Kim | Episode 3 | TBN

Kim | Episode 3

Watch Kim | Episode 3
July 1, 2018
25:57

Restoring the Shack

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Kim | Episode 3

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  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:00:00.190 --> 00:00:02.240
  • - MY NAME IS PAUL YOUNG, AND I'M THE AUTHOR OF THE SHACK.
  • 00:00:02.260 --> 00:00:06.170
  • I WANT TO INVITE YOU ON AN ADVENTURE WITH ME
  • 00:00:06.190 --> 00:00:09.290
  • AND WITH THE BOOK. A LOT OF YOU HAVE READ IT.
  • 00:00:10.010 --> 00:00:12.140
  • YOU HAVE QUESTIONS.
  • 00:00:12.160 --> 00:00:14.050
  • SOME OF YOU HAVE JUST HEARD ABOUT IT,
  • 00:00:14.070 --> 00:00:15.240
  • AND YOU HAVE QUESTIONS.
  • 00:00:15.260 --> 00:00:17.220
  • THIS IS A BOOK THAT ALLOWS US TO EXPLORE RELATIONSHIP
  • 00:00:17.240 --> 00:00:21.110
  • WITH THE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY SPIRIT; QUESTIONS THAT
  • 00:00:21.130 --> 00:00:24.030
  • WE HAVE ABOUT HURT AND LOSS AND GRIEF; QUESTIONS ABOUT
  • 00:00:24.050 --> 00:00:29.030
  • WONDER AND BEAUTY AND JOY.
  • 00:00:29.050 --> 00:00:33.020
  • WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LIVE A LIFE OF FAITH?
  • 00:00:33.040 --> 00:00:36.040
  • WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT DEATH?
  • 00:00:36.060 --> 00:00:38.280
  • WHY DO TRAGIC THINGS HAPPEN TO US?
  • 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:43.220
  • THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS THAT WE WANT TO EXPLORE, AND I
  • 00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:46.290
  • WOULD LOVE YOU TO COME WITH ME.
  • 00:00:47.010 --> 00:00:49.000
  • THIS IS AN INVITATION.
  • 00:00:49.020 --> 00:00:50.260
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:00:50.280 --> 00:01:01.220
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:01:01.220 --> 00:01:09.030
  • - THERE ARE MANY THINGS IN THE SHACK THAT ARE NOT WHAT
  • 00:01:12.160 --> 00:01:15.260
  • THEY APPEAR TO BE.
  • 00:01:15.280 --> 00:01:19.270
  • FOR EXAMPLE, THE FORWARD IS WRITTEN BY WILLIE,
  • 00:01:19.290 --> 00:01:24.290
  • AND PEOPLE ASSUME THAT THAT'S ME.
  • 00:01:25.010 --> 00:01:26.230
  • MY NAME IS WILLIAM PAUL YOUNG, BUT NOBODY
  • 00:01:26.250 --> 00:01:29.250
  • KNEW ME AS WILLIAM.
  • 00:01:29.270 --> 00:01:31.210
  • MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, THEY'VE ALWAYS CALLED ME PAUL.
  • 00:01:31.230 --> 00:01:33.250
  • I'M ONE OF FOUR GENERATIONS OF WILLIAMS,
  • 00:01:33.270 --> 00:01:36.270
  • NONE OF WHO GO BY WILLIAM.
  • 00:01:36.290 --> 00:01:38.170
  • WHEN I FIRST WROTE THE MANUSCRIPT,
  • 00:01:38.190 --> 00:01:40.120
  • IT WAS SORT OF A JOKE;
  • 00:01:40.140 --> 00:01:42.140
  • WRITTEN BY MACKENZIE ALLEN PHILLIPS
  • 00:01:42.160 --> 00:01:45.140
  • WITH WILLIAM P. YOUNG.
  • 00:01:45.160 --> 00:01:47.140
  • I'D BUILT THE PERSONA FROM WILLIE FROM KIM'S DAD.
  • 00:01:47.160 --> 00:01:50.290
  • LIVED WITH US FOR 17 YEARS.
  • 00:01:51.010 --> 00:01:53.150
  • HIS NAME IS WILLARD. WE ALL CALLED HIM WILLIE.
  • 00:01:53.170 --> 00:01:56.240
  • I WANT TO READ YOU A LITTLE SECTION OF THE FORWARD, AND
  • 00:01:56.260 --> 00:02:00.060
  • YOU'LL SEE THE TONGUE IN CHEEK ELEMENT OF THIS
  • 00:02:00.080 --> 00:02:04.200
  • BECAUSE WILLIE, HE ACTUALLY WASN'T A WRITER, BUT I USED
  • 00:02:04.220 --> 00:02:09.020
  • HIM AS SORT OF AN EXPERIMENT IN LITERATURE.
  • 00:02:09.040 --> 00:02:14.110
  • AND A LOT OF PEOPLE THOUGHT THAT WILLIE WAS A REAL
  • 00:02:14.130 --> 00:02:17.170
  • PERSON WHO WROTE THIS BOOK.
  • 00:02:17.190 --> 00:02:20.240
  • IT SAYS THIS, "ALTHOUGH HE COMMUNICATES WELL ENOUGH
  • 00:02:20.260 --> 00:02:23.130
  • VERBALLY, MACK IS NOT COMFORTABLE ABOUT HIS
  • 00:02:23.150 --> 00:02:26.060
  • WRITING SKILLS, SOMETHING THAT HE KNOWS
  • 00:02:26.080 --> 00:02:28.180
  • I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT.
  • 00:02:28.200 --> 00:02:30.130
  • SO HE ASKED IF I WOULD GHOST WRITE THIS STORY, HIS STORY,
  • 00:02:30.150 --> 00:02:33.080
  • FOR THE KIDS AND FOR NAN.
  • 00:02:33.100 --> 00:02:36.280
  • HE WANTED A NARRATIVE TO HELP THEM EXPRESS TO THEM
  • 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:40.090
  • NOT ONLY THE DEPTHS OF HIS LOVE, BUT ALSO TO HELP THEM
  • 00:02:40.110 --> 00:02:42.170
  • UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING IN HIS INSIDE WORLD.
  • 00:02:42.190 --> 00:02:46.130
  • YOU KNOW THAT VOICE WHERE THERE IS JUST YOU ALONE AND
  • 00:02:46.150 --> 00:02:52.150
  • MAYBE GOD?
  • 00:02:52.170 --> 00:02:55.000
  • IF YOU BELIEVE IN HIM.
  • 00:02:55.020 --> 00:02:57.100
  • OF COURSE, GOD MIGHT BE THERE, EVEN IF YOU DON'T
  • 00:02:57.120 --> 00:03:01.190
  • BELIEVE IN HIM.
  • 00:03:01.210 --> 00:03:03.180
  • THAT WOULD BE JUST LIKE HIM.
  • 00:03:03.200 --> 00:03:05.210
  • HE HASN'T BEEN CALL THE GRAND INTERFERER
  • 00:03:05.230 --> 00:03:09.040
  • FOR NOTHING." THE GRAND INTERFERER.
  • 00:03:09.060 --> 00:03:13.100
  • THAT'S A C.S. LEWIS TERM;
  • 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:15.260
  • A GOD WHO IS NOT CONTENT TO SIT BACK AND
  • 00:03:15.280 --> 00:03:19.000
  • LET US CONTINUE IN OUR MISERY AND OUR LOSTNESS AND
  • 00:03:19.020 --> 00:03:21.170
  • OUR SUFFERING AND OUR DARKNESS AND OUR BLINDNESS
  • 00:03:21.190 --> 00:03:26.090
  • BUT DIVES IN WITH US AND JOINS US IN THE MIDDLE OF
  • 00:03:26.110 --> 00:03:29.250
  • THIS, EVEN THOUGH WE CAN'T PERCEIVE HIS PRESENCE.
  • 00:03:29.270 --> 00:03:34.150
  • - CAR LEAVES IN 20 SECONDS.
  • 00:03:34.170 --> 00:03:36.200
  • - WE GOTTA GO, YOU LITTLE RASCAL.
  • 00:03:36.220 --> 00:03:37.280
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:39.290
  • - DO YOU THINK THE PRINCESS SHOULD HAVE A RED
  • 00:03:40.010 --> 00:03:41.200
  • DRESS LIKE MINE?
  • 00:03:41.220 --> 00:03:42.270
  • - RED IT IS.
  • 00:03:42.290 --> 00:03:44.070
  • - ALL RIGHT, WOO!
  • 00:03:45.290 --> 00:03:47.060
  • - WHERE'S MISSY?
  • 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:48.090
  • - MISSY!
  • 00:03:48.110 --> 00:03:49.180
  • - WHERE'S MISSY?
  • 00:03:49.200 --> 00:03:50.240
  • - SORRY, MACK, THEY HAVEN'T SEEN HER.
  • 00:03:50.260 --> 00:03:52.030
  • - MISSY!
  • 00:03:52.050 --> 00:03:53.150
  • MISSY!!
  • 00:03:53.170 --> 00:03:55.020
  • [SIRENS]
  • 00:03:55.040 --> 00:03:56.230
  • - I'M SCARED.
  • 00:03:56.250 --> 00:03:58.020
  • - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
  • 00:03:58.040 --> 00:03:59.220
  • - POLICE DISPATCHER: POSSIBLE SUSPECT SIGHTING.
  • 00:03:59.240 --> 00:04:01.120
  • GROUND TEAMS FOUND A TRUCK IN THE MOUNTAINS.
  • 00:04:01.140 --> 00:04:03.210
  • - I'M REALLY SORRY, MR. PHILLIPS.
  • 00:04:03.230 --> 00:04:05.100
  • - [SCREAMING] NO!
  • 00:04:07.240 --> 00:04:10.080
  • - WANT SOME HELP OVER THERE?
  • 00:04:13.010 --> 00:04:14.070
  • - I'M OKAY.
  • 00:04:14.090 --> 00:04:15.140
  • - HOW ABOUT SOME DINNER TONIGHT?
  • 00:04:15.160 --> 00:04:16.210
  • - MAYBE NEXT TIME.
  • 00:04:16.230 --> 00:04:18.060
  • [SCREAMING]
  • 00:04:19.200 --> 00:04:20.290
  • - I'M SO...
  • 00:04:21.010 --> 00:04:23.010
  • I'M SO SORRY.
  • 00:04:23.030 --> 00:04:24.240
  • - WE'VE LOST SO MUCH ALREADY.
  • 00:04:24.260 --> 00:04:26.110
  • I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, TOO.
  • 00:04:26.130 --> 00:04:27.290
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:04:28.010 --> 00:04:30.040
  • - A LETTER SHOWED UP IN MY MAIL BOX.
  • 00:04:30.060 --> 00:04:31.280
  • THERE ARE NO TRACKS IN THE SHOW.
  • 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:33.120
  • - YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT GOING BACK THERE, ARE YOU?
  • 00:04:33.140 --> 00:04:35.000
  • - I GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
  • 00:04:35.020 --> 00:04:36.160
  • - YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.
  • 00:04:36.180 --> 00:04:38.030
  • - IT'S CRAZY, BUT THIS IS ALL I GOT.
  • 00:04:38.050 --> 00:04:40.020
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
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  • - THERE'S A FIRE INSIDE NEW WANT TO WARM UP.
  • 00:04:43.200 --> 00:04:45.190
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:04:45.210 --> 00:04:49.220
  • - MACKENZIE ALLEN PHILLIPS.
  • 00:04:49.240 --> 00:04:52.110
  • I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS.
  • 00:04:52.130 --> 00:04:54.190
  • - DO I KNOW YOU?
  • 00:04:54.210 --> 00:04:55.280
  • - NOT VERY WELL, BUT WE CAN WORK ON THAT.
  • 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:57.240
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:04:57.260 --> 00:04:59.230
  • - THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
  • 00:04:59.250 --> 00:05:01.080
  • - YOU'RE STILL HAVING A HARD TIME
  • 00:05:01.100 --> 00:05:02.160
  • BELIEVING THIS IS REAL.
  • 00:05:02.180 --> 00:05:04.000
  • - WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE?
  • 00:05:04.020 --> 00:05:05.090
  • - THERE'S NO EASY ANSWER THAT WILL TAKE
  • 00:05:05.110 --> 00:05:06.140
  • YOUR PAIN AWAY.
  • 00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:07.230
  • - WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?
  • 00:05:07.250 --> 00:05:09.100
  • - I NEVER LEFT YOU.
  • 00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:10.260
  • I NEVER LEFT MISSY.
  • 00:05:10.280 --> 00:05:12.110
  • AIN'T IT JUST LIKE A TEAR TO GO...
  • 00:05:12.130 --> 00:05:15.250
  • - YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE HIM?
  • 00:05:15.270 --> 00:05:17.070
  • I WANT HIM TO HURT LIKE HE HURT ME.
  • 00:05:17.090 --> 00:05:19.130
  • JUST LIKE GLASS...
  • 00:05:19.150 --> 00:05:20.230
  • - YOU WANT THE PROMISE OF A PAIN-FREE LIFE?
  • 00:05:20.250 --> 00:05:22.080
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:05:22.100 --> 00:05:23.240
  • - THERE ISN'T ONE.
  • 00:05:23.260 --> 00:05:27.110
  • - YOU CAN DO THIS. - I CAN'T.
  • 00:05:27.130 --> 00:05:28.280
  • - ON YOUR OWN, YOU CAN'T.
  • 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.000
  • - THIS IS YOUR FLYING LESSON.
  • 00:05:31.020 --> 00:05:33.030
  • KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME...
  • 00:05:33.050 --> 00:05:37.150
  • WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR WAY HOME...
  • 00:05:37.170 --> 00:05:39.270
  • KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME...
  • 00:05:39.290 --> 00:05:45.270
  • - I BELIEVE YOU.
  • 00:05:45.290 --> 00:05:48.090
  • KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME...
  • 00:05:48.110 --> 00:05:52.010
  • KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME...
  • 00:05:52.030 --> 00:05:56.170
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:05:56.190 --> 00:06:09.040
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:16.160
  • - LAST TIME, I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY GREAT SADNESSES,
  • 00:06:16.180 --> 00:06:19.000
  • MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD, THE SEXUAL ABUSE IN MY LIFE
  • 00:06:19.020 --> 00:06:24.000
  • AS A CHILD, AND THE ISSUE OF BELONGING, BUT I'M AN
  • 00:06:24.020 --> 00:06:29.150
  • ADAPTER, AND I'M A PERFORMER,
  • 00:06:29.170 --> 00:06:33.150
  • AND I PERFORMED WELL.
  • 00:06:33.170 --> 00:06:35.200
  • I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY SMART
  • 00:06:35.220 --> 00:06:38.290
  • AND CREATIVE THAT I WAS SUCCESSFUL.
  • 00:06:39.010 --> 00:06:41.110
  • I THOUGHT I FOOLED PEOPLE.
  • 00:06:41.130 --> 00:06:43.120
  • NOBODY KNEW ABOUT MY HISTORY.
  • 00:06:43.140 --> 00:06:45.050
  • NOBODY KNEW ABOUT MY ADDICTIONS.
  • 00:06:45.070 --> 00:06:46.240
  • NOBODY KNEW MY SECRETS.
  • 00:06:46.260 --> 00:06:49.040
  • I GOT HIRED BY A BIG CHURCH TO WORK WITH COLLEGE KIDS
  • 00:06:49.060 --> 00:06:52.280
  • AND TO WORK WITH 20-30 YEAR OLDS, AND WE SORT OF BECAME
  • 00:06:53.000 --> 00:06:56.290
  • THE GOING THING IN PORTLAND.
  • 00:06:57.010 --> 00:06:59.130
  • I WAS SUCCESSFUL ON THE OUTSIDE AND A
  • 00:06:59.150 --> 00:07:01.120
  • WASTELAND ON THE IN.
  • 00:07:01.140 --> 00:07:04.160
  • ONE NIGHT, IN WALKS THESE THREE GIRLS.
  • 00:07:04.180 --> 00:07:09.010
  • ONE OF THEM IS KIM, AND SHE'S WITH TWO OF
  • 00:07:09.030 --> 00:07:11.100
  • HER FIVE SISTERS.
  • 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:13.240
  • I'D NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.
  • 00:07:13.260 --> 00:07:15.160
  • IN FACT, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE'D EVER COME,
  • 00:07:15.180 --> 00:07:17.170
  • SO I IMMEDIATELY CHANGED WHAT WE'RE PLANNING TO DO SO THAT
  • 00:07:17.190 --> 00:07:20.220
  • WE CAN BREAK UP INTO GROUPS OF TWO AND PRAY
  • 00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:23.210
  • FOR EACH OTHER.
  • 00:07:23.230 --> 00:07:25.190
  • POWER CORRUPTS, BUT THAT'S HOW I MET KIM.
  • 00:07:25.210 --> 00:07:29.200
  • WE BECAME FRIENDS, AND A FEW MONTHS LATER, I THINK I HEAR
  • 00:07:29.220 --> 00:07:35.130
  • GOD SPEAK TO ME, "MARRY KIM."
  • 00:07:35.150 --> 00:07:40.250
  • I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN
  • 00:07:40.270 --> 00:07:44.280
  • REALLY DATED, SO LIKE I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
  • 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:47.180
  • HOW TO ASK HER.
  • 00:07:47.200 --> 00:07:50.060
  • NOW, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE ANYBODY.
  • 00:07:50.080 --> 00:07:54.180
  • I WAS TOO BROKEN ON THE INSIDE, BUT I HEAR THAT I
  • 00:07:54.200 --> 00:08:00.210
  • SHOULD MARRY KIM.
  • 00:08:00.230 --> 00:08:03.010
  • SO I FIGURE OUT THIS GREAT IDEA TO ASK HER TO MARRY ME,
  • 00:08:03.030 --> 00:08:07.200
  • AND SO I PLAN A PARTY WHEN WE GET BACK FROM THIS TRIP,
  • 00:08:07.220 --> 00:08:10.070
  • AND I INVITE A WHOLE BUNCH OF MY FRIENDS, AND I WRITE
  • 00:08:10.090 --> 00:08:12.110
  • THESE BEAUTIFUL CARDS FOR EACH ONE OF THEM, AND WE SIT
  • 00:08:12.130 --> 00:08:15.100
  • IN A CIRCLE, ABOUT 15 OF US.
  • 00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:17.180
  • AND THE RULE WAS YOU HAD TO READ THE CARD OUT LOUD
  • 00:08:17.200 --> 00:08:21.280
  • BEFORE YOU READ THE CARD, AND KIM'S I PALMED TO THE
  • 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:25.100
  • BOTTOM BECAUSE HERS JUST SAID, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
  • 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:30.020
  • YEAH, MEN CAN BE REALLY STUPID, BUT I FIGURED IT
  • 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:34.070
  • WOULD BE SAFER IN A GROUP SETTING.
  • 00:08:34.090 --> 00:08:38.050
  • SO WE GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS AND KIM OPENS UP HER
  • 00:08:38.070 --> 00:08:40.220
  • CARD, AND SHE SAYS, "WILL YOU MMMM --" AND IF SHE WAS
  • 00:08:40.240 --> 00:08:45.160
  • STANDING RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW, SHE WOULD TELL YOU THAT
  • 00:08:45.180 --> 00:08:47.240
  • WHAT WENT THROUGH HER MIND IN THAT MOMENT WAS, "IF I
  • 00:08:47.260 --> 00:08:51.050
  • SAY NO, HE WILL NEVER ASK ME AGAIN, BUT IF I SAY YES, I
  • 00:08:51.070 --> 00:08:56.260
  • CAN BACK OUT." YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS WOMAN.
  • 00:08:56.280 --> 00:09:01.120
  • WE WERE MARRIED 11 DAYS LATER.
  • 00:09:01.140 --> 00:09:05.260
  • KIM SAVED MY LIFE, BUT I DRUG EVERYTHING RIGHT INTO
  • 00:09:05.280 --> 00:09:11.230
  • OUR MARRIAGE; MY ADDICTIONS, WHICH SHE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT;
  • 00:09:11.250 --> 00:09:15.090
  • MY HISTORY, WHICH SHE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT; MY SECRETS,
  • 00:09:15.110 --> 00:09:17.180
  • WHICH SHE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT, AND I DIDN'T LET HER IN.
  • 00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:22.010
  • SIX WEEKS INTO OUR MARRIAGE, I WENT ON A HUNTING TRIP
  • 00:09:22.030 --> 00:09:24.280
  • WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS, AND I CAME BACK, AND KIM ASKED ME
  • 00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:28.100
  • THIS QUESTION, "DID YOU MISS ME?"
  • 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:33.240
  • NOW, I WAS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
  • 00:09:33.260 --> 00:09:39.150
  • I'D GO THROUGH THESE CYCLES WHERE I WOULD RECOMMIT
  • 00:09:39.170 --> 00:09:41.290
  • MYSELF BACK TO THE ARDUOUS ACTIVITY OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,
  • 00:09:42.010 --> 00:09:46.280
  • OF PERFORMING RIGHTLY, AND I WAS IN ONE OF THOSE CYCLES
  • 00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:52.010
  • WHERE I WAS TRYING TO BE HONEST AND AUTHENTIC, AND I
  • 00:09:52.030 --> 00:09:56.080
  • TOLD HER THE TRUTH, "NO."
  • 00:09:56.100 --> 00:10:01.230
  • I SAID, "KIM, YOU WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU THAT
  • 00:10:01.250 --> 00:10:05.170
  • I HAD MISSED YOU.
  • 00:10:05.190 --> 00:10:08.170
  • I DON'T HAVE A 'MISSER'. I DON'T HAVE A 'MISSER'.
  • 00:10:08.190 --> 00:10:14.050
  • I CAN'T EVER REMEMBER MISSING ANYONE.
  • 00:10:14.070 --> 00:10:18.010
  • IF I HAD A 'MISSER', THEN MAYBE I'D MISS YOU,
  • 00:10:18.030 --> 00:10:22.040
  • BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT."
  • 00:10:22.060 --> 00:10:26.240
  • IT WAS DEVASTATING FOR HER.
  • 00:10:26.260 --> 00:10:31.020
  • WE STUMBLED OUR WAY THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR.
  • 00:10:31.040 --> 00:10:37.060
  • ALL OF US COME WITH A HOUSE ON THE INSIDE THAT PEOPLE
  • 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:40.240
  • HELPED US BUILD.
  • 00:10:40.260 --> 00:10:44.040
  • SOME OF US, WE BRING A SHACK, AND THEN WE CAN'T
  • 00:10:44.060 --> 00:10:52.130
  • HELP BUT INVOLVE OTHER PEOPLE IN OUR LOSSES.
  • 00:10:52.150 --> 00:10:58.190
  • IT SEEMS SAFER TO FAKE OUR WAY AND KEEP TRYING, BUT IF,
  • 00:10:58.210 --> 00:11:04.130
  • AT SOME POINT, WE DON'T GO BACK IN THE SHACK AND LET
  • 00:11:04.150 --> 00:11:07.290
  • SOMEBODY IN THERE, WE'RE JUST GOING TO KEEP PUKING
  • 00:11:08.010 --> 00:11:12.250
  • OUR POISON ON EVERYONE THAT'S AROUND US, ESPECIALLY
  • 00:11:12.270 --> 00:11:16.230
  • THE PEOPLE THAT WE LOVE THE MOST.
  • 00:11:16.250 --> 00:11:19.220
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:11:19.240 --> 00:11:32.160
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:11:32.160 --> 00:11:39.280
  • - LONELINESS IS A DOMINANT PART OF MY EMOTIONAL WORLD,
  • 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:43.290
  • A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE, PARTLY BECAUSE I
  • 00:11:44.010 --> 00:11:46.280
  • NEVER LET ANYBODY IN.
  • 00:11:47.000 --> 00:11:48.240
  • A LOT OF THAT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST ANYBODY, AND
  • 00:11:48.260 --> 00:11:51.290
  • I'D SEPARATED MY HEAD FROM MY HEART BECAUSE MY HEART
  • 00:11:52.010 --> 00:11:54.160
  • WAS SO BROKEN, AND I LIVED FROM MY HEAD.
  • 00:11:54.180 --> 00:11:58.160
  • SO I KNEW HOW TO TURN A CONVERSATION BACK ON SOMEBODY.
  • 00:11:58.180 --> 00:12:02.010
  • I KNEW HOW TO MAKE IT THEIR FAULT, AND I CONSTANTLY
  • 00:12:02.030 --> 00:12:04.150
  • PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY, AND I FELT IT,
  • 00:12:04.170 --> 00:12:08.230
  • THE SENSE OF LONELINESS.
  • 00:12:08.250 --> 00:12:11.030
  • I REMEMBER, AS A STUDENT IN BIBLE SCHOOL, I WAS IN THE
  • 00:12:11.050 --> 00:12:14.110
  • MIDDLE OF THE PRAIRIES IN CANADA, AND I WOULD GO AT
  • 00:12:14.130 --> 00:12:17.230
  • NIGHT AND WALK ALONG THE RAILWAY TRACKS.
  • 00:12:17.250 --> 00:12:20.290
  • THE WIND WOULD HOWL, AND I KNEW IT WAS LOUD
  • 00:12:21.010 --> 00:12:23.250
  • ENOUGH THAT NOBODY COULD HEAR ME SCREAM, AND I'D SCREAM
  • 00:12:23.270 --> 00:12:27.130
  • AND SCREAM AND SCREAM.
  • 00:12:27.150 --> 00:12:30.270
  • AND THEN I'D GATHER UP EVERYTHING, AND I'D PUT ON
  • 00:12:30.290 --> 00:12:33.200
  • MY FACADE, AND I'D WALK BACK TO SCHOOL AND BE THE SMART,
  • 00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:38.150
  • WITTY, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIAN BOY. BROKEN HEART.
  • 00:12:38.170 --> 00:12:48.040
  • SEPARATION OF THE HEAD FROM THE HEART.
  • 00:12:48.060 --> 00:12:51.020
  • GOD'S NOT CONTENT TO LEAVE US IN THAT STATE,
  • 00:12:51.040 --> 00:12:56.090
  • BUT GOD'S INTENT IS NOT TO PUNISH US EITHER.
  • 00:12:56.110 --> 00:13:00.240
  • PUNISHMENT IS NOT JUSTICE.
  • 00:13:00.260 --> 00:13:03.230
  • PUNISHMENT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
  • 00:13:03.250 --> 00:13:06.100
  • IN THE LONG RUN, WE KNOW IT DOESN'T.
  • 00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:08.210
  • IT SURELY DOESN'T RESTORE WHAT WAS BROKEN.
  • 00:13:08.230 --> 00:13:12.200
  • GOD'S INTENT IS TO HEAL US, EVEN THOUGH IT
  • 00:13:12.220 --> 00:13:15.000
  • IS AS THROUGH FIRE.
  • 00:13:15.020 --> 00:13:19.150
  • WE NEED THE ACTIVITY OF FIRE TO EXPOSE OUR HEARTS AND HEAL US.
  • 00:13:19.170 --> 00:13:25.250
  • FIRE IS RESTORATIVE. FIRE PURIFIES.
  • 00:13:25.270 --> 00:13:30.120
  • GOD IS A CONSUMING FIRE.
  • 00:13:30.140 --> 00:13:33.090
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:45.020
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:13:45.020 --> 00:13:52.130
  • - THERE ARE SOME DATES IN OUR LIVES THAT WILL ALWAYS
  • 00:13:52.150 --> 00:13:56.140
  • STAND OUT, AND JANUARY 4TH, 1994 IS ONE OF THOSE
  • 00:13:56.160 --> 00:14:02.250
  • SIGNIFICANT DATES FOR ME.
  • 00:14:02.270 --> 00:14:05.260
  • I GOT A ONE SENTENCE PHONE CALL FROM KIM.
  • 00:14:05.280 --> 00:14:09.230
  • "I'M WAITING FOR YOU AT YOUR OFFICE."
  • 00:14:09.250 --> 00:14:13.070
  • AND I KNOW.
  • 00:14:13.090 --> 00:14:18.000
  • WHAT KIM KNEW WAS THAT I WAS IN A THREE-MONTH AFFAIR WITH
  • 00:14:18.020 --> 00:14:22.120
  • ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS.
  • 00:14:22.140 --> 00:14:27.130
  • AT THAT POINT, I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION.
  • 00:14:27.150 --> 00:14:30.280
  • DO I FACE MY WIFE, OR DO I RUN?
  • 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:37.090
  • THE WAY TO RUN AWAY AT THAT POINT WAS SUICIDE.
  • 00:14:37.110 --> 00:14:41.080
  • THAT WAS THE DECISION THAT I HAD TO MAKE, AND FOR SOME OF
  • 00:14:41.100 --> 00:14:44.020
  • US, SUICIDE IS THE VERY LAST WAY TO RUN AWAY.
  • 00:14:44.040 --> 00:14:48.050
  • IT'S A WAY TO AVOID HITTING THE BOTTOM.
  • 00:14:48.070 --> 00:14:53.070
  • I EVEN, TO THIS DAY, DON'T KNOW HOW I MADE IT ACROSS
  • 00:14:53.090 --> 00:14:56.000
  • THE TOWN, AND I WALKED IN TO FACE THE FURY OF MY WIFE.
  • 00:14:56.020 --> 00:15:04.140
  • I TELL PEOPLE THAT I MARRIED THE WRATH OF GOD.
  • 00:15:04.160 --> 00:15:11.100
  • THANKFULLY, I BELIEVE THE WRATH OF GOD IS
  • 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:14.050
  • ALSO THE LOVE OF GOD.
  • 00:15:14.070 --> 00:15:17.150
  • IT IS THE FIRE THAT IS SO FURIOUS AT THINGS THAT ARE
  • 00:15:17.170 --> 00:15:20.170
  • WRONG THAT IT HAS THE POWER TO START TO BURN
  • 00:15:20.190 --> 00:15:23.290
  • AWAY ALL THE CRAP.
  • 00:15:24.010 --> 00:15:28.250
  • THERE IS NOTHING THAT JUSTIFIES ADULTERY, AND IN
  • 00:15:28.270 --> 00:15:31.230
  • MY MIND, I HAD TRIED TO JUSTIFY MY BEHAVIOR.
  • 00:15:31.250 --> 00:15:35.270
  • REMEMBER, I HAD A FACADE OF PERFORMANCE OUT HERE,
  • 00:15:35.290 --> 00:15:39.160
  • AND I WAS INVOLVED IN AN ACTIVITY THAT WAS
  • 00:15:39.180 --> 00:15:41.290
  • ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING.
  • 00:15:42.010 --> 00:15:44.120
  • AND SO I BEGAN TO THINK THAT MAYBE KIM WAS GOING TO DIE
  • 00:15:44.140 --> 00:15:48.070
  • AND THAT MAYBE THIS WAS THE LOVE THAT WOULD FINALLY SHOW
  • 00:15:48.090 --> 00:15:51.110
  • THE WORLD WAS LOVE WAS REALLY LIKE.
  • 00:15:51.130 --> 00:15:53.100
  • IT WAS A FORM OF INSANITY, AS ADULTERY HAS TO BE.
  • 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:58.080
  • IF I HAD ANY LOVE FOR THIS OTHER WOMAN, I WOULD HAVE
  • 00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:01.140
  • NEVER DONE THIS.
  • 00:16:01.160 --> 00:16:03.060
  • IF I HAD ANY LOVE FOR KIM IN THIS SITUATION,
  • 00:16:03.080 --> 00:16:05.080
  • I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS.
  • 00:16:05.100 --> 00:16:06.290
  • THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION HERE, AND PART OF THE
  • 00:16:07.010 --> 00:16:09.240
  • PROCESS OF US COMING TO ANY SENSE OF HEALING IS THAT WE
  • 00:16:09.260 --> 00:16:13.130
  • HAVE TO OWN OUR STUFF.
  • 00:16:13.150 --> 00:16:17.040
  • AND I WAS AT A PLACE IN MY LIFE WHERE IF I COULDN'T OWN
  • 00:16:17.060 --> 00:16:20.250
  • IT, AND I COULDN'T FIND SOME WAY TO CHANGE, THEN SUICIDE
  • 00:16:20.270 --> 00:16:28.080
  • WAS THE GOOD OPTION.
  • 00:16:28.100 --> 00:16:32.080
  • AFTER ABOUT THE FIRST FOUR HOURS, I SAID TO KIM, "IF
  • 00:16:32.100 --> 00:16:37.250
  • WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS, I NEED TO TELL YOU EVERY
  • 00:16:37.270 --> 00:16:44.020
  • SECRET THAT I HAVE BECAUSE SECRETS HAVE BEEN KILLING
  • 00:16:44.040 --> 00:16:50.250
  • ME MY WHOLE LIFE."
  • 00:16:50.270 --> 00:16:55.180
  • AND NAIVELY, KIM SAYS, "BRING IT ON."
  • 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:59.280
  • AT THE END OF FOUR DAYS, KIM WAS ABSOLUTELY
  • 00:17:00.020 --> 00:17:02.210
  • DESTROYED, AND SHE SAID TO ME, "I WILL NEVER BELIEVE
  • 00:17:02.230 --> 00:17:08.250
  • ANOTHER WORD THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THE REST
  • 00:17:08.270 --> 00:17:11.160
  • OF YOUR LIFE." AND I BELIEVED HER. WHY SHOULD SHE?
  • 00:17:11.180 --> 00:17:19.060
  • EVERYTHING SHE THOUGHT WAS REAL AND LEGITIMATE HAD
  • 00:17:19.080 --> 00:17:22.280
  • ABSOLUTELY BEEN SHATTERED.
  • 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:27.230
  • AND IT'S TRUE, I'D HIT THE BOTTOM, AND THERE'S A LOT OF
  • 00:17:27.250 --> 00:17:31.290
  • THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE HITTING THE BOTTOM, SUICIDE
  • 00:17:32.010 --> 00:17:34.250
  • LOOKS LIKE HITTING THE BOTTOM, BUT A LOT OF TIMES,
  • 00:17:34.270 --> 00:17:37.210
  • IT'S A WAY TO AVOID HITTING THE BOTTOM.
  • 00:17:37.230 --> 00:17:39.210
  • WHEN YOU HIT THE BOTTOM, YOU STOP POINTING FINGERS AT
  • 00:17:39.230 --> 00:17:41.290
  • ANYBODY OR ANYTHING.
  • 00:17:42.010 --> 00:17:43.260
  • I DIDN'T POINT FINGERS AT MY ABUSE.
  • 00:17:43.280 --> 00:17:45.210
  • I DIDN'T POINT FINGERS AT THE WAY I GREW UP.
  • 00:17:45.230 --> 00:17:47.230
  • I DIDN'T POINT FINGERS AT HER.
  • 00:17:47.250 --> 00:17:49.210
  • IT DIDN'T EVEN CROSS MY MIND BECAUSE I HAD HIT THE BOTTOM.
  • 00:17:49.230 --> 00:17:52.250
  • WHEN YOU HIT THE BOTTOM, FOR MANY OF US, IT'S THE FIRST
  • 00:17:52.270 --> 00:17:57.270
  • TIME IN OUR LIVES THAT THERE MIGHT BE A PLACE TO FINALLY
  • 00:17:57.290 --> 00:18:00.260
  • STAND, BUT IT'S A DEVASTATINGLY HARD PLACE TO BE.
  • 00:18:00.280 --> 00:18:07.020
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:18:07.040 --> 00:18:19.080
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:18:19.080 --> 00:18:26.200
  • - MACKENZIE'S WEEKEND THAT HE SPENDS IN THE SHACK
  • 00:18:26.220 --> 00:18:30.090
  • REPRESENTS 11 YEARS, 11 YEARS FOR KIM AND I TO HEAL.
  • 00:18:30.110 --> 00:18:35.140
  • THE BOOK'S VERY AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL.
  • 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:37.070
  • I DON'T KNOW IF A WRITER CAN WRITE FICTION WITHOUT
  • 00:18:37.090 --> 00:18:40.150
  • PUTTING HIMSELF IN IT, BUT THIS ONE, I'M MACK.
  • 00:18:40.170 --> 00:18:46.100
  • LET ME READ YOU SOMETHING FROM THE FORWARD
  • 00:18:46.120 --> 00:18:48.070
  • OF "THE SHACK".
  • 00:18:48.090 --> 00:18:51.190
  • "MACK HAS BEEN MARRIED TO NAN FOR JUST MORE THAN 33
  • 00:18:51.210 --> 00:18:55.280
  • MOSTLY-HAPPY YEARS.
  • 00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:58.070
  • HE SAYS SHE SAVED HIS LIFE AND PAID A HIGH
  • 00:18:58.090 --> 00:19:01.140
  • PRICE FOR IT.
  • 00:19:01.160 --> 00:19:03.150
  • FOR SOME REASON BEYOND UNDERSTANDING, SHE SEEMS TO
  • 00:19:03.170 --> 00:19:06.090
  • LOVE HIM MORE NOW THAN EVER, EVEN THOUGH I GET THE SENSE
  • 00:19:06.110 --> 00:19:09.220
  • THAT HE HURT HER SOMETHING FIERCE IN THE EARLY YEARS.
  • 00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:15.150
  • I SUPPOSE THAT SINCE MOST OF OUR HURTS COME THROUGH
  • 00:19:15.170 --> 00:19:18.020
  • RELATIONSHIPS, SO WILL OUR HEALING, AND I KNOW THAT
  • 00:19:18.040 --> 00:19:22.230
  • GRACE RARELY MAKES SENSE FOR THOSE LOOKING
  • 00:19:22.250 --> 00:19:25.260
  • FROM THE OUTSIDE."
  • 00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:30.200
  • NOW YOU KNOW THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY.
  • 00:19:30.220 --> 00:19:34.200
  • - ANOTHER SIGN THAT YOU'VE HIT THE BOTTOM, YOU STOP
  • 00:19:36.100 --> 00:19:39.110
  • TRYING TO MANIPULATE THE WORLD AROUND YOU, AND ONE OF
  • 00:19:39.130 --> 00:19:44.210
  • THE WAYS THAT I LET GO OF CONTROL WAS I CALLED UP
  • 00:19:44.230 --> 00:19:49.070
  • COMPLETE STRANGERS, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I
  • 00:19:49.090 --> 00:19:54.180
  • CONSIDERED COUNSELING.
  • 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:57.090
  • AND I MADE AN APPOINTMENT, AND I WALKED IN, AND BYRON,
  • 00:19:57.110 --> 00:20:00.250
  • WHO IS MY FRIEND TODAY, HE DID THE INTAKE.
  • 00:20:00.270 --> 00:20:02.290
  • HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK I KNOW THE RIGHT
  • 00:20:03.010 --> 00:20:04.170
  • GUY FOR YOU."
  • 00:20:04.190 --> 00:20:06.110
  • AND HE INTRODUCED ME TO A MAN WHO BECAME MY
  • 00:20:06.130 --> 00:20:08.230
  • FRIEND, SCOTT MITCHELL.
  • 00:20:08.250 --> 00:20:11.130
  • AND I SAT IN FRONT OF SCOTT, AND I SAID,
  • 00:20:11.150 --> 00:20:14.090
  • "SCOTT, MY LIFE IS OVER."
  • 00:20:14.110 --> 00:20:20.120
  • AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY ENTIRE HISTORY, I SAID
  • 00:20:20.140 --> 00:20:24.100
  • THESE FOUR WORDS, "CAN YOU HELP ME?"
  • 00:20:24.120 --> 00:20:31.280
  • AND I SAID, "I DON'T NEED SOMEBODY WHO ASKS ME HOW I
  • 00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:34.050
  • FEEL ABOUT THIS.
  • 00:20:34.070 --> 00:20:36.140
  • I NEED SOMEBODY WHO CAN TELL ME THEY KNOW HOW TO GET ME
  • 00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:39.120
  • FROM A TO Z BECAUSE IF I CAN'T FIND SOME KIND OF CHANGE,
  • 00:20:39.140 --> 00:20:44.110
  • I'M DONE. CAN YOU HELP ME?"
  • 00:20:44.130 --> 00:20:47.180
  • AND SCOTT, HE SMILES, AND HE SAYS, "YES, BUT IT'S
  • 00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:51.050
  • GOING TO TAKE A YEAR AND-A-HALF."
  • 00:20:51.070 --> 00:20:53.260
  • AND I SAID, "I'M IN." HE SAID, "YEAH, RIGHT."
  • 00:20:53.280 --> 00:20:56.160
  • AND I SAID, "SCOTT, I DON'T EVEN TRUST MYSELF TO
  • 00:20:56.180 --> 00:21:01.180
  • KNOW WHEN I'M DONE, SO I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL
  • 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:04.190
  • YOU TELL ME I'M DONE."
  • 00:21:04.210 --> 00:21:08.050
  • I PUT MYSELF IN A POSITION WHERE FINALLY, THE
  • 00:21:08.070 --> 00:21:13.140
  • POSSIBILITY OF TRUST WAS AN ONLY OPTION FOR ME, AND I
  • 00:21:13.160 --> 00:21:18.150
  • WAS SAYING I'M DONE TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT MYSELF
  • 00:21:18.170 --> 00:21:22.040
  • AND MANIPULATE MYSELF TO HEALING.
  • 00:21:22.060 --> 00:21:25.100
  • SO I TOOK ONE STEP, ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE MOMENT AT A
  • 00:21:25.120 --> 00:21:28.090
  • TIME, AND I WORKED.
  • 00:21:28.110 --> 00:21:31.050
  • PART OF THE DEVASTATION OF SEXUAL ABUSE IS THAT IT
  • 00:21:31.070 --> 00:21:34.040
  • ABSOLUTELY DESTROYS YOUR INSIDE BOUNDARIES, AND WHEN
  • 00:21:34.060 --> 00:21:39.200
  • YOU RAN INTO SOMEBODY THAT ALSO DIDN'T HAVE BOUNDARIES,
  • 00:21:39.220 --> 00:21:42.060
  • IT WAS VERY DANGEROUS.
  • 00:21:42.080 --> 00:21:45.050
  • BUT SCOTT AND I HAD BEEN WORKING ON SOMETHING, AND
  • 00:21:45.070 --> 00:21:47.190
  • SUDDENLY, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FELT A
  • 00:21:47.210 --> 00:21:51.210
  • BOUNDARY ON THE INSIDE.
  • 00:21:51.230 --> 00:21:54.110
  • SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME THAT COULD SAY, "NO!"
  • 00:21:54.130 --> 00:21:58.210
  • AND I CALLED KIM UP, AND I'M BAWLING LIKE A BABY, AND
  • 00:21:58.230 --> 00:22:02.050
  • I'M SAYING, "KIM, I HAVE A BOUNDARY ON THE INSIDE OF ME!"
  • 00:22:02.070 --> 00:22:07.140
  • AND SHE SAYS, "YEAH, RIGHT, WHATEVER."
  • 00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:12.060
  • AND THAT WAS OKAY. I'M THE PERPETRATOR HERE.
  • 00:22:12.080 --> 00:22:17.020
  • I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO PLACE ON HER A TIMELINE
  • 00:22:17.040 --> 00:22:20.090
  • FOR HER HEALING.
  • 00:22:20.110 --> 00:22:22.030
  • I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DEMAND RECONCILIATION
  • 00:22:22.050 --> 00:22:24.180
  • OR EVEN FORGIVENESS.
  • 00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:27.240
  • FORGIVENESS WOULD BE PART OF RECONCILIATION, BUT FOR HER,
  • 00:22:27.260 --> 00:22:31.010
  • IT'S GOING TO BE BETWEEN HER AND GOD.
  • 00:22:31.030 --> 00:22:33.190
  • I GOT NOTHING I CAN DO AT THIS POINT.
  • 00:22:33.210 --> 00:22:36.280
  • IT TOOK KIM AND I 11 YEARS TO HEAL, AND I NEVER THOUGHT
  • 00:22:37.000 --> 00:22:42.250
  • IT WOULD EVER HAPPEN.
  • 00:22:42.270 --> 00:22:45.060
  • THAT 11 YEARS IS REPRESENTED BY THE WEEKEND THAT MACKENZIE
  • 00:22:45.080 --> 00:22:50.140
  • SPENDS IN THE SHACK; INSIDE OF ALL OF HIS DAMAGE, WHERE
  • 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:57.080
  • I MEET THE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY SPIRIT, WHO BEGIN TO
  • 00:22:57.100 --> 00:23:01.010
  • UNRAVEL THE LIES THAT I HAVE BELIEVED ABOUT GOD, ABOUT
  • 00:23:01.030 --> 00:23:05.010
  • MYSELF, ABOUT THE WORLD, AND TEAR DOWN ALL THE DRY ROT
  • 00:23:05.030 --> 00:23:11.140
  • AND ALL THE POISONS THAT ARE INSIDE "THE SHACK", MY OWN
  • 00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:16.000
  • SOUL AND HEART THAT IS SO BROKEN,
  • 00:23:16.020 --> 00:23:18.020
  • AND BEGIN TO REBUILD IT.
  • 00:23:18.040 --> 00:23:20.040
  • I HAD TO GO BACK TO "THE SHACK".
  • 00:23:20.060 --> 00:23:23.070
  • YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO FIND OUT?
  • 00:23:23.090 --> 00:23:26.250
  • THAT GOD NEVER LOVED THE FACADE AT ALL, THAT HE
  • 00:23:26.270 --> 00:23:33.040
  • ALWAYS LOVED "THE SHACK" COMPLETE WITH ITS
  • 00:23:33.060 --> 00:23:36.060
  • DEVASTATION, COMPLETE WITH ITS SHAME, COMPLETE WITH ITS
  • 00:23:36.080 --> 00:23:39.170
  • GUILT, COMPLETE WITH ITS SENSE OF SELF
  • 00:23:39.190 --> 00:23:43.030
  • HATRED AND LOATHING.
  • 00:23:43.050 --> 00:23:45.200
  • BUT IT WAS ME. IT WAS MY HEART.
  • 00:23:45.220 --> 00:23:49.260
  • IT WAS MY SOUL, AND GOD WAS IN LOVE WITH ME, AND NOT
  • 00:23:49.280 --> 00:23:57.270
  • WITH ALL OF THIS RELIGIOUS STUFF THAT I HAD TRIED TO
  • 00:23:57.290 --> 00:24:01.110
  • PRESENT TO HIM AND TO THE WORLD.
  • 00:24:01.130 --> 00:24:05.180
  • IT'S INSIDE MY OWN SHACK THAT I FOUND OUT THAT I AM
  • 00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:10.090
  • PURSUED AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EMBRACED BY RELENTLESS
  • 00:24:10.110 --> 00:24:15.040
  • AFFECTION, THE KINDNESS AND THE GRACE OF GOD THAT IS OUR
  • 00:24:15.060 --> 00:24:20.080
  • ONLY HOPE IN JESUS.
  • 00:24:20.100 --> 00:24:23.240
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:24:23.260 --> 00:24:34.220
  • SO OFTEN, WE'RE WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO CHANGE
  • 00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:37.250
  • BEFORE WE'RE WILLING TO TAKE THE STEPS
  • 00:24:37.270 --> 00:24:40.160
  • TO CHANGE OURSELVES.
  • 00:24:40.180 --> 00:24:42.290
  • SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? THINK ABOUT IT. IS IT TIME?
  • 00:24:43.010 --> 00:24:49.060
  • I MEAN, HAVE YOU JUST GIVEN IN?
  • 00:24:49.080 --> 00:24:52.280
  • ARE YOU THINKING THAT NOTHING'S EVER GOING TO CHANGE?
  • 00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:57.110
  • YOU CAN. DON'T GIVE IN.
  • 00:24:57.130 --> 00:25:01.090
  • IN THE WORDS OF THE MUSIC BAND "JOSEPH", DON'T GIVE IN.
  • 00:25:01.110 --> 00:25:07.100
  • I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN LIVE A LIE.
  • 00:25:07.120 --> 00:25:12.220
  • BURN THE WHITE FLAG.
  • 00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:16.180
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:30.080
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:25:30.080 --> 00:25:43.080
  • [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
  • 00:25:43.080 --> 00:25:54.240