Better Together

A Family Restored by Grace | Better Together Episode 1137

January 27, 2026 | S8 E1137 | 50:59

Restoration is possible! Through God's immeasurable grace, we are empowered to release the bitterness of past offense, extend forgiveness, and experience redemption. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

#Grace #Prayer #Restoration #Redemption #Widow/Widower #Grief #Healing #Honesty #Love #Forgiveness #EmotionalHealth #Unity #Communication #Transformation #Family #MentalHealth #Boundaries #Depression #Anxiety #Generations #Bitterness #PersonalStory #Marriage #Children #Parenting #Discipline #Failure #Encouragement #LaurieCrouch #SheilaWalsh #BlyndaLane #MichelleAguilar #StephanieIkeOkafor

Closed captions

Show Timecode

Better Together | A Family Restored by Grace | Better Together Episode 1137 | January 27, 2026

- broken family relationships.
00:00:01.313 --> 00:00:03.515
Old wounds that open over and over again.
00:00:03.515 --> 00:00:06.718
When loved ones need extra grace,
00:00:06.718 --> 00:00:08.787
How many times are we expected to forgive?
00:00:08.787 --> 00:00:11.623
Our god can redeem any story.
00:00:11.623 --> 00:00:13.692
Come on, let's talk about it.
00:00:13.692 --> 00:00:15.327
(music playing)
00:00:15.327 --> 00:00:43.422
- well, friends, i'm so excited to talk about
00:00:43.422 --> 00:00:47.426
Restoration today.
00:00:47.426 --> 00:00:48.594
I love, like, restoring old things and i love grace.
00:00:48.594 --> 00:00:53.065
So it's like two of my favorite subjects and i'm
00:00:53.065 --> 00:00:55.634
Going to tell a story on myself because i am the one
00:00:55.634 --> 00:00:58.804
Who needed grace.
00:00:58.804 --> 00:00:59.838
So i want y'all just to be thinking about,
00:00:59.838 --> 00:01:01.440
Was it you that you had to extend grace to somebody?
00:01:01.440 --> 00:01:05.811
But i really just want us to share our stories.
00:01:05.811 --> 00:01:07.846
Because i think we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the
00:01:07.846 --> 00:01:10.315
Word of our stories.
00:01:10.315 --> 00:01:11.316
So this is an opportunity to just,
00:01:11.316 --> 00:01:13.986
This is our tell-all of how we needed grace because i think
00:01:13.986 --> 00:01:16.688
People can find themselves in our stories.
00:01:16.688 --> 00:01:19.124
They can find themselves in the grace extended to them.
00:01:19.124 --> 00:01:22.161
And so, for me, i am the one who needed grace.
00:01:22.161 --> 00:01:25.197
My husband, um, we got married in june of 2013.
00:01:25.197 --> 00:01:29.935
And three months into our marriage,
00:01:29.935 --> 00:01:32.437
It was a blended family.
00:01:32.437 --> 00:01:33.805
I had been widowed and so i was so excited
00:01:33.805 --> 00:01:37.142
To be remarried.
00:01:37.142 --> 00:01:38.410
I've got this dad for my kids who are five and seven
00:01:38.410 --> 00:01:40.846
At the time.
00:01:40.846 --> 00:01:42.047
I was pumped and had no idea that there was underlying
00:01:42.047 --> 00:01:46.418
Depression and anxiety that was on board before we ever
00:01:46.418 --> 00:01:50.556
Got married.
00:01:50.556 --> 00:01:51.857
And i, i cannot even tell you how disappointing it was to
00:01:51.857 --> 00:01:57.763
Experience that when my husband basically had somewhat
00:01:57.763 --> 00:02:01.667
Of a nervous breakdown.
00:02:01.667 --> 00:02:02.801
We went on a mission trip a few months after we got
00:02:02.801 --> 00:02:04.636
Married, which i highly do not recommend.
00:02:04.636 --> 00:02:06.605
Because i talk about that before you get married.
00:02:06.605 --> 00:02:09.541
Talk about needing to be restored by grace.
00:02:09.541 --> 00:02:12.611
I was like, by that alone, so i don't recommend that to
00:02:12.611 --> 00:02:15.347
Anyone listening, but.
00:02:15.347 --> 00:02:16.748
But we did and we chose to go serve kids with cancer.
00:02:16.748 --> 00:02:19.484
It was amazing.
00:02:19.484 --> 00:02:20.385
But during the middle of that week,
00:02:20.385 --> 00:02:21.720
He ended up just cooking pancakes one morning and just
00:02:21.720 --> 00:02:25.591
Not being able to do it.
00:02:25.591 --> 00:02:27.559
And i'm like, no, i'm sorry.
00:02:27.559 --> 00:02:29.294
Like, you don't get to leave these 150 people stranded.
00:02:29.294 --> 00:02:32.431
You're the pancake maker.
00:02:32.431 --> 00:02:33.799
And he was like, but i can't, i can't,
00:02:33.799 --> 00:02:35.968
I've just got to go back to the room.
00:02:35.968 --> 00:02:37.302
And i'm like, i, i just didn't,
00:02:37.302 --> 00:02:40.339
I didn't know what depression and anxiety looked like.
00:02:40.339 --> 00:02:43.141
Even though i had been widowed twice.
00:02:43.141 --> 00:02:46.411
Depression was just not the story.
00:02:46.411 --> 00:02:48.080
And, hiding emotional unhealth,
00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:51.850
Like there were a lot of stories.
00:02:51.850 --> 00:02:53.218
But depression was not one of them.
00:02:53.218 --> 00:02:55.087
And i was angry.
00:02:55.087 --> 00:02:57.623
I'm going to be really honest.
00:02:57.623 --> 00:02:59.024
And i was like, you got a wife and you got two kids on the
00:02:59.024 --> 00:03:03.895
Same day and a house in the suburbs.
00:03:03.895 --> 00:03:05.964
I don't understand like how you couldn't be so thrilled
00:03:05.964 --> 00:03:08.533
About your wife.
00:03:08.533 --> 00:03:09.868
And that's what i want to say is no one wakes up wanting to
00:03:09.868 --> 00:03:14.306
Be depressed.
00:03:14.306 --> 00:03:15.340
No one wakes up wanting to be anxious.
00:03:15.340 --> 00:03:18.043
I didn't want any of that.
00:03:18.043 --> 00:03:20.045
And yet, i was so clueless to what was happening and needed
00:03:20.045 --> 00:03:25.751
So much grace to be extended to me because i was angry.
00:03:25.751 --> 00:03:29.388
I was really bitter because i felt like he did not tell me
00:03:29.388 --> 00:03:33.025
The full story.
00:03:33.025 --> 00:03:34.393
And.
00:03:34.393 --> 00:03:36.128
Like, did you know this was a possibility?
00:03:36.128 --> 00:03:38.797
And so that bitterness just rose up in me,
00:03:38.797 --> 00:03:43.168
That anger rose up in me, and then i had to protect my
00:03:43.168 --> 00:03:46.505
Children from what was happening.
00:03:46.505 --> 00:03:49.441
So, needless to say, i needed a lot of restoration.
00:03:49.441 --> 00:03:54.146
And the marriage needed to be restored and so i ended up
00:03:54.146 --> 00:03:58.383
Going on a journey of learning that i needed to forgive rod's
00:03:58.383 --> 00:04:01.787
Body.
00:04:01.787 --> 00:04:03.055
It sounds crazy, but i need to forgive his brain for not
00:04:03.055 --> 00:04:06.625
Doing what it needed to do.
00:04:06.625 --> 00:04:07.926
I mean, there was, there was a laundry list of forgiveness
00:04:07.926 --> 00:04:10.996
And i received communion that day.
00:04:10.996 --> 00:04:13.699
And then extended grace to myself because i'd acted like
00:04:13.699 --> 00:04:16.435
Such a brat through this whole thing and just not understood
00:04:16.435 --> 00:04:19.104
And been so upset.
00:04:19.104 --> 00:04:20.672
And rod was so gracious to extend grace to me and say,
00:04:20.672 --> 00:04:26.511
It's okay, you don't, you can't possibly.
00:04:26.511 --> 00:04:28.947
How could you possibly understand?
00:04:28.947 --> 00:04:30.482
You don't know what you don't know and you've never done
00:04:30.482 --> 00:04:32.718
This before.
00:04:32.718 --> 00:04:33.985
You've only buried husbands, you've never had a sick one.
00:04:33.985 --> 00:04:36.455
And i mean, really, in sickness and in health was not
00:04:36.455 --> 00:04:38.924
My story.
00:04:38.924 --> 00:04:40.092
But it, it is now.
00:04:40.092 --> 00:04:42.794
During the episode on set, i mentioned that my husband was
00:04:42.794 --> 00:04:45.997
Battling depression and, you know,
00:04:45.997 --> 00:04:48.300
The way that i responded to his depression.
00:04:48.300 --> 00:04:51.370
I needed a whole lot of grace in that moment.
00:04:51.370 --> 00:04:54.039
And for him to extend that to me in his own battle,
00:04:54.039 --> 00:04:58.710
Really healed a part of my soul that i didn't even know
00:04:58.710 --> 00:05:01.079
Needed to be healed.
00:05:01.079 --> 00:05:02.114
I was experiencing extreme amounts of shame.
00:05:02.114 --> 00:05:04.583
I was like, how can i be feeling this way about a man
00:05:04.583 --> 00:05:06.885
Who didn't want to be depressed.
00:05:06.885 --> 00:05:08.787
Didn't ask for this.
00:05:08.787 --> 00:05:10.856
But yet in my head, that wasn't, that wasn't what was,
00:05:10.856 --> 00:05:15.060
Was playing and rod's grace healed a part of my soul that
00:05:15.060 --> 00:05:18.897
Could not have been healed any other way.
00:05:18.897 --> 00:05:21.400
- one of the things that i think is amazing is the way
00:05:21.400 --> 00:05:24.269
That god can even use your children.
00:05:24.269 --> 00:05:26.838
To help you see where you're not extending grace.
00:05:26.838 --> 00:05:29.007
I remember one time when, before we got married.
00:05:29.007 --> 00:05:31.643
I told barry it's really important to me that we don't
00:05:31.643 --> 00:05:33.745
Ever end up in debt.
00:05:33.745 --> 00:05:35.247
You know, my mum was a widow, she worked on a widow's
00:05:35.247 --> 00:05:37.115
Pension, she never paid a cent of interest in credit card.
00:05:37.115 --> 00:05:40.719
I mean she just, you know, she believed that god would
00:05:40.719 --> 00:05:43.555
Provide and that's who we were depending on,
00:05:43.555 --> 00:05:45.457
So i said that's really important to me.
00:05:45.457 --> 00:05:46.825
It wasn't really important to barry.
00:05:46.825 --> 00:05:50.662
[laughs] and you know, we'd just moved into a house and he
00:05:50.662 --> 00:05:53.498
Kept ordering things.
00:05:53.498 --> 00:05:54.699
Like i remember coming home one day and all the light
00:05:54.699 --> 00:05:56.635
Fixtures were gone and there were crystal chandeliers,
00:05:56.635 --> 00:05:58.970
And i'm like, what is this?
00:05:58.970 --> 00:06:01.473
And he said, oh we just did a swap out with the builder.
00:06:01.473 --> 00:06:03.542
And you know, stuff like that and there was a lot more and i
00:06:03.542 --> 00:06:06.745
Was--i was really upset because i felt like, you know,
00:06:06.745 --> 00:06:10.615
This is something we talked about before.
00:06:10.615 --> 00:06:12.851
I told you how important this is to me;
00:06:12.851 --> 00:06:14.686
How scary it feels to me if we owe people money.
00:06:14.686 --> 00:06:17.389
I just don't know how to deal with that.
00:06:17.389 --> 00:06:19.024
And it had gone on for a few weeks.
00:06:19.024 --> 00:06:21.493
And i was at a place where i was not in a good place,
00:06:21.493 --> 00:06:23.895
But i'm trying to protect our son too.
00:06:23.895 --> 00:06:25.630
Because christian's little, he's, i don't know,
00:06:25.630 --> 00:06:27.399
Like maybe 10.
00:06:27.399 --> 00:06:28.834
And one night i went in to, to kind of tuck him
00:06:28.834 --> 00:06:32.971
In before bed.
00:06:32.971 --> 00:06:34.105
And barry and i had a discussion in the kitchen,
00:06:34.105 --> 00:06:37.476
And i was pretty sure he had overheard.
00:06:37.476 --> 00:06:39.077
And so, i said to him, christian, are you okay?
00:06:39.077 --> 00:06:42.881
And he said, what do you mean?
00:06:42.881 --> 00:06:44.182
I said, well, i'm pretty sure you heard dad and i talking.
00:06:44.182 --> 00:06:46.585
Are, are you okay?
00:06:46.585 --> 00:06:48.053
And he was quiet for a minute.
00:06:48.053 --> 00:06:49.988
He's just, i totally get now why he's a clinical
00:06:49.988 --> 00:06:52.691
Psychologist.
00:06:52.691 --> 00:06:53.391
Because he's just brilliant.
00:06:53.391 --> 00:06:54.659
But he was a lieutenant, he's quiet, and he said, mom,
00:06:54.659 --> 00:06:57.462
I know it's hard.
00:06:57.462 --> 00:06:59.064
But you have to forgive him.
00:06:59.064 --> 00:07:02.367
He's 10 years old.
00:07:02.367 --> 00:07:03.435
- wow.
00:07:03.435 --> 00:07:04.536
- and i kissed him and i thanked him,
00:07:04.536 --> 00:07:07.439
And i went for a long walk.
00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:08.540
Went out of the house and i went for a long walk.
00:07:08.540 --> 00:07:09.941
And i was like, lord, this is ridiculous.
00:07:09.941 --> 00:07:12.110
I'm supposed to forgive.
00:07:12.110 --> 00:07:12.878
I didn't do any of this.
00:07:12.878 --> 00:07:14.112
But i came to this place, and i think it's why a lot of
00:07:14.112 --> 00:07:16.781
Marriages struggle.
00:07:16.781 --> 00:07:18.016
Where i felt as if, i've never heard the audible voice
00:07:18.016 --> 00:07:20.385
Of god.
00:07:20.385 --> 00:07:21.486
But i felt as if god said to me, "sheila,
00:07:21.486 --> 00:07:23.121
You cannot go one step further carrying this."
00:07:23.121 --> 00:07:25.524
- yeah.
00:07:25.524 --> 00:07:26.591
- i felt like i was, did you ever see the movie
00:07:26.591 --> 00:07:28.393
The mission?
00:07:28.393 --> 00:07:29.561
Robert de niro and he's carrying this weight up
00:07:29.561 --> 00:07:31.196
A mountainside because he feels so guilty.
00:07:31.196 --> 00:07:33.798
And eventually they cut it free and i felt like the lord
00:07:33.798 --> 00:07:36.368
Saying, "sheila, you cannot move on with me,
00:07:36.368 --> 00:07:39.671
Carrying this weight."
00:07:39.671 --> 00:07:41.773
And i literally got down on my, it's like, i don't know,
00:07:41.773 --> 00:07:44.943
Two in the morning.
00:07:44.943 --> 00:07:46.211
Got down on my knees in the middle of the road and said,
00:07:46.211 --> 00:07:48.647
Lord, i forgive.
00:07:48.647 --> 00:07:50.148
And let go.
00:07:50.148 --> 00:07:51.816
And i can remember going home and waking barry up
00:07:51.816 --> 00:07:54.853
And saying, i forgive you, go back to sleep.
00:07:54.853 --> 00:07:57.322
Go back to sleep.
00:07:57.322 --> 00:07:58.156
[laughs] - just so you know.
00:07:58.156 --> 00:07:59.224
- sweet dreams.
00:07:59.224 --> 00:08:00.525
- but honestly it was, i don't know if i'd have seen it.
00:08:00.525 --> 00:08:02.861
If it wasn't for my son seeing.
00:08:02.861 --> 00:08:06.197
You know, okay, mum, i know we didn't want this and that.
00:08:06.197 --> 00:08:08.600
Yeah, that is goofy having a chandelier over the bath.
00:08:08.600 --> 00:08:10.969
If it falls, we're all goners.
00:08:10.969 --> 00:08:12.771
But you have to forgive.
00:08:12.771 --> 00:08:15.473
And it was just; there's something about the gift of
00:08:15.473 --> 00:08:20.378
Forgiveness because i always think we want life to be fair
00:08:20.378 --> 00:08:24.082
And life's not fair.
00:08:24.082 --> 00:08:25.850
But forgiveness is god's gift to us to live in a world
00:08:25.850 --> 00:08:29.454
That's not fair.
00:08:29.454 --> 00:08:30.388
We get to have that burden cut off.
00:08:30.388 --> 00:08:33.925
- i think showing grace to--
00:08:33.925 --> 00:08:37.095
Everyone in your life, especially those close by you,
00:08:37.095 --> 00:08:40.265
Can actually transform your situation.
00:08:40.265 --> 00:08:45.303
That grace for your husband, that grace for that
00:08:45.303 --> 00:08:47.706
Mother-in-law, that grace for the dad.
00:08:47.706 --> 00:08:50.241
All of that is so important and god gives you the grace to
00:08:50.241 --> 00:08:54.980
Show.
00:08:54.980 --> 00:08:56.281
So, i think we all every day need to just thank god for his
00:08:56.281 --> 00:08:59.050
Grace that he's not only shown for us.
00:08:59.050 --> 00:09:00.785
But the grace that he can pour through our lives to those
00:09:00.785 --> 00:09:03.688
Around us.
00:09:03.688 --> 00:09:04.889
- it's hard, we're in a situation in our family,
00:09:04.889 --> 00:09:07.592
On my side of the family.
00:09:07.592 --> 00:09:09.394
Where we're in an agree to disagree moment that hasn't
00:09:09.394 --> 00:09:13.031
Been resolved.
00:09:13.031 --> 00:09:14.065
It hasn't been restored.
00:09:14.065 --> 00:09:15.533
It's with some of my nieces and nephews.
00:09:15.533 --> 00:09:17.469
And it's, it's really hard because i'm,
00:09:17.469 --> 00:09:20.205
I'm watching my brother and his wife walk through a really
00:09:20.205 --> 00:09:23.074
Painful period.
00:09:23.074 --> 00:09:24.342
And we're all faith-filled believers and so we're praying
00:09:24.342 --> 00:09:27.846
And we're believing that we'll see this restoration.
00:09:27.846 --> 00:09:31.383
But it is also very apparent there's choice involved.
00:09:31.383 --> 00:09:35.353
And you can only restore to the degree that everybody
00:09:35.353 --> 00:09:39.357
Involved wants restoration.
00:09:39.357 --> 00:09:41.760
And my heart is sensitive to people who are in a situation
00:09:41.760 --> 00:09:45.930
Where they've tried and they've prayed.
00:09:45.930 --> 00:09:48.066
And they haven't seen that restoration because i'm,
00:09:48.066 --> 00:09:52.070
I'm listening to your story and that was such a proactive
00:09:52.070 --> 00:09:56.074
Stance you took to go on the walk to ask god-- like you
00:09:56.074 --> 00:09:59.511
Were, you were seeking how god could change your heart toward
00:09:59.511 --> 00:10:03.314
Forgiveness.
00:10:03.314 --> 00:10:04.282
But if you don't have that in a family,
00:10:04.282 --> 00:10:06.551
It can become bitterness.
00:10:06.551 --> 00:10:09.421
- right.
00:10:09.421 --> 00:10:11.723
- one of the great things about grace is that you can
00:10:11.723 --> 00:10:13.725
Never give too much of it.
00:10:13.725 --> 00:10:15.527
And if you've extended grace to someone and they have not
00:10:15.527 --> 00:10:18.163
Given grace back to you, that's okay.
00:10:18.163 --> 00:10:20.598
You are obedient to extend the grace because we've been given
00:10:20.598 --> 00:10:23.435
So much grace by our lord and our savior,
00:10:23.435 --> 00:10:26.271
That it is within us to give more than we get back.
00:10:26.271 --> 00:10:30.642
- matt sent me this morning knowing we were talking about
00:10:30.642 --> 00:10:33.511
Family he was down in the kitchen area.
00:10:33.511 --> 00:10:35.413
I was getting ready and he sends me a clip of what was on
00:10:35.413 --> 00:10:38.483
Tbn today.
00:10:38.483 --> 00:10:39.784
Just a short tbn reel of jensen franklin saying being
00:10:39.784 --> 00:10:44.389
Around bitter people, people that have just gotten bitter
00:10:44.389 --> 00:10:47.358
About stuff, he said soon.
00:10:47.358 --> 00:10:49.194
He said they might be picking on somebody else.
00:10:49.194 --> 00:10:51.162
But he said soon that's bitterness is going to pick
00:10:51.162 --> 00:10:53.198
On you.
00:10:53.198 --> 00:10:54.466
And it's going to come, come to you and i know that there
00:10:54.466 --> 00:10:57.035
Are unresolved things probably in most families.
00:10:57.035 --> 00:11:01.973
Believers, christians that that walk-through stuff and
00:11:01.973 --> 00:11:07.112
Toxicity and the whole thing where you have to put
00:11:07.112 --> 00:11:09.948
Boundaries down.
00:11:09.948 --> 00:11:10.949
I love my family.
00:11:10.949 --> 00:11:12.283
Matt always said that i had a romance, in my mind of family.
00:11:12.283 --> 00:11:17.989
Because i come --i have a beautiful family.
00:11:17.989 --> 00:11:20.325
I love all of-- i've got great,
00:11:20.325 --> 00:11:22.527
Wonderful great aunts and uncles.
00:11:22.527 --> 00:11:24.462
And lots of cousins and family trouble was my perfect storm.
00:11:24.462 --> 00:11:29.200
- yeah.
00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:30.101
- oh yeah.
00:11:30.101 --> 00:11:31.302
- and i actually had a couple surgeries because of it.
00:11:31.302 --> 00:11:34.773
Because i internalized this beautiful family picture in my
00:11:34.773 --> 00:11:40.512
Mind and what it was supposed to be.
00:11:40.512 --> 00:11:41.880
And how god create--god did not create this.
00:11:41.880 --> 00:11:43.882
You know you think of adam and eve and then their children.
00:11:43.882 --> 00:11:47.385
- yeah.
00:11:47.385 --> 00:11:48.419
- you know it started from the beginning.
00:11:48.419 --> 00:11:49.721
You know this, you know, they killed each other you know.
00:11:49.721 --> 00:11:53.525
And i just think the boundaries that we have to set
00:11:53.525 --> 00:11:56.861
The forgiveness side of things you can forgive and love.
00:11:56.861 --> 00:12:00.999
And not have to be around.
00:12:00.999 --> 00:12:03.001
And i think that's choices.
00:12:03.001 --> 00:12:05.837
I don't want my family around that.
00:12:05.837 --> 00:12:08.339
My kids, you know, i protected my kids from things.
00:12:08.339 --> 00:12:11.609
I didn't want my kids just to be around other people,
00:12:11.609 --> 00:12:16.014
You know.
00:12:16.014 --> 00:12:17.015
Because i didn't want them to feel that.
00:12:17.015 --> 00:12:18.449
Although you participated in many family things but then
00:12:18.449 --> 00:12:22.120
That's not our life, you know.
00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:25.857
And y'all stand right over there.
00:12:25.857 --> 00:12:26.758
We love you.
00:12:26.758 --> 00:12:27.425
Stand right over there.
00:12:27.425 --> 00:12:28.760
[laughs] - it is a little bit kind of like a cancer that can
00:12:28.760 --> 00:12:31.596
Spread because i'm, i'm thinking in the situation with
00:12:31.596 --> 00:12:33.932
My brother.
00:12:33.932 --> 00:12:35.266
And it started with, with just one of their children and they
00:12:35.266 --> 00:12:39.404
Tried to incorporate them in, while still trying to figure
00:12:39.404 --> 00:12:43.775
It out.
00:12:43.775 --> 00:12:45.310
And they became an influence to their other children.
00:12:45.310 --> 00:12:49.047
And they started seeing the other children starting to
00:12:49.047 --> 00:12:50.782
Turn to my brother and my sister-in-law.
00:12:50.782 --> 00:12:52.750
So my brother, they had to cut this off so they could save
00:12:52.750 --> 00:12:56.855
This.
00:12:56.855 --> 00:12:57.989
Like it was, it was, it was one of those choices.
00:12:57.989 --> 00:12:59.757
And so sometimes you do have to make those hard choices to
00:12:59.757 --> 00:13:02.493
Say, 'this boundary here is actually to protect what we
00:13:02.493 --> 00:13:05.663
Still have left.'
00:13:05.663 --> 00:13:08.366
- there's a difference between grace and
00:13:08.366 --> 00:13:12.170
Turning a blind eye.
00:13:12.170 --> 00:13:13.471
You know, i think sometimes people think, well, you know,
00:13:13.471 --> 00:13:15.440
God has shown grace to me, so even though this person keeps
00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:18.576
Doing things that are not good.
00:13:18.576 --> 00:13:19.844
You know, a young woman wrote to me and she's like,
00:13:19.844 --> 00:13:22.513
You know, my husband comes home drunk most nights and i
00:13:22.513 --> 00:13:25.049
Don't know what to do.
00:13:25.049 --> 00:13:26.251
And, but he'll just say, well, you're a believer,
00:13:26.251 --> 00:13:28.286
So you're supposed to forgive me.
00:13:28.286 --> 00:13:29.988
And i wrote back to her and i said, yeah, you know,
00:13:29.988 --> 00:13:31.890
For your own soul's sake, you forgive.
00:13:31.890 --> 00:13:34.559
But you have to draw boundaries too.
00:13:34.559 --> 00:13:36.294
You have to be able to say this is okayand this is not
00:13:36.294 --> 00:13:38.830
Ok.
00:13:38.830 --> 00:13:39.898
And you're not slamming a door permanently.
00:13:39.898 --> 00:13:41.633
You're just saying this is kind of what i expect in my
00:13:41.633 --> 00:13:43.835
Home, and if you're able to do that, wonderful,
00:13:43.835 --> 00:13:46.304
You will always have a seat at the table.
00:13:46.304 --> 00:13:48.039
And if you're not able to do that in the moment,
00:13:48.039 --> 00:13:50.141
Then maybe you need to take a little space and a little time
00:13:50.141 --> 00:13:52.443
To reflect on how you're living your life,
00:13:52.443 --> 00:13:54.512
But we're keeping the candle on for you.
00:13:54.512 --> 00:13:57.415
(music playing)
00:13:57.415 --> 00:14:03.688
- hi everyone, we are answering questions behind
00:14:03.688 --> 00:14:06.257
The scenes.
00:14:06.257 --> 00:14:07.325
I've got rachel here with me and ok, rachel,
00:14:07.325 --> 00:14:09.827
Christian writes this question.
00:14:09.827 --> 00:14:12.463
Generational hurt has been passed down in my family for
00:14:12.463 --> 00:14:15.767
Years.
00:14:15.767 --> 00:14:17.101
Now being a mom, how do i let it go and not pass it on to my
00:14:17.101 --> 00:14:20.471
Children?
00:14:20.471 --> 00:14:21.339
- wow, i love this question.
00:14:21.339 --> 00:14:23.007
Because i've lived this.
00:14:23.007 --> 00:14:24.442
And i would say, christian, that what ran out at the cross
00:14:24.442 --> 00:14:29.514
Runs out in your family.
00:14:29.514 --> 00:14:30.815
And so really understanding your inheritance.
00:14:30.815 --> 00:14:33.451
What did jesus die for?
00:14:33.451 --> 00:14:34.953
He died for your family to be free.
00:14:34.953 --> 00:14:37.121
He died for your family to be whole.
00:14:37.121 --> 00:14:39.590
And really holding to that and leaning in the benefits of
00:14:39.590 --> 00:14:44.729
Your inheritance is the way to assume that position and not
00:14:44.729 --> 00:14:49.534
Let generational trauma perpetuate itself.
00:14:49.534 --> 00:14:51.903
- that's great.
00:14:51.903 --> 00:14:52.937
- yeah.
00:14:52.937 --> 00:14:53.604
- i love that.
00:14:53.604 --> 00:14:54.038
- our better together community is built on love and
00:14:55.173 --> 00:14:57.675
Friendship, and we want you to join us.
00:14:57.675 --> 00:14:59.677
- follow us on social media to make friends with women all
00:14:59.677 --> 00:15:03.181
Over the world.
00:15:03.181 --> 00:15:05.183
- let's keep the conversation going.
00:15:05.183 --> 00:15:06.951
You can find the better together podcast on your
00:15:06.951 --> 00:15:09.687
Favorite listening platform.
00:15:09.687 --> 00:15:11.456
Subscribe today.
00:15:11.456 --> 00:15:12.824
(music playing)
00:15:12.824 --> 00:15:15.994
(music playing)
00:15:15.994 --> 00:15:19.431
- what do y'all do when you're in the gap?
00:15:19.431 --> 00:15:21.934
So i feel like the gap theory is where we live most of our
00:15:21.934 --> 00:15:24.269
Life, right?
00:15:24.269 --> 00:15:25.471
Between the, the actual issue, the thing that needs
00:15:25.471 --> 00:15:27.506
Restoration.
00:15:27.506 --> 00:15:28.841
And then god's total restoration.
00:15:28.841 --> 00:15:31.577
Which i don't believe we'll see really till we meet him
00:15:31.577 --> 00:15:33.912
Face to face.
00:15:33.912 --> 00:15:35.214
But there is, there is, you know, a gap in between there.
00:15:35.214 --> 00:15:38.017
And i think we can get closer and closer.
00:15:38.017 --> 00:15:39.551
So, what do you do in the gap.
00:15:39.551 --> 00:15:41.820
And then how do you maintain your own emotional health when
00:15:41.820 --> 00:15:46.191
Things are not going the way you want them to do.
00:15:46.191 --> 00:15:50.396
People aren't performing the way you think they should.
00:15:50.396 --> 00:15:54.066
Because i think for me, i know having a child with an eating
00:15:54.066 --> 00:15:58.037
Disorder 3 years ago.
00:15:58.037 --> 00:15:59.304
Talk about needing restoration.
00:15:59.304 --> 00:16:02.041
I mean, we were absolutely in the--i mean,
00:16:02.041 --> 00:16:04.376
In the death throes.
00:16:04.376 --> 00:16:06.612
I don't know any other way to describe it.
00:16:06.612 --> 00:16:09.782
I mean, she was in the hospital, the feeding tube,
00:16:09.782 --> 00:16:11.884
Like 3 months in a psychiatric rehabilitation hospital.
00:16:11.884 --> 00:16:15.754
But it was very, very difficult.
00:16:15.754 --> 00:16:18.157
And so having that person needing restoration so deeply,
00:16:18.157 --> 00:16:22.461
But yet--i was equally as traumatized by the event.
00:16:22.461 --> 00:16:26.999
And so, how do you maintain your emotional health?
00:16:26.999 --> 00:16:30.536
For, for me, i think it was letting go of control.
00:16:30.536 --> 00:16:34.173
I don't know if any of y'all struggle with that.
00:16:34.173 --> 00:16:35.874
I can't imagine that anyone watching would ever struggle
00:16:35.874 --> 00:16:39.945
With control.
00:16:39.945 --> 00:16:40.712
But i do.
00:16:40.712 --> 00:16:42.047
I think letting go and letting people be on their own journey
00:16:42.047 --> 00:16:44.716
Was half my battle.
00:16:44.716 --> 00:16:46.685
I mean, so.
00:16:46.685 --> 00:16:48.153
- i heard this beautiful story the other day about these
00:16:48.153 --> 00:16:51.423
People that were on a plane flight.
00:16:51.423 --> 00:16:53.392
And the plane went through terrible turbulence where
00:16:53.392 --> 00:16:57.529
Everyone was hunkered down.
00:16:57.529 --> 00:16:58.897
Everyone was holding things.
00:16:58.897 --> 00:17:00.299
Everybody was and it was horrible and people were
00:17:00.299 --> 00:17:02.935
Screaming and crying.
00:17:02.935 --> 00:17:04.203
And there was just this little boy sitting there all by
00:17:04.203 --> 00:17:07.005
Himself, just sitting there reading his book.
00:17:07.005 --> 00:17:09.608
And everyone else is just distraught and in chaos.
00:17:09.608 --> 00:17:14.012
And finally they came out of the turbulence and the lady
00:17:14.012 --> 00:17:17.282
Beside the little boy said, ok, are you ok?
00:17:17.282 --> 00:17:20.419
You know, he goes, yeah, he goes, i'm fine.
00:17:20.419 --> 00:17:23.489
And he said, they said, do you, do you need anything?
00:17:23.489 --> 00:17:26.558
He goes, no.
00:17:26.558 --> 00:17:27.326
She said, how are you so calm?
00:17:27.326 --> 00:17:28.727
He said, my daddy's the pilot.
00:17:28.727 --> 00:17:30.295
- oh no way.
00:17:30.295 --> 00:17:31.497
- oh wow.
00:17:31.497 --> 00:17:32.865
- that's so good.
00:17:32.865 --> 00:17:34.099
- my dad's the pilot.
00:17:34.099 --> 00:17:35.701
And so, i think so much of the time.
00:17:35.701 --> 00:17:38.070
We have to remember that god is in control.
00:17:38.070 --> 00:17:41.640
And if we surrendered to that peace.
00:17:41.640 --> 00:17:44.543
That peace that surpasses understanding that joy,
00:17:44.543 --> 00:17:49.848
The righteousness of god.
00:17:49.848 --> 00:17:51.116
That's the kingdom of god that lives on the inside of us.
00:17:51.116 --> 00:17:53.385
So we have to remember that.
00:17:53.385 --> 00:17:55.854
Sometimes you can look at a sibling or something and go
00:17:55.854 --> 00:17:58.490
What house did you grow up in?
00:17:58.490 --> 00:18:01.593
You know, because it's like-- - totally different
00:18:01.593 --> 00:18:04.696
Experience.
00:18:04.696 --> 00:18:05.430
- why are you so like that?
00:18:05.430 --> 00:18:07.766
Some people can live in that bitterness and it just reeks.
00:18:07.766 --> 00:18:11.770
It's not, it's not pleasant.
00:18:11.770 --> 00:18:14.773
And years go by and they're still talking about stuff and
00:18:14.773 --> 00:18:17.843
They're still trying to destroy.
00:18:17.843 --> 00:18:19.344
And they're still trying to tear down and take down.
00:18:19.344 --> 00:18:22.581
And it's like, man, you need to get a life.
00:18:22.581 --> 00:18:26.218
Go do what god has called you to do.
00:18:26.218 --> 00:18:28.754
And i just always think in the in the hardest of times i
00:18:28.754 --> 00:18:32.157
Think, you know what, i will only stand before god for me.
00:18:32.157 --> 00:18:37.496
What i did, what i chose to do in my own free will.
00:18:37.496 --> 00:18:41.567
What i chose.
00:18:41.567 --> 00:18:42.568
And so i can choose not to be bitter,
00:18:42.568 --> 00:18:45.804
And i can pray for you.
00:18:45.804 --> 00:18:47.873
So i think you can't hate someone that you're praying
00:18:47.873 --> 00:18:50.609
For.
00:18:50.609 --> 00:18:51.810
You can't--
00:18:51.810 --> 00:18:52.611
- or with.
00:18:52.611 --> 00:18:53.879
- and so i think just praying and loving anyway.
00:18:53.879 --> 00:18:59.084
And you have to do what you feel like you have to do.
00:18:59.084 --> 00:19:01.853
But i don't have to be a part of that.
00:19:01.853 --> 00:19:04.823
Your prayer life and praying for people helps me.
00:19:04.823 --> 00:19:08.260
That helps me to walk in forgiveness and love.
00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:11.296
And i don't have a whole lot to say bad about people.
00:19:11.296 --> 00:19:14.266
Because i'm praying for them.
00:19:14.266 --> 00:19:15.934
I think there's so many people that want to blame everything
00:19:15.934 --> 00:19:20.806
On other people.
00:19:20.806 --> 00:19:22.674
They want to say, well, i'm at this point in my life because
00:19:22.674 --> 00:19:25.744
Of them.
00:19:25.744 --> 00:19:27.079
And they kicked me out or they did this or they did that and
00:19:27.079 --> 00:19:30.415
That bitterness.
00:19:30.415 --> 00:19:31.550
That carrying that through your life,
00:19:31.550 --> 00:19:33.986
It's like you need to stop that.
00:19:33.986 --> 00:19:36.888
You need to find god's call on your life.
00:19:36.888 --> 00:19:39.358
There are no excuses.
00:19:39.358 --> 00:19:40.659
The excuses were gone at the cross with the blood of jesus.
00:19:40.659 --> 00:19:43.996
He said, it is finished now you go do what i've called you
00:19:43.996 --> 00:19:46.698
To do.
00:19:46.698 --> 00:19:47.799
Nothing can stop it, and i'm going with you.
00:19:47.799 --> 00:19:50.736
So, no matter where you find yourself today,
00:19:50.736 --> 00:19:53.205
Stop the excuses.
00:19:53.205 --> 00:19:54.840
Get your life right with god and go do what god's called
00:19:54.840 --> 00:19:57.809
You to do.
00:19:57.809 --> 00:19:58.477
Let the bitterness go.
00:19:58.477 --> 00:20:00.112
Let the bad attitudes go.
00:20:00.112 --> 00:20:02.247
Get the excuses off of your life.
00:20:02.247 --> 00:20:05.284
God has you.
00:20:05.284 --> 00:20:07.252
God has a calling on your life that no man can stop.
00:20:07.252 --> 00:20:11.623
And so let the excuses go ask forgiveness,
00:20:11.623 --> 00:20:15.127
Lay the bitterness down and get on and do something great
00:20:15.127 --> 00:20:18.063
For the lord.
00:20:18.063 --> 00:20:19.798
- and maintaining your own relationship with the lord,
00:20:19.798 --> 00:20:21.867
That's what really saved me during the first years of our
00:20:21.867 --> 00:20:23.935
Marriage.
00:20:23.935 --> 00:20:25.237
When my mother-in-law just, i mean she could be downright
00:20:25.237 --> 00:20:27.306
Mean to me.
00:20:27.306 --> 00:20:28.640
I, i'd never had anybody stand like an inch from my nose and
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:31.510
Yell in my face.
00:20:31.510 --> 00:20:32.577
Because i didn't come from a yelling family.
00:20:32.577 --> 00:20:34.479
We, it just, that just was not our family dynamic.
00:20:34.479 --> 00:20:37.416
So i would, what i would have to do is take a break and,
00:20:37.416 --> 00:20:40.786
And go and talk it all through with the lord.
00:20:40.786 --> 00:20:42.454
It's one of the things i love about jesus.
00:20:42.454 --> 00:20:44.623
That nothing is too small to bring to him.
00:20:44.623 --> 00:20:46.625
There's nothing in our life he doesn't care about.
00:20:46.625 --> 00:20:48.960
And i would, i would walk outside and i'd be like,
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:51.430
Well lord, what am i supposed to do here?
00:20:51.430 --> 00:20:52.798
You made her.
00:20:52.798 --> 00:20:53.865
For goodness' sake, what were you thinking?
00:20:53.865 --> 00:20:55.667
But it but just having that ongoing conversation.
00:20:55.667 --> 00:20:59.471
That intimacy with christ when everything else is not
00:20:59.471 --> 00:21:02.874
Working.
00:21:02.874 --> 00:21:03.975
It's just, it's absolutely lifesaving i think.
00:21:03.975 --> 00:21:07.479
Because you don't want to arrive at the end of your life
00:21:07.479 --> 00:21:09.514
And realize that you've carried,
00:21:09.514 --> 00:21:11.183
I'll often say when i, if i'm out speaking at something,
00:21:11.183 --> 00:21:13.518
I'll say, imagine if the minute you walked in here
00:21:13.518 --> 00:21:15.821
Today, all your baggage became visible.
00:21:15.821 --> 00:21:17.723
You know, not your pillow and your snacks.
00:21:17.723 --> 00:21:20.092
The stuff you carry dragging through your life.
00:21:20.092 --> 00:21:23.095
What would that look like for you?
00:21:23.095 --> 00:21:24.763
And if you saw it, would you want to take it home?
00:21:24.763 --> 00:21:27.332
Or would you want to take christ up on that incredible
00:21:27.332 --> 00:21:30.469
Offer at the end of matthew 11.
00:21:30.469 --> 00:21:32.070
Come unto me, all her weary and heavenly.
00:21:32.070 --> 00:21:34.539
And i will give you rest.
00:21:34.539 --> 00:21:36.875
Take my yoke upon you and learn of me because my yoke is
00:21:36.875 --> 00:21:39.845
Easy and my burden is light.
00:21:39.845 --> 00:21:42.514
But to me we have this daily, hourly invitation to drop our
00:21:42.514 --> 00:21:46.485
Baggage.
00:21:46.485 --> 00:21:47.152
- cast all your care.
00:21:47.152 --> 00:21:48.353
- yeah.
00:21:48.353 --> 00:21:50.455
- beautiful.
00:21:48.987 --> 00:21:52.157
- one of the most challenging relationships i've ever had in
00:21:52.157 --> 00:21:54.593
My life was with my mother-in-law.
00:21:54.593 --> 00:21:56.728
Because i haven't really had a lot of conflict in my life in
00:21:56.728 --> 00:21:59.564
Terms of disagreeing with people., but she was not
00:21:59.564 --> 00:22:03.001
Thrilled that her only son was marrying me and made it fairly
00:22:03.001 --> 00:22:07.305
Obvious.
00:22:07.305 --> 00:22:08.440
And at first it was really hard because i thought,
00:22:08.440 --> 00:22:10.609
I don't know what to do.
00:22:10.609 --> 00:22:11.943
I remember saying to her, mom, if there's something i've said
00:22:11.943 --> 00:22:14.279
Or something i've done that's upset you, please tell me.
00:22:14.279 --> 00:22:17.716
But if you don't tell me anything,
00:22:17.716 --> 00:22:19.050
I don't know how to fix it.
00:22:19.050 --> 00:22:20.485
And she would just stay, remain stony, silent.
00:22:20.485 --> 00:22:23.722
Until she discovered that she was sick.
00:22:23.722 --> 00:22:27.159
And it's interesting how son is god will use the worst
00:22:27.159 --> 00:22:29.828
Moments in our life to bring us what we've actually longed
00:22:29.828 --> 00:22:32.798
For.
00:22:32.798 --> 00:22:33.765
Because i was able to be the one that,
00:22:33.765 --> 00:22:35.734
That nursed my mother-in-law in the last few weeks of her
00:22:35.734 --> 00:22:38.403
Life.
00:22:38.403 --> 00:22:39.538
And i think that's the beauty of jesus, you know,
00:22:39.538 --> 00:22:42.140
You can have conflict and yet when your heart is,
00:22:42.140 --> 00:22:45.510
I want to be god's fragrance to your life.
00:22:45.510 --> 00:22:48.513
The lord will open doors.
00:22:48.513 --> 00:22:49.815
Sometimes you just have to hang in there.
00:22:49.815 --> 00:22:52.851
- yeah, walking in that love and, you know,
00:22:52.851 --> 00:22:55.587
It's really important because we've been forgiven of so
00:22:55.587 --> 00:22:58.690
Much.
00:22:58.690 --> 00:22:59.691
And when we have that closeness and that
00:22:59.691 --> 00:23:01.059
Relationship with the lord, we're constantly reminded of
00:23:01.059 --> 00:23:03.562
Our own baggage.
00:23:03.562 --> 00:23:05.263
And when we're up there saying, lord, forgive me.
00:23:05.263 --> 00:23:08.600
You know, don't we want that extended to us from him?
00:23:08.600 --> 00:23:13.305
And, you know, i've heard it said,
00:23:13.305 --> 00:23:14.606
I think it goes something like, you know,
00:23:14.606 --> 00:23:16.575
There's nothing someone can do to me.
00:23:16.575 --> 00:23:18.643
That is worse or that is so much greater than what the
00:23:18.643 --> 00:23:22.180
Lord has already done for me.
00:23:22.180 --> 00:23:23.982
And so we've already been covered and forgiven of so
00:23:23.982 --> 00:23:27.285
Much.
00:23:27.285 --> 00:23:28.453
And as, you know, moms and sisters and daughters and
00:23:28.453 --> 00:23:31.656
Friends, like we should be lovingly giving that away.
00:23:31.656 --> 00:23:35.360
And yes, with healthy boundaries and, you know,
00:23:35.360 --> 00:23:37.963
Protecting our, our children along the way.
00:23:37.963 --> 00:23:40.866
But also just, you know, having a heart that is tender
00:23:40.866 --> 00:23:43.602
To seeing that people are going through some things.
00:23:43.602 --> 00:23:46.137
There's a lot going on and that when we extend grace to
00:23:46.137 --> 00:23:48.940
Ourselves.
00:23:48.940 --> 00:23:50.575
We're going to make mistakes.
00:23:50.575 --> 00:23:51.776
We're going to mess up, and we're, you know,
00:23:51.776 --> 00:23:53.411
Just resting in that love and forgiveness that comes with
00:23:53.411 --> 00:23:56.715
Having a relationship with the lord.
00:23:56.715 --> 00:23:58.550
That we really just want that for other people.
00:23:58.550 --> 00:24:00.252
We really want to help guide them there.
00:24:00.252 --> 00:24:03.421
- one of the biggest tenets of a believer's faith is
00:24:03.421 --> 00:24:07.025
Understanding how we receive and offer forgiveness.
00:24:07.025 --> 00:24:10.262
We've seen such great forgiveness for our own souls
00:24:10.262 --> 00:24:13.732
By what jesus did on the cross for us.
00:24:13.732 --> 00:24:15.934
And so it is one of the things that we're commanded to
00:24:15.934 --> 00:24:18.703
Forgive.
00:24:18.703 --> 00:24:19.638
In fact, we're commanded to do it 70 x 7,
00:24:19.638 --> 00:24:22.207
But i think it's very important to remember,
00:24:22.207 --> 00:24:24.643
Especially some things, uh, that are very violating.
00:24:24.643 --> 00:24:29.314
That forgiveness does not mean access.
00:24:29.314 --> 00:24:32.217
And so, where we go with that is there is an element to what
00:24:32.217 --> 00:24:36.388
God commands us to forgive.
00:24:36.388 --> 00:24:38.156
But forgiveness does not mean that everyone gets access back
00:24:38.156 --> 00:24:42.494
Into our lives.
00:24:42.494 --> 00:24:43.762
And so obviously there are many things that might need a
00:24:43.762 --> 00:24:46.798
Counselor or a therapist to help you walk through
00:24:46.798 --> 00:24:50.001
Depending on what the situation is.
00:24:50.001 --> 00:24:51.636
But i think sometimes we, start understanding the idea
00:24:51.636 --> 00:24:56.641
Of forgiveness.
00:24:56.641 --> 00:24:57.909
And then we think, "well, does that mean that that person
00:24:57.909 --> 00:25:00.011
Gets to come right back in and have full access to our
00:25:00.011 --> 00:25:02.480
Lives?"
00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:03.782
And i just want to encourage you that it doesn't mean that.
00:25:03.782 --> 00:25:05.450
But it might also mean that you need to get godly counsel.
00:25:05.450 --> 00:25:08.453
That you might need to have some people around you to help
00:25:08.453 --> 00:25:10.655
You because obviously i don't know every situation.
00:25:10.655 --> 00:25:13.925
I do believe there are situations where the lord asks
00:25:13.925 --> 00:25:16.027
You to forgive.
00:25:16.027 --> 00:25:17.195
And that relationship is restored and you can walk in
00:25:17.195 --> 00:25:19.664
Full healing with that person.
00:25:19.664 --> 00:25:21.433
But in other ways, it doesn't always mean that,
00:25:21.433 --> 00:25:24.002
And that is okaytoo.
00:25:24.002 --> 00:25:25.770
But i do believe the lord asks us to forgive.
00:25:25.770 --> 00:25:28.740
So i would start there.
00:25:28.740 --> 00:25:30.075
Are you able to forgive, even though that doesn't mean that
00:25:30.075 --> 00:25:33.011
What they did was right.
00:25:33.011 --> 00:25:34.379
And it doesn't mean you have to agree with it.
00:25:34.379 --> 00:25:35.847
And it definitely doesn't mean you have to give them access
00:25:35.847 --> 00:25:38.316
Back into your life.
00:25:38.316 --> 00:25:40.285
Todd and i, i remember one time we were in a--
00:25:40.285 --> 00:25:44.823
- tiff. - in a tiff.
00:25:44.823 --> 00:25:45.724
- in a nice discussion-- - with todd?
00:25:45.724 --> 00:25:47.659
- todd, exactly.
00:25:47.659 --> 00:25:48.994
- with todd?
00:25:48.994 --> 00:25:50.762
- he is the easiest person in the world to literally,
00:25:50.762 --> 00:25:54.232
He's the easiest human to live with in the world,
00:25:54.232 --> 00:25:58.103
The easiest.
00:25:58.103 --> 00:25:59.070
So if you can argue with him.
00:25:59.070 --> 00:26:00.805
If you-- you are really something,
00:26:00.805 --> 00:26:02.607
You're a piece of work, you are a piece of work
00:26:02.607 --> 00:26:04.442
Right here.
00:26:04.442 --> 00:26:05.944
And we were in a, in a discussion,
00:26:05.944 --> 00:26:08.647
And he kind of said that to me.
00:26:08.647 --> 00:26:11.016
He, some of it was just, i just wasn't self-aware that
00:26:11.016 --> 00:26:15.153
There had been areas that he had kind of brought to my
00:26:15.153 --> 00:26:17.822
Attention that just maybe had been frustrating to him.
00:26:17.822 --> 00:26:21.192
But he had given lots of grace, like just grace,
00:26:21.192 --> 00:26:23.862
For grace.
00:26:23.862 --> 00:26:25.130
But he kind of felt like at the first time that he would
00:26:25.130 --> 00:26:27.232
Do something, whatever.
00:26:27.232 --> 00:26:28.199
I, i just didn't extend the same grace,
00:26:28.199 --> 00:26:30.201
And he just wanted to discuss that part.
00:26:30.201 --> 00:26:32.704
But he's the one that really kind of helped me see that
00:26:32.704 --> 00:26:35.273
Mirror of myself that i'm really always expectant that i
00:26:35.273 --> 00:26:40.512
Deserve grace.
00:26:40.512 --> 00:26:41.579
And i need him to give me grace and all that,
00:26:41.579 --> 00:26:43.648
But when it was, you know, reciprocated.
00:26:43.648 --> 00:26:46.317
I had a harder time extending it to him.
00:26:46.317 --> 00:26:48.953
And his whole thing was if you really want us to live in a
00:26:48.953 --> 00:26:52.590
Home where i can easily extend that to you.
00:26:52.590 --> 00:26:54.826
I'm going to need to feel it as well.
00:26:54.826 --> 00:26:57.462
And i'm it's, it's hard and then even in parenting it
00:26:57.462 --> 00:27:01.132
Would come up.
00:27:01.132 --> 00:27:02.400
Because he was so gracious with our kids and i'd be like
00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:04.803
No, no, no, no, no, they need to pay for what they've done
00:27:04.803 --> 00:27:08.073
Here.
00:27:08.073 --> 00:27:08.673
This is atrocious.
00:27:08.673 --> 00:27:09.541
This is egregious.
00:27:09.541 --> 00:27:10.809
And his response was grace and i just so much grace and i
00:27:10.809 --> 00:27:17.048
Actually, it was almost offensive to me.
00:27:17.048 --> 00:27:19.150
And he would, he's the one that taught me this is the
00:27:19.150 --> 00:27:23.254
Grace god extends to us.
00:27:23.254 --> 00:27:24.656
Like this is it.
00:27:24.656 --> 00:27:25.924
The one that's offensive to some people because it's so
00:27:25.924 --> 00:27:28.793
Undeserved.
00:27:28.793 --> 00:27:30.328
And it changed my parenting to watch him extend that kind of
00:27:30.328 --> 00:27:33.698
Grace.
00:27:33.698 --> 00:27:35.033
- well, i mean, there's such a performance element to so many
00:27:35.033 --> 00:27:39.037
Of us.
00:27:39.037 --> 00:27:40.171
I mean, for me growing up, like when i performed.
00:27:40.171 --> 00:27:43.742
And that's how i received love.
00:27:43.742 --> 00:27:45.677
I mean, and so there's a performance element even in
00:27:45.677 --> 00:27:48.680
Parenting.
00:27:48.680 --> 00:27:50.048
- i think one of the most special things a child can
00:27:50.048 --> 00:27:54.519
Feel is growing up in a family where they feel seen and
00:27:54.519 --> 00:27:57.822
Understood and knowing that they're human.
00:27:57.822 --> 00:28:01.726
And being okaythat they're not perfect.
00:28:01.726 --> 00:28:04.095
And i think oftentimes in families,
00:28:04.095 --> 00:28:06.498
There's missing that grace and safety feeling of like,
00:28:06.498 --> 00:28:10.401
I have to be perfect.
00:28:10.401 --> 00:28:11.436
I can't mess up.
00:28:11.436 --> 00:28:12.837
And i think one of the best gifts you can give your child
00:28:12.837 --> 00:28:15.640
Is for them to feel like they're in a home that is full
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:18.676
Of grace.
00:28:18.676 --> 00:28:19.978
And has the safety of knowing that no matter what they do.
00:28:19.978 --> 00:28:24.082
They will always be loved.
00:28:24.082 --> 00:28:25.416
I love in the scriptures psalm 78.
00:28:25.416 --> 00:28:27.652
It says, i will utter hidden things, things from old.
00:28:27.652 --> 00:28:32.223
What we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us,
00:28:32.223 --> 00:28:35.193
We will not hide them from our children.
00:28:35.193 --> 00:28:37.295
We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy
00:28:37.295 --> 00:28:40.765
Deeds of the lord.
00:28:40.765 --> 00:28:42.167
I think a child who grows up hearing of the praise.
00:28:42.167 --> 00:28:46.304
Worthy deeds of the lord, the faithfulness of god as that is
00:28:46.304 --> 00:28:50.441
Uttered in every home.
00:28:50.441 --> 00:28:51.743
I feel like they will always feel the safety and
00:28:51.743 --> 00:28:55.213
Understanding that grace is the banner that covers it all.
00:28:55.213 --> 00:28:58.516
Because if we understand what the lord has done,
00:28:58.516 --> 00:29:01.119
The praiseworthy deeds he did in our life.
00:29:01.119 --> 00:29:03.254
We extend that to our children and show them grace when
00:29:03.254 --> 00:29:06.558
They're growing in things of the lord.
00:29:06.558 --> 00:29:09.460
-grace is messy.
00:29:09.460 --> 00:29:10.728
- it is very.
00:29:10.728 --> 00:29:11.629
- it's not tidy and it takes time.
00:29:11.629 --> 00:29:13.765
And i was thinking about restoring furniture and if
00:29:13.765 --> 00:29:17.402
You, i, and i've done this, like,
00:29:17.402 --> 00:29:19.571
I just don't want to wait.
00:29:19.571 --> 00:29:21.439
Like, you know, there's a curing and there's a waiting.
00:29:21.439 --> 00:29:24.642
You cannot shellac the piece of furniture before the other
00:29:24.642 --> 00:29:28.346
Part is dry.
00:29:28.346 --> 00:29:29.514
Because it'll bubble and ripple and it's just messy.
00:29:29.514 --> 00:29:32.217
And i, i think that's what's so hard for me with grace is
00:29:32.217 --> 00:29:36.187
That restoration is not rushed.
00:29:36.187 --> 00:29:38.990
And it is such a process.
00:29:38.990 --> 00:29:41.993
And we're all in process and giving people the freedom to
00:29:41.993 --> 00:29:46.898
Not just be healed tomorrow.
00:29:46.898 --> 00:29:48.933
You know, i'm like, let's just tidy this up and make this all
00:29:48.933 --> 00:29:51.803
Just be okayand that is, that is not grace, you know.
00:29:51.803 --> 00:29:56.808
I think the miracle happens and then there's a restoration
00:29:56.808 --> 00:29:59.544
That comes.
00:29:59.544 --> 00:30:00.778
I think, i mean, you could speak to it so well, sheila,
00:30:00.778 --> 00:30:03.448
Just having been restored in your mental health.
00:30:03.448 --> 00:30:07.518
Because i think that was what was so hard for me with rod's
00:30:07.518 --> 00:30:10.955
Depression is i'm like, ok, if you,
00:30:10.955 --> 00:30:13.892
If you had like some thyroid issue we could get it.
00:30:13.892 --> 00:30:17.161
I mean, you know what i mean.
00:30:17.161 --> 00:30:17.929
- totally get it.
00:30:17.929 --> 00:30:19.163
- it could be so tidy, and depression is not tidy and--
00:30:19.163 --> 00:30:21.799
- doesn't show up in an x-ray.
00:30:21.799 --> 00:30:23.134
- it-- yes, it doesn't show up in an x-ray and it's nebulous
00:30:23.134 --> 00:30:26.504
For how long it will take to heal.
00:30:26.504 --> 00:30:28.539
- i think people don't realize how much it affects everyone
00:30:28.539 --> 00:30:30.842
In the family.
00:30:30.842 --> 00:30:32.110
Because after maybe being on medication for i don't know,
00:30:32.110 --> 00:30:35.079
Maybe 10 years.
00:30:35.079 --> 00:30:36.281
I thought, you know, i think i'm going to come off this
00:30:36.281 --> 00:30:37.982
Because i'm in a great place.
00:30:37.982 --> 00:30:39.484
You know, have a lovely husband, i have a darling son.
00:30:39.484 --> 00:30:42.654
Life is good.
00:30:42.654 --> 00:30:43.554
I don't think i need this anymore.
00:30:43.554 --> 00:30:44.789
And so, i thought, i'm not going to tell barry.
00:30:44.789 --> 00:30:48.159
I'm just going to kind of wean myself off and then one day
00:30:48.159 --> 00:30:50.395
When he says, gosh, you seem so joyful, what is it?
00:30:50.395 --> 00:30:54.065
Then i can share, and that is not what happened.
00:30:54.065 --> 00:30:57.936
We were sitting at the dining room table one night having
00:30:57.936 --> 00:31:00.171
Supper.
00:31:00.171 --> 00:31:01.072
And i don't know what christian did,
00:31:01.072 --> 00:31:02.340
I think he maybe only knocked a glass over or something,
00:31:02.340 --> 00:31:04.642
Nothing drastic, and it went everywhere.
00:31:04.642 --> 00:31:06.611
And all i said was his name.
00:31:06.611 --> 00:31:08.980
But there was something in the tone of my voice.
00:31:08.980 --> 00:31:11.716
And there was a look in his eyes that i had not seen
00:31:11.716 --> 00:31:14.519
Before.
00:31:14.519 --> 00:31:15.653
And i excused myself and i went to the bedroom.
00:31:15.653 --> 00:31:19.891
And i called my doctor because i'd told him i was,
00:31:19.891 --> 00:31:22.226
And i said i, you know, i don't think-- because for the
00:31:22.226 --> 00:31:24.495
First two weeks i felt great off meds.
00:31:24.495 --> 00:31:26.331
But then i started to spiral again.
00:31:26.331 --> 00:31:27.999
And so, i said i need to come in and see you tomorrow.
00:31:27.999 --> 00:31:31.536
And i have, in fact i can show you girls later,
00:31:31.536 --> 00:31:33.638
But it's in my wallet, this little note that christian
00:31:33.638 --> 00:31:36.140
Wrote to me that night.
00:31:36.140 --> 00:31:37.308
And he put it under the bedroom door and it's like,
00:31:37.308 --> 00:31:38.943
Dear mom, i think you're an amazing mom,
00:31:38.943 --> 00:31:41.679
And i hope you feel better soon.
00:31:41.679 --> 00:31:43.448
And i remember thinking i will never let my son grow up with
00:31:43.448 --> 00:31:47.251
A crazy mother.
00:31:47.251 --> 00:31:48.252
Because i don't want to be on medication.
00:31:48.252 --> 00:31:50.054
I treasure that note because it was just,
00:31:50.054 --> 00:31:53.424
It affects everyone in the family.
00:31:53.424 --> 00:31:54.926
And suddenly people don't realize that.
00:31:54.926 --> 00:31:56.995
They think, come on, what's wrong with you?
00:31:56.995 --> 00:31:58.796
Well-- - snap out of it.
00:31:58.796 --> 00:32:00.098
- yeah.
00:32:00.098 --> 00:32:01.599
- yeah, that was me.
00:32:00.865 --> 00:32:02.500
I was, i couldn't understand.
00:32:02.500 --> 00:32:04.936
And i think when the lord sits you down and i,
00:32:04.936 --> 00:32:07.538
I think that's the thing.
00:32:07.538 --> 00:32:08.773
It was an encounter with jesus that changed everything
00:32:08.773 --> 00:32:11.743
For me.
00:32:11.743 --> 00:32:12.977
I think that's why it's so important to go after our own
00:32:12.977 --> 00:32:16.214
Restoration of our own souls.
00:32:16.214 --> 00:32:19.384
Because we're just, we're limiting what god can do when
00:32:19.384 --> 00:32:22.754
These old wounds and these old ways are,
00:32:22.754 --> 00:32:25.323
Are telling the story, right?
00:32:25.323 --> 00:32:28.526
I mean, they're, they're singing louder than anything.
00:32:28.526 --> 00:32:30.661
And one of my favorite quotes is,
00:32:30.661 --> 00:32:32.397
Don't bleed on people that didn't cut you.
00:32:32.397 --> 00:32:34.198
- oh wow.
00:32:34.198 --> 00:32:35.500
- and i think that's what happens with old wounds is
00:32:35.500 --> 00:32:38.136
You're bleeding on people who didn't cut you.
00:32:38.136 --> 00:32:41.072
I believe that partnering with the holy spirit,
00:32:41.072 --> 00:32:44.575
Is the key to all of life.
00:32:44.575 --> 00:32:48.112
But i feel like when you partner with the holy spirit
00:32:48.112 --> 00:32:51.149
To experience restoration.
00:32:51.149 --> 00:32:53.551
You are always hearing the whispers that lead to
00:32:53.551 --> 00:32:59.457
Restorative conversations.
00:32:59.457 --> 00:33:01.592
That lead to freedom, that lead to being undefendable.
00:33:01.592 --> 00:33:06.097
And i cannot tell you how many times the holy spirit has just
00:33:06.097 --> 00:33:11.035
Said to me, let it go.
00:33:11.035 --> 00:33:12.804
And so that would be my best suggestion when you're trying
00:33:12.804 --> 00:33:16.574
To experience restoration is just to ask the holy spirit,
00:33:16.574 --> 00:33:20.611
Help me in this, and then he'll deliver.
00:33:20.611 --> 00:33:23.281
So how have y'all been able to restore even old wounds that
00:33:23.281 --> 00:33:28.719
You didn't even know till they got triggered.
00:33:28.719 --> 00:33:30.555
You know, like with your sister-in-law or, you know,
00:33:30.555 --> 00:33:32.790
Like in that situation.
00:33:32.790 --> 00:33:34.125
So, how have y'all been able to restore old wounds?
00:33:34.125 --> 00:33:37.395
Because i think for me, one touch of his robe was enough
00:33:37.395 --> 00:33:42.900
In some of those situations.
00:33:42.900 --> 00:33:44.202
You know, what years of therapy that i sat in,
00:33:44.202 --> 00:33:47.271
Couldn't do that one touch of his robe did do.
00:33:47.271 --> 00:33:51.542
And then there's a walking out of that even, so what is,
00:33:51.542 --> 00:33:54.846
What is restoration of like the old patterns look like?
00:33:54.846 --> 00:33:57.949
- michelle.
00:33:57.949 --> 00:33:58.983
[laughing] - well, listen, i can,
00:33:58.983 --> 00:34:02.487
I don't recommend going on a reality tv show to do it.
00:34:02.487 --> 00:34:05.490
But for me, i did.
00:34:05.490 --> 00:34:06.958
And there becomes this thing and if you look at it like
00:34:06.958 --> 00:34:11.195
Working out.
00:34:11.195 --> 00:34:12.330
You know, my time on the biggest loser is a reality
00:34:12.330 --> 00:34:15.166
Show about losing weight.
00:34:15.166 --> 00:34:16.501
And so you have to work out.
00:34:16.501 --> 00:34:17.768
And the hardest thing about it is that it's consistency,
00:34:17.768 --> 00:34:21.506
Right?
00:34:21.506 --> 00:34:22.673
You don't arrive at a goal weight.
00:34:22.673 --> 00:34:24.142
You don't just show up one day and you're like, well,
00:34:24.142 --> 00:34:26.577
That's my goal weight.
00:34:26.577 --> 00:34:27.411
I'm going to live here forever.
00:34:27.411 --> 00:34:28.312
- no.
00:34:28.312 --> 00:34:28.980
- it's the journey.
00:34:28.980 --> 00:34:30.214
And the way that you're able to stay in and around your
00:34:30.214 --> 00:34:34.085
Goal weight is through showing up every day.
00:34:34.085 --> 00:34:36.387
And it's through that consistency and everybody
00:34:36.387 --> 00:34:38.856
Wants a shortcut in life or a quick way around the pain.
00:34:38.856 --> 00:34:43.327
Because it, it is hard to, you know, look at ourselves.
00:34:43.327 --> 00:34:46.464
And say, well, gee, i've still, still got to fix that.
00:34:46.464 --> 00:34:49.066
I still got to work on that.
00:34:49.066 --> 00:34:50.568
And we just want to be like; i just want to be all done.
00:34:50.568 --> 00:34:52.904
I remember there was one point in the process where my
00:34:52.904 --> 00:34:55.640
Trainer, she was like, i wish we could just, you know,
00:34:55.640 --> 00:34:57.775
Just blink and get to the end and you just be thin and just
00:34:57.775 --> 00:35:00.611
Worry about all the, you know, the stuff inside your head
00:35:00.611 --> 00:35:02.713
Later.
00:35:02.713 --> 00:35:03.814
And i thought, well, and she goes, but we can't.
00:35:03.814 --> 00:35:05.349
She's like, because they go together.
00:35:05.349 --> 00:35:07.018
All of that goes together.
00:35:07.018 --> 00:35:08.319
And so we have to be willing to look at ourselves and go on
00:35:08.319 --> 00:35:11.622
The journey and be willing to go through some of those
00:35:11.622 --> 00:35:14.258
Valleys and just we're kind of in it.
00:35:14.258 --> 00:35:16.494
But if we stay consistent and if we don't lose sight of what
00:35:16.494 --> 00:35:20.164
The goal is.
00:35:20.164 --> 00:35:21.332
Then i think we're able to come out the other side,
00:35:21.332 --> 00:35:24.302
You know, looking back going, wow,
00:35:24.302 --> 00:35:25.670
I really was making progress.
00:35:25.670 --> 00:35:27.238
It may have been small, little progresses all along the way,
00:35:27.238 --> 00:35:30.608
But god was faithful to carry me all the way through.
00:35:30.608 --> 00:35:33.744
And, you know, as long as you stay close and you walk
00:35:33.744 --> 00:35:36.280
Together with him, that he does restore those places
00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:39.617
Inside of you.
00:35:39.617 --> 00:35:40.918
- but because we're kind of in a microwave society and we
00:35:40.918 --> 00:35:42.620
Want things now.
00:35:42.620 --> 00:35:43.788
We tend to give up probably right before we'll see
00:35:43.788 --> 00:35:46.824
Breakthrough.
00:35:46.824 --> 00:35:48.092
And the encouragement to me and those listening is,
00:35:48.092 --> 00:35:50.928
Like you said it's it is slow in fact.
00:35:50.928 --> 00:35:53.864
Sometimes the longer standing progress,
00:35:53.864 --> 00:35:56.400
The one that will last the years and years and years is
00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:58.669
The kind that came slower and diligently and consistently.
00:35:58.669 --> 00:36:02.807
- yeah well you're saying consistent.
00:36:02.807 --> 00:36:04.642
Also discipline.
00:36:04.642 --> 00:36:05.509
You know we're disciples of christ.
00:36:05.509 --> 00:36:09.180
They were being discipled, which is disciplined.
00:36:09.180 --> 00:36:12.984
Through that time.
00:36:12.984 --> 00:36:14.051
And we don't like that.
00:36:14.051 --> 00:36:16.821
You know i'm the worst at working out and stuff
00:36:16.821 --> 00:36:19.957
I don't i just i'm--
00:36:19.957 --> 00:36:22.226
- we've just never really bothered,
00:36:22.226 --> 00:36:23.828
Have we?
00:36:23.828 --> 00:36:25.029
- yeah, i know she's a different type because she'll
00:36:25.029 --> 00:36:26.697
She's disciplined in a lot of those areas that her and i are
00:36:26.697 --> 00:36:30.835
Not again that choosing.
00:36:30.835 --> 00:36:33.337
You had to choose because you could've left.
00:36:33.337 --> 00:36:36.040
- yeah.
00:36:36.040 --> 00:36:37.041
- you know so we can all do that.
00:36:37.041 --> 00:36:39.176
We can all leave.
00:36:39.176 --> 00:36:40.211
Choose your hard.
00:36:40.211 --> 00:36:41.512
- yes.
00:36:41.512 --> 00:36:42.513
- yeah.
00:36:42.513 --> 00:36:43.648
- this is that choose your hard, it's hard to stay,
00:36:43.648 --> 00:36:44.615
It's hard to go.
00:36:44.615 --> 00:36:45.683
It's hard to work out, it's hard to be heavy.
00:36:45.683 --> 00:36:48.152
It's hard to be undisciplined in the way i eat.
00:36:48.152 --> 00:36:52.323
Or take care of your body, whatever is your thing.
00:36:52.323 --> 00:36:55.893
- you're very disciplined in the way you eat though.
00:36:55.893 --> 00:36:58.696
I mean you might not exercise, but you've-- i watch you all
00:36:58.696 --> 00:37:01.465
The time.
00:37:01.465 --> 00:37:02.667
I mean you're very disciplined in the choices you make.
00:37:02.667 --> 00:37:10.675
- i think there's always a temptation when someone
00:37:11.709 --> 00:37:13.878
Approaches you with an issue or a problem that you want to
00:37:13.878 --> 00:37:16.547
Fix it.
00:37:16.547 --> 00:37:17.882
But a lot of times what people really need is they just need
00:37:17.882 --> 00:37:20.217
Understanding.
00:37:20.217 --> 00:37:21.218
They need to be seen.
00:37:21.218 --> 00:37:22.420
They need to be heard.
00:37:22.420 --> 00:37:23.854
They need to have your answers be complete with grace and
00:37:23.854 --> 00:37:27.892
Kindness and compassion.
00:37:27.892 --> 00:37:29.126
Because whatever they're going through,
00:37:29.126 --> 00:37:30.928
They don't really need the answer to fix it.
00:37:30.928 --> 00:37:33.164
They just need to know that they have someone walking
00:37:33.164 --> 00:37:35.299
Alongside them as they walk through it.
00:37:35.299 --> 00:37:37.802
So, if you're approached with that opportunity.
00:37:37.802 --> 00:37:39.937
First just take a breath and see, "how can i see them?
00:37:39.937 --> 00:37:43.741
How can i understand them better?"
00:37:43.741 --> 00:37:45.676
Instead of trying to fix the problem.
00:37:45.676 --> 00:37:47.878
- join the conversation on our better together youtube
00:37:49.046 --> 00:37:51.882
Channel.
00:37:51.882 --> 00:37:52.917
Subscribe today and never miss a new upload.
00:37:52.917 --> 00:37:55.386
(music playing)
00:37:55.386 --> 00:37:56.991
(music playing)
00:37:56.991 --> 00:38:03.662
- approaching family conflict with grace is one of the
00:38:03.662 --> 00:38:07.065
Hardest things to do, but our emotions can't lead.
00:38:07.065 --> 00:38:11.470
As important as they are, they lie to us so many times.
00:38:11.470 --> 00:38:15.340
And so, i know for me letting grace be the leader and
00:38:15.340 --> 00:38:19.411
Flowing through me to other people is always the best
00:38:19.411 --> 00:38:22.581
Answer.
00:38:22.581 --> 00:38:23.715
(music playing)
00:38:23.715 --> 00:38:27.986
- but one of the things i've learned in terms of old wounds
00:38:27.986 --> 00:38:31.523
Is if i'm reacting as opposed to responding,
00:38:31.523 --> 00:38:35.026
There's history attached.
00:38:35.026 --> 00:38:36.294
You know, it's like when you say this,
00:38:36.294 --> 00:38:38.130
Don't bleed on the person who didn't cut you.
00:38:38.130 --> 00:38:40.465
In our first years of marriage,
00:38:40.465 --> 00:38:41.733
I would have real reactions to things if barry would say
00:38:41.733 --> 00:38:44.870
Something or do something.
00:38:44.870 --> 00:38:45.971
And it was out of proportion.
00:38:45.971 --> 00:38:47.906
To what was actually going on.
00:38:47.906 --> 00:38:50.008
And that that's when i had to learn, listen,
00:38:50.008 --> 00:38:52.177
I need to take a little step aside here and think about
00:38:52.177 --> 00:38:54.479
What this is about.
00:38:54.479 --> 00:38:55.414
Because i'm acting now like i'm five,
00:38:55.414 --> 00:38:57.883
Not like i'm a grown married woman.
00:38:57.883 --> 00:38:59.518
And the feelings i'm feeling, i'm afraid and there's no
00:38:59.518 --> 00:39:02.854
Reason to be afraid.
00:39:02.854 --> 00:39:04.623
That it's just it's hard work, it's just making one step
00:39:04.623 --> 00:39:08.193
After another and being honest with the lord and honest with
00:39:08.193 --> 00:39:11.530
Those around us.
00:39:11.530 --> 00:39:12.764
- i mean think about we know your story is filled with a
00:39:12.764 --> 00:39:17.736
Lot of really emotionally hard things that no child should
00:39:17.736 --> 00:39:21.773
Have to endure.
00:39:21.773 --> 00:39:23.208
And so in some ways when you are an adult and you were
00:39:23.208 --> 00:39:29.381
Acting out it's there's an emotional stunt kind of that
00:39:29.381 --> 00:39:33.385
Happened when something so traumatic happened.
00:39:33.385 --> 00:39:36.721
And i think in in some ways we don't even realize we operate
00:39:36.721 --> 00:39:40.525
As these functional adults until we realize there's that
00:39:40.525 --> 00:39:44.095
Child in there who needed certainty in her life.
00:39:44.095 --> 00:39:46.765
Who needed reassurance in her life.
00:39:46.765 --> 00:39:49.601
And wasn't sure if she was going to get it.
00:39:49.601 --> 00:39:51.603
And that that's the place what i think is beautiful instead
00:39:51.603 --> 00:39:54.272
Of thinking about it in terms of,
00:39:54.272 --> 00:39:56.107
'oh i'll never get this right.'
00:39:56.107 --> 00:39:57.976
What a beautiful place and opportunity for god to
00:39:57.976 --> 00:40:00.645
Continue working in our lives.
00:40:00.645 --> 00:40:02.914
I never want to get to a place where i don't have a space
00:40:02.914 --> 00:40:05.584
For him to do something in me.
00:40:05.584 --> 00:40:07.652
To restore something or to hone in on something i always
00:40:07.652 --> 00:40:11.256
Want my heart to be pliable and malleable in that way.
00:40:11.256 --> 00:40:15.827
And sometimes those triggers can help us identify another
00:40:15.827 --> 00:40:19.998
Place i need the lord to help me.
00:40:19.998 --> 00:40:22.868
- one of the hardest things i think in life is to be able to
00:40:22.968 --> 00:40:25.036
Confront something but do it lovingly.
00:40:25.036 --> 00:40:27.706
So anytime i feel like i need to talk to my husband or my
00:40:27.706 --> 00:40:31.009
Son or a close friend about something that's a difficult
00:40:31.009 --> 00:40:34.045
Conversation.
00:40:34.045 --> 00:40:34.880
A: i always pray about it first.
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:37.115
That god would prepare their heart and prepare my words.
00:40:37.115 --> 00:40:40.752
And then to try and say something in a way that i
00:40:40.752 --> 00:40:43.555
Could hear myself.
00:40:43.555 --> 00:40:45.290
You know, i try and imagine if somebody said that to me,
00:40:45.290 --> 00:40:47.292
How i would feel.
00:40:47.292 --> 00:40:48.727
And know that really what you want at the end is i want the
00:40:48.727 --> 00:40:52.264
Best for you because i want our relationship to be
00:40:52.264 --> 00:40:54.733
Stronger.
00:40:54.733 --> 00:40:56.368
- how do y'all keep your home safe for failure?
00:40:56.368 --> 00:41:00.472
Because that is such a huge topic where i didn't know that
00:41:00.472 --> 00:41:06.811
Failure was like okaygrowing up.
00:41:06.811 --> 00:41:09.381
Like it was, it was all about like, let's just soldier on,
00:41:09.381 --> 00:41:13.552
Right?
00:41:13.552 --> 00:41:14.219
And let's just keep going.
00:41:14.219 --> 00:41:15.387
So what have you done to keep your home safe to fail?
00:41:15.387 --> 00:41:19.391
Because i think kids who live in a home where it's okayto
00:41:19.391 --> 00:41:22.193
Fail.
00:41:22.193 --> 00:41:23.461
Grow up believing this is-- i'm actually learning here.
00:41:23.461 --> 00:41:26.831
I'm not, this isn't bad.
00:41:26.831 --> 00:41:28.667
And, so we definitely celebrate failure.
00:41:28.667 --> 00:41:31.703
Like when you, when you're eight.
00:41:31.703 --> 00:41:33.271
I mean, i hate to say it, but you only learn in the in the,
00:41:33.271 --> 00:41:36.641
In the valley.
00:41:36.641 --> 00:41:37.876
You don't learn like when you're standing on the podium
00:41:37.876 --> 00:41:39.578
With the trophy.
00:41:39.578 --> 00:41:40.579
So how do you celebrate when they lose?
00:41:40.579 --> 00:41:43.481
Or, i mean, for your girls playing, you know, volleyball.
00:41:43.481 --> 00:41:46.985
Like, i mean, honestly, like failure,
00:41:46.985 --> 00:41:48.620
There has to be a conversation around it.
00:41:48.620 --> 00:41:51.222
- well, i've tried really hard with both of my girls in
00:41:51.222 --> 00:41:53.558
Sports, bless them.
00:41:53.558 --> 00:41:55.060
They, they work really hard.
00:41:55.060 --> 00:41:56.161
But we're not athletes.
00:41:56.161 --> 00:41:58.463
Like, i'm not expecting them to get a scholarship to
00:41:58.463 --> 00:42:01.266
Anything athletically related.
00:42:01.266 --> 00:42:03.168
But they work really hard.
00:42:03.168 --> 00:42:04.502
And one thing i started early with them, because growing up,
00:42:04.502 --> 00:42:07.038
I chose to play golf.
00:42:07.038 --> 00:42:09.074
Mainly because it was the one sport where i felt like my dad
00:42:09.074 --> 00:42:13.111
Can't come and be loud.
00:42:13.111 --> 00:42:15.280
You know, because like, you know,
00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:16.748
He's going to make a scene and oh my gosh, and, you know,
00:42:16.748 --> 00:42:18.583
But he was so enthusiastic and sports were such a big thing.
00:42:18.583 --> 00:42:21.486
And my brothers were just great at it.
00:42:21.486 --> 00:42:23.355
And i just really didn't feel like an athlete.
00:42:23.355 --> 00:42:25.357
And so i thought, well, if i have to choose a sport,
00:42:25.357 --> 00:42:27.292
I'm going to pick one where he has to be quiet, you know.
00:42:27.292 --> 00:42:29.594
And it, it was great and it worked out wonderful.
00:42:29.594 --> 00:42:32.197
And so with my girls, i thought, well,
00:42:32.197 --> 00:42:33.765
I don't want to put an expectation on them that
00:42:33.765 --> 00:42:36.334
They're not, you know, that's not who they are.
00:42:36.334 --> 00:42:39.070
And so, whenever they're playing sports,
00:42:39.070 --> 00:42:41.573
I've been very intentional about whenever the game is
00:42:41.573 --> 00:42:44.776
Over.
00:42:44.776 --> 00:42:45.810
And i've cheered for you, and i've, you know,
00:42:45.810 --> 00:42:47.312
We've done all the things, is the first thing i say to them
00:42:47.312 --> 00:42:50.081
Is that i just enjoyed watching you play today.
00:42:50.081 --> 00:42:52.917
And i don't attach.
00:42:52.917 --> 00:42:54.753
You know, this like, well, here's how you can fix it,
00:42:54.753 --> 00:42:57.389
And here's how you're going to get better.
00:42:57.389 --> 00:42:58.723
And we'll have those conversations for another
00:42:58.723 --> 00:43:00.558
Time.
00:43:00.558 --> 00:43:01.893
But the first thing i let them know is that i've just enjoyed
00:43:01.893 --> 00:43:05.163
Watching them play.
00:43:05.163 --> 00:43:06.431
And i've started saying that to their little friends and
00:43:06.431 --> 00:43:08.433
Just letting them know that, you know, they're just kids.
00:43:08.433 --> 00:43:10.869
You know, most of them are not going to go on to be
00:43:10.869 --> 00:43:12.637
Professional athletes.
00:43:12.637 --> 00:43:13.538
And so i don't want to-- you know,
00:43:13.538 --> 00:43:15.006
Make it more of an intense situation than it is.
00:43:15.006 --> 00:43:17.475
So, i've really tried to take from what i learned as a kid
00:43:17.475 --> 00:43:20.011
And what kind of made me anxious as a person to just
00:43:20.011 --> 00:43:23.148
Say, i'm not going to put that on them.
00:43:23.148 --> 00:43:24.983
And i'm going to, you know, allow them just to enjoy it.
00:43:24.983 --> 00:43:27.385
Enjoy the time with their friends and do their best.
00:43:27.385 --> 00:43:30.055
I want them to do their best, but if their best,
00:43:30.055 --> 00:43:32.691
It's still just, oh-- - did you have fun?
00:43:32.691 --> 00:43:34.693
- yeah, did you have fun?
00:43:34.693 --> 00:43:35.660
Because it looked great.
00:43:35.660 --> 00:43:36.628
- and some of it is a reframing.
00:43:36.628 --> 00:43:38.496
My son played football all through high school.
00:43:38.496 --> 00:43:42.000
But he's not a big brute guy.
00:43:42.000 --> 00:43:44.669
And he was a safety, and he did great and he ended up
00:43:44.669 --> 00:43:47.972
Being on varsity.
00:43:47.972 --> 00:43:49.240
But i remember going into his senior year and, you know,
00:43:49.240 --> 00:43:51.543
Senior year, you want to be-- you know--
00:43:51.543 --> 00:43:53.578
- yeah, the top.
00:43:53.578 --> 00:43:54.479
- you want to be a starter for sure.
00:43:54.479 --> 00:43:56.147
And a guy had come in, maybe i think he was a sophomore or
00:43:56.147 --> 00:43:59.517
Junior.
00:43:59.517 --> 00:44:00.618
At the end of that year before anyway,
00:44:00.618 --> 00:44:02.420
He ended up taking that starting position.
00:44:02.420 --> 00:44:04.923
So he still stayed on the team and we kind of were like at
00:44:04.923 --> 00:44:07.792
This point we--kind of are going to finish what we
00:44:07.792 --> 00:44:10.061
Started.
00:44:10.061 --> 00:44:11.329
You know, we had committed, so we're going to finish it.
00:44:11.329 --> 00:44:12.630
But it was a disappointment to him that he didn't get that
00:44:12.630 --> 00:44:16.167
Starting position.
00:44:16.167 --> 00:44:17.635
And my husband and i sat down with him and of course we,
00:44:17.635 --> 00:44:21.005
We put on the table quitting as an option.
00:44:21.005 --> 00:44:23.408
Even though i mean it was going to be his decision.
00:44:23.408 --> 00:44:25.643
But our input was we'd love for you to see this through if
00:44:25.643 --> 00:44:28.880
You can.
00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:30.115
Because if you can reframe it, we think that god has an
00:44:30.115 --> 00:44:33.885
Assignment for you here.
00:44:33.885 --> 00:44:35.186
And if you can find what the assignment is in you being on
00:44:35.186 --> 00:44:38.990
This team.
00:44:38.990 --> 00:44:40.258
Then you have purpose in this next year and that purpose
00:44:40.258 --> 00:44:42.761
Doesn't rest in you starting.
00:44:42.761 --> 00:44:44.395
It doesn't rest in a position you play.
00:44:44.395 --> 00:44:46.464
There's an assignment.
00:44:46.464 --> 00:44:47.999
Well, he came home and he had been named the chaplain of the
00:44:47.999 --> 00:44:52.170
Team.
00:44:52.170 --> 00:44:53.471
Now this is a public school, so they don't necessarily call
00:44:53.471 --> 00:44:54.739
It that per se, but he's the one that led out all of the
00:44:54.739 --> 00:44:58.109
Devotions and prayers before every game.
00:44:58.109 --> 00:45:00.445
And i have all of these videos of the year,
00:45:00.445 --> 00:45:03.548
And he got to play some, even though he was not a starter.
00:45:03.548 --> 00:45:06.618
He still got to play.
00:45:06.618 --> 00:45:08.219
Maybe not as much as he wanted,
00:45:08.219 --> 00:45:09.521
But the videos i have all year long are the preteen prayer
00:45:09.521 --> 00:45:13.324
Where he--everybody's kneeled.
00:45:13.324 --> 00:45:14.692
And he's standing in the middle of all the team and
00:45:14.692 --> 00:45:17.395
He's praying over the whole team before the games.
00:45:17.395 --> 00:45:19.964
And i just think, you know what,
00:45:19.964 --> 00:45:21.566
What could have been in his mind a failure,
00:45:21.566 --> 00:45:23.835
Because he didn't reach the expectation he had for himself
00:45:23.835 --> 00:45:27.705
Turned into an assignment that was more purposeful for
00:45:27.705 --> 00:45:30.775
Kingdom work than he could have ever done tackling a kid.
00:45:30.775 --> 00:45:33.945
And so sometimes.
00:45:33.945 --> 00:45:35.246
I think how we reframe the failure can help to see how is
00:45:35.246 --> 00:45:39.884
God using the position you're in now.
00:45:39.884 --> 00:45:42.420
The expectation was missed.
00:45:42.420 --> 00:45:44.289
Ok, let's recognize it.
00:45:44.289 --> 00:45:45.390
That's tough.
00:45:45.390 --> 00:45:46.691
But maybe god has a different assignment for you.
00:45:46.691 --> 00:45:48.893
- yeah.
00:45:48.893 --> 00:45:50.195
- well, and you're creating a generation that understands
00:45:50.195 --> 00:45:52.564
Grace.
00:45:52.564 --> 00:45:53.865
You're creating a generation that understands that you are
00:45:53.865 --> 00:45:58.069
Reframing what needs restoring, right?
00:45:58.069 --> 00:46:01.606
I mean, that is so beautiful, belinda.
00:46:01.606 --> 00:46:04.843
- i'm a very big believer in celebrating every door god
00:46:04.843 --> 00:46:09.013
Closes.
00:46:09.013 --> 00:46:09.848
As much as every door god opens.
00:46:09.848 --> 00:46:11.983
I saw that even when our son, we felt really convinced that
00:46:11.983 --> 00:46:14.619
He should go to one particular college for grad school.
00:46:14.619 --> 00:46:18.256
And i did all sorts of things to try and facilitate that.
00:46:18.256 --> 00:46:21.526
And then i remember the night when christian got the
00:46:21.526 --> 00:46:24.128
Notification that he had not been accepted into that
00:46:24.128 --> 00:46:26.564
School.
00:46:26.564 --> 00:46:27.532
And we sat down, the three of us,
00:46:27.532 --> 00:46:29.167
Barry and christian and i had this conversation about if
00:46:29.167 --> 00:46:32.203
God's saying no here.
00:46:32.203 --> 00:46:33.872
That means that somewhere else he is saying yes.
00:46:33.872 --> 00:46:36.507
So, let's stop and before we even know where the yes is
00:46:36.507 --> 00:46:39.510
Coming from, let's thank him for the no.
00:46:39.510 --> 00:46:42.146
And we did that.
00:46:42.146 --> 00:46:43.448
And then he was accepted into the place that was the best,
00:46:43.448 --> 00:46:47.185
Perfect place for him.
00:46:47.185 --> 00:46:48.519
God knows what he's doing.
00:46:48.519 --> 00:46:50.722
- as we wrap up today, i just want to pray for anyone
00:46:50.722 --> 00:46:53.892
Listening who is like, my family hasn't been restored.
00:46:53.892 --> 00:46:57.862
And i'm in that gap.
00:46:57.862 --> 00:46:59.264
So we're just going to agree for anyone who's listening
00:46:59.264 --> 00:47:01.666
That god will reframe where you are.
00:47:01.666 --> 00:47:06.271
Yeah, lord, thank you so much for today.
00:47:06.271 --> 00:47:09.741
Thank you for every person listening to the sound of our
00:47:09.741 --> 00:47:14.579
Voices, to hearing these stories.
00:47:14.579 --> 00:47:16.581
Lord, that they would be encouraged.
00:47:16.581 --> 00:47:19.484
God, right now, i declare over every person who needs
00:47:19.484 --> 00:47:23.087
Restoration in their family that you would begin the good
00:47:23.087 --> 00:47:26.157
Work.
00:47:26.157 --> 00:47:27.325
And that they would believe that unless it's good,
00:47:27.325 --> 00:47:30.028
You're not done.
00:47:30.028 --> 00:47:31.496
And so we believe for them when they can't believe for
00:47:31.496 --> 00:47:34.632
Themselves.
00:47:34.632 --> 00:47:35.400
We're believing for you today.
00:47:35.400 --> 00:47:36.901
And so, lord, we just declare that restoration is our
00:47:36.901 --> 00:47:40.471
Inheritance.
00:47:40.471 --> 00:47:41.205
It's what you died for.
00:47:41.205 --> 00:47:42.573
It's who you are.
00:47:42.573 --> 00:47:44.208
It's how you moved about the earth.
00:47:44.208 --> 00:47:46.644
It is what you want for every family.
00:47:46.644 --> 00:47:50.081
You want to restore us by your grace alone.
00:47:50.081 --> 00:47:53.318
It was given freely for us to release it freely.
00:47:53.318 --> 00:47:56.187
And so, we declare a releasing of grace in every family.
00:47:56.187 --> 00:48:01.592
And we thank you because in faith,
00:48:01.592 --> 00:48:03.261
We know what you're going to do on the other side.
00:48:03.261 --> 00:48:06.364
And we know that you are working something that maybe
00:48:06.364 --> 00:48:08.866
We can't see right now, but it will be good.
00:48:08.866 --> 00:48:11.135
And you will work all things for good to those who know you
00:48:11.135 --> 00:48:14.939
And love you.
00:48:14.939 --> 00:48:15.673
And lord, we just bless you.
00:48:15.673 --> 00:48:17.108
We thank you for restoration in jesus' name.
00:48:17.108 --> 00:48:20.345
- amen.
00:48:20.345 --> 00:48:23.514
- connect with us on social media and let us know how our
00:48:23.614 --> 00:48:26.017
Team can pray for you.
00:48:26.017 --> 00:48:28.886
(music playing)
00:48:28.886 --> 00:48:34.726
- if you're going through a season where your family feels
00:48:34.726 --> 00:48:36.894
Estranged or things feel really distant or rocky.
00:48:36.894 --> 00:48:40.565
You can still have a grace filled home.
00:48:40.565 --> 00:48:42.367
God's grace is still sufficient for you.
00:48:42.367 --> 00:48:45.069
Grace upon grace upon grace.
00:48:45.069 --> 00:48:46.804
I want you to know that god's grace is not going to run out.
00:48:46.804 --> 00:48:50.942
That your family could be a total mess,
00:48:50.942 --> 00:48:53.144
But god's grace is still there.
00:48:53.144 --> 00:48:55.513
There's not anything that you can do that god's grace can't
00:48:55.513 --> 00:48:58.349
Meet you there at.
00:48:58.349 --> 00:48:59.517
So i want to encourage you that whatever your family
00:48:59.517 --> 00:49:01.953
Looks like.
00:49:01.953 --> 00:49:02.987
Whatever it is that you're going through,
00:49:02.987 --> 00:49:04.355
Call out to god, ask him for that grace today.
00:49:04.355 --> 00:49:06.791
(music playing)
00:49:06.791 --> 00:49:13.131
- practical ways that i believe we can show the love
00:49:13.131 --> 00:49:15.967
Of god to others is really by being.
00:49:15.967 --> 00:49:18.636
You know, one of the things i love that jesus said,
00:49:18.636 --> 00:49:20.705
He calls himself the light of the world.
00:49:20.705 --> 00:49:23.074
And that's an identity that we share in him.
00:49:23.074 --> 00:49:25.343
Because he also calls you the light of the world.
00:49:25.343 --> 00:49:28.312
And to show the love of god is to be that light.
00:49:28.312 --> 00:49:31.849
But it really starts in the place that you're rooted.
00:49:31.849 --> 00:49:34.786
It really starts in recognizing that that light
00:49:34.786 --> 00:49:37.321
That you are comes from god.
00:49:37.321 --> 00:49:39.857
Because when you just embrace his love,
00:49:39.857 --> 00:49:42.393
When you embrace being a light.
00:49:42.393 --> 00:49:44.028
It's something that comes naturally, right?
00:49:44.028 --> 00:49:46.764
You don't have to teach any animal how to be whoever they
00:49:46.764 --> 00:49:50.501
Are.
00:49:50.501 --> 00:49:51.702
You don't have to teach a dog how to be a dog, right?
00:49:51.702 --> 00:49:53.304
When we train them, this is a random example.
00:49:53.304 --> 00:49:55.473
We train dogs to fit into our mode.
00:49:55.473 --> 00:49:58.142
Like, i need you to sit.
00:49:58.142 --> 00:49:59.610
I need you to let me know when you need to use the bathroom,
00:49:59.610 --> 00:50:02.613
Right?
00:50:02.613 --> 00:50:03.881
We are training them to do what is not really their norm,
00:50:03.881 --> 00:50:05.817
But they will learn, right?
00:50:05.817 --> 00:50:07.018
But you don't have to train to be who you are.
00:50:07.018 --> 00:50:09.987
And who you are, your true essence is life.
00:50:09.987 --> 00:50:13.257
And so, i would say just to be.
00:50:13.257 --> 00:50:15.159
Be to others what you probably wish others were to you.
00:50:15.159 --> 00:50:18.663
Be patient, be kind, be loving, be giving,
00:50:18.663 --> 00:50:21.833
Be generous, right?
00:50:21.833 --> 00:50:23.601
The very things that you wish people showed you.
00:50:23.601 --> 00:50:25.603
Show that to other people, grace, forgiveness, mercy.
00:50:25.603 --> 00:50:29.574
Be to others, the very things that you're like, man,
00:50:29.574 --> 00:50:31.909
I wish i had a circle that could reflect this to me.
00:50:31.909 --> 00:50:35.046
I always say, if you want a friend, be a friend, right?
00:50:35.046 --> 00:50:37.882
So just be to others what you know that the goodness of god
00:50:37.882 --> 00:50:40.618
Has reflected in your life.
00:50:40.618 --> 00:50:43.454
- watch better together on the go.
00:50:43.454 --> 00:50:45.056
Download the free tbn plus app to stream all of your favorite
00:50:45.056 --> 00:50:49.026
Conversations.
00:50:49.026 --> 00:50:49.827
(music playing)
00:50:49.827 --> 00:50:49.827

A Family Restored by Grace | Better Together Episode 1137

January 27, 2026 | S8 E1137 | 50:59

Closed captions

Share