What happens if we don't forgive? Forgiveness and restoration can lead to rebuilding trust; relationships; and freedom. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000
#Christian;Series;Talk Show
#Personal Story
#Sexual Abuse
#Church
#Forgiveness
#Resentment
#Testimony
#Restoration
#Struggle
#Freedom
#Fear
#Mental Health
#Emotional Health
#Honesty
#Healing
#Human Trafficking
#Faith
#Hurting
#Repentance
#Trust God
#Seek God
#Counsel
#Renewing the Mind
#Boundaries
#Sheila Walsh
#Janice Gaines
#Robyn Wilkerson
#Brittney Borders
#Laurie Crouch
#Psalm 56:8
#2 Corinthians 3:18
Closed captions
Show Timecode
Better Together | Better Together LIVE | Episode 80 | May 16, 2021
- - Have you ever held on to resentment,
- 00:00:01.458 --> 00:00:03.293
- offense or bitterness?
- 00:00:03.293 --> 00:00:05.528
- You know God is the only one who can truly set us free
- 00:00:05.528 --> 00:00:08.364
- from painful memories and hurt.
- 00:00:08.364 --> 00:00:10.667
- Choosing to forgive will bring healing to our hearts
- 00:00:10.667 --> 00:00:13.570
- and hope to our relationship.
- 00:00:13.570 --> 00:00:15.538
- Come on, let's talk about it.
- 00:00:15.538 --> 00:00:17.240
- (upbeat music)
- 00:00:17.240 --> 00:00:19.809
- - God was telling me clearly to share my story
- 00:00:44.634 --> 00:00:48.972
- of when I was growing up,
- 00:00:48.972 --> 00:00:51.241
- I was molested and sexually abused
- 00:00:52.408 --> 00:00:56.012
- by family members and older people in the church,
- 00:00:56.012 --> 00:00:59.282
- because my parents were really busy,
- 00:00:59.282 --> 00:01:02.752
- growing up and they were building the ministry
- 00:01:02.752 --> 00:01:05.455
- and they were in the early stages of then,
- 00:01:05.455 --> 00:01:07.423
- of course, they did everything that they knew to do.
- 00:01:07.423 --> 00:01:11.528
- However, the people that I would be left with would...
- 00:01:11.528 --> 00:01:16.533
- I would either be exposed to something
- 00:01:17.700 --> 00:01:19.369
- that I shouldn't be exposed to.
- 00:01:19.369 --> 00:01:21.104
- Or like, one lady, her teenage son would do things to me.
- 00:01:21.104 --> 00:01:26.075
- And this is actually my first time sharing it on...
- 00:01:29.145 --> 00:01:33.917
- Like, out loud.
- 00:01:33.917 --> 00:01:35.451
- But it was something that I'd struggle with for a long time
- 00:01:35.451 --> 00:01:40.056
- because it opened the door for so many other things
- 00:01:40.056 --> 00:01:44.427
- like porn addiction, I was addicted to porn at seven.
- 00:01:44.427 --> 00:01:48.898
- And from seven to like 15,
- 00:01:48.898 --> 00:01:53.203
- I mean, it was something, It was almost like,
- 00:01:53.203 --> 00:01:55.672
- I had to watch it every night.
- 00:01:55.672 --> 00:01:57.907
- So I clearly knew what it was,
- 00:01:57.907 --> 00:02:00.143
- I knew what was being done to me,
- 00:02:00.143 --> 00:02:03.279
- I knew how certain things...
- 00:02:03.279 --> 00:02:05.848
- I enjoyed certain things, but then I didn't.
- 00:02:05.848 --> 00:02:08.251
- But as I got older, I realized how it affected me
- 00:02:08.251 --> 00:02:13.256
- with my relationship with those people
- 00:02:14.424 --> 00:02:17.460
- and with my relationship with my husband
- 00:02:17.460 --> 00:02:20.330
- and then it trickled down into my girls.
- 00:02:20.330 --> 00:02:24.500
- And,
- 00:02:24.500 --> 00:02:25.468
- I don't think I realized
- 00:02:26.336 --> 00:02:27.870
- that I hadn't forgiven the people like I thought I did,
- 00:02:27.870 --> 00:02:31.140
- when there was a situation that occurred with my girls.
- 00:02:32.575 --> 00:02:36.012
- They were...
- 00:02:36.012 --> 00:02:37.013
- I am...
- 00:02:37.013 --> 00:02:38.715
- First of all, I could be a helicopter parent, (laughs)
- 00:02:38.715 --> 00:02:42.652
- if it wasn't for the grace of God,
- 00:02:42.652 --> 00:02:45.822
- just out of fear of what happened to me when I was younger.
- 00:02:45.822 --> 00:02:50.360
- But years ago, I had a conversation with my mom
- 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:54.697
- and,
- 00:02:54.697 --> 00:02:55.798
- I was having a hard time forgiving myself
- 00:02:57.233 --> 00:02:59.836
- as to what I did to other people,
- 00:02:59.836 --> 00:03:02.705
- and forgiving the people.
- 00:03:02.705 --> 00:03:04.240
- It was three cousins,
- 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:08.845
- a girl I went to school with
- 00:03:08.845 --> 00:03:10.680
- and then a older guy, he was probably like, six,
- 00:03:10.680 --> 00:03:15.551
- maybe eight years older than me,
- 00:03:15.551 --> 00:03:17.854
- that I had to forgive for the things that they did to me.
- 00:03:17.854 --> 00:03:22.125
- And,
- 00:03:22.125 --> 00:03:23.626
- it had to be the hardest thing to do,
- 00:03:23.626 --> 00:03:27.730
- when I was in college and I actually saw the guy
- 00:03:27.730 --> 00:03:30.700
- and to look him into his face,
- 00:03:30.700 --> 00:03:32.669
- and I realized then I hadn't let go of what was done.
- 00:03:32.669 --> 00:03:37.473
- Because now as a child, I didn't know.
- 00:03:37.473 --> 00:03:40.476
- When he first did what he did,
- 00:03:40.476 --> 00:03:42.912
- I didn't know that it hurt me the way that it did.
- 00:03:42.912 --> 00:03:47.850
- So seeing him was nothing,
- 00:03:47.850 --> 00:03:49.952
- until I was old enough to realize what was done to me
- 00:03:49.952 --> 00:03:53.222
- and then to see him,
- 00:03:53.222 --> 00:03:54.924
- it caused like an unsettling in my spirit.
- 00:03:54.924 --> 00:03:59.329
- I talked to my mom about it, we had a conversation
- 00:04:00.763 --> 00:04:02.665
- and she's like, "Okay, this is what you have to do.
- 00:04:02.665 --> 00:04:04.400
- "You have to forgive these people
- 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:06.336
- "and you have to let that go.
- 00:04:06.336 --> 00:04:07.670
- "Like you and what you did to the other people,
- 00:04:07.670 --> 00:04:11.040
- "you were a kid, like you have to forgive yourself,
- 00:04:11.040 --> 00:04:13.676
- "you have to ask God for forgiveness.
- 00:04:13.676 --> 00:04:15.845
- "And now begin to walk in there."
- 00:04:15.845 --> 00:04:17.647
- Of course, she's crying, she's sad
- 00:04:17.647 --> 00:04:19.982
- and she's like, "I never knew all of these things."
- 00:04:19.982 --> 00:04:24.320
- But, okay, now I could look these people in their face,
- 00:04:24.320 --> 00:04:27.757
- but now I'm carrying this fear
- 00:04:27.757 --> 00:04:30.259
- on to my relationship with my husband
- 00:04:30.259 --> 00:04:32.729
- and now with my girls and with the people
- 00:04:32.729 --> 00:04:35.498
- that they're around.
- 00:04:35.498 --> 00:04:37.633
- And I realized how much I didn't fully let it go
- 00:04:37.633 --> 00:04:42.305
- when I went off on my husband's mother
- 00:04:42.305 --> 00:04:45.174
- and it was so terrible.
- 00:04:45.174 --> 00:04:47.844
- I ended up having to apologize to her
- 00:04:47.844 --> 00:04:50.213
- but she allow his older nephew
- 00:04:50.213 --> 00:04:54.050
- to be in the bathroom with my girls.
- 00:04:54.050 --> 00:04:55.952
- Of course, it was all innocent,
- 00:04:55.952 --> 00:04:57.487
- she was there, they would taking a bath,
- 00:04:57.487 --> 00:04:59.589
- they probably were like two.
- 00:04:59.589 --> 00:05:01.257
- But for me, it wasn't innocent,
- 00:05:01.257 --> 00:05:04.026
- because I knew what had been done to me.
- 00:05:04.026 --> 00:05:07.563
- And I automatically put what had been done to me,
- 00:05:07.563 --> 00:05:11.033
- on to her in a completely innocent and pure situation.
- 00:05:11.033 --> 00:05:15.838
- And I spazzed.
- 00:05:15.838 --> 00:05:18.708
- I tell you, I had to ask for forgiveness for that
- 00:05:18.708 --> 00:05:22.211
- after I finished, from God and for her.
- 00:05:22.211 --> 00:05:25.214
- But, I then have to go through a process,
- 00:05:25.214 --> 00:05:30.219
- a more in depth process with my husband
- 00:05:31.287 --> 00:05:33.890
- and knowing that the things that he's doing to me
- 00:05:33.890 --> 00:05:36.559
- or that he asked of me sexually as in his right,
- 00:05:36.559 --> 00:05:41.564
- I have to know that
- 00:05:43.099 --> 00:05:45.034
- he values me.
- 00:05:46.836 --> 00:05:48.504
- And its not coming from a place of hurt or harm,
- 00:05:52.375 --> 00:05:56.412
- or what the other people had done to me.
- 00:05:59.449 --> 00:06:03.152
- I had to, it was like phases of it.
- 00:06:03.152 --> 00:06:06.022
- So it was first forgiving the people and letting it go,
- 00:06:06.022 --> 00:06:09.158
- being able to see them and then even being able to verbalize
- 00:06:09.158 --> 00:06:12.695
- and share my story,
- 00:06:12.695 --> 00:06:14.363
- having to not put that fear on my girls
- 00:06:14.363 --> 00:06:18.701
- and just use it as wisdom, opposed to now,
- 00:06:18.701 --> 00:06:22.071
- I'm being paranoid about something happening
- 00:06:22.071 --> 00:06:24.340
- and then just using wisdom to how they operate
- 00:06:24.340 --> 00:06:27.410
- and who they're around.
- 00:06:27.410 --> 00:06:28.811
- Instead of being in fear
- 00:06:29.812 --> 00:06:31.347
- that something's gonna happen to them
- 00:06:31.347 --> 00:06:33.182
- and now not putting that same sin from somebody else
- 00:06:33.182 --> 00:06:37.854
- on my husband.
- 00:06:37.854 --> 00:06:39.522
- And so It was so many different levels
- 00:06:39.522 --> 00:06:43.659
- that I had to peel back
- 00:06:43.659 --> 00:06:48.164
- in order to completely be healed from that.
- 00:06:48.164 --> 00:06:50.900
- And that was something that I couldn't do on my own,
- 00:06:50.900 --> 00:06:53.836
- I needed a team of people,
- 00:06:53.836 --> 00:06:56.005
- I needed God for sure
- 00:06:56.005 --> 00:06:59.742
- and I had to fully trust Him and put everything
- 00:06:59.742 --> 00:07:04.347
- into my relationship with Him.
- 00:07:04.347 --> 00:07:06.415
- And that's why I think it's so important for me
- 00:07:06.415 --> 00:07:09.252
- to trust God and His word,
- 00:07:09.252 --> 00:07:10.786
- because I'm able to now share this story,
- 00:07:10.786 --> 00:07:14.790
- with out feeling anger, or without feeling fear
- 00:07:15.992 --> 00:07:20.363
- that this is gonna happen to my kids
- 00:07:20.363 --> 00:07:22.565
- or without having unnecessary tension in between my husband.
- 00:07:22.565 --> 00:07:27.036
- The fact that I'm able to stay here now,
- 00:07:27.036 --> 00:07:31.274
- and do what I'm--
- 00:07:31.274 --> 00:07:32.508
- Or sit here now and do what I'm doing,
- 00:07:32.508 --> 00:07:34.777
- shows that everything that I put
- 00:07:34.777 --> 00:07:38.314
- into my relationship with God truly restore
- 00:07:38.314 --> 00:07:42.919
- and truly help heal and truly,
- 00:07:42.919 --> 00:07:47.723
- just allow certain doors to open.
- 00:07:47.723 --> 00:07:51.394
- It's like forgiveness is the path to restoration.
- 00:07:51.394 --> 00:07:56.399
- And once I forgave what happened to me there,
- 00:07:57.567 --> 00:08:01.103
- now it was like I was able
- 00:08:01.103 --> 00:08:02.972
- to get on this path of restoration and...
- 00:08:02.972 --> 00:08:07.076
- - Wow.
- 00:08:07.076 --> 00:08:08.010
- - That is...
- 00:08:08.010 --> 00:08:09.278
- Yeah, that is... (laughs)
- 00:08:09.278 --> 00:08:10.913
- Dr. Robyn, I mean, this is one of the biggest things now.
- 00:08:10.913 --> 00:08:14.250
- - Yes.
- 00:08:15.618 --> 00:08:16.852
- Well, yeah, it is definitely heavy
- 00:08:16.852 --> 00:08:18.120
- but I'm so happy to be able to share it
- 00:08:18.120 --> 00:08:21.057
- because I know it's so many people right now
- 00:08:21.057 --> 00:08:23.593
- who may struggle with different things like that,
- 00:08:23.593 --> 00:08:26.495
- but it's get you a team of good people around you,
- 00:08:26.495 --> 00:08:30.666
- to help you and fully trust God and His word.
- 00:08:30.666 --> 00:08:35.638
- - We overcome by the word of our testimony.
- 00:08:36.806 --> 00:08:39.775
- And that's what you're doing right now,
- 00:08:39.775 --> 00:08:42.144
- we overcome by confessing, is what James says.
- 00:08:42.144 --> 00:08:46.282
- James says that when we confess and we tell it,
- 00:08:46.282 --> 00:08:49.885
- we're healed.
- 00:08:49.885 --> 00:08:51.120
- And I'm so grateful, that I got to be here
- 00:08:51.120 --> 00:08:54.290
- when you shared your testimony
- 00:08:54.290 --> 00:08:57.093
- of deliverance and overcoming, because you're right,
- 00:08:57.093 --> 00:09:00.963
- you're sharing a victory story.
- 00:09:00.963 --> 00:09:04.066
- Here's the amazing principle,
- 00:09:04.066 --> 00:09:06.736
- nothing happens to me, it only happens for me.
- 00:09:06.736 --> 00:09:11.707
- And so today, Brittney,
- 00:09:13.442 --> 00:09:15.611
- you're taking this really terrible experience
- 00:09:15.611 --> 00:09:20.516
- and allowing it to be transformed,
- 00:09:20.516 --> 00:09:23.953
- so that you now can use it to be,
- 00:09:23.953 --> 00:09:28.090
- not that you would ever want it to have happened,
- 00:09:28.090 --> 00:09:31.027
- but it can change who you are to be this different mom,
- 00:09:31.027 --> 00:09:35.965
- a different wife, a different pastor
- 00:09:37.166 --> 00:09:39.001
- than you ever would have been.
- 00:09:39.001 --> 00:09:41.370
- So, compassion leads to forgiveness.
- 00:09:41.370 --> 00:09:46.375
- And that is the principle that's in the Scripture,
- 00:09:47.810 --> 00:09:50.413
- "He will again have compassion on us.
- 00:09:50.413 --> 00:09:53.649
- "He will tread our iniquities underfoot.
- 00:09:53.649 --> 00:09:57.887
- "You will cast all your sins into the depth of the sea."
- 00:09:57.887 --> 00:10:01.924
- Is what Micah 7:19, says.
- 00:10:01.924 --> 00:10:05.294
- And that's how we become forgiven and free,
- 00:10:05.294 --> 00:10:08.931
- don't you agree, Laurie?
- 00:10:08.931 --> 00:10:10.533
- - Yeah, I totally believe that.
- 00:10:11.967 --> 00:10:14.603
- Sheila, what's the difference
- 00:10:14.603 --> 00:10:15.971
- between forgiveness and restoration?
- 00:10:15.971 --> 00:10:18.507
- - Yeah, I think that's a very important distinction.
- 00:10:20.176 --> 00:10:23.345
- Because I'm thinking,
- 00:10:23.345 --> 00:10:24.380
- I mean, Brittney, yay, you for sharing.
- 00:10:25.715 --> 00:10:29.518
- I mean, you just put the enemy in the corner,
- 00:10:29.518 --> 00:10:32.888
- it's just, well done girl, we're so proud of you.
- 00:10:32.888 --> 00:10:36.826
- But there's--
- 00:10:36.826 --> 00:10:38.294
- I'm thinking of people who have maybe experienced
- 00:10:38.294 --> 00:10:39.528
- some kind of abuse in their childhood.
- 00:10:39.528 --> 00:10:42.164
- And you can forgive that person so you're free,
- 00:10:42.164 --> 00:10:45.167
- but it doesn't mean you have to be restored
- 00:10:45.167 --> 00:10:47.136
- to relationship.
- 00:10:47.136 --> 00:10:48.571
- You know, to me, forgiveness is something
- 00:10:48.571 --> 00:10:50.172
- that is a transaction between you and God.
- 00:10:50.172 --> 00:10:52.274
- But if someone is not genuinely repentant,
- 00:10:52.274 --> 00:10:55.177
- you don't have to put yourself back
- 00:10:55.177 --> 00:10:56.846
- in a situation like that.
- 00:10:56.846 --> 00:10:58.514
- When my son Christian was a little boy,
- 00:10:58.514 --> 00:11:00.416
- I picked him up from school one day,
- 00:11:00.416 --> 00:11:02.184
- and I could tell him and I saw his face,
- 00:11:02.184 --> 00:11:04.053
- that he'd had a bad day.
- 00:11:04.053 --> 00:11:06.222
- And so we went to ice cream parlor,
- 00:11:06.222 --> 00:11:08.290
- which tends to make him talk.
- 00:11:08.290 --> 00:11:10.025
- And he said, "Mom, do you wanna know
- 00:11:10.025 --> 00:11:11.794
- "what happened to me today?"
- 00:11:11.794 --> 00:11:13.028
- And I said, "Yeah, I do darling."
- 00:11:13.028 --> 00:11:14.830
- And he said that his best friend
- 00:11:14.830 --> 00:11:16.365
- knocked over Christian's desk and all the pencils spilled.
- 00:11:16.365 --> 00:11:19.702
- And he said, "Mom, and the teacher turned around,
- 00:11:19.702 --> 00:11:21.137
- "she thought it was me.
- 00:11:21.137 --> 00:11:22.404
- "And and I said, no, it wasn't me, it was..."
- 00:11:22.404 --> 00:11:24.540
- And he named his best friend.
- 00:11:24.540 --> 00:11:25.875
- And he said, "I got into trouble twice,
- 00:11:25.875 --> 00:11:27.543
- "once for tattling, and once for knocking over my desk.
- 00:11:27.543 --> 00:11:30.579
- "So I said to my friend at lunchtime,
- 00:11:30.579 --> 00:11:32.114
- "listen, you need to go tell the teacher that you did it.
- 00:11:32.114 --> 00:11:34.216
- "and my friend said, 'No, I'm not gonna do that.'"
- 00:11:34.216 --> 00:11:37.119
- So my son made this announcement.
- 00:11:37.119 --> 00:11:38.721
- "So mom, here's my decision.
- 00:11:38.721 --> 00:11:40.156
- "He is off my prayer list,
- 00:11:40.156 --> 00:11:42.124
- "he's no longer one of my friends."
- 00:11:42.124 --> 00:11:43.659
- And I said, "I totally get it dude, I totally get it."
- 00:11:43.659 --> 00:11:46.929
- But that night, I asked Christian,
- 00:11:46.929 --> 00:11:48.597
- if he'd come for a walk with me,
- 00:11:48.597 --> 00:11:49.832
- he was in his PJ's.
- 00:11:49.832 --> 00:11:51.300
- And I said, "Would you get that big bag of flour
- 00:11:51.300 --> 00:11:52.935
- "that I bought at Costco?"
- 00:11:52.935 --> 00:11:54.970
- So he got it.
- 00:11:54.970 --> 00:11:56.505
- And I said, "You and I are gonna go on an adventure."
- 00:11:56.505 --> 00:11:58.808
- And we started to walk,
- 00:11:58.808 --> 00:12:00.276
- we used to live near a golf course in Nashville.
- 00:12:00.276 --> 00:12:02.344
- And Christian, he's like six
- 00:12:02.344 --> 00:12:03.913
- and he's holding this huge, big bag of flour.
- 00:12:03.913 --> 00:12:05.481
- And I'm like, "We're nearly there, we're nearly there."
- 00:12:05.481 --> 00:12:07.383
- And he's like, "Mom is too heavy, it's too heavy."
- 00:12:07.383 --> 00:12:10.019
- And eventually he dropped it.
- 00:12:10.019 --> 00:12:11.921
- And I sat down with him and I said,
- 00:12:11.921 --> 00:12:13.455
- "Babe, that's what it looks like when you want forgive.
- 00:12:13.455 --> 00:12:15.224
- "You're the one out here carrying this weight.
- 00:12:15.224 --> 00:12:18.194
- "Your friends probably been asleep for 20 minutes."
- 00:12:18.194 --> 00:12:20.396
- You want life to be fair, we all do.
- 00:12:20.396 --> 00:12:23.232
- But the truth is, life is not fair,
- 00:12:23.232 --> 00:12:25.401
- and that's why Jesus came.
- 00:12:25.401 --> 00:12:27.069
- And forgiveness isn't about making you a good person,
- 00:12:27.069 --> 00:12:29.905
- it's a gift.
- 00:12:29.905 --> 00:12:31.473
- And I think I said on maybe on Tuesday's program,
- 00:12:31.473 --> 00:12:33.742
- forgiveness is God's gift us to be free.
- 00:12:33.742 --> 00:12:37.179
- I was studying a couple of nights ago
- 00:12:37.179 --> 00:12:39.048
- the New Testament commentary by Warren Wiersbe
- 00:12:39.048 --> 00:12:42.585
- and I wrote this down.
- 00:12:42.585 --> 00:12:44.053
- He said,
- 00:12:44.053 --> 00:12:44.887
- "The world's worst prison
- 00:12:46.021 --> 00:12:48.390
- is the prison of an unforgiving heart."
- 00:12:48.390 --> 00:12:50.993
- "The world's worst prison
- 00:12:50.993 --> 00:12:52.261
- "is the prison of an unforgiving heart."
- 00:12:52.261 --> 00:12:54.263
- There are some things that may have happened to you,
- 00:12:54.263 --> 00:12:57.199
- just as they happen to Brittney,
- 00:12:57.199 --> 00:12:58.834
- and you think, "How am I supposed to forgive?"
- 00:12:58.834 --> 00:13:01.303
- And it's about you being free.
- 00:13:01.303 --> 00:13:03.505
- It's not about saying what that person did was right,
- 00:13:03.505 --> 00:13:05.875
- it's not even about you necessarily being reconciled
- 00:13:05.875 --> 00:13:08.043
- with that person, if there's no change of heart,
- 00:13:08.043 --> 00:13:10.145
- it's simply God wants to set you free.
- 00:13:10.145 --> 00:13:13.983
- What do you think about that, Janice?
- 00:13:15.150 --> 00:13:16.919
- - I think, yes.
- 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:18.053
- I think that is brilliant and it's true.
- 00:13:18.053 --> 00:13:21.423
- Brittney, I have a similar testimony.
- 00:13:21.423 --> 00:13:23.926
- And I wanna tell you that I am so proud of you
- 00:13:23.926 --> 00:13:27.696
- and I love you and I wish I could just hug you.
- 00:13:27.696 --> 00:13:30.299
- And I know we don't know each other super well,
- 00:13:30.299 --> 00:13:33.435
- but I feel like we do.
- 00:13:33.435 --> 00:13:34.536
- So you know. (laughs)
- 00:13:34.536 --> 00:13:36.005
- - We do, we do.
- 00:13:36.005 --> 00:13:37.740
- - Yeah, I'm so proud of you in the sense that,
- 00:13:37.740 --> 00:13:42.745
- wow, I know that took a lot
- 00:13:43.612 --> 00:13:45.080
- and honored to be amongst the women to hear this
- 00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:48.651
- with the other people watching.
- 00:13:48.651 --> 00:13:50.286
- But one of the things I've realized along the way
- 00:13:50.286 --> 00:13:54.556
- is that, yes, I did have to forgive.
- 00:13:54.556 --> 00:13:57.126
- And restoration has looked a lot like actual counseling.
- 00:13:57.126 --> 00:14:02.131
- (laughs)
- 00:14:02.631 --> 00:14:04.133
- So that as a mom, I know what healthy boundaries look like
- 00:14:04.133 --> 00:14:08.437
- and not boundaries out of fear.
- 00:14:09.305 --> 00:14:10.472
- Or I know how to communicate discomfort
- 00:14:10.472 --> 00:14:14.743
- in a way that's assertive, instead of aggressive,
- 00:14:16.478 --> 00:14:20.549
- you know what I mean?
- 00:14:20.549 --> 00:14:21.817
- Like I've had to have to have help for that.
- 00:14:21.817 --> 00:14:24.553
- Because they say statistically,
- 00:14:24.553 --> 00:14:26.155
- a lot of people who were abused,
- 00:14:26.155 --> 00:14:27.523
- their kids do get abused,
- 00:14:27.523 --> 00:14:28.757
- because they don't even see the signs.
- 00:14:28.757 --> 00:14:30.326
- And so I've gone through counseling
- 00:14:30.326 --> 00:14:32.461
- and done a lot of prayer.
- 00:14:32.461 --> 00:14:34.229
- I shared my testimony with my family members first,
- 00:14:34.229 --> 00:14:38.500
- 'cause I knew, one day the Lord is gonna ask me
- 00:14:38.500 --> 00:14:40.536
- to talk about this and I want them to know first.
- 00:14:40.536 --> 00:14:44.540
- But you know what I'm saying?
- 00:14:44.540 --> 00:14:45.774
- And so it's been years of talking to family
- 00:14:45.774 --> 00:14:47.609
- and counseling to be restored,
- 00:14:47.609 --> 00:14:50.646
- so that I can manage that decision for forgiveness.
- 00:14:50.646 --> 00:14:54.283
- But yes, I think you're absolutely right Sheila.
- 00:14:55.484 --> 00:14:57.920
- And I don't intend to be reconciled
- 00:14:57.920 --> 00:15:00.923
- with those people per se,
- 00:15:00.923 --> 00:15:02.358
- because they've not necessarily been repentant,
- 00:15:02.358 --> 00:15:05.527
- but I'm also not angry with them.
- 00:15:05.527 --> 00:15:07.596
- And like you said, Dr. Robyn,
- 00:15:07.596 --> 00:15:09.732
- that these things along with other things,
- 00:15:09.732 --> 00:15:13.135
- it's amazing how the gospel of Jesus Christ
- 00:15:13.135 --> 00:15:15.838
- actually does this, it's a real transaction in your heart.
- 00:15:15.838 --> 00:15:19.875
- It's amazing how on the other side,
- 00:15:19.875 --> 00:15:21.677
- you can say, these things happened for me,
- 00:15:21.677 --> 00:15:25.147
- because the Lord has and will continue
- 00:15:25.147 --> 00:15:28.017
- to use them for good.
- 00:15:28.017 --> 00:15:31.020
- And right now Brittney, I want you to know
- 00:15:31.020 --> 00:15:33.422
- that this is tucked into your good
- 00:15:33.422 --> 00:15:36.291
- in the fact that there are people watching.
- 00:15:36.291 --> 00:15:39.561
- I mean, the statistics are through the roof on this,
- 00:15:39.561 --> 00:15:42.364
- there are people watching who did not know
- 00:15:42.364 --> 00:15:45.200
- that they would be watching today
- 00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:46.502
- and that they would receive instruction
- 00:15:46.502 --> 00:15:48.871
- from how to get from that place to the next place.
- 00:15:48.871 --> 00:15:52.474
- And so thank you for your honesty,
- 00:15:52.474 --> 00:15:55.744
- your heart, your tears,
- 00:15:55.744 --> 00:15:57.980
- because I did have a counselor tell me one time,
- 00:15:57.980 --> 00:16:01.050
- because it took me so long to be able to cry about things,
- 00:16:01.050 --> 00:16:04.386
- she said, "You know, the lord says
- 00:16:06.688 --> 00:16:09.058
- "that he bottles are tears.
- 00:16:09.058 --> 00:16:10.592
- "We don't know what he's going to do with them,
- 00:16:10.592 --> 00:16:12.294
- "but don't you wanna have your share?"
- 00:16:12.294 --> 00:16:14.563
- And so I wanna encourage you that those tears are important,
- 00:16:14.563 --> 00:16:17.533
- they're important, for whatever reason
- 00:16:17.533 --> 00:16:20.069
- the Lord's bottling them for
- 00:16:20.069 --> 00:16:21.470
- and they're important for people to see.
- 00:16:21.470 --> 00:16:24.106
- And yes, there will be a time when you press that wound,
- 00:16:24.106 --> 00:16:28.010
- and what?
- 00:16:28.010 --> 00:16:29.111
- And tears don't come out,
- 00:16:29.111 --> 00:16:30.679
- but strength from the joy of the Lord is what comes out
- 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:34.783
- even, even, even more.
- 00:16:34.783 --> 00:16:36.718
- And so he'll continue to transform you from glory to glory,
- 00:16:36.718 --> 00:16:39.788
- as you take that into His presence, beholding His face
- 00:16:39.788 --> 00:16:44.026
- in the coming days.
- 00:16:44.026 --> 00:16:45.494
- So I will be praying for you and for every person out there,
- 00:16:45.494 --> 00:16:48.831
- it's not just a woman thing, this is a human thing.
- 00:16:48.831 --> 00:16:53.802
- If we even think about ladies,
- 00:16:54.670 --> 00:16:56.472
- like sex trafficking that's happening right now,
- 00:16:56.472 --> 00:16:59.608
- we're thinking about all of the hurts
- 00:16:59.608 --> 00:17:02.044
- that have honestly come up in this season of life
- 00:17:02.044 --> 00:17:05.814
- to be focused on.
- 00:17:05.814 --> 00:17:07.049
- There's a huge company that's been accused
- 00:17:07.049 --> 00:17:09.585
- of trafficking children.
- 00:17:09.585 --> 00:17:12.354
- And one of the things I've realized is,
- 00:17:12.354 --> 00:17:16.558
- I have experienced hurts, through abuse as a kid
- 00:17:18.460 --> 00:17:23.465
- or through racism as a kid or an adult,
- 00:17:24.633 --> 00:17:27.870
- but I...
- 00:17:27.870 --> 00:17:29.371
- This is why, the way we move forward is repentance
- 00:17:29.371 --> 00:17:33.175
- and coming to the Lord and humbling ourselves.
- 00:17:33.175 --> 00:17:36.111
- It's because, when a story came out
- 00:17:36.111 --> 00:17:38.614
- about a large company possibly being involved,
- 00:17:38.614 --> 00:17:41.216
- I realized I've purchased things from that company
- 00:17:41.216 --> 00:17:44.653
- on discount before.
- 00:17:44.653 --> 00:17:46.088
- And because we've all to some degree,
- 00:17:46.088 --> 00:17:48.957
- either benefited from,
- 00:17:48.957 --> 00:17:51.160
- whether we participated in willingly or not,
- 00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:54.129
- because humanity moves in such a way
- 00:17:54.129 --> 00:17:56.899
- that we will participate in the injustice of others,
- 00:17:56.899 --> 00:18:00.736
- whether it's abuse, or it's racism, or it's sex trafficking,
- 00:18:00.736 --> 00:18:04.973
- we all have to repent
- 00:18:04.973 --> 00:18:06.675
- and 'cause I think that's how we move forward.
- 00:18:06.675 --> 00:18:09.077
- Repent and ask the Lord for forgiveness
- 00:18:09.077 --> 00:18:12.014
- for how things have happened on our watch
- 00:18:12.014 --> 00:18:16.885
- as the church, right?
- 00:18:16.885 --> 00:18:18.921
- And it's from that place
- 00:18:18.921 --> 00:18:20.389
- that as we humble ourselves to repent, to turn,
- 00:18:20.389 --> 00:18:23.325
- seek the Lord's face and pray,
- 00:18:23.325 --> 00:18:25.494
- that I think we will begin to start seeing personal healing,
- 00:18:25.494 --> 00:18:28.830
- we'll start seeing healing in the body of Christ,
- 00:18:28.830 --> 00:18:31.934
- and I think it'll flow out to the world.
- 00:18:31.934 --> 00:18:34.036
- Because I think the world will see, they've got the answer,
- 00:18:34.036 --> 00:18:37.673
- and I think then they're gonna flock into the church,
- 00:18:37.673 --> 00:18:40.142
- "We want some of what you have."
- 00:18:40.142 --> 00:18:43.078
- Right?
- 00:18:43.078 --> 00:18:44.613
- I don't know, what do you think about that Brittney?
- 00:18:44.613 --> 00:18:46.682
- - I'm so glad you mentioned counseling
- 00:18:46.682 --> 00:18:49.318
- because I talked about actually on Better Together before,
- 00:18:49.318 --> 00:18:53.055
- about therapy.
- 00:18:53.055 --> 00:18:54.489
- Sometimes as Christians,
- 00:18:54.489 --> 00:18:56.458
- we feel like we shouldn't need therapy,
- 00:18:56.458 --> 00:18:59.127
- but it's like any other doctor.
- 00:18:59.127 --> 00:19:04.132
- Like if something's wrong with your heart,
- 00:19:05.334 --> 00:19:06.568
- you're going to go to the cardiologist,
- 00:19:06.568 --> 00:19:08.637
- if something's wrong with your kidney,
- 00:19:08.637 --> 00:19:10.038
- you're gonna go to urologist.
- 00:19:10.038 --> 00:19:11.707
- If...
- 00:19:11.707 --> 00:19:12.874
- Like me, I have glasses, I need to see,
- 00:19:12.874 --> 00:19:16.144
- so I wear glasses so it helps me or contacts.
- 00:19:16.144 --> 00:19:20.015
- And a lot of times we struggle with the natural steps,
- 00:19:20.015 --> 00:19:24.987
- we see all the Scriptures on forgiveness
- 00:19:26.622 --> 00:19:29.124
- and how God forgives us,
- 00:19:29.124 --> 00:19:31.627
- but we don't necessarily know how to do certain things.
- 00:19:31.627 --> 00:19:36.632
- And a lot of times, spiritual therapists
- 00:19:37.833 --> 00:19:41.336
- or Christian therapists can help you
- 00:19:41.336 --> 00:19:44.072
- get the Christian steps, I mean, the natural steps
- 00:19:44.072 --> 00:19:47.809
- that you need in order to overcome your thoughts
- 00:19:47.809 --> 00:19:52.047
- and in order to help you set up healthy boundaries.
- 00:19:52.047 --> 00:19:55.784
- 'Cause I actually did that myself,
- 00:19:55.784 --> 00:19:58.220
- going through the process and it greatly helped,
- 00:19:58.220 --> 00:20:03.225
- because there was a lot of things
- 00:20:04.393 --> 00:20:05.627
- that I needed to forgive people for
- 00:20:05.627 --> 00:20:08.230
- and that I needed to be forgiven for
- 00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:11.600
- and to be completely free.
- 00:20:11.600 --> 00:20:13.969
- Sheila you mentioned about how we can forgive
- 00:20:16.171 --> 00:20:20.008
- but it doesn't necessarily mean
- 00:20:20.008 --> 00:20:22.010
- that restoration has to happen,
- 00:20:22.010 --> 00:20:24.146
- I wholeheartedly agree with that.
- 00:20:24.146 --> 00:20:27.482
- But there are certain situations
- 00:20:27.482 --> 00:20:30.218
- where we do have to now be restored,
- 00:20:30.218 --> 00:20:35.123
- 'cause some of these people were my family members
- 00:20:36.491 --> 00:20:38.060
- and if you see us now,
- 00:20:38.060 --> 00:20:40.228
- you would have never thought what happened, happened.
- 00:20:40.228 --> 00:20:44.666
- Because of we're such in a healthy place now,
- 00:20:44.666 --> 00:20:49.638
- but like I was saying earlier,
- 00:20:50.505 --> 00:20:51.973
- forgiveness help...
- 00:20:51.973 --> 00:20:53.208
- That is that path to restoration.
- 00:20:53.208 --> 00:20:56.812
- Like to be able to forgive my cousin,
- 00:20:56.812 --> 00:20:59.681
- to love her and him and be able to look in their eyes
- 00:20:59.681 --> 00:21:04.252
- and then still carry on like they never did a thing to me.
- 00:21:04.252 --> 00:21:08.623
- Like I...
- 00:21:08.623 --> 00:21:11.360
- Sometimes (laughs)
- 00:21:11.360 --> 00:21:13.862
- you have to be in those situations,
- 00:21:13.862 --> 00:21:15.564
- so it's kind of like, what do you do?
- 00:21:15.564 --> 00:21:17.132
- How do you set up healthy boundaries?
- 00:21:17.132 --> 00:21:19.334
- How do now you love this person like God loves us?
- 00:21:19.334 --> 00:21:23.338
- Or some of you may be your spouse,
- 00:21:23.338 --> 00:21:26.308
- your spouse could have cheated on you
- 00:21:26.308 --> 00:21:28.977
- and now you're dealing with,
- 00:21:28.977 --> 00:21:31.646
- okay, how do I now restore?
- 00:21:31.646 --> 00:21:35.851
- Like I forgave you for what you did to me,
- 00:21:35.851 --> 00:21:38.987
- but yet, now I still wanna get a divorce.
- 00:21:38.987 --> 00:21:41.790
- However, like I had a conversation with my uncle
- 00:21:41.790 --> 00:21:44.659
- and he explained how love has boundaries,
- 00:21:44.659 --> 00:21:48.029
- and there are different levels of it.
- 00:21:48.029 --> 00:21:50.999
- Like, you're supposed to love your enemies,
- 00:21:50.999 --> 00:21:53.735
- and then as Christians, we love one another
- 00:21:53.735 --> 00:21:56.271
- like God loves us.
- 00:21:56.271 --> 00:21:57.506
- And then in the marital relationship,
- 00:21:57.506 --> 00:22:00.642
- we love our spouse like Jesus loves the church.
- 00:22:00.642 --> 00:22:04.246
- There is nothing that we as a church can do for Jesus
- 00:22:04.246 --> 00:22:08.950
- to stop loving us,
- 00:22:08.950 --> 00:22:10.352
- nothing.
- 00:22:11.820 --> 00:22:13.088
- So some people may see that.
- 00:22:13.088 --> 00:22:16.458
- I mean, I know there other the things that we say okay,
- 00:22:16.458 --> 00:22:19.161
- adultery, addiction and abuse we can get out.
- 00:22:19.161 --> 00:22:22.798
- But I really truly believe there are some people
- 00:22:22.798 --> 00:22:25.867
- who have made certain mistakes,
- 00:22:25.867 --> 00:22:27.869
- that your relationship can be restored.
- 00:22:27.869 --> 00:22:30.238
- And therapy will help.
- 00:22:30.238 --> 00:22:32.541
- Or counseling with your pastor.
- 00:22:32.541 --> 00:22:34.609
- Or getting yourself around a good group of people
- 00:22:34.609 --> 00:22:38.580
- if both spouses are totally willing
- 00:22:38.580 --> 00:22:41.883
- to restore that relationship, it is possible.
- 00:22:41.883 --> 00:22:46.354
- But forgiveness will create that path to restoration.
- 00:22:46.354 --> 00:22:51.059
- So, at the end of the day, like I said,
- 00:22:51.059 --> 00:22:54.563
- it all boils down to being a big girl or a big boy
- 00:22:54.563 --> 00:22:59.501
- and deciding what fruit do you want to see
- 00:22:59.501 --> 00:23:03.038
- from this situation.
- 00:23:03.038 --> 00:23:05.941
- How do you want God to get the glory in this?
- 00:23:05.941 --> 00:23:09.044
- Or how can God get the glory in this situation?
- 00:23:09.044 --> 00:23:11.847
- Yes, something happened,
- 00:23:11.847 --> 00:23:13.582
- but now how can you take this
- 00:23:13.582 --> 00:23:16.718
- and now make sure God gets the glory for it
- 00:23:16.718 --> 00:23:19.054
- and He turns the good and the bad into somebody's good.
- 00:23:19.054 --> 00:23:24.059
- So, Dr. Robin.
- 00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:27.629
- - Brittney, you are one amazing, positive girl.
- 00:23:27.629 --> 00:23:32.567
- You're a warrior!
- 00:23:33.268 --> 00:23:33.835
- You're a warrior because you have definitely,
- 00:23:35.537 --> 00:23:39.040
- turned that situation around and I am so proud of you.
- 00:23:39.040 --> 00:23:43.011
- You know, the Bible says,
- 00:23:43.011 --> 00:23:44.546
- "We know that all things work together for the good of those
- 00:23:44.546 --> 00:23:49.551
- "who love God, those whom He has called
- 00:23:50.719 --> 00:23:53.922
- "according to His plan."
- 00:23:53.922 --> 00:23:56.758
- Let's pray together.
- 00:23:56.758 --> 00:23:58.193
- Father we lift up, every friend watching now,
- 00:23:58.193 --> 00:24:03.198
- those who have suffered through circumstances
- 00:24:04.599 --> 00:24:09.137
- that they thought they could not endure,
- 00:24:09.137 --> 00:24:11.840
- God we know that you have a plan for them.
- 00:24:11.840 --> 00:24:16.845
- We know God, that you can bring us through all things.
- 00:24:18.280 --> 00:24:21.883
- And today God, we lift up our friends
- 00:24:23.051 --> 00:24:25.754
- and we ask that you will heal, you will bring victory
- 00:24:25.754 --> 00:24:30.625
- and like Brittney's story, they will be able to overcome
- 00:24:30.625 --> 00:24:34.930
- with the word of their testimony.
- 00:24:34.930 --> 00:24:37.732
- In Jesus name, amen, amen.
- 00:24:37.732 --> 00:24:41.770
- Amen!
- 00:24:41.770 --> 00:24:42.571
- - Amen.
- 00:24:42.571 --> 00:24:43.438
- - Hallelujah, wonderful.
- 00:24:43.438 --> 00:24:45.140
- - You know our Better Together community
- 00:24:45.140 --> 00:24:46.708
- is always here for you.
- 00:24:46.708 --> 00:24:48.209
- You can connect with us on social media
- 00:24:48.209 --> 00:24:49.678
- and let us know how we can pray for you.
- 00:24:49.678 --> 00:24:52.080
- Thank you for joining us today.
- 00:24:52.080 --> 00:24:53.715
- If you've missed any of our conversations this week,
- 00:24:53.715 --> 00:24:56.518
- you can watch them at bettertogether.tv
- 00:24:56.518 --> 00:24:59.287
- or on the TBN app.
- 00:24:59.287 --> 00:25:00.989
- On Monday, join us
- 00:25:00.989 --> 00:25:02.490
- for some of our favorite Better Together episodes.
- 00:25:02.490 --> 00:25:05.360
- We've had some great conversations
- 00:25:05.360 --> 00:25:07.362
- about loving our neighbors,
- 00:25:07.362 --> 00:25:08.763
- listening to the guidance of the Holy Spirit
- 00:25:08.763 --> 00:25:11.499
- and becoming a bridge builder.
- 00:25:11.499 --> 00:25:13.401
- You don't wanna miss any of these.
- 00:25:13.401 --> 00:25:14.769
- We'll see you on Monday.
- 00:25:14.769 --> 00:25:16.071
- I love you girls, you are amazing to me.
- 00:25:16.071 --> 00:25:18.940
- Thank you, love you, bye.
- 00:25:18.940 --> 00:25:21.009
- (upbeat music)
- 00:25:21.009 --> 00:25:23.578