Better Together

Where Shame Meets Grace - Episode 1088

August 27, 2025 | S7 E1088 | 52:34

Shame pushes away, but God’s grace welcomes and heals! The Church is called to create a space where truth is shared with love, and no one is put to shame. What if grace and radical mercy transformed our hearts, our churches, and our communities? | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

#Church #Grace #Shame #Transformation #Community #Forgiveness #Faith #SpiritualGrowth #Restoration #Guilt #Hypocrisy #Judging #PersonalStory #Confession/PowerofWords #Youth #inActive

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Better Together | Where Shame Meets Grace - Episode 1088 | August 27, 2025

- when shame makes us want to run away and hide,
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We must remember that our savior specializes in redemption
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And grace.
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Come on, let's talk about it.
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[music]
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- today, we're going to talk about shame,
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And how shame meets grace, and how important that is, i think,
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As believers and people who call ourselves the bride of christ,
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How we understand grace.
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I was led to the story in john 8 about the woman
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Caught in adultery.
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And as the story goes, the pharisees find this woman caught
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In adultery, and they bring her to jesus.
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And really what we know when we read the story,
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It was really more the pharisees trying to trap jesus.
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They were trying to find fault in him, but they were using her.
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And when they bring this woman to jesus and basically says,
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"hey, you know, moses in the law said that she should be stoned
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To death for this.
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So, what do you say?”
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If you've read the story, we know that jesus leans down and
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He kind of starts inscribing something in sand,
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And we don't really know what it is that he says.
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But basically, it moves on to say,
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"he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
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And one by one, each pharisee has to go away,
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Knowing whatever it was that he inscribed in the sand
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Disqualified them from being able to stone this woman.
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And he looks at her fully in love and basically says,
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"your sins are forgiven, but go sin no more,”
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Which is just the sweetest, loving thing we can do.
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You're forgiven, but change to do something different.
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What's interesting about that is, as i was reading that,
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It was paralleled in exodus when moses received the book of the
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Law on the tablets.
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And it says in exodus 31 that it was the finger of god that
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Wrote on the tablets.
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So, here we have god in exodus with moses inscribing the law
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With the finger of god.
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And then, we have here jesus, god incarnate, come to earth,
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Inscribing in sand with his finger to the pharisees.
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But what it feels like to me is the same person then that was
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Giving you the law is the one who's come to fulfill the law.
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And before you were even born, i knew this woman.
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Before she even took a breath, i knew her.
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I knew her sin.
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I knew what her faults would be.
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And yet, i still chose her.
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I still call her redeemed.
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I still call her loved.
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I think when we think about shame and we think about grace,
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Shame is a self-imposed penalty that god
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Wouldn't even agree with.
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It's a penalty we put on ourselves.
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It's basically saying that we're defined by what we do,
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Not who we are.
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And jesus, by everything he showed us in that story,
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Is it's not what you do.
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It's who you are that i love.
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Now, go and do something different.
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Make a different choice.
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But it's who you are.
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- grace is really god's gift of redemptive love to somebody that
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Just simply did not deserve it.
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And so, that replaces our struggle with shame because
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Grace is given to those that doesn't deserve it anyways.
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He doesn't change what we do.
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He changes who we are.
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Your identity changes when you receive his grace.
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You're no longer somebody that screwed up a bajillion times and
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Will probably screw up again, but you are god's child.
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- i'm going to tell a story about my--
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It's really about my parenting.
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It's about my daughter, but it's about my
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Terrible parenting.
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I didn't have great maternal instincts.
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My firstborn, who's now almost 25, when she was one,
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And i was coming back from a playdate,
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I had her in the car seat.
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And i didn't have a lot of maternal instincts.
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And even though she was one, i was still figuring out this
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Mothering thing.
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And she starts throwing up in the car seat,
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And i don't really know what to do.
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I'm not far from home, but it's a lot of throw up.
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And i don't do throw up.
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Blood, and throw up, and poop, three things i don't really like
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To do.
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But as a mom, i had to take care of throw up.
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And so, i pull into my driveway and her car seat, truly--
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I know this is kind of disgusting to talk about,
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But it had a lot of throw up.
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I mean, it's down her face.
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It's in her car seat.
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It's just a lot.
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So, i get her out of the car in her car seat.
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And in my most wise mothering instincts,
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I put her on the driveway and i hose her down.
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[lauughter]
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I'm not--
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This is for real thinking.
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This is the best idea is i got a hose in the drive.
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What did my neighbors think about me?
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I literally--
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I probably even did the thing with the thumb
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That comes out more.
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Like i hosed my daughter down because i didn't want to bring
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Her into my house with all that throw up on her,
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With all that mess.
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And i just remember specifically in talking about
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Shame with the lord, and he brought that story to mind,
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That's why i share it today, to show me that that is actually a
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Depiction of how i thought.
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I thought that i had to clean myself up before i could come
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Into the house.
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I needed to make sure that everything was okay.
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There's no way that i should have brought all the throw up
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And all into the house.
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Let's clean that up.
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And i wonder how many believers, not even believers,
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How many people feel the same way.
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Probably even more so, people who aren't believers think,
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"well, i want to be a part of a church.
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I want to know more about god, but there's no way i can come
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The way i am.
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So, i've got to figure out how to clean myself up before i can
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Enter the doors of the church.
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I live under this shame.
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It's a self penalty.
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And until i can figure out how to get rid of that shame and how
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To get rid of that--”
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And then, there's this beautiful thing that jesus comes
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And says, "that's what grace is.”
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Grace says, you come the way you are,
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And then we'll figure it out through the intimacy we talked
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About yesterday.
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But when i think about this woman caught in adultery,
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I mean, jesus, the response, the response of the pharisees was,
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"you're supposed to die for this.
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You should die for how bad you are.”
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And jesus's response was, "i've loved you from the beginning.
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I know you have this sin bent.”
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We all have that bent.
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Hers was adultery.
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I know you have this.
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Go sin no more.
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But just know you're mine.
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You're mine.
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I don't shame you for this.
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So, don't live under shame.
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- there's a lot of ways and methods that the world offers
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For us to feel better about ourselves
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To not feel bad for things that we've done
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Or to give us a quick fix.
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But the blood of jesus covers our sins.
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So, when you put your faith in jesus, his blood covers us,
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He forgives us, and we are now set free to have a close
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Relationship with god.
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So, this is why this is important.
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We must invite jesus into our lives to transform our hurt.
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We must receive the love of jesus into our lives and
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Transform our hurt.
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If we do not let jesus transform our hurt,
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We will transfer our hurt onto other people.
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But instead, the gospel, the story of jesus,
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The blood of jesus has the key that the world
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Cannot give to us.
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When we put our faith in jesus, we unlock forgiveness and
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Freedom through jesus christ.
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- so, as i'm thinking about that,
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And i know i've had a journey in truly not putting a penalty on
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Myself that god doesn't put on me,
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Because that's really what shame is,
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Living under a penalty that not even he would agree with.
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How have you processed in your life putting grace over those
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Areas in your life that you fall short instead of
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Sliving under hame?
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- so, in leading a community of predominantly new believers or
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Baby believers, it has been an interesting road for me.
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Like i mentioned, i'm raised in the church, good kid,
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Vacation bible school, summer camp, winter camp.
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Memorized the title of the 66 books of the bible
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Through a rap.
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I'm a good christian kid.
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So, then stepping into ministry, and pioneering,
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And church planting, it was really interesting to see
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Different people that do not have a faith background.
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And so, i remember particularly a couple of just stories and
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Just seeing the spirit of god move in people's lives.
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One, we were set up and tear down.
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We were in an event space.
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Someone came in, and i thought it was the alcohol smell from
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The venue that we had rented from the night before because i
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Was next to a particular person.
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And i realized bloodshot eyes, smelling like weed, marijuana,
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Ganja, whatever we want to call it, mary jane.
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I realized that he was not only drunk, but he was also high.
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And so, my instinct was--
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My internal monologue was, "are you kidding me?
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You're in the house of god and you came lit.
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You came drunk to the house of god.”
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He was there to serve.
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I don't know why he did the decisions that he did,
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But as a shepherd, i'm like, "ok, i have two options.
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Do i just send him home and be like, get your life, bro?
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Like, you don't shove the church like this.”
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I pulled him to the side, and we had some donuts ready for
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Like early church comers for first service.
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And i said, "hey, i think i'm going to need you to eat three
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Donuts right now and i have a cup of black coffee.”
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And i said, "i love that you're here,
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But you don't have to pay penance.
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You don't have to apologize for what you did by serving god.
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So, i just want to ask you, are you ok?
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Because i think you're a little drunk.
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I think you're a little high.
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And i want you to have a space here.
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But you got to tell me what's going on.”
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The beautiful thing is this young man went on to get into
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Celebrate recovery.
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You're very familiar with that.
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It's kind of like aa, but with a whole lot of jesus.
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And i love how they walk alongside people.
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I'm so happy to say that this young man has been living a life
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Of sobriety since that moment.
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And it just reminded me, even in the early days of pioneering,
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That if you care less about the results of people's decisions,
00:10:46.736 --> 00:10:51.440
And really get to the heart of why they're making the
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Decisions, you might be able to love them like jesus.
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And i feel like if our narrative as people in the
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Church, whether we're leading the church or attending the
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Church, is that of a grace filter rather than that of
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Judgment, when you're inquisitive about somebody's
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Story, what will it unlock to discovering how you can come in
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And love that person like jesus, and give them grace to grow in
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An area that might be tripping them up for a while?
00:11:16.365 --> 00:11:19.268
- if you might feel yourself looking at somebody that's new
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To church or maybe not knowing their story and feeling a little
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Judgmental, maybe you're critiquing their clothing,
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Or their word choices, or maybe even some of their decisions,
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I'm going to encourage you, before you jump to conclusions
00:11:29.245 --> 00:11:32.515
Or assumptions, i'm going to invite you to ask
00:11:32.515 --> 00:11:35.251
Qgood uestions.
00:11:35.251 --> 00:11:36.685
Maybe find out why they're wearing what they're wearing,
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They're saying what they're saying,
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Or they're doing what they're doing.
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There is power in getting to know somebody's story and
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Embracing their story, whether it's trauma, or abuse,
00:11:44.894 --> 00:11:47.696
Or just simple immaturity, it might give you a compassionate
00:11:47.696 --> 00:11:51.500
Heart versus a judgmental heart.
00:11:51.500 --> 00:11:53.769
If we're not careful.
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I've been a seasoned saint,
00:11:54.837 --> 00:11:55.738
I've been in church for a long time.
00:11:55.738 --> 00:11:57.072
There are moments where i can hear somebody or see somebody
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And feel a little sense of righteous indignation.
00:11:59.708 --> 00:12:02.912
But if that's going to be something that's going to put a
00:12:02.912 --> 00:12:05.114
Lens of judgment against them, the issue is with me,
00:12:05.114 --> 00:12:08.150
Not with them.
00:12:08.150 --> 00:12:09.518
I would love for church to be a safe place where people get to
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Come in and experience the presence of god
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Without fear of judgment.
00:12:14.156 --> 00:12:16.125
The expectation is that transformation will happen
00:12:16.125 --> 00:12:18.327
There, but the transformation is not going to come from your
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Judgment or my judgment, it's going to come from being in the
00:12:20.529 --> 00:12:23.332
Presence of god.
00:12:23.332 --> 00:12:24.433
So, ask good questions, give lots of grace,
00:12:24.433 --> 00:12:27.069
Withhold judgment, and walk people along their journey until
00:12:27.069 --> 00:12:30.639
They are who god is transforming them to become.
00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:34.443
- i think that's so good.
00:12:35.044 --> 00:12:36.378
We always say, "permission to belong before you believe.”
00:12:36.378 --> 00:12:38.581
There's a place for you to come to church,
00:12:38.581 --> 00:12:41.116
Because the church is supposed to be a hospital
00:12:41.116 --> 00:12:43.552
For sick people, right?
00:12:43.552 --> 00:12:44.854
A place for people to come and be healed, and to recover,
00:12:44.854 --> 00:12:47.189
And to be made whole.
00:12:47.189 --> 00:12:49.225
But i'm afraid, even if individuals were willing to come
00:12:49.225 --> 00:12:53.395
To church because they believe what we're saying,
00:12:53.395 --> 00:12:55.497
That jesus loves them right where they are,
00:12:55.497 --> 00:12:58.133
And they don't have to get their life fully cleaned up before
00:12:58.133 --> 00:13:00.569
They come, and they just experience his presence,
00:13:00.569 --> 00:13:03.806
I think even if they got that, i think the hard thing would be
00:13:03.806 --> 00:13:07.776
Believers that are in the church.
00:13:07.776 --> 00:13:09.712
And how are people going to respond to me?
00:13:09.712 --> 00:13:13.282
What are people going to think about me?
00:13:13.282 --> 00:13:14.817
I think that's a fear that keeps so many outside
00:13:14.817 --> 00:13:18.254
Of the church.
00:13:18.254 --> 00:13:19.288
And so, for those of us that are believers,
00:13:19.288 --> 00:13:21.390
That's a great responsibility, is that we are creating and
00:13:21.390 --> 00:13:24.426
Fostering a place within our church communities where anyone
00:13:24.426 --> 00:13:27.730
Can walk through the doors, no matter their story,
00:13:27.730 --> 00:13:29.665
No matter their past, wherever they're at right now,
00:13:29.665 --> 00:13:32.167
That there's a safe place for them to come in and to find
00:13:32.167 --> 00:13:34.937
Love, and community, and healing, and hope.
00:13:34.937 --> 00:13:38.073
I just think that's the challenge.
00:13:38.073 --> 00:13:40.242
- i think a holy thing each of us can do every day is to invite
00:13:41.510 --> 00:13:44.580
God into our everyday lives and say, "god,
00:13:44.580 --> 00:13:47.416
I want to have an encounter with you,
00:13:47.416 --> 00:13:48.651
And i'm open to have an encounter with somebody else
00:13:48.651 --> 00:13:51.654
That i might not be expecting.”
00:13:51.654 --> 00:13:53.055
To ask god for it, and to look for it,
00:13:53.055 --> 00:13:55.491
And to be available for it, and to not have any expectation of
00:13:55.491 --> 00:13:59.161
What it must look like.
00:13:59.161 --> 00:14:00.696
The people that god brings into your path might not look like
00:14:00.696 --> 00:14:03.699
How you expected they would look.
00:14:03.699 --> 00:14:05.000
The people that god calls you to or the things god calls you
00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:08.504
To do might not be what you expect him to call you to.
00:14:08.504 --> 00:14:11.440
We need to release our expectations,
00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:13.309
Release our preferences, and get to be a part of something more
00:14:13.309 --> 00:14:18.013
Amazing than we've ever imagined.
00:14:18.013 --> 00:14:20.449
- let's keep the conversation going.
00:14:21.283 --> 00:14:22.952
- connect with us on social media and share your favorite
00:14:22.952 --> 00:14:26.221
Moments from today.
00:14:26.221 --> 00:14:27.389
- we are better together because of you.
00:14:27.389 --> 00:14:30.426
- let's keep the conversation going.
00:14:31.260 --> 00:14:32.795
You can find the better together podcast on your
00:14:32.795 --> 00:14:35.531
Favorite listening platform.
00:14:35.531 --> 00:14:37.166
Subscribe today.
00:14:37.166 --> 00:14:42.003
[music]
00:14:42.238 --> 00:14:45.909
- there's going to be times in life where you feel like your
00:14:47.177 --> 00:14:49.145
Decisions, your actions, maybe your words might have
00:14:49.145 --> 00:14:51.448
Disqualified you from classifying yourself as a
00:14:51.448 --> 00:14:53.550
Follower of jesus.
00:14:53.550 --> 00:14:54.918
First and foremost, acknowledge that that is a lie.
00:14:54.918 --> 00:14:57.120
You are a chosen, anointed child of god.
00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:59.356
He loves you.
00:14:59.356 --> 00:15:00.690
Scripture says that there's nothing that could separate his
00:15:00.690 --> 00:15:02.659
Love from you.
00:15:02.659 --> 00:15:03.727
But this is what happened.
00:15:03.727 --> 00:15:04.828
The lie will creep in and make you feel like
00:15:04.828 --> 00:15:06.963
You are disqualified, you are unwanted, and you don't belong.
00:15:06.963 --> 00:15:10.000
I would encourage you, war against the lie.
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:12.635
When the lie of the enemy comes up and tries to tell you of your
00:15:12.635 --> 00:15:15.672
Past, remind the enemy of his future.
00:15:15.672 --> 00:15:18.141
I am a chosen child of god, and there's no weapon that will be
00:15:18.141 --> 00:15:21.511
Formed against me that will prosper.
00:15:21.511 --> 00:15:23.446
So, i'm going to walk in grace, walk in forgiveness,
00:15:23.446 --> 00:15:25.348
And walk in my true identity.
00:15:25.348 --> 00:15:28.385
[music]
00:15:28.718 --> 00:15:31.187
- i think it was 2016.
00:15:31.187 --> 00:15:32.689
We were doing church in a middle school.
00:15:32.689 --> 00:15:35.058
And we were just having all these new people from the
00:15:35.058 --> 00:15:38.695
Community that were coming through the doors of the church.
00:15:38.695 --> 00:15:40.697
And we had a young lady come to church and show up.
00:15:40.697 --> 00:15:44.200
And immediately, it was very clear what her lifestyle choices
00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:47.070
Were currently.
00:15:47.070 --> 00:15:48.405
She came up to me and said, "i know that god wants me to plug
00:15:48.405 --> 00:15:53.410
In and to learn more about him.”
00:15:53.410 --> 00:15:54.978
And we just said, "we're so excited.”
00:15:54.978 --> 00:15:56.546
And she just dove into our church community.
00:15:56.546 --> 00:15:59.382
She was there every sunday.
00:15:59.382 --> 00:16:00.917
She was hungry for the presence of god.
00:16:00.917 --> 00:16:02.852
She was listening to the messages.
00:16:02.852 --> 00:16:04.354
She plugged into a connect group, and she's learning,
00:16:04.354 --> 00:16:06.890
And she's growing.
00:16:06.890 --> 00:16:07.957
She's still in her current lifestyle choices.
00:16:07.957 --> 00:16:09.859
And she's like, "i am supposed to be serving god.”
00:16:09.859 --> 00:16:12.529
And i don't know what everybody else's stances are,
00:16:12.529 --> 00:16:15.532
But we're like, "you know what?
00:16:15.532 --> 00:16:16.633
You need to be on our greeting team.
00:16:16.633 --> 00:16:19.069
You've got the best smile.
00:16:19.069 --> 00:16:20.203
You are so friendly.
00:16:20.203 --> 00:16:21.538
And we're going to pair you up with a woman named patty.”
00:16:21.538 --> 00:16:24.174
And patty was one of our greeters at our front door who
00:16:24.174 --> 00:16:26.643
Loved the lord, had been walking with the lord for probably 30 or
00:16:26.643 --> 00:16:29.579
40 years.
00:16:29.579 --> 00:16:30.780
And so, they paired up at the front door,
00:16:30.780 --> 00:16:32.916
And they greeted people when they came through the doors.
00:16:32.916 --> 00:16:35.051
And i'll tell you what.
00:16:35.051 --> 00:16:36.386
There's a family that had been in our church since the start of
00:16:36.386 --> 00:16:38.488
Our church that we loved dearly.
00:16:38.488 --> 00:16:40.590
And they were longtime believers.
00:16:40.590 --> 00:16:43.393
They came up to my husband and i and they said,
00:16:43.393 --> 00:16:46.029
"we can't come to church if she's going to serve at the
00:16:46.029 --> 00:16:48.932
Front door because that's telling our children that this
00:16:48.932 --> 00:16:53.036
Lifestyle is okay.”
00:16:53.036 --> 00:16:54.537
And i said, "i can't imagine going to a church that doesn't
00:16:54.537 --> 00:17:01.144
Create a place for people along their journey.”
00:17:01.144 --> 00:17:03.746
And this family chose to leave the church because they didn't
00:17:03.746 --> 00:17:08.985
Agree with someone's lifestyle choices and were judging from
00:17:08.985 --> 00:17:12.122
The outside and not getting the inside story,
00:17:12.122 --> 00:17:14.057
Which is what you were saying.
00:17:14.057 --> 00:17:15.191
I'm afraid so many believers act like that,
00:17:15.191 --> 00:17:16.893
So easy in some things to see the yuck, to smell the yuck.
00:17:16.893 --> 00:17:22.165
It's so easy.
00:17:22.165 --> 00:17:23.166
But there's a lot of things we can't see.
00:17:23.166 --> 00:17:25.301
- you know, the church should be the safest place for people
00:17:25.401 --> 00:17:29.105
Who are wrestling with shame, with guilt, with regret.
00:17:29.105 --> 00:17:33.710
The church should be a safe haven.
00:17:33.710 --> 00:17:35.912
In fact, it's like a hospital, right?
00:17:35.912 --> 00:17:37.714
I just believe that when people walk through the doors of the
00:17:37.714 --> 00:17:40.383
Church, they should walk in and take a breath of fresh air.
00:17:40.383 --> 00:17:43.853
I think that the church should be a place where people come in
00:17:43.853 --> 00:17:46.489
With all their brokenness and all of their baggage,
00:17:46.489 --> 00:17:48.458
And someone wraps their arms around them and tells them,
00:17:48.458 --> 00:17:50.560
"you're going to be okay.
00:17:50.560 --> 00:17:51.828
God loves you.
00:17:51.828 --> 00:17:52.829
God sees you.
00:17:52.829 --> 00:17:53.596
God knows you.”
00:17:53.596 --> 00:17:54.864
And then, the church should be a place that is all about
00:17:54.864 --> 00:17:56.799
Restoration, that comes alongside of people who are
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.469
Struggling and says, "listen, your best days
00:17:59.469 --> 00:18:02.205
Are still ahead of you.”
00:18:02.205 --> 00:18:03.406
And they speak life, and purpose, and destiny,
00:18:03.406 --> 00:18:05.975
Over every single individual.
00:18:05.975 --> 00:18:08.011
The church can be a place where people find freedom from shame.
00:18:08.011 --> 00:18:11.981
Why?
00:18:11.981 --> 00:18:13.283
Because we were never meant to live under a cloud of shame
00:18:13.283 --> 00:18:15.418
Because jesus paid the price already.
00:18:15.418 --> 00:18:18.254
And so, i want to tell you, if you've been struggling with
00:18:18.254 --> 00:18:20.390
Shame, if you've been struggling with regret,
00:18:20.390 --> 00:18:21.891
If you've been hesitant to walk through the doors of a church,
00:18:21.891 --> 00:18:24.327
Could you just give it another try?
00:18:24.327 --> 00:18:27.163
The church is god's body of believers,
00:18:27.163 --> 00:18:30.133
And it's a place of healing.
00:18:30.133 --> 00:18:31.935
It's a place of hope.
00:18:31.935 --> 00:18:33.336
It's a place of restoration.
00:18:33.336 --> 00:18:34.904
- the beautiful story, i'm just going to bring it to a close
00:18:36.172 --> 00:18:38.007
Here, is that this young lady pursued god with all of her
00:18:38.007 --> 00:18:41.211
Heart, and was loved by a community of faith,
00:18:41.211 --> 00:18:44.480
And discipled by a community of faith.
00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:46.849
And she eventually made a decision to shift some of her
00:18:46.849 --> 00:18:51.154
Lifestyle decisions to line up with god's word because she came
00:18:51.154 --> 00:18:54.924
To this place where she went, "if this is god's plan for me,
00:18:54.924 --> 00:18:57.660
This must be the right plan for me.”
00:18:57.660 --> 00:18:59.662
And just was radically on fire for god.
00:18:59.662 --> 00:19:02.432
And the thing that i get with that story is not only the
00:19:02.432 --> 00:19:06.069
Beauty of a church being a place for hope, and healing,
00:19:06.069 --> 00:19:09.205
And restoration, but i also take away this family that walked
00:19:09.205 --> 00:19:13.142
Away because they couldn't handle the process and they
00:19:13.142 --> 00:19:16.246
Couldn't handle the messiness.
00:19:16.246 --> 00:19:17.780
And i think that i would challenge long-term believers
00:19:17.780 --> 00:19:20.950
Who've been walking with god for a long time not to forget your
00:19:20.950 --> 00:19:24.621
Story, not to forget that god picks us all up out of a place,
00:19:24.621 --> 00:19:27.590
Out of a mess, out of a pit, and puts our feet upon a rock.
00:19:27.590 --> 00:19:31.694
And i just think my challenge would be, as the church,
00:19:31.694 --> 00:19:35.198
We've got to create a place for messy stories.
00:19:35.198 --> 00:19:37.500
We've got to create a place for people to come in and experience
00:19:37.500 --> 00:19:40.803
The grace and the goodness of god because i think often it's
00:19:40.803 --> 00:19:43.940
The believers that keep people away more than it is
00:19:43.940 --> 00:19:46.709
Jesus himself.
00:19:46.709 --> 00:19:48.011
- and we talk about running with the lord.
00:19:48.011 --> 00:19:49.479
That implies that at some point, maybe we were crawlers.
00:19:49.479 --> 00:19:52.382
And when we think about a child, a baby,
00:19:52.382 --> 00:19:56.119
We don't admonish them or get upset that they're crawling at
00:19:56.119 --> 00:20:02.458
Six months and not walking.
00:20:02.458 --> 00:20:04.427
It's like, well, we understand as a baby,
00:20:04.427 --> 00:20:06.162
You would be crawling at this stage in your life.
00:20:06.162 --> 00:20:08.031
You wouldn't be running.
00:20:08.031 --> 00:20:09.332
We don't look down on them for being at the stage of growth
00:20:09.332 --> 00:20:13.703
That they're in, yet we never quite know where are we
00:20:13.703 --> 00:20:17.940
Intersecting with someone in their walk.
00:20:17.940 --> 00:20:20.543
And so, we're running with the lord,
00:20:20.543 --> 00:20:22.345
Thinking everyone around us is running with the lord.
00:20:22.345 --> 00:20:24.914
And some are crawling, and some are just learning to walk.
00:20:24.914 --> 00:20:27.850
And so, we have to be aware that we're going to intersect
00:20:27.850 --> 00:20:31.754
With people that are a different place in their relationship
00:20:31.754 --> 00:20:36.059
With the lord.
00:20:36.059 --> 00:20:37.360
And instead of looking down on them, why aren't you acting,
00:20:37.360 --> 00:20:40.663
Looking, behaving like somebody who's been running with the lord
00:20:40.663 --> 00:20:43.866
For a long time?
00:20:43.866 --> 00:20:45.001
It's like, oh, because you just started crawling.
00:20:45.001 --> 00:20:47.003
You're just brand new.
00:20:47.003 --> 00:20:50.440
- i think we're all trying to figure out how to balance the
00:20:50.540 --> 00:20:52.642
Need for healthy accountability and restoration.
00:20:52.642 --> 00:20:56.412
And i would say start off the way god meets us in our mess,
00:20:56.412 --> 00:21:01.184
Which is his kindness.
00:21:01.184 --> 00:21:03.086
It says in romans that it is his kindness that leads us to
00:21:03.086 --> 00:21:06.889
Repentance.
00:21:06.889 --> 00:21:08.057
Can we approach someone in their mess with kindness?
00:21:08.057 --> 00:21:12.061
Now, that doesn't mean you discount truth.
00:21:12.061 --> 00:21:14.931
Truth can be delivered with kindness, with graciousness,
00:21:14.931 --> 00:21:19.702
With a lovely tone, with a cheerful heart, with love,
00:21:19.702 --> 00:21:24.974
With gentleness.
00:21:24.974 --> 00:21:26.309
And so, yeah, bring your truth, but don't forget the kindness.
00:21:26.309 --> 00:21:30.780
- i love the story that you're sharing because it's a reminder
00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:33.850
That we can't be shamed into our discipleship journey.
00:21:33.850 --> 00:21:37.387
We can't be shamed into formation.
00:21:37.387 --> 00:21:40.323
And i know that as we talk about this,
00:21:40.323 --> 00:21:44.260
It's one thing to encourage someone to just not be ashamed,
00:21:44.260 --> 00:21:49.031
And just go to church, and all that good stuff.
00:21:49.031 --> 00:21:52.702
That's the dream, right?
00:21:52.702 --> 00:21:54.570
But then, at the same time, knowing that sometimes we walk
00:21:54.570 --> 00:21:58.341
Into spaces that are worshiping communities and yet have a
00:21:58.341 --> 00:22:02.245
Culture of shaming.
00:22:02.245 --> 00:22:04.347
I know for myself, the first two or three christian
00:22:04.347 --> 00:22:09.819
Communities that helped shape the beginning parts of my faith
00:22:09.819 --> 00:22:13.823
Journey, there was a really strong culture of shame,
00:22:13.823 --> 00:22:17.827
And it's masked as righteousness.
00:22:17.827 --> 00:22:21.764
It's masked as even accountability sometimes.
00:22:21.764 --> 00:22:26.102
And sometimes i think we forget,
00:22:26.102 --> 00:22:28.104
What are our tools for teaching and accountability?
00:22:28.104 --> 00:22:33.276
Is it shame and pressure?
00:22:33.276 --> 00:22:35.678
Or is it truth and kindness?
00:22:35.678 --> 00:22:38.948
I knew something was off when i think i was well into
00:22:38.948 --> 00:22:43.686
My faith journey.
00:22:43.686 --> 00:22:44.954
And i remember every time i prayed, i would get stressed.
00:22:44.954 --> 00:22:47.890
And every time i would listen to a sermon,
00:22:47.890 --> 00:22:50.693
It would stress me out.
00:22:50.693 --> 00:22:52.195
It would just give me anxiety.
00:22:52.195 --> 00:22:53.496
And i realized, oh, man.
00:22:53.496 --> 00:22:55.031
I think i'm afraid of god now.
00:22:55.031 --> 00:22:58.201
Because when you're 16, and you didn't grow up in a church,
00:22:58.201 --> 00:23:02.205
And all you're hearing are very doom and gloom.
00:23:02.205 --> 00:23:06.209
And if you dress like this, you don't love jesus enough.
00:23:06.209 --> 00:23:08.945
You're not on fire for god enough.
00:23:08.945 --> 00:23:10.446
You're not bible-based enough.
00:23:10.446 --> 00:23:12.615
And when you just hear enough of that, after a while,
00:23:12.615 --> 00:23:15.117
I'm like, "there's no right i could do.”
00:23:15.117 --> 00:23:16.986
And i remember going on a mission trip.
00:23:16.986 --> 00:23:19.655
Funny how we go on mission trips when we're not really
00:23:19.655 --> 00:23:22.492
Exuding the love of god sometimes.
00:23:22.492 --> 00:23:24.594
But i went on a mission trip, and i remember watching what god
00:23:24.594 --> 00:23:29.999
Was doing in the room when we were up on this
00:23:29.999 --> 00:23:33.269
Mountaintop area.
00:23:33.269 --> 00:23:34.537
And i just saw--
00:23:34.537 --> 00:23:37.006
I mean, even my own team, they were just getting just so
00:23:37.006 --> 00:23:40.476
Blessed and touched by the holy spirit.
00:23:40.476 --> 00:23:42.845
And just even seeing the locals just, you know,
00:23:42.845 --> 00:23:45.314
Just seeing this beautiful unity happen.
00:23:45.314 --> 00:23:47.617
And i was the only one that felt like i felt nothing.
00:23:47.617 --> 00:23:50.052
Like i don't--
00:23:50.052 --> 00:23:50.786
Like i just--
00:23:50.786 --> 00:23:51.721
You know, nothing's happening here.
00:23:51.721 --> 00:23:53.055
The most honest prayer that i could pray in that moment was
00:23:53.055 --> 00:23:55.591
Just, "god, i don't think i could ever be
00:23:55.591 --> 00:23:57.159
What you want me to be.”
00:23:57.159 --> 00:23:58.461
You know, like i don't think i could ever be her.
00:23:58.461 --> 00:24:00.897
I don't think i could ever be that person that will never get
00:24:00.897 --> 00:24:04.467
Rebuked, sidelined, and told, like,
00:24:04.467 --> 00:24:07.336
"you didn't do this right.”
00:24:07.336 --> 00:24:09.105
I don't know if i could ever be that.
00:24:09.105 --> 00:24:12.141
You know, and that's just my honest truth, you know,
00:24:12.141 --> 00:24:14.677
But i love you.
00:24:14.677 --> 00:24:15.845
And i don't know if that's enough, but i love you.
00:24:15.845 --> 00:24:17.713
You know, and i could say what came after was one of the most
00:24:17.713 --> 00:24:21.884
Powerful, or at least up until that point, you know,
00:24:21.884 --> 00:24:24.587
One of the most memorable moments that i've had with the
00:24:24.587 --> 00:24:27.657
Holy spirit, which, you know, it felt like a tangible presence
00:24:27.657 --> 00:24:31.227
Just blanketed over me.
00:24:31.227 --> 00:24:33.029
And i felt him call my name, and he said, "you know,
00:24:33.029 --> 00:24:36.132
I love you anyways.”
00:24:36.132 --> 00:24:38.100
You know, and that was so radical for me.
00:24:38.100 --> 00:24:42.538
You know, especially growing up when you're so formative to
00:24:42.538 --> 00:24:46.442
Church culture and thinking, you know, we often think, "okay,
00:24:46.442 --> 00:24:50.846
If the pastor disapproves of me, then god disapproves of me.
00:24:50.846 --> 00:24:54.684
If my bible study leader disapproves of me,
00:24:54.684 --> 00:24:57.420
Then god disapproves of me.”
00:24:57.420 --> 00:24:59.589
So, for god to say that he approves of me,
00:24:59.589 --> 00:25:02.725
That was one of the most pivotal theological shifts that i've had
00:25:02.725 --> 00:25:08.731
To make in my brain.
00:25:08.731 --> 00:25:10.199
Like, oh, wait.
00:25:10.199 --> 00:25:11.567
So, you're telling me that you are king over even all of that,
00:25:11.567 --> 00:25:15.905
All of those people that i love and respect still that tell me
00:25:15.905 --> 00:25:19.408
I'm not good enough, that i need to get my act straight,
00:25:19.408 --> 00:25:22.578
Or else i'm not gonna have the anointing of god,
00:25:22.578 --> 00:25:24.547
Or things like that, you know?
00:25:24.547 --> 00:25:25.982
I think when we want to be the kind of people that could really
00:25:25.982 --> 00:25:30.186
Thrive in church spaces, we need to really believe in the grace
00:25:30.186 --> 00:25:34.857
Of the holy spirit, and of our father in heaven, of jesus,
00:25:34.857 --> 00:25:38.427
Before we expect to believe what other people say of us.
00:25:38.427 --> 00:25:43.099
- you know, that's a good word.
00:25:43.099 --> 00:25:44.533
Like, when we see ourselves through a lens of shame,
00:25:44.533 --> 00:25:46.235
We see other people through a lens of shame.
00:25:46.235 --> 00:25:48.471
When we give ourselves shame for all the things we feel like
00:25:48.471 --> 00:25:51.474
We're not adequate in, we're quicker, maybe,
00:25:51.474 --> 00:25:53.542
To think of the ways we think other people
00:25:53.542 --> 00:25:56.012
Aren't adequate, too.
00:25:56.012 --> 00:25:57.380
And so, maybe one of the best ways for us to be a church that
00:25:57.380 --> 00:26:00.349
Is healing is for us to heal ourselves.
00:26:00.349 --> 00:26:04.787
- i think when we feel a lot of shame in our own lives,
00:26:04.887 --> 00:26:07.890
We naturally give shame to other people.
00:26:07.890 --> 00:26:10.793
I assume when someone is constantly giving me shame or
00:26:10.793 --> 00:26:14.930
Giving other people in our community shame that they have
00:26:14.930 --> 00:26:17.833
Some shame within themselves they need to deal with as well.
00:26:17.833 --> 00:26:21.604
But just the same, when you are a healed person,
00:26:21.604 --> 00:26:25.508
When you receive god's grace for the things that you regret,
00:26:25.508 --> 00:26:29.178
You more naturally give that grace to other people.
00:26:29.178 --> 00:26:32.982
You naturally see people through the lens of god's grace.
00:26:32.982 --> 00:26:35.818
So, one of the best ways to create healed communities and
00:26:35.818 --> 00:26:39.422
Communities of healing is to get healed yourself,
00:26:39.422 --> 00:26:43.325
To invite god into the broken places of your life,
00:26:43.325 --> 00:26:46.829
And allow god to heal so that that healing can overflow
00:26:46.829 --> 00:26:49.565
To the people around you.
00:26:49.565 --> 00:26:51.967
- i mean, this is so good because we always see it from
00:26:52.068 --> 00:26:55.004
The perspective of your story, the one that is
00:26:55.004 --> 00:26:58.074
Obviously broken.
00:26:58.074 --> 00:26:59.542
And how do we respond to brokenness?
00:26:59.542 --> 00:27:02.645
And you're highlighting that if you've had an experience in your
00:27:02.645 --> 00:27:07.550
Life somewhere of a church in some way, good, bad,
00:27:07.550 --> 00:27:12.088
Maybe not great, every time you're entering into an area of
00:27:12.088 --> 00:27:17.193
Body believers, you're bringing that story.
00:27:17.193 --> 00:27:19.228
So, you're seeing through that lens.
00:27:19.228 --> 00:27:21.297
- i am, yeah.
00:27:21.297 --> 00:27:22.665
And i think that was true for me because of immense hurt from
00:27:22.665 --> 00:27:26.035
A lowercase c church, i put all of that on the uppercase c
00:27:26.035 --> 00:27:30.406
Church and said, "because these people were wrong, and ungodly,
00:27:30.406 --> 00:27:35.077
And hurtful, then i am putting that on all churches,
00:27:35.077 --> 00:27:40.082
All christ-following communities."
00:27:40.082 --> 00:27:41.851
- but you still came back, and i think there's a lot of people
00:27:41.851 --> 00:27:44.620
Who just don't come at all.
00:27:44.620 --> 00:27:47.423
- i came back, but shame on you.
00:27:47.423 --> 00:27:49.125
I'm here for god, and i'm here because i'm trying to obey god,
00:27:49.125 --> 00:27:51.961
But shame on all of you.
00:27:51.961 --> 00:27:53.763
And i projected shame onto christ-following communities
00:27:53.763 --> 00:27:57.700
That were not the ones who hurt me.
00:27:57.700 --> 00:27:59.702
And i decided that instead of naming these five people by name
00:27:59.702 --> 00:28:03.873
And the ungodly, unholy things they did against me,
00:28:03.873 --> 00:28:06.909
I decided their name was the church.
00:28:06.909 --> 00:28:08.811
So, i think i've given the church a lot of shame
00:28:08.811 --> 00:28:11.380
In my life.
00:28:11.380 --> 00:28:12.715
And i was one of those people for a long time that felt like i
00:28:12.715 --> 00:28:14.650
Hated the church more than anybody.
00:28:14.650 --> 00:28:16.285
There was almost nobody that i thought could out-hate the
00:28:16.285 --> 00:28:18.487
Church than me.
00:28:18.487 --> 00:28:19.822
And i found a whole community that hated the church with me.
00:28:19.822 --> 00:28:21.724
And we were better than the church.
00:28:21.724 --> 00:28:23.459
We were above the church.
00:28:23.459 --> 00:28:25.261
And the shame i gave towards the church was the ultimate
00:28:25.261 --> 00:28:27.997
Roadblock between me and god.
00:28:27.997 --> 00:28:29.965
- how did that transformation happen?
00:28:29.965 --> 00:28:31.700
- the transformation happened because i saw other people
00:28:31.700 --> 00:28:35.237
Do it right.
00:28:35.237 --> 00:28:37.072
And i let other people show me.
00:28:37.072 --> 00:28:40.309
I didn't just assume that everyone was fake,
00:28:40.309 --> 00:28:42.812
Everyone was lying, everyone was putting on a show.
00:28:42.812 --> 00:28:45.047
And there were other christ-following communities
00:28:45.047 --> 00:28:46.782
From different denominations than i was familiar with,
00:28:46.782 --> 00:28:48.517
With different worship styles than i was familiar with,
00:28:48.517 --> 00:28:50.386
But they invited me to their small groups.
00:28:50.386 --> 00:28:52.688
They invited me to picnics.
00:28:52.688 --> 00:28:54.056
They invited me to stuff with their kids.
00:28:54.056 --> 00:28:55.558
And when i shared the truth about who i really was,
00:28:55.558 --> 00:28:58.127
They didn't meet me with any shame.
00:28:58.127 --> 00:29:00.629
And they showed me the love of christ.
00:29:00.629 --> 00:29:05.301
And they showed me the truth of the beauty of what
00:29:05.301 --> 00:29:08.571
The church could be.
00:29:08.571 --> 00:29:09.839
And that i could be a part of creating the communities i
00:29:09.839 --> 00:29:11.907
Longed for.
00:29:11.907 --> 00:29:13.075
And i had to repent.
00:29:13.075 --> 00:29:15.244
I had a sin in my heart.
00:29:15.244 --> 00:29:16.478
I had to repent.
00:29:16.478 --> 00:29:17.880
"lord, i'm so sorry for how much i've not just hated your
00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:20.649
Church, but i wore it like a badge of honor.
00:29:20.649 --> 00:29:22.284
And i'm so sorry.
00:29:22.284 --> 00:29:23.919
And i missed it.
00:29:23.919 --> 00:29:25.154
And i don't want to miss it.
00:29:25.154 --> 00:29:26.555
So god, help me see the difference between the people
00:29:26.555 --> 00:29:28.490
That are unholy and ungodly and the moment when i'm being unholy
00:29:28.490 --> 00:29:32.995
And ungodly because i won't forgive, i won't heal,
00:29:32.995 --> 00:29:35.231
And i'm not being the person god's called me to be.”
00:29:35.231 --> 00:29:38.634
So, i think i saw it demonstrated in healthy ways,
00:29:38.634 --> 00:29:41.537
But i looked for it.
00:29:41.537 --> 00:29:42.872
I looked for it, i saw it, and i had to take the ceiling off of
00:29:42.872 --> 00:29:46.709
What i thought it would look like.
00:29:46.709 --> 00:29:49.345
- maybe you're asking, "what do i do?
00:29:50.212 --> 00:29:52.348
How do i end the cycle of shame and guilt?”
00:29:52.348 --> 00:29:56.285
I just got to tell you, number one, first,
00:29:56.285 --> 00:29:59.388
You go to god for forgiveness.
00:29:59.388 --> 00:30:01.023
We find forgiveness through jesus.
00:30:01.023 --> 00:30:03.225
He paid the price already for you and for me,
00:30:03.225 --> 00:30:05.828
And we just humbly come before him, and we ask for forgiveness.
00:30:05.828 --> 00:30:08.731
There's something beautiful about finding someone whom you
00:30:08.731 --> 00:30:12.001
Can talk to, whom you can confess the things that you've
00:30:12.001 --> 00:30:15.704
Been struggling with, the things that you've been dealing with,
00:30:15.704 --> 00:30:17.840
And you say, "confess your sins.”
00:30:17.840 --> 00:30:19.742
When we confess our sins one to another, we will be healed.
00:30:19.742 --> 00:30:22.878
There's something beautiful about actually engaging,
00:30:22.878 --> 00:30:25.614
Which means you've got to do the work,
00:30:25.614 --> 00:30:26.815
Engaging in a community of faith,
00:30:26.815 --> 00:30:29.051
Building some relationships, taking the chance on trusting
00:30:29.051 --> 00:30:32.688
Leaders, and actually opening up and sharing with them the
00:30:32.688 --> 00:30:36.025
Struggles, and allowing them to point you in the right direction
00:30:36.025 --> 00:30:40.162
And with the next steps.
00:30:40.162 --> 00:30:41.597
- so, your eyes were open to community,
00:30:42.498 --> 00:30:45.301
And yet there was people that invited you in too,
00:30:45.301 --> 00:30:48.137
And there was a place of restoration and reconciliation
00:30:48.137 --> 00:30:51.640
In the process.
00:30:51.640 --> 00:30:53.242
So, how do we do that as the church?
00:30:53.242 --> 00:30:54.843
How do we create a place that is healthy and loving,
00:30:54.843 --> 00:30:59.281
But it's a place not just of reconciliation,
00:30:59.281 --> 00:31:02.051
But also restoration?
00:31:02.051 --> 00:31:03.319
How do we help people that are coming in, carrying baggage,
00:31:03.319 --> 00:31:06.989
Walk a little lighter and in the fullness and the grace of god?
00:31:06.989 --> 00:31:12.494
How do we do that?
00:31:12.494 --> 00:31:13.696
- one thing that i repeatedly see is there's people
00:31:13.696 --> 00:31:16.865
That want grace.
00:31:16.865 --> 00:31:17.866
The church has rejected me.
00:31:17.866 --> 00:31:19.234
The church has kept me out.
00:31:19.234 --> 00:31:20.235
The church doesn't agree.
00:31:20.235 --> 00:31:21.236
The church, this, fill in the blank.
00:31:21.236 --> 00:31:22.371
And so, we've said, "no, we are a space of grace.”
00:31:22.371 --> 00:31:25.074
But if we go back to the original text where we started
00:31:25.074 --> 00:31:27.443
The conversation, jesus' word to the woman who sinned was,
00:31:27.443 --> 00:31:30.012
"your sins are forgiven.
00:31:30.012 --> 00:31:31.714
Now go and sin no more.”
00:31:31.714 --> 00:31:34.350
And i love with your story, the transformation came when it was
00:31:34.350 --> 00:31:38.087
An awareness and a confession.
00:31:38.087 --> 00:31:40.055
So, i think so much of our church transformation that we
00:31:40.055 --> 00:31:42.925
Need to talk about is, we love you, you have a space here,
00:31:42.925 --> 00:31:46.462
But we love you too much for you to stay here.
00:31:46.462 --> 00:31:48.897
We know what christ can do in your life, and we beg,
00:31:48.897 --> 00:31:52.234
We beseech you therefore, brethren,
00:31:52.234 --> 00:31:54.436
To live your life as a living sacrifice unto the lord.”
00:31:54.436 --> 00:31:57.506
So, you have a space here, but the expectation is that you
00:31:57.506 --> 00:32:01.210
Allow the lord to transform you.
00:32:01.210 --> 00:32:02.978
So, i think that the story that you shared at the very beginning
00:32:02.978 --> 00:32:05.214
Was powerful because it didn't just say, "hey,
00:32:05.214 --> 00:32:07.416
You have a space here, you're here with all your messiness,
00:32:07.416 --> 00:32:09.518
And we want you to stay like that.”
00:32:09.518 --> 00:32:11.120
It's the expectations.
00:32:11.120 --> 00:32:12.454
We're gonna walk this journey with you for you to be made in
00:32:12.454 --> 00:32:14.523
The likeness of jesus christ.
00:32:14.523 --> 00:32:16.058
So, it's this yes and tension.
00:32:16.058 --> 00:32:17.793
You have a space here, and the expectation is we go by what the
00:32:17.793 --> 00:32:20.763
Word of god says, and our behavior should be mirroring
00:32:20.763 --> 00:32:23.632
What christ called for our lives.
00:32:23.632 --> 00:32:25.734
- and you might be crawling now, but in a minute,
00:32:25.734 --> 00:32:27.436
I'm gonna grab your hands, and i'm gonna pick you up,
00:32:27.436 --> 00:32:29.571
And i'm gonna help you learn what it looks like to take your
00:32:29.571 --> 00:32:31.974
First steps because that's the process of growth,
00:32:31.974 --> 00:32:34.643
And there should be a process that takes place.
00:32:34.643 --> 00:32:37.179
- the act of confession is encouraged
00:32:38.080 --> 00:32:39.481
All throughout scripture.
00:32:39.481 --> 00:32:40.816
It's a beautiful thing, but wisdom is needed in confession.
00:32:40.816 --> 00:32:43.752
If you take all your sins and what you did last weekend,
00:32:43.752 --> 00:32:47.189
The last month, the last year, and you just start sharing with
00:32:47.189 --> 00:32:49.625
Him, her, and them, there might be confusion.
00:32:49.625 --> 00:32:52.628
So, i'm gonna encourage you, yes,
00:32:52.628 --> 00:32:54.463
Confess your trespasses amongst the brethren, but my caveat,
00:32:54.463 --> 00:32:57.666
In addition to what james said in james 2, is yes,
00:32:57.666 --> 00:33:02.171
Confess your trespasses amongst the brethren,
00:33:02.171 --> 00:33:04.206
But choose the right brethren.
00:33:04.206 --> 00:33:06.442
Maybe who you're confessing to needs to be a pastor,
00:33:06.442 --> 00:33:09.578
And not just someone that you're sitting next to in a pew on a
00:33:09.578 --> 00:33:11.547
Sunday morning.
00:33:11.547 --> 00:33:12.848
Maybe who you're confessing needs to be the person who you
00:33:12.848 --> 00:33:14.917
Offended, rather than going to a neighbor and telling how they
00:33:14.917 --> 00:33:17.986
Offended you, and then it becomes gossip.
00:33:17.986 --> 00:33:20.222
Or what if it's a deep-seated trauma that you begin to have a
00:33:20.222 --> 00:33:23.192
Sacred act of confession with a licensed counselor or therapist?
00:33:23.192 --> 00:33:27.196
I think that there's definitely a gift of confession,
00:33:27.196 --> 00:33:29.998
But wisdom is needed to know when to say, what to say,
00:33:29.998 --> 00:33:33.302
And who to say it to.
00:33:33.302 --> 00:33:35.938
- be the first to know all the latest better together updates.
00:33:36.038 --> 00:33:39.441
Visit bettertogether.tv to sign up for our weekly emails,
00:33:39.441 --> 00:33:43.545
And never miss the latest news.
00:33:43.545 --> 00:33:47.006
And never miss the latest news.
00:33:47.006 --> 00:33:47.883
[music]
00:33:48.217 --> 00:33:51.587
- i've been through a handful of seasons where i was avoiding
00:33:52.888 --> 00:33:56.191
Going to a church because i had a lot of hurt from specific
00:33:56.191 --> 00:34:00.896
People in specific other churches,
00:34:00.896 --> 00:34:02.931
And so i avoided going at all.
00:34:02.931 --> 00:34:04.900
And i think what made me want to find another community that
00:34:04.900 --> 00:34:08.570
Was hopefully healthier and, you know,
00:34:08.570 --> 00:34:11.140
Treated people the way jesus treats people.
00:34:11.140 --> 00:34:13.242
The reason why i looked for that at all again was because i
00:34:13.242 --> 00:34:16.712
Was really lonely, and i wasn't feeling like myself,
00:34:16.712 --> 00:34:20.482
And i knew that the last time i felt like myself and the last
00:34:20.482 --> 00:34:25.053
Time i was in a safe community was within the walls
00:34:25.053 --> 00:34:27.689
Of the church.
00:34:27.689 --> 00:34:29.057
And so, i would look for other communities to walk into rooms.
00:34:29.057 --> 00:34:32.494
That felt risky, and i was a little nervous,
00:34:32.494 --> 00:34:35.264
But it was worth the risk to no longer feel like a lesser
00:34:35.264 --> 00:34:39.101
Version of myself and to no longer feel so alone.
00:34:39.101 --> 00:34:42.137
It took me a while to find another good place,
00:34:42.137 --> 00:34:44.139
A safe place, a fun place, but it was definitely
00:34:44.139 --> 00:34:47.109
Worth the risk.
00:34:47.109 --> 00:34:48.410
There's something within us that lies dormant if we do not
00:34:48.410 --> 00:34:51.914
Engage in a community of other believers,
00:34:51.914 --> 00:34:54.416
And i no longer wanted to be a lesser version of myself.
00:34:54.416 --> 00:34:57.519
I would encourage you to take a step of faith and seek out a
00:34:57.519 --> 00:35:00.923
Good church community.
00:35:00.923 --> 00:35:04.293
[music]
00:35:04.626 --> 00:35:06.995
- i want to answer your question because you asked the
00:35:06.995 --> 00:35:09.464
Right question towards the person that might
00:35:09.464 --> 00:35:11.433
Have a story like me.
00:35:11.433 --> 00:35:12.668
Maybe someone's watching and has a story like me,
00:35:12.668 --> 00:35:14.503
And you asked the right question, which was, like,
00:35:14.503 --> 00:35:16.505
Now what are the next steps that we do, and let's call this out,
00:35:16.505 --> 00:35:18.941
But i can tell you an exact thing that this one couple
00:35:18.941 --> 00:35:21.810
Said to me.
00:35:21.810 --> 00:35:23.178
I saw it done in a healthy way, and they were trying to love me,
00:35:23.178 --> 00:35:26.582
They were inviting me to all these things,
00:35:26.582 --> 00:35:27.883
They were trying to help me with the path forward,
00:35:27.883 --> 00:35:29.885
And i resisted it for a long time
00:35:29.885 --> 00:35:31.753
Because i was better than them.
00:35:31.753 --> 00:35:33.055
And one time, the couple said to me, they said, "hosanna,
00:35:33.055 --> 00:35:37.559
We just want you to know that we love you so much.
00:35:37.559 --> 00:35:40.529
Why won't you let us?”
00:35:40.529 --> 00:35:42.831
And it was this moment where i was realizing someone wasn't
00:35:42.831 --> 00:35:46.368
Trying to fix me or, like, make me go to these groups,
00:35:46.368 --> 00:35:49.738
Or make me go to these services, or do these things,
00:35:49.738 --> 00:35:51.607
But someone was saying, "we love you so much,
00:35:51.607 --> 00:35:53.141
We're pursuing you so much.
00:35:53.141 --> 00:35:54.576
Why won't you let us?”
00:35:54.576 --> 00:35:56.445
And here i was saying i was better than them,
00:35:56.445 --> 00:35:57.846
I had unconfessed sin, like, i had unconfessed pride,
00:35:57.846 --> 00:36:00.983
And they were saying, "let me love you.”
00:36:00.983 --> 00:36:03.485
And god is saying the same thing to all of us who have ever
00:36:03.485 --> 00:36:05.787
Struggled with shame, "let me love you.”
00:36:05.787 --> 00:36:07.222
So, i had to confess that i had pride in my heart,
00:36:07.222 --> 00:36:11.226
I had unresolved hurt in my heart.
00:36:11.226 --> 00:36:13.729
I think a lot of us have been hurt,
00:36:13.729 --> 00:36:14.930
And we haven't even taken a step towards healing.
00:36:14.930 --> 00:36:17.733
We like manifesting in our hurt,
00:36:17.733 --> 00:36:19.534
We like it being the reason why we haven't stepped into a church
00:36:19.534 --> 00:36:21.470
Building for five years, we like it being the reason why we don't
00:36:21.470 --> 00:36:23.972
Have close relationships anymore.
00:36:23.972 --> 00:36:25.607
It's comfortable that way.
00:36:25.607 --> 00:36:26.942
That is disobedient to god.
00:36:26.942 --> 00:36:28.877
I had to admit, i'm being disobedient,
00:36:28.877 --> 00:36:30.545
And i had to confess that, and i had to tell god what my real
00:36:30.545 --> 00:36:35.484
Hurt was, not pretend like all 500 of these things were all
00:36:35.484 --> 00:36:38.587
Hurt against me, but to name the three things that were real hurt
00:36:38.587 --> 00:36:41.189
Against me, and go on a journey of naming those people,
00:36:41.189 --> 00:36:43.825
Naming those things, confessing that in a safe place,
00:36:43.825 --> 00:36:46.328
And finding healing.
00:36:46.328 --> 00:36:47.963
So, i would say like confession,
00:36:47.963 --> 00:36:49.665
But i had to let myself be loved by people,
00:36:49.665 --> 00:36:53.168
And let myself be loved by god.
00:36:53.168 --> 00:36:55.871
- you find healing in relationship and in the
00:36:55.871 --> 00:36:58.240
Confession.
00:36:58.240 --> 00:36:59.574
It's in the times of prayer with other believers who are
00:36:59.574 --> 00:37:02.544
Calling out purpose in your life,
00:37:02.544 --> 00:37:04.513
Who are speaking the hope and the promises of god over you.
00:37:04.513 --> 00:37:08.283
So, there's something beautiful as we're talking about god's
00:37:08.283 --> 00:37:11.119
Heart for the church this week.
00:37:11.119 --> 00:37:12.788
That's the reason for the body of believers, right,
00:37:12.788 --> 00:37:15.490
And so there's something beautiful about that,
00:37:15.490 --> 00:37:17.225
And you got to walk that out firsthand, and i love it.
00:37:17.225 --> 00:37:20.095
It's beautiful.
00:37:20.095 --> 00:37:21.963
- i know it's a real thing to have a feeling of walking into a
00:37:22.064 --> 00:37:26.101
Church building and feeling judged, or feeling not accepted,
00:37:26.101 --> 00:37:29.671
Maybe because of how you look, or your life choices,
00:37:29.671 --> 00:37:32.641
Or whatever you might have experienced,
00:37:32.641 --> 00:37:35.610
But i want to tell you that if you can really believe that the
00:37:35.610 --> 00:37:40.048
Church is a place of healing, a church is a place where you can
00:37:40.048 --> 00:37:43.752
Meet with jesus, that everything that's broken on the inside,
00:37:43.752 --> 00:37:47.789
You can be healed, that i would ask,
00:37:47.789 --> 00:37:49.858
Could you put aside whatever feeling you have of judgment
00:37:49.858 --> 00:37:52.961
That you've been judged, and really just step inside the
00:37:52.961 --> 00:37:56.231
Doors of the church, find someone who maybe looks like
00:37:56.231 --> 00:37:59.968
You, find someone who has a warm smile that you can talk to,
00:37:59.968 --> 00:38:03.805
Because i promise you, if you have felt judged,
00:38:03.805 --> 00:38:06.475
It might be more in your head than in reality.
00:38:06.475 --> 00:38:10.245
And i'm not saying that nobody in the church is judging,
00:38:10.245 --> 00:38:12.948
I just really do believe that there are people in the church
00:38:12.948 --> 00:38:17.052
That want to love on you, so just give it another try.
00:38:17.052 --> 00:38:20.555
- i love that the spaces that were cultivated for you,
00:38:21.690 --> 00:38:24.226
And i think we can learn a lot from it,
00:38:24.226 --> 00:38:26.194
Especially as church leaders, is one that is safe for confession.
00:38:26.194 --> 00:38:30.966
You know, i think asking people to confess is one thing,
00:38:30.966 --> 00:38:34.369
But actually offering a space where it's safe to confess is a
00:38:34.369 --> 00:38:39.908
Whole nother ball game, especially when it comes to
00:38:39.908 --> 00:38:42.377
Leadership, and leading a congregation,
00:38:42.377 --> 00:38:45.447
And creating that kind of a culture.
00:38:45.447 --> 00:38:46.982
I remember when i was a youth pastor,
00:38:46.982 --> 00:38:48.817
This was one youth group, i mean,
00:38:48.817 --> 00:38:50.886
They're still one of my favorite memories of ministry
00:38:50.886 --> 00:38:54.189
To this day.
00:38:54.189 --> 00:38:55.223
You know, and for the first, i don't know,
00:38:55.223 --> 00:38:57.359
Like eight months or so, i mean, it was just crickets, you know,
00:38:57.359 --> 00:39:00.262
Like, i think we had more kids in the praise team than we did
00:39:00.262 --> 00:39:03.632
In the seats, you know?
00:39:03.632 --> 00:39:04.900
And i preached my heart out, like, i gave my best sermons,
00:39:04.900 --> 00:39:08.236
Like, for what i thought.
00:39:08.236 --> 00:39:09.538
To those three people.
00:39:09.538 --> 00:39:10.872
To those three people, and, you know, give my best stories,
00:39:10.872 --> 00:39:13.141
Or what i thought were my best stories, whatever, you know,
00:39:13.141 --> 00:39:15.744
And it's just--
00:39:15.744 --> 00:39:17.512
And, yeah, i just felt like, oh, man, where's the movement?
00:39:17.512 --> 00:39:20.215
Where is, like, you know, where's the excitement?
00:39:20.215 --> 00:39:22.484
Where's the love for jesus?
00:39:22.484 --> 00:39:24.019
And i remember we had our first retreat, and it was just, like,
00:39:24.019 --> 00:39:27.756
In the middle of a mountain, and it was just this small little
00:39:27.756 --> 00:39:30.826
Youth group, you know, and we had, like, two,
00:39:30.826 --> 00:39:33.462
Three other adults with us.
00:39:33.462 --> 00:39:34.963
And we played games together, we'd worship together,
00:39:34.963 --> 00:39:38.266
But it was during prayer time, and the room was dark.
00:39:38.266 --> 00:39:41.770
Koreans really like dark rooms to pray in, you know?
00:39:41.770 --> 00:39:45.040
And the room was dark, and i just felt this unction in the
00:39:45.040 --> 00:39:48.510
Spirit to just say, "hey, you know what?
00:39:48.510 --> 00:39:50.445
This room is dark.
00:39:50.445 --> 00:39:51.279
No one's looking at you.
00:39:51.279 --> 00:39:52.514
Everyone's eyes are closed, right?
00:39:52.514 --> 00:39:54.049
But if you've ever struggled with depression,
00:39:54.049 --> 00:39:56.618
Can you just raise your hand?”
00:39:56.618 --> 00:39:58.353
It was, like, a third of the room.
00:39:58.353 --> 00:39:59.688
"if you've ever struggled with an eating disorder,
00:39:59.688 --> 00:40:03.558
Can you raise your hand?”
00:40:03.558 --> 00:40:04.693
It was, like, half the girls, you know?
00:40:04.693 --> 00:40:07.596
"if you struggle with this and that--”
00:40:07.596 --> 00:40:09.297
And, like, i really just called out, like,
00:40:09.297 --> 00:40:13.168
Maybe six or seven things, you know?
00:40:13.168 --> 00:40:15.203
And the whole room's hands were raised.
00:40:15.203 --> 00:40:17.072
I'm like, "if you feel safe, you don't have to,
00:40:17.072 --> 00:40:19.574
But if you feel safe, can you just open up your eyes and just,
00:40:19.574 --> 00:40:22.344
Like, look around, you know?”
00:40:22.344 --> 00:40:24.279
And the whole room, they just started to look around.
00:40:24.279 --> 00:40:26.781
That moment shifted everything, because, you know,
00:40:26.781 --> 00:40:32.220
They started to well up with tears, and they realized, wait,
00:40:32.220 --> 00:40:34.389
You struggled too?
00:40:34.389 --> 00:40:36.057
You're hurting too?
00:40:36.057 --> 00:40:38.360
You're in pain too?
00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:39.528
I mean, kids were, like, holding each other, crying,
00:40:39.528 --> 00:40:41.563
Crying for each other.
00:40:41.563 --> 00:40:42.731
Can i tell you, the evangelistic fervor burst
00:40:42.731 --> 00:40:46.902
Through this group afterwards.
00:40:46.902 --> 00:40:49.004
I mean, they were dragging their school friends to church.
00:40:49.004 --> 00:40:51.439
I mean, they were testifying in the cafeterias.
00:40:51.439 --> 00:40:54.242
I mean, we were starting to grow as a youth ministry,
00:40:54.242 --> 00:40:57.245
Not because parents would bring them,
00:40:57.245 --> 00:40:58.914
But because the kids would bring other kids, you know?
00:40:58.914 --> 00:41:01.650
And i really think it was because something about the
00:41:01.650 --> 00:41:04.185
Chains of shame just really broke off because it was safe.
00:41:04.185 --> 00:41:08.657
We intentionally tried to cultivate this space where we're
00:41:08.657 --> 00:41:13.061
Like, "there's just, like, two, three of us here.
00:41:13.061 --> 00:41:14.596
Like, there's not a lot of adults here.
00:41:14.596 --> 00:41:16.197
And it's just you guys, and if you feel safe, you know,
00:41:16.197 --> 00:41:18.800
Can you come out of your shell?”
00:41:18.800 --> 00:41:20.368
And when they did, oh, man, the power that burst through this
00:41:20.368 --> 00:41:26.041
Group, i mean, it's just something i still smile about to
00:41:26.041 --> 00:41:28.910
This day.
00:41:28.910 --> 00:41:29.778
- that's so cool, so cool.
00:41:29.778 --> 00:41:31.179
It's so sweet to get a revelation of--
00:41:31.179 --> 00:41:35.350
I think we all just love that moment when we find out we're
00:41:35.350 --> 00:41:38.453
Not alone, you know?
00:41:38.453 --> 00:41:40.255
And we may not all struggle with the same thing,
00:41:40.255 --> 00:41:42.290
But that feeling that we're--
00:41:42.290 --> 00:41:44.926
That's why i think in that first day or whatever we talked
00:41:44.926 --> 00:41:47.495
About, just get yourself to the church.
00:41:47.495 --> 00:41:49.431
It should be a whole group of people that are broken,
00:41:49.431 --> 00:41:53.435
Broken in different ways, coming together, finding the healing.
00:41:53.435 --> 00:41:56.972
It's so sweet.
00:41:56.972 --> 00:41:59.374
- if you're drowning in shame, first of all, i feel you.
00:41:59.474 --> 00:42:02.510
Nothing is as debilitating as being under the shackles
00:42:02.510 --> 00:42:06.781
Of shame.
00:42:06.781 --> 00:42:08.350
And i would say try these two things,
00:42:08.350 --> 00:42:10.485
And perhaps they'll be practical for you.
00:42:10.485 --> 00:42:12.554
One, when you pray, ask jesus what his perspective is.
00:42:12.554 --> 00:42:16.524
"lord, what do you think about me?
00:42:16.524 --> 00:42:18.460
What do you think about the situation?”
00:42:18.460 --> 00:42:21.129
Because it's god that has a bird's-eye view over all things,
00:42:21.129 --> 00:42:24.699
And so his perspective is the truth.
00:42:24.699 --> 00:42:27.936
And i would say, two, find somebody that is safe,
00:42:27.936 --> 00:42:30.472
Perhaps somebody that is a little removed from your current
00:42:30.472 --> 00:42:33.808
Situation and perhaps your everyday reality,
00:42:33.808 --> 00:42:36.945
And have that person be somebody that you could share things with
00:42:36.945 --> 00:42:40.615
So that you could feel the safety of this person being a
00:42:40.615 --> 00:42:44.519
Little bit removed, but also that you could be honest.
00:42:44.519 --> 00:42:47.355
- so, for the person that has felt unwelcomed at church,
00:42:48.556 --> 00:42:51.760
And we all lead in different communities,
00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:54.262
For the person that's felt unwelcomed,
00:42:54.262 --> 00:42:55.497
We can't right every wrong and fix every problem,
00:42:55.497 --> 00:42:57.766
But what if somebody has a word of encouragement to give that
00:42:57.766 --> 00:43:01.770
Person that's like, "yeah, but that church hurt me.”
00:43:01.770 --> 00:43:03.905
What, from your pastor's heart, what would you tell them to
00:43:03.905 --> 00:43:07.509
Encourage them give god, give church,
00:43:07.509 --> 00:43:10.078
Give this community another chance?
00:43:10.078 --> 00:43:11.713
- i would say--
00:43:11.713 --> 00:43:13.314
You talked about perspective and the lens through which you
00:43:13.314 --> 00:43:17.519
Were seeing things.
00:43:17.519 --> 00:43:18.720
So, i would first spend some time with jesus.
00:43:18.720 --> 00:43:21.089
Like, "god, is there anything in me that's causing me to view
00:43:21.089 --> 00:43:25.293
This situation in a way that's not really real?”
00:43:25.293 --> 00:43:28.630
Like when my glasses get dirty, there's smudges all over them,
00:43:28.630 --> 00:43:31.800
And i don't see things clearly.
00:43:31.800 --> 00:43:33.601
And perhaps there's some smudges on your proverbial
00:43:33.601 --> 00:43:36.705
Glasses and your experience, and it would be beautiful to allow
00:43:36.705 --> 00:43:41.109
The holy spirit to do a work just to clean those glasses.
00:43:41.109 --> 00:43:44.079
Or maybe a close trusted friend to say, "hey,
00:43:44.079 --> 00:43:46.548
Is there any way in my perspective and the way that i'm
00:43:46.548 --> 00:43:49.918
Seeing things that i'm off here?”
00:43:49.918 --> 00:43:52.120
I think that's a great start.
00:43:52.120 --> 00:43:53.722
And then, i think you've got to give it another try.
00:43:53.722 --> 00:43:57.125
And so, there are lots of amazing churches.
00:43:57.125 --> 00:43:59.761
There are, there's beautiful churches.
00:43:59.761 --> 00:44:01.796
And the reason there's so many amazing,
00:44:01.796 --> 00:44:04.099
Beautiful churches is because there's so many different,
00:44:04.099 --> 00:44:06.334
Amazing, beautiful people.
00:44:06.334 --> 00:44:08.002
And so, you may have gone to a church where you don't feel like
00:44:08.002 --> 00:44:10.939
You fit or like you connected.
00:44:10.939 --> 00:44:12.707
That's great.
00:44:12.707 --> 00:44:13.708
Give it another try.
00:44:13.708 --> 00:44:14.943
Find some place that feels like home,
00:44:14.943 --> 00:44:16.644
It feels like some place that you can belong.
00:44:16.644 --> 00:44:18.980
But make sure those glasses are clean,
00:44:18.980 --> 00:44:21.483
Because if the glasses aren't clean,
00:44:21.483 --> 00:44:22.784
Every place is going to look the same.
00:44:22.784 --> 00:44:24.619
So, you've got to be willing to go in and to give a church
00:44:24.619 --> 00:44:28.156
Community a chance.
00:44:28.156 --> 00:44:29.724
And i love that you say give it a year.
00:44:29.724 --> 00:44:31.059
We say the same thing because you've got to be in something
00:44:31.059 --> 00:44:34.195
Long enough to experience hurt and pain,
00:44:34.195 --> 00:44:36.664
Because churches are made up of people, and people are messy,
00:44:36.664 --> 00:44:40.735
And people are going to hurt you, and disappoint you,
00:44:40.735 --> 00:44:43.071
And let you down.
00:44:43.071 --> 00:44:44.139
There's just no way that it's going to be perfect.
00:44:44.139 --> 00:44:46.107
So, you've got to stay long enough to navigate through the
00:44:46.107 --> 00:44:49.043
Conflict, and navigate through the hard times, and love people,
00:44:49.043 --> 00:44:52.680
And have difficult conversations,
00:44:52.680 --> 00:44:54.349
And grow in your faith.
00:44:54.349 --> 00:44:55.683
And if you'll do that with clean glasses,
00:44:55.683 --> 00:44:58.486
I promise there's a community of faith that's just made for you.
00:44:58.486 --> 00:45:02.423
And so, i would encourage the person listening to,
00:45:02.423 --> 00:45:04.959
First of all, holy spirit, is there any way that i'm viewing
00:45:04.959 --> 00:45:07.762
This that is a smudge on the glasses?
00:45:07.762 --> 00:45:09.931
And if he's not showing you that, then like, okay,
00:45:09.931 --> 00:45:12.734
Ask a good friend.
00:45:12.734 --> 00:45:13.668
Like, is there any way?
00:45:13.668 --> 00:45:14.669
And then i would say, get in the church.
00:45:14.669 --> 00:45:16.738
If it doesn't feel like home, try another one.
00:45:16.738 --> 00:45:18.673
But you can't just keep hopping all over the place.
00:45:18.673 --> 00:45:20.975
You actually have to find a place where you go,
00:45:20.975 --> 00:45:22.844
"you know what?
00:45:22.844 --> 00:45:24.045
I'm going to plant my roots, i'm going to dig in deep,
00:45:24.045 --> 00:45:25.814
I'm going to get in community, and i'm going to stay through
00:45:25.814 --> 00:45:28.049
The hard, and i'm going to watch what god does.”
00:45:28.049 --> 00:45:30.084
That would be my thoughts.
00:45:30.084 --> 00:45:31.553
- that's really good.
00:45:31.553 --> 00:45:32.587
When i come back to the woman in adultery,
00:45:32.587 --> 00:45:34.889
And i just think about the woman watching,
00:45:34.889 --> 00:45:36.524
Maybe the man watching, who just does not know how to live
00:45:36.524 --> 00:45:41.095
Outside of the shame from what they've done,
00:45:41.095 --> 00:45:44.732
Or the pain they've caused other people,
00:45:44.732 --> 00:45:46.901
Or the pain they feel that was done to them,
00:45:46.901 --> 00:45:49.637
There's so much that they carry.
00:45:49.637 --> 00:45:51.372
I want to read in john 1, and it says,
00:45:51.372 --> 00:45:54.409
"the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.
00:45:54.409 --> 00:45:57.378
We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only,
00:45:57.378 --> 00:46:00.515
Who came from father full of grace and truth.”
00:46:00.515 --> 00:46:04.385
And i just want to remind those watching of jesus there with his
00:46:04.385 --> 00:46:08.122
Finger in the sand.
00:46:08.122 --> 00:46:09.657
And he was full of grace and truth,
00:46:09.657 --> 00:46:12.327
Which means grace is come as you are.
00:46:12.327 --> 00:46:15.263
But truth is, can i invite you to get to know me?
00:46:15.263 --> 00:46:20.301
Because when you get to know truth, capital t truth,
00:46:20.301 --> 00:46:25.006
When you get to know jesus, yes, the grace is there,
00:46:25.006 --> 00:46:28.610
But you will want to live a life free of shame.
00:46:28.610 --> 00:46:32.580
You will want to get to know him,
00:46:32.580 --> 00:46:34.782
The intimacy we talked about.
00:46:34.782 --> 00:46:36.017
So, i just want to make an invitation that we will,
00:46:36.017 --> 00:46:38.286
Those listening, will embrace grace, come as you are,
00:46:38.286 --> 00:46:42.891
But truth be changed forever in the presence of jesus.
00:46:42.891 --> 00:46:46.995
Lord, we just thank you.
00:46:46.995 --> 00:46:48.763
We thank you that you are both grace and truth,
00:46:48.763 --> 00:46:51.566
And that whatever sin entangles us,
00:46:51.566 --> 00:46:54.469
Whatever has been done to us, whatever we carry into this
00:46:54.469 --> 00:46:57.438
Moment right now, there's grace.
00:46:57.438 --> 00:46:59.841
Your grace covers it all.
00:46:59.841 --> 00:47:01.276
But, lord, we also love that the truth is that you give us an
00:47:01.276 --> 00:47:05.813
Invitation that allows us to become more like you so that we
00:47:05.813 --> 00:47:09.484
Can be an extension of your grace to others.
00:47:09.484 --> 00:47:12.787
We can be the hands and feet.
00:47:12.787 --> 00:47:14.622
We can live free.
00:47:14.622 --> 00:47:16.057
We can live whole.
00:47:16.057 --> 00:47:17.392
So, lord, i just thank you that brokenness is not our story,
00:47:17.392 --> 00:47:20.461
That you are full healer.
00:47:20.461 --> 00:47:22.864
You pursue our hearts, and it's for the sake of mending them.
00:47:22.864 --> 00:47:27.502
Lord, we thank you for that truth.
00:47:27.502 --> 00:47:30.271
So, god, i pray right now for everyone watching, listening,
00:47:30.271 --> 00:47:33.775
That they would in this moment have an encounter with you.
00:47:33.775 --> 00:47:37.545
Maybe they've never been able to release the shame
00:47:37.545 --> 00:47:39.580
From their life.
00:47:39.580 --> 00:47:40.748
Lord, i ask right now that you would release shame.
00:47:40.748 --> 00:47:43.952
In jesus' name, lord, that no longer would they live under the
00:47:43.952 --> 00:47:48.456
Penalty of what they've done, but they would live in the truth
00:47:48.456 --> 00:47:51.626
Of your grace that covers all sin.
00:47:51.626 --> 00:47:54.329
You paid a great price so that we don't have to.
00:47:54.329 --> 00:47:58.366
Do that now in each heart in jesus' name.
00:47:58.366 --> 00:48:02.270
- amen.
00:48:02.270 --> 00:48:03.705
- connect with us on social media and let us know how our
00:48:04.939 --> 00:48:07.842
Team can pray for you.
00:48:07.842 --> 00:48:10.645
[music]
00:48:10.979 --> 00:48:16.484
- hi, everybody.
00:48:16.918 --> 00:48:18.019
I'm blynda, and i'm here with faith,
00:48:18.019 --> 00:48:19.420
And we are answering your questions behind the scenes here
00:48:19.420 --> 00:48:22.991
At better together.
00:48:22.991 --> 00:48:23.958
Faith, what's our question?
00:48:23.958 --> 00:48:25.226
- patty asked us this question on instagram.
00:48:25.226 --> 00:48:28.429
Here we go.
00:48:28.429 --> 00:48:29.897
"when my husband and i get into an argument right before church,
00:48:29.897 --> 00:48:32.834
Why do i feel so bad?
00:48:32.834 --> 00:48:35.203
I end up staying home and not going to church,
00:48:35.203 --> 00:48:38.006
And i feel even worse.
00:48:38.006 --> 00:48:40.208
Am i wrong or am i a hypocrite?”
00:48:40.208 --> 00:48:42.977
This is a really good question.
00:48:42.977 --> 00:48:45.079
- good one.
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:46.247
- okay, and i'm dying to hear what you think, blynda,
00:48:46.247 --> 00:48:48.750
But i would say first and foremost,
00:48:48.750 --> 00:48:51.085
You probably are acknowledging the anger, the offense,
00:48:51.085 --> 00:48:55.556
The bitterness, and that is probably also leading to some
00:48:55.556 --> 00:48:59.827
Shame because it's actually shame that distances us
00:48:59.827 --> 00:49:03.898
From god.
00:49:03.898 --> 00:49:05.199
It's where we want to hide, it's where we want to be alone
00:49:05.199 --> 00:49:08.903
And isolate ourselves, and so i would say don't be ashamed about
00:49:08.903 --> 00:49:12.840
The fact that you're angry, you know?
00:49:12.840 --> 00:49:14.776
- that was really good.
00:49:14.776 --> 00:49:16.144
- yeah, don't be ashamed about the fact that you are offended.
00:49:16.144 --> 00:49:18.112
God already knew, and there's grace enough to bring that to
00:49:18.112 --> 00:49:22.050
His feet.
00:49:22.050 --> 00:49:23.418
- the other thing i would say here is you end the question
00:49:23.418 --> 00:49:27.155
With, "am i wrong or am i a hypocrite?”
00:49:27.155 --> 00:49:29.357
And i would like to just introduce maybe a third question
00:49:29.357 --> 00:49:32.560
And not really even say yes to either one or no to either one.
00:49:32.560 --> 00:49:36.497
I think the question really may be,
00:49:36.497 --> 00:49:38.032
Who are you letting into your heart and mind dictate your
00:49:38.032 --> 00:49:42.870
Emotions and your actions?
00:49:42.870 --> 00:49:44.305
So, the question there is, is it normal or understandable that
00:49:44.305 --> 00:49:49.277
You would be in an argument with your husband at some point in
00:49:49.277 --> 00:49:51.279
Your marriage?
00:49:51.279 --> 00:49:52.346
Yes.
00:49:52.346 --> 00:49:53.648
Is it understandable that that would get to a boiling point
00:49:53.648 --> 00:49:55.750
Where you would maybe want to say, "hey, i'm done.
00:49:55.750 --> 00:49:57.885
I'm not even going to church anymore.”
00:49:57.885 --> 00:49:59.187
And then, as faith said so great,
00:49:59.187 --> 00:50:02.223
And then there's feelings of shame.
00:50:02.223 --> 00:50:04.158
But the question i would ask is,
00:50:04.158 --> 00:50:05.460
Is there a way that maybe in those moments you could remove
00:50:05.460 --> 00:50:10.364
Yourself from the situation and just have a moment with the lord
00:50:10.364 --> 00:50:12.767
Where you ask him, "what is the right response
00:50:12.767 --> 00:50:15.670
In this moment, lord?
00:50:15.670 --> 00:50:16.737
And what are you saying about this situation?
00:50:16.737 --> 00:50:19.207
Because i want to do as much as it is to me to live in peace
00:50:19.207 --> 00:50:22.343
With everyone, i want to do my part here as a wife to live in
00:50:22.343 --> 00:50:25.847
Peace with my husband.”
00:50:25.847 --> 00:50:26.981
And i don't want it to be a condemnation question of
00:50:26.981 --> 00:50:29.517
Hypocrite or wrong.
00:50:29.517 --> 00:50:30.985
It's god, how can i, in this moment,
00:50:30.985 --> 00:50:33.154
Be the wife that you've designed me to be?
00:50:33.154 --> 00:50:35.723
And then, that posture of humility will probably soften
00:50:35.723 --> 00:50:39.427
Your husband's heart as well.
00:50:39.427 --> 00:50:40.661
- so good.
00:50:40.661 --> 00:50:42.163
- stream full episodes of better together on demand.
00:50:43.264 --> 00:50:46.667
Go to bettertogether.tv to stream all of our latest
00:50:46.667 --> 00:50:50.471
Conversations.
00:50:50.471 --> 00:50:52.740
[music]
00:50:52.740 --> 00:50:52.740

Where Shame Meets Grace - Episode 1088

August 27, 2025 | S7 E1088 | 52:34

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