Mike Signorelli - What Men Really Want In Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

January 6, 2026 | 48:25

Pastor Mike Signorelli brings bold, Bible-based teaching to help believers walk faithfully in today’s often compromised world

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| Mike Signorelli - What Men Really Want In Marriage (It's Not What You Think) | January 6, 2026
  • How many people claim
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  • To get saved, but their cravings never change.
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  • You can scroll on your phone
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  • For four hours, but you can't spend four minutes in prayer.
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  • Something's gotta change because you say,
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  • If it was about me, i would keep scrolling.
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  • But it's about this density, so let me eat the scroll.
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  • Come on, somebody.
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  • Oh, oh. hey.
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  • So i'm back again with my lovely wife, julie.
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  • Say hello. hello.
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  • This is what men really want.
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  • And what women really want.
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  • Part two.
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  • And we're going to talk today about what men really want
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  • Is physical touch and
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  • Appreciation. okay.
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  • What women really want is words
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  • Of affirmation and.
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  • Hugs.
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  • I don't remember affection.
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  • Oh, yeah.
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  • Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
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  • So we're going to make a distinction
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  • Between physical touch and affection.
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  • And then appreciation and words of affirmation.
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  • Okay. so we're going to break this down.
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  • By the way
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  • If you're new i want you to hit
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  • The subscribe button and watch this entire series
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  • Because we've got a playlist with all four parts okay.
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  • And my wife and i have been married for almost 20 years.
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  • We're going to come up on 20.
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  • We're coming up to our 20th, coming up very soon.
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  • We've been together for 23 years to 22 years now.
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  • We were only together for two years before we got married.
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  • Yeah. two years.
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  • We were trying to jumpstart this thing.
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  • And then we've got an 18 year old daughter,
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  • And we have a ten year old, and we have a dog i hate. yeah.
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  • Okay. so four star.
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  • Yeah.
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  • You're joining us from new york city,
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  • And let's just jump right in.
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  • We're not going to hold back.
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  • You also need to know this.
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  • We are not scripting this.
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  • We are.
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  • As you can tell, there are no notes.
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  • And the reason why there are no notes
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  • Is because we wanted to be authentic,
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  • And we wanted to teach with our lives.
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  • And to be honest with you,
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  • I wanted to get the raw, unfiltered, like what i'm saying.
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  • Because if you prepare it, my phone is dead.
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  • I couldn't even i couldn't even grab a note if i tried,
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  • You wouldn't even let me grab my
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  • Notes or anything.
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  • Yeah, because i wanted i.
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  • I don't even have a prompter. there's nothing.
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  • You guys don't need another christian couple.
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  • Just saying stuff
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  • That sounds good, because a lot of these people,
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  • They're real good with their words.
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  • You know what i mean?
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  • They got the word play and they're dropping all these one line.
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  • What you need to do is like, okay,
  • 00:02:36.452 --> 00:02:39.556
  • Your wife yells at your wife at each other.
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  • There's been times where we've been at marriage conferences
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  • And we're looking up front.
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  • We're like, my people hate each other.
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  • So i decided for me, for this
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  • And listen, i just felt like the value
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  • Would be what men really want and what women really want.
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  • So let's break it down.
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  • Okay, so men want physical touch
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  • And they want, like, you know, affirmation.
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  • Right. so all men.
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  • Well like what's let's talk about it.
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  • Let's talk about that
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  • Because i feel like i would say when we first got married
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  • In our 20s, i would be like, yeah, you're right.
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  • That's that's what they want.
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  • But now i'm in my 40s
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  • And i counseled so many women and i just,
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  • I feel like it's different in that in that other season.
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  • So maybe you could enlighten me.
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  • I don't know, maybe it's just a coincidence.
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  • Marriages go through seasons, you know what i mean?
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  • And i think that, like, sometimes
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  • Let me just empathize with all the men right now.
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  • Yeah.
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  • Because because this is the podcast that i haven't heard.
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  • Like the honest, real, you know what i'm saying?
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  • Yeah.
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  • Well, like, right now, nobody's coming to save us.
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  • If you're a man right now, nobody's going to write you
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  • A check.
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  • Nobody's going to buy you a house.
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  • No, nobody's going to do it for you.
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  • And by the way, you know, america, i'm speaking on behalf
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  • Of the americans.
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  • But, i mean, my canadian brothers are going through the same thing.
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  • My european brothers are experiencing the same thing.
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  • It's hard to be a man, right?
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  • You can't just get a job and, you know, provide
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  • For your wife to be a stay at home mom and all that.
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  • Like that is not the norm anymore.
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  • You just go back. one generation.
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  • My dad, you know, he worked at, like he worked at mcdonald's
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  • When he was a your mom worked at a castle, so said it i know.
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  • Exactly.
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  • Shout out all my white.
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  • If you know what white castle is.
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  • Let me know your order in the comment section right now.
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  • But mcdonald's is where my dad worked as a teenager.
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  • He graduated high school and got a job at a steel mill
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  • In northwest indiana.
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  • And this was in the 80s.
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  • And guess what?
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  • He made enough money to buy a house, buy
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  • A new car, and my mom was a stay at home mom.
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  • This was, of course, before they got divorced.
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  • But in one generation later, his son.
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  • We are the generation of the side hustles.
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  • Three jobs, you know what i mean?
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  • Like and and so what?
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  • The reason why i say that is because what a man really wants
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  • And what a man can do and what a man can have is different.
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  • So like, yeah, in an ideal world, i would work one eight hour shift
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  • And i would work five days a week and i would make enough money
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  • For a house, a car, and a stay at home wife.
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  • And even to pay for college like that was the 80s.
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  • And we've in the last 40 years in this nation
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  • And many nations of the world, it's like you could work
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  • Three jobs and still not even come close.
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  • And so a lot of men, their physical desires, are
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  • Connected to the reality of like, i'm fighting for my life.
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  • Tired. i'm. yeah, i'm emotionally tired.
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  • I'm mentally tired right now.
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  • Men are are, i don't know how to say this,
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  • So it doesn't trigger the algorithm,
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  • But there's a lot of men on the brink of giving up forever.
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  • I'll put it like that.
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  • Yeah, and so that's why
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  • I think a lot of men retreat to the convenience of pornography.
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  • The convenience of whatever, because,
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  • You know, it's it has become so difficult.
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  • So why do i say that?
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  • You know, i'm starting this on a heavy.
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  • No, no, no, no, i think this is good.
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  • Honestly, i'm sick of the christian podcast is like,
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  • All you got to do is have sex with your husband,
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  • And you're going to be fine.
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  • It's like, yeah, but it's it's really complicated.
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  • It's not that simple.
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  • So i think this is actually really freeing for a lot of women
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  • Who listen to the same podcast that we all listen to,
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  • And they're like, that's not my reality, you know what i mean?
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  • Like, i'm living something different
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  • Than what these christian books are telling me.
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  • Yeah, at least that's what i can say for what i am in touch with.
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  • Yeah.
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  • Right now, testosterone levels among men are incredibly low.
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  • And a lot of it is environmental as well.
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  • And a lot of it is like socioeconomic.
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  • So dudes are just struggling.
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  • And that could affect that dynamic.
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  • You know, like who man is well-rested versus who?
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  • A man is completely exhausted. yeah.
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  • And so i think like if you were to work together in a marriage,
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  • You know, maybe it's like go to the root.
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  • So in other words, like, how can i create an environment of rest?
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  • How can i create an environment of recharging?
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  • How can i reduce or eliminate other responsibilities
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  • Because i know they're working so hard?
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  • You know,
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  • Now, if you're a dude
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  • And you're not out there grinding and you're not out there working,
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  • You've got a whole nother problem. yeah.
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  • And we know that that doesn't fit the profile for all men.
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  • Like there are some men who were like, oh, i'm fine, man.
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  • I'm never in the comments like, okay, good for you. great.
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  • We're proud.
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  • I just wanted to bring up the fact that there's this whole other
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  • Group of men
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  • That when they listen to that stuff, they need to hear, like,
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  • And it's like, i want to be a man after god's own heart.
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  • I want a godly marriage.
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  • I want that part of my life to be fulfilled.
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  • But it's complicated, you know, abuse and all those things.
  • 00:07:56.973 --> 00:08:02.144
  • I remember we tried the let's do it every day challenge.
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  • How long did that last?
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  • Day three.
  • 00:08:08.784 --> 00:08:09.952
  • We were like over it. no it wasn't.
  • 00:08:09.952 --> 00:08:11.954
  • No. maybe it was deep.
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  • I don't i don't know, i think it was been a while,
  • 00:08:13.456 --> 00:08:15.791
  • But we at one time we were like, let's just, you know what?
  • 00:08:15.791 --> 00:08:18.728
  • We're going to do it every single day.
  • 00:08:18.728 --> 00:08:20.997
  • And i remember we got to a point where
  • 00:08:20.997 --> 00:08:22.665
  • We're just like, dude, this is exhausting.
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  • Everyone's tired.
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  • No one's into this.
  • 00:08:27.403 --> 00:08:29.839
  • No, i mean, we got pretty far into the challenge, i think.
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  • Yeah, i think we did. i'm remembering more and more.
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  • Yeah, yeah,
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  • But but my point is like
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  • Finding the frequency, the duration,
  • 00:08:39.482 --> 00:08:42.318
  • The type, the all that stuff matters, matters.
  • 00:08:42.318 --> 00:08:45.688
  • You know, sexuality is incredibly complex.
  • 00:08:45.688 --> 00:08:49.158
  • So there's some times where, like, a good man, i believe, wants to
  • 00:08:50.493 --> 00:08:53.296
  • Like, cause his wife
  • 00:08:53.763 --> 00:08:55.197
  • To, you know, try to like word this in such a way.
  • 00:08:55.197 --> 00:08:58.801
  • I'm like, keep the video, please.
  • 00:08:59.535 --> 00:09:02.138
  • It's the moderators are listening.
  • 00:09:02.905 --> 00:09:04.340
  • If the youtube money, i start laughing like i'm 12
  • 00:09:04.340 --> 00:09:07.476
  • And one's their wife to experience
  • 00:09:08.244 --> 00:09:11.047
  • Enjoyment.
  • 00:09:11.347 --> 00:09:15.117
  • See, this is why we didn't script it.
  • 00:09:15.918 --> 00:09:17.853
  • Because this hit.
  • 00:09:17.853 --> 00:09:19.455
  • But again, i'm gonna make a point here.
  • 00:09:19.455 --> 00:09:21.624
  • I want to make a point that sometimes
  • 00:09:21.624 --> 00:09:25.061
  • The counterbalance to that is you get the camera.
  • 00:09:26.062 --> 00:09:27.897
  • Yeah.
  • 00:09:27.897 --> 00:09:28.698
  • You just got like
  • 00:09:28.698 --> 00:09:29.599
  • The counterbalance to it is
  • 00:09:29.599 --> 00:09:31.067
  • If you think that it's going to be a big production,
  • 00:09:31.067 --> 00:09:34.270
  • Then that might even be exhausting.
  • 00:09:35.037 --> 00:09:36.772
  • And i'm sure and the pressure of it
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  • To where you're like, man, like because i,
  • 00:09:38.407 --> 00:09:40.710
  • Because i want to do a good job,
  • 00:09:40.710 --> 00:09:42.378
  • Which means that i am ensuring that you are enjoying it,
  • 00:09:42.378 --> 00:09:47.183
  • Which i, i will.
  • 00:09:47.550 --> 00:09:49.552
  • I don't know if you want to see your eyebrows.
  • 00:09:49.552 --> 00:09:51.420
  • I don't know if you want to help me here, but i,
  • 00:09:51.420 --> 00:09:54.657
  • Typically do a pretty good job.
  • 00:09:55.291 --> 00:09:57.560
  • Yeah,
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  • A-plus.
  • 00:09:58.828 --> 00:10:00.730
  • But then sometimes there needs to be this.
  • 00:10:00.730 --> 00:10:03.132
  • Hey, you know what?
  • 00:10:03.132 --> 00:10:05.001
  • I'm going to as your wife, it's going to be selfless.
  • 00:10:05.001 --> 00:10:08.471
  • Yeah, so that you don't have to, in your mind, think.
  • 00:10:09.505 --> 00:10:11.073
  • Okay, i've got to allocate all this time, energy and effort
  • 00:10:11.073 --> 00:10:13.342
  • Because when you're like a sicilian male,
  • 00:10:13.342 --> 00:10:15.811
  • You know, you're like, i'm romantic.
  • 00:10:15.811 --> 00:10:17.647
  • I'm, you know, this is going to be full passion and like, you know.
  • 00:10:17.647 --> 00:10:21.317
  • Yeah, the full.
  • 00:10:21.317 --> 00:10:22.918
  • So like but again, so what i'm saying is sometimes
  • 00:10:22.918 --> 00:10:25.788
  • There's not anything wrong with your intimacy.
  • 00:10:25.788 --> 00:10:29.492
  • There's something wrong with the type.
  • 00:10:30.259 --> 00:10:32.762
  • The, the frequency of it.
  • 00:10:33.329 --> 00:10:34.930
  • You know, it's like and so you adding that variety
  • 00:10:34.930 --> 00:10:37.533
  • Of being like hey you know what mike does one physical touch
  • 00:10:37.533 --> 00:10:41.537
  • But he doesn't want to have to go through the whole menu.
  • 00:10:42.705 --> 00:10:45.541
  • Yeah. yeah.
  • 00:10:45.875 --> 00:10:47.109
  • Because right now there's a lot going on.
  • 00:10:47.109 --> 00:10:48.210
  • So like we're and we've done that
  • 00:10:48.210 --> 00:10:49.612
  • In different seasons or even different weeks.
  • 00:10:49.612 --> 00:10:52.281
  • Yeah.
  • 00:10:52.281 --> 00:10:53.215
  • Like one week is the full menu.
  • 00:10:53.215 --> 00:10:55.484
  • Another week is only one thing from the menu.
  • 00:10:55.484 --> 00:10:58.220
  • Another week's theory okay.
  • 00:10:58.220 --> 00:11:00.690
  • So i'm using menu.
  • 00:11:01.123 --> 00:11:03.859
  • So weird.
  • 00:11:03.859 --> 00:11:06.462
  • Well because i wanted to introduce a level of complexity
  • 00:11:06.462 --> 00:11:10.399
  • That i'm so glad i know because that's what i feel like
  • 00:11:11.467 --> 00:11:14.036
  • We need in the kingdom, right now, is that
  • 00:11:14.904 --> 00:11:16.872
  • This menu is not in the description.
  • 00:11:16.872 --> 00:11:20.376
  • We're putting a menu in the description.
  • 00:11:21.243 --> 00:11:22.211
  • You know what it's like.
  • 00:11:22.211 --> 00:11:24.146
  • It is so complex.
  • 00:11:24.146 --> 00:11:25.981
  • I mean, you think about a lot of trauma, especially from childhood.
  • 00:11:25.981 --> 00:11:29.385
  • And i'm sure a lot of people can relate.
  • 00:11:30.252 --> 00:11:32.321
  • It doesn't surface until sometimes you're in your 40s
  • 00:11:32.321 --> 00:11:35.925
  • Or you you just get the courage to talk about it till late.
  • 00:11:35.925 --> 00:11:40.763
  • At least.
  • 00:11:40.763 --> 00:11:42.331
  • This is from, you know, people who i've discussed it with,
  • 00:11:42.331 --> 00:11:44.100
  • Like very few people have dealt with that in real time.
  • 00:11:44.100 --> 00:11:47.837
  • If you're near
  • 00:11:48.204 --> 00:11:49.004
  • One of our campuses,
  • 00:11:49.004 --> 00:11:50.773
  • I want to give you a personal invitation to check out v1 church.
  • 00:11:50.773 --> 00:11:54.643
  • There's no way
  • 00:11:55.010 --> 00:11:56.579
  • I can describe the atmosphere of revival in the experience.
  • 00:11:56.579 --> 00:11:59.348
  • If you've never driven up or driven in, you know,
  • 00:12:00.349 --> 00:12:02.952
  • Let me just tell you it's a powerful atmosphere
  • 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:05.721
  • And a bunch of people who really love the lord
  • 00:12:05.721 --> 00:12:08.290
  • And want to get to know you.
  • 00:12:08.290 --> 00:12:10.092
  • So let us know when you're coming and i'll see you at v1 church.
  • 00:12:10.092 --> 00:12:17.133
  • They're usually dealing with it much later.
  • 00:12:18.033 --> 00:12:20.469
  • So it's like all of that could play a factor work finances.
  • 00:12:20.469 --> 00:12:24.039
  • We're in a i'm here because i don't have that.
  • 00:12:24.039 --> 00:12:26.575
  • Is it my. so sorry.
  • 00:12:26.575 --> 00:12:28.144
  • Yeah i want to understand what you're saying is
  • 00:12:28.144 --> 00:12:30.980
  • There's people who have experienced trauma. yes.
  • 00:12:30.980 --> 00:12:33.816
  • That's their intimacy. right.
  • 00:12:33.816 --> 00:12:35.451
  • But they never address the trauma.
  • 00:12:35.451 --> 00:12:37.219
  • Right. okay.
  • 00:12:37.219 --> 00:12:38.654
  • I just want to make sure i understand what i said, that
  • 00:12:38.654 --> 00:12:40.456
  • Maybe i was stuck on menus.
  • 00:12:40.456 --> 00:12:42.892
  • Well, of all the wounds that i've incurred in life,
  • 00:12:42.892 --> 00:12:45.261
  • Thankfully, that's not one of them right for me.
  • 00:12:45.261 --> 00:12:48.063
  • So i want to make sure i understand. right.
  • 00:12:48.063 --> 00:12:49.899
  • So you're just saying, yeah,
  • 00:12:49.899 --> 00:12:51.167
  • There are some people that you might think
  • 00:12:51.167 --> 00:12:52.568
  • That your spouse doesn't want physical ties.
  • 00:12:52.568 --> 00:12:54.436
  • Yeah, i'm talking to more.
  • 00:12:54.436 --> 00:12:55.437
  • In fact, it's just the trauma.
  • 00:12:55.437 --> 00:12:57.907
  • There's a wound there that needs to be addressed.
  • 00:12:57.907 --> 00:12:59.942
  • You're taking it personally. okay.
  • 00:12:59.942 --> 00:13:01.577
  • And then what was that thing you said after that?
  • 00:13:01.577 --> 00:13:03.913
  • So it's like,
  • 00:13:03.913 --> 00:13:05.748
  • So you're saying
  • 00:13:06.115 --> 00:13:07.249
  • There's that, stage of life.
  • 00:13:07.249 --> 00:13:10.519
  • What do they call it?
  • 00:13:11.020 --> 00:13:11.854
  • Perimenopausal. yeah.
  • 00:13:11.854 --> 00:13:12.755
  • And a pause. yeah.
  • 00:13:12.755 --> 00:13:14.089
  • You know there's different seasons
  • 00:13:14.089 --> 00:13:15.257
  • And phases of life pre-pregnancy.
  • 00:13:15.257 --> 00:13:16.992
  • Yeah. i was just gonna say emptiness.
  • 00:13:16.992 --> 00:13:18.994
  • I mean there's so many different
  • 00:13:18.994 --> 00:13:21.697
  • Seasons that we go through.
  • 00:13:21.697 --> 00:13:23.265
  • And so i guess my question
  • 00:13:23.265 --> 00:13:25.100
  • For you, if it's okay to take it here is how
  • 00:13:25.100 --> 00:13:29.205
  • What does that look like.
  • 00:13:29.772 --> 00:13:30.673
  • What what can we do as women
  • 00:13:30.673 --> 00:13:32.174
  • When men are going through all those different seasons?
  • 00:13:32.174 --> 00:13:34.844
  • How can you encourage women to stay
  • 00:13:35.611 --> 00:13:38.214
  • Encouraged? you know?
  • 00:13:38.714 --> 00:13:40.449
  • Yeah, i mean, i think that
  • 00:13:40.449 --> 00:13:43.285
  • I'm going to say something
  • 00:13:43.285 --> 00:13:44.820
  • That you probably won't hear on these christian podcasts is,
  • 00:13:44.820 --> 00:13:47.823
  • You know, sometimes the best lead up to it.
  • 00:13:48.724 --> 00:13:51.827
  • Physical in many is trying not to get triggered on the the
  • 00:13:52.962 --> 00:13:56.398
  • What is actually, you know, non-sexual physical touch.
  • 00:13:57.499 --> 00:14:01.270
  • So like in public, you know, showing
  • 00:14:02.037 --> 00:14:04.707
  • Showing affection in public, holding hands, those,
  • 00:14:05.741 --> 00:14:08.811
  • Those silent gestures of, you know, the way that a woman
  • 00:14:08.811 --> 00:14:14.216
  • Holds a man treats a man, caresses a man, flirts with the man.
  • 00:14:15.484 --> 00:14:18.254
  • Like, you know, people, i think oftentimes just try to portray men
  • 00:14:18.254 --> 00:14:22.591
  • As animals.
  • 00:14:22.925 --> 00:14:24.493
  • Like one example like, oh, dude, they just want to go in the room
  • 00:14:24.493 --> 00:14:26.595
  • And just, you know, they're complete animals.
  • 00:14:26.595 --> 00:14:28.330
  • There's not.
  • 00:14:28.330 --> 00:14:29.865
  • The truth is, and this is why there's such a phenomenon
  • 00:14:29.865 --> 00:14:32.468
  • Happening.
  • 00:14:32.768 --> 00:14:34.203
  • And like the work life is, there's so much tension,
  • 00:14:34.203 --> 00:14:36.772
  • You know, good tension.
  • 00:14:37.273 --> 00:14:38.774
  • But it's it's unrighteous because they're not married.
  • 00:14:38.774 --> 00:14:40.676
  • But like,
  • 00:14:40.676 --> 00:14:42.211
  • There's this woman on the job and, you know, you're it's like,
  • 00:14:42.211 --> 00:14:44.747
  • You know, the flirtation and the small touches
  • 00:14:45.681 --> 00:14:47.917
  • And it's all adding up and that's part of it.
  • 00:14:48.851 --> 00:14:50.352
  • And so i think that for men, it's what's weird is oftentimes
  • 00:14:50.352 --> 00:14:54.590
  • You get married
  • 00:14:54.590 --> 00:14:56.091
  • And all of the things that created the physical tension
  • 00:14:56.091 --> 00:14:59.595
  • That you were like, oh, i can't wait to do this.
  • 00:15:00.596 --> 00:15:02.898
  • All those things are removed.
  • 00:15:03.532 --> 00:15:04.900
  • And ironically, none of those things were sexual.
  • 00:15:04.900 --> 00:15:07.937
  • And so it's like a lot of times, guys.
  • 00:15:08.737 --> 00:15:10.039
  • And right now there's i'm telling you, there's
  • 00:15:10.039 --> 00:15:11.473
  • Thousands of guys watching this right now
  • 00:15:11.473 --> 00:15:13.409
  • Being like, bro is telling our playbook.
  • 00:15:13.409 --> 00:15:16.745
  • Like they're watching me right now.
  • 00:15:17.479 --> 00:15:19.048
  • I mean, like he's literally telling them, you know, i mean,
  • 00:15:19.048 --> 00:15:21.417
  • You know, i don't know if he should even be explain,
  • 00:15:22.451 --> 00:15:23.919
  • But it's like, i'm telling you the secret to a man is
  • 00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:27.222
  • It's like, you know, we like women who are flirtatious, women
  • 00:15:28.390 --> 00:15:32.728
  • Who are, like, jovial and happy and like, because what happens is
  • 00:15:34.063 --> 00:15:36.765
  • Before you marry, like before you marry a woman, the
  • 00:15:37.800 --> 00:15:40.202
  • That's what they're doing around you, like,
  • 00:15:41.070 --> 00:15:42.304
  • Or a woman who is interested in you.
  • 00:15:42.304 --> 00:15:45.574
  • Her voice gets higher.
  • 00:15:46.075 --> 00:15:47.343
  • Yeah. she's bubbly.
  • 00:15:47.343 --> 00:15:49.178
  • She like she's laughing. she's shy a little bit.
  • 00:15:49.178 --> 00:15:51.747
  • She's hiding her face. she's like, yeah,
  • 00:15:51.747 --> 00:15:53.248
  • You know, there's ways women, that women act.
  • 00:15:53.248 --> 00:15:56.852
  • Yeah.
  • 00:15:57.086 --> 00:15:58.320
  • And so, like, they touch their hair like.
  • 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:00.923
  • But you know there's all
  • 00:16:01.423 --> 00:16:02.791
  • These things and men instinctively pick up on it.
  • 00:16:02.791 --> 00:16:05.561
  • Yeah. oh i think she likes me.
  • 00:16:06.195 --> 00:16:07.429
  • You know like
  • 00:16:07.429 --> 00:16:08.831
  • I think she's digging me in like there's all that
  • 00:16:08.831 --> 00:16:10.099
  • And that produces like sexual tension
  • 00:16:10.099 --> 00:16:12.368
  • And you want to and it actually it activates a man to be a hunter.
  • 00:16:12.368 --> 00:16:16.672
  • Like i want to pursue her more because she's giving me some clues
  • 00:16:18.007 --> 00:16:20.109
  • That i think she might be interested in me.
  • 00:16:20.109 --> 00:16:21.944
  • And there's that game.
  • 00:16:21.944 --> 00:16:23.512
  • And then ironically,
  • 00:16:23.512 --> 00:16:25.114
  • What happens in marriage is that whole thing gets deleted.
  • 00:16:25.114 --> 00:16:28.150
  • And a lot of it's because the woman doesn't feel
  • 00:16:29.118 --> 00:16:30.786
  • Those feelings anymore.
  • 00:16:30.786 --> 00:16:31.787
  • Like, and some of that's good,
  • 00:16:31.787 --> 00:16:33.689
  • You know,
  • 00:16:33.689 --> 00:16:35.457
  • Because like when you're dating, you feel like all those tingling,
  • 00:16:35.457 --> 00:16:37.326
  • You know, the women butterflies in my stomach.
  • 00:16:38.293 --> 00:16:39.895
  • And i'm so nervous around him, like, you can't live in that,
  • 00:16:39.895 --> 00:16:43.032
  • In that feeling, but you should live in that activity.
  • 00:16:43.032 --> 00:16:47.136
  • Yeah.
  • 00:16:47.369 --> 00:16:48.504
  • So it's like it's like you don't feel
  • 00:16:48.504 --> 00:16:49.805
  • The butterflies like you used to all the time,
  • 00:16:49.805 --> 00:16:52.007
  • Because that's kind of weird, you know what i mean?
  • 00:16:52.007 --> 00:16:53.842
  • Like, it's nerve wracking, you know?
  • 00:16:53.842 --> 00:16:55.344
  • You know, like when you're like, oh, i so i feel like that.
  • 00:16:55.344 --> 00:16:58.947
  • Oh, okay. when you come home like, hey.
  • 00:16:59.815 --> 00:17:01.316
  • Yeah. no, but that's rekindled.
  • 00:17:01.316 --> 00:17:03.585
  • It's work.
  • 00:17:03.585 --> 00:17:04.987
  • You know, it's like we've worked at that and i'm
  • 00:17:04.987 --> 00:17:07.556
  • So glad you brought that up, because that's a conversation
  • 00:17:07.556 --> 00:17:09.725
  • That we've talked about a lot in our own marriage.
  • 00:17:09.725 --> 00:17:13.896
  • Like you'll all say things like, oh, i wish you would do this.
  • 00:17:15.097 --> 00:17:18.834
  • Remember how we used to hug when we were dating or go,
  • 00:17:18.834 --> 00:17:22.838
  • I don't know,
  • 00:17:22.838 --> 00:17:24.339
  • Little things like, like you said, like non-consensual
  • 00:17:24.339 --> 00:17:27.242
  • Touching, right.
  • 00:17:27.609 --> 00:17:29.178
  • Like rubbing, you know, playing with my hair or stuff like that.
  • 00:17:29.178 --> 00:17:31.647
  • And then you've
  • 00:17:32.014 --> 00:17:33.449
  • Also brought up like, hey, i really like when you
  • 00:17:33.449 --> 00:17:37.152
  • Are engaged with what i'm talking about
  • 00:17:38.020 --> 00:17:39.888
  • And you're talking back to me and it's like,
  • 00:17:39.888 --> 00:17:42.524
  • You think those things are on autopilot in marriage, but
  • 00:17:42.524 --> 00:17:46.095
  • You actually just go on autopilot
  • 00:17:46.095 --> 00:17:48.864
  • And you stop, like you just start existing.
  • 00:17:48.864 --> 00:17:51.867
  • And a lot of it's survival, you know?
  • 00:17:51.867 --> 00:17:54.036
  • I mean, it doesn't come from like, me waking up in the morning
  • 00:17:54.036 --> 00:17:58.040
  • And think,
  • 00:17:58.040 --> 00:17:58.774
  • How can i make him
  • 00:17:58.774 --> 00:18:00.309
  • Feel insignificant by not laughing at his jokes and not,
  • 00:18:00.309 --> 00:18:02.511
  • You know, engaging, flirting or whatever?
  • 00:18:03.378 --> 00:18:05.514
  • A lot of it's like, i have this to do list.
  • 00:18:06.415 --> 00:18:08.117
  • I have to get this done.
  • 00:18:08.117 --> 00:18:09.718
  • I have to take these things, you know, off of his plate,
  • 00:18:09.718 --> 00:18:12.821
  • Or we got to make dinner or whatever,
  • 00:18:12.821 --> 00:18:14.990
  • You know, like we start burdening with responsibility.
  • 00:18:14.990 --> 00:18:18.393
  • But i think the cool thing
  • 00:18:18.961 --> 00:18:20.562
  • About dating is you never have to find the time to do that.
  • 00:18:20.562 --> 00:18:24.166
  • It just comes out of you.
  • 00:18:24.166 --> 00:18:26.001
  • And so i think in marriage, you have to find the time to do that.
  • 00:18:26.001 --> 00:18:30.606
  • Like it's it does change.
  • 00:18:31.173 --> 00:18:33.175
  • Yeah. i don't know. is that. yeah.
  • 00:18:33.175 --> 00:18:34.576
  • Because when you're dating you prioritize, right.
  • 00:18:34.576 --> 00:18:37.479
  • I remember that
  • 00:18:37.479 --> 00:18:39.014
  • I drove 400 miles in one day to take you to red lobster.
  • 00:18:39.014 --> 00:18:42.451
  • Yes, you did, and i was a college student.
  • 00:18:42.451 --> 00:18:45.187
  • I lived 200 miles away, and i drove four hours.
  • 00:18:45.187 --> 00:18:49.458
  • Took you to a restaurant, feijoo, cheddar bay
  • 00:18:50.425 --> 00:18:52.528
  • Biscuits, which shout out, we miss you, red lobster.
  • 00:18:52.528 --> 00:18:55.898
  • Yeah.
  • 00:18:56.131 --> 00:18:57.499
  • And then i drove 200 miles back and like, you know.
  • 00:18:57.499 --> 00:19:00.002
  • But it's funny because you can get married
  • 00:19:00.002 --> 00:19:02.004
  • And not be willing to drive 20 miles.
  • 00:19:02.004 --> 00:19:04.273
  • It's so true.
  • 00:19:04.273 --> 00:19:05.674
  • So it's like and i think that that's part of it.
  • 00:19:05.674 --> 00:19:07.609
  • And so that's all physical touch.
  • 00:19:07.609 --> 00:19:09.778
  • I think that women
  • 00:19:09.778 --> 00:19:11.280
  • Also there's a tenderness that they want from a man,
  • 00:19:11.280 --> 00:19:15.083
  • You know, to feel like a firmness and correct me if i'm wrong.
  • 00:19:16.318 --> 00:19:18.954
  • So i want to ask you about that.
  • 00:19:18.954 --> 00:19:20.355
  • But like, you know, there's a lot of times where
  • 00:19:20.355 --> 00:19:22.624
  • Especially now, you literally just want or need a hug from me.
  • 00:19:22.624 --> 00:19:26.895
  • Oh, at least twice a day.
  • 00:19:27.462 --> 00:19:29.698
  • Yeah.
  • 00:19:29.698 --> 00:19:31.300
  • But i think, like, at least you deal with your own fears.
  • 00:19:31.300 --> 00:19:34.169
  • Yeah, you deal with your own insecurities.
  • 00:19:35.070 --> 00:19:36.972
  • Matter of fact, sometimes it breaks my heart
  • 00:19:36.972 --> 00:19:39.575
  • Thinking about the women who can't get those hugs.
  • 00:19:39.575 --> 00:19:42.311
  • You know, single women
  • 00:19:42.311 --> 00:19:44.012
  • Who, like, just feel that desire but don't have it.
  • 00:19:44.012 --> 00:19:47.616
  • Yeah, i suppose that in this season
  • 00:19:48.417 --> 00:19:50.185
  • That's god's way of saying, like, learn how to let me embrace you,
  • 00:19:50.185 --> 00:19:52.654
  • Because man is fallible
  • 00:19:52.654 --> 00:19:54.156
  • And, you know, flawed, and i'm never going to be enough.
  • 00:19:54.156 --> 00:19:57.459
  • But i also think that going back
  • 00:19:58.093 --> 00:19:59.361
  • To the genesis three account of creation,
  • 00:19:59.361 --> 00:20:01.230
  • Like imagine when i imagine when adam held eve,
  • 00:20:01.230 --> 00:20:06.535
  • He was holding an extension of his side,
  • 00:20:07.369 --> 00:20:09.705
  • And when eve held adam, she was holding her origins.
  • 00:20:10.772 --> 00:20:13.875
  • Like literally this.
  • 00:20:14.343 --> 00:20:15.577
  • I'm going back to where i came from.
  • 00:20:15.577 --> 00:20:18.280
  • Yeah.
  • 00:20:18.280 --> 00:20:19.748
  • If you think about the mystery of oneness in marriage,
  • 00:20:19.748 --> 00:20:22.284
  • When eve hugged adam, she was reconnecting her flesh
  • 00:20:23.352 --> 00:20:26.054
  • To the flesh she was made from like,
  • 00:20:26.054 --> 00:20:28.957
  • It was like a puzzle piece being put together.
  • 00:20:28.957 --> 00:20:31.727
  • And so i do think that for as much as we need
  • 00:20:31.727 --> 00:20:33.762
  • A relationship with god,
  • 00:20:33.762 --> 00:20:35.530
  • The one thing i want to emphasize is that god had a relationship
  • 00:20:35.530 --> 00:20:38.967
  • With adam. adam had a relationship with god.
  • 00:20:38.967 --> 00:20:40.969
  • And it was it was still not enough to satiate
  • 00:20:40.969 --> 00:20:44.072
  • His longing and his loneliness and god created companion.
  • 00:20:44.072 --> 00:20:47.809
  • So i think for, you know, for you,
  • 00:20:48.577 --> 00:20:50.312
  • You have a relationship with god, but you still need a husband.
  • 00:20:50.312 --> 00:20:53.515
  • Yeah, i have a relationship with god.
  • 00:20:54.316 --> 00:20:55.384
  • I still need a wife.
  • 00:20:55.384 --> 00:20:57.052
  • So, you know, you need a hug probably twice a day at least.
  • 00:20:57.052 --> 00:21:01.990
  • Yeah.
  • 00:21:02.224 --> 00:21:03.992
  • I mean, yeah, there's times where you just need me to, rub you.
  • 00:21:03.992 --> 00:21:06.662
  • Yeah. tickle you?
  • 00:21:07.095 --> 00:21:07.663
  • Yeah.
  • 00:21:07.663 --> 00:21:08.630
  • Like if you play with my hair.
  • 00:21:08.630 --> 00:21:11.400
  • And what is that like?
  • 00:21:11.900 --> 00:21:13.335
  • Because there's a lot of women watching right now,
  • 00:21:13.335 --> 00:21:15.137
  • But there's a lot of men
  • 00:21:15.137 --> 00:21:16.405
  • That i'm speaking to who, you know,
  • 00:21:16.405 --> 00:21:18.307
  • They might be thinking about the menu,
  • 00:21:18.307 --> 00:21:20.475
  • But they're not thinking about.
  • 00:21:20.475 --> 00:21:21.977
  • Yeah.
  • 00:21:21.977 --> 00:21:23.278
  • Like those, those things as well. yeah.
  • 00:21:23.278 --> 00:21:24.780
  • I think there's,
  • 00:21:24.780 --> 00:21:27.316
  • If i were to unload on you every thought i had in a day,
  • 00:21:27.316 --> 00:21:32.154
  • Like you couldn't handle it, there's no way.
  • 00:21:33.088 --> 00:21:35.590
  • And so i think sometimes,
  • 00:21:36.158 --> 00:21:38.794
  • Like when you do, like when you're hugging
  • 00:21:38.794 --> 00:21:41.630
  • Or when you're, you know, like, if you like, play with my hair
  • 00:21:41.630 --> 00:21:45.600
  • Or put your hand on my leg or something like that,
  • 00:21:45.600 --> 00:21:48.870
  • There's some, at least for me.
  • 00:21:49.504 --> 00:21:50.605
  • And i don't even know.
  • 00:21:50.605 --> 00:21:51.840
  • I don't even know how biblical it is.
  • 00:21:51.840 --> 00:21:53.642
  • I mean, i hope it is, but like emotionally,
  • 00:21:53.642 --> 00:21:57.579
  • When we're, like engaging
  • 00:21:58.146 --> 00:22:00.949
  • Physically, like in those non sensual touching,
  • 00:22:01.950 --> 00:22:05.220
  • I feel like a lot of that tension
  • 00:22:05.954 --> 00:22:08.790
  • That i have and in the day fears, like you said, insecurity.
  • 00:22:08.790 --> 00:22:12.694
  • Not good enough.
  • 00:22:12.694 --> 00:22:14.229
  • My, my i can't keep my house clean enough.
  • 00:22:14.229 --> 00:22:16.565
  • I can't my feeling with my kids i'm feeling with my job.
  • 00:22:16.565 --> 00:22:20.702
  • Like you know, these are just thoughts. women.
  • 00:22:20.702 --> 00:22:22.537
  • I don't know if men have these, but like, all day long and women.
  • 00:22:22.537 --> 00:22:25.974
  • You can comfort me in the comments if i'm not telling it.
  • 00:22:25.974 --> 00:22:29.144
  • Right.
  • 00:22:29.144 --> 00:22:30.479
  • But it's like sometimes when we engage like that,
  • 00:22:30.479 --> 00:22:33.115
  • A hug, it makes me feel like you're going to be okay.
  • 00:22:34.182 --> 00:22:37.786
  • You're doing it.
  • 00:22:38.153 --> 00:22:39.654
  • It's like we're communicating without communicating.
  • 00:22:39.654 --> 00:22:42.324
  • It's comfort without you having to comfort me or saying anything.
  • 00:22:43.658 --> 00:22:46.862
  • And it's kind of just like, i can't even process these,
  • 00:22:47.996 --> 00:22:50.499
  • These thoughts out loud because it's just too it's just too much.
  • 00:22:50.499 --> 00:22:54.102
  • At the end of the day, it's like when we come together
  • 00:22:54.102 --> 00:22:57.172
  • And connect in that way, it like does something for it.
  • 00:22:57.172 --> 00:23:01.777
  • Like encourages my heart.
  • 00:23:02.344 --> 00:23:03.912
  • You know, i don't know if that puts like language behind it.
  • 00:23:03.912 --> 00:23:06.882
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:23:06.882 --> 00:23:08.383
  • Well, i think a lot of times men think we're so logical
  • 00:23:08.383 --> 00:23:11.420
  • That we just think, oh,
  • 00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:13.355
  • I need to logically say something to convince my wife.
  • 00:23:13.355 --> 00:23:15.857
  • Okay, so like you're fixing a if this if this is good.
  • 00:23:15.857 --> 00:23:19.528
  • Men love to fix things.
  • 00:23:19.528 --> 00:23:20.929
  • I know my husband when i'm like, no, no, no, just listen.
  • 00:23:20.929 --> 00:23:23.698
  • Yeah, i have a solution for all he's like sweating, like sweating.
  • 00:23:23.698 --> 00:23:27.803
  • Try the list that says i have.
  • 00:23:27.803 --> 00:23:29.805
  • It's all figured out. yes, he has always.
  • 00:23:29.805 --> 00:23:32.040
  • But when you hug me, you're fixing something
  • 00:23:32.040 --> 00:23:36.478
  • In me.
  • 00:23:36.711 --> 00:23:37.712
  • Like you are fixing something.
  • 00:23:37.712 --> 00:23:39.581
  • Yeah, it's something only you can fix.
  • 00:23:39.581 --> 00:23:41.650
  • It's only in the context of our marriage relationship.
  • 00:23:41.650 --> 00:23:44.953
  • In our marriage covenant.
  • 00:23:44.953 --> 00:23:46.888
  • And it's like you're fixing a problem
  • 00:23:46.888 --> 00:23:49.958
  • That you don't even know exists.
  • 00:23:49.958 --> 00:23:51.927
  • In my heart, that's how i feel.
  • 00:23:51.927 --> 00:23:53.895
  • Yeah, and that's powerful.
  • 00:23:53.895 --> 00:23:55.764
  • And i think that that a lot of men need to learn.
  • 00:23:55.764 --> 00:23:58.733
  • And if you're watching right now and i want to speak to the men
  • 00:23:58.733 --> 00:24:01.303
  • That you know, for as much as you are a good communicator
  • 00:24:01.303 --> 00:24:05.040
  • And you're logical, it's actually something that's
  • 00:24:06.074 --> 00:24:07.776
  • Going to seem counterintuitive and illogical,
  • 00:24:07.776 --> 00:24:10.912
  • That's going to work the best, which is a physical embrace,
  • 00:24:10.912 --> 00:24:14.583
  • Because it that produces in and of itself safety.
  • 00:24:15.517 --> 00:24:19.454
  • Yes, and i do.
  • 00:24:19.821 --> 00:24:21.089
  • I tell you all the time, i we're really good.
  • 00:24:21.089 --> 00:24:22.924
  • I mean, you guys for 20 years
  • 00:24:22.924 --> 00:24:24.426
  • And of making a ton of mistakes and we're getting a lot better.
  • 00:24:24.426 --> 00:24:28.163
  • So i don't want you to feel like we're light years ahead of you.
  • 00:24:28.163 --> 00:24:31.700
  • We're probably not.
  • 00:24:32.167 --> 00:24:33.435
  • We're probably only a few steps ahead.
  • 00:24:33.435 --> 00:24:35.270
  • But i will say that's something we've gotten really,
  • 00:24:35.270 --> 00:24:38.573
  • We've gotten better at is just constantly verbalizing
  • 00:24:39.641 --> 00:24:42.277
  • Like, hey, when you do that, that really helps me.
  • 00:24:42.277 --> 00:24:46.781
  • That really encourages me or, you know, yeah.
  • 00:24:46.781 --> 00:24:49.951
  • And that i agree.
  • 00:24:49.951 --> 00:24:51.653
  • And i think a lot of arguments can be solved by giving your wife
  • 00:24:51.653 --> 00:24:55.457
  • A snack.
  • 00:24:55.457 --> 00:24:56.992
  • And by hugging her.
  • 00:24:57.459 --> 00:24:59.561
  • Yeah.
  • 00:24:59.561 --> 00:25:00.962
  • Which to me sounds like how you care for a puppy.
  • 00:25:00.962 --> 00:25:03.031
  • You know what i mean.
  • 00:25:03.532 --> 00:25:04.966
  • It's like the same, it's literally the same prescription
  • 00:25:04.966 --> 00:25:07.002
  • Like and give them a treat and scratch them you know.
  • 00:25:07.002 --> 00:25:10.839
  • Yeah.
  • 00:25:11.072 --> 00:25:11.873
  • But like it's funny
  • 00:25:11.873 --> 00:25:13.308
  • Because women's brains are wired differently than men.
  • 00:25:13.308 --> 00:25:15.944
  • And you are thinking a lot of complex thoughts.
  • 00:25:16.912 --> 00:25:18.046
  • All day.
  • 00:25:18.046 --> 00:25:19.147
  • And there's something about,
  • 00:25:19.147 --> 00:25:20.849
  • You know, there's that phenomenon where women's brains can, like,
  • 00:25:20.849 --> 00:25:23.919
  • Almost turn off in the presence of the right man.
  • 00:25:24.920 --> 00:25:27.255
  • And there's a lot of viral videos where women are like,
  • 00:25:28.356 --> 00:25:30.158
  • When my husband is driving, i have no idea where we're going,
  • 00:25:30.158 --> 00:25:33.828
  • How we're getting there, i don't care. airport.
  • 00:25:33.828 --> 00:25:36.431
  • Airport can't help. yeah, yeah.
  • 00:25:36.431 --> 00:25:38.400
  • It's because it's like the the presence of a strong man
  • 00:25:38.400 --> 00:25:42.571
  • Will make a strong woman feel like she's able to actually stop.
  • 00:25:43.872 --> 00:25:47.776
  • And i think that that's one of the biggest compliments
  • 00:25:48.877 --> 00:25:51.046
  • Is a silent or quiet wife.
  • 00:25:51.046 --> 00:25:54.182
  • In the presence of a
  • 00:25:54.182 --> 00:25:55.684
  • Man is almost an indicator of how much they trust you.
  • 00:25:55.684 --> 00:25:59.020
  • Yeah.
  • 00:25:59.254 --> 00:26:00.855
  • And so it's like i've learned that over the years as well.
  • 00:26:00.855 --> 00:26:01.623
  • Like,
  • 00:26:01.623 --> 00:26:02.257
  • You know,
  • 00:26:02.257 --> 00:26:03.858
  • The fact that you don't know, you don't care is the evidence
  • 00:26:03.858 --> 00:26:05.860
  • That you trust that i've got it locked down right now.
  • 00:26:05.860 --> 00:26:09.764
  • On the other hand, what i've learned is that
  • 00:26:10.699 --> 00:26:11.933
  • And i'm going to really step into enemy territory.
  • 00:26:12.968 --> 00:26:14.970
  • Okay.
  • 00:26:14.970 --> 00:26:16.538
  • And i wonder if, by the way, if you haven't subscribed yet,
  • 00:26:16.538 --> 00:26:19.407
  • You need to hit the subscribe button
  • 00:26:19.407 --> 00:26:21.376
  • And you need to watch all four of these episodes,
  • 00:26:21.376 --> 00:26:23.545
  • And you need to heal your marriage.
  • 00:26:23.545 --> 00:26:24.879
  • And god divinely sent this podcast to you.
  • 00:26:24.879 --> 00:26:27.382
  • So go ahead and just slide your thumb over
  • 00:26:27.382 --> 00:26:29.417
  • And hit the subscribe button
  • 00:26:29.417 --> 00:26:30.719
  • And watch it animate and join this thing.
  • 00:26:30.719 --> 00:26:34.322
  • But let me just say, i, i'm going into enemy territory.
  • 00:26:35.457 --> 00:26:39.628
  • I don't know what you're going to say.
  • 00:26:40.462 --> 00:26:41.563
  • Hey, i realized that women compete
  • 00:26:41.563 --> 00:26:44.599
  • With other women, even in their own mind.
  • 00:26:44.599 --> 00:26:47.602
  • We do like we do.
  • 00:26:47.602 --> 00:26:49.804
  • You do it on accident.
  • 00:26:49.804 --> 00:26:51.439
  • Oh, i'm not going to see what you said today,
  • 00:26:51.439 --> 00:26:54.242
  • But you literally, you'll say a saving, like,
  • 00:26:54.242 --> 00:26:56.444
  • Oh my god, i said, our house is clean.
  • 00:26:56.444 --> 00:26:58.847
  • You know, so-and-so wouldn't do this. no.
  • 00:26:58.847 --> 00:27:02.117
  • And you said you do. you got to.
  • 00:27:02.117 --> 00:27:03.918
  • I said like, pull the makeup close.
  • 00:27:03.918 --> 00:27:06.755
  • So, you know, i'm not adding.
  • 00:27:06.755 --> 00:27:09.257
  • I'm just saying, like, men have their own style.
  • 00:27:09.257 --> 00:27:11.860
  • You ain't tell no lay men have their own problems.
  • 00:27:11.860 --> 00:27:14.663
  • And i'm going to out, man.
  • 00:27:14.663 --> 00:27:16.131
  • I'm doing it.
  • 00:27:16.131 --> 00:27:17.699
  • But what i've observed is that i get into the nitty gritty.
  • 00:27:17.699 --> 00:27:21.936
  • Not just you, but all women.
  • 00:27:21.936 --> 00:27:23.271
  • No, no,
  • 00:27:23.271 --> 00:27:24.172
  • But i want to give context
  • 00:27:24.172 --> 00:27:25.440
  • Because i don't want to make it about cleaning.
  • 00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:26.374
  • This was not about cleaning.
  • 00:27:26.374 --> 00:27:27.809
  • I get into nitty gritty like church work.
  • 00:27:27.809 --> 00:27:31.212
  • Like i will go outside and like shovel be dirty, like lift things,
  • 00:27:31.212 --> 00:27:36.518
  • Move things like i just i've always been like that.
  • 00:27:37.552 --> 00:27:40.555
  • And so today
  • 00:27:40.555 --> 00:27:42.057
  • I had to get in like this gritty area, dig out this book.
  • 00:27:42.057 --> 00:27:46.294
  • Like, you know, i was finding something for you
  • 00:27:46.294 --> 00:27:48.496
  • That you needed for, you know, your, your ministry.
  • 00:27:48.496 --> 00:27:51.966
  • And i came upstairs and i dropped the book and i said,
  • 00:27:53.034 --> 00:27:55.236
  • Other women could never and i, you know,
  • 00:27:56.071 --> 00:27:58.139
  • I was just like you basically said,
  • 00:27:58.139 --> 00:27:59.507
  • Pastor so-and-so, you know, they're.
  • 00:27:59.507 --> 00:28:03.211
  • Got him.
  • 00:28:03.478 --> 00:28:05.914
  • But the thing was, what you were doing was
  • 00:28:05.914 --> 00:28:08.249
  • You were comparing and you were saying,
  • 00:28:08.249 --> 00:28:09.918
  • I know, and it's almost like like a woman doesn't necessarily
  • 00:28:09.918 --> 00:28:13.988
  • Have a problem with their house being dirty sometimes.
  • 00:28:13.988 --> 00:28:16.491
  • But if you find out another woman is clean,
  • 00:28:16.491 --> 00:28:19.194
  • If i come over in your house dirty, i literally don't care.
  • 00:28:19.194 --> 00:28:22.030
  • Just so that's.
  • 00:28:22.030 --> 00:28:23.331
  • Yes, that's what i'm trying to say. like.
  • 00:28:23.331 --> 00:28:25.066
  • But i don't want you to come over to mine and it be dirty.
  • 00:28:25.066 --> 00:28:27.402
  • Yeah.
  • 00:28:27.402 --> 00:28:28.837
  • So there's like this kind of comparison thing, like.
  • 00:28:28.837 --> 00:28:30.405
  • Right, right.
  • 00:28:30.405 --> 00:28:31.773
  • You got your hair done, but my roots are showing.
  • 00:28:31.773 --> 00:28:34.476
  • Then, like, i get an appointment to make
  • 00:28:35.343 --> 00:28:36.444
  • An appointment, i got to give it right.
  • 00:28:36.444 --> 00:28:38.179
  • And i think that's why louis vuitton is exploding right now.
  • 00:28:38.179 --> 00:28:41.182
  • Because louis vuitton as a brand, it gives.
  • 00:28:41.182 --> 00:28:44.185
  • We all want in there. yeah, it's like a status.
  • 00:28:44.185 --> 00:28:46.554
  • It's like a hey, you know, like, look,
  • 00:28:46.554 --> 00:28:48.556
  • I got something going for myself
  • 00:28:48.556 --> 00:28:50.391
  • To like, you know, and it's related to the social hierarchy
  • 00:28:50.391 --> 00:28:54.429
  • And it's related to the feeling of, like,
  • 00:28:55.296 --> 00:28:56.564
  • How do i measure up against other women?
  • 00:28:56.564 --> 00:28:58.233
  • Do i work more, you know, or do i work less?
  • 00:28:58.233 --> 00:29:01.603
  • You know, do i have more grays or less grays?
  • 00:29:02.537 --> 00:29:03.972
  • Do i weigh more or do i weigh less? and women. what?
  • 00:29:03.972 --> 00:29:06.875
  • And i'm coming.
  • 00:29:06.875 --> 00:29:07.976
  • I'm making a point. so stay with me.
  • 00:29:07.976 --> 00:29:09.878
  • Because, you know, i'm a encouraging preacher.
  • 00:29:09.878 --> 00:29:12.046
  • I end with encouragement, even if we got to do some surgery.
  • 00:29:12.046 --> 00:29:15.850
  • But the comparison is what it could cause some anxiety.
  • 00:29:16.951 --> 00:29:20.722
  • The comparison could.
  • 00:29:21.222 --> 00:29:22.557
  • It could cause even feelings of inadequacy.
  • 00:29:22.557 --> 00:29:25.293
  • Yeah. because you're.
  • 00:29:25.293 --> 00:29:27.061
  • How do i step up, stack up against these other women, right.
  • 00:29:27.061 --> 00:29:30.064
  • Yeah.
  • 00:29:30.298 --> 00:29:31.566
  • But the encouraging thing is, is that,
  • 00:29:31.566 --> 00:29:33.668
  • If you can get to the point where you're like, you know what,
  • 00:29:34.936 --> 00:29:37.005
  • God, this is my journey with my husband,
  • 00:29:37.005 --> 00:29:40.642
  • My marriage, my relationship, my children, my house.
  • 00:29:41.676 --> 00:29:45.013
  • And they're it's not even comparable.
  • 00:29:45.780 --> 00:29:46.815
  • It's like a thumb print.
  • 00:29:46.815 --> 00:29:48.082
  • Your thumb print is the only one.
  • 00:29:48.082 --> 00:29:50.018
  • There's 7 billion people.
  • 00:29:50.018 --> 00:29:51.786
  • One thumbprint.
  • 00:29:51.786 --> 00:29:53.188
  • There's, you know, whatever.
  • 00:29:53.188 --> 00:29:54.789
  • There's millions of marriages, but there's only one of yours.
  • 00:29:54.789 --> 00:29:58.426
  • That configuration.
  • 00:29:58.426 --> 00:29:59.994
  • And i therefore i'm not going to compare it to anybody else.
  • 00:29:59.994 --> 00:30:03.331
  • Then you could say, who am i measuring against myself.
  • 00:30:04.432 --> 00:30:07.268
  • Right. and like, so what does that mean?
  • 00:30:08.102 --> 00:30:09.938
  • Sometimes the house is going to be dirty because this is my house.
  • 00:30:09.938 --> 00:30:12.774
  • And and the decision we made was to sleep instead of clean.
  • 00:30:12.774 --> 00:30:17.412
  • And that's okay.
  • 00:30:17.779 --> 00:30:19.147
  • Now, if it's always dirty, that's a problem.
  • 00:30:19.147 --> 00:30:20.515
  • But or hey, you know what?
  • 00:30:20.515 --> 00:30:22.483
  • I'll get my hair done when i get my hair done,
  • 00:30:22.483 --> 00:30:25.019
  • Or i'll let the grays out because i'm going to rock the grays.
  • 00:30:25.019 --> 00:30:28.523
  • And that's the look i want to go for.
  • 00:30:28.523 --> 00:30:30.158
  • I'm not that's not just telling you, but like more power to you.
  • 00:30:30.158 --> 00:30:33.761
  • Right.
  • 00:30:33.995 --> 00:30:35.563
  • But the encouragement is and i think the like the encouragement
  • 00:30:35.563 --> 00:30:37.632
  • Is if you'll embrace who god has called your family to be,
  • 00:30:37.632 --> 00:30:42.370
  • And stop comparing your family against another family.
  • 00:30:43.471 --> 00:30:45.640
  • Yeah.
  • 00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:46.875
  • Because that creates this artificial goal
  • 00:30:46.875 --> 00:30:49.611
  • Where it's like, don't try to be the signals
  • 00:30:50.545 --> 00:30:52.480
  • Because our life doesn't make sense for your life, right?
  • 00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:55.817
  • Hey, mike. signa rally here in the studio.
  • 00:30:56.718 --> 00:30:58.152
  • We're getting ready to jump back into the sermon,
  • 00:30:58.152 --> 00:31:00.588
  • But just very briefly, i wanted to let you know
  • 00:31:00.588 --> 00:31:03.591
  • That i have a resource called the breakers mobile app,
  • 00:31:03.591 --> 00:31:07.562
  • And i have so many courses there that teach you
  • 00:31:08.496 --> 00:31:10.832
  • Supernatural ministry
  • 00:31:10.832 --> 00:31:12.600
  • And how you can unlock the gifts that god has given you.
  • 00:31:12.600 --> 00:31:15.603
  • I want you to download the mobile app and join
  • 00:31:15.603 --> 00:31:18.506
  • A global community of people learning the narrow way,
  • 00:31:18.506 --> 00:31:22.377
  • People learning how to operate in the fullness of what
  • 00:31:22.377 --> 00:31:25.780
  • God has for them, and the gifts of the spirit.
  • 00:31:26.714 --> 00:31:28.283
  • It's called the breakers of mobile app.
  • 00:31:28.283 --> 00:31:30.451
  • It's actually entirely free and you can download it now
  • 00:31:30.451 --> 00:31:34.122
  • On your device. i will see you there.
  • 00:31:34.122 --> 00:31:40.028
  • And our
  • 00:31:40.261 --> 00:31:41.796
  • Marriage may not like the way we do life and the rhythms
  • 00:31:41.796 --> 00:31:43.898
  • And how we what's special to us may not be special to you.
  • 00:31:43.898 --> 00:31:49.170
  • You know,
  • 00:31:49.470 --> 00:31:51.039
  • Like staying in is a better date night for us than going out.
  • 00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:53.808
  • But sometimes we go out sometimes.
  • 00:31:54.575 --> 00:31:55.944
  • Yeah, but like when we when you ask, like,
  • 00:31:55.944 --> 00:31:58.379
  • Do you want to go out or stay in, what do i always say.
  • 00:31:58.379 --> 00:32:00.548
  • Yeah. well, we are on the lower east side of manhattan.
  • 00:32:00.548 --> 00:32:03.384
  • The last time we went on a date.
  • 00:32:03.384 --> 00:32:05.420
  • Yeah.
  • 00:32:05.420 --> 00:32:06.587
  • I mean, this is the stupid millennial.
  • 00:32:06.587 --> 00:32:08.556
  • Last day where we went out was the last one.
  • 00:32:08.556 --> 00:32:10.825
  • And the funny thing was we i said, you know what?
  • 00:32:10.825 --> 00:32:13.895
  • We love mexican food.
  • 00:32:13.895 --> 00:32:15.730
  • And so we looked up.
  • 00:32:15.730 --> 00:32:17.065
  • I looked up a place in the lower
  • 00:32:17.065 --> 00:32:18.566
  • East side of manhattan because we live in queens.
  • 00:32:18.566 --> 00:32:20.969
  • And it was like, i want to have the best mexican in my life.
  • 00:32:20.969 --> 00:32:25.139
  • So this place was five star rated.
  • 00:32:25.907 --> 00:32:28.176
  • Every every single review of this place is amazing
  • 00:32:28.176 --> 00:32:31.079
  • Is the best ever. we get these.
  • 00:32:31.079 --> 00:32:33.081
  • They they they put on, they put down on my plate boiled chicken.
  • 00:32:33.081 --> 00:32:37.919
  • We've determined that review is like here's what happened.
  • 00:32:37.919 --> 00:32:41.155
  • And they pour this sauce over.
  • 00:32:41.155 --> 00:32:42.490
  • It was the worst food i've ever in my life.
  • 00:32:42.490 --> 00:32:45.126
  • And then i, i found out in line that all those reviews were
  • 00:32:45.126 --> 00:32:48.463
  • A joke.
  • 00:32:48.463 --> 00:32:49.764
  • And that place is so bad that all the hipsters
  • 00:32:49.764 --> 00:32:52.533
  • And the young people reviewed it five stars and did that as a like.
  • 00:32:52.533 --> 00:32:56.170
  • They trolling, they're trolling you.
  • 00:32:56.170 --> 00:32:58.339
  • So it was the worst day we've ever
  • 00:32:58.339 --> 00:33:00.375
  • I mean, the worst food we've ever had on a day.
  • 00:33:00.375 --> 00:33:02.777
  • Then we go walking down the street,
  • 00:33:02.777 --> 00:33:04.345
  • There's that guy butt naked.
  • 00:33:04.345 --> 00:33:05.947
  • He was facedown naked around. yeah.
  • 00:33:05.947 --> 00:33:08.182
  • He was okay. don't worry. we checked on him.
  • 00:33:08.182 --> 00:33:12.387
  • And i thought, this is why i ordered doordash.
  • 00:33:13.287 --> 00:33:16.557
  • This is why.
  • 00:33:16.891 --> 00:33:18.459
  • But the thing is that for us, that's the season we're in.
  • 00:33:18.459 --> 00:33:21.729
  • Yeah, that's the what we're doing.
  • 00:33:22.497 --> 00:33:23.297
  • We work super hard.
  • 00:33:23.297 --> 00:33:24.465
  • We're tired at the end of the week,
  • 00:33:24.465 --> 00:33:25.733
  • Like we're out and about running around.
  • 00:33:25.733 --> 00:33:27.702
  • And so by the time friday, it's like we're ready to be home.
  • 00:33:27.702 --> 00:33:30.405
  • Yeah.
  • 00:33:30.405 --> 00:33:31.973
  • And what i wanted to say to everybody watching right now is
  • 00:33:31.973 --> 00:33:35.009
  • This is why words of affirmation are so important,
  • 00:33:35.977 --> 00:33:38.579
  • Because your spouse already feels like they're failing.
  • 00:33:39.714 --> 00:33:41.783
  • And when you're critical, you're only contributing
  • 00:33:42.817 --> 00:33:45.053
  • To the voice of criticism that's inside of their own mind.
  • 00:33:45.053 --> 00:33:49.023
  • So you're basically you're collaborating with the accuser
  • 00:33:50.158 --> 00:33:52.627
  • Instead of actually breaking them out of the accusation.
  • 00:33:53.761 --> 00:33:56.197
  • And so, like women, you already feel like,
  • 00:33:57.098 --> 00:33:58.733
  • How do i stack up against the other women, you know,
  • 00:33:58.733 --> 00:34:02.070
  • How is my body versus their body, right.
  • 00:34:02.937 --> 00:34:04.338
  • Reverse their hair, my nail versus their nail? yeah.
  • 00:34:04.338 --> 00:34:06.340
  • We're listening to the as women,
  • 00:34:06.340 --> 00:34:08.509
  • We're listening to the demonic chatter all day long.
  • 00:34:08.509 --> 00:34:11.345
  • Now, of course, we try to cast on every thought.
  • 00:34:11.345 --> 00:34:14.182
  • We try to silence that.
  • 00:34:14.182 --> 00:34:15.550
  • But the reality is, is if you're a man watching,
  • 00:34:15.550 --> 00:34:19.220
  • There is a plan against your wife from the enemy
  • 00:34:20.188 --> 00:34:23.825
  • To destroy her, to destroy how she feels about herself, destroy
  • 00:34:25.026 --> 00:34:27.862
  • Her marriage, destroy her sexuality, destroy her confidence,
  • 00:34:27.862 --> 00:34:32.366
  • Destroy her motherhood.
  • 00:34:32.867 --> 00:34:34.068
  • So like, don't partner with that.
  • 00:34:34.068 --> 00:34:36.404
  • If there is a genuine concern, try giving words
  • 00:34:36.404 --> 00:34:40.374
  • Of affirmation in the area that she is killing it.
  • 00:34:40.374 --> 00:34:44.712
  • Or maybe try
  • 00:34:44.712 --> 00:34:46.247
  • Encouraging her in the areas where she wants to kill it.
  • 00:34:46.247 --> 00:34:49.117
  • Like for example, if she's struggling with her weight,
  • 00:34:49.117 --> 00:34:52.353
  • You don't have
  • 00:34:52.720 --> 00:34:53.921
  • To like, don't buy her workout clothes.
  • 00:34:53.921 --> 00:34:56.724
  • Like maybe just be like, hey,
  • 00:34:56.724 --> 00:34:59.760
  • You know, i, you know, oh no, no,
  • 00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:02.597
  • I want to go on record because they're like, he did what?
  • 00:35:02.597 --> 00:35:04.832
  • They're going to. you're going to start some gossip.
  • 00:35:04.832 --> 00:35:07.268
  • He didn't buy me a treadmill.
  • 00:35:07.268 --> 00:35:08.736
  • He did not buy me workout clothes.
  • 00:35:08.736 --> 00:35:10.338
  • But if he did, i would cry.
  • 00:35:10.338 --> 00:35:14.142
  • Like i would not be encouraged by that, you know?
  • 00:35:15.143 --> 00:35:17.245
  • So you really have to ask the holy spirit.
  • 00:35:17.245 --> 00:35:18.980
  • And this is why i think the holy spirit is
  • 00:35:18.980 --> 00:35:22.316
  • That is a part of that threefold cord, right?
  • 00:35:23.251 --> 00:35:25.686
  • Yeah.
  • 00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:27.188
  • And a threefold cord is not easily broken.
  • 00:35:27.188 --> 00:35:30.358
  • There is a husband, a wife, and the holy spirit
  • 00:35:31.359 --> 00:35:34.395
  • And the holy spirit will literally tell me or help me,
  • 00:35:35.496 --> 00:35:39.534
  • Like when i do want to be disrespectful,
  • 00:35:40.368 --> 00:35:42.103
  • When i do think like, okay, he's had a stressful day,
  • 00:35:42.103 --> 00:35:45.439
  • But i know he needs something, what does he need?
  • 00:35:46.440 --> 00:35:48.476
  • He may not even know what he needs.
  • 00:35:48.476 --> 00:35:50.478
  • Sometimes the holy spirit will be like, just celebrate.
  • 00:35:50.478 --> 00:35:53.814
  • Yeah, or just go to bed and leave him alone.
  • 00:35:53.814 --> 00:35:57.652
  • Sometimes that's the strategy.
  • 00:35:58.286 --> 00:35:59.887
  • But i always ask the holy spirit,
  • 00:35:59.887 --> 00:36:03.357
  • And i think, like for your wife, asking the holy spirit,
  • 00:36:04.458 --> 00:36:06.561
  • Show me how i can encourage my wife today.
  • 00:36:07.461 --> 00:36:10.731
  • I can't tell you how many times you've prayed that prayer,
  • 00:36:11.866 --> 00:36:14.502
  • And you've come home and been like, hey,
  • 00:36:15.369 --> 00:36:18.005
  • I did this thing, or you shot me this text.
  • 00:36:18.873 --> 00:36:21.542
  • And i would respond with, oh my gosh, i just prayed about that.
  • 00:36:21.542 --> 00:36:26.681
  • You know, like, i don't know if you can think of a couple
  • 00:36:27.815 --> 00:36:29.350
  • If there's been many times, many times i've just said, lord,
  • 00:36:29.350 --> 00:36:31.652
  • You know, give me an encouragement for my wife.
  • 00:36:31.652 --> 00:36:34.956
  • Yeah.
  • 00:36:35.189 --> 00:36:36.490
  • And it's funny because there's a lot of men
  • 00:36:36.490 --> 00:36:38.159
  • That are in these, like, weird codependent men's groups
  • 00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:41.929
  • Where, you know, they encourage each other all day.
  • 00:36:42.997 --> 00:36:44.865
  • Yeah.
  • 00:36:44.865 --> 00:36:45.566
  • And they don't
  • 00:36:45.566 --> 00:36:47.068
  • They don't extend the same encouragement to their own wife.
  • 00:36:47.068 --> 00:36:48.402
  • Oh, brother, we're in this together, brother.
  • 00:36:48.402 --> 00:36:51.806
  • Well, your brother is not going to sleep with you tonight.
  • 00:36:52.940 --> 00:36:54.008
  • At least he shouldn't.
  • 00:36:54.008 --> 00:36:55.376
  • Yeah, like you said, your wife, you're literally.
  • 00:36:55.376 --> 00:36:57.612
  • You're literally.
  • 00:36:57.612 --> 00:36:59.113
  • The bible says wash your wife with the word
  • 00:36:59.113 --> 00:37:02.583
  • Washer with the word you talked about
  • 00:37:02.583 --> 00:37:04.685
  • The thoughts that run through your mind all day.
  • 00:37:04.685 --> 00:37:06.687
  • That needs to be washed with the word right.
  • 00:37:06.687 --> 00:37:09.690
  • And so you've got men who are washing each other
  • 00:37:09.690 --> 00:37:12.793
  • With the word and group chats
  • 00:37:12.793 --> 00:37:14.895
  • That don't wash their own wife with the word.
  • 00:37:14.895 --> 00:37:17.064
  • It's a problem.
  • 00:37:17.064 --> 00:37:18.566
  • And i'll tell you why.
  • 00:37:18.566 --> 00:37:19.934
  • Because boys know how to be brothers,
  • 00:37:19.934 --> 00:37:23.271
  • But men know how to be fathers.
  • 00:37:23.904 --> 00:37:25.473
  • And when
  • 00:37:25.473 --> 00:37:26.440
  • A father is ruling their home,
  • 00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:27.742
  • They're the king of their own castle.
  • 00:37:27.742 --> 00:37:29.710
  • And they have to say,
  • 00:37:29.710 --> 00:37:31.545
  • Under my leadership in this place, people are going to be safe.
  • 00:37:31.545 --> 00:37:34.482
  • They're going to feel loved.
  • 00:37:35.082 --> 00:37:36.050
  • They're going to feel cherished.
  • 00:37:36.050 --> 00:37:37.418
  • They're going to feel valued.
  • 00:37:37.418 --> 00:37:39.453
  • They're going to be challenged at times, right.
  • 00:37:39.453 --> 00:37:42.089
  • But they're also going to know that nobody has their back more.
  • 00:37:42.089 --> 00:37:46.060
  • Nobody loves them more than i do.
  • 00:37:46.060 --> 00:37:48.296
  • And here in the signal valley home, i'm the king of the castle.
  • 00:37:48.296 --> 00:37:52.166
  • And that's not but but when i say that
  • 00:37:52.933 --> 00:37:55.236
  • That's not the top position.
  • 00:37:55.236 --> 00:37:56.737
  • That's the bottom position, right?
  • 00:37:56.737 --> 00:37:58.406
  • That's me saying i'm at the lowest position.
  • 00:37:58.406 --> 00:38:00.441
  • I'm the one pushing everybody else up every the.
  • 00:38:00.441 --> 00:38:03.344
  • Let the greatest among you be the servant.
  • 00:38:03.344 --> 00:38:05.680
  • So it's like i'm encouraging, right?
  • 00:38:05.680 --> 00:38:07.782
  • Like i should be the lead encourager.
  • 00:38:07.782 --> 00:38:10.418
  • I'm, i'm the one that says, hey you know what.
  • 00:38:10.418 --> 00:38:12.987
  • You know you guys all are tired but i'll go an extra mile.
  • 00:38:12.987 --> 00:38:16.490
  • Yeah. you know you guys are exhausted.
  • 00:38:17.291 --> 00:38:18.426
  • And how many times does that happen.
  • 00:38:18.426 --> 00:38:19.360
  • Oh so many
  • 00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:20.928
  • I mean i can't tell you how many times like a few weeks ago,
  • 00:38:20.928 --> 00:38:24.765
  • You know, one of our kids was sick with a fever,
  • 00:38:24.765 --> 00:38:26.867
  • And i'm one of those parents, like,
  • 00:38:26.867 --> 00:38:28.469
  • I cannot sleep when they have a fever
  • 00:38:28.469 --> 00:38:31.272
  • Because, i don't know, i just it's my instinct.
  • 00:38:31.272 --> 00:38:34.709
  • It won't let me.
  • 00:38:34.709 --> 00:38:35.976
  • And i had been up three nights in a row
  • 00:38:35.976 --> 00:38:37.445
  • With a sick kid with a fever, not sleeping, and,
  • 00:38:37.445 --> 00:38:41.749
  • You came
  • 00:38:42.016 --> 00:38:43.517
  • In, and it makes me cry because you had a really long week
  • 00:38:43.517 --> 00:38:46.854
  • And a really hard week,
  • 00:38:46.854 --> 00:38:48.656
  • And you came in and it was like closing in on sunday, too.
  • 00:38:48.656 --> 00:38:51.792
  • So this is like coming into the weekend
  • 00:38:51.792 --> 00:38:53.527
  • Where you need to be, like your strongest and you're like,
  • 00:38:53.527 --> 00:38:56.564
  • Babe, i'm going to, i'm going to take care of this.
  • 00:38:56.564 --> 00:39:00.468
  • You're going to sleep, you're going to shut your door,
  • 00:39:00.468 --> 00:39:03.304
  • You're going to go to bed and i got this.
  • 00:39:03.304 --> 00:39:05.473
  • I'll wake you up if i need you.
  • 00:39:05.473 --> 00:39:07.408
  • And i had the best sleep of my life.
  • 00:39:07.408 --> 00:39:09.810
  • It was so great. and you just handled it.
  • 00:39:09.810 --> 00:39:11.979
  • And you checked on her.
  • 00:39:11.979 --> 00:39:13.848
  • You took her time.
  • 00:39:13.848 --> 00:39:15.182
  • You did all the things that i would have done.
  • 00:39:15.182 --> 00:39:17.151
  • And i know you were tired, but you served us in that way.
  • 00:39:17.151 --> 00:39:20.888
  • Yeah. and you got to do.
  • 00:39:21.389 --> 00:39:22.223
  • There's many,
  • 00:39:22.223 --> 00:39:23.724
  • Many stories of that i did that was just recently as a man,
  • 00:39:23.724 --> 00:39:26.260
  • You know, it's like it's just part of it.
  • 00:39:26.260 --> 00:39:28.429
  • And that's what you chose to do.
  • 00:39:28.429 --> 00:39:31.265
  • And so it's like words of affirmation are,
  • 00:39:31.265 --> 00:39:33.868
  • You know, encouragements because i think for me
  • 00:39:33.868 --> 00:39:38.038
  • And i struggle with this because i, you know, it's
  • 00:39:38.038 --> 00:39:40.274
  • Not that i'm critical, but i'm very, very like precision.
  • 00:39:40.274 --> 00:39:44.445
  • I know how to, you know, do things.
  • 00:39:45.179 --> 00:39:46.514
  • So i'm like, i see it.
  • 00:39:46.514 --> 00:39:47.882
  • I'm like, okay, because i treat myself that way,
  • 00:39:47.882 --> 00:39:50.351
  • You know what i mean? like, i need to do.
  • 00:39:50.351 --> 00:39:52.019
  • You don't like people fluffing you up?
  • 00:39:52.019 --> 00:39:53.687
  • No, i like just shoot it to me.
  • 00:39:53.687 --> 00:39:56.957
  • Like, don't give me any flowers on me.
  • 00:39:57.758 --> 00:39:58.592
  • Yeah.
  • 00:39:58.592 --> 00:39:59.460
  • The most,
  • 00:39:59.460 --> 00:40:00.895
  • Like, personal trainer who comes over to the house
  • 00:40:00.895 --> 00:40:03.364
  • Now to help me with, you know, because i'm,
  • 00:40:03.364 --> 00:40:05.366
  • I had a lot of injuries, like, physically.
  • 00:40:05.366 --> 00:40:07.201
  • So i was, like, having a hard time
  • 00:40:07.201 --> 00:40:09.370
  • Working out because i had a shoulder injury.
  • 00:40:09.370 --> 00:40:11.038
  • A knee injury back on.
  • 00:40:11.038 --> 00:40:12.473
  • Yeah. back. you know, just injuries.
  • 00:40:12.473 --> 00:40:14.442
  • So like this guy comes over and it's he there is no compassion.
  • 00:40:14.442 --> 00:40:19.647
  • No. it's like hey do this.
  • 00:40:20.214 --> 00:40:21.549
  • You're doing it wrong.
  • 00:40:21.549 --> 00:40:22.716
  • But but for me i fire up
  • 00:40:22.716 --> 00:40:25.219
  • But sometimes when you treat your wife like the drill sergeant,
  • 00:40:25.219 --> 00:40:28.889
  • She doesn't get inspired by that.
  • 00:40:29.623 --> 00:40:31.058
  • She actually gets uninspired and she shuts down.
  • 00:40:31.058 --> 00:40:33.427
  • Yeah, i've had to remind you a couple times.
  • 00:40:33.427 --> 00:40:35.429
  • Like, hey, we're all girls in this.
  • 00:40:35.429 --> 00:40:38.766
  • Like, mike doesn't have, like, feminine,
  • 00:40:39.633 --> 00:40:43.337
  • Like inner, like, there's nothing feminine about you.
  • 00:40:44.438 --> 00:40:47.441
  • Like, you're not soft around the edges.
  • 00:40:47.441 --> 00:40:49.777
  • Like, even when you like, like tickle.
  • 00:40:49.777 --> 00:40:52.079
  • Like it hurts. like it doesn't even.
  • 00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:54.114
  • It's like you're, like, rough, you know?
  • 00:40:54.114 --> 00:40:57.451
  • And so you're rough in your communication.
  • 00:40:58.352 --> 00:41:00.254
  • And i'll have to remind you, like, hey, we're all like
  • 00:41:00.254 --> 00:41:04.492
  • Little girls. i'm here.
  • 00:41:04.992 --> 00:41:07.027
  • Like,
  • 00:41:07.261 --> 00:41:08.596
  • You're talking to us like we're navy seals.
  • 00:41:08.596 --> 00:41:10.931
  • We're just looking at you like to my.
  • 00:41:10.931 --> 00:41:14.435
  • That's funny.
  • 00:41:14.435 --> 00:41:15.636
  • And you, i, i, i love how having girls,
  • 00:41:15.636 --> 00:41:19.440
  • You know, we don't we don't have boys has like soften to you.
  • 00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:23.644
  • And so, it's been really fun to watch that over the years.
  • 00:41:24.812 --> 00:41:27.781
  • And now as they're older, they like the tougher
  • 00:41:27.781 --> 00:41:30.818
  • Especially our little is really responds to like
  • 00:41:30.818 --> 00:41:34.288
  • Tougher like communicate like she likes it and she kind of
  • 00:41:35.456 --> 00:41:38.259
  • Gives it back and it's like really cute.
  • 00:41:39.126 --> 00:41:41.395
  • So i don't know. yeah.
  • 00:41:41.395 --> 00:41:42.730
  • I mean i think like what we learn from this one.
  • 00:41:42.730 --> 00:41:45.232
  • Yeah.
  • 00:41:45.232 --> 00:41:46.700
  • Is that when, when it, when we say that a man desires
  • 00:41:46.700 --> 00:41:49.370
  • Physical touch, what does that mean?
  • 00:41:49.370 --> 00:41:51.205
  • We delved into all the complexities of it
  • 00:41:51.205 --> 00:41:53.474
  • When we talked about like a woman needs physical touch.
  • 00:41:53.474 --> 00:41:56.043
  • Like we talked about how that's connected
  • 00:41:56.043 --> 00:41:58.145
  • To your mind psychologically and, you know, kind of like how.
  • 00:41:58.145 --> 00:42:02.149
  • And then we talked about
  • 00:42:02.650 --> 00:42:04.051
  • Communication verbally and how we serve each other,
  • 00:42:04.051 --> 00:42:07.121
  • You know, with affirmation, like you're someone where
  • 00:42:08.222 --> 00:42:09.823
  • If i start, like encouraging you and affirming you and pumping
  • 00:42:09.823 --> 00:42:12.826
  • You up, it'll make you want to work out more.
  • 00:42:12.826 --> 00:42:15.062
  • Oh my gosh, what if i start talking to you the other way?
  • 00:42:15.062 --> 00:42:18.399
  • I'm like, i will, i'll just go ahead and 40 pounds.
  • 00:42:19.433 --> 00:42:22.002
  • Yeah.
  • 00:42:22.236 --> 00:42:23.571
  • Don't care will gain 40 pounds despite you.
  • 00:42:23.571 --> 00:42:27.441
  • So it's like i used to think like yeah man
  • 00:42:28.342 --> 00:42:30.110
  • I'm just going to tell her straight to your face girl.
  • 00:42:30.110 --> 00:42:32.846
  • You got it.
  • 00:42:32.846 --> 00:42:33.514
  • And she's like,
  • 00:42:33.514 --> 00:42:35.049
  • Oh yeah, yeah i'm on my way to dunkin donuts right now.
  • 00:42:35.049 --> 00:42:37.217
  • And you're eating a revenge donut and you're like, keep talking.
  • 00:42:38.519 --> 00:42:41.188
  • Because i keep eating.
  • 00:42:41.188 --> 00:42:42.189
  • You keep talking, i keep eating
  • 00:42:42.189 --> 00:42:45.459
  • Well.
  • 00:42:45.693 --> 00:42:47.094
  • But i've learned that encouragement works for you.
  • 00:42:47.094 --> 00:42:49.263
  • And and you know what's funny?
  • 00:42:49.263 --> 00:42:50.631
  • And i'm going to end on this.
  • 00:42:50.631 --> 00:42:52.967
  • You know, the lowest form of prophecy in the new testament,
  • 00:42:52.967 --> 00:42:57.538
  • If you read the scriptures, is exhort
  • 00:42:58.372 --> 00:43:00.374
  • And encourage.
  • 00:43:00.374 --> 00:43:03.677
  • I was okay, like, let's go to the wide angle.
  • 00:43:04.645 --> 00:43:06.113
  • I'm holding my hand.
  • 00:43:06.113 --> 00:43:07.748
  • Tell you what, julie's like.
  • 00:43:07.748 --> 00:43:09.550
  • You're doing something weird.
  • 00:43:09.550 --> 00:43:11.318
  • It just looks so
  • 00:43:11.318 --> 00:43:13.153
  • Wrong if i go like this.
  • 00:43:13.654 --> 00:43:14.722
  • Yeah, i'm holding my legs up.
  • 00:43:14.722 --> 00:43:16.423
  • People have, like, a whole theory about that.
  • 00:43:16.423 --> 00:43:18.892
  • I don't know, like, what's a theory?
  • 00:43:18.892 --> 00:43:20.995
  • Probably some new age thing. and.
  • 00:43:20.995 --> 00:43:25.699
  • You're so silly.
  • 00:43:26.066 --> 00:43:28.569
  • I just know how they. they're bored.
  • 00:43:28.569 --> 00:43:30.404
  • They gotta think of something.
  • 00:43:30.404 --> 00:43:32.406
  • I was trying to do it with me, like, hey,
  • 00:43:32.406 --> 00:43:36.343
  • You don't don't hold your leg.
  • 00:43:36.977 --> 00:43:39.013
  • That's a drama. it's not.
  • 00:43:39.013 --> 00:43:41.415
  • I know, it's because, like, you got, like,
  • 00:43:41.415 --> 00:43:43.517
  • I was mostly nervousness when i'm like, stop doing that.
  • 00:43:43.517 --> 00:43:47.187
  • Know my wife has seen me garner like 70 million views online
  • 00:43:48.355 --> 00:43:52.426
  • And unfortunately, people pick apart every single thing you do
  • 00:43:53.594 --> 00:43:56.797
  • And then you attribute meaning to it.
  • 00:43:56.797 --> 00:43:59.099
  • That's not right.
  • 00:43:59.099 --> 00:44:00.634
  • And so you probably are trying to avoid me getting a video
  • 00:44:00.634 --> 00:44:04.038
  • Coming out about how i did namaste or something on and or whatever
  • 00:44:04.038 --> 00:44:07.641
  • I was, i was really just holding my leg up.
  • 00:44:07.641 --> 00:44:10.644
  • I was trying to figure out, where is it going through?
  • 00:44:10.644 --> 00:44:13.947
  • I was.
  • 00:44:13.947 --> 00:44:16.250
  • So speaking of,
  • 00:44:16.617 --> 00:44:19.053
  • Yeah, physical dead.
  • 00:44:19.053 --> 00:44:19.887
  • But yeah, just to wrap
  • 00:44:19.887 --> 00:44:23.223
  • And then we're going to do we have two more episodes.
  • 00:44:24.291 --> 00:44:25.793
  • I know this is a been an incredible journey.
  • 00:44:25.793 --> 00:44:27.861
  • And you know what?
  • 00:44:27.861 --> 00:44:29.029
  • The fact that we're laughing together,
  • 00:44:29.029 --> 00:44:30.631
  • Like, did you know that there would be another couple
  • 00:44:30.631 --> 00:44:32.700
  • Where if the guy was like, you know, holding his leg
  • 00:44:32.700 --> 00:44:35.969
  • And the woman thought it was weird,
  • 00:44:35.969 --> 00:44:37.137
  • That could be a full blown argument?
  • 00:44:37.137 --> 00:44:39.173
  • Yeah.
  • 00:44:39.173 --> 00:44:40.974
  • I do want to say like that in and of itself was an object lesson
  • 00:44:40.974 --> 00:44:42.743
  • Because i don't have any ego about me.
  • 00:44:42.743 --> 00:44:45.245
  • I'm not.
  • 00:44:45.245 --> 00:44:46.647
  • I don't take things personally in an offensive way.
  • 00:44:46.647 --> 00:44:48.982
  • And we laughed about it.
  • 00:44:48.982 --> 00:44:51.585
  • Right.
  • 00:44:51.585 --> 00:44:53.487
  • You got the giggles.
  • 00:44:53.487 --> 00:44:54.755
  • I got the giggles from it.
  • 00:44:54.755 --> 00:44:55.989
  • Yeah. i'm sorry, but you.
  • 00:44:55.989 --> 00:44:57.591
  • But you've seen the guys who blow up over the
  • 00:44:57.591 --> 00:45:00.828
  • That kind of stuff. yeah.
  • 00:45:00.828 --> 00:45:02.329
  • And they're just it's it's so it's like, i guess
  • 00:45:02.329 --> 00:45:05.399
  • The lesson from this is you get to choose how you react.
  • 00:45:05.399 --> 00:45:08.702
  • And it's always a choice.
  • 00:45:09.269 --> 00:45:10.738
  • Yeah.
  • 00:45:10.738 --> 00:45:12.106
  • And anger and bitterness and rage and ego and pride
  • 00:45:12.106 --> 00:45:14.208
  • Makes you feel like you don't have a choice. right.
  • 00:45:14.208 --> 00:45:17.010
  • But you actually it's like, yeah, whatever.
  • 00:45:17.010 --> 00:45:18.846
  • I, you know. yeah.
  • 00:45:18.846 --> 00:45:20.214
  • And by the way, if you are like one of those
  • 00:45:20.214 --> 00:45:24.251
  • Christian marriage speakers and you talk about how you're not
  • 00:45:25.452 --> 00:45:27.254
  • Supposed to blow up on your wife, but you do blow up on your wife
  • 00:45:27.254 --> 00:45:30.557
  • Weekend. joe,
  • 00:45:30.557 --> 00:45:33.060
  • I don't do that.
  • 00:45:33.427 --> 00:45:35.796
  • No, you don't.
  • 00:45:35.796 --> 00:45:37.431
  • I'm saying we can tell.
  • 00:45:37.431 --> 00:45:39.700
  • Oh, yeah, we're all the time.
  • 00:45:39.700 --> 00:45:41.769
  • We're like, yeah, that guy tells his wife, shut up, shut up.
  • 00:45:41.769 --> 00:45:45.539
  • You shut up.
  • 00:45:45.539 --> 00:45:48.809
  • I, i feel like this podcast is just for us.
  • 00:45:49.710 --> 00:45:52.379
  • Yeah. have a good time. no, you know what?
  • 00:45:52.379 --> 00:45:54.314
  • This is good for people, i think so.
  • 00:45:54.314 --> 00:45:56.150
  • I think it's good.
  • 00:45:56.150 --> 00:45:57.551
  • Yeah.
  • 00:45:57.551 --> 00:45:58.886
  • In the in the what i, what i was closing on.
  • 00:45:58.886 --> 00:46:01.121
  • This is why you don't get tired and i'm tired i know, i know,
  • 00:46:02.322 --> 00:46:04.658
  • Know, but i love you and i'm glad you're here.
  • 00:46:05.626 --> 00:46:06.894
  • But is that the words of affirmation?
  • 00:46:06.894 --> 00:46:09.630
  • Are so necessary because the lowest
  • 00:46:09.630 --> 00:46:12.266
  • Level of prophecy is exhortation and encouragement.
  • 00:46:12.266 --> 00:46:15.402
  • And there's been many times where i've went to go encourage you.
  • 00:46:15.402 --> 00:46:18.272
  • And i started
  • 00:46:18.272 --> 00:46:20.007
  • And i started with encouragement, and it ended with prophecy.
  • 00:46:20.007 --> 00:46:23.277
  • And i really believe that there's a lot of men
  • 00:46:24.244 --> 00:46:25.612
  • That need to start trying to encourage their wives.
  • 00:46:25.612 --> 00:46:28.148
  • You know, i don't know if you're ready to share that testimony.
  • 00:46:28.148 --> 00:46:30.584
  • I was just thinking about that. yeah. go ahead. let's save it.
  • 00:46:30.584 --> 00:46:32.953
  • You can save it.
  • 00:46:32.953 --> 00:46:33.754
  • Okay. cliffhanger.
  • 00:46:33.754 --> 00:46:34.788
  • Yeah. cliffhanger.
  • 00:46:34.788 --> 00:46:35.856
  • Let's save it. hey, so do this.
  • 00:46:35.856 --> 00:46:38.425
  • Two things.
  • 00:46:38.425 --> 00:46:39.593
  • I want you to subscribe to the channel
  • 00:46:39.593 --> 00:46:41.161
  • And let god just work and heal your marriage.
  • 00:46:41.161 --> 00:46:44.298
  • And let us know in the comment section.
  • 00:46:44.298 --> 00:46:46.133
  • What were the things that really meant the most to you?
  • 00:46:46.133 --> 00:46:48.468
  • Let's talk.
  • 00:46:48.468 --> 00:46:49.603
  • We're going to be in the comments.
  • 00:46:49.603 --> 00:46:50.938
  • You'll be in the comments, i think in the comments.
  • 00:46:50.938 --> 00:46:52.306
  • I'll try. yeah.
  • 00:46:52.306 --> 00:46:53.807
  • And then here's i want you to go ahead and tap this video.
  • 00:46:53.807 --> 00:46:58.145
  • This is a playlist and just binge the whole thing.
  • 00:46:58.145 --> 00:47:00.981
  • I'll see you in the next one.
  • 00:47:00.981 --> 00:47:02.616
  • I really want to thank you for supporting this ministry.
  • 00:47:02.616 --> 00:47:06.153
  • Pray about what god would have you do.
  • 00:47:06.987 --> 00:47:08.622
  • We don't tell people what to give.
  • 00:47:08.622 --> 00:47:10.524
  • What we do love to talk about
  • 00:47:10.524 --> 00:47:12.559
  • Is the amazing, life
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  • Saving projects that we do around
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  • The united states and around the world.
  • 00:47:15.863 --> 00:47:18.131
  • Whether it's distributing the gospel
  • 00:47:18.131 --> 00:47:20.367
  • In non-christian nations, even underground church networks,
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  • Or providing disaster relief to areas most affected around
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  • The united states,
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  • Many lives are being changed because of your generosity.
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