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Gary Chapman and Les & Leslie Parrott: How Do You Hear Love? | The Love Language That Matters Most

January 23, 2026 | 29:33

Gary Chapman and Les & Leslie Parrott: How Do You Hear Love? | The Love Language That Matters Most
In this long-awaited follow-up, Dr. Chapman and Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott take the world-changing concept of the 5 Love Languages® one step further. They reveal why love often gets lost in translation—and how learning to speak the right dialect at the right time is the key to deeper connection.
#Love #Communication #Relationships #Marriage #Wordswespeak #Encouragement #PositiveThoughts #Heart #UnconditionalLove #Inspirational #Criticism #Self-Esteem #Husband #Wife #Need #Affirmation #MattCrouch #LaurieCrouch

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Show Timecode
| Gary Chapman and Les & Leslie Parrott: How Do You Hear Love? | The Love Language That Matters Most | January 23, 2026
  • I've known about love languages for a long time.
  • 00:00:04.494 --> 00:00:06.830
  • Young. teenager maybe.
  • 00:00:06.830 --> 00:00:08.431
  • I have known about love languages for 25 years.
  • 00:00:08.431 --> 00:00:14.437
  • My love languages are physical touch.
  • 00:00:15.271 --> 00:00:18.875
  • And words of affirmation are my two top.
  • 00:00:18.875 --> 00:00:20.877
  • That i crave and i need and quality time.
  • 00:00:20.877 --> 00:00:24.114
  • I need them all, actually.
  • 00:00:24.114 --> 00:00:26.282
  • Yeah, mine would probably be quality time
  • 00:00:26.282 --> 00:00:29.152
  • And words of affirmation.
  • 00:00:29.152 --> 00:00:31.421
  • Well, he's words of affirmation.
  • 00:00:31.421 --> 00:00:33.022
  • Words of affirmation is one that i feel like i need to
  • 00:00:33.022 --> 00:00:37.026
  • Try harder,
  • 00:00:37.360 --> 00:00:38.628
  • Be a little bit better at.
  • 00:00:38.628 --> 00:00:39.896
  • In writing cards
  • 00:00:39.896 --> 00:00:40.964
  • For words of affirmation.
  • 00:00:40.964 --> 00:00:42.332
  • I like to write him cards, whether it█s his birthday. or,
  • 00:00:42.332 --> 00:00:46.202
  • But actually really take time to to write the words.
  • 00:00:46.202 --> 00:00:49.038
  • I'm not really great at speaking my husband█s
  • 00:00:49.038 --> 00:00:52.942
  • Love language.
  • 00:00:52.942 --> 00:00:53.943
  • It's something i have to be very intentional
  • 00:00:53.943 --> 00:00:55.712
  • About his his words of affirmation.
  • 00:00:55.712 --> 00:00:57.547
  • And that's not my love language.
  • 00:00:57.547 --> 00:00:59.382
  • So i have to be pretty intentional and mindful
  • 00:00:59.382 --> 00:01:02.218
  • To make sure that i'm giving affirming words.
  • 00:01:02.218 --> 00:01:05.822
  • It doesn't come natural.
  • 00:01:05.822 --> 00:01:07.190
  • I speak my husband's love language...
  • 00:01:07.190 --> 00:01:09.225
  • When i make a concerted effort, i think i am always speaking
  • 00:01:09.225 --> 00:01:12.462
  • His love language when i'm doing things
  • 00:01:12.462 --> 00:01:15.498
  • And then realize, no, i'm speaking my own love language.
  • 00:01:15.498 --> 00:01:18.535
  • So sometimes i have to pivot.
  • 00:01:18.535 --> 00:01:24.040
  • I did not know that.
  • 00:01:24.474 --> 00:01:25.675
  • It makes sense because it is really true
  • 00:01:25.675 --> 00:01:28.645
  • That not everyone's love language is cut and dry.
  • 00:01:28.645 --> 00:01:50.500
  • I█d moved to santa barbara brief and went to a church retreat.
  • 00:01:51.701 --> 00:01:55.972
  • The pastor there is a good friend
  • 00:01:55.972 --> 00:01:57.273
  • And he has known jasmine and her family for many years
  • 00:01:57.273 --> 00:02:00.510
  • And decided that we should meet and we're the perfect couple.
  • 00:02:00.510 --> 00:02:03.012
  • He had a great sense of humor
  • 00:02:03.012 --> 00:02:04.681
  • And i thought, oh, i'd like to be with him.
  • 00:02:04.681 --> 00:02:06.549
  • So the next day i saw him kind of going into the cafeteria,
  • 00:02:06.549 --> 00:02:10.386
  • And then he took me to church that night to calvary chapel.
  • 00:02:10.386 --> 00:02:14.490
  • It was the academy awards night. yeah.
  • 00:02:14.490 --> 00:02:17.327
  • In orange county.
  • 00:02:17.327 --> 00:02:18.361
  • Yeah, the first date. yeah.
  • 00:02:18.361 --> 00:02:19.762
  • And he drove a long way to come up to me
  • 00:02:19.762 --> 00:02:22.999
  • Because i told him i would not drive there for a first date
  • 00:02:22.999 --> 00:02:27.837
  • He staged this big event, dinner one night,
  • 00:02:27.837 --> 00:02:30.440
  • And did the introduction and announcements.
  • 00:02:30.440 --> 00:02:32.208
  • And at the end of the evening,
  • 00:02:32.208 --> 00:02:33.676
  • Got jasmine's phone number and we started texting.
  • 00:02:34.711 --> 00:02:37.413
  • I say we knew pretty quickly, jono thinks
  • 00:02:37.413 --> 00:02:39.182
  • That took me a while to figure it out, but
  • 00:02:39.182 --> 00:02:41.351
  • It was a very quick transition into getting married.
  • 00:02:41.351 --> 00:02:43.686
  • And here we are a year and a half later,
  • 00:02:43.686 --> 00:02:45.021
  • And we're still just as happy as we were then.
  • 00:02:45.021 --> 00:02:47.957
  • Yeah.
  • 00:02:47.957 --> 00:02:49.058
  • I decided to change in my guy that had a football
  • 00:02:49.058 --> 00:02:51.761
  • For a guy who had a briefcase,
  • 00:02:51.761 --> 00:02:54.831
  • And he was very serious about school and about the lord,
  • 00:02:54.831 --> 00:02:58.167
  • And he kind of took my heart away.
  • 00:02:58.167 --> 00:03:00.303
  • The love language that matters most.
  • 00:03:00.303 --> 00:03:08.278
  • On this episode of the love language that matters most.
  • 00:03:09.412 --> 00:03:13.750
  • Words of affirmation.
  • 00:03:13.750 --> 00:03:16.286
  • This one's going to be the tough one for me, because
  • 00:03:16.286 --> 00:03:20.123
  • This one here is gonna think that this is a really important
  • 00:03:20.123 --> 00:03:23.726
  • Episode.
  • 00:03:23.726 --> 00:03:24.894
  • Doctor chapman, get us started on words of affirmation.
  • 00:03:24.894 --> 00:03:28.031
  • Well, words of affirmation is my primary language.
  • 00:03:28.031 --> 00:03:31.200
  • As my wife tells me often.
  • 00:03:31.200 --> 00:03:33.369
  • Honey, you are the greatest husband in the world.
  • 00:03:33.369 --> 00:03:36.205
  • And i know that's a hyperbole,
  • 00:03:36.205 --> 00:03:37.740
  • But it makes me feel really good, you know? so.
  • 00:03:37.740 --> 00:03:40.743
  • But, it's not just a matter of understanding
  • 00:03:40.743 --> 00:03:43.980
  • That that is your spouse's primary love language.
  • 00:03:43.980 --> 00:03:47.350
  • The important thing is to know what kind of words,
  • 00:03:47.350 --> 00:03:50.687
  • What type of words, or what we call it.
  • 00:03:50.687 --> 00:03:53.523
  • You know, what dialect of words is most important to them.
  • 00:03:53.523 --> 00:03:57.894
  • And learning that can be very, very helpful
  • 00:03:57.894 --> 00:04:00.096
  • Along with personality. for example:
  • 00:04:00.096 --> 00:04:02.765
  • My personality is more of an introvert than an extrovert.
  • 00:04:02.765 --> 00:04:06.903
  • And so for people to give me praise in front of other people,
  • 00:04:06.903 --> 00:04:10.573
  • Oh, that just feels uncomfortable to me.
  • 00:04:10.573 --> 00:04:12.909
  • But if they want to tell me something
  • 00:04:12.909 --> 00:04:14.444
  • Positive about me in a personal conversation,
  • 00:04:14.444 --> 00:04:17.180
  • I receive that.
  • 00:04:17.180 --> 00:04:18.681
  • So again, in the in the book and also in the,
  • 00:04:18.681 --> 00:04:21.684
  • Premium assessment of the five love languages,
  • 00:04:21.684 --> 00:04:24.520
  • We're dealing with different dialects
  • 00:04:24.520 --> 00:04:26.556
  • And how personality also impacts how to be effective.
  • 00:04:26.556 --> 00:04:30.960
  • Can i follow up a question on that by saying,
  • 00:04:30.960 --> 00:04:34.497
  • Does it matter if i say “sharp tie.”
  • 00:04:34.497 --> 00:04:37.300
  • “good looking suit.”
  • 00:04:37.300 --> 00:04:38.668
  • Do you like that kind of word of affirmation or man,
  • 00:04:38.668 --> 00:04:43.172
  • You really nailed it on the book and this is really going
  • 00:04:43.172 --> 00:04:46.743
  • To help people.
  • 00:04:46.743 --> 00:04:47.677
  • Which one i think for me is far more in terms
  • 00:04:47.677 --> 00:04:50.179
  • Of not how i look, but something i have done,
  • 00:04:50.179 --> 00:04:53.683
  • Obviously with the help of god, because we don't do anything
  • 00:04:53.683 --> 00:04:56.519
  • Without his help.
  • 00:04:56.519 --> 00:04:57.754
  • But to recognize, you know, that this has been very,
  • 00:04:57.754 --> 00:05:00.490
  • Very helpful to me.
  • 00:05:00.490 --> 00:05:01.657
  • That's what really communicates to me.
  • 00:05:01.657 --> 00:05:04.327
  • I know that's my heart. i want to help people.
  • 00:05:04.327 --> 00:05:06.796
  • And if they're telling me that something
  • 00:05:06.796 --> 00:05:08.498
  • I've done is really enriching
  • 00:05:08.498 --> 00:05:09.966
  • Their lives, it's very meaningful to me.
  • 00:05:09.966 --> 00:05:12.602
  • So you don't care if you have a hair out of place or.
  • 00:05:12.602 --> 00:05:14.570
  • Absolutely, you do care. you don't.
  • 00:05:14.570 --> 00:05:16.906
  • I do not care. you don't?
  • 00:05:16.906 --> 00:05:18.341
  • Well you do.
  • 00:05:18.341 --> 00:05:19.108
  • Let me just... matt....
  • 00:05:19.108 --> 00:05:20.877
  • Okay. right there. ok. perfect,
  • 00:05:20.877 --> 00:05:23.079
  • So how do you want to jump in?
  • 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:25.415
  • So this is your love language, right?
  • 00:05:25.415 --> 00:05:27.650
  • And,
  • 00:05:27.650 --> 00:05:28.885
  • And by the way, that sport coat does look incredible on you.
  • 00:05:28.885 --> 00:05:31.821
  • Yeah.
  • 00:05:31.821 --> 00:05:32.822
  • But the the idea of giving words of affirmation
  • 00:05:32.822 --> 00:05:36.426
  • Like i just did can sometimes feel manipulative or phony.
  • 00:05:36.426 --> 00:05:40.863
  • Right. do you ever hear that from people?
  • 00:05:40.863 --> 00:05:43.299
  • What do you say about that?
  • 00:05:43.299 --> 00:05:44.333
  • Well, you know, i'm going to receive any word
  • 00:05:44.333 --> 00:05:46.302
  • Anybody wants to say that's positive.
  • 00:05:46.302 --> 00:05:48.171
  • I'm happy for that.
  • 00:05:48.171 --> 00:05:49.772
  • But some mean much more mean.
  • 00:05:49.772 --> 00:05:51.274
  • What you say about my clothes doesn't mean much to me at all.
  • 00:05:51.274 --> 00:05:54.210
  • Yeah. it would be kind of on the low end. yeah.
  • 00:05:54.210 --> 00:05:56.946
  • But if you're
  • 00:05:56.946 --> 00:05:58.014
  • Talking about something i've done or say it or.
  • 00:05:58.014 --> 00:06:00.183
  • Look, i get you that sort of thing.
  • 00:06:00.183 --> 00:06:02.051
  • Well, one of the things matt and lori
  • 00:06:02.051 --> 00:06:03.853
  • That we did, the three of us, is
  • 00:06:03.853 --> 00:06:06.989
  • A ton of research to figure out how do we kind of parse
  • 00:06:06.989 --> 00:06:10.259
  • This words of affirmation
  • 00:06:10.259 --> 00:06:12.195
  • So that we're really speaking to that person's heart?
  • 00:06:12.195 --> 00:06:15.298
  • That's what this new book is all about.
  • 00:06:15.298 --> 00:06:17.133
  • We all kind of know our love language,
  • 00:06:17.133 --> 00:06:19.068
  • And we have a sense of what other people's love
  • 00:06:19.068 --> 00:06:20.970
  • Languages are that we care about,
  • 00:06:20.970 --> 00:06:23.005
  • But how do we really speak it fluently?
  • 00:06:23.005 --> 00:06:26.342
  • How do we set our own agenda aside momentarily
  • 00:06:26.342 --> 00:06:29.212
  • To really fill up their love tank?
  • 00:06:29.212 --> 00:06:31.681
  • Right.
  • 00:06:31.681 --> 00:06:32.615
  • And so what we've discovered when it comes
  • 00:06:32.615 --> 00:06:33.783
  • To words of affirmation, there's three categories
  • 00:06:33.783 --> 00:06:36.519
  • Kind of subcategories or dialects.
  • 00:06:36.519 --> 00:06:39.388
  • Right.
  • 00:06:39.388 --> 00:06:40.623
  • And they are encouragement, appreciation, and compliments.
  • 00:06:40.623 --> 00:06:47.530
  • We are talking about the love language
  • 00:06:48.364 --> 00:06:50.233
  • Words of affirmation, and the three simple ways it's spoken.
  • 00:06:50.233 --> 00:06:55.838
  • Because when you understand these dialects,
  • 00:06:55.838 --> 00:06:58.374
  • You can express love in a way that truly connects.
  • 00:06:58.374 --> 00:07:01.711
  • The first is appreciation.
  • 00:07:01.711 --> 00:07:04.580
  • These are words that say, i see you, i value you.
  • 00:07:04.580 --> 00:07:08.584
  • What you do matters.
  • 00:07:09.018 --> 00:07:11.220
  • The second dialect is complement.
  • 00:07:11.220 --> 00:07:13.856
  • These are positive,
  • 00:07:13.856 --> 00:07:15.157
  • Uplifting words that highlight something good.
  • 00:07:15.157 --> 00:07:18.561
  • Their smile, their character
  • 00:07:18.561 --> 00:07:21.464
  • Are something they've done well.
  • 00:07:21.464 --> 00:07:24.100
  • And the third is encouragement.
  • 00:07:24.100 --> 00:07:26.936
  • These are words that give strength, support,
  • 00:07:26.936 --> 00:07:30.373
  • Motivation, and hope.
  • 00:07:30.373 --> 00:07:32.308
  • Each of these are meaningful, but most of us
  • 00:07:32.308 --> 00:07:35.211
  • Respond more strongly to 1 or 2.
  • 00:07:35.211 --> 00:07:39.348
  • When you understand the mix that speaks to your loved one,
  • 00:07:39.348 --> 00:07:42.919
  • You communicate love in the way their heart hears it best.
  • 00:07:42.919 --> 00:07:53.429
  • So my love language is words of affirmation.
  • 00:07:54.330 --> 00:07:57.300
  • The first time we spent my birthday together,
  • 00:07:57.300 --> 00:07:59.402
  • I wanted to make sure that i went into it
  • 00:07:59.402 --> 00:08:01.370
  • With like, proper expectations.
  • 00:08:01.370 --> 00:08:03.005
  • And so i said to jono on the day before,
  • 00:08:03.005 --> 00:08:05.141
  • Just so you know,
  • 00:08:05.141 --> 00:08:06.242
  • If anything, i would love if you just got a card
  • 00:08:06.242 --> 00:08:09.278
  • And you wrote in it, like you could give me
  • 00:08:09.278 --> 00:08:10.713
  • The most extravagant gift, but i really just want a card
  • 00:08:10.713 --> 00:08:13.583
  • That you wrote
  • 00:08:13.583 --> 00:08:14.483
  • In, and i'm just telling you that now
  • 00:08:14.483 --> 00:08:15.551
  • So that there isn't any unmet expectations.
  • 00:08:15.551 --> 00:08:17.820
  • And he was like, i got a card for you and i will write in it.
  • 00:08:17.820 --> 00:08:21.457
  • My top one is words of affirmation.
  • 00:08:21.457 --> 00:08:23.926
  • It is, i think, something that just kind of, to be honest,
  • 00:08:23.926 --> 00:08:27.630
  • Goes back to my upbringing and not always hearing it.
  • 00:08:27.630 --> 00:08:31.968
  • You know, i enjoy giving words of affirmation.
  • 00:08:31.968 --> 00:08:35.638
  • So i look at that.
  • 00:08:35.638 --> 00:08:36.639
  • Not that i want it in return, but i value it
  • 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:38.941
  • So much as a part of what i do.
  • 00:08:38.941 --> 00:08:40.943
  • And i think if i receive it back,
  • 00:08:40.943 --> 00:08:42.678
  • It really is important for me. and i don't need an attaboy.
  • 00:08:42.678 --> 00:08:45.615
  • That's not my personality.
  • 00:08:45.615 --> 00:08:47.216
  • I'm pretty much a self-starter.
  • 00:08:47.216 --> 00:08:48.651
  • But when something recognizes something i've done
  • 00:08:48.651 --> 00:08:51.721
  • And can affirm that for me, i really value it.
  • 00:08:51.721 --> 00:08:54.790
  • I was pretty sure my top loved
  • 00:08:54.790 --> 00:08:56.926
  • Language was words of affirmation,
  • 00:08:56.926 --> 00:08:58.361
  • But breaking it down into the dialects
  • 00:08:58.361 --> 00:09:00.062
  • And knowing that appreciation is top of the list for me.
  • 00:09:00.062 --> 00:09:03.499
  • Not necessarily encouragement.
  • 00:09:03.499 --> 00:09:04.900
  • Like, i don't need you to tell me
  • 00:09:04.900 --> 00:09:06.369
  • I can do it and i'm doing a great job.
  • 00:09:06.369 --> 00:09:08.371
  • I need you to tell me
  • 00:09:08.371 --> 00:09:09.572
  • What it is that you appreciate about me and why.
  • 00:09:09.572 --> 00:09:12.842
  • When she gives me a word of affirmation or an appreciation,
  • 00:09:12.842 --> 00:09:16.812
  • It is more meaningful than any coworker
  • 00:09:16.812 --> 00:09:19.248
  • Or boss or, you know, subordinate could give me.
  • 00:09:19.248 --> 00:09:22.885
  • It's just something about when you're
  • 00:09:22.885 --> 00:09:24.387
  • When your spouse recognizes that and affirms it and verbalize
  • 00:09:24.387 --> 00:09:28.057
  • It, it's really it's meaningful.
  • 00:09:28.057 --> 00:09:30.626
  • You might be
  • 00:09:30.926 --> 00:09:32.428
  • Frustrated because you're you know, that your spouse's
  • 00:09:32.428 --> 00:09:35.998
  • Love language is words of affirmation,
  • 00:09:35.998 --> 00:09:37.800
  • And you're giving them affirmation,
  • 00:09:37.800 --> 00:09:39.301
  • But it's not filling up their love tank.
  • 00:09:39.301 --> 00:09:41.003
  • Yeah, it's because they're their dialect
  • 00:09:41.003 --> 00:09:43.239
  • May be not what you're thinking. as a matter of fact.
  • 00:09:43.239 --> 00:09:45.474
  • I mean, gary█s example that was so good because a
  • 00:09:45.474 --> 00:09:48.377
  • Compliment isn't necessarily what would fill your love tank.
  • 00:09:48.377 --> 00:09:52.982
  • It's not that you don't want one, but appreciation
  • 00:09:52.982 --> 00:09:57.386
  • That shows
  • 00:09:57.386 --> 00:09:58.421
  • How something you've done has deeply affected
  • 00:09:58.421 --> 00:10:01.190
  • The life of another person.
  • 00:10:01.190 --> 00:10:02.625
  • I thought, yeah, when i read gary's book the first time
  • 00:10:02.625 --> 00:10:06.362
  • And realize and leslie did too and realize that
  • 00:10:06.362 --> 00:10:09.031
  • Your love language-that's right was words of affirmation
  • 00:10:09.031 --> 00:10:12.535
  • Tops the list.
  • 00:10:12.902 --> 00:10:14.103
  • I thought, well, i need to encourage her more.
  • 00:10:14.103 --> 00:10:16.372
  • It was almost like you could have.
  • 00:10:16.372 --> 00:10:18.140
  • I didn't do this, but it was almost like,
  • 00:10:18.140 --> 00:10:19.775
  • You know how in gyms they have encouraging things.
  • 00:10:19.775 --> 00:10:21.777
  • Hang in there.
  • 00:10:21.777 --> 00:10:22.578
  • You can do it. inspirational posters.
  • 00:10:22.578 --> 00:10:24.480
  • Right.
  • 00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:25.414
  • It's like, that's kind of what i thought
  • 00:10:25.414 --> 00:10:26.816
  • Words of affirmation was all about.
  • 00:10:26.816 --> 00:10:28.284
  • And so i was speaking that and it just was falling flat.
  • 00:10:28.284 --> 00:10:31.487
  • And it wasn't till we did this research.
  • 00:10:31.487 --> 00:10:33.189
  • It was revolutionary for me when i realized it was for her.
  • 00:10:33.189 --> 00:10:36.425
  • It was about compliments. that's the third one here.
  • 00:10:36.425 --> 00:10:39.261
  • And her compliment meter goes off the richter scale.
  • 00:10:39.261 --> 00:10:42.798
  • So when i can say, oh my goodness,
  • 00:10:42.798 --> 00:10:44.667
  • Your eyes in this light, they're incredible, right?
  • 00:10:44.667 --> 00:10:48.137
  • And that fills up her love tank, not me going,
  • 00:10:49.071 --> 00:10:51.640
  • “yeah, you can do it. hang in there.” right.
  • 00:10:51.640 --> 00:10:54.243
  • That felt more like pressure to me.
  • 00:10:54.243 --> 00:10:56.112
  • Yeah, yeah, but here's something interesting, too, because,
  • 00:10:56.112 --> 00:11:00.316
  • We all experienced moments
  • 00:11:00.316 --> 00:11:02.485
  • Where we have just sort of a love leak, right?
  • 00:11:02.485 --> 00:11:06.055
  • Where it's almost like if words of affirmation
  • 00:11:06.055 --> 00:11:09.225
  • Are important to me in your love tank, it's starts to leak.
  • 00:11:09.225 --> 00:11:11.961
  • Love tank, it can leak
  • 00:11:11.961 --> 00:11:13.429
  • If you get a criticism, you know, boy, that hits hard.
  • 00:11:13.429 --> 00:11:17.733
  • And it's almost like it siphons your love tank.
  • 00:11:17.733 --> 00:11:20.836
  • And so there's power in these.
  • 00:11:20.836 --> 00:11:23.906
  • And here's what we know in our research too.
  • 00:11:23.906 --> 00:11:25.975
  • Recently and in this new book, we've discovered
  • 00:11:25.975 --> 00:11:28.244
  • And really spell it out, a love tank
  • 00:11:28.244 --> 00:11:32.014
  • Is much more difficult to fill than it is to empty.
  • 00:11:32.014 --> 00:11:35.584
  • Oh. we can...
  • 00:11:35.584 --> 00:11:37.419
  • It takes and i think the research
  • 00:11:37.419 --> 00:11:39.121
  • John gottman research on this is it.
  • 00:11:39.121 --> 00:11:40.990
  • Five compliments to every criticism.
  • 00:11:40.990 --> 00:11:43.459
  • Right. wow.
  • 00:11:43.459 --> 00:11:44.393
  • Yeah. yeah.
  • 00:11:44.393 --> 00:11:44.960
  • So so be careful
  • 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:46.428
  • When you when you throw out that critical barb,
  • 00:11:46.428 --> 00:11:49.765
  • You're going to have
  • 00:11:50.199 --> 00:11:51.267
  • To make up for it with some extraordinary love.
  • 00:11:51.267 --> 00:11:54.003
  • I think we were talking about that over pancakes this morning.
  • 00:11:54.003 --> 00:11:57.473
  • We really were.
  • 00:11:57.873 --> 00:11:58.707
  • You remember that?
  • 00:11:58.707 --> 00:12:00.643
  • I did.
  • 00:12:00.643 --> 00:12:01.844
  • Did i say something critical?
  • 00:12:01.844 --> 00:12:03.345
  • I have a follow on question about that pancake moment.
  • 00:12:03.345 --> 00:12:06.949
  • Yeah. what was it? what did you say?
  • 00:12:06.949 --> 00:12:09.518
  • Give us an example.
  • 00:12:09.518 --> 00:12:10.486
  • Was it wasn't a this is the beautiful thing.
  • 00:12:10.486 --> 00:12:12.188
  • It wasn't anything specific.
  • 00:12:12.188 --> 00:12:13.255
  • It was my general aura of being critical.
  • 00:12:13.255 --> 00:12:16.759
  • So it wasn't that we had one thing.
  • 00:12:16.759 --> 00:12:19.562
  • It's just you, you know?
  • 00:12:19.562 --> 00:12:20.596
  • You know how you are just generally critical.
  • 00:12:20.596 --> 00:12:23.199
  • Sure.
  • 00:12:23.199 --> 00:12:25.267
  • Well, i know how you█re generally critical.
  • 00:12:25.267 --> 00:12:33.642
  • I love the idea of your love tank and how full it is.
  • 00:12:34.643 --> 00:12:37.613
  • We've talked about that a little bit.
  • 00:12:37.613 --> 00:12:39.081
  • Like, is your love cup full?
  • 00:12:39.081 --> 00:12:40.783
  • You know, a love tank language has been helpful for us.
  • 00:12:40.783 --> 00:12:44.253
  • Definitely not practiced all the time.
  • 00:12:44.253 --> 00:12:47.223
  • And usually it's at the end of tenser discussion or a moment
  • 00:12:47.223 --> 00:12:51.894
  • More like we're not clicking on something. it's a real thing.
  • 00:12:51.894 --> 00:12:54.830
  • You know, it's easy to have friction
  • 00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:57.199
  • With one another when the tank█s low.
  • 00:12:57.199 --> 00:12:59.335
  • We just did an espresso, and when the water gets too low
  • 00:12:59.335 --> 00:13:03.038
  • And you put an espresso pot
  • 00:13:03.038 --> 00:13:04.473
  • In there and turn it on, nothing's going to happen
  • 00:13:04.473 --> 00:13:06.275
  • Because there's nothing in that little reservoir back there.
  • 00:13:06.275 --> 00:13:08.510
  • So i don't know that we're always aware of that.
  • 00:13:08.510 --> 00:13:10.713
  • I think until i actually read that,
  • 00:13:10.713 --> 00:13:12.481
  • Yeah, i've got a tank
  • 00:13:12.481 --> 00:13:13.983
  • That needs to be filled and kept filled.
  • 00:13:13.983 --> 00:13:16.051
  • I can't do it
  • 00:13:16.051 --> 00:13:17.453
  • Because my love language is not self-affirmation.
  • 00:13:17.453 --> 00:13:20.055
  • So i think that's a great illustration.
  • 00:13:20.055 --> 00:13:22.591
  • Doing this assessment taught us the importance
  • 00:13:22.591 --> 00:13:24.760
  • Of really checking in with each other
  • 00:13:24.760 --> 00:13:26.762
  • And not assuming that
  • 00:13:26.762 --> 00:13:27.930
  • Our needs are being met, or that we are loving each other
  • 00:13:27.930 --> 00:13:30.966
  • In the right way.
  • 00:13:30.966 --> 00:13:32.067
  • But like maybe once a week, intentionally checking
  • 00:13:32.067 --> 00:13:33.802
  • In, i'm saying, you know, we're on a scale of 1
  • 00:13:33.802 --> 00:13:35.771
  • To 10 is your love tank, because it might be a four.
  • 00:13:35.771 --> 00:13:39.041
  • And i'm thinking it's a ten,
  • 00:13:39.041 --> 00:13:40.476
  • You know, and just being intentional
  • 00:13:40.476 --> 00:13:42.411
  • To check in on that, i think is really important.
  • 00:13:42.411 --> 00:13:44.747
  • Yeah.
  • 00:13:44.747 --> 00:13:45.648
  • And like the, the challenges of life,
  • 00:13:45.648 --> 00:13:46.749
  • Like getting through the week,
  • 00:13:46.749 --> 00:13:48.384
  • Doing the shopping, the groceries,
  • 00:13:48.384 --> 00:13:49.818
  • Getting in a full workday and you can get depleted.
  • 00:13:49.818 --> 00:13:52.621
  • So i think it's important for us to
  • 00:13:52.621 --> 00:13:54.757
  • To touch base on that and check in.
  • 00:13:54.757 --> 00:13:56.125
  • And then whether it's our date nights or,
  • 00:13:56.125 --> 00:13:58.193
  • You know, quiet night on the sofa.
  • 00:13:58.193 --> 00:13:59.495
  • I like to drive often with very low
  • 00:13:59.495 --> 00:14:03.966
  • Gas or charge in the car.
  • 00:14:03.966 --> 00:14:06.502
  • And it drives mareya crazy.
  • 00:14:06.502 --> 00:14:08.737
  • What's been helpful at times is to realize,
  • 00:14:08.737 --> 00:14:10.639
  • Okay, both love tanks are low, so your tank for physical touch
  • 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:15.244
  • Or quality time is not being met.
  • 00:14:15.244 --> 00:14:18.847
  • So actually there's not that much wrong.
  • 00:14:18.847 --> 00:14:21.450
  • We just need to stop and recognize that.
  • 00:14:21.450 --> 00:14:24.486
  • And then let's flip the investment here.
  • 00:14:24.486 --> 00:14:27.256
  • That's been resourceful to help us reconnect.
  • 00:14:27.256 --> 00:14:28.924
  • The love language that matters most.
  • 00:14:28.924 --> 00:14:36.332
  • Hello, i'm doctor gary
  • 00:14:36.832 --> 00:14:37.833
  • Chapman, author of the five love languages.
  • 00:14:37.833 --> 00:14:40.970
  • For 33 years, i've watched love languages change
  • 00:14:40.970 --> 00:14:44.740
  • Lives and heal relationships all around the world.
  • 00:14:44.740 --> 00:14:48.310
  • That discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
  • 00:14:48.310 --> 00:14:51.580
  • The love language that matters most.
  • 00:14:51.580 --> 00:14:54.483
  • This powerful resource is our.
  • 00:14:54.483 --> 00:14:56.051
  • Thank you for your gift of $20 or more to tbn.
  • 00:14:56.051 --> 00:14:59.188
  • With the gift of $55 or more, you'll receive a bundle, offer
  • 00:14:59.188 --> 00:15:02.558
  • The newly released ebook the love language
  • 00:15:02.558 --> 00:15:04.660
  • That matters most, along with an access card
  • 00:15:04.660 --> 00:15:06.996
  • To take the love language premium assessment.
  • 00:15:06.996 --> 00:15:09.164
  • The assessment gives you a detailed 15 page report
  • 00:15:09.164 --> 00:15:12.134
  • Tailored to your unique love language profile.
  • 00:15:12.134 --> 00:15:14.503
  • Discover how you are uniquely wired for connection.
  • 00:15:14.503 --> 00:15:17.339
  • Call (800)█301-8755 or visit tbn.org/mattersmost today.
  • 00:15:17.339 --> 00:15:25.214
  • I believe this message has the power to transform
  • 00:15:25.214 --> 00:15:28.751
  • Not only how we love, but why we love.
  • 00:15:28.751 --> 00:15:32.755
  • I'm thrilled to invite you on the journey.
  • 00:15:32.755 --> 00:15:41.764
  • When we
  • 00:15:42.031 --> 00:15:43.032
  • Took the premium assessment, it really keyed in
  • 00:15:43.032 --> 00:15:45.934
  • On a lot of things for me, even just to understand
  • 00:15:45.934 --> 00:15:50.039
  • Not just my love language, but what the dialect is,
  • 00:15:50.039 --> 00:15:52.841
  • Because i'm actually egyptian and we speak arabic, and
  • 00:15:52.841 --> 00:15:56.779
  • Our arabic in egypt is very different
  • 00:15:56.779 --> 00:15:59.281
  • From other gulf countries.
  • 00:15:59.281 --> 00:16:01.083
  • So we could be speaking the same language
  • 00:16:01.083 --> 00:16:02.985
  • And not really understand each other.
  • 00:16:02.985 --> 00:16:05.287
  • And so i really saw that parallel
  • 00:16:05.287 --> 00:16:07.456
  • In taking the premium assessment and keying in
  • 00:16:07.456 --> 00:16:10.225
  • On my dialects and his, because it's nuanced.
  • 00:16:10.225 --> 00:16:14.596
  • It was great how it would break down
  • 00:16:14.596 --> 00:16:16.265
  • Things a little bit further.
  • 00:16:16.265 --> 00:16:17.833
  • You know, complement is your top tenet in words of affirmation.
  • 00:16:17.833 --> 00:16:22.438
  • But if i just give you
  • 00:16:22.438 --> 00:16:24.006
  • Compliments for the sake of a compliment, that's not it.
  • 00:16:24.006 --> 00:16:26.875
  • And under compliment it says the types of compliments.
  • 00:16:26.875 --> 00:16:30.512
  • And those are the things that actually like
  • 00:16:30.512 --> 00:16:32.014
  • Drew me to you in the very beginning of our relationship.
  • 00:16:32.014 --> 00:16:34.483
  • You want to compliment because you work hard,
  • 00:16:34.483 --> 00:16:36.351
  • You know, and maria is also a chef.
  • 00:16:36.351 --> 00:16:38.887
  • So, there's plenty of times to compliment her,
  • 00:16:38.887 --> 00:16:42.758
  • Which i get to on a regular basis.
  • 00:16:42.758 --> 00:16:44.760
  • It's not doing it as an activity.
  • 00:16:44.760 --> 00:16:47.162
  • It's really learning the language of how to speak it.
  • 00:16:47.162 --> 00:16:50.499
  • In a more
  • 00:16:50.499 --> 00:16:52.935
  • Personal way.
  • 00:16:53.302 --> 00:16:54.303
  • Yeah, i think that's really important
  • 00:16:54.303 --> 00:16:56.238
  • Because the dialect is everything.
  • 00:16:56.238 --> 00:16:59.241
  • Compliments are high for me.
  • 00:16:59.241 --> 00:17:00.843
  • But like, encouragement is not.
  • 00:17:00.843 --> 00:17:03.178
  • I don't feel like i need to be encouraged
  • 00:17:03.178 --> 00:17:05.481
  • Because i'm already motivated.
  • 00:17:05.481 --> 00:17:07.249
  • For him, it's encouragement.
  • 00:17:07.249 --> 00:17:09.785
  • So the opposite of me, it's more about,
  • 00:17:09.785 --> 00:17:13.255
  • Hey, you're doing a great job.
  • 00:17:13.255 --> 00:17:14.790
  • Hey, i'm really proud of you.
  • 00:17:14.790 --> 00:17:16.592
  • Those are the types of things that get him motivated.
  • 00:17:16.592 --> 00:17:19.828
  • So even just the nuances of the dialect
  • 00:17:19.828 --> 00:17:23.732
  • I think are so important.
  • 00:17:23.732 --> 00:17:26.768
  • Do one thing, say the three dialects.
  • 00:17:27.603 --> 00:17:31.273
  • So the three dialects encouragement.
  • 00:17:31.273 --> 00:17:32.941
  • And that's kind of the new right for what we're talking about.
  • 00:17:32.941 --> 00:17:36.211
  • Yeah. so we're really helping you fill that.
  • 00:17:36.211 --> 00:17:38.447
  • That's why it's the love language that matters most.
  • 00:17:38.447 --> 00:17:40.516
  • It's the person in front of you,
  • 00:17:40.516 --> 00:17:42.050
  • The one that you want to feel loved by.
  • 00:17:42.050 --> 00:17:43.819
  • You understand their dialect.
  • 00:17:43.819 --> 00:17:45.854
  • If they█re words of affirmation, encouragement,
  • 00:17:45.854 --> 00:17:48.924
  • That's kind of rooting them on.
  • 00:17:48.924 --> 00:17:50.092
  • And some people really thrive on that.
  • 00:17:50.092 --> 00:17:52.094
  • I have a pastor friend - energizing.
  • 00:17:52.094 --> 00:17:53.729
  • He calls me sometimes i need some encouragement, buddy.
  • 00:17:53.729 --> 00:17:56.398
  • Give me some encouragement. right?
  • 00:17:56.398 --> 00:17:57.900
  • And then appreciation.
  • 00:17:57.900 --> 00:17:59.268
  • It's just expressing gratitude for i can't believe i don't know
  • 00:17:59.268 --> 00:18:03.572
  • How i would get through this day if i didn't have you.
  • 00:18:03.572 --> 00:18:05.841
  • It's that kind of thing.
  • 00:18:05.841 --> 00:18:07.442
  • And then compliments. those are the three.
  • 00:18:07.442 --> 00:18:09.678
  • Do you think at some of the the, the places where you feel
  • 00:18:09.678 --> 00:18:12.548
  • A little insecurity insecure about, of course, you know,
  • 00:18:12.548 --> 00:18:16.385
  • Sometimes it's not easy for me to be on television
  • 00:18:16.385 --> 00:18:21.123
  • And, and it's because i don't necessarily
  • 00:18:21.123 --> 00:18:24.593
  • Think everybody needs to know what i think.
  • 00:18:24.593 --> 00:18:27.062
  • And so it's hard for me to,
  • 00:18:27.062 --> 00:18:29.565
  • To kind of
  • 00:18:29.865 --> 00:18:30.899
  • Put it out there about what i think, you know,
  • 00:18:30.899 --> 00:18:32.768
  • Because it doesn't really matter.
  • 00:18:32.768 --> 00:18:34.136
  • But this is the one that i want to - him and
  • 00:18:34.136 --> 00:18:37.472
  • And the lord are the ones that i want to please the most.
  • 00:18:37.472 --> 00:18:40.375
  • So when i do speak about something, i want him.
  • 00:18:40.375 --> 00:18:46.582
  • Yesterday, sitting here on this set, he turned to me.
  • 00:18:46.582 --> 00:18:49.685
  • After the program he goes, i love when you're chippy.
  • 00:18:49.685 --> 00:18:52.621
  • And so i had been a little chippy on the show, you know.
  • 00:18:52.621 --> 00:18:55.891
  • But it was something- not going.
  • 00:18:55.891 --> 00:18:57.292
  • Don't have any follow up questions. don't ask,
  • 00:18:57.292 --> 00:19:00.729
  • I have to name some names.
  • 00:19:00.729 --> 00:19:02.431
  • I don't know, it would be a little bit.
  • 00:19:02.431 --> 00:19:06.401
  • But when i
  • 00:19:06.702 --> 00:19:07.669
  • But but when it's difficult for me.
  • 00:19:07.669 --> 00:19:10.505
  • And then he says something about it that's positive.
  • 00:19:10.505 --> 00:19:14.543
  • Yeah. that means the world to me.
  • 00:19:14.543 --> 00:19:16.778
  • I love that that's so insightful i, i knew
  • 00:19:16.778 --> 00:19:21.817
  • That she had a very
  • 00:19:22.284 --> 00:19:24.086
  • High, you know, words of affirmation,
  • 00:19:24.086 --> 00:19:27.956
  • But i didn't know that you could be doing it wrong.
  • 00:19:27.956 --> 00:19:32.828
  • You've explained from the opening
  • 00:19:32.828 --> 00:19:34.830
  • Bell here on this episode,
  • 00:19:34.830 --> 00:19:37.566
  • And we're breaking down words of affirmation,
  • 00:19:37.566 --> 00:19:39.768
  • Kind of doing it right or wrong.
  • 00:19:39.768 --> 00:19:41.169
  • It feels like love.
  • 00:19:41.169 --> 00:19:42.037
  • Language that matters most
  • 00:19:42.037 --> 00:19:43.872
  • Is kind of a 2.0 of the original book,
  • 00:19:43.872 --> 00:19:46.908
  • Five love languages, and you open by saying,
  • 00:19:46.908 --> 00:19:50.312
  • I don't care if i have a hair out of place.
  • 00:19:51.179 --> 00:19:53.749
  • I don't care if i get
  • 00:19:53.749 --> 00:19:55.017
  • Compliments on my appearance, but i do care when these words
  • 00:19:55.017 --> 00:19:58.887
  • Come about something that i've caused to put it be
  • 00:19:58.887 --> 00:20:02.724
  • Put in motion.
  • 00:20:02.724 --> 00:20:03.525
  • These books, this 20 million copies
  • 00:20:03.525 --> 00:20:06.361
  • Of the original book and and now this 2.0 piece,
  • 00:20:06.361 --> 00:20:10.132
  • But you're breaking it down in a way that help me.
  • 00:20:10.132 --> 00:20:15.937
  • Okay, i read this.
  • 00:20:15.937 --> 00:20:17.839
  • Okay.
  • 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:18.140
  • I got a,
  • 00:20:18.140 --> 00:20:19.308
  • A big kind of binder of it, and you took the assessment,
  • 00:20:19.308 --> 00:20:22.110
  • And i took the assessment so that now i have a printout
  • 00:20:22.110 --> 00:20:25.947
  • Of how we can, kind of think.
  • 00:20:25.947 --> 00:20:28.950
  • Can i just say something about the two of you
  • 00:20:28.950 --> 00:20:30.919
  • Because you both shared your reports with me,
  • 00:20:30.919 --> 00:20:32.954
  • And your love tanks
  • 00:20:32.954 --> 00:20:34.323
  • Are full and running over, which is an incredible thing.
  • 00:20:34.323 --> 00:20:37.893
  • So you may be sometimes feeling like you speak the love
  • 00:20:37.893 --> 00:20:41.430
  • Language the wrong way - incorrectly - but not today.
  • 00:20:41.430 --> 00:20:45.334
  • Her love tank is full. beautiful.
  • 00:20:45.334 --> 00:20:55.677
  • Yea.
  • 00:20:55.844 --> 00:20:57.379
  • Yeah, i wish i had█ve known this
  • 00:20:58.113 --> 00:20:59.581
  • Like when we first met that would█ve
  • 00:20:59.581 --> 00:21:01.650
  • Made things less stressful.
  • 00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:02.751
  • But yeah, to to know that you're
  • 00:21:02.751 --> 00:21:04.519
  • 100% words of affirmation is pretty awesome.
  • 00:21:04.519 --> 00:21:07.389
  • I'm not surprised that it's 100% because i knew
  • 00:21:07.389 --> 00:21:09.725
  • Even going into the quiz that i was pretty certain
  • 00:21:09.725 --> 00:21:11.960
  • Because
  • 00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:13.028
  • It's in lots of different areas of our marriage
  • 00:21:13.028 --> 00:21:15.430
  • Where i feel like words of affirmation
  • 00:21:15.430 --> 00:21:17.132
  • Is like what i'm needing and looking forward to receive.
  • 00:21:17.132 --> 00:21:20.869
  • I find it most difficult to speak
  • 00:21:20.869 --> 00:21:23.205
  • Jasmine's love language, because words of affirmation
  • 00:21:23.205 --> 00:21:26.708
  • For me is a very foreign concept,
  • 00:21:26.708 --> 00:21:29.010
  • Like it's not something i grew up with,
  • 00:21:29.010 --> 00:21:31.480
  • Or have received much apart from you.
  • 00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:35.050
  • And so that's why for me, it's a very foreign thing.
  • 00:21:35.050 --> 00:21:37.152
  • And so i'm still learning how to, to do that
  • 00:21:37.152 --> 00:21:39.454
  • And that to be something that i can give to you
  • 00:21:39.454 --> 00:21:41.690
  • Now in our, sort of, daily lives.
  • 00:21:41.690 --> 00:21:43.325
  • I know that acts of service is important to you.
  • 00:21:43.325 --> 00:21:45.827
  • And i've had to remind myself that when you are doing
  • 00:21:45.827 --> 00:21:49.564
  • Nice things for me,
  • 00:21:49.564 --> 00:21:50.632
  • It is your way of telling me that you appreciate me.
  • 00:21:50.632 --> 00:21:53.702
  • So understanding that that's important to you,
  • 00:21:53.702 --> 00:21:56.104
  • I try to translate that to how i receive love,
  • 00:21:56.104 --> 00:21:58.273
  • Knowing that you're affirming me and showing me love by
  • 00:21:58.273 --> 00:22:02.177
  • Doing those little things for me,
  • 00:22:02.177 --> 00:22:03.445
  • Even though it's not high on my list.
  • 00:22:03.445 --> 00:22:04.980
  • Please don't stop doing those things
  • 00:22:04.980 --> 00:22:06.615
  • Because i do appreciate them.
  • 00:22:06.615 --> 00:22:08.216
  • I don't have to do the dishes anymore is good.
  • 00:22:08.216 --> 00:22:09.918
  • Yeah, we read,
  • 00:22:09.918 --> 00:22:10.786
  • We read our results and i was like,
  • 00:22:10.786 --> 00:22:12.487
  • He's going to stop doing the dishes
  • 00:22:12.487 --> 00:22:14.089
  • And filling the car with gas and taking the dogs out.
  • 00:22:14.089 --> 00:22:16.358
  • No, those things are still important.
  • 00:22:16.358 --> 00:22:19.895
  • Kind of
  • 00:22:20.162 --> 00:22:21.129
  • Your final thoughts on this words because,
  • 00:22:21.129 --> 00:22:24.099
  • You know, i would largely say
  • 00:22:24.099 --> 00:22:27.569
  • If i go into my own family
  • 00:22:27.569 --> 00:22:30.705
  • And one of my sons uses words
  • 00:22:30.705 --> 00:22:34.075
  • All the time, and one of my sons uses words sparingly,
  • 00:22:34.075 --> 00:22:37.946
  • One of my sons is more of a
  • 00:22:37.946 --> 00:22:41.082
  • Talker, in private.
  • 00:22:41.550 --> 00:22:44.553
  • The other one is more of a talker in public.
  • 00:22:44.553 --> 00:22:47.923
  • You know, in a public setting, one is way more vocal, kind of
  • 00:22:47.923 --> 00:22:51.660
  • In a one on one situation than even the other one.
  • 00:22:51.660 --> 00:22:54.663
  • So the one that kind of talks more in a public setting
  • 00:22:54.663 --> 00:22:58.700
  • Is more quiet, one on one, and the one that's quiet in
  • 00:22:58.700 --> 00:23:02.370
  • Public is more talkative in in a one on one situation.
  • 00:23:02.370 --> 00:23:05.540
  • So words articulate very differently
  • 00:23:05.540 --> 00:23:09.144
  • Based upon personality.
  • 00:23:09.144 --> 00:23:11.012
  • And you're starting to show us that this is really
  • 00:23:11.012 --> 00:23:14.883
  • How personality shapes these big categories
  • 00:23:14.883 --> 00:23:18.887
  • Of words of affirmation, am i? yeah. tracking.
  • 00:23:18.887 --> 00:23:21.556
  • Absolutely.
  • 00:23:21.556 --> 00:23:22.457
  • And personality is extremely important
  • 00:23:22.457 --> 00:23:24.559
  • In this whole area of words in particular.
  • 00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:27.262
  • And you're giving a good illustration
  • 00:23:27.262 --> 00:23:29.197
  • If you have 2 or 3 children
  • 00:23:29.197 --> 00:23:30.699
  • They may have different problem, have different personalities.
  • 00:23:30.699 --> 00:23:33.235
  • And and particularly when it comes to talking.
  • 00:23:33.235 --> 00:23:35.904
  • And so i think understanding that and how the personality
  • 00:23:35.904 --> 00:23:39.774
  • And the dialect
  • 00:23:39.774 --> 00:23:41.276
  • Of that other person is going to make you much more effective
  • 00:23:41.276 --> 00:23:44.646
  • In communicating words of affirmation,
  • 00:23:44.646 --> 00:23:46.948
  • The words that would work for me
  • 00:23:46.948 --> 00:23:48.283
  • If you communicated to me by saying, doctor crouch,
  • 00:23:48.283 --> 00:23:51.419
  • I think would be really good if you just,
  • 00:23:51.419 --> 00:23:53.288
  • But then that would be false.
  • 00:23:53.288 --> 00:23:55.290
  • Well, i don't care if it's false.
  • 00:23:55.290 --> 00:23:56.558
  • They just make me feel good.
  • 00:23:56.558 --> 00:23:57.926
  • I don't care if it's fake.
  • 00:23:57.926 --> 00:24:00.061
  • That was with see, it's flattery.
  • 00:24:00.061 --> 00:24:02.597
  • So i am eddie haskell sitting here. apparently.
  • 00:24:02.597 --> 00:24:05.033
  • If you want to be delusional, doctor, there
  • 00:24:05.033 --> 00:24:09.337
  • I like.
  • 00:24:09.604 --> 00:24:10.539
  • I like your final thoughts, doctor.
  • 00:24:10.539 --> 00:24:12.841
  • You have the final thought, as we all need words
  • 00:24:12.841 --> 00:24:16.645
  • Of affirmation.
  • 00:24:16.645 --> 00:24:17.712
  • But there are people that are particularly tuned in
  • 00:24:17.712 --> 00:24:21.182
  • To getting their love tank filled by those.
  • 00:24:21.182 --> 00:24:23.518
  • And so if you have somebody in your life that you love,
  • 00:24:23.518 --> 00:24:27.255
  • Make sure you're not just
  • 00:24:27.255 --> 00:24:28.890
  • Dispensing words of affirmation because this is what you think
  • 00:24:28.890 --> 00:24:31.726
  • They are.
  • 00:24:31.726 --> 00:24:32.727
  • Make sure you accurately understand their dialect
  • 00:24:32.727 --> 00:24:34.863
  • By doing the assessment, reading the book,
  • 00:24:34.863 --> 00:24:37.198
  • Whatever it is that you need to do, talking with them
  • 00:24:37.198 --> 00:24:39.668
  • Because that's when love doesn't get any sweeter.
  • 00:24:39.668 --> 00:24:42.070
  • Your final thought.
  • 00:24:42.070 --> 00:24:43.772
  • It's so important that we're fluent in the love
  • 00:24:43.772 --> 00:24:46.808
  • Language of the people we love,
  • 00:24:46.808 --> 00:24:48.877
  • Because we can work hard, but we need to be smart about it
  • 00:24:48.877 --> 00:24:52.314
  • So that it they light up and they flourish.
  • 00:24:52.314 --> 00:24:56.184
  • Yeah.
  • 00:24:56.184 --> 00:24:57.018
  • So you're not spinning your wheels
  • 00:24:57.018 --> 00:24:58.119
  • When it comes to trying to love that person. yeah.
  • 00:24:58.119 --> 00:24:59.821
  • Words of affirmation.
  • 00:24:59.821 --> 00:25:01.022
  • Signing off. this is doctor crouch.
  • 00:25:01.022 --> 00:25:06.828
  • I think one of the greatest lessons
  • 00:25:07.629 --> 00:25:09.331
  • I have learned about love is that love starts
  • 00:25:09.331 --> 00:25:13.868
  • Not with a feeling, but with an attitude.
  • 00:25:13.868 --> 00:25:17.105
  • You know, the scripture say, let this attitude be in you,
  • 00:25:17.105 --> 00:25:20.508
  • Which was also in christ jesus, who though he was god,
  • 00:25:20.508 --> 00:25:24.512
  • He didn't demand his rights as god.
  • 00:25:24.512 --> 00:25:27.148
  • He emptied himself and became a man.
  • 00:25:27.148 --> 00:25:29.684
  • And once he got to level ground with us,
  • 00:25:29.684 --> 00:25:31.886
  • He stepped down even further to death on the cross.
  • 00:25:31.886 --> 00:25:35.090
  • Let this attitude be in you.
  • 00:25:35.090 --> 00:25:37.659
  • So i say to people who are in my office and say,
  • 00:25:37.659 --> 00:25:40.829
  • You know, i have no feelings for my spouse.
  • 00:25:40.829 --> 00:25:43.198
  • I just have no desire to have a relationship with them.
  • 00:25:43.198 --> 00:25:47.302
  • And i said, i can understand that, you know, i understand
  • 00:25:47.302 --> 00:25:50.205
  • We can lose feelings for another person.
  • 00:25:50.205 --> 00:25:52.874
  • But here's the good news we choose our attitude.
  • 00:25:52.874 --> 00:25:55.810
  • And if we choose the attitude of christ
  • 00:25:56.611 --> 00:25:59.514
  • Who loved us when we were unlovely,
  • 00:25:59.514 --> 00:26:02.584
  • We can love an unlovely spouse
  • 00:26:02.584 --> 00:26:05.220
  • Because we're choosing an attitude,
  • 00:26:05.220 --> 00:26:07.222
  • We're not claiming that we have positive feelings for them.
  • 00:26:07.222 --> 00:26:10.425
  • We're saying, i choose to love you.
  • 00:26:10.425 --> 00:26:13.094
  • And then you learn how to speak their love language,
  • 00:26:13.094 --> 00:26:15.563
  • And particularly
  • 00:26:15.563 --> 00:26:16.698
  • With their dialect, and consider their personality.
  • 00:26:16.698 --> 00:26:19.934
  • You're going to have a positive impact on them.
  • 00:26:19.934 --> 00:26:22.437
  • You're going to influence them in a very positive way.
  • 00:26:22.437 --> 00:26:25.040
  • Will they always reciprocate?
  • 00:26:25.040 --> 00:26:26.908
  • I can't guarantee that not everybody reciprocates to god.
  • 00:26:26.908 --> 00:26:31.112
  • He loved us and died for us.
  • 00:26:31.112 --> 00:26:32.914
  • But there are people that walk away from god.
  • 00:26:32.914 --> 00:26:35.417
  • But i can tell you this there's no greater influence
  • 00:26:35.417 --> 00:26:38.186
  • On another person
  • 00:26:38.186 --> 00:26:39.354
  • Than to be loving them over a significant period of time
  • 00:26:39.354 --> 00:26:42.891
  • In the right love language, with the right dialect,
  • 00:26:42.891 --> 00:26:45.727
  • Nothing else will have a greater impact, a greater influence
  • 00:26:45.727 --> 00:26:49.431
  • On them.
  • 00:26:49.431 --> 00:26:59.607
  • Hello, i'm doctor gary
  • 00:27:00.108 --> 00:27:01.109
  • Chapman, author of the five love languages.
  • 00:27:01.109 --> 00:27:04.212
  • For 33 years i've watched loved languages change
  • 00:27:04.212 --> 00:27:07.982
  • Lives and heal relationships all around the world.
  • 00:27:07.982 --> 00:27:11.553
  • That discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
  • 00:27:11.553 --> 00:27:14.823
  • The love language that matters most.
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  • This powerful resource is our.
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  • Thank you for your gift of $20 or more to tbn.
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  • With the gift of $55 or more, you'll receive a bundle offer
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  • The newly released book the love language
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  • That matters most, along with an access card
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  • To take the love language premium assessment.
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  • The assessment gives you
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  • A detailed 15 page report tailored to your unique
  • 00:27:33.475 --> 00:27:36.511
  • Love language profile.
  • 00:27:36.511 --> 00:27:37.712
  • Discover how you are uniquely wired for connection.
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  • Call (800)█301-8755 or visit tbn.org/mattersmost today.
  • 00:27:40.582 --> 00:27:48.456
  • I believe this message has the power to transform
  • 00:27:48.456 --> 00:27:51.993
  • Not only how we love, but why we love.
  • 00:27:51.993 --> 00:27:55.997
  • I'm thrilled to invite you on the journey.
  • 00:27:55.997 --> 00:27:55.997