Better Together

A Family Restored by Grace | Better Together Episode 1137

January 27, 2026 | S8 E1137 | 50:59

Restoration is possible! Through God's immeasurable grace, we are empowered to release the bitterness of past offense, extend forgiveness, and experience redemption. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

#Grace #Prayer #Restoration #Redemption #Widow/Widower #Grief #Healing #Honesty #Love #Forgiveness #EmotionalHealth #Unity #Communication #Transformation #Family #MentalHealth #Boundaries #Depression #Anxiety #Generations #Bitterness #PersonalStory #Marriage #Children #Parenting #Discipline #Failure #Encouragement #LaurieCrouch #SheilaWalsh #BlyndaLane #MichelleAguilar #StephanieIkeOkafor

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Better Together | A Family Restored by Grace | Better Together Episode 1137 | January 27, 2026

- broken family relationships.
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Old wounds that open over and over again.
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When loved ones need extra grace,
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How many times are we expected to forgive?
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Our god can redeem any story.
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Come on, let's talk about it.
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(music playing)
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- well, friends, i'm so excited to talk about
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Restoration today.
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I love, like, restoring old things and i love grace.
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So it's like two of my favorite subjects and i'm
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Going to tell a story on myself because i am the one
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Who needed grace.
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So i want y'all just to be thinking about,
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Was it you that you had to extend grace to somebody?
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But i really just want us to share our stories.
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Because i think we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the
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Word of our stories.
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So this is an opportunity to just,
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This is our tell-all of how we needed grace because i think
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People can find themselves in our stories.
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They can find themselves in the grace extended to them.
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And so, for me, i am the one who needed grace.
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My husband, um, we got married in june of 2013.
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And three months into our marriage,
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It was a blended family.
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I had been widowed and so i was so excited
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To be remarried.
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I've got this dad for my kids who are five and seven
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At the time.
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I was pumped and had no idea that there was underlying
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Depression and anxiety that was on board before we ever
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Got married.
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And i, i cannot even tell you how disappointing it was to
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Experience that when my husband basically had somewhat
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Of a nervous breakdown.
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We went on a mission trip a few months after we got
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Married, which i highly do not recommend.
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Because i talk about that before you get married.
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Talk about needing to be restored by grace.
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I was like, by that alone, so i don't recommend that to
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Anyone listening, but.
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But we did and we chose to go serve kids with cancer.
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It was amazing.
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But during the middle of that week,
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He ended up just cooking pancakes one morning and just
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Not being able to do it.
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And i'm like, no, i'm sorry.
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Like, you don't get to leave these 150 people stranded.
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You're the pancake maker.
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And he was like, but i can't, i can't,
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I've just got to go back to the room.
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And i'm like, i, i just didn't,
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I didn't know what depression and anxiety looked like.
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Even though i had been widowed twice.
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Depression was just not the story.
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And, hiding emotional unhealth,
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Like there were a lot of stories.
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But depression was not one of them.
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And i was angry.
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I'm going to be really honest.
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And i was like, you got a wife and you got two kids on the
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Same day and a house in the suburbs.
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I don't understand like how you couldn't be so thrilled
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About your wife.
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And that's what i want to say is no one wakes up wanting to
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Be depressed.
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No one wakes up wanting to be anxious.
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I didn't want any of that.
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And yet, i was so clueless to what was happening and needed
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So much grace to be extended to me because i was angry.
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I was really bitter because i felt like he did not tell me
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The full story.
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And.
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Like, did you know this was a possibility?
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And so that bitterness just rose up in me,
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That anger rose up in me, and then i had to protect my
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Children from what was happening.
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So, needless to say, i needed a lot of restoration.
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And the marriage needed to be restored and so i ended up
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Going on a journey of learning that i needed to forgive rod's
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Body.
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It sounds crazy, but i need to forgive his brain for not
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Doing what it needed to do.
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I mean, there was, there was a laundry list of forgiveness
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And i received communion that day.
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And then extended grace to myself because i'd acted like
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Such a brat through this whole thing and just not understood
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And been so upset.
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And rod was so gracious to extend grace to me and say,
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It's okay, you don't, you can't possibly.
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How could you possibly understand?
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You don't know what you don't know and you've never done
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This before.
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You've only buried husbands, you've never had a sick one.
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And i mean, really, in sickness and in health was not
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My story.
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But it, it is now.
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During the episode on set, i mentioned that my husband was
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Battling depression and, you know,
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The way that i responded to his depression.
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I needed a whole lot of grace in that moment.
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And for him to extend that to me in his own battle,
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Really healed a part of my soul that i didn't even know
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Needed to be healed.
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I was experiencing extreme amounts of shame.
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I was like, how can i be feeling this way about a man
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Who didn't want to be depressed.
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Didn't ask for this.
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But yet in my head, that wasn't, that wasn't what was,
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Was playing and rod's grace healed a part of my soul that
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Could not have been healed any other way.
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- one of the things that i think is amazing is the way
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That god can even use your children.
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To help you see where you're not extending grace.
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I remember one time when, before we got married.
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I told barry it's really important to me that we don't
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Ever end up in debt.
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You know, my mum was a widow, she worked on a widow's
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Pension, she never paid a cent of interest in credit card.
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I mean she just, you know, she believed that god would
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Provide and that's who we were depending on,
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So i said that's really important to me.
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It wasn't really important to barry.
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[laughs] and you know, we'd just moved into a house and he
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Kept ordering things.
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Like i remember coming home one day and all the light
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Fixtures were gone and there were crystal chandeliers,
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And i'm like, what is this?
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And he said, oh we just did a swap out with the builder.
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And you know, stuff like that and there was a lot more and i
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Was--i was really upset because i felt like, you know,
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This is something we talked about before.
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I told you how important this is to me;
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How scary it feels to me if we owe people money.
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I just don't know how to deal with that.
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And it had gone on for a few weeks.
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And i was at a place where i was not in a good place,
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But i'm trying to protect our son too.
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Because christian's little, he's, i don't know,
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Like maybe 10.
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And one night i went in to, to kind of tuck him
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In before bed.
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And barry and i had a discussion in the kitchen,
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And i was pretty sure he had overheard.
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And so, i said to him, christian, are you okay?
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And he said, what do you mean?
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I said, well, i'm pretty sure you heard dad and i talking.
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Are, are you okay?
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And he was quiet for a minute.
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He's just, i totally get now why he's a clinical
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Psychologist.
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Because he's just brilliant.
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But he was a lieutenant, he's quiet, and he said, mom,
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I know it's hard.
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But you have to forgive him.
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He's 10 years old.
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- wow.
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- and i kissed him and i thanked him,
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And i went for a long walk.
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Went out of the house and i went for a long walk.
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And i was like, lord, this is ridiculous.
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I'm supposed to forgive.
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I didn't do any of this.
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But i came to this place, and i think it's why a lot of
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Marriages struggle.
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Where i felt as if, i've never heard the audible voice
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Of god.
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But i felt as if god said to me, "sheila,
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You cannot go one step further carrying this."
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- yeah.
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- i felt like i was, did you ever see the movie
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The mission?
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Robert de niro and he's carrying this weight up
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A mountainside because he feels so guilty.
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And eventually they cut it free and i felt like the lord
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Saying, "sheila, you cannot move on with me,
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Carrying this weight."
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And i literally got down on my, it's like, i don't know,
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Two in the morning.
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Got down on my knees in the middle of the road and said,
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Lord, i forgive.
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And let go.
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And i can remember going home and waking barry up
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And saying, i forgive you, go back to sleep.
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Go back to sleep.
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[laughs] - just so you know.
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- sweet dreams.
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- but honestly it was, i don't know if i'd have seen it.
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If it wasn't for my son seeing.
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You know, okay, mum, i know we didn't want this and that.
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Yeah, that is goofy having a chandelier over the bath.
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If it falls, we're all goners.
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But you have to forgive.
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And it was just; there's something about the gift of
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Forgiveness because i always think we want life to be fair
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And life's not fair.
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But forgiveness is god's gift to us to live in a world
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That's not fair.
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We get to have that burden cut off.
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- i think showing grace to--
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Everyone in your life, especially those close by you,
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Can actually transform your situation.
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That grace for your husband, that grace for that
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Mother-in-law, that grace for the dad.
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All of that is so important and god gives you the grace to
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Show.
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So, i think we all every day need to just thank god for his
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Grace that he's not only shown for us.
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But the grace that he can pour through our lives to those
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Around us.
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- it's hard, we're in a situation in our family,
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On my side of the family.
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Where we're in an agree to disagree moment that hasn't
00:09:08.704 --> 00:09:12.341
Been resolved.
00:09:12.341 --> 00:09:13.376
It hasn't been restored.
00:09:13.376 --> 00:09:14.844
It's with some of my nieces and nephews.
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And it's, it's really hard because i'm,
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I'm watching my brother and his wife walk through a really
00:09:19.515 --> 00:09:22.385
Painful period.
00:09:22.385 --> 00:09:23.653
And we're all faith-filled believers and so we're praying
00:09:23.653 --> 00:09:27.156
And we're believing that we'll see this restoration.
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But it is also very apparent there's choice involved.
00:09:30.693 --> 00:09:34.664
And you can only restore to the degree that everybody
00:09:34.664 --> 00:09:38.668
Involved wants restoration.
00:09:38.668 --> 00:09:41.070
And my heart is sensitive to people who are in a situation
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Where they've tried and they've prayed.
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And they haven't seen that restoration because i'm,
00:09:47.376 --> 00:09:51.380
I'm listening to your story and that was such a proactive
00:09:51.380 --> 00:09:55.384
Stance you took to go on the walk to ask god-- like you
00:09:55.384 --> 00:09:58.821
Were, you were seeking how god could change your heart toward
00:09:58.821 --> 00:10:02.625
Forgiveness.
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But if you don't have that in a family,
00:10:03.592 --> 00:10:05.861
It can become bitterness.
00:10:05.861 --> 00:10:08.731
- right.
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- one of the great things about grace is that you can
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Never give too much of it.
00:10:13.035 --> 00:10:14.837
And if you've extended grace to someone and they have not
00:10:14.837 --> 00:10:17.473
Given grace back to you, that's okay.
00:10:17.473 --> 00:10:19.909
You are obedient to extend the grace because we've been given
00:10:19.909 --> 00:10:22.745
So much grace by our lord and our savior,
00:10:22.745 --> 00:10:25.581
That it is within us to give more than we get back.
00:10:25.581 --> 00:10:29.952
- matt sent me this morning knowing we were talking about
00:10:29.952 --> 00:10:32.822
Family he was down in the kitchen area.
00:10:32.822 --> 00:10:34.724
I was getting ready and he sends me a clip of what was on
00:10:34.724 --> 00:10:37.793
Tbn today.
00:10:37.793 --> 00:10:39.095
Just a short tbn reel of jensen franklin saying being
00:10:39.095 --> 00:10:43.699
Around bitter people, people that have just gotten bitter
00:10:43.699 --> 00:10:46.669
About stuff, he said soon.
00:10:46.669 --> 00:10:48.504
He said they might be picking on somebody else.
00:10:48.504 --> 00:10:50.473
But he said soon that's bitterness is going to pick
00:10:50.473 --> 00:10:52.508
On you.
00:10:52.508 --> 00:10:53.776
And it's going to come, come to you and i know that there
00:10:53.776 --> 00:10:56.345
Are unresolved things probably in most families.
00:10:56.345 --> 00:11:01.283
Believers, christians that that walk-through stuff and
00:11:01.283 --> 00:11:06.489
Toxicity and the whole thing where you have to put
00:11:06.489 --> 00:11:09.325
Boundaries down.
00:11:09.325 --> 00:11:10.326
I love my family.
00:11:10.326 --> 00:11:11.660
Matt always said that i had a romance, in my mind of family.
00:11:11.660 --> 00:11:17.366
Because i come --i have a beautiful family.
00:11:17.366 --> 00:11:19.702
I love all of-- i've got great,
00:11:19.702 --> 00:11:21.904
Wonderful great aunts and uncles.
00:11:21.904 --> 00:11:23.839
And lots of cousins and family trouble was my perfect storm.
00:11:23.839 --> 00:11:28.577
- yeah.
00:11:28.577 --> 00:11:29.478
- oh yeah.
00:11:29.478 --> 00:11:30.679
- and i actually had a couple surgeries because of it.
00:11:30.679 --> 00:11:34.150
Because i internalized this beautiful family picture in my
00:11:34.150 --> 00:11:39.889
Mind and what it was supposed to be.
00:11:39.889 --> 00:11:41.257
And how god create--god did not create this.
00:11:41.257 --> 00:11:43.259
You know you think of adam and eve and then their children.
00:11:43.259 --> 00:11:46.762
- yeah.
00:11:46.762 --> 00:11:47.797
- you know it started from the beginning.
00:11:47.797 --> 00:11:49.098
You know this, you know, they killed each other you know.
00:11:49.098 --> 00:11:52.902
And i just think the boundaries that we have to set
00:11:52.902 --> 00:11:56.238
The forgiveness side of things you can forgive and love.
00:11:56.238 --> 00:12:00.376
And not have to be around.
00:12:00.376 --> 00:12:02.444
And i think that's choices.
00:12:02.444 --> 00:12:05.281
I don't want my family around that.
00:12:05.281 --> 00:12:07.783
My kids, you know, i protected my kids from things.
00:12:07.783 --> 00:12:11.053
I didn't want my kids just to be around other people,
00:12:11.053 --> 00:12:15.457
You know.
00:12:15.457 --> 00:12:16.458
Because i didn't want them to feel that.
00:12:16.458 --> 00:12:17.893
Although you participated in many family things but then
00:12:17.893 --> 00:12:21.564
That's not our life, you know.
00:12:21.564 --> 00:12:25.301
And y'all stand right over there.
00:12:25.301 --> 00:12:26.202
We love you.
00:12:26.202 --> 00:12:26.869
Stand right over there.
00:12:26.869 --> 00:12:28.204
[laughs] - it is a little bit kind of like a cancer that can
00:12:28.204 --> 00:12:31.040
Spread because i'm, i'm thinking in the situation with
00:12:31.040 --> 00:12:33.375
My brother.
00:12:33.375 --> 00:12:34.710
And it started with, with just one of their children and they
00:12:34.710 --> 00:12:38.848
Tried to incorporate them in, while still trying to figure
00:12:38.848 --> 00:12:43.219
It out.
00:12:43.219 --> 00:12:44.753
And they became an influence to their other children.
00:12:44.753 --> 00:12:48.490
And they started seeing the other children starting to
00:12:48.490 --> 00:12:50.226
Turn to my brother and my sister-in-law.
00:12:50.226 --> 00:12:52.194
So my brother, they had to cut this off so they could save
00:12:52.194 --> 00:12:56.298
This.
00:12:56.298 --> 00:12:57.433
Like it was, it was, it was one of those choices.
00:12:57.433 --> 00:12:59.201
And so sometimes you do have to make those hard choices to
00:12:59.201 --> 00:13:02.004
Say, 'this boundary here is actually to protect what we
00:13:02.004 --> 00:13:05.174
Still have left.'
00:13:05.174 --> 00:13:07.877
- there's a difference between grace and
00:13:07.877 --> 00:13:11.680
Turning a blind eye.
00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:12.982
You know, i think sometimes people think, well, you know,
00:13:12.982 --> 00:13:14.950
God has shown grace to me, so even though this person keeps
00:13:14.950 --> 00:13:18.087
Doing things that are not good.
00:13:18.087 --> 00:13:19.355
You know, a young woman wrote to me and she's like,
00:13:19.355 --> 00:13:22.024
You know, my husband comes home drunk most nights and i
00:13:22.024 --> 00:13:24.560
Don't know what to do.
00:13:24.560 --> 00:13:25.761
And, but he'll just say, well, you're a believer,
00:13:25.761 --> 00:13:27.796
So you're supposed to forgive me.
00:13:27.796 --> 00:13:29.498
And i wrote back to her and i said, yeah, you know,
00:13:29.498 --> 00:13:31.400
For your own soul's sake, you forgive.
00:13:31.400 --> 00:13:34.069
But you have to draw boundaries too.
00:13:34.069 --> 00:13:35.804
You have to be able to say this is okayand this is not
00:13:35.804 --> 00:13:38.340
Ok.
00:13:38.340 --> 00:13:39.408
And you're not slamming a door permanently.
00:13:39.408 --> 00:13:41.143
You're just saying this is kind of what i expect in my
00:13:41.143 --> 00:13:43.345
Home, and if you're able to do that, wonderful,
00:13:43.345 --> 00:13:45.814
You will always have a seat at the table.
00:13:45.814 --> 00:13:47.549
And if you're not able to do that in the moment,
00:13:47.549 --> 00:13:49.652
Then maybe you need to take a little space and a little time
00:13:49.652 --> 00:13:51.954
To reflect on how you're living your life,
00:13:51.954 --> 00:13:54.023
But we're keeping the candle on for you.
00:13:54.023 --> 00:13:56.926
(music playing)
00:13:56.926 --> 00:14:03.265
- hi everyone, we are answering questions behind
00:14:03.265 --> 00:14:05.834
The scenes.
00:14:05.834 --> 00:14:06.902
I've got rachel here with me and ok, rachel,
00:14:06.902 --> 00:14:09.405
Christian writes this question.
00:14:09.405 --> 00:14:12.041
Generational hurt has been passed down in my family for
00:14:12.041 --> 00:14:15.344
Years.
00:14:15.344 --> 00:14:16.679
Now being a mom, how do i let it go and not pass it on to my
00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:20.049
Children?
00:14:20.049 --> 00:14:20.916
- wow, i love this question.
00:14:20.916 --> 00:14:22.584
Because i've lived this.
00:14:22.584 --> 00:14:24.019
And i would say, christian, that what ran out at the cross
00:14:24.019 --> 00:14:29.091
Runs out in your family.
00:14:29.091 --> 00:14:30.392
And so really understanding your inheritance.
00:14:30.392 --> 00:14:33.028
What did jesus die for?
00:14:33.028 --> 00:14:34.530
He died for your family to be free.
00:14:34.530 --> 00:14:36.699
He died for your family to be whole.
00:14:36.699 --> 00:14:39.168
And really holding to that and leaning in the benefits of
00:14:39.168 --> 00:14:44.306
Your inheritance is the way to assume that position and not
00:14:44.306 --> 00:14:49.111
Let generational trauma perpetuate itself.
00:14:49.111 --> 00:14:51.480
- that's great.
00:14:51.480 --> 00:14:52.514
- yeah.
00:14:52.514 --> 00:14:53.182
- i love that.
00:14:53.182 --> 00:14:53.682
- our better together community is built on love and
00:14:54.750 --> 00:14:57.252
Friendship, and we want you to join us.
00:14:57.252 --> 00:14:59.254
- follow us on social media to make friends with women all
00:14:59.254 --> 00:15:02.825
Over the world.
00:15:02.825 --> 00:15:04.827
- let's keep the conversation going.
00:15:04.827 --> 00:15:06.595
You can find the better together podcast on your
00:15:06.595 --> 00:15:09.331
Favorite listening platform.
00:15:09.331 --> 00:15:11.100
Subscribe today.
00:15:11.100 --> 00:15:12.468
(music playing)
00:15:12.468 --> 00:15:15.004
(music playing)
00:15:15.004 --> 00:15:17.574
- what do y'all do when you're in the gap?
00:15:18.441 --> 00:15:21.578
So i feel like the gap theory is where we live most of our
00:15:21.578 --> 00:15:23.913
Life, right?
00:15:23.913 --> 00:15:25.115
Between the, the actual issue, the thing that needs
00:15:25.115 --> 00:15:27.150
Restoration.
00:15:27.150 --> 00:15:28.485
And then god's total restoration.
00:15:28.485 --> 00:15:31.221
Which i don't believe we'll see really till we meet him
00:15:31.221 --> 00:15:33.556
Face to face.
00:15:33.556 --> 00:15:34.858
But there is, there is, you know, a gap in between there.
00:15:34.858 --> 00:15:37.660
And i think we can get closer and closer.
00:15:37.660 --> 00:15:39.195
So, what do you do in the gap.
00:15:39.195 --> 00:15:41.464
And then how do you maintain your own emotional health when
00:15:41.464 --> 00:15:45.835
Things are not going the way you want them to do.
00:15:45.835 --> 00:15:50.040
People aren't performing the way you think they should.
00:15:50.040 --> 00:15:53.710
Because i think for me, i know having a child with an eating
00:15:53.710 --> 00:15:57.680
Disorder 3 years ago.
00:15:57.680 --> 00:15:58.948
Talk about needing restoration.
00:15:58.948 --> 00:16:01.751
I mean, we were absolutely in the--i mean,
00:16:01.751 --> 00:16:04.087
In the death throes.
00:16:04.087 --> 00:16:06.322
I don't know any other way to describe it.
00:16:06.322 --> 00:16:09.492
I mean, she was in the hospital, the feeding tube,
00:16:09.492 --> 00:16:11.594
Like 3 months in a psychiatric rehabilitation hospital.
00:16:11.594 --> 00:16:15.465
But it was very, very difficult.
00:16:15.465 --> 00:16:17.867
And so having that person needing restoration so deeply,
00:16:17.867 --> 00:16:22.172
But yet--i was equally as traumatized by the event.
00:16:22.172 --> 00:16:26.709
And so, how do you maintain your emotional health?
00:16:26.709 --> 00:16:30.246
For, for me, i think it was letting go of control.
00:16:30.246 --> 00:16:33.883
I don't know if any of y'all struggle with that.
00:16:33.883 --> 00:16:35.585
I can't imagine that anyone watching would ever struggle
00:16:35.585 --> 00:16:39.656
With control.
00:16:39.656 --> 00:16:40.423
But i do.
00:16:40.423 --> 00:16:41.758
I think letting go and letting people be on their own journey
00:16:41.758 --> 00:16:44.427
Was half my battle.
00:16:44.427 --> 00:16:46.396
I mean, so.
00:16:46.396 --> 00:16:47.864
- i heard this beautiful story the other day about these
00:16:47.864 --> 00:16:51.134
People that were on a plane flight.
00:16:51.134 --> 00:16:53.103
And the plane went through terrible turbulence where
00:16:53.103 --> 00:16:57.240
Everyone was hunkered down.
00:16:57.240 --> 00:16:58.608
Everyone was holding things.
00:16:58.608 --> 00:17:00.009
Everybody was and it was horrible and people were
00:17:00.009 --> 00:17:02.712
Screaming and crying.
00:17:02.712 --> 00:17:03.980
And there was just this little boy sitting there all by
00:17:03.980 --> 00:17:06.783
Himself, just sitting there reading his book.
00:17:06.783 --> 00:17:09.385
And everyone else is just distraught and in chaos.
00:17:09.385 --> 00:17:13.790
And finally they came out of the turbulence and the lady
00:17:13.790 --> 00:17:17.060
Beside the little boy said, ok, are you ok?
00:17:17.060 --> 00:17:20.196
You know, he goes, yeah, he goes, i'm fine.
00:17:20.196 --> 00:17:23.266
And he said, they said, do you, do you need anything?
00:17:23.266 --> 00:17:26.336
He goes, no.
00:17:26.336 --> 00:17:27.103
She said, how are you so calm?
00:17:27.103 --> 00:17:28.505
He said, my daddy's the pilot.
00:17:28.505 --> 00:17:30.073
- oh no way.
00:17:30.073 --> 00:17:31.274
- oh wow.
00:17:31.274 --> 00:17:32.642
- that's so good.
00:17:32.642 --> 00:17:33.877
- my dad's the pilot.
00:17:33.877 --> 00:17:35.478
And so, i think so much of the time.
00:17:35.478 --> 00:17:37.847
We have to remember that god is in control.
00:17:37.847 --> 00:17:41.417
And if we surrendered to that peace.
00:17:41.417 --> 00:17:44.320
That peace that surpasses understanding that joy,
00:17:44.320 --> 00:17:49.626
The righteousness of god.
00:17:49.626 --> 00:17:50.894
That's the kingdom of god that lives on the inside of us.
00:17:50.894 --> 00:17:53.163
So we have to remember that.
00:17:53.163 --> 00:17:55.632
Sometimes you can look at a sibling or something and go
00:17:55.632 --> 00:17:58.268
What house did you grow up in?
00:17:58.268 --> 00:18:01.437
You know, because it's like-- - totally different
00:18:01.437 --> 00:18:04.541
Experience.
00:18:04.541 --> 00:18:05.275
- why are you so like that?
00:18:05.275 --> 00:18:07.610
Some people can live in that bitterness and it just reeks.
00:18:07.610 --> 00:18:11.614
It's not, it's not pleasant.
00:18:11.614 --> 00:18:14.617
And years go by and they're still talking about stuff and
00:18:14.617 --> 00:18:17.687
They're still trying to destroy.
00:18:17.687 --> 00:18:19.189
And they're still trying to tear down and take down.
00:18:19.189 --> 00:18:22.425
And it's like, man, you need to get a life.
00:18:22.425 --> 00:18:26.062
Go do what god has called you to do.
00:18:26.062 --> 00:18:28.598
And i just always think in the in the hardest of times i
00:18:28.598 --> 00:18:32.001
Think, you know what, i will only stand before god for me.
00:18:32.001 --> 00:18:37.340
What i did, what i chose to do in my own free will.
00:18:37.340 --> 00:18:41.411
What i chose.
00:18:41.411 --> 00:18:42.412
And so i can choose not to be bitter,
00:18:42.412 --> 00:18:45.648
And i can pray for you.
00:18:45.648 --> 00:18:47.717
So i think you can't hate someone that you're praying
00:18:47.717 --> 00:18:50.453
For.
00:18:50.453 --> 00:18:51.654
You can't--
00:18:51.654 --> 00:18:52.455
- or with.
00:18:52.455 --> 00:18:53.723
- and so i think just praying and loving anyway.
00:18:53.723 --> 00:18:58.928
And you have to do what you feel like you have to do.
00:18:58.928 --> 00:19:01.764
But i don't have to be a part of that.
00:19:01.764 --> 00:19:04.734
Your prayer life and praying for people helps me.
00:19:04.734 --> 00:19:08.171
That helps me to walk in forgiveness and love.
00:19:08.171 --> 00:19:11.207
And i don't have a whole lot to say bad about people.
00:19:11.207 --> 00:19:14.177
Because i'm praying for them.
00:19:14.177 --> 00:19:15.845
I think there's so many people that want to blame everything
00:19:15.845 --> 00:19:20.717
On other people.
00:19:20.717 --> 00:19:22.585
They want to say, well, i'm at this point in my life because
00:19:22.585 --> 00:19:25.655
Of them.
00:19:25.655 --> 00:19:26.990
And they kicked me out or they did this or they did that and
00:19:26.990 --> 00:19:30.326
That bitterness.
00:19:30.326 --> 00:19:31.461
That carrying that through your life,
00:19:31.461 --> 00:19:33.896
It's like you need to stop that.
00:19:33.896 --> 00:19:36.799
You need to find god's call on your life.
00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:39.269
There are no excuses.
00:19:39.269 --> 00:19:40.570
The excuses were gone at the cross with the blood of jesus.
00:19:40.570 --> 00:19:43.906
He said, it is finished now you go do what i've called you
00:19:43.906 --> 00:19:46.609
To do.
00:19:46.609 --> 00:19:47.710
Nothing can stop it, and i'm going with you.
00:19:47.710 --> 00:19:50.647
So, no matter where you find yourself today,
00:19:50.647 --> 00:19:53.116
Stop the excuses.
00:19:53.116 --> 00:19:54.751
Get your life right with god and go do what god's called
00:19:54.751 --> 00:19:57.720
You to do.
00:19:57.720 --> 00:19:58.388
Let the bitterness go.
00:19:58.388 --> 00:20:00.023
Let the bad attitudes go.
00:20:00.023 --> 00:20:02.158
Get the excuses off of your life.
00:20:02.158 --> 00:20:05.194
God has you.
00:20:05.194 --> 00:20:07.163
God has a calling on your life that no man can stop.
00:20:07.163 --> 00:20:11.534
And so let the excuses go ask forgiveness,
00:20:11.534 --> 00:20:15.038
Lay the bitterness down and get on and do something great
00:20:15.038 --> 00:20:17.974
For the lord.
00:20:17.974 --> 00:20:19.709
- and maintaining your own relationship with the lord,
00:20:19.709 --> 00:20:21.778
That's what really saved me during the first years of our
00:20:21.778 --> 00:20:23.846
Marriage.
00:20:23.846 --> 00:20:25.148
When my mother-in-law just, i mean she could be downright
00:20:25.148 --> 00:20:27.216
Mean to me.
00:20:27.216 --> 00:20:28.551
I, i'd never had anybody stand like an inch from my nose and
00:20:28.551 --> 00:20:31.421
Yell in my face.
00:20:31.421 --> 00:20:32.488
Because i didn't come from a yelling family.
00:20:32.488 --> 00:20:34.390
We, it just, that just was not our family dynamic.
00:20:34.390 --> 00:20:37.327
So i would, what i would have to do is take a break and,
00:20:37.327 --> 00:20:40.697
And go and talk it all through with the lord.
00:20:40.697 --> 00:20:42.365
It's one of the things i love about jesus.
00:20:42.365 --> 00:20:44.534
That nothing is too small to bring to him.
00:20:44.534 --> 00:20:46.536
There's nothing in our life he doesn't care about.
00:20:46.536 --> 00:20:48.871
And i would, i would walk outside and i'd be like,
00:20:48.871 --> 00:20:51.341
Well lord, what am i supposed to do here?
00:20:51.341 --> 00:20:52.709
You made her.
00:20:52.709 --> 00:20:53.776
For goodness' sake, what were you thinking?
00:20:53.776 --> 00:20:55.578
But it but just having that ongoing conversation.
00:20:55.578 --> 00:20:59.382
That intimacy with christ when everything else is not
00:20:59.382 --> 00:21:02.852
Working.
00:21:02.852 --> 00:21:03.953
It's just, it's absolutely lifesaving i think.
00:21:03.953 --> 00:21:07.457
Because you don't want to arrive at the end of your life
00:21:07.457 --> 00:21:09.492
And realize that you've carried,
00:21:09.492 --> 00:21:11.160
I'll often say when i, if i'm out speaking at something,
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:13.496
I'll say, imagine if the minute you walked in here
00:21:13.496 --> 00:21:15.798
Today, all your baggage became visible.
00:21:15.798 --> 00:21:17.700
You know, not your pillow and your snacks.
00:21:17.700 --> 00:21:20.069
The stuff you carry dragging through your life.
00:21:20.069 --> 00:21:23.072
What would that look like for you?
00:21:23.072 --> 00:21:24.741
And if you saw it, would you want to take it home?
00:21:24.741 --> 00:21:27.310
Or would you want to take christ up on that incredible
00:21:27.310 --> 00:21:30.446
Offer at the end of matthew 11.
00:21:30.446 --> 00:21:32.048
Come unto me, all her weary and heavenly.
00:21:32.048 --> 00:21:34.517
And i will give you rest.
00:21:34.517 --> 00:21:36.853
Take my yoke upon you and learn of me because my yoke is
00:21:36.853 --> 00:21:39.822
Easy and my burden is light.
00:21:39.822 --> 00:21:42.492
But to me we have this daily, hourly invitation to drop our
00:21:42.492 --> 00:21:46.462
Baggage.
00:21:46.462 --> 00:21:47.130
- cast all your care.
00:21:47.130 --> 00:21:48.331
- yeah.
00:21:48.331 --> 00:21:50.433
- beautiful.
00:21:48.965 --> 00:21:52.135
- one of the most challenging relationships i've ever had in
00:21:52.135 --> 00:21:54.570
My life was with my mother-in-law.
00:21:54.570 --> 00:21:56.706
Because i haven't really had a lot of conflict in my life in
00:21:56.706 --> 00:21:59.542
Terms of disagreeing with people., but she was not
00:21:59.542 --> 00:22:03.045
Thrilled that her only son was marrying me and made it fairly
00:22:03.045 --> 00:22:07.350
Obvious.
00:22:07.350 --> 00:22:08.484
And at first it was really hard because i thought,
00:22:08.484 --> 00:22:10.653
I don't know what to do.
00:22:10.653 --> 00:22:11.988
I remember saying to her, mom, if there's something i've said
00:22:11.988 --> 00:22:14.323
Or something i've done that's upset you, please tell me.
00:22:14.323 --> 00:22:17.760
But if you don't tell me anything,
00:22:17.760 --> 00:22:19.095
I don't know how to fix it.
00:22:19.095 --> 00:22:20.530
And she would just stay, remain stony, silent.
00:22:20.530 --> 00:22:23.766
Until she discovered that she was sick.
00:22:23.766 --> 00:22:27.203
And it's interesting how son is god will use the worst
00:22:27.203 --> 00:22:29.872
Moments in our life to bring us what we've actually longed
00:22:29.872 --> 00:22:32.842
For.
00:22:32.842 --> 00:22:33.810
Because i was able to be the one that,
00:22:33.810 --> 00:22:35.778
That nursed my mother-in-law in the last few weeks of her
00:22:35.778 --> 00:22:38.448
Life.
00:22:38.448 --> 00:22:39.582
And i think that's the beauty of jesus, you know,
00:22:39.582 --> 00:22:42.185
You can have conflict and yet when your heart is,
00:22:42.185 --> 00:22:45.555
I want to be god's fragrance to your life.
00:22:45.555 --> 00:22:48.558
The lord will open doors.
00:22:48.558 --> 00:22:49.859
Sometimes you just have to hang in there.
00:22:49.859 --> 00:22:52.895
- yeah, walking in that love and, you know,
00:22:52.895 --> 00:22:55.631
It's really important because we've been forgiven of so
00:22:55.631 --> 00:22:58.734
Much.
00:22:58.734 --> 00:22:59.735
And when we have that closeness and that
00:22:59.735 --> 00:23:01.103
Relationship with the lord, we're constantly reminded of
00:23:01.103 --> 00:23:03.673
Our own baggage.
00:23:03.673 --> 00:23:05.374
And when we're up there saying, lord, forgive me.
00:23:05.374 --> 00:23:08.711
You know, don't we want that extended to us from him?
00:23:08.711 --> 00:23:13.416
And, you know, i've heard it said,
00:23:13.416 --> 00:23:14.717
I think it goes something like, you know,
00:23:14.717 --> 00:23:16.686
There's nothing someone can do to me.
00:23:16.686 --> 00:23:18.754
That is worse or that is so much greater than what the
00:23:18.754 --> 00:23:22.291
Lord has already done for me.
00:23:22.291 --> 00:23:24.093
And so we've already been covered and forgiven of so
00:23:24.093 --> 00:23:27.396
Much.
00:23:27.396 --> 00:23:28.564
And as, you know, moms and sisters and daughters and
00:23:28.564 --> 00:23:31.767
Friends, like we should be lovingly giving that away.
00:23:31.767 --> 00:23:35.471
And yes, with healthy boundaries and, you know,
00:23:35.471 --> 00:23:38.074
Protecting our, our children along the way.
00:23:38.074 --> 00:23:40.977
But also just, you know, having a heart that is tender
00:23:40.977 --> 00:23:43.713
To seeing that people are going through some things.
00:23:43.713 --> 00:23:46.249
There's a lot going on and that when we extend grace to
00:23:46.249 --> 00:23:49.051
Ourselves.
00:23:49.051 --> 00:23:50.686
We're going to make mistakes.
00:23:50.686 --> 00:23:51.888
We're going to mess up, and we're, you know,
00:23:51.888 --> 00:23:53.523
Just resting in that love and forgiveness that comes with
00:23:53.523 --> 00:23:56.826
Having a relationship with the lord.
00:23:56.826 --> 00:23:58.661
That we really just want that for other people.
00:23:58.661 --> 00:24:00.363
We really want to help guide them there.
00:24:00.363 --> 00:24:03.599
- one of the biggest tenets of a believer's faith is
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:07.203
Understanding how we receive and offer forgiveness.
00:24:07.203 --> 00:24:10.439
We've seen such great forgiveness for our own souls
00:24:10.439 --> 00:24:13.910
By what jesus did on the cross for us.
00:24:13.910 --> 00:24:16.112
And so it is one of the things that we're commanded to
00:24:16.112 --> 00:24:18.881
Forgive.
00:24:18.881 --> 00:24:19.815
In fact, we're commanded to do it 70 x 7,
00:24:19.815 --> 00:24:22.385
But i think it's very important to remember,
00:24:22.385 --> 00:24:24.820
Especially some things, uh, that are very violating.
00:24:24.820 --> 00:24:29.492
That forgiveness does not mean access.
00:24:29.492 --> 00:24:32.395
And so, where we go with that is there is an element to what
00:24:32.395 --> 00:24:36.566
God commands us to forgive.
00:24:36.566 --> 00:24:38.334
But forgiveness does not mean that everyone gets access back
00:24:38.334 --> 00:24:42.672
Into our lives.
00:24:42.672 --> 00:24:43.940
And so obviously there are many things that might need a
00:24:43.940 --> 00:24:46.976
Counselor or a therapist to help you walk through
00:24:46.976 --> 00:24:50.179
Depending on what the situation is.
00:24:50.179 --> 00:24:51.814
But i think sometimes we, start understanding the idea
00:24:51.814 --> 00:24:56.819
Of forgiveness.
00:24:56.819 --> 00:24:58.087
And then we think, "well, does that mean that that person
00:24:58.087 --> 00:25:00.189
Gets to come right back in and have full access to our
00:25:00.189 --> 00:25:02.725
Lives?"
00:25:02.725 --> 00:25:04.026
And i just want to encourage you that it doesn't mean that.
00:25:04.026 --> 00:25:05.695
But it might also mean that you need to get godly counsel.
00:25:05.695 --> 00:25:08.698
That you might need to have some people around you to help
00:25:08.698 --> 00:25:10.900
You because obviously i don't know every situation.
00:25:10.900 --> 00:25:14.170
I do believe there are situations where the lord asks
00:25:14.170 --> 00:25:16.272
You to forgive.
00:25:16.272 --> 00:25:17.440
And that relationship is restored and you can walk in
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:19.909
Full healing with that person.
00:25:19.909 --> 00:25:21.677
But in other ways, it doesn't always mean that,
00:25:21.677 --> 00:25:24.246
And that is okaytoo.
00:25:24.246 --> 00:25:26.015
But i do believe the lord asks us to forgive.
00:25:26.015 --> 00:25:28.985
So i would start there.
00:25:28.985 --> 00:25:30.319
Are you able to forgive, even though that doesn't mean that
00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:33.255
What they did was right.
00:25:33.255 --> 00:25:34.624
And it doesn't mean you have to agree with it.
00:25:34.624 --> 00:25:36.092
And it definitely doesn't mean you have to give them access
00:25:36.092 --> 00:25:38.561
Back into your life.
00:25:38.561 --> 00:25:40.529
Todd and i, i remember one time we were in a--
00:25:40.529 --> 00:25:45.067
- tiff. - in a tiff.
00:25:45.067 --> 00:25:45.968
- in a nice discussion-- - with todd?
00:25:45.968 --> 00:25:47.903
- todd, exactly.
00:25:47.903 --> 00:25:49.238
- with todd?
00:25:49.238 --> 00:25:51.007
- he is the easiest person in the world to literally,
00:25:51.007 --> 00:25:54.477
He's the easiest human to live with in the world,
00:25:54.477 --> 00:25:58.347
The easiest.
00:25:58.347 --> 00:25:59.315
So if you can argue with him.
00:25:59.315 --> 00:26:01.117
If you-- you are really something,
00:26:01.117 --> 00:26:02.918
You're a piece of work, you are a piece of work
00:26:02.918 --> 00:26:04.754
Right here.
00:26:04.754 --> 00:26:06.255
And we were in a, in a discussion,
00:26:06.255 --> 00:26:08.958
And he kind of said that to me.
00:26:08.958 --> 00:26:11.327
He, some of it was just, i just wasn't self-aware that
00:26:11.327 --> 00:26:15.464
There had been areas that he had kind of brought to my
00:26:15.464 --> 00:26:18.134
Attention that just maybe had been frustrating to him.
00:26:18.134 --> 00:26:21.504
But he had given lots of grace, like just grace,
00:26:21.504 --> 00:26:24.173
For grace.
00:26:24.173 --> 00:26:25.441
But he kind of felt like at the first time that he would
00:26:25.441 --> 00:26:27.543
Do something, whatever.
00:26:27.543 --> 00:26:28.511
I, i just didn't extend the same grace,
00:26:28.511 --> 00:26:30.513
And he just wanted to discuss that part.
00:26:30.513 --> 00:26:33.015
But he's the one that really kind of helped me see that
00:26:33.015 --> 00:26:35.584
Mirror of myself that i'm really always expectant that i
00:26:35.584 --> 00:26:40.823
Deserve grace.
00:26:40.823 --> 00:26:41.891
And i need him to give me grace and all that,
00:26:41.891 --> 00:26:43.959
But when it was, you know, reciprocated.
00:26:43.959 --> 00:26:46.629
I had a harder time extending it to him.
00:26:46.629 --> 00:26:49.265
And his whole thing was if you really want us to live in a
00:26:49.265 --> 00:26:52.902
Home where i can easily extend that to you.
00:26:52.902 --> 00:26:55.137
I'm going to need to feel it as well.
00:26:55.137 --> 00:26:57.773
And i'm it's, it's hard and then even in parenting it
00:26:57.773 --> 00:27:01.510
Would come up.
00:27:01.510 --> 00:27:02.778
Because he was so gracious with our kids and i'd be like
00:27:02.778 --> 00:27:05.181
No, no, no, no, no, they need to pay for what they've done
00:27:05.181 --> 00:27:08.451
Here.
00:27:08.451 --> 00:27:09.051
This is atrocious.
00:27:09.051 --> 00:27:09.919
This is egregious.
00:27:09.919 --> 00:27:11.187
And his response was grace and i just so much grace and i
00:27:11.187 --> 00:27:17.426
Actually, it was almost offensive to me.
00:27:17.426 --> 00:27:19.528
And he would, he's the one that taught me this is the
00:27:19.528 --> 00:27:23.632
Grace god extends to us.
00:27:23.632 --> 00:27:25.034
Like this is it.
00:27:25.034 --> 00:27:26.302
The one that's offensive to some people because it's so
00:27:26.302 --> 00:27:29.171
Undeserved.
00:27:29.171 --> 00:27:30.706
And it changed my parenting to watch him extend that kind of
00:27:30.706 --> 00:27:34.076
Grace.
00:27:34.076 --> 00:27:35.411
- well, i mean, there's such a performance element to so many
00:27:35.411 --> 00:27:39.415
Of us.
00:27:39.415 --> 00:27:40.549
I mean, for me growing up, like when i performed.
00:27:40.549 --> 00:27:44.120
And that's how i received love.
00:27:44.120 --> 00:27:46.055
I mean, and so there's a performance element even in
00:27:46.055 --> 00:27:49.058
Parenting.
00:27:49.058 --> 00:27:50.426
- i think one of the most special things a child can
00:27:50.426 --> 00:27:54.897
Feel is growing up in a family where they feel seen and
00:27:54.897 --> 00:27:58.200
Understood and knowing that they're human.
00:27:58.200 --> 00:28:02.171
And being okaythat they're not perfect.
00:28:02.171 --> 00:28:04.540
And i think oftentimes in families,
00:28:04.540 --> 00:28:06.942
There's missing that grace and safety feeling of like,
00:28:06.942 --> 00:28:10.846
I have to be perfect.
00:28:10.846 --> 00:28:11.881
I can't mess up.
00:28:11.881 --> 00:28:13.282
And i think one of the best gifts you can give your child
00:28:13.282 --> 00:28:16.085
Is for them to feel like they're in a home that is full
00:28:16.085 --> 00:28:19.121
Of grace.
00:28:19.121 --> 00:28:20.422
And has the safety of knowing that no matter what they do.
00:28:20.422 --> 00:28:24.527
They will always be loved.
00:28:24.527 --> 00:28:25.861
I love in the scriptures psalm 78.
00:28:25.861 --> 00:28:28.097
It says, i will utter hidden things, things from old.
00:28:28.097 --> 00:28:32.668
What we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us,
00:28:32.668 --> 00:28:35.638
We will not hide them from our children.
00:28:35.638 --> 00:28:37.740
We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy
00:28:37.740 --> 00:28:41.210
Deeds of the lord.
00:28:41.210 --> 00:28:42.611
I think a child who grows up hearing of the praise.
00:28:42.611 --> 00:28:46.749
Worthy deeds of the lord, the faithfulness of god as that is
00:28:46.749 --> 00:28:50.886
Uttered in every home.
00:28:50.886 --> 00:28:52.188
I feel like they will always feel the safety and
00:28:52.188 --> 00:28:55.658
Understanding that grace is the banner that covers it all.
00:28:55.658 --> 00:28:58.961
Because if we understand what the lord has done,
00:28:58.961 --> 00:29:01.630
The praiseworthy deeds he did in our life.
00:29:01.630 --> 00:29:03.766
We extend that to our children and show them grace when
00:29:03.766 --> 00:29:07.069
They're growing in things of the lord.
00:29:07.069 --> 00:29:09.972
-grace is messy.
00:29:09.972 --> 00:29:11.240
- it is very.
00:29:11.240 --> 00:29:12.141
- it's not tidy and it takes time.
00:29:12.141 --> 00:29:14.276
And i was thinking about restoring furniture and if
00:29:14.276 --> 00:29:17.913
You, i, and i've done this, like,
00:29:17.913 --> 00:29:20.082
I just don't want to wait.
00:29:20.082 --> 00:29:21.951
Like, you know, there's a curing and there's a waiting.
00:29:21.951 --> 00:29:25.154
You cannot shellac the piece of furniture before the other
00:29:25.154 --> 00:29:28.858
Part is dry.
00:29:28.858 --> 00:29:30.025
Because it'll bubble and ripple and it's just messy.
00:29:30.025 --> 00:29:32.728
And i, i think that's what's so hard for me with grace is
00:29:32.728 --> 00:29:36.699
That restoration is not rushed.
00:29:36.699 --> 00:29:39.501
And it is such a process.
00:29:39.501 --> 00:29:42.504
And we're all in process and giving people the freedom to
00:29:42.504 --> 00:29:47.409
Not just be healed tomorrow.
00:29:47.409 --> 00:29:49.445
You know, i'm like, let's just tidy this up and make this all
00:29:49.445 --> 00:29:52.314
Just be okayand that is, that is not grace, you know.
00:29:52.314 --> 00:29:57.319
I think the miracle happens and then there's a restoration
00:29:57.319 --> 00:30:00.055
That comes.
00:30:00.055 --> 00:30:01.290
I think, i mean, you could speak to it so well, sheila,
00:30:01.290 --> 00:30:03.959
Just having been restored in your mental health.
00:30:03.959 --> 00:30:08.030
Because i think that was what was so hard for me with rod's
00:30:08.030 --> 00:30:11.467
Depression is i'm like, ok, if you,
00:30:11.467 --> 00:30:14.403
If you had like some thyroid issue we could get it.
00:30:14.403 --> 00:30:17.673
I mean, you know what i mean.
00:30:17.673 --> 00:30:18.440
- totally get it.
00:30:18.440 --> 00:30:19.675
- it could be so tidy, and depression is not tidy and--
00:30:19.675 --> 00:30:22.311
- doesn't show up in an x-ray.
00:30:22.311 --> 00:30:23.646
- it-- yes, it doesn't show up in an x-ray and it's nebulous
00:30:23.646 --> 00:30:27.016
For how long it will take to heal.
00:30:27.016 --> 00:30:29.051
- i think people don't realize how much it affects everyone
00:30:29.051 --> 00:30:31.353
In the family.
00:30:31.353 --> 00:30:32.621
Because after maybe being on medication for i don't know,
00:30:32.621 --> 00:30:35.591
Maybe 10 years.
00:30:35.591 --> 00:30:36.792
I thought, you know, i think i'm going to come off this
00:30:36.792 --> 00:30:38.494
Because i'm in a great place.
00:30:38.494 --> 00:30:39.995
You know, have a lovely husband, i have a darling son.
00:30:39.995 --> 00:30:43.165
Life is good.
00:30:43.165 --> 00:30:44.066
I don't think i need this anymore.
00:30:44.066 --> 00:30:45.301
And so, i thought, i'm not going to tell barry.
00:30:45.301 --> 00:30:48.671
I'm just going to kind of wean myself off and then one day
00:30:48.671 --> 00:30:50.906
When he says, gosh, you seem so joyful, what is it?
00:30:50.906 --> 00:30:54.576
Then i can share, and that is not what happened.
00:30:54.576 --> 00:30:58.447
We were sitting at the dining room table one night having
00:30:58.447 --> 00:31:00.683
Supper.
00:31:00.683 --> 00:31:01.650
And i don't know what christian did,
00:31:01.650 --> 00:31:02.918
I think he maybe only knocked a glass over or something,
00:31:02.918 --> 00:31:05.220
Nothing drastic, and it went everywhere.
00:31:05.220 --> 00:31:07.189
And all i said was his name.
00:31:07.189 --> 00:31:09.558
But there was something in the tone of my voice.
00:31:09.558 --> 00:31:12.294
And there was a look in his eyes that i had not seen
00:31:12.294 --> 00:31:15.097
Before.
00:31:15.097 --> 00:31:16.231
And i excused myself and i went to the bedroom.
00:31:16.231 --> 00:31:20.469
And i called my doctor because i'd told him i was,
00:31:20.469 --> 00:31:22.805
And i said i, you know, i don't think-- because for the
00:31:22.805 --> 00:31:25.074
First two weeks i felt great off meds.
00:31:25.074 --> 00:31:26.909
But then i started to spiral again.
00:31:26.909 --> 00:31:28.577
And so, i said i need to come in and see you tomorrow.
00:31:28.577 --> 00:31:32.114
And i have, in fact i can show you girls later,
00:31:32.114 --> 00:31:34.216
But it's in my wallet, this little note that christian
00:31:34.216 --> 00:31:36.719
Wrote to me that night.
00:31:36.719 --> 00:31:37.886
And he put it under the bedroom door and it's like,
00:31:37.886 --> 00:31:39.521
Dear mom, i think you're an amazing mom,
00:31:39.521 --> 00:31:42.257
And i hope you feel better soon.
00:31:42.257 --> 00:31:44.026
And i remember thinking i will never let my son grow up with
00:31:44.026 --> 00:31:47.830
A crazy mother.
00:31:47.830 --> 00:31:48.831
Because i don't want to be on medication.
00:31:48.831 --> 00:31:50.632
I treasure that note because it was just,
00:31:50.632 --> 00:31:54.003
It affects everyone in the family.
00:31:54.003 --> 00:31:55.504
And suddenly people don't realize that.
00:31:55.504 --> 00:31:57.573
They think, come on, what's wrong with you?
00:31:57.573 --> 00:31:59.375
Well-- - snap out of it.
00:31:59.375 --> 00:32:00.676
- yeah.
00:32:00.676 --> 00:32:02.244
- yeah, that was me.
00:32:01.510 --> 00:32:03.145
I was, i couldn't understand.
00:32:03.145 --> 00:32:05.581
And i think when the lord sits you down and i,
00:32:05.581 --> 00:32:08.183
I think that's the thing.
00:32:08.183 --> 00:32:09.418
It was an encounter with jesus that changed everything
00:32:09.418 --> 00:32:12.388
For me.
00:32:12.388 --> 00:32:13.622
I think that's why it's so important to go after our own
00:32:13.622 --> 00:32:16.859
Restoration of our own souls.
00:32:16.859 --> 00:32:20.029
Because we're just, we're limiting what god can do when
00:32:20.029 --> 00:32:23.399
These old wounds and these old ways are,
00:32:23.399 --> 00:32:25.968
Are telling the story, right?
00:32:25.968 --> 00:32:29.171
I mean, they're, they're singing louder than anything.
00:32:29.171 --> 00:32:31.306
And one of my favorite quotes is,
00:32:31.306 --> 00:32:33.042
Don't bleed on people that didn't cut you.
00:32:33.042 --> 00:32:34.843
- oh wow.
00:32:34.843 --> 00:32:36.145
- and i think that's what happens with old wounds is
00:32:36.145 --> 00:32:38.781
You're bleeding on people who didn't cut you.
00:32:38.781 --> 00:32:41.717
I believe that partnering with the holy spirit,
00:32:41.717 --> 00:32:45.220
Is the key to all of life.
00:32:45.220 --> 00:32:48.757
But i feel like when you partner with the holy spirit
00:32:48.757 --> 00:32:51.794
To experience restoration.
00:32:51.794 --> 00:32:54.196
You are always hearing the whispers that lead to
00:32:54.196 --> 00:33:00.102
Restorative conversations.
00:33:00.102 --> 00:33:02.304
That lead to freedom, that lead to being undefendable.
00:33:02.304 --> 00:33:06.809
And i cannot tell you how many times the holy spirit has just
00:33:06.809 --> 00:33:11.747
Said to me, let it go.
00:33:11.747 --> 00:33:13.515
And so that would be my best suggestion when you're trying
00:33:13.515 --> 00:33:17.286
To experience restoration is just to ask the holy spirit,
00:33:17.286 --> 00:33:21.323
Help me in this, and then he'll deliver.
00:33:21.323 --> 00:33:23.992
So how have y'all been able to restore even old wounds that
00:33:23.992 --> 00:33:29.431
You didn't even know till they got triggered.
00:33:29.431 --> 00:33:31.266
You know, like with your sister-in-law or, you know,
00:33:31.266 --> 00:33:33.502
Like in that situation.
00:33:33.502 --> 00:33:34.837
So, how have y'all been able to restore old wounds?
00:33:34.837 --> 00:33:38.107
Because i think for me, one touch of his robe was enough
00:33:38.107 --> 00:33:43.612
In some of those situations.
00:33:43.612 --> 00:33:44.913
You know, what years of therapy that i sat in,
00:33:44.913 --> 00:33:47.983
Couldn't do that one touch of his robe did do.
00:33:47.983 --> 00:33:52.254
And then there's a walking out of that even, so what is,
00:33:52.254 --> 00:33:55.557
What is restoration of like the old patterns look like?
00:33:55.557 --> 00:33:58.660
- michelle.
00:33:58.660 --> 00:33:59.695
[laughing] - well, listen, i can,
00:33:59.695 --> 00:34:03.265
I don't recommend going on a reality tv show to do it.
00:34:03.265 --> 00:34:06.268
But for me, i did.
00:34:06.268 --> 00:34:07.736
And there becomes this thing and if you look at it like
00:34:07.736 --> 00:34:11.974
Working out.
00:34:11.974 --> 00:34:13.108
You know, my time on the biggest loser is a reality
00:34:13.108 --> 00:34:15.944
Show about losing weight.
00:34:15.944 --> 00:34:17.279
And so you have to work out.
00:34:17.279 --> 00:34:18.547
And the hardest thing about it is that it's consistency,
00:34:18.547 --> 00:34:22.284
Right?
00:34:22.284 --> 00:34:23.452
You don't arrive at a goal weight.
00:34:23.452 --> 00:34:24.920
You don't just show up one day and you're like, well,
00:34:24.920 --> 00:34:27.356
That's my goal weight.
00:34:27.356 --> 00:34:28.190
I'm going to live here forever.
00:34:28.190 --> 00:34:29.091
- no.
00:34:29.091 --> 00:34:29.758
- it's the journey.
00:34:29.758 --> 00:34:30.993
And the way that you're able to stay in and around your
00:34:30.993 --> 00:34:34.863
Goal weight is through showing up every day.
00:34:34.863 --> 00:34:37.166
And it's through that consistency and everybody
00:34:37.166 --> 00:34:39.635
Wants a shortcut in life or a quick way around the pain.
00:34:39.635 --> 00:34:44.106
Because it, it is hard to, you know, look at ourselves.
00:34:44.106 --> 00:34:47.242
And say, well, gee, i've still, still got to fix that.
00:34:47.242 --> 00:34:49.845
I still got to work on that.
00:34:49.845 --> 00:34:51.346
And we just want to be like; i just want to be all done.
00:34:51.346 --> 00:34:53.682
I remember there was one point in the process where my
00:34:53.682 --> 00:34:56.418
Trainer, she was like, i wish we could just, you know,
00:34:56.418 --> 00:34:58.554
Just blink and get to the end and you just be thin and just
00:34:58.554 --> 00:35:01.390
Worry about all the, you know, the stuff inside your head
00:35:01.390 --> 00:35:03.559
Later.
00:35:03.559 --> 00:35:04.660
And i thought, well, and she goes, but we can't.
00:35:04.660 --> 00:35:06.195
She's like, because they go together.
00:35:06.195 --> 00:35:07.863
All of that goes together.
00:35:07.863 --> 00:35:09.164
And so we have to be willing to look at ourselves and go on
00:35:09.164 --> 00:35:12.467
The journey and be willing to go through some of those
00:35:12.467 --> 00:35:15.103
Valleys and just we're kind of in it.
00:35:15.103 --> 00:35:17.339
But if we stay consistent and if we don't lose sight of what
00:35:17.339 --> 00:35:21.009
The goal is.
00:35:21.009 --> 00:35:22.177
Then i think we're able to come out the other side,
00:35:22.177 --> 00:35:25.147
You know, looking back going, wow,
00:35:25.147 --> 00:35:26.515
I really was making progress.
00:35:26.515 --> 00:35:28.083
It may have been small, little progresses all along the way,
00:35:28.083 --> 00:35:31.453
But god was faithful to carry me all the way through.
00:35:31.453 --> 00:35:34.590
And, you know, as long as you stay close and you walk
00:35:34.590 --> 00:35:37.125
Together with him, that he does restore those places
00:35:37.125 --> 00:35:40.462
Inside of you.
00:35:40.462 --> 00:35:41.763
- but because we're kind of in a microwave society and we
00:35:41.763 --> 00:35:43.465
Want things now.
00:35:43.465 --> 00:35:44.633
We tend to give up probably right before we'll see
00:35:44.633 --> 00:35:47.669
Breakthrough.
00:35:47.669 --> 00:35:48.937
And the encouragement to me and those listening is,
00:35:48.937 --> 00:35:51.773
Like you said it's it is slow in fact.
00:35:51.773 --> 00:35:54.710
Sometimes the longer standing progress,
00:35:54.710 --> 00:35:57.246
The one that will last the years and years and years is
00:35:57.246 --> 00:35:59.514
The kind that came slower and diligently and consistently.
00:35:59.514 --> 00:36:03.719
- yeah well you're saying consistent.
00:36:03.719 --> 00:36:05.554
Also discipline.
00:36:05.554 --> 00:36:06.421
You know we're disciples of christ.
00:36:06.421 --> 00:36:10.092
They were being discipled, which is disciplined.
00:36:10.092 --> 00:36:13.895
Through that time.
00:36:13.895 --> 00:36:14.963
And we don't like that.
00:36:14.963 --> 00:36:17.733
You know i'm the worst at working out and stuff
00:36:17.733 --> 00:36:20.869
I don't i just i'm--
00:36:20.869 --> 00:36:23.138
- we've just never really bothered,
00:36:23.138 --> 00:36:24.740
Have we?
00:36:24.740 --> 00:36:25.941
- yeah, i know she's a different type because she'll
00:36:25.941 --> 00:36:27.609
She's disciplined in a lot of those areas that her and i are
00:36:27.609 --> 00:36:31.747
Not again that choosing.
00:36:31.747 --> 00:36:34.249
You had to choose because you could've left.
00:36:34.249 --> 00:36:36.952
- yeah.
00:36:36.952 --> 00:36:37.953
- you know so we can all do that.
00:36:37.953 --> 00:36:40.088
We can all leave.
00:36:40.088 --> 00:36:41.123
Choose your hard.
00:36:41.123 --> 00:36:42.424
- yes.
00:36:42.424 --> 00:36:43.425
- yeah.
00:36:43.425 --> 00:36:44.559
- this is that choose your hard, it's hard to stay,
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:45.527
It's hard to go.
00:36:45.527 --> 00:36:46.595
It's hard to work out, it's hard to be heavy.
00:36:46.595 --> 00:36:49.064
It's hard to be undisciplined in the way i eat.
00:36:49.064 --> 00:36:53.235
Or take care of your body, whatever is your thing.
00:36:53.235 --> 00:36:56.805
- you're very disciplined in the way you eat though.
00:36:56.805 --> 00:36:58.140
I mean you might not exercise, but you've-- i watch you all
00:36:58.140 --> 00:37:00.976
The time.
00:37:00.976 --> 00:37:02.177
I mean you're very disciplined in the choices you make.
00:37:02.177 --> 00:37:09.551
- i think there's always a temptation when someone
00:37:10.585 --> 00:37:13.155
Approaches you with an issue or a problem that you want to
00:37:13.155 --> 00:37:15.724
Fix it.
00:37:15.724 --> 00:37:17.059
But a lot of times what people really need is they just need
00:37:17.059 --> 00:37:19.394
Understanding.
00:37:19.394 --> 00:37:20.395
They need to be seen.
00:37:20.395 --> 00:37:21.596
They need to be heard.
00:37:21.596 --> 00:37:23.031
They need to have your answers be complete with grace and
00:37:23.031 --> 00:37:27.069
Kindness and compassion.
00:37:27.069 --> 00:37:28.303
Because whatever they're going through,
00:37:28.303 --> 00:37:30.105
They don't really need the answer to fix it.
00:37:30.105 --> 00:37:32.341
They just need to know that they have someone walking
00:37:32.341 --> 00:37:34.476
Alongside them as they walk through it.
00:37:34.476 --> 00:37:36.978
So, if you're approached with that opportunity.
00:37:36.978 --> 00:37:39.114
First just take a breath and see, "how can i see them?
00:37:39.114 --> 00:37:42.918
How can i understand them better?"
00:37:42.918 --> 00:37:44.853
Instead of trying to fix the problem.
00:37:44.853 --> 00:37:47.723
- join the conversation on our better together youtube
00:37:47.723 --> 00:37:50.559
Channel.
00:37:50.559 --> 00:37:51.593
Subscribe today and never miss a new upload.
00:37:51.593 --> 00:37:54.062
(music playing)
00:37:54.062 --> 00:37:56.001
(music playing)
00:37:56.001 --> 00:38:01.270
- approaching family conflict with grace is one of the
00:38:02.372 --> 00:38:08.111
Hardest things to do, but our emotions can't lead.
00:38:08.111 --> 00:38:10.513
As important as they are, they lie to us so many times.
00:38:10.513 --> 00:38:14.384
And so, i know for me letting grace be the leader and
00:38:14.384 --> 00:38:18.454
Flowing through me to other people is always the best
00:38:18.454 --> 00:38:21.624
Answer.
00:38:21.624 --> 00:38:23.526
(music playing)
00:38:23.893 --> 00:38:27.029
- but one of the things i've learned in terms of old wounds
00:38:27.029 --> 00:38:30.566
Is if i'm reacting as opposed to responding,
00:38:30.566 --> 00:38:34.070
There's history attached.
00:38:34.070 --> 00:38:35.338
You know, it's like when you say this,
00:38:35.338 --> 00:38:37.173
Don't bleed on the person who didn't cut you.
00:38:37.173 --> 00:38:39.509
In our first years of marriage,
00:38:39.509 --> 00:38:40.777
I would have real reactions to things if barry would say
00:38:40.777 --> 00:38:43.913
Something or do something.
00:38:43.913 --> 00:38:45.014
And it was out of proportion.
00:38:45.014 --> 00:38:46.949
To what was actually going on.
00:38:46.949 --> 00:38:49.051
And that that's when i had to learn, listen,
00:38:49.051 --> 00:38:51.220
I need to take a little step aside here and think about
00:38:51.220 --> 00:38:53.523
What this is about.
00:38:53.523 --> 00:38:54.457
Because i'm acting now like i'm five,
00:38:54.457 --> 00:38:56.926
Not like i'm a grown married woman.
00:38:56.926 --> 00:38:58.561
And the feelings i'm feeling, i'm afraid and there's no
00:38:58.561 --> 00:39:01.964
Reason to be afraid.
00:39:01.964 --> 00:39:03.733
That it's just it's hard work, it's just making one step
00:39:03.733 --> 00:39:07.303
After another and being honest with the lord and honest with
00:39:07.303 --> 00:39:10.640
Those around us.
00:39:10.640 --> 00:39:11.874
- i mean think about we know your story is filled with a
00:39:11.874 --> 00:39:16.846
Lot of really emotionally hard things that no child should
00:39:16.846 --> 00:39:20.883
Have to endure.
00:39:20.883 --> 00:39:22.318
And so in some ways when you are an adult and you were
00:39:22.318 --> 00:39:28.491
Acting out it's there's an emotional stunt kind of that
00:39:28.491 --> 00:39:32.495
Happened when something so traumatic happened.
00:39:32.495 --> 00:39:35.832
And i think in in some ways we don't even realize we operate
00:39:35.832 --> 00:39:39.635
As these functional adults until we realize there's that
00:39:39.635 --> 00:39:43.206
Child in there who needed certainty in her life.
00:39:43.206 --> 00:39:45.875
Who needed reassurance in her life.
00:39:45.875 --> 00:39:48.711
And wasn't sure if she was going to get it.
00:39:48.711 --> 00:39:50.713
And that that's the place what i think is beautiful instead
00:39:50.713 --> 00:39:53.382
Of thinking about it in terms of,
00:39:53.382 --> 00:39:55.218
'oh i'll never get this right.'
00:39:55.218 --> 00:39:57.086
What a beautiful place and opportunity for god to
00:39:57.086 --> 00:39:59.755
Continue working in our lives.
00:39:59.755 --> 00:40:02.024
I never want to get to a place where i don't have a space
00:40:02.024 --> 00:40:04.694
For him to do something in me.
00:40:04.694 --> 00:40:06.762
To restore something or to hone in on something i always
00:40:06.762 --> 00:40:10.366
Want my heart to be pliable and malleable in that way.
00:40:10.366 --> 00:40:14.937
And sometimes those triggers can help us identify another
00:40:14.937 --> 00:40:19.108
Place i need the lord to help me.
00:40:19.108 --> 00:40:22.078
- one of the hardest things i think in life is to be able to
00:40:22.078 --> 00:40:24.146
Confront something but do it lovingly.
00:40:24.146 --> 00:40:26.816
So anytime i feel like i need to talk to my husband or my
00:40:26.816 --> 00:40:30.119
Son or a close friend about something that's a difficult
00:40:30.119 --> 00:40:33.155
Conversation.
00:40:33.155 --> 00:40:33.990
A: i always pray about it first.
00:40:33.990 --> 00:40:36.225
That god would prepare their heart and prepare my words.
00:40:36.225 --> 00:40:39.862
And then to try and say something in a way that i
00:40:39.862 --> 00:40:42.665
Could hear myself.
00:40:42.665 --> 00:40:44.400
You know, i try and imagine if somebody said that to me,
00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:46.402
How i would feel.
00:40:46.402 --> 00:40:47.837
And know that really what you want at the end is i want the
00:40:47.837 --> 00:40:51.374
Best for you because i want our relationship to be
00:40:51.374 --> 00:40:53.843
Stronger.
00:40:53.843 --> 00:40:55.478
- how do y'all keep your home safe for failure?
00:40:55.478 --> 00:40:59.649
Because that is such a huge topic where i didn't know that
00:40:59.649 --> 00:41:05.988
Failure was like okaygrowing up.
00:41:05.988 --> 00:41:08.558
Like it was, it was all about like, let's just soldier on,
00:41:08.558 --> 00:41:12.728
Right?
00:41:12.728 --> 00:41:13.396
And let's just keep going.
00:41:13.396 --> 00:41:14.564
So what have you done to keep your home safe to fail?
00:41:14.564 --> 00:41:18.568
Because i think kids who live in a home where it's okayto
00:41:18.568 --> 00:41:21.370
Fail.
00:41:21.370 --> 00:41:22.638
Grow up believing this is-- i'm actually learning here.
00:41:22.638 --> 00:41:26.008
I'm not, this isn't bad.
00:41:26.008 --> 00:41:27.843
And, so we definitely celebrate failure.
00:41:27.843 --> 00:41:30.880
Like when you, when you're eight.
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:32.448
I mean, i hate to say it, but you only learn in the in the,
00:41:32.448 --> 00:41:35.818
In the valley.
00:41:35.818 --> 00:41:37.053
You don't learn like when you're standing on the podium
00:41:37.053 --> 00:41:38.754
With the trophy.
00:41:38.754 --> 00:41:39.755
So how do you celebrate when they lose?
00:41:39.755 --> 00:41:42.658
Or, i mean, for your girls playing, you know, volleyball.
00:41:42.658 --> 00:41:46.162
Like, i mean, honestly, like failure,
00:41:46.162 --> 00:41:47.797
There has to be a conversation around it.
00:41:47.797 --> 00:41:50.399
- well, i've tried really hard with both of my girls in
00:41:50.399 --> 00:41:52.735
Sports, bless them.
00:41:52.735 --> 00:41:54.236
They, they work really hard.
00:41:54.236 --> 00:41:55.338
But we're not athletes.
00:41:55.338 --> 00:41:57.640
Like, i'm not expecting them to get a scholarship to
00:41:57.640 --> 00:42:00.509
Anything athletically related.
00:42:00.509 --> 00:42:02.411
But they work really hard.
00:42:02.411 --> 00:42:03.746
And one thing i started early with them, because growing up,
00:42:03.746 --> 00:42:06.282
I chose to play golf.
00:42:06.282 --> 00:42:08.317
Mainly because it was the one sport where i felt like my dad
00:42:08.317 --> 00:42:12.355
Can't come and be loud.
00:42:12.355 --> 00:42:14.523
You know, because like, you know,
00:42:14.523 --> 00:42:15.992
He's going to make a scene and oh my gosh, and, you know,
00:42:15.992 --> 00:42:17.827
But he was so enthusiastic and sports were such a big thing.
00:42:17.827 --> 00:42:20.730
And my brothers were just great at it.
00:42:20.730 --> 00:42:22.598
And i just really didn't feel like an athlete.
00:42:22.598 --> 00:42:24.600
And so i thought, well, if i have to choose a sport,
00:42:24.600 --> 00:42:26.535
I'm going to pick one where he has to be quiet, you know.
00:42:26.535 --> 00:42:28.838
And it, it was great and it worked out wonderful.
00:42:28.838 --> 00:42:31.440
And so with my girls, i thought, well,
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:33.009
I don't want to put an expectation on them that
00:42:33.009 --> 00:42:35.578
They're not, you know, that's not who they are.
00:42:35.578 --> 00:42:38.314
And so, whenever they're playing sports,
00:42:38.314 --> 00:42:40.816
I've been very intentional about whenever the game is
00:42:40.816 --> 00:42:44.020
Over.
00:42:44.020 --> 00:42:45.054
And i've cheered for you, and i've, you know,
00:42:45.054 --> 00:42:46.555
We've done all the things, is the first thing i say to them
00:42:46.555 --> 00:42:49.325
Is that i just enjoyed watching you play today.
00:42:49.325 --> 00:42:52.161
And i don't attach.
00:42:52.161 --> 00:42:53.996
You know, this like, well, here's how you can fix it,
00:42:53.996 --> 00:42:56.632
And here's how you're going to get better.
00:42:56.632 --> 00:42:57.967
And we'll have those conversations for another
00:42:57.967 --> 00:42:59.869
Time.
00:42:59.869 --> 00:43:01.203
But the first thing i let them know is that i've just enjoyed
00:43:01.203 --> 00:43:04.473
Watching them play.
00:43:04.473 --> 00:43:05.741
And i've started saying that to their little friends and
00:43:05.741 --> 00:43:07.743
Just letting them know that, you know, they're just kids.
00:43:07.743 --> 00:43:10.179
You know, most of them are not going to go on to be
00:43:10.179 --> 00:43:11.947
Professional athletes.
00:43:11.947 --> 00:43:12.848
And so i don't want to-- you know,
00:43:12.848 --> 00:43:14.316
Make it more of an intense situation than it is.
00:43:14.316 --> 00:43:16.786
So, i've really tried to take from what i learned as a kid
00:43:16.786 --> 00:43:19.321
And what kind of made me anxious as a person to just
00:43:19.321 --> 00:43:22.458
Say, i'm not going to put that on them.
00:43:22.458 --> 00:43:24.293
And i'm going to, you know, allow them just to enjoy it.
00:43:24.293 --> 00:43:26.696
Enjoy the time with their friends and do their best.
00:43:26.696 --> 00:43:29.365
I want them to do their best, but if their best,
00:43:29.365 --> 00:43:32.001
It's still just, oh-- - did you have fun?
00:43:32.001 --> 00:43:34.003
- yeah, did you have fun?
00:43:34.003 --> 00:43:34.970
Because it looked great.
00:43:34.970 --> 00:43:35.938
- and some of it is a reframing.
00:43:35.938 --> 00:43:37.807
My son played football all through high school.
00:43:37.807 --> 00:43:41.310
But he's not a big brute guy.
00:43:41.310 --> 00:43:43.979
And he was a safety, and he did great and he ended up
00:43:43.979 --> 00:43:47.283
Being on varsity.
00:43:47.283 --> 00:43:48.551
But i remember going into his senior year and, you know,
00:43:48.551 --> 00:43:50.853
Senior year, you want to be-- you know--
00:43:50.853 --> 00:43:52.888
- yeah, the top.
00:43:52.888 --> 00:43:53.789
- you want to be a starter for sure.
00:43:53.789 --> 00:43:55.458
And a guy had come in, maybe i think he was a sophomore or
00:43:55.458 --> 00:43:58.894
Junior.
00:43:58.894 --> 00:43:59.995
At the end of that year before anyway,
00:43:59.995 --> 00:44:01.797
He ended up taking that starting position.
00:44:01.797 --> 00:44:04.300
So he still stayed on the team and we kind of were like at
00:44:04.300 --> 00:44:07.169
This point we--kind of are going to finish what we
00:44:07.169 --> 00:44:09.438
Started.
00:44:09.438 --> 00:44:10.706
You know, we had committed, so we're going to finish it.
00:44:10.706 --> 00:44:12.007
But it was a disappointment to him that he didn't get that
00:44:12.007 --> 00:44:15.544
Starting position.
00:44:15.544 --> 00:44:17.012
And my husband and i sat down with him and of course we,
00:44:17.012 --> 00:44:20.382
We put on the table quitting as an option.
00:44:20.382 --> 00:44:22.785
Even though i mean it was going to be his decision.
00:44:22.785 --> 00:44:25.020
But our input was we'd love for you to see this through if
00:44:25.020 --> 00:44:28.257
You can.
00:44:28.257 --> 00:44:29.492
Because if you can reframe it, we think that god has an
00:44:29.492 --> 00:44:33.262
Assignment for you here.
00:44:33.262 --> 00:44:34.563
And if you can find what the assignment is in you being on
00:44:34.563 --> 00:44:38.367
This team.
00:44:38.367 --> 00:44:39.635
Then you have purpose in this next year and that purpose
00:44:39.635 --> 00:44:42.138
Doesn't rest in you starting.
00:44:42.138 --> 00:44:43.773
It doesn't rest in a position you play.
00:44:43.773 --> 00:44:45.841
There's an assignment.
00:44:45.841 --> 00:44:47.376
Well, he came home and he had been named the chaplain of the
00:44:47.376 --> 00:44:51.547
Team.
00:44:51.547 --> 00:44:52.848
Now this is a public school, so they don't necessarily call
00:44:52.848 --> 00:44:54.116
It that per se, but he's the one that led out all of the
00:44:54.116 --> 00:44:57.486
Devotions and prayers before every game.
00:44:57.486 --> 00:44:59.889
And i have all of these videos of the year,
00:44:59.889 --> 00:45:02.992
And he got to play some, even though he was not a starter.
00:45:02.992 --> 00:45:06.061
He still got to play.
00:45:06.061 --> 00:45:07.663
Maybe not as much as he wanted,
00:45:07.663 --> 00:45:08.964
But the videos i have all year long are the preteen prayer
00:45:08.964 --> 00:45:12.768
Where he--everybody's kneeled.
00:45:12.768 --> 00:45:14.136
And he's standing in the middle of all the team and
00:45:14.136 --> 00:45:16.839
He's praying over the whole team before the games.
00:45:16.839 --> 00:45:19.408
And i just think, you know what,
00:45:19.408 --> 00:45:21.010
What could have been in his mind a failure,
00:45:21.010 --> 00:45:23.279
Because he didn't reach the expectation he had for himself
00:45:23.279 --> 00:45:27.149
Turned into an assignment that was more purposeful for
00:45:27.149 --> 00:45:30.219
Kingdom work than he could have ever done tackling a kid.
00:45:30.219 --> 00:45:33.389
And so sometimes.
00:45:33.389 --> 00:45:34.690
I think how we reframe the failure can help to see how is
00:45:34.690 --> 00:45:39.328
God using the position you're in now.
00:45:39.328 --> 00:45:41.864
The expectation was missed.
00:45:41.864 --> 00:45:43.732
Ok, let's recognize it.
00:45:43.732 --> 00:45:44.834
That's tough.
00:45:44.834 --> 00:45:46.135
But maybe god has a different assignment for you.
00:45:46.135 --> 00:45:48.337
- yeah.
00:45:48.337 --> 00:45:49.638
- well, and you're creating a generation that understands
00:45:49.638 --> 00:45:52.007
Grace.
00:45:52.007 --> 00:45:53.309
You're creating a generation that understands that you are
00:45:53.309 --> 00:45:57.513
Reframing what needs restoring, right?
00:45:57.513 --> 00:46:01.116
I mean, that is so beautiful, belinda.
00:46:01.116 --> 00:46:04.353
- i'm a very big believer in celebrating every door god
00:46:04.353 --> 00:46:08.524
Closes.
00:46:08.524 --> 00:46:09.358
As much as every door god opens.
00:46:09.358 --> 00:46:11.493
I saw that even when our son, we felt really convinced that
00:46:11.493 --> 00:46:14.129
He should go to one particular college for grad school.
00:46:14.129 --> 00:46:17.766
And i did all sorts of things to try and facilitate that.
00:46:17.766 --> 00:46:21.036
And then i remember the night when christian got the
00:46:21.036 --> 00:46:23.639
Notification that he had not been accepted into that
00:46:23.639 --> 00:46:26.075
School.
00:46:26.075 --> 00:46:27.042
And we sat down, the three of us,
00:46:27.042 --> 00:46:28.677
Barry and christian and i had this conversation about if
00:46:28.677 --> 00:46:31.714
God's saying no here.
00:46:31.714 --> 00:46:33.382
That means that somewhere else he is saying yes.
00:46:33.382 --> 00:46:36.018
So, let's stop and before we even know where the yes is
00:46:36.018 --> 00:46:39.021
Coming from, let's thank him for the no.
00:46:39.021 --> 00:46:41.657
And we did that.
00:46:41.657 --> 00:46:42.958
And then he was accepted into the place that was the best,
00:46:42.958 --> 00:46:46.695
Perfect place for him.
00:46:46.695 --> 00:46:48.030
God knows what he's doing.
00:46:48.030 --> 00:46:50.232
- as we wrap up today, i just want to pray for anyone
00:46:50.232 --> 00:46:53.402
Listening who is like, my family hasn't been restored.
00:46:53.402 --> 00:46:57.373
And i'm in that gap.
00:46:57.373 --> 00:46:58.774
So we're just going to agree for anyone who's listening
00:46:58.774 --> 00:47:01.243
That god will reframe where you are.
00:47:01.243 --> 00:47:05.848
Yeah, lord, thank you so much for today.
00:47:05.848 --> 00:47:09.318
Thank you for every person listening to the sound of our
00:47:09.318 --> 00:47:14.156
Voices, to hearing these stories.
00:47:14.156 --> 00:47:16.158
Lord, that they would be encouraged.
00:47:16.158 --> 00:47:19.061
God, right now, i declare over every person who needs
00:47:19.061 --> 00:47:22.665
Restoration in their family that you would begin the good
00:47:22.665 --> 00:47:25.734
Work.
00:47:25.734 --> 00:47:26.902
And that they would believe that unless it's good,
00:47:26.902 --> 00:47:29.605
You're not done.
00:47:29.605 --> 00:47:31.073
And so we believe for them when they can't believe for
00:47:31.073 --> 00:47:34.209
Themselves.
00:47:34.209 --> 00:47:34.977
We're believing for you today.
00:47:34.977 --> 00:47:36.478
And so, lord, we just declare that restoration is our
00:47:36.478 --> 00:47:40.049
Inheritance.
00:47:40.049 --> 00:47:40.783
It's what you died for.
00:47:40.783 --> 00:47:42.151
It's who you are.
00:47:42.151 --> 00:47:43.786
It's how you moved about the earth.
00:47:43.786 --> 00:47:46.221
It is what you want for every family.
00:47:46.221 --> 00:47:49.658
You want to restore us by your grace alone.
00:47:49.658 --> 00:47:52.895
It was given freely for us to release it freely.
00:47:52.895 --> 00:47:55.764
And so, we declare a releasing of grace in every family.
00:47:55.764 --> 00:48:01.236
And we thank you because in faith,
00:48:01.236 --> 00:48:02.905
We know what you're going to do on the other side.
00:48:02.905 --> 00:48:06.008
And we know that you are working something that maybe
00:48:06.008 --> 00:48:08.510
We can't see right now, but it will be good.
00:48:08.510 --> 00:48:10.779
And you will work all things for good to those who know you
00:48:10.779 --> 00:48:14.583
And love you.
00:48:14.583 --> 00:48:15.317
And lord, we just bless you.
00:48:15.317 --> 00:48:16.752
We thank you for restoration in jesus' name.
00:48:16.752 --> 00:48:19.989
- amen.
00:48:19.989 --> 00:48:23.258
- connect with us on social media and let us know how our
00:48:20.589 --> 00:48:25.661
Team can pray for you.
00:48:25.661 --> 00:48:28.530
(music playing)
00:48:28.530 --> 00:48:34.370
- if you're going through a season where your family feels
00:48:34.370 --> 00:48:36.538
Estranged or things feel really distant or rocky.
00:48:36.538 --> 00:48:40.209
You can still have a grace filled home.
00:48:40.209 --> 00:48:42.011
God's grace is still sufficient for you.
00:48:42.011 --> 00:48:44.713
Grace upon grace upon grace.
00:48:44.713 --> 00:48:46.448
I want you to know that god's grace is not going to run out.
00:48:46.448 --> 00:48:50.586
That your family could be a total mess,
00:48:50.586 --> 00:48:52.788
But god's grace is still there.
00:48:52.788 --> 00:48:55.157
There's not anything that you can do that god's grace can't
00:48:55.157 --> 00:48:57.993
Meet you there at.
00:48:57.993 --> 00:48:59.161
So i want to encourage you that whatever your family
00:48:59.161 --> 00:49:01.663
Looks like.
00:49:01.663 --> 00:49:02.698
Whatever it is that you're going through,
00:49:02.698 --> 00:49:04.066
Call out to god, ask him for that grace today.
00:49:04.066 --> 00:49:06.502
(music playing)
00:49:06.502 --> 00:49:12.841
- practical ways that i believe we can show the love
00:49:12.841 --> 00:49:15.677
Of god to others is really by being.
00:49:15.677 --> 00:49:18.347
You know, one of the things i love that jesus said,
00:49:18.347 --> 00:49:20.416
He calls himself the light of the world.
00:49:20.416 --> 00:49:22.785
And that's an identity that we share in him.
00:49:22.785 --> 00:49:25.054
Because he also calls you the light of the world.
00:49:25.054 --> 00:49:28.023
And to show the love of god is to be that light.
00:49:28.023 --> 00:49:31.560
But it really starts in the place that you're rooted.
00:49:31.560 --> 00:49:34.496
It really starts in recognizing that that light
00:49:34.496 --> 00:49:37.032
That you are comes from god.
00:49:37.032 --> 00:49:39.568
Because when you just embrace his love,
00:49:39.568 --> 00:49:42.104
When you embrace being a light.
00:49:42.104 --> 00:49:43.739
It's something that comes naturally, right?
00:49:43.739 --> 00:49:46.475
You don't have to teach any animal how to be whoever they
00:49:46.475 --> 00:49:50.212
Are.
00:49:50.212 --> 00:49:51.413
You don't have to teach a dog how to be a dog, right?
00:49:51.413 --> 00:49:53.015
When we train them, this is a random example.
00:49:53.015 --> 00:49:55.184
We train dogs to fit into our mode.
00:49:55.184 --> 00:49:57.853
Like, i need you to sit.
00:49:57.853 --> 00:49:59.321
I need you to let me know when you need to use the bathroom,
00:49:59.321 --> 00:50:02.324
Right?
00:50:02.324 --> 00:50:03.592
We are training them to do what is not really their norm,
00:50:03.592 --> 00:50:05.527
But they will learn, right?
00:50:05.527 --> 00:50:06.728
But you don't have to train to be who you are.
00:50:06.728 --> 00:50:09.698
And who you are, your true essence is life.
00:50:09.698 --> 00:50:12.968
And so, i would say just to be.
00:50:12.968 --> 00:50:14.870
Be to others what you probably wish others were to you.
00:50:14.870 --> 00:50:18.373
Be patient, be kind, be loving, be giving,
00:50:18.373 --> 00:50:21.543
Be generous, right?
00:50:21.543 --> 00:50:23.312
The very things that you wish people showed you.
00:50:23.312 --> 00:50:25.314
Show that to other people, grace, forgiveness, mercy.
00:50:25.314 --> 00:50:29.284
Be to others, the very things that you're like, man,
00:50:29.284 --> 00:50:31.620
I wish i had a circle that could reflect this to me.
00:50:31.620 --> 00:50:34.756
I always say, if you want a friend, be a friend, right?
00:50:34.756 --> 00:50:37.593
So just be to others what you know that the goodness of god
00:50:37.593 --> 00:50:40.329
Has reflected in your life.
00:50:40.329 --> 00:50:43.165
- watch better together on the go.
00:50:43.165 --> 00:50:44.766
Download the free tbn plus app to stream all of your favorite
00:50:44.766 --> 00:50:48.303
Conversations.
00:50:48.303 --> 00:50:49.004
(music playing)
00:50:49.004 --> 00:50:49.004

A Family Restored by Grace | Better Together Episode 1137

January 27, 2026 | S8 E1137 | 50:59

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