Mike Signorelli - Do This Right Now If You Want To Save Your Marriage

January 15, 2026 | 47:11

Pastor Mike Signorelli brings bold, Bible-based teaching to help believers walk faithfully in today’s often compromised world

#Marriage #Relationships #Husband #Wife #Divorce #PersonalStory #Healing #Love

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| Mike Signorelli - Do This Right Now If You Want To Save Your Marriage | January 15, 2026

How many people claim
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To get saved, but their cravings never change.
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You can scroll on your phone
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For four hours, but you can't spend four minutes in prayer.
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Something's gotta change because you say.
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If it was about me, i would keep scrolling.
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But it's about this density, so let me destroy.
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Oh, come on, somebody.
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Oh, oh oh.
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Okay.
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Welcome to our podcast on what men and women really want.
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We are in episode three.
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Go back and watch numbers one and two, and hopefully you got your spouse with you.
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Or if you're single, you're just holding space for them.
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Like this.
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Just weeping right now.
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Just waiting in the waiting for your boaz.
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But my name is mike signoret, and this is my beautiful wife, julie.
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And we are here in new york city.
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And today we're going to talk about what men and women really want.
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Men really want peace and solutions, okay.
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And women really want to be heard and want to want to be understood.
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Okay.
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Now, if you didn't pick up on it, these are two seemingly opposed ideas.
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Yes. right.
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Yeah. so we're going to delve into that.
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And i want you guys to stay through the entire duration of this podcast,
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Because there's so many testimonies coming in
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About how this podcast is helping to heal relationships, restore relationships.
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Like people are getting their fire back, they're rekindling.
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There's people who are single
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Who are like literally being prepared for marriage as a result of this as well.
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So shout out to all the single folks, but if you haven't already
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And you're watching on a phone, would you just slide your thumb over, tap
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The subscribe button and watch it do a little animation
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Because we want you to join this channel
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And not miss another podcast to the next level.
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Come on.
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All right, so, here's the thing.
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That's weird. yeah. as a leader
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Who leads
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Multiple entities, we have a charity
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Where we do disaster relief and provide food to people in different regions.
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We have the church, i have mike signa rally ministries.
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Like, there's a lot of i'm a film maker.
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I have a movie
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That was in theaters, which, by the way, domino revival is online now.
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You can watch it, you know, an amazon in these different places.
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My point is, i lead a lot of people.
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I have a lot of staff members, and
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I actually get celebrated for my ability to solve problems.
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You know where i know where i'm going.
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Go ahead.
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I solve problems for a living and i get celebrated for that.
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Like people seek me out.
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Like i have a, i also have an association of churches called movement
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Where lead pastors from all over the country
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And even other countries are like, help me solve my problems.
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So imagine what happens when i come into my own home
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And you are my kryptonite,
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Because you don't want me to solve your problems.
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You don't want me to give you solutions. you don't want to give me a.
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You don't want me to give you a plan.
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You just want me to listen because you need to be heard and understood.
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So on behalf of all of the men in existence, i just want to tell you
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A couple things, man.
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And then i want to hear from you because we're going to.
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You're going to give up the playbook.
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I'm going to tell the women. i'm going to try.
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If you think men that making more money is going to cause you
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To be respected more in your own home, get that idea out of your head.
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If you think that having staff members and multiple companies and different
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Like if you think that there's some sort of status
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Because when i first got married to you, we had nothing.
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No money, nothing.
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And we were in survival mode.
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And i was grinding out work in blue collar
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Jobs, building houses, doing construction, driving trucks.
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I did all that right. oh, yeah.
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Then in my mind, i would think one day, one day, i'm going to earn the right
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To be able to solve my wife's problems and be respected by my wife.
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And here i am 20 years later, and you still don't
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Want me to solve your problem.
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I still do, no matter what i accomplish in my life.
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So what that's telling me. and.
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And this sounds basic to some of you.
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This is just where we're starting.
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But this is not basic because there are men
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Who are like oh if i made more money, if i this, if i that.
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Yeah i'm telling you like i've done all the things
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And that's actually not the case.
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Right. right.
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So what is going on in the female.
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My brain.
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In my brain okay.
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So i okay.
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Early in our marriage, you just i would be talking to you
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And you'd be like, yeah, all you got to do is this, this, this, this.
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Talk to them. here, do this.
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Whatever i run out for you. yeah.
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In fact, here's a funny story i don't think i've ever told publicly.
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Oh, no.
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How old was i? 23.
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Oh, we were newly married.
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So it was that time i was having problems. what, you think?
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I was having problems at work.
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And you called my boss.
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Said no. you know what? that's that.
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That's off topic because i set that dude correct.
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I almost showed up to work and fixed it.
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Was a man and a woman and you dog to mow them.
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And so i go into my boss's office.
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Know this is.
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I'm going somewhere.
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I feel like the people are going to be this man.
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Honest to god, i totally forgot this even happened until we were little.
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Until i was listening to you talk in this opener.
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Because again, we have no notes and i had no warning we were doing this.
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No notes.
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So. oh yeah.
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Yeah, yeah. yes. this is totally authentic.
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Okay. that's just a dog song.
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Okay.
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This is real.
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This is real life. because we talked.
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You're in our living room right now, and our dog
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Is was just dragged past us, heaving.
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And my daughter exclaimed that he has to poop really bad.
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So we have no ipads. okay. all right.
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No, this is good.
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We're leaving it in.
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Yes, we're leaving all this in because. yeah.
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Which i said, i want to do this authentic.
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Yeah. you know, because what happens is people to put.
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Oh, i need a theologian, homie.
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You need to learn how to love your wife.
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Yeah. you know what i mean? like, okay, so back to my works.
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This is just of course,
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We're going to get into the scriptures and we've done that episode.
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But this is also like i want real authentic.
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Yeah.
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And the real authentic is our dog dry heaving in the background
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And pooping simultaneously.
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All right. so back to my story.
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So i was having issues at work.
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I came home talking about it for a few weeks and weeks.
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Weeks.
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Stop justifying it. come on man.
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And so my lovely husband calls
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My place of employment and talks to both my bosses.
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The store.
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Oh, this stupid dog.
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See what i'll do.
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You know what?
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I spend two episodes saying how much i hate this dog.
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Now you understand?
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Matter of fact, this is vindication.
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Yeah. look at him.
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Just leave. i'm his guy here. get him out of here.
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Okay? he's got. i can't concentrate his dog.
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Look at this dog. he loves me. he loves me.
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All right.
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Don't let him unplug anything.
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Oh my god, more.
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Just let him out the front.
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Just let him, okay? just.
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You got a good. okay.
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Okay.
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So for weeks here, tell me about the female boss and the male boss. yes.
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And all the things that they're doing wrong and how it's affecting you. yes.
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And how it's and how it's making your life harder.
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Yeah.
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And you call them, i don't know, weekly.
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So i go to lunch and i come back
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And they were like, he said, the boss wants to speak with you,
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Which i'm like always a great employee, like i'm a joy to work with.
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And so i've never had i like, never had that before.
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So was my first job out of college.
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So i go and i sit down and they were like, so your husband called us today.
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And bottom line
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Is, and i think this actually ties in so perfectly because again,
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I totally forgot this even happened is
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I didn't want you to fix my problem.
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And i was so mad i didn't think like, oh, he cares about me.
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He loves me.
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He you know, and granted, i was pregnant.
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So there was a lot of factors that made it, you know, like where you felt like
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There was possibly safety concerns and it wasn't like he just went about,
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I want to make it clear i take care of my own.
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Yeah. but they were like, so we talk.
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So we met your husband, we talked to your husband.
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And i was like, so mortified.
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I was mad at him. i was not happy.
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And i didn't respect the kid out of here.
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He needs the scratches.
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I didn't respect him more.
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I didn't respect you more. i was so mad.
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And i was like, why the heck would you fix my problem?
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Like, all i wanted to do is talk about my problem.
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And i feel like a lot of men,
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They just don't want to take the time to listen to their wife.
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See what i said about this dog loves me.
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Yeah. you got to go about buddy.
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Alonzo. here. i'll get the dog out. maybe.
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Star, listen, listen, star, you're going to get fixed.
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Look, he's licking all over me after your dry heaving son.
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Did he go all right. here, go upstairs.
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You got go upstairs. go upstairs. go!
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Oh, now look, he listen up.
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He listens to me.
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He does see that.
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But let me break it down from my perspective.
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Now go ahead.
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So because the men watching are going to get my back
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And even some of the women have a pregnant wife.
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Yeah. and they're making you
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Do all kinds of work that a pregnant woman shouldn't do.
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And you had a people pleasing complex. yes.
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And you are not sticking up for yourself.
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Yeah.
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Now, first of all, in my opinion, because i'm old school,
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I thought like, how dare you even ask a pregnant woman
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To do this stuff, especially advance pregnancy.
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Yeah.
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And so if you're stupid enough to even have a pregnant woman
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Doing this stuff, you're going to get sunned.
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That's what we call it.
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You're going to get a phone call.
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And i literally, i mean, i kid you not
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Because you complain to me for like three weeks.
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So you imagine i have a pregnant woman who's coming to me saying,
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They're making me do this, and they're making me do that.
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And the whole time you're talking this thing,
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And i'm telling myself, they're going to either figure it out
00:10:37.066 --> 00:10:39.869
Or i'ma help them figure it out.
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And you did.
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The call was the warning.
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Haha.
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Just to be clear, we resolved it in one phone call.
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So there.
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What happened was i'll never forget i made i called and i said,
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Hey, hey, how are you doing?
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Can i talk to whatever her name was sherry or something?
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And i said, you know, can i talk to so-and-so?
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And they were like, who is this?
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I said, this is mike signal ali.
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And they're like, are you a customer?
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I was like, no, i'm
00:11:05.995 --> 00:11:07.863
The husband of julie cigna raleigh, and we need to talk immediately.
00:11:07.863 --> 00:11:12.034
And so all of a sudden this woman comes
00:11:12.835 --> 00:11:14.637
On, i'm gonna say, listen, i'm gonna make this very, very clear.
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We're going to talk and now i'm going to talk to brad after you.
00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:19.942
So you might as well whatever that guy's name was.
00:11:19.942 --> 00:11:22.078
Your clothes don't say his name in my mind.
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You know, brad, this is now this is 20 years ago, by the way, this story.
00:11:24.413 --> 00:11:28.684
Right. and i said, then we're going to talk to brad together.
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And i just laid it down. i said, she's pregnant.
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And pregnant women don't do these jobs like this.
00:11:33.456 --> 00:11:36.292
And you need to find one of those other guys to do it.
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And, you know, she can find something.
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And i just basically owned your workplace.
00:11:40.596 --> 00:11:42.965
And then brad got on the phone and said, listen, brad, this is mike, and now this.
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I feel is his internet name.
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But man, it's freakishly close.
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Okay.
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But i remember, like, i, that i could have got in trouble
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Because and i don't recommend this and i'm not glorifying.
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But i did threaten him.
00:11:57.780 --> 00:11:59.381
I did say, i said i got that, i got that sense when i tell you.
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Then i said, brad, i'm going to tell you this.
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I said, i talk to you.
00:12:05.488 --> 00:12:07.289
I talked to sherry a little nicer than i'm going to talk to you.
00:12:07.289 --> 00:12:09.859
I said, brad, if i find out that my wife has done
00:12:10.860 --> 00:12:15.197
A, b, and c, i'm not going to reveal what the work was.
00:12:16.298 --> 00:12:18.534
Yeah.
00:12:18.768 --> 00:12:19.902
Because i mean, i deemed company.
00:12:19.902 --> 00:12:21.570
You have your pregnant wife.
00:12:21.570 --> 00:12:23.439
Do i said, i'm going to come to your job and i'm going to break your face.
00:12:23.439 --> 00:12:26.509
Like, that's what i told brad.
00:12:27.143 --> 00:12:28.177
Do that.
00:12:28.177 --> 00:12:29.145
And and i said and i said that.
00:12:29.145 --> 00:12:30.412
It's as simple as that, like you.
00:12:30.412 --> 00:12:32.448
And i said, i don't know if anybody ever told you, but
00:12:32.448 --> 00:12:35.684
Pregnant women are a unique population
00:12:35.684 --> 00:12:39.054
That have to have you considerations.
00:12:39.855 --> 00:12:41.924
And you need to make some accommodations because that's fair.
00:12:41.924 --> 00:12:45.728
And i will say i was treated very nicely from there by none
00:12:45.728 --> 00:12:51.033
With a lot of accommodations and care.
00:12:51.834 --> 00:12:55.404
Yeah, it seemed to me a lot of then saw your treatment.
00:12:56.472 --> 00:13:00.075
Yeah, i was like, you'll be accidentally helped me
00:13:01.043 --> 00:13:02.945
Because i solved your problem for real, right?
00:13:02.945 --> 00:13:05.347
Because women miscarry doing manual labor like it, actually, i mean, truthfully,
00:13:05.347 --> 00:13:10.019
Like, we're laughing about it,
00:13:10.019 --> 00:13:11.453
But i actually could have, like, compromised our child.
00:13:11.453 --> 00:13:15.191
But bella's great. she's doing well.
00:13:15.191 --> 00:13:17.459
She's great to. to help you.
00:13:17.459 --> 00:13:19.562
Yeah.
00:13:19.562 --> 00:13:21.297
I do feel like the there needs to be a counterbalance of knowing when.
00:13:21.297 --> 00:13:24.333
Okay, so i get stuck in that mode.
00:13:25.100 --> 00:13:26.669
And you like my way of relieving stress is solving problems.
00:13:26.669 --> 00:13:31.340
Yeah.
00:13:31.574 --> 00:13:33.342
So i'm confrontational because conflict delayed as conflict multiplied.
00:13:33.342 --> 00:13:36.445
So a lot of times i'm like, no, no, this is going to get worse.
00:13:37.646 --> 00:13:39.014
I need to do something now.
00:13:39.014 --> 00:13:40.783
And one of the things about like high capacity leaders is you'll notice
00:13:40.783 --> 00:13:44.320
They're very impulse driven. yeah.
00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:46.121
Because they're like because that's how i relieve stress.
00:13:46.121 --> 00:13:48.724
Right, right.
00:13:48.724 --> 00:13:50.659
But then doing that for you all the time actually increases stress increase.
00:13:50.659 --> 00:13:54.797
And that's i want to help you guys.
00:13:55.598 --> 00:13:56.565
You're partially right. yeah.
00:13:56.565 --> 00:13:57.967
Yeah.
00:13:57.967 --> 00:13:59.401
It didn't it didn't increase intimacy emotionally.
00:13:59.401 --> 00:14:02.238
It actually made me afraid to tell you things
00:14:02.238 --> 00:14:05.574
Because i was going to physically stop.
00:14:06.442 --> 00:14:08.410
But but not even that.
00:14:08.911 --> 00:14:10.479
I mean, things like, you know, let's say i'm having, like,
00:14:10.479 --> 00:14:13.449
A conflict with somebody, you know, i'm thinking, like, years ago.
00:14:13.449 --> 00:14:17.086
Yeah.
00:14:17.319 --> 00:14:19.088
You know, you would be like, well, what you gotta do is blah, blah.
00:14:19.088 --> 00:14:20.890
And i'm like, okay, but that's not really what i want to talk about.
00:14:20.890 --> 00:14:24.126
What i really want to talk about is how it's affecting me and what,
00:14:24.126 --> 00:14:28.697
You know what i mean?
00:14:29.198 --> 00:14:31.100
So, yeah, or maybe it's a problem, you know, physically or whatever it is.
00:14:31.100 --> 00:14:34.370
It's like you just constantly went in to fix it mode.
00:14:35.437 --> 00:14:37.673
And so what that did was it made me shut down. yeah.
00:14:37.673 --> 00:14:40.376
It made me shut down.
00:14:40.376 --> 00:14:41.810
Maybe it doesn't for everybody, but that's how i felt.
00:14:41.810 --> 00:14:44.647
Yeah.
00:14:44.880 --> 00:14:46.749
And i think that i failed in that way because and this is my frustration
00:14:46.749 --> 00:14:50.219
Is that i'm like,
00:14:50.653 --> 00:14:52.554
Hey man, brad's doing great, by the way, to break brad's face for you.
00:14:52.554 --> 00:14:55.858
Where's my respect, girl?
00:14:56.425 --> 00:14:57.793
And but then when i apply that way of thinking
00:14:57.793 --> 00:15:01.897
To every situation, it becomes counterintuitive
00:15:02.898 --> 00:15:05.234
Because before i went in to fix it mode, you trusted me with your problems,
00:15:06.702 --> 00:15:09.471
And then now you don't.
00:15:09.972 --> 00:15:11.106
But i think the compromise is like.
00:15:11.106 --> 00:15:12.608
And i. if i could say this to the women. sure.
00:15:12.608 --> 00:15:14.910
The compromise is
00:15:14.910 --> 00:15:16.679
If you never want him to fix anything, you are emasculating him, right?
00:15:16.679 --> 00:15:21.050
But that was exactly what i was going to say.
00:15:21.050 --> 00:15:23.252
On the other end of the spectrum, you know, to the men,
00:15:23.252 --> 00:15:26.655
If you always feel like you need to fix it, you're probably failing in.
00:15:28.090 --> 00:15:30.693
And that's why i think sometimes the women have these great friendships
00:15:32.094 --> 00:15:34.430
With other women,
00:15:34.430 --> 00:15:36.165
Because i used to listen to you and your best friend on the phone,
00:15:36.165 --> 00:15:38.100
And it was so annoying to me because i would be like,
00:15:38.100 --> 00:15:40.803
That was the most worthless content that we talked about this.
00:15:40.803 --> 00:15:44.173
They would talk.
00:15:44.540 --> 00:15:46.041
They talk on the phone for an hour and they'd hang up.
00:15:46.041 --> 00:15:46.976
Okay, i feel so much better.
00:15:46.976 --> 00:15:48.744
And i'd be like, that was the most worthless conversation
00:15:48.744 --> 00:15:51.547
I've ever heard in my life.
00:15:51.547 --> 00:15:52.915
You didn't offer one idea, one solution.
00:15:52.915 --> 00:15:55.417
Nothing changed.
00:15:55.417 --> 00:15:57.286
But you vented.
00:15:57.286 --> 00:15:58.721
And that to me, is two women venting to each other
00:15:58.721 --> 00:16:02.424
Is more valuable than a man actually fixing it.
00:16:03.359 --> 00:16:06.095
And that broke my brain.
00:16:06.095 --> 00:16:07.796
If you're near one of our campuses, i want to give you
00:16:07.796 --> 00:16:10.799
A personal invitation to check out v1 church.
00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:14.903
There's no way i can describe the atmosphere of revival in the experience.
00:16:16.372 --> 00:16:19.508
If you've never driven up or driven in, you know,
00:16:20.509 --> 00:16:23.045
Let me just tell you it's a powerful atmosphere and a bunch of
00:16:24.346 --> 00:16:26.548
People who really love the lord and want to get to know you.
00:16:26.548 --> 00:16:29.818
So let us know when you're coming and i'll see you at v1 church.
00:16:29.818 --> 00:16:37.826
Yeah.
00:16:38.060 --> 00:16:39.628
And so i had to just be like, okay, but here's the thing.
00:16:39.628 --> 00:16:41.397
I can't be mad at you for going to your girlfriends
00:16:41.397 --> 00:16:44.233
When i've created a relationship where you can never vent.
00:16:44.233 --> 00:16:47.536
Right?
00:16:47.770 --> 00:16:49.638
So sometimes, and i mean, maybe for the safety of the information, it's
00:16:49.638 --> 00:16:52.674
Like, yeah, sometimes i just need to know, like, it stays between us.
00:16:52.674 --> 00:16:57.146
Well, you know, don't be complaining about me
00:16:57.146 --> 00:16:59.214
Because, you know, you're, you're all having a you.
00:16:59.214 --> 00:17:02.684
And they're like, who is this crowd? i'm from corporate.
00:17:03.819 --> 00:17:05.287
We're going to have a job here, etc. but,
00:17:05.287 --> 00:17:08.624
And the funny thing is, i was 23 years old
00:17:09.525 --> 00:17:11.293
Doing this, like, that's kind of on here.
00:17:11.293 --> 00:17:14.596
But my what i was going to say, though, to vindicate you is,
00:17:15.764 --> 00:17:18.300
You know, in the early days when i learned this concept,
00:17:19.435 --> 00:17:22.871
First of all, i had to ask you.
00:17:23.505 --> 00:17:26.075
So like, hey, julie, you know, like, what's going on?
00:17:26.075 --> 00:17:28.077
Is everything okay?
00:17:28.077 --> 00:17:29.244
And like, literally let you dump.
00:17:29.244 --> 00:17:31.280
Yeah. and then
00:17:31.280 --> 00:17:33.148
And the thing that was crazy about is, like, i would be sweating bullets.
00:17:33.148 --> 00:17:36.518
Oh, you would see me literally.
00:17:37.152 --> 00:17:38.187
And i'm sweating.
00:17:38.187 --> 00:17:39.555
No. like shaking.
00:17:39.555 --> 00:17:40.823
You guys think we're joking?
00:17:40.823 --> 00:17:42.091
Like we're not joking. he'd be listening.
00:17:42.091 --> 00:17:44.960
And i mean, there would be beads like pulling like down his face.
00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:49.731
And i'm like, oh my gosh, this is so intense.
00:17:49.731 --> 00:17:54.870
And then he would be like, well, because she's telling me about
00:17:56.071 --> 00:18:00.109
This family member did this, this person did this to me.
00:18:01.243 --> 00:18:03.545
My brain is going a million miles a minute.
00:18:03.545 --> 00:18:05.581
I'm like i'm about to go beast mode.
00:18:05.581 --> 00:18:07.516
I remember one time
00:18:07.516 --> 00:18:09.251
I was talking about something and you didn't offer any solutions.
00:18:09.251 --> 00:18:12.955
And i was like,
00:18:12.955 --> 00:18:14.490
What?
00:18:14.723 --> 00:18:15.657
What are you going to say?
00:18:15.657 --> 00:18:17.426
And you're like the only thing i can respond with is out how to fix it.
00:18:17.426 --> 00:18:21.263
And you're like, do you want to hear it?
00:18:22.131 --> 00:18:23.899
I was like, oh, heck yeah.
00:18:23.899 --> 00:18:26.335
And you were like,
00:18:26.335 --> 00:18:28.537
Like, bring up the whiteboard.
00:18:28.537 --> 00:18:30.038
Like, get it all? no, no, he didn't do that.
00:18:30.038 --> 00:18:31.974
But i was like offended when you did it.
00:18:31.974 --> 00:18:34.710
So it's like
00:18:34.710 --> 00:18:36.645
Sometimes you could wish like, i, i wish my husband would never fix a problem.
00:18:36.645 --> 00:18:40.716
It's like, okay, but then delete that out.
00:18:40.716 --> 00:18:43.652
Sometimes your husband just wants to be heard.
00:18:43.652 --> 00:18:45.721
Because what i realize is in you trying to fix it, you are dealing
00:18:45.721 --> 00:18:51.026
With your own emotions of how it affected me, so that makes sense.
00:18:52.361 --> 00:18:55.397
So like it?
00:18:55.731 --> 00:18:57.199
Even if i didn't take your advice, you getting it out
00:18:57.199 --> 00:19:01.436
Was simply you dealing with now this whole new set of emotions
00:19:02.604 --> 00:19:04.673
That you didn't have 20 minutes ago, but do now because i told you
00:19:04.673 --> 00:19:10.012
About how i was hurt or frustrated or whatever.
00:19:10.979 --> 00:19:13.615
And it's like, i feel the same way.
00:19:13.615 --> 00:19:15.517
It's like when you come to me with someone's,
00:19:15.517 --> 00:19:18.921
You know, like a conflict or something interpersonal.
00:19:20.022 --> 00:19:23.525
It's like they're talking about you like that, like, you know, like i it.
00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:28.096
Now i have something i have to deal with.
00:19:28.964 --> 00:19:30.232
So what i've learned is, like you processing that
00:19:30.232 --> 00:19:33.735
Has much more to do with your emotions about the situation
00:19:34.903 --> 00:19:37.773
Than it does about, if i take your advice or not.
00:19:38.807 --> 00:19:41.143
Yeah, i don't know. yeah, absolutely.
00:19:41.944 --> 00:19:43.378
Well, there's a lot of women who are content
00:19:43.378 --> 00:19:45.280
With their husband fixing their furnace but not fixing their problems.
00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:48.750
Right.
00:19:48.984 --> 00:19:50.285
And sometimes that can be confusing to a man.
00:19:50.285 --> 00:19:52.221
So it's like, you want me to fix your flat tire, but i can't talk about this.
00:19:52.221 --> 00:19:54.890
And then it can, you know, so it's a compromise.
00:19:55.857 --> 00:19:57.159
I think, you know, and you've got to find.
00:19:57.159 --> 00:19:59.127
So i would say like to to the men, you know, it's like, just try to listen.
00:19:59.127 --> 00:20:04.433
Don't bother boss.
00:20:04.866 --> 00:20:06.001
There's a well yeah, yeah.
00:20:06.001 --> 00:20:07.970
Well at work, call your call their boss when they need to get a phone call.
00:20:07.970 --> 00:20:11.607
Don't call brad. brad's for good.
00:20:12.274 --> 00:20:14.076
He's nine.
00:20:14.376 --> 00:20:16.311
Well, you know, and i have had to learn all that in the nuance to it.
00:20:16.311 --> 00:20:18.780
When do you do it. when do you not. right.
00:20:18.780 --> 00:20:20.716
But i think at the same time with, with all of this
00:20:20.716 --> 00:20:24.219
Like marriage stuff is it's about trust,
00:20:24.219 --> 00:20:28.357
You know, and so and learning each other because there are times
00:20:29.658 --> 00:20:32.227
Where you come to me saying, i actually need you to fix this.
00:20:32.227 --> 00:20:35.497
Oh, yeah.
00:20:35.797 --> 00:20:37.065
And i would say, like, over time before,
00:20:37.065 --> 00:20:39.134
I never wanted you to fix anything for like years.
00:20:39.134 --> 00:20:42.504
And then i was like, no, this man got me like, he's got my back.
00:20:43.805 --> 00:20:47.075
He's looking out for me like, we're we're thick, you know?
00:20:48.243 --> 00:20:50.912
And so it's like, now it's implied.
00:20:50.912 --> 00:20:54.616
Like, if i'm coming to you, i want your advice, you know?
00:20:54.616 --> 00:20:58.186
Yeah.
00:20:58.420 --> 00:20:59.254
Yes. trust. that was.
00:20:59.254 --> 00:21:00.622
But sometimes you just build trust.
00:21:00.622 --> 00:21:02.591
Yeah. you know, sometimes we just verbally process.
00:21:02.591 --> 00:21:05.260
You did that the other day.
00:21:05.260 --> 00:21:06.728
You were like, hey, i need to get these feelings out.
00:21:06.728 --> 00:21:09.431
I don't care.
00:21:09.798 --> 00:21:11.400
You're not like, you didn't care what i thought, but like,
00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:14.369
You didn't want me to make you.
00:21:15.003 --> 00:21:16.405
You didn't want me to try to make you feel better.
00:21:16.405 --> 00:21:18.507
You were like, i just need to get this out.
00:21:18.507 --> 00:21:21.743
Yeah, yeah, i need that.
00:21:22.244 --> 00:21:23.612
And i was like, just sitting there
00:21:23.612 --> 00:21:25.414
Because everything in me wanted to start encouraging and,
00:21:25.414 --> 00:21:28.684
You know, yeah, i go through like, a lot of complex emotions.
00:21:29.851 --> 00:21:32.187
And i think a big myth is that men don't have emotions or men don't feel,
00:21:32.187 --> 00:21:37.459
You know, feelings.
00:21:37.926 --> 00:21:39.461
Matter of fact, i always say when i'm preaching about gossip,
00:21:39.461 --> 00:21:42.597
Everybody assumes i'm talking about women, and i'm actually talking about men
00:21:44.132 --> 00:21:47.803
Because men tend to be the biggest gossipers in any church.
00:21:48.937 --> 00:21:51.540
Yeah.
00:21:51.773 --> 00:21:53.308
And it's funny to me because men are incredibly emotional
00:21:53.308 --> 00:21:55.410
And they what happens is they find
00:21:56.178 --> 00:21:58.146
Little like pockets of friendships where they can deal with their emotions.
00:21:58.146 --> 00:22:01.249
And, and so when you it doesn't necessarily mean that there are feminine,
00:22:02.651 --> 00:22:04.786
But what it means is that
00:22:05.354 --> 00:22:07.189
Men the perception of men is they don't have feelings or emotions.
00:22:07.189 --> 00:22:11.193
The reality is they have big feelings and big emotions.
00:22:12.294 --> 00:22:14.730
And and i even think that sports sometimes becomes,
00:22:15.731 --> 00:22:19.101
A socially acceptable place to allow big emotions out.
00:22:19.101 --> 00:22:24.473
Do you think that like, let's just talk about that for a minute.
00:22:25.774 --> 00:22:27.542
So men who have issues with gossiping, it could be that their wife
00:22:27.542 --> 00:22:31.980
Doesn't feel safe enough for them to talk to you.
00:22:31.980 --> 00:22:35.784
Oh, absolutely.
00:22:35.784 --> 00:22:37.319
You know, and so maybe wives, that's a challenge for us.
00:22:37.319 --> 00:22:39.621
Like, maybe we need to be listening and not try to correct
00:22:39.621 --> 00:22:43.392
Them, not be their mom when they're talking to us,
00:22:43.392 --> 00:22:46.895
Be their confidant, be their lover, be their listening ear.
00:22:48.063 --> 00:22:51.700
You know, for when you do have big emotions.
00:22:52.634 --> 00:22:54.736
I know for me, in the car the other day, i mean, i felt like you, i was sweating.
00:22:54.736 --> 00:22:57.806
I'm like, i have so many scriptures to help you and but that's not
00:22:57.806 --> 00:23:01.743
You didn't want that.
00:23:02.244 --> 00:23:03.812
You wanted just to talk, just to download it and be like, yeah,
00:23:03.812 --> 00:23:07.649
Because yeah, i mean, i experience a lot of, you know,
00:23:08.750 --> 00:23:10.786
And the other thing too is, pioneering, pastoring a lot of people
00:23:10.786 --> 00:23:15.590
And leading a lot of pastors over our locations.
00:23:16.591 --> 00:23:18.960
I care deeply about our men's ministry, our women's ministry, our kids ministry,
00:23:20.562 --> 00:23:23.031
Our youth ministry.
00:23:23.031 --> 00:23:24.599
And i carry the burden of all of those generations of our church.
00:23:24.599 --> 00:23:29.137
I carry the burden of the genders, the male and the female.
00:23:30.372 --> 00:23:32.207
There's only two.
00:23:32.207 --> 00:23:33.708
I carry the burden of, you know, dealing with social issues
00:23:33.708 --> 00:23:37.813
Because people look to me now, i mean, i get millions of views on videos
00:23:37.813 --> 00:23:41.917
When i talk about things
00:23:41.917 --> 00:23:43.618
Because people are saying, i don't know if i trust the news media,
00:23:43.618 --> 00:23:46.221
But i trust pastor mike, even if he doesn't know all of the details.
00:23:46.221 --> 00:23:50.258
He's a godly man. he's a man of the word.
00:23:50.258 --> 00:23:52.561
So you carry all that.
00:23:52.561 --> 00:23:54.529
And the other day i was just like, hey, you know, this is what i'm processing.
00:23:54.529 --> 00:23:57.666
It's weird to get hundreds of messages from people saying, would you go live
00:23:59.167 --> 00:24:03.038
And talk about this thing or that thing, and you're pulled in every direction?
00:24:04.539 --> 00:24:06.208
And i was like,
00:24:06.208 --> 00:24:08.076
I just need to figure this out because i want to be the best, you know?
00:24:08.076 --> 00:24:11.012
But like and so i think even for problem solvers,
00:24:11.012 --> 00:24:14.683
There's going to be problems you can't solve.
00:24:15.584 --> 00:24:17.452
You know, and we have this phrase that we use in leadership where we say
00:24:17.452 --> 00:24:21.189
That's a tension to be managed, not a problem to be solved.
00:24:21.189 --> 00:24:25.427
So for example, like, i'm not going to quit the church,
00:24:26.561 --> 00:24:28.864
You know, like i'm not going to quit the church.
00:24:29.865 --> 00:24:31.266
Yeah, i'm not going to quit my marriage. i'm not.
00:24:31.266 --> 00:24:32.434
This is not a problem.
00:24:32.434 --> 00:24:33.802
To be solved like this is a tension to me. manage.
00:24:33.802 --> 00:24:36.338
And as a man, i have to deal with being so many roles.
00:24:36.338 --> 00:24:40.575
You know, men wear a lot of hats.
00:24:40.575 --> 00:24:42.177
And so it was like me going through that.
00:24:42.177 --> 00:24:45.080
And i think a lot of times, like, even for men,
00:24:45.080 --> 00:24:47.816
It's funny because they'll get together with other men and have conversations
00:24:47.816 --> 00:24:51.686
And they, they, they will say things to men that they know
00:24:51.686 --> 00:24:55.323
Will be agreed with and they will agree with each other, or they won't judge.
00:24:55.323 --> 00:24:59.027
So a lot of times, like male relationships will be like,
00:25:00.161 --> 00:25:02.464
Oh yeah, bro, i'm here for you.
00:25:02.464 --> 00:25:04.299
Like, oh yeah, bro, that, you know, like it's there's a weird loyalty
00:25:04.299 --> 00:25:07.435
They have now some of that can become demonic and toxic
00:25:07.435 --> 00:25:11.540
Because what a male friendship should be is an accountability circle.
00:25:12.941 --> 00:25:15.544
But a lot of times it becomes a gossip circle
00:25:16.478 --> 00:25:18.413
Because it's like, what happens is your wife tells you this is the other side
00:25:18.413 --> 00:25:22.517
Because you just talked about, we need to listen to amanda.
00:25:23.685 --> 00:25:25.420
And, but the other side is sometimes the wife is the only accountability
00:25:25.420 --> 00:25:28.857
The husband has because the husband goes into the friend circles
00:25:28.857 --> 00:25:32.861
And goes into an echo chamber where they all agree with him,
00:25:34.062 --> 00:25:36.331
And instead of holding them accountable.
00:25:37.165 --> 00:25:38.800
And so sometimes you got to watch that.
00:25:38.800 --> 00:25:40.735
So i would say to the men right now, like, sometimes your wife is right,
00:25:40.735 --> 00:25:44.839
And you started telling her stuff and you didn't like what
00:25:46.007 --> 00:25:47.842
She said back, and you started yelling and getting mad.
00:25:47.842 --> 00:25:51.112
But your friends are not even good friends to you
00:25:52.047 --> 00:25:53.782
Because they didn't hold you accountable to god's word and the truth.
00:25:53.782 --> 00:25:58.219
And but your wife did.
00:25:58.720 --> 00:26:00.355
But i'll, i'll i'll counterbalance a little bit with that,
00:26:00.355 --> 00:26:02.991
Because sometimes women can be very hard on men.
00:26:02.991 --> 00:26:06.094
Oh, absolutely.
00:26:06.094 --> 00:26:07.662
And when they do, you know, if a man struggles with pride
00:26:07.662 --> 00:26:11.366
And then they do become vulnerable enough
00:26:12.233 --> 00:26:13.935
To share something on their heart that they're struggling with
00:26:13.935 --> 00:26:16.871
When we come at you with, yeah, i told you that was going to happen.
00:26:18.273 --> 00:26:21.109
It's like, that trust, that thing that that vulnerability
00:26:22.277 --> 00:26:26.214
That took him so much to bring the guard down.
00:26:26.214 --> 00:26:30.418
It's like was met with i told you so.
00:26:31.219 --> 00:26:33.288
Yeah.
00:26:33.288 --> 00:26:35.023
You know, and it's like, as women, i'm really challenging you
00:26:35.023 --> 00:26:37.592
To be a safe place
00:26:38.026 --> 00:26:40.595
For your husband when he is vulnerable.
00:26:40.595 --> 00:26:43.498
Don't try to fix it either with i told you so or trying to be their mom
00:26:43.498 --> 00:26:48.436
Or trying to be, you know, somebody who's like, oh, this is a vulnerability.
00:26:48.436 --> 00:26:54.376
I'm going to take my jab.
00:26:54.943 --> 00:26:56.544
Yeah, that's exactly what you get.
00:26:56.544 --> 00:26:58.013
You got a temper or whatever it, you know, whatever.
00:26:58.013 --> 00:27:01.349
I'm just kind of filling in the blanks like you've if don't ever elevate
00:27:02.817 --> 00:27:05.987
Your need for vindication above their need for vulnerability.
00:27:07.188 --> 00:27:10.492
Right. so it's like, oh, i told you so.
00:27:11.326 --> 00:27:13.261
The your need for vindication just superseded their need for vulnerability.
00:27:13.261 --> 00:27:18.033
So sometimes it's not i told you so.
00:27:18.800 --> 00:27:20.602
Sometimes it's like, i'm just going to let you tell me how you feel.
00:27:20.602 --> 00:27:24.639
Yeah.
00:27:24.873 --> 00:27:26.775
And let you process this because i know a lot of women were probably listening
00:27:26.775 --> 00:27:28.610
To you and being like, yeah, get them pastor mike.
00:27:28.610 --> 00:27:30.912
But like, i'm listening to you and i'm like, no, ladies, take a seat.
00:27:30.912 --> 00:27:35.750
Like, you have something to learn here.
00:27:35.750 --> 00:27:37.819
Yeah,
00:27:37.819 --> 00:27:39.120
Because i always think people default like,
00:27:39.120 --> 00:27:40.455
Oh, yeah, the woman is the best communicator.
00:27:40.455 --> 00:27:42.290
It's like, not always the case, you know? yeah.
00:27:42.290 --> 00:27:44.993
Sometimes we can use our communication to really stab.
00:27:44.993 --> 00:27:48.963
Oh yeah.
00:27:49.230 --> 00:27:50.131
And something i did that.
00:27:50.131 --> 00:27:51.733
Oh, yeah. i've got stab wounds all over me.
00:27:51.733 --> 00:27:55.170
Oh i did this.
00:27:55.537 --> 00:27:57.605
Hey, mike. cigna rally here in the studio.
00:27:57.605 --> 00:28:00.041
We're getting ready to jump back into the sermon,
00:28:00.041 --> 00:28:02.477
But just very briefly, i wanted to let you know
00:28:02.477 --> 00:28:05.480
That i have a resource called the breakers mobile app.
00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:09.484
And i have so many courses there that teach you supernatural ministry
00:28:10.885 --> 00:28:14.556
And how you can unlock the gifts that god has given you.
00:28:15.657 --> 00:28:17.625
I want you to download the mobile app and join a global community of people
00:28:17.625 --> 00:28:22.097
Learning the narrow way, people learning how to operate
00:28:22.097 --> 00:28:25.900
In the fullness of what god has for them, and the gifts of the spirit.
00:28:25.900 --> 00:28:30.305
It's called the breakers of mobile app.
00:28:31.106 --> 00:28:33.007
It's actually entirely free and you can download it now on your device.
00:28:33.007 --> 00:28:36.911
I will see you there.
00:28:36.911 --> 00:28:40.281
As well, you could go ahead.
00:28:40.882 --> 00:28:43.218
But i mean, here's the thing.
00:28:43.218 --> 00:28:45.854
You know, maybe we'll kind of like wind down here,
00:28:45.854 --> 00:28:49.124
But i'm going to save the mic drop
00:28:49.891 --> 00:28:51.326
Like we're going to go for the grand finale right now.
00:28:51.326 --> 00:28:53.194
But i need you to tap the subscribe button.
00:28:53.194 --> 00:28:55.964
And this is a four part series, and i want you to binge watch all four of them.
00:28:55.964 --> 00:28:59.901
And and by the way, if you are in one night, you probably cried.
00:28:59.901 --> 00:29:03.171
You probably laughed.
00:29:03.671 --> 00:29:04.606
And this is helping you so much.
00:29:04.606 --> 00:29:06.541
So go ahead and just tap the subscribe button right now and join the channel.
00:29:06.541 --> 00:29:11.346
And okay, so here's what i wanted to say.
00:29:12.247 --> 00:29:14.749
You know, talking about vindication versus vulnerability,
00:29:15.984 --> 00:29:19.521
Because your marriage should be the place where you're the most vulnerable.
00:29:21.055 --> 00:29:23.625
And oftentimes it feels like the place where you could be the least vulnerable.
00:29:25.126 --> 00:29:28.163
And, you know, we had a conversation in brazil
00:29:29.063 --> 00:29:31.166
That was one of, oh, i mean, yeah, we so what happened was,
00:29:31.166 --> 00:29:34.903
Some dear members of our church that had been with us from the beginning.
00:29:34.903 --> 00:29:39.507
Yeah.
00:29:39.741 --> 00:29:41.309
And they've never left they five they've stayed faithful.
00:29:41.309 --> 00:29:43.311
They've, you know, they they're just a good family, like great christian family.
00:29:43.311 --> 00:29:47.582
Great, great.
00:29:47.949 --> 00:29:49.184
So essentially they were doing their,
00:29:49.184 --> 00:29:51.586
A big wedding ceremony.
00:29:51.586 --> 00:29:54.956
I don't know how to put it, but they were they were basically going to brazil
00:29:56.491 --> 00:29:57.759
To be like, hey, they're renewing their vows.
00:29:57.759 --> 00:29:59.494
Yeah, they're renewing our vows.
00:29:59.494 --> 00:30:01.062
We never had the ceremony that we wanted, but we're going to do
00:30:01.062 --> 00:30:04.799
The one we always wanted in brazil, where the where the bride is from.
00:30:04.799 --> 00:30:08.670
And we want you guys to be the official hands.
00:30:09.637 --> 00:30:11.539
And for us, that was a big sacrifice to, like, go all the way out there.
00:30:11.539 --> 00:30:14.075
But we just love this couple.
00:30:14.709 --> 00:30:16.311
And they've been so faithful to our house.
00:30:16.311 --> 00:30:18.479
And i was like, julie, we i want to be faithful to their house,
00:30:18.479 --> 00:30:21.349
You know what i mean? they they've served v1.
00:30:21.349 --> 00:30:23.618
We want to serve them. let's go. let's do this thing.
00:30:23.618 --> 00:30:26.087
So we go to brazil
00:30:26.087 --> 00:30:27.655
And, you know, and i was like, you know what?
00:30:28.590 --> 00:30:30.925
Let's take some time for us, you know, and man,
00:30:30.925 --> 00:30:34.963
We had a conversation at breakfast, which i'm not going to divulge.
00:30:34.963 --> 00:30:38.466
Yeah. please don't, because that's.
00:30:38.466 --> 00:30:40.468
But it was like you unfiltered told me the secrets of your heart.
00:30:40.468 --> 00:30:45.773
And these are things that wives don't tell their husband.
00:30:46.908 --> 00:30:50.378
They go to the grave with this information.
00:30:50.378 --> 00:30:52.347
You literally.
00:30:52.347 --> 00:30:53.848
And then that caused me to unlock the secrets of my heart.
00:30:53.848 --> 00:30:58.086
And i realized in that moment that we are the same person.
00:30:59.254 --> 00:31:03.391
And it was like, whoa, we both struggle with the same things.
00:31:04.592 --> 00:31:07.862
We both worry about the same things.
00:31:08.630 --> 00:31:10.064
And in god's divine wisdom, he brought us together.
00:31:10.064 --> 00:31:14.168
Yeah. and our our greatest
00:31:14.736 --> 00:31:16.638
Ally was each other.
00:31:17.105 --> 00:31:19.574
Our greatest support was each other.
00:31:19.574 --> 00:31:21.676
And that conversation, i mean, we literally
00:31:21.676 --> 00:31:23.578
Cried over our breakfast together and and i
00:31:23.578 --> 00:31:27.515
That was one of those moments where i was like,
00:31:28.516 --> 00:31:30.084
You know, independent of kids, independent of ministry,
00:31:30.084 --> 00:31:34.322
You know, because before all of that, there was mike and julie,
00:31:35.523 --> 00:31:37.225
And it had the art stuff
00:31:37.225 --> 00:31:38.760
Had nothing to do with ministry, no, nothing to do with ministry.
00:31:38.760 --> 00:31:41.696
Not what i'm saying. like we built our life. right.
00:31:41.696 --> 00:31:44.632
But the foundation.
00:31:44.632 --> 00:31:46.401
Yeah. it's just me and you and.
00:31:46.401 --> 00:31:48.836
And it's like we went back to that place and i was like, wow.
00:31:48.836 --> 00:31:53.241
You know, because kids are a temporary assignment.
00:31:54.275 --> 00:31:55.843
Yes. they grow up, they leave the home, they get married.
00:31:55.843 --> 00:31:58.446
You know, the church.
00:31:58.446 --> 00:31:59.981
I'm not always going to be the lead pastor of one church.
00:31:59.981 --> 00:32:01.549
I'm just the founding first lead pastor there.
00:32:01.549 --> 00:32:05.520
You know, if the lord tarries, there will be generations like presidents.
00:32:06.988 --> 00:32:09.190
You know, it's like you have.
00:32:09.190 --> 00:32:10.591
I'm just george washington of this thing, right?
00:32:10.591 --> 00:32:12.927
I'm the founding father.
00:32:12.927 --> 00:32:14.228
That doesn't mean i'm the only father.
00:32:14.228 --> 00:32:16.397
And so those are all.
00:32:16.397 --> 00:32:17.799
What does that mean? those are temporary assignments.
00:32:17.799 --> 00:32:19.400
But the vows that we made were for death do us part.
00:32:19.400 --> 00:32:23.538
Which means the way you get out of a covenant is dying.
00:32:24.672 --> 00:32:27.241
And that that's heavy.
00:32:27.742 --> 00:32:30.478
And so i felt like when we were in brazil,
00:32:31.346 --> 00:32:33.381
We went back into that foundation where it was like,
00:32:34.415 --> 00:32:36.517
Yeah, i'd like we that we would this really works because we very,
00:32:36.517 --> 00:32:41.923
We very much god, god knew what he was doing out of billions of people.
00:32:43.358 --> 00:32:46.694
And we chose. right? yeah.
00:32:47.261 --> 00:32:49.097
And and the reason why i think it's important to say that is because
00:32:49.097 --> 00:32:52.266
I feel like that conversation was earned.
00:32:53.067 --> 00:32:56.404
I was just thinking that it was 20
00:32:57.171 --> 00:32:58.773
Years of trust.
00:32:58.773 --> 00:33:02.210
Building trust,
00:33:02.577 --> 00:33:05.179
You know?
00:33:05.179 --> 00:33:05.947
Yeah,
00:33:05.947 --> 00:33:07.348
There was and i think those are like treasures.
00:33:07.348 --> 00:33:10.051
Yeah.
00:33:10.051 --> 00:33:11.185
You know, when it's like 20 years
00:33:11.185 --> 00:33:12.854
And you, we earned it was like, oh, this is a lot of mistakes.
00:33:12.854 --> 00:33:17.091
Oh yeah.
00:33:17.358 --> 00:33:18.659
I mean, i can't tell you how many times i broke
00:33:18.659 --> 00:33:21.763
Your heart, misplaced your trust.
00:33:21.763 --> 00:33:25.666
You know, took my cheap shots where i could when you came to me
00:33:26.968 --> 00:33:29.704
With something vulnerable.
00:33:29.704 --> 00:33:31.606
I mean, more times than i care to remember.
00:33:31.606 --> 00:33:35.376
You know, i keep thinking about this story of
00:33:36.344 --> 00:33:39.080
When you and my brother matty redid my office in valparaiso.
00:33:39.080 --> 00:33:43.785
Yeah, because i. and, you know, you painted.
00:33:44.719 --> 00:33:45.953
Didn't you paint the walls like it was?
00:33:45.953 --> 00:33:47.522
You know what it was during that era where all the design shows
00:33:47.522 --> 00:33:50.091
Were designing a room in one day, and i thought i could do that.
00:33:50.091 --> 00:33:54.562
I cannot do that.
00:33:54.996 --> 00:33:56.497
By the way.
00:33:56.497 --> 00:33:58.066
But me and your brother. yeah.
00:33:58.066 --> 00:33:59.767
Yeah, i left it in a day. yeah.
00:33:59.767 --> 00:34:01.369
And you were painted, you know, everything.
00:34:01.369 --> 00:34:03.504
And i remember coming home, and that just made me feel so special
00:34:03.504 --> 00:34:07.575
Because it made me feel like, man, my wife really loves me.
00:34:08.776 --> 00:34:10.645
She really wants to create this space because you know me, like,
00:34:10.645 --> 00:34:14.315
My whole thing is my worlds.
00:34:14.916 --> 00:34:16.951
Everybody who really knows me as the world within the world, i see that phrase.
00:34:16.951 --> 00:34:20.388
It's a world within a world like that concept to me.
00:34:21.456 --> 00:34:23.591
And i've always been like, i make spaces.
00:34:23.591 --> 00:34:26.427
Our house has all these little spaces.
00:34:26.427 --> 00:34:29.363
Yeah, little like little worlds.
00:34:29.363 --> 00:34:31.132
And they're so distinct.
00:34:31.132 --> 00:34:33.067
And i had a guest over today and a good friend of mine,
00:34:33.067 --> 00:34:37.138
Lee cummings, actually, and you guys can watch that podcast.
00:34:37.138 --> 00:34:40.508
But, you know, when i was giving him a tour of our house, it really is.
00:34:41.876 --> 00:34:44.846
Oh, i said, we do this over here.
00:34:45.580 --> 00:34:46.714
We do that. it's these little worlds.
00:34:46.714 --> 00:34:48.649
And you had invested in my world, you know, like, you help me create my world.
00:34:48.649 --> 00:34:53.788
I think a healthy marriage is
00:34:54.422 --> 00:34:56.724
Renovating each other's worlds.
00:34:57.358 --> 00:34:59.727
Where it's like, i think i know what julie likes
00:34:59.727 --> 00:35:03.264
And i'm going to help her renovate her world, like i'm going
00:35:03.264 --> 00:35:06.567
To, i'm going to help her flip this, you know, like.
00:35:06.567 --> 00:35:09.670
Yeah.
00:35:09.670 --> 00:35:10.972
It's like i had some furniture in my office
00:35:10.972 --> 00:35:13.007
That was old and you painted it and you made it look new.
00:35:13.007 --> 00:35:16.310
Remember that?
00:35:16.677 --> 00:35:18.679
So i think it's like when you come into a healthy marriage, you bring furniture
00:35:18.679 --> 00:35:21.015
And you bring your stuff.
00:35:21.582 --> 00:35:23.618
You know, i'm talking metaphorically.
00:35:23.618 --> 00:35:25.586
And then what happens is, like, if you're a good spouse, you renovate it.
00:35:25.586 --> 00:35:29.490
You know, when you're like, oh, hey, look,
00:35:30.358 --> 00:35:31.759
Let me show you what i can do with that dresser.
00:35:31.759 --> 00:35:33.794
Like, let me show you what i can do with that trauma.
00:35:33.794 --> 00:35:36.497
Let me show you what i can do with that pain.
00:35:36.497 --> 00:35:38.032
Let me just show what i can do with that.
00:35:38.032 --> 00:35:39.600
And it's like you're flipping each other's trauma.
00:35:39.600 --> 00:35:42.203
You're flipping each other's pain, and you're renovating each other's lives,
00:35:42.203 --> 00:35:45.973
And but, but and i.
00:35:46.440 --> 00:35:47.708
And the reason why i say that is because
00:35:47.708 --> 00:35:49.877
You're that you don't.
00:35:50.378 --> 00:35:51.612
It's like i didn't renovate my own office.
00:35:51.612 --> 00:35:54.682
You did it for me.
00:35:55.116 --> 00:35:56.984
And then i remember and then obviously i did it for you here in this house.
00:35:56.984 --> 00:36:00.788
You renovated way more rooms for me.
00:36:01.556 --> 00:36:03.024
Yeah.
00:36:03.024 --> 00:36:04.358
I got one though.
00:36:04.358 --> 00:36:05.560
Yeah.
00:36:05.560 --> 00:36:06.260
So it's like,
00:36:06.260 --> 00:36:08.196
What would your marriage look like if you let your spouse renovate your pain?
00:36:08.196 --> 00:36:10.831
What would you.
00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:12.733
What if you unlock the door, let him into the hidden room
00:36:12.733 --> 00:36:15.970
And said, here's all my old furniture, here's
00:36:16.904 --> 00:36:19.006
All my trauma, and i'm going to let you i'm going to go.
00:36:19.006 --> 00:36:22.009
I'm going to let you paint it.
00:36:22.009 --> 00:36:23.544
I'm going to let you change.
00:36:23.544 --> 00:36:24.812
I'm gonna let you let's see what you do with it.
00:36:24.812 --> 00:36:26.647
Like, what if we thought about our secrets as furniture to be renovated?
00:36:26.647 --> 00:36:31.786
Like, what if we, you know, and i think for me and you, it's like that.
00:36:33.154 --> 00:36:34.989
That to me, has been one of the greatest joys.
00:36:34.989 --> 00:36:38.659
Like when your father died,
00:36:38.659 --> 00:36:42.096
That that was a
00:36:42.463 --> 00:36:44.832
Gravitational force that pulled us together in a closet.
00:36:44.832 --> 00:36:49.604
And we never experienced because it was like your whole life
00:36:49.604 --> 00:36:53.307
You had a father, and the first day you were fatherless
00:36:53.307 --> 00:36:57.245
Was the first day you understood aspects of me.
00:36:58.246 --> 00:37:00.815
Oh, yeah.
00:37:00.815 --> 00:37:01.649
That you would never.
00:37:01.649 --> 00:37:02.617
Yes, absolutely. it was like.
00:37:02.617 --> 00:37:04.619
And i remember you looking at me
00:37:04.619 --> 00:37:07.388
And it was like you were looking at me through the eyes of pain.
00:37:07.388 --> 00:37:11.158
And you were saying you felt this, this is what you felt.
00:37:12.293 --> 00:37:16.497
I'm never going to get a hug again from randy.
00:37:17.398 --> 00:37:19.734
And no one's ever going to call me on the phone.
00:37:19.734 --> 00:37:22.069
And then i remember you would like slow down
00:37:22.069 --> 00:37:24.071
And you would look at me with these eyes and it was like something was
00:37:24.071 --> 00:37:27.842
The wheels were turning and you were like, this is the brokenness.
00:37:29.143 --> 00:37:31.712
This is why you couldn't enjoy christmas.
00:37:32.513 --> 00:37:34.081
I was i was understanding it from a place of having had it
00:37:34.081 --> 00:37:38.552
And knowing how good it was, and understanding
00:37:38.552 --> 00:37:42.023
The pain of what it would feel like to have never had it at all.
00:37:42.023 --> 00:37:46.527
And that was a tremendous
00:37:47.094 --> 00:37:49.530
Bridge of empathy in our marriage.
00:37:49.530 --> 00:37:52.900
You said, i'm fatherless now.
00:37:53.534 --> 00:37:55.436
Yeah. and we shared that suffering together.
00:37:55.436 --> 00:37:58.205
Yeah.
00:37:58.205 --> 00:38:00.074
And for those of you who are the real ones who have been watching these,
00:38:00.074 --> 00:38:02.677
This goes back to the episode where we talked about
00:38:03.744 --> 00:38:05.946
The meme sabotaging holidays.
00:38:06.580 --> 00:38:09.383
Because suddenly your perspective on holiday started to change.
00:38:10.685 --> 00:38:13.120
Yeah.
00:38:13.354 --> 00:38:14.922
I'm not getting a call on my birthday from my dad. i'm not.
00:38:14.922 --> 00:38:16.257
And it, it, it tainted it.
00:38:16.257 --> 00:38:18.326
I remember like all right.
00:38:18.326 --> 00:38:19.994
Because you would be like it's who cares whatever.
00:38:19.994 --> 00:38:23.497
And but i understand that feeling because you're like
00:38:24.598 --> 00:38:26.334
If i ain't going to celebrate christmas with my dad, like, who cares?
00:38:26.334 --> 00:38:29.870
Yeah. and you be fine, and i.
00:38:30.504 --> 00:38:32.340
And now i'm like, that's what it was, you know?
00:38:32.340 --> 00:38:36.744
Yeah. and it was like.
00:38:36.744 --> 00:38:37.912
But didn't what's crazy?
00:38:37.912 --> 00:38:39.680
And like, this is how god works because i had to learn how to find joy
00:38:39.680 --> 00:38:44.552
In the midst of my own personal pain and stop sabotaging everybody's experience.
00:38:46.087 --> 00:38:50.758
And it was so weird because i was an orphan and i was fatherless,
00:38:52.093 --> 00:38:54.695
And i was the one sabotaging, and then i had to figure it out.
00:38:55.896 --> 00:38:59.367
So i said, no, i'm not going to do this.
00:39:00.234 --> 00:39:01.535
I'm not going to pass that to my children.
00:39:01.535 --> 00:39:03.404
I'm not going to put this into my marriage.
00:39:03.404 --> 00:39:05.339
And i started figuring it out.
00:39:05.339 --> 00:39:07.108
And then by the time you this and i'm telling you in the all,
00:39:07.108 --> 00:39:10.678
This is god's ultimate twist of fate.
00:39:11.479 --> 00:39:13.414
Is the fatherless husband
00:39:13.414 --> 00:39:16.984
That ruined the first part of your marriage, ended up
00:39:18.052 --> 00:39:20.488
Being the teacher to guide you through fatherlessness to heal the next season?
00:39:20.488 --> 00:39:25.726
Like if that to me is mind blowing, that's worth the price of admission.
00:39:27.194 --> 00:39:30.798
This podcast. yeah.
00:39:31.265 --> 00:39:31.899
Like that.
00:39:31.899 --> 00:39:32.800
That is why these messages
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:34.602
Need to get shared and take our pain and don't make the same mistakes
00:39:34.602 --> 00:39:38.339
We did like because i if i could have sat mike and julie down
00:39:38.339 --> 00:39:42.042
And i would have looked him
00:39:42.643 --> 00:39:44.478
In her eyes and i would say, you guys don't understand your soulmates.
00:39:44.478 --> 00:39:47.648
You don't understand, julie.
00:39:48.249 --> 00:39:49.283
You don't understand.
00:39:49.283 --> 00:39:50.418
You're going to lose randy and mike.
00:39:50.418 --> 00:39:52.453
You're going to figure out you're going to be known for the one
00:39:52.453 --> 00:39:55.089
Who makes the memories on the holidays, and you're going to teach her
00:39:55.089 --> 00:39:59.727
How to actually heal through a season of fatherlessness you're going to become.
00:40:01.295 --> 00:40:04.799
And you wouldn't believe it.
00:40:05.399 --> 00:40:06.734
But the crazy thing is, we can't go back.
00:40:06.734 --> 00:40:08.436
And you and young, you would have never believe
00:40:08.436 --> 00:40:10.938
If i showed up and you wouldn't believe i'm from the future.
00:40:10.938 --> 00:40:14.909
And mike, you're going to actually teach her how to be happy on christmas.
00:40:16.377 --> 00:40:19.613
Oh my gosh that makes me want to cry.
00:40:20.414 --> 00:40:21.749
I'd be like what the.
00:40:21.749 --> 00:40:23.851
And then julie
00:40:23.851 --> 00:40:25.786
You're going to understand him in a way you never thought imaginable. we
00:40:25.786 --> 00:40:29.490
We couldn't have understood it.
00:40:30.124 --> 00:40:31.425
Right.
00:40:31.425 --> 00:40:32.660
So why do i say that for your marriage?
00:40:32.660 --> 00:40:34.762
The reason why i say that is those who have the greatest capacity
00:40:34.762 --> 00:40:39.633
To hurt, have the greatest capacity to heal.
00:40:39.633 --> 00:40:43.070
Yeah.
00:40:43.070 --> 00:40:44.472
Those who have forgiven much love much.
00:40:44.472 --> 00:40:48.409
That's what the word of god says.
00:40:49.143 --> 00:40:50.411
So in a marriage, learn how to forgive.
00:40:50.411 --> 00:40:53.514
Learn how to release, learn, learn how you know.
00:40:54.515 --> 00:40:56.917
Seven in the bible says seven times seven. why?
00:40:56.917 --> 00:41:00.821
Because was i was mike doing something against you,
00:41:01.856 --> 00:41:04.725
Or was mike responding to a lifetime where the pain.
00:41:05.759 --> 00:41:08.028
Right.
00:41:08.262 --> 00:41:09.697
So you keep forgiving me knowing that i'm on a journey.
00:41:09.697 --> 00:41:12.299
Right. yeah.
00:41:12.299 --> 00:41:13.601
Because then and you did ultimately you did.
00:41:13.601 --> 00:41:15.469
We had a lot of fights on argument.
00:41:15.469 --> 00:41:16.904
Yeah.
00:41:16.904 --> 00:41:18.706
But then what happened was you had been sowing seeds of reconciliation
00:41:18.706 --> 00:41:21.842
And healing.
00:41:21.842 --> 00:41:23.644
And in your greatest moment of need, i was able to walk you through
00:41:23.644 --> 00:41:26.380
Because i remember you were saying a lot of dark stuff.
00:41:27.515 --> 00:41:29.016
Yeah. so this is not a good thing.
00:41:29.016 --> 00:41:31.118
You were like me, and you started to.
00:41:31.118 --> 00:41:33.087
And it was so scary because you started to act like the younger version of me.
00:41:33.087 --> 00:41:37.858
Yeah.
00:41:38.092 --> 00:41:40.027
And i saw the father when you literally said, yeah, nobody really loves me.
00:41:40.027 --> 00:41:42.830
My dad really love me. these people are fake either.
00:41:43.864 --> 00:41:45.399
And that was like, oh, that's the orphan spirit.
00:41:45.399 --> 00:41:47.868
Yeah. oh yeah, i had to deal with that.
00:41:47.868 --> 00:41:50.037
And i'd be like, no, julie. like, they do love you.
00:41:50.037 --> 00:41:52.740
And but no one's going to love you like your biological father.
00:41:52.740 --> 00:41:55.509
But that doesn't mean that their love is not real.
00:41:55.509 --> 00:41:57.978
Yeah.
00:41:57.978 --> 00:41:59.446
Nobody's going to love you like your heavenly father,
00:41:59.446 --> 00:42:00.881
But that doesn't mean that their love love's not real.
00:42:00.881 --> 00:42:02.383
And i was, like, literally speaking to me.
00:42:02.383 --> 00:42:06.487
Yeah.
00:42:06.720 --> 00:42:08.455
And it was like a mind blowing experience where i was like, whoa!
00:42:08.455 --> 00:42:11.392
But see, god knew that.
00:42:11.892 --> 00:42:13.427
And this is the thing they never tell you in marriage is that
00:42:13.427 --> 00:42:17.498
If you live long enough, you all become fatherless, right?
00:42:18.666 --> 00:42:21.402
If you.
00:42:21.635 --> 00:42:23.637
So what happens the longer you're married is you share scars, you share wounds.
00:42:23.637 --> 00:42:26.941
And that's why the lord's placed you together
00:42:27.908 --> 00:42:29.510
For co laboring for companionship to carry each other.
00:42:29.510 --> 00:42:32.947
So i want to give you the closing thought.
00:42:33.847 --> 00:42:34.648
I'm so good, by the way.
00:42:34.648 --> 00:42:36.050
And let me just state for the record, you know,
00:42:36.050 --> 00:42:38.886
When we started this you were like, come on, let's just get this over with.
00:42:38.886 --> 00:42:42.489
And, every episode's been like 45 minutes.
00:42:43.390 --> 00:42:46.393
Oh, my business.
00:42:46.393 --> 00:42:47.761
Yeah, i think it's been beneficial.
00:42:47.761 --> 00:42:50.164
And i want to know what you guys think in the comment section,
00:42:50.164 --> 00:42:52.566
Because i'm not in all over myself right now.
00:42:52.566 --> 00:42:54.935
And i've, we've enjoyed having the conversations with you.
00:42:54.935 --> 00:42:57.671
We've enjoyed type in your bag and all the testimonies are blowing our minds.
00:42:57.671 --> 00:43:02.776
And that's why we do this.
00:43:03.344 --> 00:43:04.912
And you know, we have, i mean, bible studies and all that.
00:43:04.912 --> 00:43:07.748
And of course, all of this is scriptural. it's biblical.
00:43:07.748 --> 00:43:10.618
But instead of going through like the the cleverly written script,
00:43:10.618 --> 00:43:15.389
I said, julie, what if we just got together and we just
00:43:16.523 --> 00:43:18.225
You like, physically brought them into our living room?
00:43:18.225 --> 00:43:21.695
So that's where you're at right now.
00:43:22.496 --> 00:43:23.931
This this is our home and your family is our dog.
00:43:23.931 --> 00:43:27.468
That was our dog.
00:43:27.901 --> 00:43:28.869
And your family is your resume.
00:43:28.869 --> 00:43:30.471
Yeah.
00:43:30.471 --> 00:43:32.339
Not you're not filling stadiums, not bestselling books, not launching
00:43:32.339 --> 00:43:36.276
Campuses, not writing the worship songs that are sung in many languages.
00:43:37.678 --> 00:43:41.048
Not not hundreds of people clapping for you.
00:43:41.048 --> 00:43:44.852
Your biggest accomplishment, your true resume, is your family.
00:43:46.120 --> 00:43:49.189
And you know, i'll say this, and i want you to close it out.
00:43:50.357 --> 00:43:52.926
You know, there's a renown man of god.
00:43:53.761 --> 00:43:54.995
Renown man of god. you would know him.
00:43:54.995 --> 00:43:56.964
Everybody watch him. win, win, win. know him.
00:43:56.964 --> 00:43:58.732
He's since passed away and his wife married again.
00:43:58.732 --> 00:44:03.103
And they asked him the they asked her the question.
00:44:04.138 --> 00:44:06.240
You seem so much happier in your second marriage, but how could this be so?
00:44:06.240 --> 00:44:10.911
Because you were married to one of the greatest men of god in recorded history.
00:44:10.911 --> 00:44:15.783
Like you know, surely you know, that was a great marriage.
00:44:15.783 --> 00:44:19.753
But you seem happier now to this guy.
00:44:19.753 --> 00:44:22.990
And she literally said,
00:44:23.490 --> 00:44:25.059
My first husband loved jesus, but my second husband loves me.
00:44:25.059 --> 00:44:28.796
That's the famous quote.
00:44:29.296 --> 00:44:31.298
My first husband love jesus.
00:44:31.298 --> 00:44:33.000
My second husband really loves me.
00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:36.336
And i think that there's a lot of guys watching right now,
00:44:37.504 --> 00:44:39.873
That they need to learn how to like really love not do not.
00:44:41.041 --> 00:44:44.978
Oh, i know, i love my wife.
00:44:45.579 --> 00:44:46.914
No, no. does your wife feel loved? yeah.
00:44:46.914 --> 00:44:50.184
That's true.
00:44:50.517 --> 00:44:51.785
I mean, i know like when people ask me questions,
00:44:51.785 --> 00:44:53.787
They ask me a lot of questions about you, especially when they come to our church.
00:44:53.787 --> 00:44:56.557
And it's funny because i have to like,
00:44:57.391 --> 00:44:59.526
Like, think like,
00:44:59.960 --> 00:45:01.361
Oh, they're asking in the context of the church.
00:45:01.361 --> 00:45:04.398
But my first thought isn't about the church.
00:45:05.299 --> 00:45:07.634
It has nothing to do with the church.
00:45:07.634 --> 00:45:09.336
My first thought is all the
00:45:09.336 --> 00:45:12.639
Like our life, like our real life, you know?
00:45:13.540 --> 00:45:16.910
So it's just so interesting you would say that
00:45:17.878 --> 00:45:19.279
Because i don't ever think about you as a pastor.
00:45:19.279 --> 00:45:23.517
I have.
00:45:23.751 --> 00:45:25.519
That's why i have to call you pastor mike, because i have to, like,
00:45:25.519 --> 00:45:27.855
Put myself in a position to remember, like, oh my gosh,
00:45:28.922 --> 00:45:32.025
We're pastors, you know, like i
00:45:32.025 --> 00:45:35.362
Sometimes and we're laughing and we're i, i
00:45:36.263 --> 00:45:39.399
Not that i forget, but like, i don't think about you like that.
00:45:40.601 --> 00:45:43.170
So it's i like that you said that.
00:45:43.937 --> 00:45:46.974
That's nice. i had never heard that before.
00:45:47.875 --> 00:45:48.442
Yeah.
00:45:48.442 --> 00:45:49.977
I really want to thank you for supporting this ministry.
00:45:49.977 --> 00:45:52.679
Pray about what god would have you do.
00:45:53.514 --> 00:45:55.082
We don't tell people what to give.
00:45:55.082 --> 00:45:56.984
What we do love to talk about is the amazing life saving projects
00:45:56.984 --> 00:46:01.421
That we do around the united states and around the world,
00:46:01.421 --> 00:46:04.725
Whether it's distributing the gospel in non-christian nations,
00:46:05.926 --> 00:46:08.562
Even underground church networks or providing disaster relief to areas
00:46:08.562 --> 00:46:13.367
Most affected around the united states, many lives are being changed
00:46:13.367 --> 00:46:17.538
Because of your generosity.
00:46:17.538 --> 00:46:22.776
Your.
00:46:23.010 --> 00:46:37.291
Support.
00:46:37.558 --> 00:46:37.558

Mike Signorelli - Do This Right Now If You Want To Save Your Marriage

January 15, 2026 | 47:11

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