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Gary Chapman & Les & Leslie Parrott: The Key to True Connection | Praise

January 13, 2026 | 58:23

Hosted by TBN’s own Matt and Laurie Crouch along with other popular personalities, Praise features the best in contemporary Christian music and worship, fresh and impacting ministry voices, engaging interviews from a wide variety of guests, and a fast-moving hour of relevant talk you won’t want to miss!

#Author #Marriage #Relationships #Communication #Peopleinyourlife #Wife #Husband #Love #Emotion #MattCrouch #LaurieCrouch #GaryChapman #LesParrott #LeslieParrott

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Praise | Gary Chapman & Les & Leslie Parrott: The Key to True Connection | Praise | January 13, 2026

Praise.
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>> god designs. each of us hardwires each of us uniquely.
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Every marriage is different. there's never been a marriage
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Like yours before. there never will be again because you're
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Too unique. personalities come together. so when it comes to
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The love languages, it's about speaking your love language of
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The person you love fluently. you can't do that without
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Understanding their dialect. that's when you're speaking it
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Fluently.
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>> tonight on praise from dallas best selling author
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Doctor gary chapman and relationship experts les and
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Leslie heron. and now your host matt and laurie crouch.
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>> about 33 years ago, a book called the five love languages
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Was created by gary chapman. we're moving beyond that. and
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Finally, the love language that matters most is upon us. i feel
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Like you need to kind of, first of all, say happy new year to
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Our to our audience, and then kind of set the stage for what
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We're going to unpack and get into here with all these new
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Year's resolutions and all that kind of stuff.
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>> all right. well, happy new year. you know, i will never
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Forget the day it first dawned on me that what makes one
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Person feel loved doesn't make another person feel loved. they
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Were sitting in my office. i found out they'd been married
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To each other 30 years. okay. and the wife said after we
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Talked a bit. well, doctor chapman, i'm just going to tell
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You the main problem. i just don't feel any love coming from
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Him. and she said, we're like roommates living in the same
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House, you know, he does his thing. i do my thing. we're not
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Controversial. it's just i'm empty and i don't know how long
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I can go on like this. i looked at her husband and he said, i
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Don't understand her. i do everything i can for her, that
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I love her. i said, what do you do to show her that you love
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Her? he said, well, i get home before she does. i start the
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Evening meal. sometimes i have it ready when she gets home. if
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Not, she'll help me. and after we eat, i'll wash the dishes
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Every night. on thursday. i vacuumed the floor on saturday,
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He said. i washed the car. i mow the grass, i help her with
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The laundry. and he went on. and i was beginning to wonder,
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What is this woman do? it sounded to me like he was doing
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Everything. and i look back at her and she said, he's right.
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He's a hard working man, but we don't ever talk. we haven't
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Talked in 20 years. he's always mowing the grass, washing the
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Dishes, vacuuming the floors. and i realized here was a
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Sincere husband. he was loving his wife, but he wasn't
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Connecting with her emotionally. and after that, i heard similar
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Stories over and over in my office. and eventually i
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Thought, you know, there's got to be a pattern to this, but i
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Had no idea what it was until i took time to sit down and read
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Several years of notes that i made when i was counseling, and
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Asked myself the question when someone said, i feel like my
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Spouse doesn't love me, what did they want? and the answers
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Fell into five categories. and i later called them the five
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Love languages, and i started using that in my counseling. if
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You want her to feel love, you've got to speak her
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Language. you want him to feel love, you've got to speak his
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Language. and they would come back and a couple of weeks and
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Say, gary, this is beginning to change things. the climate's
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Different now. and then i started teaching it in small
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Groups in my church, and the same thing would happen
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Probably five years later. i thought, you know, if i could
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Put this concept in a book, write it in the language of the
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Common person, leave out psychological terms and even
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Theological terms that people would not understand. maybe i
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Could help a lot of couples that i would never have time to
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See in my office. little did i know that the book would sell.
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Now over 20 million copies be published in over 50 languages
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All over the world. and many, many people. every time i do a
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Conference, they say, doctor chairman, 20 years ago or 15
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Years ago, that book saved our marriage. we were at the point
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Of giving up. we read it, the lights came on, we realized,
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Hey, we're missed each other and it just saved our marriage.
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So it's been an absolutely incredible. but along the way,
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Also, i've had people say to me, gary, how does the love
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Language relate to people's personality? and i said, well,
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I'm sure it does, but i've never done a deep dive into
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That, you know? and i just kept hearing that. and along the way,
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I remember my friend les and leslie parrott and i thought,
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Hey, this guy, he's good at this kind of stuff, you know?
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So we chatted about this and i asked him to team up with me,
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And we did a premium assessment, first of all. and it's on at
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Five love languages. com in which it gives the person's
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Primary love language. but it also deals with the whole issue
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Of personality and how that relates. and then another big
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Factor was helping people understand the primary dialect
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Of that language. so they're going to tell you about it. i'm
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Excited about it. i think this book's going to be even more
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Effective in helping people genuinely meet each other's
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Emotional need for love.
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>> the love language that matters most. yeah, you guys
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Are the same size font there on the on the author stuff, so you
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Better have something good to say here. les.
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>> you're really competitive.
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>> yeah, yeah. well.
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>> where does this go from the original.
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>> love language that matters most is the love language of
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The person you're in front of. how does personality factor
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Into it, and then how do we really unpack the dialects?
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Because we were missing each other on our love.
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>> exactly. because there's a lot of nuance. i mean, and
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Here's the here's the thing that happens. it wasn't gary's
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Intention. but often when we learn about the love languages,
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What we really internalize is my love language, right? and we
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Get really good at understanding what we need to
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Feel most loved.
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>> and we're pretty good at pointing out, hey, you're not
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Meeting exactly. you're not speaking my language.
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>> exactly. and that's that's just the human temptation. this
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Focuses on becoming expert at the language of the person
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We're loving. right? and just like learning any language,
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There are a lot of nuances to that. i mean, if, if any of you
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Have tried, like me later in life, to pick up another
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Language for travel purposes or just to be a little more exotic
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And failed at it as miserably as i have, then you realize, oh
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Yeah, there's.
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>> a lot to go to italy in three months, so why don't we
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Learn italian?
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>> exactly. we went to one class. that was it. paid for
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The whole thing. thanks. duolingo.
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>> yeah. and of course, this isn't that isn't to make this
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Intimidating, but it is to say it's not just. oh, okay, now i
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Know what yours is or what mine is. easy done. yeah, yeah.
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>> yes. yeah! chow!
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>> yeah! we did it.
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>> yeah. done.
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>> you know, i understand that a lot of people have these
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Nuances, and i think that that's really what the love
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Language that matters most really kind of delves into. but
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I was and i see it now, but i, i tend to see things black and
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White. and so a lot of times, doctor chapman, i was feeling
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Like eddie haskell from the, you know, leave it to beaver
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Series. and, and and i knew that her love language was
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Words of affirmation or i thought it was at the time and,
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Well, i thought it was. yeah.
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>> well.
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>> apparently i don't.
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>> okay.
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>> but what what what what she was telling me and what her
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Assessment that you may bring out here in a little bit was
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Proving is that she didn't even know what her love language was,
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But she was telling me it was words of affirmation. so when i
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Read the love language that matters most, and when you
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Started breaking down the personality pieces inside of it,
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It made me understand something that i never understood from
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The first book. okay. and that was it felt awkward for me to
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Say, you look lovely today, mrs. cleaver. and, and and
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Eddie haskell was always trying to blow smoke, you know, in the
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Face of, of, you know, mrs. cleaver and, and and there were
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These things that could feel very unnatural. and then if it
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Felt unnatural to me, it felt unnatural to her. and that's
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Not the case, apparently, that the way we perceive these
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Things, this book clarified the practicality of what i
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Understood from the original book. okay, 20 million readers
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Later and 50 languages. and i think everyone needs to order
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This one because it feels like if your brain works the way my
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Brain works and i do have a brain and i get an opinion.
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>> he's talking to les. why are you looking at me, man? because
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You're just naturally psychologist. that's all
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Competitive. you said so this morning. and which.
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>> by the way, this morning i was reading this part and it
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Made me laugh out loud. laurie has a curler in her hair. she's
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Looking. i see her in the mirror. okay, i'm sitting in
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The in the bathroom and we got a chair in there. i'm watching
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Her do her hair and i'm reading to her, so i'm just picking on
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Quality time. this is no in no order of importance. while
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Quality time is deeply meaningful, there are moments
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When prioritizing it can feel forced. thank you for writing
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That. thank you for putting that in there. misplaced or
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Even counterproductive. it's still funny to me. i don't know
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Why it's funny to me. thank you for laughing.
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>> yeah. what's wrong with you? i was exactly what i said. i
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Need your affirmation all the time. okay?
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>> in group settings.
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>> okay?
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>> and so recognizing when to step back is as crucial as
00:10:46.731 --> 00:10:51.770
Knowing when to lean in. quality time should always feel
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Organic. thank you for saying that. even when it even though
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It's intentional, pushing for it at the wrong moment can
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Undermine its value. yeah, i don't know why that is speaking
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To me so clear, but i laughed out loud. well, laurie's just
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Doing like this with her curler in her hair, and she goes, do
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You feel that a lot?
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>> you know.
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>> like that? and then i laugh even louder because she's
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Getting irritated just because i'm reading her the book.
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>> you know? so.
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>> so if i had an opening kind of salvo in regard to, you know,
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This incredible breakthrough, this book that now everybody
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Has and you have literally knocked it out of the park.
00:11:39.918 --> 00:11:44.255
Guys. i'm serious. serious. it's true. you talk about
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Feeling like there's a fresh thing for this fresh year. and
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Dear god, we all need something fresh in our lives and and you
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Know, so bringing this out at this time, bless your hearts.
00:11:55.467 --> 00:12:00.805
Thank you for doing it and kind of giving this middle chapters
00:12:00.805 --> 00:12:07.245
That are kind of this new guideline. i love it. seriously.
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You know, first of all, let me just go to you real quick. what
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Do you think you've done with this book? what do you think
00:12:17.088 --> 00:12:19.891
You've done to the original?
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>> well, it's this is a kind of the next step, right? it's not
00:12:22.026 --> 00:12:27.432
Like, oh, you don't need the we call it the purple book, right?
00:12:27.432 --> 00:12:31.002
And it's not like we're saying that. no, that's like 101. this
00:12:31.002 --> 00:12:35.373
Is kind of taking it the next step and really making it easy.
00:12:35.373 --> 00:12:40.411
Have you ever had this experience where you feel like,
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Hey, i'm speaking your love language, why isn't your love
00:12:42.580 --> 00:12:45.116
Tank full?
00:12:45.116 --> 00:12:45.583
>> yeah, right.
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>> and let me give you an example. leslie's words of
00:12:46.918 --> 00:12:50.155
Affirmation is that your number one love language?
00:12:50.155 --> 00:12:53.358
>> she says it is. but i think the assessment says something.
00:12:53.358 --> 00:12:56.361
>> else, which is perfect for us. okay. he is feeling so good
00:12:56.361 --> 00:13:01.666
About this. what is your problem? i don't know, i'm
00:13:01.666 --> 00:13:06.337
Nervous or something, but i always thought.
00:13:06.337 --> 00:13:09.207
>> you know, after reading the purple book words of
00:13:09.207 --> 00:13:11.743
Affirmation, i'm going to encourage her. and man, yeah,
00:13:11.743 --> 00:13:14.312
You can do that. oh, you want to write a children's book?
00:13:14.312 --> 00:13:16.848
You'd be great at doing that. you can't find. oh my goodness.
00:13:16.848 --> 00:13:19.818
I just wanted to encourage, encourage, encourage. and it
00:13:19.818 --> 00:13:23.254
Wasn't filling up her love tank.
00:13:23.254 --> 00:13:25.056
>> you were so mystified.
00:13:25.056 --> 00:13:26.858
>> yes.
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>> i was having panic attacks because the more encouragement
00:13:28.126 --> 00:13:30.395
I got, the more pressure i felt to somehow rise to the occasion.
00:13:30.395 --> 00:13:34.966
>> until you all.
00:13:34.966 --> 00:13:35.900
>> mrs. cleaver. and he was.
00:13:35.900 --> 00:13:37.001
>> eddie haskell. see? well, you're really.
00:13:37.001 --> 00:13:39.137
>> hung up.
00:13:39.137 --> 00:13:39.904
>> on tv shows from the 60s, man.
00:13:39.904 --> 00:13:42.707
>> but yes, that's that's right. it was actually depleting your
00:13:42.707 --> 00:13:46.277
Love.
00:13:46.277 --> 00:13:46.744
>> tank, right?
00:13:46.744 --> 00:13:47.579
>> because it was putting pressure.
00:13:47.579 --> 00:13:48.780
>> on you.
00:13:48.780 --> 00:13:49.581
>> oh, wow. and that's interesting.
00:13:49.581 --> 00:13:50.982
>> yeah. and it was so well intentioned. so it feels really
00:13:50.982 --> 00:13:54.919
Paradoxical.
00:13:54.919 --> 00:13:56.020
>> it wasn't until we began doing the research with gary
00:13:56.120 --> 00:13:57.922
And developing this premium assessment that we realized,
00:13:57.922 --> 00:14:02.493
Okay, when it comes to words of affirmation, there's several
00:14:02.493 --> 00:14:06.865
Dialects within.
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>> it, right? wow.
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>> and encouragement is one of them, right? that is not her
00:14:08.766 --> 00:14:12.270
Dialect.
00:14:12.270 --> 00:14:12.804
>> not my homeland.
00:14:12.804 --> 00:14:14.038
>> okay, but guess what is compliments, okay. and i hadn't
00:14:14.038 --> 00:14:18.776
Been.
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>> you are beautiful. so let me just say.
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>> and here's the truth. since the day we got married,
00:14:23.047 --> 00:14:26.618
Whenever i would give her, i would compliment, like, you
00:14:26.618 --> 00:14:28.853
Know, you look great in that sweater. well, then i'd see the
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Sweater for the next seven days. do you know what i mean?
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>> it was just, like.
00:14:34.859 --> 00:14:36.127
>> kind of has to hold off on the compliments there. a little
00:14:36.127 --> 00:14:39.030
Too powerful.
00:14:39.030 --> 00:14:39.864
>> no.
00:14:39.864 --> 00:14:41.065
>> but but that's true because that, you know, if he said your
00:14:41.165 --> 00:14:43.101
Eyes sparkle on that sweater, right, i wouldn't even be aware
00:14:43.101 --> 00:14:46.037
Of it. i would just wear it all the time.
00:14:46.037 --> 00:14:48.840
>> oh my goodness.
00:14:48.840 --> 00:14:49.874
>> but it.
00:14:49.874 --> 00:14:51.075
>> filled up her love tank. so just the change in the dialect.
00:14:51.175 --> 00:14:53.878
Same love language, but a different dialect. in the
00:14:53.878 --> 00:14:55.914
Premium assessment, we show you exactly the percentage of how
00:14:55.914 --> 00:14:59.050
Much of you. and by the way, this is how god made you right.
00:14:59.050 --> 00:15:02.520
It's not like you sat down and went, what am i going to be
00:15:02.520 --> 00:15:05.590
Right? it's just in your hardwiring, in your dna.
00:15:05.590 --> 00:15:08.393
>> in our creativity.
00:15:08.393 --> 00:15:09.594
>> but but. for for leslie, compliments far outweighs the
00:15:09.594 --> 00:15:11.963
Rest of them.
00:15:11.963 --> 00:15:13.164
>> can i see if i understood that? yeah. okay. so if i said
00:15:13.164 --> 00:15:17.702
To her, you should do a special tv show that focuses on this
00:15:17.702 --> 00:15:25.009
Issues for women because you're so good at that might put
00:15:25.009 --> 00:15:29.247
Pressure on her that she's not looking for. she's just saying,
00:15:29.247 --> 00:15:33.017
You're just wanting to say your hair looks beautiful today. and
00:15:33.017 --> 00:15:36.487
Possibly that's a dialect of. right? so it's a dialect of a
00:15:36.487 --> 00:15:40.758
Compliment.
00:15:40.758 --> 00:15:41.292
>> in the bathroom.
00:15:41.292 --> 00:15:43.294
>> i'm intending to do something, but there's inside
00:15:43.294 --> 00:15:47.632
Of words of affirmation i got it. okay, i get it. yeah. you
00:15:47.632 --> 00:15:51.903
Explained that.
00:15:51.903 --> 00:15:52.904
>> well, thank you, thank you professor. yeah.
00:15:52.904 --> 00:15:55.273
>> so i have a friend who's his wife was acts of service. well,
00:15:55.273 --> 00:15:59.410
He mowed the grass, you know, and in his mind, that was an
00:15:59.410 --> 00:16:02.447
Act of service for her. well, she appreciated that, but she
00:16:02.447 --> 00:16:05.683
Really would like for him to wash the dishes after dinner.
00:16:05.683 --> 00:16:08.519
He can hire somebody to do the to do the lawn. you know, that
00:16:08.519 --> 00:16:12.457
Would be so helpful to her if he would wash the dishes. so
00:16:12.457 --> 00:16:15.393
There's all these dialects within each of these languages.
00:16:15.393 --> 00:16:18.563
And when you understand what the other person's primary
00:16:18.563 --> 00:16:21.499
Dialect is, and it might be 1 or 2 of those, and it might
00:16:21.499 --> 00:16:24.669
Change in a given situation, but it makes it so much easier
00:16:24.669 --> 00:16:27.705
To really connect with the person.
00:16:27.705 --> 00:16:29.507
>> let me give you another example, because my.
00:16:29.507 --> 00:16:32.243
>> that's yours.
00:16:32.243 --> 00:16:33.111
>> my love language is acts of service.
00:16:33.111 --> 00:16:35.079
>> you're coming alive.
00:16:35.079 --> 00:16:36.014
>> as he talks, i love it. yes.
00:16:36.014 --> 00:16:39.083
>> and can i get you some more water?
00:16:39.083 --> 00:16:41.619
>> sure. yeah. okay. but here's the thing.
00:16:41.619 --> 00:16:44.155
>> you had an insight.
00:16:44.155 --> 00:16:45.423
>> i had a big insight because, okay, so i interpreted little
00:16:45.423 --> 00:16:49.193
Caring things i would do for him would really.
00:16:49.193 --> 00:16:52.063
>> would turn down my bed before we.
00:16:52.063 --> 00:16:54.532
>> yeah. if we weren't. in bed.
00:16:54.532 --> 00:16:56.334
>> at the same time.
00:16:56.334 --> 00:16:57.435
>> that's nice.
00:16:57.435 --> 00:16:58.436
>> like we're at the ritz-carlton. okay. that's
00:16:58.436 --> 00:17:00.371
Awesome. but you really fill up my love tank, you.
00:17:00.371 --> 00:17:02.507
>> know.
00:17:02.507 --> 00:17:03.674
>> barely noticed it, as a matter of fact. because here's
00:17:03.674 --> 00:17:06.244
What i discovered. his dialect has more to do with anything
00:17:06.244 --> 00:17:09.847
That saves him time. so if i, you know, take the time to
00:17:09.847 --> 00:17:14.018
Realize some important document needs to go to the post office,
00:17:14.018 --> 00:17:17.288
And i take it there, i stand in the line that takes 45 minutes.
00:17:17.288 --> 00:17:21.426
Get that thing out. it's off his plate.
00:17:21.426 --> 00:17:24.462
>> my love tank soars.
00:17:24.462 --> 00:17:26.264
>> yeah.
00:17:26.264 --> 00:17:27.398
>> oh my goodness. you gave me more time in my day. i love.
00:17:27.498 --> 00:17:30.268
>> this girl right? i mean.
00:17:30.268 --> 00:17:31.736
>> incredible right? does that make sense? yeah it's a dialect.
00:17:31.736 --> 00:17:34.238
Same love language. and i think you're pretty high on acts of
00:17:34.238 --> 00:17:37.842
Service right.
00:17:37.842 --> 00:17:39.043
>> yes. he's great at that. yeah. he. but he, you know, he
00:17:39.043 --> 00:17:43.514
Hands me my protein drink every morning and my vitamins. and
00:17:43.514 --> 00:17:46.517
Then he says you would die without me. but it's funny
00:17:46.517 --> 00:17:54.358
Because we did take the test yesterday. and those i, those
00:17:54.358 --> 00:17:58.663
Just traumatized me because i don't think i'm doing it
00:17:58.663 --> 00:18:01.933
Correctly and i don't know. which one to choose. and i'm
00:18:01.933 --> 00:18:05.136
Always i, i remember the first one we took, i was like going,
00:18:05.136 --> 00:18:08.539
Which 1 a.m. i? you know what, what, what, what would you say
00:18:08.539 --> 00:18:11.709
I am? he's going answer the question.
00:18:11.709 --> 00:18:14.412
>> for yourself.
00:18:14.412 --> 00:18:15.646
>> so yesterday i thought, you know what i'm going to do? i'm
00:18:15.646 --> 00:18:18.716
Going to do this before he gets home, because i know the first
00:18:18.716 --> 00:18:21.819
Thing he's going to say to me when he walks in the door is,
00:18:21.819 --> 00:18:25.656
We've got to take our test. and i'm going to say, i already did
00:18:25.656 --> 00:18:28.860
Mine, you know? and so.
00:18:28.860 --> 00:18:30.061
>> actually, you took the test as an act of service to him.
00:18:30.061 --> 00:18:33.664
>> wow.
00:18:33.664 --> 00:18:34.765
>> yeah. thank you. you're welcome. and by the way, just
00:18:34.866 --> 00:18:36.767
So.
00:18:36.767 --> 00:18:37.869
>> it's clear to all of our viewers, you can't pass or.
00:18:37.969 --> 00:18:39.837
>> fail this. there's no good, good or bad test. yeah. i don't
00:18:39.837 --> 00:18:42.907
Know why.
00:18:42.907 --> 00:18:43.741
>> you're intimidated.
00:18:43.741 --> 00:18:44.675
>> you just heard the word test.
00:18:44.675 --> 00:18:45.910
>> it's an.
00:18:45.910 --> 00:18:46.811
>> assessment, not a test.
00:18:46.811 --> 00:18:48.045
>> it's funny because when he came home and i told him i did
00:18:48.045 --> 00:18:51.716
It, and i said. and now i told you guys that i'm looking back
00:18:51.716 --> 00:18:54.952
On 40 beautiful years now. you know, we just had our 40th
00:18:54.952 --> 00:18:57.889
Anniversary and it was beautiful. and and so we're
00:18:57.889 --> 00:19:00.658
Together all the time. and so i just think that's so quality
00:19:00.658 --> 00:19:05.963
Time together. we spend quality and quality time together
00:19:05.963 --> 00:19:11.068
Because we're always together. and sometimes we have to sit
00:19:11.068 --> 00:19:14.672
There and go, okay, what do they mean by quality time?
00:19:14.672 --> 00:19:17.642
Because we kind of have to.
00:19:17.642 --> 00:19:20.044
>> okay, i'm sitting i just get home yesterday. she walks into
00:19:20.044 --> 00:19:24.749
The kitchen, i'm sitting at the table there and she and i go,
00:19:24.749 --> 00:19:28.753
Oh, we've got to take our assessments. and and she goes.
00:19:28.753 --> 00:19:34.759
>> i just took my.
00:19:34.759 --> 00:19:37.995
>> and and and i.
00:19:37.995 --> 00:19:39.830
>> mean it's.
00:19:39.830 --> 00:19:40.498
>> like and.
00:19:40.498 --> 00:19:40.998
>> she.
00:19:40.998 --> 00:19:41.599
>> goes, you've.
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:42.533
>> been so good to me.
00:19:42.533 --> 00:19:44.235
>> you know it. oh so they. were happy too. happy tears
00:19:44.235 --> 00:19:48.773
Okay. your love because i've seen.
00:19:48.773 --> 00:19:50.608
>> you really not selling.
00:19:50.608 --> 00:19:51.776
>> this assessment here. i think she.
00:19:51.776 --> 00:19:56.047
>> there was this level of relief because for some reason,
00:19:56.047 --> 00:20:00.017
You know, she just stresses over that kind of stuff. and i
00:20:00.017 --> 00:20:04.655
Click my she goes and gets me signed in, puts my code in,
00:20:04.655 --> 00:20:07.992
Gives me the computer and ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
00:20:07.992 --> 00:20:10.861
Ding. i slowed down on 1 or 2. and near the end they get
00:20:10.861 --> 00:20:14.265
Closer together and and and we end up getting kind of the
00:20:14.265 --> 00:20:19.003
Results. but what i'm learning, doctor chapman, from our
00:20:19.003 --> 00:20:24.008
Conversation, which, by the way, we should have been rolling
00:20:24.008 --> 00:20:26.877
Back in the green room back there because that was really
00:20:26.877 --> 00:20:29.447
Some of the funnest discussion we were having. but it feels
00:20:29.447 --> 00:20:33.417
Like i'm learning that you've added a layer, an understanding
00:20:33.417 --> 00:20:40.958
On what were five big categories the, the, the which,
00:20:40.958 --> 00:20:46.330
Which are the five are what? just name them off for me.
00:20:46.330 --> 00:20:49.300
>> just words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality
00:20:49.300 --> 00:20:55.339
Time and physical touch.
00:20:55.339 --> 00:20:57.508
>> okay. and so inside those five categories, you're talking
00:20:57.508 --> 00:21:02.113
About dialects that pertain to a certain type of personality.
00:21:02.113 --> 00:21:08.619
Neither one of us fit the mold exactly as extrovert and
00:21:08.619 --> 00:21:12.623
Introvert. she's not a true introvert, and i'm not a true
00:21:12.623 --> 00:21:15.326
Extrovert. it's just not.
00:21:15.326 --> 00:21:16.360
>> everybody's on a continuum, okay?
00:21:16.360 --> 00:21:18.195
>> everyone's in a little bit of a thing. but for instance,
00:21:18.195 --> 00:21:21.966
The idea that a gift that she would give me, that i get to
00:21:21.966 --> 00:21:27.305
Show my guy friends, you know, is more meaningful than
00:21:27.305 --> 00:21:32.743
Something that is just personal. i set on a shelf in my own
00:21:32.743 --> 00:21:36.714
Closet. yeah. you see, so there's a there's a way that.
00:21:36.714 --> 00:21:40.718
>> inside that in the green room today.
00:21:40.718 --> 00:21:42.853
>> well.
00:21:42.853 --> 00:21:44.088
>> i gave a couple of examples. and so ultimately you're adding
00:21:44.188 --> 00:21:48.693
A layer of understanding and i don't know how to articulate.
00:21:48.693 --> 00:21:54.031
Kind of like the lens to look at the five love languages or
00:21:54.031 --> 00:21:58.669
Subcategories. subcategories below the five love language
00:21:58.669 --> 00:22:02.306
Nuances. you're calling them dialects, which is fine. i'll
00:22:02.306 --> 00:22:05.109
Be happy to adopt your term.
00:22:05.109 --> 00:22:07.011
>> you know.
00:22:07.011 --> 00:22:09.447
>> that's what i.
00:22:09.447 --> 00:22:10.581
>> go with.
00:22:10.581 --> 00:22:11.716
>> alex because i speak english with a southern accent or
00:22:11.816 --> 00:22:15.286
Dialect. okay. and i think that's a good that's a good
00:22:15.286 --> 00:22:18.889
Model. but the other factor we talked about earlier in the in
00:22:18.889 --> 00:22:23.160
This new book is that it also ties it into the personality,
00:22:23.160 --> 00:22:28.933
Not just the particular dialects, but the person's
00:22:28.933 --> 00:22:31.836
Personality. why don't you speak to that?
00:22:31.836 --> 00:22:33.204
>> yeah. and this is such an interesting thing because god
00:22:33.204 --> 00:22:37.908
Designs each of us hardwires each of us uniquely. right. and
00:22:37.908 --> 00:22:42.246
So that's why every marriage is different. there's never been a
00:22:42.246 --> 00:22:45.449
Marriage like yours before. there never will be again
00:22:45.449 --> 00:22:48.052
Because you're too unique. personalities come together. so
00:22:48.052 --> 00:22:50.888
When it comes to the love languages, not only do you have
00:22:50.888 --> 00:22:53.724
Your dialects that shape how you fill up that love tank,
00:22:53.724 --> 00:22:57.361
Right? because ultimately that's what it's all about.
00:22:57.361 --> 00:22:59.797
Filling up this person's love tank. and that's something they
00:22:59.797 --> 00:23:03.868
Feel, right.
00:23:03.868 --> 00:23:04.969
>> it's so visceral.
00:23:04.969 --> 00:23:06.404
>> yes.
00:23:06.404 --> 00:23:06.771
>> yeah.
00:23:06.771 --> 00:23:07.905
>> and you know, if your love tank is full or if it's even
00:23:08.005 --> 00:23:10.775
Leaking. right. we can talk a little bit about that too. yeah.
00:23:10.775 --> 00:23:13.778
But so not just dialects but personality. and so what we did
00:23:13.778 --> 00:23:18.649
We took the big it's known as the big five. this came out of
00:23:18.649 --> 00:23:22.219
Research long ago. and it wasn't just armchair psychology,
00:23:22.219 --> 00:23:25.656
But we took the big five qualities of personality. one
00:23:25.656 --> 00:23:28.259
Of those is introversion extroversion. and you're an
00:23:28.259 --> 00:23:31.929
Introvert. you're lean in that direction. if this is the
00:23:31.929 --> 00:23:36.167
Midline, you're over here, not way over here. and you're an
00:23:36.167 --> 00:23:39.537
Extrovert again, just past the midline a little bit. so that's
00:23:39.537 --> 00:23:42.173
An important factor to bring into the mix of understanding
00:23:42.173 --> 00:23:46.177
Your love language when we do that on top of the diet. so
00:23:46.177 --> 00:23:49.380
This book really makes it easy. and of course the assessment
00:23:49.380 --> 00:23:52.283
When you take that it really spells it out so that you now
00:23:52.283 --> 00:23:55.352
Understand.
00:23:55.352 --> 00:23:55.686
>> yeah.
00:23:55.686 --> 00:23:56.420
>> probably for the first time.
00:23:56.420 --> 00:23:57.688
>> i mean, and you described it so beautifully for you, a gift
00:23:57.688 --> 00:24:01.792
As, as someone leaning toward the extroversion is as much
00:24:01.792 --> 00:24:05.830
About the delight of showing it off with your buddies. right?
00:24:05.830 --> 00:24:11.869
Because this is a symbol that i've been loved and given this
00:24:11.869 --> 00:24:16.207
Gift that symbolizes that extravagantly. so if you just
00:24:16.207 --> 00:24:20.177
Put it quietly in your office, doesn't have the same impact
00:24:20.177 --> 00:24:24.081
Impact, right, as if you get to share it with everyone and feel
00:24:24.081 --> 00:24:29.186
That residual.
00:24:29.186 --> 00:24:30.020
>> warmth.
00:24:30.020 --> 00:24:31.155
>> well, just think about someone. if their love language
00:24:31.255 --> 00:24:32.490
Is gifts and the church wants to bless them and they're an
00:24:32.490 --> 00:24:35.960
Introvert and they bring them up on stage to give them the
00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:38.662
Gift, oh my goodness.
00:24:38.662 --> 00:24:39.763
>> right. yeah, but but an extrovert.
00:24:39.763 --> 00:24:42.833
>> aren't there more people that want to see me get my gift?
00:24:42.833 --> 00:24:45.469
You know, so that's how it shapes it a little bit.
00:24:45.469 --> 00:24:48.439
>> makes sense.
00:24:48.439 --> 00:24:49.373
>> your eyes lit up when. you did that.
00:24:49.373 --> 00:24:51.575
>> part of the. do you have a gift for me?
00:24:51.575 --> 00:24:54.311
>> i can.
00:24:54.311 --> 00:24:55.246
>> be on a stage.
00:24:55.246 --> 00:24:57.581
>> hello, i'm doctor gary chapman, author of the five
00:24:57.581 --> 00:25:00.084
Love languages. for 33 years, i've watched love languages
00:25:00.084 --> 00:25:05.155
Change lives and heal relationships all around the
00:25:05.155 --> 00:25:08.692
World. that discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
00:25:08.692 --> 00:25:12.062
The love language that matters most.
00:25:12.062 --> 00:25:15.232
>> this powerful resource is our. thank you for your gift of
00:25:15.232 --> 00:25:18.102
$20 or more to tbn. with a gift of $55 or more, you'll receive
00:25:18.102 --> 00:25:22.239
A bundle. offer the newly released book the love language
00:25:22.239 --> 00:25:25.342
That matters most, along with an access card to take the love
00:25:25.342 --> 00:25:28.612
Language premium assessment. the assessment gives you a
00:25:28.612 --> 00:25:31.115
Detailed 15 page report tailored to your unique love
00:25:31.115 --> 00:25:34.351
Language profile. discover how you are uniquely wired for
00:25:34.351 --> 00:25:37.621
Connection. call (800) 030-1875 five or visit tbn.tv for today.
00:25:37.621 --> 00:25:45.863
>> i believe this message has the power to transform not only
00:25:45.863 --> 00:25:50.134
How we love, but why we love. i'm thrilled to invite you on
00:25:50.134 --> 00:25:54.872
The journey.
00:25:54.872 --> 00:25:57.708
>> happy new year! by the way, if you just tuned in and by the
00:25:57.708 --> 00:26:02.046
Way, this book is out now, all the information on how you can
00:26:02.046 --> 00:26:06.450
Get it is available. the love language that matters most. but
00:26:06.450 --> 00:26:12.089
Updating a classic is a little risky. but i think you've
00:26:12.089 --> 00:26:16.527
Nailed it. and i think that you and again, my fascination with,
00:26:16.527 --> 00:26:21.799
You know, leave it to beaver is is is an example of just an
00:26:21.799 --> 00:26:29.106
Artificial way of expressing one of the five love languages.
00:26:29.106 --> 00:26:32.977
And i felt that dramatically sometimes. and, and now i
00:26:32.977 --> 00:26:38.716
Understand.
00:26:38.716 --> 00:26:39.216
>> to be sincere.
00:26:39.216 --> 00:26:41.585
>> yes.
00:26:41.585 --> 00:26:42.319
>> so it falls flat if you're not.
00:26:42.419 --> 00:26:44.555
>> yeah. so were you not are you not trying to be sincere or.
00:26:44.555 --> 00:26:52.429
>> we judge sincerity. however, by the dialect that they use
00:26:52.429 --> 00:26:58.268
And also how it fits into my personality that all that's
00:26:58.268 --> 00:27:02.139
Involved in our judging it to be sincere. and that's why i
00:27:02.139 --> 00:27:05.142
Think this book is going to be so helpful to people, because
00:27:05.142 --> 00:27:08.112
It's going to help them nail down those two things. you know,
00:27:08.112 --> 00:27:11.115
What the personality is and how that relates to the to the
00:27:11.115 --> 00:27:14.385
Primary still the primary love language. but learning those
00:27:14.385 --> 00:27:17.321
Two factors is going to make it make it much more effective in
00:27:17.321 --> 00:27:21.225
Really communicating sincerity.
00:27:21.225 --> 00:27:22.993
>> okay. explain very quickly a study that was done at a camp
00:27:22.993 --> 00:27:27.665
At the campus of a university. yeah. about the good samaritan.
00:27:27.665 --> 00:27:32.803
>> this is a classic social psychology. it's in every
00:27:32.803 --> 00:27:36.006
Textbook in social psych, but so fascinating. and sometimes
00:27:36.006 --> 00:27:40.477
People just go, that couldn't have happened. it's real. yeah.
00:27:40.477 --> 00:27:44.281
>> how's it?
00:27:44.281 --> 00:27:45.382
>> yeah. so so they have students that they've recruited
00:27:45.482 --> 00:27:48.385
And they've been told their assignment is to go give a
00:27:48.385 --> 00:27:51.555
Little talk. and some of the students were just giving a
00:27:51.555 --> 00:27:55.059
Talk on vocation. other students were told that they
00:27:55.059 --> 00:27:58.629
Needed to give a talk on ministry. okay. and then they
00:27:58.629 --> 00:28:04.468
Told some students, here's your assigned time. and other
00:28:04.468 --> 00:28:07.004
Students. they said, you're running late. you need to get
00:28:07.004 --> 00:28:10.474
There now, right? right. what?
00:28:10.474 --> 00:28:13.077
>> and then along their path, they had someone, an actor that
00:28:13.077 --> 00:28:18.182
Was there, that was visibly in distress, that needed help from
00:28:18.182 --> 00:28:21.752
Someone.
00:28:21.752 --> 00:28:22.753
>> and i need to make this clear that the ministry
00:28:22.853 --> 00:28:24.722
Students were to give a talk on the good samaritan, right?
00:28:24.722 --> 00:28:27.124
>> that's right.
00:28:27.124 --> 00:28:28.125
>> and so it was a living example of it, and.
00:28:28.125 --> 00:28:31.128
>> a distressed person that they have to encounter on their
00:28:31.128 --> 00:28:34.264
Way to give the talk on the good samaritan.
00:28:34.264 --> 00:28:36.667
>> so you would think, man, i've just studied the good
00:28:36.667 --> 00:28:39.737
Samaritan. of course, i will be late to class because this
00:28:39.737 --> 00:28:43.741
Person needs help. that's not what happened.
00:28:43.741 --> 00:28:46.176
>> wow.
00:28:46.176 --> 00:28:47.044
>> and and they just hurriedly went on.
00:28:47.044 --> 00:28:51.281
>> the majority.
00:28:51.281 --> 00:28:52.483
>> to now lecture deeply on the good samaritan without helping
00:28:52.583 --> 00:28:55.719
The person.
00:28:55.719 --> 00:28:56.220
>> it was just a.
00:28:56.220 --> 00:28:57.421
>> small sliver of people to do. i would have been one that
00:28:57.421 --> 00:29:01.291
Would have stopped.
00:29:01.291 --> 00:29:02.526
>> and helped, of course. yeah, for sure. so. you're laughing a
00:29:02.626 --> 00:29:04.962
Little too hard at that less parrot. stop and help somebody.
00:29:04.962 --> 00:29:09.166
>> okay. page 38. the study revealed a simple but profound,
00:29:09.166 --> 00:29:15.339
Profound truth. our actions are often shaped more by our
00:29:15.339 --> 00:29:22.546
Immediate focus and our agenda.
00:29:22.546 --> 00:29:25.449
>> right?
00:29:25.449 --> 00:29:26.650
>> right then by our values or intentions. that's human nature.
00:29:26.750 --> 00:29:33.323
We've become so preoccupied with our own tasks that we can
00:29:33.323 --> 00:29:37.661
Fail to recognize what matters most in the moment. and that's
00:29:37.661 --> 00:29:41.765
The number one challenge to speaking the love language that
00:29:41.765 --> 00:29:46.703
Matters most. stopping your agenda and focusing on the
00:29:46.703 --> 00:29:51.675
Immediate. your comments.
00:29:51.675 --> 00:29:52.843
>> are, well, i think that's a powerful point, because if
00:29:52.843 --> 00:29:56.013
Quality time, for example, is the spouse's language, and so
00:29:56.013 --> 00:30:00.050
There sitting down and they're talking to you, but your mind
00:30:00.050 --> 00:30:04.354
Is not on hearing them, it's on your agenda. what you've got to
00:30:04.354 --> 00:30:07.891
Do next. it's not quality time. you're there physically, but
00:30:07.891 --> 00:30:10.894
You're not there emotionally with them. and so that whole
00:30:10.894 --> 00:30:14.398
Thing of realizing all of us by nature, we're into whatever
00:30:14.398 --> 00:30:17.434
We're into, you know, at that moment. and, and we can sit
00:30:17.434 --> 00:30:21.939
There and it appears that we're having quality time, but in
00:30:21.939 --> 00:30:25.175
Reality, we're not, because our mind is not involved in what's
00:30:25.175 --> 00:30:28.879
Happening.
00:30:28.879 --> 00:30:30.047
>> for christians watching tv in right now, buying this, by
00:30:30.147 --> 00:30:32.249
The way, you get to say, by the way, my agenda is jesus. hello.
00:30:32.249 --> 00:30:36.453
I'm trying to work for, you know, we're trying to do
00:30:36.453 --> 00:30:39.323
Christian tv to help people. so even christians get that a
00:30:39.323 --> 00:30:43.227
Little bit. my dad was from missouri. he'd say, bass
00:30:43.227 --> 00:30:46.163
Ackwards, you know, because there's basically because we
00:30:46.163 --> 00:30:50.534
Can throw the jesus card on the table. i want you to have to
00:30:50.534 --> 00:30:54.104
Address that.
00:30:54.104 --> 00:30:54.705
>> the jesus card. okay.
00:30:54.705 --> 00:30:56.139
>> so but but let me finish here. we delude ourselves into
00:30:56.139 --> 00:31:00.811
Thinking we're focused on them when it's our own agenda that
00:31:00.811 --> 00:31:06.049
We're actually that's actually getting the love. so we're
00:31:06.049 --> 00:31:10.487
Trying to give love, but it's our agenda. so the agenda is
00:31:10.487 --> 00:31:13.490
Getting love and so it can get some some confusion there. if
00:31:13.490 --> 00:31:19.596
Your working on something about your if your pastor, if you're
00:31:19.596 --> 00:31:25.035
A speaker, if you're, you know, doing christian tv or if you're
00:31:25.035 --> 00:31:28.939
Just whatever it is. so sometimes the christian side
00:31:28.939 --> 00:31:31.842
Gets a little messed up with the agenda piece.
00:31:31.842 --> 00:31:34.411
>> yeah. i'll give you a quick example of a seminary student
00:31:34.411 --> 00:31:37.281
That we worked with not too long ago together, and there
00:31:37.281 --> 00:31:40.083
Are some marriage counseling. and he just thought, well, i am
00:31:40.083 --> 00:31:43.020
Doing god's work here.
00:31:43.020 --> 00:31:44.821
>> yeah.
00:31:44.821 --> 00:31:45.923
>> so i don't have time to really be the kind of husband
00:31:46.023 --> 00:31:49.293
Or even father that you're asking me to be, because this
00:31:49.293 --> 00:31:52.496
Is a higher calling. are you kidding me? the sacred ground
00:31:52.496 --> 00:31:55.899
Is right here with the legos, with your kids right now.
00:31:55.899 --> 00:31:58.769
That's what's happening. and it's very difficult for some
00:31:58.769 --> 00:32:02.139
People to do that because and for all of us, really to set
00:32:02.139 --> 00:32:05.709
Your own personal agenda aside.
00:32:05.709 --> 00:32:08.312
>> even temporarily.
00:32:08.312 --> 00:32:09.913
>> temporarily. you don't have to, you know, bury it. but and
00:32:09.913 --> 00:32:13.283
We all have agendas. you have an agenda about what you're
00:32:13.283 --> 00:32:15.986
Going to do after this interview. you have an agenda
00:32:15.986 --> 00:32:18.121
About what we're going to do for dinner tonight. it's just
00:32:18.121 --> 00:32:21.058
There's all kinds of agendas and it goes against our grain
00:32:21.058 --> 00:32:23.994
To go, hey, let me set that aside so i can love you right
00:32:23.994 --> 00:32:27.164
Now, right?
00:32:27.164 --> 00:32:28.332
>> i mean, that's what that study exhibits, that here's
00:32:28.332 --> 00:32:31.201
Someone's agenda to show up and give a talk on the good
00:32:31.201 --> 00:32:34.805
Samaritan. and it was a good agenda. they've been given it.
00:32:34.805 --> 00:32:37.407
They were faithful to it, but they missed the moment. and
00:32:37.407 --> 00:32:40.610
Love is presence.
00:32:40.610 --> 00:32:42.346
>> hello, i'm doctor gary chapman, author of the five
00:32:42.346 --> 00:32:44.982
Love languages. for 33 years, i've watched love languages
00:32:44.982 --> 00:32:49.953
Change lives and heal relationships all around the
00:32:49.953 --> 00:32:53.490
World. that discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
00:32:53.490 --> 00:32:56.860
The love language that matters most.
00:32:56.860 --> 00:33:00.097
>> this powerful resource is our. thank you for your gift of
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$20 or more to tbn.tv. with a gift of $55 or more, you'll
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Receive a bundle. offer the newly released book the love
00:33:06.870 --> 00:33:09.773
Language that matters most, along with an access card to
00:33:09.773 --> 00:33:12.542
Take the love language premium assessment. the assessment
00:33:12.542 --> 00:33:15.245
Gives you a detailed 15 page report tailored to your unique
00:33:15.245 --> 00:33:18.715
Love language profile. discover how you are uniquely wired for
00:33:18.715 --> 00:33:22.652
Connection. call (800) 301-8755 or visit tbn.tv for today.
00:33:22.652 --> 00:33:30.494
>> i believe this message has the power to transform not only
00:33:30.494 --> 00:33:34.865
How we love, but why we love. i'm thrilled to invite you on
00:33:34.865 --> 00:33:39.636
The journey.
00:33:39.636 --> 00:33:42.105
>> when i think back to the way that my mom and dad were
00:33:42.105 --> 00:33:45.709
Married for until until my dad passed away, so 50, 50 years, i
00:33:45.709 --> 00:33:50.781
Think. and but my dad was always one of these guys that
00:33:50.781 --> 00:33:55.852
The lord's coming back soon. so the agenda of legos on the
00:33:55.852 --> 00:34:01.558
Floor doesn't matter. there's another. we only have a short
00:34:01.558 --> 00:34:06.630
Time to get people into the into the kingdom, into into
00:34:06.630 --> 00:34:10.867
Salvation. there's this bigger picture that trumped family for
00:34:10.867 --> 00:34:17.841
At least the generation that i represent. because, you know,
00:34:17.841 --> 00:34:21.845
The lord is coming back every september, every year. and and
00:34:21.845 --> 00:34:25.749
That mattered more than whether somebody got discipled
00:34:25.749 --> 00:34:29.686
Beautifully or whether your wife's love tank was filled.
00:34:29.686 --> 00:34:32.923
>> yeah. husbands love your wives like christ. loved the
00:34:32.923 --> 00:34:36.793
Church and gave himself for it.
00:34:36.793 --> 00:34:40.063
>> don't look at me.
00:34:40.063 --> 00:34:41.231
>> quite so hard when you say that.
00:34:41.231 --> 00:34:42.933
>> look at lesson.
00:34:42.933 --> 00:34:44.167
>> when you say that you got it locked down, man. i'm good.
00:34:44.167 --> 00:34:50.841
>> okay? you can't speak love until you listen. yeah. what do
00:34:50.841 --> 00:34:55.145
You mean by that?
00:34:55.145 --> 00:34:56.313
>> it means you have to ask questions of the person you
00:34:56.313 --> 00:34:59.483
Know. in fact, sometimes i've just said this to people. what
00:34:59.483 --> 00:35:03.186
About every 2 or 3 weeks, you just say to your spouse or the
00:35:03.186 --> 00:35:06.790
Other person, whomever their relationship is on a scale of 0
00:35:06.790 --> 00:35:09.993
To 10, how full is your love tank today? if they say
00:35:09.993 --> 00:35:14.264
Anything less than ten, you say, well, what could i do this week
00:35:14.264 --> 00:35:18.235
That would be most helpful? or what could i do today that
00:35:18.235 --> 00:35:21.238
Would be most helpful? and now you know where they are today,
00:35:21.238 --> 00:35:24.274
And it may not even be their primary language that
00:35:24.274 --> 00:35:26.610
Particular day, because there's a circumstance in their life
00:35:26.610 --> 00:35:29.146
That will make something else more important. but it's a way
00:35:29.146 --> 00:35:31.515
Of knowing you got to listen to the other person to know what
00:35:31.515 --> 00:35:35.519
Would be meaningful. i've sometimes suggested, and i
00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:37.754
Think a follow up on this book would be to write down, okay,
00:35:37.754 --> 00:35:41.825
This is your primary love language. write down the make a
00:35:41.825 --> 00:35:44.528
List of the kind of things that would really speak to you that
00:35:44.528 --> 00:35:47.764
Kind of helps you get the dialect to. and now you've got
00:35:47.764 --> 00:35:50.800
A list of those things, and it doesn't mean that that those
00:35:50.800 --> 00:35:53.803
Are the only things. there may be other things as well. but if
00:35:53.803 --> 00:35:56.840
You plug in every once in a while and just ask them today,
00:35:56.840 --> 00:36:00.610
What would be the most important way to show you that
00:36:00.610 --> 00:36:02.846
I love you?
00:36:02.846 --> 00:36:04.014
>> just asking for a friend. but what if your wife thinks
00:36:04.014 --> 00:36:06.816
That you're supposed to just know that kind of by esp?
00:36:06.816 --> 00:36:10.353
>> yeah.
00:36:10.353 --> 00:36:11.821
>> just answering as a friend.
00:36:11.821 --> 00:36:15.091
>> thank you.
00:36:15.091 --> 00:36:16.560
>> did you just phone him?
00:36:16.560 --> 00:36:17.794
>> because women do sometimes have that sense. if you really
00:36:17.794 --> 00:36:21.398
Knew me, you wouldn't have to ask. so they just have a sort
00:36:21.398 --> 00:36:25.402
Of protective covering. but sometimes you can deflect that
00:36:25.402 --> 00:36:28.972
By just saying, you know, i kind of like to read your mind
00:36:28.972 --> 00:36:32.142
Right now.
00:36:32.142 --> 00:36:32.976
>> right?
00:36:32.976 --> 00:36:34.144
>> and then, you know, you're just admitting, i want to get
00:36:34.244 --> 00:36:38.582
It right, but maybe i'm wrong. and so that kind of makes that
00:36:38.582 --> 00:36:43.653
A conscious thing. and then they kind of feel loved that
00:36:43.653 --> 00:36:46.890
You want.
00:36:46.890 --> 00:36:47.390
>> to happen.
00:36:47.390 --> 00:36:48.458
>> to have the report for someone named matthew right
00:36:48.558 --> 00:36:51.628
Here.
00:36:51.628 --> 00:36:52.162
>> before you say that.
00:36:52.262 --> 00:36:53.196
>> i'm just.
00:36:53.196 --> 00:36:54.397
>> going to say that based on that circumspect kind of little
00:36:54.497 --> 00:36:57.167
Piece you did, i think we should refer to you as leslie
00:36:57.167 --> 00:37:00.170
And lesbian.
00:37:00.170 --> 00:37:01.171
>> so it's the.
00:37:01.171 --> 00:37:01.905
>> same name either way works.
00:37:01.905 --> 00:37:03.607
>> for me. so please go ahead, sir. well, one.
00:37:03.607 --> 00:37:07.577
>> of the things that, you know, you guys took the assessment.
00:37:07.577 --> 00:37:10.914
>> okay?
00:37:10.914 --> 00:37:11.581
>> the you're.
00:37:11.581 --> 00:37:12.682
>> already start sweating.
00:37:12.682 --> 00:37:17.721
>> the five love language premium assessment. all right.
00:37:17.721 --> 00:37:21.391
Takes about what would it take you maybe ten minutes to answer
00:37:21.391 --> 00:37:24.394
The questions.
00:37:24.394 --> 00:37:24.828
>> 20 minutes.
00:37:24.828 --> 00:37:25.662
>> yeah. it took her three hours and.
00:37:25.662 --> 00:37:27.497
>> 45 minutes. it took me about nine. okay.
00:37:27.497 --> 00:37:29.699
>> it's so funny because because right after we did our
00:37:29.699 --> 00:37:32.469
Assessments, when i walked over to kody and audrey's house and,
00:37:32.469 --> 00:37:35.405
And they just had their six anniversary, their six year
00:37:35.405 --> 00:37:39.776
Anniversary just night before last. and i said, okay, for
00:37:39.776 --> 00:37:42.279
Your anniversary, i want you guys to do the premium love
00:37:42.279 --> 00:37:45.515
Language. and audrey just i love tests like that. you know,
00:37:45.515 --> 00:37:50.453
Anything. about i was like, oh my god, the worst for me. she
00:37:50.453 --> 00:37:55.592
Loves it.
00:37:55.592 --> 00:37:56.760
>> matt, this is these are your results. and you know, it's
00:37:56.860 --> 00:37:59.162
Physical touch is your primary love language and got a thumbs
00:37:59.162 --> 00:38:03.366
Up on that.
00:38:03.366 --> 00:38:04.567
>> there you go. i like your assessment. he's feeling very.
00:38:04.567 --> 00:38:07.103
>> at home.
00:38:07.103 --> 00:38:07.504
>> in that.
00:38:07.504 --> 00:38:08.905
>> and there's seven. you have the most dialects of any other
00:38:08.905 --> 00:38:12.542
Love language. physical touch does. okay. and gary, we were
00:38:12.542 --> 00:38:17.113
Speaking in nashville not very long ago. do you remember this
00:38:17.113 --> 00:38:20.283
Couple? and he discovered his wife's love language was
00:38:20.283 --> 00:38:24.020
Physical touch, for whatever reason, for him, he thought
00:38:24.020 --> 00:38:27.324
That meant tickling her. that's physical touch. it's playful.
00:38:27.324 --> 00:38:31.394
It's fun. well, that was her last dialect. the one at the
00:38:31.394 --> 00:38:36.566
Bottom of the list, right?
00:38:36.566 --> 00:38:37.734
>> do that. don't do that. get off me. exactly right.
00:38:37.734 --> 00:38:42.706
>> and so here's the thing i wanted to point out in your
00:38:42.706 --> 00:38:45.909
Assessment, what you were talking about earlier is that
00:38:45.909 --> 00:38:47.944
We have this little exercise that you can do of real
00:38:47.944 --> 00:38:51.715
Practical things, lori can do to speak your dialect. so we
00:38:51.715 --> 00:38:55.352
Highlight that, and then you can just hand that to her
00:38:55.352 --> 00:38:58.288
Because like leslie said, yeah, here you go.
00:38:58.288 --> 00:39:01.758
>> thanks i need this. but that way you don't have to read her
00:39:01.758 --> 00:39:05.095
Mind. right, right.
00:39:05.095 --> 00:39:06.563
>> you're welcome.
00:39:06.563 --> 00:39:07.597
>> but you know what?
00:39:07.597 --> 00:39:08.765
>> i feel like we shouldn't leave people hanging because
00:39:08.765 --> 00:39:11.234
Automatically. and i think this was the fist bump. you think
00:39:11.234 --> 00:39:14.504
Romantic touch is what? physical touch.
00:39:14.504 --> 00:39:16.539
>> is wrong with that?
00:39:16.539 --> 00:39:17.640
>> nothing wrong.
00:39:17.640 --> 00:39:18.808
>> with that. what your definition of it is. yeah, yeah.
00:39:18.808 --> 00:39:21.311
>> i love your example. the grocery.
00:39:21.311 --> 00:39:22.779
>> store.
00:39:22.779 --> 00:39:23.913
>> when somebody gets out of the car. do you remember this?
00:39:24.013 --> 00:39:26.416
No. you don't remember that? i called him once and i said, man,
00:39:26.416 --> 00:39:29.519
Every guy i talk to, if they don't read the book or they
00:39:29.519 --> 00:39:32.522
Don't take the assessment, do they just go, oh, it's physical
00:39:32.522 --> 00:39:35.525
Touch for me. which for them, they mean sex. yeah. and gary
00:39:35.525 --> 00:39:38.461
Told me one day he said, hey ask your your the people that
00:39:38.461 --> 00:39:41.564
You're counseling if they get out of the car together at a
00:39:41.564 --> 00:39:44.534
Grocery store and they're walking to the front door, do
00:39:44.534 --> 00:39:47.370
They hold hands? do you reach out and grab her hand? that's
00:39:47.370 --> 00:39:50.440
How that's one of the indicators. you know, it's
00:39:50.440 --> 00:39:52.509
Physical touch. it's not just about sex, am i right?
00:39:52.509 --> 00:39:55.311
>> absolutely. that's why you said there's several dialects
00:39:55.311 --> 00:39:57.747
For physical touch.
00:39:57.747 --> 00:39:58.948
>> you can talk to matt now, pastor gary. oh, you can tell.
00:39:58.948 --> 00:40:03.019
You can tell him.
00:40:03.019 --> 00:40:05.488
>> she wants you to tell me. there's several different kinds
00:40:05.488 --> 00:40:08.725
Of physicians.
00:40:08.725 --> 00:40:10.894
>> absolutely. and they're all right there in the assessment
00:40:10.894 --> 00:40:14.164
Here.
00:40:14.164 --> 00:40:15.899
>> let's go to lori. now.
00:40:15.899 --> 00:40:17.200
>> i was just thinking the same thing, okay? i was.
00:40:17.200 --> 00:40:20.003
>> just thinking.
00:40:20.003 --> 00:40:20.937
>> the same thing.
00:40:20.937 --> 00:40:21.905
>> she can't wait.
00:40:21.905 --> 00:40:23.173
>> and by the way, lori, you're lois, we call it your foreign
00:40:23.173 --> 00:40:26.943
Love language, which is kind of an interesting concept. happens
00:40:26.943 --> 00:40:30.213
To be gifts. like, that's not a love that doesn't fill up your
00:40:30.213 --> 00:40:33.650
Love tank too much. what?
00:40:33.650 --> 00:40:35.351
>> you see?
00:40:35.351 --> 00:40:37.220
>> are you kidding me?
00:40:37.220 --> 00:40:38.421
>> well, when. receiving gifts got together before we were
00:40:38.421 --> 00:40:42.659
Married.
00:40:42.659 --> 00:40:43.760
>> glad i know that now.
00:40:43.760 --> 00:40:45.562
>> oh my gosh, you could.
00:40:45.562 --> 00:40:46.896
>> have saved so much money.
00:40:46.896 --> 00:40:48.131
>> i, i told him one day i said, don't come in here and just
00:40:48.131 --> 00:40:52.001
Give me something, you know, if that came after and i'm sorry.
00:40:52.001 --> 00:40:55.638
>> oh.
00:40:55.638 --> 00:40:57.006
>> oh, now you remember if that came with. and i'm sorry. here,
00:40:57.006 --> 00:41:00.977
Here's a gift.
00:41:00.977 --> 00:41:01.678
>> oh, yeah.
00:41:01.678 --> 00:41:02.779
>> but the sorry.
00:41:02.779 --> 00:41:03.847
>> she would have thrown it at me at that point.
00:41:03.847 --> 00:41:06.749
>> the sorry was huge for me. i'd rather you just come tell
00:41:06.749 --> 00:41:10.353
Me. hey, i'm sorry, what i did or what i said, or, you know,
00:41:10.353 --> 00:41:15.091
And then. then the flowers or then the gift, but.
00:41:15.091 --> 00:41:18.995
>> well, and when you do get a gift, it indicates that you
00:41:18.995 --> 00:41:22.232
Really like a sentimental gift. and a sentimental gift is
00:41:22.232 --> 00:41:26.536
Usually heartfelt. and it's not extravagant.
00:41:26.536 --> 00:41:29.439
>> like, give me.
00:41:29.439 --> 00:41:30.106
>> a card.
00:41:30.106 --> 00:41:31.241
>> card.
00:41:31.241 --> 00:41:31.975
>> you love the same thing.
00:41:31.975 --> 00:41:33.243
>> yeah.
00:41:33.243 --> 00:41:34.410
>> you know, whenever he does things for me that take, like,
00:41:34.511 --> 00:41:38.481
I literally have some handmade cards that he made for me, he
00:41:38.481 --> 00:41:43.052
Probably forgot. and then he cut pictures out of magazines
00:41:43.052 --> 00:41:47.090
And put them on pieces of paper.
00:41:47.090 --> 00:41:48.825
>> 20 years ago.
00:41:48.825 --> 00:41:49.993
>> i still have them on my ribbon board, and he just cut
00:41:49.993 --> 00:41:53.530
Funny pictures out and wrote funny little because that was
00:41:53.530 --> 00:41:56.766
Sentimental. it meant more to me than the most beautiful card.
00:41:56.766 --> 00:42:00.403
>> yeah. can i buy 1 or 2 of those.
00:42:00.403 --> 00:42:02.639
>> from? i just sell them. what i thought was fascinating,
00:42:02.639 --> 00:42:07.076
Though, is.
00:42:07.076 --> 00:42:08.177
>> that both of us are like that is the gifts are low on
00:42:08.278 --> 00:42:10.780
Our low.
00:42:10.780 --> 00:42:11.214
>> yeah, yeah.
00:42:11.214 --> 00:42:12.348
>> but that was probably looking back on the 40 years.
00:42:12.348 --> 00:42:14.851
He lets me he gives me stuff all the time. we.
00:42:14.851 --> 00:42:18.555
>> so you.
00:42:18.555 --> 00:42:19.689
>> know there's.
00:42:19.689 --> 00:42:20.857
>> not a lot. let's remember all five of these are fine. yes.
00:42:20.957 --> 00:42:23.693
Whatever the primary is you sprinkle in the other four for
00:42:23.693 --> 00:42:26.229
Extra credit.
00:42:26.229 --> 00:42:27.096
>> yeah, exactly. bilingual. give one.
00:42:27.096 --> 00:42:29.098
>> i like extra credit.
00:42:29.098 --> 00:42:30.466
>> well.
00:42:30.466 --> 00:42:31.568
>> yours by far and away. according to your answer. your
00:42:31.668 --> 00:42:34.404
Primary love language is acts of service. and specifically.
00:42:34.404 --> 00:42:40.643
Specifically.
00:42:40.643 --> 00:42:41.244
>> what's such a shock?
00:42:41.244 --> 00:42:43.012
>> well, it's.
00:42:43.012 --> 00:42:43.780
>> honestly maybe because.
00:42:43.780 --> 00:42:45.248
>> you told me a million times it was words of affirmation.
00:42:45.248 --> 00:42:48.851
>> well, that's her second biggest one.
00:42:48.851 --> 00:42:50.687
>> oh. oh, yeah. yeah.
00:42:50.687 --> 00:42:53.489
>> and that's just that's just between me.
00:42:53.489 --> 00:42:56.059
>> by the way, matt, you have to read the report.
00:42:56.059 --> 00:42:58.528
>> not just take it. we didn't.
00:42:58.528 --> 00:43:00.463
>> neither one of us, i don't think read. it yet, but i think
00:43:00.463 --> 00:43:04.667
I think just encouragement on because.
00:43:04.667 --> 00:43:08.671
>> but you can encourage the wrong way. you can encourage
00:43:08.671 --> 00:43:11.541
And put pressure on somebody or you can encourage them, but for
00:43:11.541 --> 00:43:14.210
The right thing.
00:43:14.210 --> 00:43:15.478
>> and when it comes to acts of service, look at this, laurie.
00:43:15.478 --> 00:43:18.281
It's when it alleviates stress and instills security for you.
00:43:18.281 --> 00:43:22.018
Not so much when it conveys care or saves time like mine.
00:43:22.018 --> 00:43:26.356
My dialect is save time. you're only 13% on that, but you're
00:43:26.356 --> 00:43:30.226
Nearly 40% on alleviating stress and instilling security.
00:43:30.226 --> 00:43:33.997
>> like, give me an.
00:43:33.997 --> 00:43:35.198
>> example of what made me cry because when i took it, i've
00:43:35.198 --> 00:43:38.501
Got 40 years of experience with him and he does it so well.
00:43:38.501 --> 00:43:41.738
>> many people know their love language without reading the
00:43:41.738 --> 00:43:44.007
Book, and then they learn the nuance of it a little bit in
00:43:44.007 --> 00:43:47.510
Reading the original book. what this does is take it to a whole
00:43:47.510 --> 00:43:50.613
New.
00:43:50.613 --> 00:43:51.080
>> level, right?
00:43:51.080 --> 00:43:52.248
>> so memory at the beginning of the show, you said it's
00:43:52.248 --> 00:43:54.784
About speaking your love language of the person you love
00:43:54.784 --> 00:43:57.620
Fluently. you can't do that without understanding their
00:43:57.620 --> 00:44:00.823
Dialect. that's when you're speaking it fluently.
00:44:00.823 --> 00:44:03.026
>> okay.
00:44:03.026 --> 00:44:03.926
>> like i said, five love languages 2.0.
00:44:03.926 --> 00:44:06.996
>> yep.
00:44:06.996 --> 00:44:08.164
>> branding that that gives us the ideas 2.05 love language.
00:44:08.264 --> 00:44:11.634
Okay, inside on page 60 seems to be a pretty important little
00:44:11.634 --> 00:44:18.107
Chunk of of content here because the headline is the
00:44:18.107 --> 00:44:22.045
Most important question you'll ever ask. seems like the moment
00:44:22.045 --> 00:44:26.816
To stop and kind of think about it for a second, since
00:44:26.816 --> 00:44:31.821
Curiosity is essential for connection and vital to
00:44:31.821 --> 00:44:36.459
Speaking love languages with fluency, it deserves a little
00:44:36.459 --> 00:44:40.396
More attention. in fact, we want you to know how to
00:44:40.396 --> 00:44:44.067
Cultivate curiosity in an instant. who doesn't want to
00:44:44.067 --> 00:44:48.705
Think about the most important thing? and instantaneously, we
00:44:48.705 --> 00:44:53.309
Want to equip you with a single practice that nearly guarantees
00:44:53.309 --> 00:44:58.481
You'll take on the posture of listening with finesse. okay,
00:44:58.481 --> 00:45:04.554
It has to do with the most important question you'll ever
00:45:04.554 --> 00:45:07.490
Ask. ready? it's called the follow up question. what do you
00:45:07.490 --> 00:45:12.195
Mean by that?
00:45:12.195 --> 00:45:13.296
>> well, up question is to whatever they said you're
00:45:13.296 --> 00:45:16.099
Asking and whatever words you use. tell me more about that or
00:45:16.099 --> 00:45:20.103
Explain that to me. it's rather than just assuming you
00:45:20.103 --> 00:45:24.040
Understand what they already mean, what they've already said.
00:45:24.040 --> 00:45:26.542
You ask that second question, that follow up question to it,
00:45:26.542 --> 00:45:30.113
Which gets you it's curiosity. i want to know how you really
00:45:30.113 --> 00:45:33.816
Feel about that. so however you word it, you're coming back to
00:45:33.816 --> 00:45:37.019
Them with a question and asking them to explain it to you.
00:45:37.019 --> 00:45:40.223
Share that with me. what? you said you had a really hard time
00:45:40.223 --> 00:45:43.426
At work today. what was going on that really bothered you the
00:45:43.426 --> 00:45:46.729
Most? so it's that sort of thing.
00:45:46.729 --> 00:45:49.599
>> you go on to say a follow up question is like opening a door
00:45:49.599 --> 00:45:54.303
That the other person didn't even realize was there. when
00:45:54.303 --> 00:45:58.474
Your partner mentions they're feeling overwhelmed at home,
00:45:58.474 --> 00:46:01.844
The easy response might be, i'm sorry you're feeling that way,
00:46:01.844 --> 00:46:07.550
But the follow up, what's been weighing on you the most? now,
00:46:07.550 --> 00:46:12.321
Here's a weird thing. i wrote myself a note on this. you know
00:46:12.321 --> 00:46:15.491
What's really funny? the follow up question, or this most
00:46:15.491 --> 00:46:18.694
Important question ever asked. super easy and intuitive for me.
00:46:18.694 --> 00:46:23.065
You know what's interesting, though? i don't think i would
00:46:23.065 --> 00:46:25.835
Have said, sorry you're feeling that way. i don't know that
00:46:25.835 --> 00:46:30.606
That would have been in my mind. i've had a hard day today. i'm
00:46:30.606 --> 00:46:34.944
Sorry for that. i don't know that that i, i would naturally,
00:46:34.944 --> 00:46:38.281
Though, say why what happened or what's going on or what do
00:46:38.281 --> 00:46:41.951
You want to tell me about that? i mean, maybe it's because of
00:46:41.951 --> 00:46:45.388
What we do for a living. the follow up question is kind of
00:46:45.388 --> 00:46:48.958
Part of my job at some point.
00:46:48.958 --> 00:46:52.261
>> yeah.
00:46:52.261 --> 00:46:53.396
>> got that part right. but the empathy side, sorry you're
00:46:53.496 --> 00:46:56.899
Feeling that way would not be a natural thing that would just
00:46:56.899 --> 00:46:59.802
Pop.
00:46:59.802 --> 00:47:00.269
>> out of my mouth.
00:47:00.369 --> 00:47:01.604
>> and that's not really the point. the point is that you're
00:47:01.604 --> 00:47:04.607
Asking. and this comes from research at harvard, by the way,
00:47:04.607 --> 00:47:06.809
That the single most important question you ask in a
00:47:06.809 --> 00:47:09.645
Conversation is the follow up. so you're at a party with
00:47:09.645 --> 00:47:12.582
Somebody you're just meeting. what do you do for a living? oh,
00:47:12.582 --> 00:47:15.585
I'm a lawyer. oh. that's interesting. my uncle's a
00:47:15.585 --> 00:47:17.620
Lawyer. okay. who cares? right? hey, do you like being a lawyer?
00:47:17.620 --> 00:47:20.723
What kind of law do you practice? right? it's the
00:47:20.723 --> 00:47:22.859
Follow up that engages the person. because what you're
00:47:22.859 --> 00:47:25.595
Trying to do is open up that person's spirit.
00:47:25.595 --> 00:47:27.730
>> right?
00:47:27.730 --> 00:47:28.331
>> and that's what the.
00:47:28.331 --> 00:47:29.599
>> follow up is.
00:47:29.599 --> 00:47:30.666
>> and sometimes we accidentally think we're doing
00:47:30.666 --> 00:47:32.602
That when we just validate, like if, if you come home and i
00:47:32.602 --> 00:47:36.205
Say, oh, i'm feeling overwhelmed today, you would
00:47:36.205 --> 00:47:39.108
Say, me too. here's here was my.
00:47:39.108 --> 00:47:41.978
>> day, right? yeah. pile on. yeah.
00:47:41.978 --> 00:47:44.380
>> don't pile on. get the information.
00:47:44.380 --> 00:47:47.049
>> yeah.
00:47:47.049 --> 00:47:47.950
>> be a little curious about my experience.
00:47:48.050 --> 00:47:49.452
>> and that's setting.
00:47:49.452 --> 00:47:50.319
>> your agenda aside.
00:47:50.319 --> 00:47:51.587
>> right.
00:47:51.587 --> 00:47:52.722
>> so you can focus on how their day was before you get to
00:47:52.822 --> 00:47:55.591
Yours. yeah. temporarily.
00:47:55.591 --> 00:47:57.393
>> okay.
00:47:57.393 --> 00:47:58.561
>> there is a little thing about listening with the third
00:47:58.561 --> 00:48:03.165
Ear. what do you what do you want us to know about this
00:48:03.165 --> 00:48:07.570
Third year?
00:48:07.570 --> 00:48:08.871
>> i think that's listening. not only with your head and
00:48:08.871 --> 00:48:12.842
Trying to like they're sharing something and in your head
00:48:12.842 --> 00:48:15.678
You're trying to solve it. come up with a solution to the whole
00:48:15.678 --> 00:48:18.881
Thing. but it's listening not only with your head, it's
00:48:18.881 --> 00:48:21.884
Listening with your heart, and it's trying to see the world
00:48:21.884 --> 00:48:25.988
From their eyes so that you can say, you know, that makes a
00:48:25.988 --> 00:48:29.358
Whole lot of sense. honey, is there anything i could do that
00:48:29.358 --> 00:48:32.361
Might be helpful?
00:48:32.361 --> 00:48:33.529
>> it feels like there was something in there also about
00:48:33.529 --> 00:48:36.265
What wasn't said. what do you mean.
00:48:36.265 --> 00:48:38.501
>> by that?
00:48:38.501 --> 00:48:39.635
>> and the third ear is so important. i want to kind of
00:48:39.635 --> 00:48:42.371
Underline that a little bit, because it's like you're
00:48:42.371 --> 00:48:45.241
Panning for gold in a conversation, and there's a
00:48:45.241 --> 00:48:48.010
River of emotions that flows between you when you're talking.
00:48:48.010 --> 00:48:51.681
And you sift through all the verbiage, all the words to lift
00:48:51.681 --> 00:48:55.051
Out that little golden nugget of a feeling. sounds like
00:48:55.051 --> 00:48:58.287
You're feeling pretty frustrated, and you hand that
00:48:58.287 --> 00:49:00.790
Little golden nugget back to your spouse, or your friend or
00:49:00.790 --> 00:49:03.659
Your your child, whoever you're in a relationship with there.
00:49:03.659 --> 00:49:08.030
And they go, they'll do one of two things. they'll go, yeah,
00:49:08.030 --> 00:49:11.901
And that is how i feel, right? because it's always insightful
00:49:11.901 --> 00:49:14.904
When somebody labels your feeling for you or they go, no,
00:49:14.904 --> 00:49:18.374
It's not so much frustrated. i think i'm just like so tired,
00:49:18.374 --> 00:49:22.645
You know? either way, it's clarifying for them.
00:49:22.645 --> 00:49:26.349
>> even if you get it wrong.
00:49:26.349 --> 00:49:27.717
>> even as long as it has right.
00:49:27.717 --> 00:49:29.852
>> and it's the genuineness, you know, you can't.
00:49:29.852 --> 00:49:33.456
>> be be eddie haskell, but you can. yeah. yeah.
00:49:33.456 --> 00:49:37.793
>> hello, i'm doctor gary chapman, author of the five
00:49:37.793 --> 00:49:40.596
Love languages. for 33 years, i've watched love languages
00:49:40.596 --> 00:49:45.368
Change lives and heal relationships all around the
00:49:45.368 --> 00:49:48.938
World. that discovery has led me to write a brand new book,
00:49:48.938 --> 00:49:52.575
The love language that matters most.
00:49:52.575 --> 00:49:55.478
>> this powerful resource is our. thank you for your gift of
00:49:55.478 --> 00:49:58.748
$20 or more to tbn.tv. with the gift of $55 or more, you'll
00:49:58.748 --> 00:50:02.618
Receive a bundle. offer the newly released book the love
00:50:02.618 --> 00:50:05.154
Language that matters most, along with an access card to
00:50:05.154 --> 00:50:08.024
Take the love language premium assessment. the assessment
00:50:08.024 --> 00:50:10.726
Gives you a detailed 15 page report tailored to your unique
00:50:10.726 --> 00:50:14.130
Love language profile. discover how you are uniquely wired for
00:50:14.130 --> 00:50:18.067
Connection. call (800) 301-8755 or visit tbn.tv for today.
00:50:18.067 --> 00:50:26.008
>> i believe this message has the power to transform not only
00:50:26.008 --> 00:50:30.379
How we love, but why we love. i'm thrilled to invite you on
00:50:30.379 --> 00:50:35.117
The journey.
00:50:35.117 --> 00:50:37.887
>> the love language that matters most. brand new were
00:50:37.887 --> 00:50:42.958
Brand new year. happy new year! if you just tuned in, the love
00:50:42.958 --> 00:50:47.596
Language that matters most is out now. all the information
00:50:47.596 --> 00:50:52.334
How to get it is on the screen. and let me just kind of read
00:50:52.334 --> 00:50:58.407
One thing that feels like it might be our ability to kind of
00:50:58.407 --> 00:51:02.978
Start wrapping up this episode of how we, you know, have
00:51:02.978 --> 00:51:10.319
Largely talked about this five love languages 2.0 book. and,
00:51:10.319 --> 00:51:17.193
And it basically says, as we work together on the fight, you
00:51:17.193 --> 00:51:22.598
Guys are being talked about less leslie and less. how we
00:51:22.598 --> 00:51:29.705
Work together on the five love languages premium assessment
00:51:29.705 --> 00:51:33.609
That we are kind of referencing here that lori and i did,
00:51:33.609 --> 00:51:37.613
They began to show me our hardwiring or personality
00:51:37.613 --> 00:51:43.719
Traits shape how we hear wor traits shape how we hear wos
00:51:43.719 --> 00:51:46.555
Traits shape how we hear wos of affirmation, what we want
00:51:46.555 --> 00:51:49.558
From quality time, the way we interpret the meaning of a gift,
00:51:49.558 --> 00:51:55.231
How we how an act of service can resonate the most, even the
00:51:55.231 --> 00:52:00.736
Kind of physical touch that feels most meaningful. isn't
00:52:00.736 --> 00:52:03.939
That what we're trying to say, largely will give you the final
00:52:03.939 --> 00:52:08.611
Word? why don't you start with this? maybe a kind of a
00:52:08.611 --> 00:52:15.751
Takeaway of our discussion. now, for the last.
00:52:15.751 --> 00:52:18.787
>> one.
00:52:18.787 --> 00:52:19.989
>> i want to make sure we get this in here because people are
00:52:20.089 --> 00:52:22.525
Loving this. so we've had lots and lots of people already take
00:52:22.525 --> 00:52:25.561
The premium assessment.
00:52:25.561 --> 00:52:26.562
>> right.
00:52:26.562 --> 00:52:27.730
>> and the very last page is a summary. so this one lori this
00:52:27.830 --> 00:52:33.169
Is yours right. it says how to love lori. right. what we've
00:52:33.169 --> 00:52:38.474
Discovered is we didn't design it with this in mind
00:52:38.474 --> 00:52:40.943
Necessarily. but what we've discovered is so many people,
00:52:40.943 --> 00:52:43.512
Everybody in the family will take the assessment and they
00:52:43.512 --> 00:52:46.382
Pin it up on the refrigerator and everybody can look at, man,
00:52:46.382 --> 00:52:51.153
If somebody love tank is low, let's figure out how to love
00:52:51.153 --> 00:52:54.089
That person right now.
00:52:54.089 --> 00:52:55.157
>> right.
00:52:55.157 --> 00:52:56.292
>> and so it's just a nice little summary that looks at
00:52:56.292 --> 00:52:58.961
Your love language, where you stand and your dialects, and a
00:52:58.961 --> 00:53:01.964
Few tips on how to do that. so anything you want to add to
00:53:01.964 --> 00:53:05.935
That.
00:53:05.935 --> 00:53:07.036
>> yeah, i would just add there's complexity to us. god
00:53:07.136 --> 00:53:10.172
Created us. there's a lot of mystery in that. right? and
00:53:10.172 --> 00:53:14.109
This helps us to feel deeply loved and to make the people
00:53:14.109 --> 00:53:18.814
That are connected to us feel deeply loved. to me, that is
00:53:18.814 --> 00:53:24.587
Everything, right? and that's what we're called to.
00:53:24.587 --> 00:53:27.089
>> this is a tool for empathy. it just makes it so much easier
00:53:27.089 --> 00:53:30.693
To do this thing that is so difficult to do for most of us,
00:53:30.693 --> 00:53:34.330
Most of the time, put ourselves in somebody else's shoes and
00:53:34.330 --> 00:53:37.499
See them. and that's why the love language that matters most
00:53:37.499 --> 00:53:41.537
Is the love language of the person in front of.
00:53:41.537 --> 00:53:44.640
>> you. right. beautiful, beautiful. final thoughts?
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:47.209
>> no, i just think it's it's amazing. and it was i loved how
00:53:47.209 --> 00:53:51.947
It it starts out with tell us who's important to you. the top
00:53:51.947 --> 00:53:57.753
4 or 5. and we had the, the same ones and and and i think
00:53:57.753 --> 00:54:03.025
The family is so it's so good to know your your daughters in
00:54:03.025 --> 00:54:07.363
Laws and your, your son in laws and what their, what their love
00:54:07.363 --> 00:54:11.100
Language is. and to learn that and, and knowing that my love
00:54:11.100 --> 00:54:14.637
Language isn't his love language right or his isn't
00:54:14.637 --> 00:54:18.207
Mine. and so what i love, you know, isn't necessarily what he
00:54:18.207 --> 00:54:23.279
Needs. and and to just start being bilingual. but you are
00:54:23.279 --> 00:54:28.717
The man of the hour. but i love that you've brought less and
00:54:28.717 --> 00:54:33.022
Leslie into.
00:54:33.022 --> 00:54:34.023
>> yeah.
00:54:34.023 --> 00:54:35.224
>> well, i think that the 20 million people who've read the
00:54:35.224 --> 00:54:38.527
Original book are going to find this book to be super, super
00:54:38.527 --> 00:54:42.698
Helpful. yeah, because many of them need this added
00:54:42.698 --> 00:54:47.403
Information that's going to make them even more effective
00:54:47.403 --> 00:54:49.571
In communicating love.
00:54:49.571 --> 00:54:51.340
>> you know, it feels like, you know, you could count on one
00:54:51.340 --> 00:54:55.644
Hand the books that have had the impact of the five love
00:54:55.644 --> 00:55:01.050
Languages. you know, you think of purpose driven life and
00:55:01.050 --> 00:55:03.252
Jesus calling and, you know, look, there's of course, the
00:55:03.252 --> 00:55:06.488
Bible is the number one selling book, you know, in the history
00:55:06.488 --> 00:55:09.325
Of mankind. and that, you know, is unbelievable. but when it
00:55:09.325 --> 00:55:12.961
Comes to us mortals who are just trying to get help out to
00:55:12.961 --> 00:55:17.966
People, this is this is a top three book, you know, kind of
00:55:17.966 --> 00:55:25.174
Largely in history and modern history for, for this. and the
00:55:25.174 --> 00:55:30.245
2.0 version is adding a nuance or a dialect factor to this.
00:55:30.245 --> 00:55:38.153
You can be doing the right thing and you can think you're
00:55:38.153 --> 00:55:42.791
Doing the right thing, and you can be doing it. you know, kind
00:55:42.791 --> 00:55:47.863
Of, you know, how about i love lucy? if we're going to go back
00:55:47.863 --> 00:55:50.999
To a tv show, ricky and lucy, you know, kind of, you know,
00:55:50.999 --> 00:55:55.037
His, his dialect and her. and they were, you know, kind of,
00:55:55.037 --> 00:55:58.640
You know, the, the opposites attract kind of a thing. but
00:55:58.640 --> 00:56:03.278
You, you think of how to go into a situation again, reading
00:56:03.278 --> 00:56:11.920
The book to lori today about a artificial or trying to push
00:56:11.920 --> 00:56:17.459
The envelope of a moment that we would call what's the time?
00:56:17.459 --> 00:56:23.098
One quality time and it feeling forced. you have to know the
00:56:23.098 --> 00:56:28.771
Difference. it feels like this gives the guideposts to that,
00:56:28.771 --> 00:56:34.276
That there are dialects inside of this. and for that i am
00:56:34.276 --> 00:56:39.681
Forever grateful because that would have been one of the
00:56:39.681 --> 00:56:44.019
Things i wouldn't have known how to articulate. if we had,
00:56:44.019 --> 00:56:46.488
We could have we could have said all day, one day, and i
00:56:46.488 --> 00:56:49.491
Would have never said to you, are there dialects inside of
00:56:49.491 --> 00:56:52.995
These? or am i just not getting it? and so it feels like you've
00:56:52.995 --> 00:56:58.066
Written this for john q public. lori and i get to sit. you guys
00:56:58.066 --> 00:57:04.540
Are sitting as experts in this field. you're all psychologists
00:57:04.540 --> 00:57:08.110
And we're not. so the way that i perceive this is it made five
00:57:08.110 --> 00:57:14.683
Love languages more understandable for me.
00:57:14.683 --> 00:57:17.152
>> yeah, that's that's.
00:57:17.152 --> 00:57:18.253
>> my testimony to it.
00:57:18.253 --> 00:57:20.022
>> absolutely. that's my and our sincere desire because we
00:57:20.022 --> 00:57:24.760
Really believe this is going to help people be even more
00:57:24.760 --> 00:57:27.930
Effective in meeting each other's emotional need for love.
00:57:27.930 --> 00:57:31.533
>> it is out now. information on the screen, how you could
00:57:31.533 --> 00:57:34.903
Get it. thank you guys. gary chapman, leslie, les, thank you
00:57:34.903 --> 00:57:41.009
For being a part.
00:57:41.009 --> 00:57:42.711
>> what is your problem with me, man? let's go, let's go right
00:57:42.711 --> 00:57:45.981
Now.
00:57:45.981 --> 00:57:46.982
>> we'll see you next time. bye bye.
00:57:46.982 --> 00:57:46.982

Gary Chapman & Les & Leslie Parrott: The Key to True Connection | Praise

January 13, 2026 | 58:23

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