Better Together

The Value of Loyalty - Episode 1093

September 10, 2025 | S7 E1093 | 52:34

Who are the safe people you turn to when you fall? Do we have the integrity to be a loyal friend when life's challenges strike? Loving and honoring our community well begins with allowing God to transform our hearts to see others through His eyes. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

#GodlyWoman #Women #Honor #Loyalty #Community #Bullying #Loneliness #Betrayal #Loss #Restoration #Redemption #Comfort #Gossip #Relationships #PersonalStory #Brokenness #Seed #Disciples

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Better Together | The Value of Loyalty - Episode 1093 | September 10, 2025

Loyalty and trust are the
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Foundations of healthy community.
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Investing in relationships is always worth the risk.
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Come on, let's talk about it.
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♪♪
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Today, what we're going to look at is the value of loyalty.
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And i learned such a huge, huge lesson, um, at a place that was
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Very difficult for me because i kind of relate to what you
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Said, toni, about i was always a kind of person
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That if you needed help, i'm there.
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If i can do something for you, i'm there.
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Like when i worked at the 700 club, people knew that my
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Office was a place,
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No matter what's going on in your life, you can come in.
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We can get down on knees and you can tell me anything, and
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We will bring it before the throne of mercy.
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Yeah. but i found that very hard to ask anybody else to
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Help me, because i just felt like it was part of the deal i
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Made with god when i became a christian. because my own
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Father, who was violent before he died from suicide, in my
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Mind, i have okay, i had the love of a father.
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Now my father hates me. i projected that onto god.
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I thought, you know, it's possible to love someone
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And then lose it.
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So when i became a christian at 11, i remember my mom saying,
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Sheila, not only is jesus your savior and your lord, but you
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Know you have a heavenly father watching over you.
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And i remember very consciously 11 thinking, okay, i've got one
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More chance, one more chance to get it right.
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Whatever my earthly dad saw, my heavenly father's
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Never going to see.
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So it was a very transactional relationship.
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I'll get it right.
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I'll do everything right.
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And then you won't stop loving me.
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And then fast forward.
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I'm almost 34 and have never, ever, ever dealt with what
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Happened back when i was five years old.
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Because in scotland you just didn't talk about things back
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Then, and particularly anything to do with mental illness.
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Like the fact that my dad, um, took his life in a psych
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Hospital, which was called back then, our local lunatic asylum.
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It was just this huge stigma, so we didn't talk about it.
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We went on as if nothing much had happened and i thought, i
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Can do that.
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I'll just shove it all down and i'll keep being really busy for
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God until i get home, and then i can relax.
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I didn't expect to ever be happy on this earth, but if you
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Needed me, you can call me in the middle of the night and i
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Will be there.
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Well, suddenly one day, in god's mercy, he took a brick
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Out the wall and i literally fell apart.
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I mean, i was actually on live television that day and
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Couldn't stop crying.
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I was just
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Out of control, which was so uncomfortable for me.
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And eventually our director threw to a commercial break,
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And i left the studio and
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Locked myself in my dressing room.
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And i remember thinking, well, that's it, it's all over the
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Deal i made with you, god, where i'll keep going and i'll
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Keep going, and i'll keep
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Running and i'll keep pressing on,
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I just fell down, so i'm done.
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And i remember phoning henry cloud, who's a really sweet
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Friend of mine, and i said, i think i'm losing my mind.
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And he said, no, but you need some help, sheila, and you
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Need it quickly.
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So by that evening, i'm in the locked ward of a psychiatric
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Hospital about the same age as my dad.
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And at that point, i was managed by someone, you know.
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I was a contemporary christian artist
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When i first came to america, who felt like i had
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Really betrayed them.
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And so put out this story throughout the whole christian
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World that i was a pathological liar, that my father didn't die
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By suicide, i made everything up.
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It was-- and i wasn't--
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You know, sometimes in life you don't have the energy to speak
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Up for yourself.
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You just don't have the strength to say, that's not
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True, or you're just so broken that i just let him set the
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World on fire and watched it all.
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I mean, all my records were
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Pulled out of every christian bookstore.
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I mean, everything was just--
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Taken. you're done.
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And i end up in a psych hospital.
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And i remember--
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Have you ever girls prayed a prayer that in retrospect,
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You're so grateful god didn't answer?
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Yes. yeah. yeah.
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I mean, i literally i remember that first night praying,
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God, i know this is a lot to ask, but if there's any way you
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Could just take me home, i'd be
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So grateful because i can't do this.
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I've tried. you've seen.
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I've really tried.
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I can't do this anymore.
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So if you could just take me home.
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And instead of that, he-- that's why i love the--
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Earlier this week we talked about psalm 34,
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The lord is close to the brokenhearted.
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I wrote in the back of my bible, i never knew you lived
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So close to the floor.
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So everything's a disaster.
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And i have this one friend named steve lorenz, and he's in
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Nashville, and he'd always been involved with my music career,
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And he called me and i didn't bother answering any of his
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Calls, so he wrote, because i'm in the hospital for a month.
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He wrote to me and i didn't even read his letters because
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I'm beyond help.
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There's no helping me and i'm just done.
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So eventually i'm released from the hospital, and i go back
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To my little apartment.
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There's a knock on the door, and i open the door, and he's
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Standing there and i'm like, why are you here?
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And he said, because you need me.
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Um, he and his wife determined that--
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He said, here's what we saw.
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We saw you falling off a ship into the ocean.
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And for weeks we have thrown you life jackets.
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We've thrown you all sorts of things, and you haven't picked
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Up one of them.
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So we decided to jump in with you, and we're going to hold on
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To you until you're strong enough to hold on.
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And i mean until the day i see jesus, i'll be so grateful for
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A friend who went beyond my i don't need you,
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I don't need any of you, i'm done,
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I'm dead to say, no, no, no.
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You know, if you can't swim, that's okay.
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Because i'm strong enough right now to swim for both of us.
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Yep. and walked me through this whole process of coming to a
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Place where, we realized i went to seminary at 19 to write down
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Everything that i needed to do to make sure god would wouldn't
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Stop loving me.
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Any verse that said anything i could do,
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I wrote it down and actually ended up going back to seminary
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To learn everything that jesus said,
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Done. done.
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I've done it, i've done it.
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I know what it's like to be afraid, to be vulnerable.
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I used to think that's not what people wanted from me.
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I wanted to be this perfect christian.
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I wanted because i thought, i have to show what it looks like
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When you trust god all the time.
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I didn't realize that my brokenness would actually be a
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Far greater bridge to other people than my pretend
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Wholeness ever was.
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See, i used to pursue perfection, and honestly, it
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Nearly killed me. but then i learned that i get
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To pursue jesus, who is perfect.
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And i don't have to be
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That kind of friend who hears behind what you're not saying
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Or what you're saying.
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You know, looks at you when you're saying, i don't need
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You, or i'm not going to answer and says, you know what?
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No, that's not true.
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We're friends. we're family.
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And and i'm going to be there.
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It changed me.
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And it made me realize that when somebody is in pain,
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They're not going to know how to respond.
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So like years down the line, my darling friend buried her
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Second child and didn't want any of us.
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I just showed up and i would sit in her baby's room with
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Her, and we would weep together for an hour.
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Didn't say a word because it was like, you know what?
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There's times when all you can do is say you're not alone.
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And even if i'm not going to say you're not alone, i'm just
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Going to sit here beside you so you know you're not alone.
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And when i think of the proverbs 31 woman, i think of
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Both of those women.
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I think of one who flies in and stands at your door and knocks
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On the door and says, you know, threw you this life jacket
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And you wouldn't take it.
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So i'm coming in and i'm holding on to you to then
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Becoming the one that says, i don't have any words, but i
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Don't think you need words right now.
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I need-- i think you need somebody who will sit there
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With you in the midst of what's not good.
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It's the power of withness. it is-- literally
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We talked about it the other day.
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It's god's comfort, and we're made in his image
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So we get to comfort people like that, too.
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And voskamp always says we get to be jesus with skin on.
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And at first i thought it was a little weird, honestly.
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You know, um,
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You know, we got in and then we got in this group and we get to
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Be jesus with skin on for each other.
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We've been walking for three years together, a group of
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Seven of us, and it has just
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Been all about being with each other.
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We are speakers and authors, and we could probably do all
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Kinds of like scripture and just like, you know, tell each
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Other all kinds of different resources. we could probably
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Solve all of the issues that we have in our group, and instead
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We've chosen a greater call, and it's to be with each other,
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To just sit in the pain, in the
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Hard throes of all of our lives.
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And there is just something about that that changes you
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When someone shows up for you and is like, no, i'm here to be
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The hands and feet of jesus.
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And what's interesting is it's a double edged sword, right?
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Like it's this idea that we can represent christ by the way
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That we treat each other, and we can also represent the wrong
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Aspects of humanity by the way we treat each other.
00:09:58.621 --> 00:10:01.824
And it's why loyalty and trust, i mean, um, the scripture i
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Think it's verse 11 in proverbs 31:11 and 12, it says, the heart
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Of her husband safely trusts her,
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So he will have no lack of gain.
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She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
00:10:12.468 --> 00:10:15.204
And if we were to just take the man out of the scenario here,
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She's trustworthy.
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She provides safety for people. what does that mean?
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We don't tell each other's business.
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We don't gossip. we don't scoff.
00:10:24.680 --> 00:10:26.849
I mean, the psalm has--
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Well, proverbs has so many different verses around this.
00:10:28.250 --> 00:10:31.921
Proverbs 11 verse 13, he who goes about as a talebearer
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Reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.
00:10:37.059 --> 00:10:41.230
Proverbs 16 verse 28, a malicious person stirs up
00:10:41.230 --> 00:10:45.034
Discord, and a gossip separates close friend.
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I am praying for a generation of believers that stops
00:10:48.604 --> 00:10:51.741
Gossiping, that stops telling everyone's business, that stops
00:10:51.741 --> 00:10:54.944
Subliminally posting about other believers on their social
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Media networks, like a whole generation that can become safe
00:10:57.813 --> 00:11:01.650
And trustworthy,
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Man, i think it's the most powerful thing that we can give
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To other people because again, if we are made in the image of
00:11:06.288 --> 00:11:09.191
God and we are actually mirroring god's character,
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It illuminates him at the end of the day and people are like,
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Well, i'll be doggone.
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These christians are actually reading his word, accepting his
00:11:17.233 --> 00:11:20.669
Word, and they're actually doing it.
00:11:20.669 --> 00:11:22.204
They're being jesus with skin on.
00:11:22.204 --> 00:11:23.773
Yeah. some of the characteristics that i look for
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In a trustworthy friend is someone who is actually
00:11:27.042 --> 00:11:29.512
Submitted to the lord and walking with god step by step.
00:11:29.512 --> 00:11:32.848
When we say yes to jesus, that's one thing.
00:11:32.848 --> 00:11:35.284
That's our salvation.
00:11:35.284 --> 00:11:37.019
But our sanctification, the way that we actually live out our
00:11:37.019 --> 00:11:40.523
Salvation, is what really shapes and defines us as
00:11:40.523 --> 00:11:43.225
A human being.
00:11:43.225 --> 00:11:44.693
And so if a friend is really, truly submitted to the lord, i
00:11:44.693 --> 00:11:48.430
Know that the overflow of who they are in our friendship is
00:11:48.430 --> 00:11:51.801
Going to be connected to god's character because they know his
00:11:51.801 --> 00:11:54.436
Character, because they've been walking with him.
00:11:54.436 --> 00:11:57.673
What i love about what you say is to me, it's not even just in
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A marriage relationship, because a lot of people watch
00:12:01.010 --> 00:12:02.878
This program are single, but it's like she is trustworthy.
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She is. that is priceless.
00:12:06.615 --> 00:12:08.684
He is benefiting off of who she is without him.
00:12:08.684 --> 00:12:11.420
Yeah. we talked yesterday all about the successes.
00:12:11.420 --> 00:12:13.289
And what does success mean?
00:12:13.289 --> 00:12:14.523
But she's a bit of a boss woman. like in here when you can
00:12:14.523 --> 00:12:17.660
Look, she's betrayed in everything all the time.
00:12:17.660 --> 00:12:19.562
She's got international stuff
00:12:19.562 --> 00:12:20.563
Going on left, right and center.
00:12:20.563 --> 00:12:22.298
She got businesses, okay? she's busy.
00:12:22.298 --> 00:12:24.400
But to me, when you go through a season where you used to be
00:12:24.400 --> 00:12:29.305
Able to do all those things, everything is stripped away
00:12:29.305 --> 00:12:31.774
From you and you are pushing people away,
00:12:31.774 --> 00:12:34.276
She's also the woman that will stay.
00:12:34.276 --> 00:12:37.146
This woman, though she's figurative, had seasons where
00:12:37.146 --> 00:12:40.282
Someone picked her back up so she could be this woman again.
00:12:40.282 --> 00:12:43.853
And i think about as you were talking, my, my brother and my
00:12:43.853 --> 00:12:47.690
Dad ran a marathon a million years ago, which my dad will
00:12:47.690 --> 00:12:50.526
Still talk about to this day, as if he ran it yesterday.
00:12:50.526 --> 00:12:52.862
But they ran the new york city marathon.
00:12:52.862 --> 00:12:55.397
They trained for ages for it, and they were in it.
00:12:55.397 --> 00:12:57.700
They'd prepared, they'd done all they could for it.
00:12:57.700 --> 00:12:59.869
And right before they flew to hawaii, then they flew to new
00:12:59.869 --> 00:13:03.906
York to do it from australia.
00:13:03.906 --> 00:13:05.541
My dad got sick right before him and he was like, i'm still
00:13:05.541 --> 00:13:09.278
Running this marathon, right? and they did so great.
00:13:09.278 --> 00:13:11.714
They were doing amazing.
00:13:11.714 --> 00:13:12.715
And they were coming around the last turn.
00:13:12.715 --> 00:13:14.917
And my dad said it was that point in the marathon where
00:13:14.917 --> 00:13:17.519
Your body just starts,
00:13:17.519 --> 00:13:18.988
It feels like shutting down. yeah, you hit the wall.
00:13:18.988 --> 00:13:21.523
And he said, the biggest thing about the marathon is keeping
00:13:21.523 --> 00:13:24.827
Your rhythm, keeping your pace.
00:13:24.827 --> 00:13:26.262
And he's like, and i and i could feel my body coming out
00:13:26.262 --> 00:13:29.298
Of rhythm and coming out of pace.
00:13:29.298 --> 00:13:30.833
And i started wobbling and i was like trying to get my head
00:13:30.833 --> 00:13:33.669
Back in the game, trying to--
00:13:33.669 --> 00:13:35.170
And he said, and honestly, right before i would have
00:13:35.170 --> 00:13:37.840
Crumbled and fallen over and been out of the race, i felt
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:40.843
This hand on the small of my back and it was ryan, my
00:13:40.843 --> 00:13:43.412
Brother, his son, saying, come on dad, i got you, and just
00:13:43.412 --> 00:13:46.682
Steadying him back into rhythm. i love that.
00:13:46.682 --> 00:13:50.119
And to me, when we look at the loyalty of a friend, it
00:13:50.119 --> 00:13:53.422
Is that person that right before where you have maybe
00:13:53.422 --> 00:13:56.692
Have given up in your mind and been like, i guess i'm not
00:13:56.692 --> 00:13:58.861
Finishing this thing, will put her hand on your back and say,
00:13:58.861 --> 00:14:02.264
There's more in you. you're not done yet.
00:14:02.264 --> 00:14:04.166
And i think when everything feels like it's falling apart,
00:14:04.166 --> 00:14:08.170
We need women and friends and
00:14:08.170 --> 00:14:10.372
People that will be that person.
00:14:10.372 --> 00:14:12.274
We need to be that person.
00:14:12.274 --> 00:14:13.909
Like, i just think about my season.
00:14:13.909 --> 00:14:16.378
We all have a story like that where it's like everything was
00:14:16.378 --> 00:14:19.548
Taken away, you gave up. you just had given up and you were
00:14:19.548 --> 00:14:22.651
Okay doing it by yourself.
00:14:22.651 --> 00:14:23.953
Because that's the reality, is that so much can be taken from
00:14:23.953 --> 00:14:27.756
You in life.
00:14:27.756 --> 00:14:28.924
You can be so exhausted emotionally that you're fine.
00:14:28.924 --> 00:14:31.927
Jesus, just take me.
00:14:31.927 --> 00:14:33.395
And it is those people that will be the moments where god
00:14:33.395 --> 00:14:37.299
Feels the closest because they showed up and said, not yet.
00:14:37.299 --> 00:14:42.471
Our better together community is built on love and
00:14:42.471 --> 00:14:45.574
Friendship, and we want you to join us.
00:14:45.574 --> 00:14:48.310
Follow us on social media to make friends with women all
00:14:48.310 --> 00:14:51.280
Over the world.
00:14:51.280 --> 00:14:53.004
My best friend katie showed up in australia during my divorce.
00:14:56.585 --> 00:15:01.156
When i got there, she came out to australia, and she was also
00:15:01.156 --> 00:15:05.027
The one that showed up last year in the dressing room on
00:15:05.027 --> 00:15:08.330
The day i got engaged to surprise me.
00:15:08.330 --> 00:15:11.166
It's the friend that can be there in the low moments, and
00:15:11.166 --> 00:15:16.105
The friend that is also so confident to still celebrate
00:15:16.105 --> 00:15:19.108
With you when the ring is going on your finger.
00:15:19.108 --> 00:15:21.710
And it's both. it's because there's
00:15:21.710 --> 00:15:23.979
Friends that are fine with that.
00:15:23.979 --> 00:15:25.247
But then you start climbing, you start having successes, you
00:15:25.247 --> 00:15:28.083
Start-- and they don't want that.
00:15:28.083 --> 00:15:29.451
They feel comfortable if you're shackled. like that
00:15:29.451 --> 00:15:31.353
Makes their chains feel more comfortable.
00:15:31.353 --> 00:15:33.122
But can we be both?
00:15:33.122 --> 00:15:35.257
Can we be the loyal women that says, hey, i'm not letting
00:15:35.257 --> 00:15:38.260
You give up?
00:15:38.260 --> 00:15:39.495
And then when you get there, you're going to have someone
00:15:39.495 --> 00:15:41.630
Throw a party with.
00:15:41.630 --> 00:15:42.931
I'm not going to leave you on the way up either.
00:15:42.931 --> 00:15:45.067
And so in our ministry, we say to the-- we help women
00:15:45.067 --> 00:15:48.037
Process through hard things.
00:15:48.037 --> 00:15:49.371
And at the very, on the very first week, we say, all right,
00:15:49.371 --> 00:15:53.475
Girls, we'll be with you in the
00:15:53.475 --> 00:15:54.576
Valleys, but we won't leave you there.
00:15:54.576 --> 00:15:56.478
Yes. because you got to get up.
00:15:56.478 --> 00:15:58.647
We got to get to mountains of hope
00:15:58.647 --> 00:15:59.982
And we're going to do it together.
00:15:59.982 --> 00:16:01.884
We'll be with you in the valleys, but we're not
00:16:01.884 --> 00:16:03.352
Going to leave you there.
00:16:03.352 --> 00:16:05.220
It's so important to have friends in the valley,
00:16:05.220 --> 00:16:09.358
And it's so important to have friends on the mountaintop.
00:16:09.358 --> 00:16:13.529
Those are the moments we remember, right?
00:16:13.529 --> 00:16:16.265
What about when we're going in between?
00:16:16.265 --> 00:16:18.333
Whether you're walking out of the valley or you're on the way
00:16:18.333 --> 00:16:21.904
To the mountain, i think it's actually the most imperative
00:16:21.904 --> 00:16:25.240
Time to have loyal friends to hold us accountable.
00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:29.278
I think toni said it today.
00:16:29.278 --> 00:16:30.746
She said, we're gonna have friends that are with us in the
00:16:30.746 --> 00:16:34.883
Valley, but are not going to leave us there.
00:16:34.883 --> 00:16:36.885
And i think that's really important.
00:16:36.885 --> 00:16:38.253
Whether you are walking out of a breakup or transitioning to a
00:16:38.253 --> 00:16:42.291
New city, or in the middle of a divorce, or trying to raise
00:16:42.291 --> 00:16:45.727
Kids or trying to finish college, wherever you're at in
00:16:45.727 --> 00:16:49.531
Your life and whatever your season is bringing you, it's so
00:16:49.531 --> 00:16:52.367
Important that you have friends that hold you to the calling
00:16:52.367 --> 00:16:56.138
That god has for you.
00:16:56.138 --> 00:16:58.307
They're the ones that are going to put their hand on your back
00:16:58.307 --> 00:17:00.943
And say, you're not going to quit now.
00:17:00.943 --> 00:17:03.245
I'm gonna make sure you get to where god has for you, because
00:17:03.245 --> 00:17:06.682
I'm going to walk with you there.
00:17:06.682 --> 00:17:08.150
I am so grateful for the friends that even in the
00:17:08.150 --> 00:17:10.619
Moments i was mad at them for doing, it, didn't let me either
00:17:10.619 --> 00:17:14.223
Quit or fall short of who i knew god had called me to be.
00:17:14.223 --> 00:17:18.861
And sometimes that looked like them saying, you are doing too
00:17:18.861 --> 00:17:21.864
Much, you need to rest.
00:17:21.864 --> 00:17:23.499
And sometimes that meant it's time to get off the couch and
00:17:23.499 --> 00:17:26.101
Go outside. wherever you're at,
00:17:26.101 --> 00:17:28.437
It's so important to have loyal friends that don't just pull
00:17:28.437 --> 00:17:32.107
You up, but then walk with you to see you into god's best
00:17:32.107 --> 00:17:36.645
For your life.
00:17:36.645 --> 00:17:38.547
And i have a marathon story.
00:17:38.547 --> 00:17:39.882
I did not run it, but i remember, um, i was sitting on
00:17:39.882 --> 00:17:43.619
My living room floor in our new house, uh, with me and the kids
00:17:43.619 --> 00:17:47.723
And my nanny, and i was on this little zoom call.
00:17:47.723 --> 00:17:50.259
It was the two days before i needed to release a statement
00:17:50.259 --> 00:17:53.495
About going through an unwanted divorce.
00:17:53.495 --> 00:17:55.631
And it-- i can
00:17:55.631 --> 00:17:57.666
I remember what i had on. i don't remember nothing.
00:17:57.666 --> 00:17:59.234
I don't remember what i had on yesterday, but it's one of
00:17:59.234 --> 00:18:01.136
Those moments where it was just
00:18:01.136 --> 00:18:02.337
So marked by trauma and intensity.
00:18:02.337 --> 00:18:04.506
Um, and i was sitting in front of my table just like this,
00:18:04.506 --> 00:18:08.577
Just like, slumped over on this zoom call.
00:18:08.577 --> 00:18:11.079
And it was so many women.
00:18:11.079 --> 00:18:13.715
Um, melissa russell, uh, jessica honneger, jamie ivey,
00:18:13.715 --> 00:18:17.853
Lysa terkeurst, like all of these women that had decided
00:18:17.853 --> 00:18:21.356
That they would help me, jo saxton, that they would help
00:18:21.356 --> 00:18:23.892
Me, lisa whittle, process through this moment.
00:18:23.892 --> 00:18:26.461
And i'm sitting there so broken and afraid and and they're just
00:18:26.461 --> 00:18:31.800
Like, you have to say it.
00:18:31.800 --> 00:18:33.168
You're going to have to be honest.
00:18:33.168 --> 00:18:34.536
You've always been honest. you need to say this.
00:18:34.536 --> 00:18:36.738
And they're like crafting up this statement.
00:18:36.738 --> 00:18:38.440
And i'm just like, numb. i don't even know.
00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:41.176
And melissa russell takes a moment and she stops and goes,
00:18:41.176 --> 00:18:44.646
Hey, baby girl, which is what she calls me.,
00:18:44.646 --> 00:18:46.648
She's like, what's-- you actually haven't answered
00:18:46.648 --> 00:18:48.750
Anything at all, like what's going on?
00:18:48.750 --> 00:18:50.652
And i just was like, i'm just tired.
00:18:50.652 --> 00:18:54.656
Yeah. i'm tired and i don't want to fight anymore.
00:18:54.656 --> 00:18:58.493
And i don't want to do this. i don't want to tell people.
00:18:58.493 --> 00:19:01.063
I don't want people to find out all of these things.
00:19:01.063 --> 00:19:03.765
And she said, look at me.
00:19:03.765 --> 00:19:04.700
And i was like, okay.
00:19:04.700 --> 00:19:06.301
And she said, i want you to think about this as a marathon.
00:19:06.301 --> 00:19:10.239
She was like, toni, you have been running. you have been
00:19:10.239 --> 00:19:13.875
Going, and you've got 26 miles in total and you are at mile 25.
00:19:13.875 --> 00:19:18.880
And if we have to carry you the last mile, we will.
00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:22.251
I love that. let us know what you need.
00:19:22.251 --> 00:19:24.586
And i, for the first time, probably in my whole life, i
00:19:24.586 --> 00:19:28.056
Was-- i said i couldn't do it
00:19:28.056 --> 00:19:30.459
Which even saying that right now makes me--
00:19:30.459 --> 00:19:34.096
I'm like, i can't do-- no, i can do anything.
00:19:34.096 --> 00:19:36.064
What are you even talking about?
00:19:36.064 --> 00:19:37.733
But i literally told them i was like, i can't.
00:19:37.733 --> 00:19:40.736
And they literally crafted a statement for me.
00:19:40.736 --> 00:19:44.740
Got it all good to go.
00:19:44.740 --> 00:19:46.508
Logged onto my socials and did it for me because i didn't have
00:19:46.508 --> 00:19:50.479
The strength.
00:19:50.479 --> 00:19:51.813
And it's those people that make god bigger.
00:19:51.813 --> 00:19:56.885
The loyal, trustworthy, safe people who don't go and tell
00:19:56.885 --> 00:20:00.922
All your business in a moment of crisis when everything's on
00:20:00.922 --> 00:20:03.925
The line, when everything has to be done in a certain way,
00:20:03.925 --> 00:20:06.762
In a certain time.
00:20:06.762 --> 00:20:08.196
They stay step in step with you. like it's those people
00:20:08.196 --> 00:20:11.133
That's like you actually have a choice.
00:20:11.133 --> 00:20:13.568
You can choose bravery or a break.
00:20:13.568 --> 00:20:15.537
And that's one of the other things i loved so much about
00:20:15.537 --> 00:20:18.206
Friends that are just deeply rooted in christ.
00:20:18.206 --> 00:20:20.142
They know that sometimes god does require us to push,
00:20:20.142 --> 00:20:23.211
To use our resilience and our grit.
00:20:23.211 --> 00:20:25.380
And she gave me a choice that day, hey, you can run the last
00:20:25.380 --> 00:20:29.318
Mile or you can rest and we'll carry you.
00:20:29.318 --> 00:20:31.586
Either way. either way, either way.
00:20:31.586 --> 00:20:33.689
Either way, we're right here.
00:20:33.689 --> 00:20:37.292
And gosh, we want those people and we need to be those people.
00:20:37.292 --> 00:20:42.130
It's why it's so important for us to get healthy to because
00:20:42.130 --> 00:20:45.334
Sometimes we don't need our healing
00:20:45.334 --> 00:20:47.436
Sometimes for ourselves.
00:20:47.436 --> 00:20:48.503
We need it for the people that
00:20:48.503 --> 00:20:49.504
We get to help, that we get to carry,
00:20:49.504 --> 00:20:51.440
For the friends who don't have strength.
00:20:51.440 --> 00:20:53.241
We need to be able to actually give them strength and have the
00:20:53.241 --> 00:20:56.611
Strength for them to borrow.
00:20:56.611 --> 00:20:58.313
And i just think it's a lovely thing that the lord calls us
00:20:58.313 --> 00:21:00.549
Into as women, as proverbs 31 women, you know, like, i just
00:21:00.549 --> 00:21:04.820
Think it's a beautiful thing that we get to be
00:21:04.820 --> 00:21:07.656
Jesus with skin on.
00:21:07.656 --> 00:21:09.758
We were designed for
00:21:09.758 --> 00:21:12.361
Vulnerability and authenticity and community.
00:21:12.361 --> 00:21:15.764
And the reason why it's so important for you to be in a
00:21:15.764 --> 00:21:19.901
Position where you have women that you trust, women that
00:21:19.901 --> 00:21:23.839
You're loyal to, and women that are willing to be loyal to you
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:27.309
Is so that you can be fully known.
00:21:27.309 --> 00:21:29.111
It's all about core connection, which can only happen in the
00:21:29.111 --> 00:21:32.414
Context of safety.
00:21:32.414 --> 00:21:34.649
So when you are building relationships and when you are
00:21:34.649 --> 00:21:37.419
Considering what it is to be the friend that you want to
00:21:37.419 --> 00:21:40.856
Have, consider how safe are your friends and the stories of
00:21:40.856 --> 00:21:45.761
Their lives with you.
00:21:45.761 --> 00:21:47.229
And in turn, ask yourself, are these friends, places and
00:21:47.229 --> 00:21:51.333
People that i'm safe with.
00:21:51.333 --> 00:21:53.034
Because the height of true community happens in safety
00:21:53.034 --> 00:21:57.072
With women who are willing to
00:21:57.072 --> 00:21:58.240
Be loyal and committed to each other.
00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:01.743
What's interesting, though, is i'm reflecting on, you know,
00:22:01.743 --> 00:22:05.280
We're kind of a product of our upbringing or our experiences
00:22:05.280 --> 00:22:09.084
In some ways.
00:22:09.084 --> 00:22:10.385
And it was later in life that i would have even called myself,
00:22:10.385 --> 00:22:13.822
You know, people are girls' girls or whatever, and i, i
00:22:13.822 --> 00:22:16.291
Really wasn't. i would have never--
00:22:16.291 --> 00:22:18.560
That's honest, blynda.
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:19.594
I know i really wouldn't describe myself that
00:22:19.594 --> 00:22:21.029
Way because i, i didn't realize until i was older when the lord
00:22:21.029 --> 00:22:24.666
Brought freedom to me that i was really hurt
00:22:24.666 --> 00:22:28.403
Um, when i was younger. i mean, it's a specific
00:22:28.403 --> 00:22:31.139
Fifth grade moment. i mean, it's
00:22:31.139 --> 00:22:33.775
Specific to the depths. oh, yeah.
00:22:33.775 --> 00:22:35.510
Yeah, yeah. no, i get it.
00:22:35.510 --> 00:22:36.812
It marked me.
00:22:36.812 --> 00:22:38.079
And i didn't even understand until my adult years how much
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:41.583
It actually marked how i thought and chose friendships,
00:22:41.583 --> 00:22:45.420
Thought about friendships, and chose my friendships.
00:22:45.420 --> 00:22:47.689
And as i've, thankfully gotten freedom from with the lord and
00:22:47.689 --> 00:22:52.961
Revelation of how that damaged me in fifth grade to be really,
00:22:52.961 --> 00:22:57.566
You know-- it was it was one of those moments where, um,
00:22:57.566 --> 00:23:00.168
A group of girls brought me into the cafeteria.
00:23:00.168 --> 00:23:03.071
It was one of those cafeterias that was a gym that was
00:23:03.071 --> 00:23:05.807
Transformed into a cafeteria.
00:23:05.807 --> 00:23:07.075
So they'd put all the tables down for lunch, and then you'd
00:23:07.075 --> 00:23:09.711
Put them all up because it was actually the gym.
00:23:09.711 --> 00:23:11.379
And so the tables were were out for lunch.
00:23:11.379 --> 00:23:14.182
But i remember they had all just been put up, but we were
00:23:14.182 --> 00:23:16.284
Still in there, and they sat me down in the middle and they
00:23:16.284 --> 00:23:20.021
Started asking me all these questions, silly questions
00:23:20.021 --> 00:23:23.124
Like, what's more popular hobie or op?
00:23:23.124 --> 00:23:26.194
I mean, this is how old i am, ocean pacific or hobie..
00:23:26.194 --> 00:23:28.930
But how weird is it that i can remember one of the questions
00:23:28.930 --> 00:23:32.267
From fifth grade?
00:23:32.267 --> 00:23:33.401
Yeah. and so i remember they went through a series of
00:23:33.401 --> 00:23:36.404
Questions, but they had predetermined beforehand that
00:23:36.404 --> 00:23:39.774
Whatever answer i said, they would say it was the wrong
00:23:39.774 --> 00:23:41.943
Answer because they were trying to see if i could be in their
00:23:41.943 --> 00:23:44.312
Club and they didn't really want me in the club.
00:23:44.312 --> 00:23:46.581
It was just to embarrass me.
00:23:46.581 --> 00:23:48.149
And so every question they asked me, they'd say,
00:23:48.149 --> 00:23:51.119
Wrong. wrong. even if,
00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:52.787
Even if really it was right.
00:23:52.787 --> 00:23:54.556
But, you know, it was
00:23:54.556 --> 00:23:56.291
The idea behind it was.
00:23:56.291 --> 00:23:58.493
They set me up to-- they just wanted to reject me.
00:23:58.493 --> 00:24:01.162
And so in my mind, in fifth grade
00:24:01.162 --> 00:24:03.698
That's really how i viewed girls.
00:24:03.698 --> 00:24:06.167
They were-- they were there.
00:24:06.167 --> 00:24:07.802
They were mean and they were there to reject, and they
00:24:07.802 --> 00:24:10.005
Weren't trustworthy.
00:24:10.005 --> 00:24:11.239
And they were going to trick you, and they were going to
00:24:11.239 --> 00:24:13.108
Make you think that you could be a part of something, but you
00:24:13.108 --> 00:24:15.377
Really never did belong. and you don't realize how.
00:24:15.377 --> 00:24:20.115
I went on and i had friends.
00:24:20.115 --> 00:24:21.616
I had i had great friends in high school.
00:24:21.616 --> 00:24:23.285
I had amazing friends in college, friends to this day
00:24:23.285 --> 00:24:25.820
That i would still i mean, they're sisters to me, and i've
00:24:25.820 --> 00:24:28.790
Gone on to have beautiful friendships in, in the life
00:24:28.790 --> 00:24:30.992
That i've lived.
00:24:30.992 --> 00:24:32.127
But i didn't really ever take that, that mask off of
00:24:32.127 --> 00:24:37.299
Vulnerability and let somebody really see the deep recesses of
00:24:37.299 --> 00:24:41.269
My heart because,
00:24:41.269 --> 00:24:42.537
Because i felt like they would exploit it until, till, um,
00:24:42.537 --> 00:24:46.841
Very similar and just similar stories,
00:24:46.841 --> 00:24:49.210
My husband and i had kind of the rug yanked out from under
00:24:49.210 --> 00:24:52.480
Us a few years back, and i was at a really low place.
00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:56.484
And what i realized the lord showed me is that i always kind
00:24:56.484 --> 00:25:00.422
Of touted myself as like, i'm an independent woman, and i use
00:25:00.422 --> 00:25:04.426
That as strength.
00:25:04.426 --> 00:25:05.527
Like, isn't that great that i don't need people?
00:25:05.527 --> 00:25:08.396
I'm not needy.
00:25:08.396 --> 00:25:09.731
I can do things, you know?
00:25:09.731 --> 00:25:10.966
I like people around me, but i don't need anybody
00:25:10.966 --> 00:25:13.969
Until a moment when you realize that's been a crutch,
00:25:13.969 --> 00:25:18.106
That idea of independence and i
00:25:18.106 --> 00:25:20.241
Don't need anybody has just been
00:25:20.241 --> 00:25:21.376
Because i just didn't want to be rejected.
00:25:21.376 --> 00:25:24.179
And i didn't want, i didn't want to be vulnerable because you
00:25:24.179 --> 00:25:27.015
Might not like what you see.
00:25:27.015 --> 00:25:28.750
And so it's just better if i do it on my own.
00:25:28.750 --> 00:25:30.752
And if i stay singular in my thinking and in what i do, even
00:25:30.752 --> 00:25:33.822
Though i'm going to keep you
00:25:33.822 --> 00:25:34.656
Around because i love to have fun.
00:25:34.656 --> 00:25:36.257
So of course i need dinner with
00:25:36.257 --> 00:25:37.559
Girlfriends and i need, you know, but i'm not--
00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:39.995
You might not go super deep. until a moment where my life
00:25:39.995 --> 00:25:43.765
Kind of turned on its head, and i found myself really wishing i
00:25:43.765 --> 00:25:48.570
Had cultivated some very vulnerable friendships because
00:25:48.570 --> 00:25:52.307
I wanted to share some really painful things, and i just
00:25:52.307 --> 00:25:55.143
Wasn't sure that i could.
00:25:55.143 --> 00:25:57.946
Is it worth the risk to open your heart to someone not
00:25:57.946 --> 00:26:02.350
Knowing if, at the end of the day, it's going to be a lasting
00:26:02.350 --> 00:26:05.153
Friendship, or it's going to be
00:26:05.153 --> 00:26:06.154
A friendship that brought you pain?
00:26:06.154 --> 00:26:07.889
It's a great question because it's a hard question to answer.
00:26:07.889 --> 00:26:11.593
And it's funny because my experience if i if you had been
00:26:11.593 --> 00:26:15.263
Asking me this question maybe ten years ago, i would have
00:26:15.263 --> 00:26:18.266
Said, i'm not sure it's worth the risk because i had been
00:26:18.266 --> 00:26:21.002
Hurt by some some girls early on in my life,
00:26:21.002 --> 00:26:24.439
And i carried with me,
00:26:24.439 --> 00:26:26.374
Yeah, girls are just going to hurt you. they're drama.
00:26:26.374 --> 00:26:28.877
I mean, this was a really broken way that i
00:26:28.877 --> 00:26:31.646
Thought about girls, and so i, i took that into all of my
00:26:31.646 --> 00:26:35.116
Friendships and kind of almost expected a friend to hurt me.
00:26:35.116 --> 00:26:39.287
So because of that, i kind of guarded my heart toward
00:26:39.287 --> 00:26:42.357
Everyone until the lord really released me from that and
00:26:42.357 --> 00:26:46.027
Really showed me that i was
00:26:46.027 --> 00:26:47.195
Operating truly out of some brokenness.
00:26:47.195 --> 00:26:49.831
And i have such rich friendships today, and i'm so
00:26:49.831 --> 00:26:53.935
Thankful that i took the risk not knowing necessarily
00:26:53.935 --> 00:26:57.138
If it would pan out.
00:26:57.138 --> 00:26:58.773
So in my opinion, it is worth the risk.
00:26:58.773 --> 00:27:01.142
Of course, let me just make a statement of it's okay to have
00:27:01.142 --> 00:27:03.978
A boundary with someone if there's some red flags.
00:27:03.978 --> 00:27:05.980
Of course you have to use discernment.
00:27:05.980 --> 00:27:07.849
But i want to encourage you
00:27:07.849 --> 00:27:09.484
Girl friendships are worth the risk.
00:27:09.484 --> 00:27:12.487
Don't go in thinking that it's it's going to be
00:27:12.487 --> 00:27:16.057
Something destructive or hurtful.
00:27:16.057 --> 00:27:18.059
Go in believing the best about each other, giving all you can
00:27:18.059 --> 00:27:21.629
To the friendship, and reaping a great reward in return.
00:27:21.629 --> 00:27:25.734
I had three friends.
00:27:25.734 --> 00:27:27.702
We were all supposed to be together.
00:27:27.702 --> 00:27:29.738
Super bowl party.
00:27:29.738 --> 00:27:31.272
We were all supposed to be together for that and i just
00:27:31.272 --> 00:27:33.875
Couldn't make it.
00:27:33.875 --> 00:27:34.709
It was a couple's party.
00:27:34.709 --> 00:27:35.910
I told my husband to go ahead and go.
00:27:35.910 --> 00:27:37.512
I just couldn't go.
00:27:37.512 --> 00:27:38.680
Basically, i'm at home crying. my husband,
00:27:38.680 --> 00:27:42.650
I actually did convince him to go.
00:27:42.650 --> 00:27:44.018
And it really wasn't the woman thing of like, no go.
00:27:44.018 --> 00:27:46.387
And i didn't really want him to.
00:27:46.387 --> 00:27:47.655
It wasn't that.
00:27:47.655 --> 00:27:49.390
I really wanted him to go.
00:27:49.390 --> 00:27:51.059
I wanted to just do what was natural to me, and that was
00:27:51.059 --> 00:27:53.661
Retreat and be by myself and just figure it out.
00:27:53.661 --> 00:27:56.664
And, uh, got a knock on the door.
00:27:56.664 --> 00:27:59.701
Um, probably--
00:27:59.701 --> 00:28:00.835
So my husband left about probably 20 minutes later,
00:28:00.835 --> 00:28:02.971
A knock on my door.
00:28:02.971 --> 00:28:04.172
So he went to their house, told them she's not coming.
00:28:04.172 --> 00:28:07.242
So 20 minutes later, a knock on my door and i open it up.
00:28:07.242 --> 00:28:10.345
And it's those three girlfriends saying, no way.
00:28:10.345 --> 00:28:13.248
If this is where you are tonight, this is where
00:28:13.248 --> 00:28:14.983
We're going to be.
00:28:14.983 --> 00:28:16.184
And it was the it was one of the first times i remember
00:28:16.184 --> 00:28:19.420
Feeling-- because not even that, this is going to sound silly,
00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:22.257
But it wasn't just that i exposed my heart. in that
00:28:22.257 --> 00:28:25.226
Moment, that day i had not done not a lick of makeup.
00:28:25.226 --> 00:28:28.096
My hair was on the top of my head.
00:28:28.096 --> 00:28:29.464
I was in baggy pajamas.
00:28:29.464 --> 00:28:30.999
I looked as rough as as you could look.
00:28:30.999 --> 00:28:34.803
So i physically was a depiction of what was happening.
00:28:34.803 --> 00:28:38.740
You're going to have to see all the bad.
00:28:38.740 --> 00:28:41.109
And are you still going to love me?
00:28:41.109 --> 00:28:42.544
Are you still going to? are you still--
00:28:42.544 --> 00:28:43.745
Are you are you still going to be in the room?
00:28:43.745 --> 00:28:45.914
And they just rushed in that room, embraced me, cried with
00:28:45.914 --> 00:28:49.384
Me, and they spoke to me in a way of very much like you were
00:28:49.384 --> 00:28:53.888
Saying, we see your pain and we see where you are, but to the
00:28:53.888 --> 00:28:58.126
Ability that we have, we're not going to let you stay here, not
00:28:58.126 --> 00:29:00.829
In a, hey-- we're going to let-- we're going to-- you can
00:29:00.829 --> 00:29:02.030
Grieve the moment.
00:29:02.030 --> 00:29:03.698
We're just not going to leave you here.
00:29:03.698 --> 00:29:04.732
But well, what they were saying is we're in it
00:29:04.732 --> 00:29:06.768
For the long haul.
00:29:06.768 --> 00:29:08.002
We're not going to bring you into this room and then walk
00:29:08.002 --> 00:29:11.072
Out like the fifth grade girls did.
00:29:11.072 --> 00:29:12.507
We're in it even with all the negative and the bad.
00:29:12.507 --> 00:29:17.078
And i think why i wanted to tell that story is, i don't
00:29:17.078 --> 00:29:21.082
Know if we really recognize how often the way we think about
00:29:21.082 --> 00:29:25.954
Friendship, the way we think about loyalty, the way-- there's
00:29:25.954 --> 00:29:29.090
Something that has marked us to put us on a path
00:29:29.090 --> 00:29:32.160
Of how we think about
00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:32.994
Friendship and trust and loyalty.
00:29:32.994 --> 00:29:35.163
And i would just encourage, as i had to do,
00:29:35.163 --> 00:29:38.266
I had to let the lord come into that and show me.
00:29:38.266 --> 00:29:40.802
How can i go back to fifth
00:29:40.802 --> 00:29:42.103
Grade and know that's what it was?
00:29:42.103 --> 00:29:43.371
Because i had to,
00:29:43.371 --> 00:29:44.606
I had to have a moment where i actually just stopped and
00:29:44.606 --> 00:29:49.544
Paused and asked the lord, will you show me where this happened
00:29:49.544 --> 00:29:54.449
In my life, that this marked me?
00:29:54.449 --> 00:29:56.451
How did i allow this thinking to come in?
00:29:56.451 --> 00:30:00.021
And whenever he revealed it to me and showed it to me, there
00:30:00.021 --> 00:30:04.025
Was, there was a lot of emotion, a lot of breaking.
00:30:04.025 --> 00:30:08.029
I didn't know i had carried the weight of that rejection.
00:30:08.029 --> 00:30:12.066
Yeah. and, i mean, i'm an older person.
00:30:12.066 --> 00:30:15.303
Okay. and so i had carried it a lot of years.
00:30:15.303 --> 00:30:18.406
I don't want to-- i don't look back with regret.
00:30:18.406 --> 00:30:20.541
There's no point in doing that. but i do wonder how many more
00:30:20.541 --> 00:30:23.578
Rich friendships could i have had--
00:30:23.578 --> 00:30:25.446
Yeah, absolutely.
00:30:25.446 --> 00:30:26.748
Had i allowed the lord to heal that part of my heart sooner?
00:30:26.748 --> 00:30:30.285
I think one of the things i learned in some of my darkest
00:30:30.285 --> 00:30:33.521
Times was how much i needed other people.
00:30:33.521 --> 00:30:37.325
I tended to be a bit of a loner when i was growing up.
00:30:37.325 --> 00:30:40.495
You know, i wasn't the kind of party girl.
00:30:40.495 --> 00:30:42.297
I was kind of the girl who would go home and read a book,
00:30:42.297 --> 00:30:44.766
Bury her head in a book, and not really depend on other people.
00:30:44.766 --> 00:30:49.037
But when my life hit a crisis when i was in my mid 30s, i
00:30:49.037 --> 00:30:52.540
Began to understand how deeply i needed other people in my
00:30:52.540 --> 00:30:57.145
Life and what a gift it is.
00:30:57.145 --> 00:30:59.614
I've discovered that brokenness can be a gift because it's
00:30:59.614 --> 00:31:03.251
Actually amazing what god will do with a broken life when you
00:31:03.251 --> 00:31:07.522
Give him all the pieces.
00:31:07.522 --> 00:31:09.791
And i have learned what it looks like to be touched by a
00:31:09.791 --> 00:31:14.896
Loyal friend who stays close to
00:31:14.896 --> 00:31:17.298
You in the best days and worst days.
00:31:17.298 --> 00:31:19.667
And i think when you experience that yourself, that's how you
00:31:19.667 --> 00:31:22.503
Want to be for other people.
00:31:22.503 --> 00:31:24.939
I just love that god redeems everything, no matter how
00:31:24.939 --> 00:31:28.409
Long it takes.
00:31:28.409 --> 00:31:29.777
He's just coming for the scraps, the little stuff in the
00:31:29.777 --> 00:31:32.847
Corner that we don't even recognized. like he is just
00:31:32.847 --> 00:31:35.683
Coming to redeem all the things.
00:31:35.683 --> 00:31:37.852
And i just think it's such a beautiful thing,
00:31:37.852 --> 00:31:39.854
Blynda, the picture of these girls in the cafeteria, these
00:31:39.854 --> 00:31:43.791
Girls in your room.
00:31:43.791 --> 00:31:45.093
Like, what a beautiful, like, tangible representation of what
00:31:45.093 --> 00:31:49.230
Redemption looks like.
00:31:49.230 --> 00:31:50.498
And what a reminder to us that how we treat people matters.
00:31:50.498 --> 00:31:55.970
The way that we show up in our friendships, the way that we
00:31:55.970 --> 00:31:58.339
Treat other women, it matters so much.
00:31:58.339 --> 00:32:01.175
It matters to the way people operate.
00:32:01.175 --> 00:32:04.012
It matters to how their brains, processes information.
00:32:04.012 --> 00:32:06.814
It matters to the way that they that they fulfill their own
00:32:06.814 --> 00:32:09.650
Purpose, the way that they
00:32:09.650 --> 00:32:10.985
Teach their kids about friendship.
00:32:10.985 --> 00:32:12.820
Like for the generations, how we treat people,
00:32:12.820 --> 00:32:15.757
It matters so much and so deeply.
00:32:15.757 --> 00:32:18.026
And i think we have such an opportunity here to remind
00:32:18.026 --> 00:32:20.828
Everyone that loyalty is not exclusive.
00:32:20.828 --> 00:32:23.031
Um, that it should not be.
00:32:23.031 --> 00:32:24.632
Well, i'm loyal to them over here.
00:32:24.632 --> 00:32:25.767
But her,
00:32:25.767 --> 00:32:26.768
Yeah, we're going to tell all her business.
00:32:26.768 --> 00:32:28.403
It's just a reminder that loyalty is not exclusive, that
00:32:28.403 --> 00:32:31.406
We actually get to--
00:32:31.406 --> 00:32:32.807
I kind of also like to use the word honor.
00:32:32.807 --> 00:32:35.309
I feel like loyalty,
00:32:35.309 --> 00:32:37.145
You mess around and mess up a little bit with the loyalty.
00:32:37.145 --> 00:32:39.047
But if you think about covering people with honor, we get to
00:32:39.047 --> 00:32:42.950
Honor up, honor down, honor all around.
00:32:42.950 --> 00:32:45.319
Like, even when it comes to our kids and telling their little
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.556
Business, like, i asked my daughter, hey, what would you
00:32:48.556 --> 00:32:51.225
Feel comfortable with me sharing?
00:32:51.225 --> 00:32:53.161
Do you want me to say this? are you okay with this?
00:32:53.161 --> 00:32:55.396
Like, i just want to make sure because she's made uniquely in
00:32:55.396 --> 00:32:57.765
The image of god as well as a kid.
00:32:57.765 --> 00:32:59.901
And so i just think we get to do this really, really well
00:32:59.901 --> 00:33:04.105
Because it honors god.
00:33:04.105 --> 00:33:05.873
Yeah. i love that.
00:33:05.873 --> 00:33:07.341
Those moments as well of being seen in the process.
00:33:07.341 --> 00:33:10.545
So there's like we've talked about like the successes.
00:33:10.545 --> 00:33:13.114
We've talked about the valleys but then the walk.
00:33:13.114 --> 00:33:15.650
Mhm. and in between.
00:33:15.650 --> 00:33:16.818
The in between the how do i do this season.
00:33:16.818 --> 00:33:19.053
Yeah. how do i be pregnant and in ministry?
00:33:19.053 --> 00:33:21.355
Thank god i have a friend that's done that like.
00:33:21.355 --> 00:33:23.524
Waddling across the stage.
00:33:23.524 --> 00:33:24.826
Just waddle and.
00:33:24.826 --> 00:33:25.827
Breathing hard and-- waddle with the bible,
00:33:25.827 --> 00:33:27.361
Breathing and preaching.
00:33:27.361 --> 00:33:28.596
Those seasons when you've navigated it. for me when i was
00:33:28.596 --> 00:33:32.900
Single again after being divorced, i didn't really feel
00:33:32.900 --> 00:33:35.369
Single because i'd been married, so i don't know how
00:33:35.369 --> 00:33:38.573
To do this now.
00:33:38.573 --> 00:33:39.807
This is new because technically i have that label again of
00:33:39.807 --> 00:33:42.143
Single, but i've been through some things and i don't--
00:33:42.143 --> 00:33:45.680
And there were some doors opened.
00:33:45.680 --> 00:33:47.215
And how do i, how do i navigate dating again?
00:33:47.215 --> 00:33:49.417
I thought i had to be done with it like, but i think like the
00:33:49.417 --> 00:33:52.920
Seasons of like being
00:33:52.920 --> 00:33:54.222
Newly moving from california to florida.
00:33:54.222 --> 00:33:56.224
How do i do--
00:33:56.224 --> 00:33:57.525
Okay, now i'm walking out the day to day of being a stepmom.
00:33:57.525 --> 00:33:59.894
There are little things every single day that i'm like, i've
00:33:59.894 --> 00:34:02.864
Never done this before.
00:34:02.864 --> 00:34:03.898
And these girls are five and seven, so there's
00:34:03.898 --> 00:34:06.534
New things every day.
00:34:06.534 --> 00:34:08.269
What are the conversations look like today?
00:34:08.269 --> 00:34:10.171
And that process of having girlfriends and just friends,
00:34:10.171 --> 00:34:14.876
People that are loyal, that are not going to judge me. that
00:34:14.876 --> 00:34:17.879
Trend a while ago was like, we listen and we don't judge,
00:34:17.879 --> 00:34:20.515
Which was a hilarious trend on social media, but there was so
00:34:20.515 --> 00:34:23.918
Much truth in it.
00:34:23.918 --> 00:34:25.353
If i didn't have trustworthy friends that would listen and
00:34:25.353 --> 00:34:28.289
Didn't judge, then i would not be able to get myself out of
00:34:28.289 --> 00:34:31.125
Situations that people should judge, to be honest.
00:34:31.125 --> 00:34:34.195
Like pretty judge worthy, actually.
00:34:34.195 --> 00:34:36.898
Like, we need to walk each other not just through crisis
00:34:36.898 --> 00:34:39.834
Mode and not just through trophy mode, but also the times
00:34:39.834 --> 00:34:43.137
In between and having trustworthy friends that can
00:34:43.137 --> 00:34:46.674
Sit with you and navigate life and be like, i don't know how
00:34:46.674 --> 00:34:49.477
To do this either, that you both get to look into each
00:34:49.477 --> 00:34:51.846
Other's eyes and say, like, i've got some advice on here
00:34:51.846 --> 00:34:55.216
Now can you give me advice in this?
00:34:55.216 --> 00:34:57.285
There is so much beauty and safety in that.
00:34:57.285 --> 00:35:01.722
When god created adam and eve and adam was made in god's
00:35:01.722 --> 00:35:06.794
Image, the statement was made that we wanted to god father,
00:35:06.794 --> 00:35:10.798
Holy spirit, son was like, we want to make man in our image
00:35:10.798 --> 00:35:13.701
Because we like what we have completely one, completely
00:35:13.701 --> 00:35:17.638
Connected, completely known.
00:35:17.638 --> 00:35:20.708
And so when man was created, it was with the idea that he would
00:35:20.708 --> 00:35:24.011
Not be alone.
00:35:24.011 --> 00:35:25.279
The statement was made, it's not good for man to be alone.
00:35:25.279 --> 00:35:27.648
And then comes eve.
00:35:27.648 --> 00:35:29.350
When adam and eve made a mistake of eating from the tree
00:35:29.350 --> 00:35:32.453
That god told them not to eat
00:35:32.453 --> 00:35:33.487
From, they knew they had messed up.
00:35:33.487 --> 00:35:35.022
They covered up with leaves.
00:35:35.022 --> 00:35:36.023
And god said, who told you you were naked?
00:35:36.023 --> 00:35:38.359
In other words, we were
00:35:38.359 --> 00:35:39.660
Designed to be seen to be known.
00:35:39.660 --> 00:35:42.630
So if you're living outside of vulnerability, you're living
00:35:42.630 --> 00:35:46.300
Underneath the potential connection and acceptance that
00:35:46.300 --> 00:35:49.837
God really wants you to have.
00:35:49.837 --> 00:35:51.839
So when we try to be vulnerable because we want to be in
00:35:51.839 --> 00:35:55.476
Community, and then our feelings get hurt because
00:35:55.476 --> 00:35:57.678
People are peopling, the tendency is to pull back and
00:35:57.678 --> 00:36:01.249
To say, you know what? never mind.
00:36:01.249 --> 00:36:02.717
I'm never sharing any of myself again like that.
00:36:02.717 --> 00:36:05.152
But you are still minimizing the opportunity that you have
00:36:05.152 --> 00:36:09.624
For being known.
00:36:09.624 --> 00:36:10.825
So my encouragement to you would be, don't let the one
00:36:10.825 --> 00:36:13.527
Person who taught you that vulnerability can hurt be the
00:36:13.527 --> 00:36:17.865
Determining factor of whether or not you continue to seek
00:36:17.865 --> 00:36:21.002
That kind of core connection.
00:36:21.002 --> 00:36:22.637
God designed you for it, and you will be better off
00:36:22.637 --> 00:36:25.640
For living in it.
00:36:25.640 --> 00:36:28.276
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00:36:28.276 --> 00:36:32.079
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00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:35.750
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00:36:35.750 --> 00:36:39.004
Like i feel like loyalty could be confused with like, having a
00:36:42.557 --> 00:36:47.562
Yes man as a friend. right.
00:36:47.562 --> 00:36:49.031
Because i also think loyal friends check you.
00:36:49.031 --> 00:36:51.300
They tell you, yeah.
00:36:51.300 --> 00:36:52.301
Well, i've been listening, and i'm thinking
00:36:52.301 --> 00:36:55.570
About, um, what does it take?
00:36:55.570 --> 00:36:58.740
This is not related to
00:36:58.740 --> 00:36:59.708
Motherhood, but this is an illustration.
00:36:59.708 --> 00:37:01.777
What does it take to be the kind of mom where when my
00:37:01.777 --> 00:37:05.714
Children have an incident where they're hurting, where they
00:37:05.714 --> 00:37:10.252
Bring it to me?
00:37:10.252 --> 00:37:11.553
I mean, just instinctively they go, mom, look, you know, i fell
00:37:11.553 --> 00:37:16.158
And i scratched or i got cut,
00:37:16.158 --> 00:37:18.527
And what does it take for me to sit at the kitchen sink and
00:37:18.527 --> 00:37:22.464
Take their hand or their knee or whatever, and do whatever
00:37:22.464 --> 00:37:25.534
Needs to be done?
00:37:25.534 --> 00:37:26.768
So, you know, the hydrogen peroxide and them to have the
00:37:26.768 --> 00:37:29.638
Feeling like like i don't want it to hurt, but to still extend
00:37:29.638 --> 00:37:34.009
Their hand to me because they trust that whatever i'm about
00:37:34.009 --> 00:37:37.746
To do, even if they're afraid that it's going to hurt, that
00:37:37.746 --> 00:37:40.549
Ultimately it's going to help.
00:37:40.549 --> 00:37:42.050
Yes. and what it takes is a sense
00:37:42.050 --> 00:37:46.288
That, um, that that's my intent.
00:37:46.288 --> 00:37:50.826
And they learn that intent because of the daily presence
00:37:50.826 --> 00:37:54.396
That i have. that's good.
00:37:54.396 --> 00:37:55.831
And being around.
00:37:55.831 --> 00:37:57.366
And so cultivating friendship and connection is the part that
00:37:57.366 --> 00:38:03.972
We might not do well, because there is so much that we can do
00:38:03.972 --> 00:38:07.876
In daily life that we can do on our own.
00:38:07.876 --> 00:38:10.879
And when you talked about, you
00:38:10.879 --> 00:38:12.147
Know, i hadn't cultivated those relationships,
00:38:12.147 --> 00:38:14.983
When i think about, um, jesus and his relationships with the
00:38:14.983 --> 00:38:18.253
Disciples, he was just walking and doing his thing.
00:38:18.253 --> 00:38:23.258
And so there was
00:38:23.258 --> 00:38:24.226
This intentional togetherness or withness.
00:38:24.226 --> 00:38:27.429
So when peter has a moment where, you know, he's being
00:38:27.429 --> 00:38:31.333
Bold and here are all the things i'm not going to do.
00:38:31.333 --> 00:38:33.268
And jesus is like, well, let me tell you about yourself.
00:38:33.268 --> 00:38:35.737
Or when you know, it's like, yes, i love you.
00:38:35.737 --> 00:38:37.806
Okay. but do you really? you know, let's talk about this.
00:38:37.806 --> 00:38:41.276
Um, or when jesus calls judas out, like, i know who you are
00:38:41.276 --> 00:38:44.613
And i know what's going to happen.
00:38:44.613 --> 00:38:46.114
I love you, but go do what you're going to do.
00:38:46.114 --> 00:38:48.617
That is-- these are these,
00:38:48.617 --> 00:38:50.652
It's like the reverse trauma moments of these are these peak
00:38:50.652 --> 00:38:54.823
Moments of hardship, pain or needed truth.
00:38:54.823 --> 00:38:59.428
But those moments are not the only moments.
00:38:59.428 --> 00:39:01.763
They come as these points on a
00:39:01.763 --> 00:39:03.832
Map of a long line of togetherness.
00:39:03.832 --> 00:39:07.769
So when my kids bring me their hurt and we have a moment of
00:39:07.769 --> 00:39:11.706
Accountability or truth telling, or this may not be
00:39:11.706 --> 00:39:14.709
Comfortable for you, it's because i get them to school
00:39:14.709 --> 00:39:18.413
Every morning and there's dinner on the table at night,
00:39:18.413 --> 00:39:21.349
And there is prayer in the meantime.
00:39:21.349 --> 00:39:23.452
And so the question that i think i have to ask myself
00:39:23.452 --> 00:39:27.255
About the kind of friend i am, and the question i need to ask
00:39:27.255 --> 00:39:31.092
Myself about the kind of friend i'm allowing other people to
00:39:31.092 --> 00:39:34.763
Be, is, am i making room for the nothing days?
00:39:34.763 --> 00:39:40.068
So in the something days arrive, there's somebody that's
00:39:40.068 --> 00:39:43.371
Present to speak into it, and it doesn't matter if it's
00:39:43.371 --> 00:39:47.008
Speaking into it because i'm on the floor and they need to show
00:39:47.008 --> 00:39:50.111
Up at my door, or if they show up at my door uninvited because
00:39:50.111 --> 00:39:54.382
There's something that needs to be said.
00:39:54.382 --> 00:39:56.117
There's something that has been built.
00:39:56.117 --> 00:39:58.119
And so many women say to me, um, but i don't have those
00:39:58.119 --> 00:40:03.658
Kinds of friends. right.
00:40:03.658 --> 00:40:05.293
Let's talk about it.
00:40:05.293 --> 00:40:06.328
And the question then becomes, well, are you
00:40:06.328 --> 00:40:08.396
Willing to go first?
00:40:08.396 --> 00:40:09.931
Like once, as a result of this conversation, if you're sitting
00:40:09.931 --> 00:40:13.735
There and you're saying, like, but i don't have that.
00:40:13.735 --> 00:40:16.738
Okay. then the question is, what do i have to do to be that?
00:40:16.738 --> 00:40:20.408
And being first, going first is
00:40:20.408 --> 00:40:23.945
Not comfortable, may not be comfortable.
00:40:23.945 --> 00:40:27.382
It may not be your personality type.
00:40:27.382 --> 00:40:29.784
It may not be your experience, but it doesn't have to--
00:40:29.784 --> 00:40:34.222
None of those things have to
00:40:34.222 --> 00:40:35.156
Determine whether or not you do it.
00:40:35.156 --> 00:40:37.792
We moved into our neighborhood and i was like, okay, finally,
00:40:37.792 --> 00:40:40.228
I think this is it.
00:40:40.228 --> 00:40:41.263
I think this is the last house i'll ever have.
00:40:41.263 --> 00:40:42.764
I want to be friends with my neighbors.
00:40:42.764 --> 00:40:44.065
It's in the middle of covid and i'm like, if i make them
00:40:44.065 --> 00:40:45.800
Cookies, nobody's going to eat it
00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:47.335
If i put it in my little sandwich bags.
00:40:47.335 --> 00:40:49.104
So i'm going to go get some,
00:40:49.104 --> 00:40:50.138
Like, professionally made cookies.
00:40:50.138 --> 00:40:51.339
So it's clear that it was like professionally sealed.
00:40:51.339 --> 00:40:53.575
Ain't no disease.
00:40:53.575 --> 00:40:54.242
You know what i'm saying?
00:40:54.242 --> 00:40:55.510
And i'm going to like, put, you know, i'm going to spread--
00:40:55.510 --> 00:40:56.745
And i did that and i left little notes and i had a little
00:40:56.745 --> 00:40:59.080
Like, we're the family who
00:40:59.080 --> 00:40:59.915
Moved in at the end of the street.
00:40:59.915 --> 00:41:01.416
And i put that out there and nobody responded.
00:41:01.416 --> 00:41:03.818
Nobody said, thanks.
00:41:03.818 --> 00:41:04.786
Nobody kind of came and waved. nobody--
00:41:04.786 --> 00:41:06.988
And i was just like, okay.
00:41:06.988 --> 00:41:08.390
Fast forward a couple of years randomly on our doorstep.
00:41:08.390 --> 00:41:11.660
One of our neighbors, i guess they were growing onions and
00:41:11.660 --> 00:41:13.662
They just left us this bag of onions.
00:41:13.662 --> 00:41:15.664
You know, two years later, there was like this response.
00:41:15.664 --> 00:41:20.835
Wow.
00:41:20.835 --> 00:41:22.037
And so i think we have to operate as a seed that we're
00:41:22.037 --> 00:41:27.275
Going to plant of what we hope to harvest later.
00:41:27.275 --> 00:41:31.046
We cannot wait for somebody else to go, hey, i'm here.
00:41:31.046 --> 00:41:36.017
We have to say, i'm going to do what i think would be the
00:41:36.017 --> 00:41:40.322
Beginnings of relationship and availability and good
00:41:40.322 --> 00:41:43.325
Friendship, and plant it and then cull it and then weed it
00:41:43.325 --> 00:41:48.496
Trusting that something will come of it.
00:41:48.496 --> 00:41:51.800
It is possible to be a woman who wants community and be
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:55.170
Lonely, because there doesn't seem to be anyone else around.
00:41:55.170 --> 00:41:58.373
Well, here's what i would say to you.
00:41:58.373 --> 00:42:00.075
If you're in that position, be the friend you want to have.
00:42:00.075 --> 00:42:03.812
Now, i realize that that might sound easier and be easier said
00:42:03.812 --> 00:42:07.649
Than done, but it is the surefire way, and the only way
00:42:07.649 --> 00:42:10.885
To guarantee that you're going to put yourself in position to
00:42:10.885 --> 00:42:15.190
Be a friend and receive friendship.
00:42:15.190 --> 00:42:17.525
You may have to try it a few times.
00:42:17.525 --> 00:42:19.027
There might be a few failed attempts.
00:42:19.027 --> 00:42:21.129
There might be some folks that don't reciprocate, but that
00:42:21.129 --> 00:42:23.832
Does not mean that you should not make the effort to take
00:42:23.832 --> 00:42:26.935
The first step.
00:42:26.935 --> 00:42:28.236
So if you want solid community, then be that community and know
00:42:28.236 --> 00:42:33.375
That as you put yourself out
00:42:33.375 --> 00:42:34.676
There, eventually one will stick.
00:42:34.676 --> 00:42:37.412
Jesus had the 12 and he had the three, and he had the one
00:42:37.412 --> 00:42:41.583
Disciple that he loved.
00:42:41.583 --> 00:42:43.418
You don't need 37 friends, so putting yourself out there and
00:42:43.418 --> 00:42:47.322
Being satisfied with 1 or 3 or maybe 12 starts with you.
00:42:47.322 --> 00:42:53.428
I've spent the last two years researching community.
00:42:53.428 --> 00:42:56.865
Like, we have to plant those seeds and it is awkward, but
00:42:56.865 --> 00:43:00.702
It's honestly like as an adult i can't--
00:43:00.702 --> 00:43:03.171
It's so weird to make friends,
00:43:03.171 --> 00:43:04.973
Especially if you're introverted.
00:43:04.973 --> 00:43:06.107
I'm sorry. i'm a raging extrovert.
00:43:06.107 --> 00:43:07.642
I'm like-- you're an extrovert?
00:43:07.642 --> 00:43:09.177
Oh, surprise. what?
00:43:09.177 --> 00:43:10.645
The extrovertism is just, like, oozing out of me.
00:43:10.645 --> 00:43:13.181
I have friends coming out of way too many areas.
00:43:13.181 --> 00:43:15.450
Let me stop you.
00:43:15.450 --> 00:43:16.284
But it doesn't matter.
00:43:16.284 --> 00:43:17.385
Do you have friends in the crowd,
00:43:17.385 --> 00:43:20.655
Or do you have friends?
00:43:20.655 --> 00:43:22.791
Yes. so here--
00:43:22.791 --> 00:43:23.625
This is where-- this is my point
00:43:23.625 --> 00:43:24.726
Is that we have to build the circles as jesus did.
00:43:24.726 --> 00:43:27.896
Yes. what we should know and recognize is that even jesus
00:43:27.896 --> 00:43:31.633
Had friendship circles.
00:43:31.633 --> 00:43:33.134
Even he had people in different places.
00:43:33.134 --> 00:43:35.737
God already demonstrated to us that he even has boundaries,
00:43:35.737 --> 00:43:39.741
That boundaries are biblical.
00:43:39.741 --> 00:43:41.643
Stay in this garden, do this thing, don't eat from that.
00:43:41.643 --> 00:43:44.779
And then he modeled how to live
00:43:44.779 --> 00:43:46.381
That out with people through jesus.
00:43:46.381 --> 00:43:48.683
Jesus's most intimate circle was him and god.
00:43:48.683 --> 00:43:51.720
It was him and the lord.
00:43:51.720 --> 00:43:53.321
That is it.
00:43:53.321 --> 00:43:54.589
No one penetrated that when he needed alone time, intimate
00:43:54.589 --> 00:43:57.325
Time, it was him and god.
00:43:57.325 --> 00:43:59.494
The second circle, where three disciples who he brought into
00:43:59.494 --> 00:44:02.897
His most vulnerable moment, the garden of gethsemane.
00:44:02.897 --> 00:44:06.267
It was peter, james and john.
00:44:06.267 --> 00:44:07.702
Why didn't he bring them all?
00:44:07.702 --> 00:44:09.270
He brought three close-- now they fell asleep
00:44:09.270 --> 00:44:11.272
Absolutely. well, surprise.
00:44:11.272 --> 00:44:13.641
But there was a reason why he brought those three close.
00:44:13.641 --> 00:44:16.077
And we see that all throughout the gospels.
00:44:16.077 --> 00:44:17.912
And how he was like cultivating something in these three.
00:44:17.912 --> 00:44:21.750
Then he had the other disciples, even one of
00:44:21.750 --> 00:44:24.552
His enemies, judas.
00:44:24.552 --> 00:44:26.888
But he had him at a place that was safe enough to fulfill
00:44:26.888 --> 00:44:30.024
Whatever he needed to do and to and to have this be a part of
00:44:30.024 --> 00:44:32.927
Jesus' story, but not close enough to harm him in his
00:44:32.927 --> 00:44:36.564
Mission and purpose on this earth.
00:44:36.564 --> 00:44:38.933
And then he had the pharisees and the teachers of the law
00:44:38.933 --> 00:44:41.302
Who were his friends.
00:44:41.302 --> 00:44:42.537
He loved them as well, but he had them in another space.
00:44:42.537 --> 00:44:46.574
And then all the people that he served and the masses.
00:44:46.574 --> 00:44:49.077
Et cetera, et cetera.
00:44:49.077 --> 00:44:50.211
Even jesus had circles, and we have to get it right.
00:44:50.211 --> 00:44:52.781
Jesus could have done everything alone, and he had
00:44:52.781 --> 00:44:55.316
Enough power to do it.
00:44:55.316 --> 00:44:56.284
And-- but he brought
00:44:56.284 --> 00:44:57.585
People in.
00:44:57.585 --> 00:44:58.853
When he built his circle, he let one of the 12 be the risk.
00:44:58.853 --> 00:45:02.157
When you're building circles--
00:45:02.157 --> 00:45:03.992
Come on.
00:45:03.992 --> 00:45:05.093
You have to know that you are taking a risk with
00:45:05.093 --> 00:45:07.896
Doing it.
00:45:07.896 --> 00:45:08.496
But even that one risk
00:45:08.496 --> 00:45:10.632
Is not worth you doing away with the beauty
00:45:10.632 --> 00:45:15.270
Of the other 11.
00:45:15.270 --> 00:45:17.172
And you don't--
00:45:17.172 --> 00:45:18.406
You don't get the 11 without taking the risk for the one.
00:45:18.406 --> 00:45:21.442
And so if you want to have the kind of engagement and
00:45:21.442 --> 00:45:24.379
Community, you can't throw away or toss the risk that comes
00:45:24.379 --> 00:45:29.250
With it, but you don't get the benefit of the community
00:45:29.250 --> 00:45:31.986
Without leaving room to be hurt.
00:45:31.986 --> 00:45:33.788
Because how many people say that?
00:45:33.788 --> 00:45:35.023
Well, i did it once and got hurt.
00:45:35.023 --> 00:45:36.825
Then do it again. then do it again.
00:45:36.825 --> 00:45:38.827
Yeah. wait.
00:45:38.827 --> 00:45:39.594
Oh my goodness, you set me free.
00:45:39.594 --> 00:45:41.196
I'm not gonna do it again. i've already been hurt.
00:45:41.196 --> 00:45:42.564
I'm not gonna. no, no, no.
00:45:42.564 --> 00:45:43.932
I can't trust anybody anymore.
00:45:43.932 --> 00:45:45.166
And that's real. like you have
00:45:45.166 --> 00:45:46.401
Been honest.
00:45:46.401 --> 00:45:47.268
It did hurt and they did betray you.
00:45:47.268 --> 00:45:48.803
But even that is fruit
00:45:48.803 --> 00:45:50.071
Because the hurt that you got from the risk that you took
00:45:50.071 --> 00:45:53.741
Makes you a better friend.
00:45:53.741 --> 00:45:55.210
I'm about to-- it makes you a better friend.
00:45:55.210 --> 00:45:58.346
It's interesting when you read hebrews chapter 12 and it talks
00:45:58.346 --> 00:46:02.350
About finishing this race that you are, you and i are in,
00:46:02.350 --> 00:46:05.687
It says, keep your eyes on jesus, who both began and
00:46:05.687 --> 00:46:09.424
Finished this race we're in.
00:46:09.424 --> 00:46:11.092
Study how he did it.
00:46:11.092 --> 00:46:12.727
So how did he do it?
00:46:12.727 --> 00:46:14.028
If you look at jesus friendship circle, there was a times when
00:46:14.028 --> 00:46:17.098
He would pull away to the mountain side and it would
00:46:17.098 --> 00:46:19.801
Literally be jesus and his father.
00:46:19.801 --> 00:46:22.804
I can only imagine.
00:46:22.804 --> 00:46:24.005
Can you imagine what those conversations must have been
00:46:24.005 --> 00:46:25.874
Like just between jesus and his father?
00:46:25.874 --> 00:46:28.743
And then there were times when he would call in his three
00:46:28.743 --> 00:46:31.346
Closest friends, peter, james, and john, and he would share
00:46:31.346 --> 00:46:35.049
Some of his most difficult
00:46:35.049 --> 00:46:36.618
Moments, like in the garden of gethsemane.
00:46:36.618 --> 00:46:38.653
He allowed them to see how much he was hurting.
00:46:38.653 --> 00:46:42.123
Then, of course, there were the 12.
00:46:42.123 --> 00:46:44.192
It's interesting, though, to think that jesus included in
00:46:44.192 --> 00:46:47.562
His 12 disciples someone that he knew would betray him.
00:46:47.562 --> 00:46:52.400
He allowed that into his circle.
00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:54.769
And i think it's one of the things that you don't want to
00:46:54.769 --> 00:46:57.739
Trade away the beauty of what the 11 bring to your life,
00:46:57.739 --> 00:47:01.709
Because you're afraid of what the one might bring.
00:47:01.709 --> 00:47:04.078
There's something about surrounding your life with good
00:47:04.078 --> 00:47:07.515
People, and accepting the fact that there may be somebody who
00:47:07.515 --> 00:47:09.717
Will let you down.
00:47:09.717 --> 00:47:11.119
But don't let that stop you from loving and opening up
00:47:11.119 --> 00:47:13.988
Your heart again.
00:47:13.988 --> 00:47:15.990
So let's pray.
00:47:15.990 --> 00:47:17.225
And let's ask god for the wisdom to know, the wisdom and
00:47:17.225 --> 00:47:20.528
Understanding to see, and who to invite into our circle,
00:47:20.528 --> 00:47:25.099
And to allow for that.
00:47:25.099 --> 00:47:27.235
And to know that even in that,
00:47:27.235 --> 00:47:28.903
God's purpose will be perfected.
00:47:28.903 --> 00:47:31.539
Lord, i love these conversations.
00:47:31.539 --> 00:47:33.508
I have to say, i just i learned so much from just talking
00:47:33.508 --> 00:47:37.245
Honestly with my sisters and we all look in from different
00:47:37.245 --> 00:47:41.349
Windows and different things and different experiences,
00:47:41.349 --> 00:47:43.818
But what chrystal just shared there, lord, i mean,
00:47:43.818 --> 00:47:46.287
That's huge that you were willing to allow someone
00:47:46.287 --> 00:47:50.391
Like judas into the circle.
00:47:50.391 --> 00:47:52.093
The beauty of the 11 outweighed the betrayal of the one.
00:47:52.093 --> 00:47:56.297
And we ask, lord, now for everyone who's watching, for
00:47:56.297 --> 00:47:58.599
All our sisters, brothers who are watching,
00:47:58.599 --> 00:48:01.035
Lord, will you give us wisdom, wisdom and understanding.
00:48:01.035 --> 00:48:04.339
You've said if we lack it and i lack it,
00:48:04.339 --> 00:48:06.774
If you lack it, we should ask.
00:48:06.774 --> 00:48:08.142
And you will give it to be able to know.
00:48:08.142 --> 00:48:10.678
If we feel like i don't have those kind of friends, will you
00:48:10.678 --> 00:48:14.148
Show us, lord, how to be the first?
00:48:14.148 --> 00:48:16.217
Will you show us how to take that first step?
00:48:16.217 --> 00:48:19.053
And even if it doesn't work right away, show us the next
00:48:19.053 --> 00:48:22.256
Step and the next step.
00:48:22.256 --> 00:48:24.258
Help us to be so secure in how we're loved by you that we're
00:48:24.258 --> 00:48:27.862
Not afraid to take the next step.
00:48:27.862 --> 00:48:30.231
And we ask it in jesus' name.
00:48:30.231 --> 00:48:32.967
Amen. amen.
00:48:32.967 --> 00:48:36.070
Connect with us on social media and let us know how our team
00:48:36.070 --> 00:48:38.873
Can pray for you.
00:48:38.873 --> 00:48:43.544
Okay. toni, are you ready? yeah.
00:48:46.748 --> 00:48:48.516
Cathy sent us this message on facebook.
00:48:48.516 --> 00:48:50.752
She said, i've had walls up for
00:48:50.752 --> 00:48:52.653
Years because of hurtful situations.
00:48:52.653 --> 00:48:54.722
What are some practical steps i can use in everyday life to get
00:48:54.722 --> 00:48:57.525
Past trust issues in making new friendships?
00:48:57.525 --> 00:49:01.496
Well, first of all, let me encourage you to watch the
00:49:01.496 --> 00:49:03.598
Show this week.
00:49:03.598 --> 00:49:04.599
That's number one.
00:49:04.599 --> 00:49:05.733
Watch and rewatch it.
00:49:05.733 --> 00:49:06.968
There was a line said in the show by sheila, and chrystal
00:49:06.968 --> 00:49:10.138
Prompted it.
00:49:10.138 --> 00:49:11.406
She said that the beauty of the 11 has no comparison to the
00:49:11.406 --> 00:49:16.244
Betrayal of the one, and she was referring to the
00:49:16.244 --> 00:49:18.346
12 disciples and jesus and this idea
00:49:18.346 --> 00:49:20.615
That even jesus could be betrayed.
00:49:20.615 --> 00:49:23.151
And if he still got back up again and trusted the 11 and
00:49:23.151 --> 00:49:26.621
Trusted us with his kingdom,
00:49:26.621 --> 00:49:28.723
Then we could learn to trust as well.
00:49:28.723 --> 00:49:31.259
The ultimate betrayal of jesus
00:49:31.259 --> 00:49:33.461
Still happens too, with our sin.
00:49:33.461 --> 00:49:35.430
When we choose sin over god, we are betraying his trust and yet
00:49:35.430 --> 00:49:39.967
He still chooses us.
00:49:39.967 --> 00:49:41.235
What does it look like for us to actually live and breathe
00:49:41.235 --> 00:49:44.005
And be like jesus?
00:49:44.005 --> 00:49:45.807
It's to get back up and trust again.
00:49:45.807 --> 00:49:47.275
That's right.
00:49:47.275 --> 00:49:48.142
Just like he would. and trusting,
00:49:48.142 --> 00:49:49.444
That's not like a toggle switch of like you throw yourself all
00:49:49.444 --> 00:49:52.013
Into a brand new friendship as well, especially if you've been
00:49:52.013 --> 00:49:54.382
Through things where you've been hurt before.
00:49:54.382 --> 00:49:56.384
But it is also that challenge
00:49:56.384 --> 00:49:59.387
And to give us permission that, hey, when you've been hurt,
00:49:59.387 --> 00:50:02.423
That doesn't mean that
00:50:02.423 --> 00:50:03.724
There are no friendships ever again,
00:50:03.724 --> 00:50:05.126
No new friends ever again.
00:50:05.126 --> 00:50:07.128
That even jesus had room in his circle for someone that would
00:50:07.128 --> 00:50:11.299
Ultimately betray him.
00:50:11.299 --> 00:50:12.500
I think about all the times i've wanted to give up on
00:50:12.500 --> 00:50:15.303
Friendships because i've been hurt.
00:50:15.303 --> 00:50:16.737
And then i remember, oh yeah. there's other ones.
00:50:16.737 --> 00:50:19.841
Oh yeah.
00:50:19.841 --> 00:50:20.842
And also i've been the one to hurt people.
00:50:20.842 --> 00:50:22.410
Surprise. you know?
00:50:22.410 --> 00:50:23.678
And so i think that step by step, day by day, that god is
00:50:23.678 --> 00:50:27.748
Going to put people in your world that are going to not
00:50:27.748 --> 00:50:31.219
Just heal the past hurt, but actually walk you into
00:50:31.219 --> 00:50:34.222
Your future as well.
00:50:34.222 --> 00:50:35.590
So, cathy-- get up. trust again.
00:50:35.590 --> 00:50:40.394
Stream full episodes of better together on demand.
00:50:40.394 --> 00:50:44.132
Go to bettertogether.tv to stream all
00:50:44.132 --> 00:50:46.701
Of our latest conversations.
00:50:46.701 --> 00:50:46.701

The Value of Loyalty - Episode 1093

September 10, 2025 | S7 E1093 | 52:34

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