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Better Together

Resolving Conflict in Marriage | Better Together Episode 1143

February 11, 2026 | S8 E1143 | 50:59

Resolving Conflict in Marriage | Better Together Episode 1143
Laurie Crouch, Sheila Walsh, Dr. DeeDee Freeman, Dr. Irini Fambro, and Dr. Angie Richey share how conflict in marriage can become growth when couples choose to walk through challenges together with God.
#Marriage #Relationships #Communication #SpiritualGrowth #Unity #Transformation #Challenges #Abuse #Cheating #Adultery #DomesticViolence #Faith #Love #Need #Humor #Criticism #Mistakes #Forgiveness #Boundaries #Change #God'sWill #LaurieCrouch #SheilaWalsh #DeeDeeFreeman

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Better Together | Resolving Conflict in Marriage | Better Together Episode 1143 | February 11, 2026
  • - honey we have to talk.
  • 00:00:00.290 --> 00:00:01.758
  • Having a hard conversation with your spouse is not easy,
  • 00:00:01.758 --> 00:00:05.195
  • But it is necessary for a healthy marriage so come on,
  • 00:00:05.195 --> 00:00:08.364
  • Let's talk about it.
  • 00:00:08.364 --> 00:00:37.160
  • - we love love, don't we?
  • 00:00:37.760 --> 00:00:39.028
  • We love love and there's so many viewers that are here,
  • 00:00:39.028 --> 00:00:41.698
  • But i also am very aware that there are some people that are
  • 00:00:41.698 --> 00:00:44.234
  • Watching that have, are going through really tough times.
  • 00:00:44.234 --> 00:00:47.537
  • If you are married or in some kind of romantic relationship,
  • 00:00:47.537 --> 00:00:50.707
  • It is inevitable that there will be conflict.
  • 00:00:50.707 --> 00:00:53.877
  • So our topic today is resolving conflict in marriage,
  • 00:00:53.877 --> 00:00:58.114
  • And this is a hot button, and i heard a quote once.
  • 00:00:58.114 --> 00:01:01.184
  • And it was this from a famous therapist that i absolutely
  • 00:01:01.184 --> 00:01:04.521
  • Adore, and he said this, a conflict is growth waiting to
  • 00:01:04.521 --> 00:01:08.057
  • Happen.
  • 00:01:08.057 --> 00:01:09.392
  • So i think reframing conflict as not a scary and bad thing,
  • 00:01:09.392 --> 00:01:13.229
  • Depending on how you grew up, um,
  • 00:01:13.229 --> 00:01:15.165
  • You might feel very traumatized by conflict and you are maybe a
  • 00:01:15.165 --> 00:01:18.902
  • False peacemaker, um, peacekeeper.
  • 00:01:18.902 --> 00:01:21.905
  • And some of us are actually, we, we like to go to the mattresses.
  • 00:01:21.905 --> 00:01:25.275
  • We like to argue.
  • 00:01:25.275 --> 00:01:26.643
  • It's kind of our nature.
  • 00:01:26.643 --> 00:01:27.677
  • So, um, we're gonna talk about this today,
  • 00:01:27.677 --> 00:01:29.512
  • But i want to kind of kick it off with just a story,
  • 00:01:29.512 --> 00:01:31.915
  • My husband and i, and how we had this conflict,
  • 00:01:31.915 --> 00:01:34.150
  • And i think we've really, we grew from it.
  • 00:01:34.150 --> 00:01:36.452
  • And so i want you to be thinking about your own life.
  • 00:01:36.452 --> 00:01:39.322
  • Um, but i remember it was probably about 10 years ago,
  • 00:01:39.322 --> 00:01:41.558
  • My husband and i, we, we had the, we were in the kitchen,
  • 00:01:41.558 --> 00:01:43.826
  • And there's a round table in between us,
  • 00:01:43.826 --> 00:01:45.728
  • And we were having a fierce conversation.
  • 00:01:45.728 --> 00:01:48.298
  • You guys, and, and you're almost sparring.
  • 00:01:49.265 --> 00:01:51.301
  • There's, there's no tears.
  • 00:01:51.301 --> 00:01:52.435
  • You're just going head to head.
  • 00:01:52.435 --> 00:01:53.870
  • And, and at this point, i've crossed the line.
  • 00:01:53.870 --> 00:01:56.072
  • I'm, i'm at this point.
  • 00:01:56.072 --> 00:01:57.140
  • I'm being disrespectful.
  • 00:01:57.140 --> 00:01:58.441
  • I'm, i'm going after my point, and he's bringing it to two
  • 00:01:58.441 --> 00:02:01.544
  • Firstborns, you know, there were 2 alphas in the room.
  • 00:02:01.544 --> 00:02:04.380
  • It was not a good thing, but i was going for it.
  • 00:02:04.380 --> 00:02:07.116
  • And as we began going back and forth,
  • 00:02:07.116 --> 00:02:10.253
  • My wonderful beloved husband said this.
  • 00:02:10.253 --> 00:02:12.655
  • He goes, angie.
  • 00:02:12.655 --> 00:02:14.791
  • If you knew me, if you knew me, you wouldn't have said that.
  • 00:02:14.891 --> 00:02:20.230
  • I want you to go back and read all my personality profiles,
  • 00:02:20.330 --> 00:02:23.066
  • Which we do that.
  • 00:02:23.066 --> 00:02:24.300
  • We, we have all, everyone, we have all the assessments.
  • 00:02:24.300 --> 00:02:27.070
  • He goes, go back and read my profile because if you really
  • 00:02:27.070 --> 00:02:30.240
  • Knew me, you wouldn't have said that.
  • 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:31.574
  • And i was checked in that moment.
  • 00:02:32.375 --> 00:02:34.077
  • And usually i, i get defensive and i might have something else
  • 00:02:34.177 --> 00:02:37.714
  • To say.
  • 00:02:37.714 --> 00:02:38.982
  • But he got me good.
  • 00:02:39.515 --> 00:02:40.650
  • And i thought, you know what?
  • 00:02:40.650 --> 00:02:42.452
  • You're right.
  • 00:02:42.885 --> 00:02:44.254
  • Do i even know this man in front of me who has dedicated 20 plus
  • 00:02:44.254 --> 00:02:48.491
  • Years of his life, loving me, putting up with me, coaching me?
  • 00:02:48.491 --> 00:02:53.029
  • Do i know him?
  • 00:02:53.029 --> 00:02:54.163
  • Do i know him after 20 years?
  • 00:02:54.163 --> 00:02:56.165
  • And i would say that i go back to that,
  • 00:02:56.165 --> 00:02:58.368
  • We've had many arguments since, but i was like, i,
  • 00:02:58.368 --> 00:03:01.504
  • I think i do need to know him.
  • 00:03:01.504 --> 00:03:02.972
  • I need to learn him better.
  • 00:03:02.972 --> 00:03:04.307
  • There's a quote um that i show in my,
  • 00:03:04.307 --> 00:03:06.976
  • In my marriage and family class, and it's, it says,
  • 00:03:06.976 --> 00:03:09.279
  • Become learners of marriage.
  • 00:03:09.279 --> 00:03:11.748
  • And i don't know about you, but who taught you marriage?
  • 00:03:11.848 --> 00:03:14.584
  • - nobody.
  • 00:03:14.584 --> 00:03:16.653
  • - who taught you marriage?
  • 00:03:17.287 --> 00:03:18.421
  • Who, who taught you how to have healthy conflict?
  • 00:03:18.421 --> 00:03:20.156
  • - the cosby show.
  • 00:03:20.256 --> 00:03:21.157
  • - yes, that's right.
  • 00:03:21.157 --> 00:03:22.525
  • That's right.
  • 00:03:22.525 --> 00:03:23.726
  • So not only do we have to be learners of marriage,
  • 00:03:23.826 --> 00:03:25.962
  • But i think to resolve conflict in marriage,
  • 00:03:25.962 --> 00:03:28.231
  • We have to be learners of the other to know them,
  • 00:03:28.231 --> 00:03:31.000
  • To truly know them.
  • 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:31.801
  • And i did.
  • 00:03:31.801 --> 00:03:33.136
  • I actually went back and looked and read all, and i thought,
  • 00:03:33.136 --> 00:03:35.071
  • Wow, i really went for the jugular there.
  • 00:03:35.071 --> 00:03:37.573
  • And i was convicted and i had to humble myself and uh,
  • 00:03:37.674 --> 00:03:40.043
  • And repent, you know, it says repentance leads to refreshing.
  • 00:03:40.043 --> 00:03:42.745
  • So, um, i think it brought us closer.
  • 00:03:42.745 --> 00:03:45.248
  • It humbled me and it made me appreciate him,
  • 00:03:45.248 --> 00:03:48.351
  • And i thought he was very kind in that moment.
  • 00:03:48.351 --> 00:03:51.154
  • To say, hey, if you knew me, you wouldn't have said that.
  • 00:03:51.254 --> 00:03:54.490
  • How gracious is that?
  • 00:03:54.490 --> 00:03:56.659
  • Maybe you've never seen conflict resolved in a healthy way,
  • 00:03:56.759 --> 00:03:59.562
  • Maybe you don't have the skills to do it well.
  • 00:03:59.562 --> 00:04:02.065
  • You're not alone.
  • 00:04:02.532 --> 00:04:03.833
  • In fact, one of the first tips i would give is to be around
  • 00:04:03.833 --> 00:04:07.236
  • Couples and people that resolve conflict well, that do it,
  • 00:04:07.236 --> 00:04:12.775
  • Learn.
  • 00:04:12.775 --> 00:04:14.010
  • I always think of this phrase be a learner of marriage.
  • 00:04:14.010 --> 00:04:16.279
  • You have to learn these things.
  • 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:17.580
  • We're not born with the skills of how to resolve conflict,
  • 00:04:17.580 --> 00:04:20.083
  • How to have healthy conversations.
  • 00:04:20.083 --> 00:04:22.218
  • Some people go in, uh, aggressively.
  • 00:04:22.218 --> 00:04:24.587
  • Some people shut down and completely don't talk at all.
  • 00:04:24.587 --> 00:04:27.156
  • Let me tell you, there's a healthier way.
  • 00:04:27.156 --> 00:04:29.492
  • Find a couple that does it well and learn.
  • 00:04:29.492 --> 00:04:32.028
  • Number 2, i would say if you are worried about conflict and how
  • 00:04:32.028 --> 00:04:35.598
  • To uh resolve it, it probably is your startup.
  • 00:04:35.598 --> 00:04:39.736
  • No conflict ever goes well when it begins with criticism.
  • 00:04:39.836 --> 00:04:44.073
  • If you start accusing your partner of something right away,
  • 00:04:44.173 --> 00:04:46.776
  • It is basically a nonstarter.
  • 00:04:46.776 --> 00:04:49.178
  • It's not gonna end well.
  • 00:04:49.178 --> 00:04:50.346
  • It never does.
  • 00:04:50.346 --> 00:04:51.414
  • I haven't seen it.
  • 00:04:51.414 --> 00:04:53.282
  • So i would encourage you, have a soft startup.
  • 00:04:53.383 --> 00:04:55.785
  • Use with use i statements, take responsibility.
  • 00:04:55.785 --> 00:04:59.355
  • Ask, hey, do i have permission to read your mind?
  • 00:04:59.355 --> 00:05:01.724
  • This thing happened the other day and you know,
  • 00:05:01.724 --> 00:05:04.394
  • You acted this way and it kind of made me feel odd and i kind
  • 00:05:04.394 --> 00:05:07.730
  • Of think you might feel this way.
  • 00:05:07.730 --> 00:05:09.298
  • Am i wrong?
  • 00:05:09.298 --> 00:05:10.666
  • That disarms the other person where you can begin to have a
  • 00:05:10.666 --> 00:05:13.770
  • Healthy conversation and resolve that conflict,
  • 00:05:13.770 --> 00:05:16.406
  • And typically it will turn out better than you think.
  • 00:05:16.406 --> 00:05:20.009
  • Has there been a conflict?
  • 00:05:20.643 --> 00:05:22.378
  • In your lives have actually brought you closer.
  • 00:05:22.378 --> 00:05:25.047
  • I mean, go didi,
  • 00:05:25.047 --> 00:05:26.949
  • - you gotta hear it.
  • 00:05:27.483 --> 00:05:28.818
  • - well, i've had lots of conflict like the 1st 7 or 8
  • 00:05:28.918 --> 00:05:32.455
  • Years of my relationship.
  • 00:05:32.455 --> 00:05:33.856
  • I mean it was bad because we did not know each other,
  • 00:05:33.856 --> 00:05:38.461
  • We didn't know how to handle conflict.
  • 00:05:38.461 --> 00:05:40.830
  • Our way of handling it was totally different because i told
  • 00:05:40.830 --> 00:05:44.667
  • You i was the more aggressive one, like, no,
  • 00:05:44.667 --> 00:05:47.370
  • We're gonna handle it like this, and he would wanna just talk it
  • 00:05:47.370 --> 00:05:50.540
  • Through.
  • 00:05:50.540 --> 00:05:51.441
  • Well, not that he was nice either.
  • 00:05:51.441 --> 00:05:54.243
  • I just just get this straight because he was not nice.
  • 00:05:54.243 --> 00:05:57.547
  • The moment i say i do, i always say his head starts spinning
  • 00:05:57.547 --> 00:06:01.451
  • Around.
  • 00:06:01.451 --> 00:06:02.652
  • He was just mean when he would come into these very um.
  • 00:06:02.652 --> 00:06:06.222
  • Intense moments and not know how to handle the conflict and as we
  • 00:06:07.490 --> 00:06:14.263
  • Grew i think or as we matured and realized that the way we
  • 00:06:14.263 --> 00:06:19.402
  • Were doing it wasn't a good way because we would use our words
  • 00:06:19.402 --> 00:06:22.939
  • To tear each other down it wasn't ever to build up it was
  • 00:06:22.939 --> 00:06:26.776
  • Always gonna be something that was gonna cut you, you know,
  • 00:06:26.776 --> 00:06:30.613
  • Beneath the belt if you would, and i,
  • 00:06:30.613 --> 00:06:33.749
  • My husband is the same way i remember.
  • 00:06:33.749 --> 00:06:37.053
  • After i started to like change, i really just focused on me.
  • 00:06:37.153 --> 00:06:42.325
  • I said, ok god, let me just focus on me because i was
  • 00:06:42.325 --> 00:06:46.295
  • Waiting for him to change like cause i always felt like he was
  • 00:06:46.295 --> 00:06:51.267
  • The problem, it wasn't me, but actually i was a big problem i
  • 00:06:51.267 --> 00:06:56.038
  • Was a mess.
  • 00:06:56.038 --> 00:06:57.106
  • When i say a hot mess, i know i was a hot mess.
  • 00:06:57.106 --> 00:06:59.308
  • And i remember one day he came home and i had this day i had
  • 00:06:59.308 --> 00:07:05.281
  • Decided because i was learning the word,
  • 00:07:05.281 --> 00:07:07.550
  • Learning certain things and principles on how to apply it to
  • 00:07:07.550 --> 00:07:11.621
  • My life and i said, ok, god, if your word is true,
  • 00:07:11.621 --> 00:07:14.624
  • Cause at this point i didn't know if the word was true.
  • 00:07:14.624 --> 00:07:17.159
  • I said, if your word is true, i'm gonna start sowing better
  • 00:07:17.159 --> 00:07:21.030
  • Seeds so i can reap a better harvest.
  • 00:07:21.030 --> 00:07:24.500
  • But this one day he came home and i was like, hey mike,
  • 00:07:24.500 --> 00:07:28.271
  • And he didn't wanna speak.
  • 00:07:28.271 --> 00:07:30.306
  • So i started praying and i just started worshiping god.
  • 00:07:30.406 --> 00:07:34.210
  • I said i'm gonna take my focus off of this because i don't
  • 00:07:34.210 --> 00:07:36.579
  • Wanna handle conflict like this any longer.
  • 00:07:36.579 --> 00:07:39.315
  • I, i wanna be mature in how i handle this because god,
  • 00:07:39.315 --> 00:07:42.885
  • I'm believing you at this point.
  • 00:07:42.885 --> 00:07:44.921
  • I'm gonna see how this thing goes and
  • 00:07:44.921 --> 00:07:47.957
  • He would taunt me and say oh now you wanna act like you're saying
  • 00:07:47.957 --> 00:07:52.361
  • Now you wanna act like you're a christian and i'm like ok i know
  • 00:07:52.361 --> 00:07:58.167
  • You're trying to pull on his flesh let me hold on to this and
  • 00:07:58.167 --> 00:08:02.338
  • I said no i'm not gonna do it so he never got me and.
  • 00:08:02.338 --> 00:08:07.476
  • I remember i said, ok, i cooked dinner.
  • 00:08:07.476 --> 00:08:10.680
  • I'm gonna tell him he can eat.
  • 00:08:10.680 --> 00:08:12.748
  • I said, hey mike, i cooked dinner,
  • 00:08:12.748 --> 00:08:15.351
  • Do you wanna eat anything?
  • 00:08:15.351 --> 00:08:16.485
  • Oh no, i don't, i don't, i don't want your food.
  • 00:08:16.485 --> 00:08:18.854
  • I never even liked your food.
  • 00:08:18.854 --> 00:08:20.556
  • I was like, oh, ok.
  • 00:08:20.556 --> 00:08:23.392
  • Let's keep it going.
  • 00:08:23.926 --> 00:08:24.760
  • Let me, let me go on upstairs.
  • 00:08:25.461 --> 00:08:27.563
  • I said, ok, if you decide, i know y'all looking like,
  • 00:08:27.663 --> 00:08:29.999
  • Who is this man?
  • 00:08:29.999 --> 00:08:31.167
  • I promise you it's nothing like that now.
  • 00:08:31.167 --> 00:08:33.235
  • It's ok.
  • 00:08:33.235 --> 00:08:33.869
  • - nothing like that.
  • 00:08:33.869 --> 00:08:34.904
  • - you love him you love him.
  • 00:08:35.571 --> 00:08:36.572
  • Believe me, you would love him.
  • 00:08:36.572 --> 00:08:37.940
  • He's nothing like this.
  • 00:08:37.940 --> 00:08:39.609
  • So i remember going upstairs saying, ok,
  • 00:08:39.709 --> 00:08:42.745
  • I'm gonna run him some bath water because faith is acting on
  • 00:08:42.745 --> 00:08:47.550
  • What you believe.
  • 00:08:47.550 --> 00:08:48.918
  • Faith without works is what dead we preach this stuff and we say
  • 00:08:48.918 --> 00:08:52.788
  • This and everyone can quote these scriptures,
  • 00:08:52.788 --> 00:08:55.057
  • But we don't apply it when it comes to our marriage and so i'm
  • 00:08:55.057 --> 00:08:59.595
  • A big faith girl.
  • 00:08:59.595 --> 00:09:00.963
  • I'm like i'm gonna act on what i really do believe even though i
  • 00:09:00.963 --> 00:09:04.233
  • Don't even know if this thing is gonna work yet because this is
  • 00:09:04.233 --> 00:09:07.536
  • New for me.
  • 00:09:07.536 --> 00:09:08.904
  • So i go upstairs and i run this bathwater, put candles around,
  • 00:09:08.904 --> 00:09:13.676
  • And i tell him i say, hey, you know,
  • 00:09:13.676 --> 00:09:15.778
  • I'll run you some bath water.
  • 00:09:15.778 --> 00:09:18.648
  • If you want the food, i'll come back and warm it up,
  • 00:09:18.648 --> 00:09:21.050
  • Come get in the, no, i ain't ain't, he ain't getting,
  • 00:09:21.050 --> 00:09:24.253
  • So i would get in the bed.
  • 00:09:24.253 --> 00:09:26.288
  • And i say, ok, god.
  • 00:09:26.822 --> 00:09:28.324
  • The other things didn't work.
  • 00:09:28.324 --> 00:09:30.393
  • Let me just see if this works.
  • 00:09:30.393 --> 00:09:34.397
  • He turned down everything else, but he turned down that bed,
  • 00:09:34.497 --> 00:09:38.334
  • So i just kept doing that, you know,
  • 00:09:38.334 --> 00:09:41.404
  • Like consistently and i started walking this thing out because
  • 00:09:41.404 --> 00:09:45.241
  • Again i didn't want to handle the conflict like i used to,
  • 00:09:45.241 --> 00:09:50.112
  • But what did it do?
  • 00:09:50.112 --> 00:09:51.380
  • It disarmed him.
  • 00:09:51.380 --> 00:09:52.882
  • He had to put down his weapons.
  • 00:09:52.882 --> 00:09:54.984
  • He couldn't like attack something that was not
  • 00:09:54.984 --> 00:09:58.487
  • Presenting itself in a negative form any longer and
  • 00:09:58.487 --> 00:10:02.391
  • I remember just continually to do it and just being consistent
  • 00:10:02.391 --> 00:10:06.962
  • With it and one day and i can't even say how long that took it
  • 00:10:06.962 --> 00:10:10.800
  • Wasn't like right away he came home and he got on his knees and
  • 00:10:10.800 --> 00:10:15.037
  • He started crying and he repented he apologized,
  • 00:10:15.037 --> 00:10:19.275
  • He said i have been so mean.
  • 00:10:19.275 --> 00:10:22.211
  • Oh, it makes me wanna cry now because you know you can relive
  • 00:10:22.211 --> 00:10:24.213
  • These moments he said i was so mean and i was so wrong and i do
  • 00:10:24.213 --> 00:10:29.218
  • Not wanna be that way.
  • 00:10:29.218 --> 00:10:30.619
  • - it's really hard when you come to a place in your marriage
  • 00:10:31.854 --> 00:10:34.056
  • Where you're facing conflict and you just can't see any way out
  • 00:10:34.056 --> 00:10:37.760
  • Of it.
  • 00:10:37.760 --> 00:10:38.661
  • I understand what that's like.
  • 00:10:38.661 --> 00:10:39.895
  • I, i've been there in my own life and it's really hard,
  • 00:10:39.895 --> 00:10:43.332
  • And sometimes you have to kind of take things to a next level.
  • 00:10:43.332 --> 00:10:47.036
  • I remember at one point when barry and i were going through
  • 00:10:47.136 --> 00:10:49.238
  • Something that was really, really challenging.
  • 00:10:49.238 --> 00:10:51.340
  • And i didn't see how we were gonna be able to resolve it,
  • 00:10:51.340 --> 00:10:54.110
  • And so what i decided to do was to set aside a couple of days to
  • 00:10:54.110 --> 00:10:57.880
  • Fast and pray, and it was just my way of saying to the lord,
  • 00:10:57.880 --> 00:11:01.050
  • Lord, this really matters, i really care,
  • 00:11:01.050 --> 00:11:03.452
  • I wanna hear from you, and i feel like i'm not hearing at the
  • 00:11:03.452 --> 00:11:06.222
  • Moment.
  • 00:11:06.222 --> 00:11:07.490
  • I think, you know, scripture tells us if any of us lacks
  • 00:11:07.490 --> 00:11:10.559
  • Wisdom, ask god and he gladly gives it.
  • 00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:13.662
  • The sun is you just have to take things up a level so that god
  • 00:11:13.662 --> 00:11:16.465
  • Can see this is my heart and i am committed to this.
  • 00:11:16.465 --> 00:11:20.136
  • - i think we don't always give space or room for our spouse to
  • 00:11:20.236 --> 00:11:27.843
  • Mature.
  • 00:11:27.843 --> 00:11:28.878
  • We think, oh, the moment you say i do,
  • 00:11:28.878 --> 00:11:31.147
  • You're supposed to be grown, you have stepped into a grown
  • 00:11:31.147 --> 00:11:33.783
  • Person's role.
  • 00:11:33.783 --> 00:11:35.084
  • You should be o be able to handle it differently.
  • 00:11:35.084 --> 00:11:37.219
  • Well, neither one of us knew or understood what that role was
  • 00:11:37.219 --> 00:11:41.023
  • Really supposed to look like in our house.
  • 00:11:41.023 --> 00:11:43.592
  • We saw it from our parent's house and how they handle
  • 00:11:43.592 --> 00:11:46.295
  • Conflict, he never saw his parents handle, you know,
  • 00:11:46.295 --> 00:11:49.799
  • Conflict.
  • 00:11:49.799 --> 00:11:51.133
  • So we just had to decide we're gonna set some standards for our
  • 00:11:51.133 --> 00:11:55.337
  • Home and we're gonna handle things a lot differently than
  • 00:11:55.337 --> 00:11:59.341
  • What we saw growing up and what we presented to each other,
  • 00:11:59.341 --> 00:12:03.813
  • You know, in the first stages of our relationship because again,
  • 00:12:03.813 --> 00:12:07.950
  • I, like we were talking about earlier,
  • 00:12:07.950 --> 00:12:10.152
  • I would go to sleep mad.
  • 00:12:10.152 --> 00:12:12.488
  • And wake up and thinking, i know i was mad and so i would just
  • 00:12:12.488 --> 00:12:17.259
  • Get mad and couldn't even remember what i was mad about,
  • 00:12:17.259 --> 00:12:20.129
  • You know, before, and i could stay mad for a good month.
  • 00:12:20.129 --> 00:12:25.634
  • Now it's like, no--
  • 00:12:26.168 --> 00:12:27.870
  • It's like 60 seconds--
  • 00:12:27.870 --> 00:12:28.971
  • - 60 seconds, like we don't have time for this.
  • 00:12:28.971 --> 00:12:30.873
  • Like, come on, let's go.
  • 00:12:30.873 --> 00:12:32.408
  • -let me ask you, doctor didi though, in those,
  • 00:12:32.408 --> 00:12:34.610
  • When you've made that commitment, you know,
  • 00:12:34.610 --> 00:12:36.545
  • You're like, ok, this is not how i want to live.
  • 00:12:36.545 --> 00:12:38.480
  • I'm gonna keep doing this.
  • 00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:41.550
  • What did you do when you just felt like saying, oh,
  • 00:12:41.550 --> 00:12:43.686
  • Forget it, this is not working?
  • 00:12:43.686 --> 00:12:44.787
  • - i would go in the bathroom and cry.
  • 00:12:44.787 --> 00:12:47.590
  • And i would feel everything everybody else feels today,
  • 00:12:47.690 --> 00:12:51.961
  • You know, i didn't say it was easy.
  • 00:12:52.061 --> 00:12:54.663
  • I just was believing this word and i'm saying, god, ok,
  • 00:12:54.663 --> 00:12:58.868
  • I'm just gonna work this thing out and i'm gonna walk it out
  • 00:12:58.868 --> 00:13:01.770
  • And i'm gonna believe you and i'm gonna trust you through the
  • 00:13:01.770 --> 00:13:04.206
  • Process and i just kept going regardless of how i felt because
  • 00:13:04.206 --> 00:13:08.911
  • I understand now that faith isn't about how i feel your,
  • 00:13:08.911 --> 00:13:12.781
  • Your feelings should, you know, be an indication
  • 00:13:12.781 --> 00:13:15.584
  • Of something but they shouldn't be a deciding factor in your
  • 00:13:15.584 --> 00:13:18.888
  • Life and we make too many decisions based upon how we feel
  • 00:13:18.888 --> 00:13:23.759
  • And your feelings are so fickle you wake up one day you feel
  • 00:13:23.759 --> 00:13:27.630
  • Safe and the next day you don't it's like god, who you know,
  • 00:13:27.630 --> 00:13:31.300
  • Like one day i wake up thinking oh i love you mike so much and
  • 00:13:31.300 --> 00:13:34.803
  • The next day i'm looking at you still here, you know,
  • 00:13:34.803 --> 00:13:38.107
  • So it's like it and i love shirley you talked about earlier
  • 00:13:38.107 --> 00:13:42.011
  • About love.
  • 00:13:42.011 --> 00:13:43.612
  • In one of the shows you talked about love and all of what love
  • 00:13:43.612 --> 00:13:46.815
  • Is in 1 corinthians 13, love has nothing to do with feelings,
  • 00:13:46.815 --> 00:13:51.453
  • So i never understand or understood how people would come
  • 00:13:51.453 --> 00:13:56.592
  • And say we just don't love each other anymore.
  • 00:13:56.592 --> 00:13:59.061
  • I fell out of love with him.
  • 00:13:59.061 --> 00:14:00.796
  • Oh, i'm falling in love with him.
  • 00:14:00.796 --> 00:14:02.331
  • What does that look like?
  • 00:14:02.331 --> 00:14:03.565
  • When it never says anything about your emotions.
  • 00:14:03.565 --> 00:14:07.303
  • Every day i choose to love mike.
  • 00:14:07.303 --> 00:14:09.104
  • - yeah.
  • 00:14:09.104 --> 00:14:10.239
  • - and that's a choice and that's a com you said it,
  • 00:14:10.239 --> 00:14:12.408
  • It's a commitment.
  • 00:14:12.408 --> 00:14:14.076
  • You're committed, so being faithful to god first.
  • 00:14:14.076 --> 00:14:18.414
  • And a lot of times those those issues and those conflicts come
  • 00:14:18.414 --> 00:14:23.419
  • With obedience to what god says in his word you don't even have
  • 00:14:23.419 --> 00:14:28.257
  • To say anything but let your actions speak for you and your
  • 00:14:28.257 --> 00:14:33.862
  • Communication is through your heart.
  • 00:14:33.862 --> 00:14:36.131
  • It's not using words a lot of times and so you were being
  • 00:14:36.131 --> 00:14:39.702
  • Faithful to god in those moments,
  • 00:14:39.702 --> 00:14:42.571
  • And believing and trusting in him and in his
  • 00:14:42.571 --> 00:14:45.674
  • Timing and i think that that's where we fall short a lot of
  • 00:14:45.674 --> 00:14:49.812
  • Times is that you know the vows that we have made the
  • 00:14:49.812 --> 00:14:53.549
  • Commitment, the covenant that we have made,
  • 00:14:53.549 --> 00:14:56.485
  • It's just a take it or leave it and you know it's easy to get
  • 00:14:56.485 --> 00:15:00.122
  • Divorced.
  • 00:15:00.122 --> 00:15:01.123
  • For a lot of people just throw in the towel that's it.
  • 00:15:02.257 --> 00:15:06.195
  • The destruction that it causes down through the lines is just.
  • 00:15:06.295 --> 00:15:12.935
  • Yeah i mean i think anybody who has gotten divorced knows
  • 00:15:13.035 --> 00:15:16.638
  • Exactly what i'm talking about and just the consequences of it,
  • 00:15:16.638 --> 00:15:21.043
  • - and especially for children.
  • 00:15:21.744 --> 00:15:22.945
  • - and for children-- it's everyone.
  • 00:15:22.945 --> 00:15:25.147
  • - but but you were staying faithful to god and
  • 00:15:25.147 --> 00:15:27.950
  • His word and you were being obedient and a lot of times i
  • 00:15:27.950 --> 00:15:31.186
  • Know that's hard.
  • 00:15:31.186 --> 00:15:33.555
  • If you're in an unsafe place you have got to get yourself if
  • 00:15:33.655 --> 00:15:38.293
  • There's children involved you gotta get your children to a
  • 00:15:38.293 --> 00:15:41.096
  • Safe place there is no doubt about that but if it's just
  • 00:15:41.096 --> 00:15:45.300
  • Nitpicking at each other and getting discontentment,
  • 00:15:45.300 --> 00:15:49.004
  • The the biggest reason for divorce is is unmet
  • 00:15:49.004 --> 00:15:53.776
  • Expectations.
  • 00:15:53.776 --> 00:15:55.411
  • You've gotta let that go.
  • 00:15:55.511 --> 00:15:57.012
  • No one's gonna meet all of your needs.
  • 00:15:57.913 --> 00:15:59.715
  • No one's gonna, you need to have that that talk between you and
  • 00:15:59.715 --> 00:16:03.886
  • The lord.
  • 00:16:03.886 --> 00:16:05.154
  • Because jesus is the one that meets all of our needs and your
  • 00:16:05.254 --> 00:16:09.091
  • Spouse is someone that god has given to you to be a helpmate to
  • 00:16:09.091 --> 00:16:13.796
  • Come alongside to help, to become one that's the kingdom of
  • 00:16:13.796 --> 00:16:18.400
  • God.
  • 00:16:18.400 --> 00:16:19.635
  • He made man and he said it's not good that man be alone.
  • 00:16:19.635 --> 00:16:22.771
  • I'm making him a helpmate and they're gonna become one.
  • 00:16:22.771 --> 00:16:25.941
  • One flesh.
  • 00:16:25.941 --> 00:16:27.309
  • And so in this becoming we have to give grace we have to love,
  • 00:16:27.309 --> 00:16:32.047
  • We have to forgive, we have to let the small things go.
  • 00:16:32.047 --> 00:16:40.656
  • - hey, i wanna pray for those of you that are experiencing
  • 00:16:41.890 --> 00:16:44.326
  • Conflict in your relationship today.
  • 00:16:44.326 --> 00:16:46.361
  • I want you to know that i identify with that.
  • 00:16:46.361 --> 00:16:49.531
  • I have been where you may be today,
  • 00:16:49.531 --> 00:16:52.601
  • And i wanna pray for you so god can give you the strength that
  • 00:16:52.601 --> 00:16:56.371
  • You need to get through whatever it is that you're dealing with.
  • 00:16:56.371 --> 00:16:59.775
  • So father, in the name of jesus, i lift up every marital couple
  • 00:16:59.775 --> 00:17:03.679
  • That is experiencing hardship.
  • 00:17:03.679 --> 00:17:06.148
  • And difficulty at this time, i pray that the joy of the lord
  • 00:17:06.148 --> 00:17:10.252
  • Will be their strength, their ability to stand and to continue
  • 00:17:10.252 --> 00:17:13.655
  • To trust you like never before.
  • 00:17:13.655 --> 00:17:16.291
  • I decree that your healing power,
  • 00:17:16.291 --> 00:17:18.794
  • Your healing virtue will flow through them and allow them to
  • 00:17:18.794 --> 00:17:22.664
  • Be built up in you so they can trust you, father,
  • 00:17:22.664 --> 00:17:26.001
  • To lead and to direct them, whatever pain that they are
  • 00:17:26.001 --> 00:17:29.538
  • Going through.
  • 00:17:29.538 --> 00:17:30.906
  • I come up against that pain now and i pray that they will put on
  • 00:17:30.906 --> 00:17:34.843
  • A garment of praise.
  • 00:17:34.843 --> 00:17:36.345
  • I decree that every situation in their life will come in
  • 00:17:36.345 --> 00:17:40.382
  • Alignment with what they decree out of their mouths.
  • 00:17:40.382 --> 00:17:43.385
  • I pray just like jesus prayed for peter that their faith will
  • 00:17:43.385 --> 00:17:47.623
  • Fail them not.
  • 00:17:47.623 --> 00:17:48.957
  • I decree, father, that they will live happily ever after in
  • 00:17:48.957 --> 00:17:52.761
  • Jesus' name.
  • 00:17:52.761 --> 00:17:54.129
  • Amen.
  • 00:17:54.129 --> 00:17:55.664
  • Let's keep the conversation going.
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  • Your favorite moments from today.
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  • - we are better because of you.
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  • Download the free tbn plus app to stream all of your favorite
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  • Conversations.
  • 00:18:10.946 --> 00:18:12.007
  • Conversations.
  • 00:18:12.007 --> 00:18:16.286
  • - did you know that 69% of our arguments and conflicts are
  • 00:18:17.520 --> 00:18:21.524
  • Perpetual?
  • 00:18:21.524 --> 00:18:22.859
  • Yes, we actually have the same argument over and over again.
  • 00:18:22.859 --> 00:18:26.129
  • Maybe you've experienced it like i have.
  • 00:18:26.129 --> 00:18:28.865
  • Well, if you have those continual arguments,
  • 00:18:28.865 --> 00:18:32.068
  • You better believe it's a sign of an unspoken expectation.
  • 00:18:32.068 --> 00:18:36.206
  • So first of all i wanna ask you, do you happen to have an
  • 00:18:36.206 --> 00:18:39.842
  • Unspoken expectation?
  • 00:18:39.842 --> 00:18:41.711
  • Is there an unmet expectation that your spouse is not meeting
  • 00:18:41.711 --> 00:18:45.515
  • And have you communicated that?
  • 00:18:45.515 --> 00:18:47.350
  • Or is there something about an argument that um is taking you
  • 00:18:47.350 --> 00:18:51.988
  • Back to something other than the present?
  • 00:18:51.988 --> 00:18:54.591
  • Maybe it's your childhood.
  • 00:18:54.591 --> 00:18:55.925
  • Well, maybe it's time to start communicating and bringing it to
  • 00:18:55.925 --> 00:18:59.128
  • The table.
  • 00:18:59.128 --> 00:19:00.430
  • An easy way to do that that is starting with i statements.
  • 00:19:00.430 --> 00:19:03.566
  • This is how i do it.
  • 00:19:03.566 --> 00:19:04.968
  • Well, at least i try is to say, hey, do you have a few minutes?
  • 00:19:04.968 --> 00:19:07.837
  • I prepare for the conversation and then instead of going into
  • 00:19:07.837 --> 00:19:11.074
  • Accusation or criticism, which by the way is a nonstarter,
  • 00:19:11.074 --> 00:19:15.144
  • If you go in with criticism.
  • 00:19:15.144 --> 00:19:16.946
  • It's not gonna go well, just a warning.
  • 00:19:16.946 --> 00:19:19.315
  • I'm sure you've experienced it, but go in with saying, hey,
  • 00:19:19.315 --> 00:19:22.685
  • You know what?
  • 00:19:22.685 --> 00:19:24.020
  • I felt kind of like shut down the other night during one of
  • 00:19:24.020 --> 00:19:26.889
  • Our conversations and it made me feel kind of like unappreciated
  • 00:19:26.889 --> 00:19:30.560
  • Or undervalued.
  • 00:19:30.560 --> 00:19:31.894
  • It may not be your heart, but can you tell me what you were
  • 00:19:31.894 --> 00:19:34.397
  • Thinking about during that conversation?
  • 00:19:34.397 --> 00:19:36.833
  • It's a way to disarm the other person so you can actually be
  • 00:19:36.833 --> 00:19:40.670
  • More productive, but you're gonna have to be brave and share
  • 00:19:40.670 --> 00:19:43.906
  • Your needs.
  • 00:19:43.906 --> 00:19:45.308
  • I'm gonna tell you it's gonna make a big difference in your
  • 00:19:45.308 --> 00:19:47.577
  • Life.
  • 00:19:47.577 --> 00:19:51.347
  • - i think probably back early in our marriage it was always
  • 00:19:52.615 --> 00:19:56.819
  • God could you just change him?
  • 00:19:56.819 --> 00:19:58.855
  • I remember before we got married we'd broke up for a year and i
  • 00:19:58.855 --> 00:20:04.227
  • Told my parents one day i said everything feels so right.
  • 00:20:04.227 --> 00:20:07.697
  • I loved his mom and dad his mom and dad loved me.
  • 00:20:07.697 --> 00:20:10.900
  • I was in love with his parents and everything felt so right
  • 00:20:10.900 --> 00:20:14.604
  • Except it just matt could be a different person.
  • 00:20:14.604 --> 00:20:18.541
  • So i started praying and all of a sudden i'm the one that
  • 00:20:18.641 --> 00:20:22.378
  • Changed.
  • 00:20:22.378 --> 00:20:23.346
  • You know, and normally it's getting ourselves out of the way
  • 00:20:24.580 --> 00:20:28.951
  • That seems to change everything you know and now my focus isn't
  • 00:20:30.286 --> 00:20:33.756
  • On me but it's us and now we have something to fight for we
  • 00:20:33.756 --> 00:20:39.329
  • Have something to live for let's put it that way we have
  • 00:20:39.329 --> 00:20:42.332
  • Something to live for and now when you have kids.
  • 00:20:42.332 --> 00:20:45.968
  • Now i really have something to live for and to make it work and
  • 00:20:46.069 --> 00:20:49.706
  • To be an example and to show my children how to do it and then
  • 00:20:49.706 --> 00:20:54.277
  • You have grandbabies, right?
  • 00:20:54.277 --> 00:20:57.380
  • And so to see that faithfulness through the years of god's hand
  • 00:20:57.380 --> 00:21:01.451
  • In our lives transforming us, that's what the
  • 00:21:01.451 --> 00:21:05.521
  • Power of the holy spirit does.
  • 00:21:05.521 --> 00:21:07.657
  • It comes in, it doesn't just change overnight,
  • 00:21:07.657 --> 00:21:10.259
  • It transforms our lives--
  • 00:21:10.259 --> 00:21:12.462
  • - and this is what a lot of people missed this piece right
  • 00:21:12.462 --> 00:21:16.065
  • Here we had to fix our marriage.
  • 00:21:16.065 --> 00:21:18.901
  • He had already fixed it.
  • 00:21:18.901 --> 00:21:20.370
  • God has already given us the principles,
  • 00:21:20.370 --> 00:21:22.305
  • The tools and everything come on everything that pertains to life
  • 00:21:22.305 --> 00:21:27.477
  • And godliness god is already given us.
  • 00:21:27.477 --> 00:21:29.712
  • So i don't care how much we sit back at home and cry
  • 00:21:29.712 --> 00:21:34.150
  • And pray and plead our case with the father saying fix him.
  • 00:21:34.150 --> 00:21:38.888
  • God is saying no you do your part because i'm gonna hold you
  • 00:21:38.888 --> 00:21:42.658
  • Responsible for your role in this relationship so you do your
  • 00:21:42.658 --> 00:21:46.462
  • Part let me uh you know deal with his heart that's what god
  • 00:21:46.462 --> 00:21:50.767
  • Deals with the heart of man and allow him to come in and
  • 00:21:50.767 --> 00:21:54.370
  • Now he has to do his part and he has to do the work so our part
  • 00:21:54.370 --> 00:21:58.674
  • Is just to do our part.
  • 00:21:58.674 --> 00:22:00.643
  • - i think that's so powerful to understand in conflict we think
  • 00:22:00.743 --> 00:22:04.247
  • If the other person would talk this way to me if they would be
  • 00:22:04.247 --> 00:22:06.849
  • Different with me if they would, they would not walk in the house
  • 00:22:06.849 --> 00:22:09.519
  • Like that, but what you did is you changed yourself and for any
  • 00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:13.990
  • Marriage out there that is a person who feels stuck like i,
  • 00:22:13.990 --> 00:22:17.093
  • I can't, i can't fix my marriage, guess what?
  • 00:22:17.093 --> 00:22:19.028
  • You can.
  • 00:22:19.028 --> 00:22:20.062
  • With changing you.
  • 00:22:20.563 --> 00:22:21.631
  • Because if you, if you get out of the,
  • 00:22:21.631 --> 00:22:23.800
  • The dance with your partner, the same pattern,
  • 00:22:23.800 --> 00:22:27.170
  • If you interrupt a dance, they're left not dancing.
  • 00:22:27.170 --> 00:22:29.806
  • And what you did, you, you just stopped,
  • 00:22:29.806 --> 00:22:32.442
  • You stopped the program, you stopped the program, and,
  • 00:22:32.442 --> 00:22:35.311
  • And while it took a while, you held strong and it changed him.
  • 00:22:35.311 --> 00:22:39.816
  • So i think that's such a good reminder to all of us.
  • 00:22:39.816 --> 00:22:42.151
  • Yeah.
  • 00:22:42.151 --> 00:22:43.753
  • If you find yourself in a conflict that is not getting
  • 00:22:43.853 --> 00:22:46.589
  • Resolved, let me encourage you, there's a way out.
  • 00:22:46.589 --> 00:22:50.293
  • In fact, you think that maybe telling your spouse what to do
  • 00:22:50.293 --> 00:22:53.396
  • Or giving them instructions or giving them tips is gonna work.
  • 00:22:53.396 --> 00:22:56.999
  • It won't, so give that up.
  • 00:22:57.099 --> 00:23:00.236
  • The way to change a situation and outcome is to change your
  • 00:23:00.236 --> 00:23:03.739
  • Part in the dynamic.
  • 00:23:03.739 --> 00:23:05.341
  • Change the dance.
  • 00:23:05.341 --> 00:23:06.242
  • You and your spouse have a dance,
  • 00:23:06.242 --> 00:23:07.977
  • So stop dancing the same way.
  • 00:23:07.977 --> 00:23:10.980
  • Do something different and watch the situation change.
  • 00:23:10.980 --> 00:23:14.617
  • It's a dynamic, it's a system, and when you change part of the
  • 00:23:14.617 --> 00:23:18.221
  • System, guess what?
  • 00:23:18.221 --> 00:23:19.755
  • The whole system has to change.
  • 00:23:19.755 --> 00:23:21.657
  • It may not be overnight.
  • 00:23:21.657 --> 00:23:23.659
  • But give it time, be faithful, pray, do your part,
  • 00:23:23.659 --> 00:23:27.964
  • And watch things eventually turn around.
  • 00:23:27.964 --> 00:23:30.766
  • - it's normal to have conflict.
  • 00:23:31.501 --> 00:23:32.935
  • - yeah, yes.
  • 00:23:32.935 --> 00:23:34.103
  • - it will occur like the person you meet and they're,
  • 00:23:34.103 --> 00:23:36.472
  • Maybe they're newly married and--
  • 00:23:36.472 --> 00:23:38.274
  • And you're like, how's it going?
  • 00:23:38.374 --> 00:23:39.709
  • Oh, it's so great we never fight and you're like, that's lovely.
  • 00:23:39.709 --> 00:23:44.046
  • - that's lovely.
  • 00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:45.982
  • - and i'm not wishing it upon you, but at some point
  • 00:23:45.982 --> 00:23:48.951
  • You're gonna have a difference of opinion
  • 00:23:48.951 --> 00:23:51.120
  • And you're gonna have your ways in
  • 00:23:51.120 --> 00:23:52.889
  • Which you handle those conflicts.
  • 00:23:52.889 --> 00:23:54.757
  • I used to, um, kenneth would get quiet, you know,
  • 00:23:54.757 --> 00:23:57.593
  • And need just some space and i'd like invaded his space.
  • 00:23:57.593 --> 00:24:00.630
  • I would follow him.
  • 00:24:00.630 --> 00:24:01.531
  • What are we not gonna talk about this?
  • 00:24:01.531 --> 00:24:03.099
  • No, we don't talk, you know what i mean, it's like, and it's,
  • 00:24:03.099 --> 00:24:05.268
  • You start realizing like this isn't working.
  • 00:24:05.268 --> 00:24:08.738
  • And the fact that it doesn't work is actually a gift from the
  • 00:24:08.738 --> 00:24:12.542
  • Lord to awaken to there's a better way.
  • 00:24:12.542 --> 00:24:15.678
  • There's a better way.
  • 00:24:15.678 --> 00:24:16.846
  • The fact that you can realize like, and that cry,
  • 00:24:16.846 --> 00:24:19.015
  • This isn't working, he's like, great, you see it too, you know,
  • 00:24:19.015 --> 00:24:23.352
  • There's something we can do and, and you know, there's--
  • 00:24:23.352 --> 00:24:26.923
  • Especially in the conflict part i remember there was the
  • 00:24:26.923 --> 00:24:29.258
  • Scripture that was used and i didn't understand it of don't
  • 00:24:29.258 --> 00:24:32.995
  • Let the sun go down on your anger.
  • 00:24:32.995 --> 00:24:35.131
  • Y'all.
  • 00:24:35.431 --> 00:24:36.232
  • Ok, i did not.
  • 00:24:36.666 --> 00:24:38.034
  • - don't be--
  • 00:24:38.034 --> 00:24:39.268
  • We could have, nothing, i mean, when you start moving from
  • 00:24:39.368 --> 00:24:43.272
  • 11 p.m. to 12 a.m. to 10 a.m.
  • 00:24:43.272 --> 00:24:46.709
  • And you're like, we can't let the sun go down on our anger,
  • 00:24:46.709 --> 00:24:49.712
  • You're like, there's no better version of me that's showing up
  • 00:24:49.712 --> 00:24:52.915
  • With lack of sleep.
  • 00:24:52.915 --> 00:24:54.717
  • I'm, i'm just being honest, like, you know, and,
  • 00:24:54.717 --> 00:24:56.752
  • And misunderstanding this to go, do you know what i mean?
  • 00:24:56.752 --> 00:25:00.389
  • I don't know.
  • 00:25:00.389 --> 00:25:01.123
  • Maybe you guys didn't know.
  • 00:25:01.123 --> 00:25:02.158
  • I thought we could not go to bed fighting.
  • 00:25:02.158 --> 00:25:04.427
  • - wake up!
  • 00:25:04.427 --> 00:25:05.394
  • - and when he's like, we're fighting.
  • 00:25:05.394 --> 00:25:07.430
  • And he's like, surely there's a better version of us in the
  • 00:25:07.430 --> 00:25:09.599
  • Morning.
  • 00:25:09.599 --> 00:25:10.900
  • I was like, that's not what that scripture says, you know.
  • 00:25:10.900 --> 00:25:12.468
  • And so if we were fighting, you know, both of us would say like,
  • 00:25:12.468 --> 00:25:15.972
  • I love you, you're safe.
  • 00:25:15.972 --> 00:25:18.507
  • And i promise we're gonna work it out and we would set a time
  • 00:25:18.507 --> 00:25:21.110
  • When we were gonna do it the next day because to be honest,
  • 00:25:21.110 --> 00:25:23.913
  • The longer it got, it was not, it just, it,
  • 00:25:23.913 --> 00:25:27.450
  • It just wasn't working.
  • 00:25:27.450 --> 00:25:28.951
  • And then you're tired and then you're,
  • 00:25:28.951 --> 00:25:30.786
  • You're trying to go back around and you don't feel heard,
  • 00:25:30.786 --> 00:25:33.155
  • You don't, you know, and so like that for me was just,
  • 00:25:33.155 --> 00:25:36.025
  • Just some things to understand.
  • 00:25:36.025 --> 00:25:37.727
  • It's like not to weaponize scripture, you know,
  • 00:25:37.727 --> 00:25:40.563
  • Or to feel like, god, like how do i do this?
  • 00:25:40.563 --> 00:25:42.865
  • Um, it's like, hey, this isn't happening right now.
  • 00:25:42.865 --> 00:25:45.468
  • Let's just put a pause button on it.
  • 00:25:45.468 --> 00:25:47.036
  • Sometimes we're like, it has to be resolved right now and it may
  • 00:25:47.036 --> 00:25:50.473
  • Not even have to do with the sun.
  • 00:25:50.473 --> 00:25:51.841
  • Maybe i just want it to happen right now.
  • 00:25:51.841 --> 00:25:54.143
  • What would happen if i just said, you know what,
  • 00:25:54.143 --> 00:25:56.379
  • We're not seeing eye to eye on this.
  • 00:25:56.379 --> 00:25:58.047
  • Can we call a timeout and just come back to this?
  • 00:25:58.047 --> 00:26:00.850
  • Let's set the time because sometimes the, you know,
  • 00:26:00.850 --> 00:26:03.052
  • Your fear is you won't address it.
  • 00:26:03.052 --> 00:26:04.620
  • It's like let's set, let's talk about this then and you find
  • 00:26:04.620 --> 00:26:08.057
  • Yourself being able to be--
  • 00:26:08.057 --> 00:26:09.525
  • To come to the conversation different so that so that i can
  • 00:26:09.525 --> 00:26:13.462
  • Go get, you know, get some time--
  • 00:26:13.462 --> 00:26:15.731
  • - well, you're in your wise mind.
  • 00:26:15.731 --> 00:26:16.866
  • You're in your wise mind, not in your amygdala,
  • 00:26:16.866 --> 00:26:18.534
  • Which is fight, fight, you know, or fight or fight or fight or
  • 00:26:18.534 --> 00:26:21.771
  • Freeze, you know-- - mine's always fight.
  • 00:26:21.771 --> 00:26:23.939
  • It's always i'm middle eastern, so i mean,
  • 00:26:23.939 --> 00:26:25.775
  • I don't know that there's another way to do it.
  • 00:26:25.775 --> 00:26:27.777
  • And so, you know, and then i'm chasing flight.
  • 00:26:27.777 --> 00:26:30.680
  • - come back.
  • 00:26:31.080 --> 00:26:31.747
  • You can come here.
  • 00:26:31.747 --> 00:26:32.548
  • You can do this.
  • 00:26:32.548 --> 00:26:33.315
  • We need to fight, right?
  • 00:26:33.315 --> 00:26:34.550
  • It's not fun to fight.
  • 00:26:34.550 --> 00:26:35.818
  • - i think one important thing too is don't fight in your
  • 00:26:35.818 --> 00:26:38.087
  • Bedroom.
  • 00:26:38.087 --> 00:26:39.455
  • If you're fighting, if you're arguing,
  • 00:26:39.555 --> 00:26:41.590
  • Take it out of your bedroom.
  • 00:26:41.590 --> 00:26:43.125
  • - that's good.
  • 00:26:43.125 --> 00:26:44.326
  • - we've even started to say that there were certain
  • 00:26:44.326 --> 00:26:46.228
  • Conversations like the threshold of our bedroom like--
  • 00:26:46.228 --> 00:26:49.465
  • We're not gonna even keep talking about like even just
  • 00:26:49.465 --> 00:26:52.435
  • Work stuff or just protecting it.
  • 00:26:52.435 --> 00:26:54.704
  • The same thought of like, we would just be talking about the
  • 00:26:54.704 --> 00:26:58.240
  • Kids or the, you know, it's like, hey, you know,
  • 00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:00.976
  • Like i remember one time i even like he walked through the door
  • 00:27:00.976 --> 00:27:03.979
  • And i pulled him back out.
  • 00:27:03.979 --> 00:27:05.281
  • Oh yeah, there was one more thing i wanted to say about go
  • 00:27:05.281 --> 00:27:06.382
  • In there, you know, go go there.
  • 00:27:07.083 --> 00:27:08.684
  • I gotta, you know, because we were, it was,
  • 00:27:08.684 --> 00:27:10.586
  • It was dividing us.
  • 00:27:10.586 --> 00:27:12.088
  • It was working against our intimacy and then you wonder
  • 00:27:12.088 --> 00:27:15.658
  • Why, you know, why don't we feel connected.
  • 00:27:15.658 --> 00:27:18.160
  • - you see those cute little reels of people getting down on
  • 00:27:18.260 --> 00:27:20.996
  • The ground and having to face each other and they're laying
  • 00:27:20.996 --> 00:27:23.899
  • Flat looking at each other close and they say you can't fight
  • 00:27:23.899 --> 00:27:27.002
  • Like that, you know, and things get funny so i think humor in
  • 00:27:27.002 --> 00:27:30.539
  • Marriage is the best thing.
  • 00:27:30.539 --> 00:27:32.608
  • My husband does not like to fight,
  • 00:27:32.608 --> 00:27:34.276
  • So anytime i get riled up he makes a joke of it and
  • 00:27:34.276 --> 00:27:37.646
  • Then start laughing and that is such a that is such a gift that
  • 00:27:37.646 --> 00:27:42.118
  • You can laugh things off and the older and that's old love too
  • 00:27:42.118 --> 00:27:46.322
  • That that's something hopefully people can have in their
  • 00:27:46.322 --> 00:27:50.059
  • Marriage earlier is to laugh about it and then the older you
  • 00:27:50.059 --> 00:27:53.162
  • Get you forget what you were fighting about so
  • 00:27:53.162 --> 00:27:55.798
  • That's good.
  • 00:27:55.798 --> 00:27:57.533
  • The bible says that a quiet answer, slow to speak.
  • 00:27:58.634 --> 00:28:02.972
  • Quick to hear and i know sometimes that is so difficult
  • 00:28:03.072 --> 00:28:07.209
  • Because sometimes there's a lot i want to say.
  • 00:28:07.209 --> 00:28:10.513
  • And, and i feel like it needs to be said and it needs to be said
  • 00:28:10.513 --> 00:28:13.649
  • Now and this is the time, but sometimes it's not just take a
  • 00:28:13.649 --> 00:28:17.453
  • Break for a minute, say can we just talk about this later for a
  • 00:28:17.453 --> 00:28:20.556
  • Minute?
  • 00:28:20.556 --> 00:28:21.557
  • Let me get my head together, take a walk,
  • 00:28:21.557 --> 00:28:23.259
  • Do something that gets you out in fresh air and just ask god
  • 00:28:23.259 --> 00:28:28.464
  • For his help.
  • 00:28:28.464 --> 00:28:29.832
  • Ask god for his peace if you keep your mind stayed on him,
  • 00:28:29.832 --> 00:28:32.902
  • He's gonna give you an overwhelming peace give me the
  • 00:28:32.902 --> 00:28:35.905
  • Words to say help get me out of this mess.
  • 00:28:35.905 --> 00:28:39.074
  • I have prayed so many times for that god,
  • 00:28:39.074 --> 00:28:41.677
  • Get me out of this one just let me get through this little
  • 00:28:41.677 --> 00:28:45.447
  • Argument and you know the fun of it is making up always
  • 00:28:45.447 --> 00:28:50.052
  • Anyway but through those trials through those things that drive
  • 00:28:50.052 --> 00:28:54.924
  • Us to crazy.
  • 00:28:54.924 --> 00:28:56.959
  • Then, then you get to make up and you grow through so much of
  • 00:28:56.959 --> 00:29:01.397
  • That and so i encourage you to let it help you grow, help,
  • 00:29:01.397 --> 00:29:06.368
  • Help it let you know your spouse better, uh,
  • 00:29:06.368 --> 00:29:10.339
  • And mature you on the inside to where those little petty things
  • 00:29:10.339 --> 00:29:14.910
  • Don't happen anymore.
  • 00:29:14.910 --> 00:29:17.112
  • - i think it for me one of the hardest things was i grew up
  • 00:29:17.213 --> 00:29:20.282
  • With no concept of resolving conflict.
  • 00:29:20.282 --> 00:29:23.619
  • You know, even after my dad's death by suicide,
  • 00:29:23.719 --> 00:29:26.422
  • We never mentioned it again.
  • 00:29:26.422 --> 00:29:28.257
  • We went on as if nothing had happened.
  • 00:29:28.357 --> 00:29:31.060
  • We moved towns, we moved churches, um,
  • 00:29:31.160 --> 00:29:34.363
  • Dad was buried in an unmarked grave,
  • 00:29:34.363 --> 00:29:35.898
  • We went on like everything was fine.
  • 00:29:35.898 --> 00:29:37.633
  • I never had any con i mean i didn't know how to.
  • 00:29:37.633 --> 00:29:41.637
  • My sister pulled into herself and i became the one that was
  • 00:29:41.737 --> 00:29:44.974
  • Checking on everybody in the family because i felt it was my
  • 00:29:44.974 --> 00:29:47.142
  • Responsibility to make sure everybody was fine.
  • 00:29:47.142 --> 00:29:49.411
  • My brother was too little to remember.
  • 00:29:49.411 --> 00:29:51.814
  • So when, when barry and i got married, i had so few
  • 00:29:51.814 --> 00:29:55.684
  • Skills of-- when you hit against something, there's a way
  • 00:29:55.684 --> 00:30:00.356
  • Through it.
  • 00:30:00.356 --> 00:30:01.657
  • To me it's like conflict means something terrible is gonna
  • 00:30:01.657 --> 00:30:04.727
  • Happen, that it's been learning.
  • 00:30:04.727 --> 00:30:07.329
  • I, i can tell in my life the difference between if i'm
  • 00:30:07.329 --> 00:30:10.499
  • Responding or reacting.
  • 00:30:10.499 --> 00:30:12.401
  • If i'm reacting, i need to take a step back because there's more
  • 00:30:12.401 --> 00:30:15.804
  • Going on here than just what seems to be.
  • 00:30:15.804 --> 00:30:18.007
  • But when i'm able to respond, that's a whole skill i've had to
  • 00:30:18.007 --> 00:30:21.410
  • Learn that because something is not working in the moment or
  • 00:30:21.410 --> 00:30:25.648
  • Because you disagree.
  • 00:30:25.648 --> 00:30:26.782
  • This is not a disaster.
  • 00:30:26.782 --> 00:30:28.584
  • This is an opportunity for growth.
  • 00:30:28.584 --> 00:30:30.686
  • What was the quote that somebody said?
  • 00:30:30.686 --> 00:30:32.288
  • I think it was-- - a conflict is growth waiting to happen.
  • 00:30:32.288 --> 00:30:34.890
  • - i love that.
  • 00:30:34.890 --> 00:30:36.892
  • Sometimes in relationships we're almost afraid to disagree or
  • 00:30:36.992 --> 00:30:39.628
  • Have an argument because we think,
  • 00:30:39.628 --> 00:30:40.963
  • Well if we have an argument, what if that is a deal breaker?
  • 00:30:40.963 --> 00:30:43.532
  • And honestly when barry and i were dating, it was, i mean,
  • 00:30:43.532 --> 00:30:46.502
  • We had two separate times where we did break up,
  • 00:30:46.502 --> 00:30:49.638
  • But they were both really, really important.
  • 00:30:49.638 --> 00:30:52.141
  • I've, i've learned to embrace the things i don't like as much
  • 00:30:52.141 --> 00:30:56.578
  • As i embrace the things i do like because god is teaching us
  • 00:30:56.578 --> 00:30:59.815
  • In everything, and so when you go through something and you
  • 00:30:59.815 --> 00:31:02.584
  • Think um this is really hard, but you're gonna have hard
  • 00:31:02.584 --> 00:31:06.221
  • Conversations in your marriage, so you want to know that you
  • 00:31:06.221 --> 00:31:08.991
  • Can, you can navigate that together and not be afraid,
  • 00:31:08.991 --> 00:31:12.394
  • And when you've got, the great thing is,
  • 00:31:12.394 --> 00:31:14.830
  • If you've got a husband and a wife who both love jesus,
  • 00:31:14.830 --> 00:31:17.433
  • You have that as your foundation stone,
  • 00:31:17.433 --> 00:31:20.402
  • And when that's your foundation stone, you have a solid landing.
  • 00:31:20.402 --> 00:31:24.540
  • - and i think that so many, it's just we are not taught how
  • 00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:26.976
  • To have healthy conflict at all.
  • 00:31:26.976 --> 00:31:29.178
  • And there are ways to do it well,
  • 00:31:29.178 --> 00:31:31.547
  • And i want to talk about that in a minute,
  • 00:31:31.547 --> 00:31:32.815
  • But there are also things that we need to avoid.
  • 00:31:32.815 --> 00:31:35.150
  • And sheila, it sounds like you just shut down in conflict,
  • 00:31:35.150 --> 00:31:38.387
  • Which is it's a coping skill, but it's,
  • 00:31:38.387 --> 00:31:41.290
  • It's not healthy.
  • 00:31:41.290 --> 00:31:42.825
  • It's not a healthy skill to move through it.
  • 00:31:42.825 --> 00:31:45.227
  • So there's actually 4 like killers of marriage related to
  • 00:31:45.227 --> 00:31:48.797
  • Conflict.
  • 00:31:48.797 --> 00:31:49.565
  • Do you guys want to hear them?
  • 00:31:49.565 --> 00:31:50.899
  • Because i think we, this is something i teach and i need to
  • 00:31:50.899 --> 00:31:54.136
  • Put into practice.
  • 00:31:54.136 --> 00:31:55.504
  • But the first one, john gottman talks about the 4 horsemen of
  • 00:31:55.504 --> 00:31:58.040
  • The apocalypse, and these will destroy marriages.
  • 00:31:58.040 --> 00:32:00.642
  • Number 1 is criticism.
  • 00:32:00.642 --> 00:32:01.944
  • So whenever you have a harsh startup,
  • 00:32:01.944 --> 00:32:04.346
  • When you come out your spouse.
  • 00:32:04.346 --> 00:32:06.715
  • It will basically 96% predictability that it will not
  • 00:32:06.815 --> 00:32:11.754
  • Go well.
  • 00:32:11.754 --> 00:32:13.188
  • And if you consistently start with criticism,
  • 00:32:13.288 --> 00:32:15.190
  • 7 years down the road, it's pretty much inevitable that
  • 00:32:15.190 --> 00:32:19.128
  • Things will not be good in a marriage.
  • 00:32:19.128 --> 00:32:21.363
  • In fact, they'll often be split up.
  • 00:32:21.363 --> 00:32:22.731
  • So criticism, this is what it looks like, blaming, attacking,
  • 00:32:22.731 --> 00:32:25.434
  • Like, why do you always do this?
  • 00:32:25.434 --> 00:32:26.568
  • Or, you know, you always, you always come home late.
  • 00:32:26.568 --> 00:32:29.304
  • You, you always,
  • 00:32:29.304 --> 00:32:30.706
  • - don't say always and don't say never.
  • 00:32:30.706 --> 00:32:32.207
  • - always, right?
  • 00:32:32.207 --> 00:32:33.575
  • - yeah, exactly.
  • 00:32:34.009 --> 00:32:35.044
  • So that gentle startup is important.
  • 00:32:35.044 --> 00:32:37.312
  • Number 2 is contempt.
  • 00:32:37.312 --> 00:32:38.614
  • It's not mocking or sarcasm, especially when you're dealing
  • 00:32:38.614 --> 00:32:41.550
  • With men, right?
  • 00:32:41.550 --> 00:32:42.885
  • It's it's demeaning.
  • 00:32:42.885 --> 00:32:44.620
  • Yes, they want appreciation and all of us.
  • 00:32:44.620 --> 00:32:47.423
  • We want appreciation and respect.
  • 00:32:47.423 --> 00:32:48.791
  • Also defensiveness.
  • 00:32:48.791 --> 00:32:49.558
  • How many of you get defensive?
  • 00:32:49.558 --> 00:32:50.759
  • So if someone comes, you know, even healthy criticism,
  • 00:32:50.759 --> 00:32:54.029
  • We can make excuses or we flip.
  • 00:32:54.029 --> 00:32:56.298
  • We call that in our home, we call it the proverbial flip
  • 00:32:56.298 --> 00:32:59.168
  • Where someone comes to us and then we're like,
  • 00:32:59.168 --> 00:33:01.170
  • We make it their problem.
  • 00:33:01.170 --> 00:33:02.704
  • And the last one is shutting down stonewalling.
  • 00:33:02.704 --> 00:33:04.606
  • And so this is human nature.
  • 00:33:04.606 --> 00:33:06.675
  • So, but the word says be humble and gentle.
  • 00:33:06.675 --> 00:33:10.245
  • Ephesians 4, be patient with each other,
  • 00:33:10.245 --> 00:33:12.081
  • Making allowances for each other's faults because of your
  • 00:33:12.081 --> 00:33:15.617
  • Love.
  • 00:33:15.617 --> 00:33:16.885
  • Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the spirit
  • 00:33:16.885 --> 00:33:19.755
  • Binding yourselves together.
  • 00:33:19.755 --> 00:33:21.557
  • - yeah.
  • 00:33:21.557 --> 00:33:22.891
  • - but that one phrase, um, make allowances for each other's
  • 00:33:22.891 --> 00:33:26.595
  • Faults.
  • 00:33:26.595 --> 00:33:28.497
  • I was just thinking, i was like, what does that look like to make
  • 00:33:28.597 --> 00:33:31.100
  • Room to give space and containment for their faults--
  • 00:33:31.100 --> 00:33:36.371
  • - that is huge.
  • 00:33:36.371 --> 00:33:37.406
  • - like that it's safe to, to, to miss you.
  • 00:33:37.406 --> 00:33:40.142
  • Yeah, and you know that you can, we,
  • 00:33:40.142 --> 00:33:43.278
  • We would say that to our kids we wanted our home to be a safe
  • 00:33:43.278 --> 00:33:45.681
  • Place to fail because we wanted to be able to give them tools of
  • 00:33:45.681 --> 00:33:48.517
  • What to do with the, the failure,
  • 00:33:48.517 --> 00:33:50.619
  • But is it safe in our marriage to say, you know, to,
  • 00:33:50.619 --> 00:33:53.956
  • To have bad days and to say the wrong things and
  • 00:33:53.956 --> 00:33:58.160
  • To respond the wrong way.
  • 00:33:58.160 --> 00:33:59.528
  • - everybody does it, so it's like, why not?
  • 00:33:59.528 --> 00:34:02.764
  • We give space to our friends, we give space to our coworkers,
  • 00:34:02.764 --> 00:34:07.069
  • Our supervisors, they can say it and you're just ok,
  • 00:34:07.069 --> 00:34:10.205
  • You're back the next day, but yeah, you reset,
  • 00:34:10.205 --> 00:34:13.909
  • But when it comes to your home, you don't always do that.
  • 00:34:13.909 --> 00:34:17.479
  • Yeah, still offended.
  • 00:34:17.479 --> 00:34:18.614
  • There's, uh, like some w's that, you know,
  • 00:34:18.614 --> 00:34:21.550
  • One of the things we teach in our marriage ministry,
  • 00:34:21.550 --> 00:34:23.719
  • So we give way power.
  • 00:34:23.719 --> 00:34:25.954
  • I'll let you just, you know, have your way,
  • 00:34:25.954 --> 00:34:29.124
  • Go and do what you gotta do, but that weight power that w a i t
  • 00:34:29.124 --> 00:34:33.996
  • Is like where i really wait for you to grow up.
  • 00:34:33.996 --> 00:34:37.499
  • I allow you to have your experiences,
  • 00:34:37.499 --> 00:34:40.369
  • I allow you to have your moments.
  • 00:34:40.369 --> 00:34:42.137
  • Then the other weight, the w e i g h t, right?
  • 00:34:42.137 --> 00:34:45.474
  • Is that weight that's still giving you that honor and that
  • 00:34:45.474 --> 00:34:48.810
  • Respect where most people don't know how to do that while
  • 00:34:48.810 --> 00:34:51.780
  • Allowing you to have your way, you know,
  • 00:34:51.780 --> 00:34:54.516
  • And then of course the willpower god has given us the willpower
  • 00:34:54.516 --> 00:34:58.287
  • To do it, right?
  • 00:34:58.287 --> 00:34:59.655
  • We all have the capacity to love like god loves we all have that
  • 00:34:59.655 --> 00:35:04.393
  • Capacity but we just don't all tap into it and so when we
  • 00:35:04.393 --> 00:35:07.996
  • Start tapping into the counsel of god that's on the inside
  • 00:35:07.996 --> 00:35:12.134
  • Of us to, you know, pull out and present it to our spouses,
  • 00:35:12.134 --> 00:35:17.172
  • We can have the benefits that marriage will offer us,
  • 00:35:17.172 --> 00:35:20.676
  • But we don't all do it like we're supposed to because you
  • 00:35:20.676 --> 00:35:23.979
  • Have capacity.
  • 00:35:23.979 --> 00:35:25.380
  • - yes,
  • 00:35:25.380 --> 00:35:26.748
  • - i also think it's important and um this may be just for one
  • 00:35:26.748 --> 00:35:30.319
  • Person that's listening.
  • 00:35:30.319 --> 00:35:31.687
  • There are situations that we're not saying that you stay in when
  • 00:35:31.687 --> 00:35:36.692
  • There's abuse.
  • 00:35:36.692 --> 00:35:38.060
  • And, you know, like it's important to, you know, to,
  • 00:35:38.060 --> 00:35:41.363
  • To walk.
  • 00:35:41.363 --> 00:35:42.731
  • It doesn't, i'm not saying that there can't be counseling and
  • 00:35:42.731 --> 00:35:44.900
  • People, i haven't heard testimony of people working
  • 00:35:44.900 --> 00:35:46.835
  • Through it.
  • 00:35:46.835 --> 00:35:48.036
  • I'm just saying that when there's something physically
  • 00:35:48.036 --> 00:35:50.639
  • Going on, you know, it's like, do that,
  • 00:35:50.639 --> 00:35:52.708
  • You're gonna have to work it out in safe ways.
  • 00:35:52.708 --> 00:35:54.676
  • Um, to navigate that and so i was just, i was just thinking,
  • 00:35:54.676 --> 00:35:57.913
  • You know, there are, there are situations where someone's like,
  • 00:35:57.913 --> 00:36:00.249
  • Ok, well i'm supposed to wait this out and, you know--
  • 00:36:00.249 --> 00:36:02.818
  • - endure-- - and it takes a different environment to even to
  • 00:36:02.818 --> 00:36:05.654
  • Have the possibility to work them out.
  • 00:36:05.654 --> 00:36:08.090
  • And so--- and sometimes people are irregulated and
  • 00:36:08.090 --> 00:36:11.226
  • Emotionally not well and, and so you
  • 00:36:11.226 --> 00:36:13.729
  • Have to set boundaries for yourself like
  • 00:36:13.729 --> 00:36:16.064
  • What are you going to tolerate.
  • 00:36:16.064 --> 00:36:18.867
  • - let's talk about forgiveness.
  • 00:36:19.601 --> 00:36:20.902
  • Let's talk about what that looks like, you know, um, in a,
  • 00:36:20.902 --> 00:36:23.839
  • In a bigger space, um, we wanna continue to offer forgiveness
  • 00:36:23.839 --> 00:36:28.076
  • Because god continues to offer us forgiveness.
  • 00:36:28.076 --> 00:36:30.545
  • There's also this place that we step into um that i can forgive
  • 00:36:30.545 --> 00:36:34.983
  • Someone but i also need to recognize where i'm putting
  • 00:36:34.983 --> 00:36:37.686
  • Myself relationally and boundaries that occur in that
  • 00:36:37.686 --> 00:36:40.289
  • And so um let's say that somebody continues to cheat on
  • 00:36:40.289 --> 00:36:43.892
  • You let's say they continue to to be unfaithful what does that
  • 00:36:43.892 --> 00:36:47.396
  • Look like?
  • 00:36:47.396 --> 00:36:48.764
  • Um this is where you're gonna have to have a conversation and
  • 00:36:48.764 --> 00:36:51.667
  • It's not really centered around forgiveness because forgiveness
  • 00:36:51.667 --> 00:36:54.936
  • Is still required in that.
  • 00:36:54.936 --> 00:36:56.838
  • Because i don't want to keep my prayers from being heard from
  • 00:36:56.838 --> 00:36:59.675
  • The lord just because i don't wanna forgive.
  • 00:36:59.675 --> 00:37:01.476
  • I'm letting go of bringing justice to that situation so the
  • 00:37:01.476 --> 00:37:06.081
  • Still the same requirement that you know or really the
  • 00:37:06.081 --> 00:37:09.251
  • Opportunity that god gives us to forgive is available and and
  • 00:37:09.251 --> 00:37:13.255
  • It's what we want to walk in because it frees us instead of
  • 00:37:13.255 --> 00:37:16.058
  • Being tied to them now what i think the question behind that
  • 00:37:16.058 --> 00:37:18.927
  • Is is really am i supposed to stay in that relationship.
  • 00:37:18.927 --> 00:37:22.064
  • What does that look like and what are the boundaries
  • 00:37:22.064 --> 00:37:23.799
  • That come out?
  • 00:37:23.799 --> 00:37:25.167
  • I think that's a conversation that you know you can't write a
  • 00:37:25.167 --> 00:37:27.069
  • Prescription to say well then everybody who's who's spouse is
  • 00:37:27.069 --> 00:37:30.172
  • Struggling with cheating, you should just leave them well i
  • 00:37:30.172 --> 00:37:33.141
  • Think that's a conversation between you and your spouse is
  • 00:37:33.141 --> 00:37:35.410
  • Your spouse willing to go and get help?
  • 00:37:35.410 --> 00:37:37.579
  • Is your spouse willing to stop certain actions and behaviors
  • 00:37:37.579 --> 00:37:40.716
  • And situations that they're getting themselves in why this
  • 00:37:40.716 --> 00:37:43.552
  • Is repeating and you know why it repeately
  • 00:37:43.552 --> 00:37:45.954
  • Happened um i know of a marriage where um there was um there
  • 00:37:45.954 --> 00:37:50.759
  • There was cheating and god has redeemed that marriage and
  • 00:37:50.759 --> 00:37:53.495
  • They're still together today and i've known others that it
  • 00:37:53.495 --> 00:37:56.298
  • Couldn't work because the person wouldn't change their habits so
  • 00:37:56.298 --> 00:37:59.668
  • I do think it's important to not put one big script across how um
  • 00:37:59.668 --> 00:38:04.272
  • You know specifically things like cheating would occur but i
  • 00:38:04.272 --> 00:38:07.042
  • Do think that the bible's really clear that we're all called to
  • 00:38:07.042 --> 00:38:09.444
  • Forgive.
  • 00:38:09.444 --> 00:38:10.379
  • - let me just say from your better together community,
  • 00:38:11.546 --> 00:38:13.582
  • If you find yourself in a situation where you are being
  • 00:38:13.582 --> 00:38:16.852
  • Abused, that is not ok, and i want you to know there is help
  • 00:38:16.852 --> 00:38:21.156
  • Available.
  • 00:38:21.156 --> 00:38:22.424
  • There's a number you can call, it's the domestic violence
  • 00:38:22.424 --> 00:38:25.627
  • Hotline, it's 1-800-799-7233, or you can text start to 887-88.
  • 00:38:25.627 --> 00:38:36.738
  • Just know that we here at better together are praying for you.
  • 00:38:36.738 --> 00:38:40.442
  • - be the first to know all the latest better together updates.
  • 00:38:41.743 --> 00:38:44.813
  • Visit bettertogether.tv to sign up for our weekly emails and
  • 00:38:44.813 --> 00:38:49.217
  • Never miss the latest news.
  • 00:38:49.217 --> 00:38:53.000
  • Never miss the latest news.
  • 00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:55.390
  • - i do love this concept of, you know,
  • 00:38:56.258 --> 00:38:58.393
  • Changing ourselves and this idea of, in romans, it talks about,
  • 00:38:58.393 --> 00:39:03.165
  • It's the kindness of god that leads to repentance.
  • 00:39:03.165 --> 00:39:07.135
  • And i think i'm kind of getting it now.
  • 00:39:07.135 --> 00:39:09.471
  • - yeah.
  • 00:39:09.471 --> 00:39:10.472
  • - you know, i think it's, it's working.
  • 00:39:10.472 --> 00:39:12.307
  • We're in a great season in our marriage.
  • 00:39:12.307 --> 00:39:13.742
  • And i just, for the younger people that are entering
  • 00:39:13.742 --> 00:39:16.378
  • Marriage, and i work with a lot of young couples and a lot of
  • 00:39:16.378 --> 00:39:18.847
  • Married couples, and a lot of conflicted couples that i just,
  • 00:39:18.847 --> 00:39:22.717
  • I just want them to embrace the wisdom and that i've learned all
  • 00:39:22.717 --> 00:39:27.155
  • These years.
  • 00:39:27.155 --> 00:39:28.490
  • I mean, it took me way too long, and if they can start earlier.
  • 00:39:28.490 --> 00:39:30.192
  • Like save yourself so much drama and have more shalom now.
  • 00:39:30.292 --> 00:39:36.331
  • - you're never gonna fix anyone.
  • 00:39:36.331 --> 00:39:38.200
  • - no, you can't.
  • 00:39:38.200 --> 00:39:39.367
  • So do not get into a relationship at the beginning
  • 00:39:39.367 --> 00:39:43.371
  • If, if you think you have to be a savior, you are not a savior.
  • 00:39:43.371 --> 00:39:47.142
  • You are not called to save someone.
  • 00:39:47.142 --> 00:39:50.111
  • You're not called to, well, if we get together and we get
  • 00:39:50.111 --> 00:39:54.216
  • Married, i can fix him or i can train them.
  • 00:39:54.216 --> 00:39:57.018
  • If you're not there to train.
  • 00:39:57.018 --> 00:39:58.653
  • I know it.
  • 00:39:58.653 --> 00:39:59.788
  • And good luck.
  • 00:39:59.788 --> 00:40:01.289
  • - good luck.
  • 00:40:01.289 --> 00:40:02.123
  • - good luck, and listening to a
  • 00:40:02.123 --> 00:40:05.160
  • Wise counsel and listening to your parents.
  • 00:40:05.160 --> 00:40:08.763
  • - that's why i love these shows, you know,
  • 00:40:08.864 --> 00:40:10.866
  • Really if they would just take the principles that we all
  • 00:40:10.866 --> 00:40:14.569
  • Share, you know, every week on better together, they,
  • 00:40:14.569 --> 00:40:18.139
  • It will take the stress, the strain and the struggle out of
  • 00:40:18.139 --> 00:40:21.409
  • Their own lives they don't have to go through what we've gone
  • 00:40:21.409 --> 00:40:24.579
  • Through if we're telling them what we did,
  • 00:40:24.579 --> 00:40:26.915
  • It's like, ok, you hear the negative and you hear
  • 00:40:26.915 --> 00:40:29.851
  • The painful things and you've received that to identify with
  • 00:40:29.851 --> 00:40:33.488
  • It, but also take what we're saying so you can overcome in
  • 00:40:33.488 --> 00:40:37.425
  • Those moments where you don't have to wait 30 years to start
  • 00:40:37.425 --> 00:40:41.663
  • Having a blessed relationship.
  • 00:40:41.663 --> 00:40:43.565
  • - i think we need to realize that when you're married it's
  • 00:40:44.799 --> 00:40:47.168
  • Just not an overnight you're you're one you become one you
  • 00:40:47.168 --> 00:40:50.705
  • Become one that is a becoming one together i think the biggest
  • 00:40:50.705 --> 00:40:56.211
  • Lie that we've ever swallowed was that you have a soul mate
  • 00:40:56.211 --> 00:41:00.015
  • That you find and you're gonna find your soul mate and
  • 00:41:00.015 --> 00:41:03.818
  • Everything's just gonna be great you need to be great by yourself
  • 00:41:03.818 --> 00:41:07.856
  • You need to be great alone.
  • 00:41:07.856 --> 00:41:10.091
  • You need to be great with you and jesus and him being your
  • 00:41:10.091 --> 00:41:14.729
  • Everything and when you come together and the,
  • 00:41:14.729 --> 00:41:18.033
  • The two chords together, that 3, that third chord which is christ
  • 00:41:18.033 --> 00:41:22.037
  • Is not easily broken, and that is so important for a marriage
  • 00:41:22.037 --> 00:41:25.774
  • You waste time.
  • 00:41:25.774 --> 00:41:28.543
  • You waste energy.
  • 00:41:28.543 --> 00:41:30.812
  • You waste cells in your body, you waste so much
  • 00:41:30.812 --> 00:41:36.418
  • When you're arguing and you're fussing with
  • 00:41:36.418 --> 00:41:38.486
  • Each other, so i encourage you after being
  • 00:41:38.486 --> 00:41:41.022
  • Married for 40 years, i look back on the times of fighting
  • 00:41:41.022 --> 00:41:44.593
  • And just stupid arguments and stuff that you're never gonna
  • 00:41:44.593 --> 00:41:47.429
  • Remember.
  • 00:41:47.429 --> 00:41:48.463
  • You're not gonna remember those nasty days.
  • 00:41:48.463 --> 00:41:50.632
  • Don't waste time.
  • 00:41:50.632 --> 00:41:52.434
  • You guys have each other.
  • 00:41:52.434 --> 00:41:54.102
  • God's gift to each other.
  • 00:41:54.102 --> 00:41:55.971
  • You're becoming one.
  • 00:41:55.971 --> 00:41:57.439
  • Have grace for each other and do it well.
  • 00:41:57.439 --> 00:42:00.709
  • There was a movie called as good as it gets and i hated it.
  • 00:42:00.809 --> 00:42:04.779
  • I hated it because i thought people are settling for so much
  • 00:42:04.779 --> 00:42:09.517
  • Less than what god has for their lives you know they're dating an
  • 00:42:09.517 --> 00:42:13.421
  • Alcoholic you know he's an alcoholic or you know he's
  • 00:42:13.421 --> 00:42:16.825
  • Abusive and yet you're there you're staying and now you're
  • 00:42:16.825 --> 00:42:19.828
  • Gonna marry him because you think that's as good as it gets
  • 00:42:19.828 --> 00:42:23.198
  • It's not god has someone god has designed.
  • 00:42:23.198 --> 00:42:27.702
  • When i was 11 or 12, i started praying for my mate.
  • 00:42:27.802 --> 00:42:31.906
  • And i would go to bed.
  • 00:42:32.007 --> 00:42:33.908
  • I was a pastor's daughter, so i grew up in,
  • 00:42:33.908 --> 00:42:37.212
  • In faith and believing god for things, and i would never,
  • 00:42:37.212 --> 00:42:42.050
  • And i will say never.
  • 00:42:42.050 --> 00:42:44.486
  • Because even if i had fallen asleep somewhere when i got home
  • 00:42:44.586 --> 00:42:48.957
  • I would get in bed and if i didn't have time to pray in my
  • 00:42:48.957 --> 00:42:52.560
  • Usual little prayer i would always say god bless my mate
  • 00:42:52.560 --> 00:42:56.398
  • Tonight make him just for me bless him physically,
  • 00:42:56.398 --> 00:43:01.269
  • Financially, socially mentally and spiritually and make me for
  • 00:43:01.269 --> 00:43:03.938
  • Him.
  • 00:43:03.938 --> 00:43:05.240
  • And i'll never forget and i would pray that even if it was
  • 00:43:05.240 --> 00:43:08.777
  • Just out of waking, it was something god just did inside of
  • 00:43:08.777 --> 00:43:13.214
  • A little girl and i'll never forget back in 1995 we've been
  • 00:43:13.214 --> 00:43:18.153
  • Married for 10 years and we were at a service in a big convention
  • 00:43:18.153 --> 00:43:22.157
  • Didn't even know that the preacher knew that we were even
  • 00:43:22.157 --> 00:43:24.659
  • There.
  • 00:43:24.659 --> 00:43:26.027
  • And we were leaving it was over and this man came back on this
  • 00:43:26.027 --> 00:43:30.265
  • Platform and he goes, matt.
  • 00:43:30.265 --> 00:43:33.101
  • He said come down here and everyone stopped you know
  • 00:43:34.202 --> 00:43:37.172
  • Everyone kind of settled for a minute.
  • 00:43:37.172 --> 00:43:38.940
  • Matt comes running down there and this man started prophesying
  • 00:43:38.940 --> 00:43:41.976
  • Over matt.
  • 00:43:41.976 --> 00:43:43.278
  • And then he said laurie, he said get down here so i come down
  • 00:43:43.278 --> 00:43:48.116
  • Running from the bleachers and as i'm coming towards this this
  • 00:43:48.116 --> 00:43:51.820
  • Pastor, he looks at me and he goes.
  • 00:43:51.820 --> 00:43:54.489
  • God, god has created you just for him and it was that
  • 00:43:54.589 --> 00:44:00.662
  • Confirmation of something now when i married matt i thought,
  • 00:44:00.662 --> 00:44:03.798
  • You know, there were some of the things that god hadn't answered
  • 00:44:03.798 --> 00:44:07.936
  • For me.
  • 00:44:07.936 --> 00:44:09.137
  • There were some issues there were some things that not
  • 00:44:09.137 --> 00:44:11.306
  • Everything that i had just written down in my little
  • 00:44:11.306 --> 00:44:13.208
  • Notebook was manifested yet or maybe were
  • 00:44:13.208 --> 00:44:18.012
  • Taken off because that was already blown,
  • 00:44:18.012 --> 00:44:20.682
  • You know what i mean?
  • 00:44:20.682 --> 00:44:22.117
  • But in that moment i thought that's exactly what i prayed for
  • 00:44:22.117 --> 00:44:26.454
  • All of these years and now a man of god is prophesying that over
  • 00:44:26.454 --> 00:44:31.493
  • Me you you were created just for him and he was created just for
  • 00:44:31.493 --> 00:44:35.630
  • You and i know that god is faithful.
  • 00:44:35.630 --> 00:44:39.834
  • I just think that when we pray.
  • 00:44:39.834 --> 00:44:43.772
  • And ask god for help no matter what situation you're in you
  • 00:44:43.872 --> 00:44:49.010
  • Might be in the most dire need of god to do something in your
  • 00:44:49.010 --> 00:44:54.315
  • Marriage you might be at the end of your rope your husband's off
  • 00:44:54.315 --> 00:44:59.687
  • And gone maybe god has you covered.
  • 00:44:59.687 --> 00:45:03.858
  • And and god will help you he says you call on me and i'll
  • 00:45:03.858 --> 00:45:07.295
  • Answer you and i'll show you great and mighty things that's a
  • 00:45:07.295 --> 00:45:10.365
  • Promise from god that i am covered by god and god will
  • 00:45:10.365 --> 00:45:14.702
  • Keep me in his hands.
  • 00:45:14.702 --> 00:45:17.539
  • God will protect me in his hands and so maybe it is
  • 00:45:17.539 --> 00:45:22.010
  • Something that you need to get out of when it comes down to but
  • 00:45:22.010 --> 00:45:25.480
  • God is a healer and he is a restorer of time and a restorer
  • 00:45:25.480 --> 00:45:30.885
  • Of broken hearts and i know that he can do miraculous things in
  • 00:45:30.885 --> 00:45:36.891
  • Marriage and if we stand and believe stay committed,
  • 00:45:36.891 --> 00:45:42.730
  • Stay consecrated to god be committed to god's will in your
  • 00:45:42.831 --> 00:45:47.969
  • Life it's so much better than our own will is to say god your
  • 00:45:47.969 --> 00:45:51.539
  • Will be done, your will be done your your will be done that's
  • 00:45:51.539 --> 00:45:56.077
  • Healing that's wholeness, that's peace that's joy thy kingdom
  • 00:45:56.077 --> 00:46:00.882
  • Come thy will be done you know and so we believe god for
  • 00:46:00.882 --> 00:46:05.587
  • Marriages-- yes we do.
  • 00:46:05.587 --> 00:46:07.522
  • - we believe that god can put marriages
  • 00:46:07.522 --> 00:46:09.257
  • Back together and god can heal broken
  • 00:46:09.257 --> 00:46:12.193
  • Hearts and so i don't want anybody to feel hopeless.
  • 00:46:12.193 --> 00:46:15.797
  • There is hope in god for your marriages and for your
  • 00:46:15.797 --> 00:46:20.001
  • Relationships.
  • 00:46:20.001 --> 00:46:21.236
  • You have to do your thing.
  • 00:46:21.236 --> 00:46:23.271
  • You have to do what you can do.
  • 00:46:23.271 --> 00:46:25.340
  • That means to be wise, to get wise counsel,
  • 00:46:25.340 --> 00:46:28.543
  • And to obey god and don't get yourself in a mess.
  • 00:46:28.543 --> 00:46:33.114
  • We're the ones that get us in a mess.
  • 00:46:33.214 --> 00:46:35.250
  • - oh i agree.
  • 00:46:35.250 --> 00:46:36.251
  • I got myself in a lot of messes.
  • 00:46:36.251 --> 00:46:37.919
  • - yeah, and so i just think that's just really important,
  • 00:46:37.919 --> 00:46:40.889
  • But pray god's there to help us.
  • 00:46:40.889 --> 00:46:43.091
  • He's not there to say, ok, we'll see how you're gonna,
  • 00:46:43.091 --> 00:46:45.727
  • You got yourself into this, you're on your own.
  • 00:46:45.727 --> 00:46:49.197
  • No, we are not.
  • 00:46:49.197 --> 00:46:50.531
  • - but starting with what you can control, absolutely it's like,
  • 00:46:50.531 --> 00:46:53.635
  • Hey, this is what i can work on like this is where i'm at,
  • 00:46:53.635 --> 00:46:56.337
  • This is where i can-- - mix my heart.
  • 00:46:56.337 --> 00:46:58.840
  • - i can fix my heart.
  • 00:46:58.840 --> 00:46:59.741
  • I can, um, i can serve.
  • 00:46:59.741 --> 00:47:01.743
  • I can, i can pray.
  • 00:47:01.743 --> 00:47:03.244
  • Some of it i've even found have just been simple, um, you know,
  • 00:47:03.244 --> 00:47:07.615
  • Not in the heated moment of the conflict,
  • 00:47:07.615 --> 00:47:09.484
  • But being able to go back and have a conversation and say,
  • 00:47:09.484 --> 00:47:12.086
  • Hey, this is what i needed in that moment like what did you
  • 00:47:12.086 --> 00:47:15.556
  • Need?
  • 00:47:15.556 --> 00:47:16.925
  • Because they don't know and i think especially in those early
  • 00:47:16.925 --> 00:47:20.261
  • Years i thought that they we're just supposed,
  • 00:47:20.261 --> 00:47:22.864
  • I thought kenneth was just supposed to
  • 00:47:22.864 --> 00:47:24.666
  • Know, like he was supposed to be able to, you know--
  • 00:47:24.666 --> 00:47:26.868
  • - read your mind.
  • 00:47:26.868 --> 00:47:27.435
  • - exactly.
  • 00:47:27.435 --> 00:47:28.670
  • There's something about that that it's just like, well,
  • 00:47:28.670 --> 00:47:30.571
  • Why would i, you know, and, and i remember we would be in
  • 00:47:30.571 --> 00:47:33.241
  • Conversations and kenneth would be like, why would i know that?
  • 00:47:33.241 --> 00:47:35.677
  • I'm like, i don't know.
  • 00:47:35.677 --> 00:47:38.046
  • It's supposed to, if you love me, you would know,
  • 00:47:38.046 --> 00:47:41.382
  • You would know.
  • 00:47:41.382 --> 00:47:42.350
  • And it's like, that's just a lie.
  • 00:47:42.350 --> 00:47:44.652
  • Like there's just, yeah.
  • 00:47:44.652 --> 00:47:45.853
  • There's just some simple-- - let the brother out.
  • 00:47:45.853 --> 00:47:47.822
  • - yeah, yeah, exactly.
  • 00:47:47.822 --> 00:47:49.257
  • Just some simple communication can really help, you know, and,
  • 00:47:49.257 --> 00:47:53.528
  • And if you're willing to learn from, you know,
  • 00:47:53.528 --> 00:47:56.030
  • The last fight is the best, you know, um, test case, you know,
  • 00:47:56.030 --> 00:47:59.968
  • Case study to look at and be able to go, hey, what, what,
  • 00:47:59.968 --> 00:48:02.537
  • What happened there?
  • 00:48:02.537 --> 00:48:03.671
  • - what do we learn?
  • 00:48:03.671 --> 00:48:04.906
  • - what can we do?
  • 00:48:04.906 --> 00:48:06.107
  • - how can we get better at this?
  • 00:48:06.107 --> 00:48:07.775
  • Um, because i think, you know, the
  • 00:48:07.775 --> 00:48:10.011
  • Realities are that both of us need to, um, but if,
  • 00:48:10.011 --> 00:48:14.849
  • If you're not in a situation that that's not a conversation
  • 00:48:14.849 --> 00:48:17.819
  • That's happening, there is so much you can still do.
  • 00:48:17.819 --> 00:48:20.888
  • There's so much that you can do in your own heart.
  • 00:48:20.888 --> 00:48:23.791
  • What am i needing in this moment?
  • 00:48:23.791 --> 00:48:25.727
  • What am, you know, what am i asking something in my spouse
  • 00:48:25.727 --> 00:48:28.529
  • That only god can fill all those spaces.
  • 00:48:28.529 --> 00:48:31.032
  • - and i think it's a lot to do with people you hang out with.
  • 00:48:31.032 --> 00:48:34.035
  • - yeah, that's true.
  • 00:48:34.569 --> 00:48:35.570
  • - if you're hanging out with people that
  • 00:48:35.570 --> 00:48:36.771
  • Don't get along in their marriage and stuff that can wear
  • 00:48:36.771 --> 00:48:38.773
  • You out people going through divorces,
  • 00:48:38.773 --> 00:48:41.009
  • People going through stuff you can do so much,
  • 00:48:41.009 --> 00:48:44.212
  • But then i remember there's times that i've looked at men
  • 00:48:44.212 --> 00:48:46.647
  • And said we can't do this.
  • 00:48:46.647 --> 00:48:48.249
  • We can't do this anymore.
  • 00:48:48.249 --> 00:48:49.984
  • We've got to step back from this.
  • 00:48:49.984 --> 00:48:51.552
  • God has them.
  • 00:48:51.552 --> 00:48:53.087
  • We have to take care of ourselves.
  • 00:48:53.087 --> 00:48:54.889
  • We gotta, you know, and, and to be around people that are
  • 00:48:54.889 --> 00:48:58.826
  • Fighting all the time and, and the chit chat and the my
  • 00:48:58.826 --> 00:49:04.065
  • Husband's this, my husband's that, just stop.
  • 00:49:04.065 --> 00:49:07.602
  • - so i think this is a great way to conclude is is one is
  • 00:49:07.702 --> 00:49:11.039
  • Conflict can be growth waiting to happen if we embrace it.
  • 00:49:11.039 --> 00:49:14.842
  • And so we've got to fight for our marriages,
  • 00:49:14.842 --> 00:49:16.978
  • Pray for our marriages, and we're going to pray for your
  • 00:49:16.978 --> 00:49:19.680
  • Marriages as we think about all that are watching today,
  • 00:49:19.680 --> 00:49:22.717
  • That whatever you're going through, uh,
  • 00:49:22.717 --> 00:49:24.652
  • We're going to stand in the gap.
  • 00:49:24.652 --> 00:49:25.987
  • We're going to pray together and declare that god has a better,
  • 00:49:25.987 --> 00:49:30.691
  • Better future and that he's doing something
  • 00:49:30.691 --> 00:49:32.693
  • You know what the enemy meant for evil?
  • 00:49:32.693 --> 00:49:34.429
  • God wants to use for our good.
  • 00:49:34.429 --> 00:49:36.664
  • So let's pray.
  • 00:49:36.664 --> 00:49:38.299
  • Lord, we thank you so much for this time, lord, and we embrace,
  • 00:49:38.399 --> 00:49:41.803
  • Um, your way, the scriptures, lord,
  • 00:49:41.803 --> 00:49:44.439
  • We thank you for your wisdom as we navigate hard things.
  • 00:49:44.439 --> 00:49:47.308
  • And lord, i pray for every marriage of every viewer
  • 00:49:47.308 --> 00:49:50.478
  • Watching, lord, that you would, um, intervene today,
  • 00:49:50.478 --> 00:49:53.781
  • That your will would be done and your halo would fall upon
  • 00:49:53.781 --> 00:49:56.584
  • On those households.
  • 00:49:56.584 --> 00:49:57.952
  • But lord, i also pray that you would change us from the inside
  • 00:49:57.952 --> 00:50:00.321
  • Out.
  • 00:50:00.321 --> 00:50:01.656
  • Lord, give us courage, give us the ability to be vulnerable,
  • 00:50:01.656 --> 00:50:03.991
  • To be courageous, to have the conversations in a way that
  • 00:50:03.991 --> 00:50:07.762
  • Honors you.
  • 00:50:07.762 --> 00:50:09.163
  • And lord, help us to be faithful in situations, lord,
  • 00:50:09.163 --> 00:50:12.700
  • That we may be able to be your light
  • 00:50:12.700 --> 00:50:15.703
  • And your love to even our spouse.
  • 00:50:15.703 --> 00:50:17.972
  • Lord, that there would be the goodness of god here and now in
  • 00:50:17.972 --> 00:50:20.975
  • Our homes.
  • 00:50:20.975 --> 00:50:22.210
  • So we bless everyone today and we thank you, god,
  • 00:50:22.210 --> 00:50:25.613
  • That you are the god who heals and restores in jesus' name.
  • 00:50:25.613 --> 00:50:29.817
  • Amen.
  • 00:50:29.817 --> 00:50:32.854
  • - connect with us on social media and let us know how our
  • 00:50:34.088 --> 00:50:36.390
  • Team can pray for you.
  • 00:50:36.390 --> 00:50:39.260
  • - stream full episodes of better together on demand.
  • 00:50:40.361 --> 00:50:43.865
  • - go to bettertogether.tv to stream all of our latest
  • 00:50:43.865 --> 00:50:47.201
  • Conversations.
  • 00:50:47.201 --> 00:50:47.201