Better Together

Your Spouse was Designed to Be Different! | Better Together Episode 1142

February 10, 2026 | S8 E1142 | 50:59

Why would God design men and women so differently? Those differences aren’t meant to divide but to shape, strengthen, and complement. When God is at the center, marriage can reflect the beauty of two becoming stronger and better together. | TBN Prayer Line: 714-731-1000

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Better Together | Your Spouse was Designed to Be Different! | Better Together Episode 1142 | February 10, 2026

Men and women were created by god to complement each other.
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He made us different on purpose.
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So if you have ever wondered what is wrong with your spouse,
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Come on. let's talk about it.
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♪♪
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Our conversation today is about how you and your spouse are
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Designed to be different, which means i want a long
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Conversation with the lord, like you intended.
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You intended that the two of us would be so different.
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It reminded me, actually, a very fresh example,
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My husband and i flew out to california this past weekend
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And just how different we handle situations, and so on the
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Way to the airport,
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Um, i just had the thought, like, i rented a car, right?
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And so, yeah, that wasn't-- that's not really comforting.
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And so i look it up and i can't see it on there.
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And i was like, that is so weird.
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And my husband doesn't--
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Kenneth has a-- he can literally
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Handle like big like covid hits.
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Like, i know how to bring our company through this, you know,
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Like big things. small things are a bit of a challenge.
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Yeah. and so--
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But i could tell he was trying to work on it.
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Like you could tell, the immediate was like, you know.
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And he was like, it's okay.
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And almost like robotic, we can figure this out.
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And i was like, oh, yeah,
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You know, and i'm trying to search it.
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And he goes, we'll get into the lounge and we'll look it up
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And it'll be fine. so we do.
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But he can't get into the company that we normally use,
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Which makes it easier.
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You don't have to stop at the desk.
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You can just go straight and get your car.
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It's going to be a little bit more cumbersome.
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And it's kind of like, okay, are we prepared?
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You know, so but we have a car and we needed to have it.
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So we get to the place, we shuttle to the rental bus area.
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And so thus it begins because we have to wait in this line.
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And the we're not we're not
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Going to get any flow out of this.
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Like, we have to put our patience cap on.
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But it's i could just tell like, he's like the more and more
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Questions and you know, and she was like, oh, you're
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In the wrong line,
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After you wait in line. you're going to have to go upstairs.
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And right at that moment the the email clicks in and it
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Says, you know, oh, we have your car available,
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That was at the one that i had rented.
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And so he was like, oh my gosh, you had actually rented a car.
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And i was like, that's so weird.
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It didn't come up.
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And i said-- you know,
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And he was in the second line and i said, why don't we
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Just go downstairs now?
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Being flexible and adaptable, i thrive in this place.
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Like i'm like, oh, this is okay.
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And so, like, he's upstairs.
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I was like, i'm gonna go
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Downstairs and see if we can cancel.
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And, you know, and so then we meet in the middle.
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The other car rental isn't there.
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We're going to have to uber to it, y'all, instead of going--
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Y'all, when i say-- i have created all this.
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So this is me.
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I look at him and i go, you know what, let's act like it's
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A date night and we're in an escape room.
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Oh.
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And he looked at me and i was like, this is hilarious.
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Like, first of all, we missed the first clue.
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I didn't book a car.
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I mean, clearly i'm way more responsible than this.
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Like we blew right past that one. you know, like, i'm just
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Totally laughing and making this fun.
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I'm getting the uber, y'all.
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My phone dies when i get the uber.
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And he's like, he's like, how are we going to know?
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And i was like, let's just walk.
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Maybe one of these cars is ours.
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You know, i'm like, come on, jesus, it's one of ours.
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And i was like, hey, who are you picking up?
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And the guy's like, he holds up the phone and it's my name.
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And i'm like, it's our uber.
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And i'm having so much fun with this.
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And he is melting inside.
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He's like, did you see the five
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Guys that looked shady in the car?
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Did you see that?
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You know, and i was like, oh babe, you could add a lot
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More fun with this.
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And the realities of our differences that are supposed
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To be there to actually sharpen each other can actually end up
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Feeling like sometimes they wound us.
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You know, when you use your swords in the wrong way.
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Yes.
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What two people you know are exactly alike?
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None. so why do you expect your spouse to be just like you?
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I did, so i know a lot of people do.
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Well, if you are going to marry someone that's just like you,
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Then why would you need them?
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Because you already have you.
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So why not embrace the differences the way that
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God created them?
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When you marry them, you create--
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You married someone who is another expression of
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Who the father is.
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So receive that, embrace that and enjoy unpacking who
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Your spouse happens to be.
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I know that it will come up a
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Lot this week as we talk about marriage
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Are these differences.
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And in their design they're supposed to sharpen us, but
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Sometimes we use our swords wrong.
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And i don't know if you've ever experienced that or how that's
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Played out in your marriage.
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You know, it's these places,
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It's hard.
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It's hard to know what you're wielding in your own
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Difference, and it's hard to come up against something
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Different than yours.
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What does that look like in your marriage?
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Well, for me, it's probably like yours when i am laughing,
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Wanting to play and have fun in the moment,
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It is not funny for him at all.
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It's like you did not think this thing through.
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You know, i don't know why you missed this and you didn't do
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This or whatever.
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I remember when he was in the hospital in 2014.
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Whole story--
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Long story short, thank god he got better,
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But he was paralyzed from his neck down.
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So he was in the bed and he didn't want any of the
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Nurses to help.
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I was the one that would help get him out of the bed, put him
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In the hoyer lift
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When they were out doing whatever. put him in the lift,
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Pick him up, put him in the chair, and i would go and get
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Crab legs because crab legs was his favorite thing.
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Got crab legs.
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I said, okay, we're going to make this same thing.
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Let's make this a date night.
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Put a towel over top of the little table, pulled him up to
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It, and i'm feeding him the crab legs and he's looking
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Like, this is not fun to me.
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I just want to get out of here.
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I'm like, no, we're going to
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Laugh and we are going to have fun.
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So i think, like you said, if you use it wrong,
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It can work against you.
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But for me, in that moment, i was like determined to not
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Allow him to soak in that, to to sit in that feeling like,
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Yeah, despair, this like hopelessness state like, no,
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Because this is not a permanent situation.
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So we're going to have fun.
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So we're going to make some great memories out of this.
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So we have stories and your testimony will be amazing
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Instead of you laid in the bed, you got up and you got better,
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You know, you have have a whole lot of stories in between.
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And so i think i had to learn how to use our differences to
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Work for us and not against us.
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I like that, like you said, you gave the scripture of how
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Iron sharpens iron.
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That's how it's supposed to be.
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But sometimes you start sharpening each other and you
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Realize that the other person just may be plastic because
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They could be going back to their childhood traumas, you
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Know, and you thinking, hey, i'm just trying to make you
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Better with these differences.
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It's like, no, your difference is really--
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There's a story behind the story.
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Yeah, always.
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It was interesting, but we had to, um, learn our differences
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So we could use them to really work for us.
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And i think that's so important.
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There's gifts that each one of us have.
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And so i am better standing in front of someone at a hotel
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Or at an airline. i'm better.
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So it's gotten to where, you go sit down.
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Oh, that's-- oh.
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I'll take care of this.
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You just go sit and relax.
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I've got this because it's just not his--
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It's not his gift to do that.
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And so things go better.
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So he just hangs back now,
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You know, and i take care of things.
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And then i think if we take situations like that and
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Instead of getting mad at each other, just like i do this
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Better, you do that better.
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And i think learning those and covering each other on that and
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Just say, i've got you on this.
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He does that for me all the time.
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You know, don't worry about that.
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I've got you on this.
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Okay. seriously, it took me a long time to not see our
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Differences as opposition versus true gifts of design,
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Um, because i think that, um, the reality that i was
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Looking at was i just
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I want you to agree with me.
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Agree with me so it validates my thinking.
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And that really came from a place of insecurity.
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And, um, once you begin seeing that you want somebody that's
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Different, you don't want the same,
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You start actually being able to be sharpened by that person.
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Iron sharpens iron as one man sharpens another, and scripture
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Talks about that.
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But that means that it's going to have to rub.
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You're going to have to
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Actually come in contact with that.
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And if i keep trying to force my spouse to be the same as me,
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It's not going to sharpen.
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And so i want, i want him to raise up his sword.
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I want us to be able to work things out.
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Um, even if it's through
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Conflict, most of the time it is,
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Um, and being able to work through our differences so that
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We can make each other better.
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But we think that when you marry someone, you have to
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Think the same way.
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And you have to do things the same way.
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And that's so far from the truth.
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Mike tells me all the time, you think nothing like me.
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And i'm like, good. you're welcome.
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Then we'd both be wrong.
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The first year of our marriage, kenneth would say-- i would talk
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Out what i was doing,
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And he was like, what were you thinking?
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Yeah. and i was like, that's a horrible question.
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I was like, first of all, i was thinking. like, if there's
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Anything, i'm going to overthink it.
00:10:10.566 --> 00:10:12.201
I've got like 16 different thoughts that i.
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You know, planned out and how i thought that, you know, well,
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It shouldn't go this way or it shouldn't go that way.
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And i think it's neat when we say that we were designed
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To be different,
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Meaning it's pointing back to a designer.
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Yes. and, god, you intended
00:10:26.782 --> 00:10:28.918
Something really different in me,
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And you brought us together. yeah.
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It's interesting because it's in those differences
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You're attracted, and it's the
00:10:35.024 --> 00:10:36.792
Very thing that often we fight against.
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But what you were saying, laurie, of taking the time to
00:10:39.095 --> 00:10:43.032
Understand those differences and to see them not as gifts
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Only, but also as, as as tools to help sharpen me.
00:10:47.703 --> 00:10:51.307
Yeah. let's be honest.
00:10:51.307 --> 00:10:52.308
Maybe we're not even seeing them as gifts.
00:10:52.308 --> 00:10:54.243
You know, that from our our past and from our pain when you
00:10:54.243 --> 00:10:57.446
Don't immediately agree with me,
00:10:57.446 --> 00:10:59.715
Let's be honest.
00:10:59.715 --> 00:11:00.616
I'm thinking something's wrong with me or
00:11:00.616 --> 00:11:02.118
Something's wrong with you.
00:11:02.118 --> 00:11:03.152
And it's much easier to make it wrong with you.
00:11:03.152 --> 00:11:05.387
So we're never going to blame ourselves first.
00:11:05.387 --> 00:11:07.690
I'm going to choose you.
00:11:07.690 --> 00:11:08.758
You know, you're--
00:11:08.758 --> 00:11:10.459
That's all the way from the
00:11:10.459 --> 00:11:11.393
Garden, like she did it, you know?
00:11:11.393 --> 00:11:13.562
So it's somebody else.
00:11:13.562 --> 00:11:15.030
But can i pull back?
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God, what do you want to show me in this?
00:11:16.465 --> 00:11:18.567
Can i go back to those--
00:11:18.567 --> 00:11:20.302
You know, because because kenneth and i were laughing
00:11:20.302 --> 00:11:22.571
About the conversation, i was
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Like, i thought it was really fun.
00:11:24.473 --> 00:11:25.908
He goes, i did not find that fun.
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And i was like, i know.
00:11:27.643 --> 00:11:28.978
And i was like, but it's a place that you need to be
00:11:28.978 --> 00:11:30.780
Able to let go of that.
00:11:30.780 --> 00:11:32.381
There wasn't-- we weren't late for anything.
00:11:32.381 --> 00:11:34.383
We were like, just pull back.
00:11:34.383 --> 00:11:35.684
Like wasting an emotion and intensity that can definitely
00:11:35.684 --> 00:11:38.921
Be reserved for some other time, you know?
00:11:38.921 --> 00:11:41.223
But he also gave me his perspective.
00:11:41.223 --> 00:11:43.025
He was like ireni, it was dark.
00:11:43.025 --> 00:11:44.860
And, you know, here i'm thinking like, i've got you
00:11:44.860 --> 00:11:47.163
On the backside of this building, you know. like,
00:11:47.163 --> 00:11:49.031
He wants to take--
00:11:49.031 --> 00:11:50.065
Protection. and so just learning those different
00:11:50.065 --> 00:11:52.701
Things, okay,
00:11:52.701 --> 00:11:53.836
What are some things we can do different?
00:11:53.836 --> 00:11:55.437
But a lot of times we don't go back and learn from those
00:11:55.437 --> 00:11:59.441
Spaces, you know, and how we handle it different. like, well,
00:11:59.441 --> 00:12:03.145
What did you need in that moment?
00:12:03.145 --> 00:12:05.247
That's right.
00:12:05.247 --> 00:12:06.282
Like asking that question, what did you need?
00:12:06.282 --> 00:12:08.083
And most often it's a really hard question to ask.
00:12:08.083 --> 00:12:10.653
Gosh, what did i need?
00:12:10.653 --> 00:12:12.188
You know, what--
00:12:12.188 --> 00:12:13.189
How would i do that different?
00:12:13.189 --> 00:12:14.490
Do we go back and reflect so that we can sharpen each other?
00:12:14.490 --> 00:12:18.127
Or do we just put our swords away and just wait until the
00:12:18.127 --> 00:12:20.663
Next, you know, battle?
00:12:20.663 --> 00:12:23.532
I think the culture we're living in and the days we're
00:12:23.532 --> 00:12:25.935
Living in is really important to understand that god has
00:12:25.935 --> 00:12:28.771
Designed us very differently.
00:12:28.771 --> 00:12:30.406
When god made adam and then god made eve, they're very
00:12:30.406 --> 00:12:34.043
Different, different strengths, you know, different things
00:12:34.043 --> 00:12:36.545
They're amazing at.
00:12:36.545 --> 00:12:37.947
And i had to really learn that because i thought-- like, i
00:12:37.947 --> 00:12:40.950
Assumed because some of my girlfriends could tell if i
00:12:40.950 --> 00:12:43.853
Wasn't feeling great or if i was having a bad day,
00:12:43.853 --> 00:12:46.222
I just assumed that barry would be able to read exactly the
00:12:46.222 --> 00:12:48.924
Same signs and discovered, you know what?
00:12:48.924 --> 00:12:50.960
That's not necessarily true.
00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:52.761
So communication is absolutely key. when you can learn to speak
00:12:52.761 --> 00:12:57.166
The truth to one another as
00:12:57.166 --> 00:12:58.601
Early as possible, it's a good thing.
00:12:58.601 --> 00:13:01.637
Then you add children into the mix and you work out that you
00:13:01.637 --> 00:13:05.474
Do that really, really differently.
00:13:05.474 --> 00:13:08.177
I remember-- we only have one son.
00:13:08.177 --> 00:13:10.179
He's 28, and he's always been really hard on himself.
00:13:10.179 --> 00:13:14.550
He's a bit of a perfectionist, and i've spent so much time
00:13:14.550 --> 00:13:17.653
Trying to get him to lighten up,
00:13:17.653 --> 00:13:18.754
But barry is a very similar mindset.
00:13:18.754 --> 00:13:20.723
He likes things to be a certain way.
00:13:20.723 --> 00:13:22.191
And so i felt as christian was growing up through school, that
00:13:22.191 --> 00:13:25.094
Barry pushed him to to do better and to be better
00:13:25.094 --> 00:13:28.430
And to do things.
00:13:28.430 --> 00:13:29.832
And if he'd said he was going to do something to stick with
00:13:29.832 --> 00:13:31.834
It, and my thing was more like, well, you know, he doesn't
00:13:31.834 --> 00:13:35.671
Have to do that.
00:13:35.671 --> 00:13:36.939
I mean, i kind of wanted to kind of soften the blow, and i
00:13:36.939 --> 00:13:39.842
Thought i was helping and apparently i was not helping at
00:13:39.842 --> 00:13:43.212
All, because at one point when we got into some argument about
00:13:43.212 --> 00:13:46.415
Something, the three of us, i said, christian, would it help
00:13:46.415 --> 00:13:49.218
You to have a talk with a counselor outside?
00:13:49.218 --> 00:13:52.288
Because he's an only child.
00:13:52.288 --> 00:13:53.522
And he said, actually, that would be great.
00:13:53.522 --> 00:13:55.658
So i found this great guy.
00:13:55.658 --> 00:13:56.859
He's a former football coach, counselor.
00:13:56.859 --> 00:13:58.861
And i said, let me come into the first two minutes of the
00:13:58.861 --> 00:14:01.697
First session because i wanted to say to christian and the
00:14:01.697 --> 00:14:05.000
Councilor, but more to christian,
00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:06.735
In here this is your space.
00:14:06.735 --> 00:14:08.637
You get to say whatever is true for you.
00:14:08.637 --> 00:14:10.906
You get to say, my mother's an idiot.
00:14:10.906 --> 00:14:12.374
You get to say, my dad's driving me bonkers.
00:14:12.374 --> 00:14:14.276
You don't have to protect us.
00:14:14.276 --> 00:14:16.078
And so he went for maybe 4 or 5 times and loved it.
00:14:16.078 --> 00:14:18.647
And on the final time he said, mom and dad, i'd like you both
00:14:18.647 --> 00:14:21.283
To come in to this session with me.
00:14:21.283 --> 00:14:23.285
And we were like, yeah, and i'm waiting for christian to say,
00:14:23.285 --> 00:14:27.156
Mom, you're just amazing, you know?
00:14:27.156 --> 00:14:29.158
And you help in every possible way.
00:14:29.158 --> 00:14:31.660
And you say to barry, and you make my life so much more
00:14:31.660 --> 00:14:35.397
Difficult, and if you could be more like my mother--
00:14:35.397 --> 00:14:38.400
So i said, christian, how could
00:14:38.400 --> 00:14:41.403
I shift to make life better for you?
00:14:41.403 --> 00:14:43.572
Thinking he'd just skip over it.
00:14:43.572 --> 00:14:45.374
And he was like, well, actually, mom, i don't want
00:14:45.374 --> 00:14:47.476
To hurt your feelings.
00:14:47.476 --> 00:14:48.844
And i said, christian, you have
00:14:48.844 --> 00:14:50.212
Complete permission to hurt my feelings.
00:14:50.212 --> 00:14:52.581
And he said, well, mom, dad and i love each other.
00:14:52.581 --> 00:14:55.484
You know, we do get into it
00:14:55.484 --> 00:14:56.685
Sometimes, but i know dad loves me.
00:14:56.685 --> 00:14:58.854
And you get in the middle and you try to make it better and
00:14:58.854 --> 00:15:01.590
Actually just turns the heat up.
00:15:01.590 --> 00:15:02.992
It turns the temperature up.
00:15:02.992 --> 00:15:04.793
And i was like, i totally got that.
00:15:04.793 --> 00:15:07.529
You know, the very thing that i think i'm doing because this is
00:15:07.529 --> 00:15:09.631
Who i am and this will help, was actually making it much
00:15:09.631 --> 00:15:12.368
Worse. to be able to step back and let a father have his
00:15:12.368 --> 00:15:15.637
Relationship with his son,
00:15:15.637 --> 00:15:17.072
That might not be the way i would do things, but they could
00:15:17.072 --> 00:15:19.875
Work that through themselves.
00:15:19.875 --> 00:15:21.510
I learned a lot from that session.
00:15:21.510 --> 00:15:23.545
It's so powerful.
00:15:23.545 --> 00:15:24.279
It's about being a team.
00:15:24.279 --> 00:15:25.748
You know, when you're on a sports team or you're hiring
00:15:25.748 --> 00:15:28.917
Employees, you're always looking for someone that's
00:15:28.917 --> 00:15:31.920
Going to fill the need that's going to be different than you.
00:15:31.920 --> 00:15:34.556
You know, i want to hire to my weaknesses.
00:15:34.556 --> 00:15:36.291
I want someone to be able to handle that scope.
00:15:36.291 --> 00:15:38.727
And barry was able to handle something that he was
00:15:38.727 --> 00:15:42.031
Better fit for. yeah.
00:15:42.031 --> 00:15:44.366
You know, being a parent to a newborn, to children in
00:15:44.366 --> 00:15:47.770
General, it's a beautiful gift from god.
00:15:47.770 --> 00:15:50.406
It's the greatest thing that i think i've ever experienced.
00:15:50.406 --> 00:15:54.143
Um, sometimes parenting with the other parent can
00:15:54.143 --> 00:15:56.645
Sometimes be a challenge.
00:15:56.645 --> 00:15:58.147
Um, because we do come from totally different families.
00:15:58.147 --> 00:16:01.316
We families.
00:16:01.316 --> 00:16:02.184
We come from different backgrounds.
00:16:02.184 --> 00:16:03.485
I've got the perfect mom, and so i want to raise my kid kind
00:16:03.485 --> 00:16:07.990
Of the way my mom did things for me.
00:16:07.990 --> 00:16:10.492
And and matt was different in
00:16:10.492 --> 00:16:14.496
Many aspects, the way he was raised.
00:16:14.496 --> 00:16:16.999
Um, so those challenges, those, um, maybe things that you don't
00:16:16.999 --> 00:16:22.738
Agree on, you guys have to come together.
00:16:22.738 --> 00:16:25.441
You guys have to have grace for each other.
00:16:25.441 --> 00:16:29.111
We want you to join the conversation and connect with
00:16:29.111 --> 00:16:31.814
Us on social media, ask.
00:16:31.814 --> 00:16:33.649
A question, share a prayer request, and make friends with
00:16:33.649 --> 00:16:36.251
Women all over the world.
00:16:36.251 --> 00:16:37.920
We are better together.
00:16:37.920 --> 00:16:40.923
Let's keep the conversation going.
00:16:40.923 --> 00:16:43.125
You can find the better together podcast on your
00:16:43.125 --> 00:16:45.461
Favorite listening platform.
00:16:45.461 --> 00:16:47.362
Subscribe today!
00:16:47.362 --> 00:16:52.000
Subscribe today!
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:53.202
I told my husband, we met in high school that i was, you
00:16:56.772 --> 00:16:59.708
Know, i wasn't going to stay at home.
00:16:59.708 --> 00:17:00.876
I don't know if you're looking for that kind of woman.
00:17:00.876 --> 00:17:02.444
That's not who i was.
00:17:02.444 --> 00:17:03.445
You know, be careful what you vow
00:17:03.445 --> 00:17:04.580
Because i stayed at home.
00:17:04.580 --> 00:17:06.482
And that's the way it worked out for us.
00:17:06.482 --> 00:17:08.083
That's just how it occurred.
00:17:08.083 --> 00:17:09.785
And it ended up being something i wanted to do.
00:17:09.785 --> 00:17:11.520
I didn't realize that we were able to do it, but, um, what
00:17:11.520 --> 00:17:14.790
Was so interesting is i remember, um, being able to say,
00:17:14.790 --> 00:17:18.327
I made some statements about, man, i, i was doing something
00:17:18.327 --> 00:17:21.263
And i was like, i just love being domestic.
00:17:21.263 --> 00:17:23.465
And i remember he said, yeah, me too.
00:17:23.465 --> 00:17:25.801
And i paused and i was like, what do you mean?
00:17:25.801 --> 00:17:28.003
And he was like, yeah, well, going to work is just as
00:17:28.003 --> 00:17:30.906
Domestic as doing the things around here.
00:17:30.906 --> 00:17:32.975
And i didn't realize that there are roles and responsibilities
00:17:32.975 --> 00:17:36.044
That are also put on men, um, as well as women.
00:17:36.044 --> 00:17:39.648
And it can look different, the roles that we play, who takes
00:17:39.648 --> 00:17:42.184
Out the trash, who does the
00:17:42.184 --> 00:17:43.385
Cooking, who goes to work, who doesn't.
00:17:43.385 --> 00:17:45.521
Um, but those are things that i
00:17:45.521 --> 00:17:47.022
Just never expected, um, seeing.
00:17:47.022 --> 00:17:49.992
And that god really opened my eyes that there are things that
00:17:49.992 --> 00:17:52.194
We both, um, are walking through, um, that we both carry
00:17:52.194 --> 00:17:55.931
That can both be hard and maybe we don't 100% love, but we're
00:17:55.931 --> 00:18:00.402
Doing it so that we get better
00:18:00.402 --> 00:18:01.770
And we can do something together.
00:18:01.770 --> 00:18:03.572
That just opened up my eyes to wanting to be closer, um, and
00:18:03.572 --> 00:18:07.576
To see his perspective more.
00:18:07.576 --> 00:18:09.578
And so i don't know about you, but when i, i mean, i was young
00:18:13.215 --> 00:18:15.851
When i got married, but i, you know, this is controversial,
00:18:15.851 --> 00:18:19.254
But i had a love list.
00:18:19.254 --> 00:18:20.789
I had a list of what i wanted in a spouse.
00:18:20.789 --> 00:18:23.625
And i remember writing all kinds of things, but a lot of
00:18:23.625 --> 00:18:26.328
What was on the list weren't things that i had.
00:18:26.328 --> 00:18:30.098
They weren't qualities i exhibited.
00:18:30.098 --> 00:18:32.401
They're things that i wanted or longed for or because i was
00:18:32.401 --> 00:18:35.470
Thinking honestly, at 18-- i think i lost my dad when i was
00:18:35.470 --> 00:18:38.640
16, so i, i took life very seriously.
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:40.909
I'm like, i got to be strategic.
00:18:40.909 --> 00:18:43.111
And this was a strategic moment.
00:18:43.111 --> 00:18:44.613
Not all of my moments are strategic, but i remember
00:18:44.613 --> 00:18:47.649
Thinking, i want a partner in life that will, that we
00:18:47.649 --> 00:18:50.652
Can be a team together.
00:18:50.652 --> 00:18:53.755
And while that doesn't make it easy in marriage at first as
00:18:53.755 --> 00:18:57.292
You're adapting.
00:18:57.292 --> 00:18:58.493
When i think about how far we've come in 32 years, i'm
00:18:58.493 --> 00:19:01.330
Like, i chose right, and he chose right.
00:19:01.330 --> 00:19:04.700
And we'll laugh.
00:19:04.700 --> 00:19:05.968
I'll say, sometimes i'm like, babe-- you know, he'll talk
00:19:05.968 --> 00:19:08.237
About how much he loves me.
00:19:08.237 --> 00:19:08.971
I said, babe, i love you too.
00:19:08.971 --> 00:19:10.138
But you were a strategic choice
00:19:10.138 --> 00:19:13.075
Or a strategic choice.
00:19:13.075 --> 00:19:14.142
I knew he'd be a great father.
00:19:14.142 --> 00:19:15.877
He had the stability.
00:19:15.877 --> 00:19:16.912
He had came from a great stable ministry family.
00:19:16.912 --> 00:19:20.249
He's low maintenance.
00:19:20.249 --> 00:19:21.883
Um, he's quiet, strategic thinker.
00:19:21.883 --> 00:19:25.787
And i'm like, i need that.
00:19:25.787 --> 00:19:26.989
I need that for my crazy life, my crazy emotions.
00:19:26.989 --> 00:19:29.725
And so i think the humbling part of my raising kids was,
00:19:29.725 --> 00:19:35.497
Maybe he can do this better.
00:19:35.497 --> 00:19:37.633
Maybe-- maybe--
00:19:37.633 --> 00:19:39.901
Well, i think i could have done that.
00:19:39.901 --> 00:19:41.436
You know what?
00:19:41.436 --> 00:19:42.704
They are better off that he took the lead in that moment
00:19:42.704 --> 00:19:44.906
Or in that season.
00:19:44.906 --> 00:19:46.074
So i'm very grateful for differences.
00:19:46.074 --> 00:19:48.010
As much as we-- you know, we're very verbal.
00:19:48.010 --> 00:19:50.178
We really spar a lot.
00:19:50.178 --> 00:19:52.147
And people i think were kind of shocked about that when
00:19:52.147 --> 00:19:53.815
We were early married.
00:19:53.815 --> 00:19:55.017
I'm like, you know what?
00:19:55.017 --> 00:19:56.184
We want to win. we want to win.
00:19:56.184 --> 00:19:58.553
It's like fighting for it's worth.
00:19:58.553 --> 00:19:59.821
We want to win at life, at love, and of mission.
00:19:59.821 --> 00:20:03.191
Yeah.
00:20:03.191 --> 00:20:04.026
And so we're on mission together.
00:20:04.026 --> 00:20:05.761
And i need him.
00:20:05.761 --> 00:20:07.029
I need him for my blind spots. yeah.
00:20:07.029 --> 00:20:09.531
I need him. i need my coach.
00:20:09.531 --> 00:20:11.933
So in marriage, when you come together, different families,
00:20:11.933 --> 00:20:14.569
Different personalities, different genders, different
00:20:14.569 --> 00:20:17.773
Upbringings, we bring a lot of different to the table.
00:20:17.773 --> 00:20:21.576
And you know what?
00:20:21.576 --> 00:20:22.311
That's okay.
00:20:22.311 --> 00:20:23.578
In fact, it's actually a win because together you can create
00:20:23.578 --> 00:20:25.947
Something beautiful together and your world will expand.
00:20:25.947 --> 00:20:29.951
You know, i've learned so much being married to my husband who
00:20:29.951 --> 00:20:32.154
Grew up on the mission field.
00:20:32.154 --> 00:20:33.388
He has a totally different worldview than i do, and he has
00:20:33.388 --> 00:20:36.391
Enriched and enhanced my life also.
00:20:36.391 --> 00:20:38.460
He's an adventurer.
00:20:38.460 --> 00:20:39.494
He is crazy.
00:20:39.494 --> 00:20:41.096
He's a risk taker.
00:20:41.096 --> 00:20:42.397
I'm not. i'm cautious.
00:20:42.397 --> 00:20:43.799
I'm maybe more risk taking socially, but i don't love
00:20:43.799 --> 00:20:47.936
To hurt my body.
00:20:47.936 --> 00:20:49.171
I don't like to do crazy things.
00:20:49.171 --> 00:20:50.706
But you know what?
00:20:50.706 --> 00:20:51.440
His differences enhance my life.
00:20:51.440 --> 00:20:53.408
And you know what?
00:20:53.408 --> 00:20:54.409
We actually see the world in
00:20:54.409 --> 00:20:55.544
Different ways, and that's okay.
00:20:55.544 --> 00:20:57.346
In fact, i don't have to control him.
00:20:57.346 --> 00:20:59.548
He doesn't have to control me.
00:20:59.548 --> 00:21:01.516
Now, we're aligned in what matters when it comes to our
00:21:01.516 --> 00:21:04.019
Relationship with god, putting him first, and how we feel
00:21:04.019 --> 00:21:07.389
About living our life according to biblical values.
00:21:07.389 --> 00:21:10.258
But the other things, sometimes they're just not essential.
00:21:10.258 --> 00:21:13.562
So get used to being different and get used to accepting your
00:21:13.562 --> 00:21:17.032
Differences with love, peace, and acceptance and joy.
00:21:17.032 --> 00:21:20.769
Because you know what?
00:21:20.769 --> 00:21:22.037
They're the best thing that's happened to you.
00:21:22.037 --> 00:21:24.373
The thing i love about what you said about being a team was
00:21:24.373 --> 00:21:26.942
Just last week,
00:21:26.942 --> 00:21:28.477
Christian came over to have dinner with us, and that was
00:21:28.477 --> 00:21:31.513
The whole focus of the conversation.
00:21:31.513 --> 00:21:33.849
He said, i just want to thank you guys for the way that
00:21:33.849 --> 00:21:36.418
You're a team, that i don't think it's i have to do what's
00:21:36.418 --> 00:21:38.954
Right for you or you, but that we're a team together.
00:21:38.954 --> 00:21:42.157
And i mean, after he left, barry and i sat and talked for
00:21:42.157 --> 00:21:44.926
A long time because it was such a god thing.
00:21:44.926 --> 00:21:48.096
Yeah, because when i think back to the early years of our
00:21:48.096 --> 00:21:50.832
Marriage, there would be what i thought, and then there would
00:21:50.832 --> 00:21:52.434
Be what barry thought.
00:21:52.434 --> 00:21:53.902
But the fact that christian, and he's a clinical psychologist,
00:21:53.902 --> 00:21:56.605
The fact that he was able to say, this brings me so much
00:21:56.605 --> 00:21:58.974
Peace and comfort knowing that that we were a team and that
00:21:58.974 --> 00:22:02.177
You do things together.
00:22:02.177 --> 00:22:03.745
And that's to me, that's the work of the holy spirit and of
00:22:03.745 --> 00:22:07.282
Surrendering things, because i can think of some things in the
00:22:07.282 --> 00:22:10.018
Beginning that were scary to me,
00:22:10.018 --> 00:22:12.120
And it was because of barry's upbringing.
00:22:12.120 --> 00:22:14.556
His mom, i loved her, but she was a very fiery redhead.
00:22:14.556 --> 00:22:20.195
I'd never had anyone stand that close to my nose and share
00:22:20.195 --> 00:22:23.198
Their thoughts loudly with me.
00:22:23.198 --> 00:22:27.202
Plus, she had this thing of not trusting people.
00:22:27.202 --> 00:22:30.172
So when barry was little, you know, maybe like, i don't know,
00:22:30.172 --> 00:22:33.074
10, 11 she would put him in the car and they'd follow his dad
00:22:33.074 --> 00:22:35.844
To work because she wanted to make sure he went to work and
00:22:35.844 --> 00:22:38.013
Didn't go see somebody else.
00:22:38.013 --> 00:22:39.948
She would write down the miles that the car had gone and then
00:22:39.948 --> 00:22:42.651
Work out when he came back, how many miles to see if, you know--
00:22:42.651 --> 00:22:45.954
And so i remember in our first year of marriage, barry wanted
00:22:45.954 --> 00:22:49.858
Me to record something.
00:22:49.858 --> 00:22:51.293
I used to be a contemporary artist, and i honestly didn't
00:22:51.293 --> 00:22:54.563
Really want to do it because i had so many other projects.
00:22:54.563 --> 00:22:57.466
And he said, i think it'll be really great for you, but the
00:22:57.466 --> 00:22:59.501
Only time they could see me was between like 7 and 11 in
00:22:59.501 --> 00:23:02.637
The studio at night.
00:23:02.637 --> 00:23:03.939
So i went and i did the thing and i came back and barry said,
00:23:03.939 --> 00:23:07.275
So where were you?
00:23:07.275 --> 00:23:08.543
And i was like, i was in the studio.
00:23:08.543 --> 00:23:10.812
He said, but i mean, how long were you there?
00:23:10.812 --> 00:23:12.481
When did you leave?
00:23:12.481 --> 00:23:13.415
And i'm like, barry, you wanted me to.
00:23:13.415 --> 00:23:15.517
I didn't even want to do this. this is something
00:23:15.517 --> 00:23:17.619
You wanted to do. but we've learned.
00:23:17.619 --> 00:23:19.421
We learned, what is this about?
00:23:19.421 --> 00:23:21.289
What's happening for you right now?
00:23:21.289 --> 00:23:23.391
And it was this whole thing of being in the car with his mom
00:23:23.391 --> 00:23:26.461
And thinking, you know, maybe you can't trust the person.
00:23:26.461 --> 00:23:30.198
And that's been a real learning curve for us over the years of,
00:23:30.198 --> 00:23:33.134
You know what?
00:23:33.134 --> 00:23:34.436
Now that we're not your mom and dad, you know, that we get to
00:23:34.436 --> 00:23:38.673
Make our own choices and we get to be a team.
00:23:38.673 --> 00:23:42.077
Yeah. i remember one time i was upset at matt for i can't
00:23:42.077 --> 00:23:47.916
Hardly even remember what it was.
00:23:47.916 --> 00:23:49.417
I was really talking too much.
00:23:49.417 --> 00:23:52.020
Rule number one, don't ever vent to your husband about them.
00:23:52.020 --> 00:23:55.790
Get a friend. that's a pro tip.
00:23:55.790 --> 00:23:58.059
I like to vent about other things to my husband because
00:23:58.059 --> 00:24:01.263
Then he can help guide me how to think about it.
00:24:01.263 --> 00:24:03.798
But i remember him just being really quiet.
00:24:03.798 --> 00:24:07.369
He was sitting on the stairs of this bathtub.
00:24:07.369 --> 00:24:10.171
I can see it to this day, and i was just telling him that i
00:24:10.171 --> 00:24:14.376
Don't think you should do that with your son and push him.
00:24:14.376 --> 00:24:19.648
He was pushing him to do something, and i just was
00:24:19.648 --> 00:24:23.652
Disagreeing with it very much.
00:24:23.652 --> 00:24:25.186
And he was super quiet.
00:24:25.186 --> 00:24:26.821
I remember he was putting his socks and shoes on, and he
00:24:26.821 --> 00:24:30.559
Looked up at me and he said, you have no idea
00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:35.196
How badly i wish my dad would have talked to me about that.
00:24:35.196 --> 00:24:40.835
Wow. he said, if you don't mind, i'd like to be a father.
00:24:40.835 --> 00:24:43.939
Wow. ooh.
00:24:43.939 --> 00:24:46.675
And i'm telling you, i've never forgotten those words.
00:24:46.675 --> 00:24:50.312
And i think sometimes we harp so much on our husbands or our
00:24:50.312 --> 00:24:55.016
Wives of not doing properly the way we think should be done.
00:24:55.016 --> 00:24:59.721
And i think in children, we have very different roles.
00:24:59.721 --> 00:25:03.124
Yeah.
00:25:03.124 --> 00:25:03.892
From the time they were born,
00:25:03.892 --> 00:25:05.961
We've got very different roles as moms and dads.
00:25:05.961 --> 00:25:09.431
And he said, i would have given anything if my dad would have
00:25:09.431 --> 00:25:13.001
Spoken, or my mom would have spoken into my life
00:25:13.001 --> 00:25:15.904
At this age about that.
00:25:15.904 --> 00:25:17.973
And he said, if you don't mind, i'd like to be a dad to him.
00:25:17.973 --> 00:25:22.110
And i'm telling you, i stepped back and i was like going,
00:25:22.110 --> 00:25:26.348
I am so sorry.
00:25:26.348 --> 00:25:29.184
You know, and you, you father
00:25:29.184 --> 00:25:32.821
The way god leads you to father
00:25:32.821 --> 00:25:35.624
Because i trust you,
00:25:35.624 --> 00:25:37.459
Because he hears from the lord, too.
00:25:37.459 --> 00:25:39.661
You know, and he doesn't have to do everything i-- because he's
00:25:39.661 --> 00:25:43.198
Not called to be their mother.
00:25:43.198 --> 00:25:45.634
He's called to be their dad. right.
00:25:45.634 --> 00:25:47.402
And i think sometimes we just make it really hard
00:25:47.402 --> 00:25:51.206
Because we don't agree.
00:25:51.206 --> 00:25:52.340
And i don't think we always have to agree on things.
00:25:52.340 --> 00:25:55.310
And you learn that
00:25:55.310 --> 00:25:57.212
And the quicker we get it, the better, of course.
00:25:57.212 --> 00:25:59.881
But you learn to to step back.
00:25:59.881 --> 00:26:03.718
And i trust matt.
00:26:03.718 --> 00:26:06.588
I trust the holy spirit in my husband to lead our family and
00:26:06.588 --> 00:26:11.359
My boys the way that he feels led to do that.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:16.164
And we need to step back
00:26:16.164 --> 00:26:17.365
Sometimes and actually trust god.
00:26:17.365 --> 00:26:19.968
And if you have a problem, go to the lord with it.
00:26:19.968 --> 00:26:23.538
Go to the lord in prayer with it, and god either changes them
00:26:23.538 --> 00:26:27.475
Or it changes me.
00:26:27.475 --> 00:26:28.977
And then i just get good with it because i'm trusting the
00:26:28.977 --> 00:26:32.080
Lord because he is in control.
00:26:32.080 --> 00:26:35.150
Exactly. and and we just have to--
00:26:35.150 --> 00:26:38.386
And be okay with it.
00:26:38.386 --> 00:26:39.721
Be okay with that. yeah.
00:26:39.721 --> 00:26:42.290
Trust is so important in marriage, and you're not always
00:26:42.290 --> 00:26:45.293
Going to trust your partner.
00:26:45.293 --> 00:26:46.294
Maybe they've let you down.
00:26:46.294 --> 00:26:48.063
Maybe you've let them down.
00:26:48.063 --> 00:26:49.464
That happens.
00:26:49.464 --> 00:26:50.732
We're not perfect people, but what we can do is trust god.
00:26:50.732 --> 00:26:54.202
And so my question for you is,
00:26:54.202 --> 00:26:55.470
Do you trust god with your spouse?
00:26:55.470 --> 00:26:58.273
If you are learning to submit and you don't agree with a
00:26:58.273 --> 00:27:02.310
Situation if it's not illegal or immoral, trust god with it.
00:27:02.310 --> 00:27:07.716
Trust your spouse with it.
00:27:07.716 --> 00:27:09.484
Trust your partner and see what god will do through them.
00:27:09.484 --> 00:27:12.787
In fact, maybe we don't know everything and maybe we
00:27:12.787 --> 00:27:15.857
Aren't the experts.
00:27:15.857 --> 00:27:17.425
Trust god and see what he will do.
00:27:17.425 --> 00:27:18.993
It might turn out better than you could ever expect.
00:27:18.993 --> 00:27:21.329
I know that's happened in my life. and again, my trust issues
00:27:21.329 --> 00:27:24.632
Have to do with my own history.
00:27:24.632 --> 00:27:27.001
Maybe your spouse is more trustworthy than you think.
00:27:27.001 --> 00:27:30.071
Give them a shot.
00:27:30.071 --> 00:27:31.706
I think about it even in business deals, i don't always
00:27:31.706 --> 00:27:35.410
Agree with certain things that mike would do.
00:27:35.410 --> 00:27:38.646
Of course, with the children it was like, because i'm the
00:27:38.646 --> 00:27:42.117
Mother, you need to listen to me.
00:27:42.117 --> 00:27:43.752
I'm telling you, that's not the best way.
00:27:43.752 --> 00:27:46.187
You know, that's how mothers feel.
00:27:46.187 --> 00:27:48.189
And so i've had to back up because i know i have, you
00:27:48.189 --> 00:27:51.893
Know, intervened at the wrong time.
00:27:51.893 --> 00:27:55.196
Um, but with business stuff, i think about us not agreeing,
00:27:55.196 --> 00:27:59.567
But relinquishing my
00:27:59.567 --> 00:28:04.973
Leadership to him at that time to let him lead for real.
00:28:04.973 --> 00:28:08.843
Like, i submit to you,
00:28:08.843 --> 00:28:10.411
So i'm going to trust that you will make the right decision
00:28:10.411 --> 00:28:14.215
And obey god with whatever decision you make.
00:28:14.215 --> 00:28:17.619
There have been times where i have not agreed, but i did not
00:28:17.619 --> 00:28:20.789
Put my mouth on it.
00:28:20.789 --> 00:28:22.590
And a lot of wives don't know how to do that.
00:28:22.590 --> 00:28:25.226
They'll tell you, yeah, i don't agree.
00:28:25.226 --> 00:28:27.428
And then they're going to talk about it the whole time, not
00:28:27.428 --> 00:28:29.597
Realizing that if it goes
00:28:29.597 --> 00:28:31.699
Wrong, it affects the whole household.
00:28:31.699 --> 00:28:34.235
It affects the bottom line.
00:28:34.235 --> 00:28:36.070
So what i do is, okay, god, i don't agree, but let me get in
00:28:36.070 --> 00:28:41.176
Agreement with his decision.
00:28:41.176 --> 00:28:43.878
That's so strong, you know.
00:28:43.878 --> 00:28:45.346
It's like, let me get in agreement with this because--
00:28:45.346 --> 00:28:48.817
He has a plan. he has a plan.
00:28:48.817 --> 00:28:50.785
God has a plan.
00:28:50.785 --> 00:28:51.886
And if he wants to trust you for this, i'm going to
00:28:51.886 --> 00:28:54.289
Trust you for this.
00:28:54.289 --> 00:28:54.756
It's blessible.
00:28:54.756 --> 00:28:55.824
It's blessible for both of you.
00:28:55.824 --> 00:28:57.292
You both extended submission and respect.
00:28:57.292 --> 00:29:00.595
And i'm curious, did you experience so much love and
00:29:00.595 --> 00:29:03.765
Appreciation in return?
00:29:03.765 --> 00:29:04.933
What was that like for you when you were like, yes,
00:29:04.933 --> 00:29:08.436
I leave it to you?
00:29:08.436 --> 00:29:10.305
Oh, my husband loves it.
00:29:10.305 --> 00:29:12.106
I mean, he talks about that kind of stuff to this day about
00:29:12.106 --> 00:29:16.511
How i will just follow because he has so many victories in it.
00:29:16.511 --> 00:29:20.949
And so it's easier now for me to just say, oh, go ahead,
00:29:20.949 --> 00:29:24.686
You got it.
00:29:24.686 --> 00:29:25.987
And to see them stand by each other, whether it's a victory
00:29:25.987 --> 00:29:29.524
Or if it's a miss. a miss.
00:29:29.524 --> 00:29:31.893
Like, because then that's the moment.
00:29:31.893 --> 00:29:33.361
You know, when it's not,
00:29:33.361 --> 00:29:34.863
It's like i agreed with you and it didn't turn out that way.
00:29:34.863 --> 00:29:37.365
And it's like, okay, it's happened in business deals.
00:29:37.365 --> 00:29:40.101
It's been in parenting, it's been in, you know, just it's
00:29:40.101 --> 00:29:43.271
Life because they're human, too. right.
00:29:43.271 --> 00:29:45.106
And i have never come back to say, well, if you would have
00:29:45.106 --> 00:29:48.009
Listened to me
00:29:48.009 --> 00:29:49.010
Yeah. you know, you should have did what--
00:29:49.010 --> 00:29:50.712
I would never do that because again, it's my partner.
00:29:50.712 --> 00:29:53.748
We're on the team.
00:29:53.748 --> 00:29:55.917
Respect is a big deal in a relationship, especially a wife
00:29:55.917 --> 00:30:01.723
Respecting a husband.
00:30:01.723 --> 00:30:03.825
The bible talks about that.
00:30:03.825 --> 00:30:05.293
To respect your husband, to revere him, to exalt him,
00:30:05.293 --> 00:30:09.397
To esteem him.
00:30:09.397 --> 00:30:11.366
He needs that.
00:30:11.366 --> 00:30:12.834
The practicality of that is, how about watching your tone
00:30:12.834 --> 00:30:16.671
When you say something?
00:30:16.671 --> 00:30:18.139
Don't you want to be heard?
00:30:18.139 --> 00:30:19.908
If you want to be heard, then watch how you say it
00:30:19.908 --> 00:30:23.411
And when you say it.
00:30:23.411 --> 00:30:25.146
That is a practical application of respect.
00:30:25.146 --> 00:30:30.151
I was thinking about this, sheila, when you said it, about
00:30:30.151 --> 00:30:32.687
Giving barry and christian space for a father, you know,
00:30:32.687 --> 00:30:38.026
To to love on his son.
00:30:38.026 --> 00:30:39.327
And it was the same, you know, like you were saying with matt.
00:30:39.327 --> 00:30:41.863
And, you know, it's interesting because there's something in
00:30:41.863 --> 00:30:45.300
That that i'm trying to fix.
00:30:45.300 --> 00:30:48.169
And i even think it's my responsibility to fix.
00:30:48.169 --> 00:30:50.972
Right. immediately thought of the lord goes, you know, it was
00:30:50.972 --> 00:30:54.242
Even would say to us, you know, for my husband, you know,
00:30:54.242 --> 00:30:57.712
Will you let me father my son?
00:30:57.712 --> 00:30:59.781
Yes. like to kenneth, like
00:30:59.781 --> 00:31:01.449
About him talking about kenneth.
00:31:01.449 --> 00:31:03.051
Like i see it too, ireni.
00:31:03.051 --> 00:31:04.652
And i want it more than you do. yeah.
00:31:04.652 --> 00:31:07.355
Like, will you let me father my son?
00:31:07.355 --> 00:31:10.191
Wow. like, am i even bringing that to you to be able to walk
00:31:10.191 --> 00:31:14.028
That out for-- you know, am i praying about it or
00:31:14.028 --> 00:31:16.397
Am i nagging about it?
00:31:16.397 --> 00:31:18.132
Am i, you know, complaining about it to my girlfriends
00:31:18.132 --> 00:31:20.368
Or am i-- what am i doing with my words?
00:31:20.368 --> 00:31:21.936
Am i bringing life or death in this?
00:31:21.936 --> 00:31:24.005
I think that it's my insecurities and my fears that
00:31:24.005 --> 00:31:27.208
Show up in that space where i'm wanting to fix it, and i feel
00:31:27.208 --> 00:31:31.312
It a lot, even now, of our adult daughter came back home,
00:31:31.312 --> 00:31:35.149
And that's a totally different to have an adult daughter in
00:31:35.149 --> 00:31:37.485
Your house, like trying to navigate.
00:31:37.485 --> 00:31:39.320
And so i felt really like aware of it and prepared.
00:31:39.320 --> 00:31:41.956
And i was, you know, i felt like, oh, okay, you know, we
00:31:41.956 --> 00:31:44.659
Need to change our language so that we're not talking down to
00:31:44.659 --> 00:31:47.395
Her like it's a kid or, you know, just how can we adjust.
00:31:47.395 --> 00:31:50.598
And so i was trying to give some tips, you know, just i
00:31:50.598 --> 00:31:54.702
Think it's my favorite.
00:31:54.702 --> 00:31:55.536
I'm just trying to help.
00:31:55.536 --> 00:31:57.438
They don't need our tips.
00:31:57.438 --> 00:31:58.439
I'm just trying to help, you know.
00:31:58.439 --> 00:32:00.108
And he's walking--
00:32:00.108 --> 00:32:00.875
They're walking through this,
00:32:00.875 --> 00:32:02.810
And what i want to fix, the lord's like
00:32:02.810 --> 00:32:06.014
Irini, i've got it. yeah.
00:32:06.014 --> 00:32:07.749
It's okay that you're uncomfortable right now.
00:32:07.749 --> 00:32:10.351
Yeah. and it does.
00:32:10.351 --> 00:32:11.552
It goes back to places where there were disagreements
00:32:11.552 --> 00:32:14.288
In my childhood.
00:32:14.288 --> 00:32:15.356
And i wanted, you know, peace.
00:32:15.356 --> 00:32:17.191
I just wanted to be in--
00:32:17.191 --> 00:32:18.493
And i actually wanted a false peace, like, everybody just
00:32:18.493 --> 00:32:22.363
Stop, you know, and so i can feel myself, like, almost like
00:32:22.363 --> 00:32:25.833
I'm the interpreter between what she's saying is--
00:32:25.833 --> 00:32:28.669
I know. dad is saying is, you know what?
00:32:28.669 --> 00:32:31.305
You know, because you're trying to soften.
00:32:31.305 --> 00:32:33.307
You don't want something to
00:32:33.307 --> 00:32:34.709
Happen between their relationship.
00:32:34.709 --> 00:32:36.677
And that's on me.
00:32:36.677 --> 00:32:38.913
That's for me too.
00:32:38.913 --> 00:32:39.881
And i was like, god, how can i trust you,
00:32:39.881 --> 00:32:42.917
You know, to father your son.
00:32:42.917 --> 00:32:44.819
Yeah. that's so good
00:32:44.819 --> 00:32:46.020
Because i realized so much of
00:32:46.020 --> 00:32:47.155
What i've done in the past is disrespectful.
00:32:47.155 --> 00:32:49.390
I didn't mean it to be disrespectful, but just even my
00:32:49.390 --> 00:32:52.760
Rolling my eyes or my kind of giving my son a look, like,
00:32:52.760 --> 00:32:55.596
There he is again.
00:32:55.596 --> 00:32:56.764
And i'm like, i don't want to be like that
00:32:56.764 --> 00:32:59.100
If the whole point of my life is to become more like jesus.
00:32:59.100 --> 00:33:02.070
Yeah, sheila, that's so good.
00:33:02.070 --> 00:33:04.338
Because the rolling of the eyes, the attitude that is
00:33:04.338 --> 00:33:08.709
What is called contempt. yeah.
00:33:08.709 --> 00:33:10.611
And that is one of the
00:33:10.611 --> 00:33:11.746
Strongest predictors of divorce. wow.
00:33:11.746 --> 00:33:14.148
It's that somehow we've positioned ourselves
00:33:14.148 --> 00:33:16.717
Higher than the person that we love.
00:33:16.717 --> 00:33:19.654
And that never works.
00:33:19.654 --> 00:33:21.656
It never works in marriage and so, so
00:33:21.656 --> 00:33:23.658
But yet it can be what
00:33:23.658 --> 00:33:25.159
Irini, you said. it's rooted often in fear.
00:33:25.159 --> 00:33:27.995
Fear and our own stuff coming up.
00:33:27.995 --> 00:33:29.363
And if we don't fix this, and we're the experts.
00:33:29.363 --> 00:33:32.300
The lord said, you know,
00:33:32.300 --> 00:33:33.401
Told me so many times, just step back and trust.
00:33:33.401 --> 00:33:35.736
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:35.736 --> 00:33:36.270
Trust. don't fix.
00:33:36.270 --> 00:33:38.039
And it's so--
00:33:38.039 --> 00:33:38.906
Life's so much easier on that side.
00:33:38.906 --> 00:33:40.708
I don't know if you've experienced it.
00:33:40.708 --> 00:33:42.110
Oh, yes.
00:33:42.110 --> 00:33:43.678
My husband and i have been married for 31 years, and it's
00:33:43.678 --> 00:33:46.781
Been interesting discovering the different ways that we
00:33:46.781 --> 00:33:49.684
Struggle with insecurity.
00:33:49.684 --> 00:33:51.586
You know, one of the things that's really important for my
00:33:51.586 --> 00:33:53.754
Husband is to feel respected.
00:33:53.754 --> 00:33:55.957
And yet sometimes in the early years of our marriage, i would
00:33:55.957 --> 00:33:58.693
Have all sorts of opinions as
00:33:58.693 --> 00:33:59.994
To how he could do things better.
00:33:59.994 --> 00:34:01.729
And all he heard was that was
00:34:01.729 --> 00:34:03.364
Just feeding into his insecurity.
00:34:03.364 --> 00:34:05.733
One of the greatest
00:34:05.733 --> 00:34:07.101
Things we can do is talk to one another.
00:34:07.101 --> 00:34:09.871
You know, if you're in a marriage and it's challenging,
00:34:09.871 --> 00:34:13.074
It's good just to sit down and say, let me tell you
00:34:13.074 --> 00:34:15.276
How that made me feel, and then hear from the other person too,
00:34:15.276 --> 00:34:18.913
Because god has said his grace is enough.
00:34:18.913 --> 00:34:24.085
I used to think submission was about control.
00:34:27.455 --> 00:34:31.292
Um, the man had control over me, that he thought for me,
00:34:31.292 --> 00:34:36.397
He did everything.
00:34:36.397 --> 00:34:37.999
It wasn't about a partnership.
00:34:37.999 --> 00:34:40.268
And so when i got married and i had to get in the scripture for
00:34:40.268 --> 00:34:44.205
Myself, and my husband and i begin to share things because
00:34:44.205 --> 00:34:47.542
We would bump heads from that, because i didn't even give him
00:34:47.542 --> 00:34:51.412
An opportunity to even share with me what submission was.
00:34:51.412 --> 00:34:55.583
Because of my cultural background, i automatically
00:34:55.583 --> 00:34:58.653
Thought, no.
00:34:58.653 --> 00:34:59.887
He wanted to have control over me, and that's not what he
00:34:59.887 --> 00:35:02.690
Wanted to have.
00:35:02.690 --> 00:35:03.791
So i had to unlearn what submission was all about.
00:35:03.791 --> 00:35:07.595
And when i did, i promise you, it became a beautiful thing to
00:35:07.595 --> 00:35:12.633
Be able to submit to someone who actually loves god and
00:35:12.633 --> 00:35:16.070
Loved me as well.
00:35:16.070 --> 00:35:17.405
Now my husband and i, we are aligned.
00:35:17.405 --> 00:35:19.373
We have a great marriage.
00:35:19.373 --> 00:35:21.442
But i'm going to tell you what, we had a lot of differences
00:35:21.442 --> 00:35:24.178
That really weren't, um, high stakes, but it really made a
00:35:24.178 --> 00:35:27.481
Difference in our ability to connect.
00:35:27.481 --> 00:35:29.817
One was pleasantries.
00:35:29.817 --> 00:35:31.986
My husband loves the pleasantries.
00:35:31.986 --> 00:35:33.654
He loves.
00:35:33.654 --> 00:35:34.188
Hi, how are you?
00:35:34.188 --> 00:35:35.556
Um, me?
00:35:35.556 --> 00:35:36.724
I'm like, let's just get down to business, let's talk.
00:35:36.724 --> 00:35:38.926
And i will never forget the time when he's like, angie, i
00:35:38.926 --> 00:35:42.196
Need you to call me back and we're going to start over.
00:35:42.196 --> 00:35:45.766
Wow. i had something to learn.
00:35:45.766 --> 00:35:47.635
And because i loved him, i learned to change my ways.
00:35:47.635 --> 00:35:51.439
Now it's a whole communication thing.
00:35:51.439 --> 00:35:53.674
Many other things i had to unlearn.
00:35:53.674 --> 00:35:55.142
But it's worth it to change ourselves so that we can not
00:35:55.142 --> 00:35:58.779
Only be better people, but we can be better for our partner.
00:35:58.779 --> 00:36:02.883
Join the conversation on our
00:36:02.883 --> 00:36:04.418
Better together youtube channel.
00:36:04.418 --> 00:36:06.387
Subscribe today and never miss a new upload!
00:36:06.387 --> 00:36:11.000
It is an unpacking of when we talk about the design of us, of
00:36:14.161 --> 00:36:18.165
Understanding deeper into that
00:36:18.165 --> 00:36:20.101
Phrase of helpmate. what does that really look like?
00:36:20.101 --> 00:36:24.338
Because, you know, we're designed in a way that actually
00:36:24.338 --> 00:36:28.175
Reflects a lot of the holy spirit.
00:36:28.175 --> 00:36:31.145
What does that look like?
00:36:31.145 --> 00:36:32.179
Because i, i was like, well, i read helpmate.
00:36:32.179 --> 00:36:34.081
You need my help, mate.
00:36:34.081 --> 00:36:35.716
You know, like, i got i got you, i got you, you know, like
00:36:35.716 --> 00:36:38.819
Clearly, you know, and and some of that has been some cultural
00:36:38.819 --> 00:36:42.356
Places of how things have been taught or how we watch-- you
00:36:42.356 --> 00:36:46.560
Know, i mean, and culture happens in the one
00:36:46.560 --> 00:36:48.195
That you grow up in.
00:36:48.195 --> 00:36:49.397
It can be watched, the tv shows you watch, the movies.
00:36:49.397 --> 00:36:52.400
How has that affected
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:54.302
What-- or maybe even replaced what we, you know, have
00:36:54.302 --> 00:36:58.873
Believed about how we were designed?
00:36:58.873 --> 00:37:01.842
How is culture influenced that?
00:37:01.842 --> 00:37:04.111
I think culture has degraded men,
00:37:04.111 --> 00:37:08.082
Degraded fathers. yeah.
00:37:08.082 --> 00:37:10.584
Degraded the male, you know.
00:37:10.584 --> 00:37:13.254
Come on guys, you are loved.
00:37:13.254 --> 00:37:15.956
You are appreciated.
00:37:15.956 --> 00:37:17.892
You are chosen to lead.
00:37:17.892 --> 00:37:20.361
Your chosen to do great things
00:37:20.361 --> 00:37:22.630
And be the head of your household.
00:37:22.630 --> 00:37:24.732
And we have to trust as women, and i'm talking about followers
00:37:24.732 --> 00:37:29.236
Of christ right across the board should be displayed
00:37:29.236 --> 00:37:33.107
Beautifully as husbands love their wives,
00:37:33.107 --> 00:37:36.877
Wives respect their husbands.
00:37:36.877 --> 00:37:39.380
That's what they want.
00:37:39.380 --> 00:37:40.648
That's the biggest, that's the biggest thing that that guys
00:37:40.648 --> 00:37:45.119
Need is respect,
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:47.021
That you are great at your job.
00:37:47.021 --> 00:37:49.090
You are a great provider.
00:37:49.090 --> 00:37:50.925
You are a great--
00:37:50.925 --> 00:37:52.126
And if we start speaking those things that the bible
00:37:52.126 --> 00:37:55.763
Clearly tells us about of how to treat each other and start
00:37:55.763 --> 00:38:00.601
Declaring that even if they're not.
00:38:00.601 --> 00:38:03.237
Right.
00:38:03.237 --> 00:38:04.405
You start declaring that over them and telling them --
00:38:04.405 --> 00:38:07.341
Prophesy over your spouse. -- who they are and
00:38:07.341 --> 00:38:09.677
Declaring that into their spirits.
00:38:09.677 --> 00:38:11.512
Guess what? yeah.
00:38:11.512 --> 00:38:13.047
You're going to see changes in that man.
00:38:13.047 --> 00:38:15.683
So i think the way we speak to
00:38:15.683 --> 00:38:18.519
And over our, our households is
00:38:18.519 --> 00:38:22.089
Probably one of the biggest responsibilities as women and
00:38:22.089 --> 00:38:25.726
Wives and mothers
00:38:25.726 --> 00:38:27.228
In our household.
00:38:27.228 --> 00:38:28.629
The effect that then has on our children.
00:38:28.629 --> 00:38:30.164
It does because i hadn't even thought of things like that.
00:38:30.164 --> 00:38:33.334
Like, i think i was almost treating my son and i more like
00:38:33.334 --> 00:38:36.470
A team, as opposed to my husband and i as a team.
00:38:36.470 --> 00:38:39.540
And i think that runs rampant.
00:38:39.540 --> 00:38:41.375
Yeah, but i have i mean, i love-- i've told you this
00:38:41.375 --> 00:38:44.178
Before, i love the word repentance.
00:38:44.178 --> 00:38:45.913
I think it's one of the greatest gifts that we have
00:38:45.913 --> 00:38:48.649
Ever been given.
00:38:48.649 --> 00:38:50.117
And so, i mean, i've done that one night, i mean, a few years
00:38:50.117 --> 00:38:53.554
Ago, but literally with barry and christian there, um, i got
00:38:53.554 --> 00:38:57.024
Down on my knees and i asked them both to forgive me, and we
00:38:57.024 --> 00:38:59.326
All ended up in tears because i think it matters to my son that
00:38:59.326 --> 00:39:03.864
I respect his dad, you know, because it says things to him
00:39:03.864 --> 00:39:06.767
About who he thinks he believes he is.
00:39:06.767 --> 00:39:09.136
Yeah. that's the one thing i love about the lord.
00:39:09.136 --> 00:39:11.038
I mean, i can be the biggest idiot on the planet, but he
00:39:11.038 --> 00:39:13.707
Never stops working and never stops calling me toward him to
00:39:13.707 --> 00:39:17.578
Become more like him. he's so kind.
00:39:17.578 --> 00:39:19.780
Yes, he is.
00:39:19.780 --> 00:39:22.249
You know, the bible says that death and life are in the power
00:39:22.249 --> 00:39:24.852
Of your tongue.
00:39:24.852 --> 00:39:26.086
So when you're speaking life over your family, over your
00:39:26.086 --> 00:39:31.492
Spouse, over your household,
00:39:31.492 --> 00:39:33.894
That's exactly what's happening.
00:39:33.894 --> 00:39:35.496
You're giving life to it.
00:39:35.496 --> 00:39:37.264
You're calling on god. everything that pertains to
00:39:37.264 --> 00:39:40.100
Life and godliness,
00:39:40.100 --> 00:39:42.069
You're speaking over, your declaring through the victory
00:39:42.069 --> 00:39:46.173
That jesus gave to us on the cross, the overcoming victory
00:39:46.173 --> 00:39:49.910
That we have in christ,
00:39:49.910 --> 00:39:51.345
You're declaring that over your home.
00:39:51.345 --> 00:39:53.914
You're declaring that over your husband, speaking life, seeing
00:39:53.914 --> 00:39:57.485
Him as god created him to be instead of you lousy
00:39:57.485 --> 00:40:02.923
Person or you lazy person, or you're not doing enough.
00:40:02.923 --> 00:40:07.561
You're not--
00:40:07.561 --> 00:40:08.429
Stop saying that about your husband.
00:40:08.429 --> 00:40:10.631
Start speaking life into him, praying together.
00:40:10.631 --> 00:40:13.734
Maybe you have to start that.
00:40:13.734 --> 00:40:15.202
Maybe he won't start that.
00:40:15.202 --> 00:40:16.303
But just start it simple.
00:40:16.303 --> 00:40:18.906
Start at the dinner table.
00:40:18.906 --> 00:40:20.040
Start, god bless my husband.
00:40:20.040 --> 00:40:21.942
I speak life over him today.
00:40:21.942 --> 00:40:23.944
God, that you're--
00:40:23.944 --> 00:40:25.246
He's walking in the calling of god that you've called him to
00:40:25.246 --> 00:40:28.115
Be the man of god
00:40:28.115 --> 00:40:29.283
That he-- and encourage that, encourage those things.
00:40:29.283 --> 00:40:32.920
You will see life come into your marriage and health,
00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:36.957
And you will live that life.
00:40:36.957 --> 00:40:40.160
And just the beauty of, um, of that honesty of of being able
00:40:40.160 --> 00:40:44.865
To say, hey, this is where i didn't get it right, this is
00:40:44.865 --> 00:40:46.967
Where i missed it.
00:40:46.967 --> 00:40:48.269
And i think all the way back in original design, if you go back
00:40:48.269 --> 00:40:51.705
To the garden, you just look and you don't see--
00:40:51.705 --> 00:40:55.075
There's not enough rules.
00:40:55.075 --> 00:40:56.343
I wouldn't have, i wouldn't
00:40:56.343 --> 00:40:57.511
Even left, you know, just two trees.
00:40:57.511 --> 00:40:59.346
And, you know, y'all work this out, and just don't don't
00:40:59.346 --> 00:41:02.449
Eat after that one.
00:41:02.449 --> 00:41:03.751
You know, when i first left my kid at home for the first time,
00:41:03.751 --> 00:41:06.253
I had, like, 20 rules, you
00:41:06.253 --> 00:41:07.555
Know, like, and this is in the garden.
00:41:07.555 --> 00:41:09.490
But i even think in that there weren't these, um, now, this is
00:41:09.490 --> 00:41:13.460
What a woman does, and this is what a man does.
00:41:13.460 --> 00:41:16.564
It's like, be fruitful and multiply.
00:41:16.564 --> 00:41:19.400
Take dominion.
00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:20.601
And i just-- it's going to look different in different
00:41:20.601 --> 00:41:23.304
Marriages and what that looks like.
00:41:23.304 --> 00:41:25.039
I think culture, especially being on our phones, um, is
00:41:25.039 --> 00:41:30.311
Presenting one thing. yeah.
00:41:30.311 --> 00:41:32.479
It's, you know, who knows
00:41:32.479 --> 00:41:33.914
How long that family photo took.
00:41:33.914 --> 00:41:35.516
Let's be honest.
00:41:35.516 --> 00:41:36.550
There's a lot of bribery that happens in photos,
00:41:36.550 --> 00:41:39.853
You know, trust me.
00:41:39.853 --> 00:41:42.022
And so it just the realities of how it looks.
00:41:42.022 --> 00:41:45.793
And i just think it's that, that spirit of comparison
00:41:45.793 --> 00:41:49.763
That's breaking down marriages,
00:41:49.763 --> 00:41:51.131
That spirit of envy, of jealousy.
00:41:51.131 --> 00:41:54.435
And the truth is, is that you're comparing it to
00:41:54.435 --> 00:41:56.337
Something that you don't even see the whole thing.
00:41:56.337 --> 00:41:58.272
I know. you don't even know what you're looking at.
00:41:58.272 --> 00:42:00.608
And so it's like, oh, well, look, he does this for his
00:42:00.608 --> 00:42:03.277
Wife. you know, he took a picture of-- he brought her
00:42:03.277 --> 00:42:05.379
Flowers every day.
00:42:05.379 --> 00:42:06.180
He pumps her gas.
00:42:06.180 --> 00:42:07.281
He, you know-- and you hear a story.
00:42:07.281 --> 00:42:08.816
And you were like, i remember when someone was like, yeah, i
00:42:08.816 --> 00:42:12.119
Heard a story about a woman.
00:42:12.119 --> 00:42:13.520
She never pumps her own gas, you know, he always takes it at
00:42:13.520 --> 00:42:16.890
The beginning of the week and he pumps the gas.
00:42:16.890 --> 00:42:18.759
And i looked at him and i said, i just want to-
00:42:18.759 --> 00:42:21.128
I have so many other things.
00:42:21.128 --> 00:42:22.663
Don't take that one on, there was, you know, now like,
00:42:22.663 --> 00:42:26.033
I mean, he pumps the gas if we're out together.
00:42:26.033 --> 00:42:28.836
I'm just saying like, but for me,
00:42:28.836 --> 00:42:31.205
And what i wanted and what we were doing, this is he and i.
00:42:31.205 --> 00:42:35.376
Like god, you know, what do you want to do through us?
00:42:35.376 --> 00:42:38.445
And so letting other things impact that original design,
00:42:38.445 --> 00:42:42.850
Because the design is the two would become one.
00:42:42.850 --> 00:42:45.019
Right.
00:42:45.019 --> 00:42:46.253
I like that because you said, you know, it's different
00:42:46.253 --> 00:42:48.055
For every home. every single marriage.
00:42:48.055 --> 00:42:51.058
Every single marriage is different.
00:42:51.058 --> 00:42:53.060
I have an older brother, him and his wife--
00:42:53.060 --> 00:42:55.529
Um, my brother's amazing.
00:42:55.529 --> 00:42:57.231
He's the server in the relationship.
00:42:57.231 --> 00:42:59.400
My whole family are servers, period.
00:42:59.400 --> 00:43:01.869
But he serves his wife.
00:43:01.869 --> 00:43:03.804
So ikea, opened the door for her.
00:43:03.804 --> 00:43:06.540
You know, go let the--
00:43:06.540 --> 00:43:08.809
Let her out the car, let her in.
00:43:08.809 --> 00:43:11.045
Close the door.
00:43:11.045 --> 00:43:12.246
You know, just really take care of her with this door.
00:43:12.246 --> 00:43:14.281
Well, me-- this door.
00:43:14.281 --> 00:43:16.650
I mean, with this door because this door
00:43:16.650 --> 00:43:18.552
Is a big deal.
00:43:18.552 --> 00:43:20.087
Believe me.
00:43:20.087 --> 00:43:21.221
So for me, i am so quick, so adhd kind of,
00:43:21.221 --> 00:43:27.194
By the time you get over here to my door, i could be in the
00:43:27.194 --> 00:43:31.198
House or in the room or wherever.
00:43:31.198 --> 00:43:33.067
Like, i'm good.
00:43:33.067 --> 00:43:34.301
Like you just come on in when you can.
00:43:34.301 --> 00:43:36.203
Yeah. well, you know, i'm thinking.
00:43:36.203 --> 00:43:38.205
Okay, well, maybe i should sit here and let him open the door
00:43:38.205 --> 00:43:42.409
For me because it seems like it's working for them.
00:43:42.409 --> 00:43:45.779
So how long did you wait?
00:43:45.779 --> 00:43:48.382
So funny.
00:43:48.382 --> 00:43:50.384
This is--
00:43:50.384 --> 00:43:50.918
This is so funny.
00:43:50.918 --> 00:43:52.753
So here we go skiing,
00:43:52.753 --> 00:43:55.322
Right, after we had this good discussion that i was
00:43:55.322 --> 00:43:58.325
Going to start sitting in the car and allow him to come open
00:43:58.325 --> 00:44:01.061
The door for me.
00:44:01.061 --> 00:44:02.129
We went skiing.
00:44:02.129 --> 00:44:03.163
We had airbnb, stayed in the cabin, whatever.
00:44:03.163 --> 00:44:06.266
And he got out to go check the door to get in.
00:44:06.266 --> 00:44:09.603
So it's snowing and i'm saying, okay, i'm gonna sit right here,
00:44:09.603 --> 00:44:12.740
Wait. so he went in and i'm sitting there and like, okay,
00:44:12.740 --> 00:44:18.178
Is he ever coming back?
00:44:18.178 --> 00:44:20.080
He looked out the door.
00:44:20.080 --> 00:44:21.115
He thought like he's like,
00:44:21.115 --> 00:44:23.484
Come in here.
00:44:23.484 --> 00:44:24.718
I got the fire going in here.
00:44:24.718 --> 00:44:26.754
Like, what are we doing?
00:44:26.754 --> 00:44:27.821
I thought you was gonna open the door.
00:44:27.821 --> 00:44:29.656
He was like, oh, man, i forgot. i forgot, and i ain't even
00:44:29.656 --> 00:44:33.560
Think about it.
00:44:33.560 --> 00:44:34.862
I said, okay, this is not for me and i am perfectly okay with
00:44:34.862 --> 00:44:38.198
It, but other people will try to put on you what they do and
00:44:38.198 --> 00:44:43.036
Make you feel like you are
00:44:43.036 --> 00:44:45.038
Wrong for the way you handle things.
00:44:45.038 --> 00:44:47.474
Like, i'm not offended that he doesn't come open the door for
00:44:47.474 --> 00:44:50.277
Me, and if i want him to open the door for me, i'll say, hey,
00:44:50.277 --> 00:44:53.781
Okay, come open the door for me.
00:44:53.781 --> 00:44:55.215
You know, we got on the gown today, so, you know, let's.
00:44:55.215 --> 00:44:57.951
Let's paint this picture.
00:44:57.951 --> 00:44:59.620
You know, and he's good with it.
00:44:59.620 --> 00:45:01.522
But to just say your relationship has to resemble
00:45:01.522 --> 00:45:05.626
Someone else's, it's not realistic.
00:45:05.626 --> 00:45:08.028
No. because everybody is different.
00:45:08.028 --> 00:45:09.696
It's not the design.
00:45:09.696 --> 00:45:12.232
You know, they say that comparison is the thief of joy.
00:45:12.232 --> 00:45:14.768
It truly is.
00:45:14.768 --> 00:45:15.969
I'll never forget about a time that i was scrolling on
00:45:15.969 --> 00:45:17.971
Instagram, and i saw a young couple hadn't been married for
00:45:17.971 --> 00:45:20.808
More than a couple of years.
00:45:20.808 --> 00:45:22.009
We've been married like 16 years at the time, and they
00:45:22.009 --> 00:45:24.745
Were traveling the world.
00:45:24.745 --> 00:45:26.280
As soon as i go downstairs, i start complaining about all the
00:45:26.280 --> 00:45:29.283
Times and all the things we've missed out on.
00:45:29.283 --> 00:45:31.285
I want to travel the world.
00:45:31.285 --> 00:45:32.486
I don't want to have a job.
00:45:32.486 --> 00:45:33.654
I want to go an adventure.
00:45:33.654 --> 00:45:35.756
And he said, angie, give me your phone.
00:45:35.756 --> 00:45:38.192
Yep. he knew i'd been comparing
00:45:38.192 --> 00:45:40.994
Myself through instagram stories.
00:45:40.994 --> 00:45:43.664
You know what?
00:45:43.664 --> 00:45:44.665
It absolutely did steal my joy.
00:45:44.665 --> 00:45:46.133
And it stole the moment that i had with my family
00:45:46.133 --> 00:45:48.902
Right then and there.
00:45:48.902 --> 00:45:50.304
So we have to be careful.
00:45:50.304 --> 00:45:52.105
Do not look to the right or the left. focus on your land.
00:45:52.105 --> 00:45:56.009
They say the grass is greener.
00:45:56.009 --> 00:45:57.678
It's not. grass is never greener.
00:45:57.678 --> 00:45:59.513
In fact, water where you're planted and watch god
00:45:59.513 --> 00:46:02.683
Do amazing things.
00:46:02.683 --> 00:46:04.952
Put the blinders on and focus on you and your family,
00:46:04.952 --> 00:46:08.722
Your marriage and watch it flourish.
00:46:08.722 --> 00:46:11.525
Listen. you're co-creators with god.
00:46:11.525 --> 00:46:13.994
Design the life you love.
00:46:13.994 --> 00:46:16.363
It's like, go back in and go to the design and let him, you
00:46:16.363 --> 00:46:20.467
Know, keep coming back to it,
00:46:20.467 --> 00:46:21.802
Saying, god, what were you doing?
00:46:21.802 --> 00:46:23.270
And there's some places that it's going to look a lot more
00:46:23.270 --> 00:46:26.273
What our, you know, traditional
00:46:26.273 --> 00:46:27.641
And culture and sometimes it won't.
00:46:27.641 --> 00:46:29.643
And so i think feeling that pressure, allowing that
00:46:29.643 --> 00:46:33.914
Pressure to almost be another voice at the table with
00:46:33.914 --> 00:46:37.885
You and your husband,
00:46:37.885 --> 00:46:39.386
We have to really guard our marriage in that way.
00:46:39.386 --> 00:46:42.990
It is a reflection of the two coming together.
00:46:42.990 --> 00:46:46.026
You see that all throughout.
00:46:46.026 --> 00:46:47.327
I mean, you see it starting in adam, but you see it, you know,
00:46:47.327 --> 00:46:49.930
In the body of christ needing to come together.
00:46:49.930 --> 00:46:52.132
And the enemy does not like unity because, you know, there
00:46:52.132 --> 00:46:55.936
Is where he commands the blessing
00:46:55.936 --> 00:46:58.505
Is in that unity, and unity doesn't mean i agree.
00:46:58.505 --> 00:47:02.309
Right. it doesn't mean i agree.
00:47:02.309 --> 00:47:04.311
It just doesn't.
00:47:04.311 --> 00:47:05.045
It actually, you actually can't
00:47:05.045 --> 00:47:06.613
Have unity if there's not difference.
00:47:06.613 --> 00:47:09.082
Right. if they're both the same.
00:47:09.082 --> 00:47:11.084
Right. why would it have to--
00:47:11.084 --> 00:47:13.520
There isn't a need for the two to come together.
00:47:13.520 --> 00:47:15.355
They're already one.
00:47:15.355 --> 00:47:16.523
So the difference is to have
00:47:16.523 --> 00:47:18.058
Unity mean i have to be different.
00:47:18.058 --> 00:47:19.860
So now i respect that in you and i respect that in, you
00:47:19.860 --> 00:47:23.363
Know, in each of our marriages, for us to look at our spouse
00:47:23.363 --> 00:47:26.433
And respect that.
00:47:26.433 --> 00:47:27.668
And i think a lot of times handling issues that might come
00:47:27.668 --> 00:47:32.372
Between you is a lot of times
00:47:32.372 --> 00:47:34.741
An act of obedience to the lord. yes.
00:47:34.741 --> 00:47:37.811
For your response and watching your mouth.
00:47:37.811 --> 00:47:39.746
Paul says in ephesians 4:29, let no corrupt talk come out of
00:47:39.746 --> 00:47:45.752
Your mouths, but only such as is good for the building up, as
00:47:45.752 --> 00:47:50.924
Fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those that hear.
00:47:50.924 --> 00:47:55.295
Wow. that's good.
00:47:55.295 --> 00:47:56.530
That's powerful.
00:47:56.530 --> 00:47:57.965
We started just talking about how we're just learning from
00:47:57.965 --> 00:48:01.668
Each other, and it's just these reminders like, um, and just
00:48:01.668 --> 00:48:04.871
The simplicity of what am i saying?
00:48:04.871 --> 00:48:06.673
Yeah, what am i saying?
00:48:06.673 --> 00:48:07.774
Did i even pause long enough?
00:48:07.774 --> 00:48:09.576
Yeah. let's just take some time in praying.
00:48:09.576 --> 00:48:11.345
And if you're out there and this is hard today to hear, um,
00:48:11.345 --> 00:48:15.615
That you're just thinking about all the ways that it's not
00:48:15.615 --> 00:48:17.718
Right or how you're looking at other people's marriages,
00:48:17.718 --> 00:48:20.988
Wishing it was that, god wants to do a work right now.
00:48:20.988 --> 00:48:24.524
And so i want to pray for you.
00:48:24.524 --> 00:48:26.960
Lord, thank you.
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:28.795
I thank you for each of these women that i'm surrounded by
00:48:28.795 --> 00:48:31.531
And their wisdom and how much they love you.
00:48:31.531 --> 00:48:33.500
And i'm so grateful for that.
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:35.469
Lord, i pray for each and every person that hears this.
00:48:35.469 --> 00:48:39.373
You want to meet them right there, right now.
00:48:39.373 --> 00:48:42.442
And i pray, holy spirit, that your presence would be so real
00:48:42.442 --> 00:48:45.245
And saturate right where they're at.
00:48:45.245 --> 00:48:48.181
Your presence would be like a comforting blanket.
00:48:48.181 --> 00:48:51.885
Lord, we are all human and broken and we need you.
00:48:51.885 --> 00:48:56.823
We need you.
00:48:56.823 --> 00:48:58.759
We didn't get a manual with this thing called marriage.
00:48:58.759 --> 00:49:02.763
We got you.
00:49:02.763 --> 00:49:04.131
You're better than an instruction manual,
00:49:04.131 --> 00:49:05.932
Do this. go this.
00:49:05.932 --> 00:49:07.134
You know, a play by play.
00:49:07.134 --> 00:49:08.068
Lord, your word speaks to us.
00:49:08.068 --> 00:49:11.071
It is alive and active, and it wants to intersect our
00:49:11.071 --> 00:49:14.141
Marriages and our lives.
00:49:14.141 --> 00:49:15.776
And so i just pray for each and every marriage.
00:49:15.776 --> 00:49:18.979
I ask, holy spirit, that you would just cover it, that you
00:49:18.979 --> 00:49:22.582
Send your angels to protect it. for that woman that is thinking
00:49:22.582 --> 00:49:27.087
That this is over and she can do nothing else,
00:49:27.087 --> 00:49:29.256
Lord, would you give her hope. for that man that believes that
00:49:29.256 --> 00:49:32.092
Their marriage can't make it,
00:49:32.092 --> 00:49:33.193
Lord, would you would you breathe hope and life
00:49:33.193 --> 00:49:35.162
Where there is death?
00:49:35.162 --> 00:49:36.329
Lord, we love you and we thank you.
00:49:36.329 --> 00:49:37.798
In jesus' name, amen. amen.
00:49:37.798 --> 00:49:41.435
Connect with us on social media, and let us know how our team
00:49:41.435 --> 00:49:44.271
Can pray for you.
00:49:44.271 --> 00:49:48.275
So the biggest misconception that we have about each other
00:49:51.878 --> 00:49:55.015
As men and women is that we think that we think, feel, and
00:49:55.015 --> 00:49:59.286
Process the same.
00:49:59.286 --> 00:50:00.654
In fact, it's totally the opposite.
00:50:00.654 --> 00:50:02.289
We are so different.
00:50:02.289 --> 00:50:03.557
We not only process, think, and feel differently,
00:50:03.557 --> 00:50:06.526
But you know what?
00:50:06.526 --> 00:50:07.761
Men actually do carry a lot of fear and shame to ladies.
00:50:07.761 --> 00:50:11.898
They really do.
00:50:11.898 --> 00:50:12.899
And women we want to be protected.
00:50:12.899 --> 00:50:15.202
Men that are watching,
00:50:15.202 --> 00:50:16.303
We want safety, security.
00:50:16.303 --> 00:50:18.205
So if we can just get it all out on the table and have the
00:50:18.205 --> 00:50:21.208
Discussion, we are going to learn a lot about each other
00:50:21.208 --> 00:50:24.377
And we're going to be able to meet each other's needs
00:50:24.377 --> 00:50:26.580
In better ways and have a lot more fun.
00:50:26.580 --> 00:50:29.382
Who's in? i am.
00:50:29.382 --> 00:50:32.152
Be the first to know all the latest bettertogether updates.
00:50:32.152 --> 00:50:35.956
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00:50:35.956 --> 00:50:39.593
And never miss the latest news!
00:50:39.593 --> 00:50:43.864
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00:50:43.864 --> 00:50:45.799
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♪♪
00:50:50.337 --> 00:50:50.337

Your Spouse was Designed to Be Different! | Better Together Episode 1142

February 10, 2026 | S8 E1142 | 50:59

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