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Better Together

Build a Circle of Friends | Better Together Episode 1180

July 17, 2026 | S8 E1180 | 50:59

Build a Circle of Friends | Better Together Episode 1180
Meaningful friendships are essential for navigating life's joys and challenges. When we are willing to open our hearts to others, we can find healing, compassion, and strength for the journey. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000
#Community #Relationships #Grief #Fellowship #Healing #Betrayal #Joy #PersonalStory #Help #Season #Accountability #SocialMedia #Church #Forgiveness #LaurieCrouch #SheilaWalsh #JackieHillPerry #ToniCollier #LisaWhittle

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Better Together | Build a Circle of Friends | Better Together Episode 1180 | July 17, 2026
  • - we need each other and building circles of friends is
  • 00:00:00.290 --> 00:00:04.861
  • God's gift to us.
  • 00:00:04.861 --> 00:00:06.129
  • If you have experienced hurt or betrayal, there is hope.
  • 00:00:06.129 --> 00:00:09.132
  • Together we can find community and rest ina his grace.
  • 00:00:09.132 --> 00:00:12.469
  • Come on, join us.
  • 00:00:12.469 --> 00:00:40.697
  • - i love this topic and it's, you know,
  • 00:00:41.631 --> 00:00:43.399
  • All around building a circle of friends because i just genuinely
  • 00:00:43.399 --> 00:00:45.869
  • Believe that even jesus had circles.
  • 00:00:45.869 --> 00:00:49.539
  • You know, we see like a picture of how jesus kind of like formed
  • 00:00:49.539 --> 00:00:54.811
  • His circles with the garden of gethsemane.
  • 00:00:54.811 --> 00:00:57.413
  • You had jesus in his most inner circle.
  • 00:00:57.413 --> 00:01:00.416
  • It was just him and god.
  • 00:01:00.416 --> 00:01:01.918
  • We saw him retreat to god all the time, a tiny little circle.
  • 00:01:01.918 --> 00:01:04.754
  • Nobody else can get into it.
  • 00:01:04.754 --> 00:01:06.055
  • But then outside of that, in the garden of gethsemane,
  • 00:01:06.055 --> 00:01:08.258
  • We saw him bring three disciples close to a really intimate,
  • 00:01:08.258 --> 00:01:12.529
  • Vulnerable moment.
  • 00:01:12.529 --> 00:01:14.631
  • And now they fell asleep.
  • 00:01:14.631 --> 00:01:16.499
  • You know what i'm saying?
  • 00:01:16.499 --> 00:01:17.400
  • That did happen.
  • 00:01:17.400 --> 00:01:19.169
  • But it also just shows the humanity of the fact that
  • 00:01:19.169 --> 00:01:22.305
  • Sometimes we'll have friends that make mistakes.
  • 00:01:22.305 --> 00:01:24.507
  • And it does not discount the gathering of saints,
  • 00:01:24.507 --> 00:01:29.479
  • That we still need them, that we still need to bring them along.
  • 00:01:29.479 --> 00:01:32.315
  • Because when you really think about it,
  • 00:01:32.315 --> 00:01:33.716
  • Jesus knew they'd fall asleep because he's an all-knowing god.
  • 00:01:33.716 --> 00:01:36.920
  • And he still brought them.
  • 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:38.888
  • And so we have this other circle, you know, the three,
  • 00:01:38.888 --> 00:01:42.525
  • Peter, james, and john.
  • 00:01:42.525 --> 00:01:43.593
  • And then we have the circle outside of that,
  • 00:01:43.593 --> 00:01:44.827
  • The rest of the disciples.
  • 00:01:44.827 --> 00:01:46.129
  • We see how jesus interacts with these circles differently,
  • 00:01:46.129 --> 00:01:49.399
  • Not because of a lack of love.
  • 00:01:49.399 --> 00:01:52.268
  • But an abundance of boundaries because boundaries are biblical.
  • 00:01:52.268 --> 00:01:57.574
  • And the way that jesus lived his life was for us to fully
  • 00:01:57.574 --> 00:02:02.545
  • Understand how we should live ours with friends, in circles,
  • 00:02:02.545 --> 00:02:06.482
  • With some boundaries.
  • 00:02:06.482 --> 00:02:08.284
  • - as we follow after jesus and the way he built community
  • 00:02:09.485 --> 00:02:11.521
  • And the way we look at our own community,
  • 00:02:11.521 --> 00:02:13.389
  • We see healthy community.
  • 00:02:13.389 --> 00:02:15.024
  • And this is really, really critical because i think a lot
  • 00:02:15.024 --> 00:02:18.094
  • Of us are all over the map in how we do community.
  • 00:02:18.094 --> 00:02:20.496
  • We don't really understand it.
  • 00:02:20.496 --> 00:02:21.764
  • We don't understand healthy community.
  • 00:02:21.764 --> 00:02:23.333
  • And so we need to understand how it is to do community with
  • 00:02:23.333 --> 00:02:29.272
  • Trusted friends, with relating to certain
  • 00:02:29.272 --> 00:02:33.676
  • Friends in times of trouble with knowing
  • 00:02:33.676 --> 00:02:36.713
  • Core friends that we need to have even boundaries are
  • 00:02:36.713 --> 00:02:39.916
  • Critical and so i think that's the important thing here we
  • 00:02:39.916 --> 00:02:43.019
  • Understand the importance of corporate community the church
  • 00:02:43.019 --> 00:02:46.789
  • We know god's perfect design for how we do fellowship and how we
  • 00:02:46.789 --> 00:02:50.793
  • Grow in our faith and then we understand core friendship we
  • 00:02:50.793 --> 00:02:54.364
  • Understand the ones that will walk closely with us in life
  • 00:02:54.364 --> 00:02:57.967
  • Which is critical and then we have a little bit wider circle
  • 00:02:57.967 --> 00:03:01.070
  • That we for different aspects of relationship and community,
  • 00:03:01.070 --> 00:03:04.841
  • And we set boundaries accordingly.
  • 00:03:04.841 --> 00:03:08.344
  • - one of the areas that's really difficult for me when it comes
  • 00:03:08.444 --> 00:03:11.381
  • To friendship is not being the strong friend,
  • 00:03:11.381 --> 00:03:15.218
  • Because i really like to be the strong friend.
  • 00:03:15.218 --> 00:03:17.053
  • And there's been seasons in my life where i can't be the strong
  • 00:03:17.053 --> 00:03:20.023
  • Friend.
  • 00:03:20.023 --> 00:03:21.291
  • And what it has cost me is being seen, being deeply seen.
  • 00:03:21.291 --> 00:03:23.893
  • When i grew up, i just was like the girl that had it all
  • 00:03:23.893 --> 00:03:26.996
  • Together.
  • 00:03:26.996 --> 00:03:28.231
  • And i was the girl that had it all together because my
  • 00:03:28.231 --> 00:03:30.900
  • Home life was really, really broken.
  • 00:03:30.900 --> 00:03:33.636
  • My mom was really sick growing up.
  • 00:03:33.636 --> 00:03:35.672
  • She had a massive stroke when i was seven.
  • 00:03:35.672 --> 00:03:37.974
  • She was on all sorts of medication,
  • 00:03:37.974 --> 00:03:40.176
  • Making her just a vegetable.
  • 00:03:40.176 --> 00:03:42.478
  • And i was a tiny caregiver.
  • 00:03:42.478 --> 00:03:44.213
  • We were a blended family.
  • 00:03:44.213 --> 00:03:45.515
  • My brothers, two of my older brothers went to go live with
  • 00:03:45.515 --> 00:03:47.083
  • Their moms.
  • 00:03:47.083 --> 00:03:48.451
  • One of my other brother kind of just kind of went out and did
  • 00:03:48.451 --> 00:03:50.553
  • His own thing.
  • 00:03:50.553 --> 00:03:51.821
  • My dad was like working double, triple overtime to try to
  • 00:03:51.821 --> 00:03:54.257
  • Provide for our family now that my mom was disabled.
  • 00:03:54.257 --> 00:03:56.893
  • And so it was just me.
  • 00:03:56.893 --> 00:03:58.594
  • Little tiny caregiver, taking care of my mama,
  • 00:03:58.594 --> 00:04:00.863
  • Learning how to put everyone else first before myself.
  • 00:04:00.863 --> 00:04:04.334
  • It had developed the strong friend syndrome in me.
  • 00:04:04.334 --> 00:04:07.537
  • I take care of everyone else.
  • 00:04:07.537 --> 00:04:09.405
  • No one needs to take care of me because i got this.
  • 00:04:09.405 --> 00:04:12.308
  • I take care of everyone else.
  • 00:04:12.308 --> 00:04:14.077
  • And for years, i operated in this strong friend mentality.
  • 00:04:14.077 --> 00:04:20.016
  • Like, i'm the girl that saves the day.
  • 00:04:20.016 --> 00:04:22.085
  • I was literally the girl that, like,
  • 00:04:22.085 --> 00:04:23.886
  • Memorized everyone's birthdays in middle school and high
  • 00:04:23.886 --> 00:04:26.656
  • School.
  • 00:04:26.656 --> 00:04:27.890
  • And i would just make sure that i have a gift for them.
  • 00:04:27.890 --> 00:04:29.392
  • Even in college, like, when all my friends were partying,
  • 00:04:29.392 --> 00:04:32.128
  • Going crazy, i was like, don't worry.
  • 00:04:32.128 --> 00:04:34.063
  • I'm going to be the designated driver.
  • 00:04:34.063 --> 00:04:35.765
  • I'm going to protect everyone.
  • 00:04:35.765 --> 00:04:36.866
  • Like, that is me all the way.
  • 00:04:36.866 --> 00:04:38.634
  • That's a gift, right, to be able to care for people.
  • 00:04:38.634 --> 00:04:42.038
  • And the shadow side is real deep.
  • 00:04:42.038 --> 00:04:44.907
  • One of the shadows of that is that i get easily taken
  • 00:04:44.907 --> 00:04:48.077
  • Advantage of.
  • 00:04:48.077 --> 00:04:49.278
  • Like i just pour and pour and pour,
  • 00:04:49.278 --> 00:04:51.481
  • Misplaced generosity all over the place.
  • 00:04:51.481 --> 00:04:53.649
  • And i get really deeply hurt when that is not honored or
  • 00:04:53.649 --> 00:04:57.220
  • Reciprocated in so many ways.
  • 00:04:57.220 --> 00:04:59.222
  • Another shadow side of that is that i can see everyone,
  • 00:04:59.222 --> 00:05:04.193
  • But everyone can't see me.
  • 00:05:04.193 --> 00:05:07.063
  • And it's not at all because people don't want to deeply
  • 00:05:07.063 --> 00:05:09.098
  • See me.
  • 00:05:09.098 --> 00:05:10.266
  • It's because i don't feel like i deserve to be seen.
  • 00:05:10.266 --> 00:05:12.668
  • And i have this little bitty belief that if they really see
  • 00:05:12.668 --> 00:05:17.440
  • Me, i won't be considered the strong friend anymore.
  • 00:05:17.440 --> 00:05:20.009
  • I'll have to take the badge off.
  • 00:05:20.009 --> 00:05:21.310
  • I'll have to take the cape off.
  • 00:05:21.310 --> 00:05:23.346
  • And i think for women especially,
  • 00:05:23.346 --> 00:05:24.981
  • And men if you're watching this right now, lean in.
  • 00:05:24.981 --> 00:05:26.816
  • This is what we struggle with.
  • 00:05:26.816 --> 00:05:27.984
  • We just wear a lot of capes.
  • 00:05:27.984 --> 00:05:30.520
  • Not even necessarily because we want to,
  • 00:05:30.520 --> 00:05:34.624
  • But because we sometimes have to,
  • 00:05:34.624 --> 00:05:36.292
  • We need to protect our kids and make things beautiful in the
  • 00:05:36.292 --> 00:05:39.929
  • House and nurturing in the house.
  • 00:05:39.929 --> 00:05:41.397
  • And so i've just got this like stream of strong friend wearing
  • 00:05:41.397 --> 00:05:45.601
  • The cape thing about three years ago when i went through my
  • 00:05:45.601 --> 00:05:49.739
  • Second divorce, this time with a public platform and the
  • 00:05:49.739 --> 00:05:54.210
  • Followers and the church and all the things.
  • 00:05:54.210 --> 00:05:56.813
  • And it just was devastating and embarrassing.
  • 00:05:56.813 --> 00:05:59.749
  • Yeah.
  • 00:05:59.749 --> 00:06:00.583
  • This time.
  • 00:06:00.583 --> 00:06:02.084
  • I had hit a point in my life where i genuinely had run out of
  • 00:06:02.084 --> 00:06:05.755
  • Strength.
  • 00:06:05.755 --> 00:06:06.823
  • And obviously i grieved what was happening.
  • 00:06:06.823 --> 00:06:10.893
  • I mean, my ex-husband was unfaithful for years and would
  • 00:06:10.893 --> 00:06:15.097
  • Come out again that he'd been unfaithful again.
  • 00:06:15.097 --> 00:06:17.300
  • And i just couldn't, i couldn't stay anymore,
  • 00:06:17.300 --> 00:06:19.635
  • You know, like that was hard.
  • 00:06:19.635 --> 00:06:21.537
  • And in the same breath, i feel like what may have just been
  • 00:06:21.537 --> 00:06:25.208
  • Like neck and neck with that hard is not having the strength
  • 00:06:25.208 --> 00:06:29.745
  • To be the strong friend anymore in my community.
  • 00:06:29.745 --> 00:06:32.248
  • I became so helpless.
  • 00:06:32.248 --> 00:06:37.086
  • I don't even want to talk about it.
  • 00:06:37.887 --> 00:06:39.188
  • Because it, i just, it like stinks to me.
  • 00:06:39.188 --> 00:06:44.126
  • Like you're weak.
  • 00:06:44.126 --> 00:06:46.095
  • You can't even buy your daughter a bed.
  • 00:06:46.095 --> 00:06:51.667
  • That is like my greatest fear is to not be able to provide for
  • 00:06:51.767 --> 00:06:57.473
  • Myself, for my family.
  • 00:06:57.473 --> 00:06:59.375
  • To protect the ones i love, to need protection,
  • 00:06:59.375 --> 00:07:03.246
  • Deeply need protection from media and emails and social
  • 00:07:03.246 --> 00:07:08.551
  • Media and perception and all these things to get to the point
  • 00:07:08.551 --> 00:07:11.687
  • Where i had to ask my parents for help.
  • 00:07:11.687 --> 00:07:13.890
  • I just, i've never, i've taken care of my parents.
  • 00:07:13.890 --> 00:07:16.926
  • And i just remember my counselor sitting me down and may them
  • 00:07:16.926 --> 00:07:22.365
  • Counselors be slapping you in the face, low key,
  • 00:07:22.365 --> 00:07:23.866
  • Especially if they're christian because then they got the
  • 00:07:23.866 --> 00:07:25.635
  • Discernment going.
  • 00:07:25.635 --> 00:07:26.636
  • I remember we had moved into our new house,
  • 00:07:26.636 --> 00:07:29.005
  • And we just didn't have anything.
  • 00:07:29.005 --> 00:07:31.140
  • Couch, bed, we just didn't have anything.
  • 00:07:32.108 --> 00:07:34.343
  • And my friend started to kind of whisper around, like,
  • 00:07:34.343 --> 00:07:38.247
  • We should do an amazon wish list, and we should help her,
  • 00:07:38.247 --> 00:07:40.683
  • And...
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  • Ooh, this is pride, child.
  • 00:07:41.384 --> 00:07:44.153
  • I was like, i don't think i want them to do that.
  • 00:07:44.253 --> 00:07:47.256
  • And my counselor was like, why?
  • 00:07:47.256 --> 00:07:49.625
  • I said, well, what if they get like different color
  • 00:07:49.625 --> 00:07:51.928
  • Furniture like what is it gonna be like a
  • 00:07:51.928 --> 00:07:54.664
  • Blue couch and then an orange rug and then she's like what are
  • 00:07:54.664 --> 00:07:59.368
  • You talking about she's like that's surface level you you are
  • 00:07:59.368 --> 00:08:04.907
  • Worried about aesthetic no you're not you're worried about
  • 00:08:04.907 --> 00:08:10.947
  • People helping you because you don't actually think you deserve
  • 00:08:10.947 --> 00:08:13.749
  • It and tony would you really choose a house that's lavish or
  • 00:08:13.749 --> 00:08:23.326
  • A house that's loved?
  • 00:08:23.326 --> 00:08:25.094
  • What do you want?
  • 00:08:25.094 --> 00:08:26.362
  • What do you want your kids to walk around knowing and
  • 00:08:26.362 --> 00:08:29.165
  • Believing in this season?
  • 00:08:29.165 --> 00:08:30.766
  • That my mom worked so hard she killed herself just to make our
  • 00:08:30.766 --> 00:08:34.804
  • House look beautiful, or that she was humble enough to let her
  • 00:08:34.804 --> 00:08:41.410
  • Friends help us.
  • 00:08:41.410 --> 00:08:44.380
  • - it took me some time to learn how to be in community.
  • 00:08:44.480 --> 00:08:48.884
  • I think as a child, i had internalized a message that if
  • 00:08:48.884 --> 00:08:52.455
  • People get too close to you, they might see something they
  • 00:08:52.455 --> 00:08:55.257
  • Don't like.
  • 00:08:55.257 --> 00:08:56.659
  • And so i would always try to be there for you if you needed me.
  • 00:08:56.659 --> 00:08:58.928
  • I tried to be there for you.
  • 00:08:58.928 --> 00:09:00.196
  • But i never really expected anyone to reach back to me.
  • 00:09:00.196 --> 00:09:03.199
  • But it has made such a difference in my life to have
  • 00:09:03.199 --> 00:09:06.469
  • What i call safe sisters.
  • 00:09:06.469 --> 00:09:08.671
  • You know, two or three girls that know me really,
  • 00:09:08.671 --> 00:09:10.706
  • Really well.
  • 00:09:10.706 --> 00:09:11.707
  • And we can tell the truth to one another.
  • 00:09:11.707 --> 00:09:13.609
  • And if i don't feel like connecting, they'll say to me,
  • 00:09:13.609 --> 00:09:16.245
  • Hey, come on.
  • 00:09:16.245 --> 00:09:17.513
  • When we're getting together, i think we need one another.
  • 00:09:17.513 --> 00:09:19.949
  • If that was important to christ while he was on earth,
  • 00:09:19.949 --> 00:09:23.285
  • I think it's equally, if not more so important for you and
  • 00:09:23.285 --> 00:09:26.555
  • Me.
  • 00:09:26.555 --> 00:09:28.357
  • - i can visually walk around our house right now and see when you
  • 00:09:28.457 --> 00:09:31.761
  • Come through the front door.
  • 00:09:31.761 --> 00:09:34.397
  • The gray couch that we had was given by my friend ashley,
  • 00:09:34.397 --> 00:09:37.166
  • Who's like a diy influencer, and she made sure it looked so
  • 00:09:37.166 --> 00:09:40.036
  • Pretty.
  • 00:09:40.036 --> 00:09:41.103
  • And our rug was given to me by my friend lindsay,
  • 00:09:41.103 --> 00:09:44.507
  • Who's an artist, incredible artist.
  • 00:09:44.507 --> 00:09:46.308
  • And she asked me to send her pictures of the couch so she
  • 00:09:46.308 --> 00:09:49.345
  • Could match the aesthetics and the vibes of it.
  • 00:09:49.345 --> 00:09:52.014
  • And when you went upstairs to my daughter's room,
  • 00:09:52.014 --> 00:09:55.584
  • It was furnished by jackie.
  • 00:09:55.584 --> 00:09:57.486
  • And when you go into my room, oh my gosh, so beautiful.
  • 00:09:57.486 --> 00:10:03.592
  • I had this rug that was given to me by my confessional community,
  • 00:10:03.693 --> 00:10:07.530
  • By my group therapy group, this bed that was given to me by my
  • 00:10:07.530 --> 00:10:10.166
  • Friend jen, who's like a real estate agent.
  • 00:10:10.166 --> 00:10:12.401
  • And i think you got the mirror.
  • 00:10:12.401 --> 00:10:15.738
  • And i can't remember the words that you put in the little note,
  • 00:10:15.838 --> 00:10:18.607
  • But it was something about like looking in the mirror and
  • 00:10:18.607 --> 00:10:22.078
  • Getting dressed and being beautiful every day.
  • 00:10:22.078 --> 00:10:24.447
  • I could just go on and on and on.
  • 00:10:24.447 --> 00:10:27.249
  • And the lord and his kindness was literally just reminding me
  • 00:10:27.249 --> 00:10:31.520
  • In that moment, tony.
  • 00:10:31.520 --> 00:10:34.957
  • I have quite literally designed the world for this.
  • 00:10:36.058 --> 00:10:40.229
  • Communion with other people, friendship, companionship,
  • 00:10:40.229 --> 00:10:46.969
  • For people to see you.
  • 00:10:46.969 --> 00:10:48.938
  • I was challenged and convicted that i tell everybody else,
  • 00:10:48.938 --> 00:10:51.907
  • You want to be seen, you want to be seen,
  • 00:10:51.907 --> 00:10:54.310
  • But you won't let them see you.
  • 00:10:54.310 --> 00:10:57.079
  • And i'm forever changed by that season.
  • 00:10:58.013 --> 00:11:00.983
  • In the best of ways, my friendships have grown deeper.
  • 00:11:00.983 --> 00:11:04.887
  • My trust in humanity is like back again.
  • 00:11:04.887 --> 00:11:07.723
  • I'm like, oh, there's good people in the world.
  • 00:11:07.723 --> 00:11:09.592
  • Even though i've been hurt by people,
  • 00:11:09.592 --> 00:11:11.260
  • There's still this other beautiful gift of community.
  • 00:11:11.260 --> 00:11:14.430
  • I've seen church differently.
  • 00:11:15.131 --> 00:11:16.665
  • Like i had some church hurt there, some little remnants.
  • 00:11:16.665 --> 00:11:19.368
  • And i'm like, oh, no, no, no.
  • 00:11:19.368 --> 00:11:20.202
  • Like, okay, yeah, we're imperfect.
  • 00:11:20.202 --> 00:11:21.804
  • But god's church is fully well and alive.
  • 00:11:21.804 --> 00:11:24.073
  • And his people are loving people and giving to people and helping
  • 00:11:24.073 --> 00:11:26.709
  • People.
  • 00:11:26.709 --> 00:11:27.777
  • And so there's just so much that was healed.
  • 00:11:27.777 --> 00:11:29.945
  • And surprisingly, it wasn't by my strength.
  • 00:11:29.945 --> 00:11:35.317
  • It's by the strength of god's people around me.
  • 00:11:35.417 --> 00:11:37.920
  • That's just good news.
  • 00:11:38.487 --> 00:11:42.892
  • - it's really easy to start to convince yourself that you don't
  • 00:11:42.992 --> 00:11:45.127
  • Need community or that you're good with what you have.
  • 00:11:45.127 --> 00:11:49.064
  • But honestly, if that's where you're at right now,
  • 00:11:49.064 --> 00:11:52.334
  • I want to encourage you as somebody that is very new on the
  • 00:11:52.334 --> 00:11:55.204
  • Other side of that, to be honest.
  • 00:11:55.204 --> 00:11:57.640
  • The things that i wanted to stop hoping for.
  • 00:11:58.607 --> 00:12:02.578
  • The community that i wanted to pretend for a while didn't
  • 00:12:02.578 --> 00:12:05.548
  • Actually exist.
  • 00:12:05.548 --> 00:12:07.750
  • It does.
  • 00:12:07.750 --> 00:12:09.552
  • Support exists, and it doesn't feel like the pressure that you
  • 00:12:09.652 --> 00:12:12.521
  • Think it will feel.
  • 00:12:12.521 --> 00:12:14.323
  • And it doesn't always feel like the hurt that you've
  • 00:12:14.323 --> 00:12:17.359
  • Experienced, what it feels like.
  • 00:12:17.359 --> 00:12:20.095
  • It feels like he's finally taken some of the weight off.
  • 00:12:20.196 --> 00:12:23.165
  • What it feels like,
  • 00:12:23.165 --> 00:12:25.034
  • Is allowing god to heal some of that hurt that maybe he started
  • 00:12:25.034 --> 00:12:28.470
  • To heal in you, but he's going to take people in close
  • 00:12:28.470 --> 00:12:31.507
  • Proximity to you to heal on a deeper level.
  • 00:12:31.507 --> 00:12:34.643
  • For me, what i've found is that, yes,
  • 00:12:34.643 --> 00:12:36.946
  • God starts healing after we've been hurt by people,
  • 00:12:36.946 --> 00:12:39.815
  • But he always continues it in community.
  • 00:12:39.815 --> 00:12:44.520
  • So if you want to go on a deeper level with god or on another
  • 00:12:44.520 --> 00:12:47.957
  • Level with god, it's going to take people in your world,
  • 00:12:47.957 --> 00:12:52.061
  • And i promise you it's worth it.
  • 00:12:52.061 --> 00:12:56.031
  • - and now we get to dive into this conversation around
  • 00:12:57.166 --> 00:12:59.702
  • Friendship, around creating a circle of friends in a fallen,
  • 00:12:59.702 --> 00:13:02.771
  • Broken world where people make mistakes and betray you and it
  • 00:13:02.771 --> 00:13:05.374
  • Sucks.
  • 00:13:05.374 --> 00:13:06.542
  • And i think the angle that i want us to come at this
  • 00:13:06.542 --> 00:13:09.044
  • Conversation with is i would love for each of us to talk
  • 00:13:09.044 --> 00:13:14.283
  • About how friendship has been hard and how god has overcome it
  • 00:13:14.283 --> 00:13:19.288
  • In your life.
  • 00:13:19.288 --> 00:13:20.422
  • Because i actually think that's what people need.
  • 00:13:20.422 --> 00:13:22.424
  • Not like, get on a bff app.
  • 00:13:22.424 --> 00:13:25.160
  • Have some fun.
  • 00:13:25.594 --> 00:13:26.428
  • It's beautiful.
  • 00:13:26.428 --> 00:13:27.162
  • It's not.
  • 00:13:27.162 --> 00:13:27.696
  • It's really hard.
  • 00:13:27.696 --> 00:13:28.497
  • Okay?
  • 00:13:28.497 --> 00:13:30.132
  • And jesus, because god designed us for it,
  • 00:13:30.232 --> 00:13:34.570
  • Has healing in it for us too.
  • 00:13:34.570 --> 00:13:36.772
  • - yeah.
  • 00:13:36.772 --> 00:13:37.706
  • I find it really hard to make friends.
  • 00:13:37.706 --> 00:13:41.644
  • And part of it was because when we were younger,
  • 00:13:41.644 --> 00:13:45.014
  • Before my father's death by suicide, i was the tomboy.
  • 00:13:45.014 --> 00:13:49.218
  • I was the outgoing one.
  • 00:13:49.218 --> 00:13:50.486
  • I was the nutcase of the family, the one that jumped out of
  • 00:13:50.486 --> 00:13:52.721
  • Windows with an umbrella after seeing mary poppins.
  • 00:13:52.721 --> 00:13:56.058
  • But then after, my father's brain aneurysm made him very
  • 00:13:56.058 --> 00:14:01.397
  • Cruel.
  • 00:14:01.397 --> 00:14:02.731
  • And so the final day i saw him when he was about to bring his
  • 00:14:02.731 --> 00:14:07.436
  • Cane down in my skull and i pulled it from him and he fell
  • 00:14:07.436 --> 00:14:11.707
  • And hit the ground, that was the day he was carried off to it.
  • 00:14:11.707 --> 00:14:14.910
  • Was called our local lunatic asylum then.
  • 00:14:14.910 --> 00:14:18.480
  • He was 34 years old.
  • 00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:20.149
  • But not long after that, he escaped and he drowned himself
  • 00:14:20.149 --> 00:14:22.785
  • In the river.
  • 00:14:22.785 --> 00:14:23.953
  • And as a child, i thought, this is all my fault.
  • 00:14:23.953 --> 00:14:27.156
  • If i hadn't fought back, if i'd let him hit me
  • 00:14:27.156 --> 00:14:30.726
  • My mom would still have a husband.
  • 00:14:30.726 --> 00:14:32.594
  • My brother and sister would still have a dad.
  • 00:14:32.594 --> 00:14:34.930
  • This is my fault.
  • 00:14:34.930 --> 00:14:36.365
  • So i just became, when you say you're the person that wants to
  • 00:14:36.365 --> 00:14:38.901
  • Be the strong, i became the person that i could walk into a
  • 00:14:38.901 --> 00:14:42.171
  • Room and i could tell how you were feeling and how you were
  • 00:14:42.171 --> 00:14:43.605
  • Feeling and how you were feeling.
  • 00:14:43.605 --> 00:14:45.140
  • And i wasn't feeling anything.
  • 00:14:45.140 --> 00:14:47.810
  • And even when i joined this, there was a group of women that
  • 00:14:47.810 --> 00:14:50.980
  • Did a thing for a while called women of faith.
  • 00:14:50.980 --> 00:14:52.748
  • We did it for like 20 years.
  • 00:14:52.748 --> 00:14:54.683
  • I remember one of the women and i,
  • 00:14:54.683 --> 00:14:57.152
  • We were asked to fly into vegas.
  • 00:14:57.152 --> 00:14:59.154
  • Early to do radio and tv interviews for the upcoming
  • 00:14:59.154 --> 00:15:02.291
  • Conference.
  • 00:15:02.291 --> 00:15:03.225
  • And this other woman said to me, well,
  • 00:15:03.225 --> 00:15:05.527
  • We don't have to do anything tonight.
  • 00:15:05.527 --> 00:15:07.062
  • You know, you want to have dinner or you want to go
  • 00:15:07.062 --> 00:15:08.464
  • Shopping?
  • 00:15:08.464 --> 00:15:09.231
  • And i'm like, yeah, yeah, maybe.
  • 00:15:09.231 --> 00:15:10.332
  • And i went to my room and she said, give me a call.
  • 00:15:10.332 --> 00:15:13.469
  • And i didn't because i thought she probably thinks she should
  • 00:15:13.469 --> 00:15:18.240
  • Give me a call.
  • 00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:19.375
  • You know, she's just supposed to do that.
  • 00:15:19.375 --> 00:15:21.310
  • And i don't want her to feel like she has to be with me.
  • 00:15:21.310 --> 00:15:23.178
  • And so maybe three or four weeks later, she said,
  • 00:15:23.178 --> 00:15:26.081
  • Can i talk to you about why i'm in vegas?
  • 00:15:26.081 --> 00:15:27.783
  • And i was like, yeah, sure.
  • 00:15:27.783 --> 00:15:29.051
  • She said, i thought, she said, you kind of hurt my feelings
  • 00:15:29.051 --> 00:15:32.421
  • Because i thought we were going to go hang.
  • 00:15:32.421 --> 00:15:34.089
  • And i said, honestly, the reason i didn't do it was because i
  • 00:15:34.089 --> 00:15:37.526
  • Thought you would just feel you had to.
  • 00:15:37.526 --> 00:15:39.228
  • That i've had to learn what it is to be able to make friends
  • 00:15:39.228 --> 00:15:44.867
  • And be a friend because part of me always felt like i would be,
  • 00:15:44.867 --> 00:15:49.038
  • I'm better off on my own, you know,
  • 00:15:49.038 --> 00:15:50.672
  • And then i could just take care of everybody.
  • 00:15:50.672 --> 00:15:52.975
  • Even when i worked at the christian broadcasting network,
  • 00:15:52.975 --> 00:15:55.511
  • I had this policy that you could come into my office and tell me
  • 00:15:55.511 --> 00:16:00.249
  • Literally anything.
  • 00:16:00.249 --> 00:16:02.684
  • And it would never go further than the two of us before the
  • 00:16:02.684 --> 00:16:04.720
  • Throne of grace and mercy.
  • 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:06.355
  • But i would never have dreamt of reaching out and asking anybody
  • 00:16:06.355 --> 00:16:10.192
  • For help.
  • 00:16:10.192 --> 00:16:11.493
  • But it was god and his mercy that began to slowly take the
  • 00:16:11.493 --> 00:16:14.329
  • Bricks out of my wall and make me realize that you don't have
  • 00:16:14.329 --> 00:16:18.233
  • To hide anymore.
  • 00:16:18.233 --> 00:16:19.935
  • Connect with us on social media and share your favorite moments
  • 00:16:21.270 --> 00:16:24.239
  • From today.
  • 00:16:24.239 --> 00:16:25.174
  • - we can't wait for you to join us.
  • 00:16:25.174 --> 00:16:27.209
  • - let's keep the conversation going.
  • 00:16:28.043 --> 00:16:30.245
  • You can find the better together podcast on your favorite
  • 00:16:30.245 --> 00:16:33.182
  • Listening platform.
  • 00:16:33.182 --> 00:16:34.783
  • Subscribe today.
  • 00:16:34.783 --> 00:16:39.006
  • Subscribe today.
  • 00:16:39.006 --> 00:16:42.025
  • - friendship's hard for me.
  • 00:16:42.692 --> 00:16:44.060
  • For me, it has to do with trust.
  • 00:16:44.060 --> 00:16:46.729
  • You had me emotional from the beginning, tony,
  • 00:16:46.729 --> 00:16:49.299
  • Because i love you so dearly.
  • 00:16:49.299 --> 00:16:51.234
  • For me, i think friendship has been hard.
  • 00:16:51.234 --> 00:16:53.837
  • Community has been hard because i would always say i'm the lone
  • 00:16:53.837 --> 00:16:58.308
  • Ranger.
  • 00:16:58.308 --> 00:16:59.442
  • I'm the lone ranger.
  • 00:16:59.442 --> 00:17:00.810
  • And there was some pride in that, i think, for me.
  • 00:17:00.810 --> 00:17:03.079
  • I am independent.
  • 00:17:03.079 --> 00:17:05.582
  • That is kind of the way that i have.
  • 00:17:05.582 --> 00:17:08.151
  • That's in my dna.
  • 00:17:08.618 --> 00:17:10.120
  • I am an independent soul.
  • 00:17:10.120 --> 00:17:11.788
  • I'm also an introvert.
  • 00:17:11.788 --> 00:17:13.890
  • I don't like a lot of small talk.
  • 00:17:13.890 --> 00:17:15.258
  • I don't like groups of 10.
  • 00:17:15.258 --> 00:17:18.995
  • That's hard for me.
  • 00:17:19.529 --> 00:17:20.630
  • - yeah, me too.
  • 00:17:20.630 --> 00:17:21.998
  • Nothing worse than mingling.
  • 00:17:21.998 --> 00:17:24.100
  • - yeah, so for me, those things are just,
  • 00:17:24.100 --> 00:17:27.036
  • They don't come natural to me.
  • 00:17:27.036 --> 00:17:28.771
  • I was very shy as a child, but i was a pastor's daughter.
  • 00:17:28.771 --> 00:17:32.008
  • So i was always on display.
  • 00:17:32.008 --> 00:17:33.543
  • And i learned very early because i was very perceptive.
  • 00:17:33.543 --> 00:17:38.281
  • One of my spiritual gifts is discernment.
  • 00:17:38.281 --> 00:17:40.683
  • So very early, i just picked up on a lot and i just felt like i
  • 00:17:40.683 --> 00:17:46.789
  • Wasn't sure i could trust.
  • 00:17:46.789 --> 00:17:48.691
  • And then that was exacerbated by, you know,
  • 00:17:48.691 --> 00:17:52.362
  • What happened with my father in the church,
  • 00:17:52.362 --> 00:17:54.364
  • Shared about that earlier this week.
  • 00:17:54.364 --> 00:17:56.065
  • And so when those kinds of things happen,
  • 00:17:56.065 --> 00:17:58.835
  • You're just reinforced this message of like,
  • 00:17:58.835 --> 00:18:00.703
  • I don't know if i can trust.
  • 00:18:00.703 --> 00:18:02.405
  • And so while my natural personality is just to have a
  • 00:18:02.405 --> 00:18:05.808
  • Few close friends, i'm thrown into a situation as a pastor's
  • 00:18:05.808 --> 00:18:10.413
  • Daughter where i have to be friendly to many.
  • 00:18:10.413 --> 00:18:13.316
  • Then god calls me into ministry at 23.
  • 00:18:14.184 --> 00:18:17.654
  • And i'm going to be surrounded by people all the time.
  • 00:18:17.654 --> 00:18:22.258
  • Just a weird mix, you know?
  • 00:18:22.926 --> 00:18:25.428
  • And so friendship has been difficult for me.
  • 00:18:25.428 --> 00:18:29.666
  • Community has been difficult for me.
  • 00:18:29.666 --> 00:18:31.568
  • Then i marry someone who is a wild extrovert.
  • 00:18:31.568 --> 00:18:34.304
  • - the best.
  • 00:18:34.304 --> 00:18:35.638
  • - which god is so wise because he knows exactly what i need.
  • 00:18:35.638 --> 00:18:39.475
  • But when my father died in 2017, i remember something that really
  • 00:18:39.475 --> 00:18:42.879
  • Marked me about community.
  • 00:18:42.879 --> 00:18:45.582
  • You know, all the things that have happened in my church life.
  • 00:18:45.682 --> 00:18:49.752
  • And god has healed me so profoundly in the place that
  • 00:18:49.752 --> 00:18:53.256
  • Hurt me, which was the church.
  • 00:18:53.256 --> 00:18:54.757
  • It's been my greatest place of ministry for now 20 years.
  • 00:18:54.757 --> 00:18:57.460
  • But when dad died in 2017, there were still lingering things
  • 00:18:57.460 --> 00:19:03.533
  • Inside of me about community and trust and all of those places.
  • 00:19:03.533 --> 00:19:07.036
  • And i remember people came out of the woodwork to love me and
  • 00:19:07.036 --> 00:19:12.308
  • To tell me things about what my father's
  • 00:19:12.308 --> 00:19:14.811
  • Ministry had meant and for someone who has
  • 00:19:14.811 --> 00:19:17.547
  • Gone through pain and you know honestly just the scourge of you
  • 00:19:17.547 --> 00:19:24.454
  • Know the reputation that my dad had that was lost and all those
  • 00:19:24.454 --> 00:19:28.358
  • Things as a family member in ministry you ride that you ride
  • 00:19:28.358 --> 00:19:32.495
  • That with them, you deal with that you feel like it's
  • 00:19:32.495 --> 00:19:35.598
  • Also a mark on you yeah it hurts you the trust the community it's
  • 00:19:35.598 --> 00:19:39.168
  • Broken it's all very confusing and i just remember after
  • 00:19:39.168 --> 00:19:43.873
  • Getting all that love and flowers and, you know,
  • 00:19:43.873 --> 00:19:47.143
  • Cards and people i hadn't talked to in years, i realized, like,
  • 00:19:47.143 --> 00:19:53.049
  • I was loved by these people all along.
  • 00:19:53.049 --> 00:19:55.418
  • And it broke that lie in a way.
  • 00:19:55.418 --> 00:19:58.621
  • And so it healed something inside of me.
  • 00:19:58.621 --> 00:20:01.324
  • And it made me realize all the things that you're saying,
  • 00:20:01.324 --> 00:20:04.294
  • Like the church is we are full of brokenness,
  • 00:20:04.294 --> 00:20:08.898
  • But we are full of community that is beautiful
  • 00:20:08.898 --> 00:20:12.702
  • That's also offered.
  • 00:20:12.702 --> 00:20:14.037
  • It is the great design of christ that we might love one another
  • 00:20:14.037 --> 00:20:19.008
  • And that we might help each other in this whole thing.
  • 00:20:19.008 --> 00:20:22.545
  • It's been complicated.
  • 00:20:22.545 --> 00:20:23.780
  • If i could just say, for me, friendship is complicated.
  • 00:20:23.780 --> 00:20:26.616
  • I think i'm a great friend, but i also don't have friends
  • 00:20:26.616 --> 00:20:33.623
  • Easily.
  • 00:20:33.623 --> 00:20:34.757
  • I have them solidly and loyally.
  • 00:20:34.757 --> 00:20:38.127
  • But it takes me a minute.
  • 00:20:38.127 --> 00:20:39.529
  • - yeah.
  • 00:20:39.529 --> 00:20:40.496
  • - and a lot of it has to do with trust.
  • 00:20:40.496 --> 00:20:41.364
  • - yeah.
  • 00:20:41.364 --> 00:20:42.365
  • - i'm not a person with a lot of friends,
  • 00:20:42.365 --> 00:20:44.867
  • But the friends that i have had have helped me to experience the
  • 00:20:44.867 --> 00:20:49.305
  • Love of god and just being seen because of my station in life.
  • 00:20:49.305 --> 00:20:55.912
  • I am known and not known.
  • 00:20:55.912 --> 00:20:58.481
  • And so i think to be around people where i can fully be
  • 00:20:58.481 --> 00:21:01.484
  • Myself and still be loved, it feels a lot like god, you know?
  • 00:21:01.484 --> 00:21:06.122
  • It feels a lot like what the garden must have been before
  • 00:21:06.122 --> 00:21:09.659
  • They needed fig leaves to cover them.
  • 00:21:09.659 --> 00:21:11.494
  • And so, yeah, i think my good friends have done that for me.
  • 00:21:11.494 --> 00:21:16.065
  • - i feel very tender right now.
  • 00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:19.235
  • I'm just going to throw that out there.
  • 00:21:19.235 --> 00:21:23.306
  • I think i have grieved and had to
  • 00:21:23.306 --> 00:21:26.776
  • Grieve and didn't realize i was
  • 00:21:26.776 --> 00:21:29.345
  • Grieving my best friend and i living together for a long time.
  • 00:21:29.345 --> 00:21:34.484
  • And i've just realized it recently by making,
  • 00:21:34.484 --> 00:21:37.387
  • Like growing my friendships where i'm at now.
  • 00:21:37.387 --> 00:21:40.223
  • And so when i moved to los angeles,
  • 00:21:40.223 --> 00:21:43.126
  • I had the best friends growing up my whole life in sydney,
  • 00:21:43.126 --> 00:21:47.029
  • Australia, but we were best friends.
  • 00:21:47.029 --> 00:21:48.931
  • Because we did life together.
  • 00:21:48.931 --> 00:21:50.400
  • We did church together.
  • 00:21:50.400 --> 00:21:51.167
  • - your mom and them said that.
  • 00:21:51.167 --> 00:21:52.502
  • - yeah.
  • 00:21:52.502 --> 00:21:53.636
  • So like, yeah, my parents made it happen basically.
  • 00:21:53.636 --> 00:21:55.071
  • So then i'm thrown from my childhood bedroom in my
  • 00:21:55.071 --> 00:21:57.707
  • Childhood home in sydney, australia to downtown los
  • 00:21:57.707 --> 00:22:00.777
  • Angeles.
  • 00:22:00.777 --> 00:22:01.711
  • Why not?
  • 00:22:01.711 --> 00:22:03.012
  • With like four other roommates who did not grow up like me.
  • 00:22:03.012 --> 00:22:06.048
  • And i realized quite quickly that i had grown up in green
  • 00:22:06.048 --> 00:22:09.786
  • Rooms.
  • 00:22:09.786 --> 00:22:11.120
  • So i knew how to get your email, but i just didn't know how to
  • 00:22:11.120 --> 00:22:14.257
  • Build trust.
  • 00:22:14.257 --> 00:22:15.525
  • Like i knew how to connect.
  • 00:22:15.525 --> 00:22:16.993
  • I just didn't know how to be known.
  • 00:22:16.993 --> 00:22:18.227
  • And so i would be a different version.
  • 00:22:18.227 --> 00:22:20.797
  • It was like these schizophrenic elises running around l.a.
  • 00:22:20.797 --> 00:22:23.032
  • Of like, who do you need me to be right now to be accepted?
  • 00:22:23.032 --> 00:22:26.002
  • Really, it was just, do you love me?
  • 00:22:26.002 --> 00:22:28.004
  • Yeah.
  • 00:22:28.004 --> 00:22:29.238
  • And so katie was the first girl that i'll never forget.
  • 00:22:29.238 --> 00:22:33.309
  • She's from alabama.
  • 00:22:33.309 --> 00:22:34.610
  • And she came to oasis church and holly,
  • 00:22:34.610 --> 00:22:39.215
  • I remember pulling me aside and be like, hey, this is katie.
  • 00:22:39.215 --> 00:22:40.950
  • She's new.
  • 00:22:40.950 --> 00:22:41.717
  • Can you connect with her?
  • 00:22:41.717 --> 00:22:42.718
  • I was like, yeah, no, no worries.
  • 00:22:42.718 --> 00:22:44.487
  • And so we connect.
  • 00:22:44.987 --> 00:22:45.955
  • But i was like, oh, no, i'm good.
  • 00:22:45.955 --> 00:22:46.923
  • Like, we have nothing in common.
  • 00:22:46.923 --> 00:22:48.458
  • And she didn't give up on that.
  • 00:22:48.458 --> 00:22:51.694
  • She refused to believe that because she says she saw a
  • 00:22:51.694 --> 00:22:54.397
  • Girl that was very well known but she couldn't find who knew
  • 00:22:54.397 --> 00:22:57.533
  • Me and she felt like god spoke to her and said hey you're gonna
  • 00:22:57.533 --> 00:23:01.370
  • Uh help elise know what a true friend is and it's gonna hurt
  • 00:23:01.370 --> 00:23:05.141
  • Which i was like that last bit wasn't necessary completely but
  • 00:23:05.141 --> 00:23:08.411
  • Thank you for telling me and she did and she told me what a
  • 00:23:08.411 --> 00:23:10.780
  • Friend was and we had the most beautiful friendship.
  • 00:23:10.780 --> 00:23:14.283
  • She was on staff as well with me at oasis, you know, katie.
  • 00:23:14.283 --> 00:23:16.652
  • And she, we ended up becoming like ministry, like partners.
  • 00:23:16.652 --> 00:23:20.857
  • Like we had a ministry to women and she would travel everywhere
  • 00:23:20.857 --> 00:23:23.926
  • That i spoke.
  • 00:23:23.926 --> 00:23:25.261
  • I learned, honestly, probably how to be a spouse at that level
  • 00:23:25.261 --> 00:23:30.566
  • Of someone knowing you, you can't hide from this person.
  • 00:23:30.566 --> 00:23:33.736
  • And there was so much healing that happened in this season.
  • 00:23:33.736 --> 00:23:37.940
  • - i do believe that there are some life lessons that are only
  • 00:23:38.040 --> 00:23:41.010
  • Learned in community.
  • 00:23:41.010 --> 00:23:42.445
  • I mean, how can you be patient when you have no one to wait on?
  • 00:23:42.445 --> 00:23:45.248
  • How can you be selfless when you have no one to give to?
  • 00:23:45.248 --> 00:23:49.952
  • That generosity, i mean, the list just can go on
  • 00:23:49.952 --> 00:23:52.755
  • And on and on.
  • 00:23:52.755 --> 00:23:53.956
  • We practice being more like jesus with jesus' people.
  • 00:23:53.956 --> 00:23:58.594
  • And so the truth is, you can be living in isolation and thinking
  • 00:23:58.594 --> 00:24:01.597
  • That you're real good with god.
  • 00:24:01.597 --> 00:24:04.300
  • But it's up until someone rubs up against something you want,
  • 00:24:04.300 --> 00:24:08.104
  • A pain point, where your real christianity is tested.
  • 00:24:08.104 --> 00:24:12.675
  • - and then part of what i spoke about earlier this week of,
  • 00:24:13.943 --> 00:24:15.678
  • Like, god sending us in two different directions.
  • 00:24:15.678 --> 00:24:18.347
  • She moves to dallas, she gets married, now has her son.
  • 00:24:18.347 --> 00:24:21.651
  • And i move to lakeland, florida, get married and have my three
  • 00:24:21.651 --> 00:24:25.254
  • Kids immediately.
  • 00:24:25.254 --> 00:24:26.722
  • And i didn't realize i had kept saying, oh, yeah,
  • 00:24:26.722 --> 00:24:31.727
  • My best friend, she knows everything.
  • 00:24:31.727 --> 00:24:33.496
  • But i think that's where we can maybe find ourselves,
  • 00:24:33.596 --> 00:24:36.065
  • Where there's seasons that transition and we still expect
  • 00:24:36.065 --> 00:24:39.135
  • The community that we have had to be the community that we
  • 00:24:39.135 --> 00:24:42.672
  • Have.
  • 00:24:42.672 --> 00:24:44.040
  • And so i've had to go through a transition season of grieving
  • 00:24:44.040 --> 00:24:46.709
  • That friendship the way it was.
  • 00:24:46.709 --> 00:24:49.178
  • And it clearly still makes me because it was so beautiful and
  • 00:24:49.178 --> 00:24:52.582
  • It taught me so much.
  • 00:24:52.582 --> 00:24:53.883
  • But about six months ago, i realized i haven't let anyone in
  • 00:24:53.883 --> 00:24:58.754
  • In lakeland.
  • 00:24:58.754 --> 00:25:00.389
  • Like i've kept you all here as church friends.
  • 00:25:00.489 --> 00:25:03.659
  • But now no one's calling me on anything now no one's like there
  • 00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:08.998
  • And no one has do you know what i'm saying when i say like no
  • 00:25:08.998 --> 00:25:11.601
  • One has the context of the everyday to pick up the phone
  • 00:25:11.601 --> 00:25:13.569
  • And be like yeah you know and i realized there was still a
  • 00:25:13.569 --> 00:25:18.474
  • Part of my heart that hadn't healed from church because of
  • 00:25:18.474 --> 00:25:22.645
  • What i'd experienced growing up which said you can have your
  • 00:25:22.645 --> 00:25:25.915
  • Best friend but i hadn't healed the part to make someone
  • 00:25:25.915 --> 00:25:30.086
  • Your best friend that would spend unhurried time with
  • 00:25:30.086 --> 00:25:32.822
  • Somebody to actually build that friendship.
  • 00:25:32.822 --> 00:25:35.024
  • And so i was extremely alone in lakeland.
  • 00:25:35.024 --> 00:25:38.160
  • And it was really easy to be bitter when you don't know the
  • 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:41.263
  • Human side of someone.
  • 00:25:41.263 --> 00:25:42.932
  • It's really easy to get offended at a church position when you
  • 00:25:42.932 --> 00:25:45.267
  • Don't know their life.
  • 00:25:45.267 --> 00:25:48.170
  • - i think sometimes we've been hurt by the church.
  • 00:25:48.270 --> 00:25:50.239
  • We've been hurt by community.
  • 00:25:50.239 --> 00:25:51.607
  • And so we think it's not that important or i don't
  • 00:25:51.607 --> 00:25:55.444
  • Want to do it.
  • 00:25:55.444 --> 00:25:56.912
  • And so we choose isolation.
  • 00:25:56.912 --> 00:25:59.148
  • But the reason why god intended this for us is because it is for
  • 00:25:59.148 --> 00:26:04.320
  • Our good.
  • 00:26:04.320 --> 00:26:05.788
  • Bearing one another's burdens is
  • 00:26:05.788 --> 00:26:08.124
  • One of those beautiful things that we get the privilege and
  • 00:26:08.124 --> 00:26:10.926
  • The honor to do as a believer in jesus christ,
  • 00:26:10.926 --> 00:26:13.796
  • Which is very different than secular friendship,
  • 00:26:13.796 --> 00:26:16.265
  • It is truly being alongside one another, joining arms together,
  • 00:26:16.265 --> 00:26:21.170
  • That when one another has a struggle
  • 00:26:21.170 --> 00:26:25.508
  • We're there to help carry that load
  • 00:26:25.508 --> 00:26:28.911
  • And that's such a unique privilege and to be able to be
  • 00:26:28.911 --> 00:26:34.183
  • With one another when we are in sorrow and grief and to mourn
  • 00:26:34.183 --> 00:26:39.522
  • With one another and that was god's beautiful perfect design
  • 00:26:39.522 --> 00:26:44.393
  • That we might not be alone and that we might not walk alone and
  • 00:26:44.393 --> 00:26:48.464
  • That we would grow together and fulfill what he has for us as
  • 00:26:48.464 --> 00:26:51.934
  • The church and the body of christ.
  • 00:26:51.934 --> 00:26:53.469
  • - what's really cool is that over the last, honestly,
  • 00:26:54.570 --> 00:26:57.540
  • Just couple of months, this is a new thing for me,
  • 00:26:57.540 --> 00:26:59.475
  • Letting some of those girls from church in and being honest with
  • 00:26:59.475 --> 00:27:03.112
  • Them about areas i'm stuck and the offenses that i have
  • 00:27:03.112 --> 00:27:07.049
  • And it was pride.
  • 00:27:07.049 --> 00:27:09.518
  • It feels like all roads lead to pride.
  • 00:27:09.518 --> 00:27:11.087
  • And god had to break that.
  • 00:27:11.087 --> 00:27:14.256
  • And it's been humbling and exposing.
  • 00:27:14.256 --> 00:27:15.725
  • But so beautiful as i have, as you were going through the names
  • 00:27:15.725 --> 00:27:19.395
  • Of friends, i'm going through this list of names of girls in
  • 00:27:19.395 --> 00:27:22.264
  • Lakeland that will check on me, that have texts on my phone,
  • 00:27:22.264 --> 00:27:24.567
  • That are looking after my girls, that have shown up and kept
  • 00:27:24.567 --> 00:27:28.571
  • Showing up, knowing i would need a little bit of time to take my
  • 00:27:28.571 --> 00:27:32.007
  • Walls down.
  • 00:27:32.007 --> 00:27:33.309
  • And so i'm very much in the process of it too
  • 00:27:33.309 --> 00:27:35.444
  • Of grieving what was and allowing those friendships to
  • 00:27:35.444 --> 00:27:39.582
  • Develop because they don't happen overnight.
  • 00:27:39.582 --> 00:27:42.284
  • - it can be a very hard thing when a friendship
  • 00:27:42.384 --> 00:27:44.220
  • Comes to an end.
  • 00:27:44.220 --> 00:27:46.021
  • And i think it's really important that we grieve our
  • 00:27:46.021 --> 00:27:48.557
  • Losses.
  • 00:27:48.557 --> 00:27:49.825
  • There's something about the culture in israel that i saw
  • 00:27:49.825 --> 00:27:51.761
  • When i was over there for the first time,
  • 00:27:51.761 --> 00:27:53.763
  • That they give time for things.
  • 00:27:53.763 --> 00:27:56.432
  • You know, if a young couple gets married for a year,
  • 00:27:56.432 --> 00:27:59.702
  • They're set apart from certain things.
  • 00:27:59.702 --> 00:28:02.004
  • And when they lose someone, they sit quietly.
  • 00:28:02.004 --> 00:28:05.441
  • For seven days.
  • 00:28:05.441 --> 00:28:07.076
  • Whereas we live in a culture where we just try to hurry
  • 00:28:07.076 --> 00:28:09.645
  • Through things.
  • 00:28:09.645 --> 00:28:10.813
  • If you've lost a friendship that meant a lot to you,
  • 00:28:10.813 --> 00:28:13.382
  • Take time to grieve.
  • 00:28:13.382 --> 00:28:15.284
  • Take time to allow god to heal you.
  • 00:28:15.284 --> 00:28:17.486
  • Take time to ask, lord, is there some way that i contributed to
  • 00:28:17.486 --> 00:28:20.222
  • This?
  • 00:28:20.222 --> 00:28:21.190
  • Is there some way that i need to shift?
  • 00:28:21.190 --> 00:28:22.625
  • And when you allow the lord to do that healing work,
  • 00:28:22.625 --> 00:28:24.927
  • Then you're ready to move forward again and find that
  • 00:28:24.927 --> 00:28:28.164
  • Wonderful new friend.
  • 00:28:28.164 --> 00:28:29.832
  • - you guys want to have a little bible study?
  • 00:28:30.866 --> 00:28:32.334
  • - sure.
  • 00:28:32.334 --> 00:28:33.035
  • - okay.
  • 00:28:33.035 --> 00:28:33.803
  • I've been in john 11 for a year.
  • 00:28:33.803 --> 00:28:38.274
  • You know one of those kind of scriptures where i you
  • 00:28:38.374 --> 00:28:41.277
  • Know we preach i get my little branded slides and i feel so
  • 00:28:41.277 --> 00:28:43.979
  • Cool when i go i got my kids on there it's like a dash of paint
  • 00:28:43.979 --> 00:28:48.050
  • Running through the graphics you know what i mean and the lord i
  • 00:28:48.050 --> 00:28:51.587
  • Mean 92 percent of the time 92 right before i get on stage he's
  • 00:28:51.587 --> 00:28:56.525
  • Like you're gonna read john 11 that's what you're gonna do and
  • 00:28:56.525 --> 00:28:59.829
  • It has been weird people have been like well i booked you to
  • 00:28:59.829 --> 00:29:02.565
  • Talk about broken crayons ma'am but the lord has moved really
  • 00:29:02.565 --> 00:29:06.735
  • Mighty through it.
  • 00:29:06.735 --> 00:29:08.070
  • But one of the things as i was preparing for this that i saw in
  • 00:29:08.070 --> 00:29:11.907
  • It is something i'd never seen before,
  • 00:29:11.907 --> 00:29:13.742
  • Which is weird because i've been in it for a year.
  • 00:29:13.742 --> 00:29:16.278
  • Ok, i'm going to give a little context and i'm just going to
  • 00:29:16.378 --> 00:29:18.714
  • Point out a couple of scriptures.
  • 00:29:18.714 --> 00:29:19.748
  • So in john 11 and in this book of john,
  • 00:29:19.748 --> 00:29:22.818
  • It's him writing about these miracles for the context then,
  • 00:29:22.818 --> 00:29:27.489
  • But also for us now so that we could remember.
  • 00:29:27.489 --> 00:29:30.125
  • Like, no, we don't just serve like this random little guy that
  • 00:29:30.125 --> 00:29:34.697
  • Came in.
  • 00:29:34.697 --> 00:29:35.998
  • We serve like the risen king, like the miraculous mountain
  • 00:29:35.998 --> 00:29:39.602
  • Moving king.
  • 00:29:39.602 --> 00:29:40.903
  • And he does miracles and such, like raising a man from the
  • 00:29:40.903 --> 00:29:42.938
  • Dead.
  • 00:29:42.938 --> 00:29:43.906
  • And that's what's happening in john 11.
  • 00:29:43.906 --> 00:29:45.241
  • It's the story that leads to jesus raising a man from the
  • 00:29:45.241 --> 00:29:49.712
  • Actual dead when there was absolutely no hope at all that
  • 00:29:49.712 --> 00:29:52.615
  • He would come back from the dead.
  • 00:29:52.615 --> 00:29:54.650
  • And a couple of things that happened around community that i
  • 00:29:54.750 --> 00:29:58.888
  • Had noticed before i want to point out today.
  • 00:29:58.888 --> 00:30:00.990
  • So jesus learns about lazarus being sick.
  • 00:30:00.990 --> 00:30:04.593
  • He loves them.
  • 00:30:04.593 --> 00:30:05.895
  • These are like his, we don't really know if they had husbands
  • 00:30:05.895 --> 00:30:07.863
  • Or wives.
  • 00:30:07.863 --> 00:30:08.831
  • Lazarus, we don't know if he had a wife,
  • 00:30:08.831 --> 00:30:09.932
  • And we don't know if mary and martha had a husband.
  • 00:30:09.932 --> 00:30:12.067
  • So this is like his single friends,
  • 00:30:12.067 --> 00:30:13.535
  • Which i think is kind of cool, okay?
  • 00:30:13.535 --> 00:30:14.837
  • Because he would go to their house and have slumber parties
  • 00:30:14.837 --> 00:30:16.438
  • When he went to bethany, which is kind of cool, you know?
  • 00:30:16.438 --> 00:30:18.807
  • Says some really weird things about, like, you know,
  • 00:30:18.807 --> 00:30:21.777
  • The sickness will not end in death,
  • 00:30:21.777 --> 00:30:23.212
  • Even though he actually knows that lazarus will die,
  • 00:30:23.212 --> 00:30:25.581
  • And i'm glad i wasn't there, which is just weird, like,
  • 00:30:25.581 --> 00:30:28.317
  • And so in first you kind of feel like,
  • 00:30:28.317 --> 00:30:29.718
  • Jesus, i don't know if you're doing
  • 00:30:29.718 --> 00:30:31.020
  • Friendship all the way good.
  • 00:30:31.020 --> 00:30:32.421
  • You know what i'm saying?
  • 00:30:32.421 --> 00:30:33.989
  • What you mean you glad you were not there with your friends who
  • 00:30:33.989 --> 00:30:38.260
  • It clearly says in the scriptures you love very much.
  • 00:30:38.260 --> 00:30:41.263
  • But jesus goes in verse 17, it says, "on his arrival,
  • 00:30:41.263 --> 00:30:46.435
  • So jesus comes to bethany and jesus found that lazarus had
  • 00:30:46.435 --> 00:30:50.339
  • Already been in the tomb for four days,
  • 00:30:50.339 --> 00:30:52.174
  • Which is really important contextually because there's a
  • 00:30:52.174 --> 00:30:55.044
  • Superstitious belief that if you died,
  • 00:30:55.044 --> 00:30:58.647
  • You had about three days for your soul to go back into your
  • 00:30:58.647 --> 00:31:01.050
  • Body.
  • 00:31:01.050 --> 00:31:02.351
  • They got some old testament prophecy a little mixed up here,
  • 00:31:02.351 --> 00:31:04.019
  • Okay?
  • 00:31:04.019 --> 00:31:05.354
  • And so jesus waited four days to ensure that even with your
  • 00:31:05.354 --> 00:31:08.757
  • Little superstitious beliefs, you would literally have no hope
  • 00:31:08.757 --> 00:31:12.428
  • That lazarus would come back, that his body would re-eject
  • 00:31:12.428 --> 00:31:15.597
  • Back into his body, okay, your soul.
  • 00:31:15.597 --> 00:31:17.266
  • And it says in verse 18, now bethany was less
  • 00:31:17.266 --> 00:31:20.169
  • Than two miles from jerusalem.
  • 00:31:20.169 --> 00:31:22.104
  • Verse 19, and many jews had come to martha and mary to comfort
  • 00:31:22.104 --> 00:31:25.507
  • Them in the loss of their brother.
  • 00:31:25.507 --> 00:31:26.976
  • So that's community point number one.
  • 00:31:26.976 --> 00:31:29.745
  • I love that for some reason, in a story about a miracle of a man
  • 00:31:29.845 --> 00:31:36.618
  • Raising from the dead, john found it important to tell all
  • 00:31:36.618 --> 00:31:41.123
  • Of us that mary and martha was two miles from jerusalem and
  • 00:31:41.123 --> 00:31:47.930
  • Their friends came to them in their grief.
  • 00:31:47.930 --> 00:31:50.666
  • They did not ride to them.
  • 00:31:50.666 --> 00:31:53.268
  • They potentially walked to them for two miles.
  • 00:31:53.268 --> 00:31:57.106
  • And when i'm reading this scripture,
  • 00:31:57.106 --> 00:31:59.041
  • Especially like in a setting where people were talking about
  • 00:31:59.041 --> 00:32:01.944
  • Hopelessness and we're talking about jesus,
  • 00:32:01.944 --> 00:32:03.545
  • I stop and point this part out because the truth is jesus could
  • 00:32:03.545 --> 00:32:08.550
  • Have rescued them alone.
  • 00:32:08.550 --> 00:32:10.252
  • He could have done the miracle alone.
  • 00:32:10.252 --> 00:32:14.556
  • What's beautiful, i think, about this story is that before jesus
  • 00:32:14.656 --> 00:32:18.694
  • Was even on the scene, the people of god came and were with
  • 00:32:18.694 --> 00:32:22.898
  • Him.
  • 00:32:22.898 --> 00:32:23.799
  • And that's why i think, elise, like,
  • 00:32:23.799 --> 00:32:25.100
  • Your church community is so important because we are quite
  • 00:32:25.100 --> 00:32:28.804
  • Literally the hands and feet of jesus that are not only with
  • 00:32:28.804 --> 00:32:31.273
  • People in their celebration when the baby comes or when the
  • 00:32:31.273 --> 00:32:34.376
  • Marriage is happening, but when there's deep grief,
  • 00:32:34.376 --> 00:32:37.179
  • You need people.
  • 00:32:37.179 --> 00:32:39.248
  • - i think one of the greatest diseases in our culture is
  • 00:32:39.348 --> 00:32:42.584
  • Loneliness.
  • 00:32:42.584 --> 00:32:43.986
  • There's something about what happened in 2020 that shifted
  • 00:32:43.986 --> 00:32:47.723
  • Things in our culture and around the world.
  • 00:32:47.723 --> 00:32:50.592
  • People were suddenly used to being by themselves in their
  • 00:32:50.592 --> 00:32:54.363
  • Home, whereas they were used to being with the community.
  • 00:32:54.363 --> 00:32:56.598
  • And sometimes we got so used to it that when the need was gone,
  • 00:32:56.598 --> 00:33:01.003
  • We still persisted in that.
  • 00:33:01.003 --> 00:33:03.272
  • I was talking to a young couple the other day.
  • 00:33:03.272 --> 00:33:05.507
  • They came to our church for the first time and they said,
  • 00:33:05.507 --> 00:33:07.843
  • This is the first time
  • 00:33:07.843 --> 00:33:09.244
  • We've been back in church since 2020.
  • 00:33:09.244 --> 00:33:11.613
  • We were just sitting at home and watching church on television,
  • 00:33:11.613 --> 00:33:14.516
  • And it's not the same.
  • 00:33:14.516 --> 00:33:16.518
  • There's something about being in the presence of god's people.
  • 00:33:16.518 --> 00:33:19.822
  • God's word talks about it.
  • 00:33:19.822 --> 00:33:21.223
  • It says, don't neglect getting together as some are doing.
  • 00:33:21.223 --> 00:33:24.993
  • There's something about the beauty of worship together.
  • 00:33:24.993 --> 00:33:28.230
  • There's something about being in the presence of god's word
  • 00:33:28.230 --> 00:33:30.466
  • Together.
  • 00:33:30.466 --> 00:33:31.400
  • We need one another.
  • 00:33:31.400 --> 00:33:32.568
  • We are made for community.
  • 00:33:32.568 --> 00:33:35.504
  • - there's another point in the story that i think is super
  • 00:33:35.604 --> 00:33:37.639
  • Important.
  • 00:33:37.639 --> 00:33:38.607
  • Verse 33, when jesus saw her weeping,
  • 00:33:38.607 --> 00:33:41.844
  • So he's talking about mary.
  • 00:33:41.844 --> 00:33:43.579
  • Sweet mary, he finally gets to mary.
  • 00:33:43.579 --> 00:33:45.114
  • Mary's crying.
  • 00:33:45.114 --> 00:33:46.348
  • She's all over the ground.
  • 00:33:46.348 --> 00:33:47.449
  • There's dirt everywhere.
  • 00:33:47.449 --> 00:33:48.450
  • It's crazy.
  • 00:33:48.450 --> 00:33:49.785
  • When jesus saw her weeping and the jews who had come along with
  • 00:33:49.785 --> 00:33:53.822
  • Her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.
  • 00:33:53.822 --> 00:33:57.392
  • He asked the question, where have you laid him?
  • 00:33:57.392 --> 00:34:00.896
  • This is the second point of community that i think is so
  • 00:34:00.996 --> 00:34:03.532
  • Beautiful.
  • 00:34:03.532 --> 00:34:05.067
  • Jesus was moved by mary, who he loved very deeply.
  • 00:34:05.167 --> 00:34:09.705
  • And he was also moved by these jews who didn't even yet believe
  • 00:34:09.705 --> 00:34:13.509
  • In him.
  • 00:34:13.509 --> 00:34:14.943
  • He was moved not because they were crying,
  • 00:34:15.043 --> 00:34:18.814
  • But because they were crying for mary and martha.
  • 00:34:18.814 --> 00:34:22.651
  • I just think it's so beautiful that our god values friendship
  • 00:34:22.651 --> 00:34:28.757
  • And community so much that it would move him deeply again to
  • 00:34:28.757 --> 00:34:33.495
  • See them grieve with mary and martha.
  • 00:34:33.495 --> 00:34:36.565
  • Like he loves that you care so much about me, lisa,
  • 00:34:36.565 --> 00:34:41.003
  • That you cry on behalf of me right now when he looks and
  • 00:34:41.003 --> 00:34:44.273
  • Peers into our filming of the better together.
  • 00:34:44.273 --> 00:34:46.975
  • He's moved because you're moved because of our connection and
  • 00:34:46.975 --> 00:34:50.646
  • Friendship, because he cares about community.
  • 00:34:50.646 --> 00:34:54.016
  • The last point of community in this story that i think is just
  • 00:34:54.016 --> 00:34:56.885
  • So beautiful is when jesus commands something of the people
  • 00:34:56.885 --> 00:35:01.356
  • Standing.
  • 00:35:01.356 --> 00:35:02.558
  • And i don't actually really know who he's talking to.
  • 00:35:02.558 --> 00:35:05.594
  • But jesus says to everyone standing there in verse 38,
  • 00:35:05.594 --> 00:35:11.366
  • Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb,
  • 00:35:11.366 --> 00:35:14.169
  • And it was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance.
  • 00:35:14.169 --> 00:35:16.872
  • Take away the stone, he said.
  • 00:35:16.872 --> 00:35:20.008
  • Because jesus, why are you going to make us move the stone
  • 00:35:20.008 --> 00:35:22.911
  • And we crying?
  • 00:35:22.911 --> 00:35:24.646
  • Mary on the ground, okay?
  • 00:35:24.746 --> 00:35:27.583
  • Because martha loves mary, she probably with her
  • 00:35:27.583 --> 00:35:29.985
  • They on the ground.
  • 00:35:29.985 --> 00:35:30.919
  • There's dirt everywhere.
  • 00:35:30.919 --> 00:35:32.254
  • The people over here going back and forth about who you are.
  • 00:35:32.254 --> 00:35:34.523
  • They're confused.
  • 00:35:34.523 --> 00:35:35.290
  • They're like, who is this man?
  • 00:35:35.290 --> 00:35:36.091
  • What are you about to do?
  • 00:35:36.091 --> 00:35:36.792
  • It's the fourth day.
  • 00:35:36.792 --> 00:35:38.060
  • Like, there's a lot of chaos happening here, lord jesus.
  • 00:35:38.060 --> 00:35:40.262
  • Why would you make us roll away the stone when you could flicker
  • 00:35:40.262 --> 00:35:43.665
  • The wrist and roll it away yourself, okay,
  • 00:35:43.665 --> 00:35:46.735
  • And all your divinity?
  • 00:35:46.735 --> 00:35:48.070
  • This is where i think the third point of community comes in.
  • 00:35:48.070 --> 00:35:51.106
  • I think that jesus wanted this community
  • 00:35:52.007 --> 00:35:55.444
  • To be a part of the miracle together.
  • 00:35:55.444 --> 00:35:57.412
  • - that's a good point.
  • 00:35:57.412 --> 00:35:58.714
  • - the stone had to be, mary probably could not have moved it
  • 00:35:58.714 --> 00:36:01.950
  • By herself.
  • 00:36:01.950 --> 00:36:03.285
  • Mary and martha probably could not have moved it by themselves.
  • 00:36:03.285 --> 00:36:06.822
  • They all had to stand together
  • 00:36:06.822 --> 00:36:10.592
  • In a moment of grief and move the stone together,
  • 00:36:10.592 --> 00:36:14.563
  • Helping while jesus quite literally stood there,
  • 00:36:14.563 --> 00:36:17.165
  • Which again, in our bitterness, in our lack of gratitude,
  • 00:36:17.165 --> 00:36:21.703
  • In our entitlement, we're like, come on, jesus,
  • 00:36:21.703 --> 00:36:23.405
  • Why would you make us do this?
  • 00:36:23.405 --> 00:36:24.406
  • You came all this way.
  • 00:36:24.406 --> 00:36:25.374
  • You're going to make us do the work.
  • 00:36:25.374 --> 00:36:26.975
  • But i just think he's like showing us what it's like for
  • 00:36:26.975 --> 00:36:32.180
  • Someone, for a family to go through grief and for people to
  • 00:36:32.180 --> 00:36:36.752
  • Show up and say, we're going to be a part of this too.
  • 00:36:36.752 --> 00:36:39.821
  • It's literally god and his people,
  • 00:36:39.821 --> 00:36:42.758
  • The way forward out of grief, god and his people,
  • 00:36:42.758 --> 00:36:46.595
  • The way to be a part of miracles in the world,
  • 00:36:46.595 --> 00:36:49.331
  • God and his people.
  • 00:36:49.331 --> 00:36:51.833
  • And i just am so grateful to the lord from up above because he's
  • 00:36:51.833 --> 00:36:55.570
  • Had me in john 11 for a year and he's still bringing stuff out.
  • 00:36:55.570 --> 00:36:59.107
  • And he would see fit for all of us to be here together today and
  • 00:36:59.107 --> 00:37:03.612
  • Go into john 11.
  • 00:37:03.612 --> 00:37:05.247
  • And know that the story is all about a man being raised from
  • 00:37:05.247 --> 00:37:07.115
  • The dead and that being so cool, but i don't know about you guys,
  • 00:37:07.115 --> 00:37:09.785
  • But the real miracle here is that god loves to highlight
  • 00:37:09.785 --> 00:37:13.822
  • Community.
  • 00:37:13.822 --> 00:37:15.991
  • - join the conversation on our better together youtube channel.
  • 00:37:16.091 --> 00:37:19.828
  • Subscribe today and never miss a new upload.
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  • Subscribe today and never miss a new upload.
  • 00:37:25.001 --> 00:37:30.506
  • - okay, hannah messaged us on instagram and she asked,
  • 00:37:31.641 --> 00:37:35.712
  • How do you handle a friend who you care about but doesn't want
  • 00:37:35.712 --> 00:37:40.316
  • Anything to do with jesus?
  • 00:37:40.316 --> 00:37:42.318
  • Yeah my first thought is you love her you know love goes a
  • 00:37:42.318 --> 00:37:47.323
  • Long way and so i think loving her uh telling her the truth and
  • 00:37:47.323 --> 00:37:53.296
  • Being loving with your own life i know that when i'm transparent
  • 00:37:53.296 --> 00:37:58.034
  • About my own struggles that can be very endearing.
  • 00:37:58.034 --> 00:38:01.637
  • So your own honesty about your life, not perfection,
  • 00:38:01.637 --> 00:38:05.942
  • Will probably draw her in.
  • 00:38:05.942 --> 00:38:07.310
  • What do you think?
  • 00:38:07.310 --> 00:38:08.044
  • - that's so good.
  • 00:38:08.044 --> 00:38:09.345
  • And i think something like this, it's just not going to be a
  • 00:38:09.345 --> 00:38:11.381
  • Quick overnight fix.
  • 00:38:11.381 --> 00:38:12.682
  • And yes, we believe in miracles and we've seen that happen.
  • 00:38:12.682 --> 00:38:15.017
  • But i think over time, your friend is going to see the life
  • 00:38:15.017 --> 00:38:18.621
  • That you live.
  • 00:38:18.621 --> 00:38:19.889
  • And how can they not see your life in jesus with someone
  • 00:38:19.889 --> 00:38:23.393
  • Living a god-honoring life?
  • 00:38:23.393 --> 00:38:25.328
  • And so i think sometimes being patient, asking god
  • 00:38:25.328 --> 00:38:27.930
  • For patience.
  • 00:38:27.930 --> 00:38:29.198
  • I have been there myself and continuing to pray, to love,
  • 00:38:29.198 --> 00:38:32.902
  • And just to be the example.
  • 00:38:32.902 --> 00:38:35.104
  • One day we'll believe with you that that will turn around.
  • 00:38:35.104 --> 00:38:41.711
  • -i even think verse 44 speaks to the function of community in the
  • 00:38:42.979 --> 00:38:49.318
  • Life of people who have been raised from the dead.
  • 00:38:49.318 --> 00:38:51.220
  • The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with
  • 00:38:51.220 --> 00:38:54.490
  • Linen strips and his face wrapped with a cloth.
  • 00:38:54.490 --> 00:38:56.492
  • - that's good.
  • 00:38:56.492 --> 00:38:57.160
  • There's a fourth point.
  • 00:38:57.160 --> 00:38:58.795
  • Go ahead, yes.
  • 00:38:58.795 --> 00:38:59.562
  • - unbind him.
  • 00:38:59.562 --> 00:39:00.696
  • - yeah.
  • 00:39:00.696 --> 00:39:01.898
  • And i think that's what happens when you get saved,
  • 00:39:01.898 --> 00:39:03.666
  • Is that you have been raised, but you're still a little bound,
  • 00:39:03.666 --> 00:39:07.003
  • You know?
  • 00:39:07.003 --> 00:39:08.337
  • And so you need community to help you undo ways of thinking.
  • 00:39:08.337 --> 00:39:11.274
  • You need community to help you process why you feel or react
  • 00:39:11.274 --> 00:39:14.577
  • And respond in the way that you do.
  • 00:39:14.577 --> 00:39:16.446
  • - accountability and friendship is real important.
  • 00:39:17.547 --> 00:39:20.149
  • If people cannot offer up grace and truth to you,
  • 00:39:20.149 --> 00:39:23.519
  • Then really you don't have a friend.
  • 00:39:23.519 --> 00:39:25.655
  • You have someone that's just allowing you
  • 00:39:25.655 --> 00:39:28.458
  • To live a life of sin.
  • 00:39:28.458 --> 00:39:30.293
  • But what we want is real people that walk hand in hand,
  • 00:39:30.293 --> 00:39:33.863
  • Arm in arm with us, and say we are all headed towards jesus.
  • 00:39:33.863 --> 00:39:38.301
  • You want people that can tell you, hey,
  • 00:39:38.301 --> 00:39:40.436
  • You must be going the wrong way.
  • 00:39:40.436 --> 00:39:42.004
  • Hey, you're going a little bit too fast in the wrong direction.
  • 00:39:42.004 --> 00:39:44.674
  • You want that because you want people who care not only about
  • 00:39:44.674 --> 00:39:48.211
  • Your heart, but your soul too.
  • 00:39:48.211 --> 00:39:50.546
  • Most of us really want to be sanctified with just us, jesus,
  • 00:39:51.814 --> 00:39:55.952
  • The scripture.
  • 00:39:55.952 --> 00:39:57.353
  • And some like lo-fi soundtracks and it's just like yeah you can
  • 00:39:57.353 --> 00:40:00.756
  • Go somewhere but you will not ultimately be able to reflect
  • 00:40:00.756 --> 00:40:04.560
  • The image of a triune god if you are not in community with other
  • 00:40:04.560 --> 00:40:08.197
  • People and so i think it's always a challenge for me but i
  • 00:40:08.197 --> 00:40:11.767
  • Think the lord made me get married and have four kids too
  • 00:40:11.767 --> 00:40:15.238
  • Kind of forced me to deal with it.
  • 00:40:15.238 --> 00:40:17.540
  • - as we're talking about this, i'm also thinking that a lot
  • 00:40:17.540 --> 00:40:20.176
  • Of us are replacing the importance of face-to-face
  • 00:40:20.176 --> 00:40:23.613
  • Community with social media.
  • 00:40:23.613 --> 00:40:25.515
  • And we are thinking that that is friendship.
  • 00:40:25.515 --> 00:40:28.751
  • I was just with someone who, a true friend of mine who's been
  • 00:40:28.751 --> 00:40:33.523
  • Off social media for two years now,
  • 00:40:33.523 --> 00:40:35.358
  • And she said she's learned something really important and
  • 00:40:35.358 --> 00:40:37.627
  • Valuable about it in that she realized that through the
  • 00:40:37.627 --> 00:40:43.266
  • Information that she was gathering from a lot of people
  • 00:40:43.266 --> 00:40:47.570
  • Who she would have called her friends,
  • 00:40:47.570 --> 00:40:50.740
  • Which was just information gathering.
  • 00:40:50.740 --> 00:40:53.910
  • Like she knew where people had gone to where a friend had gone
  • 00:40:53.910 --> 00:40:57.446
  • To dinner the night before or like what their, you know,
  • 00:40:57.446 --> 00:41:01.918
  • What their daughter's birthday was.
  • 00:41:01.918 --> 00:41:04.320
  • And so in some ways that was making her feel like, well,
  • 00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:07.823
  • This is my friend.
  • 00:41:07.823 --> 00:41:08.791
  • I know.
  • 00:41:08.791 --> 00:41:09.825
  • I know what she wore to dinner last night.
  • 00:41:09.825 --> 00:41:11.360
  • But in reality, after being off social media for two years,
  • 00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:14.997
  • That it's actually made her realize,
  • 00:41:14.997 --> 00:41:17.867
  • Ok, no, that wasn't a friend.
  • 00:41:17.867 --> 00:41:21.103
  • That was just information from someone that i was associated
  • 00:41:21.103 --> 00:41:24.540
  • With on social media.
  • 00:41:24.540 --> 00:41:25.841
  • And i think there's something really important about that
  • 00:41:25.841 --> 00:41:28.844
  • Because we are thinking, ok, here's my community.
  • 00:41:28.844 --> 00:41:32.548
  • Here's my friendships.
  • 00:41:32.548 --> 00:41:34.884
  • And maybe they are a friend on social media and in real life.
  • 00:41:34.884 --> 00:41:38.921
  • But we have done ourselves such a disservice.
  • 00:41:38.921 --> 00:41:42.825
  • Not having that face to face community because we are
  • 00:41:42.825 --> 00:41:47.163
  • Believing that our community, our friends are on social media.
  • 00:41:47.163 --> 00:41:52.702
  • And in reality, we can't do these things talking about in
  • 00:41:52.702 --> 00:41:58.374
  • John 11.
  • 00:41:58.374 --> 00:41:59.375
  • We can't touch people.
  • 00:41:59.375 --> 00:42:00.776
  • We can't help people.
  • 00:42:00.776 --> 00:42:02.078
  • We can't be a part of the miracle just by like consuming
  • 00:42:02.078 --> 00:42:06.015
  • Friendships online.
  • 00:42:06.015 --> 00:42:08.584
  • - so good.
  • 00:42:08.584 --> 00:42:09.819
  • With the content that i've come out with in the books
  • 00:42:09.819 --> 00:42:12.388
  • And stuff about community um i just
  • 00:42:12.388 --> 00:42:15.257
  • Have said so many people like i just can't find friends there's
  • 00:42:15.257 --> 00:42:18.160
  • Just no way i just i've tried this and i've tried that and i
  • 00:42:18.160 --> 00:42:21.230
  • Just want to acknowledge that and affirm that it is very weird
  • 00:42:21.230 --> 00:42:24.233
  • To develop friendship as an adult so awkward why because we
  • 00:42:24.233 --> 00:42:28.738
  • Actually weren't trained to do it we were actually trained to
  • 00:42:28.738 --> 00:42:31.674
  • Be like consumers of community from our parents and the
  • 00:42:31.674 --> 00:42:35.277
  • Environments that we were in i mean our parent literally they
  • 00:42:35.277 --> 00:42:38.581
  • Just would bring you to the playground you'd be like because
  • 00:42:38.581 --> 00:42:40.850
  • We don't have a lot of shame it's my daughter she's on the
  • 00:42:40.850 --> 00:42:42.618
  • Playground and sweet girl she's come back seven minutes later i
  • 00:42:42.618 --> 00:42:45.488
  • Have a best friend now and i got her number and we're gonna have
  • 00:42:45.488 --> 00:42:48.591
  • A play date well really whose number did you give her yours
  • 00:42:48.591 --> 00:42:51.694
  • Okay like we just we grew up with community being cultivated
  • 00:42:51.694 --> 00:42:57.033
  • For us.
  • 00:42:57.033 --> 00:42:58.367
  • And so we don't actually have the muscles or the language or
  • 00:42:58.367 --> 00:43:01.103
  • The strategy to be able to make friends as adults.
  • 00:43:01.103 --> 00:43:03.839
  • We went to school, built-in community, colleges,
  • 00:43:03.839 --> 00:43:06.475
  • Built-in community.
  • 00:43:06.475 --> 00:43:07.376
  • And now we have to, like, go get it.
  • 00:43:07.376 --> 00:43:11.013
  • And that's really hard.
  • 00:43:11.013 --> 00:43:12.381
  • And the hopeful part of it is that
  • 00:43:12.381 --> 00:43:16.085
  • I think that's why the church is designed the way it's designed.
  • 00:43:16.085 --> 00:43:18.354
  • - just thinking that.
  • 00:43:18.354 --> 00:43:19.321
  • - because our father in heaven is like,
  • 00:43:19.321 --> 00:43:20.790
  • They're going to need a little help.
  • 00:43:20.790 --> 00:43:21.791
  • - they need a playground.
  • 00:43:21.791 --> 00:43:23.826
  • - it's almost like he knew that, like,
  • 00:43:22.558 --> 00:43:25.661
  • I'm going to help them do that.
  • 00:43:25.661 --> 00:43:27.163
  • Because i know that as an adult, you don't want to stand in the
  • 00:43:27.163 --> 00:43:30.032
  • Target line and say, do you like striped shirts as well?
  • 00:43:30.032 --> 00:43:32.768
  • We should be best friends.
  • 00:43:32.768 --> 00:43:33.936
  • Because people will call security.
  • 00:43:33.936 --> 00:43:36.038
  • You know, that's a problem.
  • 00:43:36.038 --> 00:43:37.206
  • But it's almost like the kindness of god to be like,
  • 00:43:37.206 --> 00:43:39.542
  • Here's your playground.
  • 00:43:39.542 --> 00:43:40.810
  • Come and gather people, like-minded people,
  • 00:43:40.810 --> 00:43:44.213
  • Not perfect people.
  • 00:43:44.213 --> 00:43:45.081
  • Like-minded people.
  • 00:43:45.081 --> 00:43:46.916
  • And while you're doing, while you're serving,
  • 00:43:46.916 --> 00:43:50.953
  • While you're whatevering, you are going to build relationship
  • 00:43:50.953 --> 00:43:54.256
  • And do it that way.
  • 00:43:54.256 --> 00:43:55.558
  • And that has been, i mean, that's the thing for me is that
  • 00:43:55.558 --> 00:43:58.094
  • I was doing church alongside these people,
  • 00:43:58.094 --> 00:44:00.429
  • But terrified to actually let them in as a friend.
  • 00:44:00.429 --> 00:44:02.832
  • And all i have found, and i mean this over this last couple of
  • 00:44:02.832 --> 00:44:06.936
  • Months, as i have let myself
  • 00:44:06.936 --> 00:44:09.739
  • I was afraid to experience joy in
  • 00:44:09.739 --> 00:44:12.007
  • Friendship i know that maybe sounds weird but like i was
  • 00:44:12.007 --> 00:44:14.310
  • Afraid to have jokes i was afraid to like let them in it
  • 00:44:14.310 --> 00:44:18.180
  • Has been the best thing ever like it has i didn't even
  • 00:44:18.180 --> 00:44:22.485
  • Realize how many blended families we have in our church
  • 00:44:22.485 --> 00:44:24.987
  • Of people that just get it that just get being a stepmom and it
  • 00:44:24.987 --> 00:44:27.656
  • Is so hard to explain yeah what it's like being a stepmom if
  • 00:44:27.656 --> 00:44:30.626
  • You're not but now genuinely not people i sit next to on a sunday
  • 00:44:30.626 --> 00:44:35.397
  • Genuinely friends because of the playground that is church.
  • 00:44:35.397 --> 00:44:39.301
  • - sheila, i want you to talk about betrayal.
  • 00:44:39.301 --> 00:44:42.238
  • Just with our time left here, i just wonder if you have
  • 00:44:42.238 --> 00:44:47.510
  • Something for us when it comes to people having trouble
  • 00:44:47.510 --> 00:44:50.746
  • Trusting again to build friends?
  • 00:44:50.746 --> 00:44:53.149
  • Yeah.
  • 00:44:53.149 --> 00:44:54.150
  • - betrayal is one of the deepest hurts,
  • 00:44:54.150 --> 00:44:57.019
  • And depending on how much you love the person, you know,
  • 00:44:57.019 --> 00:44:59.688
  • You can be hurt by somebody who's in the outer circle,
  • 00:44:59.688 --> 00:45:03.159
  • But when it's somebody in your inner circle
  • 00:45:03.159 --> 00:45:05.427
  • It's devastating and i had that with
  • 00:45:05.427 --> 00:45:08.430
  • Somebody that i considered at that time my best friend um who
  • 00:45:08.430 --> 00:45:13.202
  • Said you know i know where you've been going with the
  • 00:45:13.202 --> 00:45:16.639
  • Hospital stuff i know you're on medication we are no
  • 00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:20.509
  • Longer friends you're not who i thought you were and i found
  • 00:45:20.509 --> 00:45:24.079
  • Myself initially i got it initially because my whole thing
  • 00:45:24.079 --> 00:45:29.151
  • As a child was if your dad could once love you then hate you then
  • 00:45:29.151 --> 00:45:32.621
  • Love is not certainty.
  • 00:45:32.621 --> 00:45:35.124
  • It's negotiable.
  • 00:45:35.124 --> 00:45:36.058
  • You can win it, you can lose it.
  • 00:45:36.058 --> 00:45:37.459
  • But then i would get angry and feel like betrayed and tried to
  • 00:45:37.459 --> 00:45:42.998
  • Talk to that person, even flew into their city,
  • 00:45:42.998 --> 00:45:45.401
  • Sat down and said, listen, just tell me whatever it is.
  • 00:45:45.401 --> 00:45:48.404
  • Let me talk to you.
  • 00:45:48.404 --> 00:45:49.438
  • Let me listen to you.
  • 00:45:49.438 --> 00:45:51.006
  • And they were like, no, i don't want anything to do with you.
  • 00:45:51.006 --> 00:45:53.242
  • And it was so interesting because i was actually getting a
  • 00:45:53.242 --> 00:45:56.779
  • Pedicure one day and i'm sitting there with my feet in this basin
  • 00:45:56.779 --> 00:46:00.349
  • Of water.
  • 00:46:00.349 --> 00:46:01.684
  • And i'm reading about christ preparing for the night when he
  • 00:46:01.684 --> 00:46:04.587
  • Will change everything for us.
  • 00:46:04.587 --> 00:46:06.422
  • And he's washing his disciples' feet.
  • 00:46:06.422 --> 00:46:08.824
  • And i feel so clearly, and i've never heard the audible voice of
  • 00:46:08.824 --> 00:46:12.661
  • God, but i hear god saying, i want you to call them.
  • 00:46:12.661 --> 00:46:16.031
  • And i want you to ask their forgiveness.
  • 00:46:16.031 --> 00:46:18.901
  • And i'm like, lord, i don't think i still have their number.
  • 00:46:18.901 --> 00:46:21.904
  • And b, i'm not sorry.
  • 00:46:21.904 --> 00:46:23.372
  • I didn't do anything.
  • 00:46:23.372 --> 00:46:24.473
  • I'm like, how can you sit here with your feet
  • 00:46:24.473 --> 00:46:28.844
  • In a basin of water and not listen to the holy spirit.
  • 00:46:28.844 --> 00:46:33.616
  • So i pick up my phone and i think,
  • 00:46:33.616 --> 00:46:35.718
  • I have no idea if this is still a current number.
  • 00:46:35.718 --> 00:46:37.586
  • And i call this person and they answer.
  • 00:46:37.586 --> 00:46:41.357
  • And they said, i pray that you would call because i know i hurt
  • 00:46:41.357 --> 00:46:47.229
  • You.
  • 00:46:47.229 --> 00:46:48.264
  • And i'm so sorry.
  • 00:46:48.264 --> 00:46:49.632
  • Will you forgive me?
  • 00:46:49.632 --> 00:46:51.100
  • And i guess one of the things i've learned in betrayal,
  • 00:46:51.200 --> 00:46:55.771
  • And sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't.
  • 00:46:55.771 --> 00:46:57.573
  • You know, sometimes you can try, but this whole thing of
  • 00:46:57.573 --> 00:47:02.211
  • Forgiveness sets you free.
  • 00:47:02.211 --> 00:47:05.881
  • You know, and i think restores your trust muscle that you don't
  • 00:47:05.981 --> 00:47:09.752
  • Have to permanently remove you.
  • 00:47:09.752 --> 00:47:11.387
  • I used to think i'll vote myself off the island before you do.
  • 00:47:11.387 --> 00:47:14.023
  • Then i know i wanted to leave.
  • 00:47:14.023 --> 00:47:16.158
  • But now i choose to stay and know that some will come and
  • 00:47:16.258 --> 00:47:20.796
  • Some will go.
  • 00:47:20.796 --> 00:47:22.231
  • But jesus will never, never leave.
  • 00:47:22.331 --> 00:47:25.000
  • - i love it.
  • 00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:26.435
  • - i think processing betrayal is
  • 00:47:27.236 --> 00:47:29.405
  • Critically important.
  • 00:47:29.405 --> 00:47:30.873
  • First of all, i think we need to be really honest about it.
  • 00:47:30.873 --> 00:47:33.208
  • We don't need to shove it under the rug and pretend like it
  • 00:47:33.208 --> 00:47:35.477
  • Didn't happen.
  • 00:47:35.477 --> 00:47:36.545
  • So it's really important to be honest about it.
  • 00:47:36.545 --> 00:47:38.380
  • Sometimes we might need to process with a trusted
  • 00:47:38.380 --> 00:47:40.883
  • Professional.
  • 00:47:40.883 --> 00:47:41.617
  • That can be very important.
  • 00:47:41.617 --> 00:47:43.819
  • And we need to ask the lord to help us as we seek community.
  • 00:47:43.819 --> 00:47:48.991
  • As we know, isolation is a tool of the enemy.
  • 00:47:48.991 --> 00:47:52.361
  • And so being isolated from community just because we've
  • 00:47:52.361 --> 00:47:56.332
  • Been hurt is not a good idea.
  • 00:47:56.332 --> 00:47:58.400
  • We might need to take some time but ultimately we need to draw
  • 00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:01.470
  • Back into community because the church is god's design and so
  • 00:48:01.470 --> 00:48:04.473
  • It's critically important that we do that and so we might need
  • 00:48:04.473 --> 00:48:07.776
  • To do that very slow slowly or incrementally maybe we need to
  • 00:48:07.776 --> 00:48:10.846
  • Start start small with some trusted folks and then ask the
  • 00:48:10.846 --> 00:48:15.951
  • Lord to just help us as we get back into community.
  • 00:48:15.951 --> 00:48:20.356
  • - friendship is messy yeah because we're messy
  • 00:48:20.456 --> 00:48:23.525
  • And i think one of
  • 00:48:23.525 --> 00:48:24.893
  • The things that i'm praying, at least, that we get better at,
  • 00:48:24.893 --> 00:48:29.131
  • As believers, is just recognizing that everyone's just
  • 00:48:29.131 --> 00:48:33.502
  • Working through their stuff.
  • 00:48:33.502 --> 00:48:35.237
  • And we all come into this world looking for someone,
  • 00:48:35.237 --> 00:48:38.374
  • Looking for us, and that never, ever leaves.
  • 00:48:38.374 --> 00:48:40.542
  • We all still walk into a room full of strangers like,
  • 00:48:40.542 --> 00:48:43.112
  • Do i know somebody here?
  • 00:48:43.112 --> 00:48:44.046
  • Please, somebody come save me, help me.
  • 00:48:44.046 --> 00:48:46.081
  • And i think we all innately want to be so deeply known and seen.
  • 00:48:46.081 --> 00:48:50.953
  • - so true.
  • 00:48:50.953 --> 00:48:51.920
  • - i don't care, introvert, extrovert,
  • 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:54.289
  • I don't care what you are.
  • 00:48:54.289 --> 00:48:55.958
  • You want people to never, ever leave the room to remind you
  • 00:48:55.958 --> 00:49:00.629
  • That you're chosen and seen and known.
  • 00:49:00.629 --> 00:49:02.664
  • I'm just going to take a little time to pray for us and those
  • 00:49:02.664 --> 00:49:06.902
  • Watching that we would continue to value community like jesus
  • 00:49:06.902 --> 00:49:14.176
  • Does.
  • 00:49:14.176 --> 00:49:15.677
  • Oh, lord jesus, thank you that you made us for community to be
  • 00:49:15.778 --> 00:49:24.153
  • Known and seen and loved and held.
  • 00:49:24.153 --> 00:49:26.722
  • Thank you, god, that you saw fit,
  • 00:49:26.822 --> 00:49:30.359
  • That we would not have to endure a single day on this earth under
  • 00:49:30.459 --> 00:49:37.132
  • The curse of sin alone.
  • 00:49:37.132 --> 00:49:40.169
  • Lord, i pray for those that have been betrayed,
  • 00:49:41.170 --> 00:49:43.772
  • That they would not allow those that betrayed them to have both
  • 00:49:43.772 --> 00:49:48.410
  • Their past and their future.
  • 00:49:48.410 --> 00:49:51.080
  • I pray that they would forgive and break free from the bondage
  • 00:49:51.180 --> 00:49:54.283
  • Of unforgiveness.
  • 00:49:54.283 --> 00:49:55.951
  • I know unforgiveness full well.
  • 00:49:56.051 --> 00:49:59.254
  • And i know how much damage it can cause.
  • 00:49:59.354 --> 00:50:01.223
  • And so, lord, i just pray against that spirit of pride and
  • 00:50:01.223 --> 00:50:06.261
  • Isolation.
  • 00:50:06.261 --> 00:50:07.396
  • I pray for grace and mercy to flow and abound much.
  • 00:50:07.396 --> 00:50:11.266
  • Lord, i pray for those who feel so completely isolated and
  • 00:50:11.266 --> 00:50:16.171
  • Alone.
  • 00:50:16.171 --> 00:50:17.506
  • I pray, god, that they would encounter real friendship and
  • 00:50:17.606 --> 00:50:21.410
  • Love.
  • 00:50:21.410 --> 00:50:22.511
  • Heal us, god.
  • 00:50:22.511 --> 00:50:24.046
  • We love you.
  • 00:50:24.446 --> 00:50:25.881
  • In jesus' name, amen.
  • 00:50:25.881 --> 00:50:26.782
  • Amen.
  • 00:50:26.782 --> 00:50:28.150
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  • 00:50:29.284 --> 00:50:31.687
  • Our team can pray for you.
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