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Better Together

Habits to Break Negative Cycles - Episode 1113

November 5, 2025 | S7 E1113 | 52:34

Habits to Break Negative Cycles - Episode 1113
Are you ready to change? When we allow God to recalibrate our hearts and rely on His perfect strength, we find the keys to break bad habits, renew our minds, and step into lasting change. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000
#Discipline #Habits #Change #Transformation #SpiritualGrowth #Strength #RenewingtheMind #Freedom #Commitment #Faith #Perseverance #Overcoming #Self-Control #Breakthrough #Health #Legacy #PersonalStory #Fitness

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Better Together | Habits to Break Negative Cycles - Episode 1113 | November 5, 2025
  • Change is not easy, but it is necessary.
  • 00:00:01.613 --> 00:00:04.283
  • If we want to see lasting change in our lives, then we
  • 00:00:04.283 --> 00:00:07.853
  • Must replace negative cycles with new habits.
  • 00:00:07.853 --> 00:00:10.656
  • Come on, let's talk about it.
  • 00:00:10.656 --> 00:00:12.191
  • ♪ (music playing) ♪
  • 00:00:12.191 --> 00:00:40.419
  • - the conversation i want to have is
  • 00:00:40.419 --> 00:00:42.321
  • About just negative cycles and habits and i think the
  • 00:00:42.321 --> 00:00:47.359
  • Question that some of us need to be asking ourselves because
  • 00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:50.729
  • We'll complain about the pattern and complain about the
  • 00:00:50.729 --> 00:00:53.132
  • Cycle but do we really want to change?
  • 00:00:53.132 --> 00:00:56.635
  • And we see in the book of john chapter 5 how you know jesus
  • 00:00:56.635 --> 00:01:01.473
  • Shows up to this place this place called the pool of
  • 00:01:01.473 --> 00:01:05.244
  • Bethesda.
  • 00:01:05.244 --> 00:01:06.512
  • And there's like all these sick people lying around this
  • 00:01:06.512 --> 00:01:09.047
  • Pool.
  • 00:01:09.047 --> 00:01:10.315
  • And the assumption is that they're there because there's
  • 00:01:10.315 --> 00:01:12.484
  • Just this miraculous working that happens in this pool and
  • 00:01:12.484 --> 00:01:15.954
  • They can get healed.
  • 00:01:15.954 --> 00:01:17.322
  • And there was a man laying by this pool for 38 years.
  • 00:01:17.322 --> 00:01:20.492
  • 38 years he was laying there.
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  • And jesus walks over to him.
  • 00:01:24.830 --> 00:01:26.465
  • And this is in verse, verse six, it says, when jesus saw
  • 00:01:26.465 --> 00:01:30.402
  • Him lying there and learned that he had been in this
  • 00:01:30.402 --> 00:01:33.505
  • Condition for a long time, he asked him, do you want to get
  • 00:01:33.505 --> 00:01:37.709
  • Well?
  • 00:01:37.709 --> 00:01:38.944
  • Which is a very strange question to ask someone who's
  • 00:01:38.944 --> 00:01:42.681
  • Been spending almost four years laying beside a pool,
  • 00:01:42.681 --> 00:01:45.884
  • Assuming that their healing is in the water if they can just
  • 00:01:45.884 --> 00:01:48.253
  • Get there.
  • 00:01:48.253 --> 00:01:49.454
  • But it's also a telling question because i think if
  • 00:01:49.454 --> 00:01:51.924
  • We're honest, sometimes what we say we want and how our
  • 00:01:51.924 --> 00:01:56.261
  • Lives are lived are two different things.
  • 00:01:56.261 --> 00:01:59.765
  • And for me, there's like this physical corollary because
  • 00:01:59.765 --> 00:02:02.467
  • About, i don't know, 12 years ago, i was 100 pounds heavier
  • 00:02:02.467 --> 00:02:05.637
  • Than i am now.
  • 00:02:05.637 --> 00:02:06.838
  • And for most of my life, i was, you know, overweight.
  • 00:02:06.838 --> 00:02:09.975
  • I was considered the chunky girl, literally my entire
  • 00:02:09.975 --> 00:02:12.544
  • Life.
  • 00:02:12.544 --> 00:02:13.378
  • And i would try weight watchers.
  • 00:02:13.378 --> 00:02:15.814
  • I tried jenny craig.
  • 00:02:15.814 --> 00:02:17.249
  • Y'all remember the slim fast shakes?
  • 00:02:17.249 --> 00:02:18.884
  • Absolutely.
  • 00:02:18.884 --> 00:02:19.818
  • I tried the slim fast shakes.
  • 00:02:19.818 --> 00:02:21.420
  • I did the apple cider vinegar diet.
  • 00:02:21.420 --> 00:02:23.055
  • I did all of these things because i said i wanted to
  • 00:02:23.055 --> 00:02:25.924
  • Lose weight.
  • 00:02:25.924 --> 00:02:27.226
  • And so i would usually drop maybe two, three, four pounds,
  • 00:02:27.226 --> 00:02:29.995
  • And then i would stop doing that, and i would gain it all
  • 00:02:29.995 --> 00:02:32.264
  • Back with interest.
  • 00:02:32.264 --> 00:02:33.966
  • And i told myself that i wanted to lose weight.
  • 00:02:33.966 --> 00:02:37.069
  • I told myself that.
  • 00:02:37.069 --> 00:02:40.072
  • But if you were to look at my life, my life did not match
  • 00:02:40.072 --> 00:02:44.142
  • That desire.
  • 00:02:44.142 --> 00:02:45.344
  • I was not working out.
  • 00:02:45.344 --> 00:02:46.478
  • I was eating whatever i wanted whenever i wanted.
  • 00:02:46.478 --> 00:02:49.715
  • I just was not healthy at all.
  • 00:02:49.715 --> 00:02:52.384
  • And after i had my second son, i was laying in bed and he was
  • 00:02:52.384 --> 00:02:56.989
  • In his crib and he woke up and he was crying.
  • 00:02:56.989 --> 00:02:59.591
  • And i remember laying in bed and i heard him crying.
  • 00:02:59.591 --> 00:03:02.461
  • So i got up and i started to make my way to his room and i
  • 00:03:02.461 --> 00:03:05.097
  • Was almost there.
  • 00:03:05.097 --> 00:03:06.598
  • This is a short distance.
  • 00:03:06.598 --> 00:03:07.633
  • This is maybe 15, 20 feet.
  • 00:03:07.633 --> 00:03:11.003
  • I get to the doorway and i'm out of breath from just
  • 00:03:11.003 --> 00:03:16.174
  • Walking down the hall.
  • 00:03:16.174 --> 00:03:17.476
  • And in that moment, something changed in me because it was
  • 00:03:17.476 --> 00:03:23.949
  • No longer just, i want to lose weight for an aesthetic
  • 00:03:23.949 --> 00:03:26.985
  • Reason.
  • 00:03:26.985 --> 00:03:28.120
  • It was like, no, i need to get healthy for my baby.
  • 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:32.157
  • And it's like there was a shift in my mind.
  • 00:03:32.157 --> 00:03:34.993
  • It was beyond just, just this wish.
  • 00:03:34.993 --> 00:03:37.596
  • And i began to change the way i was living my life in
  • 00:03:37.596 --> 00:03:41.867
  • Accordance with a decision i made.
  • 00:03:41.867 --> 00:03:44.236
  • It was not a wish, it was a decision.
  • 00:03:44.236 --> 00:03:46.405
  • I think part of what keeps us breaking those toxic cycles
  • 00:03:46.405 --> 00:03:51.810
  • And the things that keep us from changing, is we have
  • 00:03:51.810 --> 00:03:54.413
  • Actually not changed our mind about the thing.
  • 00:03:54.413 --> 00:03:58.717
  • You know, we say, man, it would be so nice if i could
  • 00:03:58.717 --> 00:04:02.254
  • Change this.
  • 00:04:02.254 --> 00:04:03.255
  • But we haven't actually changed our mind.
  • 00:04:03.255 --> 00:04:05.757
  • And i was reflecting on romans 12 and 1, which says,
  • 00:04:05.757 --> 00:04:08.560
  • Therefore, i urge you brothers and sisters, in view of god's
  • 00:04:08.560 --> 00:04:11.930
  • Mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and
  • 00:04:11.930 --> 00:04:15.300
  • Pleasing to god.
  • 00:04:15.300 --> 00:04:16.201
  • This is your true and proper worship.
  • 00:04:16.201 --> 00:04:18.370
  • We hear that verse, and we're like, yes, i'm gonna offer
  • 00:04:18.370 --> 00:04:21.740
  • Myself as a living sacrifice.
  • 00:04:21.740 --> 00:04:23.275
  • And then verse two says, do not conform to the pattern of
  • 00:04:23.275 --> 00:04:26.945
  • This world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
  • 00:04:26.945 --> 00:04:30.315
  • Then you will be able to test and approve what god's will
  • 00:04:30.315 --> 00:04:33.251
  • Is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
  • 00:04:33.251 --> 00:04:34.886
  • There is something about changing your mind that
  • 00:04:34.886 --> 00:04:38.657
  • Literally changes your outlook on everything.
  • 00:04:38.657 --> 00:04:41.393
  • And i believe that if we seriously want to see change
  • 00:04:41.393 --> 00:04:45.731
  • In our life, in whatever area of our life we're talking
  • 00:04:45.731 --> 00:04:48.200
  • About, physically, spiritually, emotionally,
  • 00:04:48.200 --> 00:04:49.968
  • Mentally, professionally, whatever it is, benangially,
  • 00:04:49.968 --> 00:04:52.137
  • It all begins with changing our mind.
  • 00:04:52.137 --> 00:04:55.774
  • And until that happens, we're gonna stay stuck in the cycle.
  • 00:04:55.774 --> 00:04:59.878
  • And i just wanted us to talk a little bit about that because
  • 00:04:59.878 --> 00:05:02.647
  • For me, that decision became the inflection point in my
  • 00:05:02.647 --> 00:05:07.652
  • Entire fitness journey.
  • 00:05:07.652 --> 00:05:09.921
  • Until that point, i had made a decision.
  • 00:05:09.921 --> 00:05:11.990
  • I just had a wish.
  • 00:05:11.990 --> 00:05:13.925
  • - if you feel as if you're stuck in a place where it's
  • 00:05:13.925 --> 00:05:16.495
  • Just the same thing you do over and over again, remember
  • 00:05:16.495 --> 00:05:19.197
  • Paul talked about that?
  • 00:05:19.197 --> 00:05:20.665
  • You know, he talks about it in romans chapter 7.
  • 00:05:20.665 --> 00:05:23.201
  • You know, the things i don't want to do, i keep doing them.
  • 00:05:23.201 --> 00:05:25.871
  • And the things i do want to do, i don't do.
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  • If you feel yourself stuck in a place like that, talk to god
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  • About it.
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  • One of the amazing things about our father is you get to
  • 00:05:32.277 --> 00:05:34.513
  • Tell hi what's true.
  • 00:05:34.513 --> 00:05:35.847
  • You get to take some time and say, you know what, lord, i'm
  • 00:05:35.847 --> 00:05:37.916
  • Really struggling here and i want to change and ask for his
  • 00:05:37.916 --> 00:05:41.353
  • Help.
  • 00:05:41.353 --> 00:05:42.587
  • And then if you fall down again, get back up again, you
  • 00:05:42.587 --> 00:05:45.424
  • Know?
  • 00:05:45.424 --> 00:05:46.425
  • That's a beautiful thing about the lord.
  • 00:05:46.425 --> 00:05:47.726
  • There's forgiveness and there's restoration and
  • 00:05:47.726 --> 00:05:50.095
  • There's further help to get you further down the road.
  • 00:05:50.095 --> 00:05:52.697
  • - and i actually like that story.
  • 00:05:52.697 --> 00:05:56.368
  • I remember the story in john, right, about the man at the
  • 00:05:56.368 --> 00:05:58.804
  • Pool and i remember hearing a message or some one of the
  • 00:05:58.804 --> 00:06:01.006
  • Bible scholars or whatever, talking about that.
  • 00:06:01.006 --> 00:06:03.575
  • And one of the points that was made is so this guy is sitting
  • 00:06:03.575 --> 00:06:06.645
  • There for all these years.
  • 00:06:06.645 --> 00:06:08.313
  • And even in the jewish culture and the [indiscernible], they
  • 00:06:08.313 --> 00:06:13.752
  • Like to be generous.
  • 00:06:13.752 --> 00:06:15.587
  • So people, they needed a way to give to people.
  • 00:06:15.587 --> 00:06:17.789
  • So they wanted this, like i, you know, religiously, i'm
  • 00:06:17.789 --> 00:06:21.526
  • Giving to help the poor people.
  • 00:06:21.526 --> 00:06:23.929
  • So this was a job.
  • 00:06:23.929 --> 00:06:24.996
  • He had a job, receiving, giving.
  • 00:06:24.996 --> 00:06:28.533
  • And that was his job.
  • 00:06:28.533 --> 00:06:30.602
  • So when it sounds so rude right for jesus to go hey bud,
  • 00:06:30.602 --> 00:06:32.604
  • Want to get well?
  • 00:06:32.604 --> 00:06:33.939
  • But it was more out of compassion, like, do you
  • 00:06:33.939 --> 00:06:36.875
  • Understand if you get well, you're gonna have to go to
  • 00:06:36.875 --> 00:06:42.747
  • Work, you have to think differently, you're gonna have
  • 00:06:42.747 --> 00:06:45.784
  • To do things differently, there's a change coming, do
  • 00:06:45.784 --> 00:06:47.953
  • You want this?
  • 00:06:47.953 --> 00:06:49.621
  • So it was more compassion because here we go, right?
  • 00:06:49.621 --> 00:06:52.691
  • Do you want this?
  • 00:06:52.691 --> 00:06:54.426
  • And so i think that's the, that's the point.
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  • Do you want this?
  • 00:06:56.595 --> 00:06:58.029
  • You know, so you think about the things that, you know,
  • 00:06:58.029 --> 00:07:00.732
  • Talking about health, like, so i had navigated the whole
  • 00:07:00.732 --> 00:07:04.402
  • Cancer journey.
  • 00:07:04.402 --> 00:07:05.437
  • But when i realized, basically, when i was
  • 00:07:05.437 --> 00:07:08.673
  • Diagnosed with breast cancer, the one of the things i
  • 00:07:08.673 --> 00:07:11.243
  • Realized about myself is i was a sugar addict.
  • 00:07:11.243 --> 00:07:13.044
  • Mm-hmm.
  • 00:07:13.044 --> 00:07:14.012
  • I love me some chocolate, a lot of it.
  • 00:07:14.012 --> 00:07:16.448
  • And so i had the choice to, if i'm going to do something that
  • 00:07:16.448 --> 00:07:22.153
  • Brings health to my body, i have to do things a little bit
  • 00:07:22.153 --> 00:07:24.422
  • Differently.
  • 00:07:24.422 --> 00:07:25.524
  • I can't just say, like, i want to be healthy.
  • 00:07:25.524 --> 00:07:26.825
  • I have to do things, there's a change.
  • 00:07:26.825 --> 00:07:28.560
  • And i have to give up the comfort of what some food had
  • 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:32.531
  • Been.
  • 00:07:32.531 --> 00:07:33.198
  • Yeah.
  • 00:07:33.198 --> 00:07:34.432
  • - we've always heard this, that you have to choose your
  • 00:07:34.432 --> 00:07:35.267
  • Hard.
  • 00:07:35.267 --> 00:07:35.934
  • Yeah.
  • 00:07:35.934 --> 00:07:37.202
  • And i think it is hard when you choose the right mindset
  • 00:07:37.202 --> 00:07:40.238
  • For change, but it's also hard to stay where you are.
  • 00:07:40.238 --> 00:07:43.441
  • So everything's going to be hard.
  • 00:07:43.441 --> 00:07:45.343
  • You just have to choose your hard.
  • 00:07:45.343 --> 00:07:46.845
  • So for you, when you were thinking about what is it
  • 00:07:46.845 --> 00:07:49.581
  • Going to be like in my current state with my child, it's
  • 00:07:49.581 --> 00:07:52.851
  • Going to be hard to be an involved parent, an active
  • 00:07:52.851 --> 00:07:56.154
  • Parent.
  • 00:07:56.154 --> 00:07:57.422
  • You know, so that was hard because it's no doubt what you
  • 00:07:57.422 --> 00:07:59.958
  • Did to change has been hard.
  • 00:07:59.958 --> 00:08:02.227
  • But it's hard either way.
  • 00:08:02.227 --> 00:08:03.595
  • You know, this is just the i'm just, i'm kind of mad.
  • 00:08:03.595 --> 00:08:07.265
  • Watch the thing, let me hear the thing.
  • 00:08:07.265 --> 00:08:09.301
  • I'm just kind of mad that we had to start the whole thing
  • 00:08:09.301 --> 00:08:11.536
  • On your health journey because it just points to, like, me
  • 00:08:11.536 --> 00:08:15.240
  • Realizing that we've fallen off the wagon a little, but
  • 00:08:15.240 --> 00:08:17.709
  • This is okay.
  • 00:08:17.709 --> 00:08:19.611
  • This is going to be, this is good.
  • 00:08:18.777 --> 00:08:20.779
  • This is why we do this.
  • 00:08:20.779 --> 00:08:21.680
  • Because friends are helpful.
  • 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:23.014
  • That's right.
  • 00:08:23.014 --> 00:08:24.349
  • Because my husband and i have been on a health journey, and
  • 00:08:24.349 --> 00:08:25.917
  • It was, i think for me, i am not maybe naturally the most
  • 00:08:25.917 --> 00:08:29.421
  • Disciplined person.
  • 00:08:29.421 --> 00:08:30.755
  • And what we chose, the journey we chose was uber discipline.
  • 00:08:30.755 --> 00:08:35.026
  • And so when we had some accountability, we had a coach
  • 00:08:35.026 --> 00:08:38.964
  • Whatever, it was like, i will do this the rest of my life.
  • 00:08:38.964 --> 00:08:42.133
  • This is it.
  • 00:08:42.133 --> 00:08:43.335
  • I mean, i am going for it.
  • 00:08:43.335 --> 00:08:44.769
  • And then the coaching ended and i'm like, where's the gym?
  • 00:08:44.769 --> 00:08:47.572
  • I don't know.
  • 00:08:47.572 --> 00:08:48.506
  • What is the gym?
  • 00:08:48.506 --> 00:08:49.774
  • It's so crazy to me how you can fall back into bad habits
  • 00:08:49.774 --> 00:08:53.845
  • So quickly if your mindset is not always renewed every day.
  • 00:08:53.845 --> 00:08:57.315
  • You cannot, it's like the manna from the day before.
  • 00:08:57.315 --> 00:09:00.485
  • You cannot eat yesterday's manna.
  • 00:09:00.485 --> 00:09:02.053
  • It is no good for you.
  • 00:09:02.053 --> 00:09:03.922
  • This is what i'm learning in my life is it will be in that,
  • 00:09:03.922 --> 00:09:08.326
  • We're talking about the health thing, but spiritually,
  • 00:09:08.326 --> 00:09:11.329
  • Physically, health, mentally, all of it, you have to do this
  • 00:09:11.329 --> 00:09:14.866
  • Every day.
  • 00:09:14.866 --> 00:09:15.600
  • The discipline is every day.
  • 00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:17.135
  • I'm telling myself, you are confirming.
  • 00:09:17.135 --> 00:09:19.237
  • Yes, every day, okay.
  • 00:09:19.237 --> 00:09:22.040
  • - god is forgiving.
  • 00:09:22.040 --> 00:09:23.341
  • He's full of grace and mercy, but our habits define how we
  • 00:09:23.341 --> 00:09:26.578
  • Engage and partner with god and executing his plan in our
  • 00:09:26.578 --> 00:09:30.015
  • Life.
  • 00:09:30.015 --> 00:09:31.216
  • And if our habits or our decisions or our actions don't
  • 00:09:31.216 --> 00:09:33.952
  • Agree with god's directives, then we don't experience the
  • 00:09:33.952 --> 00:09:37.756
  • Abundant life that he promised us in john 10:10.
  • 00:09:37.756 --> 00:09:40.091
  • So having obedience at work in your life, following the
  • 00:09:40.091 --> 00:09:45.330
  • Scriptures, and also breaking the bad habits that interrupt
  • 00:09:45.330 --> 00:09:48.933
  • You experiencing god's full goodness is of utmost
  • 00:09:48.933 --> 00:09:51.403
  • Importance.
  • 00:09:51.403 --> 00:09:52.871
  • - one of the things i learned about breaking bad habits is
  • 00:09:52.871 --> 00:09:57.208
  • That you have to become very aware of what even triggers
  • 00:09:57.208 --> 00:10:01.613
  • The habit.
  • 00:10:01.613 --> 00:10:03.081
  • You have to become very aware, if you know for example that
  • 00:10:03.081 --> 00:10:06.151
  • You need to work out, the fact that your alarm goes off
  • 00:10:06.151 --> 00:10:09.721
  • Really early does not mean you'd be like, i cannot wait
  • 00:10:09.721 --> 00:10:12.090
  • To get out of this bed.
  • 00:10:12.090 --> 00:10:13.024
  • Ever, ever, never, ever, never, ever.
  • 00:10:13.024 --> 00:10:16.494
  • But if you have your workout clothes laid out, if all you
  • 00:10:16.494 --> 00:10:21.032
  • Have to do is get out of bed, you don't have to pick your
  • 00:10:21.032 --> 00:10:23.001
  • Clothes, you don't have to like go through this whole
  • 00:10:23.001 --> 00:10:24.803
  • Thing.
  • 00:10:24.803 --> 00:10:26.037
  • You've now removed a barrier so that it'll be easier to
  • 00:10:26.037 --> 00:10:30.975
  • Change the pattern.
  • 00:10:30.975 --> 00:10:32.911
  • I was thinking about there are some women who may be watching
  • 00:10:32.911 --> 00:10:36.214
  • This who are in some relationships that are not
  • 00:10:36.214 --> 00:10:38.683
  • Serving them well, right?
  • 00:10:38.683 --> 00:10:40.485
  • There are some men who maybe they've made promises, i'm
  • 00:10:40.485 --> 00:10:42.587
  • Going to marry you, i'm going to do all this, and it just
  • 00:10:42.587 --> 00:10:44.656
  • Hasn't happened.
  • 00:10:44.656 --> 00:10:45.957
  • Well, as long as you keep that line of communication open,
  • 00:10:45.957 --> 00:10:49.094
  • It's going to be very hard to change the habit of answering
  • 00:10:49.094 --> 00:10:53.064
  • The phone.
  • 00:10:53.064 --> 00:10:54.599
  • Some of us need to exercise a new strategy called block,
  • 00:10:54.599 --> 00:10:58.069
  • Block, because you realize that you're not strong enough
  • 00:10:58.069 --> 00:11:05.677
  • To withstand the temptation.
  • 00:11:05.677 --> 00:11:07.812
  • And so you have to put up some barriers and you have to
  • 00:11:07.812 --> 00:11:10.749
  • Remove some obstacles.
  • 00:11:10.749 --> 00:11:11.983
  • But you've got to be intentional about it.
  • 00:11:11.983 --> 00:11:13.451
  • Is there a barrier i need to construct or is there an
  • 00:11:13.451 --> 00:11:15.120
  • Obstacle i need to remove in order to build this new
  • 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:17.989
  • Pattern?
  • 00:11:17.989 --> 00:11:19.290
  • But it begins with renewing your mind.
  • 00:11:19.290 --> 00:11:21.025
  • It starts there all the time.
  • 00:11:21.025 --> 00:11:22.827
  • - you can't just stop a habit.
  • 00:11:22.827 --> 00:11:24.729
  • You have to replace it with something correct.
  • 00:11:24.729 --> 00:11:26.131
  • You have to.
  • 00:11:26.131 --> 00:11:27.098
  • Right.
  • 00:11:27.098 --> 00:11:28.233
  • So if you're going to stop, you know, late night
  • 00:11:28.233 --> 00:11:29.801
  • Scrolling.
  • 00:11:29.801 --> 00:11:30.969
  • Like, let's say, you realize you're spending an hour.
  • 00:11:30.969 --> 00:11:33.471
  • - why are you coming for me?
  • 00:11:33.471 --> 00:11:34.572
  • - so let's say.
  • 00:11:34.572 --> 00:11:37.308
  • Let's say your name is chrystal and you just happen
  • 00:11:37.308 --> 00:11:40.779
  • To...
  • 00:11:40.779 --> 00:11:41.446
  • We all go there.
  • 00:11:41.446 --> 00:11:42.781
  • But the late night scrolling, so you have to replace it with
  • 00:11:42.781 --> 00:11:46.117
  • Something.
  • 00:11:46.117 --> 00:11:46.951
  • It should be sleep, by the way.
  • 00:11:46.951 --> 00:11:48.887
  • Sleep or prayer or reading a book, or you can't just say,
  • 00:11:48.887 --> 00:11:53.024
  • I'm not gonna do this.
  • 00:11:53.024 --> 00:11:54.759
  • It's like the person who wants to give up smoking.
  • 00:11:54.759 --> 00:11:57.996
  • He's like, i'm not gonna smoke, i'm not gonna smoke,
  • 00:11:57.996 --> 00:11:59.764
  • You're gonna smoke.
  • 00:11:59.764 --> 00:12:00.465
  • Yes.
  • 00:12:00.465 --> 00:12:01.566
  • So, but when i feel the urge, i'm going to...
  • 00:12:01.566 --> 00:12:03.535
  • Yes.
  • 00:12:03.535 --> 00:12:04.669
  • Eat a carrot.
  • 00:12:04.669 --> 00:12:05.503
  • I don't know, whatever will be.
  • 00:12:05.503 --> 00:12:06.771
  • Smoke a carrot.
  • 00:12:06.771 --> 00:12:07.939
  • Somebody somewhere has figured out how to do that.
  • 00:12:07.939 --> 00:12:13.611
  • - but it just has to be placed with something, right?
  • 00:12:13.611 --> 00:12:17.849
  • - hi, sheila here with chrystal, and we're answering
  • 00:12:17.849 --> 00:12:26.257
  • Your questions.
  • 00:12:26.257 --> 00:12:27.525
  • A few of your questions from kind of behind the scenes of
  • 00:12:27.525 --> 00:12:29.427
  • Better together.
  • 00:12:29.427 --> 00:12:30.461
  • So, chrystal, let me ask you this one.
  • 00:12:30.461 --> 00:12:33.031
  • This is a question from john.
  • 00:12:33.031 --> 00:12:34.766
  • He left us this message on instagram.
  • 00:12:34.766 --> 00:12:36.734
  • My question is about change.
  • 00:12:36.734 --> 00:12:39.804
  • Do you initiate the change or let god make you uncomfortable
  • 00:12:39.804 --> 00:12:43.575
  • And then have to change, or is it both?
  • 00:12:43.575 --> 00:12:46.511
  • - it is definitely both.
  • 00:12:46.511 --> 00:12:48.179
  • It's definitely both because there are some things god
  • 00:12:48.179 --> 00:12:51.249
  • Prompts us to do.
  • 00:12:51.249 --> 00:12:52.450
  • It's time to move.
  • 00:12:52.450 --> 00:12:53.751
  • It's time to shift.
  • 00:12:53.751 --> 00:12:54.619
  • It's time to leave the job.
  • 00:12:54.619 --> 00:12:56.454
  • It's time to change locations.
  • 00:12:56.454 --> 00:12:59.023
  • So definitely god moves in our lives by moving us, and we
  • 00:12:59.023 --> 00:13:04.229
  • Have to be sensitive to that.
  • 00:13:04.229 --> 00:13:05.663
  • And often, god allows changes that happen that we did not
  • 00:13:05.663 --> 00:13:09.434
  • Create to shift things in our life.
  • 00:13:09.434 --> 00:13:11.903
  • And in both cases, it's simply following the leading of the
  • 00:13:11.903 --> 00:13:14.772
  • Holy spirit, leaning in in obedience, and trusting that
  • 00:13:14.772 --> 00:13:18.243
  • God knows the way.
  • 00:13:18.243 --> 00:13:19.444
  • - and i love that promise where it says it, you'll hear
  • 00:13:19.444 --> 00:13:21.779
  • A voice behind you say, no, this is the way walk you in
  • 00:13:21.779 --> 00:13:24.616
  • It.
  • 00:13:24.616 --> 00:13:25.884
  • You know, sometimes we think god's will is lost, but god
  • 00:13:25.884 --> 00:13:27.652
  • Loves to keep us on the right path, but it's our heart's
  • 00:13:27.652 --> 00:13:30.555
  • Desire to please him.
  • 00:13:30.555 --> 00:13:33.157
  • - absolutely.
  • 00:13:33.157 --> 00:13:34.359
  • - god created us to be in community and we want you to
  • 00:13:34.359 --> 00:13:36.661
  • Join ours.
  • 00:13:36.661 --> 00:13:37.829
  • Follow us on social media and join our conversation.
  • 00:13:37.829 --> 00:13:42.033
  • - let's keep the conversation going you can find the better
  • 00:13:42.033 --> 00:13:45.236
  • Together podcast on your favorite listening platform
  • 00:13:45.236 --> 00:13:48.339
  • Subscribe today.
  • 00:13:48.339 --> 00:13:50.341
  • ♪ (music playing) ♪
  • 00:13:50.341 --> 00:13:52.991
  • ♪ (music playing) ♪
  • 00:13:52.991 --> 00:13:58.651
  • - something that's incredibly important when you're trying
  • 00:13:58.651 --> 00:14:00.686
  • To create a new habit or break an old habit is you have to
  • 00:14:00.686 --> 00:14:05.224
  • Ask yourself, what are the barriers that i need to erect
  • 00:14:05.224 --> 00:14:10.396
  • In order to prevent me from repeating this habit?
  • 00:14:10.396 --> 00:14:14.199
  • And then what are the obstacles that i need to
  • 00:14:14.199 --> 00:14:16.835
  • Remove so that i can build a new habit easily.
  • 00:14:16.835 --> 00:14:21.173
  • I gave the example, and i think this is really
  • 00:14:21.173 --> 00:14:23.042
  • Important, of if you want to start working out, if you want
  • 00:14:23.042 --> 00:14:25.711
  • To be physically active, one of the easiest things that you
  • 00:14:25.711 --> 00:14:28.580
  • Can do is remove the barrier of having to decide what to
  • 00:14:28.580 --> 00:14:32.451
  • Wear to the gym, right?
  • 00:14:32.451 --> 00:14:34.253
  • You go ahead and lay it out the night before, and that
  • 00:14:34.253 --> 00:14:36.722
  • Actually removes the mental load that has to be worn when
  • 00:14:36.722 --> 00:14:40.960
  • You're making a decision about going to work out.
  • 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:42.962
  • So, again, figure out what barriers you need to erect to
  • 00:14:42.962 --> 00:14:46.265
  • Prevent the action and figure out what barriers you need to
  • 00:14:46.265 --> 00:14:49.435
  • Remove to make it easier to repeat it.
  • 00:14:49.435 --> 00:14:54.440
  • - when you talk about changing your mind, what do you do if
  • 00:14:55.674 --> 00:14:58.944
  • You know that you need to do something, but you just
  • 00:14:58.944 --> 00:15:01.213
  • Genuinely don't want to?
  • 00:15:01.213 --> 00:15:02.581
  • How do you find the motivation to shift?
  • 00:15:02.581 --> 00:15:04.216
  • - you have to have something that is a reward.
  • 00:15:04.216 --> 00:15:07.386
  • So like the psychology of habits, there's a cue, there's
  • 00:15:07.386 --> 00:15:11.423
  • An action, and there's a reward.
  • 00:15:11.423 --> 00:15:12.858
  • Even when you think about our spiritual lives, a lot of
  • 00:15:12.858 --> 00:15:16.628
  • Things we do, yes, we want to honor jesus, but also there's
  • 00:15:16.628 --> 00:15:19.999
  • A reward.
  • 00:15:19.999 --> 00:15:21.300
  • And the question is, is there a reward that outshines your
  • 00:15:21.300 --> 00:15:25.804
  • Lack of motivation or outshines the benefit that you
  • 00:15:25.804 --> 00:15:28.707
  • Get?
  • 00:15:28.707 --> 00:15:29.942
  • So think about how many people going back to health have
  • 00:15:29.942 --> 00:15:31.844
  • Heard.
  • 00:15:31.844 --> 00:15:33.178
  • You need to lose weight or you need to, you know, watch this
  • 00:15:33.178 --> 00:15:35.781
  • In your life or pay attention to your cholesterol or
  • 00:15:35.781 --> 00:15:37.750
  • Whatever.
  • 00:15:37.750 --> 00:15:38.951
  • They know all of that, but it's not until they have a
  • 00:15:38.951 --> 00:15:41.487
  • Crisis where they, you know, there's a disruptor that makes
  • 00:15:41.487 --> 00:15:46.058
  • Them focus on the reward.
  • 00:15:46.058 --> 00:15:48.360
  • And they knew the reward the whole time.
  • 00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:49.762
  • Like be healthy, live longer, but there's this disruptor
  • 00:15:49.762 --> 00:15:53.499
  • That puts the reward in focus so that it exceeds whatever
  • 00:15:53.499 --> 00:15:57.536
  • Benefit you get from the habit that you had.
  • 00:15:57.536 --> 00:15:59.938
  • You know, i've had a season of my life where i was, and i'm
  • 00:15:59.938 --> 00:16:05.177
  • Trying to get back to it, lord help me.
  • 00:16:05.177 --> 00:16:06.912
  • But i ran a marathon in 2014, and i always say it's the
  • 00:16:06.912 --> 00:16:11.283
  • First or the last, because i ran through that finish line
  • 00:16:11.283 --> 00:16:13.085
  • And ran straight to cracker barrel.
  • 00:16:13.085 --> 00:16:14.453
  • That was the end of that.
  • 00:16:14.453 --> 00:16:16.688
  • Like, that was it.
  • 00:16:16.688 --> 00:16:17.956
  • But there is, you know, and i remember calling a running
  • 00:16:17.956 --> 00:16:21.360
  • Friend of mine when i first started and saying, at what
  • 00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:24.430
  • Point when i walk out of my front door and start running,
  • 00:16:24.430 --> 00:16:27.733
  • Willi not feel like i'm gonna die.
  • 00:16:27.733 --> 00:16:29.201
  • I was like, you, it's like i have been running, and it's
  • 00:16:29.201 --> 00:16:31.537
  • Like that first mile, i always feel like i'm gonna die.
  • 00:16:31.537 --> 00:16:35.007
  • And he said, he said two things to me.
  • 00:16:35.007 --> 00:16:37.376
  • First of all, he said, that first mile is always the
  • 00:16:37.376 --> 00:16:40.546
  • Hardest, and it doesn't matter if you are a marathon runner
  • 00:16:40.546 --> 00:16:42.181
  • Or if you're just beginning.
  • 00:16:42.181 --> 00:16:44.616
  • It's just, your body is coming out of whatever zone it's been
  • 00:16:44.616 --> 00:16:47.553
  • In.
  • 00:16:47.553 --> 00:16:48.854
  • He said, but at some point, the runner's high will be more
  • 00:16:48.854 --> 00:16:52.391
  • Valuable to you than whatever the cost is at that first
  • 00:16:52.391 --> 00:16:55.294
  • Mile.
  • 00:16:55.294 --> 00:16:56.428
  • And i'll never forget, it was the winter of 2014.
  • 00:16:56.428 --> 00:17:00.599
  • And you know, in texas, when it ices over, we're not
  • 00:17:00.599 --> 00:17:03.202
  • Functional.
  • 00:17:03.202 --> 00:17:04.503
  • And so we were all, you know, the world was shut down, the
  • 00:17:04.503 --> 00:17:06.672
  • Kids weren't.
  • 00:17:06.672 --> 00:17:07.406
  • Was that like ice-mageddon?
  • 00:17:07.406 --> 00:17:08.574
  • Yeah, one of those.
  • 00:17:08.574 --> 00:17:09.975
  • One of those.
  • 00:17:09.975 --> 00:17:11.243
  • And i risked my life to go outside and run, you know, and
  • 00:17:11.243 --> 00:17:15.781
  • I was trying to run on the, like, the icy part of the
  • 00:17:15.781 --> 00:17:19.084
  • Roads.
  • 00:17:19.084 --> 00:17:20.119
  • I didn't have some grass under the traction.
  • 00:17:20.119 --> 00:17:21.386
  • And i took a picture, and i posted it on facebook.
  • 00:17:21.386 --> 00:17:24.156
  • And that same guy, we've been friends with him for years,
  • 00:17:24.156 --> 00:17:26.959
  • And he posted, he commented on my facebook page.
  • 00:17:26.959 --> 00:17:29.261
  • And he said, after that runner's high, huh?
  • 00:17:29.261 --> 00:17:31.463
  • And i thought, yes.
  • 00:17:31.463 --> 00:17:33.365
  • That's right.
  • 00:17:33.365 --> 00:17:34.633
  • So there comes a point where you feast on the concept or
  • 00:17:34.633 --> 00:17:38.971
  • Your belief in the reward or your experience of the reward
  • 00:17:38.971 --> 00:17:42.074
  • Enough to have that reward take the place of whatever
  • 00:17:42.074 --> 00:17:46.278
  • Reward you were getting.
  • 00:17:46.278 --> 00:17:47.913
  • You know, it's kind of like, what do they say, that
  • 00:17:47.913 --> 00:17:49.982
  • Something doesn't taste as good.
  • 00:17:49.982 --> 00:17:52.117
  • - that was my mantra.
  • 00:17:52.117 --> 00:17:53.385
  • Nothing will taste as good as skinny will feel.
  • 00:17:53.385 --> 00:17:55.154
  • - yes.
  • 00:17:55.154 --> 00:17:56.021
  • And at some point, you get to that.
  • 00:17:56.021 --> 00:17:58.624
  • So i think the thing is there's a crisis of belief
  • 00:17:58.624 --> 00:18:02.060
  • Because you have to sometimes do something enough to taste
  • 00:18:02.060 --> 00:18:07.432
  • The reward where the reward then becomes your motivation.
  • 00:18:07.432 --> 00:18:10.636
  • Yes.
  • 00:18:10.636 --> 00:18:11.937
  • Until then, you are operating on the belief of the reward
  • 00:18:11.937 --> 00:18:13.005
  • And not the experience of the reward, you know?
  • 00:18:13.005 --> 00:18:14.206
  • And so, like, i can look at my kids and i can tell my
  • 00:18:14.206 --> 00:18:15.507
  • 16-year-old, which i tell them all the time now, you know,
  • 00:18:15.507 --> 00:18:16.742
  • There is nothing that you could do or say to dissuade me
  • 00:18:16.742 --> 00:18:17.976
  • From being the parent i know you need, because i have a
  • 00:18:17.976 --> 00:18:20.812
  • 33-year -old.
  • 00:18:20.812 --> 00:18:22.147
  • And i know what the reward is of the things that we're doing
  • 00:18:22.147 --> 00:18:26.485
  • And the scriptures we're memorizing and yes i'm still
  • 00:18:26.485 --> 00:18:30.556
  • Reading to you even though you don't care and all the
  • 00:18:30.556 --> 00:18:34.726
  • Different things because now i have a 33 year old that says
  • 00:18:34.726 --> 00:18:39.264
  • Mom it was so good that you did this that and the other,
  • 00:18:39.264 --> 00:18:44.169
  • And i was doing it in faith and belief of a reward on the
  • 00:18:44.169 --> 00:18:49.441
  • Front end and now i'm doing it because i've tasted the
  • 00:18:49.441 --> 00:18:52.477
  • Reward, so i'm willing to do the hard things that are
  • 00:18:52.477 --> 00:18:54.947
  • Uncomfortable.
  • 00:18:54.947 --> 00:18:56.114
  • And so that's why we need other people in our lives,
  • 00:18:56.114 --> 00:18:58.016
  • Because we need other people cheerleading us on and saying,
  • 00:18:58.016 --> 00:19:00.686
  • Girl, keep going, because this is going to be so good when we
  • 00:19:00.686 --> 00:19:03.388
  • Are in front of the experience of the belief of the reward.
  • 00:19:03.388 --> 00:19:08.060
  • You know, children, knowing god's word is super important.
  • 00:19:08.060 --> 00:19:11.296
  • And one of the things that we've done is memorize
  • 00:19:11.296 --> 00:19:13.298
  • Scripture together and then looking for teachable moments
  • 00:19:13.298 --> 00:19:16.735
  • Where god's word should have an impact on what we are
  • 00:19:16.735 --> 00:19:19.304
  • Saying, what we are doing or the decisions that we're
  • 00:19:19.304 --> 00:19:21.273
  • Making.
  • 00:19:21.273 --> 00:19:22.474
  • So once we have studied scripture together, memorand
  • 00:19:22.474 --> 00:19:24.443
  • Our scripture together, once the kids are facing real life
  • 00:19:24.443 --> 00:19:26.878
  • Decisions, it's been my joy and kind of fun to say, well,
  • 00:19:26.878 --> 00:19:30.215
  • What does god's word say about that?
  • 00:19:30.215 --> 00:19:31.850
  • And inviting them to participate in what they
  • 00:19:31.850 --> 00:19:34.019
  • Already know, but applying that to the circumstances of
  • 00:19:34.019 --> 00:19:36.688
  • Their life.
  • 00:19:36.688 --> 00:19:38.690
  • That's also why we need discipline.
  • 00:19:38.690 --> 00:19:40.225
  • Like, and what discipline does it bridges the gap.
  • 00:19:40.225 --> 00:19:43.729
  • It does.
  • 00:19:43.729 --> 00:19:44.963
  • So the way that i think of discipline is, discipline is
  • 00:19:44.963 --> 00:19:47.132
  • Required when your heart has not yet caught up with your
  • 00:19:47.132 --> 00:19:50.335
  • Mind.
  • 00:19:50.335 --> 00:19:51.603
  • So you've made a decision but your heart is like i'm not
  • 00:19:51.603 --> 00:19:55.807
  • There yet.
  • 00:19:55.807 --> 00:19:56.541
  • I'm not there.
  • 00:19:56.541 --> 00:19:57.809
  • But you've made a decision and so now getting back to the
  • 00:19:57.809 --> 00:20:02.014
  • Reward you do it even though you don't feel like it because
  • 00:20:02.014 --> 00:20:05.817
  • You trust that there will be a reward on the other side.
  • 00:20:05.817 --> 00:20:09.254
  • And i was thinking so isaiah 40, many of us have heard
  • 00:20:09.254 --> 00:20:13.191
  • This, verse 29.
  • 00:20:13.191 --> 00:20:13.925
  • We have to believe this.
  • 00:20:13.925 --> 00:20:15.127
  • This has to be our word.
  • 00:20:15.127 --> 00:20:16.628
  • I believe it's so important that when you're doing a hard
  • 00:20:16.628 --> 00:20:19.298
  • Thing, that you have a word from the lord.
  • 00:20:19.298 --> 00:20:21.533
  • The lord tells us, he gives strength to the weary and
  • 00:20:21.533 --> 00:20:24.236
  • Increases the power of the weak.
  • 00:20:24.236 --> 00:20:25.704
  • Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble
  • 00:20:25.704 --> 00:20:28.140
  • And fall.
  • 00:20:28.140 --> 00:20:29.408
  • But those who hope in the lord will renew their strength.
  • 00:20:29.408 --> 00:20:31.843
  • They will soar on wings like eagles.
  • 00:20:31.843 --> 00:20:33.879
  • They will run and not grow weary.
  • 00:20:33.879 --> 00:20:35.213
  • They will walk and not faint.
  • 00:20:35.213 --> 00:20:37.082
  • We have to place our hope in the lord.
  • 00:20:37.082 --> 00:20:40.485
  • And in his grace because there are going to be things you
  • 00:20:40.485 --> 00:20:44.156
  • Just don't want to do.
  • 00:20:44.156 --> 00:20:45.891
  • It's the right thing to do but you don't want to do it, so
  • 00:20:45.891 --> 00:20:48.560
  • It's like alright lord i will tell you the thing that made
  • 00:20:48.560 --> 00:20:50.796
  • The difference on my weight loss journey, is for the first
  • 00:20:50.796 --> 00:20:53.165
  • Time i actually prayed.
  • 00:20:53.165 --> 00:20:57.836
  • There was times before where i would do all the things and,
  • 00:20:57.836 --> 00:21:00.672
  • You know, i'd do it, but it was like, prayer made the
  • 00:21:00.672 --> 00:21:03.041
  • Difference.
  • 00:21:03.041 --> 00:21:04.343
  • When i got to that point where i was like, god, i see that
  • 00:21:04.343 --> 00:21:05.844
  • Chocolate cake over there, and, man, it's looking so
  • 00:21:05.844 --> 00:21:08.613
  • Good.
  • 00:21:08.613 --> 00:21:09.915
  • I would say, lord, you know the commitment that i've made.
  • 00:21:09.915 --> 00:21:13.085
  • I need you to give me the grace in this moment to stay
  • 00:21:13.085 --> 00:21:15.821
  • With the commitment that i made, and he would do it.
  • 00:21:15.821 --> 00:21:18.724
  • - let me give you my version of that, because i love that.
  • 00:21:18.724 --> 00:21:21.026
  • But for me, when it comes to, it was me, it was coming with
  • 00:21:21.026 --> 00:21:26.431
  • Mental health issues.
  • 00:21:26.431 --> 00:21:28.266
  • I knew for a long, long time before i ever got help that i
  • 00:21:28.266 --> 00:21:31.069
  • Was not doing well, but i didn't know what it was.
  • 00:21:31.069 --> 00:21:33.505
  • I just thought, you know what?
  • 00:21:33.505 --> 00:21:36.174
  • Maybe i'm just the kind of person who is always going to
  • 00:21:36.174 --> 00:21:38.643
  • Be sad.
  • 00:21:38.643 --> 00:21:39.878
  • And i just have to please jesus, and when i get home to
  • 00:21:39.878 --> 00:21:41.913
  • Heaven, i'll be fine.
  • 00:21:41.913 --> 00:21:43.181
  • But i began to isolate more, and just, even though i was
  • 00:21:43.181 --> 00:21:46.785
  • Still in public ministry, i was just kind of dying a
  • 00:21:46.785 --> 00:21:50.622
  • Little bit inside.
  • 00:21:50.622 --> 00:21:51.957
  • And then somebody said to me, when the pain of remaining the
  • 00:21:51.957 --> 00:21:54.893
  • Same is greater than the pain of change, then you'll change.
  • 00:21:54.893 --> 00:21:59.364
  • And i remember one day where i thought, however hard it's
  • 00:21:59.364 --> 00:22:03.402
  • Gonna be to open this door and look at the things i've not
  • 00:22:03.402 --> 00:22:08.373
  • Want to look at, it can be any worse than this.
  • 00:22:08.373 --> 00:22:10.876
  • And so that for me was what really shifted me.
  • 00:22:10.876 --> 00:22:15.113
  • And it was, i was right in thinking it.
  • 00:22:15.113 --> 00:22:18.350
  • It was incredibly hard.
  • 00:22:18.350 --> 00:22:19.518
  • It was incredibly painful.
  • 00:22:19.518 --> 00:22:20.952
  • But i discovered something interesting.
  • 00:22:20.952 --> 00:22:22.888
  • When you have hard things happen in your childhood, like
  • 00:22:22.888 --> 00:22:25.824
  • My dad's death by suicide, when you try and anesthetize
  • 00:22:25.824 --> 00:22:29.528
  • The pain, you anesthetize joy as well.
  • 00:22:29.528 --> 00:22:32.063
  • So true.
  • 00:22:32.063 --> 00:22:32.831
  • You don't get to be selective.
  • 00:22:32.831 --> 00:22:34.099
  • It's like, okay, i won't feel that bad thing, but i will
  • 00:22:34.099 --> 00:22:36.935
  • Feel all the good things.
  • 00:22:36.935 --> 00:22:38.103
  • No, you suppress it.
  • 00:22:38.103 --> 00:22:39.905
  • And what i discovered, the time when i realized that
  • 00:22:39.905 --> 00:22:43.675
  • Healing was beginning was i was maybe third week in the
  • 00:22:43.675 --> 00:22:46.611
  • Hospital and i'm walking down the corridor and i realize i'm
  • 00:22:46.611 --> 00:22:49.614
  • Singing.
  • 00:22:49.614 --> 00:22:50.649
  • And i thought, i haven't sung in a long time.
  • 00:22:50.649 --> 00:22:52.918
  • But it was like suddenly, even though through tears, you
  • 00:22:52.918 --> 00:22:56.955
  • Know, it's hard work sometimes to change.
  • 00:22:56.955 --> 00:22:59.558
  • But the rewards are, you understand what jesus said
  • 00:22:59.558 --> 00:23:04.329
  • When he said, i've come to to give you life, not just
  • 00:23:04.329 --> 00:23:06.698
  • Existence, not just getting through one more day, i've
  • 00:23:06.698 --> 00:23:08.934
  • Come to give you life.
  • 00:23:08.934 --> 00:23:10.235
  • So that for me was it, when the pain of remaining the same
  • 00:23:10.235 --> 00:23:12.804
  • Is greater than the pain of change.
  • 00:23:12.804 --> 00:23:15.073
  • It's very hard when you feel as if you're just trapped in a
  • 00:23:15.073 --> 00:23:19.344
  • Negative cycle, just the same thing's happening over and
  • 00:23:19.344 --> 00:23:22.714
  • Over and over again.
  • 00:23:22.714 --> 00:23:23.715
  • And you feel kind of powerless to stop it.
  • 00:23:23.715 --> 00:23:26.518
  • In moments like that, i try and find just a little space
  • 00:23:26.518 --> 00:23:30.889
  • In my day to sit down and bring it all before the lord.
  • 00:23:30.889 --> 00:23:34.693
  • One of the greatest things about our relationship with
  • 00:23:34.693 --> 00:23:37.963
  • Jesus is there's nothing, nothing in your life he
  • 00:23:37.963 --> 00:23:41.533
  • Doesn't care about.
  • 00:23:41.533 --> 00:23:42.901
  • And when you find yourself in a place, you get to tell the
  • 00:23:42.901 --> 00:23:45.203
  • Whole truth.
  • 00:23:45.203 --> 00:23:46.538
  • You don't have to just always present the best side of you.
  • 00:23:46.538 --> 00:23:49.574
  • You get to say to him, you know what, lord, i'm really
  • 00:23:49.574 --> 00:23:51.109
  • Struggling with this.
  • 00:23:51.109 --> 00:23:52.477
  • And one of the beautiful things about the holy is that
  • 00:23:52.477 --> 00:23:55.914
  • The holy spirit has been promised to help us.
  • 00:23:55.914 --> 00:23:58.650
  • And know that on those days where maybe you can't even
  • 00:23:58.650 --> 00:24:00.886
  • Find the words to pray for yourself, read romans chapter
  • 00:24:00.886 --> 00:24:03.955
  • 8 verses 26 and 27.
  • 00:24:03.955 --> 00:24:07.325
  • And remember that on those moments, the holy spirit
  • 00:24:07.325 --> 00:24:10.128
  • Himself is praying for you.
  • 00:24:10.128 --> 00:24:12.430
  • - a real talk, though, because i'm thinking about somebody
  • 00:24:12.430 --> 00:24:15.667
  • Listening, and i'm going to apply this to a health thing,
  • 00:24:15.667 --> 00:24:18.370
  • But it's really broader as i want us to discuss it, but
  • 00:24:18.370 --> 00:24:21.206
  • That's, this is...
  • 00:24:21.206 --> 00:24:22.440
  • - by the way, anybody here reached that runner's high?
  • 00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:23.508
  • Because i never have.
  • 00:24:23.508 --> 00:24:24.309
  • Never.
  • 00:24:24.309 --> 00:24:25.076
  • - that's why i run, literally.
  • 00:24:25.076 --> 00:24:26.144
  • The only reason i run.
  • 00:24:26.144 --> 00:24:27.746
  • - how many miles do i have to run to get that?
  • 00:24:27.746 --> 00:24:30.682
  • - you usually have to get past the first mile.
  • 00:24:30.682 --> 00:24:32.050
  • If you can get past the first mile.
  • 00:24:32.050 --> 00:24:33.385
  • - if i'm running like that, i'm running from something.
  • 00:24:33.385 --> 00:24:35.120
  • I'm trying to catch a bus.
  • 00:24:35.120 --> 00:24:37.656
  • I'm going nowhere.
  • 00:24:37.656 --> 00:24:38.823
  • The first mile, you're like, oh, why am i doing this?
  • 00:24:38.823 --> 00:24:41.326
  • - okay, so real talk.
  • 00:24:41.326 --> 00:24:42.561
  • So i'm going to use the example of my husband and i,
  • 00:24:42.561 --> 00:24:44.796
  • Because we did a six -month, very, very disciplined.
  • 00:24:44.796 --> 00:24:48.133
  • And it was kind of a mind body soul combination we were in
  • 00:24:48.133 --> 00:24:53.505
  • The gym we were lifting do things i had never done before
  • 00:24:53.505 --> 00:24:55.907
  • And high protein, all these things you're hearing now, all
  • 00:24:55.907 --> 00:24:57.909
  • The buzzwords.
  • 00:24:57.909 --> 00:24:59.110
  • And so i not to be out there with them but i am post
  • 00:24:59.110 --> 00:25:04.182
  • Menopausal so this is just the real talk.
  • 00:25:04.182 --> 00:25:07.319
  • - it's the other change.
  • 00:25:07.319 --> 00:25:09.321
  • So i have a body that i'm not as familiar with, okay?
  • 00:25:08.119 --> 00:25:14.059
  • And so it's the first time i've really ever done
  • 00:25:14.059 --> 00:25:16.494
  • Something like this in this new body with where my
  • 00:25:16.494 --> 00:25:20.198
  • Hormones are and all of that.
  • 00:25:20.198 --> 00:25:21.566
  • Okay, so i did it to the letter of the law.
  • 00:25:21.566 --> 00:25:24.569
  • I mean, if the coach said, eat this, i ate that.
  • 00:25:24.569 --> 00:25:27.572
  • If the coach said workout this many times, do that.
  • 00:25:27.572 --> 00:25:30.308
  • If he sent me the schedule of which, when to do the weights,
  • 00:25:30.308 --> 00:25:33.878
  • I did them exactly as he said.
  • 00:25:33.878 --> 00:25:35.780
  • Like, i did it because i knew i wanted to be able to say
  • 00:25:35.780 --> 00:25:39.618
  • That, you know, i gave it my all and there was a charge to
  • 00:25:39.618 --> 00:25:43.355
  • It, so i did feel the responsible for the fact that
  • 00:25:43.355 --> 00:25:45.957
  • We were paying as well.
  • 00:25:45.957 --> 00:25:47.292
  • So i wanted to do it really really well.
  • 00:25:47.292 --> 00:25:49.661
  • And i did not get great results i did not see a lot of
  • 00:25:49.661 --> 00:25:55.400
  • Change, and so i began with the motivation i had at the
  • 00:25:55.400 --> 00:26:01.206
  • Beginning this is going to be amazing this is going to be
  • 00:26:01.206 --> 00:26:03.141
  • The new me, by the end i was saying things like what was
  • 00:26:03.141 --> 00:26:07.178
  • This all for?
  • 00:26:07.178 --> 00:26:08.113
  • I can look like this by doing nothing.
  • 00:26:08.113 --> 00:26:09.814
  • Or i can i mean i look the same as when i'm doing
  • 00:26:09.814 --> 00:26:13.652
  • Nothing.
  • 00:26:13.652 --> 00:26:14.919
  • I feel- i was not seeing it and i would tell myself you
  • 00:26:14.919 --> 00:26:18.289
  • Know don't grow weary in doing good.
  • 00:26:18.289 --> 00:26:20.291
  • There is a reward keep going.
  • 00:26:20.291 --> 00:26:22.127
  • But i kept going well if six months isn't it?
  • 00:26:22.127 --> 00:26:25.130
  • How, like, how long do i do this before i'm like,
  • 00:26:25.130 --> 00:26:29.034
  • I don't think anything's really going to change.
  • 00:26:29.034 --> 00:26:31.469
  • And so it was easier for me to revert back to old habits
  • 00:26:31.469 --> 00:26:35.373
  • Because i didn't see changes.
  • 00:26:35.373 --> 00:26:37.175
  • So i'm that, so that's a physical, that's my health
  • 00:26:37.175 --> 00:26:40.278
  • Journey, but i want to apply it bigger to the people
  • 00:26:40.278 --> 00:26:43.381
  • Listening.
  • 00:26:43.381 --> 00:26:44.649
  • What would you say to those who they have tried to break
  • 00:26:44.649 --> 00:26:49.020
  • Old habits?
  • 00:26:49.020 --> 00:26:49.688
  • They have...
  • 00:26:49.688 --> 00:26:50.989
  • And for whatever reason, the shift or the new season or the
  • 00:26:50.989 --> 00:26:55.493
  • Whatever they're asking for or trying for doesn't...
  • 00:26:55.493 --> 00:27:00.065
  • - didn't produce the results.
  • 00:27:00.065 --> 00:27:01.299
  • And so it's easier to fall back into old habits because
  • 00:27:01.299 --> 00:27:05.036
  • One, quite honestly, at least the old habits are familiar
  • 00:27:05.036 --> 00:27:07.939
  • And comfortable.
  • 00:27:07.939 --> 00:27:09.474
  • And so because i really am in real time kind of in my health
  • 00:27:09.474 --> 00:27:14.145
  • Journey finding that because it was like it was taking a
  • 00:27:14.145 --> 00:27:16.748
  • Lot of time.
  • 00:27:16.748 --> 00:27:18.049
  • I mean, after everything that the coach had us do, we were
  • 00:27:18.049 --> 00:27:20.985
  • Almost two hours in the gym, five days a week.
  • 00:27:20.985 --> 00:27:23.988
  • Like, i'm eating, my costco bill was crazy expensive.
  • 00:27:23.988 --> 00:27:28.893
  • I mean, like, there was a cost to me to not get results
  • 00:27:28.893 --> 00:27:32.664
  • Became like, this is not worth it.
  • 00:27:32.664 --> 00:27:34.499
  • So what did you get?
  • 00:27:34.499 --> 00:27:36.801
  • - what did you get out of it?
  • 00:27:36.801 --> 00:27:37.669
  • So this is what my husband said.
  • 00:27:37.669 --> 00:27:39.504
  • He's like, you know, you got something.
  • 00:27:39.504 --> 00:27:41.539
  • There were results.
  • 00:27:41.539 --> 00:27:42.574
  • I think i had, and i was definitely stronger.
  • 00:27:42.574 --> 00:27:46.144
  • I was lifting things i had never lifted.
  • 00:27:46.144 --> 00:27:48.980
  • But maybe it didn't seem like enough because this is the
  • 00:27:48.980 --> 00:27:53.551
  • Thing, i would get so tired of saying i'm doing this your 80
  • 00:27:53.551 --> 00:27:57.255
  • Year old self.
  • 00:27:57.255 --> 00:27:58.556
  • And i wasn't seeing results immediately and he was like no
  • 00:27:58.556 --> 00:28:03.795
  • But you're doing it for your 80 year old self.
  • 00:28:03.795 --> 00:28:06.431
  • I'm like, that is not enough motivation for me anymore.
  • 00:28:06.431 --> 00:28:09.300
  • - let me tell you why i'm laughing.
  • 00:28:09.300 --> 00:28:11.169
  • As you're saying this, i'm cracking up because chrystal
  • 00:28:11.169 --> 00:28:13.538
  • And i were just talking about this this morning.
  • 00:28:13.538 --> 00:28:15.907
  • But so i turned 43 this summer.
  • 00:28:15.907 --> 00:28:17.742
  • And i have been working out twice a day, eating like
  • 00:28:17.742 --> 00:28:20.645
  • Really well for the last 10 years.
  • 00:28:20.645 --> 00:28:22.614
  • That's how my journey was.
  • 00:28:22.614 --> 00:28:23.748
  • Twice a day.
  • 00:28:23.748 --> 00:28:25.216
  • And it's actually, well done.
  • 00:28:24.449 --> 00:28:27.952
  • Listen, i went from no workout and the lord just gave me
  • 00:28:27.952 --> 00:28:30.822
  • Grace to just be like really serious about it.
  • 00:28:30.822 --> 00:28:32.524
  • But over the last maybe a year, year and a half, i
  • 00:28:32.524 --> 00:28:37.095
  • Noticed that my body, it's like, it just gained 10 pounds
  • 00:28:37.095 --> 00:28:42.066
  • And it wouldn't, it wouldn't budge.
  • 00:28:42.066 --> 00:28:44.869
  • - exactly.
  • 00:28:44.869 --> 00:28:45.537
  • Into this place.
  • 00:28:45.537 --> 00:28:46.471
  • - that's gonna be a whole other show.
  • 00:28:46.471 --> 00:28:49.908
  • Listen, i thought you need to do a show about this.
  • 00:28:49.908 --> 00:28:52.510
  • Yes.
  • 00:28:52.510 --> 00:28:53.845
  • And then i start to find out, oh, that's what happened at a
  • 00:28:53.845 --> 00:28:56.347
  • Certain age.
  • 00:28:56.347 --> 00:28:57.682
  • And so i, what the lord had to help me see was, number one, i
  • 00:28:57.682 --> 00:29:03.788
  • Was expecting the same results in a different season.
  • 00:29:03.788 --> 00:29:08.126
  • So it's like, you're in a season where what it means to
  • 00:29:08.126 --> 00:29:12.263
  • Be healthy is very different than it meant 10 years ago,
  • 00:29:12.263 --> 00:29:16.501
  • Because there was a look, right, of health.
  • 00:29:16.501 --> 00:29:19.304
  • And i had to go and get a dexa scan to actually see what was
  • 00:29:19.304 --> 00:29:23.074
  • Happening internally.
  • 00:29:23.074 --> 00:29:24.676
  • And the person who was doing the scan she was just like,
  • 00:29:24.676 --> 00:29:29.781
  • Wow, you're in really great shape.
  • 00:29:29.781 --> 00:29:32.083
  • She was like, you know, your heart is like 12 years younger
  • 00:29:32.083 --> 00:29:35.520
  • Than your biological age.
  • 00:29:35.520 --> 00:29:37.388
  • She was like, when it comes to visceral fat around your
  • 00:29:37.388 --> 00:29:39.290
  • Organs, she was like, you can use a little bit of a tweak,
  • 00:29:39.290 --> 00:29:41.326
  • But you're okay.
  • 00:29:41.326 --> 00:29:42.627
  • And so i literally, she had to look inside of me for me to
  • 00:29:42.627 --> 00:29:46.898
  • Understand my health, because on the outside, i wasn't
  • 00:29:46.898 --> 00:29:50.602
  • Seeing what i expected.
  • 00:29:50.602 --> 00:29:52.170
  • The change was happening on the inside.
  • 00:29:52.170 --> 00:29:53.738
  • I think the biggest lesson that i learned spiritually as
  • 00:29:53.738 --> 00:29:58.509
  • I was navigating my physical health journey is the power of
  • 00:29:58.509 --> 00:30:02.313
  • Decision.
  • 00:30:02.313 --> 00:30:03.548
  • Once you make a decision, meaning that you have decided
  • 00:30:03.548 --> 00:30:07.452
  • A thing, you begin to organize your energy, you organize your
  • 00:30:07.452 --> 00:30:11.456
  • Environment around the decision that you made.
  • 00:30:11.456 --> 00:30:15.093
  • If you've noticed that you haven't made progress in an
  • 00:30:15.093 --> 00:30:17.295
  • Area of your life where you want to see progress, chances
  • 00:30:17.295 --> 00:30:20.431
  • Are it's because you've simply made a wish, but you haven't
  • 00:30:20.431 --> 00:30:24.002
  • Made a decision.
  • 00:30:24.002 --> 00:30:25.270
  • If you want to see change, make the decision and organize
  • 00:30:25.270 --> 00:30:28.940
  • Your life around it.
  • 00:30:28.940 --> 00:30:30.875
  • - don't you think that's the same with you?
  • 00:30:30.875 --> 00:30:33.144
  • Probably.
  • 00:30:33.144 --> 00:30:33.811
  • Yeah.
  • 00:30:33.811 --> 00:30:34.479
  • I didn't get that scan.
  • 00:30:34.479 --> 00:30:35.647
  • But don't you think that you've got more muscle now?
  • 00:30:35.647 --> 00:30:38.149
  • - but you get discouraged.
  • 00:30:38.149 --> 00:30:39.384
  • That is true, but i'm applying this spiritually, though.
  • 00:30:39.384 --> 00:30:41.853
  • Yes, it's spiritual, that there's an internal.
  • 00:30:41.853 --> 00:30:44.122
  • - here's the thing.
  • 00:30:44.122 --> 00:30:44.989
  • We have results in mind.
  • 00:30:44.989 --> 00:30:46.424
  • Yeah, that's what i was going to say.
  • 00:30:46.424 --> 00:30:48.993
  • - we have a finish line in mind.
  • 00:30:48.993 --> 00:30:51.162
  • And god is rarely about the finish line, at least that we
  • 00:30:51.162 --> 00:30:56.000
  • Have in mind at the beginning.
  • 00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:57.568
  • He is so committed to our development and the process of
  • 00:30:57.568 --> 00:31:02.140
  • Our sanctification.
  • 00:31:02.140 --> 00:31:03.007
  • And that's actually the result.
  • 00:31:03.007 --> 00:31:04.575
  • The finish line is a byproduct.
  • 00:31:04.575 --> 00:31:08.246
  • But typically the finish line is the thing that gets us
  • 00:31:08.246 --> 00:31:10.048
  • Going.
  • 00:31:10.048 --> 00:31:11.282
  • And we forget that it's actually who we're becoming
  • 00:31:11.282 --> 00:31:14.018
  • Along the way.
  • 00:31:14.018 --> 00:31:16.187
  • - so how does that become enough for the discipline to
  • 00:31:16.187 --> 00:31:17.422
  • Happen?
  • 00:31:17.422 --> 00:31:18.623
  • - yes, no, i understand.
  • 00:31:18.623 --> 00:31:19.924
  • So, like, for me, it's become it's a statement, and i can
  • 00:31:19.924 --> 00:31:21.826
  • Apply this to my physicality.
  • 00:31:21.826 --> 00:31:24.595
  • I can apply this to how i wife, how i mom.
  • 00:31:24.595 --> 00:31:28.132
  • I can apply this to how i work, how i manage money.
  • 00:31:28.132 --> 00:31:31.402
  • It's like, i want to be the kind of person who...
  • 00:31:31.402 --> 00:31:35.406
  • And so it's not about the finish line.
  • 00:31:35.406 --> 00:31:40.545
  • It is about i want to be, like, if i look back at my
  • 00:31:40.545 --> 00:31:43.514
  • Life, whether i'm scrolling through my phone on pictures
  • 00:31:43.514 --> 00:31:47.785
  • Or whether i'm looking at my journal to see what god has
  • 00:31:47.785 --> 00:31:49.654
  • Brought me through, it's the concept of when i'm not here,
  • 00:31:49.654 --> 00:31:55.326
  • What are the common threads that run through my life?
  • 00:31:55.326 --> 00:31:58.129
  • Because really like the daily things we do every day you
  • 00:31:58.129 --> 00:32:01.366
  • Know not to be morbid but when you have an obituary it's the
  • 00:32:01.366 --> 00:32:06.437
  • Big threads.
  • 00:32:06.437 --> 00:32:07.438
  • It's the consistent things that matter.
  • 00:32:07.438 --> 00:32:09.173
  • So what are the consistent things?
  • 00:32:09.173 --> 00:32:11.075
  • You know and for me it's become that.
  • 00:32:11.075 --> 00:32:13.711
  • I want to be liek if somebody's listening and
  • 00:32:13.711 --> 00:32:15.713
  • They're like, okay, i'm gonna be respectful to my husband.
  • 00:32:15.713 --> 00:32:18.349
  • - not yell at the kids.
  • 00:32:18.349 --> 00:32:21.119
  • Or i'm gonna clean the kitchen before i go to bed.
  • 00:32:19.951 --> 00:32:22.620
  • Like, in the little things, it's not about, okay, is my
  • 00:32:22.620 --> 00:32:26.324
  • Kitchen always clean?
  • 00:32:26.324 --> 00:32:27.658
  • It's like, i wanna be the person who, when i came home,
  • 00:32:27.658 --> 00:32:31.095
  • I was glad to be home, or when my people came home, you know.
  • 00:32:31.095 --> 00:32:33.765
  • When i look back at so many of the things that my mom did in
  • 00:32:33.765 --> 00:32:36.734
  • Her home or my grandmother, so my grandmother had a cake
  • 00:32:36.734 --> 00:32:39.937
  • Dish, and i'm so glad i have this cake dish, right?
  • 00:32:39.937 --> 00:32:42.206
  • It's just, you know, people were riffling through and
  • 00:32:42.206 --> 00:32:45.710
  • Getting different things but it's like i wanted the things
  • 00:32:45.710 --> 00:32:48.279
  • That reminded me of her home.
  • 00:32:48.279 --> 00:32:49.814
  • And whenever we would come in her home she always had this
  • 00:32:49.814 --> 00:32:52.884
  • Glass cake dish and it always had cake in it.
  • 00:32:52.884 --> 00:32:55.420
  • It never occurred to me that she and my grandmother were
  • 00:32:55.420 --> 00:32:58.256
  • Living by themselves and how did she always have a cake?
  • 00:32:58.256 --> 00:33:01.059
  • And if we didn't eat the cake, what happened to the cake?
  • 00:33:01.059 --> 00:33:04.128
  • So as i got older i realized she would take the cake and
  • 00:33:04.128 --> 00:33:07.565
  • Whatever was not eaten, she would slice it and put each
  • 00:33:07.565 --> 00:33:11.602
  • Slice in saran wrap and put it in the freezer.
  • 00:33:11.602 --> 00:33:13.604
  • And her and my grandfather would eat that over the months
  • 00:33:13.604 --> 00:33:16.140
  • To come.
  • 00:33:16.140 --> 00:33:16.808
  • Wow.
  • 00:33:16.808 --> 00:33:17.508
  • But what do i remember?
  • 00:33:17.508 --> 00:33:18.843
  • I remember that my grandmother's home was always
  • 00:33:18.843 --> 00:33:21.412
  • The home where you walked in and you had the sense of
  • 00:33:21.412 --> 00:33:24.015
  • Hospitality because there was always a cake waiting on you,
  • 00:33:24.015 --> 00:33:26.717
  • Right?
  • 00:33:26.717 --> 00:33:28.019
  • And so her decision to buy a cake, knowing knowing that it
  • 00:33:28.019 --> 00:33:30.555
  • Wasn't gonna be eaten was because she wanted to have the
  • 00:33:30.555 --> 00:33:32.824
  • Kind of home where people always walked in and felt like
  • 00:33:32.824 --> 00:33:34.926
  • They were prepared for.
  • 00:33:34.926 --> 00:33:36.227
  • And so the habit of going to get the cake, we have somebody
  • 00:33:36.227 --> 00:33:39.063
  • Coming, i'm gonna go get the cake, was about something
  • 00:33:39.063 --> 00:33:41.566
  • Bigger than that.
  • 00:33:41.566 --> 00:33:42.500
  • And so it's like, who do you wanna be?
  • 00:33:42.500 --> 00:33:44.168
  • How do you wanna be remembered?
  • 00:33:44.168 --> 00:33:45.436
  • What is the experience that you wanna have with your own
  • 00:33:45.436 --> 00:33:47.939
  • Life or the experience that you want other people to have
  • 00:33:47.939 --> 00:33:50.575
  • Of you as well?
  • 00:33:50.575 --> 00:33:51.809
  • And so when i think about health and wellness, i know we
  • 00:33:51.809 --> 00:33:54.412
  • Keep coming back to that.
  • 00:33:54.412 --> 00:33:55.713
  • But whether i lose weight or not, my grandmother, that same
  • 00:33:55.713 --> 00:33:58.316
  • Grandmother, we have video of her on her front porch or in
  • 00:33:58.316 --> 00:34:01.886
  • Her front yard in maryland running around with
  • 00:34:01.886 --> 00:34:05.623
  • Great-grandchildren.
  • 00:34:05.623 --> 00:34:07.024
  • On video, we have the great-grandmother running
  • 00:34:07.024 --> 00:34:09.727
  • Around.
  • 00:34:09.727 --> 00:34:10.928
  • So i'm trying to think less about the pounds and more
  • 00:34:10.928 --> 00:34:13.297
  • About i want to be the kind of person who can make memories
  • 00:34:13.297 --> 00:34:18.436
  • With her grandchildren or great-grandchildren.
  • 00:34:18.436 --> 00:34:21.172
  • And what does that require of me today?
  • 00:34:21.172 --> 00:34:23.541
  • You know, the other day i got into the pool with my
  • 00:34:23.541 --> 00:34:25.810
  • Grandchildren.
  • 00:34:25.810 --> 00:34:27.011
  • I didn't want to, you know, the braids were braiding.
  • 00:34:27.011 --> 00:34:28.880
  • I didn't want them to get tangled, like, all the things.
  • 00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:31.716
  • And the decision that i made to get into the pool with them
  • 00:34:31.716 --> 00:34:35.286
  • Was i want to be the kind of grandmother whose
  • 00:34:35.286 --> 00:34:37.955
  • Grandchildren remember her swimming with them.
  • 00:34:37.955 --> 00:34:40.992
  • 100%.
  • 00:34:40.992 --> 00:34:41.993
  • Because i actually can do that right now.
  • 00:34:41.993 --> 00:34:43.394
  • And if i don't do it because it's inconvenient or because i
  • 00:34:43.394 --> 00:34:46.063
  • Don't want to deal with washing my hair after, if i
  • 00:34:46.063 --> 00:34:47.865
  • Don't want to do it because, you know, then i'm going to
  • 00:34:47.865 --> 00:34:49.467
  • Have to go and clean myself.
  • 00:34:49.467 --> 00:34:50.735
  • I can give myself all the reasons why my discomfort in a
  • 00:34:50.735 --> 00:34:53.337
  • Certain moment doesn't create a reality that i actually
  • 00:34:53.337 --> 00:34:56.407
  • Want.
  • 00:34:56.407 --> 00:34:57.708
  • So the question i ask myself is, what's the reality that i
  • 00:34:57.708 --> 00:35:00.244
  • Want?
  • 00:35:00.244 --> 00:35:01.312
  • What's the reality that i want to remember?
  • 00:35:01.312 --> 00:35:02.647
  • What's the reality that i feel like i will regret if i don't
  • 00:35:02.647 --> 00:35:05.283
  • Pour myself wholly into the call of god on my life?
  • 00:35:05.283 --> 00:35:09.353
  • I want to be the person who, and then what does that
  • 00:35:09.353 --> 00:35:12.356
  • Require?
  • 00:35:12.356 --> 00:35:13.558
  • Because i have to let god be in control of the result.
  • 00:35:13.558 --> 00:35:16.594
  • I may not get the result i want for my marriage from
  • 00:35:16.594 --> 00:35:18.696
  • Being obedient, you know, because it takes two.
  • 00:35:18.696 --> 00:35:20.698
  • I can't control my children's choices.
  • 00:35:20.698 --> 00:35:23.100
  • I've got to be the kind of mom who, and then god has to do
  • 00:35:23.100 --> 00:35:25.670
  • Some work there.
  • 00:35:25.670 --> 00:35:26.837
  • And i can work out twice a day, and maybe the weight
  • 00:35:26.837 --> 00:35:29.307
  • Won't do what i want it to do.
  • 00:35:29.307 --> 00:35:30.608
  • Because there are other things in play.
  • 00:35:30.608 --> 00:35:32.443
  • But i want to be the person who has young women over to my
  • 00:35:32.443 --> 00:35:38.049
  • House.
  • 00:35:38.049 --> 00:35:38.716
  • You know what i'm saying?
  • 00:35:38.716 --> 00:35:40.084
  • So i have to concern myself with that and then trust god
  • 00:35:40.084 --> 00:35:44.121
  • For the results.
  • 00:35:44.121 --> 00:35:45.423
  • And so if we will release the results, then often god will
  • 00:35:45.423 --> 00:35:47.491
  • Do something that we never even expect.
  • 00:35:47.491 --> 00:35:49.193
  • - but there's a beauty and a stability to that.
  • 00:35:49.193 --> 00:35:51.095
  • It's like determining this is who i am.
  • 00:35:51.095 --> 00:35:53.064
  • Yes.
  • 00:35:53.064 --> 00:35:53.864
  • This is who i am in christ.
  • 00:35:53.864 --> 00:35:56.367
  • - there are some things you cannot rush, some seasons you
  • 00:35:56.367 --> 00:35:59.503
  • Cannot shift in your own power.
  • 00:35:59.503 --> 00:36:01.639
  • There are some results that you would like to see that you
  • 00:36:01.639 --> 00:36:04.575
  • Cannot force.
  • 00:36:04.575 --> 00:36:06.077
  • But what you can do is be obedient, what you can do is
  • 00:36:06.077 --> 00:36:08.379
  • Pray.
  • 00:36:08.379 --> 00:36:09.680
  • What you can do is do all that you know how to do, and then
  • 00:36:09.680 --> 00:36:11.916
  • You can leave the outcome to god.
  • 00:36:11.916 --> 00:36:15.186
  • Some of us are striving and pushing and stressing
  • 00:36:15.186 --> 00:36:18.389
  • Ourselves out, trying to force things that can only happen
  • 00:36:18.389 --> 00:36:22.426
  • With god's involvement.
  • 00:36:22.426 --> 00:36:23.728
  • Do all you can do and then stand, because sometimes the
  • 00:36:23.728 --> 00:36:27.632
  • Battle is not yours, it's the lord's.
  • 00:36:27.632 --> 00:36:30.167
  • - be the first to know all the latest better together
  • 00:36:30.167 --> 00:36:34.038
  • Updates.
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  • Visit bettertogether.tv to sign up for our weekly emails
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  • And never miss the latest news.
  • 00:36:38.976 --> 00:36:41.479
  • (music playing)
  • 00:36:41.479 --> 00:36:41.996
  • (music playing)
  • 00:36:41.996 --> 00:36:45.517
  • - you know, change is, it's a process and sometimes it feels
  • 00:36:45.517 --> 00:36:50.656
  • Like we're taking three steps forward and then, you know,
  • 00:36:50.656 --> 00:36:54.059
  • Take a step back.
  • 00:36:54.059 --> 00:36:56.228
  • So there will be times on your journey when you fall back
  • 00:36:56.228 --> 00:36:58.764
  • Into that old habit or that old pattern.
  • 00:36:58.764 --> 00:37:00.832
  • But just dust yourself off and get back up and go again.
  • 00:37:00.832 --> 00:37:03.035
  • Don't, don't give it all up.
  • 00:37:03.035 --> 00:37:05.404
  • You're on the journey.
  • 00:37:05.404 --> 00:37:07.005
  • You're on the journey to be made to look like jesus.
  • 00:37:07.005 --> 00:37:08.840
  • So just get back up and keep walking on.
  • 00:37:08.840 --> 00:37:10.342
  • Don't quit.
  • 00:37:10.342 --> 00:37:13.045
  • ♪ (music playing) ♪
  • 00:37:12.277 --> 00:37:18.517
  • - i remember some of the early years when
  • 00:37:18.517 --> 00:37:19.851
  • Barry and i were married, and he did some things that drove
  • 00:37:19.851 --> 00:37:21.119
  • Me bonkers.
  • 00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:22.788
  • And i would-
  • 00:37:22.788 --> 00:37:24.823
  • - not anymore?
  • 00:37:24.823 --> 00:37:25.590
  • - oh no there's more now.
  • 00:37:25.590 --> 00:37:27.159
  • Keeps piling on as the years go by.
  • 00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:31.663
  • My thing was if he will change i will change.
  • 00:37:31.663 --> 00:37:34.633
  • There came this place where i was challenged by a friend of
  • 00:37:34.633 --> 00:37:38.603
  • What if he doesn't change in that area do you want to
  • 00:37:38.603 --> 00:37:42.674
  • Constantly who do you want to be who do you want to that's
  • 00:37:42.674 --> 00:37:44.843
  • Right that question and i remember a really intense time
  • 00:37:44.843 --> 00:37:50.082
  • I had with the lord saying okay lord every single day you
  • 00:37:50.082 --> 00:37:52.951
  • Love me every single day your grace is available, every
  • 00:37:52.951 --> 00:37:56.655
  • Single day you're here if you're good you're in control
  • 00:37:56.655 --> 00:38:01.393
  • And so i determined if these little things never change,
  • 00:38:01.393 --> 00:38:04.596
  • I'm still going to be kind.
  • 00:38:04.596 --> 00:38:05.897
  • I'm going to choose to be kind.
  • 00:38:05.897 --> 00:38:07.833
  • And i have to tell you, it's made a difference in our life.
  • 00:38:07.833 --> 00:38:10.435
  • And the interesting thing is, i looked further down the
  • 00:38:10.435 --> 00:38:12.904
  • Line, some of those things that bug me, he actually
  • 00:38:12.904 --> 00:38:16.641
  • Doesn't do them anymore.
  • 00:38:16.641 --> 00:38:17.876
  • I don't know if he doesn't do them because he knew they
  • 00:38:17.876 --> 00:38:19.745
  • Bugged me or if it just doesn't matter anymore.
  • 00:38:19.745 --> 00:38:21.380
  • But the great thing is it doesn't shift who you are.
  • 00:38:21.380 --> 00:38:24.416
  • When you've determined, because of jesus, this is who
  • 00:38:24.416 --> 00:38:27.419
  • I am, and this is how i want to be remembered, and this is
  • 00:38:27.419 --> 00:38:30.188
  • How i want to be experienced.
  • 00:38:30.188 --> 00:38:31.289
  • - this is the impact i want to make.
  • 00:38:31.289 --> 00:38:33.425
  • - i just want to encourage you, if you find yourself in
  • 00:38:33.425 --> 00:38:35.827
  • The middle of a just repeating cycle, you keep the same
  • 00:38:35.827 --> 00:38:40.165
  • Behaviors, the same patterns.
  • 00:38:40.165 --> 00:38:42.768
  • Number one, ask for help.
  • 00:38:42.768 --> 00:38:44.403
  • Ask for help.
  • 00:38:44.403 --> 00:38:45.737
  • Ask for someone to, you know, help you out of that, and talk
  • 00:38:45.737 --> 00:38:48.840
  • To god.
  • 00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:50.075
  • Ask him, say, give me some wisdom about how to get out of
  • 00:38:50.075 --> 00:38:53.278
  • This.
  • 00:38:53.278 --> 00:38:54.513
  • Take this, you know, thought away, ask god to step into
  • 00:38:54.513 --> 00:38:56.882
  • That cycle and help you break it.
  • 00:38:56.882 --> 00:39:00.419
  • - i'm on my last kid.
  • 00:39:00.419 --> 00:39:02.020
  • I'm trying hard to finish well.
  • 00:39:02.020 --> 00:39:04.156
  • Trying hard to finish well.
  • 00:39:04.156 --> 00:39:05.557
  • There's no finishing.
  • 00:39:05.557 --> 00:39:06.324
  • Y'all, i have done it.
  • 00:39:06.324 --> 00:39:07.592
  • I mean, not just this season.
  • 00:39:07.592 --> 00:39:09.494
  • I mean, i've homeschooled him.
  • 00:39:09.494 --> 00:39:10.996
  • I've read to him.
  • 00:39:10.996 --> 00:39:12.230
  • I mean, all of this stuff.
  • 00:39:12.230 --> 00:39:14.132
  • And this last one, you know, he's actually more
  • 00:39:14.132 --> 00:39:16.635
  • Self-sufficient than most of my kids, most more
  • 00:39:16.635 --> 00:39:18.603
  • Independent, more extroverted.
  • 00:39:18.603 --> 00:39:19.905
  • And i'm laying in the bed and i'm thinking, you know, bye.
  • 00:39:19.905 --> 00:39:22.607
  • I know he'll come and kiss me, maybe.
  • 00:39:22.607 --> 00:39:24.543
  • And i'm like, bye, have a good day.
  • 00:39:24.543 --> 00:39:26.244
  • And i was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
  • 00:39:26.244 --> 00:39:27.579
  • Pause.
  • 00:39:27.579 --> 00:39:28.246
  • Who did you want to be?
  • 00:39:28.246 --> 00:39:30.415
  • That hasn't changed just because, and so this is this
  • 00:39:30.415 --> 00:39:34.820
  • Little random thing.
  • 00:39:34.820 --> 00:39:36.154
  • The last two years of my third child, i made it a habit.
  • 00:39:36.154 --> 00:39:39.958
  • We moved into a different house and i made it a habit in
  • 00:39:39.958 --> 00:39:42.427
  • The morning to stand on the front porch and waved to them
  • 00:39:42.427 --> 00:39:44.496
  • As they drove off.
  • 00:39:44.496 --> 00:39:45.831
  • And i was like, wait a minute, just because he can leave and
  • 00:39:45.831 --> 00:39:48.633
  • Because he doesn't need it, or because i get to stay in the
  • 00:39:48.633 --> 00:39:51.970
  • Bed.
  • 00:39:51.970 --> 00:39:53.238
  • He didn't need me to fix him breakfast, like he's got it.
  • 00:39:53.238 --> 00:39:54.406
  • Who do i want to be?
  • 00:39:54.406 --> 00:39:55.740
  • So i'm getting up in the morning habit because there is
  • 00:39:55.740 --> 00:39:59.578
  • Something that i'm seeding into.
  • 00:39:59.578 --> 00:40:01.379
  • I want to be, you know, and they all may not remember, but
  • 00:40:01.379 --> 00:40:04.749
  • I want to give them enough of the consistency of this habit
  • 00:40:04.749 --> 00:40:08.186
  • That somebody's going to say, remember how she stood on the
  • 00:40:08.186 --> 00:40:10.689
  • Porch and just waved us off?
  • 00:40:10.689 --> 00:40:12.123
  • So it can be, right, you know, and if i miss a few here and
  • 00:40:12.123 --> 00:40:15.994
  • There, you know, life will, you know, hopefully forgive me
  • 00:40:15.994 --> 00:40:18.797
  • For that.
  • 00:40:18.797 --> 00:40:19.931
  • But i'm just saying, like, that's just the thing.
  • 00:40:19.931 --> 00:40:21.199
  • And so it's in the smallest things, like it doesn't have
  • 00:40:21.199 --> 00:40:25.303
  • To be these gargantuan, you know, i lost the 200 pounds,
  • 00:40:25.303 --> 00:40:29.508
  • Or, you know, i built a company, or, you know, it can
  • 00:40:29.508 --> 00:40:31.543
  • Just be, you had a thought about something that you
  • 00:40:31.543 --> 00:40:35.180
  • Wanted to do or a way in what you wanted to be remembered or
  • 00:40:35.180 --> 00:40:37.849
  • A way that you felt god was leading you and guiding you.
  • 00:40:37.849 --> 00:40:40.552
  • And in order for that to actually have impact, you have
  • 00:40:40.552 --> 00:40:43.555
  • To be consistent enough in doing it when you don't feel
  • 00:40:43.555 --> 00:40:45.590
  • Like it just because it attaches itself to something
  • 00:40:45.590 --> 00:40:48.226
  • Else that you see.
  • 00:40:48.226 --> 00:40:50.996
  • - just like that, we're talking about like, i would
  • 00:40:50.996 --> 00:40:54.799
  • Cheer you on, you know, as you're losing the whole weight
  • 00:40:54.799 --> 00:40:56.601
  • Thing or running a marathon or... - then i was dead.
  • 00:40:56.601 --> 00:40:59.437
  • I'm not doing it.
  • 00:40:59.437 --> 00:41:00.238
  • - okay, i'm sorry, whatever.
  • 00:41:00.238 --> 00:41:01.740
  • But there are some changes that you're going to get
  • 00:41:01.740 --> 00:41:03.575
  • Support from.
  • 00:41:03.575 --> 00:41:04.843
  • But i also think sometimes there are changes that we need
  • 00:41:04.843 --> 00:41:06.745
  • To make that people are not going to cheer you on for.
  • 00:41:06.745 --> 00:41:08.847
  • They're not.
  • 00:41:08.847 --> 00:41:10.081
  • That's true.
  • 00:41:10.081 --> 00:41:10.882
  • Right, or that gets celebrated.
  • 00:41:10.882 --> 00:41:12.083
  • So you think about in our culture, in some aspects of
  • 00:41:12.083 --> 00:41:13.518
  • Our culture, the whole overworking.
  • 00:41:13.518 --> 00:41:15.820
  • So if you're not producing, then are you really valid?
  • 00:41:15.820 --> 00:41:19.691
  • And so then you get convicted about the overworking aspect
  • 00:41:19.691 --> 00:41:24.329
  • Of your life, how there's no sabbath, there's no margin.
  • 00:41:24.329 --> 00:41:28.733
  • And so you start to make changes.
  • 00:41:28.733 --> 00:41:30.602
  • But then the people that have demanded of you are going, yep
  • 00:41:30.602 --> 00:41:33.371
  • What are you doing?
  • 00:41:33.371 --> 00:41:35.941
  • Yeah.
  • 00:41:35.941 --> 00:41:37.509
  • You're slacking.
  • 00:41:37.509 --> 00:41:38.710
  • So i just think sometimes just because we've made this
  • 00:41:38.710 --> 00:41:40.645
  • Decision and that's the right one to change, we're not
  • 00:41:40.645 --> 00:41:43.181
  • Always going to get celebrated or think about like toxic
  • 00:41:43.181 --> 00:41:46.685
  • Relationships.
  • 00:41:46.685 --> 00:41:48.219
  • Like we know people we've been in them, right?
  • 00:41:48.219 --> 00:41:50.455
  • And you realize i can no longer be in this
  • 00:41:50.455 --> 00:41:52.424
  • Relationship.
  • 00:41:52.424 --> 00:41:53.758
  • It's damaging to my soul and to my life.
  • 00:41:53.758 --> 00:41:56.628
  • And so you step away, but do you think that they're just
  • 00:41:56.628 --> 00:41:59.931
  • Going to cheer you on?
  • 00:41:59.931 --> 00:42:00.832
  • No.
  • 00:42:00.832 --> 00:42:01.866
  • So then let me just throw that out there.
  • 00:42:01.866 --> 00:42:03.168
  • So then how do you handle a change when you know it's the
  • 00:42:03.168 --> 00:42:05.570
  • Right thing?
  • 00:42:05.570 --> 00:42:06.871
  • - and you're not always going to be spiritually supported.
  • 00:42:06.871 --> 00:42:09.107
  • I remember when christian, one of the things i've done with,
  • 00:42:09.107 --> 00:42:11.543
  • Because we only have one son, when he was growing up, every
  • 00:42:11.543 --> 00:42:13.111
  • Year on his birthday, i would say to him, what's the one
  • 00:42:13.111 --> 00:42:14.946
  • Thing you would like you and me to do this year?
  • 00:42:14.946 --> 00:42:17.182
  • That's just special.
  • 00:42:17.182 --> 00:42:19.217
  • And it would be different things.
  • 00:42:19.217 --> 00:42:20.619
  • Some years we flew kites.
  • 00:42:20.619 --> 00:42:22.387
  • But this one particular year, he wanted us to get a
  • 00:42:22.387 --> 00:42:25.190
  • Basketball hoop and me to shoot hoops with him.
  • 00:42:25.190 --> 00:42:27.092
  • And i'm like, okay, tuesday night, you and i, we shoot
  • 00:42:27.092 --> 00:42:27.626
  • Hoops.
  • 00:42:27.626 --> 00:42:29.394
  • - i'm just picturing this.
  • 00:42:29.394 --> 00:42:30.128
  • Oh, gosh.
  • 00:42:30.128 --> 00:42:30.862
  • - i know, it wasn't pretty.
  • 00:42:30.862 --> 00:42:35.367
  • No, it would be so cute.
  • 00:42:35.367 --> 00:42:37.569
  • I want the photo.
  • 00:42:37.569 --> 00:42:38.903
  • But the interesting thing was, one of my neighbors knocked on
  • 00:42:38.903 --> 00:42:39.537
  • The door one night.
  • 00:42:39.537 --> 00:42:40.839
  • And she said, sheila, would you be willing to have a bible
  • 00:42:40.839 --> 00:42:41.439
  • Study in your home?
  • 00:42:41.439 --> 00:42:42.607
  • And i said, actually, i've been thinking about that.
  • 00:42:42.607 --> 00:42:44.342
  • I'd love to.
  • 00:42:44.342 --> 00:42:45.510
  • She's like, okay, i've talked to all the neighbors.
  • 00:42:45.510 --> 00:42:46.678
  • We know, you can't do wednesday because you've got
  • 00:42:46.678 --> 00:42:47.846
  • Things there.
  • 00:42:47.846 --> 00:42:48.913
  • So we've all chosen tuesday.
  • 00:42:48.913 --> 00:42:52.183
  • And i said, actually, you know what?
  • 00:42:52.183 --> 00:42:52.784
  • I can't do tuesday.
  • 00:42:52.784 --> 00:42:53.952
  • And she said, what do you mean you can't do tuesday?
  • 00:42:53.952 --> 00:42:55.253
  • I said, that's actually the night that i shoot hoops with
  • 00:42:55.253 --> 00:42:55.787
  • My son.
  • 00:42:55.787 --> 00:42:57.088
  • And she said to me, are you telling me that shooting hoops
  • 00:42:57.088 --> 00:42:59.157
  • With your son is more important than leading a bible
  • 00:42:59.157 --> 00:43:00.458
  • Study in your home.
  • 00:43:00.458 --> 00:43:03.194
  • And i'm like, that is exactly what i'm telling you.
  • 00:43:03.194 --> 00:43:04.796
  • And it did not go down well in the neighborhood.
  • 00:43:04.796 --> 00:43:07.065
  • It was like, you know, how can that be?
  • 00:43:07.065 --> 00:43:09.701
  • That's something as silly as that.
  • 00:43:09.701 --> 00:43:14.339
  • But i thought if my commitment in my own family, never mind
  • 00:43:14.339 --> 00:43:18.443
  • On a platform or on television, but if my
  • 00:43:18.443 --> 00:43:20.879
  • Commitment, my word to my, to my family doesn't weigh enough
  • 00:43:20.879 --> 00:43:24.182
  • That it can be easily displaced, then i think i
  • 00:43:24.182 --> 00:43:27.218
  • Should just be quiet then and never speak again, because
  • 00:43:27.218 --> 00:43:31.089
  • That meant the world to my son.
  • 00:43:31.089 --> 00:43:36.061
  • Now, does he remember now that we used to shoot hoops every
  • 00:43:36.061 --> 00:43:36.961
  • Tuesday?
  • 00:43:36.961 --> 00:43:37.729
  • Probably not, but i remember.
  • 00:43:37.729 --> 00:43:38.897
  • So sometimes people will think, well, that's not even
  • 00:43:38.897 --> 00:43:41.332
  • Spiritual.
  • 00:43:41.332 --> 00:43:42.634
  • But if you've decided this is how i want to be and this is
  • 00:43:42.634 --> 00:43:44.602
  • The choice i've made.
  • 00:43:44.602 --> 00:43:46.237
  • - and the change i'm willing to make.
  • 00:43:46.237 --> 00:43:48.173
  • - yeah, change i'm willing to make, yeah.
  • 00:43:48.173 --> 00:43:50.809
  • - i think that so much of what keeps us in negative cycles
  • 00:43:50.809 --> 00:43:52.744
  • And patterns isn't just us.
  • 00:43:52.744 --> 00:43:55.914
  • It's the environment that we find ourselves in.
  • 00:43:55.914 --> 00:43:58.216
  • It's the people that we surround ourselves with.
  • 00:43:58.216 --> 00:43:59.984
  • And so we have to be very intentional about scanning our
  • 00:43:59.984 --> 00:44:03.488
  • Environment for the people, the circumstances, potentially
  • 00:44:03.488 --> 00:44:06.357
  • Even the opportunities that are keeping us stuck in place.
  • 00:44:06.357 --> 00:44:10.462
  • And once we recognize that those people, those
  • 00:44:10.462 --> 00:44:13.865
  • Situations, those opportunities are keeping us
  • 00:44:13.865 --> 00:44:16.301
  • Stuck, we have to commit ourselves to making the
  • 00:44:16.301 --> 00:44:18.603
  • Necessary changes so that they don't provide undue influence
  • 00:44:18.603 --> 00:44:22.073
  • In the decisions that we make.
  • 00:44:22.073 --> 00:44:24.876
  • And that is very, very difficult because we love the
  • 00:44:24.876 --> 00:44:27.946
  • People in our lives, but not everybody who is attached to
  • 00:44:27.946 --> 00:44:30.548
  • You is actually assigned to your purpose.
  • 00:44:30.548 --> 00:44:33.118
  • So just stay watchful.
  • 00:44:33.118 --> 00:44:35.053
  • - we've been talking about seasons and seasons changing.
  • 00:44:35.053 --> 00:44:40.125
  • And in this conversation, it feels like it should be
  • 00:44:40.125 --> 00:44:43.394
  • Mentioned that sometimes if a season is changing for you,
  • 00:44:43.394 --> 00:44:45.864
  • God doesn't bring everybody along into your changed
  • 00:44:45.864 --> 00:44:49.634
  • Season.
  • 00:44:49.634 --> 00:44:52.203
  • So if you are moving into a season where it is requiring
  • 00:44:52.203 --> 00:44:55.540
  • Some new disciplines, maybe some new habits and some new
  • 00:44:55.540 --> 00:44:59.878
  • Thoughts and some new action and whatever, and you're
  • 00:44:59.878 --> 00:45:03.014
  • Getting pushed back, the question may be, okay, god, is
  • 00:45:03.014 --> 00:45:06.151
  • It because the season of that friendship or that
  • 00:45:06.151 --> 00:45:09.320
  • Relationship is changing as well.
  • 00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:10.822
  • As you're moving me into something new, not everybody
  • 00:45:10.822 --> 00:45:12.824
  • Comes along with that.
  • 00:45:12.824 --> 00:45:14.526
  • And i know, i mean, in transition, if you've ever had
  • 00:45:14.526 --> 00:45:17.962
  • Any kind of transition, you know you're leaving things
  • 00:45:17.962 --> 00:45:19.264
  • Behind, but we usually think of that in terms of maybe jobs
  • 00:45:19.264 --> 00:45:22.567
  • Or whatever, but sometimes it is relationships you're
  • 00:45:22.567 --> 00:45:26.271
  • Leaving behind too.
  • 00:45:26.271 --> 00:45:27.005
  • - and that's so hard for me.
  • 00:45:27.005 --> 00:45:28.606
  • It's really hard.
  • 00:45:28.606 --> 00:45:30.441
  • Because i'm so people-y.
  • 00:45:30.441 --> 00:45:31.509
  • You are.
  • 00:45:31.509 --> 00:45:32.811
  • I think if you're my friend, you're my friend until i meet
  • 00:45:32.811 --> 00:45:33.778
  • Jesus.
  • 00:45:33.778 --> 00:45:34.913
  • We're friends forever.
  • 00:45:34.913 --> 00:45:35.713
  • That's how i think.
  • 00:45:35.713 --> 00:45:36.781
  • And i'm more shocked when it's not that way.
  • 00:45:36.781 --> 00:45:38.483
  • - the friendship may not be over.
  • 00:45:38.483 --> 00:45:40.185
  • It just may change.
  • 00:45:40.185 --> 00:45:41.019
  • And that is hard.
  • 00:45:41.019 --> 00:45:44.289
  • - you know what's interesting though.
  • 00:45:44.289 --> 00:45:45.156
  • So first of all, change has a cost.
  • 00:45:45.156 --> 00:45:47.025
  • - yeah.
  • 00:45:47.025 --> 00:45:48.860
  • In some way, there's going to be a cost.
  • 00:45:48.860 --> 00:45:51.229
  • And what you said about kind of framing your decision
  • 00:45:51.229 --> 00:45:55.266
  • Around who do i want to be, i had a situation where i was
  • 00:45:55.266 --> 00:45:59.304
  • Working in ministry, high-level leadership role.
  • 00:45:59.304 --> 00:46:01.639
  • And the year before, my oldest son had tried out for the
  • 00:46:01.639 --> 00:46:06.778
  • Basketball team for his school, he did not make the
  • 00:46:06.778 --> 00:46:10.348
  • Team, he was devastated.
  • 00:46:10.348 --> 00:46:10.982
  • Like crushed.
  • 00:46:10.982 --> 00:46:12.217
  • The way that my career has been set up i mean i've been
  • 00:46:12.217 --> 00:46:13.418
  • Traveling gosh the entirety of my childrens' lives.
  • 00:46:13.418 --> 00:46:15.186
  • And i got to a place where i made the decision i want to be
  • 00:46:15.186 --> 00:46:17.622
  • The mom who was there.
  • 00:46:17.622 --> 00:46:20.458
  • I was on a work trip when my oldest son graduated from
  • 00:46:20.458 --> 00:46:28.566
  • Kindergarten and it crushed me to see the picture of my
  • 00:46:28.566 --> 00:46:29.868
  • Little kid in his little gown, my husband couldn't be there
  • 00:46:29.868 --> 00:46:36.074
  • Either because he was traveling too.
  • 00:46:36.074 --> 00:46:37.375
  • And it crushed me i decided in that moment, i was like this
  • 00:46:37.375 --> 00:46:38.943
  • Is not what i want.
  • 00:46:38.943 --> 00:46:42.513
  • Well anyway my son makes the basketball team, i'm in this
  • 00:46:42.513 --> 00:46:45.650
  • High level role in ministry and it just so happened they
  • 00:46:45.650 --> 00:46:49.454
  • Were going to have this big pep rally to introduce the
  • 00:46:49.454 --> 00:46:51.356
  • Team to the school and the date for the pep rally was the
  • 00:46:51.356 --> 00:46:54.058
  • Date i was supposed to do his huge event for the company i
  • 00:46:54.058 --> 00:46:56.461
  • Was working for and i had to tell my boss listen i can't be
  • 00:46:56.461 --> 00:47:04.435
  • There i was supposed to speak at it i said i can't be there
  • 00:47:04.435 --> 00:47:07.472
  • My son got chosen for the basketball team and i need to
  • 00:47:07.472 --> 00:47:09.073
  • Be at this pep rally to celebrate him.
  • 00:47:09.073 --> 00:47:10.408
  • My boss said okay but i could tell he was not happy and fast
  • 00:47:10.408 --> 00:47:12.877
  • Forward i go to this pep rally and my son, he didn't care i
  • 00:47:12.877 --> 00:47:16.748
  • Was there, literally did not care i was there.
  • 00:47:16.748 --> 00:47:19.183
  • He was like okay mom i'll see you later bye!
  • 00:47:19.183 --> 00:47:20.451
  • He didn't know what i had to go through to get there, my
  • 00:47:20.451 --> 00:47:22.487
  • Boss after the fact even said to me he was like i was really
  • 00:47:22.487 --> 00:47:25.523
  • Disappointed that you weren't there this was a big thing for
  • 00:47:25.523 --> 00:47:28.192
  • The team and all that and i felt the weight of that but i
  • 00:47:28.192 --> 00:47:31.562
  • Also knew i made the right decision and even if my son
  • 00:47:31.562 --> 00:47:35.133
  • Himself wasn't like oh my gosh i was so glad you were there
  • 00:47:35.133 --> 00:47:38.136
  • It was important to me to be there because of who i wanted
  • 00:47:38.136 --> 00:47:42.974
  • To be.
  • 00:47:42.974 --> 00:47:44.208
  • And so i think as we kind of round this out, i do think
  • 00:47:44.208 --> 00:47:46.177
  • It's important to know that changing your mind is step
  • 00:47:46.177 --> 00:47:49.514
  • One.
  • 00:47:49.514 --> 00:47:50.982
  • You've got to renew your mind about whatever it is you want
  • 00:47:50.982 --> 00:47:53.584
  • To change.
  • 00:47:53.584 --> 00:47:54.919
  • But then you also have to ask yourself, who is it that i
  • 00:47:54.919 --> 00:47:57.255
  • Want to be as a result of this change, of this decision?
  • 00:47:57.255 --> 00:47:59.757
  • And you have to be willing to accept whatever the cost is.
  • 00:47:59.757 --> 00:48:03.628
  • It may be lost, but there's always gain on the other side
  • 00:48:03.628 --> 00:48:06.497
  • Of it, because you're becoming who god's calling you to be.
  • 00:48:06.497 --> 00:48:09.400
  • So i'd love for us just to pray, is that good?
  • 00:48:09.400 --> 00:48:13.538
  • God we're grateful for the opportunity to have this
  • 00:48:13.538 --> 00:48:17.275
  • Conversation and i pray lord for anyone's who's watching
  • 00:48:17.275 --> 00:48:20.278
  • And who they themselves are in a place where they just feel
  • 00:48:20.278 --> 00:48:23.915
  • Like man i need to break this cycle but i don't know how
  • 00:48:23.915 --> 00:48:27.452
  • I've struggled with it, i've wrestled with it.
  • 00:48:27.452 --> 00:48:29.020
  • I've maybe even prayed about it, god, and i just feel like
  • 00:48:29.020 --> 00:48:31.456
  • I haven't gotten to the other side of it.
  • 00:48:31.456 --> 00:48:36.227
  • Lord, i just speak grace over them, father.
  • 00:48:36.227 --> 00:48:40.164
  • I speak divine empowerment over them, father, and i just
  • 00:48:40.164 --> 00:48:42.600
  • Speak that they will have the grace to renew their mind and
  • 00:48:42.600 --> 00:48:44.035
  • Become who you are calling them to be.
  • 00:48:44.035 --> 00:48:47.672
  • May they be surrounded with the right people who can speak
  • 00:48:47.672 --> 00:48:51.809
  • Life into their decision so that you will be glorified,
  • 00:48:51.809 --> 00:48:53.678
  • And you will be honored and you will be magnified in all
  • 00:48:53.678 --> 00:48:57.015
  • That they do we thank you lord because you are good and you
  • 00:48:57.015 --> 00:48:59.617
  • Are so worthy to be praised in jesus name i pray, amen.
  • 00:48:59.617 --> 00:49:03.021
  • - connect with us on social media and let us know how our
  • 00:49:03.021 --> 00:49:10.395
  • Team can pray for you.
  • 00:49:10.395 --> 00:49:11.996
  • - i want to remind you about jesus, and the work he did on
  • 00:49:11.996 --> 00:49:21.606
  • The cross.
  • 00:49:21.606 --> 00:49:23.708
  • See, when he went to the cross for us and he died that
  • 00:49:23.708 --> 00:49:24.909
  • Terrible death for us and then rose again, he not only
  • 00:49:24.909 --> 00:49:28.513
  • Cleansed us from our sin, he not only freed us from our
  • 00:49:28.513 --> 00:49:32.550
  • Sin, and he not only gave us the gift of eternity, but he
  • 00:49:32.550 --> 00:49:34.585
  • Also is the one that came and gave us every answer to every
  • 00:49:34.585 --> 00:49:38.289
  • Need we have on earth.
  • 00:49:38.289 --> 00:49:40.158
  • So when we are walking in unhealthy habits, when we are
  • 00:49:40.158 --> 00:49:43.661
  • Telling lies to ourself that we can't change, we can't get
  • 00:49:43.661 --> 00:49:47.231
  • Out of this.
  • 00:49:47.231 --> 00:49:49.000
  • We can't...
  • 00:49:49.000 --> 00:49:49.867
  • Well, you want to know the truth?
  • 00:49:49.867 --> 00:49:50.468
  • You probably can't.
  • 00:49:50.468 --> 00:49:51.669
  • But that's not who we're leaning on for the miracle of
  • 00:49:51.669 --> 00:49:53.571
  • Change.
  • 00:49:53.571 --> 00:49:55.573
  • The one that we are completely putting our dependence on is
  • 00:49:55.573 --> 00:49:58.643
  • Jesus, the one who did the finished work on the cross.
  • 00:49:58.643 --> 00:50:03.748
  • So i want to encourage you.
  • 00:50:03.748 --> 00:50:05.850
  • I will say it takes a partnership.
  • 00:50:05.850 --> 00:50:09.020
  • That's what is so beautiful about a relationship with
  • 00:50:09.020 --> 00:50:10.321
  • Jesus.
  • 00:50:10.321 --> 00:50:11.055
  • He partners with us.
  • 00:50:11.055 --> 00:50:11.989
  • So it does take action on your part.
  • 00:50:11.989 --> 00:50:13.291
  • But whatever you are trying to fill yourself with, i can do
  • 00:50:13.291 --> 00:50:15.760
  • It, i can do it.
  • 00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:17.361
  • This is me.
  • 00:50:17.361 --> 00:50:18.463
  • I can do it.
  • 00:50:18.463 --> 00:50:19.297
  • I'm strong enough.
  • 00:50:19.297 --> 00:50:19.997
  • You know what?
  • 00:50:19.997 --> 00:50:21.232
  • For me, the best thing i ever did was to admit, i'm not
  • 00:50:21.232 --> 00:50:24.035
  • Strong enough.
  • 00:50:24.035 --> 00:50:24.936
  • Without jesus, i can't do anything.
  • 00:50:24.936 --> 00:50:27.038
  • He is my strength.
  • 00:50:27.038 --> 00:50:28.706
  • He is everything that i need.
  • 00:50:28.706 --> 00:50:30.875
  • But with him, as we know in philippians, it says through
  • 00:50:30.875 --> 00:50:36.914
  • Him, i can do all things through him that gives me the
  • 00:50:36.914 --> 00:50:38.182
  • Strength.
  • 00:50:38.182 --> 00:50:40.084
  • - join the conversation on our better together youtube
  • 00:50:40.084 --> 00:50:41.652
  • Channel.
  • 00:50:41.652 --> 00:50:45.323
  • Subscribe today and never miss a new upload.
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