Pastor Mike Signorelli brings bold, Bible-based teaching to help believers walk faithfully in today’s often compromised world
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| Mike Signorelli - Family Matters | January 23, 2026
- How many people claim
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- To get saved, but their cravings never change.
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- You can scroll on your phone
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- For four hours, but you can't spend four minutes in prayer.
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- Something's gotta change because you say.
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- If it was about me, i would keep scrolling.
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- But it's about this density, so let me destroy.
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- Oh, come on, somebody.
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- Oh, oh oh.
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- Now we're going to jump into this new series.
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- And i just want to encourage you to take notes,
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- Because we're going to be stepping into some family situations
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- That many of us have been dealing with for years.
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- And my hope and my prayer are that these sermons are ones
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- That equip you for a lifetime and actually cause you to enjoy your family.
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- And we're going to talk about many, many different things.
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- It's going to at times get very heavy.
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- But i know the holy spirit is working with me for your healing.
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- At times we're going to laugh together and we're going to experience
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- The joy of the lord.
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- But we're going to go on a wild ride.
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- And i've been on, you know, i've been praying.
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- Even last night i was up at midnight and i woke up again at 3 a.m., and
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- I was just sorry. whew.
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- I've been praying
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- Over this series because our families are so broken.
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- And i know that if i can do a good job
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- And really deliver the word the way that god wants me to deliver it,
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- That this could actually change many families around the world.
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- I don't take it lightly to know that last week we had over
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- 13,000 concurrent live viewers there.
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- Come on, let's celebrate that.
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- That's just a number on the screen
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- That could be whole families in their living room together right now.
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- And it's considered a great privilege that you would let me teach
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- You the holy scriptures and have this moment together.
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- So let let's just, pray.
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- And i have the fear of god all over me because i know that the stakes
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- Are very high.
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- All right, well, let's be honest, some of the deepest
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- Pain in your entire life did not come from strangers.
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- It came from your own family.
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- Am i right?
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- It came from a parent that never really saw you.
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- A sibling who actually betrayed you, and in law who never accepted you.
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- A spouse who said, for better or worse and then walked away when it got hard.
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- Come on.
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- And here's the crazy part.
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- Most of us feel guilty about setting boundaries
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- With family more than anybody else.
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- You know, the years and years that i spent doing pastoral counseling one on one.
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- Many people over the years expressed the fact that they felt guilt
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- About setting boundaries with family, but they would
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- They didn't feel that same guilt by setting boundaries with their employer.
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- So we got to go deep here.
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- So, you know, and because many of you think, well, good christians,
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- We don't say no to family, good sons and daughters.
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- We just keep taking it.
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- If i were more forgiving, i wouldn't feel this angry or tired.
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- So. so what do we do?
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- We keep doing the same thing.
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- We keep explaining.
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- We keep pleading, we keep over giving, and then we keep getting the same outcome.
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- Every christmas.
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- Everything's giving. every 4th of july.
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- And what is that? more pain from our family.
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- More confusion, more guilt.
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- But god is not just a god of love.
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- Somebody help me with this.
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- God is also the god of wisdom.
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- All right.
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- So we're going to learn that today.
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- Scripture does not tell you to treat everybody the same.
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- This might shock some of you because you're like, when i got saved,
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- I became soft and i just treat everybody the same.
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- And i love everybody.
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- Who could you dude?
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- We're just living life together.
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- You know that. that's not actually it. yeah.
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- Come on.
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- It shows you
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- The bible actually shows you that there are different kinds of people
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- And different ways that you respond to different kinds of people.
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- So this sermon is not about giving you permission to be bitter.
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- This sermon is about giving you wisdom
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- So that you can stop feeling guilty for doing what is actually healthy,
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- What is actually biblical, and actually what's necessary.
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- Oh, it's about to be a freedom, freedom sunday.
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- So the book of proverbs
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- Talks over and over about there being three kinds of people.
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- And if you're taking notes, it's very simple.
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- There's three kinds of people, according to the book of wisdom.
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- There are the wise. number one, the wise.
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- Number two, the foolish.
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- And number three, the scoffer.
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- But if you're putting this in your notes, the scoffer is the evil.
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- So there's the wise, the foolish, and the evil.
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- So listen to this.
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- This is proverbs chapter nine, verse seven and eight.
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- Whoever corrects a scoffer, an evil person
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- Gets himself abuse.
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- So if you want to get abuse, if you want to receive abuse, correct.
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- Correct.
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- Somebody who's evil, do not reprove.
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- It actually says do not even try to reprove
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- Or correct a scoffer or he will actually hate you.
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- So the fastest way to get a family member to hate you
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- Is to try to get good advice to somebody who's evil.
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- The fastest way for one of your family members to hate you
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- Is to try to give good advice and sound biblical wisdom to someone who's evil.
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- And this is what it says in proverbs chapter nine, verse seven and eight.
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- Reprove a wise man and he'll love you.
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- So give biblical
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- Advice, biblical wisdom to a wise man, and i'll love you.
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- So another place.
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- So this is proverbs chapter 13, verse 20.
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- Walk with the wise, and you will become wise,
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- For a companion of fools suffers harm.
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- So proverbs is literally screaming out this message.
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- Not everyone should be treated the same.
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- Can i get an amen?
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- Let's walk through these three categories.
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- And as we do, i want you all to quietly ask the holy spirit.
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- Lord, where does this show up in my family?
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- Number one.
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- Now listen.
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- It's going to get real obvious when you ask the holy spirit right now,
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- Show me which one of my family is wise.
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- Show me which one of my family is a fool.
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- Or as we say in california, fool.
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- And then show
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- Me which one of my family members is evil.
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- But i want you to pray for godly wisdom, because there are some that you may assume
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- Are one or the other, but the holy spirit will reveal the difference
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- And let me help increase your discernment by looking at the scriptures deeper.
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- Number one, the wise, the wise, they listen
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- And they change a wise person.
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- And i just want to say, this is not a perfect person.
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- Scripture doesn't say wise people never mess up.
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- Wise people still say the wrong thing.
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- They still have bad days.
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- And i know this might be a shocker, but wise people still sin.
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- So here's the difference.
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- When you confront a wise person, they actually listen.
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- They may feel defensive at first, but eventually they'll say, okay,
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- I hear you, i'm sorry, and i'll work on that.
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- Now, if you're thinking about a family member right now
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- Actually saying that phrase and you want to laugh
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- Because you couldn't even imagine them saying it, they're probably not wise.
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- They might be a fool.
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- Even worse, they might be evil.
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- We're going to find out in a moment. but.
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- But a wise person will say, okay, i hear you.
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- I'm sorry. i'll work on that.
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- Proverbs chapter nine says that if you correct
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- A wise person, they actually become wiser.
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- In other words, feedback makes them better, not bitter.
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- See, when i've got a v1 staff member and i give them feedback.
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- I'm testing whether they're wise because they don't become bitter at me.
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- They actually become better because of the feedback.
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- I mean, this this works everywhere, right?
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- In a family, what does this look like?
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- It looks like the spouse who says, hey, i didn't realize i was doing that.
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- Thank you for telling me.
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- Somebody is finding out that's an option.
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- Listen, my daughter,
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- My eldest daughter is now 18 years old, so technically she's an adult.
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- And the other day she said, you know what's funny?
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- I noticed that you rage beat mom a lot.
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- Now, i never heard the phrase rage.
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- And i said, what is rage made me mean?
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- And she says, you know, you say the things that pushes her button,
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- And you like to get a reaction out of mom.
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- You love just taking her off.
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- And while she was talking, i was like, oh, no,
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- I'm the lead just to the church.
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- We're all cooked if i don't get to stay, right?
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- And when bella was telling me this, i said it because, you know,
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- Every spouse knows the things that you can say to your spouse
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- That will take them from 0 to 100 real quick, am i right?
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- You know, y'all know what i'm talking about.
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- I'm not going to give any examples because i'm not going to weaponize the sermon
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- Because you'll be rage baiting, julie, if you know what works on her.
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- But the thing
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- That i wanted to say is, is my what happened
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- Was when my daughter was giving me this feedback, i didn't become bitter.
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- Oh, no i'm not.
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- Somebody needs to tell your mom x y is it?
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- It was like, oh no, you're right.
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- Like i do have some sadistic pleasure off of pushing julie's buttons.
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- Now, in all fairness, i'm not justifying.
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- I'm explaining.
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- I come from the culture of poor people.
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- And poor people make fun of each other for fun.
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- We have your mama jokes like your mama's teeth are so yellow.
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- She spits butter.
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- You know what i mean?
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- Or your mama's teeth so yellow.
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- When she yawns, traffic slows down.
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- You know what i'm saying?
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- I know you don't come from where i come from, but where i come from. we.
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- We roasted each other for fun, you know what i'm saying?
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- You know what i'm saying?
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- We would say things like that.
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- You know what i mean?
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- We would say your mom's so dumb.
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- She got locked in a grocery store and starve to death.
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- I told her it was chilly outside.
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- She ran out with us with a bowl and a spoon.
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- Oh, you don't come from where i come from.
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- We did this all day.
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- The poor people, the way we survive was humor, am i right?
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- And so sometimes, you know.
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- But julie was a little refined.
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- You know, she drinks with a pinky up and
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- Tucks her napkin into her shirt stuff.
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- So sometimes when i'm making fun of my wife, i.
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- I realize i'm the only one having fun.
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- So you know what?
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- I got to adjust.
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- So my point is, i didn't realize that i was doing that.
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- Thank you for telling me.
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- It looks like the parent who can look their teenager in the eye
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- And say, i was wrong. will you forgive me?
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- How many of you know parents need to ask for forgiveness to their kids?
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- Sometimes if you're near one of our campuses.
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- I want to give you a personal invitation to check out v1 church.
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- There's no way i can describe the atmosphere of revival in the experience.
- 00:11:42.388 --> 00:11:45.558
- If you've never driven up or driven in, you know,
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- Let me just tell you it's a powerful atmosphere
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- And a bunch of people who really love the lord and want to get to know you.
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- So let us know when you're coming and i'll see you at v1 church.
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- Listen,
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- I recently was with a very notable pastor,
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- A very big name pastor, and he turned to my daughter and he said,
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- And this was a private conversation in a green room.
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- He said, hey, i want to ask you something.
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- And he he asked my daughter.
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- He said, you're on fire for god.
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- And i have two sons, and i'm trying to raise them in the faith,
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- And they're in you're ahead of them in age.
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- And and your dad is a preacher, and i'm a preacher, you know.
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- What did he do that that really, caused you to be on fire?
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- Now, my daughter story is not a story of perfection.
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- We told it in front of 40,000 people on the mall in dc, in front of capitol hill.
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- So you can go watch watch her testimony online.
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- And i'm not ashamed to say that even as a lead pastor, my kids have gone
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- Through some stuff in my.
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- And remember i said, you know, even wise people sin.
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- You know, every every family has their own junk to process through.
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- And so, and so i say that to say my daughter's answer
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- Brought me almost to my knees because it was not the answer i expected.
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- I expected her to say, well, i'm on fire for god because my dad
- 00:13:10.009 --> 00:13:12.978
- Is praying all day and because my dad's a man of integrity and my and i see him
- 00:13:14.513 --> 00:13:17.082
- And he evangelize is on the streets more than he does on the stage.
- 00:13:17.082 --> 00:13:20.719
- And all those things that i thought was the reason why belle is on fire for god.
- 00:13:20.719 --> 00:13:25.291
- You know what she actually told him?
- 00:13:26.058 --> 00:13:27.927
- She said, you know, there was a moment when my dad came into my bedroom
- 00:13:27.927 --> 00:13:31.197
- And he apologized and said, all the sin that you're dealing with are curses.
- 00:13:32.698 --> 00:13:35.267
- I still haven't broken,
- 00:13:35.267 --> 00:13:36.969
- And i want to repent to you.
- 00:13:37.570 --> 00:13:39.805
- And i want to say that i'm sorry because you were born
- 00:13:39.805 --> 00:13:43.676
- Before i broke those curses, which means you got to break them, too.
- 00:13:43.676 --> 00:13:47.646
- And it was my repentance that brought my daughter to that moment.
- 00:13:48.914 --> 00:13:52.218
- How many of you know fire always falls on repentance?
- 00:13:53.319 --> 00:13:55.287
- Come on. i'm helping you.
- 00:13:55.855 --> 00:13:57.623
- So this could look like the sibling
- 00:13:57.623 --> 00:14:00.092
- Who comes back after a conflict and says, hey, i overreacted.
- 00:14:00.092 --> 00:14:03.596
- That's on me.
- 00:14:03.596 --> 00:14:05.364
- Wise people are not always right, but they are always correctable.
- 00:14:05.364 --> 00:14:09.335
- They're humble enough to grow.
- 00:14:09.969 --> 00:14:11.470
- Wise people say, you know, i'm willing to receive that.
- 00:14:11.470 --> 00:14:15.307
- So what's the strategy with wise people, with wise family members?
- 00:14:15.307 --> 00:14:18.978
- Your primary tool is conversation and connection.
- 00:14:18.978 --> 00:14:23.382
- So if you're taking notes, it's if somebody is
- 00:14:24.283 --> 00:14:26.285
- Wise, you're going to correct them and you're going to talk to them.
- 00:14:26.285 --> 00:14:29.788
- You talk to them, you invest in them and you build with them.
- 00:14:30.990 --> 00:14:33.359
- For some of you, this is a gentle nudge from god.
- 00:14:34.293 --> 00:14:36.295
- Actually, right now you're so focused on the most toxic person in your family
- 00:14:36.295 --> 00:14:40.799
- That you're ignoring the ones that god actually gave you.
- 00:14:41.967 --> 00:14:44.103
- You know, a bad church is a church where the pastors spend
- 00:14:45.271 --> 00:14:48.674
- Most of their time with the least healthy people.
- 00:14:48.674 --> 00:14:55.047
- I tell my pastors all the
- 00:14:55.614 --> 00:14:57.182
- Time, no, no, no, don't waste your time with the toxic people.
- 00:14:57.182 --> 00:15:00.185
- Why? what?
- 00:15:00.486 --> 00:15:01.887
- Because the thing is, they don't want to learn.
- 00:15:01.887 --> 00:15:03.422
- They don't want to grow. they they're not teachable.
- 00:15:03.422 --> 00:15:05.624
- They're not correctable.
- 00:15:05.624 --> 00:15:06.592
- They're codependent.
- 00:15:06.592 --> 00:15:08.127
- And they want you to listen because it feeds their ego.
- 00:15:08.127 --> 00:15:11.563
- They're not interested in feeding their spirit.
- 00:15:12.498 --> 00:15:14.333
- And a bad church is when you waste all your time on the most toxic people.
- 00:15:14.333 --> 00:15:18.103
- Now remember i said, why is people still have toxicity?
- 00:15:19.238 --> 00:15:21.540
- Why is people still sin?
- 00:15:22.041 --> 00:15:23.509
- The difference is they're correctable.
- 00:15:23.509 --> 00:15:25.344
- They're moldable, they're teachable.
- 00:15:25.344 --> 00:15:26.779
- And the same is true in our family.
- 00:15:26.779 --> 00:15:28.580
- Sometimes the person you spent
- 00:15:28.580 --> 00:15:30.516
- The most time on the phone with is the one who listens to you the least.
- 00:15:30.516 --> 00:15:35.487
- Some.
- 00:15:35.721 --> 00:15:37.423
- If you sometimes the family member that actually you could build
- 00:15:37.423 --> 00:15:40.225
- With, you can grow with
- 00:15:40.225 --> 00:15:42.094
- Is the one you talk to the least because they're the least dramatic.
- 00:15:42.094 --> 00:15:45.064
- Oh, i'm helping somebody.
- 00:15:45.631 --> 00:15:47.499
- How many of you are thankful for this family matter series already?
- 00:15:47.499 --> 00:15:51.637
- So you're pouring all of your emotional energy
- 00:15:52.571 --> 00:15:55.407
- Into the one person who never changes, and neglecting the people
- 00:15:55.407 --> 00:15:59.378
- Who are willing to actually grow this family with you.
- 00:15:59.378 --> 00:16:02.715
- So maybe your first step is to say, lord, help me stop
- 00:16:03.816 --> 00:16:06.018
- Obsessing over the prideful and start investing in the willing.
- 00:16:06.018 --> 00:16:11.290
- Come on.
- 00:16:11.557 --> 00:16:13.025
- So let's talk about the foolish.
- 00:16:13.025 --> 00:16:14.994
- Now, the foolish are a little bit different than the wise, so they repeat.
- 00:16:14.994 --> 00:16:19.999
- They excuse and they deflect.
- 00:16:20.632 --> 00:16:23.602
- So the second category in proverbs talks about the fool.
- 00:16:24.703 --> 00:16:29.308
- A foolish person is not just
- 00:16:29.908 --> 00:16:31.744
- Someone who makes a mistake because we all are going to make mistakes.
- 00:16:31.744 --> 00:16:35.681
- A fool is someone who refuses to learn from their mistakes.
- 00:16:36.882 --> 00:16:39.718
- So a fool deflects you.
- 00:16:40.219 --> 00:16:42.354
- Bring up a real issue and this is okay.
- 00:16:42.354 --> 00:16:45.124
- This is how they're going to talk.
- 00:16:45.124 --> 00:16:47.259
- You're overreacting.
- 00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:50.496
- Hey, hey, this is just how i am.
- 00:16:51.130 --> 00:16:52.398
- You know how i am.
- 00:16:52.398 --> 00:16:54.700
- Well, listen, you're not perfect either.
- 00:16:54.700 --> 00:16:58.437
- Oh, i'm talking about.
- 00:16:58.937 --> 00:17:00.272
- I'm getting all up in your family business.
- 00:17:00.272 --> 00:17:01.774
- He's like, was this recorded?
- 00:17:01.774 --> 00:17:03.308
- Did they record my,
- 00:17:03.308 --> 00:17:05.677
- Hey, hey, can't you just move on?
- 00:17:05.677 --> 00:17:07.746
- That was years ago.
- 00:17:07.746 --> 00:17:10.115
- See, with a fool, every conversation gets flipped in the.
- 00:17:10.115 --> 00:17:14.453
- Somehow it's your problem, even for bringing it up.
- 00:17:14.453 --> 00:17:19.691
- Look at proverbs chapter 17.
- 00:17:20.292 --> 00:17:22.828
- It says a rebuke goes deeper into a wise
- 00:17:22.828 --> 00:17:26.165
- Man than a hundred weapons and holy ghost chunk less
- 00:17:26.165 --> 00:17:31.136
- Into a fool.
- 00:17:31.470 --> 00:17:33.839
- Come on, y'all know about that? chancla.
- 00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:36.008
- Let me teach my vanilla friends about the chancla.
- 00:17:36.008 --> 00:17:39.378
- Listen, my mother learned the chocolate from the spanish church
- 00:17:40.679 --> 00:17:43.715
- We were raised in, and i don't know how my mom did it,
- 00:17:43.715 --> 00:17:46.151
- But she would take her shoe off and throw it,
- 00:17:46.151 --> 00:17:48.187
- And i would run around the corner,
- 00:17:48.187 --> 00:17:49.955
- And it would do an l shape and still hit me in the back of the head.
- 00:17:49.955 --> 00:17:53.425
- Come on.
- 00:17:53.692 --> 00:17:55.494
- I don't know how those hispanic moms know how to throw that chocolate.
- 00:17:55.494 --> 00:17:56.995
- Perfect spiral.
- 00:17:56.995 --> 00:17:57.830
- Put them in the nfl.
- 00:17:57.830 --> 00:18:00.799
- So but here's my point.
- 00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:03.469
- What scripture saying is that you can warp.
- 00:18:03.469 --> 00:18:06.038
- You can physically discipline up for a hundred times,
- 00:18:06.038 --> 00:18:10.275
- And it will do nothing to change them.
- 00:18:11.110 --> 00:18:12.878
- But you can rebuke a wise person one time and transform their life.
- 00:18:12.878 --> 00:18:19.351
- You can talk and talk and talk.
- 00:18:19.985 --> 00:18:24.223
- You can cry and cry.
- 00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:26.758
- You can yell, you can text.
- 00:18:26.758 --> 00:18:29.394
- Some of you would never even write an essay when you were in school,
- 00:18:29.394 --> 00:18:33.732
- But you've typed 15 pages to a fool and you're hoping you're going to change.
- 00:18:33.732 --> 00:18:38.070
- Oh, yeah, that's real good. yeah.
- 00:18:38.070 --> 00:18:40.806
- Oh, yeah, that's real good. oh, yeah.
- 00:18:40.806 --> 00:18:42.741
- Come on.
- 00:18:42.741 --> 00:18:44.276
- Hey, chatgpt, what do you tell to a narcissistic spouse
- 00:18:44.276 --> 00:18:46.478
- That i soon.
- 00:18:46.812 --> 00:18:49.248
- Yeah.
- 00:18:49.248 --> 00:18:50.215
- Yeah, yeah, that's real good.
- 00:18:50.215 --> 00:18:51.683
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 00:18:51.683 --> 00:18:54.686
- What do you tell that small group leader that really don't know god and. hey.
- 00:18:54.686 --> 00:18:58.190
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 00:18:58.624 --> 00:19:02.161
- Yeah.
- 00:19:02.394 --> 00:19:03.061
- Chatty routine.
- 00:19:03.061 --> 00:19:05.964
- Okay, let me be fair.
- 00:19:05.964 --> 00:19:07.266
- Gemini. what are you.
- 00:19:07.266 --> 00:19:10.035
- Perplexity.
- 00:19:10.035 --> 00:19:11.436
- What do you come, what's your weapon of choice?
- 00:19:11.436 --> 00:19:15.707
- Yeah, that'll be good.
- 00:19:16.208 --> 00:19:17.776
- That's real good. that'll change.
- 00:19:17.776 --> 00:19:19.611
- How's that working out for you?
- 00:19:19.611 --> 00:19:22.881
- How many of them actually changed?
- 00:19:23.649 --> 00:19:26.485
- Come on. i got bad news for you.
- 00:19:26.485 --> 00:19:28.353
- If you were to spend that time in the gym, you'd have a better body.
- 00:19:28.353 --> 00:19:30.355
- But you definitely don't have a better relationship.
- 00:19:30.355 --> 00:19:33.058
- If you would have spent that same time talking to him than talking to them,
- 00:19:33.058 --> 00:19:36.228
- You'd have a better relationship with god.
- 00:19:36.228 --> 00:19:38.130
- But you just wasted your time.
- 00:19:38.130 --> 00:19:39.665
- I'm just trying to help you.
- 00:19:39.665 --> 00:19:41.033
- You got to learn how to reinvest your time
- 00:19:41.033 --> 00:19:43.802
- So that
- 00:19:43.802 --> 00:19:46.505
- You got to learn how to read, because you're you're talking to a full.
- 00:19:46.505 --> 00:19:49.775
- You want me to tell you the secret?
- 00:19:50.576 --> 00:19:52.110
- One text to a wise person would cause a better relationship,
- 00:19:52.110 --> 00:19:55.914
- But a whole volume of text to a fool will never change them.
- 00:19:57.082 --> 00:20:00.886
- Hey, join me for the trip of
- 00:20:01.486 --> 00:20:03.422
- A lifetime as we travel, retracing the apostle paul's steps.
- 00:20:03.422 --> 00:20:08.193
- Yes, right there where scripture was first written, right there
- 00:20:08.193 --> 00:20:12.497
- Where the early church was born.
- 00:20:12.497 --> 00:20:14.466
- We're going to go from site to site. i'm going to be teaching.
- 00:20:14.466 --> 00:20:17.236
- We're going to get to meet.
- 00:20:17.236 --> 00:20:18.737
- We're going to share some incredible meals together.
- 00:20:18.737 --> 00:20:21.106
- You're going to get to meet other people from around the world.
- 00:20:21.106 --> 00:20:23.842
- And this is an exclusive trip, okay.
- 00:20:23.842 --> 00:20:26.345
- Which means you've got to act now while there are still seats available.
- 00:20:26.345 --> 00:20:30.515
- So scan the qr code, tap the link and get your seat. now.
- 00:20:31.650 --> 00:20:34.886
- You are not going to regret it.
- 00:20:34.886 --> 00:20:36.421
- I can't wait to see you on this.
- 00:20:36.421 --> 00:20:38.423
- Retracing the apostle paul, greece tours come on land and sea.
- 00:20:38.423 --> 00:20:43.128
- It doesn't get any better than that.
- 00:20:43.128 --> 00:20:44.730
- I'll see you there.
- 00:20:44.730 --> 00:20:46.164
- Okay, so what do i do then?
- 00:20:46.164 --> 00:20:48.333
- What do i do with this phone?
- 00:20:48.333 --> 00:20:51.370
- Most of us keep
- 00:20:51.737 --> 00:20:53.005
- Trying to coach a foolish person like their wise.
- 00:20:53.005 --> 00:20:56.275
- If i just say it the right way.
- 00:20:56.908 --> 00:20:58.944
- Oh, here's one for my academic elite intellectuals.
- 00:20:58.944 --> 00:21:02.848
- If i just find the right study, the right article.
- 00:21:03.849 --> 00:21:09.054
- Oh, no.
- 00:21:09.288 --> 00:21:10.088
- Here's my favorite one.
- 00:21:10.088 --> 00:21:11.890
- I know that they won't listen to pastor danny, but if pastor mike says
- 00:21:11.890 --> 00:21:14.860
- That to them.
- 00:21:14.860 --> 00:21:19.364
- But proverbs is clear.
- 00:21:19.865 --> 00:21:21.533
- More talking is not the solution for a fool.
- 00:21:21.533 --> 00:21:24.569
- So what's the strategy for foolish people with foolish family members?
- 00:21:24.569 --> 00:21:28.507
- Your main tools now is not chat.
- 00:21:28.507 --> 00:21:31.109
- You better come on somebody.
- 00:21:31.109 --> 00:21:33.345
- It's limits and consequences.
- 00:21:33.345 --> 00:21:36.682
- You give a fool limit and you give a fool consequences.
- 00:21:37.816 --> 00:21:41.753
- You are not responsible to convince them.
- 00:21:42.621 --> 00:21:44.489
- But you are responsible to give them consequences.
- 00:21:44.489 --> 00:21:48.193
- You are responsible to clearly define
- 00:21:48.994 --> 00:21:51.096
- The limits and the consequences for their choices.
- 00:21:51.096 --> 00:21:54.499
- So let me give you some examples. here's what it might sound like.
- 00:21:54.499 --> 00:21:57.135
- Hey, i love you, but if you keep speaking to me like that,
- 00:21:57.135 --> 00:22:00.105
- I'm going to end this conversation.
- 00:22:00.105 --> 00:22:04.109
- You have every right to
- 00:22:04.609 --> 00:22:06.011
- Give a fool limits and consequences.
- 00:22:06.011 --> 00:22:09.915
- Here's another one.
- 00:22:10.382 --> 00:22:12.150
- Hey, i care about you, but i'm not going to loan you money again
- 00:22:12.150 --> 00:22:14.920
- Because i think you're snorting all the money i give you.
- 00:22:14.920 --> 00:22:17.322
- I think you're smoking all the money i give you, i think. come on.
- 00:22:17.322 --> 00:22:20.325
- I don't think you're using the money the way you say you're using it.
- 00:22:20.325 --> 00:22:23.428
- Like i'm not obligated to help you every single time you need money.
- 00:22:23.428 --> 00:22:27.065
- Because.
- 00:22:27.065 --> 00:22:27.766
- Hey. hello.
- 00:22:27.766 --> 00:22:28.567
- We all need money.
- 00:22:28.567 --> 00:22:29.534
- But he gives seed to the sower.
- 00:22:29.534 --> 00:22:31.169
- And i think you eat seed.
- 00:22:31.169 --> 00:22:32.738
- I don't think you sow seed.
- 00:22:32.738 --> 00:22:34.272
- Come on. i'm trying.
- 00:22:34.272 --> 00:22:36.408
- I can't, i'm not your personal bank account.
- 00:22:36.408 --> 00:22:38.610
- I'm not your uber. i'm not your driver.
- 00:22:38.610 --> 00:22:40.712
- And by the way, can you stop smelling like marijuana every time you're around me?
- 00:22:40.712 --> 00:22:45.083
- Because i'm going to put a limit on this relationship because it bothers me.
- 00:22:46.585 --> 00:22:48.653
- And and by the way, i know you're a smoker,
- 00:22:48.653 --> 00:22:50.756
- But we don't smoke in this house because, if secondhand smoke is bad for you, too.
- 00:22:50.756 --> 00:22:55.127
- So you're not going to kill my whole family over your own addiction, and,
- 00:22:55.127 --> 00:22:58.830
- Hey, i'll come on somebody.
- 00:22:59.431 --> 00:23:01.299
- By the way, you're welcome in this home when you're sober.
- 00:23:01.299 --> 00:23:04.336
- You're not welcome here when you're drunk.
- 00:23:05.203 --> 00:23:06.805
- Hey, i'm not screaming.
- 00:23:06.805 --> 00:23:10.242
- I'm not even preaching because preaching didn't work the last time i tried it.
- 00:23:11.777 --> 00:23:14.479
- Which is what revealed that you're a fool.
- 00:23:14.479 --> 00:23:17.816
- I'm not writing you essays, and chat's not writing you essays.
- 00:23:18.984 --> 00:23:22.320
- Me and chad have our own relationship.
- 00:23:22.320 --> 00:23:25.824
- These are the terms of the relationship that i can offer you.
- 00:23:27.125 --> 00:23:31.463
- And if you choose not to honor them, i'm going to protect my peace.
- 00:23:32.798 --> 00:23:35.567
- Not our fake relationship.
- 00:23:35.567 --> 00:23:38.904
- And i don't care if you are blood related.
- 00:23:39.805 --> 00:23:41.339
- And i don't care if we do have the same genetics we are.
- 00:23:41.339 --> 00:23:44.109
- We obviously don't have the same definition of how to live life.
- 00:23:45.343 --> 00:23:47.345
- Some of you are exhausted because you've been trying for years
- 00:23:48.613 --> 00:23:51.583
- To explain your way out of a situation that you can
- 00:23:52.584 --> 00:23:54.553
- Only boundary your way out of it.
- 00:23:54.553 --> 00:23:57.556
- Right now, god might be saying to you, it's time to stop over explaining.
- 00:23:57.556 --> 00:24:02.127
- It's time to set a boundary with consequences.
- 00:24:03.094 --> 00:24:06.131
- And the reason why i say the consequences
- 00:24:06.998 --> 00:24:09.167
- Is because a boundary without verbalized consequences is ghosting.
- 00:24:09.167 --> 00:24:15.040
- Was that too deep?
- 00:24:15.474 --> 00:24:17.309
- A boundary?
- 00:24:17.309 --> 00:24:18.977
- Setting a boundary without verbally communicating consequences
- 00:24:18.977 --> 00:24:22.681
- Is you ghosting somebody.
- 00:24:23.248 --> 00:24:25.050
- It's you abandoning them, and you have to muster up the courage
- 00:24:25.050 --> 00:24:28.286
- And ask the holy spirit for the boldness to say the.
- 00:24:29.354 --> 00:24:31.456
- But to say it, you have to communicate the consequence.
- 00:24:31.456 --> 00:24:35.160
- And because some of you just. i'm cutting people off.
- 00:24:36.228 --> 00:24:37.562
- No, no, no, you're abandoning them.
- 00:24:37.562 --> 00:24:39.164
- That's actually not righteous.
- 00:24:39.164 --> 00:24:41.066
- And we're going to talk about what to do with evil people.
- 00:24:41.066 --> 00:24:43.568
- But you have to pray to god for the courage to say the right thing,
- 00:24:43.568 --> 00:24:47.772
- Because that's healthy.
- 00:24:48.273 --> 00:24:50.041
- And that's that's why i remember years ago when we were in counseling,
- 00:24:50.041 --> 00:24:54.679
- I was a fool in marriage who had to learn how to become wise.
- 00:24:55.847 --> 00:24:59.384
- And what happened was, i wasn't aware of when a conversation
- 00:25:00.552 --> 00:25:05.290
- Was escalating unnecessarily because i'm an escalator.
- 00:25:06.358 --> 00:25:09.628
- I mean, when i'm preaching, i escalate, i start off chill,
- 00:25:10.795 --> 00:25:13.198
- And by the end of the sermon, i'm dripping
- 00:25:13.198 --> 00:25:14.866
- Sweat, screaming like a mad man running over.
- 00:25:14.866 --> 00:25:17.068
- I don't know how i even got there.
- 00:25:17.068 --> 00:25:19.538
- Now imagine that.
- 00:25:19.538 --> 00:25:20.739
- Not redeemed in a marriage.
- 00:25:20.739 --> 00:25:24.009
- Come on, your greatest
- 00:25:24.509 --> 00:25:26.044
- Liability is your greatest calling, your greatest asset.
- 00:25:26.044 --> 00:25:29.214
- So i would end up in these discussions with julian.
- 00:25:30.215 --> 00:25:31.750
- Before i know it, i'm yelling. i'm screaming or whatever.
- 00:25:31.750 --> 00:25:33.818
- So our counselor said, you need a code word
- 00:25:33.818 --> 00:25:36.454
- That you can mutually tell each other when you're escalating.
- 00:25:36.454 --> 00:25:39.791
- And so the code word that we chose was eskimo
- 00:25:40.692 --> 00:25:42.494
- Because eskimos live where it's cold and cold is the opposite of hot.
- 00:25:42.494 --> 00:25:46.731
- So when we felt like
- 00:25:47.198 --> 00:25:48.967
- Things were getting hot, we need to say eskimo means cool it down.
- 00:25:48.967 --> 00:25:51.403
- So i'd be 30s into a conversation with julie and she would verbally say
- 00:25:52.837 --> 00:25:56.808
- The consequence of like, hey, we're going to end this conversation eskimo.
- 00:25:58.276 --> 00:26:01.046
- And i'm like, eskimo. what do you mean, eskimo?
- 00:26:01.046 --> 00:26:04.849
- I haven't even started to get angry.
- 00:26:05.617 --> 00:26:09.020
- Eskimo,
- 00:26:09.254 --> 00:26:11.189
- Eskimo.
- 00:26:11.189 --> 00:26:11.856
- You eskimo.
- 00:26:11.856 --> 00:26:13.158
- Your mama.
- 00:26:13.158 --> 00:26:14.759
- God. okay, i'm not having this conversation.
- 00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:17.896
- And she would leave it to me.
- 00:26:17.896 --> 00:26:19.798
- She's such a bad communicator,
- 00:26:19.798 --> 00:26:22.801
- Right? but.
- 00:26:22.801 --> 00:26:24.636
- But what happened was my boundaries were different than her boundaries.
- 00:26:24.636 --> 00:26:27.439
- And watch this.
- 00:26:27.806 --> 00:26:29.207
- I actually needed julie to verbally communicate them
- 00:26:29.207 --> 00:26:31.876
- And reinforce them in order for me to grow as a spouse.
- 00:26:31.876 --> 00:26:35.547
- And all these years later, she's the problem now.
- 00:26:36.548 --> 00:26:38.016
- Praise god,
- 00:26:38.016 --> 00:26:40.452
- I really want to thank you for supporting this ministry.
- 00:26:40.452 --> 00:26:44.055
- Pray about what god would have you do.
- 00:26:44.889 --> 00:26:46.524
- We don't tell people what to give.
- 00:26:46.524 --> 00:26:48.360
- What we do love to talk about is the amazing, life saving projects
- 00:26:48.360 --> 00:26:52.831
- That we do around the united states and around the world,
- 00:26:52.831 --> 00:26:56.134
- Whether it's distributing the gospel in non-christian nations,
- 00:26:57.335 --> 00:26:59.971
- Even underground church networks, or providing disaster relief to areas
- 00:26:59.971 --> 00:27:04.709
- Most affected around the united states, many lives are being changed
- 00:27:04.709 --> 00:27:08.913
- Because of your generosity.
- 00:27:08.913 --> 00:27:14.486
- Your.
- 00:27:14.719 --> 00:27:28.533
- Support.
- 00:27:28.800 --> 00:27:28.800