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The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young

Ed Young - Preventing An Affair

May 14, 2025 | S25:E116

Ed Young - Preventing An Affair
The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young is the international on-air and online teaching ministry of Dr. Ed Young. The Winning Walk proclaims the proven truth of God’s Word to give men and women the world over a winning way to live life.
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The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young | Ed Young - Preventing An Affair | May 14, 2025
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Dr. ed young: i'm going to read from a very romantic,
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  • Really sensual book in the bible, song of solomon.
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  • I would read this from a modern translation,
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  • But i would embarrass a lot of people here.
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  • I really would!
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  • You'd say, "ohh! that's in the bible?
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  • Ohh...
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  • I can't, i can't...whooooo" but i'm gonna read it from
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  • New american standard, just little verses; picked them out
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  • Sort of arbitrarily from the 2nd chapter of song of solomon.
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  • Says, "i am love sick.
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  • Let his left hand be under my head and his right hand embrace
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  • Me, that you may not arouse or
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  • Awaken my love, until she pleases.
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  • Listen, my beloved!
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  • Behold, he is coming, climbing on the mountains,
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  • Leaping on the hills!
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  • My beloved is like a gazelle and a young stag.
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  • Behold, he is standing behind our wall.
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  • He is looking through the windows.
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  • He is peering through the lattice.
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  • My beloved responded and said to me, 'arise, my darling, my
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  • Beautiful one, and come along!' o' my dove!
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  • In the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the
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  • Steep pathway, let me see your form.
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  • Let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet,
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  • And your form is lovely..."
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  • And then there's this 15th verse, and the 15th verse
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  • In the middle of this fabulously intimate love sonnet
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  • With such beautiful verbiage-oh!
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  • I mean, if we had this kind of verbiage in expressing love,
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  • It would be...
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  • In this beautiful verbiage, there's almost
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  • A sound of a cymbal clash!
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  • Shooom!
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  • Because you bump into this verse.
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  • "catch the little foxes for us, the little foxes that are
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  • Ruining the vineyards while our vineyards are in bloom."
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  • What is that all about?
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  • Here is a man and a wife coming together in beu, beautiful love
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  • Making, and right in the middle of it's
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  • -"watch the little foxes!"
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  • And they come into the vineyard while, while, while the blossoms
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  • Are blooming, while we're making love,
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  • And they're destroying the intimacy.
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  • What is that about?
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  • Little foxes...
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  • In a marriage relationship, when big problems come,
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  • Usually this draws a couple closer together.
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  • Have you noticed that?
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  • Someone loses a job-boy!
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  • The wife clings on; the husband clings on.
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  • A problem with a child-you move close together.
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  • A problem with a grandchild.
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  • My, how that unites us.
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  • A problem in financial areas.
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  • A problem in emotional areas.
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  • All the big problems that come up in everybody's life-the
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  • Husband and wife tend to move closer together
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  • And lean on one another.
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  • Sometimes she holds him up; sometimes he holds her up,
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  • And they hold each oth...
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  • Big problems have a way of doing that.
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  • But it's the little foxes that destroy a marriage...
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  • It's termites.
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  • Termites destroy more homes in america than all the fires.
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  • Did you know that?
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  • You don't even see them, and they're there, and they undercut
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  • The foundation and they destroy homes.
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  • It's true in marriage.
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  • These termites come in-little inconsistencies; little
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  • Oversights-a bite, a barb, cynicism always there, cutting,
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  • Knifing, laughing at, making fun of-oh, just little bitty things
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  • That come up; forgetting to understand.
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  • Forgetting to be sympathetic.
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  • Just being silent when you need to have
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  • A little cheerleading going on.
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  • I mean, just little foxes destroy intimacy in marriage.
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  • What are some of those foxes?
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  • Well, we could name a whole long list of them.
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  • One fox would be that romance is unimportant in marriage.
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  • Or, the other extremity would be romance and
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  • Sexual intimacy is all that marriage is.
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  • Let me tell you what sexual intimacy is in marriage.
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  • Explain it like this.
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  • How many of you sometime this week
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  • At least had eggs for breakfast?
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  • Would you lift your hand? confess your sin!
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  • If you had eggs for breakfast...
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  • All right.
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  • Now, did you notice-did you put a little salt on it? yeah.
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  • You know, to eat eggs without salt is sort of a stretch.
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  • It's pretty bland.
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  • Sexual intimacy in marriage is the salt.
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  • It gives the flavor; it gives the zest.
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  • It puts taste.
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  • It's not everything.
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  • Say, "well, i had for breakfast..."
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  • What'd you have? "salt!"
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  • No, no. it's not everything.
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  • It is a symbol, we've already discovered,
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  • Of our intimate relationship with god in jesus christ.
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  • It is for pleasure. it is for procreation.
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  • It is a symbol of oneness.
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  • It's all of that, but it is salt.
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  • It's not the whole thing.
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  • Some people think that's all marriage is, and that is a
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  • Little fox that'll destroy a relationship.
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  • It's big.
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  • It's taste, but it's not the whole thing by a million miles.
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  • Now, what's another fox?
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  • Another fox is-somebody says, "how's your marriage?"
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  • "oh, it's okay?" "how's your marriage?"
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  • "it is terrific!"
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  • And you would say, "you sure are lucky!"
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  • Ladies and gentlemen, teenagers, luck has nothing to do with
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  • A dynamic, fulfilling marriage!
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  • Understand that, right up front.
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  • Now, you say you're lucky.
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  • What makes a marriage work?
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  • A lot of things, but a couple of things-you have to work at it.
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  • Oh yeah! and you have to work smart.
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  • You have to work skillfully.
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  • "well, i'm working on my marriage."
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  • You don't know how to work at your marriage.
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  • You don't have the skill to work at your marriage.
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  • It takes work. it takes skill.
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  • And a little fox that comes in our marriage, say,
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  • "well, i was just unlucky.
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  • You know, i didn't marry my soul mate.
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  • I didn't find the right one.
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  • I don't know...ehhhhhh.
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  • I'm just eehhhh..."
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  • Just unlucky. that's a fox.
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  • Another fox that comes in, the idea that,
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  • You know, love is an emotion.
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  • Oh, it's a feeling. oh yeah.
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  • You know, "we fell in love, and we've fallen out of love,
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  • And i don't love her.
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  • I don't love him. our love is gone.
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  • Therefore, our marriage is gone!"
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  • Who told you love is a feeling?
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  • Love is something you do.
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  • So, the idea that, that love is a feeling,
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  • Is an emotion -it's something you do.
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  • And the emotions follow along.
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  • When you live with your mate with understanding, with
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  • Listening, and then you try to figure out exactly how god has
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  • Uniquely wired them; let me tell you something:
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  • Love will be there, and that emotion will come.
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  • Let me give you what happens to mar...
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  • Let me show you a verse of scripture you have never heard
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  • Of that's applied to marriage.
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  • Turn left if you're in song of solomon.
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  • Look at the book of proverbs.
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  • By the way, bring your bibles to church.
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  • You can't know the players unless you have a program.
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  • Look at proverbs, chapter 14.
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  • I'm gonna give you a verse
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  • You've never seen used in marriage.
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  • Proverbs 14:4-"where no oxen are, the manger is clean; but
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  • Much revenue comes by the strength of the ox."
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  • Now you don't have to be phi beta kappa and exegete
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  • Or skillful in hermeneutics to understand
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  • What that verse is saying.
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  • Any texan understands it!
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  • If you have an ox in the manger, in the stable, in the coral, in
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  • The stall, you're gonna have poo!
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  • Am i going too fast for some?
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  • (audience laughs).
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  • Paul called it "dung."
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  • Now, but you've got to decide if you have an ox, says the book of
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  • Proverbs, and you're gonna have poo, but, but you have an
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  • Ox, you automatically have poo, but there is a profit there.
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  • Did you see it? there's a reward there.
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  • There's the result of having an ox because you can harvest.
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  • You can build things. you can grow things.
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  • See the difference there?
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  • So with the ox goes poo.
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  • But also with the ox, there is profit,
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  • And that's the way it is with marriage.
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  • Somebody said, "you know, i didn't know we'd
  • 00:09:10.306 --> 00:09:12.341
  • Have this poo in our marriage!"
  • 00:09:12.341 --> 00:09:17.513
  • You know, i thought that the birds would wake us up in the
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  • Morning, and the rabbits would clean house,
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  • And the chipmunks would do, would cook breakfast, and the
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  • Squirrels would wash the dishes-i mean, my goodness!
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  • And i married, in my married, we have some poo!
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  • Now that's part of it.
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  • And a lot of people, when poo comes, and it just stacks up;
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  • And sometimes you have a sick ox.
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  • You've got more poo than you need...
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  • And you don't know what to do with it, we give up!
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  • "i married the wrong one!
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  • This isn't the way it's supposed to be!"
  • 00:09:55.551 --> 00:09:59.255
  • Let me tell you something: marriage has joy, and
  • 00:09:59.255 --> 00:10:01.824
  • Fulfillment, and meaning in it, and there's going to be times
  • 00:10:01.824 --> 00:10:05.394
  • That some things get rather sticky and stinky and unseemly.
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  • That's a part of it, and it's how we relate to this; how we
  • 00:10:10.566 --> 00:10:14.270
  • Understand that some of our marriages are between
  • 00:10:14.270 --> 00:10:16.839
  • Irresistible-that's at the marriage altar.
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  • Remember, i do? i will?
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  • I do? i will?
  • 00:10:20.810 --> 00:10:22.144
  • There's an irresistibility about him or about her,
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  • From all the way to incompatibility.
  • 00:10:25.014 --> 00:10:28.417
  • Irresistibility, incompatibility, and most of us
  • 00:10:28.417 --> 00:10:31.387
  • Live between those two-irresistible, incompatible.
  • 00:10:31.387 --> 00:10:33.889
  • Irresistible, incompatible.
  • 00:10:33.889 --> 00:10:38.728
  • And that's where we try to abide.
  • 00:10:38.728 --> 00:10:42.398
  • And when there gets so much poo there because the man or the
  • 00:10:42.398 --> 00:10:46.602
  • Woman do not operate on the basis of biblical principles to
  • 00:10:46.602 --> 00:10:49.371
  • Make that marriage growing and exciting and deepening and
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  • Widening and broadening, and, and creative...
  • 00:10:52.908 --> 00:10:56.445
  • Why, it just piles up in there, and that gives
  • 00:10:56.445 --> 00:10:59.882
  • An atomosphere where a third party could come into that
  • 00:10:59.882 --> 00:11:03.385
  • Marriage-a third party, an affair.
  • 00:11:03.385 --> 00:11:07.690
  • It can be affair with your mind
  • 00:11:07.690 --> 00:11:09.325
  • When you're addicted to pornography.
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  • This is true of a lot of people who are older.
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  • "well, i deserve this.
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  • I need this. it's okay..."
  • 00:11:16.165 --> 00:11:18.100
  • Adultery in your mind, jesus talks about in
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  • Matthew 5 how deadly that is.
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  • Needs radical surgery.
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  • Don't just taper off-cut it out.
  • 00:11:26.275 --> 00:11:30.179
  • Or, it can be actually a third, third party coming in.
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  • "well, you know, i thought it would never happen to us.
  • 00:11:33.716 --> 00:11:35.618
  • It was irresistibility, and now there's incompatibility and
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  • I must have picked the wrong one, and you..."
  • 00:11:38.921 --> 00:11:41.657
  • And so a third party can come in.
  • 00:11:41.657 --> 00:11:43.592
  • And it starts so subtly.
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  • Happy hour!
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  • A lot of people get off from work, they have to go by a bar
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  • Somewhere and get lubricated before they go home
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  • And face their wife or their husband.
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  • That's right.
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  • And there's the atmosphere, "i can be free.
  • 00:11:56.272 --> 00:11:58.307
  • There's no restraints.
  • 00:11:58.307 --> 00:11:59.642
  • Don't have to worry about children, or problems.
  • 00:11:59.642 --> 00:12:01.844
  • Man, this is the place!
  • 00:12:01.844 --> 00:12:03.179
  • And, i really can express myself..."
  • 00:12:03.179 --> 00:12:05.681
  • And a whole atmosphere comes into being there that can lead
  • 00:12:05.681 --> 00:12:09.585
  • To infidelity that can lead to a mindset and a lifestyle that'll
  • 00:12:09.585 --> 00:12:14.723
  • Cut the rug out from under your marriage.
  • 00:12:14.723 --> 00:12:19.829
  • My house, i have a security system.
  • 00:12:19.829 --> 00:12:22.598
  • Go to bed at night, i mash a button-bang-it said, "beep!"
  • 00:12:22.598 --> 00:12:25.634
  • And every, all through my house-if you come in a window or
  • 00:12:25.634 --> 00:12:28.337
  • Door, the attic, anywhere else, an alarm will go off.
  • 00:12:28.337 --> 00:12:31.040
  • I feel safe there because no one can come
  • 00:12:31.040 --> 00:12:33.509
  • In without me knowing about it.
  • 00:12:33.509 --> 00:12:36.478
  • No one can come in. nothing can come in.
  • 00:12:36.478 --> 00:12:38.414
  • A burglar can't come in without me knowing about it.
  • 00:12:38.414 --> 00:12:41.650
  • I thought about that, and i said,
  • 00:12:41.650 --> 00:12:43.586
  • "this is what we need to have affair-proof marriages.
  • 00:12:43.586 --> 00:12:46.455
  • We need security systems.
  • 00:12:46.455 --> 00:12:48.591
  • First of all, i would suggest you put a security system
  • 00:12:48.591 --> 00:12:51.427
  • Around your life...around your life.
  • 00:12:51.427 --> 00:12:56.098
  • How do you put a security system around your life?
  • 00:12:56.098 --> 00:12:59.068
  • It starts right here.
  • 00:12:59.068 --> 00:13:01.070
  • As a man thinketh, so is he.
  • 00:13:01.070 --> 00:13:04.106
  • We're to build in our mind the mind of christ.
  • 00:13:04.106 --> 00:13:07.676
  • Garbage in, garbage out.
  • 00:13:07.676 --> 00:13:09.211
  • What you listen to, what you see, where you go
  • 00:13:09.211 --> 00:13:12.248
  • -keep that mind clear.
  • 00:13:12.248 --> 00:13:14.316
  • The first glance is okay.
  • 00:13:14.316 --> 00:13:15.684
  • Bill graham says, "i see lovely woman walking by.
  • 00:13:15.684 --> 00:13:18.420
  • I look at her once" but he said, "it's that second glance
  • 00:13:18.420 --> 00:13:23.425
  • -that second glance.
  • 00:13:23.425 --> 00:13:24.760
  • Don't have a second glance, guys, gals...
  • 00:13:24.760 --> 00:13:27.429
  • Don't do that.
  • 00:13:27.429 --> 00:13:29.531
  • That's where trouble begins."
  • 00:13:29.531 --> 00:13:31.133
  • You go to a football game and all of a sudden; you don't even
  • 00:13:31.133 --> 00:13:33.702
  • Know everybody has those binoculars til' the half-time
  • 00:13:33.702 --> 00:13:36.005
  • When the cheerleaders come out, and boy, there they go!
  • 00:13:36.005 --> 00:13:38.073
  • (audience laughs).
  • 00:13:38.073 --> 00:13:42.912
  • Deadly... deadly... deadly.
  • 00:13:42.912 --> 00:13:50.819
  • Mark my words-it begins in the mind.
  • 00:13:50.819 --> 00:13:52.955
  • The bible says we're to take every thought that comes...
  • 00:13:52.955 --> 00:13:57.059
  • Other words, when here's this picture, here's this mind, when
  • 00:13:57.059 --> 00:14:00.663
  • We take it and a thought comes, we deal with it, and we let
  • 00:14:00.663 --> 00:14:03.966
  • Christ take captive of it and we move on.
  • 00:14:03.966 --> 00:14:06.368
  • It's when we take those sensual thoughts and we play with them,
  • 00:14:06.368 --> 00:14:09.838
  • And we turn on our pornograph, and we play them over and over.
  • 00:14:09.838 --> 00:14:13.676
  • See, nobody knows about that.
  • 00:14:13.676 --> 00:14:15.044
  • "i deserve that pleasure. oh, i..."
  • 00:14:15.044 --> 00:14:17.146
  • We rationalize it away.
  • 00:14:17.146 --> 00:14:18.547
  • That's where the trouble begins.
  • 00:14:18.547 --> 00:14:20.449
  • It always begins in the mind.
  • 00:14:20.449 --> 00:14:24.253
  • Always in the mind...
  • 00:14:24.253 --> 00:14:27.256
  • So keep a watch over your mind.
  • 00:14:27.256 --> 00:14:31.427
  • That's a part of a security system
  • 00:14:31.427 --> 00:14:32.861
  • You build around yourself.
  • 00:14:32.861 --> 00:14:34.196
  • Another thing, your friends.
  • 00:14:34.196 --> 00:14:36.298
  • If you go with friends and there's a loose, promiscuous,
  • 00:14:36.298 --> 00:14:38.968
  • Promiscuity; a kind of talk, and you know,
  • 00:14:38.968 --> 00:14:41.370
  • "we're just good friends.
  • 00:14:41.370 --> 00:14:42.705
  • We share all this..."
  • 00:14:42.705 --> 00:14:44.039
  • That's not the kind of relationship you want to be a
  • 00:14:44.039 --> 00:14:46.175
  • Part of, because sometimes we wake up and say, "you know, i
  • 00:14:46.175 --> 00:14:48.978
  • Couldn't believe that billy ran off with alice,
  • 00:14:48.978 --> 00:14:53.615
  • And they, there's couples.
  • 00:14:53.615 --> 00:14:56.218
  • They were best friends..."
  • 00:14:56.218 --> 00:14:58.787
  • Where have you been?
  • 00:14:58.787 --> 00:15:01.457
  • Pick your friends, your intimate friends to make sure they're on
  • 00:15:01.457 --> 00:15:05.494
  • The same page, and there's good humor, and godly relationship,
  • 00:15:05.494 --> 00:15:09.765
  • And fun together, and activity together;
  • 00:15:09.765 --> 00:15:11.934
  • But pick your friends very carefully.
  • 00:15:11.934 --> 00:15:16.305
  • And what about where you work, in the market place?
  • 00:15:16.305 --> 00:15:19.441
  • You see, we go to work. we look our best.
  • 00:15:19.441 --> 00:15:21.744
  • We smile, well everything...
  • 00:15:21.744 --> 00:15:23.178
  • We go home, and huh, huh...
  • 00:15:23.178 --> 00:15:25.948
  • Say, "is that the same person?
  • 00:15:25.948 --> 00:15:28.417
  • Where's all that personality? where's all that interest?
  • 00:15:28.417 --> 00:15:30.819
  • What happens to them?" huhhhh....
  • 00:15:30.819 --> 00:15:36.125
  • What do you do to protect yourself?
  • 00:15:36.125 --> 00:15:38.060
  • I don't know what you do, but if you want to put a security
  • 00:15:38.060 --> 00:15:39.995
  • System around yourself in the market place-for years,
  • 00:15:39.995 --> 00:15:41.630
  • I did a lot of counseling.
  • 00:15:41.630 --> 00:15:42.965
  • I don't do that anymore.
  • 00:15:42.965 --> 00:15:44.299
  • If i do any counseling, i sit down in the worship center and
  • 00:15:44.299 --> 00:15:46.035
  • I do about that much, and i'm the
  • 00:15:46.035 --> 00:15:47.970
  • Worse counselor you'll ever talk with!
  • 00:15:47.970 --> 00:15:49.705
  • Really, i'm terrible!
  • 00:15:49.705 --> 00:15:51.040
  • I am awful, so don't, don't go for me for counseling!
  • 00:15:51.040 --> 00:15:53.375
  • I don't do that. we've got professionals...
  • 00:15:53.375 --> 00:15:55.310
  • But when i did a lot of counseling as a young pastor,
  • 00:15:55.310 --> 00:15:58.781
  • I realized this is a pretty intimate situation.
  • 00:15:58.781 --> 00:16:00.983
  • You run into a lot of stuff...
  • 00:16:00.983 --> 00:16:03.752
  • And i'd heard already that all women fall in love with their
  • 00:16:03.752 --> 00:16:06.622
  • Pastor and their doctor, and
  • 00:16:06.622 --> 00:16:07.956
  • I didn't want to be in that chain...
  • 00:16:07.956 --> 00:16:11.193
  • So when i did counseling, and
  • 00:16:11.193 --> 00:16:12.694
  • I could take you right to the desk.
  • 00:16:12.694 --> 00:16:14.596
  • I got a big desk.
  • 00:16:14.596 --> 00:16:16.498
  • I put a big bible in the middle of the desk-big ole' bible,
  • 00:16:16.498 --> 00:16:19.334
  • Middle of the desk...
  • 00:16:19.334 --> 00:16:20.769
  • I would seat them over there in a chair that was very
  • 00:16:20.769 --> 00:16:23.205
  • Uncomfortable, and i would put pictures of my wife and my
  • 00:16:23.205 --> 00:16:27.209
  • Children and my grandchildren on my desk.
  • 00:16:27.209 --> 00:16:29.578
  • On the credenza, i'd put a picture of my wife and my
  • 00:16:29.578 --> 00:16:31.880
  • Children and my grandchildren-big pictures
  • 00:16:31.880 --> 00:16:33.582
  • Behind my desk.
  • 00:16:33.582 --> 00:16:34.917
  • I had a window-i can take you to the office-that was open, and
  • 00:16:34.917 --> 00:16:37.653
  • The sun would climb in and blind the person i was talking to!
  • 00:16:37.653 --> 00:16:40.923
  • (audience laughs).
  • 00:16:40.923 --> 00:16:43.292
  • And if they got to me, they had to crawl over a big desk, all of
  • 00:16:43.292 --> 00:16:46.762
  • My family, and a bible, and they couldn't see
  • 00:16:46.762 --> 00:16:49.898
  • Because the sun had blinded them!
  • 00:16:49.898 --> 00:16:51.834
  • (audience laughs and applauds).
  • 00:16:51.834 --> 00:16:54.570
  • Ladies and gentlemen!
  • 00:16:54.570 --> 00:16:57.139
  • Build a security system around yourself at work!
  • 00:16:57.139 --> 00:17:00.175
  • You know what paul said to timothy in this area?
  • 00:17:00.175 --> 00:17:03.278
  • He said, "treat older people with respect.
  • 00:17:03.278 --> 00:17:07.416
  • Treat peers, men and women, as your brother and your sister.
  • 00:17:07.416 --> 00:17:10.953
  • Have that mindset-"this is my brother; this is my sister..."
  • 00:17:10.953 --> 00:17:14.490
  • Treat younger men and women as
  • 00:17:14.490 --> 00:17:16.525
  • If they were your sons and your daughters.
  • 00:17:16.525 --> 00:17:19.128
  • If you will build in that mindset,
  • 00:17:19.128 --> 00:17:21.430
  • That'll help you put that security, that
  • 00:17:21.430 --> 00:17:24.099
  • Security system around your life.
  • 00:17:24.099 --> 00:17:26.034
  • Also, you need to put a security system around your mate,
  • 00:17:26.034 --> 00:17:30.038
  • Around your wife, around your husband.
  • 00:17:30.038 --> 00:17:31.974
  • You say, "well, what does that look like?"
  • 00:17:31.974 --> 00:17:34.910
  • Well, maybe you ought to give 'em a
  • 00:17:34.910 --> 00:17:38.280
  • Chastity belt for christmas!
  • 00:17:38.280 --> 00:17:40.015
  • No-maybe you ought to get a detective to follow them, or
  • 00:17:40.015 --> 00:17:43.585
  • Check their email-"who they been talking to on their phone?"
  • 00:17:43.585 --> 00:17:46.688
  • Get the computer and have somebody to work it out.
  • 00:17:46.688 --> 00:17:48.624
  • You know, uh, you know, search their pockets...
  • 00:17:48.624 --> 00:17:53.295
  • What do you do?
  • 00:17:53.295 --> 00:17:54.630
  • How do you put a security system around your wife,
  • 00:17:54.630 --> 00:17:56.632
  • Around your husband?
  • 00:17:56.632 --> 00:17:58.367
  • I'll tell you one thing you do right up front.
  • 00:17:58.367 --> 00:18:00.302
  • I'll make it easy for you.
  • 00:18:00.302 --> 00:18:02.838
  • You just build such a relationship with them that you
  • 00:18:02.838 --> 00:18:07.409
  • Have a rolls-royce home relationship with your wife,
  • 00:18:07.409 --> 00:18:11.446
  • Your husband, and they won't be interested in trading
  • 00:18:11.446 --> 00:18:14.183
  • That rolls-royce for a bicycle.
  • 00:18:14.183 --> 00:18:15.717
  • (audience applauds).
  • 00:18:15.717 --> 00:18:17.619
  • And it's how you look on marriage.
  • 00:18:17.619 --> 00:18:21.490
  • Dr. willard harley has a wonderful book.
  • 00:18:21.490 --> 00:18:23.725
  • He talks about how we think
  • 00:18:23.725 --> 00:18:25.561
  • Of ourselves in romantic relationships?
  • 00:18:25.561 --> 00:18:28.564
  • He said one image is, we're freeloaders.
  • 00:18:28.564 --> 00:18:32.000
  • Some people are married; they're freeloaders.
  • 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:33.936
  • "well, as long as i get what i want, i'm in this thing;
  • 00:18:33.936 --> 00:18:37.406
  • But when i stop getting what i want, i'm outta here!"
  • 00:18:37.406 --> 00:18:41.109
  • Freeloaders.
  • 00:18:41.109 --> 00:18:42.678
  • "i'm not gonna pay any price.
  • 00:18:42.678 --> 00:18:44.012
  • You know, it's gotta be, just be natural.
  • 00:18:44.012 --> 00:18:45.948
  • You know, love ought to just come automatically!
  • 00:18:45.948 --> 00:18:48.150
  • Man, you know..." freeloaders.
  • 00:18:48.150 --> 00:18:50.185
  • Some people look at marriage, dealing marriage,
  • 00:18:50.185 --> 00:18:52.221
  • And you're a freeloader.
  • 00:18:52.221 --> 00:18:54.656
  • Others are renters.
  • 00:18:54.656 --> 00:18:56.458
  • You go and say, "okay, i'm going to stay married."
  • 00:18:56.458 --> 00:18:58.393
  • A renter does little more than a freeloader.
  • 00:18:58.393 --> 00:19:00.295
  • You know, a renter will do some things...
  • 00:19:00.295 --> 00:19:02.231
  • Keep the house clean and work at some things to keep the
  • 00:19:02.231 --> 00:19:05.434
  • Relationship; but primarily, if a better place comes along
  • 00:19:05.434 --> 00:19:08.437
  • That's cheaper, you're gonna move there, and "...if something
  • 00:19:08.437 --> 00:19:10.739
  • Better comes along, i'm outta here!"
  • 00:19:10.739 --> 00:19:15.010
  • A renter.
  • 00:19:15.010 --> 00:19:16.345
  • But our relationship should be one of a buyer.
  • 00:19:16.345 --> 00:19:19.248
  • I'm here for life.
  • 00:19:19.248 --> 00:19:20.582
  • I've bought in. i've sold out.
  • 00:19:20.582 --> 00:19:22.517
  • This commitment is sacred unto god.
  • 00:19:22.517 --> 00:19:24.953
  • It is irrevocable. it is exclusive.
  • 00:19:24.953 --> 00:19:27.556
  • It is ours.
  • 00:19:27.556 --> 00:19:29.091
  • It is magnificent.
  • 00:19:29.091 --> 00:19:31.193
  • You see, i've bought this whole thing...
  • 00:19:31.193 --> 00:19:35.764
  • You know, it's amazing to me how most of us have stood in
  • 00:19:35.764 --> 00:19:40.168
  • Some kind of church service, and the pastor, we've
  • 00:19:40.168 --> 00:19:43.538
  • Exchanged vows..."i will, and i do..."
  • 00:19:43.538 --> 00:19:45.674
  • And we promise to be faithful to one another til' death do us
  • 00:19:45.674 --> 00:19:50.512
  • Part before family and before friends in a sacred contract;
  • 00:19:50.512 --> 00:19:55.751
  • A covenant before god, and a contract of the state.
  • 00:19:55.751 --> 00:19:59.388
  • How in the world does satan get in
  • 00:19:59.388 --> 00:20:01.490
  • That kind of overwhelming commitment?
  • 00:20:01.490 --> 00:20:05.994
  • Little foxes...
  • 00:20:05.994 --> 00:20:08.230
  • Little termites...
  • 00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:10.032
  • Little inconsistencies.
  • 00:20:10.032 --> 00:20:13.101
  • So build a security system around yourself.
  • 00:20:13.101 --> 00:20:15.504
  • Build a security system around your wife, and in the middle of
  • 00:20:15.504 --> 00:20:18.540
  • That security system, have an affair-yeah, have an affair with
  • 00:20:18.540 --> 00:20:25.847
  • Your wife, or with your husband!
  • 00:20:25.847 --> 00:20:29.284
  • Ha! that's terrific!
  • 00:20:29.284 --> 00:20:30.619
  • And great things will happen.
  • 00:20:30.619 --> 00:20:33.789
  • Men have to understand women.
  • 00:20:33.789 --> 00:20:37.092
  • And most every woman would say here,
  • 00:20:37.092 --> 00:20:39.728
  • "you know, i can't always respond...
  • 00:20:39.728 --> 00:20:44.166
  • I cannot be rushed.
  • 00:20:44.166 --> 00:20:47.969
  • I cannot be compartmentalized...
  • 00:20:47.969 --> 00:20:52.040
  • I cannot neglect the environment."
  • 00:20:52.040 --> 00:20:56.244
  • Men, did you listen to that?
  • 00:20:56.244 --> 00:20:59.948
  • And men, and females, to your wife, let them
  • 00:20:59.948 --> 00:21:03.585
  • Know you are interested in them, that you love them; you love
  • 00:21:03.585 --> 00:21:06.855
  • Being with them.
  • 00:21:06.855 --> 00:21:08.223
  • Do some creative things.
  • 00:21:08.223 --> 00:21:10.025
  • Create an atmosphere that is dynamic.
  • 00:21:10.025 --> 00:21:12.828
  • I don't mind candles-i don't particularly like them;
  • 00:21:12.828 --> 00:21:14.930
  • But that's alright.
  • 00:21:14.930 --> 00:21:16.264
  • I mean, work at it, ladies, and your husband will say,
  • 00:21:16.264 --> 00:21:19.668
  • "who is this woman?"
  • 00:21:19.668 --> 00:21:21.603
  • It'll bring life back in your relationship.
  • 00:21:21.603 --> 00:21:27.542
  • Females, if you just show a little bit of spontaneity and
  • 00:21:27.542 --> 00:21:32.614
  • Creativity, your husband would think, "wow!"
  • 00:21:32.614 --> 00:21:39.788
  • Dr. james crane, written columns in newspapers
  • 00:21:39.788 --> 00:21:43.325
  • All over america for many years.
  • 00:21:43.325 --> 00:21:45.260
  • He said that a woman came to him one day.
  • 00:21:45.260 --> 00:21:47.229
  • He's a psychotherapist, and said, "my marriage is through.
  • 00:21:47.229 --> 00:21:51.366
  • There's no love.
  • 00:21:51.366 --> 00:21:53.368
  • We fell in love; we've fallen out of love, and my husband has
  • 00:21:53.368 --> 00:21:56.204
  • Been so negligent of me.
  • 00:21:56.204 --> 00:21:58.573
  • He's just criticized me and accused me"
  • 00:21:58.573 --> 00:22:01.977
  • And she said, "i'm finished.
  • 00:22:01.977 --> 00:22:03.311
  • Twelve years is enough. i'm getting a divorce."
  • 00:22:03.311 --> 00:22:05.747
  • She said, "my mind is made up" but she said, "dr. crane,
  • 00:22:05.747 --> 00:22:08.583
  • I've come to you and ask you how
  • 00:22:08.583 --> 00:22:10.952
  • I can really get revenge?"
  • 00:22:10.952 --> 00:22:14.156
  • She said, "i don't want a divorce; i want revenge for
  • 00:22:14.156 --> 00:22:16.792
  • These twelve years that he's just eaten out of my life."
  • 00:22:16.792 --> 00:22:20.562
  • Dr. crane said, "i'll tell you what you do.
  • 00:22:20.562 --> 00:22:22.564
  • Are you willing to give another
  • 00:22:22.564 --> 00:22:23.899
  • Month so you'll really get revenge?"
  • 00:22:23.899 --> 00:22:26.501
  • She said, "i'm willing to do anything.
  • 00:22:26.501 --> 00:22:28.437
  • I want a pound of his flesh."
  • 00:22:28.437 --> 00:22:31.506
  • He said, "this is what you do."
  • 00:22:31.506 --> 00:22:33.275
  • Said, "when you go home tonight, go fix him the best meal
  • 00:22:33.275 --> 00:22:36.611
  • -his favorite meal" and said, "just tell him,
  • 00:22:36.611 --> 00:22:38.914
  • You know, you love him.
  • 00:22:38.914 --> 00:22:40.248
  • You wanted to prepare this for him."
  • 00:22:40.248 --> 00:22:41.917
  • Said, "it'll surprise him."
  • 00:22:41.917 --> 00:22:43.251
  • She said, "he'll be stunned."
  • 00:22:43.251 --> 00:22:45.720
  • And he said, "you know, brag on him.
  • 00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:47.856
  • Ask about what he's doing..."
  • 00:22:47.856 --> 00:22:49.191
  • And said, "tomorrow night, you come and you be ready, and you
  • 00:22:49.191 --> 00:22:52.060
  • Be amorous, and you want to be with him physically and love
  • 00:22:52.060 --> 00:22:55.030
  • Him" and said, "love him with all your heart,
  • 00:22:55.030 --> 00:22:56.932
  • With all your body, with all your soul.
  • 00:22:56.932 --> 00:22:58.867
  • Just, just admire him and just work at the chemistry."
  • 00:22:58.867 --> 00:23:02.471
  • And said, "do that, and please him, and encourage him, and
  • 00:23:02.471 --> 00:23:05.774
  • Cheerlead for him, and ask about him,
  • 00:23:05.774 --> 00:23:07.709
  • And tell him how special he is..."
  • 00:23:07.709 --> 00:23:09.644
  • He said, "do this for a solid month" and said, "at the end of
  • 00:23:09.644 --> 00:23:14.583
  • That month, when he is floating on cloud nine, you tell him,
  • 00:23:14.583 --> 00:23:18.687
  • 'i hate you!
  • 00:23:18.687 --> 00:23:20.789
  • I'm leaving you, and i'm getting a divorce!"
  • 00:23:20.789 --> 00:23:24.793
  • And dr. crane said, "that'll work.
  • 00:23:24.793 --> 00:23:26.728
  • You call me and i'll get you the meanest lawyer in this city,
  • 00:23:26.728 --> 00:23:31.366
  • And this lawyer will take everything he has, and the rest
  • 00:23:31.366 --> 00:23:35.537
  • Of his life, he'll be totally miserable because he'll never
  • 00:23:35.537 --> 00:23:39.107
  • Find a wife as fabulous as you've been to him that month!"
  • 00:23:39.107 --> 00:23:44.546
  • She said, "i'll do it!"
  • 00:23:44.546 --> 00:23:45.881
  • (audience laughs).
  • 00:23:45.881 --> 00:23:50.118
  • Several months went by.
  • 00:23:50.118 --> 00:23:53.255
  • He was in a grocery store, and uh, dr. crane happened to see
  • 00:23:53.255 --> 00:23:57.292
  • Her and said, "hello.
  • 00:23:57.292 --> 00:23:58.627
  • How are you?"
  • 00:23:58.627 --> 00:23:59.961
  • She said, "fine..."
  • 00:23:59.961 --> 00:24:01.396
  • He said uh, "have you gotten your divorce?"
  • 00:24:01.396 --> 00:24:04.833
  • She said, "divorce?"
  • 00:24:04.833 --> 00:24:06.167
  • Said, "yes, you know...
  • 00:24:06.167 --> 00:24:07.569
  • Have, have you severed ties with that tyrant
  • 00:24:07.569 --> 00:24:10.972
  • That you were married to?"
  • 00:24:10.972 --> 00:24:12.774
  • She said, "let me tell you something, dr. crane-i'm married
  • 00:24:12.774 --> 00:24:16.244
  • To the most wonderful man in the world!"
  • 00:24:16.244 --> 00:24:18.246
  • Heh, heh, heh!
  • 00:24:18.246 --> 00:24:25.387
  • Put a security system around yourself.
  • 00:24:25.387 --> 00:24:28.590
  • You've eliminated fifty percent of the
  • 00:24:28.590 --> 00:24:30.559
  • Affairs right there-fifty percent.
  • 00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:34.095
  • Put a security system around
  • 00:24:34.095 --> 00:24:36.798
  • Your mate -hundred percent eliminated.
  • 00:24:36.798 --> 00:24:40.902
  • In the middle of that security system, have an affair with your
  • 00:24:40.902 --> 00:24:45.941
  • Wife, or with your husband; but be careful!
  • 00:24:45.941 --> 00:24:52.581
  • These are biblical principles,
  • 00:24:52.581 --> 00:24:55.116
  • And your marriage will begin to sing.
  • 00:24:55.116 --> 00:24:59.654
  • Dr. young: at some point, every marriage will
  • 00:25:02.090 --> 00:25:04.225
  • Run into tough times.
  • 00:25:04.225 --> 00:25:05.927
  • Whether it's miscommunication, money,
  • 00:25:05.927 --> 00:25:07.963
  • Sex, or in-laws, every marriage goes through a rocky patch.
  • 00:25:07.963 --> 00:25:12.233
  • Far too often, those rocky patches end up ruining
  • 00:25:12.233 --> 00:25:15.503
  • Otherwise great, potentially super marriages.
  • 00:25:15.503 --> 00:25:19.207
  • But it does not have to be that way.
  • 00:25:19.207 --> 00:25:22.677
  • God designed marriage, and he gave us the keys to have
  • 00:25:22.677 --> 00:25:26.448
  • A marriage that works, a marriage that sizzles.
  • 00:25:26.448 --> 00:25:29.551
  • In my book, "the 10 commandments of marriage," i lay out ten
  • 00:25:29.551 --> 00:25:33.121
  • Practical principles to make your marriage super.
  • 00:25:33.121 --> 00:25:37.392
  • I hope that you will get this resource today.
  • 00:25:37.392 --> 00:25:42.364
  • Female announcer: to get your copy,
  • 00:25:42.364 --> 00:25:43.965
  • Call the number on your screen, or go online at winningwalk.org.
  • 00:25:43.965 --> 00:25:47.869
  • It's our gift to you for your financial support
  • 00:25:47.869 --> 00:25:50.372
  • Of this ministry.
  • 00:25:50.372 --> 00:25:52.073
  • Marriage may not always be bliss,
  • 00:25:52.073 --> 00:25:54.376
  • But with god's help, it can be amazing.
  • 00:25:54.376 --> 00:25:58.346
  • Dr. young: i can remember when i first learned how to swim.
  • 00:26:00.915 --> 00:26:04.486
  • Perhaps you can remember the moment when you began to learn
  • 00:26:04.486 --> 00:26:07.722
  • How to swim, i certainly do.
  • 00:26:07.722 --> 00:26:09.991
  • My dad taught me in a muddy, muddy lake.
  • 00:26:09.991 --> 00:26:13.461
  • I stepped in the water filled with fear, and stiff,
  • 00:26:13.461 --> 00:26:17.265
  • And abnormally cold.
  • 00:26:17.265 --> 00:26:19.501
  • He said, "relax, son.
  • 00:26:19.501 --> 00:26:23.138
  • I'll put my arms under you and when you begin to sink, i'll
  • 00:26:23.138 --> 00:26:28.109
  • Be right there and lift you up."
  • 00:26:28.109 --> 00:26:32.580
  • Sure enough, i started to sink
  • 00:26:32.580 --> 00:26:35.583
  • But felt his sturdy arms holding me up and everything changed.
  • 00:26:35.583 --> 00:26:40.455
  • I trusted and relaxed knowing that my father was there.
  • 00:26:40.455 --> 00:26:47.629
  • Remember, when you swim in life's deep holes and muddy
  • 00:26:47.629 --> 00:26:51.466
  • Waters, your lord god almighty, your heavenly father's arms, are
  • 00:26:51.466 --> 00:26:57.272
  • Just below the surface ready to hold you, and if necessary,
  • 00:26:57.272 --> 00:27:03.144
  • Just lift you right up.
  • 00:27:03.144 --> 00:27:05.980
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:27:06.915 --> 00:27:24.299
  • Cc by aberdeen captioning 1-800-688-6621 www.aberdeen.io
  • 00:27:16.925 --> 00:27:24.299