
  • 00:18:58.290 --> 00:19:00.250
  • NOT ONE.
  • 00:19:00.270 --> 00:19:03.220
  • A LOT OF FOLKS DIED WHO DIDN'T BREAK THEM OFF.
  • 00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:05.260
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:19:05.280 --> 00:19:08.240
  • I DID NOT SAY IT WAS EASY; I SAID IT WAS RIGHT.
  • 00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:13.260
  • BUT I'VE NEVER MET A MAN OR WOMAN WHO
  • 00:19:13.280 --> 00:19:15.060
  • EVER REGRETTED DOING RIGHT.
  • 00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:18.070
  • BUT THEY'RE IN MY OFFICE AND OTHER COUNSELORS' OFFICES
  • 00:19:18.090 --> 00:19:20.140
  • ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY WHO DID WRONG FIVE YEARS AGO,
  • 00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:24.280
  • AND NOW THEY'RE TRYING TO GET HELP ON THAT SECOND,
  • 00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:26.270
  • THIRD OR FOURTH MARRIAGE. DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME.
  • 00:19:26.290 --> 00:19:30.150
  • I'M GLAD THEY'RE COMING FOR HELP.
  • 00:19:30.170 --> 00:19:33.010
  • I'LL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO HELP THEM.
  • 00:19:33.030 --> 00:19:35.220
  • AND LISTEN, I'M NOT HERE TO CONDEMN ANYONE.
  • 00:19:35.240 --> 00:19:38.180
  • I KNOW THAT IN A GROUP THIS SIZE,
  • 00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:39.250
  • WE HAVE MANY PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN MARRIED
  • 00:19:39.270 --> 00:19:41.090
  • MORE THAN ONCE. WE CAN'T GO BACKWARDS.
  • 00:19:41.110 --> 00:19:43.190
  • WE CAN'T UNSCRAMBLE EGGS. WE ARE WHERE WE ARE, OKAY?
  • 00:19:43.210 --> 00:19:49.050
  • BUT I WANT TO TRY TO GIVE YOU SOME HELP,
  • 00:19:49.070 --> 00:19:51.190
  • AND WE'VE GOT TO BREAK THIS CYCLE IN OUR COUNTRY OF
  • 00:19:51.210 --> 00:19:54.180
  • LEAVING THIS PERSON AND RUNNING OFF WITH THIS
  • 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:56.230
  • PERSON WHEN YOU LOSE THE TINGLES HERE AND
  • 00:19:56.250 --> 00:19:58.230
  • GET THE TINGLES HERE.
  • 00:19:58.250 --> 00:20:00.110
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:20:00.130 --> 00:20:03.030
  • IF YOU FOLLOW THE TINGLES, YOU COULD GET MARRIED SIX,
  • 00:20:03.050 --> 00:20:07.260
  • EIGHT, TEN OR TWELVE TIMES IN YOUR LIFETIME,
  • 00:20:07.280 --> 00:20:10.220
  • JUST LIKE THEY DO IN HOLLYWOOD.
  • 00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:12.270
  • BUT MOST OF YOU ARE NOT THAT RICH.
  • 00:20:12.290 --> 00:20:14.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:20:14.220 --> 00:20:16.100
  • SO I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOME HELP.
  • 00:20:16.120 --> 00:20:18.020
  • YOU SEE, THE ANSWER IS NOT WHEN YOU LOSE THE TINGLES
  • 00:20:18.040 --> 00:20:20.190
  • AND YOU GET THE TINGLES HERE,
  • 00:20:20.210 --> 00:20:21.250
  • YOU FOLLOW THE TINGLES.
  • 00:20:21.270 --> 00:20:23.180
  • THE ANSWER IS NOT LEAVING.
  • 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:25.190
  • THE ANSWER IS LEARNING HOW TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE IN THE
  • 00:20:25.210 --> 00:20:30.060
  • MARRIAGE YOU NOW HAVE.
  • 00:20:30.080 --> 00:20:32.080
  • AND THAT'S WHAT THIS WHOLE CONFERENCE IS ABOUT IS
  • 00:20:32.100 --> 00:20:35.010
  • TRYING TO HELP YOU HAVE THE MARRIAGE YOU WANTED TO HAVE
  • 00:20:35.030 --> 00:20:37.060
  • WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED, AND THIS IS WHAT WE'RE
  • 00:20:37.080 --> 00:20:40.010
  • TRYING TO DO EVEN IN THIS SESSION AS WELL. OKAY.
  • 00:20:40.030 --> 00:20:43.080
  • SO THAT'S ONE WAY WE USE THE WORD LOVE.
  • 00:20:43.100 --> 00:20:47.030
  • A SECOND WAY WE USE THE WORD LOVE IS NOT NEARLY AS
  • 00:20:47.050 --> 00:20:49.070
  • EXCITING BUT FAR MORE IMPORTANT AND THAT IS
  • 00:20:49.090 --> 00:20:51.160
  • LOVE AS AN ATTITUDE.
  • 00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:54.240
  • THAT DOESN'T DO MUCH FOR YOU, DOES IT?
  • 00:20:54.260 --> 00:20:58.200
  • LOVE AS A WAY OF THINKING.
  • 00:20:58.220 --> 00:21:01.230
  • I'M NOT GONNA TALK A LOT ABOUT THIS BECAUSE WE
  • 00:21:01.250 --> 00:21:05.210
  • PREACH A LOT ABOUT THIS IN OUR CHURCHES.
  • 00:21:05.230 --> 00:21:08.220
  • WE DON'T TALK MUCH ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE,
  • 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:10.080
  • BUT WE TALK A LOT ABOUT THIS KIND OF LOVE.
  • 00:21:10.100 --> 00:21:12.220
  • THIS IS THE GREEK WORD PHILEO FROM WHICH WE GET
  • 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:15.140
  • THE WORD PHILADELPHIA, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE.
  • 00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:19.240
  • IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN THERE, YOU MAY QUESTION THAT,
  • 00:21:19.260 --> 00:21:21.160
  • BUT THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS.
  • 00:21:21.180 --> 00:21:23.090
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:21:23.110 --> 00:21:25.000
  • THIS IS THE KIND OF LOVE WE TALK ABOUT.
  • 00:21:25.020 --> 00:21:26.270
  • LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR. LOOK OUT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
  • 00:21:26.290 --> 00:21:31.170
  • DON'T LIVE A SELF-CENTERED LIFE.
  • 00:21:31.190 --> 00:21:33.040
  • LIVE A LIFE THAT REACHES OUT TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE.
  • 00:21:33.060 --> 00:21:36.160
  • AND WE'VE DISCOVERED, RESEARCH IS CLEAR AS WELL
  • 00:21:36.180 --> 00:21:38.280
  • AS THE BIBLE, THAT PEOPLE WHO GIVE THEIR LIVES AWAY
  • 00:21:39.000 --> 00:21:41.050
  • TO OTHERS ARE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:21:41.070 --> 00:21:44.110
  • YOU SEE, JESUS HIMSELF SAID I DID NOT COME TO BE
  • 00:21:44.130 --> 00:21:46.120
  • SERVED; I CAME TO SERVE AND TO GIVE MY LIFE FOR RANSOM.
  • 00:21:46.140 --> 00:21:51.170
  • SO THIS IS A WAY OF THINKING.
  • 00:21:51.190 --> 00:21:54.050
  • AND THE CHRISTIAN CHALLENGE IS THAT EVERY DAY WE CHOOSE
  • 00:21:54.070 --> 00:21:56.140
  • AN ATTITUDE OF LOVE.
  • 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:58.030
  • WE OPEN OUR HEARTS TO GOD AND SAY OKAY LORD,
  • 00:21:58.050 --> 00:21:59.270
  • THIS IS YOUR DAY. I'M WITH YOU.
  • 00:21:59.290 --> 00:22:02.070
  • LEAD ME TO THE PEOPLE I CAN HELP TODAY.
  • 00:22:02.090 --> 00:22:05.110
  • AND THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE LIKE THAT ARE TRUE
  • 00:22:05.130 --> 00:22:07.130
  • TO THE PEOPLE OF GOD.
  • 00:22:07.150 --> 00:22:09.070
  • AND THIS IS WHAT IMPRESSES THE WORLD IS WHEN THEY RUN
  • 00:22:09.090 --> 00:22:11.030
  • INTO CHRISTIANS WHO ARE TRULY LOVING PEOPLE.
  • 00:22:11.050 --> 00:22:13.170
  • BUT I'M NOT GONNA TALK A LOT ABOUT THIS BECAUSE
  • 00:22:13.190 --> 00:22:15.190
  • WE DO A LOT OF TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY.
  • 00:22:15.210 --> 00:22:19.270
  • I WILL COME BACK TO IT AT THE END.
  • 00:22:19.290 --> 00:22:22.130
  • BUT THE THIRD WAY THAT WE USE THE WORD LOVE IS ONE
  • 00:22:22.150 --> 00:22:25.250
  • AGAIN THAT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT MUCH IN CHURCH.
  • 00:22:25.270 --> 00:22:28.220
  • AND THAT IS LOVE AS AN EMOTIONAL NEED.
  • 00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:33.040
  • ALMOST EVERYONE AGREES THAT ONE OF OUR DEEPEST
  • 00:22:33.060 --> 00:22:36.130
  • EMOTIONAL NEEDS AS HUMANS IS THE NEED TO FEEL LOVED
  • 00:22:36.150 --> 00:22:40.290
  • BY THE SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.
  • 00:22:41.010 --> 00:22:43.190
  • I LIKE TO PICTURE INSIDE EVERY CHILD THERE'S AN
  • 00:22:43.210 --> 00:22:46.130
  • EMOTIONAL LOVE TANK, AND IF A LOVE TANK IS FULL,
  • 00:22:46.150 --> 00:22:51.290
  • THAT IS THE CHILD GENUINELY FEELS LOVED BY THEIR
  • 00:22:52.010 --> 00:22:54.210
  • PARENTS, THE CHILD GROWS UP NORMALLY
  • 00:22:54.230 --> 00:22:57.270
  • WITH EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY.
  • 00:22:57.290 --> 00:23:00.250
  • BUT IF A CHILD DOES NOT FEEL LOVED BY THE PARENTS,
  • 00:23:00.270 --> 00:23:03.050
  • THE CHILD WILL GROW UP WITH MANY INTERNAL STRUGGLES,
  • 00:23:03.070 --> 00:23:06.270
  • IN THE TEENAGE YEARS, THE CHILD WILL LIKELY GO
  • 00:23:06.290 --> 00:23:09.110
  • LOOKING FOR LOVE, TYPICALLY IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES.
  • 00:23:09.130 --> 00:23:13.040
  • BUT I BELIEVE THAT ADULTS ALSO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL
  • 00:23:13.060 --> 00:23:15.190
  • LOVE TANK, AND IF YOU'RE MARRIED, THE PERSON
  • 00:23:15.210 --> 00:23:19.050
  • YOU WOULD MOST LIKE TO LOVE YOU IS YOUR SPOUSE.
  • 00:23:19.070 --> 00:23:22.240
  • IN FACT, IF YOU FEEL LOVE BY YOUR SPOUSE,
  • 00:23:22.260 --> 00:23:25.260
  • LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
  • 00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:27.260
  • BUT IF THE LOVE TANK IS EMPTY AND YOU FEEL LIKE
  • 00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:29.230
  • THEY DON'T LOVE ME, THEY WISH THEY WEREN'T MARRIED
  • 00:23:29.250 --> 00:23:31.250
  • TO ME, LIFE CAN BEGIN TO LOOK PRETTY DARK.
  • 00:23:31.270 --> 00:23:36.070
  • AND JUST AS MUCH AS THE MISBEHAVIOR OF CHILDREN
  • 00:23:36.090 --> 00:23:39.020
  • GROWS OUT OF AN EMPTY LOVE TANK,
  • 00:23:39.040 --> 00:23:41.060
  • MUCH OF THE MISBEHAVIOR OF ADULTS GROWS OUT OF
  • 00:23:41.080 --> 00:23:44.070
  • AN EMPTY LOVE TANK.
  • 00:23:44.090 --> 00:23:46.090
  • YOU SEE, THE MAN WHO HAS AN EMPTY LOVE TANK IN THE
  • 00:23:46.110 --> 00:23:48.150
  • MARRIAGE WILL BE FAR MORE TEMPTED WITH THE TINGLES AT
  • 00:23:48.170 --> 00:23:51.030
  • THE COFFEE POT AND SO WILL A WOMAN.
  • 00:23:51.050 --> 00:23:54.180
  • SO IF WE CAN LEARN HOW TO KEEP EMOTIONAL LOVE ALIVE
  • 00:23:54.200 --> 00:23:58.160
  • AND MEET EACH OTHER'S EMOTIONAL NEED FOR LOVE IN
  • 00:23:58.180 --> 00:24:00.170
  • MARRIAGE, IT MAKES ALL THE REST OF MARRIAGE EASIER.
  • 00:24:00.190 --> 00:24:04.150
  • YOU CAN SOLVE CONFLICTS MUCH EASIER IF THE
  • 00:24:04.170 --> 00:24:06.120
  • TWO OF YOU FEEL LOVED.
  • 00:24:06.140 --> 00:24:09.080
  • BUT THE DIFFICULTY IN DOING THIS IS THAT WE HAVE MADE
  • 00:24:09.100 --> 00:24:13.150
  • THE ASSUMPTION THAT WHATEVER MAKES ME FEEL
  • 00:24:13.170 --> 00:24:16.090
  • LOVED WILL MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL LOVED,
  • 00:24:16.110 --> 00:24:19.190
  • AND THAT'S A FALSE ASSUMPTION.
  • 00:24:19.210 --> 00:24:22.060
  • I'LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I ENCOUNTERED THIS IN
  • 00:24:22.080 --> 00:24:24.140
  • MY OFFICE MANY, MANY YEARS AGO.
  • 00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:27.000
  • A COUPLE CAME IN, I DIDN'T KNOW THEM, NEVER MET THEM.
  • 00:24:27.020 --> 00:24:31.290
  • FOUND OUT THEY'D BEEN MARRIED TO EACH OTHER FOR
  • 00:24:32.010 --> 00:24:33.260
  • 30 YEARS. THEY SAT DOWN, AND IMMEDIATELY THE WIFE
  • 00:24:33.280 --> 00:24:37.190
  • STARTED TALKING, AND SHE SAID DR. CHAPMAN,
  • 00:24:37.210 --> 00:24:40.120
  • LET ME TELL YOU BEFORE WE START, WE DON'T ARGUE.
  • 00:24:40.140 --> 00:24:45.250
  • WE DON'T BELIEVE IN ARGUING, SO WE DON'T ARGUE.
  • 00:24:45.270 --> 00:24:48.200
  • WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY PROBLEMS.
  • 00:24:48.220 --> 00:24:50.210
  • SHE SAID I WAS READING AN ARTICLE THAT SAID MONEY IS
  • 00:24:50.230 --> 00:24:52.170
  • THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN MARRIAGE.
  • 00:24:52.190 --> 00:24:53.260
  • SHE SAID NOT FOR US.
  • 00:24:53.290 --> 00:24:55.180
  • SHE WENT ON TWO OR THREE MORE POSITIVE THINGS,
  • 00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:58.000
  • AND I WAS BEGINNING TO WONDER DID THEY COME IN
  • 00:24:58.020 --> 00:25:00.110
  • HERE, TO TELL ME WHAT A GOOD MARRIAGE THEY HAVE?
  • 00:25:00.130 --> 00:25:03.090
  • BUT THEN SHE STARTED CRYING.
  • 00:25:03.110 --> 00:25:06.070
  • SHE SAID BUT DR. CHAPMAN, THE PROBLEM IS I JUST
  • 00:25:06.090 --> 00:25:12.120
  • DON'T FEEL ANY LOVE COMING FROM HIM.
  • 00:25:12.140 --> 00:25:16.080
  • WE'RE LIKE TWO ROOMMATES LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE.
  • 00:25:16.100 --> 00:25:20.150
  • HE DOES HIS THING AND I DO MY THING,
  • 00:25:20.170 --> 00:25:23.270
  • AND THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN US.
  • 00:25:23.290 --> 00:25:27.020
  • AND I FEEL SO EMPTY, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG
  • 00:25:27.040 --> 00:25:29.080
  • I CAN GO ON LIKE THIS.
  • 00:25:29.100 --> 00:25:32.220
  • WELL WHEN SHE FINISHED, I LOOKED OVER AT HER HUSBAND
  • 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:36.130
  • AND HE SAID, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HER.
  • 00:25:36.150 --> 00:25:44.210
  • I DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO SHOW HER THAT I LOVE HER.
  • 00:25:44.230 --> 00:25:48.160
  • SHE SITS THERE AND TELLS YOU WHAT SHE'S BEEN TELLING
  • 00:25:48.180 --> 00:25:50.180
  • ME. SHE DOESN'T FEEL LOVED.
  • 00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:53.050
  • HE SAID I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO FOR HER.
  • 00:25:53.070 --> 00:25:56.200
  • I SAID WELL WHAT DO YOU DO TO SHOW YOUR LOVE TO HER?
  • 00:25:56.220 --> 00:26:00.230
  • HE SAID WELL, I GET HOME FROM WORK BEFORE SHE DOES,
  • 00:26:00.250 --> 00:26:03.050
  • SO I START THE EVENING MEAL. AND HE SAID SOMETIMES
  • 00:26:03.070 --> 00:26:05.290
  • I HAVE IT READY WHEN SHE GETS HOME. IF NOT,
  • 00:26:06.010 --> 00:26:08.070
  • SHE'LL HELP ME AND THEN WE HAVE DINNER TOGETHER.
  • 00:26:08.090 --> 00:26:11.060
  • HE SAID AFTER IT'S OVER, HE SAID, I'LL WASH THE DISHES.
  • 00:26:11.080 --> 00:26:14.070
  • AND HE SAID ON THURSDAY NIGHT, I VACUUM THE FLOOR.
  • 00:26:14.090 --> 00:26:17.020
  • AND EVERY SATURDAY I WASH THE CAR AND I MOW THE
  • 00:26:17.040 --> 00:26:19.050
  • GRASS, AND I HELP HER WITH THE LAUNDRY.
  • 00:26:19.070 --> 00:26:20.250
  • HE WENT ON.
  • 00:26:20.270 --> 00:26:22.020
  • I WAS BEGINNING TO WONDER WHAT DOES THIS WOMAN DO?
  • 00:26:22.040 --> 00:26:24.030
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:24.050 --> 00:26:27.060
  • IT SOUNDED TO ME LIKE HE WAS DOING EVERYTHING.
  • 00:26:27.080 --> 00:26:32.000
  • WELL, I LOOKED OVER AT HIS WIFE AND SHE STARTED CRYING
  • 00:26:32.020 --> 00:26:34.070
  • AGAIN. SHE SAID DR. CHAPMAN, HE'S RIGHT!
  • 00:26:34.090 --> 00:26:38.290
  • HE'S A HARD-WORKING MAN, BUT WE DON'T EVER TALK.
  • 00:26:39.010 --> 00:26:45.230
  • WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN 20 YEARS.
  • 00:26:45.250 --> 00:26:48.040
  • HE'S ALWAYS MOWING THE GRASS, WASHING THE DISHES,
  • 00:26:48.060 --> 00:26:50.180
  • VACUUMING! [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:53.270
  • YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON?
  • 00:26:53.290 --> 00:26:56.080
  • A SINCERE HUSBAND WHO IS DOING EVERYTHING HE KNOWS
  • 00:26:56.100 --> 00:27:00.090
  • TO DO TO SHOW HIS WIFE THAT HE LOVES HER AND A WIFE
  • 00:27:00.110 --> 00:27:03.200
  • WHO DOESN'T GET IT.
  • 00:27:03.220 --> 00:27:06.270
  • AND AFTER THAT, I HEARD SIMILAR STORIES OVER AND
  • 00:27:06.290 --> 00:27:11.090
  • OVER IN MY OFFICE.
  • 00:27:11.110 --> 00:27:14.160
  • AND I KNEW THERE HAD TO BE A PATTERN TO WHAT I WAS
  • 00:27:14.180 --> 00:27:17.190
  • HEARING, BUT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS.
  • 00:27:17.210 --> 00:27:21.020
  • BUT EVENTUALLY I TOOK TIME TO SIT DOWN AND READ
  • 00:27:21.040 --> 00:27:23.180
  • SEVERAL YEARS OF NOTES THAT I MADE WHEN I WAS
  • 00:27:23.200 --> 00:27:27.170
  • COUNSELING PEOPLE, AND I ASKED MYSELF THE QUESTION
  • 00:27:27.190 --> 00:27:31.150
  • WHEN SOMEONE SAT IN MY OFFICE,
  • 00:27:31.170 --> 00:27:33.130
  • I FEEL LIKE MY SPOUSE DOESN'T LOVE ME,
  • 00:27:33.150 --> 00:27:36.190
  • WHAT DID THEY WANT?
  • 00:27:36.210 --> 00:27:39.240
  • WHAT WERE THEY COMPLAINING ABOUT?
  • 00:27:39.260 --> 00:27:42.180
  • AND THEIR ANSWERS FELL INTO FIVE CATEGORIES.
  • 00:27:42.200 --> 00:27:45.130
  • AND I LATER CALLED THEM THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES.
  • 00:27:45.150 --> 00:27:49.010
  • AND I STARTED USING THAT CONCEPT IN MY COUNSELING.
  • 00:27:49.030 --> 00:27:52.100
  • THAT YOU HAVE TO LEARN WHAT MAKES HER FEEL LOVED AND
  • 00:27:52.120 --> 00:27:55.170
  • SHE HAS TO LEARN WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL LOVED,
  • 00:27:55.190 --> 00:27:57.150
  • AND LET'S SPEAK THE RIGHT LANGUAGE.
  • 00:27:57.170 --> 00:27:59.230
  • AND SOMETIMES COUPLES WOULD COME BACK IN THREE WEEKS
  • 00:27:59.250 --> 00:28:03.020
  • AND SAY GARY, THIS HAS CHANGED EVERYTHING.
  • 00:28:03.040 --> 00:28:05.180
  • I MEAN THE WHOLE CLIMATE IS DIFFERENT NOW.
  • 00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:08.020
  • THEN I STARTED USING IT IN SMALL GROUPS, AND THE SAME
  • 00:28:08.050 --> 00:28:10.150
  • THING HAPPENED. AND PROBABLY FIVE YEARS LATER,
  • 00:28:10.170 --> 00:28:14.030
  • I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, IF I COULD PUT THIS CONCEPT IN A
  • 00:28:14.050 --> 00:28:16.090
  • BOOK, AND WRITE IT IN THE LANGUAGE OF THE COMMON
  • 00:28:16.110 --> 00:28:19.160
  • PERSON, LEAVE OUT THE PSYCHOLOGICAL JARGON,
  • 00:28:19.180 --> 00:28:22.010
  • MAYBE I COULD HELP A LOT OF COUPLES THAT I WOULD NEVER
  • 00:28:22.030 --> 00:28:25.010
  • HAVE TIME TO SEE IN MY OFFICE.
  • 00:28:25.030 --> 00:28:27.090
  • LITTLE DID I KNOW-- [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:28:27.110 --> 00:28:32.180
  • THAT THAT BOOK WOULD SELL OVER 11 MILLION COPIES NOW
  • 00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:35.270
  • IN ENGLISH AND BE TRANSLATED IN OVER 50
  • 00:28:35.290 --> 00:28:38.030
  • LANGUAGES AROUND THE WORLD.
  • 00:28:38.050 --> 00:28:40.020
  • AND PEOPLE SAY GARY, HOW DO YOU ACCOUNT FOR THAT?
  • 00:28:40.040 --> 00:28:43.230
  • AND I SAY WELL, THE SHORT ANSWER IS GOD,
  • 00:28:43.250 --> 00:28:46.070
  • AND THE LONG ANSWER IS GOD. THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
  • 00:28:46.090 --> 00:28:50.090
  • GOD HAS CHOSEN TO USE A SIMPLE CONCEPT TO
  • 00:28:50.110 --> 00:28:55.040
  • LITERALLY SAVE THOUSANDS OF MARRIAGES.
  • 00:28:55.060 --> 00:28:58.040
  • - MATT CROUCH: IF YOU'VE JUST TUNED IN,
  • 00:28:58.060 --> 00:28:59.150
  • WE ARE RIGHT HERE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.
  • 00:28:59.170 --> 00:29:01.060
  • WAVE AUDIENCE, WOULD YOU PLEASE?
  • 00:29:01.080 --> 00:29:02.200
  • SMILE. WAVE. THERE YOU GO.
  • 00:29:02.220 --> 00:29:05.210
  • BEAUTIFUL DAY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.
  • 00:29:05.230 --> 00:29:07.140
  • ONE OF THE STATISTICS THAT OUR STAFF FOUND IS THAT IN
  • 00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:10.260
  • 1960, 72 PERCENT OF PEOPLE WERE MARRIED.
  • 00:29:10.280 --> 00:29:15.180
  • IN 2015, ONLY 50 PERCENT OF PEOPLE ARE MARRIED.
  • 00:29:15.200 --> 00:29:19.100
  • THIS SUBJECT MATTER IS GINORMOUS.
  • 00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:21.150
  • IT AFFECTS VIRTUALLY EVERYBODY.
  • 00:29:21.170 --> 00:29:23.080
  • NOW, MARRIED PEOPLE, WAVE YOUR HAND.
  • 00:29:23.100 --> 00:29:25.290
  • WAVE YOUR HAND. BIG KIND OF, YEAH.
  • 00:29:26.010 --> 00:29:28.280
  • SINGLE? WAVE. BIG WAVE.
  • 00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:32.150
  • YOU SEE HOW THE SINGLE PEOPLE WHOOP AND HOLLER,
  • 00:29:32.170 --> 00:29:34.170
  • AND THE MARRIED PEOPLE DON'T.
  • 00:29:34.190 --> 00:29:35.250
  • THEY'RE LIKE, YEAH, I'M MARRIED. OKAY.
  • 00:29:35.270 --> 00:29:38.180
  • JOHN GRAY, WHY IS THIS STUFF SO IMPORTANT?
  • 00:29:38.200 --> 00:29:42.160
  • - I THINK WHEN YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE
  • 00:29:42.180 --> 00:29:44.010
  • STATISTICS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN 72,
  • 00:29:44.030 --> 00:29:46.240
  • AND NOW THE MOST RECENT STATISTICS IN 2015,
  • 00:29:46.260 --> 00:29:50.210
  • WHAT'S HAPPENED IS THERE'S A GENERATION THAT WAS NOT
  • 00:29:50.230 --> 00:29:53.040
  • RAISED TO HONOR AND REVERENCE MARRIAGE.
  • 00:29:53.060 --> 00:29:56.180
  • - MATT CROUCH: COME ON NOW.
  • 00:29:56.200 --> 00:29:58.010
  • - THE DEFINITION HAS CHANGED OF WHAT IS
  • 00:29:58.030 --> 00:30:01.020
  • IMPORTANT IN OUR SOCIETY: MATERIALISM, CAPITALISM,
  • 00:30:01.040 --> 00:30:04.200
  • OVER-INDULGENCE, DO WHAT YOU WANT,
  • 00:30:04.220 --> 00:30:07.070
  • LIVE HOW YOU WANT, SLEEP WITH WHO YOU WANT,
  • 00:30:07.090 --> 00:30:08.260
  • DRINK WHAT YOU WANT. THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES.
  • 00:30:08.280 --> 00:30:11.170
  • AND SO FAITH IS A DINOSAUR, MARRIAGE IS A DINOSAUR,
  • 00:30:11.190 --> 00:30:15.250
  • COVENANT IS A DINOSAUR. THESE ARE AFTERTHOUGHTS.
  • 00:30:15.270 --> 00:30:19.080
  • IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT WITH ONE, GET ANOTHER ONE.
  • 00:30:19.100 --> 00:30:21.290
  • YOU CHANGE MATES LIKE TIRES.
  • 00:30:22.010 --> 00:30:24.010
  • YOU'VE GOT A 40, CHANGE HER FOR TWO 20'S.
  • 00:30:24.030 --> 00:30:26.220
  • THIS WHOLE IDEA THAT FOR WHATEVER REASON IF SOMEBODY
  • 00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:31.160
  • DOESN'T PLEASE YOU, YOU CAN WALK AWAY.
  • 00:30:31.180 --> 00:30:33.200
  • BUT THIS IS WHY THE CHURCH MUST RECLAIM THE FOUNDATION
  • 00:30:33.220 --> 00:30:38.090
  • OF MARRIAGE BECAUSE GOD IS MARRIED TO THE CHURCH,
  • 00:30:38.110 --> 00:30:41.020
  • AND HE SHOULD HAVE WALKED AWAY EVERY SINGLE DAY
  • 00:30:41.040 --> 00:30:44.150
  • BASED ON THE BEHAVIOR OF PEOPLE INSIDE, BUT HE
  • 00:30:44.170 --> 00:30:47.050
  • MADE A COVENANT DECISION TO CALL US HIS BRIDE.
  • 00:30:47.070 --> 00:30:50.060
  • SO THE PICTURE OF MARRIAGE IS A PICTURE OF CHRIST AND
  • 00:30:50.080 --> 00:30:55.220
  • THE CHURCH IN THE EARTH.
  • 00:30:55.240 --> 00:30:58.000
  • AND WHAT I HAD TO UNDERSTAND IS MY WIFE'S
  • 00:30:58.020 --> 00:31:00.130
  • LAST NAME WAS NOT CHRIST, SO SHE COULDN'T SAVE ME,
  • 00:31:00.150 --> 00:31:04.010
  • AND SHE COULDN'T FILL EVERY PLACE.
  • 00:31:04.030 --> 00:31:06.060
  • SHE WASN'T DESIGNED TO FILL EVERY PLACE.
  • 00:31:06.080 --> 00:31:08.160
  • SHE WAS DESIGNED TO BE A COMPLIMENT TO MY DESTINY.
  • 00:31:08.180 --> 00:31:11.230
  • BUT IF I MADE HER GOD AND PUT HER ON A THRONE THAT
  • 00:31:11.250 --> 00:31:14.200
  • ONLY GOD COULD SIT ON, THEN SHE WOULD FAIL ME
  • 00:31:14.220 --> 00:31:17.070
  • AND I WOULD FAIL HER.
  • 00:31:17.090 --> 00:31:19.010
  • MARRIAGE IS DESIGNED TO SHOW ME THE HOLES
  • 00:31:19.030 --> 00:31:21.070
  • THAT ONLY GOD CAN FILL. THAT'S THE KEY.
  • 00:31:21.090 --> 00:31:24.250
  • MANY TIMES, WHEN I'VE BEEN FRUSTRATED AND I'M LIKE,
  • 00:31:24.270 --> 00:31:28.180
  • YOU'RE NOT MEETING MY NEEDS,
  • 00:31:28.200 --> 00:31:30.030
  • WHEN I REALLY GO DEEP, I REALIZE THAT SHE WAS NEVER
  • 00:31:30.050 --> 00:31:32.190
  • CALLED TO MEET THOSE PARTICULAR AREAS OF ME.
  • 00:31:32.210 --> 00:31:35.060
  • IT WAS A PLACE THAT ONLY GOD COULD FILL.
  • 00:31:35.080 --> 00:31:37.250
  • BUT WHAT WE'RE NOT RESOURCING AND GIVING TO
  • 00:31:37.270 --> 00:31:41.100
  • MARRIED COUPLES RIGHT NOW IS THE ABILITY TO BE OKAY
  • 00:31:41.120 --> 00:31:44.080
  • WITH THEIR HUMANITY AND WITH THEIR PRE WIRED
  • 00:31:44.100 --> 00:31:47.090
  • FAULTS AND FLAWS.
  • 00:31:47.110 --> 00:31:49.070
  • BECAUSE NOTHING EXPOSES YOUR BROKENNESS LIKE A
  • 00:31:49.090 --> 00:31:51.250
  • PERSON WHO WON'T LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.
  • 00:31:51.270 --> 00:31:53.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:31:53.220 --> 00:31:57.240
  • YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE I WAKE UP AND SHE'S STILL HERE?
  • 00:31:57.260 --> 00:32:01.040
  • YOU KNOW. AND I'M LIKE SHE SHOULD HAVE LEFT BECAUSE
  • 00:32:01.060 --> 00:32:03.110
  • I WOULD HAVE LEFT.
  • 00:32:03.130 --> 00:32:04.270
  • BUT THEN WHEN I REALIZE-- AND I SAID THIS TO HER MANY
  • 00:32:04.290 --> 00:32:07.190
  • TIMES. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU LOVE ME,
  • 00:32:07.210 --> 00:32:09.250
  • BECAUSE THERE ARE AREAS OF ME THAT I STILL DON'T LOVE,
  • 00:32:09.270 --> 00:32:11.290
  • AND I'M WALKING INTO A PLACE OF EMBRACING THAT,
  • 00:32:12.010 --> 00:32:14.270
  • BUT I TOLD HER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IF YOU LEAVE ME,
  • 00:32:14.290 --> 00:32:17.040
  • I'M LEAVING ME. WHEREVER YOU GO, I'M GOING.
  • 00:32:17.060 --> 00:32:20.080
  • I NEVER LIKED TO MEET THE GIRL.
  • 00:32:20.100 --> 00:32:21.290
  • LET'S GO. WE GONE. WHERE WE MOVIN'?
  • 00:32:22.010 --> 00:32:25.150
  • I'M MOVIN' WITH YOU AND THE KIDS.
  • 00:32:25.170 --> 00:32:29.140
  • IF YOU GET REMARRIED, I'M GONNA BE THERE TOO.
  • 00:32:29.160 --> 00:32:31.150
  • WHAT WE EATIN' FOR DINNER?
  • 00:32:31.170 --> 00:32:33.090
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:32:33.110 --> 00:32:34.290
  • - VICTORIA OSTEEN: LAUGHTER IS LIKE A MEDICINE.
  • 00:32:35.010 --> 00:32:38.090
  • WE NEED MORE LAUGHTER.
  • 00:32:38.110 --> 00:32:40.110
  • - JOEL OSTEEN: I THINK THE OTHER THING TOO IS,
  • 00:32:40.130 --> 00:32:41.210
  • I COULD SAY THIS TRUTHFULLY,
  • 00:32:41.230 --> 00:32:43.070
  • I WOULDN'T BE HALF OF WHO I AM WITHOUT VICTORIA,
  • 00:32:43.090 --> 00:32:45.270
  • BECAUSE SHE HAS SPOKEN SO MANY SEEDS INTO MY LIFE,
  • 00:32:45.290 --> 00:32:48.040
  • SEEDS INTO MY DESTINY.
  • 00:32:48.060 --> 00:32:49.210
  • AND I'LL SAY THIS, TEN YEARS BEFORE MY FATHER WENT
  • 00:32:49.230 --> 00:32:52.170
  • TO BE WITH THE LORD, WE WOULD SIT ON THE FRONT ROW
  • 00:32:52.190 --> 00:32:55.060
  • ON SUNDAY NIGHTS WHEN WE WEREN'T TAPING AND,
  • 00:32:55.080 --> 00:32:57.010
  • UP IN THE TV BOOTH LIKE YOU.
  • 00:32:57.030 --> 00:32:59.040
  • AND WE'D BE SITTING THERE WATCHING MY DAD UP THERE
  • 00:32:59.060 --> 00:33:01.090
  • MINISTERING. VICTORIA WOULD NUDGE ME AND SAY JOEL,
  • 00:33:01.110 --> 00:33:03.040
  • ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO PASTOR THE CHURCH.
  • 00:33:03.060 --> 00:33:05.160
  • AND THAT WOULD MAKE ME MAD BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW
  • 00:33:05.180 --> 00:33:08.040
  • HOW TO PREACH OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
  • 00:33:08.060 --> 00:33:09.240
  • BUT SHE TOLD, SHE SAW THINGS IN ME THAT I DIDN'T SEE.
  • 00:33:09.260 --> 00:33:13.130
  • I RAN CAMERA ALL MY LIFE, AND AT THAT TIME--
  • 00:33:13.150 --> 00:33:16.260
  • AND I LOVED DOING IT.
  • 00:33:16.280 --> 00:33:18.060
  • I THINK THAT'S WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THEN.
  • 00:33:18.080 --> 00:33:19.200
  • BUT I WAS ALWAYS HEARING HER TELL ME THAT I COULD DO
  • 00:33:19.220 --> 00:33:21.290
  • THINGS THAT I DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO.
  • 00:33:22.010 --> 00:33:24.080
  • SHE SAW THINGS IN ME THAT I DIDN'T SEE IN MYSELF.
  • 00:33:24.100 --> 00:33:26.090
  • AND I THINK IT TAKES-IT'S A PRINCIPLE WE SHOULD ALL
  • 00:33:26.110 --> 00:33:31.170
  • LEARN IS TO CALL OUT THE SEEDS OF GREATNESS IN YOUR
  • 00:33:31.190 --> 00:33:34.120
  • SPOUSE. CALL OUT THE THINGS THAT THEY
  • 00:33:34.140 --> 00:33:36.120
  • CAN'T SEE IN THEMSELVES.
  • 00:33:36.140 --> 00:33:37.240
  • SO WHEN MY DAD WENT TO BE THE WITH LORD IN 1999,
  • 00:33:37.260 --> 00:33:40.110
  • AND I HAD NEVER MINISTERED BEFORE EXCEPT ONE TIME,
  • 00:33:40.130 --> 00:33:42.220
  • I KNEW I WAS SUPPOSED TO, AND YET I HAD ALL THOSE
  • 00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:45.260
  • INTERIOR VOICES SAYING YOU CAN'T DO IT JOEL,
  • 00:33:45.280 --> 00:33:48.210
  • YOU'RE A FOOL, YOU CAN'T GET UP IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
  • 00:33:48.230 --> 00:33:50.280
  • BUT I COULD HEAR VICTORIA REMINDING ME,
  • 00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:53.250
  • SHE TOLD ME SO MANY TIMES THAT I COULD
  • 00:33:53.270 --> 00:33:55.170
  • BECOME A PASTOR.
  • 00:33:55.190 --> 00:33:57.000
  • I THINK THAT'S ONE REASON I COULD STEP UP AND BECOME
  • 00:33:57.020 --> 00:33:58.220
  • WHAT GOD'S HELPED ME TO BECOME TODAY.
  • 00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:02.140
  • BUT IT ALL STARTED BACK FROM SEEDS THAT
  • 00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:04.220
  • VICTORIA HAD SOWN.
  • 00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:06.060
  • AND I THINK A LOT OF TIMES YOU CAN SOW THE NEGATIVE
  • 00:34:06.080 --> 00:34:08.260
  • SEEDS. YOU CAN'T DO THIS, YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE,
  • 00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:10.030
  • WHY CAN'T YOU BE ON TIME.
  • 00:34:10.050 --> 00:34:12.080
  • IT'S EASY TO PUSH PEOPLE DOWN.
  • 00:34:12.100 --> 00:34:14.150
  • THEY'VE GOT ENOUGH PEOPLE PUSHING THEM DOWN.
  • 00:34:14.170 --> 00:34:16.070
  • I'D ENCOURAGE YOU TO LET'S BE PEOPLE THAT LIFT PEOPLE
  • 00:34:16.090 --> 00:34:18.270
  • UP, ESPECIALLY OUR SPOUSE. ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN.
  • 00:34:18.290 --> 00:34:21.150
  • I'M ON A ROLL!
  • 00:34:21.170 --> 00:34:24.280
  • LAST THING.
  • 00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:27.110
  • I'VE SEEN PEOPLE THAT TREAT STRANGERS BETTER THAN THEY
  • 00:34:27.130 --> 00:34:30.240
  • TREAT THEIR SPOUSE. WE'VE ALL SEEN IT.
  • 00:34:30.260 --> 00:34:33.110
  • BEING OUT IN PUBLIC, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, AND ALL THIS.
  • 00:34:33.130 --> 00:34:36.040
  • AND GO HOME AND IT'S A DIFFERENT STORY.
  • 00:34:36.060 --> 00:34:37.210
  • I THINK IF ANYBODY WE OUGHT TO TREAT THE BEST,
  • 00:34:37.230 --> 00:34:41.090
  • IT OUGHT TO BE OUR OWN FAMILY.
  • 00:34:41.110 --> 00:34:42.270
  • TREAT EVERYBODY, BUT START WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY TO
  • 00:34:42.290 --> 00:34:45.180
  • HONOR, TO UPLIFT, TO COMPLIMENT.
  • 00:34:45.200 --> 00:34:48.110
  • DON'T TREAT SOMEBODY AT WORK BETTER THAN
  • 00:34:48.130 --> 00:34:50.140
  • YOU TREAT YOUR SPOUSE.
  • 00:34:50.160 --> 00:34:51.210
  • TREAT EVERYBODY GOOD, BUT LET'S START AT HOME.
  • 00:34:51.230 --> 00:34:53.250
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:34:53.270 --> 00:34:59.050
  • - PEOPLE, HAVING SEEN EVEN MAYBE IN OUR OWN
  • 00:34:59.070 --> 00:35:02.230
  • FAMILIES WHERE THERE'S SUCH POTENTIAL IN SOMEONE,
  • 00:35:02.250 --> 00:35:04.250
  • AND EVERYBODY ELSE SEES IT, BUT MAYBE THEY'RE MARRIED
  • 00:35:04.270 --> 00:35:07.180
  • TO SOMEONE WHO SQUASHES THAT.
  • 00:35:07.200 --> 00:35:10.280
  • THERE'S MARRIAGES ALL OVER THE WORLD RIGHT NOW THAT
  • 00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:13.100
  • NEED GOD TO INTERVENE INSIDE OF WHERE YOU'RE AT.
  • 00:35:13.120 --> 00:35:17.120
  • AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU,
  • 00:35:17.140 --> 00:35:20.030
  • HE'S GONNA DO THAT FOR YOU.
  • 00:35:20.050 --> 00:35:22.170
  • HE'S GONNA SHOW UP WHERE YOU NEED HIM THE MOST
  • 00:35:22.190 --> 00:35:25.080
  • BECAUSE ONLY GOD CAN HELP YOU.
  • 00:35:25.100 --> 00:35:29.150
  • GOD CAN HELP YOUR SPOUSE TOO, BUT GOD CAN HELP YOU.
  • 00:35:29.170 --> 00:35:34.030
  • AND I JUST THINK WE'VE GOT SOME AMAZING PASTORS HERE
  • 00:35:34.050 --> 00:35:36.220
  • TONIGHT THAT CAN MINISTER TO YOU.
  • 00:35:36.240 --> 00:35:40.120
  • AND LET'S PRAY FOR THE PEOPLE BECAUSE THERE'S
  • 00:35:40.140 --> 00:35:42.050
  • SUCH A NEED, I BELIEVE.
  • 00:35:42.070 --> 00:35:44.010
  • I BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN
  • 00:35:44.030 --> 00:35:47.020
  • AND OUR FAMILIES. AND JOHN, YOU WANT TO TAKE--
  • 00:35:47.040 --> 00:35:51.210
  • - I'LL TAKE A FEW MOMENTS AND JUST SAY I'M PRAYING
  • 00:35:51.230 --> 00:35:53.220
  • FOR THOSE WHO ARE YOUNG MARRIEDS
  • 00:35:53.240 --> 00:35:55.250
  • SINCE WE'RE THE YOUNGEST.
  • 00:35:55.270 --> 00:35:57.140
  • MY PRAYER IS THAT YOU WILL PRAY FOR PERSEVERANCE,
  • 00:35:57.160 --> 00:36:00.060
  • THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL GIVE YOU STAYING POWER,
  • 00:36:00.080 --> 00:36:02.140
  • THAT THE SMALL ISSUES AS PASTOR JOEL SO ELOQUENTLY
  • 00:36:02.160 --> 00:36:06.250
  • STATED WILL NOT BECOME BIG THINGS AND,
  • 00:36:06.270 --> 00:36:08.180
  • AS MY WIFE SAID, THAT THEY DON'T BECOME TORNADIC,
  • 00:36:08.200 --> 00:36:10.260
  • THAT THEY TEAR UP EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE,
  • 00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:13.130
  • THAT YOU REALIZE THAT THE COVENANT YOU MADE WAS
  • 00:36:13.150 --> 00:36:15.180
  • REALLY THE INTENTION OF GOD TO GET THE ATTENTION OF THE
  • 00:36:15.200 --> 00:36:18.220
  • EARTH. GOD WANTS YOUR MARRIAGE TO REFLECT THE
  • 00:36:18.240 --> 00:36:21.120
  • GLORY OF CHRIST IN THE CHURCH.
  • 00:36:21.140 --> 00:36:23.080
  • SO I'M PRAYING THAT YOU WILL HOLD ON, THAT YOU
  • 00:36:23.100 --> 00:36:25.080
  • WILL FIGHT, THAT YOU WILL STAY AT YOUR HOUSE.
  • 00:36:25.100 --> 00:36:27.140
  • THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE,
  • 00:36:27.160 --> 00:36:29.100
  • BUT THE DOG IS ALSO MEANER.
  • 00:36:29.120 --> 00:36:31.130
  • STAY HOME. STAY HOME.
  • 00:36:31.150 --> 00:36:34.140
  • BECAUSE THE ENEMY WILL CAUSE YOU TO LOOK THROUGH A
  • 00:36:34.160 --> 00:36:36.270
  • FALSE LENS TO THINK THAT THERE'S RELIEF ON THE OTHER
  • 00:36:36.290 --> 00:36:39.150
  • SIDE, BUT WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE.
  • 00:36:39.170 --> 00:36:42.090
  • SO THE BROKENNESS THAT YOU HAVE NOW,
  • 00:36:42.110 --> 00:36:44.260
  • YOU'LL CARRY IT WITH YOU.
  • 00:36:44.280 --> 00:36:46.220
  • SO I PRAY THAT YOU WILL STAY, THAT YOU WILL FIGHT,
  • 00:36:46.240 --> 00:36:49.180
  • AND THAT YOU'LL FIGHT NOT ONLY FOR THE COVENANT
  • 00:36:49.200 --> 00:36:51.110
  • THAT YOU'RE IN BUT FOR THE CHILDREN AND THE
  • 00:36:51.130 --> 00:36:53.100
  • LEGACY THAT IS TO BE BUILT.
  • 00:36:53.120 --> 00:36:54.290
  • I PRAY STRENGTH AND JOY FOR YOU, AND GREAT HEALTH,
  • 00:36:55.010 --> 00:36:57.140
  • AND LONG LIFE.
  • 00:36:57.160 --> 00:36:59.110
  • - PASTOR CLAYTON, JUST A FINAL THOUGHT?
  • 00:36:59.130 --> 00:37:02.100
  • - I THINK I'D JUST TELL YOU THAT THERE IS
  • 00:37:02.120 --> 00:37:03.290
  • HOPE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:37:04.010 --> 00:37:05.150
  • IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR A COUPLE
  • 00:37:05.170 --> 00:37:07.020
  • OF MONTHS OR FOR GOING ON FIFTY YEARS, THAT
  • 00:37:07.040 --> 00:37:09.230
  • THERE IS HOPE REGARDLESS.
  • 00:37:09.250 --> 00:37:11.220
  • JUST START BEGINNING TO DECLARE THINGS
  • 00:37:11.240 --> 00:37:13.200
  • OVER YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:37:13.220 --> 00:37:15.010
  • DECLARE LIFE, DECLARE HOPE.
  • 00:37:15.030 --> 00:37:17.060
  • WHEN GOD GAVE EZEKIEL THE VISION OF THE DRY BONES,
  • 00:37:17.080 --> 00:37:20.140
  • HE ASKED HIM CAN THESE BONES LIVE?
  • 00:37:20.160 --> 00:37:23.050
  • AND EZEKIEL'S RESPONSE WAS, GOD, ONLY YOU KNOW THAT.
  • 00:37:23.070 --> 00:37:26.090
  • AND GOD CHALLENGED HIM TO DECLARE LIFE OVER THOSE
  • 00:37:26.110 --> 00:37:29.060
  • BONES. SO WE JUST ASK YOU AND WE PRAY FOR YOU JUST TO
  • 00:37:29.080 --> 00:37:32.200
  • DECLARE LIFE OVER YOUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE THERE'S
  • 00:37:32.220 --> 00:37:34.270
  • HOPE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:37:34.290 --> 00:37:36.290
  • - PASTOR JOEL, KIND OF FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS AND
  • 00:37:37.010 --> 00:37:39.060
  • PRAY FOR THE FOLKS THAT ARE KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF
  • 00:37:39.080 --> 00:37:43.230
  • WHAT THEY THINK THEY'RE SEEING.
  • 00:37:43.250 --> 00:37:45.250
  • WE ALL HAVE, WE'RE ALL MARRIED SO THE FOUR OF US
  • 00:37:45.270 --> 00:37:49.070
  • WILL HAVE ISSUES, BUT FOR SOME REASON THEY THINK THAT
  • 00:37:49.090 --> 00:37:52.180
  • PEOPLE ON TELEVISION DON'T EVER HAVE ANY ISSUES.
  • 00:37:52.200 --> 00:37:54.190
  • THAT KIND OF THING. SO JUST PRAY FOR THE FOLKS.
  • 00:37:54.210 --> 00:37:56.240
  • - I WOULD LOVE TO. LET'S PRAY TOGETHER.
  • 00:37:56.260 --> 00:37:58.090
  • LORD, THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE HERE
  • 00:37:58.110 --> 00:38:01.010
  • TONIGHT AND LORD WE KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE WATCHING
  • 00:38:01.030 --> 00:38:03.210
  • THAT ARE STRUGGLING IN THEIR MARRIAGE AND
  • 00:38:03.230 --> 00:38:05.030
  • IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.
  • 00:38:05.050 --> 00:38:07.050
  • AND I JUST PRAY TONIGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A NEW BEGINNING,
  • 00:38:07.070 --> 00:38:09.150
  • THAT HOPE WOULD BEGIN TO FILL THEIR HEARTS, FATHER,
  • 00:38:09.170 --> 00:38:12.100
  • THAT YOU WOULD HEAL THE HURTS OF THE PAST.
  • 00:38:12.120 --> 00:38:14.270
  • WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH THINGS THAT ARE WRONG, BUT,
  • 00:38:14.290 --> 00:38:17.000
  • LORD, YOU KNOW YOU SAID YOU WOULD GIVE BEAUTY FOR ASHES.
  • 00:38:17.020 --> 00:38:19.270
  • SO I JUST PRAY TONIGHT THAT HEALING AND HOPE AND FRESH
  • 00:38:19.290 --> 00:38:24.040
  • VISION FOR THEIR MARRIAGE, LORD, THAT THEY WOULD FALL
  • 00:38:24.060 --> 00:38:26.170
  • BACK IN LOVE, THAT THEY WOULD REMEMBER THE REASONS
  • 00:38:26.190 --> 00:38:28.270
  • THEY FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
  • 00:38:28.290 --> 00:38:30.250
  • AND, LORD, I JUST PRAY THAT YOU WOULD GIVE THEM THE
  • 00:38:30.270 --> 00:38:32.280
  • STRENGTH TO LET GO OF THE OLD AND, FATHER, JUST
  • 00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:35.080
  • RECEIVE THIS AS A NEW BEGINNING IN THEIR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:38:35.100 --> 00:38:37.150
  • WE DO SPEAK LIFE AND STRENGTH AND PEACE AND
  • 00:38:37.170 --> 00:38:40.030
  • HARMONY AND JOY AND LAUGHTER IN YOUR HOME ONCE AGAIN.
  • 00:38:40.050 --> 00:38:44.120
  • IN THE NAME OF JESUS WE PRAY, AMEN.
  • 00:38:44.140 --> 00:38:47.090
  • - AMEN, WOW, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:38:47.110 --> 00:38:49.080
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:38:49.100 --> 00:38:52.090
  • - I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES.
  • 00:38:52.110 --> 00:38:54.130
  • FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK,
  • 00:38:54.150 --> 00:38:57.000
  • IT WILL BE A REVIEW.
  • 00:38:57.020 --> 00:38:58.160
  • FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T, IT WILL BE AN INTRODUCTION.
  • 00:38:58.180 --> 00:39:00.110
  • LOVE LANGUAGE NUMBER ONE, WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
  • 00:39:00.130 --> 00:39:02.290
  • AND INCIDENTALLY, ALL OF THESE ARE FOUND
  • 00:39:03.010 --> 00:39:04.180
  • IN THE SCRIPTURES.
  • 00:39:04.200 --> 00:39:06.070
  • I CORINTHIANS 8:1, "LOVE EDIFIES." I LOVE BUILDUP.
  • 00:39:06.090 --> 00:39:09.230
  • SO ONE WAY TO EXPRESS LOVE IS TO USE WORDS THAT BUILD
  • 00:39:09.250 --> 00:39:13.160
  • UP THE OTHER PERSON.
  • 00:39:13.180 --> 00:39:15.100
  • YOU LOOK NICE IN THAT OUTFIT.
  • 00:39:15.120 --> 00:39:17.100
  • I REALLY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID.
  • 00:39:17.120 --> 00:39:19.100
  • YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU?
  • 00:39:19.120 --> 00:39:22.170
  • NOW, ONE LADY DID SAY TO ME SOME TIME AGO, SHE SAID,
  • 00:39:22.190 --> 00:39:25.210
  • GARY, I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, AND I KNOW IT WOULD
  • 00:39:25.230 --> 00:39:28.130
  • BE GOOD IF I COULD GIVE MY HUSBAND SOME POSITIVE WORDS,
  • 00:39:28.150 --> 00:39:31.110
  • BUT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING GOOD
  • 00:39:31.130 --> 00:39:35.100
  • TO SAY ABOUT THE MAN.
  • 00:39:35.120 --> 00:39:37.040
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:39:37.060 --> 00:39:38.290
  • I SAID, WELL, DOES HE EVER TAKE A SHOWER?
  • 00:39:39.010 --> 00:39:43.100
  • AND SHE SAID, WELL, YES. I SAID, HOW OFTEN? SHE SAID, EVERY DAY.
  • 00:39:43.120 --> 00:39:46.160
  • I SAID, WELL, IF I WERE YOU, I'D START THERE.
  • 00:39:46.180 --> 00:39:49.100
  • I APPRECIATE YOU TAKING A SHOWER.
  • 00:39:49.120 --> 00:39:51.160
  • THERE ARE MEN WHO DON'T!
  • 00:39:51.180 --> 00:39:53.040
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:39:53.060 --> 00:39:55.020
  • I'VE NEVER MET A MAN, I'VE NEVER MET A WOMAN YOU
  • 00:39:55.040 --> 00:39:57.020
  • COULDN'T FIND SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY ABOUT THEM.
  • 00:39:57.040 --> 00:39:59.120
  • YOU SEE, THERE'S AN ANCIENT HEBREW PROVERB THAT SAYS
  • 00:39:59.140 --> 00:40:01.230
  • LIFE AND DEATH IS IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE.
  • 00:40:01.250 --> 00:40:04.250
  • YOU CAN KILL YOUR SPOUSE, OR YOU CAN GIVE THEM LIFE BY
  • 00:40:04.270 --> 00:40:07.230
  • THE WAY YOU TALK TO THEM.
  • 00:40:07.250 --> 00:40:09.160
  • YOU SEE, LADY, WHEN YOU GIVE HIM A POSITIVE WORD, THERE'S
  • 00:40:09.180 --> 00:40:12.160
  • SOMETHING INSIDE OF HIM THAT WANTS TO BE BETTER.
  • 00:40:12.180 --> 00:40:15.090
  • YOU GIVE HIM A CRITICAL WORD, THERE'S SOMETHING
  • 00:40:15.110 --> 00:40:17.200
  • INSIDE OF HIM THAT WANTS TO SHOOT YOU.
  • 00:40:17.220 --> 00:40:19.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:40:19.100 --> 00:40:21.150
  • WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. NUMBER TWO, GIFTS.
  • 00:40:21.170 --> 00:40:26.030
  • IT'S UNIVERSAL TO GIVE GIFTS AS AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE.
  • 00:40:26.050 --> 00:40:30.000
  • EPHESIANS 5:25 SAYS, "HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES
  • 00:40:30.020 --> 00:40:32.200
  • AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT."
  • 00:40:32.220 --> 00:40:36.160
  • HE'S THE GREATEST GIFT GOD'S EVER GIVEN US.
  • 00:40:36.180 --> 00:40:39.250
  • ALL GOOD GIFTS, THE BIBLE SAYS, COME DOWN FROM THE
  • 00:40:39.270 --> 00:40:42.180
  • FATHER OF LIGHTS ABOVE.
  • 00:40:42.200 --> 00:40:44.220
  • MY ACADEMIC BACKGROUND IS ANTHROPOLOGY.
  • 00:40:44.240 --> 00:40:47.180
  • I DID AN UNDERGRAD AND A MASTER'S DEGREE IN
  • 00:40:47.200 --> 00:40:50.060
  • ANTHROPOLOGY, THE STUDY OF CULTURES, BEFORE I STUDIED
  • 00:40:50.080 --> 00:40:52.260
  • THEOLOGY AND COUNSELING.
  • 00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:55.250
  • WE'VE NEVER DISCOVERED A CULTURE WHERE GIFT GIVING IS
  • 00:40:55.270 --> 00:40:58.280
  • NOT AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE.
  • 00:40:59.000 --> 00:41:01.120
  • IT'S UNIVERSAL TO GIVE GIFTS.
  • 00:41:01.140 --> 00:41:03.160
  • THE GIFT SAYS THEY WERE THINKING ABOUT ME.
  • 00:41:03.180 --> 00:41:05.230
  • LOOK WHAT THEY GOT FOR ME.
  • 00:41:05.250 --> 00:41:07.230
  • THE GIFTS DON'T HAVE TO BE EXPENSIVE.
  • 00:41:07.250 --> 00:41:10.020
  • HAVEN'T WE ALWAYS SAID IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS?
  • 00:41:10.040 --> 00:41:13.160
  • BUT I REMIND YOU IT'S NOT THE THOUGHT LEFT IN YOUR
  • 00:41:13.180 --> 00:41:16.160
  • HEAD THAT COUNTS, IT'S THE GIFT THAT CAME OUT OF THE
  • 00:41:16.180 --> 00:41:19.130
  • THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD.
  • 00:41:19.150 --> 00:41:21.110
  • YOU KNOW, GUYS, YOU CAN GET FLOWERS FREE A
  • 00:41:21.130 --> 00:41:24.060
  • GOOD BIT OF THE YEAR.
  • 00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:26.160
  • JUST GO OUT IN YOUR BACKYARD AND PICK ONE.
  • 00:41:26.180 --> 00:41:29.050
  • THAT'S WHAT YOUR KIDS DO.
  • 00:41:29.070 --> 00:41:31.080
  • HOW MANY MOTHERS HAVE EVER RECEIVED A DANDELION FROM
  • 00:41:31.100 --> 00:41:33.160
  • YOUR KIDS? YEAH.
  • 00:41:33.180 --> 00:41:36.020
  • NOW, GUYS, I'M NOT SUGGESTING DANDELIONS, OKAY?
  • 00:41:36.040 --> 00:41:39.090
  • YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FLOWERS IN YOUR BACKYARD?
  • 00:41:39.110 --> 00:41:42.100
  • YOUR NEIGHBOR'S YARD.
  • 00:41:42.120 --> 00:41:43.270
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:41:43.290 --> 00:41:45.200
  • ASK THEM. THEY'LL GIVE YOU A FLOWER.
  • 00:41:45.220 --> 00:41:48.000
  • OR YOU COULD GO TO A FUNERAL.
  • 00:41:48.020 --> 00:41:49.160
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:41:49.180 --> 00:41:53.210
  • I DID THAT NOT LONG AGO.
  • 00:41:53.230 --> 00:41:57.100
  • I WAS OUT AT THE CEMETERY.
  • 00:41:57.120 --> 00:41:59.290
  • THERE WAS FLOWERS ON TOP OF THE CASKET.
  • 00:42:00.030 --> 00:42:03.110
  • THE FAMILY WAS LEAVING, AND...
  • 00:42:03.130 --> 00:42:05.050
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:42:05.070 --> 00:42:07.190
  • THEY WERE ACTUALLY PULLING OUT ROSES TO TAKE WITH THEM,
  • 00:42:07.210 --> 00:42:10.190
  • AND ONE OF THEM SAID TO ME, DOCTOR CHAPMAN, WOULD YOU
  • 00:42:10.210 --> 00:42:12.260
  • LIKE TO HAVE A ROSE? I SAID, I CERTAINLY WOULD.
  • 00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:16.240
  • TOOK THAT THING HOME AND GAVE IT TO MY WIFE.
  • 00:42:16.260 --> 00:42:19.060
  • I TOLD HER WHERE I GOT IT. SHE STILL LIKED IT.
  • 00:42:19.080 --> 00:42:21.070
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:42:21.090 --> 00:42:23.160
  • GIFTS.
  • 00:42:23.180 --> 00:42:25.220
  • YOU CAN PICK UP A STONE IN A CITY PARKING LOT AND TAKE IT
  • 00:42:25.240 --> 00:42:28.260
  • HOME AND GIVE IT TO AN 8 YEAR-OLD BOY AND SAY, HEY,
  • 00:42:28.280 --> 00:42:31.250
  • MAN, YOU FOUND THIS TODAY, AND I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU.
  • 00:42:31.270 --> 00:42:33.210
  • LOOK AT ALL THE COLORS IN HERE, MAN.
  • 00:42:33.230 --> 00:42:35.060
  • I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.
  • 00:42:35.080 --> 00:42:37.100
  • IF GIFTS IS HIS LOVE LANGUAGE, YOU'LL FIND THAT
  • 00:42:37.120 --> 00:42:39.130
  • STONE IN HIS DRESSER DRAWER WHEN HE'S 23, AND HE'LL
  • 00:42:39.150 --> 00:42:41.130
  • REMEMBER THE DAY YOU GAVE IT TO HIM, GIFTS.
  • 00:42:41.150 --> 00:42:46.220
  • LOVE LANGUAGE NUMBER THREE, ACTS OF SERVICE, DOING
  • 00:42:46.240 --> 00:42:51.030
  • SOMETHING FOR THE OTHER PERSON THAT YOU KNOW THEY
  • 00:42:51.050 --> 00:42:53.130
  • WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO DO.
  • 00:42:53.150 --> 00:42:55.210
  • I JOHN 3:18, "LOVE NOT ONLY IN WORDS BUT IN DEEDS." DO
  • 00:42:55.230 --> 00:43:01.120
  • SOMETHING TO SHOW YOUR LOVE.
  • 00:43:01.140 --> 00:43:03.280
  • NOW, TO MARRIAGE, THIS IS SUCH
  • 00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:05.200
  • THINGS AS COOKING MEALS.
  • 00:43:05.220 --> 00:43:07.250
  • THAT'S A HUGE ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:43:07.270 --> 00:43:10.020
  • INCIDENTALLY, ANYBODY HERE STILL COOK?
  • 00:43:10.040 --> 00:43:12.270
  • A FEW OF YOU, YEAH.
  • 00:43:12.290 --> 00:43:14.210
  • MY SON DIDN'T GET MARRIED UNTIL HE WAS 34.
  • 00:43:14.230 --> 00:43:18.030
  • PEOPLE WOULD KEEP ASKING, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED?
  • 00:43:18.050 --> 00:43:19.200
  • WHEN YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED? WHEN ARE YOU GOING GET MARRIED?"
  • 00:43:19.220 --> 00:43:21.130
  • AND HE WOULD SAY, "WHEN YOU GROW UP IN THE HOME OF A
  • 00:43:21.150 --> 00:43:23.210
  • MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, YOU'RE VERY CAREFUL."
  • 00:43:23.230 --> 00:43:25.130
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:43:25.150 --> 00:43:27.190
  • BUT EVENTUALLY HE GOT MARRIED,
  • 00:43:27.210 --> 00:43:30.000
  • AND HE SAID, DAD, I GOT A BONUS WHEN I MARRIED AMY.
  • 00:43:30.020 --> 00:43:34.230
  • I SAID, REALLY?
  • 00:43:34.250 --> 00:43:36.120
  • HE SAID, YEAH, DAD, SHE LIKES TO COOK.
  • 00:43:36.140 --> 00:43:38.010
  • I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND A GIRL IN MY GENERATION THIS
  • 00:43:38.030 --> 00:43:39.190
  • LIKES TO COOK.
  • 00:43:39.210 --> 00:43:41.260
  • AND THEN MY DAUGHTER MARRIED A MAN THAT LIKES TO COOK.
  • 00:43:41.280 --> 00:43:44.150
  • MY KIDS GOT IT MADE ON THE COOKING DEAL.
  • 00:43:44.170 --> 00:43:47.130
  • WASHING DISHES IS AN ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:43:47.150 --> 00:43:50.020
  • WHO DOES THAT AT YOUR HOUSE?
  • 00:43:50.040 --> 00:43:52.000
  • PUTS THEM IN THE DISHWASHER AND ALL OF THAT GOOD STUFF?
  • 00:43:52.020 --> 00:43:53.190
  • YEAH. VACUUMING FLOORS IS AN ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:43:53.210 --> 00:43:55.280
  • WHO DOES THAT AT YOUR PLACE?
  • 00:43:56.000 --> 00:43:58.030
  • YEAH, GETTING WHITE SPOTS OFF THE MIRROR?
  • 00:43:58.050 --> 00:44:00.280
  • CLEANING THE TOILET?
  • 00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:03.230
  • SOME OF YOU, NOBODY'S CLEANING THE TOILET.
  • 00:44:03.250 --> 00:44:05.180
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:07.240
  • WALKING THE DOG IS AN ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:44:07.260 --> 00:44:10.090
  • WASHING THE CAR IS AN ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:44:10.110 --> 00:44:12.290
  • MOWING THE GRASS IS AN ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:44:13.010 --> 00:44:15.080
  • CHANGING THE BABY'S DIAPER.
  • 00:44:15.100 --> 00:44:17.180
  • WHOA, BIG ACT OF SERVICE.
  • 00:44:17.200 --> 00:44:19.250
  • ANYTHING YOU KNOW YOUR SPOUSE WOULD LIKE
  • 00:44:19.270 --> 00:44:22.040
  • FOR YOU TO DO.
  • 00:44:22.060 --> 00:44:24.000
  • REMEMBER THE OLD SAYING "ACTIONS SPEAK
  • 00:44:24.020 --> 00:44:26.160
  • LOUDER THAN WORDS"?
  • 00:44:26.180 --> 00:44:29.030
  • IF THIS IS THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE, IT WILL SPEAK
  • 00:44:29.050 --> 00:44:30.290
  • LOUDER THAN WORDS.
  • 00:44:31.010 --> 00:44:33.120
  • LOVE LANGUAGE NUMBER FOUR, QUALITY TIME.
  • 00:44:33.140 --> 00:44:37.110
  • GIVING THE OTHER PERSON YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
  • 00:44:37.130 --> 00:44:42.060
  • MARK 3:14 SAYS OF JESUS, "HE ORDAINED 12--" WE CALL THEM
  • 00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:49.040
  • THE 12 DISCIPLES, LISTEN, "--THAT HE MIGHT BE WITH
  • 00:44:49.060 --> 00:44:52.170
  • THEM." JESUS PREACHED TO MULTITUDES, BUT HE GAVE
  • 00:44:52.190 --> 00:44:57.210
  • QUALITY TIME TO 12 MEN.
  • 00:44:57.230 --> 00:45:00.190
  • NOW, IN MARRIAGE, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT A HUSBAND AND
  • 00:45:00.210 --> 00:45:02.220
  • WIFE SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING TELEVISION.
  • 00:45:02.240 --> 00:45:05.110
  • SOMEONE ELSE HAS YOUR ATTENTION.
  • 00:45:05.130 --> 00:45:07.170
  • I'M TALKING ABOUT SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH THE TV OFF
  • 00:45:07.190 --> 00:45:09.200
  • LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND TALKING.
  • 00:45:09.220 --> 00:45:12.260
  • DO YOU ALL HAVE COUCHES?
  • 00:45:12.280 --> 00:45:15.220
  • WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THOSE THINGS?
  • 00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:17.220
  • HAVE YOU EVER TRIED THIS?
  • 00:45:17.240 --> 00:45:19.250
  • SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH THE TV OFF
  • 00:45:19.270 --> 00:45:21.180
  • LOOKING AT EACH OTHER?
  • 00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:23.160
  • IT CAN BE SCARY AT FIRST, LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND
  • 00:45:23.180 --> 00:45:26.150
  • TALKING TO EACH OTHER, OR TAKING A WALK DOWN THE ROAD
  • 00:45:26.170 --> 00:45:29.030
  • JUST THE TWO OF YOU, OR GOING OUT TO EAT ASSUMING
  • 00:45:29.050 --> 00:45:33.210
  • THAT YOU TALK.
  • 00:45:33.230 --> 00:45:35.290
  • HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED IN A RESTAURANT, YOU CAN ALMOST
  • 00:45:36.010 --> 00:45:39.110
  • ALWAYS TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DATING COUPLES
  • 00:45:39.130 --> 00:45:43.000
  • AND MARRIED COUPLES.
  • 00:45:43.020 --> 00:45:45.110
  • DATING COUPLES WILL LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND TALK.
  • 00:45:45.130 --> 00:45:48.200
  • MARRIED COUPLES OFTEN SIT THERE AND [SILENCE]
  • 00:45:48.220 --> 00:45:52.230
  • YOU'D THINK THEY WENT THERE TO EAT.
  • 00:45:52.250 --> 00:45:55.260
  • IF I SIT ON THE COUCH WITH MY WIFE AND GIVE HER 20
  • 00:45:55.280 --> 00:45:58.120
  • MINUTES LOOKING, LISTENING, INTERACTING WITH HER, I HAVE
  • 00:45:58.140 --> 00:46:01.170
  • GIVEN HER 20 MINUTES OF MY LIFE, AND SHE'S
  • 00:46:01.190 --> 00:46:05.270
  • DONE THE SAME FOR ME. POWERFUL COMMUNICATOR.
  • 00:46:05.290 --> 00:46:09.060
  • NOW, WITH CHILDREN, IN ORDER TO SPEAK THIS LANGUAGE, YOU
  • 00:46:09.080 --> 00:46:12.080
  • MUST GO TO WHERE THE CHILDREN ARE BECAUSE THEY
  • 00:46:12.100 --> 00:46:16.040
  • CANNOT COME TO WHERE YOU ARE.
  • 00:46:16.060 --> 00:46:18.170
  • WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE, YOU GO TO THE FLOOR IF YOU WANT TO
  • 00:46:18.190 --> 00:46:20.270
  • GIVE QUALITY TIME.
  • 00:46:20.290 --> 00:46:22.170
  • AND THEN YOU GO TO THE SAND BOX.
  • 00:46:22.190 --> 00:46:24.170
  • AND WE DO FAIRLY WELL WHEN THEY'RE YOUNG, BUT WHEN THEY
  • 00:46:24.190 --> 00:46:27.060
  • GET TO BE TEENAGERS, WE DON'T ALWAYS WANT TO GO
  • 00:46:27.080 --> 00:46:29.260
  • WHERE THEY ARE, AND WHAT DO THEY DO?
  • 00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:34.000
  • THEY GO DOWN THE STREET AND FIND SOMEBODY WHO WILL GO
  • 00:46:34.020 --> 00:46:35.260
  • WHERE THEY ARE.
  • 00:46:35.280 --> 00:46:38.010
  • I REMEMBER WHEN OUR SON GOT INTO BUDDY HOLLY.
  • 00:46:38.030 --> 00:46:40.190
  • ANYBODY HERE OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER BUDDY HOLLY? YEAH.
  • 00:46:40.210 --> 00:46:43.140
  • HE GOT INTO BUDDY HOLLY. I GOT INTO BUDDY HOLLY.
  • 00:46:43.160 --> 00:46:47.140
  • MAN, I READ THE LYRICS TO HIS SONGS.
  • 00:46:47.160 --> 00:46:49.040
  • I SAID, DEREK, I LIKE THIS! LISTEN TO THIS, MAN.
  • 00:46:49.060 --> 00:46:51.110
  • AND THEN I SAID TO HIM ONE DAY, I SAID, DEREK, I HAVE
  • 00:46:51.130 --> 00:46:53.110
  • TO GO TO FORTWORTH TO SPEAK.
  • 00:46:53.130 --> 00:46:56.150
  • WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH ME?
  • 00:46:56.170 --> 00:46:58.100
  • AND WHEN I FINISHED SPEAKING, YOU AND I WILL
  • 00:46:58.120 --> 00:47:00.140
  • DRIVE OUT TO LUBBOCK AND WE'LL VISIT
  • 00:47:00.160 --> 00:47:02.060
  • BUDDY'S HOME TOWN.
  • 00:47:02.080 --> 00:47:03.220
  • OH, DAD, I'D LOVE TO DO THAT!
  • 00:47:03.240 --> 00:47:06.130
  • I HAD NO IDEA HOW FAR IT WAS FROM FORTWORTH TO LUBBOCK.
  • 00:47:06.150 --> 00:47:08.260
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:47:08.280 --> 00:47:10.280
  • WELL, I LIVE IN NORTH CAROLINA. THAT'S A LONG ROAD.
  • 00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:16.070
  • WE WENT TO THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.
  • 00:47:16.090 --> 00:47:17.290
  • THEY GAVE US THREE PAGES ON BUDDY HOLLY.
  • 00:47:18.010 --> 00:47:19.130
  • WE WENT OUT TO THE HOUSE WHERE HE WAS BORN --
  • 00:47:19.150 --> 00:47:21.050
  • ACTUALLY, THE HOUSE WAS GONE, BUT THE
  • 00:47:21.070 --> 00:47:22.150
  • LOT WAS STILL THERE.
  • 00:47:22.170 --> 00:47:24.010
  • I TOOK A PICTURE OF MY SON ON THE LOT WHERE BUDDY
  • 00:47:24.030 --> 00:47:25.090
  • HOLLY'S HOUSE USED TO BE.
  • 00:47:25.110 --> 00:47:27.010
  • WE RUN OUT TO WHERE HE WENT TO CHURCH AND WHERE HE GOT
  • 00:47:27.030 --> 00:47:28.190
  • MARRIED AND WHERE THEY HAD HIS FUNERAL.
  • 00:47:28.210 --> 00:47:30.060
  • WE WENT TO ALL THE SCHOOLS HE ATTENDED.
  • 00:47:30.080 --> 00:47:32.020
  • WE WENT TO WHERE THEY PLAYED HIS FIRST -- WE DID THE
  • 00:47:32.040 --> 00:47:33.250
  • WHOLE THING.
  • 00:47:33.270 --> 00:47:35.280
  • WENT OUT TO THE CEMETERY, AND THEN WE DROVE BACK
  • 00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:40.020
  • TALKING ABOUT, I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF BUDDY
  • 00:47:40.040 --> 00:47:42.060
  • HADN'T GOTTEN KILLED IN THAT PLANE CRASH?
  • 00:47:42.080 --> 00:47:44.030
  • AND I WONDER IF BUDDY REALLY WAS A CHRISTIAN.
  • 00:47:44.050 --> 00:47:46.170
  • THE YOUTH DIRECTOR, HIS FATHER WAS THE YOUTH
  • 00:47:46.190 --> 00:47:49.140
  • DIRECTOR WHEN BUDDY WAS THERE, AND HE SAID BUDDY
  • 00:47:49.160 --> 00:47:51.130
  • ACCEPTED CHRIST. I SAID, THINK ABOUT IT, MAN.
  • 00:47:51.150 --> 00:47:54.120
  • HE'LL BE IN HEAVEN. WE GET TO HEAR OLD BUDDY AGAIN.
  • 00:47:54.140 --> 00:47:56.190
  • CAN I BE HONEST, FOLKS?
  • 00:47:56.210 --> 00:48:00.230
  • I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT BUDDY HOLLY. HE WAS ALREADY DEAD.
  • 00:48:00.250 --> 00:48:03.230
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:48:03.250 --> 00:48:05.180
  • BUT I CARED A WHOLE LOT ABOUT MY SON.
  • 00:48:05.200 --> 00:48:07.100
  • ARE YOU WITH ME?
  • 00:48:07.120 --> 00:48:09.010
  • AND IF YOU GO TO WHERE THEY ARE AND GIVE THEM QUALITY
  • 00:48:09.030 --> 00:48:11.140
  • TIME, YOU CAN WALK THROUGH THE TEENAGE YEARS WITH THEM.
  • 00:48:11.160 --> 00:48:13.210
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:48:13.230 --> 00:48:15.230
  • NUMBER FIVE IS PHYSICAL TOUCH.
  • 00:48:15.250 --> 00:48:18.090
  • WE'VE LONG KNOWN THE EMOTIONAL POWER
  • 00:48:18.110 --> 00:48:20.140
  • OF PHYSICAL TOUCH.
  • 00:48:20.160 --> 00:48:22.140
  • THAT'S WHY WE PICK UP BABIES AND HOLD THEM AND KISS THEM
  • 00:48:22.160 --> 00:48:25.060
  • AND CUDDLE THEM, AND LONG BEFORE THE BABY UNDERSTANDS
  • 00:48:25.080 --> 00:48:27.190
  • THE MEANING OF THE WORD LOVE, THE BABY FEELS
  • 00:48:27.210 --> 00:48:29.260
  • LOVE BY PHYSICAL TOUCH.
  • 00:48:29.280 --> 00:48:32.000
  • MARK 10, JESUS WAS SPEAKING TO ADULTS, AND PARENTS BEGAN
  • 00:48:32.020 --> 00:48:37.290
  • TO BRING THEIR CHILDREN, AND THE DISCIPLES SAID, OH, THIS
  • 00:48:38.010 --> 00:48:41.180
  • IS FOR ADULTS. BUT WHAT DID JESUS SAY?
  • 00:48:41.200 --> 00:48:46.030
  • "BRING THE LITTLE CHILDREN FOR ME, FOR SUCH IS THE
  • 00:48:46.050 --> 00:48:48.110
  • KINGDOM OF GOD." AND THE NEXT VERSE SAYS HE PUT HIS
  • 00:48:48.130 --> 00:48:51.050
  • HANDS ON THEM AND BLESSED THEM.
  • 00:48:51.070 --> 00:48:53.070
  • HE TOUCHED THE CHILDREN.
  • 00:48:53.090 --> 00:48:55.070
  • NOW, IN MARRIAGE, I'M TALKING ABOUT SUCH THINGS AS
  • 00:48:55.090 --> 00:48:57.270
  • HOLDING HANDS, KISSING, EMBRACING, THE WHOLE SEXUAL
  • 00:48:57.290 --> 00:49:02.250
  • PART OF THE MARRIAGE, ARM AROUND THE SHOULDER, DRIVING
  • 00:49:02.270 --> 00:49:06.250
  • DOWN ROAD, YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON THEIR LEG, SITTING AROUND
  • 00:49:06.270 --> 00:49:09.240
  • THE HOUSE, AND THEY WALK BY AND YOU TRIP THEM.
  • 00:49:09.260 --> 00:49:12.000
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:49:12.020 --> 00:49:14.040
  • I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING. PHYSICAL TOUCH.
  • 00:49:14.060 --> 00:49:18.060
  • NOW, LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY.
  • 00:49:18.080 --> 00:49:20.230
  • OUT OF THOSE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, EACH OF US HAS A
  • 00:49:20.250 --> 00:49:23.180
  • PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE.
  • 00:49:23.200 --> 00:49:26.240
  • ONE OF THE FIVE SPEAKS MORE DEEPLY TO US EMOTIONALLY
  • 00:49:26.260 --> 00:49:30.060
  • THAN ANOTHER FOUR.
  • 00:49:30.080 --> 00:49:34.000
  • WE CAN RECEIVE LOVE IN ALL FIVE, BUT IF WE HAD TO GIVE
  • 00:49:34.020 --> 00:49:36.120
  • UP ONE, WE'D GIVE UP THIS ONE FIRST AND THEN THIS ONE,
  • 00:49:36.140 --> 00:49:39.030
  • BUT NEVER THIS ONE.
  • 00:49:39.050 --> 00:49:41.170
  • THIS IS THE ONE THAT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL LOVED.
  • 00:49:41.190 --> 00:49:43.280
  • IT'S VERY SIMILAR TO SPOKEN LANGUAGE.
  • 00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.160
  • EVERY ONE OF US GREW UP SPEAKING A LANGUAGE WITH A
  • 00:49:46.180 --> 00:49:49.050
  • DIALECT, AND THAT'S THE ONE WE UNDERSTAND BEST.
  • 00:49:49.070 --> 00:49:53.000
  • WE CALL IT OUR NATIVE TONGUE.
  • 00:49:53.020 --> 00:49:55.000
  • I GREW UP SPEAKING ENGLISH SOUTHEASTERN STYLE, BUT
  • 00:49:55.020 --> 00:49:58.220
  • EVERY ONE OF US GREW UP SPEAKING A
  • 00:49:58.240 --> 00:50:00.230
  • LANGUAGE WITH A DIALECT.
  • 00:50:00.250 --> 00:50:03.000
  • SAME THING IS TRUE WITH LOVE.
  • 00:50:03.020 --> 00:50:04.230
  • NOW, ONCE IN A WHILE, SOMEONE SAYS TO ME, WELL, I
  • 00:50:04.250 --> 00:50:07.120
  • DON'T KNOW, GARY.
  • 00:50:07.140 --> 00:50:09.060
  • I THINK TWO OF THOSE ARE JUST ABOUT EQUAL FOR ME.
  • 00:50:09.080 --> 00:50:11.060
  • AND MY RESPONSE IS, FINE.
  • 00:50:11.080 --> 00:50:13.110
  • WE'LL GIVE YOU TWO LOVE LANGUAGES.
  • 00:50:13.130 --> 00:50:15.000
  • WE'LL CALL YOU BILINGUAL.
  • 00:50:15.020 --> 00:50:17.100
  • BUT MOST OF US HAVE A PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE, A
  • 00:50:17.120 --> 00:50:20.060
  • SECONDARY LOVE LANGUAGE, AND THEN ANOTHER THREE FALL
  • 00:50:20.080 --> 00:50:23.150
  • IN LOVE UNDER THAT.
  • 00:50:23.170 --> 00:50:25.070
  • IN MARRIAGE, SELDOM DOES A HUSBAND AND WIFE HAVE THE
  • 00:50:25.090 --> 00:50:29.110
  • SAME LOVE LANGUAGE.
  • 00:50:29.130 --> 00:50:31.290
  • IT HAPPENS, BUT NOT VERY OFTEN.
  • 00:50:32.010 --> 00:50:34.230
  • AND IF THEY HAVE THE SAME LANGUAGE, THEY'LL HAVE
  • 00:50:34.250 --> 00:50:37.060
  • DIFFERENT DIALECTS WITHIN THAT LANGUAGE.
  • 00:50:37.080 --> 00:50:40.280
  • AND BY NATURE, WE SPEAK OUR OWN LANGUAGE.
  • 00:50:41.000 --> 00:50:44.140
  • SO WHATEVER MAKES ME FEEL LOVE IS WHAT I WILL
  • 00:50:44.160 --> 00:50:47.120
  • NATURALLY DO FOR MY SPOUSE.
  • 00:50:47.140 --> 00:50:49.170
  • SO IF WORDS OF AFFIRMATION IS MY LANGUAGE, I'LL GIVE MY
  • 00:50:49.190 --> 00:50:51.240
  • WIFE WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
  • 00:50:51.260 --> 00:50:53.210
  • I'LL TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE HER, HOW MUCH I
  • 00:50:53.230 --> 00:50:55.150
  • APPRECIATE WHAT SHE DID, HOW GLAD I AM
  • 00:50:55.170 --> 00:50:57.160
  • THAT I MARRIED HER.
  • 00:50:57.180 --> 00:50:59.090
  • I'LL PROBABLY TELL HER A DOZEN TIMES A DAY,
  • 00:50:59.110 --> 00:51:00.290
  • "I LOVE YOU, HONEY. I LOVE, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU!"
  • 00:51:01.010 --> 00:51:03.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:03.160 --> 00:51:05.160
  • BUT LET'S SAY WORDS IS NOT HER LOVE LANGUAGE, THAT HER
  • 00:51:05.180 --> 00:51:08.030
  • LANGUAGE IS ACTS OF SERVICE, BUT I DON'T EVER
  • 00:51:08.050 --> 00:51:10.140
  • DO ANYTHING TO HELP HER.
  • 00:51:10.160 --> 00:51:12.140
  • IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME, SHE WILL SAY TO ME ONE
  • 00:51:12.160 --> 00:51:14.160
  • NIGHT, YOU KEEP ON SAYING I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.
  • 00:51:14.180 --> 00:51:18.070
  • IF YOU LOVE ME, WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME?
  • 00:51:18.090 --> 00:51:21.080
  • AND I'M BLOWN OUT OF THE SADDLE. WHY?
  • 00:51:21.100 --> 00:51:23.160
  • BECAUSE IN MY MIND, I LOVE HER.
  • 00:51:23.180 --> 00:51:26.210
  • IN HER MIND, IF I LOVED HER, I'D BE HELPING HER.
  • 00:51:26.230 --> 00:51:30.290
  • YOU SEE HOW COUPLES CAN MISS EACH OTHER AND
  • 00:51:31.010 --> 00:51:33.070
  • STILL BE SINCERE?
  • 00:51:33.090 --> 00:51:35.050
  • I BELIEVE THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF COUPLES THAT
  • 00:51:35.070 --> 00:51:37.030
  • ARE SINCERE, BUT THEY'RE NOT CONNECTING BECAUSE THEY'RE
  • 00:51:37.050 --> 00:51:39.290
  • SPEAKING THEIR OWN LANGUAGE AND NOT THE
  • 00:51:40.010 --> 00:51:41.180
  • OTHER PERSON'S LANGUAGE.
  • 00:51:41.200 --> 00:51:43.050
  • SO, OBVIOUSLY, THE KEY IS TO LEARN TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE
  • 00:51:43.070 --> 00:51:46.040
  • OF THE OTHER PERSON.
  • 00:51:46.060 --> 00:51:47.260
  • NOW, SOMEONE SAYS, OKAY, GARY, I GOT IT.
  • 00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:50.290
  • I SEE IT, BUT WHAT IF THE LOVE LANGUAGE OF YOUR SPOUSE
  • 00:51:51.010 --> 00:51:56.100
  • IS SOMETHING THAT JUST DOESN'T COME NATURAL FOR
  • 00:51:56.120 --> 00:51:58.090
  • YOU? AND I ANSWER, SO? YOU LEARN IT.
  • 00:51:58.110 --> 00:52:04.210
  • MY WIFE'S LANGUAGE IS ACTS OF SERVICE.
  • 00:52:04.230 --> 00:52:07.040
  • ONE OF THE THINGS I DO FOR HER IS VACUUM THE FLOORS.
  • 00:52:07.060 --> 00:52:10.150
  • NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW ME WELL, BUT DO YOU THINK THAT
  • 00:52:10.170 --> 00:52:13.150
  • VACUUMING FLOORS COMES NATURAL FOR ME?
  • 00:52:13.170 --> 00:52:16.070
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:16.090 --> 00:52:17.220
  • MY MOTHER MADE ME VACUUM ALL THROUGH
  • 00:52:17.240 --> 00:52:20.100
  • HIGH SCHOOL AND JR. HIGH. I COULD NOT GO
  • 00:52:20.120 --> 00:52:22.200
  • PLAY BALL ON SATURDAY UNTIL I VACUUMED THE HOUSE.
  • 00:52:22.220 --> 00:52:26.230
  • AND MOST DAYS, I SAID TO MYSELF, IF I EVER GET OUT OF
  • 00:52:26.250 --> 00:52:29.100
  • HERE, ONE THING I'M NOT GOING TO DO, I AM NOT GOING
  • 00:52:29.120 --> 00:52:32.260
  • TO VACUUM FLOORS.
  • 00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:35.210
  • YOU COULD NOT PAY ME ENOUGH TO VACUUM FLOORS.
  • 00:52:35.230 --> 00:52:38.150
  • THERE'S ONLY ONE REASON I VACUUM FLOORS.
  • 00:52:38.170 --> 00:52:41.000
  • L-O-V-E. YOU SEE, WHEN IT DOESN'T COME NATURAL,
  • 00:52:41.020 --> 00:52:45.020
  • IT'S A GREATER GIFT OF LOVE.
  • 00:52:45.040 --> 00:52:46.280
  • MY WIFE KNOWS EVERY TIME I VACUUM THE FLOOR, IT'S
  • 00:52:47.000 --> 00:52:49.170
  • NOTHING BUT 100% PURE, UNADULTERATED LOVE.
  • 00:52:49.190 --> 00:52:54.040
  • AND I GET CREDIT FOR THE WHOLE THING.
  • 00:52:54.060 --> 00:52:55.220
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:55.240 --> 00:52:58.040
  • WE WERE SITTING AROUND THE OTHER NIGHT.
  • 00:52:58.060 --> 00:53:00.060
  • MY WIFE LOOKED OVER AT THE BLINDS, AND SHE SAID TO ME,
  • 00:53:00.080 --> 00:53:03.120
  • YOU KNOW, HONEY, THESE BLINDS ARE GETTING DUSTY.
  • 00:53:03.140 --> 00:53:07.210
  • I LOOKED OVER AT THE BLINDS, AND I SAID, THEY ARE,
  • 00:53:07.230 --> 00:53:11.040
  • AREN'T THEY, HONEY?
  • 00:53:11.060 --> 00:53:12.210
  • [LAUGHTER] THAT'S ALL I SAID.
  • 00:53:12.230 --> 00:53:14.210
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:14.230 --> 00:53:16.190
  • BUT I HEARD THE LADY. I CATALOGUED IT.
  • 00:53:16.210 --> 00:53:19.210
  • SO TWO MORNINGS LATER, IT WAS A FRIDAY MORNING.
  • 00:53:19.230 --> 00:53:21.210
  • I WAS GETTING READY TO LEAVE LATER THAT DAY TO GO
  • 00:53:21.230 --> 00:53:23.140
  • DO A MARRIAGE SEMINAR.
  • 00:53:23.160 --> 00:53:25.070
  • IT WAS PROBABLY 6:30 ON FRIDAY MORNING.
  • 00:53:25.090 --> 00:53:27.020
  • I WAS IN THERE VACUUMING THOSE BLINDS.
  • 00:53:27.040 --> 00:53:28.260
  • SHE STUMBLED IN AND SAID, HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
  • 00:53:28.280 --> 00:53:31.020
  • I SAID, HONEY, I'M MAKING LOVE.
  • 00:53:31.040 --> 00:53:33.040
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:33.060 --> 00:53:35.230
  • BIG SMILE BROKE ON HER FACE, AND SHE SAID, YOU HAVE GOT
  • 00:53:35.250 --> 00:53:38.200
  • TO BE THE GREATEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:53:38.220 --> 00:53:41.060
  • NOW, MY LOVE LANGUAGE IS WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, SO I
  • 00:53:41.080 --> 00:53:43.190
  • SAID TO HER, TELL ME ONE MORE TIME, HOW GREAT AM I?
  • 00:53:43.210 --> 00:53:45.230
  • SHE TOLD ME AGAIN.
  • 00:53:45.250 --> 00:53:48.100
  • I GET ON A PLANE WITH A FULL LOVE TANK.
  • 00:53:48.120 --> 00:53:51.100
  • SHE GOES BACK TO FINISH HER NAP WITH A FULL
  • 00:53:51.120 --> 00:53:53.010
  • LOVE TANK. WHY?
  • 00:53:53.030 --> 00:53:55.020
  • I SPOKE HER LANGUAGE, AND SHE SPOKE MY LANGUAGE.
  • 00:53:55.040 --> 00:53:57.120
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:53:57.140 --> 00:54:04.030
  • NOW, WHAT I'VE GIVEN YOU IS INFORMATION THAT CAN
  • 00:54:04.050 --> 00:54:07.080
  • RADICALLY CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE AND EVERYBODY
  • 00:54:07.100 --> 00:54:09.220
  • ELSE'S MARRIAGE, BUT I CANNOT GIVE
  • 00:54:09.240 --> 00:54:12.260
  • YOU THE MOTIVATION.
  • 00:54:12.280 --> 00:54:16.060
  • ONE MAN SAID TO ME, DR. CHAPMAN, I READ YOUR BOOK.
  • 00:54:16.080 --> 00:54:19.000
  • I TOOK THE QUIZ. FOUND OUT HER LANGUAGE IS ACTS OF SERVICE.
  • 00:54:19.020 --> 00:54:24.120
  • I'LL JUST TELL YOU AND HER, IF IT IS GOING TO TAKE MY
  • 00:54:24.140 --> 00:54:27.280
  • WASHING DISHES AND MY VACUUMING FLOORS FOR
  • 00:54:28.000 --> 00:54:29.280
  • HER TO FEEL LOVED, SHE CAN FORGET THAT.
  • 00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:32.020
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:54:32.040 --> 00:54:33.290
  • YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S SAYING?
  • 00:54:34.010 --> 00:54:35.240
  • HE HAD THE INFORMATION.
  • 00:54:35.260 --> 00:54:37.260
  • HE DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO DO IT.
  • 00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:41.040
  • I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THE MOTIVATION COMES FROM.
  • 00:54:41.060 --> 00:54:47.110
  • IF YOU WILL HONESTLY SAY TO GOD, "GIVE ME THE ATTITUDE
  • 00:54:47.130 --> 00:54:53.000
  • OF CHRIST TOWARD MY WIFE OR MY HUSBAND." REMEMBER WHAT
  • 00:54:53.020 --> 00:54:59.000
  • PHILIPPIANS SAYS ABOUT -- PAUL SAYS IN
  • 00:54:59.020 --> 00:55:01.270
  • PHILIPPIANS ABOUT JESUS?
  • 00:55:01.290 --> 00:55:04.270
  • HE SAID TO US, YOU HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE THAT CHRIST
  • 00:55:04.290 --> 00:55:08.290
  • HAD WHO, THOSE HE WAS GOD, HE DIDN'T DEMAND HIS RIGHTS
  • 00:55:09.010 --> 00:55:13.020
  • AS GOD, BUT HE HUMBLED HIMSELF TO BECOME A MAN.
  • 00:55:13.040 --> 00:55:18.170
  • AND ONCE HE GOT ON HUMAN LEVEL WITH US, HE STEPPED
  • 00:55:18.190 --> 00:55:21.150
  • DOWN EVEN FURTHER TO DEATH, EVEN DEATH ON A CROSS.
  • 00:55:21.170 --> 00:55:24.240
  • LET THAT ATTITUDE BE IN YOU.
  • 00:55:24.260 --> 00:55:27.170
  • I TOLD YOU I'D COME BACK TO ATTITUDE.
  • 00:55:27.190 --> 00:55:30.040
  • SEE, BY NATURE, WE'RE NOT LOVERS, BY NATURE.
  • 00:55:30.060 --> 00:55:34.190
  • BY NATURE, WE'RE SELFISH, AND TWO SELFISH PEOPLE WILL
  • 00:55:34.210 --> 00:55:37.260
  • NEVER HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE.
  • 00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:40.050
  • BUT IF YOU LET GOD CHANGE YOUR HEART AND GIVE YOU THE
  • 00:55:40.070 --> 00:55:43.160
  • ATTITUDE OF CHRIST, AND YOU UNDERSTAND I'M HERE TO SERVE
  • 00:55:43.180 --> 00:55:47.090
  • MY WIFE, I'M HERE TO SERVE MY HUSBAND, AND YOU BOTH --
  • 00:55:47.110 --> 00:55:51.020
  • NOW YOU HAVE INFORMATION, AT LEAST IN ONE AREA, AND YOU
  • 00:55:51.040 --> 00:55:54.010
  • REACH OUT, AND YOU SPEAK THINGS THAT ARE NOT NATURAL
  • 00:55:54.030 --> 00:55:56.120
  • FOR YOU TO THEM, THEN TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE LOVING AND
  • 00:55:56.140 --> 00:56:01.020
  • SERVING EACH OTHER LOVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:01.040 --> 00:56:04.000
  • I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TELL YOU THE STRUGGLES MY WIFE
  • 00:56:04.020 --> 00:56:06.150
  • AND I HAD IN THE EARLY YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:06.170 --> 00:56:08.150
  • MAYBE THAT'S WHY I DO WHAT I DO AND WHAT I'VE DONE WITH
  • 00:56:08.170 --> 00:56:11.040
  • MY WHOLE LIFE IS BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE
  • 00:56:11.060 --> 00:56:13.290
  • MARRIED AND FEEL LIKE YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON AND
  • 00:56:14.010 --> 00:56:17.100
  • MARRIED AND FEELING LIKE IT'S NEVER GOING
  • 00:56:17.120 --> 00:56:18.260
  • TO GET ANY BETTER.
  • 00:56:18.280 --> 00:56:20.270
  • BUT I KNOW THAT IF GOD CHANGED OUR MARRIAGE, GOD
  • 00:56:20.290 --> 00:56:23.110
  • CAN CHANGE EVERY MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:23.130 --> 00:56:25.130
  • IT'S A MATTER OF OUR LETTING HIM IN AND LETTING HIM
  • 00:56:25.150 --> 00:56:27.090
  • CHANGE OUR HEARTS. AMEN?
  • 00:56:27.110 --> 00:56:28.290
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:56:29.010 --> 00:56:34.280
  • I WANT TO MAKE ONE PRACTICAL SUGGESTION, AND THEN WE'RE
  • 00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:38.100
  • GOING TO COME AND CLOSE THINGS OUT.
  • 00:56:38.120 --> 00:56:41.160
  • YOU'VE HEARD A LOT OF GOOD STUFF LAST NIGHT AND TODAY.
  • 00:56:41.180 --> 00:56:45.240
  • THERE'S NO WAY THAT YOU CAN ASSIMILATE ALL OF
  • 00:56:45.260 --> 00:56:47.240
  • IT AT ONE TIME.
  • 00:56:47.260 --> 00:56:49.270
  • HERE'S MY CHALLENGE.
  • 00:56:49.290 --> 00:56:53.090
  • YOU PURCHASE A BOOK FROM EACH SPEAKER THAT YOU'VE
  • 00:56:53.110 --> 00:56:55.260
  • HEARD, AND THIS NEXT YEAR, YOU READ A
  • 00:56:55.280 --> 00:56:59.290
  • CHAPTER EVERY WEEK.
  • 00:57:00.030 --> 00:57:02.270
  • YOU CAN READ IT SEPARATELY, YOU CAN READ IT TOGETHER,
  • 00:57:02.290 --> 00:57:06.050
  • AND AT THE END OF THE WEEK, YOU SAY TO EACH OTHER, WHAT
  • 00:57:06.070 --> 00:57:09.260
  • CAN WE LEARN OUT OF THAT CHAPTER THAT MIGHT HELP US?
  • 00:57:09.280 --> 00:57:13.100
  • AND I'LL GUARANTEE YOU THAT A YEAR FROM NOW,
  • 00:57:13.120 --> 00:57:15.170
  • YOU'LL HARDLY RECOGNIZE YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:57:15.190 --> 00:57:18.010
  • INVEST A YEAR, AND LISTEN, AND REWORK, AND WALK THROUGH
  • 00:57:18.030 --> 00:57:22.100
  • AGAIN SOME OF THE THINGS YOU'VE HEARD HERE, AND I'LL
  • 00:57:22.120 --> 00:57:24.280
  • GUARANTEE YOU, YOUR LIFE WILL BE DIFFERENT
  • 00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:27.030
  • NEXT YEAR. AMEN? ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:57:27.050 --> 00:57:29.270
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:57:29.290 --> 00:57:33.030
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:57:33.050 --> 00:57:44.240