Pastor Rick shares biblical truth and practical tools for living the full life God desires for everyone.
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Rick Warren | Rick Warrem - The Keys to a Blessed Life | July 19, 2026
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- ♪♪♪
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- Pastor rick warren: hello, everybody.
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- One of the most important life skills that you have to learn in
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- Life, you must learn this, is conflict resolution, how to
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- Resolve a conflict, and how to restore or reconcile a strained
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- Or broken relationship.
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- If you don't learn this one, you're gonna spend a lot of your
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- Life miserable.
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- Because we're imperfect people, we're all different, and so we
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- Have conflict almost every day of our lives.
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- If you run from conflict, if you try to get away from it, it's
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- Not gonna work, and you're gonna be miserable and unhappy much of
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- Your life.
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- Now, this is an important skill.
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- You have to use how to resolve a conflict at work.
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- You've got to know how to resolve a conflict in
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- Your marriage.
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- You gotta know how to resolve a conflict if you're a parent with
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- Children, with friends, in the community, at church, in a small
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- Group, literally everywhere.
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- And here's the problem: nobody taught you how to do it, nobody.
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- You certainly didn't learn it from your parents.
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- The truth is they might not have even been a very good model of
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- Conflict resolution because nobody taught them.
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- You never had a class in school on how do you resolve conflict.
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- How do you work it out?
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- You didn't ever take a class on how do you restore a broken
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- Relationship, and yet this is one of the most important skills
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- To your happiness in life.
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- But since you're here today, you picked a good week to come
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- To church.
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- And i highly recommend that you take notes, because what we're
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- Gonna look at today are the seven steps of how to resolve a
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- Conflict and restore a broken relationship.
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- You may not need this now, but you are going to need it at some
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- Point in your life, so take notes.
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- And you're going to need to pass it on to friends, to coworkers,
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- To your own children, because nobody's teaching them how to
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- Resolve conflict either.
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- Now we've been in this series all summer on the eight
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- Beatitudes of jesus.
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- Jesus says there are eight conditions for being blessed
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- By god.
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- It's the first 10 or 12 verses of the sermon on the mount.
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- And jesus says, "if you do these eight things, you will have
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- God's blessing on your life, on your relationships, on your
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- Finances, on your time, on your health, on all these
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- Different areas.
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- Blessings come from these things."
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- And when we come to matthew chapter 5, verse 9, we come to
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- The next to the last beatitude, and it says this, "god blesses
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- Those who are peacemakers, peacemakers, for they,
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- Peacemakers, will be called the children of god."
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- The mark that you are really a child of god, the proof that you
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- Are on your way to heaven, one of the characteristics of a true
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- Believer is you're a peacemaker.
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- Now let me just start by telling you what peacemaking is not.
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- You might write these down.
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- It's not avoiding, and it's not appeasing.
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- It's not avoiding, and it's not appeasing.
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- It means some people think, "well, i keep peace in
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- My marriage.
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- I just don't rock the boat.
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- I sweep everything under the rug.
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- I swallow it.
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- I grin and bear it."
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- That's not peacemaking.
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- That's cowardice.
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- That doesn't help at all, so peacemaking is not running or
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- Avoiding, running from the problem.
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- It's not appeasing.
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- Appeasing means, "i always give in.
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- They always get their way."
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- It's peace at any price.
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- Appeasement is not peacemaking.
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- That's called codependency.
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- Jesus christ never ran from a legitimate conflict.
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- He knew how to deal with it face on, and how to resolve it, and
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- How to restore a relationship.
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- Now, the bible says: "god blesses those who
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- Are peacemakers."
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- Do we need peacemakers in our world today?
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- Hello, right now there are five wars going on on our planet,
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- Five international wars.
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- I don't know the last time we had five of them going on at the
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- Same time.
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- That doesn't count all the internal strife going on
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- Within nations.
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- It doesn't count strife at the border of our own nation.
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- It doesn't count all of the conflict going on between the
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- Sexes, conflict going on between generations, conflict going on
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- Between races, between religions, between
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- Political parties.
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- It doesn't count all the conflict going on in cultures,
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- Between rich and poor, between educated and uneducated, men and
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- Women, and on and on and on.
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- We definitely need this message, not just in the world, but in
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- Our own personal lives.
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- Now what i want to do this weekend is teach you what you've
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- Never been taught before in school or anywhere else, and
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- That is the seven steps, according to god, for resolving
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- A conflict and restoring a broken relationship.
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- That doesn't mean you get back with your ex.
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- It means that you bury the hatchet.
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- It means you make peace, that it's no longer resentment there.
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- Now, before we go into these steps, i want to just quickly
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- Mention three reasons why this ought to matter to you, because
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- You don't realize how much unresolved conflict messes up
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- Your life.
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- Some of you have been in a conflict with somebody for
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- Weeks, or months, or years, or even decades.
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- And you just said, "well, i'm just gonna let it slide.
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- I've been out of fellowship with my dad since who knows when, or
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- My mom, or my brother, or my sister," and you just let it
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- Slide, not realizing the damage it actually does to your life.
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- The bible says that when you don't resolve a conflict, when
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- You just let it lay out there, pretend like it's not happening,
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- You try to get on with your life without ending that conflict,
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- Three things happen.
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- Write these down.
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- Number one, the first problem with unresolved conflict, it
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- Blocks my fellowship with god.
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- It blocks my fellowship with god.
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- You cannot be right with god and wrong with other people.
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- The horizontal and vertical relationships in your life come
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- Together at an intersection.
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- And god says, "i can't be right with god and wrong with you."
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- What?
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- That's exactly what he says.
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- And god says that "i can't claim to be close to god if i'm
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- Distant from somebody in my life that i've got a conflict with."
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- It is an amazing thing.
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- Now, the bible says this in 1 john chapter 4, verse 20.
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- It's up here on the screen.
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- "you can't love god, whom you've never seen, if you don't love
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- The people you do see!
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- To claim that you love god while hating others makes you a liar!"
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- That's pretty clear.
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- He's saying, "i can't say, 'me and god, we're like this,' when
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- You and me are like this, standoff in conflict with
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- Each other."
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- Number two, it not only blocks my fellowship with god, it
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- Blocks my prayers.
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- It keeps my prayers from being answered.
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- Did you know that when you're out of whack in relationships,
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- The bible says, "god cannot hear your prayers."
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- They are connected together.
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- Why?
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- Because god is love, and the number one thing god wants you
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- To learn on this planet while you're here is to learn how
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- To love.
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- And if you're in conflict with people, you certainly aren't
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- Loving them at that moment.
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- Now guys, let me just point out something that's a little scary
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- For those of us who are husbands.
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- Look at this verse on the screen, 1 peter chapter 3, verse
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- 7, "husbands be considerate of your wives, and treat them
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- With respect...
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- So that nothing hinders your prayers."
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- "are you telling me, rick, that if i'm out of fellowship with my
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- Wife, and i'm not treating her with respect, god is not hearing
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- My prayers?"
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- That's exactly what i'm telling you.
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- Because that's what the bible says.
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- There is a connection between the horizontal and
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- Vertical relationships.
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- Love god with all your heart, and love your
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- Neighbors yourself.
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- There's a third reason why you need to resolve conflict is
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- Because it blocks my happiness.
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- Now, you know this from personal experience.
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- You can be the most famous and wealthiest celebrity on the
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- Planet, and if your relationships stink,
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- Life stinks.
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- You can accomplish all kinds of things, and get your picture on
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- The cover of "time" magazine, and be awarded all kinds of
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- Awards for your accomplishments, but if your marriage isn't
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- Working, or you're out of harmony with your kids, or you
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- Don't really have any close friends, or you're out of
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- Fellowship with your own family, it doesn't matter how much money
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- You make.
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- You know you can go on a family vacation to bora bora, tahiti,
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- And if you have a bunch of arguments there, it doesn't
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- Matter how beautiful it is, it's not a happy time.
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- It's just not happy.
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- Now, the bible says this in james chapter 3, verse 18,
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- "those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a
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- Harvest of goodness."
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- I want god's goodness in your life.
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- How do you do that?
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- You plant seeds of peace.
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- We're gonna look at the seven seeds of peace that you
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- Can plant.
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- Now, this is the law of sowing and reaping, or planting
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- And harvesting.
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- It's one of the universal laws in all of the universe.
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- God designed the universe, that what you sow, you reap.
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- Now, this is true for good or bad.
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- If you sow gossip, people are gonna gossip about you.
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- If you sow anger in your children, they're gonna be angry
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- At you.
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- If you sow bitterness, you're gonna get bitterness back.
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- If you sow resentment, you get resentment back.
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- Works good either way.
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- If you're generous with people, people will be generous
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- With you.
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- If you're kind with people, people will be kind to you.
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- If you're generous with praise, people will be generous
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- With praise.
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- But here's the interesting thing about sowing and reaping.
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- You don't get back exactly what you put out.
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- You get back more of the same.
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- If you plant one kernel of corn, you don't get one kernel of
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- Corn back.
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- You get a stalk with thousands of kernels of corn.
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- If you plant one tomato seed, you don't get one tomato
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- Seed back.
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- You get dozens of tomatoes and thousands of seeds.
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- So whatever you plant, if you plant conflict, you're gonna
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- Reap more conflict than you can imagine.
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- And if you plant jealousy, you'll get that back.
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- On the other hand, if you learn how to plant seeds of peace,
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- Which i'm gonna teach you how to do today, your life's gonna be
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- A lot of peace.
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- ♪♪♪
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- Pastor rick: today i've got a quick note from a listener
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- In minneapolis.
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- His name is bill.
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- And bill wrote to me, "rick, i wanna let you know that i prayed
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- With you this morning, accepting god into my life."
- 00:11:50.525 --> 00:11:54.028
- Wow, that's great.
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- "'daily hope' has become the way that i start each day, listening
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- To your podcast.
- 00:11:59.100 --> 00:12:00.902
- So much has changed in my life over the past year.
- 00:12:00.902 --> 00:12:03.838
- I had a job loss.
- 00:12:03.838 --> 00:12:05.206
- I had a transition.
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- I had a divorce.
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- My dad passed away, cancer, and my faith, all in the same year.
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- I'm so thankful for all that you do."
- 00:12:13.782 --> 00:12:15.383
- Well, bill, i wanna tell you, i know you've been going through
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- Some really tough times this past year, but there's no
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- Greater news than hearing that you've accepted jesus into
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- Your life.
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- And the fact that god used the "daily hope" podcast to lead you
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- To him is such a blessing.
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- I want you to know that as you continue to study god's word
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- Every day, you're going to find that your faith is growing, and
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- You'll see god actively working in your life.
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- I really am excited to think about what the next year is
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- Going to bring.
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- Year two in your life will be very different than the
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- Last year.
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- And to the rest of you, all of our "daily hope" listeners, i
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- Just wanna thank you because we're able to provide the "daily
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- Hope" podcast to people like bill because of your
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- Generous support.
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- Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
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- Thank you for helping us share the good news all around
- 00:13:03.631 --> 00:13:06.868
- The world.
- 00:13:06.868 --> 00:13:08.236
- We love you, and imagine what it's gonna be to get to heaven
- 00:13:08.236 --> 00:13:11.139
- And see all these people who came to know christ because of
- 00:13:11.139 --> 00:13:14.175
- Your giving.
- 00:13:14.175 --> 00:13:15.510
- God bless you.
- 00:13:15.510 --> 00:13:17.545
- Announcer: you can join us in bringing hope to others.
- 00:13:17.612 --> 00:13:20.615
- Just scan the qr code or go to dailyhopetv.com.
- 00:13:20.615 --> 00:13:26.120
- Pastor rick: okay, let's look at these seven steps to resolving
- 00:13:30.325 --> 00:13:33.962
- Conflict, and you can use this in any area of your life.
- 00:13:33.962 --> 00:13:37.765
- Number one, you want to be a peacemaker?
- 00:13:37.765 --> 00:13:40.335
- Make the first move.
- 00:13:40.335 --> 00:13:43.771
- You make the first move.
- 00:13:43.771 --> 00:13:45.707
- You don't wait on somebody else.
- 00:13:45.707 --> 00:13:48.610
- You take the initiative.
- 00:13:48.610 --> 00:13:49.944
- Now i know what you're thinking.
- 00:13:49.944 --> 00:13:51.312
- You think, "well, you know, it's all their fault.
- 00:13:51.312 --> 00:13:54.082
- And when they come to me, then i'll be glad to face the
- 00:13:54.082 --> 00:13:56.584
- Conflict and deal with it."
- 00:13:56.584 --> 00:13:58.086
- No, god says he expects you to make the first step.
- 00:13:58.086 --> 00:14:01.823
- That's what's called being a peacemaker, not a peacekeeper,
- 00:14:01.823 --> 00:14:05.827
- But a peacemaker.
- 00:14:05.827 --> 00:14:07.362
- Now listen, god says reconciliation in your
- 00:14:07.362 --> 00:14:10.765
- Relationships, having harmony in your relationships, is
- 00:14:10.765 --> 00:14:13.201
- So important.
- 00:14:13.201 --> 00:14:14.535
- God says it's more important than worship.
- 00:14:14.535 --> 00:14:18.006
- It's more important than you coming to church.
- 00:14:18.006 --> 00:14:22.744
- Now don't everybody leave at once.
- 00:14:22.744 --> 00:14:26.180
- But if you've got somebody that you're out of whack with right
- 00:14:26.180 --> 00:14:29.083
- Now, there's something more important than actually you
- 00:14:29.083 --> 00:14:32.287
- Listening to me.
- 00:14:32.287 --> 00:14:34.455
- Here's what jesus said in matthew chapter 5, verse 23.
- 00:14:34.455 --> 00:14:37.592
- This is still in the sermon on the mount, verse 23 and 24.
- 00:14:37.592 --> 00:14:41.462
- If you're standing before the altar in the temple, and you're
- 00:14:41.462 --> 00:14:46.234
- Giving an offering to god, and you suddenly remember somebody
- 00:14:46.234 --> 00:14:51.039
- Has something against you"--it doesn't matter if you've got
- 00:14:51.039 --> 00:14:53.675
- Something against them, or they got something against you--"you
- 00:14:53.675 --> 00:14:56.678
- Leave your offering there beside the altar, go at once and first
- 00:14:56.678 --> 00:15:03.985
- Be reconciled.
- 00:15:03.985 --> 00:15:05.320
- Circle the phrase, "first be reconciled."
- 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:07.188
- That's to be the top priority in your life, "first be reconciled
- 00:15:07.188 --> 00:15:11.059
- To that person.
- 00:15:11.059 --> 00:15:12.393
- Then come and offer your gift to god."
- 00:15:12.393 --> 00:15:15.163
- Now, this is jesus talking.
- 00:15:15.163 --> 00:15:18.299
- Now, again, you have some relationship conflicts in your
- 00:15:18.299 --> 00:15:21.235
- Life that have gone on for months or years or longer.
- 00:15:21.235 --> 00:15:24.839
- God says, "don't do that."
- 00:15:24.839 --> 00:15:26.307
- You don't realize how much it's hurting you spiritually.
- 00:15:26.307 --> 00:15:30.078
- Now, it doesn't matter whether you are the offended person, or
- 00:15:30.078 --> 00:15:34.015
- You are the offender, or it's a little of both.
- 00:15:34.015 --> 00:15:36.751
- God says, "you make the first move."
- 00:15:36.751 --> 00:15:39.120
- It's always your move.
- 00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:40.455
- Now, i have to admit, early in my marriage, i didn't get this.
- 00:15:40.455 --> 00:15:44.492
- I didn't understand it.
- 00:15:44.492 --> 00:15:45.860
- I ran from conflict all the time.
- 00:15:45.860 --> 00:15:48.262
- I never did one.
- 00:15:48.262 --> 00:15:49.630
- I was--there was a guy in in the musical "oliver!"
- 00:15:49.630 --> 00:15:53.835
- Called the artful dodger.
- 00:15:53.835 --> 00:15:56.471
- That was me.
- 00:15:56.471 --> 00:15:57.972
- And kay would throw an issue at me, and i'd duck and i'd dodge.
- 00:15:57.972 --> 00:16:00.641
- And she'd throw another issue, and i'd duck and dodge because i
- 00:16:00.641 --> 00:16:03.711
- Did not want to get into any kind of conflict.
- 00:16:03.711 --> 00:16:07.281
- You know, in every marriage, there are skunks and there
- 00:16:07.281 --> 00:16:10.118
- Are turtles.
- 00:16:10.118 --> 00:16:11.853
- Skunks, when they get upset, they stink the place up.
- 00:16:11.853 --> 00:16:16.457
- When you're, if you're a skunk, you let everybody know when
- 00:16:16.457 --> 00:16:19.494
- You're unhappy.
- 00:16:19.494 --> 00:16:21.329
- Turtles, on the other hand, pull into a shell and hide when there
- 00:16:21.329 --> 00:16:26.334
- Is conflict.
- 00:16:26.334 --> 00:16:27.668
- Now, skunks always marry turtles, always.
- 00:16:27.668 --> 00:16:34.575
- So i'm not telling you which one's which in your marriage,
- 00:16:34.575 --> 00:16:37.378
- But one of you is the skunk and one of you is the turtle.
- 00:16:37.378 --> 00:16:41.849
- And it's a hiding and hurling, that's what we do together.
- 00:16:41.849 --> 00:16:47.455
- Conflict is never resolved accidentally.
- 00:16:47.455 --> 00:16:49.757
- It just doesn't happen.
- 00:16:49.757 --> 00:16:51.125
- It's always intentional.
- 00:16:51.125 --> 00:16:52.460
- You gotta make the move.
- 00:16:52.460 --> 00:16:54.929
- Conflict never resolves itself.
- 00:16:54.929 --> 00:16:57.565
- Now you've heard the expression, "time heals all things."
- 00:16:57.565 --> 00:17:01.235
- That's a bunch of baloney.
- 00:17:01.235 --> 00:17:03.638
- That's not true.
- 00:17:03.638 --> 00:17:05.173
- Time heals nothing.
- 00:17:05.173 --> 00:17:08.076
- If you've got cancer, you say, "i think i'll just wait for it
- 00:17:08.076 --> 00:17:10.478
- To get better."
- 00:17:10.478 --> 00:17:12.013
- It's not gonna get better.
- 00:17:12.013 --> 00:17:13.347
- It's gonna get worse.
- 00:17:13.347 --> 00:17:14.682
- If you get shot in the side and you're bleeding to death, you
- 00:17:14.682 --> 00:17:17.718
- Think, "time heals everything.
- 00:17:17.718 --> 00:17:19.454
- I think i'll just wait this one out."
- 00:17:19.454 --> 00:17:21.489
- No, when you have a wound, it gets worse.
- 00:17:21.489 --> 00:17:24.692
- It festers.
- 00:17:24.692 --> 00:17:26.027
- It gets pussy. it gets infected.
- 00:17:26.027 --> 00:17:28.963
- Time has never healed anything in your life.
- 00:17:28.963 --> 00:17:32.266
- It only makes it worse.
- 00:17:32.266 --> 00:17:33.835
- And if you hold on to resentment and bitterness, it doesn't
- 00:17:33.835 --> 00:17:37.071
- Get better.
- 00:17:37.071 --> 00:17:38.439
- It gets worse over the years, and you get more hardened, and
- 00:17:38.439 --> 00:17:41.509
- Your heart gets harder and harder.
- 00:17:41.509 --> 00:17:43.144
- If time healed everything, you'd never need to go to a doctor.
- 00:17:43.144 --> 00:17:46.714
- You could just go sit in the waiting room.
- 00:17:46.714 --> 00:17:51.018
- They say, "well, you know, i don't need to see the doctor.
- 00:17:51.018 --> 00:17:52.987
- I'll be here 12 hours, and my flu will be gone, or my back
- 00:17:52.987 --> 00:17:57.592
- Will automatically heal itself."
- 00:17:57.592 --> 00:17:59.427
- Time heals nothing.
- 00:17:59.427 --> 00:18:02.230
- And the more you put it off, the worse the problem gets.
- 00:18:02.230 --> 00:18:05.900
- Now, i want you to write this down.
- 00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:08.202
- The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it.
- 00:18:08.202 --> 00:18:12.073
- Write that down.
- 00:18:12.073 --> 00:18:13.407
- The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it.
- 00:18:13.407 --> 00:18:17.245
- You can't go around it, over it, underneath it, behind it.
- 00:18:17.245 --> 00:18:20.314
- You've got to go through it, and i'm going to teach you how to do
- 00:18:20.314 --> 00:18:24.652
- This with the minimal amount of pain.
- 00:18:24.652 --> 00:18:27.522
- You have to make the decision, "i'm going to resolve
- 00:18:27.522 --> 00:18:30.825
- The issue."
- 00:18:30.825 --> 00:18:32.793
- Now, what causes us to postpone and procrastinate over issues
- 00:18:32.793 --> 00:18:37.498
- That we know when we're out of whack with somebody at work, or
- 00:18:37.498 --> 00:18:39.800
- At home, or in our family, whatever?
- 00:18:39.800 --> 00:18:41.802
- Well, the answer is one word.
- 00:18:41.802 --> 00:18:43.237
- It is fear.
- 00:18:43.237 --> 00:18:45.573
- Fear, we're always afraid of conflict.
- 00:18:45.573 --> 00:18:48.242
- I've seen very masculine, manly marines, who would die on a
- 00:18:48.242 --> 00:18:54.182
- Battlefield, shrink in terror when their wife says four words,
- 00:18:54.182 --> 00:18:58.653
- "we need to talk."
- 00:18:58.653 --> 00:19:01.589
- Those four words put the fear of god in every human male, "we
- 00:19:01.589 --> 00:19:05.660
- Need to talk," because people don't like conflict.
- 00:19:05.660 --> 00:19:10.198
- Now, this fear of conflict is as old as the first couple, adam
- 00:19:10.198 --> 00:19:13.734
- And eve.
- 00:19:13.734 --> 00:19:15.102
- Adam and eve disobeyed god.
- 00:19:15.102 --> 00:19:16.437
- They got out of fellowship with god.
- 00:19:16.437 --> 00:19:17.772
- They were out of whack with him, and here's what the bible says
- 00:19:17.772 --> 00:19:19.607
- In genesis 3. "adam said to god, 'i heard you in the garden, and
- 00:19:19.607 --> 00:19:24.512
- I was afraid because i was naked; and so i hid."'
- 00:19:24.512 --> 00:19:28.683
- Now notice, he says, "i'm afraid because i was naked."
- 00:19:28.683 --> 00:19:31.986
- What's he talking about?
- 00:19:31.986 --> 00:19:33.321
- "i feel vulnerable. i feel exposed.
- 00:19:33.321 --> 00:19:34.956
- I'm not covered up, so i was afraid, and i hid."
- 00:19:34.956 --> 00:19:38.759
- And men have been hiding from women, and women have been
- 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:42.163
- Hiding from men ever since.
- 00:19:42.163 --> 00:19:44.999
- In relationships, we hide and we hurl.
- 00:19:44.999 --> 00:19:47.902
- And we're afraid.
- 00:19:47.902 --> 00:19:50.104
- What is it that we're afraid of?
- 00:19:50.104 --> 00:19:51.839
- We're afraid of vulnerability.
- 00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:54.008
- We're afraid of being exposed, and that does three things.
- 00:19:54.008 --> 00:19:57.678
- It makes you distant, it makes you demanding, and it makes
- 00:19:57.678 --> 00:20:01.315
- You defensive.
- 00:20:01.315 --> 00:20:02.683
- First, when you're afraid in a relationship, you get defensive.
- 00:20:02.683 --> 00:20:07.822
- And somebody brings something up, and then you get defensive
- 00:20:07.822 --> 00:20:10.625
- About it.
- 00:20:10.625 --> 00:20:11.993
- And you're afraid to reveal your true self, and you get distant.
- 00:20:11.993 --> 00:20:15.596
- And what happens is we withdraw, and we hide.
- 00:20:15.596 --> 00:20:18.833
- And we build walls.
- 00:20:18.833 --> 00:20:20.167
- We become distant, and then we become demanding.
- 00:20:20.167 --> 00:20:23.471
- The more insecure you are, the more you try to control things
- 00:20:23.471 --> 00:20:27.008
- In your life.
- 00:20:27.008 --> 00:20:28.376
- And the most controlling people are the most insecure people.
- 00:20:28.376 --> 00:20:31.612
- And the more insecure you are in a relationship, the more
- 00:20:31.612 --> 00:20:35.516
- Demanding and defensive and distant you can become because
- 00:20:35.516 --> 00:20:39.687
- You don't want anybody get close to you.
- 00:20:39.687 --> 00:20:42.123
- Some people think--i've talked to some single adults who think,
- 00:20:42.123 --> 00:20:46.160
- "you know, the worst thing in my life is that i didn't
- 00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:47.795
- Get married."
- 00:20:47.795 --> 00:20:49.163
- No, that is not the worst thing in your life.
- 00:20:49.163 --> 00:20:51.299
- A far worse thing would be to get married, and then live an
- 00:20:51.299 --> 00:20:55.536
- Emotional distance from the person you're married to the
- 00:20:55.536 --> 00:20:57.905
- Rest of your life.
- 00:20:57.905 --> 00:21:00.141
- And we see it all the time.
- 00:21:00.141 --> 00:21:01.575
- When the very person you're supposed to be one with, you're
- 00:21:01.575 --> 00:21:04.412
- Caring, sharing, holding back secrets from, and you can't
- 00:21:04.412 --> 00:21:08.082
- Reveal the true you.
- 00:21:08.082 --> 00:21:10.084
- And you've been married to him for 20 years, and you still
- 00:21:10.084 --> 00:21:12.420
- Can't be honest, can't be open, can't be vulnerable.
- 00:21:12.420 --> 00:21:16.023
- That was what fear does.
- 00:21:16.023 --> 00:21:17.958
- Fear keeps us from connecting at a deep level.
- 00:21:17.958 --> 00:21:21.562
- "what is it that i'm afraid of?
- 00:21:21.562 --> 00:21:23.698
- I'm afraid of your rejection.
- 00:21:23.698 --> 00:21:26.167
- I'm afraid you're gonna misunderstand me.
- 00:21:26.167 --> 00:21:28.736
- I'm afraid that i might say something in a conflict that
- 00:21:28.736 --> 00:21:31.272
- You're gonna come back and use against me later on."
- 00:21:31.272 --> 00:21:35.076
- And it keeps us from disconnecting at a real level.
- 00:21:35.076 --> 00:21:37.845
- "why am i afraid to tell you what i'm really feeling about
- 00:21:37.845 --> 00:21:40.781
- This problem?
- 00:21:40.781 --> 00:21:42.783
- Because if i'm all i've got, and you don't like me, that's,
- 00:21:42.783 --> 00:21:46.520
- That's it."
- 00:21:46.520 --> 00:21:47.955
- Where do you find the courage to make the first move?
- 00:21:47.955 --> 00:21:52.660
- You keep waiting on somebody else to resolve the conflict.
- 00:21:52.660 --> 00:21:54.895
- They're waiting on you, and peacemakers take the initiative.
- 00:21:54.895 --> 00:21:58.432
- Where do you get the courage to deal with your dad, or your mom,
- 00:21:58.432 --> 00:22:03.571
- Or your brother, or your sister, or a child, or your husband, or
- 00:22:03.571 --> 00:22:06.474
- Your wife, or an ex or something?
- 00:22:06.474 --> 00:22:08.109
- Where do you get that courage?
- 00:22:08.109 --> 00:22:09.577
- There's only one place, the holy spirit, god's holy spirit, the
- 00:22:09.577 --> 00:22:15.883
- Spirit of god's love.
- 00:22:15.883 --> 00:22:17.385
- The bible says, "there is no fear in love."
- 00:22:17.385 --> 00:22:21.389
- Now, god is love.
- 00:22:21.389 --> 00:22:22.757
- If you get full of god, the fear is gonna go.
- 00:22:22.757 --> 00:22:25.092
- What motivates a normally rational person to run into a
- 00:22:25.092 --> 00:22:29.063
- Burning building?
- 00:22:29.063 --> 00:22:30.464
- Because they know a baby's in there, and the fear is overcome
- 00:22:30.464 --> 00:22:34.368
- By their love for that child.
- 00:22:34.368 --> 00:22:36.804
- We never change until our love exceeds our fear.
- 00:22:36.804 --> 00:22:42.276
- We never change until the pain exceeds our fear.
- 00:22:42.276 --> 00:22:46.714
- And so the starting point is to say, "god, i need you to fill me
- 00:22:46.714 --> 00:22:50.184
- With your love," 'cause perfect love casts out all fear.
- 00:22:50.184 --> 00:22:54.822
- The bible says this in 2 timothy 1:7, here on the screen.
- 00:22:54.822 --> 00:22:59.026
- It says, "god has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but
- 00:22:59.026 --> 00:23:04.698
- A spirit of power, and love, and self-discipline!"
- 00:23:04.698 --> 00:23:08.969
- So everything i'm gonna teach you today, the steps, and
- 00:23:08.969 --> 00:23:12.072
- They're very practical steps, cannot be done unless you get
- 00:23:12.072 --> 00:23:16.811
- Filled with god's love, cause it is the love of god that's gonna
- 00:23:16.811 --> 00:23:20.114
- Eliminate the fear, and then you have the courage to make the
- 00:23:20.114 --> 00:23:23.818
- First step.
- 00:23:23.818 --> 00:23:25.252
- How do you get that love?
- 00:23:25.252 --> 00:23:26.587
- You ask god for it.
- 00:23:26.587 --> 00:23:27.955
- So here's the second step, ask god for wisdom.
- 00:23:27.955 --> 00:23:32.259
- You've made the decision, "okay, i'm not going to let this thing
- 00:23:32.259 --> 00:23:34.628
- Go anymore.
- 00:23:34.628 --> 00:23:35.996
- I'm not going to let it fester.
- 00:23:35.996 --> 00:23:37.331
- I'm going to deal with this conflict that's been under the
- 00:23:37.331 --> 00:23:39.834
- Surface for so many years or months, and i'm going to ask god
- 00:23:39.834 --> 00:23:44.705
- For wisdom."
- 00:23:44.705 --> 00:23:46.540
- The bible says in james chapter 1 that "if we ask god for
- 00:23:46.540 --> 00:23:50.845
- Wisdom, god will give it to us."
- 00:23:50.845 --> 00:23:53.647
- James 1, verse 5, "if you want to know what god wants you to
- 00:23:53.647 --> 00:23:57.518
- Do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you."
- 00:23:57.518 --> 00:24:01.555
- So the first thing you do is you make a decision.
- 00:24:01.555 --> 00:24:03.290
- "i'm not gonna go along with this unresolved anymore.
- 00:24:03.290 --> 00:24:06.260
- I don't wanna be out of fellowship with god.
- 00:24:06.260 --> 00:24:07.728
- I don't want my prayers unanswered.
- 00:24:07.728 --> 00:24:09.530
- I don't wanna be unhappy.
- 00:24:09.530 --> 00:24:10.898
- I don't wanna be miserable, so i'm gonna take the first step.
- 00:24:10.898 --> 00:24:13.167
- I'm not gonna wait on them.
- 00:24:13.167 --> 00:24:14.568
- And then i'm going to say, 'god, i really need your help.
- 00:24:14.568 --> 00:24:17.805
- I need you to fill me with love, 'cause i'm scared to death.
- 00:24:17.805 --> 00:24:20.975
- And god, i don't know what to say.
- 00:24:20.975 --> 00:24:23.143
- I don't know when to say it.
- 00:24:23.143 --> 00:24:24.478
- I don't know where to say it.
- 00:24:24.478 --> 00:24:25.846
- I don't know what's the best time."'
- 00:24:25.846 --> 00:24:27.181
- You plan a peace conference, and you find a time when it's good
- 00:24:27.181 --> 00:24:32.152
- For them, not when you're tired.
- 00:24:32.152 --> 00:24:34.221
- By the way, never have a conflict resolution while you're
- 00:24:34.221 --> 00:24:37.625
- In bed.
- 00:24:37.625 --> 00:24:39.426
- Save that for other things.
- 00:24:39.426 --> 00:24:43.330
- In bed, if you start having a conflict, about half the time
- 00:24:43.330 --> 00:24:46.033
- You go through, you start to get to a major point, you're going
- 00:24:46.033 --> 00:24:48.202
- To hear [snoring], and that kind of ruins it.
- 00:24:48.202 --> 00:24:52.806
- So don't use the bedroom for your conflict area.
- 00:24:52.806 --> 00:24:57.778
- But you get where you're alone, where you're not in a public
- 00:24:57.778 --> 00:25:01.715
- Spot, where people can be real, and you say, "okay, god, what do
- 00:25:01.715 --> 00:25:06.020
- You want me to say?
- 00:25:06.020 --> 00:25:07.688
- Where do i say it?
- 00:25:07.688 --> 00:25:09.023
- When's the right time to say it?"
- 00:25:09.023 --> 00:25:10.357
- And you ask god for help.
- 00:25:10.357 --> 00:25:12.293
- "so, god, i don't want to be out of whack with you.
- 00:25:12.293 --> 00:25:14.328
- I don't wanna be out.
- 00:25:14.328 --> 00:25:15.663
- I don't wanna be on, have my prayers unanswered, so i want to
- 00:25:15.663 --> 00:25:18.465
- Deal with this issue."
- 00:25:18.465 --> 00:25:20.568
- Now, i'm sure that even as i've just started talking to you
- 00:25:20.568 --> 00:25:22.836
- About this, you're already thinking about somebody in your
- 00:25:22.836 --> 00:25:25.539
- Life that you know there's a strain in that relationship.
- 00:25:25.539 --> 00:25:30.878
- It's likely somebody in your family, or in your marriage,
- 00:25:30.878 --> 00:25:35.316
- Parents, kids, or maybe somebody at work.
- 00:25:35.316 --> 00:25:39.453
- So i wanna stop right here, and as your pastor who loves you, i
- 00:25:39.453 --> 00:25:43.123
- Wanna pray that god will give you the courage to take the next
- 00:25:43.123 --> 00:25:46.360
- Steps we're about to do.
- 00:25:46.360 --> 00:25:47.695
- Okay, let's bow our heads.
- 00:25:47.695 --> 00:25:50.197
- Father, you know that we're all scared to death of conflict.
- 00:25:50.197 --> 00:25:53.567
- Nobody who's rational likes it.
- 00:25:53.567 --> 00:25:56.670
- And yet you have said that it's more important than worship that
- 00:25:56.670 --> 00:26:02.443
- We actually go get something right with somebody that we're
- 00:26:02.443 --> 00:26:06.246
- Out of harmony with.
- 00:26:06.246 --> 00:26:09.083
- And lord, we know you're not saying go back and, you know,
- 00:26:09.083 --> 00:26:12.086
- Rebuild, remarry an ex or whatever.
- 00:26:12.086 --> 00:26:16.323
- You're just saying, "bury the hatchet.
- 00:26:16.323 --> 00:26:18.392
- Make peace.
- 00:26:18.392 --> 00:26:19.727
- Bring harmony."
- 00:26:19.727 --> 00:26:21.195
- And i pray that you would give my people, the people here in
- 00:26:21.195 --> 00:26:25.132
- Our church, the courage to reconcile, the courage to deal
- 00:26:25.132 --> 00:26:31.071
- With tough issues that have been pushed under the carpet, and
- 00:26:31.071 --> 00:26:34.808
- Swept into the corner, and pretended like they were
- 00:26:34.808 --> 00:26:37.845
- Not happening.
- 00:26:37.845 --> 00:26:39.613
- Lord, help us to face what we're pretending not to know.
- 00:26:39.613 --> 00:26:43.050
- Help us to be real, and help us to have integrity.
- 00:26:43.050 --> 00:26:46.520
- And god, give us the right place, the right time, and the
- 00:26:46.520 --> 00:26:49.189
- Right thing to say, and help us to come with the right attitude,
- 00:26:49.189 --> 00:26:53.227
- Ready to reconcile.
- 00:26:53.227 --> 00:26:55.195
- In your name, i pray, amen.
- 00:26:55.195 --> 00:26:58.565
- ♪♪♪
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