Better Together

Who Can You TRUST? - Episode 1104

October 9, 2025 | S7 E1104 | 52:34

Rejection. Betrayal. Conflict. Our closest loved ones can be the source of our deepest pain. Maintaining strong relationships and finding restoration after trust is broken requires healthy boundaries, grace, and forgiveness. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

#Community #Faith #Marriage #Relationships #Betrayal #Peace #Repentance #Forgiveness #Restoration #Grace #Bitterness #Hurting #Offense #Pain #Boundaries #PersonalStory #Healing

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Better Together | Who Can You TRUST? - Episode 1104 | October 9, 2025

Betrayal, broken trust, offense.
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Living in community with imperfect people means risking
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Hurt feelings, but
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Relationships are worth the risk.
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Today, we're learning how to trust once again.
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Come on, join us.
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♪♪
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I think if we're honest, many of us, we are kind of
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Hesitant to build relationships with people because of the pain
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Of past betrayal.
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You know, i released released a book--
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I was about to release a book, and this was a few months into
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The book release process.
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And i went to my publisher and
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We were just like looking at my calendar.
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And i noticed that i didn't have anything the week before
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Release, which is like huge
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Time in the book release calendar.
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Um, but i also knew that there was a conference that was
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Happening around that time, really large conference.
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And there was a friend of mine
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Who regularly speaks at this conference,
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Right. and so i reached out to her and i was like, hey, is
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There any way you can talk to the host or the organizer and
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See if there's any way i could possibly talk about the book?
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Because the title and the topic
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Really relates to the conference.
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And she said to me, no, i have nothing to do with that.
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That's completely, you know, the organizer makes the
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Decisions and i just get invited to speak,
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And that's all i do.
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And i was like, totally understand, right?
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Totally get it.
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We don't all control what happens.
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Well, as it turns out, the organizer did invite me to
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Speak, um, which was amazing.
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But i get to the conference and i remember i got placed on the
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Row with my friend, the person who said they couldn't
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Recommend me, and i'm standing next to her and she says, oh
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Yeah, your book is coming out next week, right?
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I need to do something to help you.
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Now, backstory to this is leading up to the conference.
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I was supposed to do a book signing at the conference, but
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Then i think this was maybe two weeks before the event,
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My team found out, oh, you can't do the book signing
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Because that slot's been taken and there was only one slot or
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Something, which was of course like devastating because we're
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Going to sell all these books. it's the week before release.
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It's amazing.
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So anyway, i get to the conference and she mentions the
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Fact that, oh, i know your book's coming out.
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I want to be helpful.
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And i'm like, thank you, girl.
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Okay. and then come to find
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Out, um, that she took the book signing.
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Now, mind you, her book had already been released.
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It was already like selling amazing, hit records, like
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Bestseller, like this whole thing.
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Right. um, so she knew that my book was coming out and took
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The, the, the slot.
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But then i had a friend, a mutual friend who was speaking
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At the conference, like major keynote type thing, and she
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Texted me to pray with her before she spoke because
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She was nervous.
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And we're in the green room and we're praying and she says, oh
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My gosh, i don't even know how i ended up here.
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I don't know the host, i don't know the organizer.
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I'm like, well, well, how did you get here?
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That's awesome.
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And she says the name of the person who said that
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She couldn't help me.
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She said, i don't know why,
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But she's just been so helpful to me.
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And in that moment--
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It was interesting because there had been things that
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Happened up until then that kind of made me question
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Whether or not she was my friend.
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But it was like in that moment it just all flooded.
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It was like, okay, you knew
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That this was my book release.
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It was so hard for me to even ask, could you help me?
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Because that's just not how i'm wired.
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I'm wired, figure it out.
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Don't be a burden.
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Don't ask anybody for anything.
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You tell me you can't do it.
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But then you help someone who doesn't have a book coming out.
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Um, you take the book signing.
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And here's the clincher.
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After my friend spoke--
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So the way that they kind of worked everything out was
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Instead of me doing a book signing, they let me do this,
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Like, meet and greet thing where i wasn't allowed to sell
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Books, but i could just meet with people.
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So people came and all that.
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After the meet and greet, i'm in the back, i'm in
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Backstage and my friend comes down the stairs after speaking
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And she's like, oh my god, it was amazing.
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She was amazing.
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So i'm hugging her.
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The person who said that they couldn't help me turns to me
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And says, oh, how was your meet and greet?
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The person who took the book signing all, all of that.
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And i'm telling you this because, number one,
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We're all in ministry.
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And so we assume that, of course, we're going to
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Help each other. yeah.
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And the thing about betrayal is that betrayal can
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Only happen when you expect not to be betrayed, right?
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It's like broken expectation.
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It's broken trust.
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Like i thought i could count on you.
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I thought i could trust you.
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And as a matter of fact, in psalm 55, david says...
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Down to verse four, he says...
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Why is he battling all of this right?
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You skip down to verse 12 and he says...
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He is in distress because he was betrayed by someone he
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Thought he could count on. yeah.
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And i think this conversation, i pray, will be
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Healing for people to understand that if you have
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Dealt with betrayal, it is so common.
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It's common.
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And sometimes we take another person's betrayal as our fault.
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What did i do?
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How could i have done something differently?
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And i know when that happened to me, that was my first
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Thought was like, well, what did i do?
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What did i do?
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And something god had to show me is that it isn't something
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I've done. yeah.
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It's that they have been afraid that i would
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Somehow replace them. right.
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And that fear caused them to try to block the
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Opportunities that god wanted to create for me.
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That's why i found out later they were actually upset that i
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Ended up at the conference because they had tried
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Everything they could. their own insecurities.
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Exactly.
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I think that it's so easy to internalize betrayal.
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Well, they did this to me
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Because of something that i've done.
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I think when we remember that we are children of god and we
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Are worthy of goodness and happiness and holiness and
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Healing and safety and good relationships, when we remember
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Whose we are, i think we stop settling when it's not good,
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When it's unhealthy and it's toxic, and there's a
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Relationship full of betrayal.
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I think from that place of confidence, knowing who we are,
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We can put proper boundaries in place and still honor god.
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I will tell you psalm 35, 20 psalms
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Before psalm 55, david prays and says...
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Now this is where he gets real. he says..
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And i said, god, i am hurt right now.
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I need you to see and hear my truth.
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I'm not going to act like i'm okay.
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I'm not going to say, oh, you know, it is what it is.
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No, no, no, lord, this is hurting me.
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Yeah. and praying this prayer for weeks daily is what let me
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Give it to god so that i wasn't walking around bitter.
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Yeah. have you talked to the friend since then?
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No, because she's not a friend. well, no,
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I mean, have you had to be in the same space because this is
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So real for people.
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Like, how do i deal with this?
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Then i'm going to see them again.
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What if-- it's so--
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I have-- yes, i have been in the same space, but this goes
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Back to a point.
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And you may not have seen this episode, but a point i made in
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Another episode is forgiveness is a command.
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We are commanded to forgive.
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Forgiveness is when we release our debtor from their debt.
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We are commanded to do that because there is a promise
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Associated with that.
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And forgiveness does not necessitate access
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If a person is unrepentant. what she proved to
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Me is that she is capable of hurting me and
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Never repented for it. yeah.
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And so at that point, i can totally forgive you.
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But until repentance takes place, until there's ownership
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Of what happened, you are not safe.
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One of my favorite words in the entire vocabulary is a very
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Old-fashioned word.
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It's the word repentance.
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And, you know, it sounds very old fashioned, but basically
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What it means is you stop going in the direction you were
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Going, and you turn around and
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You go in a completely new direction.
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It's something like,
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Not so long ago, my husband and i got into kind of argument
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About something, and i completely overreacted.
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I got really mad out of proportion to what was going
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On, and so he kind of backed off and went for a
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Little bit of a walk.
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And so i could have felt stuck there.
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But what i did was instead i just dropped to my knees and
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Said, father, please forgive me.
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I accept that that was all me.
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I don't know why i responded that way, but please forgive me
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And give me the strength and the grace, and then go out and
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Find my husband and ask him to forgive me.
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Repentance is a strength.
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It's a beautiful gift.
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It's god's gift to us to live in a world that's not fair.
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In our confessional community,
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Doctor kurt thompson calls it a rupture.
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And the truth is, relationships
00:10:08.898 --> 00:10:10.933
Don't get ruined because of ruptures.
00:10:10.933 --> 00:10:12.935
It's the lack of repair that's the issue, is that you don't
00:10:12.935 --> 00:10:16.205
Actually go back.
00:10:16.205 --> 00:10:17.473
It's almost as if, you know, betrayal in a relationship is
00:10:17.473 --> 00:10:21.077
And even mistrust all the things.
00:10:21.077 --> 00:10:23.045
It's almost like you're both in a car together and like you're
00:10:23.045 --> 00:10:25.848
Driving and everything's going well.
00:10:25.848 --> 00:10:27.550
And then there's like a rupture
00:10:27.550 --> 00:10:28.684
In the road and you have a choice.
00:10:28.684 --> 00:10:30.853
You can keep driving with that rupture in mind.
00:10:30.853 --> 00:10:34.423
There's some issues back there.
00:10:34.423 --> 00:10:35.958
We probably need to solve it some tires and got smashed a
00:10:35.958 --> 00:10:39.328
Little bit.
00:10:39.328 --> 00:10:40.162
We got a couple bumps in the road.
00:10:40.162 --> 00:10:41.630
You can keep going if you want to, and you'll never actually
00:10:41.630 --> 00:10:45.768
Get to experience what redemption looks like within
00:10:45.768 --> 00:10:48.704
Friendship and relationship, because that's what it is.
00:10:48.704 --> 00:10:51.874
When you go back and repair the ruptures, it's that you're both
00:10:51.874 --> 00:10:55.478
Fighting for something to be fixed and redeemed.
00:10:55.478 --> 00:10:58.414
Yeah, and doing that with people that have hurt you and
00:10:58.414 --> 00:11:03.486
Betrayed you-- even the smallest of things, the way you said,
00:11:03.486 --> 00:11:05.721
That hurt my feelings,
00:11:05.721 --> 00:11:06.822
Whatever, my goodness, it changes the relationship
00:11:06.822 --> 00:11:09.892
Because the road's not perfect,
00:11:09.892 --> 00:11:12.628
But it's paved in a way that allows you to have
00:11:12.628 --> 00:11:15.131
A much smoother ride, okay, for the rest of the way.
00:11:15.131 --> 00:11:18.134
And so i think it's just hard for us. like humanity, like,
00:11:18.134 --> 00:11:21.270
I think jesus is our ultimate fixer.
00:11:21.270 --> 00:11:24.039
He goes back and redeems everything.
00:11:24.039 --> 00:11:25.574
And i think that's one of the things that we lack.
00:11:25.574 --> 00:11:27.376
It's a spiritual gift
00:11:27.376 --> 00:11:28.677
I think that we just lack that we have to get good at, because
00:11:28.677 --> 00:11:31.947
I just think that that's the jesus way.
00:11:31.947 --> 00:11:33.582
What do you do, though, if the person is not willing to?
00:11:33.582 --> 00:11:35.851
Because i had a situation like this
00:11:35.851 --> 00:11:37.820
Where, um, somebody i worked with and was really close to,
00:11:37.820 --> 00:11:41.056
A huge respect for, long years of relationship, and it was
00:11:41.056 --> 00:11:46.428
Because i ended up with this
00:11:46.428 --> 00:11:48.063
Diagnosis of severe clinical depression,
00:11:48.063 --> 00:11:50.432
They felt like that said a lot about me as a person.
00:11:50.432 --> 00:11:52.935
And so, you know, the relationship was broken and i
00:11:52.935 --> 00:11:55.604
Felt really bad about that.
00:11:55.604 --> 00:11:56.772
So i thought, okay, so i remember asking if i could meet
00:11:56.772 --> 00:11:59.608
This person and saying, listen,
00:11:59.608 --> 00:12:01.477
All i want to do is hear your heart.
00:12:01.477 --> 00:12:03.279
You know, if there's something i'm not seeing here,
00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:06.382
I just i want to hear your heart.
00:12:06.382 --> 00:12:08.484
And there was nothing.
00:12:08.484 --> 00:12:09.552
I mean, it was just silence.
00:12:09.552 --> 00:12:10.820
It was still there.
00:12:10.820 --> 00:12:11.854
No, i just think you're a disappointing person.
00:12:11.854 --> 00:12:13.556
And at that point, it's like you feel so frustrated
00:12:13.556 --> 00:12:16.559
Because it's like, well, what else can i do?
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:18.127
Yeah.
00:12:18.127 --> 00:12:19.128
Anger to me is easier than disappointment.
00:12:19.128 --> 00:12:21.897
You know, it's easier to get angry with someone than it is
00:12:21.897 --> 00:12:24.567
To admit, lord, that really hurt.
00:12:24.567 --> 00:12:26.435
Disappointed me.
00:12:26.435 --> 00:12:27.269
Yeah, but you know part of it, too,
00:12:27.269 --> 00:12:28.571
I'm thinking of, like, early in our marriage, my husband and i,
00:12:28.571 --> 00:12:32.575
As marriages are, especially when we were as young as we
00:12:32.575 --> 00:12:34.944
Were, probably around year seven, we were just in some
00:12:34.944 --> 00:12:38.380
Conflict, just seeing things
00:12:38.380 --> 00:12:39.949
From different perspectives or whatever.
00:12:39.949 --> 00:12:42.051
And i remember my husband, who is the most peacemaking person
00:12:42.051 --> 00:12:46.722
On the face of the earth--
00:12:46.722 --> 00:12:47.690
He really is just a peacemaker at heart.
00:12:47.690 --> 00:12:50.059
And we were in a heated-- rupture?
00:12:50.059 --> 00:12:53.696
Heated fellowship. heated fellowship.
00:12:53.696 --> 00:12:55.164
Yeah, really good word.
00:12:55.164 --> 00:12:57.533
And he said, blynda, i think we're going to have these
00:12:57.533 --> 00:13:00.369
Issues and our communication breakdown
00:13:00.369 --> 00:13:03.172
As long as the thing that you think about me is
00:13:03.172 --> 00:13:06.275
That i'm not for you.
00:13:06.275 --> 00:13:08.811
Until you start believing that all of my actions, right or
00:13:08.811 --> 00:13:13.382
Wrong, because i'm not perfect, but that all of my actions
00:13:13.382 --> 00:13:16.819
There's a root that i am always for you, then you will stop
00:13:16.819 --> 00:13:20.923
Questioning or seeing it from a perspective that i'm trying to
00:13:20.923 --> 00:13:24.660
Hurt you, that i'm trying
00:13:24.660 --> 00:13:25.561
To undermine you, that i'm whatever.
00:13:25.561 --> 00:13:26.996
Wow. okay.
00:13:26.996 --> 00:13:28.264
So taking that into friendship and talking about how do we
00:13:28.264 --> 00:13:31.300
Forgive or when do we know we should fix a rupture or not,
00:13:31.300 --> 00:13:35.471
I think we have to identify first,
00:13:35.471 --> 00:13:37.673
Is this a friend who i know is for me?
00:13:37.673 --> 00:13:40.776
At the end of the day, this is a friend that is for me.
00:13:40.776 --> 00:13:43.746
But we're in a in a weird season. we're having-- there's
00:13:43.746 --> 00:13:47.149
Some ruptures we need to-- and it's worth confronting.
00:13:47.149 --> 00:13:49.418
It's worth doing the hard work, it's worth--
00:13:49.418 --> 00:13:51.754
Or is this not really a friend that's for me.
00:13:51.754 --> 00:13:54.490
This is a friend that's in competition against me.
00:13:54.490 --> 00:13:56.859
This is a friend who maybe has their own issues of unhealth,
00:13:56.859 --> 00:14:01.163
And they're not able to even offer healthy friendship.
00:14:01.163 --> 00:14:03.432
Like i think identifying that because like for when i think
00:14:03.432 --> 00:14:06.168
About my relationship with my husband, like remembering in a
00:14:06.168 --> 00:14:11.006
Future feeling of like, why did he do that?
00:14:11.006 --> 00:14:15.244
Saying, wait,
00:14:15.244 --> 00:14:16.378
But if seeing it from a perspective, i know he's for
00:14:16.378 --> 00:14:18.614
Me, so why would he have done that if i know he's for me?
00:14:18.614 --> 00:14:22.284
Okay, now you're starting at a different level of fixing.
00:14:22.284 --> 00:14:25.087
Fixing that rupture.
00:14:25.087 --> 00:14:26.288
It's just a little bit of air letting out of the tire.
00:14:26.288 --> 00:14:28.657
Yeah, you can air that thing back up.
00:14:28.657 --> 00:14:30.459
Yeah, that's really good.
00:14:30.459 --> 00:14:32.661
I think when we're in a relationship that we know is
00:14:32.661 --> 00:14:34.997
Worth saving, when we're in a rupture or a conflict or we're
00:14:34.997 --> 00:14:38.667
Having some tension, i think we go to the lord and ask for
00:14:38.667 --> 00:14:41.570
Guidance on how to repair the rupture.
00:14:41.570 --> 00:14:45.207
The truth is, we're imperfect. we're human.
00:14:45.207 --> 00:14:48.143
We come from different backgrounds.
00:14:48.143 --> 00:14:50.012
There are different stories that we have built over time,
00:14:50.012 --> 00:14:52.381
And they are trying to come together.
00:14:52.381 --> 00:14:54.850
And sometimes that's messy and it's so absolutely difficult.
00:14:54.850 --> 00:14:58.587
So what would it look like for you to invite the lord and say,
00:14:58.587 --> 00:15:01.223
I really value this friendship?
00:15:01.223 --> 00:15:02.958
I really think it's worth saving.
00:15:02.958 --> 00:15:04.259
Lord, can you give me the words to facilitate a conversation
00:15:04.259 --> 00:15:07.730
That repairs this rupture?
00:15:07.730 --> 00:15:11.100
Unfortunately, sometimes you can identify safe people by
00:15:11.100 --> 00:15:15.037
Having relationships with unsafe people.
00:15:15.037 --> 00:15:17.506
Sometimes they can teach you what you don't want.
00:15:17.506 --> 00:15:19.975
But really, what i would say the best way to identify safe
00:15:19.975 --> 00:15:23.379
People is to look at the fruit of the spirit.
00:15:23.379 --> 00:15:26.181
Do they have love? do they have joy?
00:15:26.181 --> 00:15:28.450
Do they have peace, patience, kindness, gentleness,
00:15:28.450 --> 00:15:30.386
Self-control, all of those things?
00:15:30.386 --> 00:15:32.187
Because that is really how we're told to live.
00:15:32.187 --> 00:15:35.124
And that is when he says you'll know them by their fruit.
00:15:35.124 --> 00:15:37.826
So i think the first way to identify safe people is to ask,
00:15:37.826 --> 00:15:40.929
Do they have the fruit of the spirit?
00:15:40.929 --> 00:15:42.765
Are they gentle
00:15:42.765 --> 00:15:44.066
When i speak to them? whenever i have to confront something,
00:15:44.066 --> 00:15:47.936
Do they have patience to hear me?
00:15:47.936 --> 00:15:49.638
Those kind of things.
00:15:49.638 --> 00:15:50.372
That would be my advice.
00:15:50.372 --> 00:15:52.141
But the biggest advice there would be to first take a look
00:15:52.141 --> 00:15:54.943
Inward and say, am i living as someone who people would
00:15:54.943 --> 00:15:58.213
Identify as living by fruit of the spirit?
00:15:58.213 --> 00:16:02.084
Let's keep the conversation going.
00:16:02.084 --> 00:16:04.086
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00:16:04.086 --> 00:16:06.355
Favorite moments from today.
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00:16:07.689 --> 00:16:11.627
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00:16:11.627 --> 00:16:13.862
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00:16:22.008 --> 00:16:22.238
Sheila, i wanted to answer just like what you asked too,
00:16:25.809 --> 00:16:29.045
Just around like, what do you do
00:16:29.045 --> 00:16:31.281
When there's a rupture and you're
00:16:31.281 --> 00:16:32.749
Willing to repair it
00:16:32.749 --> 00:16:33.950
If there's repentance and all the things, and then the
00:16:33.950 --> 00:16:36.453
Person's just like, no, whether they ignore you, whether they
00:16:36.453 --> 00:16:39.089
Just don't actually want to admit the truth, all the things.
00:16:39.089 --> 00:16:41.658
And i can remember i was actually in nashville,
00:16:41.658 --> 00:16:44.427
Tennessee, the day that i found out or the day that my
00:16:44.427 --> 00:16:47.130
Ex husband called me to tell me about all the betrayal, he was
00:16:47.130 --> 00:16:50.033
Being extorted, all the things.
00:16:50.033 --> 00:16:51.935
And, um, of course i was so devastated.
00:16:51.935 --> 00:16:55.305
And it wasn't the first time in our marriage.
00:16:55.305 --> 00:16:57.040
It happened so many times over the years.
00:16:57.040 --> 00:16:59.476
This one was just shocking because i thought we had healed.
00:16:59.476 --> 00:17:01.711
I thought like, oh man, we are like doing good now.
00:17:01.711 --> 00:17:04.380
Planted a church, all these things.
00:17:04.380 --> 00:17:05.882
And i could just tell that he wasn't calling me to repent.
00:17:05.882 --> 00:17:10.787
He was calling me because
00:17:10.787 --> 00:17:11.821
He was scared he was going to lose everything
00:17:11.821 --> 00:17:13.623
Because at the end of our conversation, he was like, can
00:17:13.623 --> 00:17:15.859
You help me figure out how to stop being extorted?
00:17:15.859 --> 00:17:17.794
Versus, so sorry, i'm like ruining our lives right now.
00:17:17.794 --> 00:17:21.464
And i got on the phone with my counselor, and one of the
00:17:21.464 --> 00:17:24.601
Questions that i asked her was like, okay, but like, can i
00:17:24.601 --> 00:17:27.370
Like, should i repair it?
00:17:27.370 --> 00:17:28.571
Like, what do i need to do, like to save my marriage?
00:17:28.571 --> 00:17:30.640
Because i just didn't want to lose it.
00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:32.642
And she said, toni, i think that this is a rescue mission.
00:17:32.642 --> 00:17:40.483
And i was like, from what? she was like, well, this is not the
00:17:40.483 --> 00:17:45.188
First time we've talked about betrayal in your marriage and
00:17:45.188 --> 00:17:47.390
Infidelity and all these things.
00:17:47.390 --> 00:17:48.825
And, you know, you're the broken crayons girl, right?
00:17:48.825 --> 00:17:52.095
Like, you're like, everything can be redeemed.
00:17:52.095 --> 00:17:53.930
Like, we can still color, like, let's go heal this and let's--
00:17:53.930 --> 00:17:56.633
It's fine, it's fine.
00:17:56.633 --> 00:17:57.600
Let's figure out what god is doing here.
00:17:57.600 --> 00:17:59.302
And i just--
00:17:59.302 --> 00:18:00.503
I think i couldn't come to terms with the idea that he
00:18:00.503 --> 00:18:05.875
Didn't want the same thing, that for him, it wasn't about
00:18:05.875 --> 00:18:10.580
Repairing the relationship.
00:18:10.580 --> 00:18:12.782
It was i have to save my image and my church.
00:18:12.782 --> 00:18:17.153
And, um, i was just like, i
00:18:17.153 --> 00:18:19.522
Don't i don't want to be rescued.
00:18:19.522 --> 00:18:21.991
I don't want that, i want this, i want to fix it.
00:18:21.991 --> 00:18:24.327
Mhm. and she said, toni, i think
00:18:24.327 --> 00:18:26.996
That this isn't the rescue you wanted.
00:18:26.996 --> 00:18:29.532
It's the one you needed. mhm.
00:18:29.532 --> 00:18:31.401
And i think when we look at relationships and friendships
00:18:31.401 --> 00:18:34.003
And marriages that we're fighting for, i think sometimes
00:18:34.003 --> 00:18:37.874
The lord intervenes. mhm.
00:18:37.874 --> 00:18:39.909
And because i just think i mean he's omniscient.
00:18:39.909 --> 00:18:41.978
He's omnipresent.
00:18:41.978 --> 00:18:42.845
He's working in and through people.
00:18:42.845 --> 00:18:44.380
And even with your friend, sheila, like her not responding,
00:18:44.380 --> 00:18:47.750
Her not leaning in could have very well been a rescue mission
00:18:47.750 --> 00:18:51.454
From the lord. it hurts here on this earth.
00:18:51.454 --> 00:18:55.124
You're not fighting for this with me.
00:18:55.124 --> 00:18:57.026
You don't want to repair this rupture with me.
00:18:57.026 --> 00:18:58.928
I am willing, and i'm not even the one that did anything wrong.
00:18:58.928 --> 00:19:01.497
And you're not and you're not and you're not.
00:19:01.497 --> 00:19:03.600
And then we look up and we say, what is the lord doing?
00:19:03.600 --> 00:19:06.970
And maybe he's calling us to a boundary.
00:19:06.970 --> 00:19:09.706
Love is not without boundaries.
00:19:09.706 --> 00:19:13.743
Okay? and i need you to think about this in terms of our
00:19:13.743 --> 00:19:16.512
Relationship with god.
00:19:16.512 --> 00:19:18.047
Um, yes, it is true that god forgives us.
00:19:18.047 --> 00:19:21.150
It is absolutely true that god forgives us.
00:19:21.150 --> 00:19:23.253
And yet, if we are unrepentant, there is separation
00:19:23.253 --> 00:19:27.624
Between us and god.
00:19:27.624 --> 00:19:30.526
Many times, the reason why we don't feel the presence of god
00:19:30.526 --> 00:19:33.596
Is because there is unrepentant sin in our lives, and a holy
00:19:33.596 --> 00:19:36.733
God is not going to be proximate to sin.
00:19:36.733 --> 00:19:41.104
And so i really encourage you to consider, is there something
00:19:41.104 --> 00:19:45.108
In your life that you need to surrender to god because there
00:19:45.108 --> 00:19:49.379
Is a breach of a boundary?
00:19:49.379 --> 00:19:51.447
God's boundary is very simple. i
00:19:51.447 --> 00:19:54.017
Love you and i forgive you.
00:19:54.017 --> 00:19:56.386
Repent, for my kingdom is at hand.
00:19:56.386 --> 00:19:59.455
Boundaries are not bad.
00:19:59.455 --> 00:20:01.291
They simply let us know what
00:20:01.291 --> 00:20:02.992
Is ours and what is the other person's.
00:20:02.992 --> 00:20:07.030
I think where where we have failed as a church is we have
00:20:07.030 --> 00:20:13.202
Done a great job talking about forgiveness.
00:20:13.202 --> 00:20:16.072
We talk about it every single day.
00:20:16.072 --> 00:20:17.340
Yeah. um, but the revelation god gave me years ago is that a
00:20:17.340 --> 00:20:21.544
Healthy relationship requires two sides of the same coin.
00:20:21.544 --> 00:20:25.281
One side is forgiveness.
00:20:25.281 --> 00:20:26.783
There was an offense we forgive, right?
00:20:26.783 --> 00:20:29.786
The other side of the coin that we don't seem to talk about
00:20:29.786 --> 00:20:31.854
Much is repentance.
00:20:31.854 --> 00:20:33.222
Mhm.
00:20:33.222 --> 00:20:33.890
You cannot have a healthy
00:20:33.890 --> 00:20:34.957
Relationship when there's only forgiveness.
00:20:34.957 --> 00:20:37.794
Like you cannot be in a healthy relationship with an
00:20:37.794 --> 00:20:40.496
Unrepentant person and-- repeat offender.
00:20:40.496 --> 00:20:42.865
A repeat offender.
00:20:42.865 --> 00:20:44.033
And as i've counseled especially women. i do a lot of
00:20:44.033 --> 00:20:46.569
Counseling with women who have survived all types of abuse.
00:20:46.569 --> 00:20:49.172
Some women who are still in that situation.
00:20:49.172 --> 00:20:51.574
What they asked over and over is how do i forgive?
00:20:51.574 --> 00:20:54.544
How do i forgive? how do i forgive?
00:20:54.544 --> 00:20:56.512
And i'm like, honey, you're
00:20:56.512 --> 00:20:57.814
Only asking one third of the question.
00:20:57.814 --> 00:20:59.749
The question is not how do i forgive?
00:20:59.749 --> 00:21:01.551
The question, of course, is how do i forgive?
00:21:01.551 --> 00:21:02.919
But it's also, are they repenting?
00:21:02.919 --> 00:21:04.754
Are they repenting?
00:21:04.754 --> 00:21:05.588
And are they in a place of repair?
00:21:05.588 --> 00:21:07.490
Right.
00:21:07.490 --> 00:21:08.558
Because those are different things.
00:21:08.558 --> 00:21:09.959
A person can be repentant and not in a place of repair.
00:21:09.959 --> 00:21:12.795
They can be like, hey, i'm truly am sorry that this
00:21:12.795 --> 00:21:14.564
Happened, but i don't want this relationship, you know?
00:21:14.564 --> 00:21:18.101
And because even the lord doesn't force us to repent.
00:21:18.101 --> 00:21:21.537
No, he gives us a choice. so i don't--
00:21:21.537 --> 00:21:23.439
Sometimes i think we think we can get people to do something.
00:21:23.439 --> 00:21:26.743
They're not responding to the conviction of the lord.
00:21:26.743 --> 00:21:28.678
Correct. why are they going to respond to you?
00:21:28.678 --> 00:21:30.079
Surely not you. why would they respond to you?
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:31.948
And they're ignoring the holy spirit.
00:21:31.948 --> 00:21:33.483
We have to be willing
00:21:33.483 --> 00:21:34.650
This is where it gets hard.
00:21:34.650 --> 00:21:36.419
We have to be willing to take people where they are.
00:21:36.419 --> 00:21:40.289
If someone is unrepentant and they don't want to repair the
00:21:40.289 --> 00:21:43.659
Relationship, you can forgive all day long.
00:21:43.659 --> 00:21:46.329
It's not going to get better.
00:21:46.329 --> 00:21:50.800
There's a difference between, um, when somebody who has
00:21:48.297 --> 00:21:54.604
Really wounded you or hurt you or, you know, done something to
00:21:54.604 --> 00:21:58.207
You and they genuinely repent,
00:21:58.207 --> 00:22:00.710
That relationship can be can continue.
00:22:00.710 --> 00:22:03.279
There can be a repair if they continue in a way that you
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:06.115
Think things have really changed.
00:22:06.115 --> 00:22:08.184
But if somebody says they're sorry but they don't change, it
00:22:08.184 --> 00:22:11.120
Doesn't mean that you have to stay in the same kind of close
00:22:11.120 --> 00:22:14.390
Relationship, because almost that's not loving.
00:22:14.390 --> 00:22:17.727
It's like saying to somebody, you can treat me any way you
00:22:17.727 --> 00:22:19.996
Like and it doesn't matter.
00:22:19.996 --> 00:22:21.531
You want better than that for people.
00:22:21.531 --> 00:22:23.933
That repentance is a gift, but repentance
00:22:23.933 --> 00:22:27.203
Is followed by action.
00:22:27.203 --> 00:22:30.039
I also don't think-- i don't know why i'm saying this.
00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:32.575
It has to be the holy spirit because i am not happy about
00:22:32.575 --> 00:22:35.211
Saying this right now. i just hit me.
00:22:35.211 --> 00:22:37.013
Untrustworthy people don't have to be thrown away.
00:22:37.013 --> 00:22:40.783
They just have to be placed differently.
00:22:40.783 --> 00:22:43.419
Differently. i was gonna say, handled differently.
00:22:43.419 --> 00:22:45.288
That makes me cringe.
00:22:45.288 --> 00:22:46.656
I don't even really want to unpack it because i don't like
00:22:46.656 --> 00:22:49.025
That because i am really struggling through forgiveness
00:22:49.025 --> 00:22:53.496
With my ex-husband right now.
00:22:53.496 --> 00:22:54.864
I am trying my best.
00:22:54.864 --> 00:22:56.599
Okay. but the repentance part, like truly, and this may seem
00:22:56.599 --> 00:23:01.370
So naive, i can't believe i'm saying this out loud right now.
00:23:01.370 --> 00:23:05.107
There are still moments, honestly, that i really do long
00:23:05.107 --> 00:23:11.113
For my ex-husband to repent. of course.
00:23:11.113 --> 00:23:13.549
There are even moments where i'm like, well, you never know.
00:23:13.549 --> 00:23:17.086
Like, we could get remarried, you know?
00:23:17.086 --> 00:23:19.255
Um, which is that's like, really vulnerable for me.
00:23:19.255 --> 00:23:23.192
Um, and i believe that i'm worthy of god's best.
00:23:23.192 --> 00:23:28.664
Yes.
00:23:28.664 --> 00:23:29.765
And i think god's best in situations where there's
00:23:29.765 --> 00:23:32.768
Betrayal and mistrust
00:23:32.768 --> 00:23:34.136
And all of this is a repentant, surrendered heart.
00:23:34.136 --> 00:23:37.773
Yeah.
00:23:37.773 --> 00:23:38.674
Like, the fruit of that is different.
00:23:38.674 --> 00:23:40.910
Yeah. it's healthy.
00:23:40.910 --> 00:23:42.378
It looks like jesus.
00:23:42.378 --> 00:23:43.913
It smells like jesus.
00:23:43.913 --> 00:23:45.181
The fruit of repentance and real repair is very beautiful,
00:23:45.181 --> 00:23:49.318
And sometimes we get to a place where we're just like,
00:23:49.318 --> 00:23:53.155
They're dead to me.
00:23:53.155 --> 00:23:54.123
And by we, i mean actually my own self.
00:23:54.123 --> 00:23:56.759
Right? like they're dead to me.
00:23:56.759 --> 00:23:58.127
I don't really care what happens.
00:23:58.127 --> 00:23:59.328
That's how it was at first, which is just us trying to
00:23:59.328 --> 00:24:01.097
Protect our fragile hearts,
00:24:01.097 --> 00:24:02.865
When really, i am called right now to put my relationship with
00:24:02.865 --> 00:24:07.503
My ex-husband and any friend that breaks trust or betrays
00:24:07.503 --> 00:24:11.474
Into a safer space.
00:24:11.474 --> 00:24:13.009
Not throw them away, but to put them into a safer space.
00:24:13.009 --> 00:24:16.178
That's why i said-- that's good.
00:24:16.178 --> 00:24:17.246
-- that even jesus had circles.
00:24:17.246 --> 00:24:19.515
Like think about the lord and how he interfaced with people.
00:24:19.515 --> 00:24:22.184
Everyone was jesus's friend, but they were in different
00:24:22.184 --> 00:24:24.287
Places in his life.
00:24:24.287 --> 00:24:25.521
You had his most intimate
00:24:25.521 --> 00:24:26.556
Circle, which was just him and god.
00:24:26.556 --> 00:24:28.291
You had the circle outside of that.
00:24:28.291 --> 00:24:29.825
We talked about the garden of gethsemane.
00:24:29.825 --> 00:24:31.661
You had peter, james and john that he brought close.
00:24:31.661 --> 00:24:33.829
He could have brought all 12.
00:24:33.829 --> 00:24:34.664
Why didn't he bring all 12?
00:24:34.664 --> 00:24:35.932
He brought them close into an intimate space.
00:24:35.932 --> 00:24:37.833
Then you had the other disciples, then you had the
00:24:37.833 --> 00:24:41.304
People that healed. yeah.
00:24:41.304 --> 00:24:43.472
And then you actually had the pharisees and the
00:24:43.472 --> 00:24:45.141
Teachers of the law,
00:24:45.141 --> 00:24:46.642
The people that actually did harm to him, his enemies.
00:24:46.642 --> 00:24:50.513
They were still in jesus's friendship circle.
00:24:50.513 --> 00:24:52.481
And so for me, when i think about friends that have
00:24:52.481 --> 00:24:55.017
Betrayed or whoever has betrayed, i'm like, they're
00:24:55.017 --> 00:24:57.286
Made in the image of god.
00:24:57.286 --> 00:24:58.921
I don't have to throw them away.
00:24:58.921 --> 00:25:00.456
I just have to put them in a space that's safe enough
00:25:00.456 --> 00:25:02.992
For my fragile heart.
00:25:02.992 --> 00:25:05.595
One of the hardest things in life is how do you interact
00:25:05.595 --> 00:25:08.731
With people who are not safe?
00:25:08.731 --> 00:25:11.033
You know, i mean, obviously scripture tells us that we have
00:25:11.033 --> 00:25:13.469
To love everyone, but, you know, we're given boundaries.
00:25:13.469 --> 00:25:17.273
If you think about scripture,
00:25:17.273 --> 00:25:18.808
Even adam and eve had a boundary.
00:25:18.808 --> 00:25:20.743
They were in the garden of eden.
00:25:20.743 --> 00:25:22.111
There's always-- boundaries were always god's idea.
00:25:22.111 --> 00:25:25.381
And so you can be there for someone.
00:25:25.381 --> 00:25:27.483
You can help, but you can draw a strict boundary where you
00:25:27.483 --> 00:25:31.087
Don't want them to cross into
00:25:31.087 --> 00:25:32.188
An area that would impact your life.
00:25:32.188 --> 00:25:34.890
And maybe you try it one time and it just really backfires.
00:25:34.890 --> 00:25:38.194
Take a lesson from that.
00:25:38.194 --> 00:25:39.462
Somebody said, when somebody shows you who they really are,
00:25:39.462 --> 00:25:41.931
You know, believe them.
00:25:41.931 --> 00:25:43.199
And it doesn't mean that you don't love.
00:25:43.199 --> 00:25:45.134
You can love them still.
00:25:45.134 --> 00:25:46.302
You can pray for them.
00:25:46.302 --> 00:25:47.603
But it doesn't mean you have to allow them to come back in and
00:25:47.603 --> 00:25:50.139
Hurt you over and over again.
00:25:50.139 --> 00:25:53.042
One of the common questions that i get, and i think we
00:25:53.042 --> 00:25:56.212
Wrestle with, especially as christians because we're not
00:25:56.212 --> 00:25:58.581
Sure what it means, is this idea of boundaries.
00:25:58.581 --> 00:26:01.350
And so when i talk about this whole thing i've been studying
00:26:01.350 --> 00:26:05.254
Lately about loving your neighbor and all this stuff,
00:26:05.254 --> 00:26:07.890
And i'm talking about forgiveness and, you know,
00:26:07.890 --> 00:26:10.726
Peacemaking and reconciliation, all these things,
00:26:10.726 --> 00:26:12.962
And there is that side that if the person's not repentant or
00:26:12.962 --> 00:26:15.998
They're not broken, they're not willing to--
00:26:15.998 --> 00:26:18.167
I mean, you can't reconcile a relationship on your own.
00:26:18.167 --> 00:26:20.636
Yeah. um, but the challenge is, and people will often say, so,
00:26:20.636 --> 00:26:24.373
Should we not have boundaries?
00:26:24.373 --> 00:26:26.108
Yes. but most of the time our boundaries are self-centered,
00:26:26.108 --> 00:26:31.480
Self-protective measures that we've said,
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:35.151
I don't want to feel that way again.
00:26:35.151 --> 00:26:36.819
So this is where i'm putting you rather than a god led wisdom.
00:26:36.819 --> 00:26:41.390
Come on.
00:26:41.390 --> 00:26:42.591
Because when it's god led, god will adjust the boundary
00:26:42.591 --> 00:26:45.127
As things change. correct.
00:26:45.127 --> 00:26:46.495
See, if i loan you $20 and you're not good with money,
00:26:46.495 --> 00:26:49.932
God may say, hey, hold off on that.
00:26:49.932 --> 00:26:52.835
I'm working on her.
00:26:52.835 --> 00:26:54.036
Another person can ask me for $20, and she's also not
00:26:54.036 --> 00:26:56.939
Good with money. and he will say, give it to her.
00:26:56.939 --> 00:26:59.208
I'm showing her my grace.
00:26:59.208 --> 00:27:00.376
You cannot take a formula and say, i never do this.
00:27:00.376 --> 00:27:04.080
Once a person does this to me, i'm done.
00:27:04.080 --> 00:27:06.515
I always do--
00:27:06.515 --> 00:27:07.616
You can't because god will flip the script on you.
00:27:07.616 --> 00:27:10.219
And there's some people that are never going to pay you back
00:27:10.219 --> 00:27:12.421
That $20, and he is going to have you be their hosea, and
00:27:12.421 --> 00:27:15.324
You're going to keep giving them the $20 and never
00:27:15.324 --> 00:27:17.093
Going to pay you back.
00:27:17.093 --> 00:27:18.160
And it's going to be between him and the lord.
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:19.428
He's like, i'm gonna work it out with them.
00:27:19.428 --> 00:27:20.896
And there's other people where he's saying, i'm going to--
00:27:20.896 --> 00:27:22.798
I want you to love them differently, because i want you
00:27:22.798 --> 00:27:25.000
To withhold that and explain why. if i'm not asking the lord
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:28.471
Every time, then i come up with my own boundary,
00:27:28.471 --> 00:27:31.807
It's about me.
00:27:31.807 --> 00:27:32.875
And it's not about god.
00:27:32.875 --> 00:27:33.909
It's not about showing the
00:27:33.909 --> 00:27:35.244
Person what god's love looks like.
00:27:35.244 --> 00:27:36.746
It's about you're never going to hurt me again.
00:27:36.746 --> 00:27:38.814
And then that boundary becomes permanent.
00:27:38.814 --> 00:27:40.916
Oh, yeah. and listen,
00:27:40.916 --> 00:27:42.118
God withholds stuff from us all the time.
00:27:42.118 --> 00:27:44.620
In one season, gives to us in another season.
00:27:44.620 --> 00:27:48.290
Yes. this is not for you right now.
00:27:48.290 --> 00:27:50.459
Yeah, i've been in places, y'all.
00:27:50.459 --> 00:27:52.628
I remember i took a mission trip to africa some years ago,
00:27:52.628 --> 00:27:55.998
And i had always wanted to go
00:27:55.998 --> 00:27:58.200
Do this teaching missions in africa.
00:27:58.200 --> 00:27:59.835
It was awesome.
00:27:59.835 --> 00:28:00.870
We were in uganda, five languages in the room.
00:28:00.870 --> 00:28:03.339
It was just everything.
00:28:03.339 --> 00:28:05.074
And i remember going, god, this is awesome.
00:28:05.074 --> 00:28:07.777
This is it. i could do this.
00:28:07.777 --> 00:28:09.044
Before we planted the church, i was like, i could do this.
00:28:09.044 --> 00:28:11.147
It was clear as day.
00:28:11.147 --> 00:28:12.414
And he was like, well, i can trust you with this now because
00:28:12.414 --> 00:28:15.584
I had been in this season early in my marriage of this
00:28:15.584 --> 00:28:18.154
Competing rather than complimenting my husband.
00:28:18.154 --> 00:28:20.356
We have similar gifts, teaching and things, and my husband was
00:28:20.356 --> 00:28:22.992
Like-- and the lord, it was so clear.
00:28:22.992 --> 00:28:24.627
He was like, i could not have given you this before now
00:28:24.627 --> 00:28:28.164
Because you didn't know how to submit and
00:28:28.164 --> 00:28:31.167
Yield and trust me.
00:28:31.167 --> 00:28:32.601
So god does it to us all the time.
00:28:32.601 --> 00:28:34.904
And i'm glad that the boundary he set in 2003 is not the one
00:28:34.904 --> 00:28:38.707
He kept on me forever,
00:28:38.707 --> 00:28:40.810
And so when it comes to people, we have to do the same thing.
00:28:40.810 --> 00:28:44.113
I have to constantly be assessing because people grow.
00:28:44.113 --> 00:28:47.550
And you're kind of like--
00:28:47.550 --> 00:28:48.751
And they change. kind of--
00:28:48.751 --> 00:28:50.052
I'm kind of not happy with you right now because the lord is
00:28:50.052 --> 00:28:51.887
Literally speaking to me right now.
00:28:51.887 --> 00:28:53.422
I literally heard the sentence just now,
00:28:53.422 --> 00:28:55.191
I used the phrase what kind of generally, as a rule of thumb,
00:28:55.191 --> 00:28:58.027
I don't blah blah blah blah blah.
00:28:58.027 --> 00:28:59.728
Whatever, fill in the blank?
00:28:59.728 --> 00:29:00.830
And what that is, if i've been saying, oh, kind of
00:29:00.830 --> 00:29:03.499
As a rule of thumb, i don't-- it's i have created a rule
00:29:03.499 --> 00:29:06.969
Within myself of how i'm going to allow people into my life.
00:29:06.969 --> 00:29:10.706
Yes.
00:29:10.706 --> 00:29:12.007
Um, because as a rule of thumb, i don't do this because my past
00:29:12.007 --> 00:29:15.144
Would tell me when i have i've gotten hurt by it.
00:29:15.144 --> 00:29:17.379
Absolutely. and once you throw out
00:29:17.379 --> 00:29:19.615
My rules-- always on the outside.
00:29:19.615 --> 00:29:21.383
Yes. we have to leave room for redemption.
00:29:21.383 --> 00:29:23.352
Less formulas. more faith, girls.
00:29:23.352 --> 00:29:24.753
Yes. let's put that on a shirt.
00:29:24.753 --> 00:29:26.155
We grow.
00:29:26.155 --> 00:29:27.456
And i have friends in my life and people in my life where i'm
00:29:27.456 --> 00:29:30.459
Glad that they gave me another chance.
00:29:30.459 --> 00:29:33.629
I did something, said
00:29:33.629 --> 00:29:34.797
Something, didn't watch my mouth.
00:29:34.797 --> 00:29:36.098
When you're a talker, a bunch of stuff comes out of my mouth
00:29:36.098 --> 00:29:38.634
That has hurtful.
00:29:38.634 --> 00:29:39.902
I just stay with apologies in my pocket because somebody's
00:29:39.902 --> 00:29:41.704
Feelings are always hurting. i'm like, girl, didn't mean it.
00:29:41.704 --> 00:29:43.339
I was just talking and i'm so glad they've given me chances.
00:29:43.339 --> 00:29:46.742
Um, when i used to give feedback about my temperament
00:29:46.742 --> 00:29:50.012
Five years ago versus today,
00:29:50.012 --> 00:29:51.914
So glad. i'm like, the lord is
00:29:51.914 --> 00:29:53.382
Like, girl, relax, quit being defensive.
00:29:53.382 --> 00:29:55.918
It's just he lets us grow and we have to let people grow.
00:29:55.918 --> 00:29:59.455
My mantra is this, love people
00:29:59.455 --> 00:30:02.024
When they've hurt you in such a way that should they wake up
00:30:02.024 --> 00:30:05.661
One day with an epiphany, they can look back and say,
00:30:05.661 --> 00:30:08.664
You always love me this way. yeah.
00:30:08.664 --> 00:30:11.533
Is loving others worth the risk?
00:30:11.533 --> 00:30:15.271
It's a very good question and a sobering question, and it makes
00:30:15.271 --> 00:30:19.041
Me think of jesus and peter, because we know that
00:30:19.041 --> 00:30:23.746
Jesus loved peter.
00:30:23.746 --> 00:30:25.581
Um, but we also know if you read in the gospels that
00:30:25.581 --> 00:30:29.585
Peter did deny him three times when he had been taken away to
00:30:29.585 --> 00:30:33.956
Be crucified, and and jesus predicted that he would.
00:30:33.956 --> 00:30:37.326
And of course, peter was like, i never will.
00:30:37.326 --> 00:30:39.695
And then basically in the same 24 hour period,
00:30:39.695 --> 00:30:42.698
He denies him three times.
00:30:42.698 --> 00:30:45.167
And that is a betrayal.
00:30:45.167 --> 00:30:47.436
That is a painful betrayal.
00:30:47.436 --> 00:30:49.338
Even though jesus knew that that was going to happen,
00:30:49.338 --> 00:30:52.141
It's still a betrayal.
00:30:52.141 --> 00:30:53.442
But this is what i love.
00:30:53.442 --> 00:30:55.444
Jesus didn't stop the story there with peter.
00:30:55.444 --> 00:30:58.881
He was willing--
00:30:58.881 --> 00:31:00.916
It was risky, but he was
00:31:00.916 --> 00:31:02.651
Willing to restore that relationship.
00:31:02.651 --> 00:31:05.721
And what we know about peter being the rock that the church
00:31:05.721 --> 00:31:09.658
Was built on, built on, was this.
00:31:09.658 --> 00:31:14.296
His betrayal did not disqualify him, but jesus restoration
00:31:14.296 --> 00:31:21.670
Recommissioned him.
00:31:21.670 --> 00:31:23.839
And so what if, in our own world of of living with wounds
00:31:23.839 --> 00:31:28.844
Or betrayal, what if there was a chance that if you took the
00:31:28.844 --> 00:31:34.650
Risk of friendship.
00:31:34.650 --> 00:31:35.851
And even if you were betrayed, why is it worth it?
00:31:35.851 --> 00:31:39.288
Because even in the betrayal, there could be, instead of a
00:31:39.288 --> 00:31:43.025
Disqualification of the friendship, instead of an ending
00:31:43.025 --> 00:31:45.861
What if it's the beginning of recommissioning, of something
00:31:45.861 --> 00:31:48.864
New, something new god's doing in you?
00:31:48.864 --> 00:31:51.166
Something new god could do in that relationship, something
00:31:51.166 --> 00:31:54.069
New god is doing in the person who betrayed you.
00:31:54.069 --> 00:31:57.039
In christ there is always hope for renewal.
00:31:57.039 --> 00:32:00.509
And that can be true even in a tough relationship of betrayal.
00:32:00.509 --> 00:32:06.382
And so i just want to tell you, it's worth the risk, because
00:32:06.382 --> 00:32:10.486
Even in the worst case scenario where jesus took the risk on
00:32:10.486 --> 00:32:14.656
Peter and it didn't pay off, he still betrayed him.
00:32:14.656 --> 00:32:17.926
At the end of the story, there was a recommissioning of
00:32:17.926 --> 00:32:21.030
Purpose and restoration of friendship.
00:32:21.030 --> 00:32:24.133
My nanny and i, we go to a gym that we are obsessed with, and
00:32:24.133 --> 00:32:29.204
We work out six days a week, like obsessed.
00:32:29.204 --> 00:32:31.640
Sometimes we're like, let's go twice today.
00:32:31.640 --> 00:32:33.675
Like totally obsessed.
00:32:33.675 --> 00:32:35.177
We started off at one gym.
00:32:35.177 --> 00:32:36.912
Transition to another gym because there was just some
00:32:36.912 --> 00:32:39.381
Gossip and stuff that we just don't really like to be a
00:32:39.381 --> 00:32:41.683
Part of, you know?
00:32:41.683 --> 00:32:42.951
And, um, the other day i woke up and there was a specific
00:32:42.951 --> 00:32:47.523
Person, um, that had really hurt my feelings.
00:32:47.523 --> 00:32:50.225
Like, and i, as a grown adult, i just my feelings haven't been
00:32:50.225 --> 00:32:53.328
Hurt in a long time, you know?
00:32:53.328 --> 00:32:54.963
But it was just, like, high school, catty,
00:32:54.963 --> 00:32:56.932
Kind of like, i was like, oh, my gosh, you're so mean.
00:32:56.932 --> 00:32:59.735
Like, i don't like that.
00:32:59.735 --> 00:33:01.537
And, um, gosh, i woke up and i was in quiet time.
00:33:01.537 --> 00:33:05.641
Mind you, i just wrote a book on community, okay.
00:33:05.641 --> 00:33:08.744
And trusting people again and boundaries and believing in
00:33:08.744 --> 00:33:12.014
People again.
00:33:12.014 --> 00:33:13.615
And the lord was like, i want you to send her a gift.
00:33:13.615 --> 00:33:17.052
Now, gifts are my love language.
00:33:17.052 --> 00:33:19.555
And so, lord, i don't know what you're talking about.
00:33:19.555 --> 00:33:20.923
Why are you trying to use my favorite thing for her?
00:33:20.923 --> 00:33:23.559
Okay, why are you doing that?
00:33:23.559 --> 00:33:25.194
Okay, because, you know, gifts are important to me, and i
00:33:25.194 --> 00:33:26.929
Don't love her, okay? right.
00:33:26.929 --> 00:33:28.564
And i literally said out loud, lord, is this really you?
00:33:28.564 --> 00:33:34.136
I did, because that's how i talk.
00:33:34.136 --> 00:33:35.404
I'm like, no, no, no, because i don't want you to impress
00:33:35.404 --> 00:33:37.139
Nothing on my heart
00:33:37.139 --> 00:33:38.006
Now that i'm not paying attention to.
00:33:38.006 --> 00:33:39.441
Is it you for real? and he just kept impressing it.
00:33:39.441 --> 00:33:41.743
Impressing it.
00:33:41.743 --> 00:33:43.011
I even was like, i'm gonna just keep writing in my journal,
00:33:43.011 --> 00:33:45.013
Open my journal up.
00:33:45.013 --> 00:33:46.281
I just felt the lord say, get her a gift, get her a gift.
00:33:46.281 --> 00:33:49.084
And i was like, so i get her a gift.
00:33:49.084 --> 00:33:51.653
Um, and i'm sitting down with my nanny and i tell her i'm
00:33:51.653 --> 00:33:54.556
Like, do you remember that one girl?
00:33:54.556 --> 00:33:56.425
She was so mean to us.
00:33:56.425 --> 00:33:58.393
I was like, the other day, the lord, like, called me to give
00:33:58.393 --> 00:34:01.263
Her a gift, and i don't even know what he's doing in me
00:34:01.263 --> 00:34:03.165
Because, like, i forgive her.
00:34:03.165 --> 00:34:04.099
I just am not going to reconcile.
00:34:04.099 --> 00:34:05.334
And da da da da.
00:34:05.334 --> 00:34:06.301
And my nanny said something so profound.
00:34:06.301 --> 00:34:08.170
She said, what if it wasn't for you?
00:34:08.170 --> 00:34:11.273
What if it was for her? mhm.
00:34:11.273 --> 00:34:13.275
And i was like, what do you mean?
00:34:13.275 --> 00:34:15.177
I'm the pastor in this house. okay.
00:34:15.177 --> 00:34:18.480
Um, and she just was like, well you know, she's, she, she has
00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:21.483
Really been not nice to a lot of people.
00:34:21.483 --> 00:34:24.253
And maybe she needs to see that even when someone's not nice to
00:34:24.253 --> 00:34:28.190
You, you can still have the
00:34:28.190 --> 00:34:30.292
Capacity to be kind and generous.
00:34:30.292 --> 00:34:32.661
And maybe she needs to learn that what feels like betrayal
00:34:32.661 --> 00:34:35.397
In her life, or someone doing her wrong, that she still has
00:34:35.397 --> 00:34:39.001
The capacity to be kind.
00:34:39.001 --> 00:34:41.203
And that's the life i want to live.
00:34:41.203 --> 00:34:44.406
Yeah. this hurt me.
00:34:44.406 --> 00:34:46.942
But whatever the lord is doing, i want to be a part of it.
00:34:46.942 --> 00:34:50.212
Yes.
00:34:50.212 --> 00:34:51.380
So if i got to put my feelings on the side and be an
00:34:51.380 --> 00:34:53.916
Ambassador of faith and do what the lord has called me to do to
00:34:53.916 --> 00:34:57.052
Help someone else see what the lord's trying to do in
00:34:57.052 --> 00:34:59.087
Their life, i want it. it's redemptive.
00:34:59.087 --> 00:35:01.223
I want the divine. and here's the deal.
00:35:01.223 --> 00:35:03.792
It's not to say that the lord doesn't care about my feelings.
00:35:03.792 --> 00:35:06.762
No, absolutely.
00:35:06.762 --> 00:35:07.629
We've probably licked them wounds.
00:35:07.629 --> 00:35:08.964
He's already come over here.
00:35:08.964 --> 00:35:10.232
I mean, literally, the bible tells us in matthew, like he'll
00:35:10.232 --> 00:35:12.734
Leave the 99 and come to the
00:35:12.734 --> 00:35:14.269
One who's hurting and lost and confused.
00:35:14.269 --> 00:35:16.471
And what's amazing, i think, is that sometimes we get to be the
00:35:16.471 --> 00:35:20.275
One, but sometimes we get to be the 99.
00:35:20.275 --> 00:35:23.078
And i was the one.
00:35:23.078 --> 00:35:24.079
And he licked my wounds and all the things.
00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:25.380
And now i'm a part of the 99
00:35:25.380 --> 00:35:27.149
Watching him go save someone else, doing whatever i need to
00:35:27.149 --> 00:35:29.751
Do to be a part of it.
00:35:29.751 --> 00:35:31.286
And i just think that, jada, what you just said, like,
00:35:31.286 --> 00:35:34.756
That's how we get to be like jesus with skin on even when
00:35:34.756 --> 00:35:38.660
We've been hurt, is that we get to come up higher and say,
00:35:38.660 --> 00:35:41.563
Lord, what are you doing?
00:35:41.563 --> 00:35:42.764
I want to be a part of it, even if it's to my enemies.
00:35:42.764 --> 00:35:44.800
I mean, it makes me think if we if we lived by the thought,
00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:48.837
Hurt people hurt people, that when someone does hurt us, if
00:35:48.837 --> 00:35:52.774
Our immediate thought could be i wonder why she's hurting.
00:35:52.774 --> 00:35:55.777
Yeah. i wonder what's happening.
00:35:55.777 --> 00:35:57.679
What's happening in her life. how can i be a part of it?
00:35:57.679 --> 00:35:59.982
Hurt people hurt people, but healed people heal people.
00:35:59.982 --> 00:36:02.584
Yes.
00:36:02.584 --> 00:36:03.552
And that's where i think where what god was
00:36:03.552 --> 00:36:06.989
Impressing upon you was as you're healing, she is hurting.
00:36:06.989 --> 00:36:11.360
Be a healer. be a healer.
00:36:11.360 --> 00:36:12.961
But the enemy wants is he wants us to inflict the same pain.
00:36:12.961 --> 00:36:17.699
That's how we keep it going.
00:36:17.699 --> 00:36:18.800
There is nobody who hurts people who is healed.
00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:21.903
It's just not even a thought. hmm-mm.
00:36:21.903 --> 00:36:24.973
So psalm 35 is one of the most powerful psalms, in my opinion.
00:36:24.973 --> 00:36:30.545
There are about, i think, 22 psalms of lament, where david
00:36:30.545 --> 00:36:36.051
Is pouring out his heart before god and asking god to
00:36:36.051 --> 00:36:40.555
Essentially take vengeance on an enemy.
00:36:40.555 --> 00:36:43.125
Someone who hurt him, someone who betrayed him.
00:36:43.125 --> 00:36:45.560
Someone who is actually trying to undermine him or attack him.
00:36:45.560 --> 00:36:48.997
I think that's a really important model, because
00:36:48.997 --> 00:36:52.534
Healing doesn't begin by acting like we're not hurt.
00:36:52.534 --> 00:36:57.005
Healing begins with honesty, and i need you to know that god
00:36:57.005 --> 00:37:00.676
Can handle your honesty.
00:37:00.676 --> 00:37:02.244
So being willing to go before god, bring your hurts, bring
00:37:02.244 --> 00:37:04.680
Your pains, your resentments, and your bitterness.
00:37:04.680 --> 00:37:06.348
Bring it to him as raw and unfiltered as david did.
00:37:06.348 --> 00:37:10.252
And i love how he ends every
00:37:10.252 --> 00:37:12.487
Psalm of lament by praising god
00:37:12.487 --> 00:37:15.524
Because after you're honest with god about how you feel,
00:37:15.524 --> 00:37:18.694
You can give him praise and thanksgiving because he is
00:37:18.694 --> 00:37:20.896
Faithful to his word, that if
00:37:20.896 --> 00:37:23.665
You forgive, he will forgive you.
00:37:23.665 --> 00:37:26.702
But you can't forgive when you're still bitter.
00:37:26.702 --> 00:37:29.438
You have to release it to god first.
00:37:29.438 --> 00:37:32.741
Join the conversation on our bettertogether youtube channel.
00:37:32.741 --> 00:37:36.378
Subscribe today and never miss a new upload!
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00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:41.249
There is a weight to grace
00:37:44.252 --> 00:37:49.558
That we cling to when it's directed at us,
00:37:49.558 --> 00:37:55.931
And we disregard
00:37:55.931 --> 00:37:58.500
When we need to direct it.
00:37:58.500 --> 00:38:00.235
None of us-- it is the lord's patience and
00:38:00.235 --> 00:38:03.238
Kindness that leads to repentance.
00:38:03.238 --> 00:38:05.040
Repentance. yeah.
00:38:05.040 --> 00:38:06.475
Listen. excuse me.
00:38:06.475 --> 00:38:08.877
None of us have come to the lord or any realization
00:38:08.877 --> 00:38:14.983
Because of punishment.
00:38:14.983 --> 00:38:17.352
Because of condemnation.
00:38:17.352 --> 00:38:19.421
Yeah. so why would we be surprised that when we have
00:38:19.421 --> 00:38:24.359
Been hurt, the lord is not
00:38:24.359 --> 00:38:26.361
Using the same patience and kindness?
00:38:26.361 --> 00:38:30.332
And the thing is, you might not see the repentance.
00:38:30.332 --> 00:38:33.101
Yeah.
00:38:33.101 --> 00:38:34.102
It might not be in your lifetime.
00:38:34.102 --> 00:38:35.237
It might not be in your line of sight.
00:38:35.237 --> 00:38:37.506
Yeah. it might be in other relationships they have.
00:38:37.506 --> 00:38:39.908
And the lord is like, you have to trust me.
00:38:39.908 --> 00:38:41.710
Yeah. it's patience and kindness that lead to--
00:38:41.710 --> 00:38:44.913
Not punitive action, not consequences.
00:38:44.913 --> 00:38:48.049
Yeah. not-- so
00:38:48.049 --> 00:38:49.184
And i'm not saying that we don't need boundaries.
00:38:49.184 --> 00:38:50.752
We have to be wise.
00:38:50.752 --> 00:38:52.387
We have to be safe.
00:38:52.387 --> 00:38:54.022
Yeah. the lord gives us that.
00:38:54.022 --> 00:38:56.024
But man, when it's god led, he will give you a divine capacity
00:38:56.024 --> 00:39:01.496
For kindness-- yeah.
00:39:01.496 --> 00:39:03.765
That really makes no sense. yeah.
00:39:03.765 --> 00:39:06.034
It not only transforms a person.
00:39:06.034 --> 00:39:07.702
I'm a mess right now because i'm thinking of so many things.
00:39:07.702 --> 00:39:10.505
It transforms you. yes, it-- oh. it changes you.
00:39:10.505 --> 00:39:13.308
Yeah. because at that moment you're like, oh, i am not,
00:39:13.308 --> 00:39:18.146
I am not the generator of love.
00:39:18.146 --> 00:39:19.981
I'm literally a vessel.
00:39:19.981 --> 00:39:21.516
Yeah, i'm the-- literally could not do this.
00:39:21.516 --> 00:39:24.319
Yep. would not be my idea.
00:39:24.319 --> 00:39:26.455
And if i did it, i would remind you,
00:39:26.455 --> 00:39:28.156
Remember what the nice thing i did to you?
00:39:28.156 --> 00:39:30.091
All right.
00:39:30.091 --> 00:39:31.126
Absolutely. i mean, it's literally a reminder,
00:39:31.126 --> 00:39:33.528
I don't generate love.
00:39:33.528 --> 00:39:34.996
I'm not a source of love.
00:39:34.996 --> 00:39:36.731
I'm literally a vessel.
00:39:36.731 --> 00:39:39.000
And so when you do that and you know it's divine and you buy
00:39:39.000 --> 00:39:42.871
That gift, you're like, i'm
00:39:42.871 --> 00:39:44.873
Literally acting on behalf of god.
00:39:44.873 --> 00:39:46.675
I love that. beautiful.
00:39:46.675 --> 00:39:48.243
I get to partner with the creator of the universe,
00:39:48.243 --> 00:39:52.747
To come up outside of my pain-- it's messing me up.
00:39:52.747 --> 00:39:56.551
And actually use the power
00:39:56.551 --> 00:39:58.920
Of god to do whatever it-- whatever.
00:39:58.920 --> 00:40:02.991
I need me to surrender my own personal vendetta, my anger.
00:40:02.991 --> 00:40:08.530
Everything that i'm holding on to,
00:40:08.530 --> 00:40:11.566
I get to surrender it at the cross, lock arms with jesus
00:40:11.566 --> 00:40:16.137
And love his people well--
00:40:16.137 --> 00:40:17.405
Yeah. sign me up.
00:40:17.405 --> 00:40:19.908
So we can place our trust in god in a meaningful way.
00:40:19.908 --> 00:40:24.279
And he allows us to really love others freely because he is our
00:40:24.279 --> 00:40:28.783
Anchoring foundation.
00:40:28.783 --> 00:40:30.218
So when i don't need perfection from you or from another
00:40:30.218 --> 00:40:33.522
Person, when i know there will be disappointment, i understand
00:40:33.522 --> 00:40:36.691
You're human, you're imperfect.
00:40:36.691 --> 00:40:38.560
But i know that i'm loved by a
00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:40.462
God unconditionally, perfectly, fully.
00:40:40.462 --> 00:40:43.565
That gives me the freedom to to love you and to receive love
00:40:43.565 --> 00:40:47.135
From you in the best way we can.
00:40:47.135 --> 00:40:48.937
And that's going to be human and imperfect.
00:40:48.937 --> 00:40:51.606
But with god as my anchor and foundation, it doesn't have to
00:40:51.606 --> 00:40:54.576
Negatively affect the relationship.
00:40:54.576 --> 00:40:57.412
The way the holy spirit intervenes in those times when
00:40:57.412 --> 00:41:00.448
We determined to partner with him,
00:41:00.448 --> 00:41:02.250
I was just thinking, um, barry and i have been married for
00:41:02.250 --> 00:41:04.886
31 years this year, but a few years back
00:41:04.886 --> 00:41:08.390
We went through a really,
00:41:08.390 --> 00:41:10.926
A really difficult place where i didn't think we were going to
00:41:10.926 --> 00:41:13.194
Survive, and i didn't want to survive because i felt like,
00:41:13.194 --> 00:41:16.765
You know what? this is too much.
00:41:16.765 --> 00:41:18.667
And he asked if i would be willing to go to counseling.
00:41:18.667 --> 00:41:22.537
And i'm like, well, i'll go if you want.
00:41:22.537 --> 00:41:23.772
But, i mean, i just need you to know i'm not going there
00:41:23.772 --> 00:41:26.207
Thinking, oh, let's work this out.
00:41:26.207 --> 00:41:29.010
Um, you ask me to go, so i'll go.
00:41:29.010 --> 00:41:31.212
So on the day, um, i said to him, let's take separate cars.
00:41:31.212 --> 00:41:35.650
And he said, why? are you not speaking to me?
00:41:35.650 --> 00:41:38.019
And i said, well, i might not be at the end of this,
00:41:38.019 --> 00:41:40.522
So let's take separate cars.
00:41:40.522 --> 00:41:42.524
So i'm driving there and my prayer is, holy spirit, please
00:41:42.524 --> 00:41:47.963
Come in with me. if i go in there by myself,
00:41:47.963 --> 00:41:51.866
This is not going to be good. if i just go in there by myself
00:41:51.866 --> 00:41:55.236
And say everything that i want to say,
00:41:55.236 --> 00:41:57.439
This is not going to be,
00:41:57.439 --> 00:41:58.607
So please, holy spirit, don't let me go in by myself.
00:41:58.607 --> 00:42:00.809
Please come in with me and i'll never forget it.
00:42:00.809 --> 00:42:03.778
By the time i got in there, barry had already been there
00:42:03.778 --> 00:42:05.647
And he was in literally floods of tears.
00:42:05.647 --> 00:42:09.384
I could tell he was really broken.
00:42:09.384 --> 00:42:11.620
And the counselor asked him how he was doing, and he said, i'm
00:42:11.620 --> 00:42:14.255
Not doing great.
00:42:14.255 --> 00:42:15.423
You know, i've made some mistakes again that i promised
00:42:15.423 --> 00:42:17.892
I never would.
00:42:17.892 --> 00:42:18.893
And they said to me, and how are you doing?
00:42:18.893 --> 00:42:21.563
And i'm like, well, you know what?
00:42:21.563 --> 00:42:23.198
I'm just i'm moving.
00:42:23.198 --> 00:42:24.466
I'm just moving on.
00:42:24.466 --> 00:42:26.201
And then the counselor said
00:42:26.201 --> 00:42:27.535
To me, um, okay, let me tell you something.
00:42:27.535 --> 00:42:30.405
I have a friend.
00:42:30.405 --> 00:42:32.007
And when i asked my friend,
00:42:32.007 --> 00:42:34.042
Who is your favorite person on this earth?
00:42:34.042 --> 00:42:38.046
And my friend said, my tailor, and he said, why is your tailor
00:42:38.046 --> 00:42:42.417
Your favorite person?
00:42:42.417 --> 00:42:43.818
And he said, because every time
00:42:43.818 --> 00:42:44.819
I go to him, he takes fresh measurements.
00:42:44.819 --> 00:42:47.222
Mhm. oof! i'm never what i was.
00:42:47.222 --> 00:42:50.125
And this man, this godly, kind man looked me in the eye, said
00:42:50.125 --> 00:42:53.695
Sheila, could you take fresh measurements?
00:42:53.695 --> 00:42:56.698
Oh, gosh. and i said,
00:42:56.698 --> 00:42:58.800
Oh yeah.
00:42:58.800 --> 00:42:59.701
Well, i've done this whole episode--
00:42:59.701 --> 00:43:00.435
And i said, yes, i could.
00:43:00.435 --> 00:43:01.903
Be done.
00:43:01.903 --> 00:43:02.904
Because it's like the holy spirit gets us.
00:43:02.904 --> 00:43:06.041
I mean, he knows.
00:43:06.041 --> 00:43:06.875
I mean, i was not in a good place.
00:43:06.875 --> 00:43:08.176
I was mad, i was angry, i was hurt, i was disappointed,
00:43:08.176 --> 00:43:12.013
And all i wanted was for him to know that.
00:43:12.013 --> 00:43:15.183
But when you say when you invite the holy spirit into
00:43:15.183 --> 00:43:17.552
That dialog of, you know what? if i go in by myself,
00:43:17.552 --> 00:43:19.988
We're in trouble here.
00:43:19.988 --> 00:43:21.556
And he kindly comes with you, you know.
00:43:21.556 --> 00:43:24.559
I, um, as i'm listening to the three of you,
00:43:24.559 --> 00:43:28.763
The lord led me to galatians six, which says...
00:43:28.763 --> 00:43:43.578
I think what you all have illustrated, and what is so
00:43:47.115 --> 00:43:50.752
Hard about the pain of betrayal, is that when we love
00:43:50.752 --> 00:43:55.790
God, when we are spiritual, we are called to restore
00:43:55.790 --> 00:44:01.529
Even the person who hurt us. yeah.
00:44:01.529 --> 00:44:05.100
Because if you think about it, who else is
00:44:05.100 --> 00:44:07.068
Going to do it? who else is going to do it?
00:44:07.068 --> 00:44:09.237
Chances are they've hurt everybody around them.
00:44:09.237 --> 00:44:11.606
People don't want nothing to do with them.
00:44:11.606 --> 00:44:13.441
But because we love the lord, he chooses us to be an agent of
00:44:13.441 --> 00:44:18.646
Healing and restoration for somebody else.
00:44:18.646 --> 00:44:21.116
I think the caution, though, is to be careful, because just
00:44:21.116 --> 00:44:24.285
Because you try to help doesn't
00:44:24.285 --> 00:44:26.121
Mean they're going to receive it.
00:44:26.121 --> 00:44:27.522
They can lash back out at you.
00:44:27.522 --> 00:44:28.923
And now, if you're not careful, you become the target.
00:44:28.923 --> 00:44:31.926
You become angry, you're like, oh, you're not going to
00:44:31.926 --> 00:44:33.661
Do me like this? and now the lord can't use us.
00:44:33.661 --> 00:44:36.564
He can't use us in a state of resentment.
00:44:36.564 --> 00:44:38.466
And i think it's so powerful to know that we're so spiritual
00:44:38.466 --> 00:44:42.670
That god would say, yep, they did that to you.
00:44:42.670 --> 00:44:45.039
Now you see how hurt they are.
00:44:45.039 --> 00:44:46.908
And i'm going to use you to be
00:44:46.908 --> 00:44:48.309
An instrument of healing for them.
00:44:48.309 --> 00:44:49.944
Oh, that's a-- well, in the end, how much more significant the
00:44:49.944 --> 00:44:54.149
Impact if it had been
00:44:54.149 --> 00:44:55.850
The kindness of a stranger?
00:44:55.850 --> 00:44:57.285
Yeah. that's different. yeah.
00:44:57.285 --> 00:44:58.787
The impact is that much more significant because it is
00:44:58.787 --> 00:45:03.858
A reminder to you, to me that it's not me.
00:45:03.858 --> 00:45:08.696
And i've had some times, you know, leading a church and
00:45:08.696 --> 00:45:12.066
Being a ministry, we make mistakes.
00:45:12.066 --> 00:45:13.802
We hurt people. we have good intentions.
00:45:13.802 --> 00:45:15.436
People leave. people's feelings--
00:45:15.436 --> 00:45:17.071
They mad. we sorry.
00:45:17.071 --> 00:45:18.540
We learned, we grew.
00:45:18.540 --> 00:45:19.808
You know, i have to apologize.
00:45:19.808 --> 00:45:21.442
We led you ten years ago versus, now
00:45:21.442 --> 00:45:23.111
I'm sure it was different.
00:45:23.111 --> 00:45:24.012
Praise god. we're growing, you know?
00:45:24.012 --> 00:45:25.780
But i've been so convicted, more convicted over the years
00:45:25.780 --> 00:45:29.884
To try to love well and not be mad because they didn't see the
00:45:29.884 --> 00:45:32.754
Human side in me. and i made a mistake.
00:45:32.754 --> 00:45:34.556
But you made--
00:45:34.556 --> 00:45:35.857
And i'm going to tell you how the lord has rewarded that in
00:45:35.857 --> 00:45:38.393
The last several years.
00:45:38.393 --> 00:45:39.994
The number of people that will call or reach out and just be
00:45:39.994 --> 00:45:43.631
Like, i just need you to know, i know we we left this way, but
00:45:43.631 --> 00:45:47.302
Y'all have been a mainstay or i'm so grateful for or when i
00:45:47.302 --> 00:45:52.140
Was acting this way,
00:45:52.140 --> 00:45:53.174
I'm so glad you always responded to my text.
00:45:53.174 --> 00:45:55.810
And so there's a cost to that, but we never know the
00:45:55.810 --> 00:45:59.848
Investment we're making for that person to have a glimpse
00:45:59.848 --> 00:46:03.484
Of god's grace. you know what i'm saying?
00:46:03.484 --> 00:46:05.153
That we have received.
00:46:05.153 --> 00:46:06.354
And so i just think that whole thing is so powerful.
00:46:06.354 --> 00:46:10.258
When i'm assured that god sees my pain and that god
00:46:10.258 --> 00:46:13.728
Takes care of my heart,
00:46:13.728 --> 00:46:15.597
Then it gives me really the freedom to have realistic
00:46:15.597 --> 00:46:19.968
Expectations of others.
00:46:19.968 --> 00:46:21.636
I don't expect them to be god.
00:46:21.636 --> 00:46:22.971
I don't expect them to never fail.
00:46:22.971 --> 00:46:24.906
I don't expect them to always say the right thing.
00:46:24.906 --> 00:46:27.442
I can love them knowing that they are imperfect and i'm
00:46:27.442 --> 00:46:30.745
Imperfect, but i am loved by a perfect god.
00:46:30.745 --> 00:46:34.549
This has been an incredible conversation.
00:46:34.549 --> 00:46:38.653
My prayer is that anyone who's watching, who has either walked
00:46:38.653 --> 00:46:43.124
Through or is walking through betrayal will have sensed that
00:46:43.124 --> 00:46:47.829
Yes, it's painful and god has the power to redeem.
00:46:47.829 --> 00:46:52.467
He just does.
00:46:52.467 --> 00:46:53.668
And i hope that people will just remember it says, but
00:46:53.668 --> 00:46:56.671
Watch yourselves or you also may be tempted.
00:46:56.671 --> 00:46:58.773
I think the temptation is
00:46:58.773 --> 00:47:00.441
Essentially to react to their actions.
00:47:00.441 --> 00:47:04.312
And once we do that, bitterness has a root route and many
00:47:04.312 --> 00:47:08.316
Will be defiled. right.
00:47:08.316 --> 00:47:10.151
Hurt people hurt people.
00:47:10.151 --> 00:47:11.653
It's not usually just the individual.
00:47:11.653 --> 00:47:13.087
It's there's generational, generational hurt that hasn't
00:47:13.087 --> 00:47:15.723
Been dealt with.
00:47:15.723 --> 00:47:17.025
But i believe that through the power of jesus, we can change
00:47:17.025 --> 00:47:18.092
Generational trees.
00:47:18.092 --> 00:47:19.227
So let's pray. let's pray.
00:47:19.227 --> 00:47:21.729
God, thank you for the opportunity to sit, um, as
00:47:21.729 --> 00:47:26.267
Sisters and consider not only the pain, but the promise.
00:47:26.267 --> 00:47:31.339
You've made it so clear that you'll work all things together
00:47:31.339 --> 00:47:33.875
For our good.
00:47:33.875 --> 00:47:35.176
It won't feel good, but it will be good.
00:47:35.176 --> 00:47:37.912
Even the betrayals that we experience,
00:47:37.912 --> 00:47:40.014
God, you have a way of working those things together
00:47:40.014 --> 00:47:42.884
Um, so that they accomplish your purpose.
00:47:42.884 --> 00:47:44.819
Father, i pray for everyone
00:47:44.819 --> 00:47:45.687
Watching who is carrying that pain.
00:47:45.687 --> 00:47:47.755
God, i pray you will knit together the cracks and
00:47:47.755 --> 00:47:50.558
Crevices in their heart.
00:47:50.558 --> 00:47:51.659
Father, remind them that you
00:47:51.659 --> 00:47:52.927
Are with them and you are for them.
00:47:52.927 --> 00:47:54.529
And may your grace go before them and impact others as well.
00:47:54.529 --> 00:47:59.400
We love you, lord, and we thank you.
00:47:59.400 --> 00:48:00.702
In jesus name, amen. amen, amen.
00:48:00.702 --> 00:48:04.706
Connect with us on social media and let us know how our team
00:48:04.706 --> 00:48:07.608
Can pray for you.
00:48:07.608 --> 00:48:12.413
Well, hello everyone. it's toni and we are behind the scenes at
00:48:16.050 --> 00:48:18.720
Better together and we need to talk about trust.
00:48:18.720 --> 00:48:21.622
That's a big, big, big subject.
00:48:21.622 --> 00:48:23.391
Yeah. and i think it's very difficult for people to lean
00:48:23.391 --> 00:48:27.228
Into this idea, especially when they've been hurt and their
00:48:27.228 --> 00:48:29.964
Trust has been broken.
00:48:29.964 --> 00:48:31.632
So the question then is how do i learn to trust again?
00:48:31.632 --> 00:48:35.003
How do i make sure that i can actually rebuild trust after
00:48:35.003 --> 00:48:38.373
It's been broken with that person, and potentially with
00:48:38.373 --> 00:48:41.275
The future people that i want to be friends with?
00:48:41.275 --> 00:48:43.878
Yeah. and for me, it's when trust has been broken, when
00:48:43.878 --> 00:48:46.714
Somebody has really wounded you, you don't just-- i mean,
00:48:46.714 --> 00:48:49.817
They can say they're really sorry.
00:48:49.817 --> 00:48:51.252
Yeah. but it's what follows up after that because you've
00:48:51.252 --> 00:48:53.821
Shared before about things that you've gone through that to me
00:48:53.821 --> 00:48:56.057
Are, you almost think this is unforgivable.
00:48:56.057 --> 00:48:58.126
Yeah.
00:48:58.126 --> 00:48:59.227
How do you begin to trust again when somebody has
00:48:59.227 --> 00:49:01.763
Really wounded you?
00:49:01.763 --> 00:49:03.064
If i'm honest with you, i don't think that my trust in people
00:49:03.064 --> 00:49:06.868
Started with trust in people.
00:49:06.868 --> 00:49:08.436
I think it started with trust in god, for him to protect my
00:49:08.436 --> 00:49:12.240
Heart so that i can open up again, for him to be present
00:49:12.240 --> 00:49:16.077
If i do get hurt again.
00:49:16.077 --> 00:49:17.945
I really do think it was my faith in the lord that actually
00:49:17.945 --> 00:49:21.582
Was the catalyst to trusting people again, because i mean,
00:49:21.582 --> 00:49:25.353
People are broken and flawed and imperfect and sometimes
00:49:25.353 --> 00:49:28.489
Honestly not trustworthy.
00:49:28.489 --> 00:49:29.891
But god is so trustworthy.
00:49:29.891 --> 00:49:31.959
So if we actually start with, lord, protect my heart as i get
00:49:31.959 --> 00:49:35.430
Back out there, protect my
00:49:35.430 --> 00:49:36.964
Heart and give me a spirit of manasseh.
00:49:36.964 --> 00:49:39.000
Have you heard of this before? mhm.
00:49:39.000 --> 00:49:40.868
So i once heard this, said that joseph was deeply betrayed by
00:49:40.868 --> 00:49:44.372
His brothers, sold into slavery.
00:49:44.372 --> 00:49:46.741
I mean, so many things happened in his story and yet he
00:49:46.741 --> 00:49:49.977
Reconciled again with his brothers.
00:49:49.977 --> 00:49:51.879
But then he had two sons, and
00:49:51.879 --> 00:49:53.181
One of them their names was manasseh.
00:49:53.181 --> 00:49:55.550
This ability to not somehow numb the pain, but to forget
00:49:55.550 --> 00:49:59.454
What happened so that you can have a renewed trust again.
00:49:59.454 --> 00:50:02.023
And so i have honestly been praying, lord, give me a
00:50:02.023 --> 00:50:04.258
Spirit of manasseh. i love that.
00:50:04.258 --> 00:50:05.560
Caused me to forgive in a way that's healthy and that's that
00:50:05.560 --> 00:50:09.263
Gives me wholeness in some ways, but that allows me
00:50:09.263 --> 00:50:11.132
To open myself up again.
00:50:11.132 --> 00:50:12.733
When i was 15,
00:50:12.733 --> 00:50:14.402
The verse of scripture that i've had with me all my life is
00:50:14.402 --> 00:50:18.106
Proverbs 3:5-6, trust in the lord with all your
00:50:18.106 --> 00:50:21.776
Heart, and lean not on your own understanding.
00:50:21.776 --> 00:50:25.012
In all your ways acknowledge
00:50:25.012 --> 00:50:26.114
Him and he will direct your path.
00:50:26.114 --> 00:50:28.149
But to me, that it's almost like everything is in that,
00:50:28.149 --> 00:50:31.586
In those two verses that we can always trust god with
00:50:31.586 --> 00:50:35.590
Everything because he's trustworthy.
00:50:35.590 --> 00:50:37.792
And what you say is right.
00:50:37.792 --> 00:50:39.427
You know, sometimes people will let us down, but god will
00:50:39.427 --> 00:50:42.163
Never, ever, ever fail us.
00:50:42.163 --> 00:50:45.600
Join our conversations anytime, anywhere.
00:50:45.600 --> 00:50:48.236
Download tbn+ to stream your favorite episodes.
00:50:48.236 --> 00:50:48.236

Who Can You TRUST? - Episode 1104

October 9, 2025 | S7 E1104 | 52:34

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