Understanding Strengths Part 2 | TBN
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Understanding Strengths Part 2

Watch Understanding Strengths Part 2
February 19, 2018
27:30

Strengths Based Marriage with Jimmy Evans & Allan Kelsey

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Understanding Strengths Part 2

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  • - Since the beginning of time,
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  • marriage has been the foundation of society.
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  • And one of the secrets of success in marriage
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  • is you don't have to marry
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  • the perfect person who's just like you.
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  • - Yeah, you see, God has created each of us
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  • with a unique set of strengths
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  • that when celebrated, rather than stifled,
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  • can unlock the true potential of your marriage.
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  • In Strengths Based Marriage,
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  • we've drawn from more than 50 years of research
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  • from the Gallup Institute combined with over 35 years
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  • of experience in marriage counseling,
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  • to develop an incredibly exciting resource
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  • that can literally revolutionize your relationship
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  • and prepare you for a lifetime of passion
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  • and intimacy and we can't wait to share it with you.
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  • - That's right.
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  • When you learn to recognize and focus
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  • on the strengths of your spouse,
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  • you'll be able to celebrate what's right about them.
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  • And value their God-given differences, not resent them.
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  • So join us on the journey to explore
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  • how implementing a strengths based marriage
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  • can bring you closer together
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  • than ever before with your spouse.
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  • - [Narrator] Dr. Donald O. Clifton
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  • was a forerunner in positive psychology.
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  • Through his research, he identified 34 universal strengths
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  • that exist within each individual.
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  • Working with Gallup, he developed
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  • the Strengths Finder Assessment,
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  • which reveals how our unique order of strengths
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  • affect the way we engage with the world around us.
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  • Influencing our thoughts, feelings and behavior.
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  • Thousands of businesses, teams and churches
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  • have harnessed this strengths based approach to interacting
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  • resulting in stronger relationships and greater performance.
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  • So what happens when you apply these
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  • same ideas to your own personal relationships?
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  • Or even your marriage?
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  • On this journey, you will discover
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  • how to thrive in your strengths,
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  • recognize the positive traits in your partner,
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  • and develop your own Strengths Based Marriage.
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  • (happy triumphant music)
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  • - If you're like me, the first time I heard
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  • about strengths, I was really excited
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  • and I couldn't wait to discover more
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  • about this aspect of who God made me to be.
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  • The detail, the nuance to detail
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  • of what made me tick.
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  • And then what followed after that
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  • was a sense of, I think I'm normal.
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  • I actually think I'm normal.
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  • I'm not crazy, I do this stuff and it's not weird.
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  • So many times, there were things
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  • that people would tell me like,
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  • I don't understand your behavior
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  • and when we don't understand something,
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  • we tend to reject it don't we?
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  • I mean, we just do that.
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  • If you don't understand something,
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  • you just kinda hold it at arm's length
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  • until you know what to do with what you've just been given.
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  • Well imagine if that's true about your spouse.
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  • You discover her, you fall in love with her,
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  • but then you begin to see elements of who he or she is,
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  • and if you don't understand it,
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  • you just start to hold it at arm's length
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  • because it's just weird, I don't know what to do with that.
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  • I felt so affirmed by it.
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  • I felt so seen.
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  • I felt so just understood
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  • when I began to understand my own strengths.
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  • I couldn't wait to tell people that were close to me.
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  • I remember going to my brother and saying,
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  • you need to discover these things,
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  • you need to find out how God wired you.
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  • And he said, Allan I can see how enthusiastic you are,
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  • and I love that you are so in tune with this idea,
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  • but honestly, I got a lot of stuff going on right now
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  • and I don't know that I have opportunity or energy
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  • to put against yet one more thing
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  • that I have to sort of master or learn or understand.
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  • Why do I need to do that?
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  • That really, that put me on an interesting journey.
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  • I really began to look and try to understand
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  • why it is that this really matters for us.
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  • And there are really two primary reasons
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  • why you wanna know where your greatest strengths are.
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  • The first is, it's that idea.
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  • It is about your greatest contribution.
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  • You know, it is highly unlikely
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  • that the best of your life,
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  • that the best contribution of your life
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  • is going to happen without the use of your strengths.
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  • It's highly unlikely.
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  • Because God has wired you with so much capacity there.
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  • Think about it, if you have a particular strength,
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  • like one of mine is strategic.
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  • This means that I love to begin with the end in mind.
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  • I means that I see things in patterns
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  • and I can foretell in a way, how they're gonna unfold.
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  • Just comes naturally to me, I know how to do this
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  • and I'm interested in variety.
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  • It kinda causes me to explore new things.
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  • Well this is a natural part of my life
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  • and I've had it from the time I was born
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  • and so, this is just kinda the way I think.
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  • It's like a lens that colors the way I see.
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  • But once I learned that I had that strength,
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  • it really made it normal for me
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  • and I then began to see how this
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  • could influence others around me.
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  • But some of my greatest contributions in life
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  • are gonna come from the use of this very strength.
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  • This idea that I begin with the end in mind,
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  • I use this to this day in my role in my job, in my work.
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  • And I use it at home.
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  • Do you know, when we pack the car to go on vacation,
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  • I get to do the packing
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  • because there is a strategic way
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  • in which the suitcases and the loose bags
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  • and all the other goodies need to
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  • find their way into the back of the car.
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  • And I know that because I get to begin with the end in mind.
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  • I see how it's all gonna fit or if it's not gonna fit.
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  • Well, if my spouse doesn't know that that's the case,
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  • if she doesn't know that I have this capacity,
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  • if she looks at my fussiness
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  • about wanting to control this issue
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  • of how the bags go in the car,
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  • she could label it as a control issue,
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  • she could label it as being domineering,
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  • she could label it as being too fussy,
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  • she could label a number of different ways.
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  • I'm telling you, the greatest contribution of your life
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  • is gonna come from knowing what your strengths are
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  • and doing something purposefully and impressively about it.
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  • And the second, the second is it's about your joy.
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  • I mean literally, there's two glands
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  • in the inside of your brain that release this enzyme
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  • that have this endorphin affect on your life
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  • that make you feel fantastic.
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  • I mean the legal kind of fantastic
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  • and it's so, so repeatable.
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  • It can happen over and over and over again.
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  • But there's a very, very particular set of circumstances
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  • that must be in place in order for you to have access
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  • to that kind of joy juice if you'd like.
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  • And it's when you're using your strengths.
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  • The maker of the universe has created us in his image.
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  • It's not enough that he has invested
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  • these strengths in us so that we could walk around
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  • and display them on the Earth
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  • for the benefit of mankind,
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  • but he's also wired it in such a way,
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  • that when we actually do what he's wired us to do,
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  • we get a payoff every time.
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  • It's this Pavlovian reward for following
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  • in the design the God has made you with.
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  • It's ridiculous.
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  • I think it's enough that God would give us how he's made,
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  • but then when we get this other payoff along the way,
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  • it's amazing.
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  • Some of what you see happening with me right now
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  • is evidence that I'm on this juice right now.
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  • It makes me kinda lean in on the conversation.
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  • It makes my eyeballs bug out,
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  • it makes me do wild and big, crazy hands in my gestures,
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  • it causes the tone in the pitch of my speech
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  • to go in big variations.
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  • All of these are indicators that I am experiencing
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  • this endorphin rush right now,
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  • and it's a marker for you to know
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  • that I'm operating in one of my strengths.
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  • Now, here's the beauty of this
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  • and this is the piece that floors me about God.
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  • He is such a persistent respecter of persons.
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  • Or not a respecter of persons,
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  • that he will give to everybody liberally, these strengths
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  • and you get to do what you want with them.
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  • If you chose to use your strengths
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  • to do destructive things in humanity,
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  • you could totally do that.
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  • And oh by the way, when you did it,
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  • that endorphin payoff would still happen.
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  • You would still get that sense of joy
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  • and so you'd have this twisted sense of affirmation
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  • that what you're doing is good in a way.
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  • This is wonderful.
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  • I love that we can know this.
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  • For one, it shows how fantastic God is
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  • in his consistent and persistent blessing of us.
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  • He gives us his dynamic power
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  • and then says, but you get to choose.
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  • You get to choose how you use it.
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  • And in a marriage context, this changes the game completely.
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  • Because I now know, when I'm using my strengths
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  • to pack the suitcases in the back of the car
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  • and I'm getting this endorphin rush
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  • that's making me feel inherently good about what I'm doing,
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  • that this is right, this can inform my spouse
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  • and help her understand what's going on with me.
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  • I'm insisting on doing this,
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  • not just because I have a sense
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  • that this is the right thing to do,
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  • but I'm insisting on it because
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  • it's a way for me to feel happy.
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  • I actually love it.
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  • It makes me feel good.
  • 00:09:08.270 --> 00:09:10.050
  • Will you let me pack the bags please?
  • 00:09:10.050 --> 00:09:12.140
  • And so when I become protective over it,
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  • it's not because I have to control,
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  • I become protective over it because
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  • it's access to joy in my brain.
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  • This stuff changes everything.
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  • When you understand that this is how your wired,
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  • when you understand that this is your motivation,
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  • when you understand that your spouse is responding
  • 00:09:27.130 --> 00:09:29.260
  • out of this kind of approach,
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  • than it changes the way you respond to that.
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  • Because now, his or her activity
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  • isn't intended to just needle you
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  • or drive you crazy, or make you mad.
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  • It's self-serving in a way because
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  • I have as sense that was I'm doing is right
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  • and I feel God's reward when I'm using it.
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  • I just think this kind of clarity
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  • changes the game and our understanding in our relationships.
  • 00:09:54.140 --> 00:09:58.010
  • Now, we all get these strengths
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  • and there's probably three or four ways
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  • that they present themselves.
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  • The first is, you don't know.
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  • You have no idea you have this ability.
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  • And so it's working in you because
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  • just 'cause you don't know intellectually,
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  • just 'cause you haven't made the connection
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  • that you have this ability,
  • 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:14.170
  • doesn't mean it's not working.
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  • It just means you don't know.
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  • So it's still in play and it's still feeding you
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  • the endorphin rush, you're just not aware of it.
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  • You're not using it purposefully,
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  • it's not doing you any good,
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  • you're kind of almost a victim to it.
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  • That's definitely no good.
  • 00:10:27.270 --> 00:10:29.250
  • Level two is, you know you have your strengths
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  • and you're using it well.
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  • The first one is, I'm not aware of it.
  • 00:10:34.190 --> 00:10:36.080
  • It's underused.
  • 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:37.060
  • The second is, I'm using it well
  • 00:10:37.060 --> 00:10:38.200
  • and I'm aware that I have it.
  • 00:10:38.200 --> 00:10:41.210
  • In this case, I'm aware of my strengths,
  • 00:10:41.210 --> 00:10:43.120
  • I'm doing something to improve them,
  • 00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:45.100
  • I'm activating them on purpose,
  • 00:10:45.100 --> 00:10:47.100
  • and it's good for me and it's good for everybody else.
  • 00:10:47.100 --> 00:10:50.080
  • That's a great general rule for a healthy strength.
  • 00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:52.240
  • It's good for me, it's good for everybody else.
  • 00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:55.030
  • The third one is, it's over used.
  • 00:10:55.030 --> 00:10:57.220
  • Meaning, I'm not so addicted to this endorphin rush,
  • 00:10:57.220 --> 00:11:01.050
  • I've kinda been jazzed by it so much,
  • 00:11:01.050 --> 00:11:03.120
  • I insist on having it all the time,
  • 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:05.020
  • and I kinda don't care how anybody else feels.
  • 00:11:05.020 --> 00:11:07.100
  • Now I'm being a jerk about it.
  • 00:11:07.100 --> 00:11:08.260
  • I'm just using my strengths to get my joy
  • 00:11:08.260 --> 00:11:11.190
  • and I kinda don't care if it's hurting other people.
  • 00:11:11.190 --> 00:11:14.090
  • And the way they respond is they kinda go,
  • 00:11:14.090 --> 00:11:16.120
  • whoa, that's too loud.
  • 00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:18.020
  • Can you turn that down a little bit?
  • 00:11:18.020 --> 00:11:19.200
  • Whoo, it's too much!
  • 00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:21.150
  • And it's a way of them saying your strength is too harsh.
  • 00:11:21.150 --> 00:11:24.010
  • Can you back off of that just a little bit?
  • 00:11:24.010 --> 00:11:26.020
  • So it's over used.
  • 00:11:26.020 --> 00:11:28.000
  • And as soon as we know we have that strength,
  • 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:29.250
  • we then know how to find that button on the dashboard
  • 00:11:29.250 --> 00:11:32.210
  • and you can just turn it down a notch.
  • 00:11:32.210 --> 00:11:34.200
  • There are times when you want the music up,
  • 00:11:34.200 --> 00:11:36.250
  • there are times when you want the music down,
  • 00:11:36.250 --> 00:11:38.100
  • it all makes sense, this is normal life.
  • 00:11:38.100 --> 00:11:41.160
  • And then the fourth one is,
  • 00:11:41.160 --> 00:11:43.070
  • it's kind of a misunderstood way of using your strengths,
  • 00:11:43.070 --> 00:11:47.120
  • where you're using it in a way that's
  • 00:11:49.130 --> 00:11:51.160
  • destructive to you and destructive to other people.
  • 00:11:51.160 --> 00:11:54.220
  • There's kind of a trick or a lie involved here
  • 00:11:54.220 --> 00:11:57.180
  • and you've bought a false sense of what this strength is
  • 00:11:57.180 --> 00:12:00.290
  • and what it's meant to do in your life.
  • 00:12:00.290 --> 00:12:02.160
  • And you're operating in that confusion
  • 00:12:02.160 --> 00:12:04.180
  • and it's hurtful to you and it's hurtful to everybody else.
  • 00:12:04.180 --> 00:12:07.010
  • And we talk about all four of those ideas in the book.
  • 00:12:07.010 --> 00:12:11.000
  • So I wanna leave you with this idea.
  • 00:12:11.000 --> 00:12:12.290
  • This is what I want from you
  • 00:12:12.290 --> 00:12:14.120
  • and from me and from everybody who understands
  • 00:12:14.120 --> 00:12:16.090
  • that they are ridiculously, powerfully made in God's image.
  • 00:12:16.090 --> 00:12:19.190
  • I want you to become a talent scout.
  • 00:12:19.190 --> 00:12:22.050
  • Yes, I'm asking for you to understand
  • 00:12:22.050 --> 00:12:25.010
  • the talent of your spouse
  • 00:12:25.010 --> 00:12:27.010
  • and do some purposeful things
  • 00:12:27.010 --> 00:12:29.170
  • to identify, highlight and amplify
  • 00:12:29.170 --> 00:12:33.130
  • the capacity that your spouse has.
  • 00:12:33.130 --> 00:12:35.180
  • Line yourself in your speech
  • 00:12:35.180 --> 00:12:37.130
  • and your activity up in such a way
  • 00:12:37.130 --> 00:12:39.150
  • that supports the capacity or the talent,
  • 00:12:39.150 --> 00:12:42.020
  • these strengths that your spouse has
  • 00:12:42.020 --> 00:12:44.040
  • and do all you can to help them be fantastic.
  • 00:12:44.040 --> 00:12:47.160
  • You will partnering with your spouse
  • 00:12:47.160 --> 00:12:49.080
  • in a way that deeply affirms them,
  • 00:12:49.080 --> 00:12:51.100
  • you'll be aligning yourself with
  • 00:12:51.100 --> 00:12:52.230
  • God's investment in that individual,
  • 00:12:52.230 --> 00:12:54.240
  • and I promise you, it will have miraculously
  • 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:57.050
  • positive affect in your marriage.
  • 00:12:57.050 --> 00:13:00.210
  • - [Announcer] TBN wants you to discover the truths
  • 00:13:00.210 --> 00:13:02.070
  • and principles found in Strengths Based Marriage.
  • 00:13:02.070 --> 00:13:05.010
  • And you will begin to see your relationship
  • 00:13:05.010 --> 00:13:06.190
  • with your spouse in a whole new way.
  • 00:13:06.190 --> 00:13:09.020
  • Call or go online to request this powerful collection today
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  • with your gift of a 120 dollars or more
  • 00:13:12.040 --> 00:13:14.190
  • and as our thank you for supporting TBN,
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  • we will rush these incredible resources to you today.
  • 00:13:17.040 --> 00:13:20.150
  • Call 800-626-7454 or visit TBN.org/StrongMarriage.
  • 00:13:20.150 --> 00:13:24.200
  • Call 800-626-7454 or visit TBN.org/StrongMarriage.
  • 00:13:24.200 --> 00:13:27.200
  • - If you're just now tuning in,
  • 00:13:31.130 --> 00:13:32.230
  • this is Strengths Based Marriage
  • 00:13:32.230 --> 00:13:34.010
  • and now we're going to interview a couple
  • 00:13:34.010 --> 00:13:36.010
  • and talk to them about their strengths.
  • 00:13:36.010 --> 00:13:37.270
  • Let me introduce them to you.
  • 00:13:37.270 --> 00:13:40.030
  • - [Announcer] Today's couple is Allan and
  • 00:13:40.030 --> 00:13:41.130
  • Stephanie Kelsey from Dallas, Texas.
  • 00:13:41.130 --> 00:13:44.020
  • Allan's top five strengths are
  • 00:13:44.020 --> 00:13:45.160
  • achiever, strategic, focus, input, and intellection.
  • 00:13:45.160 --> 00:13:49.210
  • Stephanie's top five strengths are
  • 00:13:50.260 --> 00:13:51.240
  • connectedness, relator, belief,
  • 00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:54.000
  • individualization and responsibility.
  • 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:57.030
  • - I'm Jimmy Evans, I'm the co-author of
  • 00:13:58.080 --> 00:13:59.170
  • Strengths Based Marriage along with my wife
  • 00:13:59.170 --> 00:14:01.250
  • of 44 years, most beautiful woman in the world right here.
  • 00:14:01.250 --> 00:14:05.160
  • Karen, it's good to have you.
  • 00:14:05.160 --> 00:14:06.230
  • - Thank you, it's good to be here.
  • 00:14:06.230 --> 00:14:07.220
  • - And we're going to talk today
  • 00:14:07.220 --> 00:14:09.290
  • to my co-author, Allan Kelsey, his wife Stephanie.
  • 00:14:09.290 --> 00:14:13.210
  • Good to have you guys here.
  • 00:14:13.210 --> 00:14:14.280
  • - Great to be here, thank you. - Thank you.
  • 00:14:14.280 --> 00:14:16.110
  • - [Jimmy] And we're gonna put you on the spot.
  • 00:14:16.110 --> 00:14:17.150
  • - No.
  • 00:14:17.150 --> 00:14:18.290
  • - [Jimmy] We're gonna talk about your strengths.
  • 00:14:18.290 --> 00:14:19.190
  • - We're ready.
  • 00:14:19.190 --> 00:14:20.260
  • - You taught us about our strengths and so
  • 00:14:20.260 --> 00:14:23.140
  • now we're gonna talk about yours.
  • 00:14:23.140 --> 00:14:25.250
  • I love talking about strengths because
  • 00:14:25.250 --> 00:14:29.110
  • it talks about what's right.
  • 00:14:29.110 --> 00:14:30.220
  • - [Allan] That's right.
  • 00:14:30.220 --> 00:14:31.280
  • - It doesn't focus, and you taught me that,
  • 00:14:31.280 --> 00:14:33.170
  • you taught us that, but it doesn't focus on the negative,
  • 00:14:33.170 --> 00:14:37.060
  • it focuses on the positive.
  • 00:14:37.060 --> 00:14:39.060
  • I wanna ask you guys some questions,
  • 00:14:39.060 --> 00:14:41.100
  • talking about your strengths.
  • 00:14:41.100 --> 00:14:43.220
  • - [Allan] Yeah.
  • 00:14:44.210 --> 00:14:45.190
  • - And that is, how do you feel?
  • 00:14:45.190 --> 00:14:47.260
  • Like, how do you feel when you're using your strengths?
  • 00:14:47.260 --> 00:14:52.000
  • I mean, how do you know besides
  • 00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:53.260
  • taking the Strength finder test,
  • 00:14:53.260 --> 00:14:56.070
  • how do you know that you're operating in your strengths?
  • 00:14:56.070 --> 00:14:58.150
  • - Well, my number one strength is achiever.
  • 00:14:58.150 --> 00:15:00.200
  • Jimmy, you have this one too so you know
  • 00:15:00.200 --> 00:15:02.000
  • and what it does for me is provide this
  • 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:05.110
  • wonderful energy to follow through
  • 00:15:05.110 --> 00:15:07.090
  • on the things that I want to accomplish.
  • 00:15:07.090 --> 00:15:09.030
  • But when I'm acting, or when I'm doing, behaving,
  • 00:15:09.030 --> 00:15:13.030
  • I get this passive reward from this endorphin rush
  • 00:15:13.030 --> 00:15:17.060
  • that feeds me, that helps me feel really good
  • 00:15:17.060 --> 00:15:20.090
  • about what I'm doing, it's a balancing feeling,
  • 00:15:20.090 --> 00:15:23.000
  • it's a restorative feeling, and it's like this legal
  • 00:15:23.000 --> 00:15:26.050
  • buzz that I get that makes me
  • 00:15:26.050 --> 00:15:27.230
  • just genuinely feel fantastic.
  • 00:15:27.230 --> 00:15:29.210
  • And it comes out when I'm doing stuff.
  • 00:15:29.210 --> 00:15:31.280
  • - Yeah, I think for me, when I am operating
  • 00:15:31.280 --> 00:15:36.030
  • in my strengths, I feel purposeful.
  • 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:39.080
  • So, I can go, relator is one of mine
  • 00:15:39.080 --> 00:15:43.130
  • and I can go and a very long conversation
  • 00:15:44.170 --> 00:15:46.260
  • where I feel like the person that I'm connecting with
  • 00:15:46.260 --> 00:15:50.000
  • is feeling better about life,
  • 00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:54.050
  • or maybe it's a little counseling even,
  • 00:15:54.050 --> 00:15:57.220
  • but I walk away from that experience
  • 00:15:57.220 --> 00:15:59.210
  • feeling like that was purposeful.
  • 00:15:59.210 --> 00:16:01.260
  • - Huh.
  • 00:16:01.260 --> 00:16:03.040
  • - And I think a lot of couples, we did this,
  • 00:16:03.040 --> 00:16:05.150
  • shame the strength in their spouse.
  • 00:16:05.150 --> 00:16:09.180
  • - [Stephanie] Yeah.
  • 00:16:10.100 --> 00:16:11.170
  • - So they never get to feel good.
  • 00:16:11.170 --> 00:16:12.070
  • - [Allan] Yeah.
  • 00:16:12.070 --> 00:16:13.220
  • - You know, you say this, it's an endorphin rush.
  • 00:16:13.220 --> 00:16:15.050
  • When I'm achieving I just feel fantastic.
  • 00:16:15.050 --> 00:16:18.090
  • When Karen's being empathetic,
  • 00:16:18.090 --> 00:16:19.280
  • and being relational 'cause almost
  • 00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:22.010
  • all of Karen's strengths are relational.
  • 00:16:22.010 --> 00:16:24.060
  • But early in our marriage, I kinda shamed that in Karen
  • 00:16:24.060 --> 00:16:27.140
  • 'cause I thought it wasn't normal
  • 00:16:27.140 --> 00:16:29.080
  • 'cause it wasn't like me.
  • 00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:30.160
  • So respecting each other's strengths
  • 00:16:30.160 --> 00:16:33.190
  • means it's a win win deal.
  • 00:16:33.190 --> 00:16:35.270
  • - You know, one of the things
  • 00:16:35.270 --> 00:16:37.100
  • I feel like God's been showing me through our strengths
  • 00:16:37.100 --> 00:16:39.120
  • is that especially as women,
  • 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:43.060
  • I've seen where we will um,
  • 00:16:44.020 --> 00:16:47.120
  • get after our husbands for not pursuing God
  • 00:16:48.170 --> 00:16:51.200
  • the way that we do and I feel like
  • 00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:55.050
  • God has kind of shown me how our
  • 00:16:55.050 --> 00:16:57.030
  • strengths play into that too.
  • 00:16:57.030 --> 00:16:59.140
  • And where again, I'm so people and relationship oriented
  • 00:16:59.140 --> 00:17:01.220
  • And where again, I'm so people and relationship oriented
  • 00:17:01.220 --> 00:17:05.170
  • that I feel like my husband as a spiritual leader
  • 00:17:05.170 --> 00:17:09.090
  • should be pursuing God the way that I pursue God.
  • 00:17:09.090 --> 00:17:12.280
  • But a lot of men in general will pursue God
  • 00:17:12.280 --> 00:17:16.160
  • when they're busy with their hands,
  • 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:19.040
  • when they're out in nature,
  • 00:17:19.040 --> 00:17:20.230
  • and they'll be having dialogue and connecting with the Lord.
  • 00:17:20.230 --> 00:17:24.280
  • And so sometimes I feel like being a talent scout
  • 00:17:26.110 --> 00:17:29.150
  • And so sometimes I feel like being a talent scout
  • 00:17:29.150 --> 00:17:30.220
  • is even seen on a spiritual level
  • 00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:33.130
  • that we can trust who God has put as the head
  • 00:17:33.130 --> 00:17:37.180
  • in my family to be connecting and knowing God
  • 00:17:38.280 --> 00:17:42.260
  • in his unique way that he does that.
  • 00:17:44.020 --> 00:17:47.000
  • So earlier in our marriage,
  • 00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:49.100
  • I would really kind of get after Allan
  • 00:17:49.100 --> 00:17:51.260
  • for how he looked after people
  • 00:17:51.260 --> 00:17:54.110
  • and not feeling like that was as Godly
  • 00:17:54.110 --> 00:17:56.090
  • as the way that I would look after people.
  • 00:17:56.090 --> 00:17:59.240
  • And you can see how that is negative
  • 00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:02.190
  • and kind of squashes the other person.
  • 00:18:02.190 --> 00:18:04.110
  • If you're not more like me than you're
  • 00:18:04.110 --> 00:18:05.210
  • not as spiritual as I think you should be.
  • 00:18:05.210 --> 00:18:09.080
  • - Well Karen wakes up in the morning
  • 00:18:09.080 --> 00:18:10.210
  • and has her quiet time.
  • 00:18:10.210 --> 00:18:12.040
  • I wake up in the morning, I have my quiet time
  • 00:18:12.040 --> 00:18:14.060
  • and I do this and I do this, I do this, I do this,
  • 00:18:14.060 --> 00:18:17.010
  • and I love to go outside and walk
  • 00:18:17.010 --> 00:18:18.090
  • because I love to be out in nature.
  • 00:18:18.090 --> 00:18:20.050
  • I feel closer to God.
  • 00:18:20.050 --> 00:18:22.030
  • Well Karen has her time reading the word and praying
  • 00:18:22.030 --> 00:18:24.250
  • and she'll come and talk to me
  • 00:18:24.250 --> 00:18:26.210
  • after she's had her quiet time
  • 00:18:26.210 --> 00:18:27.240
  • and her hands will be full of
  • 00:18:27.240 --> 00:18:28.220
  • Kleenex and she'd been crying.
  • 00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:30.060
  • (laughter)
  • 00:18:30.060 --> 00:18:31.010
  • And I say, are you okay?
  • 00:18:31.010 --> 00:18:32.100
  • "Yeah.
  • 00:18:32.100 --> 00:18:33.050
  • "Sure."
  • 00:18:33.050 --> 00:18:34.120
  • - [Allan] I had a wonderful time.
  • 00:18:34.120 --> 00:18:35.180
  • - I mean being with Jesus crying,
  • 00:18:35.180 --> 00:18:36.240
  • and if I'm crying, I'm dying.
  • 00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:38.070
  • - [Karen] Well they're not
  • 00:18:38.070 --> 00:18:39.110
  • sad tears, they're happy tears.
  • 00:18:39.110 --> 00:18:40.230
  • - But the point being, giving each other the freedom
  • 00:18:40.230 --> 00:18:43.080
  • to be different and celebrating that.
  • 00:18:43.080 --> 00:18:45.270
  • - [Karen] Yeah.
  • 00:18:45.270 --> 00:18:46.220
  • - [Allan] That's right.
  • 00:18:46.220 --> 00:18:47.220
  • - And not judging it.
  • 00:18:47.220 --> 00:18:48.290
  • Because so often, one of the couple's
  • 00:18:48.290 --> 00:18:51.010
  • that we had being a part of Strength Based Marriage here,
  • 00:18:51.010 --> 00:18:54.140
  • they fought like cats and dogs
  • 00:18:54.140 --> 00:18:56.100
  • because both of them were using their strengths
  • 00:18:56.100 --> 00:18:59.170
  • and both of them hated it.
  • 00:18:59.170 --> 00:19:00.280
  • Because they interpreted it as
  • 00:19:00.280 --> 00:19:03.140
  • you're correcting me and you're disrespecting me.
  • 00:19:03.140 --> 00:19:05.140
  • When they learned about their strengths,
  • 00:19:05.140 --> 00:19:07.200
  • they realized they were both operating in our strengths.
  • 00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:10.030
  • - Wow.
  • 00:19:10.030 --> 00:19:11.100
  • - But they were both rejecting it
  • 00:19:11.100 --> 00:19:12.150
  • because they didn't understand it.
  • 00:19:12.150 --> 00:19:13.110
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:19:13.110 --> 00:19:14.250
  • - Allan, I want you to tell your lawnmower story.
  • 00:19:14.250 --> 00:19:16.010
  • (laughter)
  • 00:19:16.010 --> 00:19:17.160
  • - Man, you gonna make me tell the lawnmower story?
  • 00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:18.140
  • - I tell it better but, okay.
  • 00:19:18.140 --> 00:19:19.210
  • - Yeah, I wanna hear too what you have to say.
  • 00:19:19.210 --> 00:19:21.190
  • - Well, let me start. - You go first.
  • 00:19:21.190 --> 00:19:22.210
  • - Okay. - I'll correct.
  • 00:19:22.210 --> 00:19:24.060
  • (laughter)
  • 00:19:24.060 --> 00:19:25.140
  • So, we have guests coming over on Friday.
  • 00:19:25.140 --> 00:19:27.130
  • It's Thursday night and I'm coming home from work.
  • 00:19:27.130 --> 00:19:29.290
  • We're living in Houston, it's hot, I work outside
  • 00:19:29.290 --> 00:19:32.050
  • and I'm already sweaty and I come into the house
  • 00:19:32.050 --> 00:19:34.070
  • and I notice, well, I pull in the yard,
  • 00:19:34.070 --> 00:19:35.220
  • I notice the grass needs to be mowed.
  • 00:19:35.220 --> 00:19:37.210
  • 'Cause I know tomorrow I'm gonna have a long day.
  • 00:19:37.210 --> 00:19:39.220
  • I won't be able to get the grass cut
  • 00:19:39.220 --> 00:19:41.130
  • before our guests get in.
  • 00:19:41.130 --> 00:19:42.290
  • And so I just figure, man I'm just gonna park the car,
  • 00:19:42.290 --> 00:19:45.100
  • grab that lawnmower and just whip this out
  • 00:19:45.100 --> 00:19:47.220
  • real fast before I get inside.
  • 00:19:47.220 --> 00:19:49.120
  • That way, once I'm inside, I'm in the air conditioning,
  • 00:19:49.120 --> 00:19:51.290
  • I can cool off, I can clean up
  • 00:19:51.290 --> 00:19:53.180
  • and I don't have to go back outside again.
  • 00:19:53.180 --> 00:19:55.160
  • Finished.
  • 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:56.230
  • So I pull in, I grab the lawnmower,
  • 00:19:56.230 --> 00:19:58.290
  • scream out of the driveway and I start mowing.
  • 00:19:58.290 --> 00:20:00.230
  • Well, the sun's already starting to go down-ish.
  • 00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:03.180
  • So I'm trying to get it done before the sun goes down,
  • 00:20:03.180 --> 00:20:07.030
  • but I didn't get it finished so I grabbed the flashlight
  • 00:20:07.030 --> 00:20:10.070
  • and I'm out there mowing by moonlight and flashlight.
  • 00:20:10.070 --> 00:20:13.160
  • Out of the corner of my eye, I see.
  • 00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:15.180
  • - That's not normal.
  • 00:20:15.180 --> 00:20:16.260
  • - [Karen] No, it's not normal, I'm with you.
  • 00:20:16.260 --> 00:20:18.090
  • - It is for achievers.
  • 00:20:18.090 --> 00:20:19.160
  • - [Allan] I see her in the kitchen
  • 00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:20.230
  • - And she's giving me that face you know
  • 00:20:20.230 --> 00:20:23.140
  • and I'm thinking oh my word,
  • 00:20:23.140 --> 00:20:24.230
  • how did this happen?
  • 00:20:24.230 --> 00:20:26.070
  • In my heart, I'm thinking this is a good thing.
  • 00:20:26.070 --> 00:20:28.030
  • I'm blessing our family,
  • 00:20:28.030 --> 00:20:29.100
  • I'm taking care of stuff in the house,
  • 00:20:29.100 --> 00:20:30.260
  • this is gonna be good for her, she's gonna love it.
  • 00:20:30.260 --> 00:20:33.000
  • I come inside and I just meet all kinds of craziness.
  • 00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:37.050
  • And I ended up because it was a whole different world
  • 00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:40.050
  • that I wasn't understanding.
  • 00:20:40.050 --> 00:20:41.200
  • Why don't you tell them about that side of it.
  • 00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:43.100
  • - So I'm at home all day with little kids.
  • 00:20:43.100 --> 00:20:46.030
  • - And I can't wait for my husband
  • 00:20:46.030 --> 00:20:47.250
  • to get home to talk to a person.
  • 00:20:47.250 --> 00:20:50.140
  • - [Allan] An adult.
  • 00:20:50.140 --> 00:20:51.160
  • - Not little people talk.
  • 00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:53.130
  • Not diaper changing, but a person.
  • 00:20:53.130 --> 00:20:56.020
  • And so I have made dinner,
  • 00:20:56.020 --> 00:20:58.010
  • I try to time it when I think he's gonna be home.
  • 00:20:58.010 --> 00:21:01.020
  • He's not home yet, so I put it in the oven to keep it warm.
  • 00:21:01.020 --> 00:21:04.150
  • Like, I am just excited and waiting
  • 00:21:04.150 --> 00:21:08.010
  • for my husband to get home.
  • 00:21:08.010 --> 00:21:09.280
  • And I hear the garage door open.
  • 00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:11.250
  • And I'm starting to get the stuff out of the oven,
  • 00:21:11.250 --> 00:21:14.170
  • I'm ready for my husband to come in and eat dinner with me.
  • 00:21:14.170 --> 00:21:17.260
  • And the next thing I hear is the lawnmower going.
  • 00:21:17.260 --> 00:21:20.190
  • (laughter)
  • 00:21:20.190 --> 00:21:22.140
  • - Yeah, that might be a little trouble.
  • 00:21:22.140 --> 00:21:23.250
  • - That's a problem
  • 00:21:23.250 --> 00:21:25.010
  • - So instead of being happy to see him,
  • 00:21:25.010 --> 00:21:26.210
  • I'm ready to strangle him.
  • 00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:28.230
  • And he comes inside and I just,
  • 00:21:28.230 --> 00:21:30.270
  • I was so mad and frustrated
  • 00:21:30.270 --> 00:21:34.060
  • that I felt dishonored that I took
  • 00:21:34.060 --> 00:21:37.280
  • the time to make this meal and
  • 00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:40.010
  • have it hot and ready for him to get home.
  • 00:21:40.010 --> 00:21:42.210
  • - [Karen] But part of that too is just communication.
  • 00:21:42.210 --> 00:21:45.190
  • - [Stephanie] Yes.
  • 00:21:45.190 --> 00:21:46.270
  • - I mean, how hard would it have been
  • 00:21:46.270 --> 00:21:47.250
  • to just pick up the phone?
  • 00:21:47.250 --> 00:21:48.230
  • - [Allan] It wouldn't have.
  • 00:21:48.230 --> 00:21:49.290
  • - I'm not coming in, I'm gonna mow the yard.
  • 00:21:49.290 --> 00:21:50.230
  • - [Stephanie] Thank you.
  • 00:21:50.230 --> 00:21:51.130
  • (laughter)
  • 00:21:51.130 --> 00:21:52.270
  • - We had cell phones back then so I could've done that.
  • 00:21:52.270 --> 00:21:53.170
  • (laughter)
  • 00:21:53.170 --> 00:21:54.190
  • - Yes.
  • 00:21:54.190 --> 00:21:56.040
  • - [Jimmy] Was this before you knew your strengths?
  • 00:21:56.040 --> 00:21:56.280
  • - [Stephanie] Yes.
  • 00:21:56.280 --> 00:21:57.220
  • - [Allan] It was.
  • 00:21:57.220 --> 00:21:59.000
  • - [Jimmy] So when you learned your strengths,
  • 00:21:59.000 --> 00:22:00.230
  • what happened?
  • 00:22:00.230 --> 00:22:02.020
  • I mean, when you, you had a great marriage,
  • 00:22:02.020 --> 00:22:04.020
  • a great relationship, but those
  • 00:22:04.020 --> 00:22:05.160
  • kinds of frustrations occurred.
  • 00:22:05.160 --> 00:22:07.120
  • What happened when you learned your strengths?
  • 00:22:07.120 --> 00:22:09.000
  • - Oh it changed the way you communicated.
  • 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:10.160
  • I mean it informs you in a way so I know
  • 00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:13.020
  • what quality and flavor of communication
  • 00:22:13.020 --> 00:22:16.220
  • she needs from me for it to make sense.
  • 00:22:16.220 --> 00:22:18.290
  • Without it, I go inside and she says to me,
  • 00:22:18.290 --> 00:22:22.200
  • you know what, you know what I wish?
  • 00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:24.080
  • I wish I was grass.
  • 00:22:24.080 --> 00:22:25.210
  • At least I'd get mowed once a week.
  • 00:22:25.210 --> 00:22:27.010
  • (laughter)
  • 00:22:27.010 --> 00:22:28.060
  • - [Stephanie] That's what I said.
  • 00:22:28.060 --> 00:22:29.200
  • (laughter)
  • 00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:30.150
  • - That's awesome.
  • 00:22:30.150 --> 00:22:31.220
  • - [Stephanie] But I think it also,
  • 00:22:31.220 --> 00:22:32.200
  • you know, knowing our strengths
  • 00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:33.180
  • helps us to know that we're not
  • 00:22:33.180 --> 00:22:36.090
  • like, thinking how to get each other.
  • 00:22:36.090 --> 00:22:39.020
  • - [Allan] That's right.
  • 00:22:39.020 --> 00:22:40.080
  • - You kind of tend to think like,
  • 00:22:40.080 --> 00:22:41.130
  • he's doing that on purpose.
  • 00:22:41.130 --> 00:22:42.210
  • - [Jimmy] Exactly.
  • 00:22:42.210 --> 00:22:43.280
  • - He's just trying to make me mad now.
  • 00:22:43.280 --> 00:22:44.280
  • And so learning his strengths
  • 00:22:44.280 --> 00:22:47.020
  • and how much he's in his head,
  • 00:22:47.020 --> 00:22:48.260
  • how much he likes to achieve things
  • 00:22:48.260 --> 00:22:50.030
  • and get things done and check the box off,
  • 00:22:50.030 --> 00:22:52.290
  • that helped me understand like motive
  • 00:22:52.290 --> 00:22:56.200
  • behind what he was doing,
  • 00:22:56.200 --> 00:22:58.100
  • where I was assigning motive to him.
  • 00:22:58.100 --> 00:23:00.200
  • - [Jimmy] Well I think that's huge.
  • 00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:01.260
  • - [Karen] That's a good way of putting it.
  • 00:23:01.260 --> 00:23:03.030
  • - I think that when you learn your strengths,
  • 00:23:03.030 --> 00:23:05.270
  • it gives you a new language.
  • 00:23:05.270 --> 00:23:07.100
  • - [Allan] Yep.
  • 00:23:07.100 --> 00:23:08.170
  • - Now Karen is like you, Stephanie.
  • 00:23:08.170 --> 00:23:10.000
  • She's all about relationships,
  • 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:11.130
  • I'm all about getting it done.
  • 00:23:11.130 --> 00:23:13.020
  • And you judge that.
  • 00:23:13.020 --> 00:23:15.000
  • - [Stephanie] Yeah.
  • 00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:15.280
  • - When you don't understand it,
  • 00:23:15.280 --> 00:23:16.290
  • you just naturally judge it.
  • 00:23:16.290 --> 00:23:18.160
  • - [Allan] Yeah.
  • 00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:19.220
  • - And rather than being a talent scout,
  • 00:23:19.220 --> 00:23:21.180
  • and rather than celebrating your differences,
  • 00:23:21.180 --> 00:23:23.220
  • you get into that mode of, they're doing that on purpose.
  • 00:23:23.220 --> 00:23:27.090
  • Well, we're wired from birth.
  • 00:23:27.090 --> 00:23:30.250
  • We don't have a choice.
  • 00:23:31.170 --> 00:23:33.030
  • Now, we have a choice in our character and how we use it.
  • 00:23:33.030 --> 00:23:36.130
  • But really and truly, it's just how you see the world.
  • 00:23:37.260 --> 00:23:40.040
  • - [Allan] It is.
  • 00:23:40.040 --> 00:23:41.020
  • - Isn't that right Allan?
  • 00:23:41.020 --> 00:23:42.180
  • - Yeah and it doesn't give me an excuse to be a jerk.
  • 00:23:42.180 --> 00:23:43.240
  • I mean I need, like you said Karen,
  • 00:23:43.240 --> 00:23:44.220
  • I need to communicate with her,
  • 00:23:44.220 --> 00:23:46.080
  • let her know what's going on,
  • 00:23:46.080 --> 00:23:47.180
  • and she's a rational adult that could
  • 00:23:47.180 --> 00:23:48.280
  • easily make sense to her and we could close that.
  • 00:23:48.280 --> 00:23:51.200
  • - Thank you honey.
  • 00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:52.150
  • (laughter)
  • 00:23:52.150 --> 00:23:53.200
  • - But that's what hindsight does for you.
  • 00:23:53.200 --> 00:23:54.260
  • You know you learn afterwards.
  • 00:23:54.260 --> 00:23:56.090
  • You go, ah well, that could've avoided that whole mess.
  • 00:23:56.090 --> 00:23:58.010
  • (laughter)
  • 00:23:58.010 --> 00:23:59.080
  • - It was five or six years ago that we
  • 00:23:59.080 --> 00:24:00.250
  • talked to you for the first time about our strengths.
  • 00:24:00.250 --> 00:24:03.120
  • We had a good marriage, we've taught
  • 00:24:03.120 --> 00:24:05.000
  • marriage seminars all around the world.
  • 00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:07.100
  • It helped me so much
  • 00:24:07.100 --> 00:24:10.000
  • to find out what her strengths were.
  • 00:24:11.040 --> 00:24:12.190
  • - It helped me to know he had no empathy.
  • 00:24:12.190 --> 00:24:14.200
  • (laughter)
  • 00:24:14.200 --> 00:24:16.030
  • - [Jimmy] Well that's my number 34, it's my number 34.
  • 00:24:16.030 --> 00:24:17.190
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:24:17.190 --> 00:24:18.240
  • - And you can't squeeze it out of me.
  • 00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:20.010
  • You could put a shotgun to my head
  • 00:24:20.010 --> 00:24:20.290
  • and it ain't gonna happen.
  • 00:24:20.290 --> 00:24:22.140
  • And so, but for her, it's how she see's the world
  • 00:24:22.140 --> 00:24:25.090
  • but I'm so thankful that I'm married to her
  • 00:24:25.090 --> 00:24:28.000
  • because I need that.
  • 00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:29.170
  • It's missing in my life.
  • 00:24:29.170 --> 00:24:31.010
  • I can't do it.
  • 00:24:31.010 --> 00:24:32.150
  • But what I'm not good at, Karen's fantastic at.
  • 00:24:32.150 --> 00:24:35.000
  • What she's not good at, I'm great at, we make a good team.
  • 00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:37.130
  • - [Allan] Good teams.
  • 00:24:37.130 --> 00:24:38.080
  • - Just like you guys.
  • 00:24:38.080 --> 00:24:39.120
  • - Right.
  • 00:24:39.120 --> 00:24:40.260
  • - Thank you Allan for all your part in writing the book,
  • 00:24:40.260 --> 00:24:43.000
  • but also your help as a strength coach
  • 00:24:43.000 --> 00:24:45.090
  • in helping people understand their strengths.
  • 00:24:45.090 --> 00:24:48.000
  • Stephanie, thank you for putting up with him all these years
  • 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:50.290
  • and making him such a great man of God.
  • 00:24:50.290 --> 00:24:52.240
  • - It's been fun.
  • 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:54.000
  • - [Jimmy] Good to have you guys with us.
  • 00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:55.030
  • - Thank you very much. - Thank you.
  • 00:24:55.030 --> 00:24:57.250
  • - I love to see stories like that.
  • 00:24:57.250 --> 00:24:59.170
  • That's why we do what we do
  • 00:24:59.170 --> 00:25:00.270
  • and an example of the impact these powerful
  • 00:25:00.270 --> 00:25:03.200
  • resources can have on your marriage.
  • 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:06.030
  • - Yeah, for example, maybe your
  • 00:25:06.030 --> 00:25:07.290
  • number one strength is empathy
  • 00:25:07.290 --> 00:25:09.230
  • and your spouse's strength is to be restorative.
  • 00:25:09.230 --> 00:25:12.220
  • Being aware of that is so important
  • 00:25:12.220 --> 00:25:15.010
  • because it will help you to understand
  • 00:25:15.010 --> 00:25:16.150
  • how each of you think.
  • 00:25:16.150 --> 00:25:17.280
  • Because while someone who is empathetic
  • 00:25:17.280 --> 00:25:19.260
  • will feel what others are feeling,
  • 00:25:19.260 --> 00:25:21.260
  • a restorative spouse will see a problem and try to fix it.
  • 00:25:21.260 --> 00:25:25.250
  • They both want there to be resolution
  • 00:25:25.250 --> 00:25:28.010
  • and understanding, peace and growth,
  • 00:25:28.010 --> 00:25:30.120
  • but their perspectives are completely opposite,
  • 00:25:30.120 --> 00:25:32.280
  • and if misunderstood by each other,
  • 00:25:32.280 --> 00:25:35.080
  • can be cause for some really heated discussion.
  • 00:25:35.080 --> 00:25:37.280
  • - But trust me, no matter what situation you're in,
  • 00:25:37.280 --> 00:25:41.000
  • your marriage can thrive in every area
  • 00:25:41.000 --> 00:25:43.280
  • emotionally, physically and spiritually.
  • 00:25:43.280 --> 00:25:46.090
  • And we wanna help you experience that today.
  • 00:25:46.090 --> 00:25:48.230
  • So request your Strength Based Marriage resources
  • 00:25:48.230 --> 00:25:51.200
  • with your gift and discover the principles
  • 00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:54.020
  • you need to see your self, your spouse
  • 00:25:54.020 --> 00:25:56.080
  • and your marriage in a new, amazing way.
  • 00:25:56.080 --> 00:26:00.050
  • - [Announcer] TBN wants you to discover the truths
  • 00:26:01.180 --> 00:26:03.030
  • and principles found in Strengths Based Marriage.
  • 00:26:03.030 --> 00:26:05.250
  • And you will begin to see your relationship
  • 00:26:05.250 --> 00:26:07.150
  • with your spouse in a whole new way.
  • 00:26:07.150 --> 00:26:09.280
  • Call or go online to request this powerful collection today
  • 00:26:09.280 --> 00:26:12.270
  • with your gift of a 120 dollars or more,
  • 00:26:12.270 --> 00:26:15.150
  • and as our thank you for supporting TBN,
  • 00:26:15.150 --> 00:26:17.280
  • we will rush these incredible resources to you today.
  • 00:26:17.280 --> 00:26:21.220
  • Call 800-626-7454 or visit TBN.org/StrongMarriage.
  • 00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:25.260
  • Call 800-626-7454 or visit TBN.org/StrongMarriage.
  • 00:26:25.260 --> 00:26:28.290
  • - Well, that's about all we have time for today.
  • 00:26:32.190 --> 00:26:35.010
  • Thanks for joining us on this journey of discovery.
  • 00:26:35.010 --> 00:26:37.090
  • We're really so excited to share what God
  • 00:26:37.090 --> 00:26:39.170
  • has revealed to us about how recognizing
  • 00:26:39.170 --> 00:26:42.150
  • your mate's strengths and learning to appreciate them,
  • 00:26:42.150 --> 00:26:45.100
  • can make any incredible difference
  • 00:26:45.100 --> 00:26:47.060
  • in the quality of your relationships.
  • 00:26:47.060 --> 00:26:49.050
  • - Be sure to join us next time
  • 00:26:49.050 --> 00:26:50.180
  • when we'll look at how opposites attract
  • 00:26:50.180 --> 00:26:53.040
  • but then, can eventually attack.
  • 00:26:53.040 --> 00:26:55.020
  • You'll hear a candid account of my wife's
  • 00:26:55.020 --> 00:26:57.040
  • and my painful three year struggle
  • 00:26:57.040 --> 00:26:59.140
  • and how the revelation about our strengths
  • 00:26:59.140 --> 00:27:01.160
  • transformed our marriage with remarkable results.
  • 00:27:01.160 --> 00:27:04.120
  • I'm thankful to God that we found a better way
  • 00:27:04.120 --> 00:27:06.250
  • to understand and respect our differences
  • 00:27:06.250 --> 00:27:09.120
  • to become a stronger team.
  • 00:27:09.120 --> 00:27:10.290
  • And I hope you'll be encouraged and inspired by our story.
  • 00:27:10.290 --> 00:27:13.260
  • We'll see ya next time on Strength Based Marriage.
  • 00:27:13.260 --> 00:27:15.120
  • Goodbye.
  • 00:27:15.120 --> 00:27:16.070