Better Together

Release Offense | Better Together Episode 1158

April 22, 2026 | S8 E1158 | 50:59

Do you want to be free? Choose to release offense and walk in the freedom only God can provide. Holding onto offense only traps you, but Jesus made a way for us to forgive others and extended supernatural mercy and grace. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

#Offense #Freedom #Forgiveness #Peace #Jesus #Cross #Healing #Redemption #TrustGod #Grace #Faith #Restoration #Overcoming #Breakthrough #Pain #Anger #PersonalStory #Justification #Bitterness #Hurting #Generations #Mercy #LaurieCrouch #SheilaWalsh #DonnaPisani #AlexandraHoover #SusieLarson

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Better Together | Release Offense | Better Together Episode 1158 | April 22, 2026

Offense is a trap.
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When misunderstandings or betrayal lead to anger, pain
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And broken trust, where is god?
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His path to freedom from offense begins with grace.
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Come on, let's talk about that.
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♪♪
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All right, ladies, we have had such an incredible week so far.
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And i'm really excited about today's topic.
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Super light topic. [laughter]
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Really can't wait to unpack it with you guys today.
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The conversation is about offense.
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I know none of you have ever lived offended, so it's going
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To be really hard to unpack this.
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You know, i spent like i'm sure many of you and a lot of the
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Women who are watching, i've
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Spent a lot of my life living offended.
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And when you hear the word offended, i want us to kind of
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Take a moment to think about what that really means.
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I'm not talking about just hurt feelings.
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There's a difference between being hurt and living offended.
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I want to make that distinction really clear at the beginning
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Of the conversation, because we get to be heard and things
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Happen and pain comes our way.
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That is different than living offended.
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I've shared before that i grew up in a pretty
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Painful and chaotic home.
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What's interesting, i'm not sure if i've shared this,
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This context of it all is that my dad's side of the family--
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My dad's still a functioning alcoholic.
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And so it's been difficult to pursue like a healthy
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Relationship with him.
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Right? it's been hard.
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And, but his, his sisters are all incredible, mighty, mighty
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Women of god. wow.
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And the lord, you know, talking about moving forward
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Has really allowed so much of my life story to be redeemed by
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Helping me see, um, the women that he'd given me as aunts,
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The women he had given me, um, or really had gifted to me and
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My family to pray for me and contend for me and my future.
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What's really interesting about
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That is i didn't grow up with them.
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I actually got connected to my aunts--
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We spent about a year together when i was nine in virginia,
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And after that i just didn't see them truly again until i
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Was around maybe 19 years old.
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And so when we got reconnected, i wanted my kids to meet my
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Dad's side of the family.
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And it was hard because when you have relational contention
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And conflict, especially in family, it takes a lot of
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Navigating and nuance.
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And so my dad knew that i was visiting my aunt, and there was
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A lot of conflict and a lot of hard conversations, but i was
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Committed to giving my kids a future where there was healing
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And redemption and restoration.
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And i knew that my aunt and my cousins were healthy, and they
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Loved god and were excited to meet my kids.
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And so i brought them to virginia to meet my aunts.
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And we'd spent so much time talking about the ways in which
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They prayed for me without me knowing for years.
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I love that. how beautiful.
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Not just them, but my grandmother.
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My grandmother was an evangelist and a missionary in
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Venezuela for the presbyterian church.
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I had no idea that this was the genealogy, like the, you know,
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The background of my family.
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And i'd spent years rehearsing
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A narrative that was completely opposite.
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Wow.
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I'd spent years rehearsing a narrative that i was unloved
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And uncared for and unprayed for and i would envy families and
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Women who had people praying for them and caring for them.
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And so i carried this chip on my shoulder for years, and i
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Said, god, nobody was ever there for me.
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I'd been molested. i'd been abandoned.
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My mom had an incredibly difficult time raising me
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Because i was rebellious.
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And we lived in a lot of poverty for years, and i was
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Just devastated by it.
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I was incredibly depressed, lived from that place of
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Depression and anxiety for, for, you know,
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The most part of my life.
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And so getting back to visit my family and allowing them to
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Meet their nephews and their nieces was so redemptive.
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But as i was looking at letters, my second cousin had
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Brought out letters that my grandmother had written to me
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That i'd never seen before.
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Wow, wow.
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And he brought these letters out and they were in a notebook
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And he said, hey, i want you to see how, you know, 30, 40, 50,
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60, 70 years ago, there were people praying for you, and i
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Want you to see how the enemy has used a narrative, a
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Complete lie, to keep you offended and separated and in
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Isolation for so long. wow.
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And had i not made the decision with my husband to visit my
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Family, i would have never have known.
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I think it's super easy to get
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Stuck in offense if we're not careful.
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First of all, you may not even realize, because there's a part
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Of us that feels like we have to protect ourselves because
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It's been hurtful, it's been
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Painful, it's been a deep wound.
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And i often think of the word offense like the word fence.
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It's like we were building a fence around ourselves to
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Protect ourselves.
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But at the end of the day, we're the only ones that are
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Being hindered by that offense.
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But to be able to release it to god,
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Um, there are so many things you can't-- first of all, you
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Can't walk through life and not
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Be offended in one way or another.
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I mean, we live in an offended culture right now, but being
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Able to take that offense to god, and it doesn't mean that
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You're going to feel any different.
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It is a choice.
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So for some of the things i've walked through,
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It was a daily choice of me saying out loud, lord, i
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Forgive the man who abused me.
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Lord, i forgive the person who betrayed me.
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Lord, i forgive the person who i trusted.
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They totally didn't do what i thought they were going to do,
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And every day as i release that and then prayed for them,
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I watched as that pain became less and less and less.
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And i could say today that i've actually forgiven them.
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Is it was it in my own strength?
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Absolutely not.
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I needed to invite god in to be part of that process, which he
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Will always do.
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I have this belief, this idea, you know, there's a genesis to
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All of our offense.
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Yeah. there's like a moment in time in our faith where we can
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All look back and say, that's when it began.
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That's where i began to live.
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Offended towards either god or people.
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My moment was i was around six years old and we were moving
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Back from venezuela.
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I was born in dc, but my mom moved us back and i got to
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Spend about a year and a half there.
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And my mom had said like, hey, we're moving back.
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We're going to go live with your dad.
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And i was so excited.
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I was like, yes, we're going to have a family.
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All i ever wanted was a family.
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And so we moved back to the states and we were in
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Dc with my dad.
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I lived in springfield, virginia, and it was a really
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Sweet, cute neighborhood.
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And i remember meeting my dad again and i was so young that
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I, i'd forgotten what he looked like, truly.
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And so i see my dad, i meet him and i'm like, man.
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This is beautiful.
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And, you know, as a little girl, you watch
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Movies and you have an idea of
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What it's supposed to look like.
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Yeah. but at this point, we've already endured so much
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Hardship that i'm just fighting to kind of feel love, you know?
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And so, um, a few weeks passed and i kind of realized that the
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Picture i had in my mind, right, this movie-esque,
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Romanticized vision of what my family would be like was
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Absolutely had been destroyed.
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My mom and i had ran to the grocery store.
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We were driving back and i was
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Sitting in the backseat of the car.
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We pull into the driveway and i see all of our clothes
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Out in the yard.
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And i just i feel my mom's heaviness in the car and she
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Just begins to cry.
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And i say, mom, who is that?
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And there's a woman standing by
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The door and she won't answer me.
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My mom won't answer me.
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And so we pull into the driveway and my mom
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Gets out of the car.
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As a six-year-old little girl, you know, you begin to
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Internalize so much chaos and the beliefs and the fear.
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And at that moment, i
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All i heard was, was yelling and screaming from the front
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Door of the house.
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I got out of the car and i looked at this woman, and then
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I looked at a little boy, and he was my half brother,
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Just a year older than me.
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It was the first time i ever met him.
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My dad had kicked us out and moved my half brother in with
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His wife and or his then wife or new wife or girlfriend.
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And, uh, we were devastated.
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And so my mom picked up our clothes, you know, picked our
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Clothes up from the yard and put him in the car.
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We ended up moving into the basement of a friend's house,
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And we're homeless for quite a while.
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And i remember driving to this woman's house, a friend of my
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Mom's, and thinking to myself, it's over.
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Like my entire our life is over.
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There's nothing. we have no money.
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We have no food. we have nothing.
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Our clothes are in trash bags.
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And i believe that was the genesis of my offense.
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I think from that day i--
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The only lens i had for life
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Was pain and abandonment and rejection.
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And i think earlier in the week, you talked about coming
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In a room and never feeling loved.
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I think that both of you did right.
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This you have this predisposed offense that you walk in with.
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It becomes the undercurrent of your life and all you ever
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Think about, and all you ever
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Feel is what you've experienced.
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And so for me, i lived offended
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With everyone, especially with god.
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And i don't know if we ever really talk about that too.
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And so when i became a believer at 18 and then went to go meet
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My aunts, the lord began to redeem this story of my life
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And said, you've lived offended your whole life.
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It's time that you begin to see the ways in which i have
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Healed, and i have showed up, and he's taken me on a journey
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Since then of learning his character and who he is
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And renewing me.
00:09:11.707 --> 00:09:12.942
But you know, offense and the scriptures, in matthew 18
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Jesus loves to talk about offense.
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Um, he's talking to his disciples about it and he's
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Telling the disciples, offense is going to come your way.
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And he says, but woe to you.
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Not only that receives the
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Offense, but causes the offense too.
00:09:25.621 --> 00:09:27.890
And when i looked up the word
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Offense, it was really interesting.
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Um, in greek, the word is skandalon.
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Um, what does that remind you of?
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Scandal.
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Scandal. go a little bit deeper.
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The word skandalon actually means snare to trap.
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And so what jesus was saying to the disciples was when, when
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You pick up offense, when you when you step into--
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So a snare, if you've ever seen one, it's made out of steel.
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It's a trap.
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You have to make the choice to do what?
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Step in.
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Step into it.
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And he was telling the disciples, you're going to have
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To make a choice whether you want to step into offense when
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Pain comes your way, or make the choice to walk in the
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Authority and the truth that i'm giving you in this moment.
00:10:00.923 --> 00:10:03.459
Wow. because he had just given them lesson after lesson.
00:10:03.459 --> 00:10:05.995
I mean, if you look at matthew 15, 16,17, he is giving the
00:10:05.995 --> 00:10:08.931
Disciples parable after parable about the kingdom of god and
00:10:08.931 --> 00:10:12.301
Who he is and what they would believe and should believe.
00:10:12.301 --> 00:10:15.504
And then he says, and woe to you if you step into the snare,
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Into this trap.
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Woe to you for stepping into it, and woe to you if you
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Give the trap, too.
00:10:23.145 --> 00:10:24.413
If you set people up for the offense, right.
00:10:24.413 --> 00:10:26.949
So going back to the beginning of this conversation, there's a
00:10:26.949 --> 00:10:29.552
Difference between living offended, right?
00:10:29.552 --> 00:10:32.722
Living from this trap or living-- experiencing hurt.
00:10:32.722 --> 00:10:37.593
We can experience hurt or we can live offended.
00:10:37.593 --> 00:10:39.695
So i want to ask the question, you know, when you when you
00:10:39.695 --> 00:10:42.098
Hear this, and i think for many of us, we are living trapped to
00:10:42.098 --> 00:10:45.434
Our own offense. yeah, yeah.
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And who would step into a trap?
00:10:47.536 --> 00:10:49.505
Who would step into a trap?
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If you saw a trap, you would not.
00:10:50.740 --> 00:10:52.408
You wouldn't.
00:10:52.408 --> 00:10:53.576
It's so interesting, the language jesus uses of offense
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And the snare.
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And, you know, to kind of piggyback on that,
00:10:56.612 --> 00:10:58.247
And then i want to hear from you all,
00:10:58.247 --> 00:11:00.282
How does someone get out of a snare?
00:11:00.282 --> 00:11:01.650
What do you have to do?
00:11:01.650 --> 00:11:02.651
Come on.
00:11:02.651 --> 00:11:03.252
Someone to take you out.
00:11:03.252 --> 00:11:03.919
Somebody to take you out.
00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:04.653
Come on.
00:11:04.653 --> 00:11:05.421
You need someone to take you out.
00:11:05.421 --> 00:11:06.922
And that for us, is the victory on the cross.
00:11:06.922 --> 00:11:09.191
And so jesus--
00:11:09.191 --> 00:11:10.493
It's crazy when you think about an animal in a snare, there's
00:11:10.493 --> 00:11:12.495
No way they can get out until somebody comes.
00:11:12.495 --> 00:11:14.396
And helps. and helps them out.
00:11:14.396 --> 00:11:15.765
You've got to release it.
00:11:15.765 --> 00:11:16.866
You've got to be very careful where you're going
00:11:16.866 --> 00:11:17.933
To get trapped, too.
00:11:17.933 --> 00:11:20.035
I mean, if somebody hurts you, you're going to be wounded.
00:11:20.035 --> 00:11:22.371
It's going to hurt.
00:11:22.371 --> 00:11:23.405
But it's like, what do we do with that?
00:11:23.405 --> 00:11:25.441
You know, sometimes we decide that we're going to stick with
00:11:25.441 --> 00:11:28.043
It and then it's like a trap.
00:11:28.043 --> 00:11:30.379
It's like we suddenly find ourselves trapped in a place
00:11:30.379 --> 00:11:32.648
Where we can't move on.
00:11:32.648 --> 00:11:34.049
And honestly, that's why jesus came.
00:11:34.049 --> 00:11:36.519
Jesus knew.
00:11:36.519 --> 00:11:37.653
He said, in this world, you're going to have these,
00:11:37.653 --> 00:11:40.589
The word that we use is tribulation.
00:11:40.589 --> 00:11:42.758
But if you look at the original greek meaning, it's like in
00:11:42.758 --> 00:11:45.594
This world, you're going to go through the perfect storm.
00:11:45.594 --> 00:11:48.164
It's just the way it's going to be.
00:11:48.164 --> 00:11:49.799
But take heart, i've overcome
00:11:49.799 --> 00:11:51.400
The world, and that's why jesus came.
00:11:51.400 --> 00:11:53.435
So you don't have to stay stuck.
00:11:53.435 --> 00:11:55.237
So if you feel you're in that place, be honest with god.
00:11:55.237 --> 00:11:57.706
Tell him, lord, i can't let go of this and ask the holy spirit
00:11:57.706 --> 00:12:00.743
To help you to open that trap and set you free.
00:12:00.743 --> 00:12:04.814
I want to hear from you all and learn from you.
00:12:04.814 --> 00:12:07.183
Where in your life have you experienced offense?
00:12:07.183 --> 00:12:09.518
When you hear about this trap, have you experienced that,
00:12:09.518 --> 00:12:12.121
How has god saved you from it?
00:12:12.121 --> 00:12:13.522
And you know, truth be told, i think in order to move forward
00:12:13.522 --> 00:12:16.292
With god, there's a decision we have to make to
00:12:16.292 --> 00:12:18.561
Come out of that trap. yeah.
00:12:18.561 --> 00:12:20.830
Can i just say commend you as a sister in the lord?
00:12:20.830 --> 00:12:24.400
You've gone through so much,
00:12:24.400 --> 00:12:25.835
Alexandra, so much, so many no's.
00:12:25.835 --> 00:12:29.271
And to hear this glorious yes, over your life, but the way
00:12:29.271 --> 00:12:32.675
That you've responded to that, yes, we are all richer
00:12:32.675 --> 00:12:36.478
Because of it. thank you.
00:12:36.478 --> 00:12:38.113
Thank you, thank you.
00:12:38.113 --> 00:12:39.381
Beautiful. yeah.
00:12:39.381 --> 00:12:40.316
What did you write down, laurie?
00:12:40.316 --> 00:12:41.517
Offense feels justified, and that's why it's dangerous.
00:12:41.517 --> 00:12:44.854
Says i have the right to be mad.
00:12:44.854 --> 00:12:46.789
And that's true.
00:12:46.789 --> 00:12:47.923
We go through things where i
00:12:47.923 --> 00:12:49.525
Have the right to be mad right now.
00:12:49.525 --> 00:12:51.327
But the question is not whether you have the right.
00:12:51.327 --> 00:12:53.796
The question is whether you want to be free.
00:12:53.796 --> 00:12:55.798
Come on. do we want to be free?
00:12:55.798 --> 00:12:57.700
Do we want to be free?
00:12:57.700 --> 00:12:59.001
That's the question for all of the women today including us,
00:12:59.001 --> 00:13:00.736
Do we want to be free?
00:13:00.736 --> 00:13:02.204
And so that offense and people you hear that all all day long
00:13:02.204 --> 00:13:06.876
If you watch tv, the news.
00:13:06.876 --> 00:13:09.011
Oh, yeah. everyone's so offended.
00:13:09.011 --> 00:13:11.180
And you're getting offended by things that have nothing
00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:13.816
To do with you.
00:13:13.816 --> 00:13:15.885
You don't know anything about it, and yet you're
00:13:15.885 --> 00:13:18.287
Offended about it.
00:13:18.287 --> 00:13:19.188
You're offended for that person.
00:13:19.188 --> 00:13:20.623
You're offended. yeah.
00:13:20.623 --> 00:13:21.757
That offense and what we say about it,
00:13:21.757 --> 00:13:25.094
Death and life are in the power of a tongue.
00:13:25.094 --> 00:13:26.996
That's why it's so important
00:13:26.996 --> 00:13:29.098
Because it's directional.
00:13:29.098 --> 00:13:30.666
Yes. right.
00:13:30.666 --> 00:13:31.667
It's a rudder.
00:13:31.667 --> 00:13:34.637
It's gonna turn my life
00:13:32.635 --> 00:13:37.539
Towards something that either i want to go
00:13:37.539 --> 00:13:40.509
Towards or i don't want to go towards.
00:13:40.509 --> 00:13:42.111
And this is this week is moving forward with god.
00:13:42.111 --> 00:13:45.114
We want to move in the right direction.
00:13:45.114 --> 00:13:47.316
And i think offense, i love, i love what you said,
00:13:47.316 --> 00:13:50.586
The snare and the trap.
00:13:50.586 --> 00:13:52.288
Yeah.
00:13:52.288 --> 00:13:53.155
Because nobody would get into a trap.
00:13:53.155 --> 00:13:55.424
That's why we have to keep our hearts, guard our hearts so
00:13:55.424 --> 00:13:58.494
That we're not offended by people.
00:13:58.494 --> 00:14:02.264
Our better together community is built on love and
00:14:02.264 --> 00:14:05.534
Friendship, and we want you to join us.
00:14:05.534 --> 00:14:08.504
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00:14:08.504 --> 00:14:11.006
All over the world.
00:14:11.006 --> 00:14:13.342
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00:14:13.342 --> 00:14:15.544
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00:14:24.005 --> 00:14:24.621
I had one time this lady,
00:14:27.624 --> 00:14:30.193
We were on a shoot, but we were at some people's house in
00:14:30.193 --> 00:14:33.830
Beverly hills and the governor was there at the time.
00:14:33.830 --> 00:14:36.633
A bunch of people.
00:14:36.633 --> 00:14:37.567
And we were shooting some stuff there.
00:14:37.567 --> 00:14:39.302
So i just kind of stood in the living room and all the mucky
00:14:39.302 --> 00:14:43.006
Mucks were out there doing their thing out on the patio
00:14:43.006 --> 00:14:45.008
And stuff, and i was just kind of sticking close to the crew
00:14:45.008 --> 00:14:48.211
And to my husband.
00:14:48.211 --> 00:14:50.046
But i was sitting there alone on the couch and this
00:14:50.046 --> 00:14:54.284
Woman walked in.
00:14:54.284 --> 00:14:55.585
Everybody would probably know her name if i said it, and she
00:14:55.585 --> 00:14:59.789
Walked up to me while i had been at a dinner with her at
00:14:59.789 --> 00:15:03.526
One point, but i'd never really spoken to her.
00:15:03.526 --> 00:15:05.528
So i get up, you know, and i say hi, and i shake her hand.
00:15:05.528 --> 00:15:09.265
She just grabs a hold of my hand and just squeezes
00:15:09.265 --> 00:15:13.370
My hand hard.
00:15:13.370 --> 00:15:14.738
She goes, what are you doing here?
00:15:14.738 --> 00:15:16.773
What? she goes, aren't you from tbn?
00:15:16.773 --> 00:15:20.176
And at the time we weren't working at tbn.
00:15:20.176 --> 00:15:22.445
I was like i said, well, i said, that's my family.
00:15:22.445 --> 00:15:25.115
And she was so filled with hatred.
00:15:25.115 --> 00:15:29.252
Wow.
00:15:29.252 --> 00:15:30.320
And it just broke my heart at first, you know?
00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:32.889
I was like, yes.
00:15:32.889 --> 00:15:34.290
It was like, what the heck, you know?
00:15:34.290 --> 00:15:36.559
And somebody walked in the room and she just threw my hand down
00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:39.763
And turned and walked out of the room.
00:15:39.763 --> 00:15:41.765
Wow.
00:15:41.765 --> 00:15:43.066
And i'm telling you, i have prayed for that woman a
00:15:43.066 --> 00:15:46.403
Thousand times since.
00:15:46.403 --> 00:15:48.038
But i was telling my pastor, like the next day at church,
00:15:48.038 --> 00:15:51.174
You know, at lunch, i was like going, this lady came up and,
00:15:51.174 --> 00:15:55.578
You know, and my pastor goes, it's amazing what god will
00:15:55.578 --> 00:15:59.349
Allow to get you over yourself.
00:15:59.349 --> 00:16:03.353
I was thinking, what?
00:16:03.353 --> 00:16:04.654
A good pastor.
00:16:04.654 --> 00:16:05.789
But it was like, you cannot get offended by that.
00:16:05.789 --> 00:16:08.691
Yeah.
00:16:08.691 --> 00:16:09.492
Get on with it.
00:16:09.492 --> 00:16:10.527
Yeah. let it--
00:16:10.527 --> 00:16:11.261
And it brought compassion.
00:16:11.261 --> 00:16:12.862
So much compassion.
00:16:12.862 --> 00:16:13.696
I let that bring compassion. yes.
00:16:13.696 --> 00:16:15.732
God gave me compassion for that woman.
00:16:15.732 --> 00:16:19.702
And i have prayed and prayed and prayed because somewhere
00:16:19.702 --> 00:16:22.439
Along the line, somebody hurt her.
00:16:22.439 --> 00:16:24.908
Yes, exactly.
00:16:24.908 --> 00:16:26.142
And i think it was her former husband with christianity.
00:16:26.142 --> 00:16:30.013
Wow. hurt people hurt people.
00:16:30.013 --> 00:16:31.648
Yeah. and--
00:16:31.648 --> 00:16:32.749
Absolutely.
00:16:32.749 --> 00:16:33.716
But could you get there quickly
00:16:33.716 --> 00:16:34.818
If you didn't know who you were?
00:16:34.818 --> 00:16:36.252
I feel like identity,
00:16:36.252 --> 00:16:37.520
The deeper we know who we are in christ, i at least i feel
00:16:37.520 --> 00:16:40.924
Like the quicker we can get to that place where you move to
00:16:40.924 --> 00:16:43.426
Compassion versus nursing the offense.
00:16:43.426 --> 00:16:46.296
I think it's a really interesting question.
00:16:46.296 --> 00:16:47.664
I think we should unpack what overlooking an offense
00:16:47.664 --> 00:16:50.266
Probably means, right?
00:16:50.266 --> 00:16:51.568
So all throughout scripture, we are told, commanded to even to
00:16:51.568 --> 00:16:56.439
Overlook offenses, to let go of offense, to release the person
00:16:56.439 --> 00:17:00.977
Or the situation into the hands of god.
00:17:00.977 --> 00:17:03.580
Now, i want to be very clear that that is not the same thing
00:17:03.580 --> 00:17:06.583
As setting boundaries.
00:17:06.583 --> 00:17:08.051
That is not the same thing as as not remembering the thing
00:17:08.051 --> 00:17:11.454
That somebody else has done, because it's necessary to
00:17:11.454 --> 00:17:14.624
Oftentimes change the way that we interact with somebody
00:17:14.624 --> 00:17:17.093
Or a certain situation.
00:17:17.093 --> 00:17:18.628
So we are called to release the person, release the situation,
00:17:18.628 --> 00:17:22.165
Release control.
00:17:22.165 --> 00:17:23.633
But we are oftentimes in wisdom also called to say, what does
00:17:23.633 --> 00:17:26.636
It look like for me to move
00:17:26.636 --> 00:17:28.004
Differently in the midst of the situation?
00:17:28.004 --> 00:17:30.273
How do i release offense in jesus name
00:17:30.273 --> 00:17:32.876
But also say, now i have to remember who i am, the
00:17:32.876 --> 00:17:36.546
Boundaries that i need to probably set in the midst of
00:17:36.546 --> 00:17:38.882
This, and how to move forward with god so that we're not
00:17:38.882 --> 00:17:41.384
Stuck in resentment, but we also release the person
00:17:41.384 --> 00:17:44.087
To god's hands.
00:17:44.087 --> 00:17:46.022
I do think that there is something important to be said.
00:17:46.022 --> 00:17:48.625
I think it's two sides of the same coin.
00:17:48.625 --> 00:17:50.293
I think the more secure we are, the less offended we are.
00:17:50.293 --> 00:17:53.196
Yeah.
00:17:53.196 --> 00:17:54.464
And i think the more aware we are of the enemy's schemes--
00:17:54.464 --> 00:17:56.799
But it is i think, you know, there are several different
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:58.668
Layers of offense.
00:17:58.668 --> 00:17:59.836
You can be offended by family, people, god, old wounds.
00:17:59.836 --> 00:18:03.606
And i think the more that we're able to identify their symptoms
00:18:03.606 --> 00:18:06.776
Of offense is what i call them,
00:18:06.776 --> 00:18:08.044
I think there are symptoms. when we are, you know, for me, at
00:18:08.044 --> 00:18:11.514
Least, i know i'm living offended or have picked up
00:18:11.514 --> 00:18:13.449
Offense when i'm living more insecure--
00:18:13.449 --> 00:18:16.152
Yeah.
00:18:16.152 --> 00:18:17.453
When i'm living more critical of myself or others, i'm like,
00:18:17.453 --> 00:18:19.756
Oh, something's there.
00:18:19.756 --> 00:18:20.990
I'm being more critical of myself and others.
00:18:20.990 --> 00:18:22.792
Something is there when i begin to compare.
00:18:22.792 --> 00:18:25.962
Yeah, i'm like, oh, i'm living, i'm living offended.
00:18:25.962 --> 00:18:28.364
And i, it's a check engine light.
00:18:28.364 --> 00:18:29.966
The holy spirit saying, what's going on here?
00:18:29.966 --> 00:18:32.101
Um, again, i'm living from a trap, right?
00:18:32.101 --> 00:18:33.803
So when i'm more insecure, when i'm more critical of myself or
00:18:33.803 --> 00:18:36.539
Others, when i'm comparing and
00:18:36.539 --> 00:18:38.341
When i'm resenting. that's good.
00:18:38.341 --> 00:18:40.009
When i find myself resentful and bitter again, like that
00:18:40.009 --> 00:18:43.179
Undercurrent of criticalness the lord's like, hey.
00:18:43.179 --> 00:18:46.015
Yeah.
00:18:46.015 --> 00:18:47.183
There's some unforgiveness in your heart that you've
00:18:47.183 --> 00:18:48.651
Not dealt with. yeah.
00:18:48.651 --> 00:18:49.886
And i'm desperately trying to move forward.
00:18:49.886 --> 00:18:51.554
And yet there is this trap of unforgiveness where,
00:18:51.554 --> 00:18:54.624
Like you said, right?
00:18:54.624 --> 00:18:55.925
It's justified in our flesh to say, but, but i,
00:18:55.925 --> 00:18:59.329
I didn't deserve that. right.
00:18:59.329 --> 00:19:01.331
You know, they shouldn't have, they deserve it.
00:19:01.331 --> 00:19:03.466
And the lord is saying, no, that's keeping you trapped.
00:19:03.466 --> 00:19:05.335
Your inability to let me handle the judgment and the things
00:19:05.335 --> 00:19:08.605
That i have for them.
00:19:08.605 --> 00:19:10.073
We are not god.
00:19:10.073 --> 00:19:11.140
We are not judge or jury.
00:19:11.140 --> 00:19:12.775
Right? and so there's such a lesson of releasing control.
00:19:12.775 --> 00:19:15.878
Yeah.
00:19:15.878 --> 00:19:16.613
Like, do we trust god to deal
00:19:16.613 --> 00:19:17.614
With the people that have hurt us?
00:19:17.614 --> 00:19:19.616
Yes.
00:19:19.616 --> 00:19:20.483
Do we trust him?
00:19:20.483 --> 00:19:22.151
I think it's important to choose forgiveness, because
00:19:22.151 --> 00:19:24.721
We're the ones that are going to be the ones thinking about
00:19:24.721 --> 00:19:27.056
It, suffering, overthinking.
00:19:27.056 --> 00:19:29.092
Um, and i love i have a good friend, christine caine, who
00:19:29.092 --> 00:19:32.362
Says, stop letting what people have done to you be greater
00:19:32.362 --> 00:19:35.365
Than what god did for you.
00:19:35.365 --> 00:19:37.100
And i think it's remembering that jesus already forgave me.
00:19:37.100 --> 00:19:41.638
He already forgave me for so many offenses.
00:19:41.638 --> 00:19:43.806
If i remembered the list of offenses that are already
00:19:43.806 --> 00:19:46.876
Tacked to the cross, it would help me have a little bit more
00:19:46.876 --> 00:19:49.345
Mercy towards somebody else.
00:19:49.345 --> 00:19:51.014
So remembering that people hurting people hurt people.
00:19:51.014 --> 00:19:55.084
And also, what is their story
00:19:55.084 --> 00:19:57.620
Helps me release the forgiveness towards them.
00:19:57.620 --> 00:19:59.555
But inviting god in is huge.
00:19:59.555 --> 00:20:02.125
And i love how paul said in the book of acts i exercise daily,
00:20:02.125 --> 00:20:05.662
This is donna's translation, to keep myself free of offense
00:20:05.662 --> 00:20:09.032
Towards god and man.
00:20:09.032 --> 00:20:10.466
Yes, well, just like exercise, you know, that's like daily
00:20:10.466 --> 00:20:13.670
Lifting up those weights.
00:20:13.670 --> 00:20:15.305
I love how you talked about the filter of whether you're
00:20:15.305 --> 00:20:17.573
Offended or not, because i think we have not only become
00:20:17.573 --> 00:20:21.144
An offended culture, but a cynical culture.
00:20:21.144 --> 00:20:24.480
And i feel like cynicism all of a sudden you're cynical
00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:27.283
About everything. and everyone.
00:20:27.283 --> 00:20:28.851
And then including, well, golly-- yeah, yeah, everything.
00:20:28.851 --> 00:20:32.555
And so i think that's another filter piece is like, am i
00:20:32.555 --> 00:20:35.958
Being cynical?
00:20:35.958 --> 00:20:37.026
Is, you know, am i trusting god?
00:20:37.026 --> 00:20:38.961
But yeah, i know, um, god is so faithful to give us daily
00:20:38.961 --> 00:20:44.334
Moments to be free of offense.
00:20:44.334 --> 00:20:48.137
Yeah. like i can hardly even be
00:20:48.137 --> 00:20:49.772
Just driving on the highway in texas.
00:20:49.772 --> 00:20:51.574
I have a little tiny--
00:20:51.574 --> 00:20:53.042
We just moved to texas from dc and i have a little tiny red
00:20:53.042 --> 00:20:56.679
Mini cooper and there are a million f150s.
00:20:56.679 --> 00:21:01.084
If you have one, bless you.
00:21:01.084 --> 00:21:02.352
I'm so happy for you. all i see is trucks.
00:21:02.352 --> 00:21:04.420
And i'm just like constantly driving with my
00:21:04.420 --> 00:21:06.489
Finger on the horn because i can be offended.
00:21:06.489 --> 00:21:09.659
I don't even know you.
00:21:09.659 --> 00:21:10.927
You've cut me off.
00:21:10.927 --> 00:21:11.627
You're probably in a hurry.
00:21:11.627 --> 00:21:13.129
And i think we allow a offense to come in when we forget
00:21:13.129 --> 00:21:16.366
Everybody is dealing with--
00:21:16.366 --> 00:21:17.767
Everybody's dealing with something we don't know about.
00:21:17.767 --> 00:21:20.002
Absolutely.
00:21:20.002 --> 00:21:21.237
And when i lose sight of the fact that you may be dealing
00:21:21.237 --> 00:21:22.572
With something,
00:21:22.572 --> 00:21:23.873
And if i could understand your story, it would alleviate the
00:21:23.873 --> 00:21:28.778
Offense i'm feeling towards you.
00:21:28.778 --> 00:21:30.413
But i think if when paul writes in first corinthians 13, love
00:21:30.413 --> 00:21:34.217
Keeps no record of wrongs.
00:21:34.217 --> 00:21:36.686
For some reason the lord has really pressed that into
00:21:36.686 --> 00:21:38.955
My heart this year.
00:21:38.955 --> 00:21:40.523
No record of wrongs. like you say
00:21:40.523 --> 00:21:42.859
Some wrongs are like, well, yeah, we should keep a record
00:21:42.859 --> 00:21:44.794
Of that because that's--
00:21:44.794 --> 00:21:45.995
But love doesn't and it has physical implications for
00:21:45.995 --> 00:21:48.698
Your life as well.
00:21:48.698 --> 00:21:50.600
One of my big, big things at the beginning of 2025 was
00:21:50.600 --> 00:21:55.772
Social media was driving me nuts.
00:21:55.772 --> 00:21:57.940
I mean, people get so angry and so polarized, and they'll hear
00:21:57.940 --> 00:22:01.110
One part of the story and then they all comment on it.
00:22:01.110 --> 00:22:04.113
And i'm thinking, have you even met this person?
00:22:04.113 --> 00:22:06.649
So i really brought that before the lord.
00:22:06.649 --> 00:22:08.751
And i thought, lord, what do i do with all of this?
00:22:08.751 --> 00:22:11.187
And i felt this call to be unoffendable because i think if
00:22:11.187 --> 00:22:16.192
Anyone could have been offended, it would be jesus.
00:22:16.192 --> 00:22:19.028
If anyone could have said, this is not my job,
00:22:19.028 --> 00:22:21.564
It would have been jesus.
00:22:21.564 --> 00:22:23.399
But the fact that he was willing to intentionally take
00:22:23.399 --> 00:22:26.135
That walk toward the cross, knowing what it would cost him,
00:22:26.135 --> 00:22:29.772
Knowing that there would come a moment when the sky would go
00:22:29.772 --> 00:22:32.508
Dark and his father would turn his face away,
00:22:32.508 --> 00:22:36.145
And before that even happened, he had said to john and to his
00:22:36.145 --> 00:22:39.382
Mother, mother, this is your son now
00:22:39.382 --> 00:22:41.517
And john, this is your mother.
00:22:41.517 --> 00:22:43.319
So for that moment in human
00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:45.321
History, jesus was totally alone.
00:22:45.321 --> 00:22:47.590
He had no father and he had no mother, but he was willing to
00:22:47.590 --> 00:22:50.960
Do that so that you and i could live free.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:53.596
And i think when you think about his example, then we can
00:22:53.596 --> 00:22:56.766
Ask the holy spirit, help me to live to be unoffendable.
00:22:56.766 --> 00:23:01.337
I remember growing up in our little church.
00:23:01.337 --> 00:23:03.439
It was a lady, i'll call her
00:23:03.439 --> 00:23:04.474
Miss smith, who had never married.
00:23:04.474 --> 00:23:06.476
And what used to fascinate me about her was her fingers were
00:23:06.476 --> 00:23:11.013
Literally twisted
00:23:11.013 --> 00:23:13.549
With some kind of arthritis.
00:23:13.549 --> 00:23:15.351
I felt so bad for her.
00:23:15.351 --> 00:23:16.185
And yet she was so mean, you know.
00:23:16.185 --> 00:23:18.087
I would try every now and again to try and just say something
00:23:18.087 --> 00:23:21.290
Kind to her, or tell her she looked nice.
00:23:21.290 --> 00:23:22.825
She'd never married and she was probably in her 70s.
00:23:22.825 --> 00:23:25.561
But any time i tried to say anything that was kind or
00:23:25.561 --> 00:23:28.764
Supportive, i immediately would get just a snap answer.
00:23:28.764 --> 00:23:33.302
And i remember talking to my mom about it and saying, mom, i
00:23:33.302 --> 00:23:35.371
Don't really understand this.
00:23:35.371 --> 00:23:36.739
And she said, well, you need to understand her story.
00:23:36.739 --> 00:23:38.941
You know, she was going to get married.
00:23:38.941 --> 00:23:41.010
And then her mother got sick.
00:23:41.010 --> 00:23:42.778
And so the wedding was put off and she took care of her mother
00:23:42.778 --> 00:23:46.582
And she hated it every day.
00:23:46.582 --> 00:23:49.418
My mom would sometimes go and sit with this woman's mother,
00:23:49.418 --> 00:23:53.022
But it was just this,
00:23:53.022 --> 00:23:54.957
I don't want this to be my life.
00:23:54.957 --> 00:23:56.726
I hate that this is my life.
00:23:56.726 --> 00:23:58.694
And somehow not being able to ask jesus in the midst of that,
00:23:58.694 --> 00:24:01.764
Will you get me out of this trap?
00:24:01.764 --> 00:24:04.267
Because it was so clear that she was caught in a trap and
00:24:04.267 --> 00:24:09.005
Lived there.
00:24:09.005 --> 00:24:10.273
But to me, that's the beauty of the gospel that, you know,
00:24:10.273 --> 00:24:13.543
I mean, as laurie said, you
00:24:13.543 --> 00:24:14.510
Never intentionally step into something.
00:24:14.510 --> 00:24:16.012
But if you find yourself in a trap and you find yourself
00:24:16.012 --> 00:24:18.814
Offended, that we actually can ask the lord to come and
00:24:18.814 --> 00:24:22.518
Release us from that offense and let it go, that bitterness.
00:24:22.518 --> 00:24:26.556
It turns into just bitterness and bitterness is that root,
00:24:26.556 --> 00:24:29.625
And in hebrews 12:15, it warns us that
00:24:29.625 --> 00:24:34.196
Bitterness can grow and corrupt many.
00:24:34.196 --> 00:24:37.400
Wow. wow.
00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:38.301
Absolutely. you're not the only one.
00:24:38.301 --> 00:24:39.735
So through me--
00:24:39.735 --> 00:24:40.836
Absolutely.
00:24:40.836 --> 00:24:41.837
Being offended, i can corrupt many people.
00:24:41.837 --> 00:24:44.907
That's right.
00:24:44.907 --> 00:24:45.575
And you know, when you're
00:24:45.575 --> 00:24:46.475
Around people that are offended. yeah.
00:24:46.475 --> 00:24:49.579
I was thinking about when you talked about comparison.
00:24:49.579 --> 00:24:51.581
Sometimes we compare when we
00:24:51.581 --> 00:24:52.915
Think god's holding out on us, right?
00:24:52.915 --> 00:24:54.684
And we're offended by god, right?
00:24:54.684 --> 00:24:56.218
Yes.
00:24:56.218 --> 00:24:57.520
And i'm thinking of when john the baptist was in prison and
00:24:57.520 --> 00:25:00.256
He sent his friends to say, are you the christ or should we
00:25:00.256 --> 00:25:03.626
Look for someone else?
00:25:03.626 --> 00:25:04.894
And jesus described john as no greater man born to woman.
00:25:04.894 --> 00:25:07.897
I mean, and he baptized jesus and he was related to him.
00:25:07.897 --> 00:25:11.100
But when he was away from the action in all the activity and
00:25:11.100 --> 00:25:14.003
In obscurity, then he started to doubt.
00:25:14.003 --> 00:25:15.905
And then he started to wonder.
00:25:15.905 --> 00:25:17.740
And so when he sent his friends to ask the question,
00:25:17.740 --> 00:25:19.642
I love jesus' response.
00:25:19.642 --> 00:25:20.876
I feel like it was full of compassion and conviction, you
00:25:20.876 --> 00:25:23.479
Know, because he said, go tell him, you know, the blind see,
00:25:23.479 --> 00:25:26.382
The lame leap, the deaf hear.
00:25:26.382 --> 00:25:27.984
Like miracles are still happening.
00:25:27.984 --> 00:25:29.552
But then he says, blessed are
00:25:29.552 --> 00:25:30.553
Those who are not offended with me.
00:25:30.553 --> 00:25:32.555
And i just remember that story jumping off the page because,
00:25:32.555 --> 00:25:36.659
You know, i fear god.
00:25:36.659 --> 00:25:37.860
And so i wouldn't think that i was offended, but i was.
00:25:37.860 --> 00:25:39.495
I was hurt by him.
00:25:39.495 --> 00:25:40.596
And so that was my work is to again, remember who
00:25:40.596 --> 00:25:43.132
The real enemy is.
00:25:43.132 --> 00:25:45.735
If we're not careful,
00:25:45.735 --> 00:25:47.670
When we allow offense to live and reside in our heart,
00:25:47.670 --> 00:25:53.142
We begin to define ourselves by that offense, meaning this,
00:25:53.142 --> 00:25:56.946
That i begin to take on not only the pain, but i feel like
00:25:56.946 --> 00:26:00.583
There's no way out of it.
00:26:00.583 --> 00:26:01.884
In fact, if i'm not careful, it affects my thought life and i
00:26:01.884 --> 00:26:05.254
Begin looking through a filter of maybe everybody views me
00:26:05.254 --> 00:26:09.225
Through that same light.
00:26:09.225 --> 00:26:10.893
But to take a daily account of just checking your heart, lord,
00:26:10.893 --> 00:26:14.730
Is there any offense in me today?
00:26:14.730 --> 00:26:16.732
Reveal it to me and then releasing it immediately and
00:26:16.732 --> 00:26:19.368
Remembering releasing that offense and releasing
00:26:19.368 --> 00:26:22.071
Forgiveness isn't always an emotion.
00:26:22.071 --> 00:26:24.540
It's always a choice, though.
00:26:24.540 --> 00:26:26.909
In our story with my husband was working three jobs to pay
00:26:26.909 --> 00:26:29.879
For our medical debt, and when the crisis settled down, he did
00:26:29.879 --> 00:26:32.715
Not slow down just because he he developed a work ethic
00:26:32.715 --> 00:26:36.018
That was off the charts to our detriment.
00:26:36.018 --> 00:26:38.187
I mean, we we're volunteer youth pastors at the time.
00:26:38.187 --> 00:26:40.556
So we had 40 kids at our house.
00:26:40.556 --> 00:26:42.391
Our kids are living their best life.
00:26:42.391 --> 00:26:43.893
But marriage wise, i'm sending up the warning flares going,
00:26:43.893 --> 00:26:47.029
You're working so much.
00:26:47.029 --> 00:26:49.031
And he just in his mind was thinking
00:26:49.031 --> 00:26:50.733
I have to,
00:26:50.733 --> 00:26:51.901
I have to like, he could not get out of that gear.
00:26:51.901 --> 00:26:54.303
And it went just year after year after year to the point
00:26:54.303 --> 00:26:56.472
Where at first i didn't have the heart to get upset because
00:26:56.472 --> 00:26:59.475
He was so there for me and my illness.
00:26:59.475 --> 00:27:01.477
But then that ran out over time.
00:27:01.477 --> 00:27:03.245
You know, i found room for it.
00:27:03.245 --> 00:27:05.014
Shelf life. yeah. shelf life.
00:27:05.014 --> 00:27:06.716
Yeah.
00:27:06.716 --> 00:27:07.883
Okay, now i'm offended and i felt like i was a clear
00:27:07.883 --> 00:27:10.519
Communicator, but it just wasn't going, and
00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:12.855
So my heart was starting to shut down and i was telling on
00:27:12.855 --> 00:27:15.891
Him to god, i was like, you know,
00:27:15.891 --> 00:27:18.327
Which how--
00:27:18.327 --> 00:27:19.261
Yeah, yeah. tattling.
00:27:19.261 --> 00:27:20.429
Take it to god. yeah, yeah.
00:27:20.429 --> 00:27:21.664
Take it to god.
00:27:21.664 --> 00:27:22.231
Inthe spirit
00:27:22.231 --> 00:27:23.199
It wasn't so good because i was tattling.
00:27:23.199 --> 00:27:24.233
I really was like, he's not here.
00:27:24.233 --> 00:27:25.701
I need him.
00:27:25.701 --> 00:27:26.936
And you know, and the lord just confronted me and he said,
00:27:26.936 --> 00:27:29.638
Susie, between the two of you,
00:27:29.638 --> 00:27:31.073
You've committed the greater sin.
00:27:31.073 --> 00:27:33.008
He says, kev loves you.
00:27:33.008 --> 00:27:34.276
He is missing it.
00:27:34.276 --> 00:27:35.377
His priorities are misaligned, but he loves you.
00:27:35.377 --> 00:27:37.646
You've allowed your love to grow cold.
00:27:37.646 --> 00:27:39.648
You made a covenant before me and to him to love him.
00:27:39.648 --> 00:27:43.452
You're the one who's committed the greater sin.
00:27:43.452 --> 00:27:45.387
I want you to go apologize and ask forgiveness.
00:27:45.387 --> 00:27:47.823
Wow.
00:27:47.823 --> 00:27:49.125
And it was, it thundered in my spirit because i'm like, well,
00:27:49.125 --> 00:27:51.794
I'm not-- i wasn't person to
00:27:51.794 --> 00:27:53.496
Vent anger, but it was in there.
00:27:53.496 --> 00:27:54.930
So everybody's laundry was done.
00:27:54.930 --> 00:27:56.732
The dishes were done.
00:27:56.732 --> 00:27:57.733
Like it was fueling me to get a lot done.
00:27:57.733 --> 00:27:59.602
But it was self righteous.
00:27:59.602 --> 00:28:00.870
And so i did.
00:28:00.870 --> 00:28:02.371
I humbled myself and he was sitting in our living room and
00:28:02.371 --> 00:28:06.242
He works on digital blueprints now.
00:28:06.242 --> 00:28:07.777
But in the olden days, there were giant blueprints, you
00:28:07.777 --> 00:28:09.845
Know, so he had it in front of his face.
00:28:09.845 --> 00:28:11.413
And he's a kind gentle man.
00:28:11.413 --> 00:28:13.349
I sat on the floor to humble myself.
00:28:13.349 --> 00:28:15.417
I just--
00:28:15.417 --> 00:28:16.719
And some women don't like that part of the story, but i just i
00:28:16.719 --> 00:28:18.420
Have a little feisty--
00:28:18.420 --> 00:28:19.388
I like the posture.
00:28:19.388 --> 00:28:20.589
I needed to do it.
00:28:20.589 --> 00:28:21.824
I just thought, oh my word, it's like, it's amazing how
00:28:21.824 --> 00:28:24.460
Self righteousness,
00:28:24.460 --> 00:28:25.494
It's another trap, you know, an offense. 100%.
00:28:25.494 --> 00:28:28.164
I stepped-- i took the bait, you know, because i was working so
00:28:28.164 --> 00:28:31.000
Hard to keep the house together.
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:32.668
So i postured myself on the floor and he still had his
00:28:32.668 --> 00:28:35.704
Blueprint up in front of him.
00:28:35.704 --> 00:28:37.006
And i said, honey, i said, you know, it's not going well for
00:28:37.006 --> 00:28:39.008
Us these last few years, and he
00:28:39.008 --> 00:28:40.743
Still didn't put the blueprint down.
00:28:40.743 --> 00:28:41.811
And that's not like him.
00:28:41.811 --> 00:28:43.078
But i said, the lord has shown me that i'm the one who has
00:28:43.078 --> 00:28:45.247
Committed the greater sin.
00:28:45.247 --> 00:28:46.282
And all of a sudden he puts the--
00:28:46.282 --> 00:28:48.284
And he's like, what?
00:28:48.284 --> 00:28:49.218
And i said, i've let my love grow cold.
00:28:49.218 --> 00:28:51.554
And i'll just be honest with you.
00:28:51.554 --> 00:28:53.022
I had no emotions, no positive emotions left.
00:28:53.022 --> 00:28:55.191
And that's super hard to admit, but i have a passion for people
00:28:55.191 --> 00:28:59.228
To not to give up on their marriage because god resurrects
00:28:59.228 --> 00:29:02.031
The ashes into beauty.
00:29:02.031 --> 00:29:03.499
Amen, amen.
00:29:03.499 --> 00:29:04.767
But anyway, i confess, and i said, i am making a pledge to
00:29:04.767 --> 00:29:07.136
Love you whether you get me or not, whether you change this
00:29:07.136 --> 00:29:10.706
Work ethic or not.
00:29:10.706 --> 00:29:12.341
And that was scary to me because he's such a good man,
00:29:12.341 --> 00:29:15.477
But it just seemed like he could not find another gear.
00:29:15.477 --> 00:29:18.147
It was all in all the time,
00:29:18.147 --> 00:29:19.715
You know, at one pace and we
00:29:19.715 --> 00:29:21.517
Just weren't--
00:29:21.517 --> 00:29:22.751
And before i knew about love languages, my love languages
00:29:22.751 --> 00:29:24.887
Are acts of service and quality time.
00:29:24.887 --> 00:29:26.522
They just weren't happening.
00:29:26.522 --> 00:29:27.790
All that to say, as i confessed.
00:29:27.790 --> 00:29:29.425
And i made a pledge and it really was. there was not any
00:29:29.425 --> 00:29:32.862
Positive emotions left.
00:29:32.862 --> 00:29:34.797
But i feared god and he saw it and he slipped on the floor and
00:29:34.797 --> 00:29:38.267
He said, is this what my choices have been doing to you?
00:29:38.267 --> 00:29:40.870
And that's when the scales came
00:29:40.870 --> 00:29:42.271
Off, is when i released the offense.
00:29:42.271 --> 00:29:44.540
And then we started to rebuild.
00:29:44.540 --> 00:29:46.108
And i can't even tell you what god has done since then,
00:29:46.108 --> 00:29:49.044
Putting the big rocks in.
00:29:49.044 --> 00:29:50.346
And i say all that to say, you know, i think we got to make a
00:29:50.346 --> 00:29:53.382
Distinction between our need to heal and our power to forgive,
00:29:53.382 --> 00:29:56.385
Because i think sometimes we think i don't feel healed
00:29:56.385 --> 00:29:58.921
So i don't have to forgive just yet.
00:29:58.921 --> 00:30:00.823
But there are way different things.
00:30:00.823 --> 00:30:02.191
You know, forgiveness
00:30:02.191 --> 00:30:03.025
Is a choice before it's a feeling.
00:30:03.025 --> 00:30:04.193
Exactly, exactly right. yeah.
00:30:04.193 --> 00:30:06.662
You know, i know when we go through difficult times, like
00:30:06.662 --> 00:30:09.932
Maybe in your marriage, you're going through something and you
00:30:09.932 --> 00:30:12.735
Just can't see a way out and you're just so offended and
00:30:12.735 --> 00:30:16.405
You've held on to that offense and it doesn't get better
00:30:16.405 --> 00:30:20.376
To you, it seems.
00:30:20.376 --> 00:30:22.378
I know that god can redeem.
00:30:22.378 --> 00:30:24.580
He can redeem years.
00:30:24.580 --> 00:30:26.282
He can restore what you feel has been lost.
00:30:26.282 --> 00:30:31.420
And i just encourage you today to look inside yourself.
00:30:31.420 --> 00:30:35.591
Be introspective
00:30:35.591 --> 00:30:37.960
And get on your knees and just
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:39.595
Say, god, create in me a clean heart.
00:30:39.595 --> 00:30:42.564
Renew a right spirit within me, and then pray for your husband.
00:30:42.564 --> 00:30:48.437
Pray for that marriage.
00:30:48.437 --> 00:30:50.239
Ask god to restore it.
00:30:50.239 --> 00:30:52.141
Ask god to put a new love in your heart for your mate.
00:30:52.141 --> 00:30:55.945
And you know what?
00:30:55.945 --> 00:30:57.179
I believe with you that you will start to see a change.
00:30:57.179 --> 00:31:00.983
And you know what happens?
00:31:00.983 --> 00:31:01.984
It normally starts inside of you.
00:31:01.984 --> 00:31:05.921
I am speaking of personal experience.
00:31:05.921 --> 00:31:09.191
I find that i start changing, and sometimes when i start
00:31:09.191 --> 00:31:12.895
Changing, all of a sudden everything has changed.
00:31:12.895 --> 00:31:16.265
And so i encourage you today, i'm believing with you.
00:31:16.265 --> 00:31:19.735
I'm agreeing with you in jesus name that god will restore to
00:31:19.735 --> 00:31:23.906
You the joy, your love, the love of your life back to you.
00:31:23.906 --> 00:31:29.278
And i know he can do it because he says he can.
00:31:29.278 --> 00:31:33.048
A few years back at a small group and we were leaving.
00:31:33.048 --> 00:31:35.651
We had just finished having the
00:31:35.651 --> 00:31:36.685
Most delicious chicken tacos ever.
00:31:36.685 --> 00:31:38.454
Oh. and yes, i know, i know.
00:31:38.454 --> 00:31:40.689
Yes, i just remember the smell.
00:31:40.689 --> 00:31:42.224
I remember the home.
00:31:42.224 --> 00:31:43.492
We had some friends who had brought their littles over and
00:31:43.492 --> 00:31:45.527
So there was there was plenty of kids and it was great.
00:31:45.527 --> 00:31:48.330
Long story short, our kids were playing outside.
00:31:48.330 --> 00:31:50.065
I've got three kids, 14, 12 and ten.
00:31:50.065 --> 00:31:52.167
They were probably 11 and younger.
00:31:52.167 --> 00:31:55.104
Our youngest was probably like seven at that point.
00:31:55.104 --> 00:31:57.239
My youngest, sofia, came in and she's like, hey, so and so got
00:31:57.239 --> 00:32:00.109
Hit in the eye with a toy car.
00:32:00.109 --> 00:32:01.877
Um, and i'm like, great, you know, that's what they do.
00:32:01.877 --> 00:32:03.746
And so our small group leaders daughter runs in and she is
00:32:03.746 --> 00:32:06.382
Bleeding from the eye.
00:32:06.382 --> 00:32:07.449
And, you know, we're all kind of panicked.
00:32:07.449 --> 00:32:09.351
And so she is like, okay, let me look.
00:32:09.351 --> 00:32:11.553
She certainly needed stitches.
00:32:11.553 --> 00:32:12.821
Somebody had tossed a toy car
00:32:12.821 --> 00:32:14.656
And we are hoping it was unintentional.
00:32:14.656 --> 00:32:16.725
Our friend is like, well, our neighbor is an er doctor, which
00:32:16.725 --> 00:32:20.029
What a blessing, right?
00:32:20.029 --> 00:32:20.996
Like, can you imagine?
00:32:20.996 --> 00:32:22.264
She's like, let me call our neighbor and see if he can come
00:32:22.264 --> 00:32:23.365
Over and stitch her up.
00:32:23.365 --> 00:32:24.833
And so they call the neighbor, the neighbor comes over and
00:32:24.833 --> 00:32:26.769
Stitches her up.
00:32:26.769 --> 00:32:27.803
And at this point i'm like, i can't see blood.
00:32:27.803 --> 00:32:29.405
I'll vomit.
00:32:29.405 --> 00:32:30.139
I'm like, mario, we got to go.
00:32:30.139 --> 00:32:31.106
We can't-- i was like, this is not for me.
00:32:31.106 --> 00:32:33.208
In jesus' name we pray over the baby girl that her
00:32:33.208 --> 00:32:36.111
Eye be well and mario's like, well, just hold on.
00:32:36.111 --> 00:32:38.580
Like, let's just wait it out.
00:32:38.580 --> 00:32:39.515
I think it's going to be really quick.
00:32:39.515 --> 00:32:40.716
And so, you know, like the nervous energy in the room.
00:32:40.716 --> 00:32:42.785
And so we're all kind of pacing and i'm gonna vomit.
00:32:42.785 --> 00:32:45.020
And so it was not cute.
00:32:45.020 --> 00:32:47.389
And so the doctor, the, the neighbor comes over and he's
00:32:47.389 --> 00:32:51.026
Like, oh, i'm going to stitch you up.
00:32:51.026 --> 00:32:51.960
It'll take a minute.
00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:53.028
They take her to the back room, stitch her up.
00:32:53.028 --> 00:32:54.797
It was two stitches.
00:32:54.797 --> 00:32:56.231
It literally like five minutes.
00:32:56.231 --> 00:32:57.599
It was the craziest thing.
00:32:57.599 --> 00:32:58.867
They bring her back out and i'm like, yeah, you know, and
00:32:58.867 --> 00:33:01.537
They're like, it's fine.
00:33:01.537 --> 00:33:02.271
She's great.
00:33:02.271 --> 00:33:03.372
And so i'm like, hey, i'm like, it's over, mario.
00:33:03.372 --> 00:33:04.540
Let's go. she's great.
00:33:04.540 --> 00:33:05.374
Everybody's fine.
00:33:05.374 --> 00:33:06.575
So we end up walking outside and she follows after her
00:33:06.575 --> 00:33:09.711
Parents were getting ready to, you know, get on our suv.
00:33:09.711 --> 00:33:12.181
Our kids are in the car, but the parents are standing
00:33:12.181 --> 00:33:13.749
Outside with the little girl.
00:33:13.749 --> 00:33:15.184
And i love her.
00:33:15.184 --> 00:33:16.452
She's one of my one of my babies till this day.
00:33:16.452 --> 00:33:18.554
And i look at her and i'm like, hey, how are you?
00:33:18.554 --> 00:33:21.723
And she'd been stitched up and she said, it still hurts.
00:33:21.723 --> 00:33:27.129
And i looked at her and i got down on my knees, very similar.
00:33:27.129 --> 00:33:30.566
I got really low.
00:33:30.566 --> 00:33:31.700
I heard the lord very clearly speak.
00:33:31.700 --> 00:33:33.469
I mean, almost audibly.
00:33:33.469 --> 00:33:34.736
Say, tell her that just because it still hurts doesn't mean
00:33:34.736 --> 00:33:37.306
It's not healing.
00:33:37.306 --> 00:33:40.542
And i looked at her and i said, hey,
00:33:40.542 --> 00:33:45.047
I know it still hurts, but the fact that you feel that means
00:33:45.047 --> 00:33:48.150
Your body's healing, it's doing what it's supposed to do.
00:33:48.150 --> 00:33:50.486
The stitches are working.
00:33:50.486 --> 00:33:51.920
Yeah. that's so good.
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:53.188
And immediately, i mean, it was the parents with the adults,
00:33:53.188 --> 00:33:56.158
We all began to cry because it was as if the lord
00:33:56.158 --> 00:33:58.961
Had healed within us. yeah.
00:33:58.961 --> 00:34:01.597
Whatever pain, whatever wound we instantly had, we were able
00:34:01.597 --> 00:34:04.433
To kind of separate, right? yeah.
00:34:04.433 --> 00:34:07.069
Our pain and the hurt that we experience in life that's
00:34:07.069 --> 00:34:09.872
Going to hurt. yeah.
00:34:09.872 --> 00:34:11.240
And it doesn't mean that god's not healing us.
00:34:11.240 --> 00:34:13.375
Like, god moves in the midst of our pain.
00:34:13.375 --> 00:34:16.011
When we're able to feel our pain, he can stitch us up.
00:34:16.011 --> 00:34:18.914
Yeah.
00:34:18.914 --> 00:34:20.082
So we're all crying like babies and i'm a crier anyways.
00:34:20.082 --> 00:34:21.917
And so i immediately feel the lord and, and she looked up at
00:34:21.917 --> 00:34:24.286
Me and she said, oh, i didn't know that.
00:34:24.286 --> 00:34:27.990
And i said, me either,
00:34:27.990 --> 00:34:30.259
I didn't, i didn't, i didn't know that either.
00:34:30.259 --> 00:34:32.561
And i think when i, when i
00:34:32.561 --> 00:34:33.495
Think about those distinctions, right,
00:34:33.495 --> 00:34:35.264
Of, of healing and hurt and pain and offense, i think it's
00:34:35.264 --> 00:34:39.401
So necessary to remember that god heals us even in the
00:34:39.401 --> 00:34:42.771
Midst of our pain.
00:34:42.771 --> 00:34:44.840
How do you encourage someone not to equate the pain that
00:34:44.840 --> 00:34:47.276
They're enduring with the feeling that god has left them?
00:34:47.276 --> 00:34:50.312
Well, let me just first say,
00:34:50.312 --> 00:34:51.313
I've been there and i've done that.
00:34:51.313 --> 00:34:52.848
And i, i feel for people who feel that way.
00:34:52.848 --> 00:34:55.317
Those valleys can get so long.
00:34:55.317 --> 00:34:57.286
But i also know our tendency to zoom in on the pain and on the
00:34:57.286 --> 00:35:00.455
Trial to the detriment of our own redemptive perspective,
00:35:00.455 --> 00:35:03.792
Because there are blessings in our life.
00:35:03.792 --> 00:35:06.161
There is power, there is presence.
00:35:06.161 --> 00:35:08.230
There are promises.
00:35:08.230 --> 00:35:09.364
We have so much of what we need
00:35:09.364 --> 00:35:11.800
To walk through the valley of suffering.
00:35:11.800 --> 00:35:14.002
And when we lift our eyes and we look around at all the
00:35:14.002 --> 00:35:17.005
Blessings that we would miss if they were gone tomorrow, we
00:35:17.005 --> 00:35:19.374
Start to point to those and we give a sincere offering.
00:35:19.374 --> 00:35:22.010
God, i thank you for that.
00:35:22.010 --> 00:35:23.011
God, thank you for that.
00:35:23.011 --> 00:35:24.279
I thank you for that.
00:35:24.279 --> 00:35:25.514
And you frame it correctly because when you look at your
00:35:25.514 --> 00:35:28.183
Trial in isolation, you will always hear the message that
00:35:28.183 --> 00:35:31.019
God has abandoned you.
00:35:31.019 --> 00:35:32.487
When you zoom out and look at it in the context of god's
00:35:32.487 --> 00:35:35.190
History of faithfulness, you'll learn to trust him.
00:35:35.190 --> 00:35:37.893
And this is the chance for you to trust him.
00:35:37.893 --> 00:35:40.362
He is faithful and he'll be faithful again.
00:35:40.362 --> 00:35:44.566
Be the first to know all the latest better together updates,
00:35:44.566 --> 00:35:48.403
Visit bettertogether.tv to sign up for our weekly emails and
00:35:48.403 --> 00:35:52.407
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00:35:52.407 --> 00:35:56.000
You know, you just think when we go back to the cross, when
00:35:59.148 --> 00:36:01.784
We look at the cross and everything that jesus did for
00:36:01.784 --> 00:36:06.723
Us, he covered everything.
00:36:06.723 --> 00:36:09.425
He covered it.
00:36:09.425 --> 00:36:10.159
All. yeah.
00:36:10.159 --> 00:36:11.628
And i don't ever want to take for granted one drop of blood.
00:36:11.628 --> 00:36:16.099
That drop of blood for offense that i would hang on to,
00:36:16.099 --> 00:36:20.270
It's only hurting me, right? yeah.
00:36:20.270 --> 00:36:22.538
They say poison to us.
00:36:22.538 --> 00:36:23.606
It's poison to us.
00:36:23.606 --> 00:36:26.109
The life, death and resurrection of jesus is why we
00:36:26.109 --> 00:36:29.078
Are able to do two things, walk
00:36:29.078 --> 00:36:31.514
In forgiveness and then extend forgiveness.
00:36:31.514 --> 00:36:35.118
Without it, we wouldn't have either.
00:36:35.118 --> 00:36:37.086
Without the life and the death and the resurrection, without
00:36:37.086 --> 00:36:39.922
The cross, without the blood of jesus, we would not be forgiven
00:36:39.922 --> 00:36:43.192
Of our sins, friend.
00:36:43.192 --> 00:36:44.127
And we have much to be forgiven about.
00:36:44.127 --> 00:36:45.995
And we wouldn't be able to forgive those who offend us.
00:36:45.995 --> 00:36:50.033
And the episode i talked about the difference between hurt
00:36:50.033 --> 00:36:52.402
And offense, right?
00:36:52.402 --> 00:36:53.703
Hurt is going to happen to us, but when we pick up a offense,
00:36:53.703 --> 00:36:57.573
It's only jesus that can help us get out of that trap.
00:36:57.573 --> 00:37:00.610
The cross is the power.
00:37:00.610 --> 00:37:01.978
It is the way to release and let go of the people that only
00:37:01.978 --> 00:37:05.048
Jesus can handle.
00:37:05.048 --> 00:37:06.316
And for us, it's where we see that we have been forgiven.
00:37:06.316 --> 00:37:10.053
And so we must extend forgiveness as an invitation to
00:37:10.053 --> 00:37:13.056
Freedom, because that is where we get set free too.
00:37:13.056 --> 00:37:16.626
There was a point in time where, um, i remember the first
00:37:16.626 --> 00:37:20.730
Time that it happened that some friends of ours, very dear
00:37:20.730 --> 00:37:24.100
Friends went through a divorce.
00:37:24.100 --> 00:37:25.735
And i'm telling you, that was like crazy for us.
00:37:25.735 --> 00:37:28.438
And there was one day that we left their house.
00:37:28.438 --> 00:37:31.674
I looked over the top of the car.
00:37:31.674 --> 00:37:33.109
I was standing up,
00:37:33.109 --> 00:37:34.277
Of course, in the yard so i could see over the car.
00:37:34.277 --> 00:37:36.279
And i looked at matt and i said, we can never speak
00:37:36.279 --> 00:37:39.349
About this again.
00:37:39.349 --> 00:37:41.184
No more.
00:37:41.184 --> 00:37:42.318
And there's times that i think that we can go through
00:37:42.318 --> 00:37:45.355
Something hard where you're hurt.
00:37:45.355 --> 00:37:47.924
Yeah. you know, we've all come through something that just
00:37:47.924 --> 00:37:50.760
Broke, broke my heart because i love these people.
00:37:50.760 --> 00:37:55.298
But they did something and the offense could be there.
00:37:55.298 --> 00:37:58.701
But it's like, we can't talk about that anymore.
00:37:58.701 --> 00:38:01.504
Yeah.
00:38:01.504 --> 00:38:02.739
I want to pray that they're blessed and that whatever's
00:38:02.739 --> 00:38:06.476
Going on here, that god moves in their life just like he's
00:38:06.476 --> 00:38:10.246
Moving in mine too.
00:38:10.246 --> 00:38:11.581
Yeah.
00:38:11.581 --> 00:38:12.515
Because this is not a one-sided show.
00:38:12.515 --> 00:38:14.417
You can nurse that, can't you?
00:38:14.417 --> 00:38:15.885
Yeah.
00:38:15.885 --> 00:38:16.486
You can nurse that pain.
00:38:16.486 --> 00:38:17.787
You can keep it going. absolutely.
00:38:17.787 --> 00:38:19.255
Talk about it and replay it and
00:38:19.255 --> 00:38:21.624
Give it life and it's like a wound.
00:38:21.624 --> 00:38:23.593
And you just keep picking at-- exactly.
00:38:23.593 --> 00:38:25.428
Wound and it never heals. yeah.
00:38:25.428 --> 00:38:27.797
That to me speaks of a fear of god too,
00:38:27.797 --> 00:38:29.632
By you doing it that way.
00:38:29.632 --> 00:38:30.933
You know, i'm not sure if it's the same word for snare, but in
00:38:30.933 --> 00:38:33.970
Proverbs it says the fear of man is a snare, and the fear of
00:38:33.970 --> 00:38:37.607
God is safety and freedom.
00:38:37.607 --> 00:38:39.475
And i feel like the fear of god compels us to go,
00:38:39.475 --> 00:38:42.145
I'm buttoning that up and i'm not going to go there.
00:38:42.145 --> 00:38:44.414
Yeah. yeah.
00:38:44.414 --> 00:38:45.515
And i think you also have to think through long--
00:38:45.515 --> 00:38:47.083
Like sometimes we just live present.
00:38:47.083 --> 00:38:48.785
We don't think through what
00:38:48.785 --> 00:38:50.119
It's going to look like in the long--
00:38:50.119 --> 00:38:51.587
So like, i don't want my kids carrying the weight of a offense
00:38:51.587 --> 00:38:55.024
Or my grandkids or my kids--
00:38:55.024 --> 00:38:56.759
Like, i don't want generations to be affected by an offense
00:38:56.759 --> 00:38:59.061
That i didn't let go of because it-- because whether i speak
00:38:59.061 --> 00:39:02.498
About it or not, i mean,
00:39:02.498 --> 00:39:04.367
There's, i think there's-- let it go.
00:39:04.367 --> 00:39:06.502
Yeah. because at the end of the day,
00:39:06.502 --> 00:39:08.204
Once you forgive them, then it's--
00:39:08.204 --> 00:39:09.972
I read something the other day that said, every time that we
00:39:09.972 --> 00:39:13.476
Hold on to something, we are deterring god's hand in it.
00:39:13.476 --> 00:39:17.146
Yeah.
00:39:17.146 --> 00:39:18.448
Because when we release it to him, then we're like, you mov,
00:39:18.448 --> 00:39:21.517
And he does far greater than we could ever imagine.
00:39:21.517 --> 00:39:23.519
But when i'm trying to do it in
00:39:23.519 --> 00:39:24.587
My own strength, it's very minimal
00:39:24.587 --> 00:39:26.889
What the result i'm going to see.
00:39:26.889 --> 00:39:28.724
I read something the other day that most people in your life
00:39:28.724 --> 00:39:32.728
Will only be there like working people, 2 to 5 years in your
00:39:32.728 --> 00:39:36.632
Life, and then you're separated somehow.
00:39:36.632 --> 00:39:39.168
They move, you move, whatever.
00:39:39.168 --> 00:39:41.270
And we put so much effort, and we change ourselves.
00:39:41.270 --> 00:39:45.908
And so sometimes it's like, is
00:39:45.908 --> 00:39:47.276
This going to matter in five years?
00:39:47.276 --> 00:39:48.778
Yeah, it's really good perspective.
00:39:48.778 --> 00:39:50.680
No, they'll be long gone.
00:39:50.680 --> 00:39:52.748
And so why am i worked up like i am right now,
00:39:52.748 --> 00:39:57.520
You know, over this situation or over
00:39:57.520 --> 00:39:59.822
This offense when it does not matter?
00:39:59.822 --> 00:40:03.192
What does god's word tell us about how to release offense?
00:40:03.192 --> 00:40:06.662
I think if we follow jesus around the gospels, he's the
00:40:06.662 --> 00:40:10.099
One who tells us how.
00:40:10.099 --> 00:40:11.400
He's the one who actually shows us how to release offense in the
00:40:11.400 --> 00:40:14.303
Worst parts of being offended.
00:40:14.303 --> 00:40:17.206
He interceded, and he entrusted
00:40:17.206 --> 00:40:19.108
Himself to the one who judges righteously.
00:40:19.108 --> 00:40:21.310
If we really believe that god is not only good, but he's a
00:40:21.310 --> 00:40:23.746
God of justice, we know that the person who has offended us
00:40:23.746 --> 00:40:27.116
Is in better hands with god than they are with us.
00:40:27.116 --> 00:40:29.585
God can redeem the situation in a way that would bring about
00:40:29.585 --> 00:40:32.221
Redemption for them as well.
00:40:32.221 --> 00:40:33.923
When we humble ourselves enough to say, i fear god enough, and
00:40:33.923 --> 00:40:37.059
I love my calling enough that i have to forgive, i don't have
00:40:37.059 --> 00:40:40.162
The option because jesus doesn't give me the option.
00:40:40.162 --> 00:40:42.965
I will forgive, and i'll do it in the way that jesus did,
00:40:42.965 --> 00:40:46.068
But i know that doesn't mean he just looks away.
00:40:46.068 --> 00:40:48.437
He doesn't miss a thing.
00:40:48.437 --> 00:40:49.805
He deals with everything and he
00:40:49.805 --> 00:40:51.507
Deals with it better than i can.
00:40:51.507 --> 00:40:54.076
But i think the generosity of releasing forgiveness, whether
00:40:54.076 --> 00:40:56.979
You have experienced it in return, reciprocal,
00:40:56.979 --> 00:41:00.650
To me, i think that's the key.
00:41:00.650 --> 00:41:02.118
And it's a daily practice.
00:41:02.118 --> 00:41:04.253
But i mean, we're talking about like i've had friends that have
00:41:04.253 --> 00:41:06.556
Like, i've changed,
00:41:06.556 --> 00:41:07.790
They haven't. i've had, you know, with my husband and i,
00:41:07.790 --> 00:41:10.660
We've had to figure out how to talk through and not, i mean, i
00:41:10.660 --> 00:41:14.096
Could daily be offended at the fact that he may, whatever.
00:41:14.096 --> 00:41:18.668
You're like-- fill in the blanks, people.
00:41:18.668 --> 00:41:21.571
Fill in the blanks.
00:41:21.571 --> 00:41:22.905
I want to fill in the blanks.
00:41:22.905 --> 00:41:24.206
Yes. yeah.
00:41:24.206 --> 00:41:25.541
I mean, he's incredible.
00:41:25.541 --> 00:41:26.676
And i'm in--
00:41:26.676 --> 00:41:27.910
We've been married for 47 years, so we figured that out.
00:41:27.910 --> 00:41:30.947
But one of the things that we had to start doing was asking
00:41:30.947 --> 00:41:33.215
Each other--
00:41:33.215 --> 00:41:34.483
This should just be in personal relationships, whether it's
00:41:34.483 --> 00:41:35.952
Your husband or a friend,
00:41:35.952 --> 00:41:37.853
What's the story you're hearing in your head right now?
00:41:37.853 --> 00:41:40.523
Because we have this beautiful story where we were both
00:41:40.523 --> 00:41:42.558
Working full time, pastoring this church.
00:41:42.558 --> 00:41:44.760
We come home.
00:41:44.760 --> 00:41:45.728
I hadn't had time to think about dinner.
00:41:45.728 --> 00:41:47.797
And he's this very handsome, very intelligent italian man.
00:41:47.797 --> 00:41:52.602
And food is important.
00:41:52.602 --> 00:41:53.736
Food is his love language. yeah.
00:41:53.736 --> 00:41:55.671
So he goes home, he opens
00:41:55.671 --> 00:41:56.939
The refrigerator and it's empty.
00:41:56.939 --> 00:41:59.175
And he said, except for i think there's some cheese in there.
00:41:59.175 --> 00:42:01.711
Maybe, that's it.
00:42:01.711 --> 00:42:03.112
So he opens it, he's like, ah, it's empty again.
00:42:03.112 --> 00:42:05.481
So i walk in to this and
00:42:05.481 --> 00:42:08.484
I hear him saying, you suck as a wife.
00:42:08.484 --> 00:42:11.721
You should have figured this out.
00:42:11.721 --> 00:42:13.255
And so rather than asking what his intention, i'm assuming.
00:42:13.255 --> 00:42:17.827
And so i go from 0 to 3000 in about three seconds.
00:42:17.827 --> 00:42:21.397
And i'm like, whoa, we're both working full time.
00:42:21.397 --> 00:42:23.499
Whatever. i don't remember what i said, i just remember
00:42:23.499 --> 00:42:25.301
Being incredibly angry.
00:42:25.301 --> 00:42:26.769
I hear it in my head.
00:42:26.769 --> 00:42:27.737
Yes, exactly.
00:42:27.737 --> 00:42:30.272
And his response, he just looked at me and said,
00:42:30.272 --> 00:42:31.841
What are you doing?
00:42:31.841 --> 00:42:32.708
I said, well, obviously i failed.
00:42:32.708 --> 00:42:35.077
He's like, no, i was thinking i
00:42:35.077 --> 00:42:36.045
Should have stopped at the store.
00:42:36.045 --> 00:42:37.580
So from that point on, we decided we're going to start
00:42:37.580 --> 00:42:40.049
Asking each other, what's the story you're hearing?
00:42:40.049 --> 00:42:42.685
I have friends that have been very close friends for years,
00:42:42.685 --> 00:42:45.855
But we've been close friends for years because we've chosen
00:42:45.855 --> 00:42:49.325
To not be easily offended.
00:42:49.325 --> 00:42:50.960
So i'll say to my friend, well,
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:52.028
What you just said was offensive.
00:42:52.028 --> 00:42:53.963
What did you mean by that?
00:42:53.963 --> 00:42:54.897
She's like, oh, i was just in a hurry.
00:42:54.897 --> 00:42:56.232
I didn't even think about it.
00:42:56.232 --> 00:42:57.500
And i just think that we have to give people grace.
00:42:57.500 --> 00:43:00.536
Now there is like, i was sexually abused.
00:43:00.536 --> 00:43:03.406
A couple of us were there's a lot of very big offenses, but it
00:43:03.406 --> 00:43:07.743
Still doesn't give me-- if i hold on to it, i'm not allowing
00:43:07.743 --> 00:43:11.380
God to move because i'm trying to move in my own.
00:43:11.380 --> 00:43:14.650
But that's when we're
00:43:14.650 --> 00:43:15.651
Offended by others. what about when we're
00:43:15.651 --> 00:43:16.819
Offended at god hasn't answered?
00:43:16.819 --> 00:43:19.055
Yeah. you know, i do want to say one quick thing concerning
00:43:19.055 --> 00:43:22.625
Just offenses and forgiveness, because i don't
00:43:22.625 --> 00:43:24.994
Think when we hear forgiveness, it sounds easy.
00:43:24.994 --> 00:43:27.630
But i want to make clear that in my own life, i had to learn
00:43:27.630 --> 00:43:30.132
That there is no real precursor
00:43:30.132 --> 00:43:32.401
To forgiveness other than just forgiveness.
00:43:32.401 --> 00:43:35.137
Like the only thing that helps us to forgive is knowing
00:43:35.137 --> 00:43:37.406
We've been forgiven.
00:43:37.406 --> 00:43:38.774
And the expectation of forgiving can't be closure.
00:43:38.774 --> 00:43:42.211
Yeah, yeah.
00:43:42.211 --> 00:43:43.412
Because a lot of the time there isn't the closure that
00:43:43.412 --> 00:43:44.847
We think we need.
00:43:44.847 --> 00:43:45.848
Yeah, that's true.
00:43:45.848 --> 00:43:46.449
And it's the closure.
00:43:46.449 --> 00:43:47.216
We actually-- really good.
00:43:47.216 --> 00:43:48.317
You know, and i think god has really had to work
00:43:48.317 --> 00:43:50.219
Through that with me.
00:43:50.219 --> 00:43:51.520
And expectations, whether it's friendship or my spouse or, or
00:43:51.520 --> 00:43:54.223
The bigger offenses and wounds, maybe even towards god where
00:43:54.223 --> 00:43:56.659
He's like, listen, i need you to evaluate your expectations
00:43:56.659 --> 00:43:59.795
Of what closure looks like.
00:43:59.795 --> 00:44:01.731
Do you want to heal or do you want closure?
00:44:01.731 --> 00:44:04.633
They're not the same thing.
00:44:04.633 --> 00:44:05.801
Right. very good.
00:44:05.801 --> 00:44:06.902
Right. healing with me looks like forgiving them,
00:44:06.902 --> 00:44:09.371
Even if and even when--
00:44:09.371 --> 00:44:11.741
That's so powerful.
00:44:11.741 --> 00:44:12.742
And it's only going to come if you know my
00:44:12.742 --> 00:44:14.076
Forgiveness for you.
00:44:14.076 --> 00:44:15.277
That's right.
00:44:15.277 --> 00:44:16.078
And my love for you. so good.
00:44:16.078 --> 00:44:17.513
And when you know who i am in your own life.
00:44:17.513 --> 00:44:19.448
And that has set me free from waiting for other people to be
00:44:19.448 --> 00:44:23.753
What only god can.
00:44:23.753 --> 00:44:25.187
So good.
00:44:25.187 --> 00:44:26.021
Even in my offense with god, i've--
00:44:26.021 --> 00:44:27.556
It's helped.
00:44:27.556 --> 00:44:28.524
I mean, knowing that he loves me so much
00:44:28.524 --> 00:44:31.560
So knowing that christ has endured offense, endured
00:44:31.560 --> 00:44:34.830
Rejection, endured the greatest pain of all, and yet was able
00:44:34.830 --> 00:44:38.267
To look at me and say, i will die for you, i will.
00:44:38.267 --> 00:44:40.836
I will give my life for you.
00:44:40.836 --> 00:44:42.471
That moves me.
00:44:42.471 --> 00:44:43.706
You know, sometimes you think, am i pardoning god, right?
00:44:43.706 --> 00:44:46.675
Yeah, right.
00:44:46.675 --> 00:44:47.710
Okay, so i'm going to pardon god. for sure.
00:44:47.710 --> 00:44:49.645
You know, all it does for me is it tears down the wall
00:44:49.645 --> 00:44:52.047
Between me and him.
00:44:52.047 --> 00:44:52.848
Exactly. right.
00:44:52.848 --> 00:44:54.583
You know, normally people get offended at god because things
00:44:54.583 --> 00:44:57.586
Didn't turn out the way they thought
00:44:57.586 --> 00:44:59.522
That it should be, that god did something wrong.
00:44:59.522 --> 00:45:02.591
God has let something happen that shouldn't happen.
00:45:02.591 --> 00:45:05.361
How can he be a loving god if he lets all this stuff happen?
00:45:05.361 --> 00:45:09.732
So the way i look at it, we're going to sit here and we're
00:45:09.732 --> 00:45:12.902
Going to pardon god with all
00:45:12.902 --> 00:45:15.004
His goodness and all of his love,
00:45:15.004 --> 00:45:17.273
We're going to pardon god for
00:45:17.273 --> 00:45:18.741
Doing something wrong on our behalf?
00:45:18.741 --> 00:45:21.610
It's not the way it works.
00:45:21.610 --> 00:45:23.813
Sin is a barrier between us and god.
00:45:23.813 --> 00:45:27.750
And so because of sin in this world that we live in, things
00:45:27.750 --> 00:45:32.188
Happen that we can't control.
00:45:32.188 --> 00:45:35.391
That just happens because of sin is rampant in the world.
00:45:35.391 --> 00:45:39.562
But as believers in christ, god says, you draw near to me and
00:45:39.562 --> 00:45:44.834
I'll draw near to you.
00:45:44.834 --> 00:45:46.402
He's the last person,
00:45:46.402 --> 00:45:47.736
He's the last entity in the world that you should ever
00:45:47.736 --> 00:45:50.940
Be offended by.
00:45:50.940 --> 00:45:51.941
God is a good god.
00:45:51.941 --> 00:45:53.742
He is a loving god.
00:45:53.742 --> 00:45:55.644
He is a saving god.
00:45:55.644 --> 00:45:57.213
He's full of mercy.
00:45:57.213 --> 00:45:59.148
He's full of justice.
00:45:59.148 --> 00:46:00.983
And if we just draw near to him, he's the savior.
00:46:00.983 --> 00:46:04.587
He's the one that can restore and redeem all things.
00:46:04.587 --> 00:46:08.591
There's nobody else that can do that.
00:46:08.591 --> 00:46:11.093
Not another entity, not another little god that we can go to
00:46:11.093 --> 00:46:16.098
Like our god, and he loves you.
00:46:16.098 --> 00:46:19.101
And if you're offended with him, forgive yourself.
00:46:19.101 --> 00:46:24.240
You, you're the only one that that needs forgiveness is, is
00:46:24.240 --> 00:46:28.611
Yourself and just run into his arms because he is a great,
00:46:28.611 --> 00:46:32.748
Big, loving god who loves you and he will not stop.
00:46:32.748 --> 00:46:36.385
He is forever god.
00:46:36.385 --> 00:46:37.386
He never changes.
00:46:37.386 --> 00:46:39.388
There's a song, i don't remember who sang it and what
00:46:39.388 --> 00:46:41.657
The title was, but one line jumped out at me and it said
00:46:41.657 --> 00:46:44.126
I cannot have--
00:46:44.126 --> 00:46:45.361
And again, my paraphrase, i cannot have their list in my
00:46:45.361 --> 00:46:47.563
Hand, in my list on the cross.
00:46:47.563 --> 00:46:49.765
And you think about that.
00:46:49.765 --> 00:46:51.467
It goes back to the, you know, the imprinting of god's loving
00:46:51.467 --> 00:46:53.903
Kindness, the miracle of his mercy.
00:46:53.903 --> 00:46:55.571
That's right.
00:46:55.571 --> 00:46:56.805
If you want to be in a posture to forgive before you know
00:46:56.805 --> 00:46:58.140
You're going to get closure, marvel at the mercies of god.
00:46:58.140 --> 00:47:01.143
Because i'm convinced the minute we see jesus, our knees
00:47:01.143 --> 00:47:04.079
Will buckle and we'll see how deep our offenses went, how
00:47:04.079 --> 00:47:06.982
Deeply we actually did hurt people.
00:47:06.982 --> 00:47:08.851
How deeply we need forgiveness, how deeply we have--
00:47:08.851 --> 00:47:11.520
We didn't touch too much on this, but how how we have
00:47:11.520 --> 00:47:13.989
Offended others. exactly,
00:47:13.989 --> 00:47:15.658
How deeply we have wounded and hurt others.
00:47:15.658 --> 00:47:17.393
To give some brain space to that, i think allows us to
00:47:17.393 --> 00:47:20.162
Forgive others because we can't hold their list and
00:47:20.162 --> 00:47:22.531
Expect ours to be there.
00:47:22.531 --> 00:47:23.732
You know, i've gone back praying and stuff and i just
00:47:23.732 --> 00:47:26.368
Think, oh, i wish i wouldn't have said that to that stranger
00:47:26.368 --> 00:47:29.638
And get that off of my, my heart and my life.
00:47:29.638 --> 00:47:33.709
And if i could, i'd take care of that.
00:47:33.709 --> 00:47:35.911
But i don't know where they're at.
00:47:35.911 --> 00:47:37.179
I can't, you know, but that thing that just holds us back,
00:47:37.179 --> 00:47:41.083
You know, that we just have to surrender to the lord and he
00:47:41.083 --> 00:47:43.285
Just takes care of it in our hearts.
00:47:43.285 --> 00:47:45.354
Yeah. we can let go.
00:47:45.354 --> 00:47:46.755
Yeah. we can truly let go.
00:47:46.755 --> 00:47:48.057
I'd love to pray for us and close us out in this
00:47:48.057 --> 00:47:49.758
Conversation, and pray for the women who are watching who are
00:47:49.758 --> 00:47:52.394
Experiencing just a depth of unforgiveness,
00:47:52.394 --> 00:47:55.531
Women who are carrying a offense whether it's offense towards
00:47:55.531 --> 00:47:58.701
Each other or god or a friend or somebody in their family.
00:47:58.701 --> 00:48:01.704
And what a beautiful conversation.
00:48:01.704 --> 00:48:03.372
Yeah. so let's pray.
00:48:03.372 --> 00:48:06.775
Thank you, jesus.
00:48:06.775 --> 00:48:08.143
Thank you for your forgiveness.
00:48:08.143 --> 00:48:11.613
Jesus, thank you that from from the moment you knew the future
00:48:11.613 --> 00:48:15.951
God, of what was at stake,
00:48:15.951 --> 00:48:17.252
God, you chose to give your life.
00:48:17.252 --> 00:48:19.154
You chose to live with pain, and you chose to experience the
00:48:19.154 --> 00:48:22.524
Greatest of offenses.
00:48:22.524 --> 00:48:23.826
And yet in the midst of that, you said, i love them and you
00:48:23.826 --> 00:48:28.764
Gave your life for us.
00:48:28.764 --> 00:48:30.366
And god, we thank you that that is the truth, that you love us,
00:48:30.366 --> 00:48:32.901
That you died for us, that you rose again for us.
00:48:32.901 --> 00:48:36.271
God, i pray for for all of us and the women, our friends who
00:48:36.271 --> 00:48:39.008
Are watching, who are calloused because of their offense.
00:48:39.008 --> 00:48:42.911
For the women who think that they're too far gone,
00:48:42.911 --> 00:48:46.281
For the women who have experienced pain and hurt
00:48:46.281 --> 00:48:48.384
And are living trapped to that offense,
00:48:48.384 --> 00:48:50.919
God, in jesus' name,
00:48:50.919 --> 00:48:52.388
God, would you soften our hearts?
00:48:52.388 --> 00:48:54.390
Yes. would you help us to experience your compassion,
00:48:54.390 --> 00:48:58.127
Your mercy?
00:48:58.127 --> 00:48:59.361
Would you help us to remember the kindness that you have
00:48:59.361 --> 00:49:02.331
Towards us and over us?
00:49:02.331 --> 00:49:04.600
God, i pray that we would feel just a love that's palatable,
00:49:04.600 --> 00:49:07.336
That we would leave this conversation rooted in our
00:49:07.336 --> 00:49:10.406
Identity as daughters.
00:49:10.406 --> 00:49:13.075
Help us to forgive god when we don't want to.
00:49:13.075 --> 00:49:15.511
Help us to seek healing before closure.
00:49:15.511 --> 00:49:17.780
Help us to let go, god, because
00:49:17.780 --> 00:49:19.214
You have so much in store for us.
00:49:19.214 --> 00:49:21.083
In jesus' name, amen. beautiful.
00:49:21.083 --> 00:49:25.320
Connect with us on social media and let us know how our team
00:49:25.320 --> 00:49:28.157
Can pray for you.
00:49:28.157 --> 00:49:31.527
I think all of us experience triggers sometimes when we're
00:49:31.527 --> 00:49:34.897
In a situation, a battle, something that's painful,
00:49:34.897 --> 00:49:37.966
Relational, whatever that is.
00:49:37.966 --> 00:49:40.002
And then we start feeling like we need to defend ourselves
00:49:40.002 --> 00:49:43.005
Because we're trying to protect ourselves from the pain.
00:49:43.005 --> 00:49:46.108
And for me personally, i have to take in check,
00:49:46.108 --> 00:49:50.112
Okay. why am i trying to defend myself?
00:49:50.112 --> 00:49:52.281
Have i forgotten how big god is that he knows my past, my
00:49:52.281 --> 00:49:56.185
Present, and my future?
00:49:56.185 --> 00:49:57.719
He sees my entire story when i only can see this
00:49:57.719 --> 00:50:01.256
One moment right now.
00:50:01.256 --> 00:50:02.758
And then i have to remember
00:50:02.758 --> 00:50:03.926
That hurting people hurt people.
00:50:03.926 --> 00:50:06.361
So if i don't know somebody else's full story, then i feel
00:50:06.361 --> 00:50:09.198
Like i have to protect myself,
00:50:09.198 --> 00:50:10.632
Rather than asking god, what is the true story behind it?
00:50:10.632 --> 00:50:14.369
But at the end of the day, the biggest truth that you have to
00:50:14.369 --> 00:50:17.739
Hold on to is that 2000 years ago, when jesus said it is
00:50:17.739 --> 00:50:21.410
Finished, he already paid the price for whatever the
00:50:21.410 --> 00:50:24.780
Resolution is going to look like.
00:50:24.780 --> 00:50:26.482
Does that mean the relationship is always going to be healed?
00:50:26.482 --> 00:50:29.184
Maybe not, but your heart's going to be healed, and you're
00:50:29.184 --> 00:50:31.753
Not going to feel like you have to defend yourself any longer,
00:50:31.753 --> 00:50:34.156
Because he is your defender, the one who loves you the most,
00:50:34.156 --> 00:50:38.427
Who sees the end from the beginning and is working in
00:50:38.427 --> 00:50:41.597
Places that you can't see yet.
00:50:41.597 --> 00:50:45.033
Stream full episodes of better together on demand.
00:50:45.033 --> 00:50:48.804
Go to bettertogether.tv to
00:50:48.804 --> 00:50:50.939
Stream all of our latest conversations.
00:50:50.939 --> 00:50:53.308
♪♪
00:50:53.308 --> 00:50:53.308

Release Offense | Better Together Episode 1158

April 22, 2026 | S8 E1158 | 50:59

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