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Rick Warren

Rick Warren - Who's Pushing Your Buttons (Part 2)

February 2, 2025 | S25:E5

Rick Warren - Who's Pushing Your Buttons (Part 2)
Pastor Rick shares biblical truth and practical tools for living the full life God desires for everyone.
#Faith #Anger #Children #Wisdom #Religion #WordofGod #Timing #Patience #inActive #RickWarren #Humor #Proverbs19:11 #Fool

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Rick Warren | Rick Warren - Who's Pushing Your Buttons (Part 2) | February 2, 2025
  • ...
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Pastor rick warren: how do you deal with the crazy makers
  • 00:00:21.142 --> 00:00:22.944
  • Who push your buttons?
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  • How do you deal with your own anger and not get angry back?
  • 00:00:25.313 --> 00:00:28.783
  • And how do you deal with their anger at you when they won't
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  • Come out and admit that they're angry?
  • 00:00:31.653 --> 00:00:34.222
  • What do you do in disarming button pushers?
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  • Proverbs 19, verse 11, "a man's wisdom gives him patience.
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  • It is to his glory," to his credit, "to overlook
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  • An offense."
  • 00:00:49.504 --> 00:00:50.905
  • See, you're wise if you don't listen to the words, but you
  • 00:00:50.905 --> 00:00:54.142
  • Look at the pain behind the words.
  • 00:00:54.142 --> 00:00:56.111
  • "a man's wisdom gives us patience."
  • 00:00:56.111 --> 00:01:00.315
  • Now, you have to decide, am i gonna overcome evil with good or
  • 00:01:00.315 --> 00:01:04.752
  • Am i gonna just retaliate on their level?
  • 00:01:04.752 --> 00:01:07.222
  • You see, when you attack somebody, it puts you
  • 00:01:07.222 --> 00:01:09.724
  • Below them.
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  • When you get even with somebody, it puts you on the same level.
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  • When you respond with love and kindness, it puts you above
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  • Them, morally superior.
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  • Now, if you wanna just get even with people, fine.
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  • You're no better than they are.
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  • That's what i--when you get even, you are no better than
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  • The person who has attacked you.
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  • To be better than that person, you overcome evil with good.
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  • You respond with love.
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  • You look past their words to their pain.
  • 00:01:37.152 --> 00:01:41.089
  • Study after study after study after study has shown that
  • 00:01:41.089 --> 00:01:43.858
  • Aggression only creates more aggression, that anger only
  • 00:01:43.858 --> 00:01:47.128
  • Creates more anger, that angry outbursts leads to you becoming
  • 00:01:47.128 --> 00:01:51.332
  • More angry more often and it becomes an habitual pattern
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  • In your life.
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  • The answer is not to just throw it out.
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  • Because that's just gonna refill.
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  • Now, the third thing you need to do is think before reacting.
  • 00:02:01.976 --> 00:02:06.981
  • When somebody starts to come push your buttons and they wanna
  • 00:02:06.981 --> 00:02:10.485
  • Irritate you, they may do it, you know, visibly or they may
  • 00:02:10.485 --> 00:02:14.656
  • Do it hidden.
  • 00:02:14.656 --> 00:02:16.024
  • They may do a bit in a manipulative way.
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  • You think before reacting.
  • 00:02:17.625 --> 00:02:20.461
  • You think before you speak because anger control is largely
  • 00:02:20.461 --> 00:02:24.365
  • A matter of mouth control.
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  • And you don't respond impulsively.
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  • You put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in gear.
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  • Proverbs 13:16, "sensible people always think before they act."
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  • Proverbs 29:11, "a fool gives full vent to his anger."
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  • So that's foolish.
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  • If i give full vent to my ear, it says, i'm just a fool.
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  • "a fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person quietly
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  • Holds it back."
  • 00:02:55.496 --> 00:02:57.131
  • And in the hebrew there, it literally means it cools it.
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  • He holds it down and cools his anger.
  • 00:03:00.368 --> 00:03:03.438
  • He waits for it to cool.
  • 00:03:03.438 --> 00:03:05.740
  • Now, this is why we know that chill out is a biblical term.
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  • Okay, cool it, chill out, you know, let it go down.
  • 00:03:10.979 --> 00:03:16.618
  • Now, if while you're waiting, while you're waiting, what do
  • 00:03:16.618 --> 00:03:19.821
  • You do?
  • 00:03:19.821 --> 00:03:21.155
  • You're asking yourself questions.
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  • And let me give you three questions to ask while you're
  • 00:03:23.591 --> 00:03:26.060
  • Waiting, okay, write these down, three questions.
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  • Number one, why am i angry?
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  • You think before reacting.
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  • Why am i angry?
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  • Why am i angry?
  • 00:03:36.738 --> 00:03:38.106
  • Number two, he asked the question, what do i really want?
  • 00:03:38.106 --> 00:03:42.510
  • Now, this person's pushing my buttons right now.
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  • I'm tempted to just be sarcastic back.
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  • But what do i really want in this relationship?
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  • Why am i angry?
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  • What do i really want?
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  • And number three, how can i get it?
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  • Now you can't ask those questions if you immediately
  • 00:03:56.457 --> 00:03:58.526
  • Speak up, but if you be quiet for a minute, you can think
  • 00:03:58.526 --> 00:04:01.362
  • About them.
  • 00:04:01.362 --> 00:04:02.730
  • And when you say, how can i get it, blowing up is rarely
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  • The best way.
  • 00:04:04.832 --> 00:04:06.701
  • Now, if you reflect before reacting, if you think before
  • 00:04:06.701 --> 00:04:11.639
  • Speaking, then you can identify the root cause of the anger.
  • 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:17.011
  • Anger is always caused by one of three things.
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  • Always look past the anger and look at the root cause.
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  • It's always caused by one of these three things, here
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  • They are.
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  • Number one is hurt.
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  • When somebody's pushing your buttons and they're angry, that
  • 00:04:29.857 --> 00:04:33.528
  • Maybe they're hurt.
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  • Because when you get hurt, you get angry.
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  • If i'm at home and i'm nailing some nail into the wood, and i
  • 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.036
  • Take the hammer and i hit my thumbnail, i don't say
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  • Praise the lord, okay.
  • 00:04:45.473 --> 00:04:49.310
  • No, i get angry when i hit, why?
  • 00:04:49.310 --> 00:04:51.913
  • Because hurt always creates anger.
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  • I get angry at the hammer, i get angry at my hand, i just get
  • 00:04:54.415 --> 00:04:58.986
  • Angry at life.
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  • Why?
  • 00:05:00.388 --> 00:05:01.723
  • Because when you're hurt, you're angry.
  • 00:05:01.723 --> 00:05:03.791
  • And so when somebody--it's easier to deal with somebody
  • 00:05:03.791 --> 00:05:06.394
  • Who's hurt.
  • 00:05:06.394 --> 00:05:07.729
  • It's easier to be more sympathetic to hurt than it is
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  • To be sympathetic with anger.
  • 00:05:10.231 --> 00:05:11.699
  • Anger wants to make you defensive.
  • 00:05:11.699 --> 00:05:14.469
  • So, when you're wounded, either emotionally or physically,
  • 00:05:14.469 --> 00:05:19.140
  • You get angry.
  • 00:05:19.140 --> 00:05:20.475
  • The second cause of anger is frustration.
  • 00:05:20.475 --> 00:05:23.611
  • When you get frustrated, you get angry.
  • 00:05:23.611 --> 00:05:26.514
  • When you're irritated, when you're forced to wait,
  • 00:05:26.514 --> 00:05:30.985
  • Department of motor vehicles, angriest place around
  • 00:05:30.985 --> 00:05:35.990
  • Town usually.
  • 00:05:35.990 --> 00:05:37.358
  • I tell you a cool story.
  • 00:05:37.358 --> 00:05:39.927
  • A few months ago, i was in new york city, and i had my
  • 00:05:39.927 --> 00:05:42.397
  • Wallet stolen.
  • 00:05:42.397 --> 00:05:43.765
  • So i lost all my credit cards.
  • 00:05:43.765 --> 00:05:45.199
  • I had to cancel them all.
  • 00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:46.567
  • I had to get a new driver's license.
  • 00:05:46.567 --> 00:05:48.035
  • I go over to dmv to get a new driver's license.
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  • There's a long line, and i'm being happy.
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  • And one of the--angelica* sees me and she says, "pastor rick,
  • 00:05:54.308 --> 00:06:00.648
  • Come on up over here."
  • 00:06:00.648 --> 00:06:01.983
  • So i come over, she helps me fill out all the papers, and
  • 00:06:01.983 --> 00:06:04.519
  • Then she goes, "now, that'll be $26."
  • 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:08.656
  • And i'm going, "i don't have a wallet."
  • 00:06:08.656 --> 00:06:13.361
  • "do you have a credit card?"
  • 00:06:13.361 --> 00:06:14.695
  • "yeah, i had them all canceled."
  • 00:06:14.695 --> 00:06:16.531
  • "do you have check?"
  • 00:06:16.531 --> 00:06:17.865
  • "no."
  • 00:06:17.865 --> 00:06:19.233
  • And so i'm thinking, oh man, i'm gonna have to go home and get
  • 00:06:19.233 --> 00:06:21.235
  • Money and come back and get in line again.
  • 00:06:21.235 --> 00:06:23.671
  • She opens up her purse and says, "here," and she paid it for me,
  • 00:06:23.671 --> 00:06:28.843
  • The $26.
  • 00:06:28.843 --> 00:06:30.211
  • Now, i paid her back.
  • 00:06:30.211 --> 00:06:31.546
  • In fact, i gave her more than she gave me when i sent her a
  • 00:06:31.546 --> 00:06:34.115
  • Note and said, "thank you."
  • 00:06:34.115 --> 00:06:35.450
  • Last night, i baptized her, yeah.
  • 00:06:35.450 --> 00:06:39.187
  • So that was kind of cool.
  • 00:06:39.187 --> 00:06:44.959
  • So i said, "after i baptize, that'll be $26."
  • 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:51.799
  • She did what you did, she laughed, yeah.
  • 00:06:51.799 --> 00:06:56.270
  • Now, when you're frustrated, when nothing seems to work,
  • 00:06:56.270 --> 00:07:00.141
  • Frustration causes anger.
  • 00:07:00.141 --> 00:07:02.710
  • When you can't control a situation, it makes you angry.
  • 00:07:02.710 --> 00:07:08.783
  • Any parent who's held an infant who has screamed for one solid
  • 00:07:08.783 --> 00:07:15.356
  • Hour and you have done everything possible to make this
  • 00:07:15.356 --> 00:07:20.828
  • Baby stop crying, and it won't stop crying, and you, in your
  • 00:07:20.828 --> 00:07:26.467
  • Mind, have thought, "i'd like to strangle this child."
  • 00:07:26.467 --> 00:07:31.439
  • So, "i've never thought that."
  • 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:33.808
  • There's a word for you, liar, 'cause everybody's, like, "i
  • 00:07:33.808 --> 00:07:38.079
  • Would like to shake this child right now," because you feel so
  • 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:41.916
  • Out of control.
  • 00:07:41.916 --> 00:07:43.284
  • At that moment, that little helpless baby has control of
  • 00:07:43.284 --> 00:07:46.187
  • Your emotions.
  • 00:07:46.187 --> 00:07:49.090
  • And you're going, "i can't stop it."
  • 00:07:49.090 --> 00:07:50.858
  • Now, the higher control person you are, the more prone you are
  • 00:07:50.858 --> 00:07:55.096
  • To anger 'cause most of life is out of your control.
  • 00:07:55.096 --> 00:07:58.666
  • If you're a low control person, you don't really deal with anger
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  • That much.
  • 00:08:01.602 --> 00:08:02.970
  • You got your other problems.
  • 00:08:02.970 --> 00:08:04.305
  • Everybody's got their problem because we're all broken.
  • 00:08:04.305 --> 00:08:06.307
  • Some people struggle with lust.
  • 00:08:06.307 --> 00:08:09.110
  • Some people struggle with fear.
  • 00:08:09.110 --> 00:08:11.512
  • Some people struggle with worry.
  • 00:08:11.512 --> 00:08:14.148
  • Some people struggle with envy and jealousy.
  • 00:08:14.148 --> 00:08:17.118
  • Some people struggle with depression and loneliness.
  • 00:08:17.118 --> 00:08:21.188
  • But if you're a high-control person, this is a problem for
  • 00:08:21.188 --> 00:08:24.058
  • You because the more you need to control, the more you realize
  • 00:08:24.058 --> 00:08:28.796
  • How frustrated you are in life 'cause you can't control.
  • 00:08:28.796 --> 00:08:32.033
  • You can't control your kids.
  • 00:08:32.033 --> 00:08:33.367
  • You can't control other people.
  • 00:08:33.367 --> 00:08:34.735
  • Shoot, you can't even control yourself most of the time.
  • 00:08:34.735 --> 00:08:38.139
  • So, hurt and frustration, high control equals high anger.
  • 00:08:38.139 --> 00:08:41.742
  • The third cause of of anger is fear.
  • 00:08:41.742 --> 00:08:45.046
  • When we get afraid, when we feel threatened, when we feel
  • 00:08:45.046 --> 00:08:48.716
  • Attacked, when we feel afraid, we fight back.
  • 00:08:48.716 --> 00:08:51.385
  • You take any animal and force them into a corner, at some
  • 00:08:51.385 --> 00:08:55.189
  • Point, that cat's gonna strike back.
  • 00:08:55.189 --> 00:08:58.125
  • Whether it's tame or it's wild, a cornered cat, a cornered
  • 00:08:58.125 --> 00:09:02.396
  • Animal, is going to strike back.
  • 00:09:02.396 --> 00:09:05.766
  • Now, this is why delay is a great cause for anger.
  • 00:09:05.766 --> 00:09:10.938
  • It allows you to reflect before reacting and think, am i hurt,
  • 00:09:10.938 --> 00:09:14.308
  • Am i frustrated, or am i afraid?
  • 00:09:14.308 --> 00:09:16.711
  • Is that person hurt?
  • 00:09:16.711 --> 00:09:18.112
  • Is that person frustrated?
  • 00:09:18.112 --> 00:09:19.647
  • Is that person afraid?
  • 00:09:19.647 --> 00:09:21.682
  • The longer you hold your temper, the better it gets.
  • 00:09:21.682 --> 00:09:27.355
  • Thomas jefferson was not a theologian, but what he said
  • 00:09:27.355 --> 00:09:29.991
  • About anger was true.
  • 00:09:29.991 --> 00:09:31.359
  • He said, "when you're angry, count to 10.
  • 00:09:31.359 --> 00:09:33.060
  • If you're really angry, count to 100."
  • 00:09:33.060 --> 00:09:35.329
  • It's wise advice.
  • 00:09:35.329 --> 00:09:36.931
  • Don't immediately text back.
  • 00:09:36.931 --> 00:09:42.903
  • Don't immediately respond to that email.
  • 00:09:42.903 --> 00:09:46.107
  • Sleep on it.
  • 00:09:46.107 --> 00:09:48.843
  • Let it cool, calm it down.
  • 00:09:48.843 --> 00:09:51.779
  • Count to 10.
  • 00:09:51.779 --> 00:09:53.814
  • What do you do during the delay?
  • 00:09:53.814 --> 00:09:55.716
  • You try to understand the cause.
  • 00:09:55.716 --> 00:09:58.319
  • Now, the more you understand, the more understanding
  • 00:09:58.319 --> 00:10:01.789
  • You'll be.
  • 00:10:01.789 --> 00:10:03.157
  • The more you understand your children, the more understanding
  • 00:10:03.157 --> 00:10:05.660
  • You'll be of your children.
  • 00:10:05.660 --> 00:10:07.028
  • The more you understand your boyfriend or girlfriend or
  • 00:10:07.028 --> 00:10:09.363
  • Husband or wife, the more you understanding you're gonna be of
  • 00:10:09.363 --> 00:10:13.234
  • Your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • 00:10:13.234 --> 00:10:17.571
  • What people don't realize is that anger is contagious.
  • 00:10:17.571 --> 00:10:21.742
  • You can catch it, so you have to slow it down.
  • 00:10:21.742 --> 00:10:25.179
  • I don't know if you've noticed this that when you get loud,
  • 00:10:25.179 --> 00:10:29.216
  • Others get loud.
  • 00:10:29.216 --> 00:10:31.452
  • When others get loud, you get loud.
  • 00:10:31.452 --> 00:10:34.121
  • Anger is contagious.
  • 00:10:34.121 --> 00:10:37.224
  • And the problem here is that somebody's got to stop
  • 00:10:37.224 --> 00:10:40.861
  • The loudness.
  • 00:10:40.861 --> 00:10:42.196
  • Now, the bible says this, look on your outline, proverbs 15:1.
  • 00:10:42.196 --> 00:10:45.299
  • "a gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up."
  • 00:10:45.299 --> 00:10:52.139
  • What does it mean?
  • 00:10:52.139 --> 00:10:53.474
  • Just by talking quieter, you ratchet down the anger in
  • 00:10:53.474 --> 00:10:57.144
  • Any relationship.
  • 00:10:57.144 --> 00:10:58.813
  • It says, "gentle answer quiets anger."
  • 00:10:58.813 --> 00:11:01.549
  • Whose anger does it quiet, yours.
  • 00:11:01.549 --> 00:11:04.652
  • It'll also do theirs, but it quiets yours.
  • 00:11:04.652 --> 00:11:07.254
  • When you talk quiet, you are less angry.
  • 00:11:07.254 --> 00:11:10.524
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:11:12.126 --> 00:11:20.234
  • Female announcer: one of the most popular bible study
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  • Today, when you support pastor rick's daily hope with a gift to
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  • Pastor rick: the average man speaks 25,000 words a day.
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  • That's why guys, when you get home at night, your wife still
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  • 00:12:28.969 --> 00:12:32.173
  • And she needs to use them up.
  • 00:12:32.173 --> 00:12:35.876
  • I was talking to a guy one time, and i said, "does it bother you
  • 00:12:35.876 --> 00:12:39.346
  • That your girlfriend always gets the last word?"
  • 00:12:39.346 --> 00:12:41.549
  • He says, "no, i'm grateful when she gets to it."
  • 00:12:41.549 --> 00:12:48.789
  • Pastor tom is gonna come and teach the fourth key.
  • 00:12:48.789 --> 00:12:53.360
  • Pastor tom holladay: so what's the fourth thing you do?
  • 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:54.862
  • Number four, ask god for help.
  • 00:12:54.862 --> 00:12:58.165
  • Ask god for help.
  • 00:12:58.165 --> 00:13:00.034
  • I love this verse psalm 141, verse 3, "lord, help me control
  • 00:13:00.034 --> 00:13:03.904
  • My tongue, help me to be careful about what i say."
  • 00:13:03.904 --> 00:13:06.774
  • In fact, that's a great verse to memorize.
  • 00:13:06.774 --> 00:13:08.976
  • When you squeeze your life, your heart, you know what comes out?
  • 00:13:08.976 --> 00:13:13.614
  • Whatever's inside, whatever's inside.
  • 00:13:13.614 --> 00:13:16.417
  • So the problem i'm facing in my life with my anger, with my
  • 00:13:16.417 --> 00:13:20.855
  • Struggles with lashing out at the people that i love the most,
  • 00:13:20.855 --> 00:13:25.726
  • I can't blame them.
  • 00:13:25.726 --> 00:13:27.094
  • I can't blame the circumstance because the problem is inside.
  • 00:13:27.094 --> 00:13:30.297
  • The heart of the problem is a problem of the heart.
  • 00:13:30.297 --> 00:13:33.133
  • It's what's coming out of me.
  • 00:13:33.133 --> 00:13:34.935
  • And so when i'm under tension, all of a sudden i start to
  • 00:13:34.935 --> 00:13:38.405
  • Attack everybody in my life.
  • 00:13:38.405 --> 00:13:40.040
  • Pressure always reveals what's inside of you.
  • 00:13:40.040 --> 00:13:42.776
  • None of us like to admit that, but it's the truth.
  • 00:13:42.776 --> 00:13:45.913
  • We see these things coming out of our mouths, and we say, i
  • 00:13:45.913 --> 00:13:49.083
  • Don't know where that came from.
  • 00:13:49.083 --> 00:13:51.252
  • The truth is it came from inside of me.
  • 00:13:51.252 --> 00:13:53.487
  • It comes from your heart.
  • 00:13:53.487 --> 00:13:55.155
  • So the key is to change your heart.
  • 00:13:55.155 --> 00:13:57.625
  • The key is to change what's inside.
  • 00:13:57.625 --> 00:13:59.894
  • If you've got a well, and the well has bad water, fixing the
  • 00:13:59.894 --> 00:14:04.131
  • Pump isn't gonna help what's in the well.
  • 00:14:04.131 --> 00:14:06.867
  • That's the problem with a lot of self-help books.
  • 00:14:06.867 --> 00:14:09.336
  • They tell you how to fix the pump, but they don't know how to
  • 00:14:09.336 --> 00:14:12.172
  • Tell you how to fix the water that's in the well.
  • 00:14:12.172 --> 00:14:13.874
  • And unless you fix that, things aren't gonna change.
  • 00:14:13.874 --> 00:14:17.144
  • So what do you do?
  • 00:14:17.144 --> 00:14:18.479
  • How do you make a difference?
  • 00:14:18.479 --> 00:14:19.847
  • You let god's spirit start to fill your life.
  • 00:14:19.847 --> 00:14:22.182
  • The key is to be filled with god's spirit.
  • 00:14:22.182 --> 00:14:25.152
  • The bible says in galatians 5:22, that "the fruit of the
  • 00:14:25.152 --> 00:14:28.055
  • Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
  • 00:14:28.055 --> 00:14:32.359
  • Faithfulness, gentleness, self-control."
  • 00:14:32.359 --> 00:14:34.361
  • That's the fruit of god's spirit in our lives.
  • 00:14:34.361 --> 00:14:37.498
  • I have found that when i'm filled with myself, when i'm
  • 00:14:37.498 --> 00:14:41.635
  • Filled with tom, almost anything can upset me.
  • 00:14:41.635 --> 00:14:44.471
  • In fact, i can make up things that will upset me when i'm
  • 00:14:44.471 --> 00:14:46.907
  • Filled with myself.
  • 00:14:46.907 --> 00:14:48.242
  • But if i'm filled with god's spirit, almost nothing will
  • 00:14:48.242 --> 00:14:52.446
  • Upset me because i'm filled with his love, his joy, his peace.
  • 00:14:52.446 --> 00:14:57.017
  • How do you get filled with god's spirit?
  • 00:14:57.017 --> 00:15:00.354
  • Don't make it too complicated.
  • 00:15:00.354 --> 00:15:01.922
  • It just means you depend on god instead of depending
  • 00:15:01.922 --> 00:15:04.391
  • On yourself.
  • 00:15:04.391 --> 00:15:05.726
  • You pray that very simple two-word prayer, help me.
  • 00:15:05.726 --> 00:15:08.462
  • Pray that prayer, help me, god.
  • 00:15:08.462 --> 00:15:09.830
  • I'm depending on you.
  • 00:15:09.830 --> 00:15:11.165
  • I'm not depending on myself.
  • 00:15:11.165 --> 00:15:12.533
  • And as you do that, you will find, as you ask god for help,
  • 00:15:12.533 --> 00:15:14.902
  • That he will fill you with his spirit.
  • 00:15:14.902 --> 00:15:20.207
  • Pastor rick: now, the dirty secret in millions of homes is
  • 00:15:20.207 --> 00:15:25.312
  • Out-of-control anger.
  • 00:15:25.312 --> 00:15:27.614
  • Last year, 4 million wives were beaten by their husbands.
  • 00:15:27.614 --> 00:15:33.821
  • That is unacceptable.
  • 00:15:33.821 --> 00:15:35.990
  • Last year in america, 10 million children were beaten by
  • 00:15:35.990 --> 00:15:40.928
  • Their parents.
  • 00:15:40.928 --> 00:15:42.563
  • That is unacceptable.
  • 00:15:42.563 --> 00:15:45.332
  • That is the thing that has to be dealt with.
  • 00:15:45.332 --> 00:15:48.602
  • I want you to know that if you're being abused, if you're
  • 00:15:48.602 --> 00:15:52.172
  • Being hurt, you need to get help now, and we will help you.
  • 00:15:52.172 --> 00:15:57.177
  • Saddleback church will help you.
  • 00:15:57.177 --> 00:15:59.613
  • We have over 350 counselors in this church who give an average
  • 00:15:59.613 --> 00:16:04.218
  • Of 1,000 hours a year in counseling, 350,000 hours of
  • 00:16:04.218 --> 00:16:09.823
  • Counseling, and we will help you whether you are the victim or
  • 00:16:09.823 --> 00:16:14.862
  • You are the perpetrator.
  • 00:16:14.862 --> 00:16:16.330
  • You both need help.
  • 00:16:16.330 --> 00:16:18.365
  • But the key is in humility.
  • 00:16:18.365 --> 00:16:20.834
  • You've got to admit it.
  • 00:16:20.834 --> 00:16:22.202
  • You've got to own up to it.
  • 00:16:22.202 --> 00:16:23.537
  • You've got to admit it.
  • 00:16:23.537 --> 00:16:24.905
  • The bible says, god gives grace to the humble.
  • 00:16:24.905 --> 00:16:27.408
  • Grace is the power you need to change.
  • 00:16:27.408 --> 00:16:30.744
  • You say, well, i know i've got this problem, but i can't talk
  • 00:16:30.744 --> 00:16:33.547
  • About it.
  • 00:16:33.547 --> 00:16:34.882
  • Then it's already out of control.
  • 00:16:34.882 --> 00:16:37.584
  • Any problem you can't talk honestly about in your life,
  • 00:16:37.584 --> 00:16:41.655
  • Whether it's pornography or anger or lust or greed, or
  • 00:16:41.655 --> 00:16:45.692
  • Whatever it is, panic, whatever the problem is in your life,
  • 00:16:45.692 --> 00:16:50.464
  • Doesn't really matter, if you can't talk about it, it's
  • 00:16:50.464 --> 00:16:53.400
  • Already out of control.
  • 00:16:53.400 --> 00:16:55.702
  • And the starting point is for you to own up.
  • 00:16:55.702 --> 00:16:58.906
  • God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
  • 00:16:58.906 --> 00:17:02.042
  • And we will help you.
  • 00:17:02.042 --> 00:17:03.811
  • I have seen not hundreds, but thousands of people released
  • 00:17:03.811 --> 00:17:08.749
  • From the power of uncontrolled anger.
  • 00:17:08.749 --> 00:17:11.218
  • You can get over this.
  • 00:17:11.218 --> 00:17:12.553
  • You can relearn it.
  • 00:17:12.553 --> 00:17:13.921
  • You don't have to stay the same the rest of your life.
  • 00:17:13.921 --> 00:17:16.156
  • You learned some bad patterns.
  • 00:17:16.156 --> 00:17:19.026
  • And you can unlearn them, and you can learn some new patterns.
  • 00:17:19.026 --> 00:17:23.497
  • And if you'll just be willing to humble yourself and get help,
  • 00:17:23.497 --> 00:17:26.567
  • We will help you.
  • 00:17:26.567 --> 00:17:28.735
  • Now, the most important key to dealing with anger, first in
  • 00:17:28.735 --> 00:17:32.473
  • Your own life and with those who push your buttons and try to
  • 00:17:32.473 --> 00:17:36.110
  • Make you angry, is the last point.
  • 00:17:36.110 --> 00:17:39.179
  • And it's the most important one of all.
  • 00:17:39.179 --> 00:17:41.381
  • If you're gonna get control of your anger in your life, number
  • 00:17:41.381 --> 00:17:43.984
  • Five, i must base my identity in jesus.
  • 00:17:43.984 --> 00:17:50.390
  • You gotta change what you build your identity on.
  • 00:17:50.390 --> 00:17:54.962
  • I must base my identity in jesus, that he loves me
  • 00:17:54.962 --> 00:17:58.732
  • Unconditionally, that i am his, that i am valuable, i'm
  • 00:17:58.732 --> 00:18:02.436
  • Worthwhile, he has a purpose and plan for my life.
  • 00:18:02.436 --> 00:18:05.906
  • If you try to build your identity on anything else,
  • 00:18:05.906 --> 00:18:09.042
  • You'll struggle with insecurity in your life.
  • 00:18:09.042 --> 00:18:12.012
  • You try to build your identity on your job, you can lose
  • 00:18:12.012 --> 00:18:14.481
  • Your job.
  • 00:18:14.481 --> 00:18:15.849
  • You try to build your identity on how good looking you are,
  • 00:18:15.849 --> 00:18:18.318
  • You're gonna lose your good looks.
  • 00:18:18.318 --> 00:18:20.654
  • You can build your identity on a person you marry, they're
  • 00:18:20.654 --> 00:18:23.690
  • Gonna die.
  • 00:18:23.690 --> 00:18:25.092
  • You can build your identity on being popular.
  • 00:18:25.092 --> 00:18:27.928
  • You're not always gonna be popular.
  • 00:18:27.928 --> 00:18:29.630
  • If you build your identity on anything that can be taken away
  • 00:18:29.630 --> 00:18:32.599
  • From you, you're gonna be insecure, and insecurity is at
  • 00:18:32.599 --> 00:18:35.969
  • The root of your anger.
  • 00:18:35.969 --> 00:18:38.906
  • And until you start feeling secure about yourself, people
  • 00:18:38.906 --> 00:18:43.143
  • Are gonna be able to push your buttons.
  • 00:18:43.143 --> 00:18:45.379
  • When you know who you are and whose you are, people can't push
  • 00:18:45.379 --> 00:18:48.815
  • Your buttons.
  • 00:18:48.815 --> 00:18:50.150
  • They can't get to you.
  • 00:18:50.150 --> 00:18:51.985
  • Anger and insecurity go together.
  • 00:18:51.985 --> 00:18:53.787
  • The more insecure i feel, the more angry i feel.
  • 00:18:53.787 --> 00:18:57.991
  • So, i have to base my identity in jesus.
  • 00:18:57.991 --> 00:19:01.028
  • Otherwise, you're gonna be able to push my buttons cause i'm
  • 00:19:01.028 --> 00:19:03.730
  • Gonna care too much about what you think of me.
  • 00:19:03.730 --> 00:19:06.633
  • I'm gonna care too much about your approval or disapproval.
  • 00:19:06.633 --> 00:19:09.803
  • The bible says in proverbs, here we go again, 29, chapter 29,
  • 00:19:09.803 --> 00:19:13.974
  • Verse 25, "the fear of human opinion disables you."
  • 00:19:13.974 --> 00:19:20.347
  • If you are worried about what other people think, you have an
  • 00:19:20.347 --> 00:19:22.916
  • Emotional disability.
  • 00:19:22.916 --> 00:19:25.085
  • You are emotionally disabled.
  • 00:19:25.085 --> 00:19:27.487
  • If you are always worrying about who accepts me and who rejects
  • 00:19:27.487 --> 00:19:30.991
  • Me, who approves and who disapproves.
  • 00:19:30.991 --> 00:19:33.193
  • "the fear of human opinion disables you.
  • 00:19:33.193 --> 00:19:37.064
  • But trusting in god protects you from that."
  • 00:19:37.064 --> 00:19:41.201
  • How does god help me manage my anger?
  • 00:19:41.201 --> 00:19:44.538
  • Well, tom already talked about it.
  • 00:19:44.538 --> 00:19:46.773
  • He goes to the heart of the matter.
  • 00:19:46.773 --> 00:19:49.543
  • You see, when i get angry, my mouth just reveals what's inside
  • 00:19:49.543 --> 00:19:53.947
  • My heart.
  • 00:19:53.947 --> 00:19:55.315
  • A harsh tongue reveals an angry heart.
  • 00:19:55.315 --> 00:19:59.953
  • It just shows what's inside of me.
  • 00:19:59.953 --> 00:20:01.955
  • A negative tongue reveals a fearful heart.
  • 00:20:01.955 --> 00:20:06.560
  • It just shows what's inside of me.
  • 00:20:06.560 --> 00:20:09.162
  • A boasting tongue reveals an insecure heart.
  • 00:20:09.162 --> 00:20:13.400
  • It's always the heart.
  • 00:20:13.400 --> 00:20:14.835
  • An overactive tongue reveals an unsettled heart.
  • 00:20:14.835 --> 00:20:19.206
  • A judgmental tongue reveals a guilty heart.
  • 00:20:19.206 --> 00:20:24.678
  • The most judgmental people are those who feel guilt the most.
  • 00:20:24.678 --> 00:20:28.215
  • A critical tongue reveals a bitter heart.
  • 00:20:28.215 --> 00:20:33.954
  • It's always showing what's inside of me, and a filthy
  • 00:20:33.954 --> 00:20:36.323
  • Tongue reveals an impure heart.
  • 00:20:36.323 --> 00:20:40.360
  • On the other hand, an encouraging tongue reveals
  • 00:20:40.360 --> 00:20:44.831
  • A happy heart.
  • 00:20:44.831 --> 00:20:46.199
  • And a gentle tongue reveals a loving heart.
  • 00:20:46.199 --> 00:20:50.804
  • And a controlled tongue reveals a peaceful heart.
  • 00:20:50.804 --> 00:20:56.009
  • Do you know what you need to get rid of your anger problem?
  • 00:20:56.009 --> 00:20:58.945
  • Do you know what you need to do to become immune to the button
  • 00:20:58.945 --> 00:21:02.549
  • Pushers in your life?
  • 00:21:02.549 --> 00:21:04.918
  • You need a heart transplant.
  • 00:21:04.918 --> 00:21:09.056
  • Fortunately, god specializes in them.
  • 00:21:09.056 --> 00:21:12.059
  • It's called salvation.
  • 00:21:12.059 --> 00:21:14.294
  • God gives you a brand new heart, and he gives you a brand
  • 00:21:14.294 --> 00:21:19.132
  • New identity.
  • 00:21:19.132 --> 00:21:20.467
  • And all of a sudden, i'm not trying to find my identity in my
  • 00:21:20.467 --> 00:21:23.036
  • Job or in my bank account or in my good looks or in my talent or
  • 00:21:23.036 --> 00:21:27.741
  • In my relationships, all which i can lose.
  • 00:21:27.741 --> 00:21:31.445
  • But i find my identity in what god says about me.
  • 00:21:31.445 --> 00:21:35.782
  • And then you can't push my buttons anymore 'cause i don't
  • 00:21:35.782 --> 00:21:40.754
  • Care as deeply as i did about what you think.
  • 00:21:40.754 --> 00:21:45.726
  • Let me show you some verses.
  • 00:21:45.726 --> 00:21:47.060
  • Here on the screen, ephesians 1:4, "long ago, even before he
  • 00:21:47.060 --> 00:21:52.332
  • Made the world, god loved us."
  • 00:21:52.332 --> 00:21:56.236
  • Can you imagine that?
  • 00:21:56.236 --> 00:21:57.604
  • God thought of you before he thought of the universe.
  • 00:21:57.604 --> 00:22:00.574
  • "before he made the world, god loved us and chose us," before
  • 00:22:00.574 --> 00:22:05.178
  • He made the universe, "chose us in christ to be holy and without
  • 00:22:05.178 --> 00:22:10.484
  • Fault in his eyes."
  • 00:22:10.484 --> 00:22:12.953
  • So what should be my reaction?
  • 00:22:12.953 --> 00:22:14.721
  • I need to start letting god be the center of my identity.
  • 00:22:14.721 --> 00:22:19.826
  • Look at this verse on the screen, matthew 5:48.
  • 00:22:19.826 --> 00:22:22.662
  • "grow up.
  • 00:22:22.662 --> 00:22:24.564
  • You're kingdom subjects.
  • 00:22:24.564 --> 00:22:26.566
  • Now, live like it.
  • 00:22:26.566 --> 00:22:28.301
  • Live out your god-created identity."
  • 00:22:28.301 --> 00:22:31.905
  • Not the identity somebody else tried to give you.
  • 00:22:31.905 --> 00:22:34.074
  • "live out your god-created identity.
  • 00:22:34.074 --> 00:22:36.676
  • Live generously and graciously toward others, the way god lives
  • 00:22:36.676 --> 00:22:41.882
  • Toward you."
  • 00:22:41.882 --> 00:22:43.250
  • When you are living out your god-given identity, you will be
  • 00:22:43.250 --> 00:22:46.253
  • Generous and you will be gracious to others.
  • 00:22:46.253 --> 00:22:48.522
  • And no matter how much they push your button, you're not pushing
  • 00:22:48.522 --> 00:22:51.491
  • Back because you're living out your god-given identity.
  • 00:22:51.491 --> 00:22:54.561
  • They don't determine who you are.
  • 00:22:54.561 --> 00:22:56.430
  • God determines who you are.
  • 00:22:56.430 --> 00:22:58.632
  • 1 corinthians 12:13 says this, "we are all baptized by one
  • 00:22:58.632 --> 00:23:03.036
  • Spirit into one body.
  • 00:23:03.036 --> 00:23:04.671
  • And now the old labels we once used to identify ourselves with,
  • 00:23:04.671 --> 00:23:09.075
  • Like, i'm a jew or i'm greek or i'm a slave or i'm free," or i'm
  • 00:23:09.075 --> 00:23:12.913
  • Rich, or i'm poor, or i'm black, or i'm white or brown or
  • 00:23:12.913 --> 00:23:16.249
  • Whatever, those "no longer needed," because my identity is
  • 00:23:16.249 --> 00:23:20.220
  • In christ.
  • 00:23:20.220 --> 00:23:21.621
  • You see, the three things that cause anger, jesus can heal.
  • 00:23:21.621 --> 00:23:25.492
  • Hurt, frustration, and fear, jesus can heal your hurting
  • 00:23:25.492 --> 00:23:29.563
  • Heart with his love.
  • 00:23:29.563 --> 00:23:31.832
  • Jesus can replace your frustrated heart with his peace.
  • 00:23:31.832 --> 00:23:36.903
  • Jesus can replace your insecure heart with his power.
  • 00:23:36.903 --> 00:23:41.341
  • If you pick up a crying baby, and you hold that baby close,
  • 00:23:41.341 --> 00:23:46.646
  • And it feels warm, and it feels secure, it stops crying.
  • 00:23:46.646 --> 00:23:51.985
  • It stops being angry.
  • 00:23:51.985 --> 00:23:54.721
  • And when you feel secure and accepted in jesus christ, your
  • 00:23:54.721 --> 00:23:58.959
  • Anger is gonna dissipate.
  • 00:23:58.959 --> 00:24:01.962
  • Let's bow our heads.
  • 00:24:01.962 --> 00:24:08.668
  • Father, it's sad but true, but we often get angry at the people
  • 00:24:08.668 --> 00:24:11.137
  • We love the most, those we're closest to.
  • 00:24:11.137 --> 00:24:15.542
  • Because we forget that you're the source of all that we need,
  • 00:24:15.542 --> 00:24:17.911
  • Not others, we get angry.
  • 00:24:17.911 --> 00:24:22.682
  • Jesus, help us to remember that when we expect anybody else to
  • 00:24:22.682 --> 00:24:25.519
  • Meet needs that only you can meet, we're gonna
  • 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:27.988
  • Be disappointed.
  • 00:24:27.988 --> 00:24:29.356
  • We're gonna be let down.
  • 00:24:29.356 --> 00:24:30.690
  • We're gonna be angry.
  • 00:24:30.690 --> 00:24:32.759
  • Father, i'm certain that there are many people here who are
  • 00:24:32.759 --> 00:24:34.861
  • Struggling with anger in one of these four forms we
  • 00:24:34.861 --> 00:24:38.431
  • Talked about.
  • 00:24:38.431 --> 00:24:40.367
  • And they're angry because of hurt or because of frustration
  • 00:24:40.367 --> 00:24:45.171
  • Or because of insecurity.
  • 00:24:45.171 --> 00:24:47.574
  • And you, jesus, are the answer to all three of those things.
  • 00:24:47.574 --> 00:24:52.112
  • Help them to experience hope and healing today.
  • 00:24:52.112 --> 00:24:55.916
  • Now, you pray.
  • 00:24:55.916 --> 00:24:58.018
  • Dear god--just say this, i admit i have a problem with my anger,
  • 00:24:58.018 --> 00:25:04.457
  • And i let other people push my buttons.
  • 00:25:04.457 --> 00:25:07.761
  • And i get even and i retaliate and i fight back, and i don't
  • 00:25:07.761 --> 00:25:11.631
  • Think, i don't think before speaking.
  • 00:25:11.631 --> 00:25:16.536
  • I'm asking for your help.
  • 00:25:16.536 --> 00:25:20.006
  • Help me to reflect before reacting.
  • 00:25:20.006 --> 00:25:23.243
  • Help me to learn to release my anger appropriately.
  • 00:25:23.243 --> 00:25:27.414
  • Help me to find my identity completely in you.
  • 00:25:27.414 --> 00:25:33.987
  • If you've never been baptized, say, jesus, i want to be
  • 00:25:33.987 --> 00:25:36.356
  • Baptized to identify myself as you commanded us to do.
  • 00:25:36.356 --> 00:25:41.261
  • I open myself completely to you.
  • 00:25:41.261 --> 00:25:43.096
  • Come into my life.
  • 00:25:43.096 --> 00:25:45.332
  • Save me, change me, make the changes that only you can make.
  • 00:25:45.332 --> 00:25:50.971
  • In your name i pray, amen.
  • 00:25:50.971 --> 00:25:53.907
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:25:56.242 --> 00:26:00.614
  • Female announcer: one of the most popular bible study
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  • Resources here at daily hope are the bible scripture cards.
  • 00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:10.790
  • And because so many people ask for them, pastor rick has
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  • Developed a special set of 52 cards with verses selected
  • 00:26:13.927 --> 00:26:18.365
  • Specifically to help you develop
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  • Relationships that are life-giving
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  • And filled with joy and purpose.
  • 00:26:22.535 --> 00:26:25.939
  • These stunning, eye-catching
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  • Cards will help you memorize the word of god,
  • 00:26:27.907 --> 00:26:30.744
  • So you have it when you need it most,
  • 00:26:30.744 --> 00:26:32.812
  • Something you hear pastor rick talking about all the time.
  • 00:26:32.812 --> 00:26:37.384
  • Today, when you support pastor rick's daily hope with a gift to
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  • Help share the hope of jesus christ with people
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  • Around the world, we'll send you
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  • The relationship scripture cards
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  • To say thanks for your
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  • Financial support
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  • Of this ministry.
  • 00:26:50.730 --> 00:26:55.969
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:26:59.305 --> 00:27:09.082
  • Cc by aberdeen captioning 1-800-688-6621 www.aberdeen.io
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  • ♪♪♪
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