Andy Stanley - The Games We Play

January 31, 2026 | 28:29

Your Move with Andy Stanley — to help people make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.

#Relationships #Change #Blame #Guilt #Shame #Honor #Peopleinyourlife #Respect #Love #LoveyourNeighbor #UnconditionalLove #Humble #Integrity #AndyStanley

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Your Move with Andy Stanley | Andy Stanley - The Games We Play | January 31, 2026

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Andy stanley: hi everybody.
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Welcome to "your move" where we help you make better decisions
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And live with fewer regrets.
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I'm andy stanley and i'll be your guide.
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Every once in a while somebody asks me why i'm a christian, and
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My answer is simple.
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I say, "because following jesus has made my life better and
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Following jesus makes me better at life.
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Now, it's not always easier, but it sure is better.
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And why it's better is what we're talking about today right
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Here on "your move."
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♪♪♪
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Andy: most of us like some sort of game, board games, outdoor
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Games, actual competition, competing with yourself if you
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Just love solitaire.
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Solitaire is actually competition with
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Yourself, right?
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Or against the deck of cards.
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But anyway, whether we're actually participating in
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Competition or watching competition, we--or watching
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Other people compete, we all love some sort of game, some
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Sort of competition.
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You actually may have been inspired to pick up a game or
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Start a sport when you were young or maybe even not so young
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By watching somebody else play and they made it look so easy
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Because professionals make everything look so easy and then
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You got out there and you were-- we'll just say that you were
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Over-inspired.
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You were so inspired you went out and now you have--you call
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It a sports injury.
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It's not actually a sports injury.
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You hurt yourself getting out of the car to go try this or learn
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This new thing, right?
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But all of us have been so inspired by people who are so
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Good at something.
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And it may not even be a physical, a sport that requires
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Physical agility, maybe an online game or online gaming or
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Some sort of game, but we all love watching competition and
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Most of us at some level love to compete.
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Years ago i got invited to go visit a church in south carolina
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To do some training for their staff.
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And it was a large church.
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So, i went during the week.
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And so we had two morning sessions and then they said,
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"after lunch, our staff, we have an annual dodgeball tournament."
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And i noticed that during the sessions, all the staff, is
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Pretty big staff, they all had on jerseys, like,
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Different colors.
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There were four different teams.
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I'm like, wow, this is like a serious thing.
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So after lunch, i was gonna head home, but i thought i gotta
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See this.
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So we start, we walk out to this outdoor dodgeball tournament
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Area they'd set up.
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And everybody had on a jersey, even the pastor, but the only
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Person who didn't was the pastor's wife and she was
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On staff.
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And so we're walking out with a group and i said, "so you're not
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Really into dodgeball."
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And every--literally, the whole group stopped and the pastor
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Looked at his wife and then she looked at me and she said, "they
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Don't allow me to play."
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I'm like, what?
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And the pastor said she's too competitive.
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I'm like, "i bet there's some stories there."
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So anyway, you may be that person, you're like, you know,
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You're super competitive, but anyway, for the most part we
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Enjoy watching other people compete and at some level
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There's probably some gaming going on and some sort of
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Competition that you enjoy as well.
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But there is one area or to stay with the sports analogy, there
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Is one arena, there's one arena or one area where competition
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And games should be off limits because they're harmful, they're
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Toxic, i don't know, lethal may be too strong of a term, but
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They're just not healthy and they should be avoided at
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All costs.
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And that is in the realm or the arena or the area of
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Relationships, because relationally speaking, and all
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Of us, all of us have experienced this, okay, this
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Isn't new information.
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All of us have experienced this.
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Relationally speaking, relationally speaking, a game
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That requires a loser is a game nobody wins.
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Then when it comes to relationships, any kind of
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Challenge, any kind of game we play, we're gonna talk about a
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Few in just a minute, any kind of competition that's
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Relationally driven is a game that requires a loser and a game
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That requires a loser ultimately relationally is a game that
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Nobody wins.
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Everybody loses.
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And let me illustrate it in the the arena that we've experienced
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The most.
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If you just think about home for a minute, we're gonna talk about
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Whether it's your roommate or at work or in the neighborhood, but
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Home is where we experience this first.
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Have you ever won, have you ever won an argument at home?
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Now you've had arguments at home growing up with your parents or
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Maybe with if you have kids now or with again with a roommate or
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Fiancé or husband or wife, you've had arguments, you know,
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Within the context of home.
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But have you ever won an argument at home?
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And if you think, "oh yeah, i've won some arguments."
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Next question.
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What exactly did you win?
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You know, what was the prize?
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Congratulations.
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You sleep on the couch.
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You won, okay.
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You beat him, you beat her, you trounce, you won, you know, now
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You're gonna have to leave.
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Congratulations, you powered up and now your son hates you or at
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Least he says he does.
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You won the argument, everybody agrees you won and now your son
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Says he hates you or congratulations.
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That last zinger, you know, left your daughter speechless and
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In tears.
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You know, so like take a victory lap around the island in the
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Kitchen, right?
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I mean, when it comes to relational arguments with that
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Kind of competition that we're gonna talk about, they're really
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Even if you think you won, you out argued, convinced your
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Roommate, you know, that they're gonna never do or start, there's
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Something that happens to the relationship that's
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Always negative.
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Again, at the end of an argument relationally, do you shake hands
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Like good game?
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No. do you hug and high five?
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"good game, mom, good game, mom, you know."
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No, "well, let's go another round, dad."
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No, you don't say these best two out of three, honey, you wanna
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Go again, you know.
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You go first this time.
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No, but trying to take the competition, the sports analogy,
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Even the sports language into the context of a relationship,
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Especially a relationship with somebody that's a long term
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Relationship, family relationship, it just
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Doesn't work.
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But there is a tendency for all of us, me included, to bring
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That level of unhealthy competition and challenge and
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Win-lose into relationships at work, in the community, and
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Especially at home.
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And again, you may get your way because you out argued or out
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Convinced, you may get your way, but you lose something along
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The way.
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And here's why that's the case.
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And this is kind of the driving principle, then let me set it up
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As a question, don't answer out loud, just think for a minute.
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When it comes to relationships, when it comes to relationships,
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What's the win?
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I mean, what's the win in a relationship?
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And the answer is the relationship, that's the win.
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The win is a mutually satisfying, mutually
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Enjoyable relationship.
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There's not an individual win.
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If there's an individual win and an individual loss, it's just a
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Loss because relationally speaking, if somebody loses,
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It's a loss for the relationship.
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The win in your most important relationships is in fact
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The relationship.
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Mutually satisfying, mutually enjoyable, mutually beneficial.
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So, real quick, i wanna go through a list of games that all
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Of us have probably seen played out somewhere in
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Some relationship.
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Unfortunately this is a list of games that maybe you're gonna
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Identify yourself in this.
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This is a list of games where today for the next few minutes,
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I don't want you to identify the person next to you, so no elbows
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And side eyes and groans.
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And don't laugh a little bit too loud so you make sure they hear
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You, okay?
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This is about you evaluating whether or not you and whether
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Or not we are guilty of bringing unhealthy competition or a sense
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Of competitiveness into a relationship where it doesn't
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Belong that results in a winner and a loser, which means
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Everybody loses.
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So i'll start with some of the most familiar
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Relationship games.
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There's the change game where i'm going to figure out how to
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Change you without you knowing that i'm changing you because i
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Think you need to be changed, right?
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Actually i'm trying to fix you, but i don't want to put the word
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Fix up here because, you know, you got into the relationship
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And this person has some issues.
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In fact, you marry them with issues or you're engaged to them
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With their issues, but you're convinced you are going to be
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Able to change them without them knowing it, which is foolish
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Because they know, just like you would know, right?
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Then there's the guessing game.
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This is what i'm very guilty of.
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Sandra and i have been married 36 years and so i've figured
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This out finally.
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But early on in our marriage, i was so guilty of this.
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The guessing game goes like this.
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I'm not gonna tell you what's wrong.
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You have to guess.
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And we're gonna go through, we're gonna go through at least
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Three rounds of, "what's wrong?" "nothing."
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"what's wrong?" "nothing."
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We gotta go three rounds of that.
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And then i'm gonna say, "well, if i have to tell you, it's
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Because you don't really care, but you gotta guess, all right?
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And i'm never gonna tell you."
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This is the guessing game. it is so unhealthy.
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And the thing that helped me get over this quick is sandra
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Refused to play, which was exactly the right response of my
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Moping around and trying to get her to figure out why i was
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So sad.
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She's like, "you deal with it."
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And finally i quit the guessing game.
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Anyway, moving on, there's the guilt game, you know, the guilt
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Game, the guilt game goes like this, "so, i guess you're just
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Gonna leave that there, right."
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Instead of addressing the issue, "i guess you're just gonna leave
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It there."
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"so, i guess i'll just go by myself again, right?"
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The guilt game.
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You know, "people don't treat me that way at work."
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Then there's the blame game.
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We've all played the blame game where basically nothing that i
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Do is really my fault because it's all a response to you.
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The reason i'm the way i am is because of you and if you would
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Change, i would be able to change.
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This isn't really my fault.
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And then, then, there's next level blame game.
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The next level blame game is the passive aggressive version.
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It is so powerful. it is so powerful.
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It's so horrible, but it's so powerful because the passive
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Aggressive version of the blame game allows you to apologize,
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Which makes you look good.
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But you're apologizing in a way that actually blames them.
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So you look good 'cause you're apologizing and there's a blame
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Stuck in.
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Okay, this is professional level game playing.
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It goes something like this, it goes like this.
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"hey, i'm really, really sorry that i reacted the way i did
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When you got home an hour late again from the gym."
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So see, i get credit for apologizing.
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"i wanna apologize for blowing up when you," when you, when
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You, when you, next level, very passive aggressive, great
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For relationships.
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Then there's the comparison game.
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We've all accidentally dipped into this or gotten pulled
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Into this.
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The comparison game is, "did you notice the way he."
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"did you notice the way she."
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"did you notice the way they," right?
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That similar to the comparison game is the shame game,
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Very similar.
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The shame game goes something like this.
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"you know, if my dad were here, he would be able to fix that
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With like a piece of duct tape."
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Okay, so it's like you should.
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In other words, the shame game is you should be up for this or
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You should be able to do this or you should be mature enough.
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The shame game is gonna try to shame you into changing.
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Now, if you've ever been on the receiving end of the shame game,
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The comparison game, any of those games, you know internally
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What it does to you and what it does between you and the person
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That's playing this game with you, and when you're the one who
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Has initiated these games, the same thing is happening on the
00:10:55.606 --> 00:10:59.210
Inside of the other person.
00:10:59.210 --> 00:11:00.578
But we get tripped into these things and pulled into these
00:11:00.578 --> 00:11:03.781
Things so quickly and for some of us today, these are habits,
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These are habits.
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The other, a couple more.
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There's the--these last two are awful.
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The family of origin game.
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You know how this sounds.
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"you're just like your--"
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Oh, "you're just like your father.
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You're just like your mother."
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"you know what?
00:11:25.469 --> 00:11:26.804
If your mom hadn't, you probably wouldn't.
00:11:26.804 --> 00:11:29.573
If your dad would have, you probably would."
00:11:29.573 --> 00:11:32.743
And suddenly you're trapped and now you know they've ganged up
00:11:32.743 --> 00:11:35.980
On your whole family and you don't really have any defense
00:11:35.980 --> 00:11:38.215
'cause you know they're right, but listen, here's the thing,
00:11:38.215 --> 00:11:41.318
Even if they're right, you don't go, "oh, i'm fine now.
00:11:41.318 --> 00:11:45.089
I'm so glad you brought that up.
00:11:45.089 --> 00:11:46.423
I feel like i'm making progress.
00:11:46.423 --> 00:11:47.958
I think this is a go to thing for you.
00:11:47.958 --> 00:11:49.860
I feel developed as a person.
00:11:49.860 --> 00:11:51.695
I feel--"
00:11:51.695 --> 00:11:53.030
No, that's the problem with these games.
00:11:53.030 --> 00:11:54.598
Even when the person that you're dealing with is correct, it
00:11:54.598 --> 00:11:58.636
Doesn't do anything for the relationship and none of these
00:11:58.636 --> 00:12:01.639
Games motivate us to be better people.
00:12:01.639 --> 00:12:04.074
Last one is the motive assignment game.
00:12:04.074 --> 00:12:06.477
This is--very few people are able to do this well.
00:12:06.477 --> 00:12:10.447
Motive assignment is basically i can read your mind.
00:12:10.447 --> 00:12:13.384
And since i can read your mind, i can tell you the motive behind
00:12:13.384 --> 00:12:17.454
What you're doing.
00:12:17.454 --> 00:12:18.789
And even if you don't know why you're doing it, i know why
00:12:18.789 --> 00:12:21.792
You're doing it because i can see into your soul.
00:12:21.792 --> 00:12:26.263
If you weren't so selfish, right, if you weren't so
00:12:26.263 --> 00:12:31.902
Concerned about what everybody else thinks, right?
00:12:31.902 --> 00:12:35.539
Hey, i know what's going on here.
00:12:35.539 --> 00:12:36.874
You just don't wanna go, do you?
00:12:36.874 --> 00:12:38.242
You just, you just don't wanna do it.
00:12:38.242 --> 00:12:40.344
I'm going to assign a motive to your behavior.
00:12:40.344 --> 00:12:43.948
And again, even if i'm correct, what happens to
00:12:43.948 --> 00:12:47.084
The relationship?
00:12:47.084 --> 00:12:48.452
I'm trying to win, make you lose, and at the end of the day
00:12:48.452 --> 00:12:50.788
We both lose because there's no win-lose in
00:12:50.788 --> 00:12:53.591
Healthy relationships.
00:12:53.591 --> 00:12:55.626
However, if you're competitive and you love games and you would
00:12:55.626 --> 00:13:00.531
Like to make the relationships that you're in that you
00:13:00.531 --> 00:13:03.500
Appreciate games whether it's relationships with someone you
00:13:03.500 --> 00:13:06.637
Love someone you know, someone you work with, someone you
00:13:06.637 --> 00:13:09.473
Live with.
00:13:09.473 --> 00:13:10.841
If you really wanna bring competition to a relationship,
00:13:10.841 --> 00:13:13.777
There is one game that comes highly, highly recommended.
00:13:13.777 --> 00:13:19.617
It works with family, it works at work, it works in
00:13:19.617 --> 00:13:22.820
The community.
00:13:22.820 --> 00:13:24.188
In fact, it would work in our nation if everybody decide
00:13:24.188 --> 00:13:25.656
To play.
00:13:25.656 --> 00:13:27.024
These are for players five years and up, five years old and up.
00:13:27.024 --> 00:13:30.728
One to ten players, actually you can play this game alone.
00:13:30.728 --> 00:13:35.900
But the more people that play, the more fun it is and the
00:13:35.900 --> 00:13:38.369
Better that it is.
00:13:38.369 --> 00:13:39.737
And this game was actually introduced to us, at least,
00:13:39.737 --> 00:13:42.273
Maybe longer ago than this, but this game was at least
00:13:42.273 --> 00:13:44.575
Introduced to us 2,000 years ago by the apostle paul.
00:13:44.575 --> 00:13:49.213
The apostle paul, as many of you know, wrote about half the
00:13:49.213 --> 00:13:51.215
New testament.
00:13:51.215 --> 00:13:52.583
He was a first century jesus follower.
00:13:52.583 --> 00:13:53.951
He was a pharisee before he became a jesus follower.
00:13:53.951 --> 00:13:57.087
He hated christians, he tried to shut down the church, and then
00:13:57.087 --> 00:14:00.124
He met jesus and his life changed.
00:14:00.124 --> 00:14:02.226
And he brought to us, and this is so important to understand if
00:14:02.226 --> 00:14:04.962
You just started reading the bible or maybe just started
00:14:04.962 --> 00:14:07.164
Reading the bible again.
00:14:07.164 --> 00:14:08.499
The apostle paul took the teachings of jesus and he
00:14:08.499 --> 00:14:11.869
Contextualized them and explained them for non-jewish
00:14:11.869 --> 00:14:15.072
People because he went to the non-jewish world to explain that
00:14:15.072 --> 00:14:18.108
God had done something in the world for the world by sending
00:14:18.108 --> 00:14:21.111
His son into the world.
00:14:21.111 --> 00:14:22.479
So in his letters, he teases out how to follow jesus as a
00:14:22.479 --> 00:14:26.817
Non-jewish person, even though he was a pharisee and he was a
00:14:26.817 --> 00:14:30.020
Jewish person because he was like an evangelist to the
00:14:30.020 --> 00:14:33.324
Non-judeans, the non-galileans of his day.
00:14:33.324 --> 00:14:36.327
So, he writes several letters, and one of these massive letters
00:14:36.327 --> 00:14:39.663
Goes to christians living in first century rome.
00:14:39.663 --> 00:14:42.533
And this is where he introduces this game, and i call it, and i
00:14:42.533 --> 00:14:46.103
Think we can all agree to call it, the honor game.
00:14:46.103 --> 00:14:49.173
The honor game.
00:14:49.173 --> 00:14:50.541
Now, it's like the hunger games, except it's
00:14:50.541 --> 00:14:56.046
Completely different.
00:14:56.046 --> 00:14:57.381
Okay, so it's not anything like the hunger games, it's the
00:14:57.381 --> 00:14:59.583
Honor game.
00:14:59.583 --> 00:15:00.951
And in the honor game, and this is why it's so exciting, in the
00:15:00.951 --> 00:15:03.854
Honor game, you actually win by losing, but if--'cause you can
00:15:03.854 --> 00:15:09.860
Play it by yourself.
00:15:09.860 --> 00:15:11.195
But if multiple people play it, if the people in your office
00:15:11.195 --> 00:15:14.765
Began to play it, if the people in our community began to play
00:15:14.765 --> 00:15:17.968
It, if the people in your family began to play it, even if just
00:15:17.968 --> 00:15:21.171
Two people in your family began to play it, when two or more
00:15:21.171 --> 00:15:24.608
People play, everybody wins.
00:15:24.608 --> 00:15:29.480
Here's how he describes it, writing to christians in first
00:15:29.480 --> 00:15:32.182
Century rome, he says this, he says, "i want you to be devoted
00:15:32.182 --> 00:15:36.353
To one another in love."
00:15:36.353 --> 00:15:37.721
And he pauses and he thinks, "okay, that's kind of soft, it's
00:15:37.721 --> 00:15:41.058
Kind of squishy.
00:15:41.058 --> 00:15:42.393
What can i say that will appeal to the competitive nature of
00:15:42.393 --> 00:15:45.796
These jesus followers living in highly competitive rome?"
00:15:45.796 --> 00:15:50.134
So he creates a unique but compelling phrase, and here's
00:15:50.134 --> 00:15:53.904
What he dictates to be written next.
00:15:53.904 --> 00:15:55.939
He says, and i'm gonna give you the greek version because it's
00:15:55.939 --> 00:15:59.143
Very gritty.
00:15:59.143 --> 00:16:00.511
The english version is a little less gritty 'cause it kind of
00:16:00.511 --> 00:16:02.379
Softened it, but here's sort of the literal translation of what
00:16:02.379 --> 00:16:05.149
He says.
00:16:05.149 --> 00:16:06.517
He says, "giving honor one another going before."
00:16:06.517 --> 00:16:10.287
Bad grammar for us, but this had a point.
00:16:10.287 --> 00:16:12.189
This made a point.
00:16:12.189 --> 00:16:13.557
"giving honor."
00:16:13.557 --> 00:16:14.892
In other words, i want you to be devoted to one another and
00:16:14.892 --> 00:16:16.627
Here's what it looks like.
00:16:16.627 --> 00:16:17.961
I want you to give honor one another going before.
00:16:17.961 --> 00:16:20.631
And here's his point.
00:16:20.631 --> 00:16:21.999
It's so powerful.
00:16:21.999 --> 00:16:23.333
He said, he's saying, instead of be first, i want you to go first
00:16:23.333 --> 00:16:29.173
To put the other first.
00:16:29.173 --> 00:16:31.108
Instead of trying to be first, i want you to go first.
00:16:31.108 --> 00:16:34.611
I want you to win the competition.
00:16:34.611 --> 00:16:36.046
I want you to be the very first to put another person first.
00:16:36.046 --> 00:16:40.884
I want you to outhonor one another.
00:16:40.884 --> 00:16:43.954
I want you to win the competition of how quickly can
00:16:43.954 --> 00:16:47.624
You show honor to another person before they show honor to you
00:16:47.624 --> 00:16:52.062
And make it a game.
00:16:52.062 --> 00:16:53.430
Compete to be the first to put others first.
00:16:53.430 --> 00:16:55.833
Here's what an english translation says.
00:16:55.833 --> 00:16:58.268
Again, it kind of takes a little bit of the grit out.
00:16:58.268 --> 00:17:00.604
He writes, "be devoted to one another in love.
00:17:00.604 --> 00:17:03.740
Honor one another," there's our word.
00:17:03.740 --> 00:17:05.342
"honor one another above yourselves."
00:17:05.342 --> 00:17:08.178
Now, here's the question.
00:17:08.178 --> 00:17:09.646
What does that mean?
00:17:09.646 --> 00:17:11.048
What does that look like?
00:17:11.048 --> 00:17:12.416
What does it mean to honor another person above yourself?
00:17:12.416 --> 00:17:16.253
Here's what it means.
00:17:16.253 --> 00:17:17.588
It means this is a choice.
00:17:17.588 --> 00:17:19.623
He's saying, i want you to choose.
00:17:19.623 --> 00:17:22.192
It's always a choice.
00:17:22.192 --> 00:17:23.560
I want you to choose to treat other people.
00:17:23.560 --> 00:17:26.230
I want you to choose to treat the people around you as if they
00:17:26.230 --> 00:17:30.467
Deserve more honor than you do.
00:17:30.467 --> 00:17:34.905
Well, do they?
00:17:34.905 --> 00:17:36.273
Paul would say that's not the point.
00:17:36.273 --> 00:17:37.608
I'm not saying they do deserve it.
00:17:37.608 --> 00:17:38.976
I'm saying i want you to choose.
00:17:38.976 --> 00:17:41.411
It's a daily choice.
00:17:41.411 --> 00:17:42.913
I want you to choose to honor the people around you as if they
00:17:42.913 --> 00:17:46.917
Actually literally deserve more honor than you do.
00:17:46.917 --> 00:17:52.456
It's a choice.
00:17:52.456 --> 00:17:54.024
He writes another letter or dictates another letter to
00:17:54.024 --> 00:17:56.226
Christians living in philippi and he kind of doubles down on
00:17:56.226 --> 00:17:58.729
This idea.
00:17:58.729 --> 00:18:00.063
Here's how he says it there.
00:18:00.063 --> 00:18:01.431
He says, "do nothing out of selfish ambition or
00:18:01.431 --> 00:18:04.101
Vain conceit."
00:18:04.101 --> 00:18:05.469
I mean, if we just embrace this for a month, the world would
00:18:05.469 --> 00:18:08.105
Change, right?
00:18:08.105 --> 00:18:09.473
But he says, "do nothing out of selfish ambition or
00:18:09.473 --> 00:18:11.408
Vain conceit."
00:18:11.408 --> 00:18:12.743
And then here's our big idea.
00:18:12.743 --> 00:18:14.444
"rather," he says, "in humility," here it is again,
00:18:14.444 --> 00:18:17.714
Says it a different way.
00:18:17.714 --> 00:18:19.149
"value others above yourself."
00:18:19.149 --> 00:18:23.086
In other words, regard one another as more important
00:18:23.086 --> 00:18:26.623
Than yourself.
00:18:26.623 --> 00:18:27.958
Again, here's the word, consider them of greater value than
00:18:27.958 --> 00:18:32.663
You carry.
00:18:32.663 --> 00:18:34.097
Consider them and treat them as if they are worth more than you.
00:18:34.097 --> 00:18:39.002
Not because they are, it's irrelevant.
00:18:39.002 --> 00:18:42.105
This is a choice he's encouraging us to make.
00:18:42.105 --> 00:18:44.641
Treat them as if they are.
00:18:44.641 --> 00:18:46.176
And here's what i know about you.
00:18:46.176 --> 00:18:47.878
Most of us have never met, most of us have never met those of
00:18:47.878 --> 00:18:50.013
You watching online from all over the place, but here's what
00:18:50.013 --> 00:18:52.115
I know about you.
00:18:52.115 --> 00:18:54.218
You know how to do this.
00:18:54.218 --> 00:18:57.487
You don't need a lesson in how to do it.
00:18:57.487 --> 00:19:00.424
You just need to decide whether or not you're gonna do it.
00:19:00.424 --> 00:19:04.728
And here's how i know that you know how to do what paul is
00:19:04.728 --> 00:19:07.197
Telling us to do.
00:19:07.197 --> 00:19:09.199
Have you ever met someone more important than you?
00:19:09.199 --> 00:19:13.437
Now, if you say, "no," yeah, that's another sermon for
00:19:13.437 --> 00:19:17.274
Another day, okay?
00:19:17.274 --> 00:19:18.642
But i think most of us average people would go, "oh yeah, like
00:19:18.642 --> 00:19:21.478
I met a president of a company.
00:19:21.478 --> 00:19:22.813
I met world famous author.
00:19:22.813 --> 00:19:25.082
I got an autograph from somebody i respect."
00:19:25.082 --> 00:19:26.850
So, all of us would say, okay, when it comes to human, you
00:19:26.850 --> 00:19:29.886
Know, just human culture and the world around us, yeah, you've
00:19:29.886 --> 00:19:34.157
Met some people where you weren't sure what to say and you
00:19:34.157 --> 00:19:36.827
Got an autograph or you just got close to them or, you know, took
00:19:36.827 --> 00:19:39.630
A secret picture, but we all know how we feel and we all know
00:19:39.630 --> 00:19:43.867
How we behave when we meet or we are around somebody that we hold
00:19:43.867 --> 00:19:47.971
In high esteem.
00:19:47.971 --> 00:19:49.373
And here's my question for you.
00:19:49.373 --> 00:19:50.907
In those moments, even if you didn't have a conversation, but
00:19:50.907 --> 00:19:53.210
You were just around them.
00:19:53.210 --> 00:19:54.544
You know, how did you treat them?
00:19:54.544 --> 00:19:57.114
And i know the answer to the question.
00:19:57.114 --> 00:19:59.316
You treated them or responded to them like they were more
00:19:59.316 --> 00:20:03.353
Important than you.
00:20:03.353 --> 00:20:05.889
We know how to do this.
00:20:05.889 --> 00:20:07.257
You got this.
00:20:07.257 --> 00:20:08.592
You didn't interrupt, you didn't correct.
00:20:08.592 --> 00:20:11.528
If they said something they thought was funny, you
00:20:11.528 --> 00:20:13.897
Laughed, right?
00:20:13.897 --> 00:20:15.232
You didn't sit if they, you know, you didn't sit if
00:20:15.232 --> 00:20:17.567
They stood.
00:20:17.567 --> 00:20:18.902
This is a word we don't use much, you deferred to them.
00:20:18.902 --> 00:20:21.938
You honored them.
00:20:21.938 --> 00:20:25.108
You know how to do this.
00:20:25.108 --> 00:20:28.278
What if you just did that with everybody?
00:20:28.278 --> 00:20:30.947
This is paul's point.
00:20:30.947 --> 00:20:32.282
He's like, "look, i want you to treat, i want you to honor
00:20:32.282 --> 00:20:35.786
People as if they actually deserve more honor than you do.
00:20:35.786 --> 00:20:40.057
I want you to do that for everybody, not just the
00:20:40.057 --> 00:20:44.594
Famous bodies."
00:20:44.594 --> 00:20:46.930
Back to paul, again, here's what he said.
00:20:46.930 --> 00:20:49.232
"honor one another above yourselves."
00:20:49.232 --> 00:20:51.034
That is treat or value other people as if they are actually
00:20:51.034 --> 00:20:54.304
More valuable than you are.
00:20:54.304 --> 00:20:56.006
And here's the thing.
00:20:56.006 --> 00:20:57.374
You can play this game everywhere you go with everybody
00:20:57.374 --> 00:21:01.511
You meet.
00:21:01.511 --> 00:21:02.879
Imagine that.
00:21:02.879 --> 00:21:04.214
If you're approached to people at work, at home, your kids,
00:21:04.214 --> 00:21:06.783
Your spouse, your roommates, it was just, you know what?
00:21:06.783 --> 00:21:09.786
I'm gonna out honor everybody.
00:21:09.786 --> 00:21:13.724
I'm gonna win the honor game every single day with every
00:21:13.724 --> 00:21:16.927
Single person i meet.
00:21:16.927 --> 00:21:18.261
That doesn't mean you don't have hard conversations.
00:21:18.261 --> 00:21:20.330
That doesn't mean you don't address things that need to
00:21:20.330 --> 00:21:22.032
Be addressed.
00:21:22.032 --> 00:21:23.400
It means that you never dishonor anyone because if you're a jesus
00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:26.470
Follower in particular, you are invited and commanded to
00:21:26.470 --> 00:21:30.440
Actually honor people or treat them as if they have more value
00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:34.177
Than you.
00:21:34.177 --> 00:21:35.545
Now, here's the pushback.
00:21:35.545 --> 00:21:36.880
And i get this.
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:38.248
If you're thinking, okay, but andy, okay, but look, that's
00:21:38.248 --> 00:21:39.883
Cute and funny and everything, but nobody, look, andy, come on,
00:21:39.883 --> 00:21:42.686
Nobody's more actually, nobody is actually more important
00:21:42.686 --> 00:21:45.756
Than me.
00:21:45.756 --> 00:21:47.124
And nobody's actually more important or has more value.
00:21:47.124 --> 00:21:49.559
That's the word that the apostle paul uses.
00:21:49.559 --> 00:21:51.595
Nobody actually has more value than any other person.
00:21:51.595 --> 00:21:54.598
We're all made equal, we're all made equal in the sight of god,
00:21:54.598 --> 00:21:57.033
Or we're all citizens, or, you know, how--whatever your
00:21:57.033 --> 00:21:59.903
Worldview is.
00:21:59.903 --> 00:22:01.271
And let's just say for argument's sake, you're right.
00:22:01.271 --> 00:22:04.775
That's not the point.
00:22:04.775 --> 00:22:07.010
The apostle paul is saying, "i'm not saying they have more value.
00:22:07.010 --> 00:22:10.247
I want you to treat them as if they do."
00:22:10.247 --> 00:22:13.917
And then, don't tune out.
00:22:13.917 --> 00:22:16.620
Then he tells us why he would dare say such a thing.
00:22:16.620 --> 00:22:21.425
Now, real quick, if you're not a christian or not a jesus
00:22:21.425 --> 00:22:24.895
Follower or you're from a different faith tradition, i'm
00:22:24.895 --> 00:22:27.297
Gonna kinda leave you right here with what i've said so far.
00:22:27.297 --> 00:22:31.268
You should try this at home.
00:22:31.268 --> 00:22:32.803
You should try this at work.
00:22:32.803 --> 00:22:34.171
It will make your relationships better.
00:22:34.171 --> 00:22:35.705
It will make you better at life.
00:22:35.705 --> 00:22:37.040
This is an extraordinarily powerful principle.
00:22:37.040 --> 00:22:40.043
But what i'm gonna say next and look at next, the apostle paul
00:22:40.043 --> 00:22:42.846
Gives us his reason as a jesus follower, as to why all jesus
00:22:42.846 --> 00:22:47.851
Followers should do this.
00:22:47.851 --> 00:22:50.420
And what he says next takes all my excuses away not to honor
00:22:50.420 --> 00:22:56.059
Other people above myself.
00:22:56.059 --> 00:22:57.594
And if you're a christian or jesus follower, it takes all of
00:22:57.594 --> 00:23:00.997
Your excuses away as well.
00:23:00.997 --> 00:23:04.701
Here's what he says.
00:23:04.701 --> 00:23:06.903
He says, "have this attitude in yourselves which was also in
00:23:06.903 --> 00:23:12.909
Christ jesus."
00:23:12.909 --> 00:23:14.277
In other words, i want--since you're a follower of jesus, i
00:23:14.277 --> 00:23:16.880
Want you to follow and adopt the attitude or the approach, the
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:21.251
Tone or the posture of jesus.
00:23:21.251 --> 00:23:23.887
These are words we use a lot.
00:23:23.887 --> 00:23:25.255
We want the tone, the posture, and the approach to life and the
00:23:25.255 --> 00:23:28.258
Approach to relationships as jesus.
00:23:28.258 --> 00:23:30.026
And he's like, yeah, paul's like, as a follower of jesus, i
00:23:30.026 --> 00:23:32.729
Want you to have his attitude.
00:23:32.729 --> 00:23:34.798
And what was his attitude?
00:23:34.798 --> 00:23:36.166
Paul's about to tell us.
00:23:36.166 --> 00:23:37.501
He treated people as if they were more important than he was.
00:23:37.501 --> 00:23:41.104
And they weren't.
00:23:41.104 --> 00:23:43.306
They literally were not more important than him.
00:23:43.306 --> 00:23:46.176
He's god in a body.
00:23:46.176 --> 00:23:48.044
After the crucifixion and the resurrection it's like
00:23:48.044 --> 00:23:50.547
There--after the resurrection, jewish men and women worshiped
00:23:50.547 --> 00:23:56.019
Him, which was unheard of.
00:23:56.019 --> 00:23:58.288
You don't worship people.
00:23:58.288 --> 00:23:59.656
Even the romans didn't worship living people, you know,
00:23:59.656 --> 00:24:01.925
Worshiped dead people, but nobody worshiped living people.
00:24:01.925 --> 00:24:05.095
Jewish people, they didn't worship living people.
00:24:05.095 --> 00:24:06.963
They worshiped jesus because they realized he is god in
00:24:06.963 --> 00:24:09.900
A body.
00:24:09.900 --> 00:24:11.234
He is the word of god who's come to earth.
00:24:11.234 --> 00:24:12.602
They worshiped him.
00:24:12.602 --> 00:24:13.937
He's definitely more valuable and more important than
00:24:13.937 --> 00:24:15.906
They are.
00:24:15.906 --> 00:24:17.240
And yet in his life, follow him through the gospels, he treated
00:24:17.240 --> 00:24:21.378
People as if they had as much or more value as he did.
00:24:21.378 --> 00:24:28.485
Listen to what he says.
00:24:28.485 --> 00:24:30.554
"have the same attitude as in yourself as christ jesus, who,"
00:24:30.554 --> 00:24:33.490
Talking about jesus, "who being in very nature god," he's god in
00:24:33.490 --> 00:24:37.027
The body.
00:24:37.027 --> 00:24:38.395
This is amazing.
00:24:38.395 --> 00:24:39.729
Paul says, "jesus did not consider equality with god
00:24:39.729 --> 00:24:43.533
Something to be used to his own advantage."
00:24:43.533 --> 00:24:48.238
He never played the god card.
00:24:48.238 --> 00:24:52.242
"folks, i'm here.
00:24:52.242 --> 00:24:53.610
My name's jesus.
00:24:53.610 --> 00:24:54.945
I'm god.
00:24:54.945 --> 00:24:56.313
Okay, so we'd like to sit right over there.
00:24:56.313 --> 00:24:57.647
And if you guys could move or maybe i'll just move you," you
00:24:57.647 --> 00:24:59.382
Know, he just, he never, again, i know i'm sure that he
00:24:59.382 --> 00:25:02.619
Leveraged his power and his authority for the benefit of
00:25:02.619 --> 00:25:06.122
Other people.
00:25:06.122 --> 00:25:07.457
He treated other people as if they were more important than he
00:25:07.457 --> 00:25:10.527
Was and they weren't.
00:25:10.527 --> 00:25:11.861
And paul said, "if you're gonna follow jesus, this is what it
00:25:11.861 --> 00:25:14.397
Looks like.
00:25:14.397 --> 00:25:15.765
This is what the kingdom of god looks like.
00:25:15.765 --> 00:25:17.100
It's the inverted pyramids.
00:25:17.100 --> 00:25:18.635
It's not about people on top who are sucking all the life and
00:25:18.635 --> 00:25:21.137
Resources this way.
00:25:21.137 --> 00:25:22.505
It's about people with life and resources and opportunity
00:25:22.505 --> 00:25:24.975
Sharing those life, sharing life, and sharing resources and
00:25:24.975 --> 00:25:28.244
Sharing opportunities with people who don't have them as if
00:25:28.244 --> 00:25:31.114
They were more important than the people who do."
00:25:31.114 --> 00:25:33.450
He says, "this is the kingdom of god and it started with
00:25:33.450 --> 00:25:36.252
Your king."
00:25:36.252 --> 00:25:37.621
Not only did he not use his power to his own advantage, he
00:25:37.621 --> 00:25:40.690
Says, "he made himself a nobody."
00:25:40.690 --> 00:25:43.226
He made himself nothing.
00:25:43.226 --> 00:25:45.729
And this is the point.
00:25:45.729 --> 00:25:47.564
This is the game.
00:25:47.564 --> 00:25:49.199
Jesus chose to treat others as if they were more important than
00:25:49.199 --> 00:25:52.202
He was.
00:25:52.202 --> 00:25:53.570
And were they?
00:25:53.570 --> 00:25:55.171
No, but he treated them as if they were.
00:25:55.171 --> 00:25:58.775
And do you know what else he did?
00:25:58.775 --> 00:26:00.543
This is the gospel.
00:26:00.543 --> 00:26:02.812
He treated you as if you were more important than him.
00:26:02.812 --> 00:26:06.616
He treated me as if i was more important than him because he
00:26:06.616 --> 00:26:10.253
Took my sin and he took your sin on himself and died in public as
00:26:10.253 --> 00:26:17.627
A slave and as a traitor to his nation and the empire.
00:26:17.627 --> 00:26:23.466
And he wasn't.
00:26:23.466 --> 00:26:25.602
And if our king did that for us, we lose all of our excuse not to
00:26:25.602 --> 00:26:29.973
Do that for each other.
00:26:29.973 --> 00:26:32.709
If you're not a jesus follower, it's optional and it will make
00:26:32.709 --> 00:26:35.578
Your life better.
00:26:35.578 --> 00:26:36.946
If you're a jesus follower, we have no excuse not to.
00:26:36.946 --> 00:26:40.784
He says, "he made himself nothing, made himself nothing by
00:26:40.784 --> 00:26:43.687
Taking the very nature and the form of a servant."
00:26:43.687 --> 00:26:47.123
Which means, you know what servants do?
00:26:47.123 --> 00:26:49.993
They step back, they let you go first.
00:26:49.993 --> 00:26:52.996
Servant to who?
00:26:52.996 --> 00:26:54.664
Servant to you, servant to me.
00:26:54.664 --> 00:26:57.467
And then jesus says to me every day, "andy, i want you to follow
00:26:57.467 --> 00:26:59.869
My example.
00:26:59.869 --> 00:27:01.204
I want you to play the honor game.
00:27:01.204 --> 00:27:02.572
I want you to outhonor, i want you to just outhonor everybody.
00:27:02.572 --> 00:27:05.241
I want you to show more honor to sandra than she shows to you.
00:27:05.241 --> 00:27:08.044
I want you to show more honor to the people you work with than
00:27:08.044 --> 00:27:11.715
They show to you.
00:27:11.715 --> 00:27:13.083
I want you to outhonor the people in the community.
00:27:13.083 --> 00:27:15.251
I want you to be aggressively, competitively honoring
00:27:15.251 --> 00:27:19.756
Other people.
00:27:19.756 --> 00:27:21.491
Not to get attention and not to get a pat on the back so that
00:27:21.491 --> 00:27:24.561
They feel," ready for this?
00:27:24.561 --> 00:27:26.930
"so that they feel the honor that god has bestowed on them as
00:27:26.930 --> 00:27:32.335
One of his children whom he dearly loves."
00:27:32.335 --> 00:27:38.475
In other words, pull up to the table and play the honor game.
00:27:38.475 --> 00:27:44.748
When everybody plays, everybody wins.
00:27:44.748 --> 00:27:49.853
Andy: hey everybody, thank you so much for tuning in.
00:27:49.919 --> 00:27:51.955
If you'd like to watch this episode again or share it with a
00:27:51.955 --> 00:27:54.791
Friend, head on over to the website at the bottom of
00:27:54.791 --> 00:27:56.893
The screen.
00:27:56.893 --> 00:27:58.261
The website is the best place for you to find other your move
00:27:58.261 --> 00:28:00.864
Episodes, access additional resources, and learn more about
00:28:00.864 --> 00:28:03.967
Our mission to engage culture with the teaching of jesus
00:28:03.967 --> 00:28:07.270
Because we're convinced following jesus will make your
00:28:07.270 --> 00:28:09.906
Life better and make the world a better place,
00:28:09.906 --> 00:28:12.575
And now it's your move.
00:28:12.575 --> 00:28:21.885
...
00:28:25.121 --> 00:28:25.121

Andy Stanley - The Games We Play

January 31, 2026 | 28:29

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