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Rick Warren

Rick Warren - Six Keys To Peace In Relationships (Part 1)

January 12, 2025 | S25:E2

Rick Warren - Six Keys To Peace In Relationships (Part 1)
Pastor Rick shares biblical truth and practical tools for living the full life God desires for everyone.
#Faith #Peace #Relationships #Wisdom #Selfishness #Religion #WordofGod #Kindness #inActive #RickWarren #Earth #Devil #Lies #Jealousy #James3

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Rick Warren | Rick Warren - Six Keys To Peace In Relationships (Part 1) | January 12, 2025
  • ...
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Pastor rick warren: nowhere are we more foolish than in our relationships.
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  • We foolishly treat people in ways that are
  • 00:00:26.051 --> 00:00:30.756
  • Really counterproductive.
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  • In fact, a lot of times we provoke people to do the very
  • 00:00:32.357 --> 00:00:35.928
  • Behavior we don't want.
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  • We foolishly think, this is how i'm gonna get what i need out of
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  • This relationship.
  • 00:00:41.967 --> 00:00:43.302
  • More fulfillment, more intimacy, more joy, more satisfaction,
  • 00:00:43.302 --> 00:00:47.573
  • More stability.
  • 00:00:47.573 --> 00:00:49.174
  • I need my relationships to be fulfilling, not draining.
  • 00:00:49.174 --> 00:00:53.479
  • But actually, the things you do are often counterproductive,
  • 00:00:53.479 --> 00:00:57.950
  • They are foolish, they are not wise.
  • 00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:01.220
  • Because if you do what you naturally feel like doing in a
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  • Relationship, it's almost always the wrong thing.
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  • As i said, wisdom doesn't eliminate problems, but it
  • 00:01:07.993 --> 00:01:11.630
  • Definitely does reduce them.
  • 00:01:11.630 --> 00:01:13.699
  • Now, the classic passage on wisdom and relationships is in
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  • The book of james chapter 3, verses 13 to 18, let me read it
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  • To you, it's there on your outline, it's here on
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  • The screen.
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  • The bible says this, "if you are wise and you understand god's
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  • Ways, you'll live a life of steady goodness so that only
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  • Good deeds pour forth.
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  • And if you don't brag about the good you do, then you will be
  • 00:01:36.688 --> 00:01:40.159
  • Truly wise!
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  • But if you are bitterly jealous and there's selfish ambition in
  • 00:01:42.961 --> 00:01:47.799
  • Your heart, don't brag about being wise.
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  • That's the worst kind of lie.
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  • For jealousy and selfishness are not god's kind of wisdom.
  • 00:01:51.436 --> 00:01:56.642
  • Such things are earthly, and unspiritual, and motivated by
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  • The devil.
  • 00:01:58.944 --> 00:02:00.746
  • For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you
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  • Will find disorder."
  • 00:02:04.116 --> 00:02:05.551
  • Now, let me just stop right there.
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  • You got any chaos in your life, got any disorder in your life,
  • 00:02:06.885 --> 00:02:10.122
  • Got any area of your life that's confused?
  • 00:02:10.122 --> 00:02:13.158
  • The bible says, "wherever you find confusion, wherever you
  • 00:02:13.158 --> 00:02:15.861
  • Find disharmony, wherever you find disorder, there's ego."
  • 00:02:15.861 --> 00:02:20.566
  • There's ego.
  • 00:02:20.566 --> 00:02:21.934
  • Whether it's in the office or at home, or at school.
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  • He says, "wherever you find jealousy and selfish ambition,
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  • You'll find disorder and every kind of evil.
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  • Now wisdom, the kind of wisdom that comes from heaven is first
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  • Of all pure.
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  • It's also peace loving, gentle at all times, willing to yield
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  • To others.
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  • It's full of mercy and good deeds.
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  • It shows no partiality and it's always sincere.
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  • Now those who are peacemakers," he's talking about in
  • 00:02:48.594 --> 00:02:51.063
  • Relationships, "those who are peacemakers plant seeds of peace
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  • And they reap a harvest of goodness."
  • 00:02:55.534 --> 00:02:58.237
  • Now these verses teach us a whole lot about relationships
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  • That you're not gonna learn anywhere else in life.
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  • First, the bible teaches us that wisdom is a way of relating.
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  • It has to do with what you do, not what you think.
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  • A lot of people think wisdom is intelligence, wisdom is smarts,
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  • Wisdom is education.
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  • No, no, no, no, the world is full of educated fools.
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  • The bible says that wisdom shows up primarily in
  • 00:03:22.728 --> 00:03:27.032
  • Your relationships.
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  • You may have all kinds of knowledge and still be a fool.
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  • You may have all kinds of education, so many degrees they
  • 00:03:32.704 --> 00:03:35.841
  • Call you doctor fahrenheit, but you could still be foolish.
  • 00:03:35.841 --> 00:03:41.913
  • You can have all kinds of brilliance and be technically
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  • Smart, but wisdom shows up in relationships.
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  • That's why you can take a brilliant scientist whose family
  • 00:03:50.722 --> 00:03:53.392
  • Life is a mess, he may be smart, but he's not wise.
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  • Wisdom always has to do with relationships and it shows up in
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  • How you treat other people.
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  • In other words, it's about your life, not your lips.
  • 00:04:04.236 --> 00:04:06.972
  • It's about what you do, not what you say.
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  • It's not about your diploma, it's about your disposition.
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  • And in verse 14 to 16, it says, you know, the way we typically
  • 00:04:16.181 --> 00:04:19.084
  • Relate to people, he said those ways are foolish.
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  • When we get bitter, when we get angry, when we get resentful,
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  • When we get jealous, when we get selfish and ambitious in
  • 00:04:26.792 --> 00:04:30.362
  • Relationships, he goes, all those are foolish ways that
  • 00:04:30.362 --> 00:04:32.831
  • Don't get you what you want and what you need out of
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  • The relationship.
  • 00:04:36.068 --> 00:04:38.236
  • In verse 18, it says, "those who plant--those who are peacemakers
  • 00:04:38.236 --> 00:04:42.641
  • Plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness."
  • 00:04:42.641 --> 00:04:46.278
  • Every day, in every relationship, you are
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  • Planting seeds.
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  • I'll say it again, every day, in every relationship, you are
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  • Planting seeds, and you're gonna reap what you sow.
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  • Now you're planting either seeds of trust or distrust.
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  • You're planting seeds of anger or peace.
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  • You're planting seeds of love or harmony.
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  • You're planting seeds in every relationship in your life, every
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  • Single day.
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  • The question is, what kinds of seeds?
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  • How do i plant seeds of peace?
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  • And the answer is, i gotta be wise, i've got to be wise, i've
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  • Got to do it the wise way.
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  • Now what we're gonna do today is we're gonna look at this passage
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  • Because it teaches us the six things that wise people never do
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  • In relationships.
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  • And i've done every one of them.
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  • And so have you.
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  • And they are foolish approaches to your relationships: your
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  • Boyfriend, your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, your
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  • Friends, your boss, your employees, your--the neighbors.
  • 00:05:52.177 --> 00:05:57.416
  • These are six things that wise people never do.
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  • And in verse 17, james gives us a checklist.
  • 00:06:01.553 --> 00:06:05.023
  • These are the foundations of healthy relationships.
  • 00:06:05.023 --> 00:06:08.693
  • Now, in the future series--weeks, we're gonna look
  • 00:06:08.693 --> 00:06:12.097
  • At the crazy makers in your life, how to diffuse, deflect,
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  • And defend yourself against the crazy makers.
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  • But in any relationship, half the problem is you, it's how
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  • You respond.
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  • And when you respond incorrectly to the crazy makers in your
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  • Life, you actually make it worse.
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  • So let's get right into it, foundations of healthy
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  • Relationships, six things wise people will never do
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  • In relationships.
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  • Number one, first the bible says that wisdom--if i want to be
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  • Wise, "wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure,"
  • 00:06:46.331 --> 00:06:50.268
  • Now circle that word "pure."
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  • What's he mean by this word "pure?"
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  • It means uncorrupted, clean, unpolluted, clear, untainted,
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  • What's he talking about?
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  • The word we use today is the word "integrity."
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  • He's talking about integrity.
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  • And he's saying the foundation of all good relationships
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  • Is integrity.
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  • Now, why is integrity listed first?
  • 00:07:13.091 --> 00:07:15.093
  • Because wisdom starts in the heart, not in the head.
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  • And the reason integrity is listed first is this: all
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  • Relationships are built on trust.
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  • No trust, no relationship.
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  • And all trust is built on truth.
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  • If you don't have truth, you don't have trust.
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  • If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.
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  • If the guy's lying to his wife all the time, he may have an
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  • Arrangement, but he doesn't have a relationship.
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  • He may have a commitment, but he doesn't have a relationship
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  • Because relationships are built on truth, because truth is the
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  • Foundation of trust.
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  • Honesty is the bedrock of all relationships.
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  • You gotta be honest, you gotta shoot straight with people.
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  • If you're just lying to the people in your life, you don't
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  • Have a relationship.
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  • You've probably never heard of leonarde keeler.
  • 00:08:02.173 --> 00:08:04.709
  • Leonarde keeler is a pretty famous guy, dr. leonarde keeler
  • 00:08:04.709 --> 00:08:07.312
  • Invented the lie detector.
  • 00:08:07.312 --> 00:08:11.249
  • And during his lifetime, he tested over 25,000 people on the
  • 00:08:11.249 --> 00:08:17.722
  • Lie detector.
  • 00:08:17.722 --> 00:08:19.190
  • He wrote a book about it, his conclusion: we all lie,
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  • Well, duh.
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  • He says human beings are fundamentally and by
  • 00:08:25.430 --> 00:08:28.567
  • Nature dishonest.
  • 00:08:28.567 --> 00:08:30.435
  • You lie to god, you lie to other people, and you lie to yourself
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  • All the time.
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  • In fact, you lie to you more than anybody else.
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  • We have the amazing ability to tell ourselves things that
  • 00:08:37.943 --> 00:08:41.046
  • Aren't true and convince ourselves that they are.
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  • You lie to yourself all the time.
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  • The bible says the heart is deceitful.
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  • That means we have an amazing ability to con ourselves.
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  • We think things are right when they're not, and we think things
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  • Are not right when they are.
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  • And so he says, you gotta start with integrity.
  • 00:08:57.262 --> 00:09:01.099
  • The bible says in ephesians, look up here on the screen,
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  • Ephesians 4:25, "you must stop telling lies.
  • 00:09:03.702 --> 00:09:08.006
  • Tell each other the truth, because we all belong to each
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  • Other in the same body."
  • 00:09:10.408 --> 00:09:12.243
  • Now, here is the first mark of wisdom.
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  • If you want your relationships to get better this summer,
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  • Number one is this: if i want to be wise in my relationships, i
  • 00:09:19.050 --> 00:09:25.757
  • Won't compromise my integrity.
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  • I won't compromise my integrity, i won't violate my conscience, i
  • 00:09:29.327 --> 00:09:34.666
  • Won't compromise my convictions, i won't live a double life, i
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  • Won't lie to you.
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  • I'll tell you the truth because trust is built on truth.
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  • No truth, no trust; no trust, no relationship.
  • 00:09:44.042 --> 00:09:48.647
  • Proverbs 2, verse 7 says this, there on your outline, "god
  • 00:09:48.647 --> 00:09:53.284
  • Grants a treasure of good sense," and by the way, that's
  • 00:09:53.284 --> 00:09:56.421
  • What you need in relationships, you need a treasury of
  • 00:09:56.421 --> 00:10:00.458
  • Good sense.
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  • "god grants a treasure of good sense to the godly.
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  • He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity."
  • 00:10:05.630 --> 00:10:10.902
  • You need a shield in your life against the crazy makers.
  • 00:10:10.902 --> 00:10:14.072
  • There are people who try to mess up your life all the time and
  • 00:10:14.072 --> 00:10:16.841
  • God says, "i will be a shield in your life."
  • 00:10:16.841 --> 00:10:19.811
  • You need a shield against crazy makers, but he says, "you gotta
  • 00:10:19.811 --> 00:10:23.181
  • Walk with integrity if you're gonna have my shield in
  • 00:10:23.181 --> 00:10:26.351
  • Your life."
  • 00:10:26.351 --> 00:10:27.719
  • So first, wisdom is pure, and if i want to be wise in my
  • 00:10:27.719 --> 00:10:30.922
  • Relationships, i won't compromise my integrity.
  • 00:10:30.922 --> 00:10:33.291
  • Number two, wisdom is peace loving.
  • 00:10:33.291 --> 00:10:36.394
  • That's the second thing it says.
  • 00:10:36.394 --> 00:10:37.762
  • In other words, wise people are peacemakers, they're
  • 00:10:37.762 --> 00:10:40.065
  • Not troublemakers.
  • 00:10:40.065 --> 00:10:41.566
  • Wise people don't carry a chip on their shoulder, wise people
  • 00:10:41.566 --> 00:10:44.602
  • Are not always looking for a fight.
  • 00:10:44.602 --> 00:10:47.839
  • Do you love a good fight, then you're not wise.
  • 00:10:47.839 --> 00:10:51.142
  • The bible says wisdom is peace-loving.
  • 00:10:51.142 --> 00:10:53.878
  • Fools love to fight, just go on the internet there, it's full
  • 00:10:53.878 --> 00:10:57.515
  • Of them.
  • 00:10:57.515 --> 00:10:58.883
  • Just look up any blog: foolish people love to fight, they love
  • 00:10:58.883 --> 00:11:03.188
  • To argue, they love to mix it up with people.
  • 00:11:03.188 --> 00:11:05.757
  • Some people get into politics just because they love with
  • 00:11:05.757 --> 00:11:07.625
  • The fight.
  • 00:11:07.625 --> 00:11:08.960
  • That's not smart, it's dumb, it's foolish.
  • 00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:12.564
  • The bible says wisdom is peace loving.
  • 00:11:12.564 --> 00:11:16.167
  • It's not always trying to provoke anger.
  • 00:11:16.167 --> 00:11:18.069
  • So here's the second thing.
  • 00:11:18.069 --> 00:11:19.471
  • If i want to be wise in my relationships, i won't
  • 00:11:19.471 --> 00:11:23.108
  • Antagonize your anger.
  • 00:11:23.108 --> 00:11:26.745
  • I won't antagonize your anger.
  • 00:11:26.745 --> 00:11:30.582
  • In other words, i don't push your hot buttons intentionally.
  • 00:11:30.582 --> 00:11:34.652
  • I don't provoke your rage.
  • 00:11:34.652 --> 00:11:36.988
  • I don't egg you on.
  • 00:11:36.988 --> 00:11:39.290
  • Now, the fact is, if you've been around anybody for any length of
  • 00:11:39.290 --> 00:11:44.028
  • Time, you've pretty soon figure out what irritates them, and you
  • 00:11:44.028 --> 00:11:48.032
  • File that back in the back of your mind as a tool to use when
  • 00:11:48.032 --> 00:11:51.703
  • We get in an argument.
  • 00:11:51.703 --> 00:11:55.273
  • It's a weapon of mass destruction and you know what
  • 00:11:55.273 --> 00:11:59.310
  • Pushes their button, and you know what just ticks them off,
  • 00:11:59.310 --> 00:12:03.381
  • And when you get in an argument and they say something that
  • 00:12:03.381 --> 00:12:06.351
  • Hurts you, offends you, or slights you in any way, then you
  • 00:12:06.351 --> 00:12:10.388
  • Pull out the big gun, you use the weapon of mass destruction,
  • 00:12:10.388 --> 00:12:13.725
  • You push their hot button and you go, pop.
  • 00:12:13.725 --> 00:12:16.961
  • And they go, kapow, and you go, "works works every time."
  • 00:12:16.961 --> 00:12:22.133
  • You know what the bible calls that: stupid.
  • 00:12:22.133 --> 00:12:26.104
  • You're not getting any closer to the resolution, you're not
  • 00:12:26.104 --> 00:12:29.507
  • Helping the relationship, in fact, you're hurting it.
  • 00:12:29.507 --> 00:12:31.876
  • It is not wise.
  • 00:12:31.876 --> 00:12:33.545
  • If i'm wise, i don't antagonize your anger, i don't use weapons
  • 00:12:33.545 --> 00:12:39.050
  • Of mass destruction that i know are going to tick you off.
  • 00:12:39.050 --> 00:12:41.886
  • I don't push your buttons even when i know what your buttons
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  • Are, and even when you've already pushed mine, i'm gonna
  • 00:12:44.956 --> 00:12:48.359
  • Be the wiser person and i'm not gonna push back.
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Male announcer: hey, if you're like me, sometimes you feel like
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  • Your prayer life has become inconsistent or routine, and
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  • Just needs a boost.
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  • If you've ever felt like that, then you're gonna want to get a
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  • Copy of the brand new daily hope prayer journal.
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  • This year's theme, "resting in the great i am," and this is
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  • Gonna help you tap into god's power
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  • And presence as you discover
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  • The keys to praying with passion
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  • And purpose.
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  • This is a journal that features 240 beautifully designed pages,
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  • Filled with over 150 life-changing bible verses,
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  • Photos, and artwork.
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  • It really is a spiritual growth tool designed to help you enjoy
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  • A vibrant prayer life, connect with the lord, and establish a
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  • Consistent daily prayer time.
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  • So be sure to request the brand new daily hope prayer journal
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  • Pastor rick: proverbs 20, verse 3 says this, any fool can start
  • 00:13:58.963 --> 00:14:02.567
  • An argument, "any fool can start arguments: the wise thing is to
  • 00:14:02.567 --> 00:14:07.005
  • Stay out of them," so don't be baited by internet trolls.
  • 00:14:07.005 --> 00:14:11.042
  • Who, you know, they'll say something off the wall and then
  • 00:14:11.042 --> 00:14:13.011
  • You get stuck arguing with them online.
  • 00:14:13.011 --> 00:14:15.847
  • You don't even care about these people.
  • 00:14:15.847 --> 00:14:19.651
  • He says don't get baited, don't get baited, and don't antagonize
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  • People's anger.
  • 00:14:23.855 --> 00:14:25.823
  • Now, during this series we're gonna have some fun because
  • 00:14:25.823 --> 00:14:29.427
  • We're gonna laugh at ourselves because we all use tools, tricks
  • 00:14:29.427 --> 00:14:33.598
  • Of the trade, skills in relationships that are
  • 00:14:33.598 --> 00:14:36.434
  • Actually counterproductive.
  • 00:14:36.434 --> 00:14:38.036
  • They're hurtful, they're harmful, and they don't get you
  • 00:14:38.036 --> 00:14:41.005
  • What you want out of a relationship.
  • 00:14:41.005 --> 00:14:42.507
  • In fact, they get you the exact opposite behavior.
  • 00:14:42.507 --> 00:14:46.244
  • But when we lack wisdom, we use them anyway.
  • 00:14:46.244 --> 00:14:49.247
  • Now there are lots of these, we're gonna look at them in the
  • 00:14:49.247 --> 00:14:50.982
  • Weeks ahead.
  • 00:14:50.982 --> 00:14:52.317
  • Let me just mention three of them today, tools that you
  • 00:14:52.317 --> 00:14:55.153
  • Should never use because these always antagonize other
  • 00:14:55.153 --> 00:14:58.056
  • People's anger.
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  • If you're wise, you're never gonna do these things anymore
  • 00:14:59.424 --> 00:15:02.026
  • With people in relationships.
  • 00:15:02.026 --> 00:15:03.761
  • Number one is comparing, you may write that one down, comparing.
  • 00:15:03.761 --> 00:15:08.666
  • You're gonna antagonize somebody's anger when you start
  • 00:15:08.666 --> 00:15:11.636
  • Comparing them to anybody else, it always makes them mad.
  • 00:15:11.636 --> 00:15:15.573
  • "why can't you be like so and so," or, "you're always like so
  • 00:15:15.573 --> 00:15:20.511
  • And so," or, "you're just like your mother," oh, that's
  • 00:15:20.511 --> 00:15:23.614
  • Very helpful.
  • 00:15:23.614 --> 00:15:25.717
  • Okay, you can guess the predictable response to
  • 00:15:25.717 --> 00:15:29.287
  • That one.
  • 00:15:29.287 --> 00:15:30.655
  • "you're just like your mother," oh, thank you--or, "you're just
  • 00:15:30.655 --> 00:15:32.357
  • Like your dad."
  • 00:15:32.357 --> 00:15:33.725
  • 2 corinthians 10:12 says, "anybody who compares is
  • 00:15:33.725 --> 00:15:37.662
  • A fool."
  • 00:15:37.662 --> 00:15:38.997
  • It's foolish, it's not wise.
  • 00:15:38.997 --> 00:15:42.166
  • Never compare your wife, your husband, your kids, your yard,
  • 00:15:42.166 --> 00:15:46.037
  • Your boss, or anybody else, because everybody's unique.
  • 00:15:46.037 --> 00:15:50.408
  • Comparing antagonizes anger, condemning antagonizes--don't
  • 00:15:50.408 --> 00:15:56.381
  • Do it.
  • 00:15:56.381 --> 00:15:57.749
  • When you start laying on the guilt in a relationship, you
  • 00:15:57.749 --> 00:16:01.786
  • Start trying to make people feel guilty for what they've done,
  • 00:16:01.786 --> 00:16:05.056
  • You start trying to make them feel ashamed, you should
  • 00:16:05.056 --> 00:16:07.992
  • Be ashamed.
  • 00:16:07.992 --> 00:16:10.395
  • All you're gonna do is get the exact opposite of what
  • 00:16:10.395 --> 00:16:12.663
  • You expect.
  • 00:16:12.663 --> 00:16:13.998
  • It doesn't work, it's foolish.
  • 00:16:13.998 --> 00:16:16.200
  • Ladies, let me explain something to you: every man is fighting
  • 00:16:16.200 --> 00:16:22.540
  • His conscience all the time.
  • 00:16:22.540 --> 00:16:25.743
  • Whether he realizes it or not, he may not even realize it, but
  • 00:16:25.743 --> 00:16:30.515
  • Every man is constantly fighting his conscience.
  • 00:16:30.515 --> 00:16:35.920
  • When you decide to be a man's conscience, guess who he gets
  • 00:16:35.920 --> 00:16:40.324
  • Angry at?
  • 00:16:40.324 --> 00:16:42.026
  • He takes all that anger he's fighting against himself, and
  • 00:16:42.026 --> 00:16:45.163
  • His own conscience, and his own ethics, and he just turns it
  • 00:16:45.163 --> 00:16:48.466
  • On you.
  • 00:16:48.466 --> 00:16:49.834
  • Is that what you want?
  • 00:16:49.834 --> 00:16:51.669
  • No, no, you don't want that.
  • 00:16:51.669 --> 00:16:53.204
  • So that's a foolish thing to do.
  • 00:16:53.204 --> 00:16:55.006
  • Don't try to be somebody else's god, don't try to be somebody
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  • Else's conscience.
  • 00:16:58.443 --> 00:16:59.777
  • You should, you must, you ought, you need to, you always,
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  • You never.
  • 00:17:03.047 --> 00:17:04.382
  • Anytime you use those words, dumb.
  • 00:17:04.382 --> 00:17:07.318
  • Because all you're gonna do is you're gonna take that
  • 00:17:07.318 --> 00:17:09.153
  • Guy--who's fighting his own conscience, and all of a sudden,
  • 00:17:09.153 --> 00:17:11.689
  • He starts fighting you because you represent his conscience.
  • 00:17:11.689 --> 00:17:15.660
  • It doesn't work.
  • 00:17:15.660 --> 00:17:16.994
  • Comparing and condemning, and number three: contradicting
  • 00:17:16.994 --> 00:17:23.267
  • Always makes people mad.
  • 00:17:23.267 --> 00:17:25.470
  • You ever watched a spouse correct every detail of the
  • 00:17:25.470 --> 00:17:28.606
  • Story while the other person's telling it, it's irritating.
  • 00:17:28.606 --> 00:17:34.779
  • Anybody wanna give a testimony?
  • 00:17:34.779 --> 00:17:37.648
  • Okay, it's irritating.
  • 00:17:37.648 --> 00:17:39.817
  • If i'm wise, i won't antagonize your anger.
  • 00:17:39.817 --> 00:17:42.320
  • If you're wise, you don't sweat the small stuff, okay, you just
  • 00:17:42.320 --> 00:17:46.757
  • Don't sweat it.
  • 00:17:46.757 --> 00:17:48.126
  • You don't sweat the small stuff.
  • 00:17:48.126 --> 00:17:49.460
  • You don't get hooked into it.
  • 00:17:49.460 --> 00:17:51.529
  • William james, the famous psychologist said, "wisdom is
  • 00:17:51.529 --> 00:17:55.666
  • The art of knowing what to overlook."
  • 00:17:55.666 --> 00:17:59.403
  • And there's some stuff you just need to overlook.
  • 00:17:59.403 --> 00:18:02.473
  • And you're not trying to make a big deal, that you're
  • 00:18:02.473 --> 00:18:04.509
  • Not contradicting.
  • 00:18:04.509 --> 00:18:06.344
  • Proverbs 14:29 says this, "a wise man controls his temper.
  • 00:18:06.344 --> 00:18:12.216
  • He knows that anger causes mistakes."
  • 00:18:12.216 --> 00:18:16.454
  • Have you ever said or done anything stupid out of
  • 00:18:16.454 --> 00:18:18.823
  • Anger, yes.
  • 00:18:18.823 --> 00:18:21.025
  • Because when you get angry, your intelligence goes out
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  • The window.
  • 00:18:24.562 --> 00:18:27.665
  • When you get angry, you say and do stupid things that are
  • 00:18:27.665 --> 00:18:31.402
  • Actually self-defeating.
  • 00:18:31.402 --> 00:18:32.904
  • Did you know there's only one letter difference between anger
  • 00:18:32.904 --> 00:18:36.040
  • And danger?
  • 00:18:36.040 --> 00:18:38.876
  • When you get angry, you are in dangerous territory, you are
  • 00:18:38.876 --> 00:18:42.713
  • About to hurt yourself with your own anger.
  • 00:18:42.713 --> 00:18:47.051
  • The bible says, "a wise man controls his temper.
  • 00:18:47.051 --> 00:18:50.154
  • He knows that anger causes mistakes."
  • 00:18:50.154 --> 00:18:52.857
  • So if i'm wise, i don't compromise my integrity and i
  • 00:18:52.857 --> 00:18:58.629
  • Don't antagonize your anger.
  • 00:18:58.629 --> 00:19:02.066
  • Number three, the third thing the bible says, wisdom is gentle
  • 00:19:02.066 --> 00:19:06.404
  • All the time.
  • 00:19:06.404 --> 00:19:07.905
  • It's gentle all the time.
  • 00:19:07.905 --> 00:19:09.707
  • It is courteous, the bible says--in the living bible, niv
  • 00:19:09.707 --> 00:19:13.544
  • Translates it "considerate."
  • 00:19:13.544 --> 00:19:16.547
  • If i'm wise, i'm always gonna be considerate.
  • 00:19:16.547 --> 00:19:19.517
  • Look up here on the screen, philippians 4:5 says this in the
  • 00:19:19.517 --> 00:19:22.453
  • Bible, "let everyone see that you are considerate in most of
  • 00:19:22.453 --> 00:19:27.358
  • Everything you do."
  • 00:19:27.358 --> 00:19:29.627
  • Oh, it didn't say that, it says, "let everybody see that you are
  • 00:19:29.627 --> 00:19:33.164
  • Considerate in," what?
  • 00:19:33.164 --> 00:19:34.966
  • "all you do--" i don't like that word.
  • 00:19:34.966 --> 00:19:37.101
  • I looked it up in the original greek, it means "all."
  • 00:19:37.101 --> 00:19:41.739
  • "wait a minute, you mean i have to be considerate when people
  • 00:19:41.739 --> 00:19:44.375
  • Are inconsiderate to me," yes.
  • 00:19:44.375 --> 00:19:46.577
  • "i have to be considerate to clerks who are jerks," yes.
  • 00:19:46.577 --> 00:19:51.716
  • "when people are rude to me, i don't get to be rude back," no,
  • 00:19:51.716 --> 00:19:54.285
  • Not if i'm smart.
  • 00:19:54.285 --> 00:19:55.653
  • If i'm foolish, i can get back.
  • 00:19:55.653 --> 00:19:58.723
  • But if i want to be wise, if i wanna have wisdom, i am always,
  • 00:19:58.723 --> 00:20:04.362
  • Always, always considerate.
  • 00:20:04.362 --> 00:20:07.765
  • I am not allowed to call you names, i am not allowed to be
  • 00:20:07.765 --> 00:20:11.235
  • Rude to you, i'm not allowed to slur you back, i'm not allowed
  • 00:20:11.235 --> 00:20:15.273
  • To get even, because that puts me on the same level as you.
  • 00:20:15.273 --> 00:20:19.310
  • I am always to be considerate.
  • 00:20:19.310 --> 00:20:22.313
  • Now, this is so important.
  • 00:20:22.313 --> 00:20:24.548
  • Wise people are considerate even when people are blasting away at
  • 00:20:24.548 --> 00:20:27.518
  • Them, why?
  • 00:20:27.518 --> 00:20:29.320
  • Because being considerate is the antidote to the two most common
  • 00:20:29.320 --> 00:20:33.724
  • Mistakes, foolish mistakes that you make in relationships.
  • 00:20:33.724 --> 00:20:38.229
  • The two most common mistakes that you make in relationships,
  • 00:20:38.229 --> 00:20:41.098
  • And the first mistake you make is we react to what people say
  • 00:20:41.098 --> 00:20:46.604
  • And ignore how people feel: dumb.
  • 00:20:46.604 --> 00:20:50.775
  • We pay too much attention to their words and not enough
  • 00:20:50.775 --> 00:20:54.612
  • Attention to their emotions.
  • 00:20:54.612 --> 00:20:56.347
  • The words don't really matter.
  • 00:20:56.347 --> 00:20:59.784
  • People say stuff when they're angry they don't even mean.
  • 00:20:59.784 --> 00:21:02.720
  • They use words they don't even intend to use.
  • 00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:05.089
  • They exaggerate things, but you need to look behind the words
  • 00:21:05.089 --> 00:21:09.293
  • And look at the emotion because that's what it is.
  • 00:21:09.293 --> 00:21:11.762
  • People don't always say what they mean, but they always feel
  • 00:21:11.762 --> 00:21:14.532
  • What they feel.
  • 00:21:14.532 --> 00:21:16.901
  • And so if you are wise in a relationship, you stop focusing
  • 00:21:16.901 --> 00:21:21.339
  • On what your kids, or your boyfriend, or your husband, or
  • 00:21:21.339 --> 00:21:24.442
  • Your wife, or your boss says that just ticks you off and you
  • 00:21:24.442 --> 00:21:29.013
  • Start looking behind and go, "what are they--what's the
  • 00:21:29.013 --> 00:21:31.515
  • Emotion they're feeling there, and why are they feeling
  • 00:21:31.515 --> 00:21:34.318
  • That emotion?"
  • 00:21:34.318 --> 00:21:35.686
  • That's what wise people do.
  • 00:21:35.686 --> 00:21:37.755
  • You see, being considerate means simply, mindful of the feelings
  • 00:21:37.755 --> 00:21:42.727
  • Of others.
  • 00:21:42.727 --> 00:21:44.061
  • To be considerate means mindful of the feelings of others,
  • 00:21:44.061 --> 00:21:47.865
  • Not the words but the feelings.
  • 00:21:47.865 --> 00:21:50.034
  • And if i'm considerate, even when you blast me, i look beyond
  • 00:21:50.034 --> 00:21:53.437
  • And i go, now what would cause them to feel that way?
  • 00:21:53.437 --> 00:21:57.241
  • And i just let the words roll right past me, and i go,
  • 00:21:57.241 --> 00:21:59.777
  • What would cause them to be that uptight, that irritated,
  • 00:21:59.777 --> 00:22:02.313
  • That rude?
  • 00:22:02.313 --> 00:22:04.415
  • Hurt people always hurt people.
  • 00:22:04.415 --> 00:22:07.618
  • Unkind people are those who need your kindness the most.
  • 00:22:07.618 --> 00:22:11.789
  • They need massive doses of kindness.
  • 00:22:11.789 --> 00:22:14.959
  • When people are rude and unkind, they are screaming to the world,
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  • "i'm in pain."
  • 00:22:18.028 --> 00:22:21.866
  • People who are not in pain are kind,
  • 00:22:21.866 --> 00:22:24.402
  • People who are always in pain are unkind and rude.
  • 00:22:24.402 --> 00:22:28.572
  • Hurt people hurt people.
  • 00:22:28.572 --> 00:22:30.608
  • So you look beyond the words and you look at the feelings.
  • 00:22:30.608 --> 00:22:35.079
  • Romans 15:2 says this, "we must be considerate,
  • 00:22:35.079 --> 00:22:38.849
  • Of the doubts and the fears,"
  • 00:22:38.849 --> 00:22:40.885
  • Everybody's got fears, "of others.
  • 00:22:40.885 --> 00:22:44.321
  • Let's please the other person, not ourselves, in doing what's
  • 00:22:44.321 --> 00:22:47.792
  • Good for him and build him up."
  • 00:22:47.792 --> 00:22:51.495
  • We react to what people say and ignore what they're feeling.
  • 00:22:51.495 --> 00:22:53.831
  • Big mistake.
  • 00:22:53.831 --> 00:22:55.166
  • The other mistake we do is we invalidate any feelings that we
  • 00:22:55.166 --> 00:22:58.769
  • Don't feel ourselves.
  • 00:22:58.769 --> 00:23:00.504
  • I don't feel it, so you shouldn't.
  • 00:23:00.504 --> 00:23:03.340
  • If i don't feel what you feel, then your feeling is dumb, it's
  • 00:23:03.340 --> 00:23:07.378
  • Irrational, it's illogical, it makes no sense, and you
  • 00:23:07.378 --> 00:23:10.981
  • Shouldn't feel it, and we just dismiss it because we don't feel
  • 00:23:10.981 --> 00:23:14.018
  • It, then you shouldn't feel it.
  • 00:23:14.018 --> 00:23:16.487
  • That's foolish, that is not wise.
  • 00:23:16.487 --> 00:23:20.958
  • You ever played this game?
  • 00:23:20.958 --> 00:23:23.160
  • It's cold in here--no, it's not.
  • 00:23:23.160 --> 00:23:27.398
  • Yes, it's cold in here--no, it's not.
  • 00:23:27.398 --> 00:23:30.367
  • I'm cold--no, you're not.
  • 00:23:30.367 --> 00:23:33.003
  • Actually, it's quite warm--in fact, i'm burning up in
  • 00:23:33.003 --> 00:23:35.039
  • Here--no, you're not.
  • 00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:37.341
  • And you start arguing over, you know, all kinds of stuff, you
  • 00:23:37.341 --> 00:23:42.613
  • Know--it's just a feeling, it's not a fact, it's just a feeling.
  • 00:23:42.613 --> 00:23:48.385
  • You can argue over facts, this is a feeling.
  • 00:23:48.385 --> 00:23:50.621
  • Can somebody be cold and somebody else be warm at the
  • 00:23:50.621 --> 00:23:52.790
  • Same time, yes.
  • 00:23:52.790 --> 00:23:55.226
  • Yes, so why are you arguing about it?
  • 00:23:55.226 --> 00:23:58.996
  • Whoever invented the dual control electric blanket should
  • 00:23:58.996 --> 00:24:03.400
  • Be given the nobel peace prize.
  • 00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:07.238
  • It saved millions of marriages.
  • 00:24:07.238 --> 00:24:11.242
  • Now, if they can just figure out how to do the air conditioning
  • 00:24:11.242 --> 00:24:13.677
  • In the car, and a little thing right in the middle.
  • 00:24:13.677 --> 00:24:18.682
  • You--when we invalidate other people's feelings because we
  • 00:24:18.682 --> 00:24:21.352
  • Don't feel it, we minimize that person.
  • 00:24:21.352 --> 00:24:24.855
  • Guys, if your girlfriend or your wife says to you, "i feel ugly."
  • 00:24:24.855 --> 00:24:31.395
  • You don't dismiss it, "you're not ugly."
  • 00:24:31.395 --> 00:24:34.765
  • That doesn't help at all.
  • 00:24:34.765 --> 00:24:37.601
  • What you need to do is say, "why would you feel that?
  • 00:24:37.601 --> 00:24:42.373
  • What would make you say that?"
  • 00:24:42.373 --> 00:24:45.209
  • Because you need to look beyond the feeling, i mean, the words
  • 00:24:45.209 --> 00:24:49.446
  • And say, "why would she say, i'm ug--she's obviously not ugly."
  • 00:24:49.446 --> 00:24:53.717
  • But for you to just say, "you're not ugly," that's not helpful,
  • 00:24:53.717 --> 00:24:57.588
  • That's not helpful.
  • 00:24:57.588 --> 00:24:58.923
  • When they say, "i feel ugly," you need to go, "why would you
  • 00:24:58.923 --> 00:25:01.525
  • Say that, what's making you feel that today?"
  • 00:25:01.525 --> 00:25:04.194
  • Now you're getting to the real issue.
  • 00:25:04.194 --> 00:25:07.398
  • Somebody says, "i'm afraid--" "well, don't be," oh, thank you,
  • 00:25:07.398 --> 00:25:10.601
  • That was very helpful.
  • 00:25:10.601 --> 00:25:13.437
  • I really felt your moral support right there, just then, i was,
  • 00:25:13.437 --> 00:25:16.540
  • You know--i'm scared to death and you say, "don't."
  • 00:25:16.540 --> 00:25:20.644
  • Thank you very much.
  • 00:25:20.644 --> 00:25:22.446
  • That is minimizing.
  • 00:25:22.446 --> 00:25:25.416
  • Now, if you don't get anything else i say, get this today.
  • 00:25:25.416 --> 00:25:29.286
  • Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they're just there.
  • 00:25:29.286 --> 00:25:39.897
  • They're not facts, so you don't need to argue it, they're
  • 00:25:36.393 --> 00:25:42.433
  • Just feelings.
  • 00:25:42.433 --> 00:25:44.535
  • And if i feel something, i shouldn't have to defend it, and
  • 00:25:44.535 --> 00:25:47.338
  • If you feel something, you shouldn't have to defend it,
  • 00:25:47.338 --> 00:25:49.573
  • Somebody should just go, i hear you.
  • 00:25:49.573 --> 00:25:52.309
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:25:52.309 --> 00:25:59.283
  • Male announcer: hey, if you're like me, sometimes you feel like
  • 00:25:59.350 --> 00:26:01.785
  • Your prayer life has become inconsistent or routine, and
  • 00:26:01.785 --> 00:26:06.123
  • Just needs a boost.
  • 00:26:06.123 --> 00:26:07.591
  • If you've ever felt like that, then you're gonna want to get a
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  • Copy of the brand new daily hope prayer journal.
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  • This year's theme, "resting in the great i am," and this is
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  • Gonna help you tap into god's power
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  • And presence as you discover
  • 00:26:19.069 --> 00:26:20.971
  • The keys to praying with passion
  • 00:26:20.971 --> 00:26:23.007
  • And purpose.
  • 00:26:23.007 --> 00:26:25.075
  • This is a journal that features 240 beautifully designed pages,
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  • Filled with over 150 life-changing bible verses,
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  • Photos, and artwork.
  • 00:26:33.550 --> 00:26:34.952
  • It really is a spiritual growth tool designed to help you enjoy
  • 00:26:34.952 --> 00:26:38.656
  • A vibrant prayer life, connect with the lord, and establish a
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  • Consistent daily prayer time.
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  • So be sure to request the brand new daily hope prayer journal
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  • When you give a gift to help "daily hope"
  • 00:26:49.533 --> 00:26:51.869
  • Reach the people around the world
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  • With the hope of jesus.
  • 00:26:53.904 --> 00:26:57.074
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:26:59.710 --> 00:27:28.138