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Rick Warren

Rick Warrem - The Keys to a Blessed Life

July 19, 2026 | 27:30

Rick Warrem - The Keys to a Blessed Life
Pastor Rick shares biblical truth and practical tools for living the full life God desires for everyone.
#Fear #Love #Discipline #Worship #Reconciliation #Hurting #PersonalStory #RickWarren

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Rick Warren | Rick Warrem - The Keys to a Blessed Life | July 19, 2026
  • ...
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  • ♪♪♪
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  • Pastor rick warren: hello, everybody.
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  • One of the most important life skills that you have to learn in
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  • Life, you must learn this, is conflict resolution, how to
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  • Resolve a conflict, and how to restore or reconcile a strained
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  • Or broken relationship.
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  • If you don't learn this one, you're gonna spend a lot of your
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  • Life miserable.
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  • Because we're imperfect people, we're all different, and so we
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  • Have conflict almost every day of our lives.
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  • If you run from conflict, if you try to get away from it, it's
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  • Not gonna work, and you're gonna be miserable and unhappy much of
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  • Your life.
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  • Now, this is an important skill.
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  • You have to use how to resolve a conflict at work.
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  • You've got to know how to resolve a conflict in
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  • Your marriage.
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  • You gotta know how to resolve a conflict if you're a parent with
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  • Children, with friends, in the community, at church, in a small
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  • Group, literally everywhere.
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  • And here's the problem: nobody taught you how to do it, nobody.
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  • You certainly didn't learn it from your parents.
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  • The truth is they might not have even been a very good model of
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  • Conflict resolution because nobody taught them.
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  • You never had a class in school on how do you resolve conflict.
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  • How do you work it out?
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  • You didn't ever take a class on how do you restore a broken
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  • Relationship, and yet this is one of the most important skills
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  • To your happiness in life.
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  • But since you're here today, you picked a good week to come
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  • To church.
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  • And i highly recommend that you take notes, because what we're
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  • Gonna look at today are the seven steps of how to resolve a
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  • Conflict and restore a broken relationship.
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  • You may not need this now, but you are going to need it at some
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  • Point in your life, so take notes.
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  • And you're going to need to pass it on to friends, to coworkers,
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  • To your own children, because nobody's teaching them how to
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  • Resolve conflict either.
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  • Now we've been in this series all summer on the eight
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  • Beatitudes of jesus.
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  • Jesus says there are eight conditions for being blessed
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  • By god.
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  • It's the first 10 or 12 verses of the sermon on the mount.
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  • And jesus says, "if you do these eight things, you will have
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  • God's blessing on your life, on your relationships, on your
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  • Finances, on your time, on your health, on all these
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  • Different areas.
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  • Blessings come from these things."
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  • And when we come to matthew chapter 5, verse 9, we come to
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  • The next to the last beatitude, and it says this, "god blesses
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  • Those who are peacemakers, peacemakers, for they,
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  • Peacemakers, will be called the children of god."
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  • The mark that you are really a child of god, the proof that you
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  • Are on your way to heaven, one of the characteristics of a true
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  • Believer is you're a peacemaker.
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  • Now let me just start by telling you what peacemaking is not.
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  • You might write these down.
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  • It's not avoiding, and it's not appeasing.
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  • It's not avoiding, and it's not appeasing.
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  • It means some people think, "well, i keep peace in
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  • My marriage.
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  • I just don't rock the boat.
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  • I sweep everything under the rug.
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  • I swallow it.
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  • I grin and bear it."
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  • That's not peacemaking.
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  • That's cowardice.
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  • That doesn't help at all, so peacemaking is not running or
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  • Avoiding, running from the problem.
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  • It's not appeasing.
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  • Appeasing means, "i always give in.
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  • They always get their way."
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  • It's peace at any price.
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  • Appeasement is not peacemaking.
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  • That's called codependency.
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  • Jesus christ never ran from a legitimate conflict.
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  • He knew how to deal with it face on, and how to resolve it, and
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  • How to restore a relationship.
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  • Now, the bible says: "god blesses those who
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  • Are peacemakers."
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  • Do we need peacemakers in our world today?
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  • Hello, right now there are five wars going on on our planet,
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  • Five international wars.
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  • I don't know the last time we had five of them going on at the
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  • Same time.
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  • That doesn't count all the internal strife going on
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  • Within nations.
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  • It doesn't count strife at the border of our own nation.
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  • It doesn't count all of the conflict going on between the
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  • Sexes, conflict going on between generations, conflict going on
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  • Between races, between religions, between
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  • Political parties.
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  • It doesn't count all the conflict going on in cultures,
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  • Between rich and poor, between educated and uneducated, men and
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  • Women, and on and on and on.
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  • We definitely need this message, not just in the world, but in
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  • Our own personal lives.
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  • Now what i want to do this weekend is teach you what you've
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  • Never been taught before in school or anywhere else, and
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  • That is the seven steps, according to god, for resolving
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  • A conflict and restoring a broken relationship.
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  • That doesn't mean you get back with your ex.
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  • It means that you bury the hatchet.
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  • It means you make peace, that it's no longer resentment there.
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  • Now, before we go into these steps, i want to just quickly
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  • Mention three reasons why this ought to matter to you, because
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  • You don't realize how much unresolved conflict messes up
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  • Your life.
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  • Some of you have been in a conflict with somebody for
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  • Weeks, or months, or years, or even decades.
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  • And you just said, "well, i'm just gonna let it slide.
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  • I've been out of fellowship with my dad since who knows when, or
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  • My mom, or my brother, or my sister," and you just let it
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  • Slide, not realizing the damage it actually does to your life.
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  • The bible says that when you don't resolve a conflict, when
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  • You just let it lay out there, pretend like it's not happening,
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  • You try to get on with your life without ending that conflict,
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  • Three things happen.
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  • Write these down.
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  • Number one, the first problem with unresolved conflict, it
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  • Blocks my fellowship with god.
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  • It blocks my fellowship with god.
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  • You cannot be right with god and wrong with other people.
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  • The horizontal and vertical relationships in your life come
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  • Together at an intersection.
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  • And god says, "i can't be right with god and wrong with you."
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  • What?
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  • That's exactly what he says.
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  • And god says that "i can't claim to be close to god if i'm
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  • Distant from somebody in my life that i've got a conflict with."
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  • It is an amazing thing.
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  • Now, the bible says this in 1 john chapter 4, verse 20.
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  • It's up here on the screen.
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  • "you can't love god, whom you've never seen, if you don't love
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  • The people you do see!
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  • To claim that you love god while hating others makes you a liar!"
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  • That's pretty clear.
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  • He's saying, "i can't say, 'me and god, we're like this,' when
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  • You and me are like this, standoff in conflict with
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  • Each other."
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  • Number two, it not only blocks my fellowship with god, it
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  • Blocks my prayers.
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  • It keeps my prayers from being answered.
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  • Did you know that when you're out of whack in relationships,
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  • The bible says, "god cannot hear your prayers."
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  • They are connected together.
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  • Why?
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  • Because god is love, and the number one thing god wants you
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  • To learn on this planet while you're here is to learn how
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  • To love.
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  • And if you're in conflict with people, you certainly aren't
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  • Loving them at that moment.
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  • Now guys, let me just point out something that's a little scary
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  • For those of us who are husbands.
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  • Look at this verse on the screen, 1 peter chapter 3, verse
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  • 7, "husbands be considerate of your wives, and treat them
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  • With respect...
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  • So that nothing hinders your prayers."
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  • "are you telling me, rick, that if i'm out of fellowship with my
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  • Wife, and i'm not treating her with respect, god is not hearing
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  • My prayers?"
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  • That's exactly what i'm telling you.
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  • Because that's what the bible says.
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  • There is a connection between the horizontal and
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  • Vertical relationships.
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  • Love god with all your heart, and love your
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  • Neighbors yourself.
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  • There's a third reason why you need to resolve conflict is
  • 00:09:13.435 --> 00:09:16.171
  • Because it blocks my happiness.
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  • Now, you know this from personal experience.
  • 00:09:19.007 --> 00:09:21.409
  • You can be the most famous and wealthiest celebrity on the
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  • Planet, and if your relationships stink,
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  • Life stinks.
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  • You can accomplish all kinds of things, and get your picture on
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  • The cover of "time" magazine, and be awarded all kinds of
  • 00:09:32.153 --> 00:09:34.923
  • Awards for your accomplishments, but if your marriage isn't
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  • Working, or you're out of harmony with your kids, or you
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  • Don't really have any close friends, or you're out of
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  • Fellowship with your own family, it doesn't matter how much money
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  • You make.
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  • You know you can go on a family vacation to bora bora, tahiti,
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  • And if you have a bunch of arguments there, it doesn't
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  • Matter how beautiful it is, it's not a happy time.
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  • It's just not happy.
  • 00:09:59.147 --> 00:10:01.650
  • Now, the bible says this in james chapter 3, verse 18,
  • 00:10:01.650 --> 00:10:06.788
  • "those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a
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  • Harvest of goodness."
  • 00:10:13.228 --> 00:10:14.929
  • I want god's goodness in your life.
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  • How do you do that?
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  • You plant seeds of peace.
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  • We're gonna look at the seven seeds of peace that you
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  • Can plant.
  • 00:10:21.970 --> 00:10:23.338
  • Now, this is the law of sowing and reaping, or planting
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  • And harvesting.
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  • It's one of the universal laws in all of the universe.
  • 00:10:27.575 --> 00:10:31.446
  • God designed the universe, that what you sow, you reap.
  • 00:10:31.446 --> 00:10:35.417
  • Now, this is true for good or bad.
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  • If you sow gossip, people are gonna gossip about you.
  • 00:10:36.951 --> 00:10:39.654
  • If you sow anger in your children, they're gonna be angry
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  • At you.
  • 00:10:42.991 --> 00:10:44.325
  • If you sow bitterness, you're gonna get bitterness back.
  • 00:10:44.325 --> 00:10:45.694
  • If you sow resentment, you get resentment back.
  • 00:10:45.694 --> 00:10:47.729
  • Works good either way.
  • 00:10:47.729 --> 00:10:49.097
  • If you're generous with people, people will be generous
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  • With you.
  • 00:10:51.733 --> 00:10:53.101
  • If you're kind with people, people will be kind to you.
  • 00:10:53.101 --> 00:10:54.969
  • If you're generous with praise, people will be generous
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  • With praise.
  • 00:10:57.005 --> 00:10:58.373
  • But here's the interesting thing about sowing and reaping.
  • 00:10:58.373 --> 00:11:00.442
  • You don't get back exactly what you put out.
  • 00:11:00.442 --> 00:11:02.877
  • You get back more of the same.
  • 00:11:02.877 --> 00:11:05.714
  • If you plant one kernel of corn, you don't get one kernel of
  • 00:11:05.714 --> 00:11:08.550
  • Corn back.
  • 00:11:08.550 --> 00:11:09.884
  • You get a stalk with thousands of kernels of corn.
  • 00:11:09.884 --> 00:11:11.453
  • If you plant one tomato seed, you don't get one tomato
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  • Seed back.
  • 00:11:13.755 --> 00:11:15.090
  • You get dozens of tomatoes and thousands of seeds.
  • 00:11:15.090 --> 00:11:18.827
  • So whatever you plant, if you plant conflict, you're gonna
  • 00:11:18.827 --> 00:11:23.131
  • Reap more conflict than you can imagine.
  • 00:11:23.131 --> 00:11:25.900
  • And if you plant jealousy, you'll get that back.
  • 00:11:25.900 --> 00:11:29.170
  • On the other hand, if you learn how to plant seeds of peace,
  • 00:11:29.170 --> 00:11:32.941
  • Which i'm gonna teach you how to do today, your life's gonna be
  • 00:11:32.941 --> 00:11:36.144
  • A lot of peace.
  • 00:11:36.144 --> 00:11:37.846
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:11:37.846 --> 00:11:43.218
  • Pastor rick: today i've got a quick note from a listener
  • 00:11:43.218 --> 00:11:45.019
  • In minneapolis.
  • 00:11:45.019 --> 00:11:46.354
  • His name is bill.
  • 00:11:46.354 --> 00:11:47.722
  • And bill wrote to me, "rick, i wanna let you know that i prayed
  • 00:11:47.722 --> 00:11:50.525
  • With you this morning, accepting god into my life."
  • 00:11:50.525 --> 00:11:54.028
  • Wow, that's great.
  • 00:11:54.028 --> 00:11:55.497
  • "'daily hope' has become the way that i start each day, listening
  • 00:11:55.497 --> 00:11:59.100
  • To your podcast.
  • 00:11:59.100 --> 00:12:00.902
  • So much has changed in my life over the past year.
  • 00:12:00.902 --> 00:12:03.838
  • I had a job loss.
  • 00:12:03.838 --> 00:12:05.206
  • I had a transition.
  • 00:12:05.206 --> 00:12:06.541
  • I had a divorce.
  • 00:12:06.541 --> 00:12:07.909
  • My dad passed away, cancer, and my faith, all in the same year.
  • 00:12:07.909 --> 00:12:13.782
  • I'm so thankful for all that you do."
  • 00:12:13.782 --> 00:12:15.383
  • Well, bill, i wanna tell you, i know you've been going through
  • 00:12:15.383 --> 00:12:18.419
  • Some really tough times this past year, but there's no
  • 00:12:18.419 --> 00:12:21.222
  • Greater news than hearing that you've accepted jesus into
  • 00:12:21.222 --> 00:12:24.159
  • Your life.
  • 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:25.493
  • And the fact that god used the "daily hope" podcast to lead you
  • 00:12:25.493 --> 00:12:28.630
  • To him is such a blessing.
  • 00:12:28.630 --> 00:12:31.166
  • I want you to know that as you continue to study god's word
  • 00:12:31.166 --> 00:12:34.135
  • Every day, you're going to find that your faith is growing, and
  • 00:12:34.135 --> 00:12:38.006
  • You'll see god actively working in your life.
  • 00:12:38.006 --> 00:12:41.109
  • I really am excited to think about what the next year is
  • 00:12:41.109 --> 00:12:44.679
  • Going to bring.
  • 00:12:44.679 --> 00:12:46.047
  • Year two in your life will be very different than the
  • 00:12:46.047 --> 00:12:48.149
  • Last year.
  • 00:12:48.149 --> 00:12:49.717
  • And to the rest of you, all of our "daily hope" listeners, i
  • 00:12:49.717 --> 00:12:53.521
  • Just wanna thank you because we're able to provide the "daily
  • 00:12:53.521 --> 00:12:56.291
  • Hope" podcast to people like bill because of your
  • 00:12:56.291 --> 00:13:00.562
  • Generous support.
  • 00:13:00.562 --> 00:13:01.930
  • Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
  • 00:13:01.930 --> 00:13:03.631
  • Thank you for helping us share the good news all around
  • 00:13:03.631 --> 00:13:06.868
  • The world.
  • 00:13:06.868 --> 00:13:08.236
  • We love you, and imagine what it's gonna be to get to heaven
  • 00:13:08.236 --> 00:13:11.139
  • And see all these people who came to know christ because of
  • 00:13:11.139 --> 00:13:14.175
  • Your giving.
  • 00:13:14.175 --> 00:13:15.510
  • God bless you.
  • 00:13:15.510 --> 00:13:17.545
  • Announcer: you can join us in bringing hope to others.
  • 00:13:17.612 --> 00:13:20.615
  • Just scan the qr code or go to dailyhopetv.com.
  • 00:13:20.615 --> 00:13:26.120
  • Pastor rick: okay, let's look at these seven steps to resolving
  • 00:13:30.325 --> 00:13:33.962
  • Conflict, and you can use this in any area of your life.
  • 00:13:33.962 --> 00:13:37.765
  • Number one, you want to be a peacemaker?
  • 00:13:37.765 --> 00:13:40.335
  • Make the first move.
  • 00:13:40.335 --> 00:13:43.771
  • You make the first move.
  • 00:13:43.771 --> 00:13:45.707
  • You don't wait on somebody else.
  • 00:13:45.707 --> 00:13:48.610
  • You take the initiative.
  • 00:13:48.610 --> 00:13:49.944
  • Now i know what you're thinking.
  • 00:13:49.944 --> 00:13:51.312
  • You think, "well, you know, it's all their fault.
  • 00:13:51.312 --> 00:13:54.082
  • And when they come to me, then i'll be glad to face the
  • 00:13:54.082 --> 00:13:56.584
  • Conflict and deal with it."
  • 00:13:56.584 --> 00:13:58.086
  • No, god says he expects you to make the first step.
  • 00:13:58.086 --> 00:14:01.823
  • That's what's called being a peacemaker, not a peacekeeper,
  • 00:14:01.823 --> 00:14:05.827
  • But a peacemaker.
  • 00:14:05.827 --> 00:14:07.362
  • Now listen, god says reconciliation in your
  • 00:14:07.362 --> 00:14:10.765
  • Relationships, having harmony in your relationships, is
  • 00:14:10.765 --> 00:14:13.201
  • So important.
  • 00:14:13.201 --> 00:14:14.535
  • God says it's more important than worship.
  • 00:14:14.535 --> 00:14:18.006
  • It's more important than you coming to church.
  • 00:14:18.006 --> 00:14:22.744
  • Now don't everybody leave at once.
  • 00:14:22.744 --> 00:14:26.180
  • But if you've got somebody that you're out of whack with right
  • 00:14:26.180 --> 00:14:29.083
  • Now, there's something more important than actually you
  • 00:14:29.083 --> 00:14:32.287
  • Listening to me.
  • 00:14:32.287 --> 00:14:34.455
  • Here's what jesus said in matthew chapter 5, verse 23.
  • 00:14:34.455 --> 00:14:37.592
  • This is still in the sermon on the mount, verse 23 and 24.
  • 00:14:37.592 --> 00:14:41.462
  • If you're standing before the altar in the temple, and you're
  • 00:14:41.462 --> 00:14:46.234
  • Giving an offering to god, and you suddenly remember somebody
  • 00:14:46.234 --> 00:14:51.039
  • Has something against you"--it doesn't matter if you've got
  • 00:14:51.039 --> 00:14:53.675
  • Something against them, or they got something against you--"you
  • 00:14:53.675 --> 00:14:56.678
  • Leave your offering there beside the altar, go at once and first
  • 00:14:56.678 --> 00:15:03.985
  • Be reconciled.
  • 00:15:03.985 --> 00:15:05.320
  • Circle the phrase, "first be reconciled."
  • 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:07.188
  • That's to be the top priority in your life, "first be reconciled
  • 00:15:07.188 --> 00:15:11.059
  • To that person.
  • 00:15:11.059 --> 00:15:12.393
  • Then come and offer your gift to god."
  • 00:15:12.393 --> 00:15:15.163
  • Now, this is jesus talking.
  • 00:15:15.163 --> 00:15:18.299
  • Now, again, you have some relationship conflicts in your
  • 00:15:18.299 --> 00:15:21.235
  • Life that have gone on for months or years or longer.
  • 00:15:21.235 --> 00:15:24.839
  • God says, "don't do that."
  • 00:15:24.839 --> 00:15:26.307
  • You don't realize how much it's hurting you spiritually.
  • 00:15:26.307 --> 00:15:30.078
  • Now, it doesn't matter whether you are the offended person, or
  • 00:15:30.078 --> 00:15:34.015
  • You are the offender, or it's a little of both.
  • 00:15:34.015 --> 00:15:36.751
  • God says, "you make the first move."
  • 00:15:36.751 --> 00:15:39.120
  • It's always your move.
  • 00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:40.455
  • Now, i have to admit, early in my marriage, i didn't get this.
  • 00:15:40.455 --> 00:15:44.492
  • I didn't understand it.
  • 00:15:44.492 --> 00:15:45.860
  • I ran from conflict all the time.
  • 00:15:45.860 --> 00:15:48.262
  • I never did one.
  • 00:15:48.262 --> 00:15:49.630
  • I was--there was a guy in in the musical "oliver!"
  • 00:15:49.630 --> 00:15:53.835
  • Called the artful dodger.
  • 00:15:53.835 --> 00:15:56.471
  • That was me.
  • 00:15:56.471 --> 00:15:57.972
  • And kay would throw an issue at me, and i'd duck and i'd dodge.
  • 00:15:57.972 --> 00:16:00.641
  • And she'd throw another issue, and i'd duck and dodge because i
  • 00:16:00.641 --> 00:16:03.711
  • Did not want to get into any kind of conflict.
  • 00:16:03.711 --> 00:16:07.281
  • You know, in every marriage, there are skunks and there
  • 00:16:07.281 --> 00:16:10.118
  • Are turtles.
  • 00:16:10.118 --> 00:16:11.853
  • Skunks, when they get upset, they stink the place up.
  • 00:16:11.853 --> 00:16:16.457
  • When you're, if you're a skunk, you let everybody know when
  • 00:16:16.457 --> 00:16:19.494
  • You're unhappy.
  • 00:16:19.494 --> 00:16:21.329
  • Turtles, on the other hand, pull into a shell and hide when there
  • 00:16:21.329 --> 00:16:26.334
  • Is conflict.
  • 00:16:26.334 --> 00:16:27.668
  • Now, skunks always marry turtles, always.
  • 00:16:27.668 --> 00:16:34.575
  • So i'm not telling you which one's which in your marriage,
  • 00:16:34.575 --> 00:16:37.378
  • But one of you is the skunk and one of you is the turtle.
  • 00:16:37.378 --> 00:16:41.849
  • And it's a hiding and hurling, that's what we do together.
  • 00:16:41.849 --> 00:16:47.455
  • Conflict is never resolved accidentally.
  • 00:16:47.455 --> 00:16:49.757
  • It just doesn't happen.
  • 00:16:49.757 --> 00:16:51.125
  • It's always intentional.
  • 00:16:51.125 --> 00:16:52.460
  • You gotta make the move.
  • 00:16:52.460 --> 00:16:54.929
  • Conflict never resolves itself.
  • 00:16:54.929 --> 00:16:57.565
  • Now you've heard the expression, "time heals all things."
  • 00:16:57.565 --> 00:17:01.235
  • That's a bunch of baloney.
  • 00:17:01.235 --> 00:17:03.638
  • That's not true.
  • 00:17:03.638 --> 00:17:05.173
  • Time heals nothing.
  • 00:17:05.173 --> 00:17:08.076
  • If you've got cancer, you say, "i think i'll just wait for it
  • 00:17:08.076 --> 00:17:10.478
  • To get better."
  • 00:17:10.478 --> 00:17:12.013
  • It's not gonna get better.
  • 00:17:12.013 --> 00:17:13.347
  • It's gonna get worse.
  • 00:17:13.347 --> 00:17:14.682
  • If you get shot in the side and you're bleeding to death, you
  • 00:17:14.682 --> 00:17:17.718
  • Think, "time heals everything.
  • 00:17:17.718 --> 00:17:19.454
  • I think i'll just wait this one out."
  • 00:17:19.454 --> 00:17:21.489
  • No, when you have a wound, it gets worse.
  • 00:17:21.489 --> 00:17:24.692
  • It festers.
  • 00:17:24.692 --> 00:17:26.027
  • It gets pussy. it gets infected.
  • 00:17:26.027 --> 00:17:28.963
  • Time has never healed anything in your life.
  • 00:17:28.963 --> 00:17:32.266
  • It only makes it worse.
  • 00:17:32.266 --> 00:17:33.835
  • And if you hold on to resentment and bitterness, it doesn't
  • 00:17:33.835 --> 00:17:37.071
  • Get better.
  • 00:17:37.071 --> 00:17:38.439
  • It gets worse over the years, and you get more hardened, and
  • 00:17:38.439 --> 00:17:41.509
  • Your heart gets harder and harder.
  • 00:17:41.509 --> 00:17:43.144
  • If time healed everything, you'd never need to go to a doctor.
  • 00:17:43.144 --> 00:17:46.714
  • You could just go sit in the waiting room.
  • 00:17:46.714 --> 00:17:51.018
  • They say, "well, you know, i don't need to see the doctor.
  • 00:17:51.018 --> 00:17:52.987
  • I'll be here 12 hours, and my flu will be gone, or my back
  • 00:17:52.987 --> 00:17:57.592
  • Will automatically heal itself."
  • 00:17:57.592 --> 00:17:59.427
  • Time heals nothing.
  • 00:17:59.427 --> 00:18:02.230
  • And the more you put it off, the worse the problem gets.
  • 00:18:02.230 --> 00:18:05.900
  • Now, i want you to write this down.
  • 00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:08.202
  • The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it.
  • 00:18:08.202 --> 00:18:12.073
  • Write that down.
  • 00:18:12.073 --> 00:18:13.407
  • The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it.
  • 00:18:13.407 --> 00:18:17.245
  • You can't go around it, over it, underneath it, behind it.
  • 00:18:17.245 --> 00:18:20.314
  • You've got to go through it, and i'm going to teach you how to do
  • 00:18:20.314 --> 00:18:24.652
  • This with the minimal amount of pain.
  • 00:18:24.652 --> 00:18:27.522
  • You have to make the decision, "i'm going to resolve
  • 00:18:27.522 --> 00:18:30.825
  • The issue."
  • 00:18:30.825 --> 00:18:32.793
  • Now, what causes us to postpone and procrastinate over issues
  • 00:18:32.793 --> 00:18:37.498
  • That we know when we're out of whack with somebody at work, or
  • 00:18:37.498 --> 00:18:39.800
  • At home, or in our family, whatever?
  • 00:18:39.800 --> 00:18:41.802
  • Well, the answer is one word.
  • 00:18:41.802 --> 00:18:43.237
  • It is fear.
  • 00:18:43.237 --> 00:18:45.573
  • Fear, we're always afraid of conflict.
  • 00:18:45.573 --> 00:18:48.242
  • I've seen very masculine, manly marines, who would die on a
  • 00:18:48.242 --> 00:18:54.182
  • Battlefield, shrink in terror when their wife says four words,
  • 00:18:54.182 --> 00:18:58.653
  • "we need to talk."
  • 00:18:58.653 --> 00:19:01.589
  • Those four words put the fear of god in every human male, "we
  • 00:19:01.589 --> 00:19:05.660
  • Need to talk," because people don't like conflict.
  • 00:19:05.660 --> 00:19:10.198
  • Now, this fear of conflict is as old as the first couple, adam
  • 00:19:10.198 --> 00:19:13.734
  • And eve.
  • 00:19:13.734 --> 00:19:15.102
  • Adam and eve disobeyed god.
  • 00:19:15.102 --> 00:19:16.437
  • They got out of fellowship with god.
  • 00:19:16.437 --> 00:19:17.772
  • They were out of whack with him, and here's what the bible says
  • 00:19:17.772 --> 00:19:19.607
  • In genesis 3. "adam said to god, 'i heard you in the garden, and
  • 00:19:19.607 --> 00:19:24.512
  • I was afraid because i was naked; and so i hid."'
  • 00:19:24.512 --> 00:19:28.683
  • Now notice, he says, "i'm afraid because i was naked."
  • 00:19:28.683 --> 00:19:31.986
  • What's he talking about?
  • 00:19:31.986 --> 00:19:33.321
  • "i feel vulnerable. i feel exposed.
  • 00:19:33.321 --> 00:19:34.956
  • I'm not covered up, so i was afraid, and i hid."
  • 00:19:34.956 --> 00:19:38.759
  • And men have been hiding from women, and women have been
  • 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:42.163
  • Hiding from men ever since.
  • 00:19:42.163 --> 00:19:44.999
  • In relationships, we hide and we hurl.
  • 00:19:44.999 --> 00:19:47.902
  • And we're afraid.
  • 00:19:47.902 --> 00:19:50.104
  • What is it that we're afraid of?
  • 00:19:50.104 --> 00:19:51.839
  • We're afraid of vulnerability.
  • 00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:54.008
  • We're afraid of being exposed, and that does three things.
  • 00:19:54.008 --> 00:19:57.678
  • It makes you distant, it makes you demanding, and it makes
  • 00:19:57.678 --> 00:20:01.315
  • You defensive.
  • 00:20:01.315 --> 00:20:02.683
  • First, when you're afraid in a relationship, you get defensive.
  • 00:20:02.683 --> 00:20:07.822
  • And somebody brings something up, and then you get defensive
  • 00:20:07.822 --> 00:20:10.625
  • About it.
  • 00:20:10.625 --> 00:20:11.993
  • And you're afraid to reveal your true self, and you get distant.
  • 00:20:11.993 --> 00:20:15.596
  • And what happens is we withdraw, and we hide.
  • 00:20:15.596 --> 00:20:18.833
  • And we build walls.
  • 00:20:18.833 --> 00:20:20.167
  • We become distant, and then we become demanding.
  • 00:20:20.167 --> 00:20:23.471
  • The more insecure you are, the more you try to control things
  • 00:20:23.471 --> 00:20:27.008
  • In your life.
  • 00:20:27.008 --> 00:20:28.376
  • And the most controlling people are the most insecure people.
  • 00:20:28.376 --> 00:20:31.612
  • And the more insecure you are in a relationship, the more
  • 00:20:31.612 --> 00:20:35.516
  • Demanding and defensive and distant you can become because
  • 00:20:35.516 --> 00:20:39.687
  • You don't want anybody get close to you.
  • 00:20:39.687 --> 00:20:42.123
  • Some people think--i've talked to some single adults who think,
  • 00:20:42.123 --> 00:20:46.160
  • "you know, the worst thing in my life is that i didn't
  • 00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:47.795
  • Get married."
  • 00:20:47.795 --> 00:20:49.163
  • No, that is not the worst thing in your life.
  • 00:20:49.163 --> 00:20:51.299
  • A far worse thing would be to get married, and then live an
  • 00:20:51.299 --> 00:20:55.536
  • Emotional distance from the person you're married to the
  • 00:20:55.536 --> 00:20:57.905
  • Rest of your life.
  • 00:20:57.905 --> 00:21:00.141
  • And we see it all the time.
  • 00:21:00.141 --> 00:21:01.575
  • When the very person you're supposed to be one with, you're
  • 00:21:01.575 --> 00:21:04.412
  • Caring, sharing, holding back secrets from, and you can't
  • 00:21:04.412 --> 00:21:08.082
  • Reveal the true you.
  • 00:21:08.082 --> 00:21:10.084
  • And you've been married to him for 20 years, and you still
  • 00:21:10.084 --> 00:21:12.420
  • Can't be honest, can't be open, can't be vulnerable.
  • 00:21:12.420 --> 00:21:16.023
  • That was what fear does.
  • 00:21:16.023 --> 00:21:17.958
  • Fear keeps us from connecting at a deep level.
  • 00:21:17.958 --> 00:21:21.562
  • "what is it that i'm afraid of?
  • 00:21:21.562 --> 00:21:23.698
  • I'm afraid of your rejection.
  • 00:21:23.698 --> 00:21:26.167
  • I'm afraid you're gonna misunderstand me.
  • 00:21:26.167 --> 00:21:28.736
  • I'm afraid that i might say something in a conflict that
  • 00:21:28.736 --> 00:21:31.272
  • You're gonna come back and use against me later on."
  • 00:21:31.272 --> 00:21:35.076
  • And it keeps us from disconnecting at a real level.
  • 00:21:35.076 --> 00:21:37.845
  • "why am i afraid to tell you what i'm really feeling about
  • 00:21:37.845 --> 00:21:40.781
  • This problem?
  • 00:21:40.781 --> 00:21:42.783
  • Because if i'm all i've got, and you don't like me, that's,
  • 00:21:42.783 --> 00:21:46.520
  • That's it."
  • 00:21:46.520 --> 00:21:47.955
  • Where do you find the courage to make the first move?
  • 00:21:47.955 --> 00:21:52.660
  • You keep waiting on somebody else to resolve the conflict.
  • 00:21:52.660 --> 00:21:54.895
  • They're waiting on you, and peacemakers take the initiative.
  • 00:21:54.895 --> 00:21:58.432
  • Where do you get the courage to deal with your dad, or your mom,
  • 00:21:58.432 --> 00:22:03.571
  • Or your brother, or your sister, or a child, or your husband, or
  • 00:22:03.571 --> 00:22:06.474
  • Your wife, or an ex or something?
  • 00:22:06.474 --> 00:22:08.109
  • Where do you get that courage?
  • 00:22:08.109 --> 00:22:09.577
  • There's only one place, the holy spirit, god's holy spirit, the
  • 00:22:09.577 --> 00:22:15.883
  • Spirit of god's love.
  • 00:22:15.883 --> 00:22:17.385
  • The bible says, "there is no fear in love."
  • 00:22:17.385 --> 00:22:21.389
  • Now, god is love.
  • 00:22:21.389 --> 00:22:22.757
  • If you get full of god, the fear is gonna go.
  • 00:22:22.757 --> 00:22:25.092
  • What motivates a normally rational person to run into a
  • 00:22:25.092 --> 00:22:29.063
  • Burning building?
  • 00:22:29.063 --> 00:22:30.464
  • Because they know a baby's in there, and the fear is overcome
  • 00:22:30.464 --> 00:22:34.368
  • By their love for that child.
  • 00:22:34.368 --> 00:22:36.804
  • We never change until our love exceeds our fear.
  • 00:22:36.804 --> 00:22:42.276
  • We never change until the pain exceeds our fear.
  • 00:22:42.276 --> 00:22:46.714
  • And so the starting point is to say, "god, i need you to fill me
  • 00:22:46.714 --> 00:22:50.184
  • With your love," 'cause perfect love casts out all fear.
  • 00:22:50.184 --> 00:22:54.822
  • The bible says this in 2 timothy 1:7, here on the screen.
  • 00:22:54.822 --> 00:22:59.026
  • It says, "god has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but
  • 00:22:59.026 --> 00:23:04.698
  • A spirit of power, and love, and self-discipline!"
  • 00:23:04.698 --> 00:23:08.969
  • So everything i'm gonna teach you today, the steps, and
  • 00:23:08.969 --> 00:23:12.072
  • They're very practical steps, cannot be done unless you get
  • 00:23:12.072 --> 00:23:16.811
  • Filled with god's love, cause it is the love of god that's gonna
  • 00:23:16.811 --> 00:23:20.114
  • Eliminate the fear, and then you have the courage to make the
  • 00:23:20.114 --> 00:23:23.818
  • First step.
  • 00:23:23.818 --> 00:23:25.252
  • How do you get that love?
  • 00:23:25.252 --> 00:23:26.587
  • You ask god for it.
  • 00:23:26.587 --> 00:23:27.955
  • So here's the second step, ask god for wisdom.
  • 00:23:27.955 --> 00:23:32.259
  • You've made the decision, "okay, i'm not going to let this thing
  • 00:23:32.259 --> 00:23:34.628
  • Go anymore.
  • 00:23:34.628 --> 00:23:35.996
  • I'm not going to let it fester.
  • 00:23:35.996 --> 00:23:37.331
  • I'm going to deal with this conflict that's been under the
  • 00:23:37.331 --> 00:23:39.834
  • Surface for so many years or months, and i'm going to ask god
  • 00:23:39.834 --> 00:23:44.705
  • For wisdom."
  • 00:23:44.705 --> 00:23:46.540
  • The bible says in james chapter 1 that "if we ask god for
  • 00:23:46.540 --> 00:23:50.845
  • Wisdom, god will give it to us."
  • 00:23:50.845 --> 00:23:53.647
  • James 1, verse 5, "if you want to know what god wants you to
  • 00:23:53.647 --> 00:23:57.518
  • Do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you."
  • 00:23:57.518 --> 00:24:01.555
  • So the first thing you do is you make a decision.
  • 00:24:01.555 --> 00:24:03.290
  • "i'm not gonna go along with this unresolved anymore.
  • 00:24:03.290 --> 00:24:06.260
  • I don't wanna be out of fellowship with god.
  • 00:24:06.260 --> 00:24:07.728
  • I don't want my prayers unanswered.
  • 00:24:07.728 --> 00:24:09.530
  • I don't wanna be unhappy.
  • 00:24:09.530 --> 00:24:10.898
  • I don't wanna be miserable, so i'm gonna take the first step.
  • 00:24:10.898 --> 00:24:13.167
  • I'm not gonna wait on them.
  • 00:24:13.167 --> 00:24:14.568
  • And then i'm going to say, 'god, i really need your help.
  • 00:24:14.568 --> 00:24:17.805
  • I need you to fill me with love, 'cause i'm scared to death.
  • 00:24:17.805 --> 00:24:20.975
  • And god, i don't know what to say.
  • 00:24:20.975 --> 00:24:23.143
  • I don't know when to say it.
  • 00:24:23.143 --> 00:24:24.478
  • I don't know where to say it.
  • 00:24:24.478 --> 00:24:25.846
  • I don't know what's the best time."'
  • 00:24:25.846 --> 00:24:27.181
  • You plan a peace conference, and you find a time when it's good
  • 00:24:27.181 --> 00:24:32.152
  • For them, not when you're tired.
  • 00:24:32.152 --> 00:24:34.221
  • By the way, never have a conflict resolution while you're
  • 00:24:34.221 --> 00:24:37.625
  • In bed.
  • 00:24:37.625 --> 00:24:39.426
  • Save that for other things.
  • 00:24:39.426 --> 00:24:43.330
  • In bed, if you start having a conflict, about half the time
  • 00:24:43.330 --> 00:24:46.033
  • You go through, you start to get to a major point, you're going
  • 00:24:46.033 --> 00:24:48.202
  • To hear [snoring], and that kind of ruins it.
  • 00:24:48.202 --> 00:24:52.806
  • So don't use the bedroom for your conflict area.
  • 00:24:52.806 --> 00:24:57.778
  • But you get where you're alone, where you're not in a public
  • 00:24:57.778 --> 00:25:01.715
  • Spot, where people can be real, and you say, "okay, god, what do
  • 00:25:01.715 --> 00:25:06.020
  • You want me to say?
  • 00:25:06.020 --> 00:25:07.688
  • Where do i say it?
  • 00:25:07.688 --> 00:25:09.023
  • When's the right time to say it?"
  • 00:25:09.023 --> 00:25:10.357
  • And you ask god for help.
  • 00:25:10.357 --> 00:25:12.293
  • "so, god, i don't want to be out of whack with you.
  • 00:25:12.293 --> 00:25:14.328
  • I don't wanna be out.
  • 00:25:14.328 --> 00:25:15.663
  • I don't wanna be on, have my prayers unanswered, so i want to
  • 00:25:15.663 --> 00:25:18.465
  • Deal with this issue."
  • 00:25:18.465 --> 00:25:20.568
  • Now, i'm sure that even as i've just started talking to you
  • 00:25:20.568 --> 00:25:22.836
  • About this, you're already thinking about somebody in your
  • 00:25:22.836 --> 00:25:25.539
  • Life that you know there's a strain in that relationship.
  • 00:25:25.539 --> 00:25:30.878
  • It's likely somebody in your family, or in your marriage,
  • 00:25:30.878 --> 00:25:35.316
  • Parents, kids, or maybe somebody at work.
  • 00:25:35.316 --> 00:25:39.453
  • So i wanna stop right here, and as your pastor who loves you, i
  • 00:25:39.453 --> 00:25:43.123
  • Wanna pray that god will give you the courage to take the next
  • 00:25:43.123 --> 00:25:46.360
  • Steps we're about to do.
  • 00:25:46.360 --> 00:25:47.695
  • Okay, let's bow our heads.
  • 00:25:47.695 --> 00:25:50.197
  • Father, you know that we're all scared to death of conflict.
  • 00:25:50.197 --> 00:25:53.567
  • Nobody who's rational likes it.
  • 00:25:53.567 --> 00:25:56.670
  • And yet you have said that it's more important than worship that
  • 00:25:56.670 --> 00:26:02.443
  • We actually go get something right with somebody that we're
  • 00:26:02.443 --> 00:26:06.246
  • Out of harmony with.
  • 00:26:06.246 --> 00:26:09.083
  • And lord, we know you're not saying go back and, you know,
  • 00:26:09.083 --> 00:26:12.086
  • Rebuild, remarry an ex or whatever.
  • 00:26:12.086 --> 00:26:16.323
  • You're just saying, "bury the hatchet.
  • 00:26:16.323 --> 00:26:18.392
  • Make peace.
  • 00:26:18.392 --> 00:26:19.727
  • Bring harmony."
  • 00:26:19.727 --> 00:26:21.195
  • And i pray that you would give my people, the people here in
  • 00:26:21.195 --> 00:26:25.132
  • Our church, the courage to reconcile, the courage to deal
  • 00:26:25.132 --> 00:26:31.071
  • With tough issues that have been pushed under the carpet, and
  • 00:26:31.071 --> 00:26:34.808
  • Swept into the corner, and pretended like they were
  • 00:26:34.808 --> 00:26:37.845
  • Not happening.
  • 00:26:37.845 --> 00:26:39.613
  • Lord, help us to face what we're pretending not to know.
  • 00:26:39.613 --> 00:26:43.050
  • Help us to be real, and help us to have integrity.
  • 00:26:43.050 --> 00:26:46.520
  • And god, give us the right place, the right time, and the
  • 00:26:46.520 --> 00:26:49.189
  • Right thing to say, and help us to come with the right attitude,
  • 00:26:49.189 --> 00:26:53.227
  • Ready to reconcile.
  • 00:26:53.227 --> 00:26:55.195
  • In your name, i pray, amen.
  • 00:26:55.195 --> 00:26:58.565
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:26:58.632 --> 00:27:29.463