In this long-awaited follow-up, Dr. Chapman and Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott take the world-changing concept of the 5 Love Languages® one step further. They reveal why love often gets lost in translation—and how learning to speak the right dialect at the right time is the key to deeper connection.
Closed captions
Show Timecode
| Gary Chapman and Les & Leslie Parrott: How Do You Experience Love? | The Love Language That Matters Most | January 30, 2026
- Quality time is definitely at the top of my, my list.
- 00:00:07.997 --> 00:00:13.470
- The way that i receive love is quality time.
- 00:00:13.470 --> 00:00:21.377
- Dad█s is quality time.
- 00:00:21.878 --> 00:00:24.547
- Hers is quality time.
- 00:00:24.547 --> 00:00:32.122
- She loves the spontaneous stuff.
- 00:00:32.755 --> 00:00:36.726
- Yes.
- 00:00:36.893 --> 00:00:38.027
- My mother's love language is definitely quality time
- 00:00:38.027 --> 00:00:41.297
- And probably amount of time.
- 00:00:41.297 --> 00:00:42.999
- She likes a lot of it.
- 00:00:42.999 --> 00:00:45.235
- My dad's love language is quality time.
- 00:00:45.235 --> 00:00:47.971
- We spend a lot of time together doing, you know, guy stuff.
- 00:00:47.971 --> 00:00:50.740
- She wants time spent with her.
- 00:00:50.740 --> 00:00:52.242
- So i don't like shopping.
- 00:00:52.242 --> 00:00:54.444
- I despise it, but
- 00:00:54.444 --> 00:00:56.746
- She wants to go to the store to get something
- 00:00:56.746 --> 00:00:59.716
- To her, that█s quality time.
- 00:00:59.716 --> 00:01:01.184
- Even though
- 00:01:01.184 --> 00:01:02.385
- I do not like shopping at all, that's quality time for her.
- 00:01:02.385 --> 00:01:05.622
- So...
- 00:01:05.622 --> 00:01:06.523
- Having a 1 to 1 talk, on life philosophy
- 00:01:06.523 --> 00:01:10.360
- And he always wants to use his time
- 00:01:10.360 --> 00:01:12.362
- Not just showing love,
- 00:01:12.362 --> 00:01:13.296
- But also showing where he could guide me
- 00:01:13.296 --> 00:01:15.331
- So that i could be my most successful way.
- 00:01:15.331 --> 00:01:20.770
- Yeah.
- 00:01:21.004 --> 00:01:22.038
- It's important because if you are out of that,
- 00:01:22.038 --> 00:01:25.275
- Then everything is missed.
- 00:01:25.275 --> 00:01:29.045
- At this point.
- 00:01:29.412 --> 00:01:30.213
- Yes. you asked me six months ago.
- 00:01:30.213 --> 00:01:31.748
- Probably (not).
- 00:01:31.748 --> 00:01:49.799
- We met at college.
- 00:01:50.233 --> 00:01:53.002
- I joined a small group and in conversation
- 00:01:53.002 --> 00:01:57.707
- I told them, “oh, i have this crush on luke.”
- 00:01:57.707 --> 00:02:00.410
- And they were like, “oh we love luke.
- 00:02:00.410 --> 00:02:01.945
- We're going to make it happen.”
- 00:02:01.945 --> 00:02:03.246
- We both went to wake forest university.
- 00:02:03.246 --> 00:02:05.548
- She was a year behind me, so we knew of each other.
- 00:02:05.548 --> 00:02:07.884
- And then almost ten years later,
- 00:02:07.884 --> 00:02:09.452
- We reconnected in new york city.
- 00:02:09.452 --> 00:02:11.454
- She was working at a church, and i saw her working,
- 00:02:11.454 --> 00:02:14.123
- And it was just like, oh, she's beautiful.
- 00:02:14.123 --> 00:02:15.992
- But then also i was like, wait, i know her.
- 00:02:15.992 --> 00:02:17.727
- And we used to go to school together.
- 00:02:17.727 --> 00:02:19.362
- They went and they told him, “hey, mary likes you.
- 00:02:19.362 --> 00:02:22.765
- Do you want us to say anything?”
- 00:02:22.765 --> 00:02:24.100
- And he said- i said, no.
- 00:02:24.100 --> 00:02:28.771
- Nine years.
- 00:02:29.105 --> 00:02:30.173
- Months later.
- 00:02:30.173 --> 00:02:31.541
- We finally reconnected when she gave me some time, and,
- 00:02:31.541 --> 00:02:34.911
- I pursued her, and we, got engaged
- 00:02:34.911 --> 00:02:38.514
- At a conference, in front of 6000 people.
- 00:02:38.514 --> 00:02:41.484
- And thankfully, she said yes.
- 00:02:41.484 --> 00:02:43.987
- And, we got married a few months after that.
- 00:02:43.987 --> 00:02:46.556
- So we have been married almost seven years now.
- 00:02:46.556 --> 00:02:49.092
- So, yeah, with two kids.
- 00:02:49.092 --> 00:02:50.760
- Yes, two beautiful daughters.
- 00:02:50.760 --> 00:02:52.595
- The love language that matters most.
- 00:02:52.595 --> 00:03:00.870
- On this particular episode
- 00:03:01.471 --> 00:03:03.373
- Of the love language that matters most.
- 00:03:03.373 --> 00:03:06.976
- We're dealing with quality time.
- 00:03:06.976 --> 00:03:10.113
- Doctor chapman.
- 00:03:10.513 --> 00:03:11.547
- First word on quality time and how
- 00:03:11.547 --> 00:03:15.685
- You're kind of breaking down the original
- 00:03:15.685 --> 00:03:19.055
- Five love languages into more dialects or subcategories.
- 00:03:19.055 --> 00:03:23.126
- Help me with this.
- 00:03:23.126 --> 00:03:24.327
- Yeah.
- 00:03:24.327 --> 00:03:25.161
- Quality time is giving your spouse
- 00:03:25.161 --> 00:03:26.863
- Or your partner the - your undivided attention.
- 00:03:26.863 --> 00:03:31.401
- It is not just sitting there watching television.
- 00:03:31.401 --> 00:03:34.203
- Someone else has your attention.
- 00:03:34.203 --> 00:03:36.339
- Tvs off, computers down.
- 00:03:36.339 --> 00:03:38.308
- We're sitting. not not answering our phone.
- 00:03:38.308 --> 00:03:40.376
- We're giving each other our undivided attention.
- 00:03:40.376 --> 00:03:42.845
- But there's many dialects.
- 00:03:42.845 --> 00:03:44.447
- It's not just sitting there and talking to each other.
- 00:03:44.447 --> 00:03:47.083
- That's one would be one area, but it might be working together
- 00:03:47.083 --> 00:03:50.753
- And planting a flower garden.
- 00:03:50.753 --> 00:03:53.289
- But you're doing something they want to do and giving them
- 00:03:53.289 --> 00:03:56.092
- Your undivided attention, doing it with them.
- 00:03:56.092 --> 00:03:58.494
- So this whole thing of quality time and the different dialects
- 00:03:58.494 --> 00:04:02.598
- Is going to help people.
- 00:04:02.598 --> 00:04:03.599
- If this is their primary
- 00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:04.834
- Love language, it's going to help them really know.
- 00:04:04.834 --> 00:04:08.771
- What does that look like to the other person?
- 00:04:08.771 --> 00:04:11.574
- Because you have an idea about what a quality time is.
- 00:04:11.574 --> 00:04:14.210
- But let's see what what they are looking at.
- 00:04:14.210 --> 00:04:16.579
- And that's why i think this assessment
- 00:04:16.579 --> 00:04:18.448
- Is going to help people determine
- 00:04:18.448 --> 00:04:20.149
- That the book is going to help them. see.
- 00:04:20.149 --> 00:04:21.684
- This one's a challenge for me.
- 00:04:21.684 --> 00:04:22.952
- I got to admit it, quality time,
- 00:04:22.952 --> 00:04:24.654
- Because i am i live with urgency.
- 00:04:24.654 --> 00:04:27.990
- Leslie can speak about that. yes.
- 00:04:27.990 --> 00:04:30.360
- Fast paced. i am fast paced.
- 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:32.428
- I like the, you know, let's keep moving.
- 00:04:32.428 --> 00:04:34.464
- And to just relax. quality time.
- 00:04:34.464 --> 00:04:37.734
- Thankfully, that's not a high priority for us.
- 00:04:37.734 --> 00:04:40.370
- It's not her number one words of affirmation is, but,
- 00:04:40.370 --> 00:04:43.706
- Very good.
- 00:04:43.706 --> 00:04:44.874
- Thank you. ding ding ding. yeah.
- 00:04:44.874 --> 00:04:48.010
- But here's the deal.
- 00:04:48.444 --> 00:04:49.879
- So we have this premium assessment
- 00:04:49.879 --> 00:04:51.381
- That we've developed over the years.
- 00:04:51.381 --> 00:04:53.049
- And, not only does it take your personality,
- 00:04:53.049 --> 00:04:55.918
- But it takes the dialect within that love
- 00:04:55.918 --> 00:04:59.055
- Language to help you really speak it fluently.
- 00:04:59.055 --> 00:05:05.728
- We are exploring the love language of quality time.
- 00:05:06.796 --> 00:05:10.466
- It feels like nobody ever has enough time, right?
- 00:05:10.466 --> 00:05:14.203
- So when seeking to understand how you are hardwired for time
- 00:05:14.203 --> 00:05:19.075
- Can help you leverage this love language in your relationships,
- 00:05:19.075 --> 00:05:23.546
- Not only for yourself,
- 00:05:23.546 --> 00:05:25.381
- But when you are giving quality time to others.
- 00:05:25.381 --> 00:05:28.284
- It all has to do with being scheduled
- 00:05:28.284 --> 00:05:31.320
- Versus unscheduled
- 00:05:31.320 --> 00:05:33.990
- And present oriented versus future oriented.
- 00:05:33.990 --> 00:05:38.728
- And when you know where to fall on these scales,
- 00:05:38.728 --> 00:05:41.497
- You can give the kind of quality time that truly counts.
- 00:05:41.497 --> 00:05:51.407
- So how do we get at this when it comes to quality time?
- 00:05:52.475 --> 00:05:55.645
- Are you more geared, energized for the future or the present?
- 00:05:55.645 --> 00:06:00.650
- Are you about the here and now or the there and then?
- 00:06:00.650 --> 00:06:03.953
- How would you guys feel about that?
- 00:06:03.953 --> 00:06:05.188
- Are you more energized by the future
- 00:06:05.188 --> 00:06:06.556
- Or what's happening now?
- 00:06:06.556 --> 00:06:07.757
- Future, future.
- 00:06:07.757 --> 00:06:10.393
- He's great though, with coming home and having quality time.
- 00:06:10.393 --> 00:06:15.164
- The other night we got a phone call at about 830 cody's.
- 00:06:15.164 --> 00:06:18.901
- It was cody and he said,
- 00:06:18.901 --> 00:06:21.804
- He said, my baseball game tonight is at 930.
- 00:06:21.804 --> 00:06:24.640
- Where the last game. the baby's already asleep.
- 00:06:24.640 --> 00:06:27.210
- Can you come over?
- 00:06:27.210 --> 00:06:28.644
- And all three of us, me and caitlin and matt,
- 00:06:28.644 --> 00:06:31.214
- All go over there and take care of the baby.
- 00:06:31.214 --> 00:06:33.316
- You know, and so we get a lot of beautiful, quality time.
- 00:06:33.316 --> 00:06:36.486
- So he's really good at switching off and, focusing.
- 00:06:36.486 --> 00:06:41.257
- You didn't you didn't answer the question that les posed.
- 00:06:41.257 --> 00:06:45.027
- So, you
- 00:06:45.294 --> 00:06:46.429
- See, i hate tests. still is a great example of quality
- 00:06:46.429 --> 00:06:48.664
- Time, though.
- 00:06:48.664 --> 00:06:49.665
- Are you more energized
- 00:06:49.665 --> 00:06:51.400
- By thinking about what's going to happen?
- 00:06:51.400 --> 00:06:53.703
- Down the road and what you're dreaming of?
- 00:06:53.703 --> 00:06:56.239
- Or is it about what's happening right here, right now?
- 00:06:56.239 --> 00:06:59.342
- It's probably down the road, down the road.
- 00:06:59.342 --> 00:07:04.080
- See?
- 00:07:04.247 --> 00:07:05.248
- See what happens?
- 00:07:05.248 --> 00:07:07.583
- Sometimes we have blind spots.
- 00:07:07.583 --> 00:07:11.220
- Oh my god, i can't believe we're.
- 00:07:11.220 --> 00:07:14.457
- (laughter)
- 00:07:14.457 --> 00:07:16.325
- It's now i'm in the future.
- 00:07:16.325 --> 00:07:18.060
- She's in the now. she's in the here and now.
- 00:07:18.060 --> 00:07:20.796
- That would describe how we are because i am - i don't even know
- 00:07:20.796 --> 00:07:24.934
- Tomorrow's going to happen.
- 00:07:24.934 --> 00:07:26.369
- Yeah. talk to me about it tomorrow.
- 00:07:26.369 --> 00:07:28.070
- Right now i'm. i'm here.
- 00:07:28.070 --> 00:07:30.139
- You have my full, undivided.
- 00:07:30.139 --> 00:07:31.440
- And leslie thinks i'm a visitor from the future.
- 00:07:31.440 --> 00:07:33.709
- I love thinking about. what█s happening, so
- 00:07:33.709 --> 00:07:36.078
- So that's one dimension that helps us get at the dialect.
- 00:07:36.078 --> 00:07:38.548
- Another is are you scheduled or unscheduled?
- 00:07:38.548 --> 00:07:42.919
- In other words,
- 00:07:43.319 --> 00:07:44.554
- If somebody asks you, hey, can we have lunch next tuesday?
- 00:07:44.554 --> 00:07:47.390
- Do you have to look at all kinds of stuff?
- 00:07:47.390 --> 00:07:49.158
- Or you like leslie and you look up into the sky
- 00:07:49.158 --> 00:07:51.294
- And go, yeah, that feels good.
- 00:07:51.294 --> 00:07:53.095
- You know, she is unscheduled. wow.
- 00:07:53.095 --> 00:07:55.831
- All right. got it. so, are you scheduled running?
- 00:07:55.831 --> 00:07:58.568
- I'm. you guys have to be somewhat schedule. yeah.
- 00:07:58.568 --> 00:08:01.137
- You have to contact - anybody that asks that to me.
- 00:08:01.137 --> 00:08:04.240
- Has to go through three other people.
- 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.275
- Yeah.
- 00:08:06.275 --> 00:08:06.842
- Her being one of them.
- 00:08:06.842 --> 00:08:07.777
- Because she keeps our personal calendar.
- 00:08:07.777 --> 00:08:10.513
- And then there's a gal that keeps a professional calendar,
- 00:08:10.513 --> 00:08:13.416
- And there's another one that goes well.
- 00:08:13.416 --> 00:08:14.617
- And, gary, i know you're scheduled for that.
- 00:08:14.617 --> 00:08:16.886
- Would you believe this guy?
- 00:08:16.886 --> 00:08:17.954
- If you ask him about getting together for lunch,
- 00:08:17.954 --> 00:08:20.256
- He doesn't look at his phone.
- 00:08:20.256 --> 00:08:21.390
- He pulls out a three ring binder, a calendar
- 00:08:21.390 --> 00:08:24.961
- The old fashioned way! from 1984.
- 00:08:25.728 --> 00:08:29.765
- It has always worked.
- 00:08:30.266 --> 00:08:32.301
- Why change it?
- 00:08:32.301 --> 00:08:33.336
- Yeah.
- 00:08:33.336 --> 00:08:33.636
- Right.
- 00:08:33.636 --> 00:08:39.442
- My number one love language is quality time.
- 00:08:40.376 --> 00:08:43.145
- It's very important to me.
- 00:08:43.145 --> 00:08:44.480
- We are in a season where we have a young family,
- 00:08:44.480 --> 00:08:46.882
- So we don't get a lot of quality time.
- 00:08:46.882 --> 00:08:48.484
- For luke, it is all about the plan.
- 00:08:48.484 --> 00:08:51.087
- It is all about the future.
- 00:08:51.087 --> 00:08:52.922
- And he literally score zero
- 00:08:52.922 --> 00:08:55.491
- On being present in the moment.
- 00:08:55.491 --> 00:08:58.828
- What's the point of quality time?
- 00:08:58.828 --> 00:09:00.596
- Why do we need it?
- 00:09:00.596 --> 00:09:01.697
- I've known about quality time
- 00:09:01.697 --> 00:09:03.265
- Being my love language for a while,
- 00:09:03.265 --> 00:09:04.934
- But i never knew that improvising was so important.
- 00:09:04.934 --> 00:09:07.870
- So being spontaneous, being in the present
- 00:09:07.870 --> 00:09:09.939
- Is really, really important to me.
- 00:09:09.939 --> 00:09:11.641
- And so whenever we have the opportunity to,
- 00:09:11.641 --> 00:09:14.410
- You know, have like spontaneous dates
- 00:09:14.410 --> 00:09:16.078
- Or just spontaneous time to hang out,
- 00:09:16.078 --> 00:09:17.913
- That it really fills my love tank.
- 00:09:17.913 --> 00:09:21.083
- I know mary's love tank is running low
- 00:09:21.083 --> 00:09:23.052
- When our quality time has been consumed by other things,
- 00:09:23.052 --> 00:09:29.125
- And when our schedule or our lives,
- 00:09:29.125 --> 00:09:32.061
- Or our way of relating to one
- 00:09:32.061 --> 00:09:33.596
- Another becomes functional or operational rather than
- 00:09:33.596 --> 00:09:37.400
- Caring, sweet, romantic, and a little spontaneous.
- 00:09:37.400 --> 00:09:41.103
- The best way for me, to really have my love tank
- 00:09:41.103 --> 00:09:45.007
- Filled through quality time is for us to
- 00:09:45.007 --> 00:09:49.011
- Just wake up one day and, like, spontaneously decide
- 00:09:49.011 --> 00:09:51.747
- To spend the whole day together.
- 00:09:51.747 --> 00:09:53.315
- Like that would be amazing and fantastic.
- 00:09:53.315 --> 00:09:56.152
- Not something
- 00:09:56.152 --> 00:09:56.786
- That's like
- 00:09:56.786 --> 00:09:58.054
- Planned or scheduled, but just actually like out of the blue.
- 00:09:58.054 --> 00:10:01.223
- Us having the quality time that day of just deciding
- 00:10:01.223 --> 00:10:04.727
- That we're going to spend the day together
- 00:10:04.727 --> 00:10:06.495
- And go for a walk or go to like a concert
- 00:10:06.495 --> 00:10:10.966
- Or go walk, know in the garden or something like that.
- 00:10:10.966 --> 00:10:14.770
- It's just anything present is what i really, really enjoy.
- 00:10:14.770 --> 00:10:20.776
- Okay.
- 00:10:21.010 --> 00:10:22.144
- But what that does is give us four different dialects.
- 00:10:22.144 --> 00:10:24.346
- And so one of those is improvising.
- 00:10:24.346 --> 00:10:26.982
- That's kind of your dialect.
- 00:10:26.982 --> 00:10:28.250
- So if you live in the present and you're unscheduled,
- 00:10:28.250 --> 00:10:31.620
- What you want is a life that's improvised.
- 00:10:31.620 --> 00:10:33.956
- You want things to happen right now that makes sense.
- 00:10:33.956 --> 00:10:37.760
- I mean, it's spontaneous. exactly.
- 00:10:37.760 --> 00:10:39.862
- And that's that shapes quality time and your love language.
- 00:10:39.862 --> 00:10:43.899
- If the sun comes out,
- 00:10:43.899 --> 00:10:45.501
- I'll turn to you and say, let's walk to starbucks
- 00:10:45.501 --> 00:10:48.104
- Because the sun shining,
- 00:10:48.104 --> 00:10:49.405
- I don't care what we had on our calendar,
- 00:10:49.405 --> 00:10:51.607
- This is the moment, you know, so you improvise with your time.
- 00:10:51.607 --> 00:10:55.277
- Another is, if you're present oriented and scheduled,
- 00:10:55.277 --> 00:10:59.548
- You are managing time. right.
- 00:10:59.548 --> 00:11:02.251
- So everything is scheduled, but you still are in the time.
- 00:11:02.251 --> 00:11:06.956
- If you and i, you know, are meeting and now's
- 00:11:06.956 --> 00:11:10.392
- The time your manager, i get your full attention.
- 00:11:10.392 --> 00:11:13.395
- But when our scheduled time ends, i'm out the door.
- 00:11:13.395 --> 00:11:17.233
- You don't even know me.
- 00:11:17.233 --> 00:11:18.367
- Clock strikes 12.
- 00:11:18.367 --> 00:11:19.869
- Word over. hey, i feel you.
- 00:11:19.869 --> 00:11:22.938
- So you want quality time? good.
- 00:11:22.938 --> 00:11:24.907
- You got it for 90 minutes, and then we're done. right?
- 00:11:24.907 --> 00:11:28.344
- And then, if you're scheduled in future,
- 00:11:29.211 --> 00:11:31.680
- You like i am, then you are a planner, all right?
- 00:11:31.680 --> 00:11:34.917
- And a planner.
- 00:11:34.917 --> 00:11:36.986
- They like to know if that's
- 00:11:36.986 --> 00:11:38.420
- Your love language and that's your dialect.
- 00:11:38.420 --> 00:11:40.823
- I need to be able to count on tuesday nights that we can just
- 00:11:40.823 --> 00:11:43.826
- Have extra time after dinner to just talk, right?
- 00:11:43.826 --> 00:11:47.329
- Right. that's our time. and it matters now.
- 00:11:47.329 --> 00:11:50.199
- Looking forward to it as much as it does in that moment.
- 00:11:50.199 --> 00:11:54.203
- And then the last dialect is about dreaming.
- 00:11:54.203 --> 00:11:56.739
- That's unscheduled and future oriented.
- 00:11:56.739 --> 00:11:59.875
- And dreamers they are.
- 00:11:59.875 --> 00:12:01.677
- It's all about future us. yeah.
- 00:12:01.677 --> 00:12:03.979
- What's on our bucket list
- 00:12:03.979 --> 00:12:05.614
- And what are we going to do for our vacation?
- 00:12:05.614 --> 00:12:07.583
- Let's talk about that.
- 00:12:07.583 --> 00:12:08.818
- It doesn't even have to be anchored in reality, honestly,
- 00:12:08.818 --> 00:12:12.555
- Because they are as energized by the possibilities
- 00:12:12.555 --> 00:12:16.025
- As actually, you know, making it happen.
- 00:12:16.025 --> 00:12:18.661
- Right? interesting.
- 00:12:18.661 --> 00:12:26.502
- Hello, i'm doctor gary
- 00:12:27.002 --> 00:12:28.003
- Chapman, author of the five love languages.
- 00:12:28.003 --> 00:12:31.140
- For 33 years, i've watched love languages change
- 00:12:31.140 --> 00:12:34.910
- Lives and heal relationships all around the world.
- 00:12:34.910 --> 00:12:38.480
- That discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
- 00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:41.750
- The love language that matters most.
- 00:12:41.750 --> 00:12:44.653
- This powerful resource is our.
- 00:12:44.653 --> 00:12:46.222
- Thank you for your gift of $20 or more to tbn.
- 00:12:46.222 --> 00:12:49.358
- With the gift of $55 or more, you'll receive a bundle, offer
- 00:12:49.358 --> 00:12:52.728
- The newly released ebook the love language
- 00:12:52.728 --> 00:12:54.830
- That matters most, along with an access card
- 00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:57.166
- To take the love language premium assessment.
- 00:12:57.166 --> 00:12:59.335
- The assessment gives you a detailed 15 page report
- 00:12:59.335 --> 00:13:02.304
- Tailored to your unique love language profile.
- 00:13:02.304 --> 00:13:04.673
- Discover how you are uniquely wired for connection.
- 00:13:04.673 --> 00:13:07.509
- Call (800)█301-8755 or visit tbn.org/mattersmost today.
- 00:13:07.509 --> 00:13:15.384
- I believe this message has the power to transform
- 00:13:15.384 --> 00:13:18.921
- Not only how we love, but why we love.
- 00:13:18.921 --> 00:13:22.925
- I'm thrilled to invite you on the journey.
- 00:13:22.925 --> 00:13:30.799
- One of the greatest times we had,
- 00:13:31.567 --> 00:13:33.235
- We spontaneously went to disneyland in the evening.
- 00:13:33.235 --> 00:13:35.304
- So we had spent all day there for our daughter's birthday.
- 00:13:35.304 --> 00:13:37.840
- And then elizabeth's just like we should go back.
- 00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:40.075
- And i was just like, wait is that possible?
- 00:13:40.075 --> 00:13:41.944
- And so we asked our
- 00:13:41.944 --> 00:13:43.946
- My mother in law or her mom to watch our daughter
- 00:13:43.946 --> 00:13:46.849
- And she's like, yeah.
- 00:13:46.849 --> 00:13:47.850
- And we went back and we had like the best time
- 00:13:47.850 --> 00:13:49.518
- Of just being spontaneous, having quality time
- 00:13:49.518 --> 00:13:52.254
- And spent all night at disneyland
- 00:13:52.254 --> 00:13:54.556
- It was just so fun because it wasn't planned.
- 00:13:54.556 --> 00:13:56.725
- It was exactly what we needed. and we always think about that.
- 00:13:56.725 --> 00:13:58.961
- Delvon does a really great job of
- 00:13:58.961 --> 00:14:01.297
- Having us have date times together, but
- 00:14:01.297 --> 00:14:03.999
- I don't know about the dates and so it's spontaneous for me.
- 00:14:03.999 --> 00:14:07.236
- But he's planning it.
- 00:14:07.236 --> 00:14:08.370
- So on fridays are days that we can try to
- 00:14:08.370 --> 00:14:11.273
- Have quality time together and we try to not have our kids.
- 00:14:11.273 --> 00:14:16.045
- Our kids are not with us.
- 00:14:16.045 --> 00:14:17.513
- A recent time that's coming to my mind is when he planned
- 00:14:17.513 --> 00:14:21.650
- Like a nature walk for us, and we went to this beautiful
- 00:14:21.650 --> 00:14:24.586
- Botanical garden and he planned it.
- 00:14:24.586 --> 00:14:26.221
- I didn't know where we were going,
- 00:14:26.221 --> 00:14:27.856
- And so we just had the day
- 00:14:27.856 --> 00:14:29.792
- Talking to each other and spending time in nature,
- 00:14:29.792 --> 00:14:32.861
- Talking about our life.
- 00:14:32.861 --> 00:14:34.163
- And then after that we went to, you know, have lunch together.
- 00:14:34.163 --> 00:14:37.333
- But it was really, really meaningful to me.
- 00:14:37.333 --> 00:14:39.501
- And nice
- 00:14:39.501 --> 00:14:40.569
- Because we in the season of our life with young kids,
- 00:14:40.569 --> 00:14:43.639
- Don't have a lot of that time
- 00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:45.174
- Where we can just have focused time on each other,
- 00:14:45.174 --> 00:14:48.344
- Like without our phones.
- 00:14:48.344 --> 00:14:49.511
- And being out in nature is something that we both enjoy.
- 00:14:49.511 --> 00:14:52.047
- But it was great to just really
- 00:14:52.047 --> 00:14:53.382
- Connect in that way and talk about life and talk
- 00:14:53.382 --> 00:14:56.051
- About what was happening for us in a way that
- 00:14:56.051 --> 00:14:59.755
- Wasn't spontaneous for him because he planned it,
- 00:14:59.755 --> 00:15:02.157
- But it was for me because i didn't know about it. yeah.
- 00:15:02.157 --> 00:15:04.960
- So yeah, we love nature.
- 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:06.161
- It's very refreshing, energizing.
- 00:15:06.161 --> 00:15:08.831
- It like naturally inspires, like awe and wonder.
- 00:15:08.831 --> 00:15:12.201
- And i think that actually refreshes
- 00:15:12.201 --> 00:15:13.736
- Are like the way that we dream and reflect on things.
- 00:15:13.736 --> 00:15:17.306
- And it feels like we're able
- 00:15:17.306 --> 00:15:18.540
- To have a deeper, richer connection.
- 00:15:18.540 --> 00:15:20.509
- So it just really, really means a lot when it's unscheduled.
- 00:15:20.509 --> 00:15:25.147
- We went on a date a while back and yeah,
- 00:15:26.015 --> 00:15:28.384
- Have you ever had this?
- 00:15:28.384 --> 00:15:29.251
- It's like, oh, we can have our time.
- 00:15:29.251 --> 00:15:30.586
- And and we realized we didn't make a reservation.
- 00:15:30.586 --> 00:15:33.122
- We don't know what we're doing.
- 00:15:33.122 --> 00:15:34.556
- And i said, you know what we should do?
- 00:15:34.556 --> 00:15:35.724
- Let's go to schnucks, we'll have dinner
- 00:15:35.724 --> 00:15:37.826
- And let's plan our next four day nights.
- 00:15:37.826 --> 00:15:40.229
- That way we won't have to, she said.
- 00:15:40.229 --> 00:15:41.964
- That sounds like the worst date night.
- 00:15:41.964 --> 00:15:44.266
- I have ever heard.
- 00:15:44.266 --> 00:15:45.834
- My love tank drained.
- 00:15:45.834 --> 00:15:48.037
- It was a leak so big. yeah.
- 00:15:48.037 --> 00:15:50.172
- But you're a planner, right?
- 00:15:50.172 --> 00:15:51.874
- And that i'm energized?
- 00:15:51.874 --> 00:15:53.042
- Yeah.
- 00:15:53.042 --> 00:15:54.143
- Okay, so i think you're making the ultimate point
- 00:15:54.143 --> 00:15:57.046
- That the love language that matters most
- 00:15:57.046 --> 00:16:00.716
- Is showing how you can be doing quality
- 00:16:00.716 --> 00:16:04.386
- Time earnestly but and sincerely but sincerely wrong.
- 00:16:04.386 --> 00:16:09.658
- Right? yeah. okay.
- 00:16:09.658 --> 00:16:11.093
- Isn't that kind of the new piece
- 00:16:11.093 --> 00:16:14.730
- Of what we're really talking about inside of this show?
- 00:16:14.730 --> 00:16:17.466
- That's a big part of what this new book is all about.
- 00:16:17.466 --> 00:16:20.069
- It is helping people discover not only the primary
- 00:16:20.069 --> 00:16:23.305
- Love language.
- 00:16:23.305 --> 00:16:24.373
- I mean, we had that in the in the original book.
- 00:16:24.373 --> 00:16:26.008
- It's in, you know, in the reading.
- 00:16:26.008 --> 00:16:27.509
- The original book is still important,
- 00:16:27.509 --> 00:16:29.478
- But this is going to help you if you find out that quality
- 00:16:29.478 --> 00:16:32.514
- Time is their language, then you find out the dialects.
- 00:16:32.514 --> 00:16:36.285
- And now you know exactly what it means to them
- 00:16:36.285 --> 00:16:40.222
- To spend quality time with that person, you know?
- 00:16:40.222 --> 00:16:43.525
- And so if they are scheduled, then, you know,
- 00:16:43.525 --> 00:16:46.795
- Then to have a date night set up, this is wonderful for them.
- 00:16:46.795 --> 00:16:50.199
- But if that's not who they are, then as is, leslie said that
- 00:16:50.199 --> 00:16:53.869
- That doesn't mean anything to them.
- 00:16:53.869 --> 00:16:56.138
- In fact, they'd rather not do that.
- 00:16:56.138 --> 00:17:13.655
- Yeah, i think there was a safety i found in it as a child.
- 00:17:14.790 --> 00:17:19.495
- I found that i was most appreciated
- 00:17:19.495 --> 00:17:22.965
- Or maybe celebrated by my parents when i was
- 00:17:22.965 --> 00:17:27.069
- A planner or when i did well in school.
- 00:17:27.069 --> 00:17:29.771
- But to do that, i had to live in like a future plan
- 00:17:29.771 --> 00:17:33.609
- I felt i had to live in.
- 00:17:33.609 --> 00:17:34.943
- This is how we're going to get there.
- 00:17:34.943 --> 00:17:36.178
- I don't feel like i'm as good in
- 00:17:36.178 --> 00:17:38.547
- Making the most of the moment.
- 00:17:38.547 --> 00:17:40.149
- Or maybe there's a belief around like the value of presence
- 00:17:40.149 --> 00:17:43.886
- In the moment.
- 00:17:43.886 --> 00:17:44.620
- But what if we could just start
- 00:17:44.620 --> 00:17:45.954
- Thinking about the future and what if we could?
- 00:17:45.954 --> 00:17:48.423
- So even on again, back to trips.
- 00:17:48.423 --> 00:17:50.292
- I love getting somewhere and it's like, well, we're
- 00:17:50.292 --> 00:17:52.494
- In this beautiful place, but how are we going
- 00:17:52.494 --> 00:17:54.029
- To get from here to whatever's next?
- 00:17:54.029 --> 00:17:56.331
- And so quality time in the present moment feels like
- 00:17:56.331 --> 00:18:00.169
- That was fine.
- 00:18:00.536 --> 00:18:01.303
- Like, that was nice.
- 00:18:01.303 --> 00:18:02.905
- But yeah, i don't have that same thrilling experience from it.
- 00:18:02.905 --> 00:18:07.309
- Certainly.
- 00:18:07.309 --> 00:18:08.210
- So just like luke talked about in, in,
- 00:18:08.210 --> 00:18:11.046
- You know, growing up, he needed the plan. for me.
- 00:18:11.046 --> 00:18:14.783
- I grew up a very big family and so i could never plan.
- 00:18:14.783 --> 00:18:18.787
- I just learned to just go with the flow,
- 00:18:18.787 --> 00:18:22.324
- Just be present in the moment.
- 00:18:22.324 --> 00:18:25.160
- That is still how i operate.
- 00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:27.563
- Like,
- 00:18:27.563 --> 00:18:28.330
- I don't know how i'm going to feel
- 00:18:28.330 --> 00:18:29.565
- When we get to that future moment.
- 00:18:29.565 --> 00:18:31.366
- So let's just see in that moment,
- 00:18:31.366 --> 00:18:33.969
- Maybe we'll want to go grab a coffee,
- 00:18:33.969 --> 00:18:35.737
- Or maybe we think we want to just stick around.
- 00:18:35.737 --> 00:18:38.140
- We don't want to go on an adventure in that moment.
- 00:18:38.140 --> 00:18:40.275
- So, yeah, i'm very unstructured in my time.
- 00:18:40.275 --> 00:18:47.216
- This morning
- 00:18:47.516 --> 00:18:48.717
- I was reading a part of this book to her
- 00:18:48.717 --> 00:18:52.321
- About this idea of forcing quality
- 00:18:52.321 --> 00:18:56.091
- Time or doing it wrong, okay, doing it the exact wrong.
- 00:18:56.091 --> 00:19:00.128
- That would have been the worst date night
- 00:19:00.128 --> 00:19:01.863
- Ever to sit there and plan the next four -
- 00:19:01.863 --> 00:19:04.933
- That is so funny that you got
- 00:19:04.933 --> 00:19:09.538
- That. that's funny.
- 00:19:10.005 --> 00:19:11.873
- Okay, it's like a scene in a movie.
- 00:19:11.873 --> 00:19:13.675
- I mean,
- 00:19:13.675 --> 00:19:15.577
- Okay, and so you can be
- 00:19:15.577 --> 00:19:18.313
- Doing this wrong, and i'm reading that part to her
- 00:19:18.313 --> 00:19:22.251
- And i laugh out loud because there is this awkward
- 00:19:22.251 --> 00:19:26.755
- Feeling that i don't want to be doing something
- 00:19:26.755 --> 00:19:30.325
- That might feel awkward to me, that would make it feel awkward,
- 00:19:30.325 --> 00:19:33.729
- Like i'm forcing this quality time.
- 00:19:33.729 --> 00:19:36.331
- Like, you know, we're sitting here and so,
- 00:19:36.331 --> 00:19:39.334
- You know, i reach over and i artificially take her hand
- 00:19:39.334 --> 00:19:42.971
- And artificially i'm saying that i, i
- 00:19:42.971 --> 00:19:47.409
- That may be very natural to me, dear.
- 00:19:48.243 --> 00:19:50.912
- I'm just saying that if it was wrong
- 00:19:50.912 --> 00:19:53.482
- That you'd be doing something that is too.
- 00:19:53.482 --> 00:19:56.351
- Eddie haskell.
- 00:19:56.351 --> 00:19:57.686
- It was done for this.
- 00:19:57.686 --> 00:19:59.354
- No, no, no, no, this is the deal now.
- 00:19:59.354 --> 00:20:01.723
- It's like it's empathy, right?
- 00:20:01.723 --> 00:20:03.759
- It's insight.
- 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:04.693
- You have awareness that, oh, wait a second.
- 00:20:04.693 --> 00:20:07.729
- I'm more like,
- 00:20:08.096 --> 00:20:09.898
- Highly scheduled for quality time and let's count
- 00:20:09.898 --> 00:20:13.035
- On the date night.
- 00:20:13.035 --> 00:20:14.169
- But i realize, oh, wait, she's an improviser with time.
- 00:20:14.169 --> 00:20:17.172
- She likes to just catch it with the flow.
- 00:20:17.172 --> 00:20:19.641
- When the waves come in, that's have the quality time.
- 00:20:19.641 --> 00:20:22.110
- Then this is the perfect time.
- 00:20:22.110 --> 00:20:23.912
- I need to now go.
- 00:20:23.912 --> 00:20:25.147
- Okay, let me set my own agenda aside and realize
- 00:20:25.147 --> 00:20:29.151
- I need to offer quality time
- 00:20:29.151 --> 00:20:31.620
- Right now because that's what fills up her love tank.
- 00:20:31.620 --> 00:20:34.990
- I just know that i'm sensitive to seeing people that look like
- 00:20:34.990 --> 00:20:41.129
- They're artificially trying to do something.
- 00:20:41.129 --> 00:20:44.232
- And i have,
- 00:20:44.232 --> 00:20:46.034
- You know, my dad,
- 00:20:46.468 --> 00:20:47.703
- Again, was from missouri, and he had this, you know, b.s.
- 00:20:47.703 --> 00:20:50.439
- Meter, and he - he basically would,
- 00:20:50.439 --> 00:20:55.177
- You know, he would do this gesture to try to illustrate
- 00:20:55.177 --> 00:20:59.414
- When somebody,
- 00:20:59.414 --> 00:21:01.149
- You know,
- 00:21:01.149 --> 00:21:01.450
- If he
- 00:21:01.450 --> 00:21:02.284
- If he was listening to some preacher
- 00:21:02.284 --> 00:21:03.785
- Or someone was saying something and,
- 00:21:03.785 --> 00:21:05.721
- And he disagreed with a thought, it was artificial,
- 00:21:05.721 --> 00:21:08.724
- He he'd reach down and
- 00:21:08.724 --> 00:21:10.392
- Grab his pant legs and pull them up like that, like
- 00:21:10.392 --> 00:21:13.729
- He was not wanting to step in a pile of,
- 00:21:13.729 --> 00:21:16.298
- You know, cow, cow dung, you know, and
- 00:21:16.298 --> 00:21:19.368
- And that was his way of showing that he was kind of disagree
- 00:21:19.368 --> 00:21:23.438
- And what█s this have to do with quality time?
- 00:21:23.438 --> 00:21:25.073
- I have no idea, just the artificial nature.
- 00:21:25.073 --> 00:21:28.310
- Because i was reading this morning that part,
- 00:21:28.310 --> 00:21:31.012
- And i laughed out loud and she said something
- 00:21:31.012 --> 00:21:33.915
- In the mirror, looking at me, curling her hair.
- 00:21:33.915 --> 00:21:35.751
- She said something like, do you feel that way?
- 00:21:35.751 --> 00:21:38.353
- You know, that kind of thing.
- 00:21:38.353 --> 00:21:39.688
- So i, i feel like what you have helped me with is
- 00:21:39.688 --> 00:21:45.894
- If there was someone like me again, you guys are doctors.
- 00:21:45.894 --> 00:21:49.831
- You do this all day long.
- 00:21:49.831 --> 00:21:51.199
- We're just people, okay? and.
- 00:21:51.199 --> 00:21:53.869
- And yes, we are superior to you.
- 00:21:53.869 --> 00:21:56.171
- Yes, in in this case,
- 00:21:56.171 --> 00:21:58.173
- We never make mistakes when it comes to love. okay?
- 00:21:58.173 --> 00:22:02.411
- There's never been a
- 00:22:02.844 --> 00:22:04.079
- Doctor, psychologist ever divorced or anything like that.
- 00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:07.115
- But, but, but my point is,
- 00:22:07.115 --> 00:22:09.684
- I could have said if we would have gone to lunch
- 00:22:09.684 --> 00:22:13.255
- Sometime, you would have said. how are you?
- 00:22:13.255 --> 00:22:15.690
- You know, integrating with the book?
- 00:22:15.690 --> 00:22:17.626
- I would, if i was honest.
- 00:22:17.626 --> 00:22:19.661
- I would have said sometimes
- 00:22:19.661 --> 00:22:21.496
- I feel like some of this artificial
- 00:22:21.496 --> 00:22:23.465
- And i and i, i feel like now when you get introvert,
- 00:22:23.465 --> 00:22:27.903
- Extrovert, these nuances, these personalities attach to it
- 00:22:27.903 --> 00:22:32.507
- And these dialects that i've got it figured out now.
- 00:22:32.507 --> 00:22:36.044
- Thank you so much easier.
- 00:22:36.044 --> 00:22:38.413
- Okay, i finally feel like, you know what i'm going to do?
- 00:22:38.413 --> 00:22:42.451
- I'm going to pull my pantleg
- 00:22:42.451 --> 00:22:44.619
- And so as you take us out with your final thought,
- 00:22:44.619 --> 00:22:50.725
- Why don't you give me your final thought?
- 00:22:51.626 --> 00:22:53.495
- You know, oh, i'm from missouri.
- 00:22:53.495 --> 00:22:56.598
- And let's.
- 00:22:56.898 --> 00:23:00.168
- Okay.
- 00:23:00.402 --> 00:23:01.336
- The final thought on quality time for me is
- 00:23:01.336 --> 00:23:03.839
- Make sure you tune in to their dialect because
- 00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:07.008
- If you're
- 00:23:07.008 --> 00:23:08.143
- Investing in doing this, your heart's in the right place.
- 00:23:08.143 --> 00:23:10.979
- And you want to speak their
- 00:23:10.979 --> 00:23:11.813
- Love language, which is quality time.
- 00:23:11.813 --> 00:23:13.715
- Yeah. don't think that's something
- 00:23:13.715 --> 00:23:15.083
- You just check off the list because, like,
- 00:23:15.083 --> 00:23:17.919
- I'm investing time right here. maybe.
- 00:23:17.919 --> 00:23:20.856
- But just make sure it's within their dialect
- 00:23:20.856 --> 00:23:23.425
- Because you may be missing the boat
- 00:23:23.425 --> 00:23:25.327
- And you,
- 00:23:25.327 --> 00:23:26.261
- You█ll go back after a little while and go.
- 00:23:26.261 --> 00:23:28.630
- Why isn't their love tank full?
- 00:23:28.630 --> 00:23:30.098
- I invested the time. yeah.
- 00:23:30.098 --> 00:23:31.900
- So fully present and earnest.
- 00:23:31.900 --> 00:23:34.736
- There's a difference between feeling a little awkward.
- 00:23:34.736 --> 00:23:38.006
- Because maybe your way isn't the way
- 00:23:38.006 --> 00:23:40.542
- I would receive love and being fully authentic.
- 00:23:40.542 --> 00:23:45.247
- And i think that's what you're trying to put your finger.
- 00:23:45.247 --> 00:23:47.749
- I was trying, yeah.
- 00:23:47.749 --> 00:23:48.850
- Final thought is yours, doctor chapman.
- 00:23:48.850 --> 00:23:50.785
- Yeah, i think we have to recognize
- 00:23:50.785 --> 00:23:52.554
- It goes back to attitude. really?
- 00:23:52.554 --> 00:23:55.223
- It may feel uncomfortable to me to communicate
- 00:23:55.223 --> 00:23:59.427
- Love in your language, in your dialect at first,
- 00:23:59.427 --> 00:24:03.098
- Because it's not naturally who i am.
- 00:24:03.098 --> 00:24:05.667
- But if i have an attitude of love, then i want to do that.
- 00:24:05.667 --> 00:24:09.304
- I want to learn how to do that, and the more i do it,
- 00:24:09.304 --> 00:24:11.973
- The more comfortable i feel doing it right.
- 00:24:11.973 --> 00:24:14.309
- And this feels like quality time.
- 00:24:14.309 --> 00:24:17.512
- It has been a gift we always have.
- 00:24:17.512 --> 00:24:20.348
- (laughter)
- 00:24:20.649 --> 00:24:24.352
- Maybe for you.
- 00:24:24.719 --> 00:24:28.089
- Okay, that also feels like a comedy act.
- 00:24:28.089 --> 00:24:30.992
- Kinda fun isn█t it?
- 00:24:31.459 --> 00:24:32.994
- Okay.
- 00:24:32.994 --> 00:24:35.330
- We make it very clear in this book.
- 00:24:36.131 --> 00:24:38.867
- The love language that matters most
- 00:24:38.867 --> 00:24:40.769
- Is the love language of the person in front of you.
- 00:24:40.769 --> 00:24:43.438
- Your partner.
- 00:24:43.438 --> 00:24:44.706
- Maybe a friend or, but someone that you're communicating to.
- 00:24:44.706 --> 00:24:47.809
- And the reason that's so important is
- 00:24:47.809 --> 00:24:49.945
- I've had people who've read the original book
- 00:24:49.945 --> 00:24:51.913
- And they say things like this to me.
- 00:24:51.913 --> 00:24:53.915
- My husband and i took the quiz and his language is this,
- 00:24:53.915 --> 00:24:57.385
- And my language is this.
- 00:24:57.385 --> 00:24:58.753
- And i've been speaking his language for three weeks,
- 00:24:58.753 --> 00:25:00.956
- But he's not speaking my language.
- 00:25:00.956 --> 00:25:02.724
- It's just not working.
- 00:25:02.724 --> 00:25:04.526
- And i say, well, now
- 00:25:04.526 --> 00:25:05.894
- You're loving him, speaking his love language
- 00:25:05.894 --> 00:25:09.331
- In order to get him to speak your language.
- 00:25:09.331 --> 00:25:10.966
- Is that right? that's manipulation.
- 00:25:10.966 --> 00:25:13.802
- Love is loving the person
- 00:25:14.369 --> 00:25:16.371
- Unconditionally, seeking to meet their emotional need for love.
- 00:25:16.371 --> 00:25:20.609
- Yes, we hope that they're going to reciprocate,
- 00:25:20.609 --> 00:25:23.044
- But the love language that matters most
- 00:25:23.044 --> 00:25:25.313
- Is the love language of the person in front of you.
- 00:25:25.313 --> 00:25:27.549
- And that's why this book is going
- 00:25:27.549 --> 00:25:28.917
- To help you be more effective in communicating love
- 00:25:28.917 --> 00:25:32.287
- To that person.
- 00:25:32.287 --> 00:25:44.532
- Hello, i'm doctor gary
- 00:25:45.033 --> 00:25:46.034
- Chapman, author of the five love languages.
- 00:25:46.034 --> 00:25:49.170
- For 33 years, i've watched love languages change
- 00:25:49.170 --> 00:25:52.941
- Lives and heal relationships all around the world.
- 00:25:52.941 --> 00:25:56.511
- That discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
- 00:25:56.511 --> 00:25:59.781
- The love language that matters most.
- 00:25:59.781 --> 00:26:02.684
- This powerful resource is our.
- 00:26:02.684 --> 00:26:04.252
- Thank you for your gift of $20 or more to tbn.
- 00:26:04.252 --> 00:26:07.389
- With the gift of $55 or more, you'll receive a bundle, offer
- 00:26:07.389 --> 00:26:10.759
- The newly released ebook the love language
- 00:26:10.759 --> 00:26:12.861
- That matters most, along with an access card
- 00:26:12.861 --> 00:26:15.196
- To take the love language premium assessment.
- 00:26:15.196 --> 00:26:17.365
- The assessment gives you a detailed 15 page report
- 00:26:17.365 --> 00:26:20.335
- Tailored to your unique love language profile.
- 00:26:20.335 --> 00:26:22.704
- Discover how you are uniquely wired for connection.
- 00:26:22.704 --> 00:26:25.540
- Call (800)█301-8755 or visit tbn.org/mattersmost today.
- 00:26:25.540 --> 00:26:33.415
- I believe this message has the power to transform
- 00:26:33.415 --> 00:26:36.951
- Not only how we love, but why we love.
- 00:26:36.951 --> 00:26:40.955
- I'm thrilled to invite you on the journey.
- 00:26:40.955 --> 00:26:40.955
