Ed Young - Resolving Conflict

February 18, 2025 | S25:E42

The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young is the international on-air and online teaching ministry of Dr. Ed Young. The Winning Walk proclaims the proven truth of God’s Word to give men and women the world over a winning way to live life.

#Relationships #Marriage #RelationshipwithGod #Flesh #IdentityinChrist #Religion #Jesus #inActive #Reconciliation #Division #EdYoung #Unity #Husband #Wife #Strife #TheWinningWalkwithDr.EdYoung

Closed captions

Show Timecode

The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young | Ed Young - Resolving Conflict | February 18, 2025

♪♪♪
00:00:01.815 --> 00:00:07.821
Dr. ed young: how many of you have had some kind of conflict
00:00:11.157 --> 00:00:26.539
In your marriage within the last decade,
00:00:26.539 --> 00:00:27.974
That's 10 years?
00:00:27.974 --> 00:00:29.309
Would you lift your hand and hold it up?
00:00:29.309 --> 00:00:32.846
Lift your hand if you're married,
00:00:32.846 --> 00:00:34.447
If you've had a conflict, lift it up,
00:00:34.447 --> 00:00:36.249
In the last decade.
00:00:36.249 --> 00:00:37.584
Hold it up. hold it up.
00:00:37.584 --> 00:00:39.953
Everybody.
00:00:39.953 --> 00:00:41.821
In the last decade.
00:00:41.821 --> 00:00:43.556
All right, leave your hand up.
00:00:43.556 --> 00:00:47.093
If you've had a conflict in the last year keep your hand up.
00:00:47.093 --> 00:00:51.531
Those of you who lowered your hand,
00:00:51.531 --> 00:00:53.166
I'll deal with lying later.
00:00:53.166 --> 00:00:56.736
The bottom line is there is conflict in relationships.
00:00:56.736 --> 00:01:04.210
There is trouble.
00:01:04.210 --> 00:01:05.778
There is, we call it sometimes "fighting."
00:01:05.778 --> 00:01:12.252
Twentieth anniversary coming up for this couple and she thinks
00:01:12.252 --> 00:01:17.557
She'll hint to him what she'd like for her 20th anniversary.
00:01:17.557 --> 00:01:20.960
And she said, "i want something shiny that'll go from
00:01:20.960 --> 00:01:27.567
0 to 180 in 3 seconds."
00:01:27.567 --> 00:01:32.839
He thought about it and
00:01:32.839 --> 00:01:34.340
Gave her some bathroom scales.
00:01:34.340 --> 00:01:37.544
[congregation laughing]
00:01:37.544 --> 00:01:44.450
That's when the trouble started.
00:01:44.450 --> 00:01:51.491
Another couple, he went with her to her 10th high school reunion.
00:01:55.728 --> 00:02:02.468
They were seated together at a table,
00:02:02.468 --> 00:02:04.537
And close by was another man at a table by himself,
00:02:04.537 --> 00:02:07.941
Obviously drunk, obviously drinking.
00:02:07.941 --> 00:02:11.411
And the man said to his wife, "you keep looking over at him.
00:02:11.411 --> 00:02:15.648
Do you know him?" she said, "oh, yes.
00:02:15.648 --> 00:02:18.718
That was my high school sweetheart."
00:02:18.718 --> 00:02:21.721
And she said, "i am told that after we broke up,
00:02:21.721 --> 00:02:25.391
He has been drinking constantly ever since."
00:02:25.391 --> 00:02:29.495
And her husband said, "my, it's unusual for someone
00:02:29.495 --> 00:02:33.333
To celebrate that long."
00:02:33.333 --> 00:02:41.941
That's when the trouble started.
00:02:41.941 --> 00:02:47.247
So we look back on marriage, and there's conflicts.
00:02:47.247 --> 00:02:49.983
There's fighting. there's disagreement.
00:02:49.983 --> 00:02:51.784
There's tension. there's trouble.
00:02:51.784 --> 00:02:54.354
So we need to go back once again and look at the basic,
00:02:54.354 --> 00:02:57.790
Fundamental definition of marriage.
00:02:57.790 --> 00:03:00.793
Genesis chapter 2.
00:03:00.793 --> 00:03:02.595
We've been over it. listen again.
00:03:02.595 --> 00:03:05.431
God gave us marriage.
00:03:05.431 --> 00:03:08.101
He said we're to leave, cleave, one flesh,
00:03:08.101 --> 00:03:16.075
Naked, no shame, that's it.
00:03:16.075 --> 00:03:20.780
Basic, fundamental picture, description, of marriage.
00:03:20.780 --> 00:03:25.918
The operative phrase in there is "one flesh."
00:03:25.918 --> 00:03:33.326
That divine math, 1 plus 1 equals 1, 1 flesh.
00:03:33.326 --> 00:03:40.466
And we go to the bible.
00:03:40.466 --> 00:03:42.101
We see this thing of oneness is found all the way through.
00:03:42.101 --> 00:03:45.872
In john chapter 17 jesus, just hours before the cross,
00:03:45.872 --> 00:03:51.577
He prays for all of us.
00:03:51.577 --> 00:03:54.013
Did you know there was a time in the bible that god prayed for
00:03:54.013 --> 00:03:56.249
You and prayed for me?
00:03:56.249 --> 00:03:58.484
He prayed for us.
00:03:58.484 --> 00:03:59.952
And a part of his prayer is found in john 17,
00:03:59.952 --> 00:04:03.656
Verse 21: "that they," that's all of us,
00:04:03.656 --> 00:04:09.429
"may be one; even as you, the father,
00:04:09.429 --> 00:04:13.299
Are in me and i in you, that they also may be in us,
00:04:13.299 --> 00:04:17.470
So that the world may believe that you sent me."
00:04:17.470 --> 00:04:21.274
In other words, jesus prayed as he is one with the father,
00:04:21.274 --> 00:04:26.346
And we who are in christ are one with him,
00:04:26.346 --> 00:04:29.082
That we may be one with the father,
00:04:29.082 --> 00:04:30.983
The father may be one with us, and we may be one with jesus.
00:04:30.983 --> 00:04:34.087
It's all about three becoming one.
00:04:34.087 --> 00:04:36.556
It happens in the trinity.
00:04:36.556 --> 00:04:37.890
God the father, god the son, god the holy spirit,
00:04:37.890 --> 00:04:40.493
Three become one.
00:04:40.493 --> 00:04:42.061
It is all about oneness.
00:04:42.061 --> 00:04:45.231
So our christian experience, our salvation in christ,
00:04:45.231 --> 00:04:49.369
Is parallel to marriage.
00:04:49.369 --> 00:04:50.703
It's the symbol.
00:04:50.703 --> 00:04:52.038
It's the illustration that is used for marriage,
00:04:52.038 --> 00:04:55.575
That they might be one.
00:04:55.575 --> 00:04:58.211
We see paul expands on this in ephesians chapter number 4.
00:04:58.211 --> 00:05:03.049
Tremendous expansion, he talks about oneness.
00:05:03.049 --> 00:05:05.251
Look how many times.
00:05:05.251 --> 00:05:06.586
In ephesians 4, look at verse 2.
00:05:06.586 --> 00:05:10.790
It says: "showing tolerance for one another in love,
00:05:10.790 --> 00:05:15.895
Being diligent to preserve the unity," that's oneness,
00:05:15.895 --> 00:05:18.798
"of the spirit in the bond of peace.
00:05:18.798 --> 00:05:21.134
There is one body, one spirit, just as also you were called in
00:05:21.134 --> 00:05:26.339
One hope of your calling; one lord,
00:05:26.339 --> 00:05:30.209
One faith, one baptism, one god," look at verse 7:
00:05:30.209 --> 00:05:35.281
"but in each one of us grace."
00:05:35.281 --> 00:05:38.351
He talks about unity in verse 3.
00:05:38.351 --> 00:05:40.987
He talks about it in verse 12: "for the equipping of the saints
00:05:40.987 --> 00:05:44.891
For the work of service, to building up to the body;
00:05:44.891 --> 00:05:48.294
Until we all attain to the unity," that is oneness.
00:05:48.294 --> 00:05:51.364
You have 12 different references in a handful of verses to,
00:05:51.364 --> 00:05:55.535
"one, one, one, one, one." one flesh.
00:05:55.535 --> 00:06:00.740
One in god the father, god the holy spirit.
00:06:00.740 --> 00:06:03.075
One in the sense of all of our basic understanding
00:06:03.075 --> 00:06:07.146
Of theology and doctrine.
00:06:07.146 --> 00:06:08.581
One, one, one.
00:06:08.581 --> 00:06:10.716
And then paul gives us exactly what we need in life but
00:06:10.716 --> 00:06:16.689
Especially in the intimacy of marriage and the covenant there.
00:06:16.689 --> 00:06:22.462
Look at verse 15: "but speaking the truth in love."
00:06:22.462 --> 00:06:30.937
A lot of us are real good at speaking the truth.
00:06:30.937 --> 00:06:33.372
"well, i'm gonna tell ya the truth."
00:06:33.372 --> 00:06:35.374
Hold on.
00:06:35.374 --> 00:06:37.743
A lot of us are good at love, "oh,
00:06:37.743 --> 00:06:40.580
I wouldn't cross anybody, upset anybody," is just going to be so
00:06:40.580 --> 00:06:44.617
Sweet, everything.
00:06:44.617 --> 00:06:46.219
And we're good at love.
00:06:46.219 --> 00:06:48.454
But the genius of marriage, and the genius of communication
00:06:48.454 --> 00:06:51.557
Is being able to speak the truth in love.
00:06:51.557 --> 00:06:54.427
That's the challenge we have. is it not?
00:06:54.427 --> 00:06:58.097
Jesus said there in john 14: "i am the way,'" and his way
00:06:58.097 --> 00:07:02.268
Is the way of love, "i am the truth, and i'm the life."
00:07:02.268 --> 00:07:07.106
So we have love plus truth equals life.
00:07:07.106 --> 00:07:14.514
And we're talking about communication.
00:07:14.514 --> 00:07:17.216
And then in this very passage, paul talks about how
00:07:17.216 --> 00:07:20.987
We live the christian life.
00:07:20.987 --> 00:07:22.922
He talks about this way and this truth and this life.
00:07:22.922 --> 00:07:27.126
And he has two interesting little phrases.
00:07:27.126 --> 00:07:29.695
He says, "you've gotta take off the old,
00:07:29.695 --> 00:07:33.132
And you have to put on the new."
00:07:33.132 --> 00:07:35.568
And that's what we're about, folks.
00:07:35.568 --> 00:07:36.903
We're always takin' off the old person,
00:07:36.903 --> 00:07:39.138
The old self, the old ideas, the old agenda,
00:07:39.138 --> 00:07:41.807
The old prejudices, the old pride,
00:07:41.807 --> 00:07:43.709
And we're putting on all the new.
00:07:43.709 --> 00:07:45.745
And that's putting on christ. take off the old.
00:07:45.745 --> 00:07:48.014
Put on the new.
00:07:48.014 --> 00:07:49.649
And then he gives us, as we'll see at the end of our study,
00:07:49.649 --> 00:07:52.451
Two tremendous principles that are so vital and effective in
00:07:52.451 --> 00:07:57.156
Marriage so two can really become one.
00:07:57.156 --> 00:08:01.060
When jo beth and i got married, i know,
00:08:01.060 --> 00:08:02.828
"two are going to become one."
00:08:02.828 --> 00:08:04.463
And i was excited about it.
00:08:04.463 --> 00:08:06.098
But i thought it would be like e-d-w-i-n
00:08:06.098 --> 00:08:11.404
Plus a little bit of j.
00:08:11.404 --> 00:08:15.308
She thought it would become j-o-b-e-t-h
00:08:15.308 --> 00:08:19.912
With a little bit of e.
00:08:19.912 --> 00:08:22.448
Yeah, she did. not consciously.
00:08:22.448 --> 00:08:23.783
We didn't figure it out.
00:08:23.783 --> 00:08:25.117
But that's how we think.
00:08:25.117 --> 00:08:27.753
But it has become instead j-o-e-d, see?
00:08:27.753 --> 00:08:32.858
We got an equal part of this thing.
00:08:32.858 --> 00:08:35.294
How do two things mold together? how does that happen?
00:08:35.294 --> 00:08:40.199
You could do it by freezing.
00:08:40.199 --> 00:08:42.368
Frozen, frozen, frozen, we come together.
00:08:42.368 --> 00:08:44.971
That's one way, isn't it? well, that sure is cold.
00:08:44.971 --> 00:08:48.874
[laughing]
00:08:48.874 --> 00:08:50.576
You could freeze things together.
00:08:50.576 --> 00:08:52.578
That's not marriage. you can take two personalities.
00:08:52.578 --> 00:08:55.848
You can melt them and they become one,
00:08:55.848 --> 00:08:58.985
And you can't tell one from the other.
00:08:58.985 --> 00:09:00.987
That's not two becoming one.
00:09:00.987 --> 00:09:03.956
That's not the way we're taught in marriage.
00:09:03.956 --> 00:09:07.793
You don't lose your identity, lose your personality.
00:09:07.793 --> 00:09:11.831
Two become one. well, what happens?
00:09:11.831 --> 00:09:16.068
Marriage is an amalgamation. know that word?
00:09:16.068 --> 00:09:19.572
It means "this one becomes this one,
00:09:19.572 --> 00:09:22.375
But this one keeps all the characteristics and this one
00:09:22.375 --> 00:09:25.444
Keeps all the characteristics."
00:09:25.444 --> 00:09:26.879
In marriage you need to have the feminine quality there.
00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:31.017
In marriage you need to have the masculine quality there.
00:09:31.017 --> 00:09:35.254
That's amalgamation.
00:09:35.254 --> 00:09:37.690
That's god's plan, two becoming one.
00:09:37.690 --> 00:09:41.527
But in the process today, let me say that a lot of marriages here
00:09:41.527 --> 00:09:48.634
Are in what i call an s-o-s situation.
00:09:48.634 --> 00:09:52.638
Save our ship? no, save our marriage.
00:09:52.638 --> 00:09:54.674
And you've come to the point in your marriage you said,
00:09:54.674 --> 00:09:56.709
"look, i can't go on any longer."
00:09:56.709 --> 00:09:59.211
You're thinking about divorce.
00:09:59.211 --> 00:10:01.080
And you're looking at all the ramifications of divorce.
00:10:01.080 --> 00:10:04.216
And you're in a s-o-s situation.
00:10:04.216 --> 00:10:06.552
Some marriages start like that in a bizarre way just almost
00:10:06.552 --> 00:10:10.656
Immediately after you get married.
00:10:10.656 --> 00:10:12.725
Did you hear about the guy who got a job?
00:10:12.725 --> 00:10:15.995
He was so thrilled to get this new job.
00:10:15.995 --> 00:10:17.797
He told his wife to set the alarm to make sure he'd get up
00:10:17.797 --> 00:10:20.299
Early and be there way ahead of time.
00:10:20.299 --> 00:10:22.635
First day at work, new job.
00:10:22.635 --> 00:10:25.104
But she forgot to set the alarm.
00:10:25.104 --> 00:10:28.207
So they slept in an hour or two after he was
00:10:28.207 --> 00:10:30.176
Supposed to be there.
00:10:30.176 --> 00:10:32.578
He awakened. he went ballistic.
00:10:32.578 --> 00:10:33.913
"you didn't set the alarm."
00:10:33.913 --> 00:10:35.247
And man, they get a knock-down, drag-out.
00:10:35.247 --> 00:10:37.316
In the process, they get so angry he reaches over
00:10:37.316 --> 00:10:40.953
And gets a pistol, and shoots her in the arm.
00:10:40.953 --> 00:10:44.623
I couldn't make this up.
00:10:44.623 --> 00:10:47.159
And he is walking out, and she gets his shotgun and shoots him
00:10:47.159 --> 00:10:50.096
In the other arm, in his arm.
00:10:50.096 --> 00:10:53.332
They call 911.
00:10:53.332 --> 00:10:54.667
The police come. the ambulance come.
00:10:54.667 --> 00:10:56.001
They take 'em to the emergency room.
00:10:56.001 --> 00:10:57.336
And they're handcuffed together.
00:10:57.336 --> 00:10:59.672
Oh, yeah.
00:10:59.672 --> 00:11:01.173
And one is workin' on his arm.
00:11:01.173 --> 00:11:02.775
One is workin' on her arm.
00:11:02.775 --> 00:11:05.111
And he says, "baby, i'm sorry i shot you.
00:11:05.111 --> 00:11:11.217
I love you."
00:11:11.217 --> 00:11:13.619
And she says, "baby, i'm sorry i shot you.
00:11:13.619 --> 00:11:18.057
I love you."
00:11:18.057 --> 00:11:20.392
Now, boy, there is a country western song in the making.
00:11:20.392 --> 00:11:27.900
I think it would go somethin' like: "i shot you 'cause
00:11:27.900 --> 00:11:32.138
You didn't tick tock."
00:11:32.138 --> 00:11:34.673
And the female will say: "i shot you 'cause i love you a lot."
00:11:34.673 --> 00:11:43.449
This is our world.
00:11:43.449 --> 00:11:50.489
And sometimes, our marriage gets in a s-o-s situation.
00:11:50.489 --> 00:11:54.660
Let me give you some wise, godly counsel, okay?
00:11:54.660 --> 00:12:02.501
If your marriage is an s-o-s situation,
00:12:02.501 --> 00:12:05.471
Whatever the reason, the shooting hasn't erupted yet,
00:12:05.471 --> 00:12:08.774
But you're there, divorce, i wanna ask you a question.
00:12:08.774 --> 00:12:14.914
Is your marriage worth 30 minutes a day for 6 days?
00:12:14.914 --> 00:12:20.786
Would you be willing to give 30 minutes a day for 6 days,
00:12:20.786 --> 00:12:23.722
Hoping there's some way for your marriage?
00:12:23.722 --> 00:12:25.191
Would you do that? is it worth that?
00:12:25.191 --> 00:12:27.459
Okay.
00:12:27.459 --> 00:12:28.794
If it is, let me give you some clear instructions.
00:12:28.794 --> 00:12:36.802
It wouldn't hurt to write it down,
00:12:36.802 --> 00:12:38.137
But i don't wanna rush ya.
00:12:38.137 --> 00:12:41.340
Very practical instructions.
00:12:41.340 --> 00:12:44.643
Get two chairs.
00:12:44.643 --> 00:12:48.013
Find a room that's quiet, 30 minutes.
00:12:48.013 --> 00:12:50.649
Cut off everything else. face one another.
00:12:50.649 --> 00:12:54.286
Get a clock that ticks, hopefully,
00:12:54.286 --> 00:12:56.789
Where you can hear it.
00:12:56.789 --> 00:12:58.824
And each one of you have a bible in your hand, okay?
00:12:58.824 --> 00:13:03.429
You're gonna spend 30 minutes there face to face for 6 days.
00:13:03.429 --> 00:13:06.799
That's all.
00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:08.434
Divide that 30 minutes into 6 segments.
00:13:08.434 --> 00:13:13.839
The first 5 minutes the husband and the wife thinks about
00:13:13.839 --> 00:13:19.912
What it's going to be like without that person.
00:13:19.912 --> 00:13:23.649
Now, some of you say, "oh, it's gonna be great."
00:13:23.649 --> 00:13:27.386
But think about relationships you've had with other couples
00:13:27.386 --> 00:13:31.657
That will be severed.
00:13:31.657 --> 00:13:33.158
You can bet on that.
00:13:33.158 --> 00:13:35.160
Think about all the ramifications of that person
00:13:35.160 --> 00:13:38.564
Being totally, completely out of your life,
00:13:38.564 --> 00:13:41.333
Which they never will be, by the way,
00:13:41.333 --> 00:13:42.668
Even though you're divorced.
00:13:42.668 --> 00:13:44.003
But just think about that, okay?
00:13:44.003 --> 00:13:46.672
Think about the future totally without that person,
00:13:46.672 --> 00:13:49.475
5 minutes.
00:13:49.475 --> 00:13:50.809
Nobody says a word.
00:13:50.809 --> 00:13:52.278
You're just facing each other.
00:13:52.278 --> 00:13:56.148
The second 5 minutes, you look inside your life.
00:13:56.148 --> 00:14:00.653
And see, "have i brought anything to this conflict that
00:14:00.653 --> 00:14:03.956
We've reached this point of extremity?"
00:14:03.956 --> 00:14:06.926
Ask the question.
00:14:06.926 --> 00:14:08.260
This is the scariest question anybody can ask.
00:14:08.260 --> 00:14:11.730
"what is it like being married to me?"
00:14:11.730 --> 00:14:16.568
Stay there for a while, ladies and gentlemen.
00:14:16.568 --> 00:14:19.939
Let the holy spirit meander around in your life for a while.
00:14:19.939 --> 00:14:24.009
And you'll begin to get some things that will maybe be
00:14:24.009 --> 00:14:27.012
Shocking, realizations you never thought about.
00:14:27.012 --> 00:14:28.881
What's it like?
00:14:28.881 --> 00:14:30.215
Look inside second 5 minutes.
00:14:30.215 --> 00:14:35.821
[whistling]
00:14:35.821 --> 00:14:38.123
Third 5 minutes, think about the children.
00:14:38.123 --> 00:14:40.859
And usually in a divorce you say,
00:14:40.859 --> 00:14:42.494
"well, the children will be better off when,
00:14:42.494 --> 00:14:44.830
You know, there's not so much fighting."
00:14:44.830 --> 00:14:46.932
That may be true once in a while.
00:14:46.932 --> 00:14:49.068
But most of the time, that is not true.
00:14:49.068 --> 00:14:53.572
Think about those children, the pain of this situation
00:14:53.572 --> 00:14:58.344
For the rest of their life.
00:14:58.344 --> 00:15:01.880
So first of all, you look ahead without that person.
00:15:01.880 --> 00:15:06.185
You look within.
00:15:06.185 --> 00:15:07.586
You look at the children.
00:15:07.586 --> 00:15:09.254
Then the last 15 minutes, you begin to get active
00:15:09.254 --> 00:15:14.093
In this thing.
00:15:14.093 --> 00:15:15.861
First of all, you look down and let 1 of you,
00:15:15.861 --> 00:15:19.598
Remember, you're gonna do this for 6 days,
00:15:19.598 --> 00:15:21.400
Read out loud 1 corinthians chapter 13,
00:15:21.400 --> 00:15:28.974
4 through 7: "love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
00:15:28.974 --> 00:15:38.450
Love does not brag and is not arrogant,
00:15:38.450 --> 00:15:41.220
Does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,
00:15:41.220 --> 00:15:44.590
Is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
00:15:44.590 --> 00:15:48.894
Does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
00:15:48.894 --> 00:15:51.330
But rejoices with the truth;" fears most things?
00:15:51.330 --> 00:15:58.203
Bears most things?
00:15:58.203 --> 00:16:00.506
No, "bears all things," believes some things?
00:16:00.506 --> 00:16:03.575
No, "believes all things," hopes,
00:16:03.575 --> 00:16:07.212
Oh, most of the things?
00:16:07.212 --> 00:16:09.048
No, "hopes all things," endures, well,
00:16:09.048 --> 00:16:11.550
All, but--no, "endures all things."
00:16:11.550 --> 00:16:15.521
So you'll read that, alternating for those 6 days,
00:16:15.521 --> 00:16:19.358
Aloud, aloud.
00:16:19.358 --> 00:16:23.395
And then you look at the past.
00:16:23.395 --> 00:16:26.799
And then very succinctly let the husband say some moments
00:16:26.799 --> 00:16:30.669
They had together that was moments of great intimacy.
00:16:30.669 --> 00:16:35.574
Maybe walking on the beach. maybe when a child was born.
00:16:35.574 --> 00:16:38.877
Maybe, i don't know.
00:16:38.877 --> 00:16:40.212
Just let one of them share those intimate moments
00:16:40.212 --> 00:16:44.316
Or great memories.
00:16:44.316 --> 00:16:45.684
And let the other one intimate moments or great memories.
00:16:45.684 --> 00:16:49.421
Just 5 minutes, 5 minutes.
00:16:49.421 --> 00:16:52.991
And then we've looked in every direction but up.
00:16:52.991 --> 00:16:57.162
And in the last 5-minute segment look up.
00:16:57.162 --> 00:17:01.834
And just pray to god.
00:17:01.834 --> 00:17:04.336
You say, "well, i don't pray out loud."
00:17:04.336 --> 00:17:06.371
I know, you guys.
00:17:06.371 --> 00:17:07.706
Just pray, "god, here i am," da-da.
00:17:07.706 --> 00:17:11.043
And just open your heart and your life.
00:17:11.043 --> 00:17:13.412
Pray to god.
00:17:13.412 --> 00:17:15.214
And let the wife pray to god.
00:17:15.214 --> 00:17:18.317
Thirty minutes, six days, divided up into
00:17:18.317 --> 00:17:22.454
Six five-minute sections.
00:17:22.454 --> 00:17:25.591
And it's a matter of how you look.
00:17:25.591 --> 00:17:28.093
Look ahead. look within.
00:17:28.093 --> 00:17:32.531
Look at the children.
00:17:32.531 --> 00:17:34.666
Look down at the word of god.
00:17:34.666 --> 00:17:38.370
You look back on great moments.
00:17:38.370 --> 00:17:41.106
And then you look up in prayer together.
00:17:41.106 --> 00:17:44.676
Now, if after 6 days there is still a divide that you cannot
00:17:44.676 --> 00:17:50.048
Get across, seek godly, biblical counseling.
00:17:50.048 --> 00:17:56.588
But there's another kinda marriage here.
00:17:56.588 --> 00:17:58.624
There's a so-so marriage, you know?
00:17:58.624 --> 00:18:01.059
"how's your marriage?" "well, i'm just existing.
00:18:01.059 --> 00:18:03.328
I'm holding on.
00:18:03.328 --> 00:18:04.663
We have some tough times, but you know,
00:18:04.663 --> 00:18:07.299
There's nothing exciting about it.
00:18:07.299 --> 00:18:09.101
There's nothing creative about it.
00:18:09.101 --> 00:18:10.536
There's not a lot of fun. i'm just sort of existing.
00:18:10.536 --> 00:18:13.505
I'm hanging on until, until, until, until."
00:18:13.505 --> 00:18:17.376
Is your marriage so-so?
00:18:17.376 --> 00:18:19.011
If it is, wouldn't it be fabulous if you got to the point
00:18:19.011 --> 00:18:25.083
That you would go and say, or i would go and say,
00:18:25.083 --> 00:18:27.886
"i want some wisdom"?
00:18:27.886 --> 00:18:30.956
"i want some wisdom about my marriage.
00:18:30.956 --> 00:18:34.993
Where in the world could i find somebody who has
00:18:34.993 --> 00:18:37.462
This kind of wisdom?"
00:18:37.462 --> 00:18:39.398
Read the book of proverbs.
00:18:39.398 --> 00:18:42.935
Solomon was given diving wisdom, and he has,
00:18:42.935 --> 00:18:46.004
Guess what, written it down for us.
00:18:46.004 --> 00:18:50.042
And it's not tough to understand.
00:18:50.042 --> 00:18:53.278
Let me give ya a little wisdom from proverbs
00:18:53.278 --> 00:18:55.714
If your marriage is so-so.
00:18:55.714 --> 00:18:57.516
Look at it.
00:18:57.516 --> 00:18:58.884
"watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be
00:18:58.884 --> 00:19:01.486
Established," proverbs 4:26, see?
00:19:01.486 --> 00:19:03.956
Oh, it's, you've gotta first of all decide,
00:19:03.956 --> 00:19:05.857
"where am i?"
00:19:05.857 --> 00:19:07.960
You know, get a location.
00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:09.995
Understand yourself.
00:19:09.995 --> 00:19:11.430
You can't change your mate. you've tried that a long time.
00:19:11.430 --> 00:19:14.333
It doesn't work, does it? but you can see where you are.
00:19:14.333 --> 00:19:17.002
That's where you start.
00:19:17.002 --> 00:19:18.370
Look at the next thing you find in proverbs: "a brother offended
00:19:18.370 --> 00:19:21.673
Is harder to be won than a strong city,
00:19:21.673 --> 00:19:24.276
And contentions are like the bars of a citadel."
00:19:24.276 --> 00:19:27.512
When you have animosity between you and your mate or a member of
00:19:27.512 --> 00:19:30.983
Your family particularly, how hard it is to re-establish that.
00:19:30.983 --> 00:19:35.587
It's like trying to get into a city that's fortified
00:19:35.587 --> 00:19:38.657
With high walls.
00:19:38.657 --> 00:19:40.826
It is so, so difficult.
00:19:40.826 --> 00:19:44.329
We have to understand that.
00:19:44.329 --> 00:19:45.664
Look at the next word from proverbs.
00:19:45.664 --> 00:19:47.466
It's very, very clear for us.
00:19:47.466 --> 00:19:50.302
"he who troubles his own house will inherit the wind,
00:19:50.302 --> 00:19:54.573
And the foolish will be the servant to the wisehearted."
00:19:54.573 --> 00:19:58.343
"he who troubles his own house will inherit the wind."
00:19:58.343 --> 00:20:00.812
Listen, who should you spend more time with,
00:20:00.812 --> 00:20:04.616
More patience with?
00:20:04.616 --> 00:20:06.084
Who should you love more, give more leeway?
00:20:06.084 --> 00:20:09.521
Who should you encourage more?
00:20:09.521 --> 00:20:10.956
Who should you be a fan of? who should you cheer for?
00:20:10.956 --> 00:20:14.426
Who should you try to build everything in that life more
00:20:14.426 --> 00:20:17.029
Than any other person on the planet?
00:20:17.029 --> 00:20:18.597
And some people give all of this to others,
00:20:18.597 --> 00:20:21.300
But never to the husband or to the wife.
00:20:21.300 --> 00:20:25.704
What we've done, ladies and gentlemen,
00:20:25.704 --> 00:20:27.539
In marriage, we have cultivated the tree of marriage.
00:20:27.539 --> 00:20:30.776
And we've fertilized it. it has grown.
00:20:30.776 --> 00:20:32.978
And the tree begins to be fruitful.
00:20:32.978 --> 00:20:34.880
Then in a rash moment we take an axe and cut down our own tree.
00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:42.487
And this proverb says we will inherit the wind.
00:20:42.487 --> 00:20:49.361
What does that mean?
00:20:49.361 --> 00:20:51.063
Well, it means somebody has died and they've left the last will
00:20:51.063 --> 00:20:56.068
And testament, and the executor is reading it,
00:20:56.068 --> 00:20:59.538
And you are there, and i am there,
00:20:59.538 --> 00:21:01.640
And we're so excited to see what we're going to get.
00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:05.143
And so the executer say, "to homer edwin young,
00:21:05.143 --> 00:21:11.350
I bequest wind."
00:21:11.350 --> 00:21:15.187
"wind? is that all i got?
00:21:15.187 --> 00:21:18.790
Wind?"
00:21:18.790 --> 00:21:20.559
What is wind?
00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:22.694
Nothing.
00:21:22.694 --> 00:21:25.464
We have taken our own homes and sabotaged them.
00:21:25.464 --> 00:21:28.600
And we've inherited wind.
00:21:28.600 --> 00:21:32.537
And said, "that's people that are stupid,
00:21:32.537 --> 00:21:35.374
Not people that are wise."
00:21:35.374 --> 00:21:37.409
Cut down your own tree?
00:21:37.409 --> 00:21:39.010
Inheriting wind?
00:21:39.010 --> 00:21:41.780
Let me tell ya the secret of all of this quickly.
00:21:41.780 --> 00:21:43.949
It's very important. it's found there in ephesians 4.
00:21:43.949 --> 00:21:46.985
It says: "don't let the sun go down on your anger,
00:21:46.985 --> 00:21:50.455
On your wrath."
00:21:50.455 --> 00:21:51.823
What does that mean?
00:21:51.823 --> 00:21:53.525
It means you stay up late a lot of nights until you get your
00:21:53.525 --> 00:21:57.062
Hearts together with your mate.
00:21:57.062 --> 00:21:59.097
Doesn't mean you may agree on things.
00:21:59.097 --> 00:22:01.433
There's some things jo beth and i will never agree on.
00:22:01.433 --> 00:22:04.102
But we stayed up late a lot of times until we got
00:22:04.102 --> 00:22:06.538
Our hearts together.
00:22:06.538 --> 00:22:09.708
"don't let the sun go down on your wrath," because it festers.
00:22:09.708 --> 00:22:12.744
And a hurt heart becomes a bruised heart,
00:22:12.744 --> 00:22:15.380
A cold heart, a hard heart, and can end up being
00:22:15.380 --> 00:22:18.483
An apathetic heart.
00:22:18.483 --> 00:22:20.385
And that's the deadliest picture of all,
00:22:20.385 --> 00:22:22.220
When the husband or wife says, "i just don't care.
00:22:22.220 --> 00:22:25.090
I'm through. i don't care."
00:22:25.090 --> 00:22:27.859
"don't let the sun go down on your wrath."
00:22:27.859 --> 00:22:29.561
The last verse here is so important.
00:22:29.561 --> 00:22:33.064
It says, "be ye kind," i'm on marriage,
00:22:33.064 --> 00:22:37.903
One to another, "tenderhearted," one to another.
00:22:37.903 --> 00:22:43.475
"be ye kind, be you tenderhearted,
00:22:43.475 --> 00:22:45.277
Forgiving one another, even as god for christ's sake
00:22:45.277 --> 00:22:51.516
Hath forgiven you."
00:22:51.516 --> 00:22:55.687
In summary, let me give you the operative word for communication
00:22:55.687 --> 00:23:00.992
And for a successful marriage.
00:23:00.992 --> 00:23:03.195
And it is the word "humility."
00:23:03.195 --> 00:23:08.700
James 4:6 says: "god opposes the proud."
00:23:08.700 --> 00:23:14.239
How 'bout that?
00:23:14.239 --> 00:23:15.841
If i'm prideful in my marriage, i won't go and humble myself,
00:23:15.841 --> 00:23:20.512
God opposes me.
00:23:20.512 --> 00:23:22.581
Anybody think you're gonna beat god?
00:23:22.581 --> 00:23:26.218
"if god is for you, who can be against you?"
00:23:26.218 --> 00:23:28.820
If god is against you, who can be for you?
00:23:28.820 --> 00:23:31.256
Would you tell me that?
00:23:31.256 --> 00:23:33.458
"god opposes the proud," but look,
00:23:33.458 --> 00:23:35.594
"he gives grace to the humble."
00:23:35.594 --> 00:23:40.632
Let me tell ya, husband, wives, let me give you 12 words
00:23:40.632 --> 00:23:46.271
That i guarantee you will revolutionize your marriage,
00:23:46.271 --> 00:23:51.877
Guaranteed.
00:23:51.877 --> 00:23:56.014
Here they are: "i was wrong."
00:23:56.014 --> 00:24:01.086
Would everybody say that with me?
00:24:01.086 --> 00:24:03.121
Congregation: i was wrong.
00:24:03.121 --> 00:24:06.558
Ed: some lady back here, she couldn't do that.
00:24:06.558 --> 00:24:10.829
Let's all, all say that again.
00:24:10.829 --> 00:24:15.166
All: "i was wrong."
00:24:15.166 --> 00:24:18.236
Ed: okay.
00:24:18.236 --> 00:24:19.704
Important part if we're going to communicate and have humility.
00:24:19.704 --> 00:24:23.508
Next phrase: "i am sorry."
00:24:23.508 --> 00:24:27.579
Congregation: i am sorry.
00:24:27.579 --> 00:24:30.315
Ed: you have to be really sorry.
00:24:30.315 --> 00:24:32.617
Number three: "please forgive me."
00:24:32.617 --> 00:24:36.354
Congregation: please forgive me.
00:24:36.354 --> 00:24:37.689
Ed: let me try that again.
00:24:37.689 --> 00:24:39.024
Maybe i'm going too fast for some.
00:24:39.024 --> 00:24:41.593
"please forgive me."
00:24:41.593 --> 00:24:43.295
Congregation: please forgive me.
00:24:43.295 --> 00:24:46.231
Ed: "i love you."
00:24:46.231 --> 00:24:47.566
Congregation: i love you.
00:24:47.566 --> 00:24:50.402
Ed: and i use those 12 words many times in marriages,
00:24:50.402 --> 00:24:54.139
But i've added 3 more: "i need you."
00:24:54.139 --> 00:24:59.644
Would you say that?
00:24:59.644 --> 00:25:00.979
Congregation: i need you.
00:25:00.979 --> 00:25:02.781
Female: we have the promise that god
00:25:02.847 --> 00:25:04.382
Will direct all our paths.
00:25:04.382 --> 00:25:06.418
Male: plus the guarantee of a long life.
00:25:06.418 --> 00:25:08.453
Female: the assurance of our family's protection.
00:25:08.453 --> 00:25:10.789
Male: the promise of creative wisdom.
00:25:10.789 --> 00:25:12.324
Female: and he will never leave us or forsake us.
00:25:12.324 --> 00:25:15.594
Male announcer: the promises of god are available
00:25:15.594 --> 00:25:17.095
For all believers in christ.
00:25:17.095 --> 00:25:19.364
Each day is an opportunity to live in the fullness of what
00:25:19.364 --> 00:25:21.866
He's already pledged to us in his word.
00:25:21.866 --> 00:25:24.469
Now in this beautiful hard-bound edition,
00:25:24.469 --> 00:25:27.038
Dr. young shares a full year of inspirational thoughts with a
00:25:27.038 --> 00:25:30.375
Daily promise from god's word.
00:25:30.375 --> 00:25:32.877
In a few minutes each day, you'll see just how much god has
00:25:32.877 --> 00:25:35.914
Already provided for you and your family.
00:25:35.914 --> 00:25:39.050
It's a wonderful book of encouragement for you,
00:25:39.050 --> 00:25:41.486
Or the perfect gift for someone else.
00:25:41.486 --> 00:25:44.122
To get your copy, call the number on your screen,
00:25:44.122 --> 00:25:46.625
Or go online at winningwalk.org.
00:25:46.625 --> 00:25:49.494
It's our gift to you for your financial
00:25:49.494 --> 00:25:51.262
Support of this ministry.
00:25:51.262 --> 00:25:53.465
Live each day to its fullest, standing on the
00:25:53.465 --> 00:25:56.501
Promises of god's word.
00:25:56.501 --> 00:25:58.770
Ed: proverbs 22:6 says: "train up a child in the way
00:26:01.339 --> 00:26:04.976
He should go: and when he is old, he'll not depart from it."
00:26:04.976 --> 00:26:08.780
There are two direction in which a child should go: the mega,
00:26:08.780 --> 00:26:12.851
And the micro.
00:26:12.851 --> 00:26:14.819
The mega-direction is towards god and his ways.
00:26:14.819 --> 00:26:18.256
The micro is the bent of the child.
00:26:18.256 --> 00:26:22.060
Every parent should be pointing their child toward god.
00:26:22.060 --> 00:26:26.097
That's the mega, mega. that's our priority.
00:26:26.097 --> 00:26:31.770
At the same time, we should be observing our kids to nurture
00:26:31.770 --> 00:26:35.540
Their personality, talents, and gifts, micro.
00:26:35.540 --> 00:26:39.210
Watch them. study them.
00:26:39.210 --> 00:26:40.979
Listen to them.
00:26:40.979 --> 00:26:42.847
Now, i know in my own life each of my three sons were
00:26:42.847 --> 00:26:45.717
So different growing up.
00:26:45.717 --> 00:26:47.552
And they're different today.
00:26:47.552 --> 00:26:49.721
God wants us to encourage the way he has wired them to grow,
00:26:49.721 --> 00:26:54.025
Your children, as i sought to do that with my sons.
00:26:54.025 --> 00:26:57.962
And with a foundation of god's truth and encouragement of a
00:26:57.962 --> 00:27:01.700
Loving family, we will help our kids to go off into the world
00:27:01.700 --> 00:27:06.705
Ready to soar for him, to become everything god designed them
00:27:06.705 --> 00:27:12.510
To become.
00:27:12.510 --> 00:27:14.179
♪♪♪
00:27:14.179 --> 00:27:14.179

Ed Young - Resolving Conflict

February 18, 2025 | S25:E42

Closed captions

Share