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The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young

Ed Young - Sex In Marriage

May 12, 2025 | S25:E114

Ed Young - Sex In Marriage
The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young is the international on-air and online teaching ministry of Dr. Ed Young. The Winning Walk proclaims the proven truth of God’s Word to give men and women the world over a winning way to live life.
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The Winning Walk with Dr. Ed Young | Ed Young - Sex In Marriage | May 12, 2025
  • ...
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Dr. ed young: well, every survey you read says the basic need,
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  • Number one need of every married man, take any survey, with
  • 00:00:26.049 --> 00:00:30.720
  • Almost no exceptions, it may be verbalized a little different.
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  • The number one basic need of every married man is
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  • Sexual fulfillment.
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  • The returns are in, that's it.
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  • Number two, the number one basic need of every married woman
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  • Is affection.
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  • Has nothing to do with sexual fulfillment; they're not even
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  • Related in the mind of a woman.
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  • We discovered last week the difference between a man's brain
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  • And a woman's brain, remember?
  • 00:00:55.612 --> 00:00:57.413
  • A woman's brain is all tied together, it's one entity.
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  • We have those little compartments, different,
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  • Different, different, different.
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  • Therefore, we have to understand how a man is wired and how a
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  • Woman is wired, the basic need of most married men and the
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  • Basic need of most married women.
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  • If you don't understand that, you're gonna have problems all
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  • The way through your marriage.
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  • Now, let's understand sexual intimacy.
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  • Look on your screen.
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  • I want us to read this together.
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  • Everybody, teenagers, we all need information, everybody,
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  • Every walk of life.
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  • If you've been married 50 days or 50 years, or you are 14 or
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  • You are 99, it makes no difference.
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  • We all need biblical information on this area.
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  • I want us to read this together, everybody, in unison, because
  • 00:01:42.492 --> 00:01:46.629
  • This is a basic summary, i believe, of a biblical
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  • Understanding of sex.
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  • Let's read it.
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  • "sexual intimacy is a sacred gift from god to be celebrated
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  • In marriage."
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  • Now, don't miss a word of that.
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  • Sexual intimacy, a sacred gift from god.
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  • Look at the word--to be endured, to be put up with, to
  • 00:02:08.885 --> 00:02:13.223
  • Be tolerated?
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  • It is to be celebrated in marriage.
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  • Now, i want us now to look at a scripture that explains
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  • Something to us in a total biblical panoramic view of the
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  • Whole area of sex.
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  • It's interesting; you find it in 1 thessalonians, chapter number
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  • 4, and let me read you the context of these verses.
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  • In other words, you have a text--scripture--then that
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  • Text is in a context.
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  • Here's the context of this text.
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  • There were new christians in thessalonica.
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  • Paul had been there, he'd ministered to them, he led
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  • Many of them to christ.
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  • A church was established.
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  • Now, he is saying here that, "how you christians live in the
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  • Whole sexual area in thessalonica is not different,
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  • It is totally the opposite of how the roman citizens there
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  • Lived in thessalonica."
  • 00:03:22.091 --> 00:03:24.661
  • In other words, "it's diametrically opposed to the
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  • Society in which you're in."
  • 00:03:27.664 --> 00:03:29.399
  • So, here, paul is giving instructions in the area of sex
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  • For these relatively new christians--that he had
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  • Instructed, that he'd counseled with, many of them had come to
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  • Christ under his ministry--as to how they should then live in a
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  • Totally paganized society, and especially he begins in the area
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  • Of sex.
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  • And look how he couches this; look at his words here in 1
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  • Thessalonians 4, "finally then, brethren, we request and exhort
  • 00:03:56.459 --> 00:04:03.466
  • You in the lord jesus," i like that.
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  • "here is a request, but i'm going to exhort you,"
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  • Isn't that good?
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  • Here's a little request, but i would exhort you in the lord
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  • Jesus, "that as you receive from me instructions as in how you
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  • Ought to walk--" there's a good word, "and please god (just as
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  • You actually do walk), that you may excel still more.
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  • For you know what commandments we gave you by the
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  • Authority of the lord jesus."
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  • What is paul saying?
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  • He's saying, "look, you wanna walk so that you please god?"
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  • Everybody here, you should say, "you know, i wanna walk, i wanna
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  • Live my life in order to please god."
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  • And, therefore, he said, "i am communicating this to you.
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  • Here's the commandment."
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  • And the word commandment there is like a military order.
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  • The background, "here are instructions," paul is saying,
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  • "i've received from jesus christ, and you live like this."
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  • He begins with a sexual area.
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  • "you live like this in your sexual area, and you will honor
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  • The lord jesus christ," because he knew they were living in
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  • Thessalonica, where, in the sexual area, everybody walked
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  • Backwards compared to how paul said a christian is to walk.
  • 00:05:16.506 --> 00:05:23.112
  • Think about living in a world where everybody walked
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  • Backwards, and this was the norm?
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  • This is how you walk.
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  • You're in a mall, everybody's walking backwards.
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  • A child is born, you teach them to walk so that they
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  • Walk backwards.
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  • Any child would walk forward, you would spank them and
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  • Discipline them and say, "no, we walk backwards here."
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  • If you walk backwards, you'd have good neck muscles,
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  • Wouldn't you?
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  • But that's the way everybody walked.
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  • So anybody who would be a revolutionary and begin to walk
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  • Forward, "oh, something's wrong with you.
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  • Man, we've got to discipline you, you've got to get in line."
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  • "i don't wanna be different, so i'm gonna walk backward
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  • Like everybody else."
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  • We live in a whole world that's walking backward.
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  • Look at the church at thessalonica.
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  • In that community, everybody, as far as sex, were
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  • Walking backwards.
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  • Sex was free, sex was for everybody; there was no
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  • Sacredness in bed, and marriage was capricious.
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  • Man, it's just anything goes.
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  • There was a liberal lifestyle, just whatever feels good,
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  • Whatever makes you happy, that was the mode.
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  • And here these christians come, and they talk about the
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  • Exclusivity of sex, and it belongs in marriage.
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  • So paul here gives instructions in the whole area of sexual
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  • Intimacy, and primarily it's an instruction to the men.
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  • He says, "brethren--" it's primarily a word to men.
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  • And he gives three broad instructions about sex.
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  • He says, "sex is for your sanctification.
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  • Sex must be engaged in the right context; you must have the right
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  • Context for sex.
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  • And, finally, gentlemen, you have sex with your wife in order
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  • To honor her."
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  • So you see the operative words?
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  • Sanctification, context, and honor.
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  • Let me show you exactly how that works, and we'll get probably
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  • More practical than you want to get.
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  • Look at verse 3, "for this is the will of god, our
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  • Sanctification; that is, that you abstain from
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  • Sexual immorality."
  • 00:07:44.186 --> 00:07:45.721
  • Now, we're not sanctified according to the will of god.
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  • It is through living out the will of god, we're sanctified in
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  • The area of sexual intimacy.
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  • Sexual intimacy sanctifies you and sanctifies me.
  • 00:07:57.567 --> 00:08:02.371
  • What's the word sanctify?
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  • That's one of those big old church words, you know,
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  • What is the word sanctify?
  • 00:08:06.976 --> 00:08:08.311
  • In a secular sense, the etymology of sanctify means,
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  • When something is designed and created and it performs for the
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  • Purpose for which it was designed and created, it is said
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  • To be sanctified.
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  • In other words, you have a pen, and that pen was designed and
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  • Created in order to write, and, if that pen writes, that pen in
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  • That sense is sanctified because it is doing exactly that for
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  • Which it was designed and created to do, right?
  • 00:08:37.740 --> 00:08:41.644
  • Therefore, we are to be sanctified in the intimacy of
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  • Sex, in marriage always, and that sanctifies us.
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  • It helps us perform and live the life that god
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  • Designed us to live.
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  • Let me tell you something, folks.
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  • Selfishness will be exposed in many places, but nowhere like if
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  • You and i are married, right guys, right ladies?
  • 00:09:03.265 --> 00:09:06.902
  • Man, our selfishness comes out.
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  • If we're egotists in marriage, our egotism will be displayed.
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  • You just can't hide it.
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  • If we're undisciplined, it'll come out in marriage.
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  • If we're greedy, it'll come out in marriage.
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  • If we have a sharp tongue, it'll come out in marriage.
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  • You see, marriage--there's nothing like marriage to sort of
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  • Sharpen us up and let us see ourselves as we really are.
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  • That's the process of sanctification, becoming the
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  • Person that god designed you and designed me to become.
  • 00:09:39.268 --> 00:09:43.305
  • There is nothing that helps in that more than sanctification.
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  • And that's how we get to be sanctified is that we are
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  • Married, and the sexual act, the intimacy there,
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  • Helps sanctify us.
  • 00:09:56.552 --> 00:09:57.887
  • Now, what do we do about sex?
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  • The world in which we live, some people deify sex.
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  • I've had people tell me, "you know, if i couldn't have sex, i
  • 00:10:05.161 --> 00:10:08.264
  • Wouldn't care anything about living."
  • 00:10:08.264 --> 00:10:11.067
  • We've made sex god.
  • 00:10:11.067 --> 00:10:14.437
  • Remember helen gurley brown, who was editor of cosmopolitan for
  • 00:10:14.437 --> 00:10:17.573
  • All those years?
  • 00:10:17.573 --> 00:10:19.575
  • And, when she was in her 70s, she was interviewed, and someone
  • 00:10:19.575 --> 00:10:23.913
  • Asked her, "what are the three most important things in life?"
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  • She said, "sex."
  • 00:10:28.150 --> 00:10:30.186
  • They said, "okay, what's the other two?"
  • 00:10:30.186 --> 00:10:31.754
  • She said, "i don't know."
  • 00:10:31.754 --> 00:10:34.056
  • In order to help her, the interviewer said, "well, what
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  • About love?"
  • 00:10:38.761 --> 00:10:40.529
  • She said, "no, love is not one because nobody can practice it,
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  • And nobody can define it."
  • 00:10:44.500 --> 00:10:46.836
  • She was saying, for her, and for a lot of other people, in our
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  • Broken world, in our culture, sex has been deified; it has
  • 00:10:50.139 --> 00:10:55.177
  • Become your god, it is what your life operates around.
  • 00:10:55.177 --> 00:10:59.215
  • That happens in our culture; it is deified.
  • 00:10:59.215 --> 00:11:01.684
  • Others, sex is debased.
  • 00:11:01.684 --> 00:11:04.587
  • "oh, it's dirty, it's wrong, it has no meaning."
  • 00:11:04.587 --> 00:11:09.258
  • I have talked in counseling to more than one wife who said, "if
  • 00:11:09.258 --> 00:11:13.562
  • I never had sexual relationship again, i would think that would
  • 00:11:13.562 --> 00:11:17.233
  • Be wonderful.
  • 00:11:17.233 --> 00:11:18.768
  • I know we're married, but, you know, i don't wanna have any
  • 00:11:18.768 --> 00:11:22.004
  • Part of intimacy with my husband.
  • 00:11:22.004 --> 00:11:24.206
  • That's a forgotten part of our life."
  • 00:11:24.206 --> 00:11:26.041
  • You see, some people go through marriage back to back.
  • 00:11:26.041 --> 00:11:31.347
  • "i'm married, and she's married, but, hey, i do my thing, she
  • 00:11:31.347 --> 00:11:34.950
  • Does her thing," back to back.
  • 00:11:34.950 --> 00:11:37.987
  • Other people go through marriage side to side.
  • 00:11:37.987 --> 00:11:41.290
  • "oh, we're friends, and we get along, and we live together, but
  • 00:11:41.290 --> 00:11:44.527
  • There's no real sexual intimacy."
  • 00:11:44.527 --> 00:11:46.729
  • Others go through marriage face to face, and that's where we
  • 00:11:46.729 --> 00:11:51.333
  • Want to be, face to face with intimacy.
  • 00:11:51.333 --> 00:11:54.537
  • And we're looking for intimacy in the sense of wholeness.
  • 00:11:54.537 --> 00:11:59.141
  • I will say this over and over again in many different ways,
  • 00:11:59.141 --> 00:12:02.178
  • But listen carefully.
  • 00:12:02.178 --> 00:12:03.913
  • Therefore, we know, in human sexuality, it is a whole life
  • 00:12:03.913 --> 00:12:09.585
  • Commitment to a whole body commitment.
  • 00:12:09.585 --> 00:12:14.156
  • That's marriage; it's a whole life commitment to a
  • 00:12:14.156 --> 00:12:17.660
  • Whole body commitment.
  • 00:12:17.660 --> 00:12:18.994
  • Sex outside of marriage, you tear the body and the
  • 00:12:18.994 --> 00:12:22.398
  • Soul apart.
  • 00:12:22.398 --> 00:12:25.401
  • It is a whole life commitment-- social, economically, everything
  • 00:12:25.401 --> 00:12:29.672
  • You have--to a whole body commitment, that is god's plan.
  • 00:12:29.672 --> 00:12:34.343
  • Therefore, sex is not deified, sex is not debased, and said,
  • 00:12:34.343 --> 00:12:38.414
  • "oh, it's unimportant."
  • 00:12:38.414 --> 00:12:39.748
  • It is very, very important.
  • 00:12:39.748 --> 00:12:41.784
  • Remember, it is a gift of god.
  • 00:12:41.784 --> 00:12:44.587
  • Now, look at the scriptures.
  • 00:12:44.587 --> 00:12:46.655
  • In the old testament, the mystery of sex is taken away.
  • 00:12:46.655 --> 00:12:52.228
  • There is a demystification of sex in the old testament.
  • 00:12:52.228 --> 00:12:56.031
  • What are you talking about?
  • 00:12:56.031 --> 00:12:57.433
  • People say, "well, i don't know, the bible doesn't say anything
  • 00:12:57.433 --> 00:13:00.436
  • About sex."
  • 00:13:00.436 --> 00:13:02.605
  • Have you ever read the bible, you know, 101?
  • 00:13:02.605 --> 00:13:07.476
  • The bible doesn't say anything about human sexuality?
  • 00:13:07.476 --> 00:13:11.180
  • Just pick out any personality, name anybody.
  • 00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:13.883
  • Oh, what about abraham?
  • 00:13:13.883 --> 00:13:15.217
  • Well, abraham had a wife that was so good looking in sarah,
  • 00:13:15.217 --> 00:13:18.587
  • He had to pass her off as his sister or a king would have
  • 00:13:18.587 --> 00:13:21.523
  • Taken her in her harem because she was so sexually attractive.
  • 00:13:21.523 --> 00:13:25.261
  • Huh. abraham.
  • 00:13:25.261 --> 00:13:27.696
  • Well, what about david, what do you think of, bathsheba?
  • 00:13:27.696 --> 00:13:30.432
  • What about solomon?
  • 00:13:30.432 --> 00:13:31.767
  • He lost all of his leadership because of his promiscuity and
  • 00:13:31.767 --> 00:13:35.437
  • His many, many marriages outside the faith.
  • 00:13:35.437 --> 00:13:38.307
  • Have you ever read the book of hosea?
  • 00:13:38.307 --> 00:13:40.276
  • Here's a prophet who married a prostitute.
  • 00:13:40.276 --> 00:13:43.545
  • Ever read the, you know, song of solomon?
  • 00:13:43.545 --> 00:13:46.215
  • Solomon knocks on the door of shulamite early in the morning
  • 00:13:46.215 --> 00:13:48.751
  • And says, "hey, i'm anxious to sleep with you.
  • 00:13:48.751 --> 00:13:51.120
  • You're my wife."
  • 00:13:51.120 --> 00:13:52.454
  • She says--my translation-- "i've got a headache."
  • 00:13:52.454 --> 00:13:55.491
  • Read it, read it, said, "no, no, no, i'm not gonna let you in."
  • 00:13:55.491 --> 00:13:59.328
  • So solomon leaves.
  • 00:13:59.328 --> 00:14:00.896
  • She gets up, she gets dressed, her headache is gone; she says,
  • 00:14:00.896 --> 00:14:03.599
  • "you know, i'd love to be with my husband."
  • 00:14:03.599 --> 00:14:05.401
  • So the rest of the song of solomon primarily is she is
  • 00:14:05.401 --> 00:14:08.737
  • Looking for solomon, and there's wonderful erotic
  • 00:14:08.737 --> 00:14:11.140
  • Literature there.
  • 00:14:11.140 --> 00:14:13.242
  • Just pick out any character you wanna talk about in the bible.
  • 00:14:13.242 --> 00:14:16.145
  • You take all the sexuality out of it, in the bible, you see all
  • 00:14:16.145 --> 00:14:19.982
  • The mystery of sex in the old testament is totally destroyed.
  • 00:14:19.982 --> 00:14:23.385
  • You have incest, you have pornography, you have
  • 00:14:23.385 --> 00:14:27.990
  • Adultery, you have fornication, you have homosexuality.
  • 00:14:27.990 --> 00:14:32.628
  • There is no uncertain terms.
  • 00:14:32.628 --> 00:14:34.763
  • The bible is not reticent in these areas.
  • 00:14:34.763 --> 00:14:37.433
  • And you see the blessings of purity, and you see the curses
  • 00:14:37.433 --> 00:14:41.937
  • That come on individuals who are impure.
  • 00:14:41.937 --> 00:14:43.973
  • This is the old testament.
  • 00:14:43.973 --> 00:14:45.407
  • Sex, in the old testament it's not, "i'm gonna tell you
  • 00:14:45.407 --> 00:14:48.777
  • Something about this person.
  • 00:14:48.777 --> 00:14:51.347
  • Shh, it has to do with with sex.
  • 00:14:51.347 --> 00:14:55.584
  • Keep it quiet."
  • 00:14:55.584 --> 00:14:57.886
  • No, the old testament just says, "here it is; here it is."
  • 00:14:57.886 --> 00:15:05.327
  • Now, in the new testament, something strange happens.
  • 00:15:05.327 --> 00:15:08.464
  • Where the old testament takes the mystery out of sex, it is
  • 00:15:08.464 --> 00:15:11.934
  • Just right there for you to read and understand it.
  • 00:15:11.934 --> 00:15:15.471
  • But the new testament puts mystery back into sex.
  • 00:15:15.471 --> 00:15:19.775
  • Yeah, it puts the mystery and the sacredness and the holiness
  • 00:15:19.775 --> 00:15:25.881
  • And the otherness and the awesomeness back into sex.
  • 00:15:25.881 --> 00:15:29.084
  • This is the new testament.
  • 00:15:29.084 --> 00:15:31.020
  • The mystery's out in the old; the mystery's
  • 00:15:31.020 --> 00:15:32.654
  • Put back in in the new.
  • 00:15:32.654 --> 00:15:33.989
  • You say, "what are you talking about?"
  • 00:15:33.989 --> 00:15:35.324
  • Go back to our original scripture.
  • 00:15:35.324 --> 00:15:38.694
  • "two became one flesh.
  • 00:15:38.694 --> 00:15:41.063
  • They were naked, and they were unashamed."
  • 00:15:41.063 --> 00:15:45.167
  • Boy, that's beautiful, isn't it?
  • 00:15:45.167 --> 00:15:47.369
  • And then you have the fall of adam and eve; they
  • 00:15:47.369 --> 00:15:49.738
  • Disobeyed god.
  • 00:15:49.738 --> 00:15:51.940
  • And god is looking for them, which is a good sign.
  • 00:15:51.940 --> 00:15:54.676
  • God comes after us when we disobey him, isn't that great?
  • 00:15:54.676 --> 00:15:58.013
  • Somebody says, "i found god."
  • 00:15:58.013 --> 00:15:59.348
  • No, you didn't; god's been looking for you all the time.
  • 00:15:59.348 --> 00:16:02.584
  • You just allowed yourself to be found.
  • 00:16:02.584 --> 00:16:05.687
  • So god's looking for adam and eve, he said, "where are you?"
  • 00:16:05.687 --> 00:16:08.524
  • They said, "we're hiding, we're ashamed."
  • 00:16:08.524 --> 00:16:11.160
  • "why are you ashamed?" "we're naked."
  • 00:16:11.160 --> 00:16:13.262
  • God said, "who told you you were naked?"
  • 00:16:13.262 --> 00:16:17.599
  • Nobody did; you see, sin and shame and
  • 00:16:17.599 --> 00:16:21.503
  • Nakedness came together.
  • 00:16:21.503 --> 00:16:23.172
  • In chapter 2 of genesis, they were naked,
  • 00:16:23.172 --> 00:16:26.141
  • And there was no shame.
  • 00:16:26.141 --> 00:16:27.476
  • Now, in chapter 3, here's the fall of man; now
  • 00:16:27.476 --> 00:16:29.878
  • They're naked, and they're ashamed.
  • 00:16:29.878 --> 00:16:31.213
  • What happened? shame came as a result of sin.
  • 00:16:31.213 --> 00:16:35.250
  • But, in the new testament, in marriage, when two become one,
  • 00:16:35.250 --> 00:16:42.257
  • Then somehow the nakedness and the intimacy of the sexual acts
  • 00:16:42.257 --> 00:16:46.795
  • With a man and a woman helps to heal the shame that is felt that
  • 00:16:46.795 --> 00:16:53.102
  • We read about in the original sin in the old testament.
  • 00:16:53.102 --> 00:16:55.737
  • There is healing and forgiveness and cleansing.
  • 00:16:55.737 --> 00:16:58.440
  • That's the process of the sanctification that you have
  • 00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:02.010
  • That you see in the new testament.
  • 00:17:02.010 --> 00:17:03.679
  • Have you ever thought about it?
  • 00:17:03.679 --> 00:17:05.314
  • The only thing that god created that can get naked is a
  • 00:17:05.314 --> 00:17:08.817
  • Human being.
  • 00:17:08.817 --> 00:17:10.853
  • Everything else god created is already naked.
  • 00:17:10.853 --> 00:17:15.524
  • Oh, that rock is naked.
  • 00:17:15.524 --> 00:17:17.493
  • Cover up that rock. oh, my goodness.
  • 00:17:17.493 --> 00:17:20.462
  • That kangaroo doesn't have any clothes on.
  • 00:17:20.462 --> 00:17:22.931
  • Would you get a blanket and cover that kangaroo?
  • 00:17:22.931 --> 00:17:26.935
  • No, no, only human beings get naked, and the nakedness comes
  • 00:17:26.935 --> 00:17:33.375
  • With shame, and it comes in sin.
  • 00:17:33.375 --> 00:17:35.511
  • But, in marriage, when there is their transparency and there is
  • 00:17:35.511 --> 00:17:39.882
  • An openness and there is a sacredness of a husband-wife
  • 00:17:39.882 --> 00:17:43.952
  • Come together, that shame of nakedness is eliminated there in
  • 00:17:43.952 --> 00:17:48.991
  • The context of intimacy, of giving and receiving love.
  • 00:17:48.991 --> 00:17:54.229
  • Mmm, magnificent, isn't it?
  • 00:17:54.229 --> 00:17:57.065
  • You see how the mystique and the mystery is restored and the
  • 00:17:57.065 --> 00:18:00.869
  • Healing in the very act of coming together, a whole life
  • 00:18:00.869 --> 00:18:05.707
  • Commitment and a whole body commitment in the intimacy
  • 00:18:05.707 --> 00:18:09.144
  • Of marriage.
  • 00:18:09.144 --> 00:18:11.380
  • All right, what is sex for?
  • 00:18:11.380 --> 00:18:13.081
  • It is for your sanctification and my sanctification to help us
  • 00:18:13.081 --> 00:18:17.553
  • Fulfill the purpose for which god designed us, to make us
  • 00:18:17.553 --> 00:18:21.123
  • Holy, to make us different, to make us function, to wake us up,
  • 00:18:21.123 --> 00:18:25.794
  • To let us see ourselves in our shame and in our nakedness
  • 00:18:25.794 --> 00:18:28.463
  • And our emptiness.
  • 00:18:28.463 --> 00:18:29.798
  • And, therefore, marriage helps to make us more like we are to
  • 00:18:29.798 --> 00:18:34.069
  • Become to be pleasing to god.
  • 00:18:34.069 --> 00:18:36.104
  • That's what he said, "you ought to please god."
  • 00:18:36.104 --> 00:18:39.441
  • Sanctification comes in sex; that's a part of the process.
  • 00:18:39.441 --> 00:18:43.946
  • Now, did you know, about the only thing that every religion
  • 00:18:43.946 --> 00:18:48.317
  • In all the world, every major religion in all the world,
  • 00:18:48.317 --> 00:18:52.020
  • Agrees on is that sex is to be limited and to be exclusive
  • 00:18:52.020 --> 00:18:57.059
  • In marriage.
  • 00:18:57.059 --> 00:18:59.228
  • So, if you stand up and say, "well, i'll tell you right now,
  • 00:18:59.228 --> 00:19:02.598
  • This is a liberated society," you're going against all the
  • 00:19:02.598 --> 00:19:06.702
  • Religious wisdom of thousands and thousands of years.
  • 00:19:06.702 --> 00:19:10.539
  • And when you do that, in about the only thing the major
  • 00:19:10.539 --> 00:19:14.076
  • Religions agree on, you'd better take a step back, if you've got
  • 00:19:14.076 --> 00:19:17.980
  • A lick of sense, and say, "whoa, wait a minute here.
  • 00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:23.452
  • Wait a minute here."
  • 00:19:23.452 --> 00:19:28.090
  • So, there's only two ways to have sex.
  • 00:19:28.090 --> 00:19:31.526
  • Outside of marriage, immorality.
  • 00:19:31.526 --> 00:19:33.895
  • Inside of marriage, sanctifying, edifying, and blessing and
  • 00:19:33.895 --> 00:19:37.833
  • Wonderfully fulfilling.
  • 00:19:37.833 --> 00:19:39.167
  • We look at this, and we say, "well, sex is for
  • 00:19:39.167 --> 00:19:43.739
  • Sanctification," and it helps sanctify us, gentlemen.
  • 00:19:43.739 --> 00:19:47.743
  • Sex is to be engaged in the context of marriage, in the
  • 00:19:47.743 --> 00:19:53.015
  • Context of marriage.
  • 00:19:53.015 --> 00:19:55.150
  • And, therefore, the ideal is love becomes--i love this--
  • 00:19:55.150 --> 00:20:00.088
  • Friendship that catches fire.
  • 00:20:00.088 --> 00:20:02.024
  • That's about as good expression of romantic love you can
  • 00:20:02.024 --> 00:20:04.426
  • Have, isn't it?
  • 00:20:04.426 --> 00:20:05.761
  • Friendship that catches fire.
  • 00:20:05.761 --> 00:20:07.095
  • So, the ideal is that your mate is your friend and your lover.
  • 00:20:07.095 --> 00:20:11.366
  • This is a friendship, a sexual friendship.
  • 00:20:11.366 --> 00:20:14.903
  • Now, some people, we're friends, we have no chemistry.
  • 00:20:14.903 --> 00:20:17.939
  • Others, oh, we've got chemistry, but we are not friends.
  • 00:20:17.939 --> 00:20:21.543
  • That's just half of it, that's half of it.
  • 00:20:21.543 --> 00:20:24.413
  • And here's the other thing that paul says to the church at
  • 00:20:24.413 --> 00:20:27.149
  • Thessalonica on the principle of married sex, and he says, "you
  • 00:20:27.149 --> 00:20:31.286
  • Are to honor your wife;" it's to be an honorable relation.
  • 00:20:31.286 --> 00:20:35.390
  • Look what it says in verse 4, "that each of you know how to
  • 00:20:35.390 --> 00:20:39.394
  • Possess his own vessel--" that's your wife--"in sanctification
  • 00:20:39.394 --> 00:20:42.731
  • And honor, and not in lustful passion."
  • 00:20:42.731 --> 00:20:48.236
  • So, the choice is, in loving your wife, gentlemen, you are to
  • 00:20:48.236 --> 00:20:52.274
  • Honor her, and it is not to be a relationship of lust.
  • 00:20:52.274 --> 00:20:55.277
  • It's either lust or honor.
  • 00:20:55.277 --> 00:20:57.646
  • You said, "you know, there there's no lust in marriage?"
  • 00:20:57.646 --> 00:20:59.648
  • No, no, that does not mean there's not erotic attraction,
  • 00:20:59.648 --> 00:21:03.085
  • But lust means an over desire, you follow me?
  • 00:21:03.085 --> 00:21:07.389
  • It's an over desire.
  • 00:21:07.389 --> 00:21:08.724
  • It's somebody who says, "well, i have married you, and you're to
  • 00:21:08.724 --> 00:21:12.661
  • Fill all the holes in my life.
  • 00:21:12.661 --> 00:21:14.396
  • I'm a mess, and you're a mess.
  • 00:21:14.396 --> 00:21:16.331
  • You're supposed to help me get out of this mess."
  • 00:21:16.331 --> 00:21:19.034
  • And, when two messes marry, it is a bigger mess than if
  • 00:21:19.034 --> 00:21:23.105
  • They did not get married.
  • 00:21:23.105 --> 00:21:24.439
  • Have you noticed that?
  • 00:21:24.439 --> 00:21:27.509
  • And a lot of men just don't get this.
  • 00:21:27.509 --> 00:21:30.979
  • We're not to have a relationship of lust with our wife.
  • 00:21:30.979 --> 00:21:35.250
  • In other words, he's talking about here over desire that that
  • 00:21:35.250 --> 00:21:38.253
  • Wife is to be under my command, i'm the head of the home, and
  • 00:21:38.253 --> 00:21:42.391
  • Some men even quote that scripture, "hey,
  • 00:21:42.391 --> 00:21:44.793
  • You're gonna be subject to me.
  • 00:21:44.793 --> 00:21:46.128
  • If you'd be subject to me, i'm telling you like this."
  • 00:21:46.128 --> 00:21:48.463
  • No, that's not how it works, man.
  • 00:21:48.463 --> 00:21:53.502
  • A man married a girl from california.
  • 00:21:53.502 --> 00:21:57.539
  • So, the first day they were married, he went up to her and
  • 00:21:57.539 --> 00:22:00.942
  • Says, "let me tell you how we're going to run this home.
  • 00:22:00.942 --> 00:22:05.080
  • I want you to prepare a meal for me every day and wash
  • 00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:07.549
  • The dishes."
  • 00:22:07.549 --> 00:22:10.285
  • He got home the first day, he didn't see anything.
  • 00:22:10.285 --> 00:22:14.656
  • Got home the second day, man, she'd prepared a meal and wash
  • 00:22:14.656 --> 00:22:18.560
  • The dishes.
  • 00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:20.095
  • Another guy, marries a girl from florida, and he says, "i'm gonna
  • 00:22:20.095 --> 00:22:25.367
  • Tell you how we're gonna run this home.
  • 00:22:25.367 --> 00:22:27.936
  • I want you to prepare a meal and wash the dishes keep the
  • 00:22:27.936 --> 00:22:30.305
  • House clean."
  • 00:22:30.305 --> 00:22:31.973
  • He comes home the first day, didn't see anything.
  • 00:22:31.973 --> 00:22:35.177
  • Came home the second day, he didn't see anything.
  • 00:22:35.177 --> 00:22:38.513
  • Came home the third day, and she'd prepared a meal, cleaned
  • 00:22:38.513 --> 00:22:40.916
  • The house, hmm.
  • 00:22:40.916 --> 00:22:43.018
  • Another guy marries a girl from texas.
  • 00:22:43.018 --> 00:22:46.888
  • He says, "all right, i want you to prepare for me 3 meals a day
  • 00:22:46.888 --> 00:22:51.092
  • And wash the dishes.
  • 00:22:51.092 --> 00:22:52.627
  • I want you to get the house clean.
  • 00:22:52.627 --> 00:22:54.996
  • I want you to cut the grass.
  • 00:22:54.996 --> 00:22:57.899
  • I want you to keep the car shining.
  • 00:22:57.899 --> 00:23:00.335
  • When i tell you it's time to go to bed, i want you to jump in
  • 00:23:00.335 --> 00:23:03.338
  • The bed."
  • 00:23:03.338 --> 00:23:05.507
  • Well, the first day, he didn't see anything.
  • 00:23:05.507 --> 00:23:09.077
  • The second day he didn't see anything.
  • 00:23:09.077 --> 00:23:11.246
  • The third day he didn't see anything.
  • 00:23:11.246 --> 00:23:13.682
  • The fourth day, the swelling had gone down; he could see out of
  • 00:23:13.682 --> 00:23:18.320
  • One eye, and he could open the refrigerator door with one hand
  • 00:23:18.320 --> 00:23:26.995
  • And make himself a sandwich.
  • 00:23:26.995 --> 00:23:31.633
  • Now, what am i saying?
  • 00:23:31.633 --> 00:23:34.469
  • Gentlemen, we are to have relations and live with our
  • 00:23:34.469 --> 00:23:37.839
  • Wives, so we honor and we reverence them and we put them
  • 00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:42.043
  • Up on a pedestal because we know how privileged we are to be in
  • 00:23:42.043 --> 00:23:46.815
  • The holy of holies with this person god has entrusted
  • 00:23:46.815 --> 00:23:49.651
  • Us with.
  • 00:23:49.651 --> 00:23:51.887
  • And, if things aren't humming in the friendship area, wake up.
  • 00:23:51.887 --> 00:23:57.225
  • If things aren't humming in the sexual area, wake up.
  • 00:23:57.225 --> 00:24:02.697
  • So there's going to have to be a lot of changes here.
  • 00:24:02.697 --> 00:24:06.234
  • You read any survey, you'll see 80-plus percent of marriages get
  • 00:24:06.234 --> 00:24:10.739
  • In trouble because the sexual area is not properly attended
  • 00:24:10.739 --> 00:24:14.609
  • To; it is not understood, 80% of marriages.
  • 00:24:14.609 --> 00:24:19.047
  • So, a lot of people had to change their attitude.
  • 00:24:19.047 --> 00:24:22.517
  • Are you willing to do that?
  • 00:24:22.517 --> 00:24:24.920
  • God can do it.
  • 00:24:24.920 --> 00:24:26.521
  • You gotta change the atmosphere.
  • 00:24:26.521 --> 00:24:28.623
  • And then you've got to communicate.
  • 00:24:28.623 --> 00:24:30.492
  • I would recommend, wholly and completely, that, this next
  • 00:24:30.492 --> 00:24:35.030
  • Week, sometime, some way, you take a time out and be bold
  • 00:24:35.030 --> 00:24:38.867
  • Enough to ask your wife or your husband, "do we need to know
  • 00:24:38.867 --> 00:24:43.972
  • Anything or share anything in the sexual area?"
  • 00:24:43.972 --> 00:24:49.244
  • Dare you to do it.
  • 00:24:49.244 --> 00:24:50.912
  • And then, listen; don't interrupt; don't say, "well,
  • 00:24:50.912 --> 00:24:55.116
  • Blah blah blah."
  • 00:24:55.116 --> 00:24:56.618
  • And read 1 corinthians 7, which tells us, "wife, you don't own
  • 00:24:56.618 --> 00:25:00.789
  • Your body; husband, you don't own your body.
  • 00:25:00.789 --> 00:25:02.958
  • It's owned by your mate."
  • 00:25:02.958 --> 00:25:05.660
  • Develop friendship and chemistry.
  • 00:25:05.660 --> 00:25:09.364
  • It'll happen, any stage in life.
  • 00:25:09.364 --> 00:25:13.234
  • If you're 90 or you're 19, it makes no difference; it works,
  • 00:25:13.234 --> 00:25:19.674
  • It works, it works.
  • 00:25:19.674 --> 00:25:23.211
  • Dr. ed young: at some point, every marriage will run into
  • 00:25:23.278 --> 00:25:26.081
  • Tough times.
  • 00:25:26.081 --> 00:25:27.616
  • Whether it's miscommunication, money, sex, or in-laws,
  • 00:25:27.616 --> 00:25:30.885
  • Every marriage goes through a rocky patch.
  • 00:25:30.885 --> 00:25:34.222
  • Far too often those rocky patches end up ruining otherwise
  • 00:25:34.222 --> 00:25:38.059
  • Great, potentially super, marriages.
  • 00:25:38.059 --> 00:25:41.363
  • But it does not have to be that way.
  • 00:25:41.363 --> 00:25:44.866
  • God designed marriage, and he gave us the keys to have a
  • 00:25:44.866 --> 00:25:48.770
  • Marriage that works, a marriage that sizzles.
  • 00:25:48.770 --> 00:25:51.806
  • In my book, "the 10 commandments of marriage," i lay out 10
  • 00:25:51.806 --> 00:25:55.510
  • Practical principles to make your marriage super.
  • 00:25:55.510 --> 00:26:00.148
  • I hope that you will get this resource today.
  • 00:26:00.148 --> 00:26:05.487
  • Female announcer: to get your copy, call the number on your
  • 00:26:05.553 --> 00:26:07.756
  • Screen, or go online at winningwalk.org.
  • 00:26:07.756 --> 00:26:10.859
  • It's our gift to you for your financial support of
  • 00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:13.762
  • This ministry.
  • 00:26:13.762 --> 00:26:15.363
  • Marriage may not always be bliss, but, with god's help, it
  • 00:26:15.363 --> 00:26:19.267
  • Can be amazing.
  • 00:26:19.267 --> 00:26:21.903
  • Dr. ed young: let me tell you something that may amaze you.
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  • God invented sex.
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  • It is a sacred gift to be celebrated exclusively
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  • In marriage.
  • 00:26:34.182 --> 00:26:35.550
  • It is magnificent and beautiful in marriage.
  • 00:26:35.550 --> 00:26:39.821
  • If you are married today, keep the romance alive.
  • 00:26:39.821 --> 00:26:43.291
  • We're called to have marriages that honor god in every
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  • Single way.
  • 00:26:46.161 --> 00:26:47.662
  • Allow us to pray for your marriage.
  • 00:26:47.662 --> 00:26:51.166
  • Call the number on your screen.
  • 00:26:51.166 --> 00:26:52.500
  • There are men and women who want to listen to you, give you wise
  • 00:26:52.500 --> 00:26:56.604
  • Counsel if you ask for it, and most of all to pray with you and
  • 00:26:56.604 --> 00:27:00.809
  • To pray for you.
  • 00:27:00.809 --> 00:27:02.210
  • Also, if you want to know what it means to be a christian, we
  • 00:27:02.210 --> 00:27:05.814
  • Have a relationship with god that lasts forever.
  • 00:27:05.814 --> 00:27:08.550
  • We'll tell you exactly how that can take place.
  • 00:27:08.550 --> 00:27:11.920
  • Let me personally thank you for watching today.
  • 00:27:11.920 --> 00:27:14.556
  • And join me again next week, right here on,
  • 00:27:14.556 --> 00:27:16.825
  • "the winning walk."
  • 00:27:16.825 --> 00:27:20.395
  • ♪♪♪
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