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Creflo Dollar

Creflo Dollar - The Fear Dance of Marriage (Part 1)

January 21, 2026 | 27:29

Creflo Dollar - The Fear Dance of Marriage (Part 1)
Join the dynamic leadership and teaching of Dr. Creflo and Taffi Dollar.
#Change #Faith #Grace #Fear #Dance #Marriage #WalkwithGod #CrefloDollar

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Creflo Dollar | Creflo Dollar - The Fear Dance of Marriage (Part 1) | January 21, 2026
  • ...
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  • Male announcer: this program is brought to you in part by the
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  • Partners and friends of creflo dollar ministries.
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  • Announcer: coming up next on "changing your world."
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  • Creflo dollar: i can't be honest with you because i'm not sure
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  • How you're gonna respond.
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  • And so on my part, it was so frustrated--i'm so frustrated
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  • Over the situation.
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  • Now when i present it, it comes out the wrong way.
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  • Taffi dollar: and then i would shut down.
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  • Creflo: and then you would shut down.
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  • Taffi: so here's that dance, yes.
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  • Creflo: there's that dance.
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  • ♪ this is your world. ♪
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  • ♪ so let's vow to make it a better place. ♪
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  • ♪ let every heart that needs to know. ♪
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  • ♪ your love is here to stay. ♪
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  • ♪ oh-oh, it's time we live a new life. ♪
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  • ♪ oh-oh, let his love shine bright in you. ♪
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  • ♪ oh-oh, we're saved by his grace. ♪
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  • ♪ so we embrace your love today. ♪
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  • ♪ we are changed. ♪
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  • Creflo: hello, everybody.
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  • I am so grateful that you're here with us today, and we are
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  • Going to get into something that i think is probably, taffi, the
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  • Most requested subject that people are asking, i mean, for
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  • Years, is this issue of relationships, especially in
  • 00:01:32.138 --> 00:01:38.545
  • The marriage.
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  • And a lot of times people get married, and they have no idea
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  • How this is supposed to go.
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  • And we prepare for everything else in life.
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  • I mean a plumber goes to school to learn how to do his job.
  • 00:01:49.422 --> 00:01:54.027
  • A lawyer and a doctor, they spend time learning how to do
  • 00:01:54.027 --> 00:01:57.163
  • Their job.
  • 00:01:57.163 --> 00:01:58.531
  • But not very many people spend time learning how to live
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  • Together, learning how to build communication, build
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  • Relationship, and in this day and time, taff, you gotta--
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  • People are asking, you know, why are you in it?
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  • Are you in it for the relationship, or is it a
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  • Transactional type of thing that's going on here?
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  • So, there are lots of things that are happening in this area
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  • Of marriage, and we are going to spend some time talking to you
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  • About some of the things to watch out for and how to handle
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  • Things and specifically today we're gonna be looking at
  • 00:02:35.802 --> 00:02:39.339
  • Something taff and i call the fear dance and how you need to
  • 00:02:39.339 --> 00:02:44.744
  • Be aware of that because you may be doing something and you might
  • 00:02:44.744 --> 00:02:48.815
  • Not even be aware of it.
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  • I wasn't aware of it.
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  • And we want you to know that we're going to be vulnerable,
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  • Because i think that vulnerability is a weapon, and
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  • It can also be something--and it's a weapon, and what i mean
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  • By that, it's a weapon against a lie or the stuff you tell
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  • Yourself and believe.
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  • Vulnerability may be one of the number-one ministry tools in the
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  • World right now, and so we wanna be vulnerable.
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  • We're not coming to you like we're some perfect experts on
  • 00:03:18.311 --> 00:03:21.814
  • Marriage and relationships, but we've learned some things, and
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  • There's some things that we understand.
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  • So i am going to ask my beautiful wife to let's start
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  • This conversation.
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  • Let's rock and roll with this thing.
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  • Let's really give people what they need on a practical level,
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  • To experience an amazing relationship together.
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  • Taffi: that sounds good and really i want our viewers to
  • 00:03:47.073 --> 00:03:51.678
  • Understand that this is something that we really had to
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  • Work through.
  • 00:03:55.481 --> 00:03:57.050
  • I mean, it's something that even to this day because those
  • 00:03:57.050 --> 00:04:01.087
  • Patterns of fear will come back and creep back without us even
  • 00:04:01.087 --> 00:04:06.826
  • Recognizing it, particularly based on how we were raised or
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  • What we thought was normal when we really recognize now it was
  • 00:04:11.931 --> 00:04:16.302
  • All fear and rooted in fear, afraid to be disrespected,
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  • Afraid to submit, afraid that your kids are gonna turn out
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  • Wrong, afraid that i'm not measuring up, afraid that i'm
  • 00:04:26.713 --> 00:04:29.782
  • Not gonna be loved in the way that i wanna be loved.
  • 00:04:29.782 --> 00:04:32.618
  • All these things create a cycle that can in turn trigger fear in
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  • Your partner, and we've seen that, and we're so excited about
  • 00:04:39.625 --> 00:04:44.931
  • Sharing this today, and hopefully we'll get into some of
  • 00:04:44.931 --> 00:04:47.300
  • The solutions at the end to be able to get out of that dance
  • 00:04:47.300 --> 00:04:51.037
  • And create a different rhythm.
  • 00:04:51.037 --> 00:04:52.672
  • Creflo: yeah, and part of that dance from a man's perspective
  • 00:04:52.672 --> 00:04:56.776
  • Is that this man is dealing with inferiority, just feeling like
  • 00:04:56.776 --> 00:05:01.514
  • He's not enough, feeling like he just comes short of everything.
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  • And he uses superiority to cover up his inferiority.
  • 00:05:07.620 --> 00:05:13.326
  • And he literally takes a cover and puts it over his
  • 00:05:13.326 --> 00:05:15.828
  • Inferiority, and he produces an identity that's fake.
  • 00:05:15.828 --> 00:05:21.401
  • He's producing a false identity, and he spends his life afraid
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  • That he's gonna be discovered by his wife, and one of the things
  • 00:05:26.406 --> 00:05:31.511
  • We recognize is how dominant fear was in our lives and in
  • 00:05:31.511 --> 00:05:37.650
  • Our marriage.
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  • We didn't call it fear.
  • 00:05:38.985 --> 00:05:40.653
  • But it was dominating the decisions we made with one
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  • Another, our children, our finances, everything, and then
  • 00:05:44.791 --> 00:05:51.364
  • You have to be careful later on about dealing with competition
  • 00:05:51.364 --> 00:05:55.001
  • Within that marriage.
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  • So, let's get started with this, and you mentioned cycle,
  • 00:05:56.335 --> 00:06:01.040
  • Because that's insanity too.
  • 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:02.642
  • Somebody can continue to do the same thing,
  • 00:06:02.642 --> 00:06:05.244
  • Expecting different results, and that's the cycle
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  • That most marriages are in, they're doing the same thing,
  • 00:06:08.548 --> 00:06:11.150
  • Expecting different results, and they're not understanding what a
  • 00:06:11.150 --> 00:06:14.854
  • Fear dance is.
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  • So let's start there.
  • 00:06:16.989 --> 00:06:18.624
  • How would you define this fear dance?
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  • Taffi: oh my goodness, i think it's something that i could
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  • Even tell the story, because i remember we had gotten home from
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  • Church one night.
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  • It was a bible study night, and we were up in our bedroom,
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  • And you said, "can you hang up my suit?"
  • 00:06:35.775 --> 00:06:37.743
  • You said it very nice and, to me, for whatever reason, i've
  • 00:06:37.743 --> 00:06:44.350
  • Read so much into it thinking that you were trying to take
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  • Advantage of me by asking me to hang up your suit and that was
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  • When you wore suits on wednesday nights to bible study.
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  • And the spirit of the lord said, "what are you so afraid of?"
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  • And i had to be honest that i didn't wanna be taken
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  • Advantage of.
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  • And i recognize that those are some of the things as a child
  • 00:07:04.804 --> 00:07:09.242
  • Maybe when you see certain things your parents go through
  • 00:07:09.242 --> 00:07:11.944
  • And you say, "oh, that'll never happen to me.
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  • I will never let my spouse do that to me or feel as if i'm
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  • Being taken advantage of."
  • 00:07:19.919 --> 00:07:21.587
  • And so, i think it's those things that we are insecure like
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  • You mentioned or areas that we're not whole in.
  • 00:07:27.827 --> 00:07:31.931
  • And as a result, thank god that jesus can come in and fill
  • 00:07:31.931 --> 00:07:36.002
  • Those voids but we have to be intentional about recognizing
  • 00:07:36.002 --> 00:07:41.941
  • Internally what's going on with us, because it's not so much,
  • 00:07:41.941 --> 00:07:46.913
  • You know, why are we angry or why am i hurt
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  • Or why can't i stop doing this?
  • 00:07:49.315 --> 00:07:51.951
  • It's like, what are--you might wanna ask yourself, "what are
  • 00:07:51.951 --> 00:07:53.953
  • You afraid of?"
  • 00:07:53.953 --> 00:07:55.321
  • Creflo: yeah, because for a man it's like the fear of being
  • 00:07:55.321 --> 00:07:57.623
  • Disrespected, because that adds to his insecurity and that he
  • 00:07:57.623 --> 00:08:02.328
  • May read into a situation and read it as disrespect, just like
  • 00:08:02.328 --> 00:08:07.199
  • You were talking about reading this from a perspective of i'm
  • 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:11.904
  • Afraid i'm gonna be taken advantage of.
  • 00:08:11.904 --> 00:08:15.308
  • And there's just a whole lot working here, and so what
  • 00:08:15.308 --> 00:08:18.344
  • Happens in a marriage where, you know, one person does something
  • 00:08:18.344 --> 00:08:24.784
  • To hurt you, okay, and then you do something to hurt them.
  • 00:08:24.784 --> 00:08:30.556
  • And you're both doing it out of a place of not being aware of
  • 00:08:30.556 --> 00:08:37.496
  • The string that was attached to your past, something that
  • 00:08:37.496 --> 00:08:42.101
  • Happened in a situation that you said will never happen to me,
  • 00:08:42.101 --> 00:08:46.939
  • And that's fear-based, and what you're saying is i'm afraid that
  • 00:08:46.939 --> 00:08:50.643
  • This is gonna happen to me, so i'm gonna build a wall or a
  • 00:08:50.643 --> 00:08:54.714
  • Defense, because a wall is something that's used to keep
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  • Certain things out, and if you're not aware of it, it's
  • 00:08:58.351 --> 00:09:02.288
  • Like this fear dance, you hurt me, i hurt you, and we never
  • 00:09:02.288 --> 00:09:08.995
  • Make any progress because we're just--we're taking the same
  • 00:09:08.995 --> 00:09:12.965
  • Steps, yeah, you're going in circles to do that.
  • 00:09:12.965 --> 00:09:15.534
  • And so, i think people have got to have some courage to take a
  • 00:09:15.534 --> 00:09:23.509
  • Look at and to confront boldly.
  • 00:09:23.509 --> 00:09:28.080
  • Taffi: to be honest.
  • 00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:29.415
  • Creflo: to be very honest with yourself that this happened to
  • 00:09:29.415 --> 00:09:33.386
  • Me, and i really never got over it.
  • 00:09:33.386 --> 00:09:36.656
  • I just got a cover, covered it up and i produced an identity
  • 00:09:36.656 --> 00:09:41.227
  • That i wanted you to see.
  • 00:09:41.227 --> 00:09:43.863
  • But it wasn't real.
  • 00:09:43.863 --> 00:09:45.598
  • And you know, the crash takes place because you got two people
  • 00:09:45.598 --> 00:09:49.368
  • Wearing a cover, creating fake identities, okay, and then one
  • 00:09:49.368 --> 00:09:54.507
  • Day, the cover is just not enough to keep it under wraps
  • 00:09:54.507 --> 00:09:58.844
  • And it--and there's an explosion that takes place and
  • 00:09:58.844 --> 00:10:02.648
  • Now everybody's forced to deal with the truth, the fact that
  • 00:10:02.648 --> 00:10:09.288
  • I'm insecure, the fact that i am inferior and you now have to
  • 00:10:09.288 --> 00:10:15.528
  • Deal with those things, and if you don't deal with it, it will
  • 00:10:15.528 --> 00:10:19.765
  • Deal with you, and it's more than just a marriage, taffi.
  • 00:10:19.765 --> 00:10:23.436
  • It's knowing how to relate, because i guarantee you, in some
  • 00:10:23.436 --> 00:10:28.741
  • Way, shape, or form, you are releasing some of that in other
  • 00:10:28.741 --> 00:10:34.780
  • Relationships that you have, raising your children, friends,
  • 00:10:34.780 --> 00:10:39.118
  • All that kind of stuff, even your relationship with god.
  • 00:10:39.118 --> 00:10:41.987
  • So it's just not really good to cover up, because you don't
  • 00:10:41.987 --> 00:10:45.558
  • Reach authentic intimacy when you do that.
  • 00:10:45.558 --> 00:10:48.594
  • See, even most couples have fake intimacy.
  • 00:10:48.594 --> 00:10:53.666
  • Come in to me and see.
  • 00:10:53.666 --> 00:10:55.134
  • We really never get to genuine intimacy and you wanna have sex,
  • 00:10:55.134 --> 00:10:59.772
  • How you wanna have sex and i don't even trust you.
  • 00:10:59.772 --> 00:11:03.809
  • I have problems with you and so it's not real intimacy, it's
  • 00:11:03.809 --> 00:11:08.147
  • Sex, and there's a difference between real intimacy with the
  • 00:11:08.147 --> 00:11:12.585
  • Covers off and having sex.
  • 00:11:12.585 --> 00:11:15.254
  • What do you think about some of that?
  • 00:11:15.254 --> 00:11:17.056
  • Taffi: i mean, that's spot on, because i think also back to
  • 00:11:17.056 --> 00:11:20.659
  • Some of the things that you shared about just recognizing
  • 00:11:20.659 --> 00:11:24.897
  • The significant needs, the needs that we all have,
  • 00:11:24.897 --> 00:11:28.134
  • That we're born with, that should be filled,
  • 00:11:28.134 --> 00:11:30.770
  • And when those needs aren't met, then we go about
  • 00:11:30.770 --> 00:11:34.673
  • In a sense of being wounded, and there's a wound there
  • 00:11:34.673 --> 00:11:38.744
  • That needs to be healed, you know, wanting to be seen,
  • 00:11:38.744 --> 00:11:43.382
  • Wanting to be heard, not being ignored.
  • 00:11:43.382 --> 00:11:49.255
  • Not being, you know, treated a certain kind of way, 'cause i
  • 00:11:49.255 --> 00:11:52.958
  • Remember just the struggle with submission, just thinking that
  • 00:11:52.958 --> 00:11:57.630
  • It would be at a disadvantage even though i knew the scripture
  • 00:11:57.630 --> 00:12:01.267
  • Talked about how submitting yourselves, but at the same time
  • 00:12:01.267 --> 00:12:05.571
  • I saw blind submission where it was based on the law, it was
  • 00:12:05.571 --> 00:12:09.775
  • Based on gender, it was based out of fear, motivation, and so
  • 00:12:09.775 --> 00:12:14.814
  • Those things are so detrimental to a relationship because it
  • 00:12:14.814 --> 00:12:21.654
  • Just magnifies the pointing of the finger, the fault-finding in
  • 00:12:21.654 --> 00:12:29.495
  • Each other, and as a result, you're just going down a
  • 00:12:29.495 --> 00:12:33.532
  • Dead-end street.
  • 00:12:33.532 --> 00:12:35.000
  • And so, i think it's vital for us to recognize the place that
  • 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:40.105
  • Grace has in a relationship and to try to get away from that
  • 00:12:40.105 --> 00:12:46.178
  • Rhythm of fear and get into the rhythm of god's grace and then
  • 00:12:46.178 --> 00:12:51.383
  • We can start seeing each other and helping each other and
  • 00:12:51.383 --> 00:12:55.487
  • Healing each other.
  • 00:12:55.487 --> 00:12:56.822
  • And that was some of the things that we were able to do with
  • 00:12:56.822 --> 00:13:00.092
  • Each other and recognize and just, like you were talking
  • 00:13:00.092 --> 00:13:02.995
  • About, being vulnerable, the things that you dealt with.
  • 00:13:02.995 --> 00:13:07.533
  • Creflo: and that's hard, being vulnerable.
  • 00:13:07.533 --> 00:13:10.169
  • Taffi: with your spouse.
  • 00:13:10.169 --> 00:13:11.503
  • Creflo: yeah, i'm talking about, yeah, being vulnerable with your
  • 00:13:11.503 --> 00:13:13.072
  • Spouse with the fear that they could use my vulnerability to
  • 00:13:13.072 --> 00:13:18.644
  • Hurt me, especially if you have--you've got a issue, an
  • 00:13:18.644 --> 00:13:21.680
  • Unresolved issue in the past.
  • 00:13:21.680 --> 00:13:24.016
  • You would think that that would be the first person you will be
  • 00:13:24.016 --> 00:13:26.619
  • Vulnerable with.
  • 00:13:26.619 --> 00:13:28.554
  • But if you're struggling with inferiority and you're talking
  • 00:13:28.554 --> 00:13:31.690
  • About being vulnerable, i'm not gonna wanna be vulnerable when
  • 00:13:31.690 --> 00:13:36.428
  • I'm inferior right now.
  • 00:13:36.428 --> 00:13:39.164
  • The thing--the last thing i want is for that vulnerability
  • 00:13:39.164 --> 00:13:43.802
  • To be violated, which now makes me even more inferior, feeling
  • 00:13:43.802 --> 00:13:49.475
  • Devalued, feeling like i--like i don't measure up, there we
  • 00:13:49.475 --> 00:13:54.213
  • Go again.
  • 00:13:54.213 --> 00:13:55.814
  • But some of the stuff you're saying, if we're not careful, we
  • 00:13:55.814 --> 00:13:59.785
  • Will start building a foundation for living the lie.
  • 00:13:59.785 --> 00:14:04.924
  • And you'll start saying, well, i would rather lie to you about
  • 00:14:04.924 --> 00:14:11.130
  • You, because it gives me peace, than for me to confront certain
  • 00:14:11.130 --> 00:14:18.971
  • Things that i'm having problems with, because i know i'm gonna
  • 00:14:18.971 --> 00:14:22.775
  • Lose my peace.
  • 00:14:22.775 --> 00:14:24.143
  • So for the sake of not having an argument, i'll just, for peace
  • 00:14:24.143 --> 00:14:28.380
  • Sake, lie to you.
  • 00:14:28.380 --> 00:14:30.716
  • And i remember saying to you, i said, "i am tired of lying."
  • 00:14:30.716 --> 00:14:36.422
  • And you were like--and you were like, "what are you
  • 00:14:36.422 --> 00:14:37.890
  • Talking about?"
  • 00:14:37.890 --> 00:14:39.224
  • I said, "i consider it a lie when i am doing things to
  • 00:14:39.224 --> 00:14:46.432
  • Preserve your emotions and feelings while i feel like i'm
  • 00:14:46.432 --> 00:14:52.404
  • About to explode because i won't be honest,"
  • 00:14:52.404 --> 00:14:54.807
  • And that's what the fear dance does.
  • 00:14:54.807 --> 00:14:56.942
  • I can't be honest with you, because i'm not sure how you're
  • 00:14:56.942 --> 00:15:01.914
  • Gonna respond.
  • 00:15:01.914 --> 00:15:03.382
  • And so on my part, it was so frustrated--i'm so frustrated
  • 00:15:03.382 --> 00:15:09.254
  • Over the situation.
  • 00:15:09.254 --> 00:15:10.622
  • Now, when i present it, it comes out the wrong way.
  • 00:15:10.622 --> 00:15:17.663
  • And so many couples end up in that position.
  • 00:15:17.663 --> 00:15:20.966
  • Taffi: and then i would shut down.
  • 00:15:20.966 --> 00:15:22.334
  • Creflo: and then you would shut down.
  • 00:15:22.334 --> 00:15:23.669
  • Taffi: so here's that dance, yes.
  • 00:15:23.669 --> 00:15:25.104
  • Creflo: there's that dance.
  • 00:15:25.104 --> 00:15:26.438
  • Taffi: or i get quiet or i would, you know, want to give
  • 00:15:26.438 --> 00:15:30.609
  • You the silent treatment.
  • 00:15:30.609 --> 00:15:31.944
  • Creflo: yeah, and so the frustrating--i'm frustrated,
  • 00:15:31.944 --> 00:15:34.980
  • You're quiet.
  • 00:15:34.980 --> 00:15:36.515
  • We don't get across the bridge.
  • 00:15:36.515 --> 00:15:38.550
  • We're doing a fear dance, and the thing that was so
  • 00:15:38.550 --> 00:15:40.753
  • Eye-opening in our relationship was i just couldn't believe that
  • 00:15:40.753 --> 00:15:45.190
  • That much fear lurked around our relationship.
  • 00:15:45.190 --> 00:15:50.829
  • And when you speak of things like this and you begin to see
  • 00:15:50.829 --> 00:15:54.233
  • How, you know, we both realize that a wall is built for
  • 00:15:54.233 --> 00:16:00.172
  • Protection and it's also built to keep certain things out.
  • 00:16:00.172 --> 00:16:04.643
  • And my heart in these teachings that you're gonna be doing and,
  • 00:16:04.643 --> 00:16:11.016
  • You know, the guests that you're gonna have is that people really
  • 00:16:11.016 --> 00:16:13.786
  • Take the time to examine their relationships from the
  • 00:16:13.786 --> 00:16:19.391
  • Perspective of real people with real situations and
  • 00:16:19.391 --> 00:16:23.862
  • Real circumstances.
  • 00:16:23.862 --> 00:16:26.231
  • And how we can confront the story we tell ourselves, to
  • 00:16:26.231 --> 00:16:31.270
  • Finally say i believe the story i tell myself,
  • 00:16:31.270 --> 00:16:34.740
  • But it's not true, it's not real.
  • 00:16:34.740 --> 00:16:37.776
  • Like, i believe the story.
  • 00:16:37.776 --> 00:16:40.179
  • I remember when, it's a while back, the kids were real small.
  • 00:16:40.179 --> 00:16:44.216
  • And i remember going to the kids and i said, you know, "i know
  • 00:16:44.216 --> 00:16:48.687
  • Y'all think i'm the greatest dad in the world," and they paused
  • 00:16:48.687 --> 00:16:51.657
  • And said, "well."
  • 00:16:51.657 --> 00:16:53.425
  • I was shocked, like what?
  • 00:16:53.425 --> 00:16:55.994
  • "well, dad, such and so, such and so," and it was an
  • 00:16:55.994 --> 00:16:58.464
  • Eye-opener to me, that sometimes you see yourself from a
  • 00:16:58.464 --> 00:17:05.104
  • Perspective that others may not see you from that perspective.
  • 00:17:05.104 --> 00:17:10.075
  • A husband may see his self from the perspective of he's a
  • 00:17:10.075 --> 00:17:14.513
  • Great husband.
  • 00:17:14.513 --> 00:17:16.448
  • But the wife's like, "i'm miserable.
  • 00:17:16.448 --> 00:17:20.319
  • I cannot stand what we're doing, i don't like what you do, i
  • 00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:24.823
  • Don't like how you talk to me, i don't like how you treat me,"
  • 00:17:24.823 --> 00:17:27.459
  • And the whole time he's told his self the story that, yeah,
  • 00:17:27.459 --> 00:17:31.263
  • You're, you know, you're happy, you're this, and i think that's
  • 00:17:31.263 --> 00:17:34.900
  • Sad, because, you know, he's gonna live the rest of his life
  • 00:17:34.900 --> 00:17:39.304
  • Thinking that he was this great husband when, in fact, the wife
  • 00:17:39.304 --> 00:17:44.176
  • Was still in a bunch of fear.
  • 00:17:44.176 --> 00:17:46.745
  • The fear of are you gonna leave me one day?
  • 00:17:46.745 --> 00:17:50.916
  • Am i gonna be 70 years old and gotta figure out how to take
  • 00:17:50.916 --> 00:17:54.086
  • Care of myself?
  • 00:17:54.086 --> 00:17:55.420
  • These things are real.
  • 00:17:55.420 --> 00:17:57.289
  • And now we live in a society where marriage is not really
  • 00:17:57.289 --> 00:18:02.327
  • Something that's pursued.
  • 00:18:02.327 --> 00:18:06.231
  • Taffi: right, or esteemed like it should be.
  • 00:18:06.231 --> 00:18:08.600
  • Creflo: yeah, 'cause that's fear based.
  • 00:18:08.600 --> 00:18:09.968
  • Taffi: and it's part of the last days.
  • 00:18:09.968 --> 00:18:11.303
  • He says, "forbidding, people will not want to marry."
  • 00:18:11.303 --> 00:18:14.373
  • And we're living in these times, but i think if we can get to a
  • 00:18:14.373 --> 00:18:17.676
  • Place like we're talking about today of getting whole and
  • 00:18:17.676 --> 00:18:22.214
  • Really being honest about the things that maybe are triggers
  • 00:18:22.214 --> 00:18:26.885
  • For us or the areas of our life that we are dealing with, and to
  • 00:18:26.885 --> 00:18:33.258
  • Take it before god and just ask god to be honest and tell you
  • 00:18:33.258 --> 00:18:38.897
  • About yourself before anybody else has to, go and do your
  • 00:18:38.897 --> 00:18:42.067
  • Own work.
  • 00:18:42.067 --> 00:18:43.435
  • These are the things that we both were able to help each
  • 00:18:43.435 --> 00:18:47.406
  • Other and help the marriage in the sense of it being an
  • 00:18:47.406 --> 00:18:52.110
  • Institution to be better, because, if not, then we would
  • 00:18:52.110 --> 00:18:56.148
  • Just continue to be in that same pattern, but now i don't have to
  • 00:18:56.148 --> 00:19:00.385
  • Be passive-aggressive, i can renounce defensiveness.
  • 00:19:00.385 --> 00:19:04.756
  • It's like, okay, i don't have to be petty, tit for tat.
  • 00:19:04.756 --> 00:19:08.894
  • It's like, okay, i can acknowledge what's going on and
  • 00:19:08.894 --> 00:19:16.068
  • The emotions that are going on the inside.
  • 00:19:16.068 --> 00:19:20.038
  • Creflo: i--one of the greatest days of my life and, if you're
  • 00:19:20.038 --> 00:19:24.109
  • Going through a fear dance or being challenged in your
  • 00:19:24.109 --> 00:19:28.680
  • Marriage, you have to be willing to do the work.
  • 00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:34.086
  • And i'm talking about as individuals.
  • 00:19:34.086 --> 00:19:37.422
  • A lot of times we go in, we want marriage counseling together and
  • 00:19:37.422 --> 00:19:41.693
  • It's not the unit that's the problem as much as it is the
  • 00:19:41.693 --> 00:19:46.164
  • Individual pieces of that unit that need to deal with, maybe
  • 00:19:46.164 --> 00:19:49.868
  • Some area where you were raised differently and you need to
  • 00:19:49.868 --> 00:19:53.905
  • Confront that issue or something happened to you, you need to
  • 00:19:53.905 --> 00:19:57.142
  • Confront that issue, so, you know, taff and i are pastors,
  • 00:19:57.142 --> 00:20:01.580
  • And we're both followers of jesus christ,
  • 00:20:01.580 --> 00:20:04.082
  • And yet we believe that--
  • 00:20:04.082 --> 00:20:08.053
  • We believe in counseling, and i mean, you're looking at two
  • 00:20:08.053 --> 00:20:12.157
  • Former therapists and we believe that you need to go somewhere so
  • 00:20:12.157 --> 00:20:15.494
  • Somebody can kinda help you to really see some things that
  • 00:20:15.494 --> 00:20:20.432
  • You're not really looking at.
  • 00:20:20.432 --> 00:20:23.602
  • I learned so much.
  • 00:20:23.602 --> 00:20:25.604
  • I learned so much and that part of me, the approval addiction,
  • 00:20:25.604 --> 00:20:33.045
  • The grieving over what used to be in ministry and life, and it
  • 00:20:33.045 --> 00:20:37.883
  • Was, it was not there anymore, and all of these things will
  • 00:20:37.883 --> 00:20:41.753
  • Affect how you communicate, it will affect your intimacy.
  • 00:20:41.753 --> 00:20:46.792
  • It will affect all those kind of things when you
  • 00:20:46.792 --> 00:20:49.728
  • Begin to look at it, but i say this, because i need men to
  • 00:20:49.728 --> 00:20:54.066
  • Understand you need to do the work.
  • 00:20:54.066 --> 00:20:56.968
  • You don't need to depend on your wife to do--you need to do
  • 00:20:56.968 --> 00:20:59.604
  • The work.
  • 00:20:59.604 --> 00:21:00.972
  • You need to go get somebody you can talk to, and when you go get
  • 00:21:00.972 --> 00:21:02.974
  • Somebody to talk to, you need to be a good patient.
  • 00:21:02.974 --> 00:21:05.444
  • You need to open up and tell them the truth.
  • 00:21:05.444 --> 00:21:08.413
  • You need to--don't go in there, lying.
  • 00:21:08.413 --> 00:21:11.183
  • Because, you know, again, the insecurity puts you in a
  • 00:21:11.183 --> 00:21:14.619
  • Position where you are afraid to look at you.
  • 00:21:14.619 --> 00:21:18.590
  • You need to look in the mirror.
  • 00:21:18.590 --> 00:21:19.925
  • I did this, i looked in the mirror and i said, "you are a
  • 00:21:19.925 --> 00:21:24.496
  • Fear-filled, insecure man that's been covered up by covers all of
  • 00:21:24.496 --> 00:21:31.236
  • These years, and if you don't deal with that, it is gonna deal
  • 00:21:31.236 --> 00:21:35.674
  • With you."
  • 00:21:35.674 --> 00:21:37.042
  • And i know a lot of men that just feel like i'd rather keep
  • 00:21:37.042 --> 00:21:39.745
  • The cover on than to actually go and do the work.
  • 00:21:39.745 --> 00:21:43.315
  • And i had to sit there, and me and that guy, that counselor, we
  • 00:21:43.315 --> 00:21:47.219
  • Talked about all kinds of stuff and while i was doing that,
  • 00:21:47.219 --> 00:21:50.856
  • You remember me telling you.
  • 00:21:50.856 --> 00:21:52.324
  • I remember when i was 8 years old, i was in the middle of
  • 00:21:52.324 --> 00:21:54.693
  • A shootout.
  • 00:21:54.693 --> 00:21:56.094
  • My father was a policeman and he didn't have a car at the time,
  • 00:21:56.094 --> 00:21:59.498
  • So he would pick me up by foot from my grandmother's house and
  • 00:21:59.498 --> 00:22:03.969
  • Walk me home and in the middle of that he saw somebody breaking
  • 00:22:03.969 --> 00:22:07.172
  • In one of our neighbor's house and he told me to get close to
  • 00:22:07.172 --> 00:22:10.308
  • The curb.
  • 00:22:10.308 --> 00:22:11.643
  • And don't move until he comes and gets me, and bullets are
  • 00:22:11.643 --> 00:22:15.414
  • Going over my head, and i didn't even realize i was traumatized
  • 00:22:15.414 --> 00:22:20.051
  • From that situation there, and the trauma of that one incident
  • 00:22:20.051 --> 00:22:24.222
  • Said to me, "nobody's ever going to hurt you again."
  • 00:22:24.222 --> 00:22:28.894
  • And so there's a defense mechanism that's up, "you're not
  • 00:22:28.894 --> 00:22:32.164
  • Gonna hurt me, you're not gonna hurt me, my wife's not gonna
  • 00:22:32.164 --> 00:22:34.666
  • Hurt me, people are not gonna hurt me," and i didn't even know
  • 00:22:34.666 --> 00:22:37.969
  • That that came from a traumatic situation that took place.
  • 00:22:37.969 --> 00:22:41.973
  • And it came out while i was ready to become vulnerable and
  • 00:22:41.973 --> 00:22:46.645
  • Open with somebody and then you gotta be willing to do that.
  • 00:22:46.645 --> 00:22:49.981
  • Taffi: you know, the enemy, he says the same thing that i can
  • 00:22:49.981 --> 00:22:54.219
  • Relate with your story, because it was the fear of being--
  • 00:22:54.219 --> 00:22:59.758
  • Feeling as if i was protected in the same way that you were and
  • 00:22:59.758 --> 00:23:03.662
  • You know the story when i was 5 and felt like someone was
  • 00:23:03.662 --> 00:23:08.099
  • Breaking in my room, and someone was outside of my window and
  • 00:23:08.099 --> 00:23:12.304
  • This guy, this man.
  • 00:23:12.304 --> 00:23:13.905
  • My dad came into the room with a gun and all this.
  • 00:23:13.905 --> 00:23:17.642
  • It was like this big thing.
  • 00:23:17.642 --> 00:23:19.377
  • Creflo: because you actually saw the person.
  • 00:23:19.377 --> 00:23:20.712
  • Taffi: right, and the funny thing is your fear of not being
  • 00:23:20.712 --> 00:23:27.652
  • Protected was the same fear that i had where i didn't feel
  • 00:23:27.652 --> 00:23:30.655
  • Protected as a kid and went into adulthood and marriage with that
  • 00:23:30.655 --> 00:23:36.328
  • Same thought and would trigger each other in so many ways,
  • 00:23:36.328 --> 00:23:43.935
  • And so i just was thinking about that.
  • 00:23:43.935 --> 00:23:46.571
  • Of course, we're almost out of time now but, yeah.
  • 00:23:46.571 --> 00:23:49.975
  • Creflo: are we? that was quick.
  • 00:23:49.975 --> 00:23:52.611
  • What?
  • 00:23:52.611 --> 00:23:54.145
  • I need another hour. i just got started.
  • 00:23:54.145 --> 00:23:55.580
  • That was the foundation, we didn't get into the thing,
  • 00:23:55.580 --> 00:23:57.983
  • And that's why you don't need to miss not one minute.
  • 00:23:57.983 --> 00:24:02.420
  • We're gonna use our lives as a living epistle to begin to walk
  • 00:24:02.420 --> 00:24:06.791
  • You through some practical real-life situations that you
  • 00:24:06.791 --> 00:24:11.029
  • May or may not be able to relate with, but if you can, i'm
  • 00:24:11.029 --> 00:24:15.767
  • Believing that taffi is doing this because we wanna see if we
  • 00:24:15.767 --> 00:24:20.906
  • Can win some, you know what i'm saying?
  • 00:24:20.906 --> 00:24:23.642
  • Not everybody, but to win some.
  • 00:24:23.642 --> 00:24:26.278
  • So, i think they're telling me time's up, we probably need to
  • 00:24:26.278 --> 00:24:28.747
  • Wrap it up, so i enjoyed it.
  • 00:24:28.747 --> 00:24:32.450
  • Have me back.
  • 00:24:32.450 --> 00:24:35.453
  • Taffi: thank you for spending time with us today.
  • 00:24:35.453 --> 00:24:37.923
  • If this message resonated with you, i encourage you to share it
  • 00:24:37.923 --> 00:24:41.293
  • With someone, some couple, your spouse, someone that you care
  • 00:24:41.293 --> 00:24:45.564
  • About, because i believe that these tools are available.
  • 00:24:45.564 --> 00:24:49.434
  • You can go to our website and you can share it and help others
  • 00:24:49.434 --> 00:24:53.171
  • Grow together.
  • 00:24:53.171 --> 00:24:54.539
  • Remember that we were made with love and to love and not to live
  • 00:24:54.539 --> 00:24:58.643
  • In fear.
  • 00:24:58.643 --> 00:25:00.011
  • Until next time, remember that jesus is lord, and in all of
  • 00:25:00.011 --> 00:25:03.014
  • Your getting, get understanding.
  • 00:25:03.014 --> 00:25:05.050
  • Announcer: in "the fear dance in marriage," creflo and taffi
  • 00:25:08.420 --> 00:25:10.822
  • Dollar offer christ-centered guidance for moving from fear to
  • 00:25:10.822 --> 00:25:14.459
  • Lasting freedom.
  • 00:25:14.459 --> 00:25:15.794
  • This two-messages series equips couples with practical,
  • 00:25:15.794 --> 00:25:19.197
  • Heart-level tools for strong relationships.
  • 00:25:19.197 --> 00:25:21.900
  • With a love gift of 6 us dollars or more, you can
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  • Receive your digital downloads today.
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  • Call the number on your screen, scan the qr code, or visit
  • 00:25:27.439 --> 00:25:30.775
  • Creflodollarministries.org and click e-store,
  • 00:25:30.775 --> 00:25:33.912
  • And flourishing in intimacy.
  • 00:25:33.912 --> 00:25:36.014
  • Female announcer: join taffi dollar for the 2026 radical
  • 00:25:38.550 --> 00:25:42.587
  • Women's conference, march 19th and 20th, 2 days designed to
  • 00:25:42.587 --> 00:25:47.659
  • Awaken your purpose and ignite your faith.
  • 00:25:47.659 --> 00:25:51.363
  • With guest speakers, dr. octavia roberts, krislyn mcnair, shardae
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  • Orr, alyssa worrell, gospel recording artist kierra sheard,
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  • And special guest creflo dollar,
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  • Register now.
  • 00:26:04.743 --> 00:26:06.478
  • Creflo: salvation is the beginning of a new life for
  • 00:26:08.413 --> 00:26:10.849
  • A believer.
  • 00:26:10.849 --> 00:26:12.183
  • It is from this point that we can move into the fullness of
  • 00:26:12.183 --> 00:26:15.720
  • Who god has called us to be and see the manifestation of the
  • 00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:20.158
  • Finished works of jesus.
  • 00:26:20.158 --> 00:26:22.427
  • It is one of my greatest pleasures to help people to
  • 00:26:22.427 --> 00:26:26.698
  • Understand who christ is and to lead people to christ.
  • 00:26:26.698 --> 00:26:29.534
  • If you would like salvation today, pray this prayer with me,
  • 00:26:29.534 --> 00:26:32.470
  • Very simple prayer.
  • 00:26:32.470 --> 00:26:33.872
  • Heavenly father, i believe in jesus.
  • 00:26:33.872 --> 00:26:37.676
  • I believe that he died, that he rose again, and that he
  • 00:26:37.676 --> 00:26:41.846
  • Lives today.
  • 00:26:41.846 --> 00:26:43.314
  • Come into my life, save me, i receive you as my savior,
  • 00:26:43.314 --> 00:26:48.620
  • In jesus's name, amen.
  • 00:26:48.620 --> 00:26:51.456
  • Listen, if you prayed that prayer with me, that's how
  • 00:26:51.456 --> 00:26:53.992
  • Simple it is.
  • 00:26:53.992 --> 00:26:55.360
  • Welcome to the family of god.
  • 00:26:55.360 --> 00:26:58.063
  • Male announcer: because of you, creflo dollar ministries is
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  • Providing a new understanding of grace and empowering change in
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  • The lives of millions of people every day.
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  • Thank you, partners and friends.
  • 00:27:11.276 --> 00:27:13.278
  • Your love and financial support makes it possible to bring this
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  • Message into millions of homes all across the globe.
  • 00:27:16.815 --> 00:27:21.152
  • Announcer: the preceding program was brought to you in part by
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  • The partners and friends of creflo dollar ministries.
  • 00:27:23.488 --> 00:27:29.010