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Better Together

How to Find Your Community - Episode 1102

October 7, 2025 | S7 E1102 | 52:34

How to Find Your Community - Episode 1102
Community is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Finding meaningful connections requires intentionality and prayer. Who has God placed around you? How is He calling you to grow in community? We were not created to walk through this life alone. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000
#Community #Unity #Relationships #Rejection #Actions #Children #Church #Calling #PersonalStory #Serving

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Better Together | How to Find Your Community - Episode 1102 | October 7, 2025
  • - we really are better together and finding
  • 00:00:01.447 --> 00:00:03.582
  • Community can be as simple as introducing yourself to your
  • 00:00:03.582 --> 00:00:06.919
  • Next-door neighbor.
  • 00:00:06.919 --> 00:00:08.187
  • God places people on our path for a reason.
  • 00:00:08.187 --> 00:00:11.090
  • Come on, let's talk about it.
  • 00:00:11.090 --> 00:00:11.890
  • ♪ (music playing) ♪
  • 00:00:11.890 --> 00:00:40.519
  • - today we are going to talk about how do we build community,
  • 00:00:40.519 --> 00:00:47.493
  • How do we find those people and i was reflecting on different
  • 00:00:47.493 --> 00:00:50.095
  • Stages in my life because i do think often we have big prayers
  • 00:00:50.095 --> 00:00:54.233
  • For god to do and to move in our lives and we're looking
  • 00:00:54.233 --> 00:00:58.470
  • For these bigger miracles and he sends people, and he works
  • 00:00:58.470 --> 00:01:02.474
  • Through his people and i know in my life i can think about times
  • 00:01:02.474 --> 00:01:06.912
  • In my life where i was asking god to move, and he did that
  • 00:01:06.912 --> 00:01:11.717
  • Through his people, so when i was young married, todd and i
  • 00:01:11.717 --> 00:01:14.820
  • Got married when i was 22, and immediately after we got
  • 00:01:14.820 --> 00:01:19.424
  • Married moved to omaha nebraska where i know nobody,
  • 00:01:19.424 --> 00:01:23.262
  • Because that's where he got his first job out of college
  • 00:01:23.262 --> 00:01:26.665
  • And he had become members of the church and we were serving
  • 00:01:26.665 --> 00:01:29.968
  • In the church and we both grew up and that's just what you
  • 00:01:29.968 --> 00:01:33.071
  • Do, so we had gotten involved and whatever, and i probably
  • 00:01:33.071 --> 00:01:35.941
  • Held some of my heart back with because we knew with this move
  • 00:01:35.941 --> 00:01:41.880
  • With this company it was about a 2 year committment
  • 00:01:41.880 --> 00:01:45.684
  • Because they could put a path in front of him, you'll do this
  • 00:01:45.684 --> 00:01:48.987
  • For couple years and then a promotion will be a move.
  • 00:01:48.987 --> 00:01:51.423
  • Then we'll be there for a couple of years and a promotion
  • 00:01:51.423 --> 00:01:54.193
  • Will be a move.
  • 00:01:54.193 --> 00:01:55.494
  • So i just had this early on thought you know i'm going to
  • 00:01:55.494 --> 00:01:58.263
  • Be transient for a few years and so i'm going to make the
  • 00:01:58.263 --> 00:02:01.533
  • Most of every place because i love people and love being
  • 00:02:01.533 --> 00:02:04.636
  • Involved.
  • 00:02:04.636 --> 00:02:06.038
  • But it is going to be temporary.
  • 00:02:06.038 --> 00:02:07.940
  • And i had this lovely lady named linda, she took me to
  • 00:02:07.940 --> 00:02:11.677
  • Lunch and she said i'd gotten to know her through a
  • 00:02:11.677 --> 00:02:15.747
  • Few things she said i just so loved getting to know you and
  • 00:02:15.747 --> 00:02:19.117
  • Seeing you and todd get involved but i felt like the
  • 00:02:19.117 --> 00:02:20.953
  • Lord gave me a word for you and i wanted to present it to
  • 00:02:20.953 --> 00:02:24.556
  • You and i said okay.
  • 00:02:24.556 --> 00:02:26.091
  • She said i feel like the lord said unpack your bags.
  • 00:02:26.091 --> 00:02:29.261
  • And i said okay.
  • 00:02:29.261 --> 00:02:33.098
  • And i said i could tell that the way you interact with
  • 00:02:33.098 --> 00:02:36.501
  • People is that you are in a suitcase, you know you're
  • 00:02:36.501 --> 00:02:40.038
  • Going to be going to the next thing so the depth that you
  • 00:02:40.038 --> 00:02:43.542
  • Are giving people and the amount you're letting people
  • 00:02:43.542 --> 00:02:47.813
  • Into your heart, is thinking that you are transient.
  • 00:02:47.813 --> 00:02:50.249
  • And she said i want you to unpack your bags and live in
  • 00:02:50.249 --> 00:02:54.319
  • Omaha as if you are going to live for the rest of your
  • 00:02:54.319 --> 00:02:56.822
  • Life.
  • 00:02:56.822 --> 00:02:58.323
  • How would you treat these relationships if you thought
  • 00:02:58.323 --> 00:02:59.891
  • They were going to be forever?
  • 00:02:59.891 --> 00:03:02.327
  • Now what's interesting about that as i sit in this seat i
  • 00:03:02.327 --> 00:03:05.597
  • Went on to move six more times in seven
  • 00:03:05.597 --> 00:03:07.432
  • Years and so what happened is from the moment
  • 00:03:07.432 --> 00:03:10.235
  • That we probably lived there six months when she
  • 00:03:10.235 --> 00:03:13.338
  • Took me out to lunch and we ended up living there another
  • 00:03:13.338 --> 00:03:15.374
  • Year and 1/2 and i had relationships from that season
  • 00:03:15.374 --> 00:03:19.044
  • In my life that were so special, so deep, and i don't
  • 00:03:19.044 --> 00:03:24.583
  • Know that i would have had i not really adhered to her
  • 00:03:24.583 --> 00:03:27.719
  • Words unpack your bags and so then what happened, not
  • 00:03:27.719 --> 00:03:30.789
  • Knowing that i was going to move so much every place i
  • 00:03:30.789 --> 00:03:32.357
  • Went i had her statement in my mind unpack your bags i don't
  • 00:03:32.357 --> 00:03:36.728
  • Know how long i'm going to be here even though the company
  • 00:03:36.728 --> 00:03:40.799
  • Says you're going to be moving and so i have all of these
  • 00:03:40.799 --> 00:03:42.267
  • Pockets of places across america where we live where i
  • 00:03:42.267 --> 00:03:47.105
  • Had really special friendships until we were moved to the
  • 00:03:47.105 --> 00:03:50.609
  • Dallas area now we've been here 25 years.
  • 00:03:50.609 --> 00:03:53.478
  • And i really have friendships that have been lifelong.
  • 00:03:53.478 --> 00:03:56.581
  • But i feel like that was such an important word for her to
  • 00:03:56.581 --> 00:04:01.687
  • Give me so then what's interesting is when we moved
  • 00:04:01.687 --> 00:04:05.324
  • Here, 25 years ago, and we were part of a church my
  • 00:04:05.324 --> 00:04:09.528
  • Husband left corporate america and came to be a pastor at a
  • 00:04:09.528 --> 00:04:12.264
  • Church not the pastor but one of the executive pastors and
  • 00:04:12.264 --> 00:04:14.833
  • We did not know we were going to be there for 20+ years but
  • 00:04:14.833 --> 00:04:19.037
  • Thankfully early on the lord put people in our path that were
  • 00:04:19.037 --> 00:04:23.141
  • At the steam stage of life young kids that thing, we just
  • 00:04:23.141 --> 00:04:25.577
  • Began growing our lives together kind of brick by
  • 00:04:25.577 --> 00:04:30.549
  • Brick and when i think about community i think that's what
  • 00:04:30.549 --> 00:04:33.185
  • It is it's you are building it brick by brick nobody can
  • 00:04:33.185 --> 00:04:36.822
  • Build it for you, you cannot sit passively it's a very
  • 00:04:36.822 --> 00:04:40.726
  • Active thing to build community and be a part of
  • 00:04:40.726 --> 00:04:43.929
  • Community we showed up at life groups we showed up at church.
  • 00:04:43.929 --> 00:04:46.665
  • We showed up at the play dates.
  • 00:04:46.665 --> 00:04:48.133
  • We showed up at the park, we showed up as they did and we
  • 00:04:48.133 --> 00:04:50.602
  • Grew now what is a 25 year relationship with people that
  • 00:04:50.602 --> 00:04:53.939
  • Even that idea if i hadn't unpacked my bags, even just
  • 00:04:53.939 --> 00:04:59.911
  • Physically metaphorically, whatever, i don't believe i
  • 00:04:59.911 --> 00:05:04.649
  • Would be sitting today with the friendships that i have.
  • 00:05:04.649 --> 00:05:08.253
  • - confession i have a very busy life as i'm sure you
  • 00:05:08.253 --> 00:05:12.224
  • Probably do too, i travel a lot, have a demanding job as ceo
  • 00:05:12.224 --> 00:05:17.229
  • Of a business that i'm building, i'm a wife, i'm a mom my
  • 00:05:17.229 --> 00:05:19.731
  • Husband and i lead a church together there's so many demands
  • 00:05:19.731 --> 00:05:22.734
  • On my time and i have found that i make time for all the
  • 00:05:22.734 --> 00:05:27.072
  • Things in my life but when it comes to relationships that
  • 00:05:27.072 --> 00:05:29.908
  • Tends to be last on the list and not surprisingly, because
  • 00:05:29.908 --> 00:05:33.111
  • I don't invest time in those relationships often times i
  • 00:05:33.111 --> 00:05:36.882
  • Don't have them.
  • 00:05:36.882 --> 00:05:39.117
  • You see you have what you invest time building.
  • 00:05:39.117 --> 00:05:41.987
  • Whether it's business, whether it's family whether it's the
  • 00:05:41.987 --> 00:05:45.457
  • Church, you have to be intentional about
  • 00:05:45.457 --> 00:05:48.827
  • Relationships because people don't become close they don't
  • 00:05:48.827 --> 00:05:52.030
  • Become intimately related with one another just because
  • 00:05:52.030 --> 00:05:55.467
  • They're in the same location.
  • 00:05:55.467 --> 00:05:57.202
  • It requires intentionality and investment, and what you
  • 00:05:57.202 --> 00:06:01.406
  • Invest creates a return that's how relationships grow.
  • 00:06:01.406 --> 00:06:03.842
  • - we have a group there's a group of us and literally this
  • 00:06:03.842 --> 00:06:07.712
  • Group of girls we go back 20 years and we have traveled
  • 00:06:07.712 --> 00:06:10.982
  • Together we have friends together we started out like
  • 00:06:10.982 --> 00:06:14.119
  • This bibles open in the home digging into the word praying
  • 00:06:14.119 --> 00:06:19.024
  • For each other's kids, we've gone deep but somewhere in
  • 00:06:19.024 --> 00:06:22.961
  • There we decided that we also just enjoy being together.
  • 00:06:22.961 --> 00:06:27.299
  • So we meet every tuesday for bible study-ish and that's
  • 00:06:27.299 --> 00:06:31.837
  • What it is called.
  • 00:06:31.837 --> 00:06:33.939
  • Bible study-ish.
  • 00:06:33.939 --> 00:06:35.407
  • - there's a bible somewhere.
  • 00:06:35.407 --> 00:06:36.942
  • - it used to be bible study and now it's bible study-ish.
  • 00:06:36.942 --> 00:06:42.013
  • But we do jesus, and we also just do life, but it is just
  • 00:06:42.013 --> 00:06:46.551
  • Really fun and i want to start off this conversation because
  • 00:06:46.551 --> 00:06:49.821
  • I know i was impacted by someone who let me know this
  • 00:06:49.821 --> 00:06:54.793
  • Is up to you.
  • 00:06:54.793 --> 00:06:57.762
  • The quality of your friendships, the quality of
  • 00:06:57.762 --> 00:07:00.165
  • Your time here, the quality of your life, starts with you.
  • 00:07:00.165 --> 00:07:03.368
  • You know i think about i'm actually an extrovert she was
  • 00:07:03.368 --> 00:07:07.772
  • Even saying that is somebody who actually loves people, i'm
  • 00:07:07.772 --> 00:07:10.041
  • Trying to hear those words to somebody who would rather be
  • 00:07:10.041 --> 00:07:12.777
  • In their house alone anyway, because what's funny is at my
  • 00:07:12.777 --> 00:07:15.881
  • Age i'm actually more introverted than i've ever
  • 00:07:15.881 --> 00:07:18.416
  • Been.
  • 00:07:18.416 --> 00:07:19.417
  • I'm like being in my house...
  • 00:07:19.417 --> 00:07:21.152
  • - sounds amazing.
  • 00:07:21.152 --> 00:07:22.921
  • Yeah.
  • 00:07:22.921 --> 00:07:24.022
  • - listen, i am an extreme extrovert.
  • 00:07:24.022 --> 00:07:29.094
  • I mean any test i ever take it's about a 99 point percent
  • 00:07:29.094 --> 00:07:34.099
  • Whatever.
  • 00:07:34.099 --> 00:07:36.635
  • - toni this is brand new information nobody knew that.
  • 00:07:36.635 --> 00:07:37.402
  • - surprise.
  • 00:07:37.402 --> 00:07:38.803
  • - and i do feel like it's very easy to have service level
  • 00:07:38.803 --> 00:07:44.075
  • Friendships when you are an extrovert because there's just
  • 00:07:44.075 --> 00:07:46.278
  • So many people.
  • 00:07:46.278 --> 00:07:48.346
  • And if i'm honest over these past two years our family has
  • 00:07:48.346 --> 00:07:51.216
  • Gone through really traumatic things, lots of transition,
  • 00:07:51.216 --> 00:07:54.486
  • And community has been a lifeline for me.
  • 00:07:54.486 --> 00:07:57.522
  • And the truth is our personality type cannot
  • 00:07:57.522 --> 00:08:01.893
  • Outweigh our design.
  • 00:08:01.893 --> 00:08:03.962
  • We were designed for the community.
  • 00:08:03.962 --> 00:08:05.764
  • At the end of the day, it truly does not matter, if you
  • 00:08:05.764 --> 00:08:09.701
  • Are extroverted, introverted, a cheaper challenge whatever
  • 00:08:09.701 --> 00:08:13.872
  • All the personality types.
  • 00:08:13.872 --> 00:08:17.709
  • At the end of the day the lord has quite literally created
  • 00:08:17.709 --> 00:08:19.044
  • Us, designed us for unity, the holy trinity in and of itself
  • 00:08:19.044 --> 00:08:21.580
  • In all its divinity and glory, is a community of three even
  • 00:08:21.580 --> 00:08:23.715
  • The lord designed his reign to be a product of this.
  • 00:08:23.715 --> 00:08:28.853
  • I mean it's just in our design.
  • 00:08:28.853 --> 00:08:33.658
  • I've been studying it for the past two years and writing my
  • 00:08:33.658 --> 00:08:35.794
  • New book on it, and i just now more than ever want to be
  • 00:08:35.794 --> 00:08:41.433
  • Deeply connected to people not just surface-level but i want
  • 00:08:41.433 --> 00:08:45.170
  • To go deep.
  • 00:08:45.170 --> 00:08:46.371
  • And i just have done some research all around this idea
  • 00:08:46.371 --> 00:08:49.374
  • That even jesus has circles and we could see it clearly
  • 00:08:49.374 --> 00:08:52.577
  • Defined through stories and the way he lived his life, jesus
  • 00:08:52.577 --> 00:08:55.347
  • Again god in all his glory could have come to earth and
  • 00:08:55.347 --> 00:08:59.417
  • All the stuff himself, matthew mark luke john all could've
  • 00:08:59.417 --> 00:09:04.689
  • Just been jesus just a red letter straight across the board
  • 00:09:04.689 --> 00:09:07.592
  • And yet those black letters really do show us that he
  • 00:09:07.592 --> 00:09:10.562
  • Wanted to be with us.
  • 00:09:10.562 --> 00:09:14.065
  • He wanted to bring disciples in, it could have been full of
  • 00:09:14.065 --> 00:09:15.567
  • Red letters but he said i'm gonna put some black leaders
  • 00:09:15.567 --> 00:09:18.069
  • In there because i want the stories of people to be told
  • 00:09:18.069 --> 00:09:22.641
  • Because i want to prove to you that while i can do this all
  • 00:09:22.641 --> 00:09:26.711
  • By myself i value connection even as the lord of all hosts.
  • 00:09:26.711 --> 00:09:28.780
  • And so how much more can we start to surrender to the idea
  • 00:09:28.780 --> 00:09:34.786
  • That we are designed for community and no matter our
  • 00:09:34.786 --> 00:09:36.921
  • Personality type we cannot wear that as a badge of honor
  • 00:09:36.921 --> 00:09:39.891
  • We were meant to do life connected to people.
  • 00:09:39.891 --> 00:09:42.694
  • - our personality type does not dictate or overrule our
  • 00:09:42.694 --> 00:09:47.432
  • Design.
  • 00:09:47.432 --> 00:09:48.833
  • Our personality type could be extrovert or introvert but our
  • 00:09:48.833 --> 00:09:51.970
  • Design is to press into community.
  • 00:09:51.970 --> 00:09:54.305
  • And i think the reason why that is so important to
  • 00:09:54.305 --> 00:09:57.175
  • Differentiate is because i think it's easy for us to wear
  • 00:09:57.175 --> 00:10:00.011
  • This badge i am an introvert i don't talk to people i don't
  • 00:10:00.011 --> 00:10:03.481
  • Do this and honestly i just feel like it is a protective
  • 00:10:03.481 --> 00:10:06.451
  • Mechanism it's really just us hiding so that people don't
  • 00:10:06.451 --> 00:10:10.422
  • Deeply see us but we all come to this world looking for
  • 00:10:10.422 --> 00:10:13.158
  • Someone looking for us and that never changes, so the
  • 00:10:13.158 --> 00:10:16.461
  • Real question is are you going to be brave enough to be seen
  • 00:10:16.461 --> 00:10:20.031
  • So that you can fulfill god's design for you and god's
  • 00:10:20.031 --> 00:10:25.170
  • Design for you is with his people.
  • 00:10:25.170 --> 00:10:27.372
  • - i have struggled so much.
  • 00:10:27.372 --> 00:10:32.177
  • First of all i'm an only child and grew up in a very
  • 00:10:32.177 --> 00:10:33.912
  • Dysfunctional situation where i was alone a lot anyway and
  • 00:10:33.912 --> 00:10:37.849
  • Basically had books and had a bike and i was by myself for
  • 00:10:37.849 --> 00:10:41.953
  • The most part and so it has always been challenging for me
  • 00:10:41.953 --> 00:10:46.324
  • To make relationships beyond the surface.
  • 00:10:46.324 --> 00:10:48.660
  • Tons of surface relationships and then compounded with that
  • 00:10:48.660 --> 00:10:52.564
  • I was thrust into an executive role at a really young age i was
  • 00:10:52.564 --> 00:10:55.967
  • 23 now i'm traveling all over the place and over the last
  • 00:10:55.967 --> 00:10:59.104
  • Few years, very rarely at home like in terms of getting
  • 00:10:59.104 --> 00:11:04.676
  • To know people and build substance and relationships,
  • 00:11:04.676 --> 00:11:08.780
  • This summer i felt this conviction where the lord was
  • 00:11:08.780 --> 00:11:13.651
  • Like you've been in this current neighborhood for three years,
  • 00:11:13.651 --> 00:11:16.121
  • And there's only 24 homes in my neighborhood, and i may be
  • 00:11:16.121 --> 00:11:20.091
  • Knew my neighbor on the right, and one other person on the
  • 00:11:20.091 --> 00:11:25.163
  • Other side of the neighborhood and that was basically it and
  • 00:11:25.163 --> 00:11:31.336
  • The lord was like you are literally living with people
  • 00:11:31.336 --> 00:11:33.738
  • That you don't even know who they are.
  • 00:11:33.738 --> 00:11:35.874
  • Your issue is that you are not being intentional.
  • 00:11:35.874 --> 00:11:40.178
  • And i read a study once that said in order to even have a
  • 00:11:40.178 --> 00:11:44.249
  • Friendship it requires about 600 hours of investment.
  • 00:11:44.249 --> 00:11:48.586
  • 600 hours because that's how you get to know
  • 00:11:48.586 --> 00:11:53.558
  • People its proximity that's why adult friendships are so
  • 00:11:53.558 --> 00:11:57.295
  • Challenging they are so transient you don't have
  • 00:11:57.295 --> 00:12:00.698
  • Time, when you're in high school and middle school you live
  • 00:12:00.698 --> 00:12:04.469
  • Life together.
  • 00:12:04.469 --> 00:12:05.804
  • So that's why it's so easy to become friends with people but
  • 00:12:05.804 --> 00:12:07.305
  • Now it's like your life is such that you have to literally be
  • 00:12:07.305 --> 00:12:12.310
  • Strategic and intentional and i'm like god i used all my
  • 00:12:12.310 --> 00:12:14.279
  • Energy of trying to provide the livelihood and just putting
  • 00:12:14.279 --> 00:12:17.482
  • Them to sleep.
  • 00:12:17.482 --> 00:12:18.716
  • Then i heard unpack the suitcase, that right there so
  • 00:12:18.716 --> 00:12:25.256
  • Convicted me even in this moment, because i literally
  • 00:12:25.256 --> 00:12:29.227
  • Live my life often out of the suitcase and it's like you
  • 00:12:29.227 --> 00:12:33.631
  • Have to pause and rest, in the space that you are in to build
  • 00:12:33.631 --> 00:12:40.071
  • That community.
  • 00:12:40.071 --> 00:12:41.372
  • So i set lunch time with my neighbors to have them over to
  • 00:12:41.372 --> 00:12:45.643
  • My house.
  • 00:12:45.643 --> 00:12:46.644
  • My neighbor on the left lost her husband.
  • 00:12:46.644 --> 00:12:50.381
  • He was in his late 80s early 90s.
  • 00:12:50.381 --> 00:12:52.650
  • I had her over for tea.
  • 00:12:52.650 --> 00:12:53.751
  • She's british.
  • 00:12:53.751 --> 00:12:55.086
  • I had set this whole tea thing up and she was like oh my gosh
  • 00:12:55.086 --> 00:12:57.322
  • This is amazing.
  • 00:12:57.322 --> 00:12:58.356
  • And it has been so wonderful.
  • 00:12:58.356 --> 00:12:59.657
  • I'm surrounded by incredible people and i want to give you
  • 00:12:59.657 --> 00:13:02.760
  • This example before i pause.
  • 00:13:02.760 --> 00:13:04.062
  • My oldest son told me he wants to become a neurosurgeon.
  • 00:13:04.062 --> 00:13:06.965
  • He said i want to be a neurosurgeon.
  • 00:13:06.965 --> 00:13:09.367
  • Now as a mom i think who do i connect him with, how do i make
  • 00:13:09.367 --> 00:13:13.338
  • This happen, so in my neighborhood i got with one of
  • 00:13:13.338 --> 00:13:17.475
  • My neighbors we hosted this thing called a progressive
  • 00:13:17.475 --> 00:13:19.644
  • Lunch, we got with some of the women in the neighborhood, we
  • 00:13:19.644 --> 00:13:22.814
  • Had little courses at each other's home, i was at a
  • 00:13:22.814 --> 00:13:25.216
  • Neighbors house never met this neighbor, and we are just
  • 00:13:25.216 --> 00:13:27.418
  • Talking and she's asking about my kids and i said i have a
  • 00:13:27.418 --> 00:13:29.520
  • Son he is 15 he just told me he wants to be a neurosurgeon
  • 00:13:29.520 --> 00:13:31.856
  • And she says oh my gosh, he should meet my husband my
  • 00:13:31.856 --> 00:13:34.759
  • Husband is chair of the department of surgery at
  • 00:13:34.759 --> 00:13:37.829
  • University of florida.
  • 00:13:37.829 --> 00:13:39.430
  • And they live three doors down.
  • 00:13:39.430 --> 00:13:43.368
  • So my son is now sitting here with this amazing
  • 00:13:43.368 --> 00:13:47.438
  • Doctor, neurosurgeons reports to him, having our
  • 00:13:47.438 --> 00:13:50.508
  • Conversation with this man who even med students don't get to
  • 00:13:50.508 --> 00:13:53.745
  • Meet with.
  • 00:13:53.745 --> 00:13:55.380
  • Two hour conversation and it's right there and what god told
  • 00:13:55.380 --> 00:13:57.448
  • Me i hope this is encouragement for somebody, is
  • 00:13:57.448 --> 00:14:00.818
  • The thing that you need is already in your reach and is
  • 00:14:00.818 --> 00:14:04.088
  • In the form of a relationship.
  • 00:14:04.088 --> 00:14:05.990
  • And we have to pray and ask god to open our eyes to that
  • 00:14:05.990 --> 00:14:10.962
  • And be willing to connect that would have never happened if
  • 00:14:10.962 --> 00:14:13.765
  • God would not have put the conviction on me to even start
  • 00:14:13.765 --> 00:14:16.134
  • To reach out to people that i've been living with for
  • 00:14:16.134 --> 00:14:18.736
  • Three years.
  • 00:14:18.736 --> 00:14:20.405
  • One of my friends when i was in college struggled from what
  • 00:14:20.405 --> 00:14:25.276
  • They called social anxiety got really nervous around other
  • 00:14:25.276 --> 00:14:27.779
  • People and finding it hard to talk in class and not wanting
  • 00:14:27.779 --> 00:14:30.815
  • To be with people so she came to a place where she got the
  • 00:14:30.815 --> 00:14:34.218
  • Easiest thing is if i don't try anymore so she would kind
  • 00:14:34.218 --> 00:14:39.257
  • Of come in as class was starting do her thing and
  • 00:14:39.257 --> 00:14:41.960
  • Disappear back to her room so that kind of intrigued me so i
  • 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:44.662
  • Went to her room and i said can we talk?
  • 00:14:44.662 --> 00:14:47.865
  • And i said why do you do that?
  • 00:14:47.865 --> 00:14:49.233
  • She said because i just don't know i feel uncomfortable
  • 00:14:49.233 --> 00:14:51.736
  • Around people i never know the right thing to say and i said
  • 00:14:51.736 --> 00:14:55.173
  • You know what we miss you being with us we miss who you
  • 00:14:55.173 --> 00:14:59.310
  • Are and so it was a really exciting adventure for me to
  • 00:14:59.310 --> 00:15:05.516
  • Watch her grow out of something that was really hard
  • 00:15:05.516 --> 00:15:06.784
  • For her because honestly a lot of us talk a lot but it does
  • 00:15:06.784 --> 00:15:09.787
  • Not mean that we feel confident it's almost like god
  • 00:15:09.787 --> 00:15:14.092
  • Just said hey i love you i also love some other people
  • 00:15:14.092 --> 00:15:18.396
  • Out there and i would love you to be part of the story.
  • 00:15:18.396 --> 00:15:22.700
  • So just step a little outside of your comfort zone you might
  • 00:15:22.700 --> 00:15:27.372
  • Never know what might happen.
  • 00:15:27.372 --> 00:15:29.374
  • - god created us to be in community and we want you to
  • 00:15:29.374 --> 00:15:33.077
  • Join us.
  • 00:15:33.077 --> 00:15:35.313
  • Follow us on social media and join our conversation.
  • 00:15:35.313 --> 00:15:36.681
  • - there is a lot of power in stopping for that one not only
  • 00:15:36.681 --> 00:15:37.999
  • - there is a lot of power in stopping for that one not only
  • 00:15:37.999 --> 00:15:41.587
  • Does jesus model that with the metaphor of the shepherd that
  • 00:15:41.587 --> 00:15:44.556
  • Goes after the went there are divine opportunities in god
  • 00:15:44.556 --> 00:15:45.724
  • Often is giving us those opportunities in those unique
  • 00:15:45.724 --> 00:15:51.296
  • One-on-one encounters so slowing down and being aware
  • 00:15:51.296 --> 00:15:55.300
  • And asking god for perspective can really allow us to not
  • 00:15:55.300 --> 00:15:59.204
  • Miss the assignment and really change our lives and the lives
  • 00:15:59.204 --> 00:16:03.108
  • Of those we are encountering.
  • 00:16:03.108 --> 00:16:04.543
  • - it just, isn't it so beautiful that god will plan
  • 00:16:04.543 --> 00:16:11.917
  • For our relationships because relationships are so
  • 00:16:11.917 --> 00:16:14.720
  • Important.
  • 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:15.854
  • He literally, i mean i love what you said earlier,
  • 00:16:15.854 --> 00:16:19.691
  • Sometimes we are searching for a miracle lord, where you at?
  • 00:16:19.691 --> 00:16:22.795
  • Drop a card out of the sky and he's like i sent you people that
  • 00:16:22.795 --> 00:16:26.198
  • Will bless you it's in the relationship it's in my sons
  • 00:16:26.198 --> 00:16:29.968
  • And daughters, we see it at the beginning of acts the
  • 00:16:29.968 --> 00:16:34.139
  • Early church, like community and connection is so important
  • 00:16:34.139 --> 00:16:37.409
  • To god it was one of the first things that happened in the
  • 00:16:37.409 --> 00:16:40.846
  • Church and we are still benefactors of that like this
  • 00:16:40.846 --> 00:16:42.915
  • Moment where everyone came together and had everything
  • 00:16:42.915 --> 00:16:45.818
  • They needed because everyone gave of what they had and
  • 00:16:45.818 --> 00:16:49.121
  • When the suckers came in and did not want to give to the
  • 00:16:49.121 --> 00:16:51.557
  • Community strike that to the ground you hear me?
  • 00:16:51.557 --> 00:16:54.293
  • Piece of ash, gone.
  • 00:16:54.293 --> 00:16:57.262
  • I think he was so aggressive at the beginning because he's
  • 00:16:57.262 --> 00:17:00.866
  • Like you're messing with the blueprints, my model, my
  • 00:17:00.866 --> 00:17:03.602
  • Choice as humanity.
  • 00:17:03.602 --> 00:17:05.671
  • Always and you cannot come in here on the inception of the
  • 00:17:05.671 --> 00:17:09.942
  • Movement of god in the church and be stingy you actually
  • 00:17:09.942 --> 00:17:13.745
  • Created the church to be generous and connected to each
  • 00:17:13.745 --> 00:17:16.682
  • Other.
  • 00:17:16.682 --> 00:17:17.883
  • The beginning of time helper, comparable, suitable,
  • 00:17:17.883 --> 00:17:23.188
  • Even though it was a marriage it was first the relationship
  • 00:17:23.188 --> 00:17:25.824
  • So it's not that adam had no relationship he was already
  • 00:17:25.824 --> 00:17:30.596
  • Relating to god and god says i want something different.
  • 00:17:30.596 --> 00:17:35.067
  • There is something about the sharpening of iron proverbs.
  • 00:17:35.067 --> 00:17:38.871
  • There is something that happens when like material is
  • 00:17:38.871 --> 00:17:42.774
  • Together, and sometimes i think covid put some
  • 00:17:42.774 --> 00:17:48.480
  • Of us in isolation i don't need church i don't need people.
  • 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:50.282
  • I got jesus, i got the bible, you do but you need people.
  • 00:17:50.282 --> 00:17:52.885
  • You need comparable suitable friendships because
  • 00:17:52.885 --> 00:18:00.592
  • They are like you.
  • 00:18:00.592 --> 00:18:01.827
  • And there is a creation to creation, connection that's
  • 00:18:01.827 --> 00:18:04.663
  • Always different from creator to creation god's like i'm here
  • 00:18:04.663 --> 00:18:07.699
  • But this is different there's some things that i will never
  • 00:18:07.699 --> 00:18:11.703
  • Experience he's all-knowing but not experientially,
  • 00:18:11.703 --> 00:18:15.641
  • There's things that you are walking through together that
  • 00:18:15.641 --> 00:18:18.944
  • I'm giving you someone to walk this thing out with you and i
  • 00:18:18.944 --> 00:18:22.481
  • Think that sometimes it gets overlooked because friends are
  • 00:18:22.481 --> 00:18:25.484
  • Hard to make, there is an initiative and when i have had
  • 00:18:25.484 --> 00:18:31.256
  • The season and i have a fabulous tribe, we've got 30+
  • 00:18:31.256 --> 00:18:35.394
  • Years of friendship i love it, but we are not all close in
  • 00:18:35.394 --> 00:18:37.796
  • Proximity so there still seasons where it's like i want
  • 00:18:37.796 --> 00:18:40.766
  • To go to lunch, or just want to tell somebody real quick
  • 00:18:40.766 --> 00:18:43.202
  • Something i heard, so in those moments the lord has been he
  • 00:18:43.202 --> 00:18:45.470
  • Has challenged me every time he said go be community.
  • 00:18:45.470 --> 00:18:52.511
  • Quit asking me to drop something off at your door.
  • 00:18:52.511 --> 00:18:57.482
  • I just put somebody in your heart, and you just said a
  • 00:18:57.482 --> 00:18:59.518
  • Quick prayer or ignored it, call them.
  • 00:18:59.518 --> 00:19:01.753
  • Because maybe i'm creating a connection and we don't want
  • 00:19:01.753 --> 00:19:05.224
  • To put ourselves out there.
  • 00:19:05.224 --> 00:19:06.325
  • You know it's like a date, this cannot go well.
  • 00:19:06.325 --> 00:19:08.026
  • But you gotta put yourself out there.
  • 00:19:08.026 --> 00:19:10.696
  • Put yourself out there.
  • 00:19:10.696 --> 00:19:15.968
  • - so even if you had friends for years, yes you need to be
  • 00:19:15.968 --> 00:19:18.303
  • Open to new friendships because assignments change and
  • 00:19:18.303 --> 00:19:21.940
  • God may put you in somebody's path or put someone in your
  • 00:19:21.940 --> 00:19:25.410
  • Life that he wants you to minister to and connect with
  • 00:19:25.410 --> 00:19:28.347
  • Deeply, and it doesn't matter that you have not known them a
  • 00:19:28.347 --> 00:19:31.450
  • Long time, or that you don't have a lot in common, the bond
  • 00:19:31.450 --> 00:19:34.419
  • Of christ the assignment of christ is bigger than all of
  • 00:19:34.419 --> 00:19:37.055
  • That.
  • 00:19:37.055 --> 00:19:38.257
  • And even in some of your long-term friendships god may
  • 00:19:38.257 --> 00:19:39.524
  • Be calling you to go deeper he's done that for me.
  • 00:19:39.524 --> 00:19:41.860
  • Sometimes those friendships are so casual because we've
  • 00:19:41.860 --> 00:19:44.229
  • Known each other for so long that there comes a point in
  • 00:19:44.229 --> 00:19:46.898
  • Life where god is saying i want you to take that
  • 00:19:46.898 --> 00:19:49.167
  • Friendship deeper.
  • 00:19:49.167 --> 00:19:50.502
  • I want a more meaningful community to come out of this.
  • 00:19:50.502 --> 00:19:52.037
  • So we have to always be open to see what god might do next in
  • 00:19:52.037 --> 00:19:54.172
  • Our relationships.
  • 00:19:54.172 --> 00:19:55.874
  • - so your lunch with your community.
  • 00:19:55.874 --> 00:20:00.045
  • That's a perfect example.
  • 00:20:00.045 --> 00:20:01.246
  • The last time i was in a really funky spot as a parent,
  • 00:20:01.246 --> 00:20:03.682
  • A wife, or in marriage, i was just like i am in a funk.
  • 00:20:03.682 --> 00:20:06.752
  • I don't care how much you love the lord, sometimes the
  • 00:20:06.752 --> 00:20:08.820
  • Worship playlists you are like lord i hear you.
  • 00:20:08.820 --> 00:20:13.592
  • But listen i'm sorry i need more than that.
  • 00:20:13.592 --> 00:20:16.762
  • And the lord challenged me.
  • 00:20:16.762 --> 00:20:19.665
  • He gave me two names, my husband and i lead a church so
  • 00:20:19.665 --> 00:20:22.734
  • Finding real connection can be challenging, you're like
  • 00:20:22.734 --> 00:20:25.871
  • Pouring, pouring and surface level connection but
  • 00:20:25.871 --> 00:20:27.673
  • I'm not gonna let you and all this trust issue, he gave me
  • 00:20:27.673 --> 00:20:32.110
  • Two names.
  • 00:20:32.110 --> 00:20:34.046
  • And he said you need to pick one and you need to call her
  • 00:20:34.046 --> 00:20:36.848
  • And tell her what you're going through.
  • 00:20:36.848 --> 00:20:38.383
  • I was like lord you know i love my business that's my business.
  • 00:20:38.383 --> 00:20:42.854
  • And so he was like you need to call her and so when i called
  • 00:20:42.854 --> 00:20:46.458
  • Her and she's on my team that i lead, so i was like the lord
  • 00:20:46.458 --> 00:20:50.162
  • This not going to work, i called her and all of a sudden
  • 00:20:50.162 --> 00:20:54.666
  • I got this version of this woman that i had been in
  • 00:20:54.666 --> 00:20:56.301
  • Ministry with forever that was this friendship version not
  • 00:20:56.301 --> 00:20:59.071
  • Like i'm under you in ministry she was like what girl, and i
  • 00:20:59.071 --> 00:21:01.740
  • Was saying things to her and i know she's gonna be like oh no
  • 00:21:01.740 --> 00:21:05.677
  • We have to leave the church.
  • 00:21:05.677 --> 00:21:09.881
  • And everything i said she was like, girl i know.
  • 00:21:08.780 --> 00:21:15.387
  • Yes it's like that sometimes and i was like she gets it and
  • 00:21:15.387 --> 00:21:18.724
  • The lord was like no listen, she's not going to guess out
  • 00:21:18.724 --> 00:21:22.227
  • Of the blue and call you and be like what happened in your
  • 00:21:22.227 --> 00:21:25.697
  • Marriage.
  • 00:21:25.697 --> 00:21:27.666
  • She was like you need to put yourself out there, and it has
  • 00:21:27.666 --> 00:21:30.369
  • Changed our friendship.
  • 00:21:30.369 --> 00:21:31.970
  • And the lord has graced me with this woman who knows how
  • 00:21:31.970 --> 00:21:35.540
  • To be all the spaces with me, if we are on a team call she's
  • 00:21:35.540 --> 00:21:40.479
  • Like yeah i got it.
  • 00:21:40.479 --> 00:21:41.780
  • Hey can you-- we are off a team call let's go to lunch.
  • 00:21:41.780 --> 00:21:43.982
  • And this is 15 years into starting our church so i just
  • 00:21:43.982 --> 00:21:47.819
  • Tell people it is never too late and adult friendships are
  • 00:21:47.819 --> 00:21:51.523
  • Not going to come necessarily from things in common or you
  • 00:21:51.523 --> 00:21:54.993
  • All work together, it is intentional.
  • 00:21:54.993 --> 00:21:58.764
  • And like you have to decide it's been good for my marriage
  • 00:21:58.764 --> 00:22:03.301
  • And has been good for me as a parent, to the point where my
  • 00:22:03.301 --> 00:22:05.670
  • Husband was like did you call lacy?
  • 00:22:05.670 --> 00:22:10.275
  • - did you call your friends?
  • 00:22:10.275 --> 00:22:14.379
  • And so many of those things are not impossible, it is so
  • 00:22:14.379 --> 00:22:18.417
  • Necessary.
  • 00:22:18.417 --> 00:22:21.253
  • - so i have a friend who we are pretty close now, and
  • 00:22:21.253 --> 00:22:26.057
  • It was really unexpected because this is somebody who i
  • 00:22:26.057 --> 00:22:29.928
  • Have admired for a long time.
  • 00:22:29.928 --> 00:22:32.597
  • I never even thought that we would cross paths for any
  • 00:22:32.597 --> 00:22:35.867
  • Reason.
  • 00:22:35.867 --> 00:22:37.102
  • And yet we ended up in the same location not because we
  • 00:22:37.102 --> 00:22:39.704
  • Had a stage but because we had a mutual friend, and we
  • 00:22:39.704 --> 00:22:44.609
  • Started to talk and realized that we had so much in common
  • 00:22:44.609 --> 00:22:48.780
  • That we needed to keep in touch from that point, and
  • 00:22:48.780 --> 00:22:51.383
  • What was an unlikely encounter, it has become a
  • 00:22:51.383 --> 00:22:54.986
  • Deep friendship that was based on us being willing to be
  • 00:22:54.986 --> 00:22:59.157
  • Vulnerable with one another.
  • 00:22:59.157 --> 00:23:00.926
  • And i think that's one of the keys to building a lasting
  • 00:23:00.926 --> 00:23:03.929
  • Relationship is being willing to show someone your wounds
  • 00:23:03.929 --> 00:23:08.200
  • And show them your scars and have them love you anyways.
  • 00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:11.603
  • - i have struggled with that though, honestly for all sorts
  • 00:23:11.603 --> 00:23:15.006
  • Of different reasons i found it hard because i thought you
  • 00:23:15.006 --> 00:23:19.811
  • Know when you feel like somehow you're really broken
  • 00:23:19.811 --> 00:23:22.214
  • And you're wearing a mask, then you're really happy to be
  • 00:23:22.214 --> 00:23:24.816
  • There for other people but not letting other people into your
  • 00:23:24.816 --> 00:23:27.252
  • Life, i'm not an extrovert and very much an introvert you can
  • 00:23:27.252 --> 00:23:31.456
  • Set me on a little island for a month with some good books
  • 00:23:31.456 --> 00:23:35.193
  • And my dog and i'm quite happy.
  • 00:23:35.193 --> 00:23:37.095
  • But when we moved about almost 3 years ago we moved into a
  • 00:23:37.095 --> 00:23:39.898
  • New neighborhood we're all kind of houses around the lake, and
  • 00:23:39.898 --> 00:23:44.870
  • I'm like you know, well lord bless you.
  • 00:23:44.870 --> 00:23:48.607
  • The day we moved in, our neighbor on her right is out
  • 00:23:48.607 --> 00:23:51.877
  • In the yard and she's like oh my gosh, i know you are.
  • 00:23:51.877 --> 00:23:53.678
  • I've been praying that god would move another believer in
  • 00:23:53.678 --> 00:24:00.151
  • And inside i'm thinking oh no.
  • 00:24:00.151 --> 00:24:02.521
  • We need to find another house.
  • 00:24:02.521 --> 00:24:05.457
  • Most people watching would be thinking oh yea, but i was
  • 00:24:05.457 --> 00:24:08.360
  • Like there's a part of me that i just feel more comfortable
  • 00:24:08.360 --> 00:24:12.364
  • Pulling back.
  • 00:24:12.364 --> 00:24:14.499
  • But i have to tell you i remember that first night in
  • 00:24:14.499 --> 00:24:18.637
  • Bed and i'm like well lord you knew that was going to happen.
  • 00:24:18.637 --> 00:24:20.605
  • What were you thinking?
  • 00:24:20.605 --> 00:24:22.574
  • And the lord said to me and said yeah i did.
  • 00:24:22.574 --> 00:24:24.910
  • This is a good thing.
  • 00:24:24.910 --> 00:24:29.047
  • And you know what i love now, it's like i'm in my 60s and we
  • 00:24:29.047 --> 00:24:31.116
  • Just sit at the end of the path with a cup of coffee
  • 00:24:31.116 --> 00:24:33.451
  • While our dogs go bonkers and it's just so sweet.
  • 00:24:33.451 --> 00:24:36.922
  • It's interesting you say that because the lord convicted me
  • 00:24:36.922 --> 00:24:42.227
  • One time and told me because i am an extrovert i do love
  • 00:24:42.227 --> 00:24:46.331
  • Building community but i have had walls, weirdly with female
  • 00:24:46.331 --> 00:24:50.669
  • Relationships, like with my husband not at all.
  • 00:24:50.669 --> 00:24:55.907
  • - because we being doing too much sometimes.
  • 00:24:55.907 --> 00:24:58.677
  • - that's high school is.
  • 00:24:58.677 --> 00:25:03.081
  • - yes but the lord convicted me one time that self-reliance
  • 00:25:03.081 --> 00:25:06.384
  • Is a form of idolatry.
  • 00:25:06.384 --> 00:25:07.485
  • - you think you have everything you need on the
  • 00:25:07.485 --> 00:25:10.855
  • Inside.
  • 00:25:10.855 --> 00:25:11.957
  • - listen, you are lying to yourself.
  • 00:25:11.957 --> 00:25:13.224
  • - it was one of those moments where it's like--
  • 00:25:13.224 --> 00:25:18.029
  • - write all this down.
  • 00:25:18.029 --> 00:25:18.730
  • - that vulnerability, yes.
  • 00:25:18.730 --> 00:25:21.099
  • - it is because when i'm self-reliant a couple things
  • 00:25:21.099 --> 00:25:23.835
  • Happen.
  • 00:25:23.835 --> 00:25:25.170
  • One, i can mask the fear of rejection because i don't have
  • 00:25:25.170 --> 00:25:28.640
  • To worry about being rejected because i don't have to put
  • 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:31.943
  • Myself out there to be rejected.
  • 00:25:31.943 --> 00:25:34.045
  • I'll do it myself.
  • 00:25:34.045 --> 00:25:35.914
  • Or the other thing is i don't have to put forth the effort
  • 00:25:35.914 --> 00:25:39.451
  • Because the other part of it is if i can get past i don't
  • 00:25:39.451 --> 00:25:41.953
  • Know if they're going to like me or if i'm going to be
  • 00:25:41.953 --> 00:25:43.788
  • Rejected the other part is relationships take work and
  • 00:25:43.788 --> 00:25:46.191
  • It's easier for me just to do it myself and get things done
  • 00:25:46.191 --> 00:25:48.193
  • If i have to include somebody else, now when they are sick
  • 00:25:48.193 --> 00:25:51.496
  • I have to bring them soup.
  • 00:25:51.496 --> 00:25:52.797
  • You know what i appreciate the honesty because most of the
  • 00:25:52.797 --> 00:25:58.637
  • Time we want whether it's marriage parenting, whatever
  • 00:25:58.637 --> 00:26:03.475
  • We want, one way relationships, when i'm
  • 00:26:03.475 --> 00:26:07.479
  • Wanting somebody to come be there for me, i won't be
  • 00:26:07.479 --> 00:26:09.214
  • There for you i hope you have friends.
  • 00:26:09.214 --> 00:26:11.383
  • I want you to be there.
  • 00:26:11.383 --> 00:26:13.151
  • I hope you have another set of friends outside of me, be
  • 00:26:13.151 --> 00:26:15.887
  • - but those are the two things that the lord showed me in
  • 00:26:15.887 --> 00:26:21.426
  • Self reliance and idolagy.
  • 00:26:21.426 --> 00:26:23.094
  • I have a fear of rejection, i did have rejection younger,
  • 00:26:23.094 --> 00:26:26.297
  • With friendship so that marked me, and then it just cost you
  • 00:26:26.297 --> 00:26:31.002
  • Something we talked about, it costs you something to be a
  • 00:26:31.002 --> 00:26:34.839
  • Good friend, to be in community.
  • 00:26:34.839 --> 00:26:38.043
  • Your time, your resources, but when the lord showed me that,
  • 00:26:38.043 --> 00:26:41.479
  • This is a form of idolagy and i want your attention to be on
  • 00:26:41.479 --> 00:26:45.950
  • Me and i will bring you the people that it will not feel
  • 00:26:45.950 --> 00:26:50.121
  • Like draining work, because i think maybe people in ministry
  • 00:26:50.121 --> 00:26:53.792
  • That's what i had to get over, ministry sometimes
  • 00:26:53.792 --> 00:26:57.529
  • Can feel like you're being pulled on a lot my husband and
  • 00:26:57.529 --> 00:27:00.865
  • I were in ministry.
  • 00:27:00.865 --> 00:27:02.167
  • So for me i equated that to friendships it's just going to
  • 00:27:02.167 --> 00:27:06.504
  • Be one more area somebody need something from me, and i
  • 00:27:06.504 --> 00:27:11.042
  • Didn't have a lot to give and it was a little bit i love
  • 00:27:11.042 --> 00:27:14.079
  • Friendships i would love the friends who want to help me
  • 00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:16.915
  • Out because i feel like i'm kind of drowning but i did not think
  • 00:27:16.915 --> 00:27:22.921
  • That i could reciprocate, until the lord i let him bring
  • 00:27:22.921 --> 00:27:24.189
  • Me the friends that he knew were going to be good for my
  • 00:27:24.189 --> 00:27:26.925
  • Soul.
  • 00:27:26.925 --> 00:27:27.792
  • He will do it.
  • 00:27:27.792 --> 00:27:29.594
  • And now it's not work, it's literally life.
  • 00:27:29.594 --> 00:27:31.963
  • It's life to me.
  • 00:27:31.963 --> 00:27:33.698
  • - you know i think it's obviously really difficult to
  • 00:27:33.698 --> 00:27:37.602
  • Create anything from a place that you don't have yourself.
  • 00:27:37.602 --> 00:27:41.005
  • And when we create spaces for people to deeply connect even
  • 00:27:41.005 --> 00:27:45.910
  • Though we don't have it, it shows that no matter what, we
  • 00:27:45.910 --> 00:27:49.414
  • Can care for people deeply even if we don't have it.
  • 00:27:49.414 --> 00:27:53.051
  • I actually think that when you don't have it gives you more
  • 00:27:53.051 --> 00:27:54.719
  • Compassion to create it for others anyways.
  • 00:27:54.719 --> 00:27:57.856
  • So if you are lonely, create an opportunity for community
  • 00:27:57.856 --> 00:28:02.494
  • For someone.
  • 00:28:02.494 --> 00:28:04.462
  • If you are hurting, create an opportunity for someone to
  • 00:28:04.462 --> 00:28:05.730
  • Find healing.
  • 00:28:05.730 --> 00:28:06.965
  • I just think it redeems everything, even for yourself.
  • 00:28:06.965 --> 00:28:09.801
  • So just go for it.
  • 00:28:09.801 --> 00:28:10.969
  • - i have to read this luke chapter 1.
  • 00:28:10.969 --> 00:28:15.206
  • What is when my favorite messages talk about
  • 00:28:15.206 --> 00:28:18.042
  • Friendships, so elizabeth has just been told that she's
  • 00:28:18.042 --> 00:28:20.612
  • Pregnant, now this is an unlikely situation not as
  • 00:28:20.612 --> 00:28:23.381
  • Miraculous as the conception of mary, but barren like
  • 00:28:23.381 --> 00:28:29.821
  • She's like what you talking about?
  • 00:28:29.821 --> 00:28:33.091
  • Six months later, mary gets her visit from the angel, and
  • 00:28:33.091 --> 00:28:35.059
  • Finds out she's about to bear the messiah.
  • 00:28:35.059 --> 00:28:38.163
  • Here's what verse 39 in luke chapter 1 says, in those days
  • 00:28:38.163 --> 00:28:42.200
  • Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country to a
  • 00:28:42.200 --> 00:28:45.637
  • Town in judah and she entered the house of zechariah and
  • 00:28:45.637 --> 00:28:48.840
  • Greeted elizabeth and when elizabeth heard the greeting of
  • 00:28:48.840 --> 00:28:52.310
  • Mary the baby leapt into her womb and elizabeth was
  • 00:28:52.310 --> 00:28:55.446
  • Filled with the holy spirit and exclaimed with a loud joy
  • 00:28:55.446 --> 00:28:58.983
  • And she gives [indiscernible] she blesses marry, but i love
  • 00:28:58.983 --> 00:29:01.419
  • This, that mary arose with haste this is like your girlfriend
  • 00:29:01.419 --> 00:29:05.557
  • Saying i have got to be with her.
  • 00:29:05.557 --> 00:29:08.927
  • So i love the story because very often we say who can i
  • 00:29:08.927 --> 00:29:12.096
  • Find?
  • 00:29:12.096 --> 00:29:13.398
  • No one knows me.
  • 00:29:13.398 --> 00:29:15.700
  • If they know my whole story, they will not cover this.
  • 00:29:15.700 --> 00:29:18.136
  • It is not going to work.
  • 00:29:18.136 --> 00:29:19.704
  • Let me tell you what god does how much he loves friendship he
  • 00:29:19.704 --> 00:29:21.439
  • Will take two women with unlikely conceptions, their
  • 00:29:21.439 --> 00:29:26.244
  • Children closely related in ministry no one
  • 00:29:26.244 --> 00:29:28.546
  • Else could understand their stories but the other,
  • 00:29:28.546 --> 00:29:33.051
  • That's what god says and now listen, mary yours is not like
  • 00:29:33.051 --> 00:29:36.387
  • Elizabeth but it's enough go talk to her and elizabeth is
  • 00:29:36.387 --> 00:29:38.623
  • Like what girl, you are pregnant you too?
  • 00:29:38.623 --> 00:29:40.592
  • What just happened?
  • 00:29:40.592 --> 00:29:42.794
  • And she's like i'm old.
  • 00:29:42.794 --> 00:29:43.895
  • And mary is like i'm a virgin.
  • 00:29:43.895 --> 00:29:44.829
  • Girl.
  • 00:29:44.829 --> 00:29:46.231
  • That's crazy.
  • 00:29:46.231 --> 00:29:47.465
  • And my son is going to be before your son and listen it
  • 00:29:47.465 --> 00:29:50.969
  • Is too much, but it is so sweet to me because i'm like
  • 00:29:50.969 --> 00:29:55.273
  • God in all of this, still found a way for these two
  • 00:29:55.273 --> 00:29:58.409
  • Women and really isolated situations to not be alone.
  • 00:29:58.409 --> 00:30:00.879
  • He gave them a person so god can give you a person.
  • 00:30:00.879 --> 00:30:06.050
  • - have you ever prayed that god would bring you a friend?
  • 00:30:06.050 --> 00:30:09.420
  • This might seem like a strange thing to pray for but it's not
  • 00:30:09.420 --> 00:30:12.624
  • Because god is the one who knows your heart so well and
  • 00:30:12.624 --> 00:30:15.994
  • Maybe you were i remember when i first went to college and i
  • 00:30:15.994 --> 00:30:19.964
  • Didn't know anybody i was from a small fishing town on the
  • 00:30:19.964 --> 00:30:22.867
  • West coast of scotland suddenly i'm at this big
  • 00:30:22.867 --> 00:30:25.970
  • University campus in london, and really did not know anybody
  • 00:30:25.970 --> 00:30:30.041
  • And so i began to make that my prayer, lord would you bring
  • 00:30:30.041 --> 00:30:32.644
  • Me a friend, and they came just in an unlikely way to
  • 00:30:32.644 --> 00:30:38.683
  • Somebody who needed to borrow something from somebody on my
  • 00:30:38.683 --> 00:30:43.187
  • Floor and i happened to have what they needed so we ended
  • 00:30:43.187 --> 00:30:45.990
  • Up chatting and i thought it was an absolute answer to
  • 00:30:45.990 --> 00:30:48.593
  • Prayer so if you feel like lord i'm kinda lonely or don't
  • 00:30:48.593 --> 00:30:51.329
  • Really know anybody in this church take it to the lord he
  • 00:30:51.329 --> 00:30:54.966
  • Cares about you he cares about you having a friend, ask him
  • 00:30:54.966 --> 00:30:58.870
  • To show you and then when he does you can celebrate
  • 00:30:58.870 --> 00:31:01.239
  • Together.
  • 00:31:01.239 --> 00:31:02.507
  • - i want to tie together what you just said and you just
  • 00:31:02.507 --> 00:31:04.642
  • Said, about rejection because rejection is like a big big
  • 00:31:04.642 --> 00:31:08.446
  • Part of the ministry that i have and really helping
  • 00:31:08.446 --> 00:31:12.183
  • People process through it, god gave me revelation about how
  • 00:31:12.183 --> 00:31:16.354
  • When it comes to relationship there is two types of people
  • 00:31:16.354 --> 00:31:20.224
  • That are in your life, there's people that are attached and
  • 00:31:20.224 --> 00:31:23.828
  • People who are assigned, and when a person is attached to
  • 00:31:23.828 --> 00:31:27.699
  • You, they are connected to you for as long as the
  • 00:31:27.699 --> 00:31:31.602
  • Relationship benefits them, as long as they are getting
  • 00:31:31.602 --> 00:31:33.738
  • Something out of the relationship they will
  • 00:31:33.738 --> 00:31:35.940
  • Absolutely stay attached you and i talked about this
  • 00:31:35.940 --> 00:31:38.142
  • Yesterday how when i left meta and all of a sudden the people
  • 00:31:38.142 --> 00:31:40.812
  • Who were so gung ho about being in my orbit suddenly
  • 00:31:40.812 --> 00:31:44.949
  • Disappeared well they were not attached and what happens is
  • 00:31:44.949 --> 00:31:47.719
  • When a person starts to detach like let's just say that you
  • 00:31:47.719 --> 00:31:51.289
  • Are no longer meeting up for lunch like you used to maybe
  • 00:31:51.289 --> 00:31:53.558
  • Your life got busy and you just cannot give them whatever you
  • 00:31:53.558 --> 00:31:55.626
  • Were giving them, they will start to detach and that will
  • 00:31:55.626 --> 00:31:58.296
  • Trigger insecurity because we're like oh my gosh what they
  • 00:31:58.296 --> 00:32:02.066
  • Do, how do i change this, how do i fix this?
  • 00:32:02.066 --> 00:32:05.870
  • That's an attached person.
  • 00:32:05.870 --> 00:32:07.205
  • An assigned person is someone in your life not for what they
  • 00:32:07.205 --> 00:32:09.440
  • Can get out of the relationship but what they can
  • 00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:10.775
  • Contribute to it.
  • 00:32:10.775 --> 00:32:12.677
  • And we have to be very careful not to confuse attached and
  • 00:32:12.677 --> 00:32:16.414
  • Assigned.
  • 00:32:16.414 --> 00:32:18.016
  • Because when attached people detach that rejection can
  • 00:32:18.016 --> 00:32:20.551
  • Wound us to the point that it makes us say i cannot be
  • 00:32:20.551 --> 00:32:23.654
  • Friends with people anymore i trusted this person i was
  • 00:32:23.654 --> 00:32:25.556
  • Vulnerable with this person we have to be mindful that there
  • 00:32:25.556 --> 00:32:30.428
  • Is always going to be an assigned person in your life
  • 00:32:30.428 --> 00:32:32.063
  • And what happens is we tend to shift our energy away from the
  • 00:32:32.063 --> 00:32:36.067
  • Assigned people to try to keep the attached people in our
  • 00:32:36.067 --> 00:32:38.603
  • Life.
  • 00:32:38.603 --> 00:32:40.571
  • And so the assigned people are over there like we innately
  • 00:32:40.571 --> 00:32:42.807
  • Know.
  • 00:32:42.807 --> 00:32:45.243
  • - for granted.
  • 00:32:45.243 --> 00:32:47.412
  • And so here we have assigned people in our life but we are
  • 00:32:47.412 --> 00:32:51.082
  • Wounded because the attached person rejected us and so i
  • 00:32:51.082 --> 00:32:53.885
  • Believe that it is god's desire that the assigned
  • 00:32:53.885 --> 00:32:56.888
  • People will minister to our wounds but we don't let them
  • 00:32:56.888 --> 00:33:01.059
  • Because we were chasing the attached people so the way
  • 00:33:01.059 --> 00:33:03.428
  • That i approach it and this is just practical is if somebody
  • 00:33:03.428 --> 00:33:05.596
  • Exits your life let's say you didn't do anything wrong,
  • 00:33:05.596 --> 00:33:09.500
  • They just disappeared, you didn't do anything wrong.
  • 00:33:09.500 --> 00:33:14.472
  • You have to learn how to accept that as god's
  • 00:33:14.472 --> 00:33:15.306
  • Repositioning.
  • 00:33:15.306 --> 00:33:16.074
  • I think about it like my son.
  • 00:33:16.074 --> 00:33:17.575
  • He's on the basketball team.
  • 00:33:17.575 --> 00:33:18.776
  • They have like 12 players on the roster so if a player
  • 00:33:18.776 --> 00:33:20.545
  • Leaves for some reason the team does not collapse; they
  • 00:33:20.545 --> 00:33:24.682
  • Just fill the spot.
  • 00:33:24.682 --> 00:33:26.084
  • And so now you have to pray and ask god to fill that open
  • 00:33:26.084 --> 00:33:29.120
  • Spot with an assigned person.
  • 00:33:29.120 --> 00:33:31.022
  • That becomes the prayer but don't sit in the pain.
  • 00:33:31.022 --> 00:33:35.293
  • We have to be very mindful of that, and just pray and ask god
  • 00:33:35.293 --> 00:33:38.930
  • Lord, show me the assigned people in my life, because
  • 00:33:38.930 --> 00:33:40.765
  • Like you just said, come on.
  • 00:33:40.765 --> 00:33:44.435
  • What are the odds of that?
  • 00:33:44.435 --> 00:33:46.971
  • And if you embrace that it will keep you from being the
  • 00:33:46.971 --> 00:33:50.108
  • Assigned person because god is saying you're on a list.
  • 00:33:50.108 --> 00:33:53.644
  • You can get something out of this but go beyond assignment.
  • 00:33:53.644 --> 00:33:57.081
  • Love this person if you don't feel worthy that god can use
  • 00:33:57.081 --> 00:34:02.053
  • You then you won't ever think that you can be somebody's
  • 00:34:02.053 --> 00:34:03.654
  • Assignment.
  • 00:34:03.654 --> 00:34:05.123
  • - sometimes god gives us assignments people that are
  • 00:34:05.123 --> 00:34:08.993
  • Not necessarily equal with us as far as our faith but he's
  • 00:34:08.993 --> 00:34:11.596
  • Calling us to evangelize and share the gospel with them,
  • 00:34:11.596 --> 00:34:14.365
  • But when it comes to friendship that's a person who
  • 00:34:14.365 --> 00:34:16.767
  • Was on a similar path us, not that they are alike but they
  • 00:34:16.767 --> 00:34:19.170
  • Are in the similar spiritual path because that's the only
  • 00:34:19.170 --> 00:34:22.306
  • Way iron can sharpen iron so when you are assessing
  • 00:34:22.306 --> 00:34:25.676
  • Friendships whether or not there from god ask the lord
  • 00:34:25.676 --> 00:34:28.045
  • To reveal that person's heart do they have a love for the
  • 00:34:28.045 --> 00:34:31.983
  • Lord like you do and can sharpen one another?
  • 00:34:31.983 --> 00:34:34.519
  • So there's an equal resistance that we can get better as we
  • 00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.688
  • Grow together.
  • 00:34:37.688 --> 00:34:39.023
  • - hey so i'm here with one of our viewer questions and this
  • 00:34:39.023 --> 00:34:49.100
  • Is actually from carla.
  • 00:34:49.100 --> 00:34:50.434
  • Sheila thank you for speaking about your struggle to be part
  • 00:34:50.434 --> 00:34:52.837
  • Of a community and the temptation to be a loner.
  • 00:34:52.837 --> 00:34:55.273
  • I too enjoyed time alone, for seven years
  • 00:34:55.273 --> 00:34:58.676
  • I stayed home from church with my husband who was ill and he
  • 00:34:58.676 --> 00:35:04.048
  • Couldn't be left alone.
  • 00:35:04.048 --> 00:35:05.183
  • Now i find that getting plugged back in is more
  • 00:35:05.183 --> 00:35:06.484
  • Difficult than i expected.
  • 00:35:06.484 --> 00:35:07.852
  • How do you overcome the temptation to stop trying?
  • 00:35:07.852 --> 00:35:09.654
  • What does the lord say about this?
  • 00:35:09.654 --> 00:35:13.157
  • First of all carla i just want to say i'm very sorry that
  • 00:35:13.157 --> 00:35:16.727
  • Must've been so hard staying home with your husband who was
  • 00:35:16.727 --> 00:35:19.564
  • Ill and could not be left alone.
  • 00:35:19.564 --> 00:35:22.867
  • I would imagine you're probably pretty exhausted you
  • 00:35:22.867 --> 00:35:24.468
  • Know, there's something about that calling to be there for
  • 00:35:24.468 --> 00:35:26.871
  • Someone day in and day out and other people may occasionally
  • 00:35:26.871 --> 00:35:29.874
  • Get a glimpse of what it's like, but you are there all
  • 00:35:29.874 --> 00:35:32.810
  • The time.
  • 00:35:32.810 --> 00:35:34.111
  • And i'm not surprised you are probably in a place that you
  • 00:35:34.111 --> 00:35:35.713
  • Think it was hard before and now it's impossible.
  • 00:35:35.713 --> 00:35:37.381
  • But it's not.
  • 00:35:37.381 --> 00:35:39.217
  • And you deserve that.
  • 00:35:39.217 --> 00:35:42.853
  • You deserve to be part of something carla, you
  • 00:35:42.853 --> 00:35:45.089
  • Deserve to be in a community of people who will love you,
  • 00:35:45.089 --> 00:35:48.859
  • And see you and pour back into you you spent so many years
  • 00:35:48.859 --> 00:35:51.495
  • Pouring your life out for your husband, and maybe now it's
  • 00:35:51.495 --> 00:35:55.566
  • Time to take a little risk and let some other sisters pour
  • 00:35:55.566 --> 00:35:57.268
  • Back into you.
  • 00:35:57.268 --> 00:36:01.706
  • - join the conversation on a better together youtube
  • 00:36:01.706 --> 00:36:06.344
  • Channel, subscribe today and never miss a new upload.
  • 00:36:06.344 --> 00:36:08.779
  • - we were in africa setting up a feeding program in a couple
  • 00:36:08.779 --> 00:36:10.992
  • - we were in africa setting up a feeding program in a couple
  • 00:36:10.992 --> 00:36:17.556
  • Of schools and on the final day our guide said do you want
  • 00:36:17.556 --> 00:36:20.792
  • To go on a safari and i was like yeah i would love that.
  • 00:36:20.792 --> 00:36:23.095
  • Just like so wonderful.
  • 00:36:23.095 --> 00:36:24.863
  • But then we stopped and he said okay i need you guys to
  • 00:36:24.863 --> 00:36:29.468
  • Watch something.
  • 00:36:29.468 --> 00:36:30.369
  • And there was a whole herd impala.
  • 00:36:30.369 --> 00:36:32.971
  • Little baby deer jumping on and there was
  • 00:36:32.971 --> 00:36:37.209
  • One that got separated from the crowd, and he said just
  • 00:36:37.209 --> 00:36:39.311
  • Wait for 10 minutes.
  • 00:36:39.311 --> 00:36:42.147
  • And then he showed us this lion that was hiding in the
  • 00:36:42.147 --> 00:36:45.250
  • Bush.
  • 00:36:45.250 --> 00:36:46.218
  • And i said honk your horn or something.
  • 00:36:46.218 --> 00:36:49.521
  • Why are we watching this murder happen?
  • 00:36:49.521 --> 00:36:52.090
  • And he didn't, and the lion took the impala out, and he said
  • 00:36:52.090 --> 00:36:59.131
  • To me afterwards he said i didn't even know he was a
  • 00:36:59.131 --> 00:37:03.335
  • Believer.
  • 00:37:03.335 --> 00:37:04.569
  • He said this is a spiritual lesson, here, the impala can
  • 00:37:04.569 --> 00:37:06.371
  • Run faster than the lion.
  • 00:37:06.371 --> 00:37:09.041
  • But because he's on his own, fear has closed in on him and
  • 00:37:09.041 --> 00:37:13.612
  • He was taken out and it was such a lesson to me.
  • 00:37:13.612 --> 00:37:16.882
  • - i need to take off.
  • 00:37:16.882 --> 00:37:18.483
  • Take that message somewhere.
  • 00:37:18.483 --> 00:37:20.752
  • Girl i'm just saying that means you can have all the
  • 00:37:20.752 --> 00:37:22.454
  • Giftedness, all the strategy and impala knew that land he
  • 00:37:22.454 --> 00:37:25.924
  • Lived on that land.
  • 00:37:25.924 --> 00:37:27.526
  • But the fear made you subject to the predator, girl that's a
  • 00:37:27.526 --> 00:37:33.065
  • Word.
  • 00:37:33.065 --> 00:37:35.400
  • - i love that.
  • 00:37:34.166 --> 00:37:37.569
  • Okay friends, i want to read matthew chapter 18 real quick.
  • 00:37:37.569 --> 00:37:40.839
  • The title of this part of matthew is the greatest in the
  • 00:37:40.839 --> 00:37:44.710
  • Kingdom of heaven.
  • 00:37:44.710 --> 00:37:46.211
  • At that time the disciples came to jesus and asked who
  • 00:37:46.211 --> 00:37:48.947
  • Then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
  • 00:37:48.947 --> 00:37:53.885
  • Jesus called all the little children he called the child
  • 00:37:53.885 --> 00:37:57.022
  • Him and he placed the child among them and said truly
  • 00:37:57.022 --> 00:37:58.890
  • I tell you unless you change and become like little
  • 00:37:58.890 --> 00:38:03.995
  • Children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
  • 00:38:03.995 --> 00:38:06.264
  • Therefore whoever takes the lowly position of this child
  • 00:38:06.264 --> 00:38:08.967
  • Is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven and whoever welcomes
  • 00:38:08.967 --> 00:38:11.136
  • One said child in my name, welcomes me.
  • 00:38:11.136 --> 00:38:14.840
  • So in thinking about children i have two babies, almost
  • 00:38:14.840 --> 00:38:18.110
  • 11-year-old and a three-year-old, and thinking
  • 00:38:18.110 --> 00:38:20.412
  • About children i think about a couple of things: the
  • 00:38:20.412 --> 00:38:23.315
  • Innocence and the humility.
  • 00:38:23.315 --> 00:38:24.850
  • I mean they are just so vulnerable, it's a beautiful
  • 00:38:24.850 --> 00:38:27.686
  • Thing.
  • 00:38:27.686 --> 00:38:28.887
  • But i also think about my daughter who is an extrovert
  • 00:38:28.887 --> 00:38:31.089
  • And also a strong with a blessing on a playground.
  • 00:38:31.089 --> 00:38:33.225
  • And nine times out of 10, maybe even 10 out of 10, she
  • 00:38:33.225 --> 00:38:39.297
  • Will come up to me after she played and says i met a friend.
  • 00:38:39.297 --> 00:38:41.533
  • I met a friend and i gave her your number.
  • 00:38:41.533 --> 00:38:45.036
  • And i'm like oh we are all going to go on a play date i mean
  • 00:38:45.036 --> 00:38:49.508
  • I'm talking you've been knowing this girl for 17
  • 00:38:49.508 --> 00:38:51.243
  • Minutes.
  • 00:38:51.243 --> 00:38:51.810
  • Okay.
  • 00:38:51.810 --> 00:38:53.412
  • What is happening?
  • 00:38:53.412 --> 00:38:54.713
  • There's this innocence and i think it allows them to be so
  • 00:38:54.713 --> 00:38:57.249
  • Bold in meeting friends.
  • 00:38:57.249 --> 00:38:59.618
  • My daughter i'm telling you i have friendships of people in
  • 00:38:59.618 --> 00:39:04.256
  • My city because we went to the jumpy place down the street
  • 00:39:04.256 --> 00:39:06.892
  • And my daughter has messed around and got three new
  • 00:39:06.892 --> 00:39:10.429
  • Friends and they rallied and doing sideways cartwheels
  • 00:39:10.429 --> 00:39:12.764
  • Falling all over all uncoordinated, and they are
  • 00:39:12.764 --> 00:39:16.701
  • Like we want more of this.
  • 00:39:16.701 --> 00:39:18.336
  • And i just think we know this, as children there is not a lot
  • 00:39:18.336 --> 00:39:21.606
  • Of shame built up, there's not a lot of betrayal, mistrust,
  • 00:39:21.606 --> 00:39:27.579
  • Anxiety built up around friendships.
  • 00:39:27.579 --> 00:39:28.814
  • They are doing life together almost every single day at
  • 00:39:28.814 --> 00:39:30.315
  • School with people all the time and we lose that as
  • 00:39:30.315 --> 00:39:33.885
  • Adults.
  • 00:39:33.885 --> 00:39:36.254
  • And i just think that jesus obviously there's no
  • 00:39:36.254 --> 00:39:39.024
  • Coincidence with him there's intention and intention
  • 00:39:39.024 --> 00:39:41.293
  • Around this childlike example that he's given, and i think a
  • 00:39:41.293 --> 00:39:45.530
  • Part of being a child is being completely free to get to know
  • 00:39:45.530 --> 00:39:49.434
  • People to put ourselves out there not to have so much
  • 00:39:49.434 --> 00:39:52.871
  • Baggage and friendships, and what would it look like,
  • 00:39:52.871 --> 00:39:56.041
  • As adults for us to be childlike in this area?
  • 00:39:56.041 --> 00:39:59.978
  • - let's have a play date.
  • 00:39:59.978 --> 00:40:04.149
  • - do you want to be my friend?
  • 00:40:04.149 --> 00:40:05.650
  • - can i have a play date?
  • 00:40:05.650 --> 00:40:07.252
  • It's so weird.
  • 00:40:07.252 --> 00:40:09.087
  • - what does that practically look like for adults?
  • 00:40:09.087 --> 00:40:10.956
  • I want to know, what practical steps can you take?
  • 00:40:10.956 --> 00:40:13.992
  • - i honestly think it looks like finding a connection
  • 00:40:13.992 --> 00:40:20.031
  • Piece.
  • 00:40:20.031 --> 00:40:21.333
  • The premier looked like, instead of leaving it up to my
  • 00:40:21.333 --> 00:40:24.302
  • Kid at the playground, i spotted another mom with the
  • 00:40:24.302 --> 00:40:27.772
  • Daughter or son that's the same age as me and i said,
  • 00:40:27.772 --> 00:40:30.942
  • "how old are your kids?
  • 00:40:30.942 --> 00:40:32.310
  • Are you guys-- you live locally i don't want to be creeper but
  • 00:40:32.310 --> 00:40:34.579
  • We are really serious about community, we want deep
  • 00:40:34.579 --> 00:40:37.382
  • Connections and people that we know and love and find the
  • 00:40:37.382 --> 00:40:40.318
  • Connection piece," lean in this has been harder for me in
  • 00:40:40.318 --> 00:40:44.089
  • The season even as an extrovert and it's being in the
  • 00:40:44.089 --> 00:40:47.893
  • Grocery store saying oh my gosh what kind of brand did you
  • 00:40:47.893 --> 00:40:49.327
  • Get for milk i've been looking for one for my son who
  • 00:40:49.327 --> 00:40:52.664
  • Switching over.
  • 00:40:52.664 --> 00:40:55.934
  • Right?
  • 00:40:55.934 --> 00:40:57.035
  • It looks like finding the connection and putting
  • 00:40:57.035 --> 00:40:57.636
  • Yourself out there.
  • 00:40:57.636 --> 00:40:58.904
  • - when we think about taking the first steps to making a
  • 00:40:58.904 --> 00:41:01.506
  • New friend i think there's a lot of ways that can happen.
  • 00:41:01.506 --> 00:41:04.809
  • I can tell you how it won't happen it won't happen by
  • 00:41:04.809 --> 00:41:07.245
  • Staying isolated in your home, but i believe if you turn on
  • 00:41:07.245 --> 00:41:11.049
  • All of your senses your eyes, your ears, that kind of thing,
  • 00:41:11.049 --> 00:41:16.888
  • Anywhere you go i believe that god could put in encounter for
  • 00:41:16.888 --> 00:41:19.057
  • Friendship in your path, i believe it very easily can
  • 00:41:19.057 --> 00:41:23.562
  • Happen if you are involved in a church i know for me most of
  • 00:41:23.562 --> 00:41:26.197
  • My friendships were formed by not just attending church but
  • 00:41:26.197 --> 00:41:31.770
  • Finding out that they had life groups or groups for people
  • 00:41:31.770 --> 00:41:34.105
  • My age and my stage of life and joining them.
  • 00:41:34.105 --> 00:41:37.709
  • I also know that my kids were in sports.
  • 00:41:37.709 --> 00:41:40.579
  • I made a lot of friends by being on the team, but let me
  • 00:41:40.579 --> 00:41:42.514
  • Say, all of those scenarios i could've gone to them and
  • 00:41:42.514 --> 00:41:45.517
  • Not made one friend.
  • 00:41:45.517 --> 00:41:47.919
  • It's not just because you're there that the friendship
  • 00:41:47.919 --> 00:41:50.989
  • Happens.
  • 00:41:50.989 --> 00:41:52.123
  • That being there in the proximity of other people
  • 00:41:52.123 --> 00:41:54.259
  • Gives an opportunity but i will say it does take action
  • 00:41:54.259 --> 00:41:55.827
  • On our part.
  • 00:41:55.827 --> 00:41:59.965
  • When you're in those moments and you hear the church say
  • 00:41:59.965 --> 00:42:03.101
  • Hey go online and join the cell group or this bible study
  • 00:42:03.101 --> 00:42:06.805
  • When your children are at school and you are at the
  • 00:42:06.805 --> 00:42:10.275
  • Volleyball game whatever that is, with the moment you take
  • 00:42:10.275 --> 00:42:13.511
  • The step to say hi to someone to give someone a hug to
  • 00:42:13.511 --> 00:42:15.947
  • Introduce yourself, to maybe when your child comes up and
  • 00:42:15.947 --> 00:42:20.218
  • Says hey can we have a play date, that kind of stuff, all
  • 00:42:20.218 --> 00:42:22.787
  • Of those are the opportunities you have the take to be
  • 00:42:22.787 --> 00:42:24.689
  • Proactive.
  • 00:42:24.689 --> 00:42:26.358
  • So it may not be exactly what you want to hear but it's not
  • 00:42:26.358 --> 00:42:28.893
  • Just getting out of your house and being in
  • 00:42:28.893 --> 00:42:32.464
  • Proximity with other people it is going to take you making an
  • 00:42:32.464 --> 00:42:34.599
  • Effort taking that first step but the good news is, it does
  • 00:42:34.599 --> 00:42:37.969
  • Not mean that you have to now be hosting 50 people at your
  • 00:42:37.969 --> 00:42:42.741
  • House it just means take a step make eye contact with
  • 00:42:42.741 --> 00:42:46.444
  • Someone introduce yourself, and make a friend.
  • 00:42:46.444 --> 00:42:48.413
  • - my husband and i are leading our young adults group at our
  • 00:42:48.413 --> 00:42:52.384
  • Church right now but we have these tuesday evening services
  • 00:42:52.384 --> 00:42:56.054
  • Every week and one of the reports we got back was a mom
  • 00:42:56.054 --> 00:43:02.961
  • Who actually works on staff she had sent her daughter and
  • 00:43:02.961 --> 00:43:06.097
  • So i said what did she think about the first you know
  • 00:43:06.097 --> 00:43:09.401
  • Service or whatever and she said well she didn't really
  • 00:43:09.401 --> 00:43:13.805
  • Have anybody that talked to her.
  • 00:43:13.805 --> 00:43:15.640
  • Well the report back was that i had one of our interns
  • 00:43:15.640 --> 00:43:18.443
  • Making sure she had eyes on everyone and she said it's
  • 00:43:18.443 --> 00:43:21.279
  • Interesting because she said i saw the girl she was late
  • 00:43:21.279 --> 00:43:24.716
  • Coming in as soon as the service was over she left.
  • 00:43:24.716 --> 00:43:27.585
  • It's what made me think how often do we, i have no friends,
  • 00:43:27.585 --> 00:43:32.223
  • Nobody really wants to be around me yes but really at the
  • 00:43:32.223 --> 00:43:37.362
  • End of the day we came late and left early.
  • 00:43:37.362 --> 00:43:42.033
  • We see the person in the grocery store line and we
  • 00:43:42.033 --> 00:43:45.170
  • Think they are going to think i'm ridiculous and not going to
  • 00:43:45.170 --> 00:43:47.505
  • Say anything but then we go home and find ourselves
  • 00:43:47.505 --> 00:43:50.542
  • Isolated and with no friends and not feeling a strong
  • 00:43:50.542 --> 00:43:53.545
  • Connection because we are waiting for that thing to
  • 00:43:53.545 --> 00:43:55.914
  • Happen to us.
  • 00:43:55.914 --> 00:43:57.248
  • So something that the lord has led me to do and this is over
  • 00:43:57.248 --> 00:44:01.586
  • The last maybe three months or so is he led me to just create
  • 00:44:01.586 --> 00:44:05.090
  • A list of a few names, so who are people that i really want
  • 00:44:05.090 --> 00:44:10.595
  • To build a relationship with because you cannot build a
  • 00:44:10.595 --> 00:44:13.665
  • Relationship like passing like ships in the night, i see you
  • 00:44:13.665 --> 00:44:15.900
  • Hey girl, and then i never see you again right?
  • 00:44:15.900 --> 00:44:19.070
  • I don't talk to you for another year so it's like
  • 00:44:19.070 --> 00:44:20.605
  • Okay, who are the people i really want to build
  • 00:44:20.605 --> 00:44:23.341
  • Relationships with and how do i do it in a way that fits in the
  • 00:44:23.341 --> 00:44:26.010
  • Rhythm of my life?
  • 00:44:26.010 --> 00:44:27.479
  • So that maybe just a regular text message so i'm going to
  • 00:44:27.479 --> 00:44:31.449
  • Text you checking in hey how are you doing?
  • 00:44:31.449 --> 00:44:33.818
  • How can i pray for you i see you let's go to lunch, let's
  • 00:44:33.818 --> 00:44:36.988
  • Get dinner we are in the same town it's being intentional
  • 00:44:36.988 --> 00:44:39.390
  • About that instead of waiting for someone else to do it
  • 00:44:39.390 --> 00:44:42.494
  • Because and i think sometimes what happens is we take it
  • 00:44:42.494 --> 00:44:45.396
  • Personally when people don't do that to us but it's like
  • 00:44:45.396 --> 00:44:48.967
  • You ain't doing it either.
  • 00:44:48.967 --> 00:44:50.201
  • How are you gonna take it personally what you are not
  • 00:44:50.201 --> 00:44:52.103
  • Doing?
  • 00:44:52.103 --> 00:44:53.605
  • - and i think if you are not an extrovert you might not say
  • 00:44:53.605 --> 00:44:56.808
  • Hi to the person in the grocery store but where you
  • 00:44:56.808 --> 00:44:58.910
  • Are spending time you have to put yourself out there that
  • 00:44:58.910 --> 00:45:01.679
  • Looks different for everyone.
  • 00:45:01.679 --> 00:45:04.449
  • So if you want to study instead of studying at home go
  • 00:45:04.449 --> 00:45:07.552
  • To the coffee shop, go to the bookstore, go somewhere
  • 00:45:07.552 --> 00:45:10.388
  • Because you might find one person.
  • 00:45:10.388 --> 00:45:12.323
  • - maybe join a group at your church.
  • 00:45:12.323 --> 00:45:14.626
  • Just show up.
  • 00:45:14.626 --> 00:45:16.728
  • - anything i really think there's way more opportunities
  • 00:45:16.728 --> 00:45:19.330
  • For us to connect than we want to admit.
  • 00:45:19.330 --> 00:45:21.566
  • But we need to do something about it and we don't want to.
  • 00:45:21.566 --> 00:45:26.104
  • And you might have some people who are like no that's not my
  • 00:45:26.104 --> 00:45:27.906
  • Cup of tea, one of the best realizations you can never
  • 00:45:27.906 --> 00:45:31.543
  • Come to is that you are not everybody's cup of tea.
  • 00:45:31.543 --> 00:45:33.144
  • I am not everybody's cup of tea.
  • 00:45:33.144 --> 00:45:34.746
  • I am strong.
  • 00:45:34.746 --> 00:45:35.780
  • I get it.
  • 00:45:35.780 --> 00:45:37.081
  • If i'm a lot for you, i think god will bless you to grow.
  • 00:45:37.081 --> 00:45:39.384
  • Go sip on something else i know i'm not everybody's cup of tea
  • 00:45:39.384 --> 00:45:43.288
  • And that's okay.
  • 00:45:43.288 --> 00:45:44.589
  • You just need to know i'm gonna love you and the lord
  • 00:45:44.589 --> 00:45:47.559
  • But we may not be lunch friends.
  • 00:45:47.559 --> 00:45:48.927
  • That's okay.
  • 00:45:48.927 --> 00:45:50.728
  • You keep moving on.
  • 00:45:50.728 --> 00:45:51.996
  • - i member was talking to a young girl who wanted to get
  • 00:45:51.996 --> 00:45:53.398
  • Married and she had no relationships, and i said to
  • 00:45:53.398 --> 00:45:57.135
  • Her well what are you practically what are you doing?
  • 00:45:57.135 --> 00:45:59.571
  • She said i'm believing the lord is gonna bring someone to
  • 00:45:59.571 --> 00:46:03.842
  • Me and i'm like unless you want to marry the fedex guy.
  • 00:46:03.842 --> 00:46:06.377
  • Or the post man, but it was like this there's something
  • 00:46:06.377 --> 00:46:12.584
  • About putting yourself out there because it is not my
  • 00:46:12.584 --> 00:46:16.187
  • Natural thing.
  • 00:46:16.187 --> 00:46:18.189
  • But i've discovered sitting at the end of my path in my
  • 00:46:18.189 --> 00:46:23.561
  • Pajamas with my dog and my sweet neighbor next door, is
  • 00:46:23.561 --> 00:46:25.597
  • Just a gift.
  • 00:46:25.597 --> 00:46:27.565
  • - one of the risks of intentionally trying to enter
  • 00:46:27.565 --> 00:46:29.767
  • Into a community is accepting the fact that sometimes
  • 00:46:29.767 --> 00:46:32.904
  • Somebody will say no but don't let that hold you back.
  • 00:46:32.904 --> 00:46:34.305
  • If you want to make friends and maybe join a particular
  • 00:46:34.305 --> 00:46:38.476
  • Group or a small bible study, something somewhere there's
  • 00:46:38.476 --> 00:46:42.080
  • Somebody in the group it's like i would like to be
  • 00:46:42.080 --> 00:46:45.049
  • Friends with you but you just get a kind of a no from them,
  • 00:46:45.049 --> 00:46:49.287
  • Don't take that really personally it might be
  • 00:46:49.287 --> 00:46:53.591
  • Something going on in their own life but don't let it stop
  • 00:46:53.591 --> 00:46:56.294
  • You from reaching out again.
  • 00:46:56.294 --> 00:46:57.562
  • Sometimes you have to try a few times but it's worth it
  • 00:46:57.562 --> 00:47:00.098
  • Because god is deciding for you to have meaningful
  • 00:47:00.098 --> 00:47:03.101
  • Relationships that will bring us closer to jesus.
  • 00:47:03.101 --> 00:47:06.037
  • So if somebody says no just say okay and ask god to show
  • 00:47:06.037 --> 00:47:09.974
  • Me the next place to turn.
  • 00:47:09.974 --> 00:47:11.776
  • - what i love hearing you say and ending with that is it
  • 00:47:11.776 --> 00:47:16.714
  • Does not mean we have to cast a really wide net i don't
  • 00:47:16.714 --> 00:47:20.985
  • Believe community means you've always heard what is the mile
  • 00:47:20.985 --> 00:47:25.123
  • Wide and an inch deep that's probably not going to fulfill
  • 00:47:25.123 --> 00:47:29.127
  • Us to have a mile wide of friendships that only go an
  • 00:47:29.127 --> 00:47:31.396
  • Inch deep, it's okay if you only have one that you meet with
  • 00:47:31.396 --> 00:47:33.831
  • It's okay if your circle is smaller, in fact i would say
  • 00:47:33.831 --> 00:47:36.901
  • The older i've gotten the smaller it has gotten but it
  • 00:47:36.901 --> 00:47:39.270
  • Does not mean that introvert can be an excuse i love you
  • 00:47:39.270 --> 00:47:44.275
  • Earlier when you said your personality type cannot be an
  • 00:47:44.275 --> 00:47:47.612
  • Excuse we all need people in the end it was pointed out the
  • 00:47:47.612 --> 00:47:51.015
  • Beginning of our conversation today that this is how jesus
  • 00:47:51.015 --> 00:47:53.051
  • Designed it is how god designed it even in the
  • 00:47:53.051 --> 00:47:56.487
  • Trinity jesus himself walked with the twelve so we know it.
  • 00:47:56.487 --> 00:47:58.790
  • So i think it's been so encouraging today to not just
  • 00:47:58.790 --> 00:48:04.562
  • Talk about why we need it but how, how to find it, and it
  • 00:48:04.562 --> 00:48:07.598
  • Really is that brick by brick you have to initiate and so i
  • 00:48:07.598 --> 00:48:11.135
  • Want to encourage everyone watching today take a step
  • 00:48:11.135 --> 00:48:15.340
  • This week, take a step in friendship, call the person
  • 00:48:15.340 --> 00:48:19.510
  • That god puts on your heart and show up at a life group,
  • 00:48:19.510 --> 00:48:21.813
  • Put yourself out there, so let's pray.
  • 00:48:21.813 --> 00:48:24.949
  • Lord we thank you we thank you for this community the
  • 00:48:24.949 --> 00:48:29.354
  • Community that's watching today, we thank you father for how you
  • 00:48:29.354 --> 00:48:31.522
  • Speak through women who are all really feeling similar
  • 00:48:31.522 --> 00:48:36.995
  • Things and have similar experiences and we find that
  • 00:48:36.995 --> 00:48:39.397
  • When we hear the stories we are not alone.
  • 00:48:39.397 --> 00:48:41.165
  • We are so much alike and we thank you got that you have
  • 00:48:41.165 --> 00:48:44.702
  • Created us and designed us for community, we pray for every
  • 00:48:44.702 --> 00:48:48.072
  • Woman and man watching that lord you would put on their
  • 00:48:48.072 --> 00:48:51.976
  • Hearts to understand we cannot do life alone we really are
  • 00:48:51.976 --> 00:48:56.381
  • Better together, we thank you for showing us that example that
  • 00:48:56.381 --> 00:48:58.750
  • You walked with friends in deep relationships and let us
  • 00:48:58.750 --> 00:49:03.087
  • Always come to you first to fulfill every need that we
  • 00:49:03.087 --> 00:49:07.825
  • Have and also lord let us hear your small voice for who we
  • 00:49:07.825 --> 00:49:10.728
  • Should reach out to to partner arm in arm with and walk in this
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  • Life with.
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  • We love you for all the gifts you have given us but
  • 00:49:16.134 --> 00:49:19.971
  • Specifically the gift of friendship in jesus name amen.
  • 00:49:19.971 --> 00:49:25.309
  • - connect with us on social media and let us know how our
  • 00:49:25.309 --> 00:49:29.781
  • Team can pray for you.
  • 00:49:29.781 --> 00:49:31.482
  • - we have talked a lot about finding community and the
  • 00:49:31.482 --> 00:49:36.320
  • Steps practical steps that we can take to do that, and you
  • 00:49:36.320 --> 00:49:39.857
  • Might be watching today going i've done that, i've gone to
  • 00:49:39.857 --> 00:49:42.794
  • The life group i tried to find a friend i said hi to someone
  • 00:49:42.794 --> 00:49:47.198
  • In the grocery store and i'm not really connecting to
  • 00:49:47.198 --> 00:49:49.534
  • Anyone.
  • 00:49:49.534 --> 00:49:51.335
  • First i want to tell you i'm sorry it's really hard that
  • 00:49:51.335 --> 00:49:53.371
  • Season of feeling lonely especially if you're wanting
  • 00:49:53.371 --> 00:49:55.773
  • Community and not finding it.
  • 00:49:55.773 --> 00:49:57.442
  • I'm sorry that's really hard and i want to encourage you.
  • 00:49:57.442 --> 00:50:00.344
  • It is just a season because we know that god has community in
  • 00:50:00.344 --> 00:50:03.714
  • His heart for you.
  • 00:50:03.714 --> 00:50:05.283
  • But this is one thing that i would say has helped me in my
  • 00:50:05.283 --> 00:50:09.020
  • Life when i think back.
  • 00:50:09.020 --> 00:50:11.789
  • The best way i have developed a community instead of just
  • 00:50:11.789 --> 00:50:13.591
  • Looking for it instead of just trying to go out and find it.
  • 00:50:13.591 --> 00:50:16.160
  • When i serve i really do find myself with like-minded people
  • 00:50:16.160 --> 00:50:21.365
  • That god can begin building relationship with so i just
  • 00:50:21.365 --> 00:50:25.736
  • Want to encourage you today that if you have tried to find
  • 00:50:25.736 --> 00:50:29.540
  • Community maybe ask yourself is there a place in my church
  • 00:50:29.540 --> 00:50:32.877
  • That i can serve just find something that you might enjoy
  • 00:50:32.877 --> 00:50:35.780
  • And when you begin serving i believe that god will bring
  • 00:50:35.780 --> 00:50:38.382
  • Around you other people serving in the same area that
  • 00:50:38.382 --> 00:50:42.987
  • You can build upon a friendship by serving in the
  • 00:50:42.987 --> 00:50:46.224
  • Church.
  • 00:50:46.224 --> 00:50:48.493
  • - join our conversations anytime, anywhere, download tbn
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  • Plus to stream your favorite episodes.
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