When life feels overwhelming, faith is the anchor that keeps you steady. God is faithful to meet you in any storm and speak peace into the chaos. He is our constant refuge. When we feel weak and vulnerable, His strength never fails. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000
#Faith
#IdentityinChrist
#Peace
#WordofGod
#Bible
#Prayer
#Truth
#Patience
#Grief
#Loss
#Hope
#Grace
#Intercessor
#Pain
#Transformation
#Mercy
#PersonalStory
#PresenceofGod
#Trials-HardTimes
#Worship
Closed captions
Show Timecode
Better Together | Your Anchor in Life's Storms - Episode 1098 | September 24, 2025
- - when the storms of life turn our world upside down,
- 00:00:00.323 --> 00:00:03.993
- We must remember that our father never leaves our side.
- 00:00:03.993 --> 00:00:07.764
- Come on, we need to talk about.
- 00:00:07.764 --> 00:00:09.566
- (upbeat music) (musician harmonizing)
- 00:00:09.566 --> 00:00:36.793
- - so knowing that we were gonna talk about identity
- 00:00:37.861 --> 00:00:39.762
- This week, was a huge thing for me,
- 00:00:39.762 --> 00:00:42.031
- Because it's been a learning curve for me with the lord,
- 00:00:42.031 --> 00:00:45.401
- Understanding more of who i really am
- 00:00:45.401 --> 00:00:47.203
- As to who somebody else says i am,
- 00:00:47.203 --> 00:00:49.372
- Or who i think i am myself.
- 00:00:49.372 --> 00:00:51.274
- So i was doing a little research online
- 00:00:51.274 --> 00:00:52.876
- And i came across the story last night,
- 00:00:52.876 --> 00:00:54.377
- Which i thought was so funny
- 00:00:54.377 --> 00:00:55.612
- And it's about a group of tourists
- 00:00:55.612 --> 00:00:57.113
- Who are in iceland, south of iceland, there's mountains
- 00:00:57.113 --> 00:00:59.949
- And there's like 50 of them
- 00:00:59.949 --> 00:01:01.184
- And they're on this trip together
- 00:01:01.184 --> 00:01:02.886
- And then one decides, i dunno how many days into it,
- 00:01:02.886 --> 00:01:06.022
- That she was gonna go and change
- 00:01:06.022 --> 00:01:08.124
- And so she changed her outfit completely
- 00:01:08.124 --> 00:01:09.926
- And she put on a hat and came back out
- 00:01:09.926 --> 00:01:12.629
- And the others didn't recognize her,
- 00:01:12.629 --> 00:01:14.264
- They didn't know it was her 'cause she looked so different
- 00:01:14.264 --> 00:01:17.167
- And so at the end of the day, one of the groups says,
- 00:01:17.167 --> 00:01:19.802
- "hey, we're missing that woman that had on the blue jacket"
- 00:01:19.802 --> 00:01:23.173
- And they're like, "oh gosh, yeah, where did we leave her?"
- 00:01:23.173 --> 00:01:25.275
- So they begin this search
- 00:01:25.275 --> 00:01:27.377
- And literally till three o'clock in the morning,
- 00:01:27.377 --> 00:01:29.979
- They're about to bring a helicopter in,
- 00:01:29.979 --> 00:01:31.347
- Three o'clock in the morning,
- 00:01:31.347 --> 00:01:32.448
- Everybody is out until they realize
- 00:01:32.448 --> 00:01:34.884
- The person who they're searching for
- 00:01:34.884 --> 00:01:37.587
- Is one of the ones who's searching,
- 00:01:37.587 --> 00:01:39.055
- She's with them in the group
- 00:01:39.055 --> 00:01:40.657
- Because she didn't recognize her then,
- 00:01:40.657 --> 00:01:42.692
- You know, when they described her, she didn't recognize her.
- 00:01:42.692 --> 00:01:45.228
- So she's out there with everybody else
- 00:01:45.228 --> 00:01:47.330
- Looking for herself. - oh my goodness.
- 00:01:47.330 --> 00:01:49.933
- - and i thought, you know, it was so interesting,
- 00:01:49.933 --> 00:01:51.601
- I was reading, this is the "baker encyclopedia
- 00:01:51.601 --> 00:01:54.304
- Of psychology and counseling," how it describes identity.
- 00:01:54.304 --> 00:01:57.907
- It says, "in the most general terms,
- 00:01:57.907 --> 00:02:00.310
- Identity refers to one's answer to the question, who am i?"
- 00:02:00.310 --> 00:02:05.215
- - wow.
- 00:02:05.215 --> 00:02:06.482
- - i thought about that a lot last night
- 00:02:06.482 --> 00:02:08.051
- When i was laying in bed and i thought, you know,
- 00:02:08.051 --> 00:02:10.220
- When i was growing up,
- 00:02:10.220 --> 00:02:11.487
- My identity was very much the good girl.
- 00:02:11.487 --> 00:02:15.458
- That's who i was and not for the best reasons,
- 00:02:15.458 --> 00:02:18.228
- Not just because i love jesus, but i had worked out
- 00:02:18.228 --> 00:02:21.064
- In my mind as a young girl,
- 00:02:21.064 --> 00:02:22.966
- That it's possible for someone who loves you
- 00:02:22.966 --> 00:02:25.702
- To suddenly not love you.
- 00:02:25.702 --> 00:02:27.070
- - yeah.
- 00:02:27.070 --> 00:02:28.638
- - and that was just because of my father's brain injury,
- 00:02:28.638 --> 00:02:29.806
- But as a child i didn't understand that.
- 00:02:29.806 --> 00:02:31.307
- I knew my dad thought i had hung the moon
- 00:02:31.307 --> 00:02:34.344
- And then appeared to hate me,
- 00:02:34.344 --> 00:02:36.145
- So in my mind, i've worked out okay,
- 00:02:36.145 --> 00:02:38.147
- Love is something that's dependent on your behavior.
- 00:02:38.147 --> 00:02:40.917
- So i became, yeah. - conditional.
- 00:02:40.917 --> 00:02:42.285
- - yeah.
- 00:02:42.285 --> 00:02:43.386
- - yeah. - i became the good girl,
- 00:02:43.386 --> 00:02:44.921
- So in youth group, in school, all the way through,
- 00:02:44.921 --> 00:02:48.658
- I was the one, i mean i never used to take long walks
- 00:02:48.658 --> 00:02:50.994
- Down the beach in scotland
- 00:02:50.994 --> 00:02:52.395
- Where i was born on the west coast and basically say,
- 00:02:52.395 --> 00:02:55.265
- "lord, i won't ever let you down."
- 00:02:55.265 --> 00:02:57.567
- You know, i'd made this kind of pact with the lord,
- 00:02:57.567 --> 00:03:00.103
- If i don't ever blow it, then you will never stop loving me.
- 00:03:00.103 --> 00:03:03.606
- - [panelist] wow.
- 00:03:03.606 --> 00:03:04.540
- - and so i went off to seminary,
- 00:03:04.540 --> 00:03:06.109
- Trained to be a missionary in india,
- 00:03:06.109 --> 00:03:07.410
- But god redirected my steps,
- 00:03:07.410 --> 00:03:09.612
- I ended up working with youth for christ
- 00:03:09.612 --> 00:03:11.147
- And then i came to america
- 00:03:11.147 --> 00:03:12.815
- And i was working with the 700 club, with pat robertson.
- 00:03:12.815 --> 00:03:16.152
- Here's the interesting thing.
- 00:03:16.152 --> 00:03:17.487
- I was probably 30, but inside i'm still five.
- 00:03:17.487 --> 00:03:21.157
- - wow.
- 00:03:21.157 --> 00:03:22.458
- - inside, i'm still the same little girl.
- 00:03:22.458 --> 00:03:24.027
- - yeah.
- 00:03:24.027 --> 00:03:25.161
- - who won't let anybody get close to her
- 00:03:25.161 --> 00:03:26.329
- In case you see what my father saw.
- 00:03:26.329 --> 00:03:28.531
- So our staff knew that i had a policy,
- 00:03:28.531 --> 00:03:31.301
- You could come into my office and close the door
- 00:03:31.301 --> 00:03:34.037
- And you can literally tell me anything
- 00:03:34.037 --> 00:03:36.572
- And it will never go further than the two of us on our knees
- 00:03:36.572 --> 00:03:39.609
- Before the throne of mercy,
- 00:03:39.609 --> 00:03:41.544
- But i would never have dreamt for a minute
- 00:03:41.544 --> 00:03:44.080
- Of saying to anybody, "i don't think i'm doing okay"
- 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:46.816
- Or "i don't know who i am."
- 00:03:46.816 --> 00:03:48.885
- But god in his mercy let my life really hit the wall.
- 00:03:48.885 --> 00:03:52.188
- So i went from one morning co-hosting the 700 club
- 00:03:52.188 --> 00:03:56.526
- And by that evening,
- 00:03:56.526 --> 00:03:58.027
- I'm in the locked ward of a psychiatric hospital
- 00:03:58.027 --> 00:04:00.897
- And as far as i'm concerned, my deal with god is off,
- 00:04:00.897 --> 00:04:03.900
- Because if you end up in a place like that,
- 00:04:03.900 --> 00:04:05.601
- In fact, one of the staff
- 00:04:05.601 --> 00:04:07.470
- Before i went that day said to me,
- 00:04:07.470 --> 00:04:09.272
- "if people find out you've been in a psych hospital,
- 00:04:09.272 --> 00:04:11.407
- No one will ever trust you again, your ministry is over."
- 00:04:11.407 --> 00:04:15.912
- And i remember saying, "i'm not trying to save my ministry.
- 00:04:15.912 --> 00:04:18.014
- I'm trying to save my life."
- 00:04:18.014 --> 00:04:19.315
- - yeah. - yeah, well.
- 00:04:19.315 --> 00:04:20.683
- - but my very first morning i had to sit down
- 00:04:20.683 --> 00:04:22.952
- With a psychiatrist and he asked me this question.
- 00:04:22.952 --> 00:04:27.190
- He said, "who are you?"
- 00:04:27.190 --> 00:04:30.026
- And i'm thinking, okay, this is probably a trick question,
- 00:04:30.026 --> 00:04:33.363
- This psychiatrist.
- 00:04:33.363 --> 00:04:34.897
- So i'm like, i know who i am. so i said, "sheila walsh"
- 00:04:34.897 --> 00:04:38.368
- And he said, "no, no, sheila, i know your name.
- 00:04:38.368 --> 00:04:41.404
- Who are you?"
- 00:04:41.404 --> 00:04:43.139
- "i'm the co-host of the 700 club."
- 00:04:43.906 --> 00:04:47.243
- He said, "no, no, i didn't ask for your job description.
- 00:04:47.243 --> 00:04:50.680
- Who are you?"
- 00:04:50.680 --> 00:04:51.614
- - [presenter] wow.
- 00:04:51.614 --> 00:04:53.082
- - and i remember saying to him, "i don't have a clue"
- 00:04:53.082 --> 00:04:55.585
- And he said, "i know that and that's why you're here."
- 00:04:55.585 --> 00:04:58.254
- - wow.
- 00:04:58.254 --> 00:04:59.222
- - and it was the most amazing,
- 00:04:59.222 --> 00:05:01.491
- That's why i believe,
- 00:05:01.491 --> 00:05:02.992
- Some days, god will take you to prison to set you free.
- 00:05:02.992 --> 00:05:04.327
- - right.
- 00:05:04.327 --> 00:05:05.628
- - god will do what it takes to get your heart
- 00:05:05.628 --> 00:05:07.497
- And to unstop your ears to hear his voice
- 00:05:07.497 --> 00:05:10.833
- And during that whole month,
- 00:05:10.833 --> 00:05:12.535
- It was just like peeling away all these layers
- 00:05:12.535 --> 00:05:15.204
- Of things i thought were true about god,
- 00:05:15.204 --> 00:05:17.573
- Things i thought were true about myself
- 00:05:17.573 --> 00:05:20.710
- And at the end of the month
- 00:05:20.710 --> 00:05:22.044
- When i was finally given back my car keys
- 00:05:22.044 --> 00:05:24.013
- And you're dismissed back into the world,
- 00:05:24.013 --> 00:05:26.115
- Which was terrifying honestly for me,
- 00:05:26.115 --> 00:05:28.718
- But i remember as i'm getting close to my car,
- 00:05:28.718 --> 00:05:31.521
- My psychiatrist called out of his office window
- 00:05:31.521 --> 00:05:34.524
- And he said, "sheila" and he said, "who are you?"
- 00:05:34.524 --> 00:05:38.594
- And i said, "i'm sheila walsh's,
- 00:05:38.594 --> 00:05:40.062
- Daughter of the king of kings."
- 00:05:40.062 --> 00:05:41.531
- - oh wow. - wow.
- 00:05:41.531 --> 00:05:42.698
- - and by that point, it was like,
- 00:05:42.698 --> 00:05:45.067
- For the first time in my life at 34,
- 00:05:45.067 --> 00:05:47.737
- Having given my life to 11, for the first time in my life,
- 00:05:47.737 --> 00:05:51.340
- I knew who i was.
- 00:05:51.340 --> 00:05:52.308
- - wow.
- 00:05:52.308 --> 00:05:53.142
- - and i thought,
- 00:05:53.142 --> 00:05:54.444
- It doesn't matter if i go back into television,
- 00:05:54.444 --> 00:05:56.412
- It doesn't matter if i end up working in a tea room
- 00:05:56.412 --> 00:05:59.282
- Or in a library, because who i am,
- 00:05:59.282 --> 00:06:01.918
- Because what i realized before was,
- 00:06:01.918 --> 00:06:03.820
- Anything else could be gone in a moment.
- 00:06:03.820 --> 00:06:05.488
- - yeah. - yeah.
- 00:06:05.488 --> 00:06:06.656
- - you know, it wasn't enough to be,
- 00:06:06.656 --> 00:06:07.824
- In the future, i would be barry's wife,
- 00:06:07.824 --> 00:06:09.125
- But that could change.
- 00:06:09.125 --> 00:06:10.493
- You know, barry could die, something could happen.
- 00:06:10.493 --> 00:06:12.328
- It wasn't enough to be christian's mom.
- 00:06:12.328 --> 00:06:14.564
- All of those things, every single label could change.
- 00:06:14.564 --> 00:06:18.201
- The only thing that nobody could touch.
- 00:06:18.201 --> 00:06:22.171
- - yes.
- 00:06:22.171 --> 00:06:23.439
- - was that i was a daughter of the king.
- 00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:25.408
- - yes, that's good. - amen.
- 00:06:25.408 --> 00:06:26.776
- - and i remember thinking from that point on,
- 00:06:26.776 --> 00:06:28.711
- It shifted something so deep in me.
- 00:06:28.711 --> 00:06:32.114
- - you know, i think in life we can be taken
- 00:06:33.015 --> 00:06:35.184
- To the end of our rope (laughs)
- 00:06:35.184 --> 00:06:37.954
- And i've often said god's office is at the end of our rope
- 00:06:37.954 --> 00:06:41.390
- And there we find our true identity in christ.
- 00:06:41.390 --> 00:06:45.528
- There we have to be reminded that is like,
- 00:06:45.528 --> 00:06:50.032
- I am nothing without god,
- 00:06:50.032 --> 00:06:53.035
- I have to believe in what he says about me to survive
- 00:06:53.035 --> 00:06:57.874
- And that is such a great place for us,
- 00:06:57.874 --> 00:07:00.476
- Because normally if things are going well,
- 00:07:00.476 --> 00:07:02.512
- We kind of forget about it
- 00:07:02.512 --> 00:07:04.013
- And we start walking the way we wanna walk
- 00:07:04.013 --> 00:07:06.282
- And we become fancy, free and loose
- 00:07:06.282 --> 00:07:09.619
- And god has a way of taking us back
- 00:07:09.619 --> 00:07:14.957
- To where we understand who's in control,
- 00:07:15.825 --> 00:07:18.761
- Who we are in christ and that is our sure
- 00:07:18.761 --> 00:07:21.531
- And our solid foundation.
- 00:07:21.531 --> 00:07:24.700
- - i, the lord opened a door after that
- 00:07:24.700 --> 00:07:27.103
- And i joined this group of women called women of faith
- 00:07:27.103 --> 00:07:29.972
- And we were filling arenas for 20 years,
- 00:07:29.972 --> 00:07:32.942
- But i remember this one woman asking
- 00:07:32.942 --> 00:07:34.477
- If she could have lunch with me.
- 00:07:34.477 --> 00:07:35.711
- I didn't really know her well,
- 00:07:35.711 --> 00:07:36.812
- I knew she was a well-known speaker
- 00:07:36.812 --> 00:07:38.014
- And i knew that she wrote books,
- 00:07:38.014 --> 00:07:39.315
- But i didn't know her personally and she said,
- 00:07:39.315 --> 00:07:41.117
- "do you mind if i just tell you something kind of personal?"
- 00:07:41.117 --> 00:07:43.753
- And i'm like, "no, i don't think so.
- 00:07:43.753 --> 00:07:46.656
- I'll let you know in a minute."
- 00:07:46.656 --> 00:07:48.624
- But she said, "i actually think
- 00:07:48.624 --> 00:07:50.159
- I'm a much better speaker than you"
- 00:07:50.159 --> 00:07:52.061
- And i said to her, "you know what?
- 00:07:52.061 --> 00:07:54.330
- I actually totally agree with you,
- 00:07:54.330 --> 00:07:56.232
- But it's completely irrelevant
- 00:07:56.232 --> 00:07:58.501
- Because god is not interested in, you are the best at this,
- 00:07:58.501 --> 00:08:01.604
- - that's right. - you're the best at that.
- 00:08:01.604 --> 00:08:03.272
- In his kingdom, the rules are different.
- 00:08:03.272 --> 00:08:05.374
- - it's so good. - yes.
- 00:08:05.374 --> 00:08:06.776
- - i mean, i remember the first week in the hospital,
- 00:08:06.776 --> 00:08:08.744
- I wrote in the back of my bible, "i never knew
- 00:08:08.744 --> 00:08:12.548
- You live so close to the floor."
- 00:08:12.548 --> 00:08:15.151
- I'm so used to worshiping you and your majesty as we shoot,
- 00:08:15.151 --> 00:08:18.821
- 'cause i don't have enough words,
- 00:08:18.821 --> 00:08:20.790
- But i discovered the truth of when david wrote in psalm 34,
- 00:08:20.790 --> 00:08:24.226
- After he had just pretended to be insane.
- 00:08:24.226 --> 00:08:26.762
- - come on.
- 00:08:26.762 --> 00:08:28.064
- - 'cause he's trying to run away from saul
- 00:08:28.064 --> 00:08:29.165
- And he's done some terrible things
- 00:08:29.165 --> 00:08:30.900
- That have cost people their lives.
- 00:08:30.900 --> 00:08:33.002
- So he's in a terrible place,
- 00:08:33.002 --> 00:08:35.304
- Pretended to be insane, being kicked out
- 00:08:35.304 --> 00:08:37.440
- And he's in a cave now with about 40 guys
- 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:40.242
- Who are the losers, the disenfranchised.
- 00:08:40.242 --> 00:08:42.712
- - yeah.
- 00:08:42.712 --> 00:08:43.879
- - and he writes psalm 34 and he says,
- 00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:45.815
- "those who look to you for help will be radiant with joy.
- 00:08:45.815 --> 00:08:51.120
- No shadow of shame will touch their faces."
- 00:08:52.021 --> 00:08:53.723
- Since then, i've gone through times when i've written,
- 00:08:53.723 --> 00:08:56.125
- In fact, who was it you were asking me this morning?
- 00:08:56.125 --> 00:08:58.327
- You asked how my last book did and i said it didn't do well.
- 00:08:58.327 --> 00:09:01.631
- I've gone through times where projects have gone well,
- 00:09:01.631 --> 00:09:04.233
- Projects haven't gone well, it doesn't matter.
- 00:09:04.233 --> 00:09:07.670
- In terms of eternity.
- 00:09:07.670 --> 00:09:09.271
- - yeah. - right.
- 00:09:09.271 --> 00:09:10.272
- - in terms of following jesus,
- 00:09:10.272 --> 00:09:11.540
- In the terms of becoming more like christ,
- 00:09:11.540 --> 00:09:14.210
- It doesn't matter hill or beans, you know?
- 00:09:14.210 --> 00:09:16.212
- 'cause we've all done that.
- 00:09:16.212 --> 00:09:17.780
- You've thrown everything, everything you have into this,
- 00:09:17.780 --> 00:09:21.584
- What god says, okay, do this and you've said, okay.
- 00:09:21.584 --> 00:09:23.886
- - [presenter] yeah.
- 00:09:23.886 --> 00:09:25.321
- - and it doesn't go the way you think and you think,
- 00:09:25.321 --> 00:09:26.656
- But does it matter in heaven?
- 00:09:26.656 --> 00:09:28.524
- In heaven's economy, what does god see?
- 00:09:28.524 --> 00:09:32.228
- So i think now when you get your identity is,
- 00:09:32.228 --> 00:09:35.631
- You know, that might be my identity for five years,
- 00:09:35.631 --> 00:09:38.901
- My identity forever is, i am part of heaven's royal family.
- 00:09:38.901 --> 00:09:43.606
- - [panelist] yes.
- 00:09:43.606 --> 00:09:44.573
- - i'm a daughter of the king.
- 00:09:44.573 --> 00:09:45.374
- - yes. - yes.
- 00:09:45.374 --> 00:09:46.876
- - so whether things work or they don't work, i'm good.
- 00:09:46.876 --> 00:09:49.845
- - wow. - yes.
- 00:09:49.845 --> 00:09:50.680
- - [sheila] i'm good.
- 00:09:50.680 --> 00:09:51.681
- - so good. - yes, wow.
- 00:09:51.681 --> 00:09:53.115
- - i think it's so important that we know who we are
- 00:09:53.115 --> 00:09:56.485
- And whom we belong to,
- 00:09:56.485 --> 00:09:58.220
- So that we can stay focused on the mission
- 00:09:58.220 --> 00:10:00.523
- That god has called us to.
- 00:10:00.523 --> 00:10:02.258
- It's important to know that we belong to god,
- 00:10:02.258 --> 00:10:06.562
- That he is our father, that we are his daughters,
- 00:10:06.562 --> 00:10:10.232
- That we are loved, that we are chosen,
- 00:10:10.232 --> 00:10:12.768
- That he has good plans for us.
- 00:10:12.768 --> 00:10:14.303
- We need to know that because there are gonna be times
- 00:10:14.303 --> 00:10:16.906
- Where we wrestle with doubt.
- 00:10:16.906 --> 00:10:18.340
- There's gonna be times where we wrestle with fear
- 00:10:18.340 --> 00:10:20.776
- And we've gotta be reminded,
- 00:10:20.776 --> 00:10:22.144
- No, i am not what the world says that i am.
- 00:10:22.144 --> 00:10:25.381
- I am who god says that i am
- 00:10:25.381 --> 00:10:27.416
- And if we know that he's our father, then we can grip tight
- 00:10:27.416 --> 00:10:30.753
- To what he says about us
- 00:10:30.753 --> 00:10:32.088
- And we need this to stay focused
- 00:10:32.088 --> 00:10:33.889
- On the mission he has us on,
- 00:10:33.889 --> 00:10:35.458
- Because listen, god has you on this planet for a purpose.
- 00:10:35.458 --> 00:10:40.563
- He has you in the community that you're in for a reason.
- 00:10:41.697 --> 00:10:44.333
- Your voice matters. your gifts matter.
- 00:10:44.333 --> 00:10:47.103
- You want to be faithful, to live your life in the way
- 00:10:47.103 --> 00:10:50.106
- That god called you to
- 00:10:50.106 --> 00:10:51.507
- And the best way to do that is to remind yourself
- 00:10:51.507 --> 00:10:54.009
- That you were created with a purpose, for a purpose,
- 00:10:54.009 --> 00:10:56.612
- So don't forget it,
- 00:10:56.612 --> 00:10:58.314
- - it's a severe mercy
- 00:10:58.814 --> 00:11:00.916
- How things that should have never happened
- 00:11:00.916 --> 00:11:04.153
- Can gut you down to your core
- 00:11:04.153 --> 00:11:07.189
- And the lord can still speak there
- 00:11:07.189 --> 00:11:09.525
- And things can grow out of nothing.
- 00:11:10.326 --> 00:11:12.728
- I mean, it is extraordinary, the redemptive nature of god
- 00:11:12.728 --> 00:11:18.033
- And even the worst, you know?
- 00:11:18.667 --> 00:11:20.202
- When i think about identity, the very core of who i am
- 00:11:20.202 --> 00:11:23.472
- As i'm a daughter of god,
- 00:11:23.472 --> 00:11:25.107
- I'm found i'm hidden in jesus christ,
- 00:11:25.107 --> 00:11:27.309
- None of those things will ever change and i mean.
- 00:11:27.309 --> 00:11:31.547
- - that more than i've ever meant that in my life,
- 00:11:31.547 --> 00:11:32.748
- You cannot change my mind on those.
- 00:11:32.748 --> 00:11:34.583
- - yeah.
- 00:11:34.583 --> 00:11:35.951
- - so many of the auxiliary things that i had become
- 00:11:35.951 --> 00:11:39.822
- When we lost our daughter, our 2-year-old,
- 00:11:39.822 --> 00:11:43.425
- It really did feel like
- 00:11:43.425 --> 00:11:44.860
- Pretty core identity pieces were hit.
- 00:11:44.860 --> 00:11:48.531
- In a loss like that and a trauma like that,
- 00:11:48.531 --> 00:11:51.433
- The very core of me, not shaken,
- 00:11:51.433 --> 00:11:54.970
- But a lot of the workings of like,
- 00:11:54.970 --> 00:11:57.373
- Who am i in this world
- 00:11:57.373 --> 00:11:59.175
- And what is this life that i thought was one way,
- 00:11:59.175 --> 00:12:02.211
- And then something so unexpected and horrible can happen,
- 00:12:02.211 --> 00:12:06.749
- And all of a sudden you're like,
- 00:12:06.749 --> 00:12:08.417
- I don't even know up from down.
- 00:12:08.417 --> 00:12:11.420
- That does actually shape
- 00:12:11.420 --> 00:12:13.489
- And change the way that you see yourself,
- 00:12:13.489 --> 00:12:15.591
- The world around you.
- 00:12:15.591 --> 00:12:17.026
- And the process of doing that,
- 00:12:17.026 --> 00:12:19.662
- You talk about the psych ward
- 00:12:19.662 --> 00:12:21.096
- And then what emerged on the other side.
- 00:12:21.096 --> 00:12:23.666
- I think for me, there's still a lot of that finding,
- 00:12:23.666 --> 00:12:26.302
- That rediscovering, that i'm very much in,
- 00:12:26.302 --> 00:12:28.437
- And i think i will be in for a long time.
- 00:12:28.437 --> 00:12:30.639
- - i imagine.
- 00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:31.907
- - and there are parts of me that i miss,
- 00:12:31.907 --> 00:12:34.243
- And there's parts of me that are becoming.
- 00:12:34.243 --> 00:12:36.679
- I think in the midst of it, it was just this last fall,
- 00:12:36.679 --> 00:12:39.281
- We've been talking about names.
- 00:12:39.281 --> 00:12:41.517
- And i ended up last-minute trip going to germany
- 00:12:41.517 --> 00:12:44.320
- To lead worship.
- 00:12:44.320 --> 00:12:45.521
- Wasn't supposed to go.
- 00:12:45.521 --> 00:12:46.956
- My married name is heiligenthal.
- 00:12:46.956 --> 00:12:50.226
- - wow.
- 00:12:50.226 --> 00:12:51.560
- - gesundheit, i know, (participants chuckle)
- 00:12:51.560 --> 00:12:52.895
- It's a good, long-
- 00:12:52.895 --> 00:12:54.163
- - i've learned to say it. - very german.
- 00:12:54.163 --> 00:12:55.297
- - i know, i know.
- 00:12:55.297 --> 00:12:56.365
- - wow, wow, okay.
- 00:12:56.365 --> 00:12:57.299
- - it's like all the letters.
- 00:12:57.299 --> 00:12:59.401
- And all german.
- 00:12:59.768 --> 00:13:00.936
- And so i end up going to germany,
- 00:13:00.936 --> 00:13:05.107
- And it was one of the last trips i took
- 00:13:05.107 --> 00:13:07.543
- Before we lost our daughter, was to germany.
- 00:13:07.543 --> 00:13:10.212
- And here i am back again, and the lord is starting
- 00:13:10.212 --> 00:13:14.650
- To do some really deep healing work,
- 00:13:14.650 --> 00:13:16.986
- And all of a sudden i find myself in, you know,
- 00:13:16.986 --> 00:13:20.489
- The fatherland, where, you know, andrew's from,
- 00:13:20.489 --> 00:13:24.260
- And then my girls are german, and it's our last name.
- 00:13:24.260 --> 00:13:28.330
- And i have heard for a long time,
- 00:13:28.330 --> 00:13:31.700
- 'cause it's a very peculiar name.
- 00:13:31.700 --> 00:13:33.502
- Heiligenthal, literally, it means holy valley.
- 00:13:33.502 --> 00:13:37.406
- - wow.
- 00:13:37.406 --> 00:13:38.741
- - and it's a very literal like, translation.
- 00:13:38.741 --> 00:13:40.743
- And so whenever i meet anyone who speaks german,
- 00:13:40.743 --> 00:13:42.444
- Like, "do you know?," and i'm like, "the last name,
- 00:13:42.444 --> 00:13:45.381
- The one that no one can pronounce?,"
- 00:13:45.381 --> 00:13:46.515
- But what's the meaning?,"
- 00:13:46.515 --> 00:13:47.750
- And they're like, "holy valley," you know?
- 00:13:47.750 --> 00:13:48.884
- And so, i've heard that for years.
- 00:13:48.884 --> 00:13:51.820
- Never would i have expected
- 00:13:51.820 --> 00:13:53.188
- That i would walk through the valley that we did.
- 00:13:53.188 --> 00:13:56.091
- And so here i am in germany,
- 00:13:56.692 --> 00:13:58.360
- I'm in this healing process with the lord,
- 00:13:58.360 --> 00:14:00.829
- I'm sitting at a table for brunch,
- 00:14:00.829 --> 00:14:02.998
- And this girl from germany is sitting across from me.
- 00:14:02.998 --> 00:14:06.468
- And they're discussing my name, as they,
- 00:14:07.303 --> 00:14:09.872
- You know, "it means like this," you know?
- 00:14:09.872 --> 00:14:12.541
- And she looks at me, and she points and she goes,
- 00:14:12.541 --> 00:14:16.145
- "yours is the psalm 23 valley of the shadow of death,
- 00:14:17.212 --> 00:14:21.550
- But your valley is holy."
- 00:14:22.117 --> 00:14:24.920
- And something in me turned that day,
- 00:14:25.688 --> 00:14:29.291
- Because what i could feel was, i don't know, down from up,
- 00:14:29.291 --> 00:14:32.061
- And i've only seen this valley place,
- 00:14:32.061 --> 00:14:34.029
- The darkest, deepest place.
- 00:14:34.029 --> 00:14:36.732
- My face has been on the ground here for five years,
- 00:14:36.732 --> 00:14:40.669
- Like this, five years, of,
- 00:14:40.669 --> 00:14:43.205
- The things that you thought you knew are not,
- 00:14:43.205 --> 00:14:46.408
- And i've just stared at this valley.
- 00:14:47.209 --> 00:14:49.478
- And then all of a sudden i felt,
- 00:14:49.478 --> 00:14:50.813
- Not just the words from this woman,
- 00:14:50.813 --> 00:14:53.015
- But the invitation of heaven to agree.
- 00:14:53.015 --> 00:14:56.652
- There's a lot i don't understand,
- 00:14:57.386 --> 00:14:59.121
- There's a lot that i don't like,
- 00:14:59.121 --> 00:15:01.123
- There's a lot that's yet to unfold.
- 00:15:01.123 --> 00:15:03.258
- The core identity of me has not changed,
- 00:15:03.258 --> 00:15:05.494
- Everything else has felt, where am i?
- 00:15:05.494 --> 00:15:09.431
- But there was a moment when the lord came
- 00:15:09.431 --> 00:15:12.534
- In this interaction and said, "would you agree with me?"
- 00:15:12.534 --> 00:15:16.872
- - wow.
- 00:15:16.872 --> 00:15:18.474
- - "with your very name, would you agree that this is holy?"
- 00:15:18.474 --> 00:15:21.543
- Doesn't have to feel holy,
- 00:15:21.543 --> 00:15:23.612
- Doesn't have to be what you would've chosen,
- 00:15:24.513 --> 00:15:26.215
- It's none of those things.
- 00:15:26.215 --> 00:15:28.817
- But when the lord comes and he says,
- 00:15:28.817 --> 00:15:31.587
- "this is what is,
- 00:15:32.021 --> 00:15:34.123
- Could you agree with me?
- 00:15:34.123 --> 00:15:35.791
- Regardless of everything,
- 00:15:35.791 --> 00:15:37.393
- Could you stand in the name i am giving you?
- 00:15:37.393 --> 00:15:40.496
- Not only the name i am giving you,
- 00:15:40.496 --> 00:15:41.897
- But the name that your girls stand in.
- 00:15:41.897 --> 00:15:43.899
- Would you agree with me,
- 00:15:43.899 --> 00:15:45.401
- And would you say this place is a holy place?"
- 00:15:45.401 --> 00:15:48.404
- Why?
- 00:15:48.404 --> 00:15:49.705
- Not 'cause anything went the way that i wanted,
- 00:15:49.705 --> 00:15:51.306
- But because he is here in the valley of the shadow of death,
- 00:15:51.306 --> 00:15:56.078
- I have found the good shepherd that we read about,
- 00:15:56.078 --> 00:15:59.348
- I've seen him here.
- 00:15:59.348 --> 00:16:00.849
- And when all i've seen was dirt, there he was with me.
- 00:16:00.849 --> 00:16:04.920
- That makes it holy.
- 00:16:04.920 --> 00:16:06.055
- - it does. - that makes it holy.
- 00:16:06.055 --> 00:16:07.489
- So there's a whole bunch i still don't know.
- 00:16:07.489 --> 00:16:10.192
- I've been diminished down to the core truth
- 00:16:10.192 --> 00:16:13.629
- That will never change, and a whole bunch of questions.
- 00:16:13.629 --> 00:16:16.498
- - right.
- 00:16:16.498 --> 00:16:17.599
- - but that day the invitation was,
- 00:16:17.599 --> 00:16:19.034
- Would you agree with the word word that i have spoken?
- 00:16:19.034 --> 00:16:20.002
- - what a powerful question.
- 00:16:20.002 --> 00:16:21.503
- - would you agree with me?
- 00:16:21.503 --> 00:16:24.907
- And he begins to rebuild.
- 00:16:25.474 --> 00:16:27.609
- Even from the psych ward, he begins to rebuild.
- 00:16:27.609 --> 00:16:30.412
- Even from death, from trauma.
- 00:16:30.412 --> 00:16:33.382
- And so where everything can feel shaken,
- 00:16:33.382 --> 00:16:36.118
- There's a core that doesn't.
- 00:16:36.118 --> 00:16:38.754
- But he'll speak through the reverberations,
- 00:16:38.754 --> 00:16:40.956
- He'll speak through the things that felt shaken,
- 00:16:40.956 --> 00:16:44.493
- Still feel like they're shaken.
- 00:16:44.493 --> 00:16:46.662
- And in the moment there, the opportunity is,
- 00:16:46.662 --> 00:16:49.398
- I will say it's holy because you said it's holy.
- 00:16:49.398 --> 00:16:52.634
- I will agree with you. - so powerful.
- 00:16:52.634 --> 00:16:55.137
- (upbeat music)
- 00:16:55.137 --> 00:16:56.371
- - we are "better together" because of you.
- 00:16:56.371 --> 00:16:58.340
- - connect with us on social media to ask a question,
- 00:16:58.340 --> 00:17:00.976
- Share a prayer request,
- 00:17:00.976 --> 00:17:02.377
- And make friends with women all over the world.
- 00:17:02.377 --> 00:17:03.946
- - let's keep the conversation going.
- 00:17:03.946 --> 00:17:06.482
- (upbeat music)
- 00:17:06.849 --> 00:17:07.749
- - [announcer] be the first
- 00:17:07.749 --> 00:17:09.151
- To know all the latest "better together" updates.
- 00:17:09.151 --> 00:17:11.086
- Visit bettertogether.tv to sign up for our weekly emails
- 00:17:11.086 --> 00:17:14.857
- And never miss the latest news.
- 00:17:14.857 --> 00:17:18.005
- And never miss the latest news.
- 00:17:18.005 --> 00:17:18.427
- (upbeat music)
- 00:17:18.794 --> 00:17:21.630
- - that passage, that psalm 23,
- 00:17:21.630 --> 00:17:24.433
- I did some greek when i was in seminary,
- 00:17:24.433 --> 00:17:26.068
- I was not good at hebrew, but i would do some word studies.
- 00:17:26.068 --> 00:17:29.238
- And in the actual original hebrew, when it says,
- 00:17:29.238 --> 00:17:32.674
- "even though i walk
- 00:17:32.674 --> 00:17:33.976
- Through the valley of the shadow of death,
- 00:17:33.976 --> 00:17:35.277
- I will fear no evil for thou art with me,"
- 00:17:35.277 --> 00:17:38.280
- The "art with" is added in the english
- 00:17:38.280 --> 00:17:40.582
- To make it make sense, because it didn't make sense.
- 00:17:40.582 --> 00:17:42.885
- Because hebrews, it's actually,
- 00:17:42.885 --> 00:17:44.353
- "i will not be afraid for you-me."
- 00:17:44.353 --> 00:17:47.322
- There's no space. - that close.
- 00:17:48.056 --> 00:17:50.092
- - we don't need a "art with," there's like a you-me.
- 00:17:50.092 --> 00:17:53.362
- The close presence of god when you walk through that,
- 00:17:53.362 --> 00:17:56.632
- Is like, you almost look like one person,
- 00:17:56.632 --> 00:17:58.901
- Because he's right there.
- 00:17:58.901 --> 00:18:00.569
- - and like david said,
- 00:18:01.069 --> 00:18:02.371
- "where can i go from the presence of the lord?"
- 00:18:02.371 --> 00:18:05.541
- "whether i fly to the uttermost parts of the earth,
- 00:18:05.541 --> 00:18:08.210
- There you are.
- 00:18:08.210 --> 00:18:09.511
- Whether i make my bed in hell, there you are."
- 00:18:09.511 --> 00:18:12.447
- That valley of the shadow of death.
- 00:18:12.447 --> 00:18:15.450
- And man, what would we do without god?
- 00:18:15.450 --> 00:18:18.120
- - right. - right.
- 00:18:18.120 --> 00:18:19.221
- - what would we do without jesus?
- 00:18:19.221 --> 00:18:22.224
- Because people go through that.
- 00:18:22.224 --> 00:18:24.626
- People are gonna go through that anyway.
- 00:18:24.626 --> 00:18:26.795
- You know, it's not like when you become a christian
- 00:18:26.795 --> 00:18:28.830
- Then none of this stuff happens to us.
- 00:18:28.830 --> 00:18:31.400
- It's the powerful evidence of god being with you in it.
- 00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:35.270
- - yeah. - yes.
- 00:18:35.270 --> 00:18:36.905
- - you know, that i cannot get out of god's presence.
- 00:18:36.905 --> 00:18:39.274
- (calm music)
- 00:18:39.274 --> 00:18:40.108
- Though everywhere i go.
- 00:18:40.108 --> 00:18:42.077
- No matter, anywhere that i've ever been.
- 00:18:42.077 --> 00:18:45.380
- It's been the presence of god.
- 00:18:45.380 --> 00:18:47.482
- - one of the books that i read
- 00:18:48.116 --> 00:18:49.651
- That had a real impact on me was called "a severe mercy."
- 00:18:49.651 --> 00:18:53.655
- And i remember picking it up and thinking,
- 00:18:53.655 --> 00:18:55.891
- They don't even look like they go together,
- 00:18:55.891 --> 00:18:57.659
- You know, something that's severe,
- 00:18:57.659 --> 00:18:59.094
- How could that possibly be a mercy?
- 00:18:59.094 --> 00:19:01.730
- You know, the longer you walk with the lord,
- 00:19:01.730 --> 00:19:03.832
- The more you understand
- 00:19:03.832 --> 00:19:05.434
- That sometimes you and i will go through really hard things.
- 00:19:05.434 --> 00:19:09.605
- But the great surprise in that darkest place,
- 00:19:09.605 --> 00:19:12.708
- Is the mercy that we receive.
- 00:19:12.708 --> 00:19:14.876
- Psalm 23 where it says, "even if i walk
- 00:19:14.876 --> 00:19:17.045
- Through the valley of the shadow of death, even there,
- 00:19:17.045 --> 00:19:20.549
- I'm not gonna be afraid of any evil,
- 00:19:20.549 --> 00:19:22.351
- For you are with me."
- 00:19:22.351 --> 00:19:24.486
- I have to tell you, honestly,
- 00:19:24.486 --> 00:19:25.988
- Some of the things i've gone through in life,
- 00:19:25.988 --> 00:19:27.856
- I wouldn't have chosen,
- 00:19:27.856 --> 00:19:29.458
- I wouldn't have chosen to end up in a psychiatric hospital.
- 00:19:29.458 --> 00:19:32.327
- But the relationship i've found with jesus in there,
- 00:19:32.327 --> 00:19:35.097
- Discovering that the shepherd knew where to find me,
- 00:19:35.097 --> 00:19:38.166
- Changed my life, and i wouldn't change a moment.
- 00:19:38.166 --> 00:19:41.270
- - max lucado has written this book
- 00:19:42.037 --> 00:19:43.939
- Called "tame your thoughts,"
- 00:19:43.939 --> 00:19:45.207
- And he opens it with the sailor in the storm.
- 00:19:45.207 --> 00:19:48.877
- You know, where you know you're gonna die,
- 00:19:48.877 --> 00:19:50.746
- There is no hope out here,
- 00:19:50.746 --> 00:19:51.980
- There's winds and waves all around.
- 00:19:51.980 --> 00:19:54.850
- And sometimes god comes in and he does calm our storms,
- 00:19:54.850 --> 00:19:58.353
- And he does, you know, heal things,
- 00:19:58.353 --> 00:20:00.722
- And you know, makes a way and all that stuff.
- 00:20:00.722 --> 00:20:04.393
- But sometimes he calms the sailor in the storm.
- 00:20:04.393 --> 00:20:09.765
- I think that's where you're at.
- 00:20:10.399 --> 00:20:11.933
- I think that's where a lot of us,
- 00:20:11.933 --> 00:20:13.835
- I think that's where probably everybody is
- 00:20:13.835 --> 00:20:15.937
- In some area of your life,
- 00:20:15.937 --> 00:20:17.306
- God wants to calm you in the middle of your storm.
- 00:20:17.306 --> 00:20:20.809
- He doesn't have to stop your storm,
- 00:20:20.809 --> 00:20:23.812
- Because normally the stuff that makes us into the person
- 00:20:23.812 --> 00:20:27.349
- That he wants us to be. - yeah, i would agree.
- 00:20:27.349 --> 00:20:28.717
- - to look like him. - [participants] yeah.
- 00:20:28.717 --> 00:20:30.385
- - to be that refining fire.
- 00:20:30.385 --> 00:20:33.155
- The fire is your friend.
- 00:20:33.155 --> 00:20:35.057
- You know?
- 00:20:35.057 --> 00:20:35.924
- - the fire is favor.
- 00:20:35.924 --> 00:20:37.526
- - darah's been through the fire.
- 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:39.895
- - i had so many questions about faith
- 00:20:39.895 --> 00:20:41.830
- At one season in my life.
- 00:20:41.830 --> 00:20:43.732
- I shared before that i grew up,
- 00:20:43.732 --> 00:20:46.702
- I loved jesus with all my heart, i knew i was loved,
- 00:20:46.702 --> 00:20:50.005
- And you know, my mom and my dad were wonderful
- 00:20:50.005 --> 00:20:53.342
- At instilling that in me.
- 00:20:53.342 --> 00:20:54.609
- And i just have always had this ability
- 00:20:54.609 --> 00:20:57.379
- To have just kind of like a childlike faith,
- 00:20:57.379 --> 00:20:59.881
- Like if god says it, i'm gonna believe it.
- 00:20:59.881 --> 00:21:01.750
- When i was at 24 years old,
- 00:21:01.750 --> 00:21:05.954
- My dad was diagnosed with a really rare form of cancer,
- 00:21:05.954 --> 00:21:09.791
- And he was 53, and i was about to have my first child,
- 00:21:09.791 --> 00:21:14.129
- And it just like rocked us.
- 00:21:14.129 --> 00:21:18.400
- He was one of 30 in the whole world
- 00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:21.370
- Who had this type of cancer,
- 00:21:21.370 --> 00:21:23.038
- And he was the only one who had it where he did at the time.
- 00:21:23.038 --> 00:21:25.640
- And i just believed everything that the word said
- 00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:28.310
- About god as our healer, and he's able.
- 00:21:28.310 --> 00:21:30.879
- And so we began praying
- 00:21:30.879 --> 00:21:32.781
- And believing that god was gonna miraculously heal my dad.
- 00:21:32.781 --> 00:21:36.718
- And people around the world we're praying and believing,
- 00:21:36.718 --> 00:21:39.354
- And we were just united in our faith
- 00:21:39.354 --> 00:21:41.089
- That god was gonna miraculously heal him.
- 00:21:41.089 --> 00:21:42.991
- And my dad battled this cancer for three and a half years,
- 00:21:42.991 --> 00:21:47.496
- And when i was 27 years old,
- 00:21:47.496 --> 00:21:50.065
- God chose to heal him on the other side of eternity.
- 00:21:50.065 --> 00:21:52.701
- And i remember this moment where we were there,
- 00:21:52.701 --> 00:21:57.372
- And we had just chosen to take him off life support,
- 00:21:57.372 --> 00:22:00.175
- And you know, still believing for a miracle,
- 00:22:00.175 --> 00:22:03.044
- And we said goodbye.
- 00:22:03.044 --> 00:22:04.579
- And i remember sitting in the chapel of this hospital,
- 00:22:04.579 --> 00:22:06.848
- And i'm young, i've got this little three-year-old,
- 00:22:06.848 --> 00:22:10.419
- And i remember putting my face in my hands and just like,
- 00:22:10.419 --> 00:22:13.655
- God, like how am i even functioning right now?
- 00:22:13.655 --> 00:22:16.525
- And i felt like the lord said, like, "this is my grace."
- 00:22:16.525 --> 00:22:20.429
- And for me, just all of a sudden,
- 00:22:20.429 --> 00:22:22.330
- These revelations of the lord just became even brighter.
- 00:22:22.330 --> 00:22:26.968
- I feel like god's so close to us in the midst of our pain
- 00:22:28.136 --> 00:22:30.272
- And the loss and the challenges,
- 00:22:30.272 --> 00:22:32.574
- And it was like the lord was just showing me, i'm here,
- 00:22:32.574 --> 00:22:35.010
- Like, this is my grace, and i'll carry you.
- 00:22:35.010 --> 00:22:37.546
- But i really had to wrestle with, in that moment, faith.
- 00:22:37.546 --> 00:22:42.818
- Because i felt like, did i not have enough faith?
- 00:22:43.752 --> 00:22:47.756
- Which, that's a silly thing to think,
- 00:22:47.756 --> 00:22:50.592
- But kind of, it's where i went.
- 00:22:50.592 --> 00:22:52.694
- - i think we all feel that at some point,
- 00:22:52.694 --> 00:22:54.029
- Should i have prayed differently, harder?
- 00:22:54.029 --> 00:22:55.630
- Should i invited more people to pray with me?
- 00:22:55.630 --> 00:22:56.932
- - like, what did i do on my end?
- 00:22:56.932 --> 00:22:57.899
- - exactly.
- 00:22:57.899 --> 00:22:59.034
- So god had to take me on a journey.
- 00:22:59.034 --> 00:23:00.669
- And i say this just because as you guys were sharing,
- 00:23:00.669 --> 00:23:03.205
- It's the picture that came to my mind, i was just like,
- 00:23:03.205 --> 00:23:06.241
- I need to understand this a little bit more, lord,
- 00:23:06.241 --> 00:23:08.276
- 'cause i'm really wrestling with faith.
- 00:23:08.276 --> 00:23:09.845
- And i started reading the "faith chapter" in the bible,
- 00:23:09.845 --> 00:23:13.215
- You know, hebrews 11, if you look at it,
- 00:23:13.215 --> 00:23:14.683
- It says the "faith chapter."
- 00:23:14.683 --> 00:23:16.184
- And i started reading about these great men
- 00:23:16.184 --> 00:23:18.320
- And women of faith, and all the stories that defined them.
- 00:23:18.320 --> 00:23:21.423
- And then it gets to this awful scripture that,
- 00:23:21.423 --> 00:23:25.060
- You know, you just hate it, and it's like all of them died
- 00:23:25.060 --> 00:23:27.762
- Without receiving the promise.
- 00:23:27.762 --> 00:23:29.231
- And you're like, (gasps) what is that?
- 00:23:29.231 --> 00:23:31.900
- I remember i literally was like, "what is that, god?"
- 00:23:31.900 --> 00:23:34.803
- Like, what in the world?
- 00:23:34.803 --> 00:23:36.304
- And i felt like the lord leaned in so close to me
- 00:23:36.304 --> 00:23:39.875
- And just said, "faith is not about the destination,
- 00:23:39.875 --> 00:23:44.312
- It's about the journey,"
- 00:23:44.312 --> 00:23:45.981
- And can you walk hand in hand with jesus
- 00:23:45.981 --> 00:23:48.450
- Through the journey, whatever it looks like,
- 00:23:48.450 --> 00:23:51.119
- Whatever the valley feels like.
- 00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:52.687
- And for me, that was just,
- 00:23:52.687 --> 00:23:54.890
- That was the revelation that i needed
- 00:23:54.890 --> 00:23:57.158
- To be able to go, okay,
- 00:23:57.158 --> 00:23:58.827
- Like whatever the story, whatever the situation,
- 00:23:58.827 --> 00:24:01.763
- Whatever the pain,
- 00:24:01.763 --> 00:24:03.098
- Like if i can just hold onto the hand of jesus,
- 00:24:03.098 --> 00:24:06.234
- Then it's not about the outcome,
- 00:24:06.234 --> 00:24:08.236
- It's not about me getting what i want,
- 00:24:08.236 --> 00:24:10.038
- It's like, can i walk with jesus through the journey?
- 00:24:10.038 --> 00:24:12.707
- (calm music)
- 00:24:12.707 --> 00:24:13.808
- God has been such an anchor for me
- 00:24:13.808 --> 00:24:15.544
- During the storms of life,
- 00:24:15.544 --> 00:24:16.945
- And there's been so many of them.
- 00:24:16.945 --> 00:24:18.780
- To name a few, there was a moment when i was 27 years old
- 00:24:18.780 --> 00:24:22.150
- And my dad took his last breath.
- 00:24:22.150 --> 00:24:25.086
- He was 56.
- 00:24:25.086 --> 00:24:26.588
- Then i remember in that moment of losing my-
- 00:24:26.588 --> 00:24:29.591
- - after years of praying
- 00:24:30.091 --> 00:24:31.560
- And believing for his healing, i remember thinking,
- 00:24:31.560 --> 00:24:34.162
- How am i even functioning right now?
- 00:24:34.162 --> 00:24:36.831
- And i remember god just leaning in close
- 00:24:36.831 --> 00:24:39.067
- And saying, "this is my grace and i will carry you."
- 00:24:39.067 --> 00:24:42.971
- I think in the hardest moments of life,
- 00:24:42.971 --> 00:24:45.607
- Those are the moments where i have felt god the closest,
- 00:24:45.607 --> 00:24:49.411
- Where he's given me peace that is beyond my understanding,
- 00:24:49.411 --> 00:24:53.815
- Strength to keep moving
- 00:24:53.815 --> 00:24:55.917
- When i don't feel like i could carry on.
- 00:24:55.917 --> 00:24:58.486
- In the midst of life's storms,
- 00:24:58.486 --> 00:25:00.121
- I often think that's where we find him,
- 00:25:00.121 --> 00:25:02.290
- Leaning in the closest.
- 00:25:02.290 --> 00:25:04.526
- So can i just encourage you, if you're walking
- 00:25:04.526 --> 00:25:06.661
- Through a storm right now, god hasn't left you.
- 00:25:06.661 --> 00:25:09.864
- He hasn't abandoned you.
- 00:25:09.864 --> 00:25:11.499
- In fact, he's closer than you think. so cry out to him.
- 00:25:11.499 --> 00:25:15.337
- Lean into who he is. he will carry you through.
- 00:25:15.337 --> 00:25:18.807
- - [hosanna] i think it's so important for all of us
- 00:25:19.808 --> 00:25:23.445
- Who are wrestling with something in our lives
- 00:25:23.445 --> 00:25:26.381
- That we wanted that we didn't get,
- 00:25:26.381 --> 00:25:27.549
- With doors we hoped were opened,
- 00:25:27.549 --> 00:25:29.351
- But remain shut with the miracle we're still praying for
- 00:25:29.351 --> 00:25:31.953
- That we're not getting yet.
- 00:25:31.953 --> 00:25:33.221
- Like i think it's so important for those
- 00:25:33.221 --> 00:25:34.289
- Of us who wrestle about god,
- 00:25:34.289 --> 00:25:36.858
- When we wrestle about god, wrestle with god.
- 00:25:36.858 --> 00:25:39.928
- - yes. - yeah.
- 00:25:39.928 --> 00:25:41.062
- - like wrestle with god about it.
- 00:25:41.062 --> 00:25:43.031
- Don't just tell everyone else in your life,
- 00:25:43.031 --> 00:25:46.201
- Tell the internet.
- 00:25:46.201 --> 00:25:47.936
- - [speaker] yeah, yeah.
- 00:25:47.936 --> 00:25:48.870
- You know, wrestle with god.
- 00:25:48.870 --> 00:25:50.705
- Tell him what you're mad about. come to his face.
- 00:25:50.705 --> 00:25:52.674
- - he can handle it.
- 00:25:52.674 --> 00:25:53.775
- - [hosanna] say it with your chest.
- 00:25:53.775 --> 00:25:54.676
- - [speaker 2] absolutely.
- 00:25:54.676 --> 00:25:56.044
- - let him know what you're disappointed about.
- 00:25:56.044 --> 00:25:56.845
- Like, wrestle with god.
- 00:25:56.845 --> 00:25:58.113
- You will be brought into the presence of god
- 00:25:58.113 --> 00:25:59.481
- Through the realness of what you're going through.
- 00:25:59.481 --> 00:26:01.016
- You will receive the real peace of god, the real comfort
- 00:26:01.016 --> 00:26:03.585
- Of god, where you really are,
- 00:26:03.585 --> 00:26:05.086
- But god doesn't want a relationship
- 00:26:05.086 --> 00:26:07.355
- With a fake version of you.
- 00:26:07.355 --> 00:26:08.590
- - yeah. - and god can't heal
- 00:26:08.590 --> 00:26:09.991
- What you're pretending to go through.
- 00:26:09.991 --> 00:26:11.793
- If you want real comfort
- 00:26:11.793 --> 00:26:13.361
- And real peace in your real situation, get real with god
- 00:26:13.361 --> 00:26:16.398
- About what you're really feeling.
- 00:26:16.398 --> 00:26:17.766
- When you wrestle about god, wrestle with god.
- 00:26:17.766 --> 00:26:19.834
- - [speaker] yeah.
- 00:26:19.834 --> 00:26:21.236
- - that is where you will enter the presence of god
- 00:26:21.236 --> 00:26:23.138
- And discover his peace.
- 00:26:23.138 --> 00:26:24.539
- I talked to a woman who i met in tijuana.
- 00:26:24.539 --> 00:26:26.808
- She's a business owner,
- 00:26:26.808 --> 00:26:28.243
- And she talked about how she had really good routines
- 00:26:28.243 --> 00:26:31.079
- And rhythms with god.
- 00:26:31.079 --> 00:26:32.047
- I think she knew god for real,
- 00:26:32.047 --> 00:26:33.782
- And she lived a faithful life.
- 00:26:33.782 --> 00:26:35.183
- - yeah.
- 00:26:35.183 --> 00:26:36.584
- - and then when her daughter was in her thirties,
- 00:26:36.584 --> 00:26:38.186
- She passed away and she said,
- 00:26:38.186 --> 00:26:39.921
- "i dealt with all this immense grief
- 00:26:39.921 --> 00:26:41.389
- And it changed who i was
- 00:26:41.389 --> 00:26:43.124
- And my identity and my faith and my rhythms."
- 00:26:43.124 --> 00:26:45.660
- And she thought that there was only one way
- 00:26:45.660 --> 00:26:48.096
- To encounter god, one way to pray.
- 00:26:48.096 --> 00:26:50.065
- And she said, "i used to pray the most pretty prayers,
- 00:26:50.065 --> 00:26:52.434
- And i used to pray maybe even like, memorized prayers.
- 00:26:52.434 --> 00:26:56.104
- And i had this time of day,
- 00:26:56.104 --> 00:26:57.539
- I prayed with god on all these things.
- 00:26:57.539 --> 00:26:59.007
- I couldn't do it anymore. i couldn't do it anymore.
- 00:26:59.007 --> 00:27:01.543
- And so i stopped talking to god and i had so much grief."
- 00:27:01.543 --> 00:27:06.281
- And she said to me, she goes, "you know what?
- 00:27:06.281 --> 00:27:07.549
- I changed two things about how i prayed."
- 00:27:07.549 --> 00:27:09.684
- And i said, what were the two things?
- 00:27:09.684 --> 00:27:11.286
- And she said, "one, i stopped trying to pray pretty prayers.
- 00:27:11.286 --> 00:27:13.588
- I started praying ugly prayers."
- 00:27:13.588 --> 00:27:15.123
- - wow.
- 00:27:15.123 --> 00:27:16.291
- - "and i prayed the ugliest prayers.
- 00:27:16.291 --> 00:27:17.258
- I didn't even know i was allowed
- 00:27:17.258 --> 00:27:18.259
- To pray these kind of prayers.
- 00:27:18.259 --> 00:27:19.794
- And i got mad at god and i told him how disappointed i was
- 00:27:19.794 --> 00:27:21.763
- And how angry i was." then i met another woman at my church
- 00:27:21.763 --> 00:27:24.532
- Who was also grieving a relationship.
- 00:27:24.532 --> 00:27:25.967
- We got together and prayed ugly prayers together.
- 00:27:25.967 --> 00:27:27.936
- She knew two other people who were grieving something.
- 00:27:27.936 --> 00:27:30.004
- Now we get together once a week and we pray ugly prayers.
- 00:27:30.004 --> 00:27:32.774
- And she said, "i never knew that was allowed,
- 00:27:32.774 --> 00:27:34.976
- But now we feel the peace of god
- 00:27:34.976 --> 00:27:37.345
- And the comfort of god in the most real way we ever have."
- 00:27:37.345 --> 00:27:39.714
- - yeah.
- 00:27:39.714 --> 00:27:40.915
- - [hosanna] by praying ugly prayers.
- 00:27:40.915 --> 00:27:41.883
- - yeah.
- 00:27:41.883 --> 00:27:43.318
- - i said, what was the second thing that you changed?
- 00:27:43.318 --> 00:27:46.154
- 'cause that was just so profound and deep.
- 00:27:46.154 --> 00:27:48.323
- And she said, "oh, the second thing is now i pray at night."
- 00:27:48.323 --> 00:27:52.627
- I said, "what?"
- 00:27:52.627 --> 00:27:54.262
- And she said, you know, "i don't know.
- 00:27:54.262 --> 00:27:55.997
- I grew up thinking that real christians prayed
- 00:27:55.997 --> 00:27:57.599
- In the morning and i had this perfect routine
- 00:27:57.599 --> 00:28:00.568
- That i used to do for years of my life in the morning,
- 00:28:00.568 --> 00:28:04.005
- But i can't keep pretending like my life is the same
- 00:28:04.005 --> 00:28:06.107
- As it was when my daughter was alive,
- 00:28:06.107 --> 00:28:08.143
- Or like i'm the same person,
- 00:28:08.143 --> 00:28:09.544
- Or that my faith is the same faith, that wasn't real.
- 00:28:09.544 --> 00:28:11.713
- And i was just trying to put on some kind of show.
- 00:28:11.713 --> 00:28:13.815
- I don't know who it was for.
- 00:28:13.815 --> 00:28:15.350
- So now i pray and it works better for my real life today.
- 00:28:15.350 --> 00:28:17.986
- And that's how god has been the most real for me."
- 00:28:17.986 --> 00:28:19.954
- - wow.
- 00:28:19.954 --> 00:28:21.322
- - so i was just thinking about the stories of loss
- 00:28:21.322 --> 00:28:22.524
- That we've encountered and that some
- 00:28:22.524 --> 00:28:23.525
- Of us are still going through.
- 00:28:23.525 --> 00:28:25.059
- And just, if anyone is listening that's thinking like,
- 00:28:25.059 --> 00:28:27.729
- How do i wrestle with god,
- 00:28:27.729 --> 00:28:29.230
- - [speaker] yeah. - and how do i do this right,
- 00:28:29.230 --> 00:28:31.132
- How do i go through this storm
- 00:28:31.132 --> 00:28:32.634
- In the most holy way possible?
- 00:28:32.634 --> 00:28:34.636
- Maybe you don't pray pretty. maybe you pray ugly.
- 00:28:34.636 --> 00:28:36.671
- Maybe you get real with someone around you.
- 00:28:36.671 --> 00:28:38.640
- - yep. - and also,
- 00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:40.208
- Maybe your routines and rhythms,
- 00:28:40.208 --> 00:28:42.844
- Maybe your time with god looks different.
- 00:28:42.844 --> 00:28:44.813
- - [speaker] yeah. - [hosanna] you know?
- 00:28:44.813 --> 00:28:45.647
- You don't have to try
- 00:28:45.647 --> 00:28:47.215
- And make your routines with god or your rhythms with god.
- 00:28:47.215 --> 00:28:48.716
- You don't have to have your time
- 00:28:48.716 --> 00:28:49.851
- With god to look like anybody else's,
- 00:28:49.851 --> 00:28:51.553
- And it doesn't have to look like the same it did,
- 00:28:51.553 --> 00:28:53.421
- 10 years ago. - [speaker] right.
- 00:28:53.421 --> 00:28:54.455
- - yeah
- 00:28:54.455 --> 00:28:55.723
- - god wants a real relationship with you
- 00:28:55.723 --> 00:28:56.558
- And your real season.
- 00:28:56.558 --> 00:28:58.059
- So maybe it needs to change for your real life today.
- 00:28:58.059 --> 00:29:01.429
- And i think there's a mourning in that,
- 00:29:01.429 --> 00:29:03.431
- Mourning the way you used to live.
- 00:29:03.431 --> 00:29:05.333
- - yes.
- 00:29:05.333 --> 00:29:06.734
- - but we can keep trying to live the way we used to,
- 00:29:06.734 --> 00:29:08.169
- And have eventually a performative kind of faith.
- 00:29:08.169 --> 00:29:11.239
- Or it can be real for us in our real season.
- 00:29:11.239 --> 00:29:13.041
- - [speaker] wow.
- 00:29:13.041 --> 00:29:13.975
- - that's something my new friend
- 00:29:13.975 --> 00:29:14.909
- From tijuana taught me recently.
- 00:29:14.909 --> 00:29:16.110
- - that's very good.
- 00:29:16.110 --> 00:29:17.378
- - when you are wrestling with god's goodness,
- 00:29:17.378 --> 00:29:19.981
- When you're wrestling with your identity in christ,
- 00:29:19.981 --> 00:29:22.584
- When you're wrestling with god's will for your life,
- 00:29:22.584 --> 00:29:24.319
- When you're wrestling with disappointment,
- 00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:26.621
- Wrestle with god.
- 00:29:26.621 --> 00:29:28.256
- Because as you get closer to god, he will reveal things
- 00:29:28.256 --> 00:29:31.793
- To you about yourself, about his character.
- 00:29:31.793 --> 00:29:34.028
- You will bring supernatural peace
- 00:29:34.028 --> 00:29:36.097
- And supernatural calm to your real situation.
- 00:29:36.097 --> 00:29:39.167
- But you have to give him your real situation
- 00:29:39.167 --> 00:29:40.802
- For him to do that.
- 00:29:40.802 --> 00:29:41.703
- God doesn't want to heal
- 00:29:41.703 --> 00:29:43.204
- What you're pretending to go through.
- 00:29:43.204 --> 00:29:45.640
- So bring him what you're really going through
- 00:29:45.640 --> 00:29:48.109
- And invite god to be your peace.
- 00:29:48.109 --> 00:29:50.712
- You have to make time for it.
- 00:29:50.712 --> 00:29:52.280
- You can't just go about your life
- 00:29:52.280 --> 00:29:53.681
- And not spend time with god, not talk to god,
- 00:29:53.681 --> 00:29:55.750
- Not read his word, not know what he's like
- 00:29:55.750 --> 00:29:57.252
- And not knowing what he says about you
- 00:29:57.252 --> 00:29:59.187
- And then think, "why don't i have any peace?"
- 00:29:59.187 --> 00:30:01.789
- Make time for peace.
- 00:30:01.789 --> 00:30:03.591
- Make space for god to meet you where you are.
- 00:30:04.525 --> 00:30:08.663
- When you make space for god
- 00:30:08.663 --> 00:30:10.164
- And invite god, you will encounter god.
- 00:30:10.164 --> 00:30:13.334
- - i think it's so interesting too,
- 00:30:14.102 --> 00:30:16.237
- Like the ugly prayer.
- 00:30:16.237 --> 00:30:17.538
- I love that.
- 00:30:17.538 --> 00:30:18.473
- I'm like, there reaches a point
- 00:30:18.473 --> 00:30:19.974
- Where you just don't survive unless you learn that one.
- 00:30:19.974 --> 00:30:22.377
- And i think the lord delights in that.
- 00:30:22.377 --> 00:30:24.646
- - yeah.
- 00:30:24.646 --> 00:30:25.747
- - [speaker 2] what it is he wants,
- 00:30:25.747 --> 00:30:27.115
- It's like the spirit and truth, like give it to me.
- 00:30:27.115 --> 00:30:29.384
- - yeah. - give it to me, honest.
- 00:30:29.384 --> 00:30:31.119
- Tell me.
- 00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:31.920
- - yeah.
- 00:30:31.920 --> 00:30:33.221
- - because then we have this, you're right,
- 00:30:33.221 --> 00:30:34.155
- This real sort of relationship.
- 00:30:34.155 --> 00:30:36.457
- We can really know him.
- 00:30:36.457 --> 00:30:37.792
- - right. - and i think
- 00:30:37.792 --> 00:30:39.060
- As we're talking about identity
- 00:30:39.060 --> 00:30:40.361
- And we talk about wrestle with god, like,
- 00:30:40.361 --> 00:30:42.530
- You think about jacob where he like,
- 00:30:42.530 --> 00:30:44.565
- Wrestled through the night.
- 00:30:44.565 --> 00:30:46.434
- He wrestled through the night
- 00:30:46.434 --> 00:30:48.102
- And it's like, whatever nighttime we're going through,
- 00:30:48.102 --> 00:30:51.673
- It's like, if you don't give up, if you stick like that,
- 00:30:51.673 --> 00:30:55.043
- Think about that, wrestling through the night,
- 00:30:55.043 --> 00:30:57.178
- That's tactile, that's sweaty, that's like nitty gritty
- 00:30:57.178 --> 00:31:00.915
- And exhausting.
- 00:31:00.915 --> 00:31:03.051
- And it's not perfect, and there's flaws
- 00:31:03.051 --> 00:31:05.887
- And like, you would know every part of each other.
- 00:31:05.887 --> 00:31:10.491
- You would know every part. do you know what i'm saying?
- 00:31:10.491 --> 00:31:13.561
- - yeah. - and then in the morning,
- 00:31:13.561 --> 00:31:14.929
- What happened?
- 00:31:14.929 --> 00:31:16.064
- A new name.
- 00:31:16.064 --> 00:31:17.065
- - yeah. - you got a new name
- 00:31:17.065 --> 00:31:19.767
- And i'm like, i just think,
- 00:31:19.767 --> 00:31:21.536
- Not only do i feel like i've gotten a new name
- 00:31:21.536 --> 00:31:23.938
- Or i've stepped into a part of my name
- 00:31:23.938 --> 00:31:26.708
- And a trueness to a season
- 00:31:26.708 --> 00:31:29.877
- That i didn't have a revelation about before.
- 00:31:29.877 --> 00:31:32.313
- But i think in those ugly prayers,
- 00:31:32.313 --> 00:31:34.415
- In walking these things out,
- 00:31:34.415 --> 00:31:36.250
- I've found the identity of god different.
- 00:31:36.250 --> 00:31:38.619
- I've known him different. i've come to discover,
- 00:31:38.619 --> 00:31:41.556
- - yeah. - the god who would meet me.
- 00:31:41.556 --> 00:31:43.524
- And through the night, that kind of proximity, messiness,
- 00:31:43.524 --> 00:31:46.995
- Stay with me, from the start all the way to the finish,
- 00:31:46.995 --> 00:31:50.698
- Give me a new name.
- 00:31:50.698 --> 00:31:52.000
- And my response back is, you are faithful.
- 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:55.103
- - yeah. - [hosanna] wow.
- 00:31:55.103 --> 00:31:56.304
- - and you're close and you're loving
- 00:31:56.304 --> 00:31:58.506
- And you're so patient.
- 00:31:58.506 --> 00:32:01.042
- - [speaker] yes.
- 00:32:01.042 --> 00:32:01.909
- - you're so patient.
- 00:32:01.909 --> 00:32:03.511
- You are not looking for me to pick it up, do it right,
- 00:32:03.511 --> 00:32:06.247
- This, that, this, that.
- 00:32:06.247 --> 00:32:07.515
- The process, like you've never rushed this thing.
- 00:32:07.515 --> 00:32:10.251
- You've challenged me, you've fathered me,
- 00:32:10.251 --> 00:32:12.987
- You've discipled me, you've shepherded.
- 00:32:12.987 --> 00:32:15.289
- But i know his names in a different way
- 00:32:15.289 --> 00:32:18.426
- Because of this nighttime wrestle.
- 00:32:18.426 --> 00:32:20.661
- - yeah. - because of the ugly prayers.
- 00:32:20.661 --> 00:32:22.730
- I not only learned more about me
- 00:32:22.730 --> 00:32:24.565
- And my identity, i learned him there.
- 00:32:24.565 --> 00:32:27.001
- - that's powerful.
- 00:32:27.001 --> 00:32:28.403
- - you know, and let's not forget the holy spirit
- 00:32:28.403 --> 00:32:30.438
- That we have on the inside of us who prays with us
- 00:32:30.438 --> 00:32:33.541
- And prays for us, with groanings that cannot be uttered.
- 00:32:33.541 --> 00:32:37.612
- - yes. - yeah.
- 00:32:37.612 --> 00:32:38.780
- - that's when i don't have the words.
- 00:32:38.780 --> 00:32:40.481
- - right. - and i am groaning,
- 00:32:40.481 --> 00:32:42.483
- The spirit makes intercession for us, you know?
- 00:32:42.483 --> 00:32:46.788
- And so we have the holy spirit to come alongside.
- 00:32:46.788 --> 00:32:50.158
- We're talking, the third head
- 00:32:50.158 --> 00:32:52.060
- Of god himself is living on the inside of us
- 00:32:52.060 --> 00:32:55.997
- And in dwelling inside of us to help us
- 00:32:55.997 --> 00:32:59.267
- And to be there with us
- 00:32:59.267 --> 00:33:01.369
- And to show us where we're going,
- 00:33:01.369 --> 00:33:04.038
- Show us the way to get through things.
- 00:33:04.038 --> 00:33:06.874
- - [speaker] yeah. yeah.
- 00:33:06.874 --> 00:33:08.042
- - you know, and helping us.
- 00:33:08.042 --> 00:33:09.410
- - yes.
- 00:33:09.410 --> 00:33:10.945
- - coming alongside, praying with us, interceding for us.
- 00:33:10.945 --> 00:33:15.583
- - you know what i love that you used the illustration
- 00:33:16.684 --> 00:33:18.186
- Of jacob there is that not only did he get a new name,
- 00:33:18.186 --> 00:33:21.255
- He walked with a limp.
- 00:33:21.255 --> 00:33:22.390
- - yeah. - which means that everyone
- 00:33:22.390 --> 00:33:24.058
- That saw him saw something different about him
- 00:33:24.058 --> 00:33:27.562
- And the way that he walked, the way that he carried himself,
- 00:33:27.562 --> 00:33:31.099
- That very thing would elicit questions i imagine
- 00:33:31.099 --> 00:33:34.168
- Down the road, you know?
- 00:33:34.168 --> 00:33:35.470
- Even from children and grandchildren, like,
- 00:33:35.470 --> 00:33:37.472
- Why do you walk like that?
- 00:33:37.472 --> 00:33:38.673
- What's the story?
- 00:33:38.673 --> 00:33:40.741
- And then he has the opportunity to tell the story.
- 00:33:40.741 --> 00:33:43.778
- - yes.
- 00:33:43.778 --> 00:33:45.179
- - and i think that's the beauty of often the wrestle
- 00:33:45.179 --> 00:33:47.048
- With god, like the ugly prayers, the pain
- 00:33:47.048 --> 00:33:50.218
- That we navigate, the wrestling that out
- 00:33:50.218 --> 00:33:52.753
- With god is that it becomes the story that we get to tell
- 00:33:52.753 --> 00:33:57.091
- Of god's faithfulness of god's goodness.
- 00:33:57.091 --> 00:33:59.894
- Not that he did everything i wanted him to do,
- 00:33:59.894 --> 00:34:02.330
- But that he was everything that i needed.
- 00:34:02.330 --> 00:34:04.732
- - the circumstances of life are not meant to define us.
- 00:34:05.867 --> 00:34:08.636
- Now, they may shape us, they can affect us,
- 00:34:08.636 --> 00:34:11.639
- But they do not define who we are.
- 00:34:11.639 --> 00:34:14.208
- Only god does that.
- 00:34:14.208 --> 00:34:15.743
- And the trouble in getting stuck in a storm
- 00:34:15.743 --> 00:34:19.680
- Or in hardship, is that we can start to believe
- 00:34:19.680 --> 00:34:22.483
- That our identity is the storm.
- 00:34:22.483 --> 00:34:25.586
- Our identity is the hard thing that is happening.
- 00:34:25.586 --> 00:34:28.422
- But the truth underneath is the word of god,
- 00:34:28.422 --> 00:34:30.925
- What he has spoken to be true.
- 00:34:30.925 --> 00:34:33.327
- As we move toward that, into it,
- 00:34:33.327 --> 00:34:36.497
- Regardless of our feelings may be in the moment,
- 00:34:36.497 --> 00:34:39.934
- Regardless of what our surroundings may look like,
- 00:34:39.934 --> 00:34:42.203
- That will steady us.
- 00:34:42.203 --> 00:34:44.105
- The truth is always the anchor that we need
- 00:34:44.105 --> 00:34:46.641
- To find ourselves in,
- 00:34:46.641 --> 00:34:48.009
- No matter what it is that we're going through.
- 00:34:48.009 --> 00:34:50.244
- - and i love this story of the woman at the well.
- 00:34:50.244 --> 00:34:52.780
- The one part of that story that i've been really changed
- 00:34:52.780 --> 00:34:56.083
- By is when she's having this discussion
- 00:34:56.083 --> 00:34:58.486
- With jesus about worship, you know?
- 00:34:58.486 --> 00:35:00.855
- Okay, so you're clearly a prophet.
- 00:35:00.855 --> 00:35:03.291
- So it's where we're supposed to worship.
- 00:35:03.291 --> 00:35:04.859
- We're supposed to worship where we worship,
- 00:35:04.859 --> 00:35:06.627
- Or where you as jewish people worship.
- 00:35:06.627 --> 00:35:08.563
- And jesus says to her, "the time is coming.
- 00:35:08.563 --> 00:35:11.566
- In fact, it's here now,
- 00:35:11.566 --> 00:35:13.901
- That those who worship will worship in spirit and in truth."
- 00:35:13.901 --> 00:35:17.104
- And that little word truth, that alithea,
- 00:35:17.104 --> 00:35:19.340
- Means with nothing hidden.
- 00:35:19.340 --> 00:35:21.409
- - wow.
- 00:35:21.409 --> 00:35:22.843
- - those who worship will worship with nothing hidden,
- 00:35:22.843 --> 00:35:26.347
- That you actually get to come exactly as you are.
- 00:35:26.347 --> 00:35:29.183
- - wow.
- 00:35:29.183 --> 00:35:30.151
- - you get to wrestle with god.
- 00:35:30.151 --> 00:35:31.519
- I watched my son do that when my father-in-law died
- 00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:33.921
- And he was so sad about it and so angry.
- 00:35:33.921 --> 00:35:36.424
- And i said, here's the amazing thing,
- 00:35:36.424 --> 00:35:38.359
- 'cause he told me he was five.
- 00:35:38.359 --> 00:35:39.660
- He said to me, "i don't like god
- 00:35:39.660 --> 00:35:40.928
- And i'm not gonna talk to him anymore."
- 00:35:40.928 --> 00:35:42.697
- And i said, i totally get that.
- 00:35:42.697 --> 00:35:44.198
- - yeah. - i said, but here's, i mean,
- 00:35:44.198 --> 00:35:45.866
- And i bought him a punching bag and boxing gloves,
- 00:35:45.866 --> 00:35:47.969
- And i said, "you hit that thing 'til you're exhausted."
- 00:35:47.969 --> 00:35:50.838
- But then you get to fall into the arms
- 00:35:50.838 --> 00:35:52.373
- Of a god who's big enough for you to be angry with him.
- 00:35:52.373 --> 00:35:54.575
- - yes. - yeah, exactly.
- 00:35:54.575 --> 00:35:56.344
- - you don't have to pretend.
- 00:35:56.344 --> 00:35:57.845
- - i made a decision
- 00:35:58.312 --> 00:35:59.614
- To follow jesus when i was four years old.
- 00:35:59.614 --> 00:36:01.582
- It was a childlike faith.
- 00:36:01.582 --> 00:36:03.284
- But as i'd begun to grow up, i had to grow in my faith,
- 00:36:03.284 --> 00:36:07.888
- And i didn't immediately understand my
- 00:36:07.888 --> 00:36:10.758
- Identity in christ.
- 00:36:10.758 --> 00:36:12.460
- It's been a process.
- 00:36:12.460 --> 00:36:13.828
- It's been a process of growing and learning.
- 00:36:13.828 --> 00:36:16.631
- And the key that i can tell you
- 00:36:16.631 --> 00:36:18.332
- That has been a game changer in my life is learning
- 00:36:18.332 --> 00:36:21.502
- What the word of god says.
- 00:36:21.502 --> 00:36:23.237
- It's learning what the promises
- 00:36:23.237 --> 00:36:25.039
- In the scripture are about me.
- 00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:27.408
- It's learning in psalm 1:39 that says,
- 00:36:27.408 --> 00:36:29.510
- "i was created and formed in my mother's womb,
- 00:36:29.510 --> 00:36:32.113
- That god knew me before i was born,
- 00:36:32.113 --> 00:36:34.248
- That he planned every day, every page of my life."
- 00:36:34.248 --> 00:36:37.618
- When i began to learn that
- 00:36:37.618 --> 00:36:38.986
- And understand that, i developed a confidence
- 00:36:38.986 --> 00:36:42.456
- That i'm exactly who i was created to be.
- 00:36:42.456 --> 00:36:45.059
- It's learning scriptures like ephesians 2:10 that say,
- 00:36:45.059 --> 00:36:47.595
- "i'm a masterpiece created in christ jesus to do good works,
- 00:36:47.595 --> 00:36:51.065
- Which he planned in advance for me to do."
- 00:36:51.065 --> 00:36:53.200
- When i began to memorize that
- 00:36:53.200 --> 00:36:55.169
- And hide god's word inside of my heart,
- 00:36:55.169 --> 00:36:58.072
- It helped build a firm foundation for my identity.
- 00:36:58.072 --> 00:37:02.176
- But i don't always feel great.
- 00:37:02.176 --> 00:37:04.879
- Sometimes i struggle with insecurity.
- 00:37:04.879 --> 00:37:07.348
- And the key for me is going back to the word of god,
- 00:37:07.348 --> 00:37:10.985
- Going back to the promises of god,
- 00:37:10.985 --> 00:37:12.887
- And reminding myself who he says that i am.
- 00:37:12.887 --> 00:37:16.390
- It's a process and it's a process that we're all on,
- 00:37:16.390 --> 00:37:19.660
- But god's with us in the journey.
- 00:37:19.660 --> 00:37:21.796
- - [narrator] let's keep the conversation going.
- 00:37:22.730 --> 00:37:24.999
- You can find the "better together" podcast
- 00:37:24.999 --> 00:37:27.001
- On your favorite listening platform.
- 00:37:27.001 --> 00:37:28.602
- Subscribe.
- 00:37:28.602 --> 00:37:30.271
- - [announcer] subscribe today.
- 00:37:29.370 --> 00:37:33.006
- - [announcer] subscribe today.
- 00:37:33.006 --> 00:37:33.374
- (tender music)
- 00:37:33.741 --> 00:37:36.844
- - sometimes i wonder if,
- 00:37:36.844 --> 00:37:38.279
- You know, there's moments of big faith to believe,
- 00:37:38.279 --> 00:37:41.115
- And then in processing the grief,
- 00:37:41.115 --> 00:37:44.185
- The loss, the disappointment,
- 00:37:44.185 --> 00:37:45.453
- I remember the lord coming to me and saying,
- 00:37:45.453 --> 00:37:47.288
- "it's not the faith in the way that you had,
- 00:37:47.288 --> 00:37:51.726
- But the faith to believe that i can handle you."
- 00:37:51.726 --> 00:37:54.362
- - yeah. - in this.
- 00:37:54.362 --> 00:37:55.196
- The faith to believe.
- 00:37:55.196 --> 00:37:56.831
- The audacity that i could show up with all of this,
- 00:37:56.831 --> 00:38:00.267
- And i don't know what's going to come out,
- 00:38:00.267 --> 00:38:01.502
- I don't know what's going to come out.
- 00:38:01.502 --> 00:38:03.771
- Like this could be wild.
- 00:38:03.771 --> 00:38:05.172
- - yeah. - it will be.
- 00:38:05.172 --> 00:38:07.341
- And him saying that now,
- 00:38:07.341 --> 00:38:08.909
- The place that i'm asking you to put your faith
- 00:38:08.909 --> 00:38:10.878
- Is to believe that i can handle that.
- 00:38:10.878 --> 00:38:12.813
- Is to believe i'm good enough,
- 00:38:12.813 --> 00:38:14.949
- To show up, and to listen.
- 00:38:14.949 --> 00:38:17.551
- And i'm not going to rebuke you,
- 00:38:17.551 --> 00:38:18.986
- I'm not going to throw a bible verse at you, i'm not.
- 00:38:18.986 --> 00:38:22.022
- And i remember there were times it was so quiet,
- 00:38:22.022 --> 00:38:24.258
- It just felt so quiet.
- 00:38:24.258 --> 00:38:26.327
- And i'm like, god, of any time to speak,
- 00:38:26.327 --> 00:38:29.964
- This would be a great one.
- 00:38:29.964 --> 00:38:31.232
- Like this, i am desperate.
- 00:38:31.232 --> 00:38:32.767
- - good opportunity.
- 00:38:32.767 --> 00:38:33.601
- - yeah, please, please.
- 00:38:33.601 --> 00:38:34.935
- Like it's deafening.
- 00:38:34.935 --> 00:38:36.404
- And i remember him just saying,
- 00:38:36.404 --> 00:38:38.539
- "i'm listening.
- 00:38:38.906 --> 00:38:40.975
- You need to talk."
- 00:38:41.409 --> 00:38:42.243
- - wow. - yeah.
- 00:38:42.243 --> 00:38:43.177
- - i'm listening.
- 00:38:43.177 --> 00:38:44.245
- And it's in those moments,
- 00:38:44.245 --> 00:38:45.413
- I just learned so much about him.
- 00:38:45.413 --> 00:38:48.182
- I learned so much about things that i had read about,
- 00:38:48.182 --> 00:38:53.454
- Things that i'd heard about,
- 00:38:54.054 --> 00:38:54.989
- Things that i thought i knew
- 00:38:54.989 --> 00:38:57.091
- At a whole new level.
- 00:38:57.091 --> 00:38:59.393
- Just about who he is and that he can handle it.
- 00:38:59.393 --> 00:39:01.796
- And my belief in his goodness,
- 00:39:01.796 --> 00:39:03.731
- I'm going to test, i'm going to stand on it
- 00:39:03.731 --> 00:39:06.200
- By being here and saying what i actually mean.
- 00:39:06.200 --> 00:39:10.471
- And watching you.
- 00:39:10.471 --> 00:39:12.239
- You didn't do any of the things
- 00:39:12.239 --> 00:39:13.374
- I was afraid you were going to do,
- 00:39:13.374 --> 00:39:14.275
- You pulled in closer,
- 00:39:14.275 --> 00:39:15.843
- You listened longer.
- 00:39:15.843 --> 00:39:16.844
- - yeah. - yeah.
- 00:39:16.844 --> 00:39:18.279
- - jacob would not have exchanged that lump for anything.
- 00:39:18.279 --> 00:39:20.047
- Israel, he would not have changed that.
- 00:39:20.047 --> 00:39:21.749
- Because it's like job, at the end of his story,
- 00:39:21.749 --> 00:39:24.552
- You are like, i'd heard about you before.
- 00:39:24.552 --> 00:39:26.020
- - yeah, but now my eyes see you.
- 00:39:26.020 --> 00:39:27.655
- - but now my eyes have seen you.
- 00:39:27.655 --> 00:39:29.256
- It's like you're a different woman,
- 00:39:29.256 --> 00:39:31.325
- You're a different mother,
- 00:39:31.325 --> 00:39:32.626
- You're a different worship leader,
- 00:39:32.626 --> 00:39:34.228
- You're a different daughter of the king.
- 00:39:34.228 --> 00:39:36.730
- And it's a severe mercy.
- 00:39:36.730 --> 00:39:39.233
- But as severe as it is, there is mercy too.
- 00:39:39.233 --> 00:39:42.970
- - i think probably for me,
- 00:39:43.537 --> 00:39:44.872
- When we find ourselves in these storms of life,
- 00:39:44.872 --> 00:39:48.609
- Things that are seemingly shaking our world
- 00:39:48.609 --> 00:39:52.947
- Or tipping it upside down,
- 00:39:52.947 --> 00:39:55.516
- It's that you are not alone.
- 00:39:55.516 --> 00:39:57.718
- Jesus doesn't ever leave us alone.
- 00:39:57.718 --> 00:40:00.020
- He said, i am with you always to the end of the earth.
- 00:40:00.020 --> 00:40:04.859
- I will never leave you.
- 00:40:04.859 --> 00:40:06.594
- I'll never forsake you.
- 00:40:06.594 --> 00:40:08.562
- Where can i go from the presence of the lord? nowhere.
- 00:40:08.562 --> 00:40:12.199
- Nowhere can we go without being in the presence of the lord.
- 00:40:12.199 --> 00:40:16.337
- So i encourage you today, know that he's with you.
- 00:40:16.337 --> 00:40:19.840
- If your world is upside down, know that he's there,
- 00:40:19.840 --> 00:40:23.010
- He's making things right for you today.
- 00:40:23.010 --> 00:40:25.880
- - isn't it beautiful? like in talking about identity,
- 00:40:26.947 --> 00:40:29.783
- Even just said that, i go, yeah.
- 00:40:29.783 --> 00:40:32.553
- Like some of the most painful,
- 00:40:32.553 --> 00:40:35.422
- Gut-wrenching moments of my life
- 00:40:35.422 --> 00:40:39.894
- Have yet been the most defining
- 00:40:39.894 --> 00:40:42.930
- Of who i am and whose i am.
- 00:40:42.930 --> 00:40:47.134
- - [sheila] absolutely.
- 00:40:47.134 --> 00:40:48.235
- - it's like those are the moments
- 00:40:48.235 --> 00:40:49.770
- That have helped define the identity that i have
- 00:40:49.770 --> 00:40:53.107
- As god's daughter.
- 00:40:53.107 --> 00:40:54.375
- - right. it's shown you too what you're made of.
- 00:40:54.375 --> 00:40:57.177
- There's things that are true about you,
- 00:40:57.177 --> 00:40:58.379
- You didn't even know about you.
- 00:40:58.379 --> 00:41:00.247
- You were braver than you thought.
- 00:41:00.247 --> 00:41:02.116
- You were tougher than you thought.
- 00:41:02.116 --> 00:41:03.450
- Stronger than you thought.
- 00:41:03.450 --> 00:41:04.685
- And there's things that
- 00:41:04.685 --> 00:41:06.220
- These trials have revealed to you even about you
- 00:41:06.220 --> 00:41:10.157
- That you didn't know about yourself.
- 00:41:10.157 --> 00:41:12.793
- I love that you both referenced john 4, how jesus says,
- 00:41:12.793 --> 00:41:17.164
- True worshipers will worship me in spirit and in truth.
- 00:41:17.164 --> 00:41:20.167
- And i think, you know, different translations
- 00:41:20.167 --> 00:41:21.902
- Say different words. the true worshipers, real worshipers.
- 00:41:21.902 --> 00:41:25.039
- But whichever one it is, i love this idea
- 00:41:25.039 --> 00:41:27.741
- Because it also reflects something
- 00:41:27.741 --> 00:41:29.376
- Not just about what she thought about herself,
- 00:41:29.376 --> 00:41:31.278
- Something that we often think about ourselves.
- 00:41:31.278 --> 00:41:33.347
- We think there's a certain way to worship god.
- 00:41:33.347 --> 00:41:35.816
- - yeah. - right? jesus says
- 00:41:35.816 --> 00:41:36.784
- All these things. she thinks,
- 00:41:36.784 --> 00:41:38.118
- "oh, is this the place or is that the place?
- 00:41:38.118 --> 00:41:40.654
- Well, i'm not the person.
- 00:41:40.654 --> 00:41:41.855
- Well, this is my past.
- 00:41:41.855 --> 00:41:43.390
- Well, this is where i'm from, here's where you're from.
- 00:41:43.390 --> 00:41:44.959
- Is this the location?"
- 00:41:44.959 --> 00:41:46.193
- And we could read this and we're like,
- 00:41:46.193 --> 00:41:47.695
- "ah man, she doesn't even know who she's talking to."
- 00:41:47.695 --> 00:41:49.763
- But how often do we feel these things too?
- 00:41:49.763 --> 00:41:52.833
- Am i worshiping god in the perfect way?
- 00:41:52.833 --> 00:41:54.268
- Am i waking up at the exact time of day?
- 00:41:54.268 --> 00:41:55.936
- Am i reading the right translation?
- 00:41:55.936 --> 00:41:57.171
- Am i praying the right words?
- 00:41:57.171 --> 00:41:58.772
- Am i living the perfect, most christian holy life i can be?
- 00:41:58.772 --> 00:42:01.375
- And what is she doing? what is he doing?
- 00:42:01.375 --> 00:42:02.576
- And we're scrolling through
- 00:42:02.576 --> 00:42:03.744
- Who we think are spiritual athletes,
- 00:42:03.744 --> 00:42:05.613
- Thinking like, "oh my goodness,
- 00:42:05.613 --> 00:42:06.714
- If i have to only live like them."
- 00:42:06.714 --> 00:42:08.082
- And jesus said over 2000 years ago
- 00:42:08.082 --> 00:42:10.351
- To someone who had the same questions
- 00:42:10.351 --> 00:42:11.785
- And same doubts we did, and said,
- 00:42:11.785 --> 00:42:13.787
- This is the real worship i'm looking for.
- 00:42:13.787 --> 00:42:16.023
- I'm looking for real worshipers.
- 00:42:16.023 --> 00:42:17.691
- And it's not about your location
- 00:42:17.691 --> 00:42:19.193
- And it's not about where you're from or what you've done,
- 00:42:19.193 --> 00:42:21.261
- And i want you to worship me in spirit and truth.
- 00:42:21.261 --> 00:42:23.597
- I think some of us still have to unlearn this lie
- 00:42:23.597 --> 00:42:28.402
- That there's only one way to worship god
- 00:42:28.402 --> 00:42:30.771
- And one way to encounter god.
- 00:42:30.771 --> 00:42:32.506
- He doesn't want curated worship.
- 00:42:32.506 --> 00:42:34.408
- He doesn't want fake worship.
- 00:42:34.408 --> 00:42:35.943
- And he doesn't even want us all to worship him the same way.
- 00:42:35.943 --> 00:42:38.545
- He's saying, i'm looking after real worship.
- 00:42:38.545 --> 00:42:40.147
- And i just think that same lesson
- 00:42:40.147 --> 00:42:41.682
- That jesus wanted to say to her.
- 00:42:41.682 --> 00:42:43.517
- It's a kindness of god for us
- 00:42:43.517 --> 00:42:45.853
- To be reminded of it still today.
- 00:42:45.853 --> 00:42:47.688
- - so good. you know, i think a lot of us go through things
- 00:42:47.688 --> 00:42:51.258
- That just shock us to the core, that surprise us,
- 00:42:52.259 --> 00:42:55.929
- That take our breath away.
- 00:42:55.929 --> 00:42:58.866
- I can't even describe your situation,
- 00:42:58.866 --> 00:43:00.634
- But a lot of times, the reaction is,
- 00:43:00.634 --> 00:43:04.071
- Oh god, what have i done to deserve this?
- 00:43:04.071 --> 00:43:06.640
- What did i do? where did it go wrong?
- 00:43:06.640 --> 00:43:09.410
- And to think that god is in everything,
- 00:43:10.277 --> 00:43:14.715
- And god knows everything,
- 00:43:14.715 --> 00:43:18.052
- And god knew everything,
- 00:43:18.052 --> 00:43:21.655
- And god's plan,
- 00:43:21.655 --> 00:43:24.525
- That if we love god and we are submitted to god
- 00:43:24.525 --> 00:43:29.763
- In his ways for us,
- 00:43:30.230 --> 00:43:32.132
- That we have to trust god in a way that says,
- 00:43:32.132 --> 00:43:36.837
- This did not surprise you.
- 00:43:36.837 --> 00:43:40.641
- This didn't shock you.
- 00:43:41.141 --> 00:43:43.043
- Even though i'm shocked to the core,
- 00:43:43.043 --> 00:43:44.778
- I'm rocked to the core,
- 00:43:44.778 --> 00:43:47.347
- This is not surprising to you.
- 00:43:47.347 --> 00:43:50.117
- - sometimes you go through things
- 00:43:50.851 --> 00:43:52.052
- That are like life-altering.
- 00:43:52.052 --> 00:43:53.420
- It's almost like the movie the wizard of oz.
- 00:43:53.420 --> 00:43:55.055
- Remember that dorothy's out there looking
- 00:43:55.055 --> 00:43:56.857
- At this bleak landscape and she's imagining a rainbow.
- 00:43:56.857 --> 00:44:00.794
- And what she doesn't know is a tornado
- 00:44:00.794 --> 00:44:03.263
- That's heading right for her.
- 00:44:03.263 --> 00:44:04.998
- Something that would change the landscape of life.
- 00:44:04.998 --> 00:44:07.534
- Maybe you've been there,
- 00:44:07.534 --> 00:44:08.802
- Something like that has happened to you,
- 00:44:08.802 --> 00:44:10.704
- Something you didn't see coming,
- 00:44:10.704 --> 00:44:12.940
- Something that you didn't prepare for.
- 00:44:12.940 --> 00:44:15.309
- I have discovered in my many years of walking with the lord
- 00:44:15.309 --> 00:44:18.245
- Is that nothing that happens to you or to me
- 00:44:18.245 --> 00:44:21.548
- Today or tomorrow or next week or next month
- 00:44:21.548 --> 00:44:25.185
- Is a surprise to the lord.
- 00:44:25.185 --> 00:44:26.954
- And i think there's something about,
- 00:44:26.954 --> 00:44:28.822
- I guess that's why i love psalm 91,
- 00:44:28.822 --> 00:44:30.824
- Where we're encouraged to take shelter
- 00:44:30.824 --> 00:44:32.960
- Under the shadow of the almighty.
- 00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:35.429
- My mom was a farm accountant in scotland,
- 00:44:35.429 --> 00:44:37.564
- And there was a day when a farm had lost everything,
- 00:44:37.564 --> 00:44:39.867
- The farm had been burnt to the ground.
- 00:44:39.867 --> 00:44:41.835
- And they were walking the grounds assessing the damage,
- 00:44:41.835 --> 00:44:44.538
- And they came across this hen
- 00:44:44.538 --> 00:44:47.074
- That had been badly charred by the fire.
- 00:44:47.074 --> 00:44:49.476
- And the farmer just gently with his boot
- 00:44:49.476 --> 00:44:51.245
- Just moved the hen out the way.
- 00:44:51.245 --> 00:44:53.413
- But underneath were six live little chicks.
- 00:44:53.413 --> 00:44:56.884
- This hen had spread her wings over her little ones
- 00:44:56.884 --> 00:44:59.887
- To protect them,
- 00:44:59.887 --> 00:45:01.121
- And that's what god has done over you.
- 00:45:01.121 --> 00:45:02.856
- God has spread his wings over you in christ
- 00:45:02.856 --> 00:45:05.559
- To protect you from the storms of life.
- 00:45:05.559 --> 00:45:08.061
- - my kids lost a baby in jerusalem a couple years ago,
- 00:45:09.163 --> 00:45:12.866
- And my son was sitting in the room
- 00:45:12.866 --> 00:45:16.503
- With me while audrey was having the baby.
- 00:45:16.503 --> 00:45:19.673
- And his first thing was, "we shouldn't have come."
- 00:45:19.673 --> 00:45:24.178
- - mm.
- 00:45:24.178 --> 00:45:25.445
- - "i shouldn't have brought her.
- 00:45:25.445 --> 00:45:26.814
- I made a mistake, and we shouldn't have come."
- 00:45:26.814 --> 00:45:29.783
- And i just remember, i just,
- 00:45:30.384 --> 00:45:33.053
- Just gutted me as a mom.
- 00:45:33.053 --> 00:45:34.521
- - yeah. - and i said,
- 00:45:34.521 --> 00:45:36.290
- "cody, god knew jesse was going to be born
- 00:45:36.290 --> 00:45:40.427
- In jerusalem today,
- 00:45:40.427 --> 00:45:42.696
- And we all just had to get here."
- 00:45:42.696 --> 00:45:45.332
- And i said, "we can't look at this any other way
- 00:45:46.333 --> 00:45:48.936
- Because god is the giver of life.
- 00:45:48.936 --> 00:45:52.639
- He is the one who controls life and death in his hand.
- 00:45:52.639 --> 00:45:57.044
- And i have to have faith in that
- 00:45:57.044 --> 00:45:59.613
- So that we can get through this
- 00:45:59.613 --> 00:46:01.949
- Because this is not a surprise to god."
- 00:46:01.949 --> 00:46:04.685
- - yeah. - he knows.
- 00:46:04.685 --> 00:46:06.453
- - yeah. - and he can calm
- 00:46:06.453 --> 00:46:08.689
- The sailor. - yeah. so good.
- 00:46:09.323 --> 00:46:11.258
- - the one that's going through it,
- 00:46:11.258 --> 00:46:12.793
- His grace is sufficient for us.
- 00:46:12.793 --> 00:46:16.363
- And sometimes you look at people
- 00:46:16.363 --> 00:46:18.365
- That have gone through things, and i don't want to,
- 00:46:18.365 --> 00:46:20.567
- I want to gain every bit of everything
- 00:46:20.567 --> 00:46:25.839
- Kalley has ever gone through.
- 00:46:26.473 --> 00:46:27.441
- I don't want to go through it,
- 00:46:27.441 --> 00:46:29.710
- But i want to glean.
- 00:46:29.710 --> 00:46:30.944
- And i think that's what's so beautiful,
- 00:46:30.944 --> 00:46:32.613
- Even about better together,
- 00:46:32.613 --> 00:46:33.747
- Is we can share these testimonies
- 00:46:33.747 --> 00:46:35.983
- And i can glean from what sheila has learned,
- 00:46:35.983 --> 00:46:39.286
- And from what you've come through,
- 00:46:39.286 --> 00:46:40.888
- And what y'all have gone through.
- 00:46:40.888 --> 00:46:42.556
- And we can take that and we can get a revelation of our own.
- 00:46:42.556 --> 00:46:46.426
- And god can use our testimonies
- 00:46:46.426 --> 00:46:49.096
- Because through our testimonies is where we're healed.
- 00:46:49.096 --> 00:46:52.766
- And i just think it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
- 00:46:53.800 --> 00:46:56.570
- And i love and i admire you more
- 00:46:56.570 --> 00:46:59.706
- Than i could ever say, she knows it.
- 00:46:59.706 --> 00:47:02.776
- But for going through the stuff, the hard stuff,
- 00:47:02.776 --> 00:47:06.880
- And coming out pure gold.
- 00:47:06.880 --> 00:47:09.983
- - yes.
- 00:47:09.983 --> 00:47:11.618
- - you know? and it is a walk
- 00:47:11.618 --> 00:47:14.021
- And a beautiful life of faith that we get to do.
- 00:47:14.021 --> 00:47:17.724
- And thank you for showing us how to do it, kalley.
- 00:47:17.724 --> 00:47:21.728
- Thank you for hanging in there
- 00:47:21.728 --> 00:47:23.964
- And doing the hard stuff, and for going through it
- 00:47:23.964 --> 00:47:28.068
- And believing steadfast in your faith.
- 00:47:28.068 --> 00:47:32.139
- - and i think that that's the verse that you
- 00:47:32.139 --> 00:47:35.609
- Have shown us walked out,
- 00:47:36.176 --> 00:47:37.778
- Where david says, at the end of 27,
- 00:47:37.778 --> 00:47:40.080
- "i believe i will live to see the goodness of the lord
- 00:47:40.080 --> 00:47:46.219
- In the land of the living."
- 00:47:46.820 --> 00:47:49.089
- Let's just pray that for all of us.
- 00:47:49.089 --> 00:47:50.590
- - yes. - thank you, jesus.
- 00:47:50.590 --> 00:47:52.859
- - father, we know that we don't understand all your ways,
- 00:47:52.859 --> 00:47:57.297
- But we are in wonder at your ways.
- 00:47:58.065 --> 00:48:01.068
- Even just the five of us sitting here,
- 00:48:01.068 --> 00:48:03.870
- The way that we have seen the different colors
- 00:48:03.870 --> 00:48:05.906
- Of your character, the different beauty,
- 00:48:05.906 --> 00:48:08.875
- The different kindness, the mercy,
- 00:48:08.875 --> 00:48:11.979
- The strength when you don't have an ounce of strength left,
- 00:48:13.146 --> 00:48:16.516
- Or just as sisters here,
- 00:48:17.017 --> 00:48:18.585
- We want to pray for every single person right now
- 00:48:18.585 --> 00:48:21.888
- Who is watching, who's listening.
- 00:48:21.888 --> 00:48:24.057
- Lord, you know exactly where they are.
- 00:48:24.891 --> 00:48:27.828
- Before they were even in their mother's womb,
- 00:48:27.828 --> 00:48:30.430
- You knew them.
- 00:48:30.430 --> 00:48:31.531
- You dedicated them before they were
- 00:48:31.531 --> 00:48:33.300
- Ever dedicated in any church.
- 00:48:33.300 --> 00:48:35.635
- So as we just pray right now, lord,
- 00:48:36.370 --> 00:48:38.038
- For the faith that would look up and see you.
- 00:48:38.038 --> 00:48:42.809
- Even in the darkest valley,
- 00:48:42.809 --> 00:48:45.479
- I will not be afraid,
- 00:48:45.479 --> 00:48:48.048
- For you are with me.
- 00:48:48.048 --> 00:48:51.284
- And we thank you for your presence,
- 00:48:52.019 --> 00:48:53.720
- And we thank you for your grace and your mercy.
- 00:48:53.720 --> 00:48:58.025
- And we want to just tell you, we love you
- 00:48:58.025 --> 00:49:01.928
- Because of jesus.
- 00:49:02.362 --> 00:49:04.798
- Amen.
- 00:49:05.032 --> 00:49:06.066
- - amen.
- 00:49:06.066 --> 00:49:06.900
- (gentle music)
- 00:49:06.900 --> 00:49:08.969
- - [announcer] connect with us on social media
- 00:49:08.969 --> 00:49:10.570
- And let us know how our team can pray for you.
- 00:49:10.570 --> 00:49:13.206
- (tender music)
- 00:49:13.206 --> 00:49:18.979
- - okay, friends, we're answering some questions
- 00:49:19.913 --> 00:49:21.982
- Behind the scenes at better together.
- 00:49:21.982 --> 00:49:24.284
- Thank you for sending them in.
- 00:49:24.284 --> 00:49:25.552
- - that's right. in fact, we have a question
- 00:49:25.552 --> 00:49:27.087
- From denean, and she asked, "in addition to the bible,
- 00:49:27.087 --> 00:49:30.323
- What books would y'all recommend
- 00:49:30.323 --> 00:49:31.858
- About how to find your identity in christ?"
- 00:49:31.858 --> 00:49:34.861
- - okay, well, you are correct.
- 00:49:34.861 --> 00:49:36.496
- Bible is number one.
- 00:49:36.496 --> 00:49:37.464
- 10 out of 10, no notes.
- 00:49:37.464 --> 00:49:39.499
- But a couple of other ones come to mind.
- 00:49:39.499 --> 00:49:41.001
- So i've written a book on identity.
- 00:49:41.001 --> 00:49:42.769
- It's called, "you are more than you've been told."
- 00:49:42.769 --> 00:49:45.639
- It's to help you overcome to lies that you believe,
- 00:49:45.639 --> 00:49:49.076
- The ones that other people have said about you.
- 00:49:49.076 --> 00:49:51.111
- And it also gives rhythms of how to constantly live
- 00:49:51.111 --> 00:49:53.613
- As who you are throughout your life.
- 00:49:53.613 --> 00:49:55.582
- I also wrote the spoken word poem
- 00:49:55.582 --> 00:49:56.750
- Called "i have a new name."
- 00:49:56.750 --> 00:49:58.085
- You can stream for free on youtube.
- 00:49:58.085 --> 00:49:59.886
- Here's a couple other ones.
- 00:49:59.886 --> 00:50:01.421
- Priscilla shirer wrote a book called "i surrender all,"
- 00:50:01.421 --> 00:50:03.857
- Which is on identity and surrendering and
- 00:50:03.857 --> 00:50:06.093
- Abiding in christ.
- 00:50:06.093 --> 00:50:08.795
- Lisa bevere wrote a book called "without rival,"
- 00:50:08.795 --> 00:50:11.098
- That's specifically for women
- 00:50:11.098 --> 00:50:12.799
- Knowing that they are a daughter,
- 00:50:12.799 --> 00:50:14.901
- They are a child of god,
- 00:50:14.901 --> 00:50:17.037
- They are a woman called by god. "without rival."
- 00:50:17.037 --> 00:50:20.807
- And then, finally, if you have some deep wounds in your past
- 00:50:20.807 --> 00:50:24.911
- And some more complicated names
- 00:50:24.911 --> 00:50:27.380
- Than maybe other people in your life might have,
- 00:50:27.380 --> 00:50:30.283
- I would suggest "the garden within" by dr. anita phillips.
- 00:50:30.283 --> 00:50:33.553
- It will help excavate, you know, pain, shame.
- 00:50:33.553 --> 00:50:37.057
- It's beautiful. so those are the four we're going to do.
- 00:50:37.057 --> 00:50:39.326
- - awesome, awesome.
- 00:50:39.326 --> 00:50:40.994
- - [announcer] stream full episodes
- 00:50:41.761 --> 00:50:43.096
- Of better together on demand.
- 00:50:43.096 --> 00:50:45.465
- Go to bettertogether.tv
- 00:50:45.465 --> 00:50:47.267
- To stream all of our latest conversations.
- 00:50:47.267 --> 00:50:50.504
- (bright music)
- 00:50:50.871 --> 00:50:50.871