Understanding Strengths
February 12, 2018
27:30
Strengths Based Marriage with Jimmy Evans & Allan Kelsey
Closed captions
Understanding Strengths
Show timecode
Hide timecode
- - Since the beginning of time,
- 00:00:00.250 --> 00:00:02.040
- marriage has been the foundation of society,
- 00:00:02.040 --> 00:00:04.120
- and one of the secrets of success in marriage
- 00:00:04.120 --> 00:00:06.210
- is you don't have to marry the perfect person
- 00:00:06.210 --> 00:00:09.110
- who's just like you.
- 00:00:09.110 --> 00:00:10.180
- - Yeah, you see, God has created each of us
- 00:00:10.180 --> 00:00:12.240
- with a unique set of strengths,
- 00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:14.210
- that when celebrated rather than stifled,
- 00:00:14.210 --> 00:00:18.020
- can unlock the true potential of your marriage.
- 00:00:18.020 --> 00:00:20.130
- In Strengths Based Marriage,
- 00:00:20.130 --> 00:00:22.010
- we've drawn from more than 50 years of research
- 00:00:22.010 --> 00:00:24.220
- from the Gallup Institute combined with over 35 years
- 00:00:24.220 --> 00:00:27.270
- of experience in marriage counseling
- 00:00:27.270 --> 00:00:30.050
- to develop an incredibly exciting resource
- 00:00:30.050 --> 00:00:32.080
- that can literally revolutionize your relationship
- 00:00:32.080 --> 00:00:34.270
- and prepare you for a lifetime of passion and intimacy,
- 00:00:34.270 --> 00:00:38.210
- and we can't wait to share it with you.
- 00:00:38.210 --> 00:00:40.050
- - That's right, when you learn to recognize and focus
- 00:00:40.050 --> 00:00:42.290
- on the strengths of your spouse,
- 00:00:42.290 --> 00:00:45.000
- you'll be able to celebrate what's right about them
- 00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:48.120
- and value their God-given differences, not resent them.
- 00:00:48.120 --> 00:00:51.290
- So join us on this journey to explore how implementing
- 00:00:51.290 --> 00:00:54.170
- a Strengths Based Marriage can bring you closer together
- 00:00:54.170 --> 00:00:58.210
- than ever before with your spouse.
- 00:00:58.210 --> 00:01:01.180
- - [Narrator] Dr. Donald O. Clifton
- 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:04.060
- was a forerunner in positive psychology.
- 00:01:04.060 --> 00:01:07.140
- Through his research, he identified 34 universal strengths
- 00:01:07.140 --> 00:01:11.140
- that exist within each individual.
- 00:01:11.140 --> 00:01:14.030
- Working with Gallup, he developed
- 00:01:14.030 --> 00:01:15.160
- the Strengths Finder Assessment,
- 00:01:15.160 --> 00:01:17.200
- which reveals how our unique order of strengths
- 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:20.100
- affect the way we engage with the world around us,
- 00:01:20.100 --> 00:01:22.280
- influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
- 00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:26.150
- Thousands of businesses, teams, and churches
- 00:01:26.150 --> 00:01:29.020
- have harnessed this strengths-based approach to interacting,
- 00:01:29.020 --> 00:01:32.120
- resulting in stronger relationships and greater performance.
- 00:01:32.120 --> 00:01:36.150
- So what happens when you apply these same ideas
- 00:01:36.150 --> 00:01:39.000
- to your own personal relationships, or even your marriage?
- 00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:43.030
- On this journey, you will discover
- 00:01:43.030 --> 00:01:45.020
- how to thrive in your strengths,
- 00:01:45.020 --> 00:01:47.020
- recognize the positive traits in your partner,
- 00:01:47.020 --> 00:01:49.160
- and develop your own strengths-based marriage.
- 00:01:49.160 --> 00:01:52.150
- (upbeat music)
- 00:01:52.150 --> 00:01:55.020
- - So if you're like me,
- 00:01:57.060 --> 00:01:58.180
- you're probably wondering to some degree,
- 00:01:58.180 --> 00:02:01.120
- why does this strengths thing matter to me?
- 00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:03.200
- I mean, you're saying that it could help our marriage,
- 00:02:03.200 --> 00:02:05.250
- I get that, but you got to sell me first,
- 00:02:05.250 --> 00:02:07.260
- and I'm right there with you.
- 00:02:07.260 --> 00:02:09.210
- Part of what I truly value is this idea of
- 00:02:09.210 --> 00:02:13.130
- bringing the sciences and the things we can prove
- 00:02:13.130 --> 00:02:16.190
- up to stand underneath our theology
- 00:02:16.190 --> 00:02:19.030
- and the things that we believe.
- 00:02:19.030 --> 00:02:20.170
- And so do you know why it matters to you?
- 00:02:20.170 --> 00:02:22.200
- Because God said that you are his handiwork.
- 00:02:22.200 --> 00:02:26.250
- This is what Ephesians 2:10 says,
- 00:02:27.270 --> 00:02:29.120
- you are his handiwork, made in Christ Jesus for good works,
- 00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:32.150
- which he prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
- 00:02:33.290 --> 00:02:36.250
- So let's just unpack that for a second,
- 00:02:36.250 --> 00:02:38.070
- because this scripture, I'm telling you.
- 00:02:38.070 --> 00:02:40.190
- This scripture, it reveals God's intent for you and I.
- 00:02:40.190 --> 00:02:44.130
- We are his handiwork.
- 00:02:44.130 --> 00:02:45.210
- That's the Greek word poiema,
- 00:02:45.210 --> 00:02:47.140
- it literally means masterpiece.
- 00:02:47.140 --> 00:02:50.140
- It's the idea that God spent three and a half years
- 00:02:50.140 --> 00:02:54.030
- just working on the bridge of your nose
- 00:02:54.030 --> 00:02:56.160
- to make it exactly right,
- 00:02:56.160 --> 00:02:59.040
- and when he stood back and looked at the picture
- 00:02:59.040 --> 00:03:01.040
- and just really felt comfortable about how it looked,
- 00:03:01.040 --> 00:03:04.140
- he just broke the brushes, tossed them aside,
- 00:03:04.140 --> 00:03:07.210
- slid the easel over, got a new one,
- 00:03:07.210 --> 00:03:10.070
- and started all over again.
- 00:03:10.070 --> 00:03:12.230
- This concept that we are his handiwork, his masterpiece,
- 00:03:12.230 --> 00:03:16.060
- means that, it's like you and I, we are the Mona Lisa.
- 00:03:16.060 --> 00:03:20.110
- I mean, think about that.
- 00:03:21.150 --> 00:03:23.250
- There's only one of you,
- 00:03:23.250 --> 00:03:26.020
- and it is so ridiculously rare, it's irreplaceable.
- 00:03:26.020 --> 00:03:30.070
- I mean the value of that is, it's without compare.
- 00:03:31.200 --> 00:03:34.130
- So we are his handiwork,
- 00:03:35.050 --> 00:03:37.050
- and then he says that there is this place
- 00:03:37.050 --> 00:03:40.140
- where our Christian-ness, our build, our creation,
- 00:03:40.140 --> 00:03:44.190
- has its rightful place, and it's in Christ Jesus.
- 00:03:46.020 --> 00:03:49.220
- And then it comes, and that we are made for good works,
- 00:03:51.060 --> 00:03:53.200
- which he prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
- 00:03:53.200 --> 00:03:57.210
- So how do we get made for good works,
- 00:03:57.210 --> 00:04:00.040
- and what does that even look like?
- 00:04:00.040 --> 00:04:02.180
- Are we really set up for success in the world,
- 00:04:02.180 --> 00:04:05.140
- and if God is saying so,
- 00:04:05.140 --> 00:04:07.110
- then alright, maybe I dare to believe that.
- 00:04:07.110 --> 00:04:09.200
- Maybe I take him at his word.
- 00:04:09.200 --> 00:04:10.270
- After all, isn't that what the Bible says,
- 00:04:10.270 --> 00:04:12.210
- that without faith it's impossible to please him?
- 00:04:12.210 --> 00:04:15.080
- So yeah, alright, I'll step out in faith
- 00:04:15.080 --> 00:04:17.040
- and I'll believe that you say that I am a masterpiece
- 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:20.260
- and I have something unbelievably important
- 00:04:20.260 --> 00:04:22.200
- to contribute to the world,
- 00:04:22.200 --> 00:04:24.030
- how am I supposed to find that out?
- 00:04:24.030 --> 00:04:26.210
- Well it's a great question.
- 00:04:26.210 --> 00:04:28.120
- The University of Nebraska was involved
- 00:04:28.120 --> 00:04:30.060
- in one of these assessments really early,
- 00:04:30.060 --> 00:04:32.040
- and in the mid-50s, this university
- 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:34.290
- invited the dean of the psychology department
- 00:04:34.290 --> 00:04:37.290
- to do an assessment on all the freshman students that year
- 00:04:37.290 --> 00:04:41.120
- to see how well they would read,
- 00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:43.130
- and the main issue was we want to test and read,
- 00:04:43.130 --> 00:04:46.170
- and maintain or retain your reading at an 80% level,
- 00:04:46.170 --> 00:04:50.220
- and most of the students
- 00:04:51.140 --> 00:04:52.220
- were reading about 90 words a minute.
- 00:04:52.220 --> 00:04:55.250
- So I have an example over here that I want to show you.
- 00:04:57.070 --> 00:04:59.230
- So 90 words a minute's about a half or a third of a page,
- 00:04:59.230 --> 00:05:04.000
- and retaining 80% of what they've read.
- 00:05:05.050 --> 00:05:07.120
- Now in this jar right here are 90 M&Ms.
- 00:05:07.120 --> 00:05:11.120
- So you get a sense of how fast they're reading.
- 00:05:11.120 --> 00:05:14.010
- Reading 90 words a minute,
- 00:05:14.010 --> 00:05:15.100
- retaining 80% of what they've read.
- 00:05:15.100 --> 00:05:18.020
- Then there was another group of people
- 00:05:18.020 --> 00:05:20.130
- who were reading and could read a little bit faster,
- 00:05:20.130 --> 00:05:24.180
- they were retaining 350 words a minute,
- 00:05:25.240 --> 00:05:28.230
- or getting to remember and process 350 words a minute.
- 00:05:28.230 --> 00:05:32.280
- Really good starting point,
- 00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:35.060
- but then the psychologists decided we want to
- 00:05:35.060 --> 00:05:36.280
- put all these students through a speed reading course
- 00:05:36.280 --> 00:05:39.280
- and test them again at the end and see how they do.
- 00:05:39.280 --> 00:05:43.220
- And so they trained them for six weeks,
- 00:05:43.220 --> 00:05:45.150
- all of them, the entire freshman class.
- 00:05:45.150 --> 00:05:47.240
- And then got to the end, and processed them again
- 00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:51.180
- through a speed reading assessment
- 00:05:51.180 --> 00:05:53.240
- to see how fast they could read,
- 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:56.090
- and if they were still remembering
- 00:05:56.090 --> 00:05:58.050
- 80% of what they had read.
- 00:05:58.050 --> 00:06:01.150
- The results were fascinating.
- 00:06:01.150 --> 00:06:03.000
- These students who had read 90 words a minute
- 00:06:03.000 --> 00:06:06.040
- improved to 140 words a minute.
- 00:06:06.040 --> 00:06:08.220
- Now you can see, there's a few more M&Ms in here,
- 00:06:09.280 --> 00:06:12.130
- and remember, they're still remembering
- 00:06:12.130 --> 00:06:14.110
- 80% of what they've read.
- 00:06:14.110 --> 00:06:17.170
- But the students who were reading 350 words a minute,
- 00:06:17.170 --> 00:06:20.230
- which is what's in this jar right here,
- 00:06:20.230 --> 00:06:23.160
- you're not even ready for how much they improved.
- 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:26.040
- They didn't just go up a little bit,
- 00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:28.090
- look at this, look at this.
- 00:06:28.090 --> 00:06:30.080
- They went up to almost 3.000 words a minute.
- 00:06:30.080 --> 00:06:33.280
- Do you have any idea how many pages that is?
- 00:06:35.050 --> 00:06:39.100
- It means they're reading this page and this page right here.
- 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:43.150
- They're reading this page and this page.
- 00:06:43.150 --> 00:06:45.260
- Then they're taking that one and this one too.
- 00:06:45.260 --> 00:06:48.090
- (yawns)
- 00:06:48.090 --> 00:06:49.270
- And this one, and this one right here also,
- 00:06:49.270 --> 00:06:52.060
- and this one and that one,
- 00:06:52.060 --> 00:06:55.040
- and remembering 80% of what they've read.
- 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:57.120
- Now if you're like me, you're probably thinking,
- 00:06:57.120 --> 00:07:00.050
- "This is ridiculous, I want that speed reading course.
- 00:07:00.050 --> 00:07:02.290
- "That is going to make a huge difference in my life."
- 00:07:02.290 --> 00:07:05.180
- And the problem is, you and I fell in the same trap.
- 00:07:05.180 --> 00:07:08.230
- We believe that the effect of my retention,
- 00:07:08.230 --> 00:07:12.160
- this amazing reading capacity,
- 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:14.190
- is directly related to the training,
- 00:07:14.190 --> 00:07:17.080
- to the speed reading courses, and it's not, see.
- 00:07:17.080 --> 00:07:20.040
- Because all of the students, all four of them,
- 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:23.020
- got all of the training.
- 00:07:23.020 --> 00:07:25.160
- And so it's not the training that does the trick.
- 00:07:25.160 --> 00:07:28.030
- It's the fact that those students showed up
- 00:07:28.030 --> 00:07:30.200
- reading 350 words a minute in the very first place.
- 00:07:30.200 --> 00:07:34.020
- You have remarkable talent.
- 00:07:34.020 --> 00:07:36.130
- You have remarkable talent,
- 00:07:36.130 --> 00:07:37.220
- and you ought to go find out what it is,
- 00:07:37.220 --> 00:07:39.240
- because, like God said in Ephesians 2:10,
- 00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:43.030
- it sets you up for success.
- 00:07:43.030 --> 00:07:44.280
- Not just success, ridiculous capacity.
- 00:07:44.280 --> 00:07:48.170
- This is how God designed us.
- 00:07:48.170 --> 00:07:50.110
- We have a reflection of who he is.
- 00:07:50.110 --> 00:07:53.290
- We're made in his image, right?
- 00:07:53.290 --> 00:07:55.140
- That's what Genesis says, we're made in his image.
- 00:07:55.140 --> 00:07:58.120
- So if I have these remarkable abilities,
- 00:07:58.120 --> 00:08:01.080
- (laughs) it's because he has them.
- 00:08:01.080 --> 00:08:04.140
- I mean, if I have arms, it's because he has arms.
- 00:08:04.140 --> 00:08:06.210
- If I have a brain, it's because he has a brain.
- 00:08:06.210 --> 00:08:09.050
- If I have remarkable talent, it's because
- 00:08:09.050 --> 00:08:12.170
- God has invested in you and I ridiculous talent.
- 00:08:12.170 --> 00:08:16.030
- And the problem with you and I is, we just don't know.
- 00:08:16.030 --> 00:08:19.140
- We have no idea we have it, and so we've got to find out.
- 00:08:19.140 --> 00:08:23.040
- Well, so this enters a new idea for us
- 00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:25.160
- that's worth considering,
- 00:08:25.160 --> 00:08:26.240
- and it's this idea that we cannot see ourselves.
- 00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:30.170
- I mean, what do you have to have,
- 00:08:30.170 --> 00:08:32.020
- what do you have to have in order to see yourself?
- 00:08:32.020 --> 00:08:35.010
- If you're like me, you're thinking,
- 00:08:35.010 --> 00:08:36.080
- "Okay, I got to have a mirror, I get that."
- 00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:38.110
- And if you want to see the whole you
- 00:08:38.110 --> 00:08:39.250
- before you're going out,
- 00:08:39.250 --> 00:08:41.000
- like if you're getting all dressed up,
- 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:42.050
- and you really want to look sharp,
- 00:08:42.050 --> 00:08:43.210
- and you want to see the whole you, what do you have to have?
- 00:08:43.210 --> 00:08:45.250
- If you want to see the full picture,
- 00:08:45.250 --> 00:08:47.100
- what do you have to have?
- 00:08:47.100 --> 00:08:48.250
- Right, you have to have a full-length mirror.
- 00:08:48.250 --> 00:08:51.160
- That's the only way you can see all of yourself.
- 00:08:51.160 --> 00:08:54.090
- I can see pieces of me at a time,
- 00:08:54.090 --> 00:08:56.020
- but I can't see the whole me.
- 00:08:56.020 --> 00:08:57.110
- I have to have something or someone else
- 00:08:57.110 --> 00:09:00.240
- other than me outside of me,
- 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:03.080
- to reflect back to me the full image of who I am.
- 00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:07.130
- This is true, this is designed by God this way,
- 00:09:08.250 --> 00:09:10.290
- and I think it emphasizes why we need each other,
- 00:09:10.290 --> 00:09:15.040
- and it emphasizes why we need an assessment of sorts
- 00:09:16.160 --> 00:09:18.180
- like this strengths test that helps you see yourself
- 00:09:18.180 --> 00:09:22.230
- and where you are fantastic,
- 00:09:23.190 --> 00:09:24.260
- because you can't see it by yourself.
- 00:09:24.260 --> 00:09:28.210
- We can see it in each other,
- 00:09:28.210 --> 00:09:30.080
- that's why community's so important,
- 00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:32.060
- but we need this mirror.
- 00:09:32.060 --> 00:09:33.210
- And so the strengths assessment is just a mirror.
- 00:09:33.210 --> 00:09:35.270
- In and of itself, it has no power.
- 00:09:35.270 --> 00:09:39.080
- But once you understand the ridiculous capacity,
- 00:09:39.080 --> 00:09:42.280
- the once in a lifetime ability,
- 00:09:42.280 --> 00:09:45.010
- the irreplaceably unique investment
- 00:09:45.010 --> 00:09:47.190
- that God has made in your life and mind,
- 00:09:47.190 --> 00:09:50.150
- and you come to grips with reality
- 00:09:50.150 --> 00:09:52.100
- that that's truly in me, and it's just gonna stay there
- 00:09:52.100 --> 00:09:56.150
- and probably operate at a 350 words a minute
- 00:09:57.200 --> 00:10:00.240
- kind of power for the rest of my life,
- 00:10:02.000 --> 00:10:03.280
- even if I don't do anything about it,
- 00:10:03.280 --> 00:10:06.050
- then that's good, right?
- 00:10:06.050 --> 00:10:07.270
- It sort of sets you up for success.
- 00:10:07.270 --> 00:10:10.010
- I mean, 350's better than 90 or 140.
- 00:10:10.010 --> 00:10:13.230
- So you've got an advantage
- 00:10:14.190 --> 00:10:15.250
- over some of the other folks around you,
- 00:10:15.250 --> 00:10:17.290
- but it's not completely world class yet.
- 00:10:17.290 --> 00:10:20.250
- If you want world class,
- 00:10:20.250 --> 00:10:23.160
- you got to add yourself to what God is investing in you.
- 00:10:23.160 --> 00:10:27.010
- You got to do something with what you've been given.
- 00:10:27.010 --> 00:10:29.120
- You've got to put some skills, some experience,
- 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:32.060
- some knowledge against those latent capacities
- 00:10:32.060 --> 00:10:36.040
- that God has invested in you
- 00:10:36.040 --> 00:10:38.120
- in order to be able to get
- 00:10:38.120 --> 00:10:39.270
- world-class performance out of it, I mean come on.
- 00:10:39.270 --> 00:10:42.050
- Nearly 3.000 words a minute, that's ridiculous.
- 00:10:42.050 --> 00:10:46.100
- I want that, and every one of us have this ability.
- 00:10:47.230 --> 00:10:50.170
- Some of us used to think it was only the rare few,
- 00:10:52.010 --> 00:10:53.180
- but I'm telling you, we all have this remarkable ability
- 00:10:53.180 --> 00:10:56.010
- to be able to give away something
- 00:10:56.010 --> 00:10:58.050
- world class and unique to the world.
- 00:10:58.050 --> 00:11:01.280
- Just how world class or unique is it?
- 00:11:01.280 --> 00:11:05.020
- Well this strengths assessment that was created by Gallup,
- 00:11:05.020 --> 00:11:08.190
- the Strengths Finder Assessment,
- 00:11:08.190 --> 00:11:10.130
- reveals your top five strengths.
- 00:11:10.130 --> 00:11:13.070
- And the five are important because it gives you
- 00:11:13.070 --> 00:11:15.150
- an opportunity to focus on the best of who you are.
- 00:11:15.150 --> 00:11:19.180
- Now, I want to ask you, if you could find somebody else
- 00:11:19.180 --> 00:11:23.150
- who had the same five strengths as I do, in the same order,
- 00:11:23.150 --> 00:11:27.060
- how many people do you think you'd have to talk to
- 00:11:27.060 --> 00:11:29.220
- to find that person?
- 00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:31.090
- Someone who's got the same five strengths as mine
- 00:11:31.090 --> 00:11:33.230
- in exactly the same sequence, because the sequence matters.
- 00:11:33.230 --> 00:11:37.280
- Do you know that the answer to that
- 00:11:39.030 --> 00:11:40.010
- is one in 33 million people?
- 00:11:40.010 --> 00:11:42.070
- One in 33 million people.
- 00:11:43.060 --> 00:11:45.080
- That means according to the world population
- 00:11:46.120 --> 00:11:48.170
- being about 7.6 billion people at present,
- 00:11:48.170 --> 00:11:52.020
- there's roughly 200 of us on the planet today.
- 00:11:52.020 --> 00:11:55.270
- If you think that's good, wait, we're not done yet.
- 00:11:57.110 --> 00:12:00.020
- What about if we went to top six?
- 00:12:00.020 --> 00:12:02.130
- I mean realistically, you're using your top
- 00:12:02.130 --> 00:12:04.220
- six or seven, eight strengths on a regular basis.
- 00:12:04.220 --> 00:12:07.190
- Gallup just cut it off at number five
- 00:12:07.190 --> 00:12:09.200
- because it's a marketing exercise,
- 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:11.070
- and they would love for you to buy the rest of them,
- 00:12:11.070 --> 00:12:13.030
- and there is some value in knowing the rest of them,
- 00:12:13.030 --> 00:12:15.110
- but your top five are really the most important.
- 00:12:15.110 --> 00:12:18.230
- But what if we went to number six?
- 00:12:18.230 --> 00:12:20.040
- How many people would you have to talk to
- 00:12:20.040 --> 00:12:22.170
- to find one person who had the same six strengths as me?
- 00:12:22.170 --> 00:12:26.020
- You know what the answer is?
- 00:12:26.020 --> 00:12:27.080
- One billion, one billion.
- 00:12:27.080 --> 00:12:29.100
- That means there's seven of you on the planet.
- 00:12:30.150 --> 00:12:33.270
- You want to do eight?
- 00:12:33.270 --> 00:12:35.100
- Come on, let's do eight.
- 00:12:35.100 --> 00:12:37.060
- Do you know how many people you would have to talk to
- 00:12:37.060 --> 00:12:39.180
- to find one person who might have statistically
- 00:12:39.180 --> 00:12:42.260
- the same eight strengths as you?
- 00:12:42.260 --> 00:12:45.160
- It's over 700 billion people, with a B.
- 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:50.250
- Listen people, this is what I'm telling you.
- 00:12:50.250 --> 00:12:52.280
- God has remarkably and ridiculously
- 00:12:52.280 --> 00:12:56.110
- invested his own capacity in your life,
- 00:12:56.110 --> 00:12:59.050
- in shades that you can reflect
- 00:12:59.050 --> 00:13:01.210
- to the people around you every day,
- 00:13:01.210 --> 00:13:03.210
- and the only reason you aren't able
- 00:13:03.210 --> 00:13:06.080
- to reveal that kind of power on the world these days,
- 00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:09.150
- is because you don't know.
- 00:13:09.150 --> 00:13:11.050
- We need help, we got to find out.
- 00:13:11.050 --> 00:13:13.010
- And so I want to invite you into this journey.
- 00:13:13.010 --> 00:13:15.120
- I hope you've seen from this scientific explanation
- 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:18.070
- that there is more to you than you suspect,
- 00:13:18.070 --> 00:13:20.140
- and if you will come with us and discover
- 00:13:20.140 --> 00:13:22.190
- how wonderfully God has made you, you will be blown away
- 00:13:22.190 --> 00:13:25.150
- at what a difference it makes to your life
- 00:13:25.150 --> 00:13:27.160
- and to the life of your marriage.
- 00:13:27.160 --> 00:13:29.260
- - [Announcer] TBN wants you to discover
- 00:13:29.260 --> 00:13:31.110
- the truth and principals found in Strengths Based Marriage,
- 00:13:31.110 --> 00:13:34.120
- and you will begin to see your relationship
- 00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:36.020
- with your spouse in a whole new way.
- 00:13:36.020 --> 00:13:38.150
- Call or go online to request this powerful collection today
- 00:13:38.150 --> 00:13:41.220
- with your gift of $120 or more,
- 00:13:41.220 --> 00:13:44.030
- and as our thank you for supporting TBN,
- 00:13:44.030 --> 00:13:46.210
- we will rush these incredible resources to you today.
- 00:13:46.210 --> 00:13:50.110
- Call 800-626-7454, or visit tbn.org/strongmarriage.
- 00:13:50.110 --> 00:13:54.150
- Call 800-626-7454, or visit tbn.org/strongmarriage.
- 00:13:54.150 --> 00:13:56.150
- - If you're just tuning in,
- 00:14:00.130 --> 00:14:01.250
- welcome to Strengths Based Marriage.
- 00:14:01.250 --> 00:14:04.020
- We have a guest couple with us today.
- 00:14:04.020 --> 00:14:05.250
- Let's have a look at how
- 00:14:05.250 --> 00:14:07.060
- their strengths influence their marriage.
- 00:14:07.060 --> 00:14:10.110
- - [Announcer] Today's couple is Kyle Windebank and Mary Fox
- 00:14:10.110 --> 00:14:13.000
- from Colorado Springs, Colorado.
- 00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:14.250
- Kyle's top five strengths are restorative, context,
- 00:14:14.250 --> 00:14:18.050
- learner, command, and intellection.
- 00:14:18.050 --> 00:14:20.260
- Mary's top five strengths are positivity, relator,
- 00:14:20.260 --> 00:14:24.050
- arranger, harmony, and communication.
- 00:14:24.050 --> 00:14:27.080
- - Well I'm Allan Kelsey and this is Jimmy Evans.
- 00:14:28.170 --> 00:14:30.190
- We are the co-authors of Strengths Based Marriage,
- 00:14:30.190 --> 00:14:32.250
- and we're so excited to spend
- 00:14:32.250 --> 00:14:34.010
- some time today with Kyle and Mary.
- 00:14:34.010 --> 00:14:35.280
- God, I mean you guys traveled
- 00:14:35.280 --> 00:14:37.050
- a good distance to come here today.
- 00:14:37.050 --> 00:14:38.190
- Thank you so much for joining us today.
- 00:14:38.190 --> 00:14:40.140
- - Of course, thanks for having us.
- 00:14:40.140 --> 00:14:41.290
- - For our viewing audience, why don't you just give us
- 00:14:41.290 --> 00:14:43.180
- a little bit about what you do and what your
- 00:14:43.180 --> 00:14:45.180
- marital status is, and just a snapshot of the pair of you.
- 00:14:45.180 --> 00:14:49.000
- - Yeah, so currently we're engaged.
- 00:14:49.000 --> 00:14:51.010
- Getting married about three weeks from now.
- 00:14:51.010 --> 00:14:53.080
- - [Allan] Wait, so you're not married yet?
- 00:14:53.080 --> 00:14:54.140
- - Not married yet.
- 00:14:54.140 --> 00:14:55.200
- - [Allan] We got a fresh set right here.
- 00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:56.240
- - Oh wow, we love it. (Mary laughs)
- 00:14:56.240 --> 00:14:58.230
- - Yeah, so three weeks, we're both currently in the Springs.
- 00:14:58.230 --> 00:15:01.290
- We are working and moving forward
- 00:15:01.290 --> 00:15:05.050
- and preparing for marriage. - [Allan] Yeah.
- 00:15:05.050 --> 00:15:07.230
- - I did a lot of pre-marriage counseling
- 00:15:07.230 --> 00:15:09.120
- when I first came in the ministry.
- 00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:11.080
- You guys are so wise to slow down
- 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:15.120
- and prepare yourselves before you get married.
- 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:17.290
- Because first of all, it just is gonna save you
- 00:15:17.290 --> 00:15:20.210
- a lot of heartache that you would have gone through,
- 00:15:20.210 --> 00:15:23.240
- and secondly, you're just gonna have success and blessings
- 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:27.290
- because of that, because you're prepared.
- 00:15:29.010 --> 00:15:30.250
- And you don't know your strengths.
- 00:15:30.250 --> 00:15:32.180
- - Not yet.
- 00:15:32.180 --> 00:15:34.030
- - Yeah that's right, you haven't even had a chance
- 00:15:34.030 --> 00:15:35.190
- to look at each other's or to know what they are yet.
- 00:15:35.190 --> 00:15:37.030
- So why don't we start with that?
- 00:15:37.030 --> 00:15:38.230
- Should we just get in and kind of talk about them?
- 00:15:38.230 --> 00:15:40.260
- Alright, ladies first. - Okay.
- 00:15:40.260 --> 00:15:42.250
- - So you ready, Mary?
- 00:15:42.250 --> 00:15:43.230
- I'm about to reveal to you,
- 00:15:43.230 --> 00:15:45.150
- or really to Kyle, because you know what yours are.
- 00:15:45.150 --> 00:15:48.120
- So her number one strength is positivity.
- 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:51.180
- Which means that she kind of has this tendency
- 00:15:51.180 --> 00:15:53.250
- to look at the glass half full you know, not half empty.
- 00:15:53.250 --> 00:15:58.000
- So that's a very positive outlook for life,
- 00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:02.140
- but it also has, it has an implication,
- 00:16:02.140 --> 00:16:05.020
- which means she needs a positive environment,
- 00:16:05.020 --> 00:16:08.060
- and if she finds one that's not that kind of positive,
- 00:16:08.060 --> 00:16:11.030
- she'll work really hard to convert it
- 00:16:11.030 --> 00:16:13.020
- so that there's hope in the room,
- 00:16:13.020 --> 00:16:15.050
- but if after a length of time
- 00:16:15.050 --> 00:16:16.200
- she can't get the room converted, she'll leave.
- 00:16:16.200 --> 00:16:19.240
- I mean it's that big of a deal.
- 00:16:19.240 --> 00:16:21.020
- It's that much of a filter for her.
- 00:16:21.020 --> 00:16:22.240
- She has to have a positive environment.
- 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:25.270
- Next one is relator, so she loves one-on-one relationships,
- 00:16:25.270 --> 00:16:29.220
- loves deep, meaningful conversation.
- 00:16:29.220 --> 00:16:32.220
- I'll give you a hint here.
- 00:16:33.190 --> 00:16:35.000
- Relators love to have eye-to-eye
- 00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:37.000
- contact when you're communicating.
- 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:38.250
- If you mess around with your phone
- 00:16:38.250 --> 00:16:40.100
- while you're talking to her, oh, I'm telling you.
- 00:16:40.100 --> 00:16:42.200
- You're liable to get a little (imitates bone crack) over it.
- 00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:45.150
- Alright, number three is arranger.
- 00:16:45.150 --> 00:16:48.130
- So your arranger is just the idea that you intuitively
- 00:16:48.130 --> 00:16:52.050
- know how the pieces fit together,
- 00:16:52.050 --> 00:16:54.030
- and you have a sense of what will work best
- 00:16:54.030 --> 00:16:57.000
- for that particular mix.
- 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.190
- If I take one out and put another one in,
- 00:16:58.190 --> 00:17:00.290
- then you mix it differently
- 00:17:00.290 --> 00:17:02.030
- because that's a different mix of things.
- 00:17:02.030 --> 00:17:04.110
- And so it works for people and it works for stuff.
- 00:17:04.110 --> 00:17:06.170
- She's just naturally good at arranging.
- 00:17:06.170 --> 00:17:09.220
- And then the fourth is harmony, which means that you are,
- 00:17:09.220 --> 00:17:13.250
- you just will make room for others,
- 00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:16.130
- and you'll make adjustment
- 00:17:16.130 --> 00:17:18.060
- even if it costs you a little something
- 00:17:18.060 --> 00:17:20.020
- in order to make it so that everybody can get along,
- 00:17:20.020 --> 00:17:22.190
- and you really value community, unity,
- 00:17:22.190 --> 00:17:25.210
- people thinking and working together.
- 00:17:25.210 --> 00:17:27.210
- So you're a very natural team builder, which is wonderful.
- 00:17:27.210 --> 00:17:31.060
- And then the last is communication.
- 00:17:31.060 --> 00:17:33.150
- So she loves to be able to communicate.
- 00:17:33.150 --> 00:17:35.140
- In this regard, I have a question for you then, Mary.
- 00:17:35.140 --> 00:17:38.090
- Communication is both written and spoken.
- 00:17:38.090 --> 00:17:41.130
- Which is your preference, and if it's both,
- 00:17:41.130 --> 00:17:43.160
- can you split them up like 60/40, 20/10?
- 00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:47.090
- How would you do it?
- 00:17:47.090 --> 00:17:49.040
- - First initial thought is 100% verbal, spoken.
- 00:17:49.040 --> 00:17:53.090
- - [Allan] Speaking, yes.
- 00:17:54.010 --> 00:17:55.130
- - I appreciate more of that side
- 00:17:55.130 --> 00:17:56.200
- of communication verse written,
- 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:59.140
- though I have an appreciation,
- 00:17:59.140 --> 00:18:01.100
- and overall it's probably like a 80 spoken, 20 written.
- 00:18:01.100 --> 00:18:05.150
- - [Allan] Yeah. - Yeah.
- 00:18:06.090 --> 00:18:07.240
- - So is there any of this that you find confirming
- 00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:10.030
- in the way that you know her to be?
- 00:18:10.030 --> 00:18:11.280
- - For sure, I think her positivity
- 00:18:11.280 --> 00:18:14.130
- is something that jumps out, definitely.
- 00:18:14.130 --> 00:18:16.060
- As I have viewed our relationship as a very positive person,
- 00:18:16.060 --> 00:18:20.110
- ready to jump into a situation,
- 00:18:21.070 --> 00:18:22.140
- and you know, like you were saying,
- 00:18:22.140 --> 00:18:23.210
- make the glass half full for sure, so.
- 00:18:23.210 --> 00:18:26.120
- - I think it's a phenomenal strength to have as number one.
- 00:18:26.120 --> 00:18:30.170
- Sometimes what can happen in a marriage is that
- 00:18:31.290 --> 00:18:35.000
- we look at our spouses strengths,
- 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:39.130
- and we think well Mary's just naive, she's always positive.
- 00:18:39.130 --> 00:18:42.180
- So I need to give the balance of that and tell her
- 00:18:42.180 --> 00:18:45.140
- Armageddon's next week. (laughter)
- 00:18:45.140 --> 00:18:48.030
- You really need to get some negative in here,
- 00:18:48.030 --> 00:18:50.220
- because bad things are coming.
- 00:18:50.220 --> 00:18:52.020
- I'm not saying you're doing that today.
- 00:18:52.020 --> 00:18:53.260
- I'm saying after 10 or 15 years of marriage,
- 00:18:53.260 --> 00:18:56.030
- sometimes the positivity can wear on you,
- 00:18:56.030 --> 00:18:58.270
- and the point being, she's wired that way from birth.
- 00:18:58.270 --> 00:19:01.200
- And so she's not gonna be that way today.
- 00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:04.000
- She's gonna be that way 50 years from now.
- 00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:06.000
- When y'all are celebrating
- 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:07.050
- your golden anniversary 50 years from now.
- 00:19:07.050 --> 00:19:10.110
- My wife and I, you know, we're the same as we were
- 00:19:10.110 --> 00:19:12.240
- when we were 19 years old, our general strengths.
- 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:14.230
- So I think it's a fantastic strength.
- 00:19:14.230 --> 00:19:18.050
- - Okay Mary, are you ready to hear
- 00:19:18.050 --> 00:19:19.100
- about this man you're about to marry?
- 00:19:19.100 --> 00:19:20.100
- - I am. - Okay.
- 00:19:20.100 --> 00:19:21.180
- So number one, he starts with restorative,
- 00:19:21.180 --> 00:19:23.210
- which means he can look at people or things
- 00:19:23.210 --> 00:19:26.170
- and has this intuitive sense
- 00:19:26.170 --> 00:19:28.110
- of how to bring the former glory back.
- 00:19:28.110 --> 00:19:31.070
- Like there might be something missing,
- 00:19:31.070 --> 00:19:32.180
- and he knows how to repair it,
- 00:19:32.180 --> 00:19:34.150
- and he has the motivation to see that happen.
- 00:19:34.150 --> 00:19:37.030
- Then next is context, which means that you have,
- 00:19:37.030 --> 00:19:40.030
- you have just as much interest in how we got here
- 00:19:40.030 --> 00:19:43.020
- as where we're going,
- 00:19:43.020 --> 00:19:44.220
- and you just bring kind of
- 00:19:44.220 --> 00:19:46.090
- past experiences into present conversation because for you,
- 00:19:46.090 --> 00:19:50.040
- it's a very relevant contributor
- 00:19:50.040 --> 00:19:52.080
- to today's you know, kind of experiences.
- 00:19:52.080 --> 00:19:55.210
- You have learner at number three,
- 00:19:57.010 --> 00:19:58.220
- which means you have this persistent curiosity
- 00:19:58.220 --> 00:20:01.220
- about a wide range of things, which is great.
- 00:20:01.220 --> 00:20:04.220
- Kyle, then you have command,
- 00:20:04.220 --> 00:20:06.070
- which is a very strong leadership kind of a gift.
- 00:20:06.070 --> 00:20:09.070
- It's a gift that brings very natural
- 00:20:09.070 --> 00:20:12.020
- structure and order to things or people,
- 00:20:12.020 --> 00:20:15.000
- and you have a good sense
- 00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:16.120
- of how to lead a company, not just a crowd.
- 00:20:16.120 --> 00:20:19.030
- So I think that that's a good insight to have.
- 00:20:19.030 --> 00:20:23.080
- And then the last one is intellection,
- 00:20:24.130 --> 00:20:25.200
- which means the gears are always turning.
- 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:28.140
- That hard drive upstairs is always running,
- 00:20:28.140 --> 00:20:30.120
- and you might come across him from time to time
- 00:20:30.120 --> 00:20:32.260
- staring out of a window, and you're wondering
- 00:20:32.260 --> 00:20:34.290
- what he's looking at, and he's not looking at the window.
- 00:20:34.290 --> 00:20:37.080
- He's off somewhere else in his head
- 00:20:37.080 --> 00:20:38.200
- kind of postulating and measuring things,
- 00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:40.230
- and you might wonder like, is he even here?
- 00:20:40.230 --> 00:20:44.130
- Like, what's happening?
- 00:20:44.130 --> 00:20:45.110
- I don't know. (chuckles)
- 00:20:45.110 --> 00:20:46.240
- But it's a wonderful strength,
- 00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:48.020
- because what you digest and what you ruminate on
- 00:20:48.020 --> 00:20:52.060
- creates wonderful product in the end of it.
- 00:20:53.170 --> 00:20:55.030
- So is there anything surprising or confirming then,
- 00:20:55.030 --> 00:20:58.000
- for you Mary, as you think about
- 00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.200
- what you've just heard for him?
- 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:00.280
- - I would say not surprising.
- 00:21:00.280 --> 00:21:02.230
- A lot of what you're saying defines who he is.
- 00:21:02.230 --> 00:21:06.150
- Now it just puts words to things I've observed about him.
- 00:21:06.150 --> 00:21:09.290
- So like restorative, he always sees projects
- 00:21:09.290 --> 00:21:12.080
- and wants to work with his hands,
- 00:21:12.080 --> 00:21:13.280
- or he always is reading, which is great, I love that.
- 00:21:13.280 --> 00:21:17.160
- So he reads all these books at night, late into the night,
- 00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:20.050
- and then he comes, "This is what I'm reading about."
- 00:21:20.050 --> 00:21:22.170
- What was it, Malcolm X,
- 00:21:22.170 --> 00:21:23.240
- that was his last book he read about,
- 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:25.130
- and we talked, we had a car ride,
- 00:21:25.130 --> 00:21:26.190
- and he talked all about it, and I was like,
- 00:21:26.190 --> 00:21:28.030
- "Yeah, I don't mind learning, it's fun."
- 00:21:28.030 --> 00:21:29.140
- (Allan laughs)
- 00:21:29.140 --> 00:21:31.090
- Command makes total sense, and then the one where's he's
- 00:21:31.090 --> 00:21:34.180
- thinking in his brain, that totally makes sense.
- 00:21:34.180 --> 00:21:37.220
- Where we're having a conversation sometimes,
- 00:21:37.220 --> 00:21:39.260
- and I can see the gears kind of rolling in his brain.
- 00:21:39.260 --> 00:21:43.020
- It totally makes sense.
- 00:21:43.020 --> 00:21:44.170
- - Alright, so when I put these two together, okay,
- 00:21:44.170 --> 00:21:46.100
- because this is like soup now.
- 00:21:46.100 --> 00:21:47.260
- All these ingredients are about to go into one container,
- 00:21:47.260 --> 00:21:50.160
- and we're gonna see what comes out of all of that.
- 00:21:50.160 --> 00:21:53.250
- I'm aware, because of the strengths
- 00:21:53.250 --> 00:21:55.120
- that the two of you have,
- 00:21:55.120 --> 00:21:56.230
- that there may be an opportunity for misunderstanding.
- 00:21:56.230 --> 00:22:00.090
- Just if you default to your natural position.
- 00:22:00.090 --> 00:22:02.280
- Now I'm not painting doom and gloom for your marriage,
- 00:22:02.280 --> 00:22:04.290
- what I'm saying is, I think there's opportunity here
- 00:22:04.290 --> 00:22:07.230
- for you to avoid pain in the future
- 00:22:07.230 --> 00:22:10.030
- by knowing each other in a more deep kind of way.
- 00:22:10.030 --> 00:22:14.060
- So Mary, you have communication,
- 00:22:15.020 --> 00:22:16.180
- which means that the distance between your thought
- 00:22:16.180 --> 00:22:19.280
- and what you say is really short, and it's very clear.
- 00:22:19.280 --> 00:22:24.020
- So what you say is genuinely what you think,
- 00:22:24.020 --> 00:22:27.050
- and so it just really easily comes out.
- 00:22:27.050 --> 00:22:29.210
- Kyle, you have restorative, which means that
- 00:22:29.210 --> 00:22:32.080
- you inherently have an ability to see
- 00:22:32.080 --> 00:22:34.190
- what's not there or what's missing and want to bring it
- 00:22:34.190 --> 00:22:38.190
- so that you can restore the thing,
- 00:22:38.190 --> 00:22:40.040
- make it as beautiful as it was all along.
- 00:22:40.040 --> 00:22:43.170
- But both of these two strengths
- 00:22:43.170 --> 00:22:45.140
- lend themselves to elements of being misunderstood,
- 00:22:45.140 --> 00:22:49.190
- for different reasons that we probably
- 00:22:50.220 --> 00:22:51.290
- don't have time to get involved with right now,
- 00:22:51.290 --> 00:22:53.130
- but if you'll just take my word for it, it is often true.
- 00:22:53.130 --> 00:22:57.100
- Hers being misunderstood because she is,
- 00:22:57.100 --> 00:23:01.170
- she transects on the value of the words.
- 00:23:02.230 --> 00:23:04.200
- Like, because what she thinks and what she says
- 00:23:04.200 --> 00:23:07.110
- is so close, like those are the same thing,
- 00:23:07.110 --> 00:23:10.110
- she takes what's said as being at face value.
- 00:23:10.110 --> 00:23:13.180
- So, that must be what the people are thinking,
- 00:23:13.180 --> 00:23:16.100
- whereas that's not always the case
- 00:23:16.100 --> 00:23:17.280
- with the rest of us, we know that.
- 00:23:17.280 --> 00:23:20.170
- You on the other hand,
- 00:23:20.170 --> 00:23:21.240
- are so accustomed to seeing what's not there,
- 00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:24.020
- you look for it in dialogue also.
- 00:23:24.020 --> 00:23:26.070
- So you look for it in communication,
- 00:23:26.070 --> 00:23:27.290
- and so you often wonder, like,
- 00:23:27.290 --> 00:23:29.080
- "What else is there that's not being said?"
- 00:23:29.080 --> 00:23:31.140
- And so I just see potentially
- 00:23:31.140 --> 00:23:33.080
- you guys not being understood with each other at times.
- 00:23:33.080 --> 00:23:36.250
- Talk to me a little bit about your dialogue
- 00:23:36.250 --> 00:23:38.210
- and the quality of how you feel you communicate.
- 00:23:38.210 --> 00:23:42.240
- - Yeah, I would agree, and I would say,
- 00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:45.000
- like what you're communicating happens sometimes,
- 00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:48.290
- but what we've learned to do is if I'm verbally processing
- 00:23:48.290 --> 00:23:52.190
- or just saying what's coming out in my thoughts,
- 00:23:52.190 --> 00:23:55.010
- I just tell Kyle, "Hey this is just
- 00:23:55.010 --> 00:23:57.030
- "what I'm thinking right now, it's not a set thought,
- 00:23:57.030 --> 00:24:00.060
- "it's not where I'm landing at this moment."
- 00:24:00.060 --> 00:24:03.060
- It's just my verbal process
- 00:24:03.060 --> 00:24:04.220
- to try to get where he's already at,
- 00:24:04.220 --> 00:24:07.050
- or some of the missing parts I'm trying to communicate that.
- 00:24:07.050 --> 00:24:10.270
- - As you guys are sitting here, what I'm thinking is this.
- 00:24:10.270 --> 00:24:14.240
- You could flood him with words, right?
- 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:17.150
- - Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.
- 00:24:17.150 --> 00:24:18.290
- - [Jimmy] You ever feel that way?
- 00:24:18.290 --> 00:24:20.030
- - It's happened, yeah. (Mary laughs)
- 00:24:20.030 --> 00:24:21.270
- - Well, and so what happens is
- 00:24:21.270 --> 00:24:23.120
- one of her deepest needs, a woman's deepest needs,
- 00:24:23.120 --> 00:24:26.290
- is for open and honest communication.
- 00:24:26.290 --> 00:24:29.020
- And so when you're communicating with her,
- 00:24:29.020 --> 00:24:31.160
- she doesn't just want information, she wants emotion.
- 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:35.080
- - Kyle and Mary,
- 00:24:35.080 --> 00:24:36.240
- it was such a joy being able to spend time with you today.
- 00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:39.290
- We've really just gotten to unpack some of the elements
- 00:24:39.290 --> 00:24:43.170
- of your strengths and how they play into each other,
- 00:24:43.170 --> 00:24:45.230
- but we're excited about you guys
- 00:24:45.230 --> 00:24:47.140
- getting married and what the future holds,
- 00:24:47.140 --> 00:24:49.140
- and you being able to balance your strengths with each other
- 00:24:49.140 --> 00:24:53.010
- and move on to a powerful, long-lasting marriage.
- 00:24:53.010 --> 00:24:55.250
- Thanks for joining us today.
- 00:24:55.250 --> 00:24:56.290
- - Thank you so much. - Thank you.
- 00:24:56.290 --> 00:24:59.130
- - I love to see stories like that.
- 00:24:59.130 --> 00:25:01.150
- That's why we do what we do, and an example of the impact
- 00:25:01.150 --> 00:25:05.000
- these powerful resources can have on your marriage.
- 00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:08.050
- - Yeah, for example, maybe your number one strength
- 00:25:08.050 --> 00:25:10.250
- is empathy, and your spouse's strength is to be restorative.
- 00:25:10.250 --> 00:25:14.240
- Being aware of that is so important,
- 00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:16.270
- because it will help you
- 00:25:16.270 --> 00:25:18.050
- to understand how each of you think,
- 00:25:18.050 --> 00:25:19.240
- because while someone who is empathetic
- 00:25:19.240 --> 00:25:21.260
- will feel what others are feeling,
- 00:25:21.260 --> 00:25:23.250
- a restorative spouse will see a problem and try to fix it.
- 00:25:23.250 --> 00:25:27.190
- They both want there to be
- 00:25:27.190 --> 00:25:28.290
- resolution and understanding, peace and growth,
- 00:25:28.290 --> 00:25:32.160
- but their perspectives are completely opposite,
- 00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.240
- and if misunderstood by each other,
- 00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.080
- can be cause for some really heated discussion.
- 00:25:37.080 --> 00:25:40.000
- - But trust me, no matter what situation you're in,
- 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:43.030
- your marriage can thrive in every area,
- 00:25:43.030 --> 00:25:46.010
- emotionally, physically, and spiritually,
- 00:25:46.010 --> 00:25:48.040
- and we want to help you experience that today.
- 00:25:48.040 --> 00:25:50.190
- So request your Strengths Based Marriage resources
- 00:25:50.190 --> 00:25:53.210
- with your gift, and discover the principals you need
- 00:25:53.210 --> 00:25:56.180
- to see yourself, your spouse,
- 00:25:56.180 --> 00:25:58.200
- and your marriage in a new, amazing way.
- 00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:02.020
- - [Announcer] TBN wants you to discover the truths
- 00:26:03.150 --> 00:26:05.010
- and principals found in Strengths Based Marriage,
- 00:26:05.010 --> 00:26:07.220
- and you will begin to see your relationship
- 00:26:07.220 --> 00:26:09.100
- with your spouse in a whole new way.
- 00:26:09.100 --> 00:26:11.240
- Call or go online to request this powerful collection today
- 00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:15.000
- With your gift of $120 or more.
- 00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:17.190
- And as our thank you for supporting TBN,
- 00:26:17.190 --> 00:26:20.020
- we will rush these incredible resources to you today.
- 00:26:20.020 --> 00:26:23.180
- Call 800-626-7454 or visit tbn.org/strongmarriage.
- 00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:27.230
- Call 800-626-7454 or visit tbn.org/strongmarriage.
- 00:26:27.230 --> 00:26:30.130
- - Thanks for joining us on this journey of discovery.
- 00:26:34.170 --> 00:26:36.270
- It's amazing how focusing on what's right
- 00:26:36.270 --> 00:26:39.190
- in our relationships can strengthen marriage
- 00:26:39.190 --> 00:26:42.070
- in ways we never thought possible.
- 00:26:42.070 --> 00:26:44.030
- - Yeah, join us next time when we'll dig deeper
- 00:26:44.030 --> 00:26:46.140
- into how operating in our strengths
- 00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:48.230
- releases a chemical reaction in the brain
- 00:26:48.230 --> 00:26:51.090
- that's a feel-good gift from God.
- 00:26:51.090 --> 00:26:53.240
- Plus, we'll explore how you can operate
- 00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:56.030
- more like a talent scout in your marriage,
- 00:26:56.030 --> 00:26:58.160
- setting each of you free to put your talents to use
- 00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:02.080
- in the areas where each of you are most gifted.
- 00:27:02.080 --> 00:27:05.150
- God designed us to be different,
- 00:27:05.150 --> 00:27:07.020
- and when we celebrate those differences we become stronger,
- 00:27:07.020 --> 00:27:10.090
- more successful as a team.
- 00:27:10.090 --> 00:27:12.190
- I can't wait to see what God reveals
- 00:27:12.190 --> 00:27:14.140
- for all of us in our relationships
- 00:27:14.140 --> 00:27:16.130
- in the next episode of Strengths Based Marriage.
- 00:27:16.130 --> 00:27:19.100
- See you then.
- 00:27:19.100 --> 00:27:20.130