Pastor Mike Signorelli brings bold, Bible-based teaching to help believers walk faithfully in today’s often compromised world
Closed captions
Show Timecode
| Mike Signorelli - The Dating Talk Every Christian Wishes Their Dad Gave Them | November 14, 2025
- How many people claim
- 00:00:01.253 --> 00:00:02.588
- To get saved, but their cravings never change.
- 00:00:02.588 --> 00:00:06.425
- You can scroll on your phone
- 00:00:07.026 --> 00:00:08.660
- For four hours, but you can't spend four minutes in prayer.
- 00:00:08.660 --> 00:00:12.197
- Something's gotta change because you say, if it was about me,
- 00:00:13.365 --> 00:00:15.768
- I would keep scrolling.
- 00:00:15.768 --> 00:00:17.302
- But it's about this density, so let me eat the scroll.
- 00:00:17.302 --> 00:00:20.973
- Come on, somebody.
- 00:00:21.407 --> 00:00:28.247
- Oh, oh.
- 00:00:28.480 --> 00:00:33.752
- This is dating advice from dad.
- 00:00:34.386 --> 00:00:37.122
- If you're watching this right now and you don't have a dad,
- 00:00:37.122 --> 00:00:39.892
- Let me just be like a dad to you because i'm going to answer questions
- 00:00:39.892 --> 00:00:43.996
- That my daughter has for me about dating and relationships.
- 00:00:43.996 --> 00:00:47.900
- And there's just a lack of wisdom.
- 00:00:48.667 --> 00:00:50.536
- And as somebody who's getting older and has some gray in my beard
- 00:00:50.536 --> 00:00:54.006
- Has lost some hair.
- 00:00:54.473 --> 00:00:56.442
- I believe that i've been through a lot of life and i can help you tremendously.
- 00:00:56.442 --> 00:00:59.945
- And so i want to make myself available.
- 00:01:00.813 --> 00:01:01.847
- Do me a favor, though.
- 00:01:01.847 --> 00:01:03.282
- Share this video with someone who needs dating advice,
- 00:01:03.282 --> 00:01:06.819
- Because sometimes you try to say something to them
- 00:01:07.786 --> 00:01:09.388
- And they just, quite frankly, don't want to hear it from you.
- 00:01:09.388 --> 00:01:12.091
- But they'll listen to me on youtube.
- 00:01:12.091 --> 00:01:14.393
- So go ahead and share this video with someone who needs this.
- 00:01:14.393 --> 00:01:17.863
- And then like down below there's a bar.
- 00:01:18.697 --> 00:01:20.466
- And if you scrub through that bar, you'll see all the different questions.
- 00:01:20.466 --> 00:01:23.302
- So you can skip around the video and see what the questions are.
- 00:01:23.302 --> 00:01:26.972
- All right. so bella, you are my daughter.
- 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:29.575
- Hi guys.
- 00:01:29.575 --> 00:01:30.843
- I am his daughter.
- 00:01:30.843 --> 00:01:33.078
- Not by choice. no, no.
- 00:01:33.078 --> 00:01:36.548
- By gods choice.
- 00:01:36.915 --> 00:01:38.350
- Also, if you didn't already, you need to subscribe
- 00:01:38.350 --> 00:01:41.753
- Because this is actually my favorite youtube channel ever. oh.
- 00:01:42.988 --> 00:01:44.923
- Thank you.
- 00:01:44.923 --> 00:01:46.258
- No, no, my daughter's idea was the blankets.
- 00:01:46.258 --> 00:01:48.727
- And, you know, let's hold these.
- 00:01:48.727 --> 00:01:50.529
- And this is gen z coded, as they would say.
- 00:01:50.529 --> 00:01:53.632
- I do have a cozy moment, a cozy vibe. cozy.
- 00:01:53.632 --> 00:01:56.168
- And then. yeah.
- 00:01:56.168 --> 00:01:57.436
- And then we've got the, the tea, which i.
- 00:01:57.436 --> 00:01:58.670
- This is sleepytime tea.
- 00:01:58.670 --> 00:02:00.038
- So we're just really going to, you know, relax
- 00:02:00.038 --> 00:02:04.076
- And talk about gen z dating topics.
- 00:02:04.810 --> 00:02:07.746
- I have, yeah.
- 00:02:07.746 --> 00:02:08.881
- Just for young people in general.
- 00:02:08.881 --> 00:02:10.549
- Yeah.
- 00:02:10.549 --> 00:02:12.117
- You might be in your 20s, 30s or even 40s in this case of you.
- 00:02:12.117 --> 00:02:14.786
- So, bella, i had i had you, like, sit down and think about the top questions
- 00:02:16.288 --> 00:02:19.191
- That you have or that your friends have, and then i'm going to try to answer them.
- 00:02:19.191 --> 00:02:23.195
- So let's just like go, go right for it. okay.
- 00:02:23.195 --> 00:02:25.764
- I think it's a funny one i found was
- 00:02:25.764 --> 00:02:29.034
- Is ghosting ever really okay.
- 00:02:29.668 --> 00:02:32.271
- Okay.
- 00:02:32.504 --> 00:02:33.805
- So the term ghosting, the way i understand
- 00:02:33.805 --> 00:02:35.574
- It means you're talking to somebody via text, the phone, whatever.
- 00:02:35.574 --> 00:02:38.477
- And it gets to a certain point, and then you just stop all communications
- 00:02:39.878 --> 00:02:42.548
- Without explicitly telling them you're going to do that.
- 00:02:43.682 --> 00:02:44.816
- Right? right. okay.
- 00:02:44.816 --> 00:02:46.385
- So i think that there is an appropriate time for ghosting.
- 00:02:46.385 --> 00:02:49.688
- And let me tell you when when the person is crazy,
- 00:02:49.688 --> 00:02:52.958
- Like sometimes you start to build a relationship
- 00:02:53.926 --> 00:02:55.460
- With someone and you realize they're toxic.
- 00:02:55.460 --> 00:02:57.930
- And so ghosting is the only thing that's
- 00:02:57.930 --> 00:03:00.599
- Necessary because, let me tell you why.
- 00:03:00.599 --> 00:03:04.069
- Sometimes there is no right way to end a relationship with someone
- 00:03:05.437 --> 00:03:08.173
- That you're talking to other than to ghost them
- 00:03:08.173 --> 00:03:11.310
- Because they're mentally and emotionally disturbed,
- 00:03:11.310 --> 00:03:13.812
- And they're always going to have a counter point for whatever point you bring up.
- 00:03:13.812 --> 00:03:17.683
- But this is like a really, really important point
- 00:03:18.684 --> 00:03:21.420
- In this whole podcast relationship tips are like car crashes.
- 00:03:21.420 --> 00:03:26.658
- The faster you go, the more damage is done.
- 00:03:27.526 --> 00:03:29.728
- So if you ghost somebody after you've just been like talking
- 00:03:30.929 --> 00:03:33.899
- Via text and keeping at surface level, there's less consequences for that
- 00:03:33.899 --> 00:03:39.004
- Than getting so deep into a relationship with someone and then ghosting them.
- 00:03:40.539 --> 00:03:43.175
- So it's like, take it slow, don't get.
- 00:03:44.009 --> 00:03:46.245
- So because a lot of christians are like, well, like we're not sexually involved.
- 00:03:46.245 --> 00:03:51.550
- And it's like, yeah, but there's emotional intimacy.
- 00:03:52.584 --> 00:03:54.586
- You know, it's not just physical.
- 00:03:55.320 --> 00:03:57.155
- So sometimes christians think, well, it's not a big deal for me to ghost.
- 00:03:57.155 --> 00:03:59.925
- I'm going to break it off
- 00:03:59.925 --> 00:04:01.827
- Because we never did anything physical, not realizing that what you did
- 00:04:01.827 --> 00:04:05.597
- Emotionally has just as powerful implications.
- 00:04:05.597 --> 00:04:09.701
- That's so true. especially in our digital age.
- 00:04:10.669 --> 00:04:12.271
- We, like, are in constant contact all the time with like that
- 00:04:12.271 --> 00:04:15.641
- Significant other.
- 00:04:15.641 --> 00:04:17.142
- So it can sometimes be like talking to them every day.
- 00:04:17.142 --> 00:04:19.278
- Like if you don't take some good morning, you're cooked like,
- 00:04:19.278 --> 00:04:22.514
- Yeah, you're definitely cooked.
- 00:04:23.148 --> 00:04:24.549
- So what would you say are the proper guidelines
- 00:04:24.549 --> 00:04:27.286
- For like communication in an age where we're all connected constantly?
- 00:04:27.286 --> 00:04:31.056
- Oh, that's so good.
- 00:04:31.523 --> 00:04:32.724
- You're right.
- 00:04:32.724 --> 00:04:33.392
- Because i didn't
- 00:04:33.392 --> 00:04:35.193
- Have these pressures, you know, when when your mom and i were dating.
- 00:04:35.193 --> 00:04:37.996
- But let me just say it's best to communicate upfront.
- 00:04:39.064 --> 00:04:41.800
- And that's where, like, i think when you're in a relationship,
- 00:04:42.968 --> 00:04:45.537
- You have to help that other person understand, hey,
- 00:04:46.571 --> 00:04:48.140
- Just to set an expectation, i start my mornings with god.
- 00:04:48.140 --> 00:04:51.910
- I don't even grab my phone.
- 00:04:52.511 --> 00:04:53.779
- Some of you are getting convicted right now
- 00:04:53.779 --> 00:04:56.281
- And you're like, hey, so i'm not going to i'm not going to text you good morning.
- 00:04:56.281 --> 00:05:00.385
- Every morning because i'm with god in the morning.
- 00:05:01.420 --> 00:05:03.055
- And hey, by the way, if i don't text you, it's because i'm busy.
- 00:05:03.055 --> 00:05:06.158
- And i just want to let you know ahead of time.
- 00:05:06.158 --> 00:05:08.126
- Like, i think
- 00:05:08.126 --> 00:05:09.995
- Whatever you communicate on the front end is the best way to communicate it,
- 00:05:09.995 --> 00:05:13.498
- Because then no one's guessing, like, oh, she told me she wasn't going to text me.
- 00:05:15.100 --> 00:05:16.902
- Good morning.
- 00:05:16.902 --> 00:05:18.170
- And then if i if you do it, it's a bonus.
- 00:05:18.170 --> 00:05:20.038
- Not an expectation.
- 00:05:20.038 --> 00:05:21.840
- And i think clear, like drawing clear boundaries on the front end
- 00:05:21.840 --> 00:05:26.311
- Is what makes any relationship a good relationship, you know?
- 00:05:27.512 --> 00:05:30.415
- And so especially with the digital age, it's like
- 00:05:30.415 --> 00:05:34.052
- Even telling someone like, hey, i just want to set the expectation.
- 00:05:35.354 --> 00:05:36.888
- I, i don't think we should be texting all day and night.
- 00:05:36.888 --> 00:05:40.525
- I've got stuff i've got going on.
- 00:05:41.259 --> 00:05:42.794
- And that, by the way, that doesn't mean i like you less.
- 00:05:42.794 --> 00:05:45.364
- It just means that i've got stuff going on and and like even
- 00:05:46.531 --> 00:05:48.800
- Telling the person i want, i want quality versus quantity,
- 00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:53.305
- Because i think that's the problem with like dating in this era
- 00:05:54.606 --> 00:05:56.842
- Is the phone produces quantity of interactions,
- 00:05:57.843 --> 00:06:00.445
- But it also reduces the quality of interactions.
- 00:06:01.446 --> 00:06:03.949
- And so people are like building relationships that feel deep,
- 00:06:05.150 --> 00:06:07.619
- But they're not actually deep.
- 00:06:08.253 --> 00:06:09.588
- And so i'm like analog old school.
- 00:06:09.588 --> 00:06:12.290
- And i think that is needed in your generation as well.
- 00:06:12.290 --> 00:06:16.495
- And so just setting all those expectations and talking it out loud,
- 00:06:17.796 --> 00:06:20.198
- That is so true and so good to like quality over quantity.
- 00:06:21.366 --> 00:06:24.302
- Yes. quality and quantity.
- 00:06:24.870 --> 00:06:26.772
- But like oh that's good.
- 00:06:26.772 --> 00:06:28.607
- You know, that's like what we're missing.
- 00:06:28.607 --> 00:06:30.409
- Like how you were saying everything is so digital.
- 00:06:30.409 --> 00:06:32.177
- Like you're having these deep conversations
- 00:06:32.177 --> 00:06:34.112
- Over the phone, blah, blah blah, but there's no fruit coming out of it.
- 00:06:34.112 --> 00:06:37.849
- You know, you need to have like in-person connection nowadays
- 00:06:37.849 --> 00:06:41.820
- Because we're lacking that as a generation.
- 00:06:41.820 --> 00:06:43.789
- So when we all get together, we're like, we don't even know how to interact
- 00:06:43.789 --> 00:06:46.725
- With each other anymore.
- 00:06:46.725 --> 00:06:48.193
- Like, i hang out with my friends
- 00:06:48.193 --> 00:06:49.761
- And we're all on our phones and i'm like, guys, let's log in.
- 00:06:49.761 --> 00:06:52.964
- Yeah, well, and i think also there's like chemistry.
- 00:06:54.032 --> 00:06:56.334
- And one of the healthiest ways to find out if you have chemistry
- 00:06:57.669 --> 00:06:59.638
- Is to be together, but also within a group.
- 00:07:00.505 --> 00:07:02.407
- And i would suggest to anybody dating that you should consider group dates.
- 00:07:02.407 --> 00:07:07.179
- And let me tell you why.
- 00:07:07.179 --> 00:07:08.513
- How he treats you in front of other people
- 00:07:08.513 --> 00:07:11.850
- Is how he's going to eventually treat you alone.
- 00:07:12.818 --> 00:07:15.153
- So in other words, like if he's dissing you in front of other
- 00:07:16.354 --> 00:07:17.756
- People, he's going to really diss you alone.
- 00:07:17.756 --> 00:07:21.159
- But if he's like lifting you up and encouraging you, or he's with a group
- 00:07:22.594 --> 00:07:24.963
- Of people but he's singling you out because it's like, no, this is my girl.
- 00:07:24.963 --> 00:07:29.100
- Like, i'm opening the door for her.
- 00:07:29.901 --> 00:07:30.702
- I'm taking care of her.
- 00:07:30.702 --> 00:07:32.270
- It's giving you an indicator of that dynamic because like,
- 00:07:32.270 --> 00:07:36.107
- What i noticed is that especially young guys,
- 00:07:37.042 --> 00:07:38.410
- Because i observe
- 00:07:38.410 --> 00:07:40.278
- Like the people that you're around and like the other teenagers, it's
- 00:07:40.278 --> 00:07:43.181
- Like sometimes they are like, how do i put this?
- 00:07:43.181 --> 00:07:48.353
- They're like starved for attention.
- 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:50.689
- And it's like, they don't just want the person's attention.
- 00:07:50.689 --> 00:07:53.692
- They're dating, but they want everyone else's attention as well.
- 00:07:53.692 --> 00:07:57.429
- So if you date in a group dynamic and you realize that, like, wait a second,
- 00:07:58.930 --> 00:08:01.700
- He doesn't just want my attention, he needs everybody else's, you realize
- 00:08:01.700 --> 00:08:05.770
- That, okay, watch is going to be a mic drop moment for somebody privately.
- 00:08:05.770 --> 00:08:10.642
- He's still going to need your attention, plus other people's.
- 00:08:11.843 --> 00:08:13.945
- And that's called infidelity.
- 00:08:13.945 --> 00:08:15.981
- So like for real.
- 00:08:16.414 --> 00:08:17.916
- Yeah.
- 00:08:17.916 --> 00:08:19.885
- And that's because like i've noticed that where it's like, wait a second, bro.
- 00:08:19.885 --> 00:08:21.753
- Like why is her attention not enough?
- 00:08:21.753 --> 00:08:24.122
- Why are you acting like a fool to get everybody else's attention?
- 00:08:24.122 --> 00:08:28.793
- Like, what's so broken in your ego that you need all eyes on you?
- 00:08:30.128 --> 00:08:33.865
- Yeah, that is so true.
- 00:08:34.366 --> 00:08:35.166
- So, like, how would you.
- 00:08:35.166 --> 00:08:37.168
- What advice would you give me for, like, if i was going to ask a friend, like,
- 00:08:37.168 --> 00:08:41.806
- How do you not date out of insecurity?
- 00:08:42.641 --> 00:08:44.976
- What would be like the top three things you would tell them,
- 00:08:44.976 --> 00:08:48.280
- Okay, i'm now we didn't do any notes. no.
- 00:08:49.147 --> 00:08:51.249
- So like you're you're having me do like master's
- 00:08:51.249 --> 00:08:54.252
- Level thesis for like, okay, just off the derby.
- 00:08:54.252 --> 00:08:57.589
- Give me the three things.
- 00:08:58.156 --> 00:08:59.257
- I'm like, okay.
- 00:08:59.257 --> 00:09:00.659
- Psychologically proven right.
- 00:09:00.659 --> 00:09:02.727
- Yeah. yeah. it's like your studies.
- 00:09:02.727 --> 00:09:05.230
- So you so yeah.
- 00:09:05.230 --> 00:09:07.933
- Exactly.
- 00:09:07.933 --> 00:09:09.234
- I'm like oh so to not date out of insecurity.
- 00:09:09.234 --> 00:09:12.170
- Yeah.
- 00:09:12.170 --> 00:09:14.139
- Well let me just start by saying everybody is going to have insecurities.
- 00:09:14.139 --> 00:09:17.208
- You know like i'm in my 40s and i still have insecurities.
- 00:09:18.376 --> 00:09:20.679
- So we're we're all going to struggle
- 00:09:20.679 --> 00:09:22.547
- With insecurities for, for our whole life to some degree.
- 00:09:22.547 --> 00:09:26.551
- But when you date out of your insecurities,
- 00:09:27.485 --> 00:09:29.588
- What that means is that you're choosing someone that you believe
- 00:09:29.588 --> 00:09:32.824
- Is going to solve your insecurities, and that's toxic.
- 00:09:32.824 --> 00:09:37.062
- So it's like, because i need to learn how
- 00:09:37.963 --> 00:09:39.864
- To allow the holy spirit to help me with my insecurities.
- 00:09:39.864 --> 00:09:44.269
- The bible says a three fold cord is not easily broken,
- 00:09:45.370 --> 00:09:47.872
- And so it's you, plus your mate, which is your spouse,
- 00:09:48.974 --> 00:09:50.842
- Your ear, your covenanted in marriage, plus god.
- 00:09:50.842 --> 00:09:54.279
- And i think what happens is
- 00:09:54.879 --> 00:09:56.414
- People think that someone else is going to complete them.
- 00:09:56.414 --> 00:09:59.384
- And it's like, no, it's you plus god plus them that completes you.
- 00:10:00.685 --> 00:10:04.489
- Because adam and eve, you know that story.
- 00:10:05.390 --> 00:10:07.459
- Adam was like, i have god, but i still feel alone.
- 00:10:07.459 --> 00:10:11.062
- That's literally the biblical narrative in genesis
- 00:10:12.097 --> 00:10:13.598
- Three is like, i have a relationship with god.
- 00:10:13.598 --> 00:10:17.802
- I have purpose through my work because god gave adam work,
- 00:10:18.970 --> 00:10:21.873
- But because i don't have a woman, because i don't have my wife.
- 00:10:23.208 --> 00:10:25.677
- I feel incomplete, but it's a three fold cord.
- 00:10:26.645 --> 00:10:29.614
- It wasn't god, it wasn't. i'm sorry.
- 00:10:29.614 --> 00:10:32.050
- It wasn't adam. plus eve.
- 00:10:32.050 --> 00:10:35.387
- It was god and adam first and then eve.
- 00:10:36.254 --> 00:10:39.257
- Hey, mike. signa rally here in the studio.
- 00:10:40.158 --> 00:10:41.760
- We're getting ready to jump back into the sermon,
- 00:10:41.760 --> 00:10:44.195
- But just very briefly, i wanted to let you know
- 00:10:44.195 --> 00:10:47.165
- That i have a resource called the breakers mobile app,
- 00:10:47.165 --> 00:10:51.202
- And i have so many courses there that teach you supernatural ministry
- 00:10:52.604 --> 00:10:56.274
- And how you can unlock the gifts that god has given you.
- 00:10:57.375 --> 00:10:59.344
- I want you to download the mobile app and join a global community of people
- 00:10:59.344 --> 00:11:03.815
- Learning the narrow way, people learning how to operate
- 00:11:03.815 --> 00:11:07.585
- In the fullness of what god has for them, and the gifts of the spirit.
- 00:11:07.585 --> 00:11:12.090
- It's called the breakers of mobile app.
- 00:11:12.891 --> 00:11:14.826
- It's actually entirely free and you can download it now on your device.
- 00:11:14.826 --> 00:11:18.963
- I will see you there.
- 00:11:19.464 --> 00:11:23.935
- So like
- 00:11:24.169 --> 00:11:25.937
- If you said, give me three things, it's like the three things is god.
- 00:11:25.937 --> 00:11:30.275
- Plus you equals you becoming ready for the third?
- 00:11:31.276 --> 00:11:34.779
- Well, and that's what everybody leaves out.
- 00:11:35.714 --> 00:11:38.016
- Now, if i was to give you like three things to, to know
- 00:11:39.084 --> 00:11:41.286
- That you're not dating out of your insecurity, if i.
- 00:11:41.286 --> 00:11:44.589
- Because i could just try three more right now. let's do it.
- 00:11:45.757 --> 00:11:47.459
- One would be, are you making progress mentally and emotionally
- 00:11:47.459 --> 00:11:51.029
- Through your own trauma and pain without another person?
- 00:11:52.130 --> 00:11:54.833
- Because some people think that a relationship's going to heal them,
- 00:11:56.234 --> 00:11:58.203
- But all the relationship does is expose your lack of healing.
- 00:11:59.404 --> 00:12:02.373
- So relationships don't heal you.
- 00:12:03.007 --> 00:12:05.110
- It just exposes your lack of healing.
- 00:12:05.110 --> 00:12:07.879
- So it's like if you're not making progress mentally and emotionally
- 00:12:07.879 --> 00:12:11.049
- Without somebody else, you're not going to make progress with them.
- 00:12:11.049 --> 00:12:14.486
- Actually, you're going to make you're going to regress.
- 00:12:14.486 --> 00:12:16.755
- You're going to go back. number two is,
- 00:12:16.755 --> 00:12:20.425
- You know, how do i know i'm not dating out of insecurities?
- 00:12:21.593 --> 00:12:24.996
- Let me let me put it like this.
- 00:12:24.996 --> 00:12:27.732
- If you can't be attracted to a healthy person, you're not healthy.
- 00:12:27.732 --> 00:12:32.604
- So number two, like, if you see, i know i'm
- 00:12:33.505 --> 00:12:37.175
- Doing this podcast for you to help you because i'm here.
- 00:12:37.175 --> 00:12:41.646
- Dad. yeah.
- 00:12:41.646 --> 00:12:43.214
- Let's just do as my danny is deliverance section right now.
- 00:12:43.214 --> 00:12:45.717
- But, like, if you can't be attracted to a healthy person, it's
- 00:12:46.985 --> 00:12:48.753
- Because you're not healthy.
- 00:12:48.753 --> 00:12:50.255
- And a lot of women are attracted
- 00:12:50.255 --> 00:12:51.756
- To bad boys because deep inside, they're a bad girl,
- 00:12:51.756 --> 00:12:55.727
- And they're looking for someone to fulfill a fantasy that they got
- 00:12:57.061 --> 00:12:58.997
- From their screen, not from scripture.
- 00:12:58.997 --> 00:13:02.300
- So it's like, that's really what it comes down to is like, did you get that?
- 00:13:03.802 --> 00:13:06.004
- Did you get a vision from scripture or did you get a fantasy from a screen?
- 00:13:07.505 --> 00:13:10.809
- Well, and so it's like what happens is when you get healthy,
- 00:13:11.976 --> 00:13:14.479
- You will be attracted to somebody who's healthy.
- 00:13:14.479 --> 00:13:18.383
- And because a lot of women are like, i know i always choose the wrong guys.
- 00:13:19.851 --> 00:13:21.252
- It's like, yes, because you need to become healthy.
- 00:13:21.252 --> 00:13:24.522
- You plus god equals them.
- 00:13:24.522 --> 00:13:26.324
- And then the third thing about how do you know if i'm dating, out of it?
- 00:13:26.324 --> 00:13:30.094
- How do i know if i'm dating out of an insecurity?
- 00:13:30.094 --> 00:13:33.498
- I think that the thing that i've seen the most, like,
- 00:13:34.566 --> 00:13:38.436
- People who are dating out of insecurities is i'm just going to drop a bomb.
- 00:13:38.436 --> 00:13:42.540
- People are going to be so mad at me for this,
- 00:13:42.540 --> 00:13:44.442
- But they're also going to be thanking me in the comments section right now.
- 00:13:44.442 --> 00:13:47.545
- You settle for what you know is not god's best,
- 00:13:48.479 --> 00:13:51.850
- And that could be an insecurity about your age.
- 00:13:52.784 --> 00:13:55.486
- A lot of women, a lot of men. oh, i'm getting older.
- 00:13:55.486 --> 00:13:57.755
- They're the only one.
- 00:13:57.755 --> 00:13:58.990
- It makes the most sense. and they settle.
- 00:13:58.990 --> 00:14:01.359
- Or they just think that, like, well, they've got two out of the three things
- 00:14:01.359 --> 00:14:05.430
- That i'm looking for, three out of the five things, and they settle and that.
- 00:14:05.430 --> 00:14:10.001
- And what that shows is it's
- 00:14:10.001 --> 00:14:11.803
- Not just an insecurity in yourself or it's an insecurity in god.
- 00:14:11.803 --> 00:14:15.340
- Like you don't trust that god, if you're a woman, is going to cause a man
- 00:14:15.340 --> 00:14:19.210
- To pursue you. that's a real man.
- 00:14:19.210 --> 00:14:21.646
- So i would think that, you know,
- 00:14:21.646 --> 00:14:24.349
- People need to go back and be like, no, god, this is what you said.
- 00:14:24.349 --> 00:14:28.553
- And i'm not settling because i'm not insecure in what you told me
- 00:14:29.754 --> 00:14:32.757
- And what you promise me.
- 00:14:32.757 --> 00:14:34.025
- Well, that is so good.
- 00:14:34.025 --> 00:14:36.094
- So it's like inviting the holy spirit into a space
- 00:14:36.094 --> 00:14:40.331
- Where you're almost scared to, you know, when you think about an open wound,
- 00:14:40.331 --> 00:14:44.802
- You have to, you have to put the alcohol on it.
- 00:14:44.802 --> 00:14:48.239
- And sometimes that can burn, but it produces healing,
- 00:14:48.239 --> 00:14:51.175
- You know, with the wound.
- 00:14:51.175 --> 00:14:53.044
- So it's like you're inviting god into this open wound of insecurity.
- 00:14:53.044 --> 00:14:55.146
- You're like, i don't want to do it. i don't want to do it.
- 00:14:55.146 --> 00:14:56.748
- But then you realize, oh, wait, this is actually helping me
- 00:14:56.748 --> 00:14:59.584
- Not only in my relationships, but in every aspect of your life.
- 00:14:59.584 --> 00:15:02.987
- Because when you stop, like functioning out of insecurity,
- 00:15:02.987 --> 00:15:06.491
- You start coming into god's perfect will and what he wants for you.
- 00:15:06.491 --> 00:15:09.894
- So i think that is so good.
- 00:15:09.894 --> 00:15:11.729
- Okay, so that have a good i love that i have a question as someone who,
- 00:15:11.729 --> 00:15:14.666
- Dated in the 90s, right.
- 00:15:14.666 --> 00:15:17.702
- So you did a mom in the 90s.
- 00:15:17.702 --> 00:15:20.038
- I do, i actually started dating your mom in the early 2000.
- 00:15:20.038 --> 00:15:23.775
- Yeah, how things were a lot different back then.
- 00:15:24.742 --> 00:15:26.244
- But i'm not calling you old or anything.
- 00:15:26.244 --> 00:15:27.979
- But at the turn of the century,
- 00:15:27.979 --> 00:15:30.481
- I still get tripped out thinking that i would.
- 00:15:31.416 --> 00:15:33.484
- The statement of i was born in the 20th century.
- 00:15:33.484 --> 00:15:36.988
- That's a true that's weird to think about,
- 00:15:37.889 --> 00:15:39.824
- But okay.
- 00:15:39.824 --> 00:15:43.094
- So there's
- 00:15:43.394 --> 00:15:44.529
- This whole term, called a situationship.
- 00:15:44.529 --> 00:15:47.031
- I don't know if you've heard of that word.
- 00:15:47.031 --> 00:15:48.633
- I think i know what it means.
- 00:15:48.633 --> 00:15:50.568
- So, basically, a situationship is like, you're kind of dating this person,
- 00:15:50.568 --> 00:15:55.306
- But kind of not like you're talking to them,
- 00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:57.809
- But you're not really like talking to anybody else.
- 00:15:57.809 --> 00:16:00.178
- It's on the low, like it's super like, you know, complicated.
- 00:16:00.178 --> 00:16:04.615
- Yeah.
- 00:16:04.849 --> 00:16:06.250
- And, gen z especially love to have situationship.
- 00:16:06.250 --> 00:16:09.454
- So i've learned that. yeah.
- 00:16:09.454 --> 00:16:11.456
- So it's like kind of like the stage right before you get into a relationship,
- 00:16:11.456 --> 00:16:14.392
- You know?
- 00:16:14.392 --> 00:16:16.260
- So it's i guess you would call it like the dating phase, but it's messy.
- 00:16:16.260 --> 00:16:19.130
- So as a pastor and as someone who dated in an era
- 00:16:20.164 --> 00:16:23.768
- Where there really wasn't situationship, so it was
- 00:16:23.768 --> 00:16:25.570
- Either you're dating or not dating, i would say. right.
- 00:16:25.570 --> 00:16:28.039
- Yeah, yeah, more or less like 25 years ago.
- 00:16:28.039 --> 00:16:31.676
- Yeah.
- 00:16:31.909 --> 00:16:33.644
- I mean, at least amongst all my friends, like you would ask somebody out,
- 00:16:33.644 --> 00:16:35.913
- You would go on dates.
- 00:16:35.913 --> 00:16:37.782
- Now, it was possible to date multiple people like me meeting like this.
- 00:16:37.782 --> 00:16:42.653
- Well, yeah, but i mean, i like the way i wanted to word that was
- 00:16:43.921 --> 00:16:46.324
- It was possible to take multiple people on dates.
- 00:16:46.324 --> 00:16:49.694
- Right. so that's the way we looked at it.
- 00:16:50.561 --> 00:16:52.130
- But then once we started to like, go steady with someone.
- 00:16:52.130 --> 00:16:55.033
- Yeah.
- 00:16:55.266 --> 00:16:56.667
- You know, that was a clearly defined thing. yeah.
- 00:16:56.667 --> 00:16:57.935
- So like when you're in a situationship,
- 00:16:57.935 --> 00:16:59.704
- It's like if you see someone else, you're lowkey cheating again.
- 00:16:59.704 --> 00:17:02.440
- Yeah.
- 00:17:02.673 --> 00:17:04.075
- So i want to ask you from a pastor's perspective,
- 00:17:04.075 --> 00:17:07.045
- What do you think about situation shifts in gen z?
- 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:10.148
- Like what is your opinion on them?
- 00:17:10.148 --> 00:17:11.816
- As a dad to two girls, i never would want one
- 00:17:11.816 --> 00:17:15.853
- Of my precious daughters to be some other man's situation.
- 00:17:15.853 --> 00:17:20.191
- Like, men don't make situations, they make covenants,
- 00:17:21.225 --> 00:17:24.462
- They make commitments and i think the problem with this
- 00:17:25.596 --> 00:17:27.465
- Situation is it's like you don't, you don't test drive a girl like a car.
- 00:17:27.465 --> 00:17:32.670
- You don't.
- 00:17:32.970 --> 00:17:34.272
- That's this is not how you respect a woman.
- 00:17:34.272 --> 00:17:36.207
- Like a situation and ship like to me that actually that term makes me angry.
- 00:17:36.207 --> 00:17:41.345
- It's like because let me put it like this.
- 00:17:42.246 --> 00:17:43.981
- If you have a plan b, you will always take it.
- 00:17:43.981 --> 00:17:47.251
- And so how do you get go on the road to marriage when it's predicated
- 00:17:48.619 --> 00:17:52.757
- On the idea that you said, you know what i'm going to do?
- 00:17:53.891 --> 00:17:56.060
- It's like gambling on horses, like i'm going to put my money
- 00:17:57.261 --> 00:17:59.197
- On three horses at the same time and see which one wins.
- 00:17:59.197 --> 00:18:02.633
- It's like, dude, that's how you treat horses, not humans.
- 00:18:03.801 --> 00:18:05.937
- Like, you don't bet on six girls at the same time.
- 00:18:06.938 --> 00:18:08.272
- And then see which one wins.
- 00:18:08.272 --> 00:18:10.074
- You're the possibility to be in relationship.
- 00:18:10.074 --> 00:18:12.844
- As a matter of fact, it makes me want to fight
- 00:18:12.844 --> 00:18:14.345
- Somebody live on camera right now, right?
- 00:18:14.345 --> 00:18:16.380
- No, because i'm speaking, you know what i mean?
- 00:18:16.380 --> 00:18:18.850
- Like, as somebody who has daughters, it's like,
- 00:18:18.850 --> 00:18:22.220
- No, no, no, my daughter is not your situation.
- 00:18:22.220 --> 00:18:25.590
- Now, if you want to call her now, that would be the civil way to do this,
- 00:18:27.024 --> 00:18:29.727
- Which means a singular focus only on my daughter,
- 00:18:29.727 --> 00:18:34.499
- Only on this other woman, you know, or like whoever you're choosing.
- 00:18:35.800 --> 00:18:37.268
- I'm just putting out there like you.
- 00:18:37.268 --> 00:18:38.936
- You just choose the single person and you're like,
- 00:18:38.936 --> 00:18:41.939
- I am going to see if god is in this, if there's chemistry,
- 00:18:41.939 --> 00:18:46.310
- If we're made for each other and we're going to court.
- 00:18:47.378 --> 00:18:48.146
- What is courting?
- 00:18:48.146 --> 00:18:49.680
- Courting is getting to know each other without an obligation.
- 00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:53.384
- It's the it's the righteous way of doing a situationship.
- 00:18:54.519 --> 00:18:57.622
- Come on. it's like i would.
- 00:18:58.222 --> 00:18:59.123
- Let's let me take you out.
- 00:18:59.123 --> 00:19:01.159
- Let's do it in a group because we can't be accountable alone because stuff happens.
- 00:19:01.159 --> 00:19:06.564
- So let's go out with the group.
- 00:19:07.198 --> 00:19:09.000
- You know, let's go out in public.
- 00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:10.568
- Let's get to know each other. let's be around each other.
- 00:19:10.568 --> 00:19:13.171
- You know what i mean? there's like ways to do these things.
- 00:19:13.171 --> 00:19:15.907
- And then you can get enough data to be like, this is not going to be the one.
- 00:19:15.907 --> 00:19:20.344
- Yeah, but what you don't do is get yourself into 15 situation
- 00:19:21.546 --> 00:19:24.549
- Ships and start betting on women like their horses to see which one.
- 00:19:24.549 --> 00:19:28.586
- It's crazy facts, facts.
- 00:19:28.586 --> 00:19:30.755
- So all you guys in the comment section.
- 00:19:30.755 --> 00:19:33.991
- But are we taking notes on this?
- 00:19:34.625 --> 00:19:35.860
- That is so good though.
- 00:19:35.860 --> 00:19:37.128
- Like situation ships are not like let's take out
- 00:19:37.128 --> 00:19:40.131
- Situation ships in 2025 and bring back court ships.
- 00:19:40.131 --> 00:19:43.301
- Can i get in.
- 00:19:43.301 --> 00:19:43.935
- Yeah.
- 00:19:43.935 --> 00:19:45.503
- Court ships instead of situation ships do it because they think
- 00:19:45.503 --> 00:19:47.438
- It says something especially for like this high value male.
- 00:19:47.438 --> 00:19:50.641
- Let's say he's attractive, he's got a great job.
- 00:19:50.641 --> 00:19:53.377
- He's got status. people respect him.
- 00:19:53.377 --> 00:19:56.013
- You know, for someone like that to be like, hey, i could ask out
- 00:19:56.013 --> 00:20:00.251
- Multiple women, but like, i been praying
- 00:20:00.251 --> 00:20:04.322
- And i really see something in you and i would like to just court you
- 00:20:05.690 --> 00:20:07.725
- And let's take this slow and, you know, hey, i got a group of friends going out.
- 00:20:07.725 --> 00:20:11.329
- I'd love for you to be around my friends.
- 00:20:11.329 --> 00:20:13.264
- I want to be around your friends
- 00:20:13.264 --> 00:20:14.932
- And a guy doing something like that is so admirable.
- 00:20:14.932 --> 00:20:18.436
- And then if it doesn't work out,
- 00:20:18.436 --> 00:20:20.338
- You keep it amicable where it's like, yeah, you know what?
- 00:20:20.338 --> 00:20:22.740
- There's just not chemistry. you're amazing.
- 00:20:22.740 --> 00:20:25.376
- But i'm not feeling it.
- 00:20:25.376 --> 00:20:26.911
- But like, what happens is you're you're you're breaking off
- 00:20:26.911 --> 00:20:30.281
- Of courtship, not breaking off a soul tie.
- 00:20:30.281 --> 00:20:33.584
- And that's, to me, the wisdom in it where it's like you can stop courting,
- 00:20:35.019 --> 00:20:38.656
- But to stop dating, you have to actually break up, not break it off.
- 00:20:39.991 --> 00:20:43.361
- And it's like, it's so it's like two pieces of paper that you glue together.
- 00:20:44.862 --> 00:20:48.065
- Once you get into a relationship, the only way to separate
- 00:20:49.267 --> 00:20:50.635
- Them is to rip them both.
- 00:20:50.635 --> 00:20:52.503
- Yeah, but it's like courtship is like a paper clip where it's like,
- 00:20:52.503 --> 00:20:56.040
- You could just take the paper clip off and both go their separate ways.
- 00:20:56.040 --> 00:20:59.410
- So to me, there's wisdom in this, but people don't do this
- 00:20:59.410 --> 00:21:03.381
- Because hormones, selfish ambition, desire.
- 00:21:03.381 --> 00:21:06.917
- And really the deeper you go
- 00:21:07.518 --> 00:21:09.053
- It's like, listen, you couldn't wait for this thing to develop.
- 00:21:09.053 --> 00:21:12.256
- If you're near one of our campuses, i want to give you
- 00:21:13.324 --> 00:21:15.159
- A personal invitation to check out v1 church.
- 00:21:15.159 --> 00:21:19.163
- There's no way i can describe the atmosphere of revival in the experience.
- 00:21:20.631 --> 00:21:23.801
- If you've never driven up or driven in, you know,
- 00:21:24.802 --> 00:21:27.371
- Let me just tell you it's a powerful atmosphere
- 00:21:28.339 --> 00:21:30.207
- And a bunch of people who really love the lord and want to get to know you.
- 00:21:30.207 --> 00:21:34.345
- So let us know when you're coming and i'll see you at v1 church.
- 00:21:35.680 --> 00:21:41.786
- You know what i mean?
- 00:21:42.286 --> 00:21:44.322
- Like think about being someone's like, think about being grandparents together.
- 00:21:44.322 --> 00:21:48.092
- Think about the story you want to tell your grandchildren about how you met.
- 00:21:49.593 --> 00:21:52.797
- And if you can't tell your grandkids the story because it's that raunchy,
- 00:21:54.231 --> 00:21:56.500
- Then you did it the wrong way.
- 00:21:57.134 --> 00:21:58.669
- You didn't get a far cry emoji in the comments right now.
- 00:21:58.669 --> 00:22:03.374
- Nasty.
- 00:22:03.607 --> 00:22:06.143
- She is.
- 00:22:06.143 --> 00:22:08.813
- Hey, i just i do this.
- 00:22:08.813 --> 00:22:10.848
- I'm just saying i'm sad. after hours i will.
- 00:22:10.848 --> 00:22:14.118
- I'm such happy times.
- 00:22:14.618 --> 00:22:16.287
- This is his sleepy time with the camomile.
- 00:22:16.287 --> 00:22:19.990
- Oh no, i'm just laughing because if you know me,
- 00:22:20.958 --> 00:22:22.960
- I am like a testosterone driven, psychopathic male.
- 00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:27.064
- The fact that god gave me two daughters and she's got me with a blanket
- 00:22:28.499 --> 00:22:30.634
- And it's sleepy time, is.
- 00:22:30.634 --> 00:22:32.536
- I'm ashamed of myself. right now. okay.
- 00:22:32.536 --> 00:22:35.539
- Do you want to do a rapid fire?
- 00:22:35.539 --> 00:22:36.941
- Last question, guys, if you got this far, by the way,
- 00:22:36.941 --> 00:22:40.211
- Your real one, make sure you hit subscribe and you join the channel.
- 00:22:41.579 --> 00:22:44.115
- And we're so glad that you're here.
- 00:22:44.915 --> 00:22:46.784
- As a matter of fact, in the description, we've put the links to marriage
- 00:22:46.784 --> 00:22:50.054
- And relationship podcast and different episodes between my wife and i,
- 00:22:50.054 --> 00:22:54.258
- And there's so much there for you.
- 00:22:55.025 --> 00:22:56.527
- And then i'd love to know your questions in the comments.
- 00:22:56.527 --> 00:22:58.329
- And if you want bella and i to do this more, so let us know,
- 00:22:58.329 --> 00:23:02.800
- Because this might be a thing that we do more.
- 00:23:02.800 --> 00:23:05.169
- Okay, last question. okay.
- 00:23:05.169 --> 00:23:06.670
- So we we you told them what not to do, right?
- 00:23:06.670 --> 00:23:09.707
- You told them the red flags. what to stay away from.
- 00:23:09.707 --> 00:23:12.276
- Now, how do you know that you are with the person that god has called you to be?
- 00:23:12.276 --> 00:23:17.848
- Like, what are the biggest signs?
- 00:23:18.582 --> 00:23:20.985
- Oh, man, you know, cause you ask me the hardest question.
- 00:23:20.985 --> 00:23:25.256
- You're really good at.
- 00:23:25.756 --> 00:23:27.458
- So here's the thing.
- 00:23:27.458 --> 00:23:30.127
- At the end of the day, you don't you don't know definitively.
- 00:23:30.127 --> 00:23:34.999
- You know, i think about faith is the evidence of things hoped for.
- 00:23:36.333 --> 00:23:38.436
- It's the substance of things not seen.
- 00:23:39.270 --> 00:23:41.005
- And it's like instead of me hoping that julie is the right one,
- 00:23:41.005 --> 00:23:45.676
- The question is, have i become the right one for her?
- 00:23:46.744 --> 00:23:49.980
- And is she becoming the right one for me?
- 00:23:50.881 --> 00:23:52.316
- And every season of our life? and i have faith.
- 00:23:52.316 --> 00:23:55.119
- It's the evidence of things.
- 00:23:55.119 --> 00:23:56.554
- Hope for it and the substance of things not seen.
- 00:23:56.554 --> 00:23:59.457
- So it's like my i have faith in our relationship and, and
- 00:23:59.457 --> 00:24:02.960
- And what god is and does through me and through her.
- 00:24:04.028 --> 00:24:06.464
- And we're becoming instead of being.
- 00:24:07.231 --> 00:24:09.733
- So i think like everyone's like, oh, they they are they are my soulmate.
- 00:24:11.202 --> 00:24:14.939
- And it's like, no, no, erase that.
- 00:24:15.706 --> 00:24:17.241
- We are becoming soulmates and we're getting better.
- 00:24:17.241 --> 00:24:21.178
- We're not being, we're becoming.
- 00:24:21.178 --> 00:24:23.314
- Because let me tell you this, i've actually had to marry
- 00:24:23.314 --> 00:24:26.784
- 19 versions of your mother so far,
- 00:24:27.551 --> 00:24:30.688
- Because every year she becomes someone new,
- 00:24:31.589 --> 00:24:34.091
- And i've had to marry 19 versions of her so far, and it's going to be 20 versions
- 00:24:35.659 --> 00:24:38.929
- Because the the version of her that when i met her,
- 00:24:39.964 --> 00:24:42.733
- Actually one year older than you now, which is so weird and kind of scary.
- 00:24:42.733 --> 00:24:47.171
- And so she was 19 years old, which we've been together for like 21 years,
- 00:24:48.639 --> 00:24:51.876
- I think.
- 00:24:51.876 --> 00:24:53.410
- And you know, that that girl was i won't be becoming a woman.
- 00:24:53.410 --> 00:24:57.281
- You're 19 years old.
- 00:24:57.281 --> 00:24:59.049
- And then i think we got married at like 21 and then, you know, onwards.
- 00:24:59.049 --> 00:25:03.153
- So my point is i've had to become her soulmate over and over and over again.
- 00:25:03.153 --> 00:25:08.459
- She's had to become mine over and over again.
- 00:25:09.360 --> 00:25:10.895
- And people who think that way stay married.
- 00:25:10.895 --> 00:25:13.597
- And the people who think, oh, they're not.
- 00:25:14.465 --> 00:25:16.534
- I don't know if they're the one always go looking for the one and never find it,
- 00:25:16.534 --> 00:25:21.772
- Because they don't realize that's not the way it works.
- 00:25:22.873 --> 00:25:25.175
- So fire emoji that was fired.
- 00:25:25.809 --> 00:25:28.746
- Come on.
- 00:25:29.013 --> 00:25:30.314
- That was that cost me thousands of dollars
- 00:25:30.314 --> 00:25:31.982
- In marriage counseling almost ruining my marriage.
- 00:25:31.982 --> 00:25:35.586
- And now we can laugh about it over camomile tea.
- 00:25:35.586 --> 00:25:39.256
- Hey, guys, tune in in the next one.
- 00:25:39.990 --> 00:25:41.992
- And, can't wait to see you in the next video.
- 00:25:41.992 --> 00:25:44.495
- Thank you. bella, you did so much.
- 00:25:44.495 --> 00:25:46.363
- Want to know what, chow?
- 00:25:46.363 --> 00:25:48.599
- What a sad, yeah, well, he said one for marriage, so we'll see in the next one.
- 00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:48.599