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Your Move with Andy Stanley

Andy Stanley - Mean People (Part 1)

May 29, 2026 | 28:29

Andy Stanley - Mean People (Part 1)
Your Move with Andy Stanley — to help people make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.
#Peopleinyourlife #Bullying #Relationships #LoveyourNeighbor #Hatred #Hurting #Offense #Respect #Favor #PromisesofGod #HandofGod #Protection #Provision #Help #Goodness #Evil #Kindness #AndyStanley

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Your Move with Andy Stanley | Andy Stanley - Mean People (Part 1) | May 29, 2026
  • ...
  • 00:00:00.633 --> 00:00:00.351
  • Andy stanley: hi, everybody, welcome to "your move" where we
  • 00:00:00.852 --> 00:00:02.087
  • Help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.
  • 00:00:02.220 --> 00:00:04.389
  • I'm andy stanley, and i'll be your guide.
  • 00:00:04.522 --> 00:00:06.224
  • And today, we're talkin' about those people.
  • 00:00:06.324 --> 00:00:08.760
  • We try to avoid 'em, we don't always know what to do with 'em,
  • 00:00:08.860 --> 00:00:11.329
  • And we try real hard not to become like them.
  • 00:00:11.429 --> 00:00:13.998
  • That's right, today we are talking about mean people and
  • 00:00:14.132 --> 00:00:16.734
  • What to do about 'em.
  • 00:00:16.868 --> 00:00:18.069
  • So, you know any mean people?
  • 00:00:18.203 --> 00:00:19.437
  • Stick around.
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  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:00:20.772 --> 00:00:25.877
  • Andy: so, today is part one of a two-part series entitled "mean
  • 00:00:25.877 --> 00:00:30.281
  • People and what to do about them."
  • 00:00:30.281 --> 00:00:32.417
  • "mean people and what to do about them."
  • 00:00:32.417 --> 00:00:34.185
  • I thought about entitling this series bad people and what to do
  • 00:00:34.185 --> 00:00:39.124
  • About them, but you know, we hesitate to call anybody bad.
  • 00:00:39.124 --> 00:00:41.726
  • We say things like this, "well, you know, he's really not a
  • 00:00:41.726 --> 00:00:44.796
  • Bad person."
  • 00:00:44.796 --> 00:00:46.264
  • Isn't this what we say?
  • 00:00:46.264 --> 00:00:47.599
  • He's really not a bad person, he just does bad things, like,
  • 00:00:47.599 --> 00:00:50.835
  • A lot.
  • 00:00:50.835 --> 00:00:52.170
  • Which i think that's what it means to be a bad person, but
  • 00:00:52.170 --> 00:00:54.005
  • So, we're not gonna do bad person, we're gonna do
  • 00:00:54.005 --> 00:00:55.373
  • Mean person.
  • 00:00:55.373 --> 00:00:56.708
  • We're gonna stick with mean people.
  • 00:00:56.708 --> 00:00:58.076
  • Mean people, and specifically what should we do about the mean
  • 00:00:58.076 --> 00:01:00.378
  • People in our lives?
  • 00:01:00.378 --> 00:01:01.713
  • And by mean, i mean, mean, these are the unpleasant people, these
  • 00:01:01.713 --> 00:01:06.251
  • Are the deceptive people, these are the people that control us
  • 00:01:06.251 --> 00:01:09.454
  • With time, or money, or with our children.
  • 00:01:09.454 --> 00:01:12.724
  • These are the users.
  • 00:01:12.724 --> 00:01:14.058
  • They're just unkind.
  • 00:01:14.058 --> 00:01:15.593
  • It may be that person that when you see them coming, you just
  • 00:01:15.593 --> 00:01:18.363
  • Don't want to interact with 'em, because, well, they're
  • 00:01:18.363 --> 00:01:20.965
  • Just--there's just no other way to say it, they're just mean.
  • 00:01:20.965 --> 00:01:23.902
  • And to be clear, this isn't to say that we're not often mean.
  • 00:01:23.902 --> 00:01:28.373
  • I mean, all of us have been mean at some point.
  • 00:01:28.373 --> 00:01:30.341
  • In fact, there's somebody maybe who's gonna see or hear this
  • 00:01:30.341 --> 00:01:32.544
  • Message and unfortunately we're gonna come to mind.
  • 00:01:32.544 --> 00:01:35.079
  • But generally, what we talk about when we're together is how
  • 00:01:35.079 --> 00:01:38.650
  • To live a life in such a way, and to live our lives in such a
  • 00:01:38.650 --> 00:01:41.152
  • Way that we're not the mean people.
  • 00:01:41.152 --> 00:01:43.087
  • So, we're not discounting the fact that from time to time, we
  • 00:01:43.087 --> 00:01:45.390
  • Can be mean, and certainly have the potential to be perhaps as
  • 00:01:45.390 --> 00:01:48.860
  • Mean as the meanest person we've ever met, but these two messages
  • 00:01:48.860 --> 00:01:52.530
  • Are gonna focus on how to respond to and how to react to
  • 00:01:52.530 --> 00:01:55.633
  • The mean people in our lives.
  • 00:01:55.633 --> 00:01:57.969
  • Now, the reason this is so important is this.
  • 00:01:57.969 --> 00:02:01.339
  • Is if you don't have a plan, and if i don't have a plan, if we're
  • 00:02:01.339 --> 00:02:05.310
  • Not prepared, and honestly, as we're gonna see, if we're not
  • 00:02:05.310 --> 00:02:08.379
  • Somewhat proactive, here's what happens, and we've all
  • 00:02:08.379 --> 00:02:11.549
  • Experienced this.
  • 00:02:11.549 --> 00:02:12.917
  • The mean people in our lives, ultimately they gain a measure
  • 00:02:12.917 --> 00:02:17.288
  • Of control over our lives, and before we know it, we're
  • 00:02:17.288 --> 00:02:21.593
  • Actually acting like they do, and it feels in the moment as if
  • 00:02:21.593 --> 00:02:25.463
  • We have no choice.
  • 00:02:25.463 --> 00:02:27.198
  • In fact, if somebody were to hear your story, or when you
  • 00:02:27.198 --> 00:02:29.300
  • Tell your story and you talk about how you've reacted to or
  • 00:02:29.300 --> 00:02:32.370
  • Responded to the person that you know is mean to you, the person
  • 00:02:32.370 --> 00:02:36.007
  • That hears your story's like, "well, who could blame you?"
  • 00:02:36.007 --> 00:02:37.775
  • It's almost like you have no choice.
  • 00:02:37.775 --> 00:02:39.744
  • And the reason it feels like we have no choice is this, that
  • 00:02:39.744 --> 00:02:42.380
  • Mean people, and we don't think in these terms when we're in the
  • 00:02:42.380 --> 00:02:45.350
  • Relationship, but mean people, without even meaning to, they
  • 00:02:45.350 --> 00:02:48.920
  • Just keep us off balance.
  • 00:02:48.920 --> 00:02:50.855
  • We're just always off balance.
  • 00:02:50.855 --> 00:02:52.290
  • We don't know what we're walking into.
  • 00:02:52.290 --> 00:02:54.492
  • We don't know how to respond.
  • 00:02:54.492 --> 00:02:55.827
  • They kinda lean left and we kind of lean right, because when
  • 00:02:55.827 --> 00:02:58.663
  • We're off balance, what happens?
  • 00:02:58.663 --> 00:03:00.265
  • We're forced to compensate.
  • 00:03:00.265 --> 00:03:02.133
  • This is why, in these relationships, you feel like
  • 00:03:02.133 --> 00:03:06.004
  • You're not even yourself.
  • 00:03:06.004 --> 00:03:07.438
  • In fact, somebody may have said to you, you know, when you're
  • 00:03:07.438 --> 00:03:09.207
  • Around him, when you're around her, when you're together, i
  • 00:03:09.207 --> 00:03:12.677
  • Feel like you're not even yourself, why?
  • 00:03:12.677 --> 00:03:15.079
  • Because well, when we're around these kinds of people, we are
  • 00:03:15.079 --> 00:03:17.882
  • Forced to compensate.
  • 00:03:17.882 --> 00:03:19.517
  • If somebody walks up and pushes you off balance, everything in
  • 00:03:19.517 --> 00:03:22.720
  • You, you compensate to regain your balance.
  • 00:03:22.720 --> 00:03:25.823
  • But the problem with a mean person is it is impossible, it
  • 00:03:25.823 --> 00:03:29.460
  • Is virtually impossible to maintain and keep your balance.
  • 00:03:29.460 --> 00:03:33.865
  • I'll give you a quick illustration that actually is a
  • 00:03:33.865 --> 00:03:37.168
  • Long illustration i'm gonna try to keep short.
  • 00:03:37.168 --> 00:03:39.003
  • When my mom, who died when she was 82, when my mom was in her
  • 00:03:39.003 --> 00:03:42.740
  • Late 30s, she met a young woman in her late 20s that she helped
  • 00:03:42.740 --> 00:03:46.844
  • Out, and they became lifelong friends.
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  • Her name is alice.
  • 00:03:49.147 --> 00:03:50.481
  • And alice actually used to stay with my sister and me when my
  • 00:03:50.481 --> 00:03:54.052
  • Parents would go out of town.
  • 00:03:54.052 --> 00:03:55.420
  • So, i've known alice basically my whole life.
  • 00:03:55.420 --> 00:03:57.255
  • So, then when my mom was in her '70s and basically she couldn't
  • 00:03:57.255 --> 00:04:01.059
  • Drive anymore, and she really had needed some help at home,
  • 00:04:01.059 --> 00:04:04.295
  • Alice would actually drive 45 minutes from her home.
  • 00:04:04.295 --> 00:04:07.198
  • Now, alice is in her late '60s, she would drive from her home 45
  • 00:04:07.198 --> 00:04:10.668
  • Minutes to my mom's home every single week to go through my
  • 00:04:10.668 --> 00:04:13.905
  • Mom's mail, pay my mom's bills, balance my mom's checkbook, and
  • 00:04:13.905 --> 00:04:18.209
  • Just answer any questions, and just spend time with my mom.
  • 00:04:18.209 --> 00:04:20.745
  • Which i was so grateful for.
  • 00:04:20.745 --> 00:04:22.113
  • So, my mom invested in her, now she's investing in my mom.
  • 00:04:22.113 --> 00:04:25.550
  • And again, it took so much pressure off of me, so
  • 00:04:25.550 --> 00:04:27.885
  • Extraordinarily grateful.
  • 00:04:27.885 --> 00:04:29.220
  • So, as my mom neared the end of her life, and as she was, you
  • 00:04:29.220 --> 00:04:33.124
  • Know, less and less able to take care of herself, alice began to
  • 00:04:33.124 --> 00:04:36.561
  • Lose her sight, and before long, she couldn't drive any longer,
  • 00:04:36.561 --> 00:04:40.698
  • And she was basically a shut-in in her own home.
  • 00:04:40.698 --> 00:04:43.968
  • And then sandra, my wife, began doing for alice what alice had
  • 00:04:43.968 --> 00:04:48.639
  • Done for my mom.
  • 00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:49.974
  • So, as time goes by, it becomes clear to us that alice can't
  • 00:04:49.974 --> 00:04:53.211
  • Stay in her house any longer, because technically she was
  • 00:04:53.211 --> 00:04:56.047
  • Living alone, we'll come back to that in just a minute.
  • 00:04:56.047 --> 00:04:58.683
  • And so, sandra convinced alice that she needed to move to
  • 00:04:58.683 --> 00:05:02.286
  • Assisted living.
  • 00:05:02.286 --> 00:05:03.654
  • Now, if any one here has ever moved a parent, or a spouse's
  • 00:05:03.654 --> 00:05:07.358
  • Parent to assisted living, it is so complicated.
  • 00:05:07.358 --> 00:05:10.194
  • But it's even more complicated when we're trying to move
  • 00:05:10.194 --> 00:05:12.563
  • Somebody who is not a family member.
  • 00:05:12.563 --> 00:05:14.632
  • So, sandra got an attorney, she became alice's official legal
  • 00:05:14.632 --> 00:05:18.770
  • Power of attorney, and then she got another friend of alice's to
  • 00:05:18.770 --> 00:05:22.240
  • Become alice's medical power of attorney.
  • 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:26.244
  • So, there's kinda team alice.
  • 00:05:26.244 --> 00:05:27.578
  • The goal was to get her in assisted living.
  • 00:05:27.578 --> 00:05:29.781
  • In fact, sandra found a place two miles from our house,
  • 00:05:29.781 --> 00:05:32.116
  • Because we're committed alice for the rest of her life.
  • 00:05:32.116 --> 00:05:34.252
  • Well anyway, about eight or nine months before that process
  • 00:05:34.252 --> 00:05:37.321
  • Began, an old friend of alice's showed up at her front door, a
  • 00:05:37.321 --> 00:05:41.459
  • Gentleman in his late '60s, keeping all this straight?
  • 00:05:41.459 --> 00:05:44.395
  • And he said, "alice, i'm destitute.
  • 00:05:44.395 --> 00:05:47.598
  • I don't have a place to live.
  • 00:05:47.598 --> 00:05:48.966
  • I've been living in my car.
  • 00:05:48.966 --> 00:05:51.135
  • It's getting cold.
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  • Would it be okay if i moved in with you for just a few months?"
  • 00:05:52.503 --> 00:05:56.073
  • Now, alice had been warned, and later we were warned, that this
  • 00:05:56.073 --> 00:05:59.610
  • Guy's name is roger, that if you let roger move in, you're gonna
  • 00:05:59.610 --> 00:06:04.015
  • Have a difficult time getting roger to move out.
  • 00:06:04.015 --> 00:06:06.584
  • But she allowed him to move into one of her spare bedrooms, and
  • 00:06:06.584 --> 00:06:09.787
  • Actually, honestly, he was pretty helpful, because he could
  • 00:06:09.787 --> 00:06:12.690
  • Drive, and he could take her to her doctor's visits, he would
  • 00:06:12.690 --> 00:06:16.027
  • Bring us the mail sometimes.
  • 00:06:16.027 --> 00:06:17.428
  • He seemed like the nicest guy, and i couldn't imagine this was
  • 00:06:17.428 --> 00:06:20.398
  • Gonna be a problem.
  • 00:06:20.398 --> 00:06:21.732
  • Besides, he knew we were going to sell her house, and so, if we
  • 00:06:21.732 --> 00:06:23.801
  • Sell her house, he'll probably have to move out by that
  • 00:06:23.801 --> 00:06:26.871
  • Point, right?
  • 00:06:26.871 --> 00:06:28.206
  • So, i felt like there was kind of a built in deadline,
  • 00:06:28.206 --> 00:06:29.807
  • This wouldn't be a problem.
  • 00:06:29.807 --> 00:06:31.142
  • And so, we finally get alice moved to this assisted living
  • 00:06:31.142 --> 00:06:34.812
  • Place close to us that was, you know, an event.
  • 00:06:34.812 --> 00:06:37.582
  • We get the house cleaned out, we do this big garage sale, sandra
  • 00:06:37.582 --> 00:06:41.185
  • Put signs out that the house is gonna go up for sale, and you
  • 00:06:41.185 --> 00:06:43.788
  • Know, the real estate market right now was so hot, so she
  • 00:06:43.788 --> 00:06:46.290
  • Starts gettin' calls.
  • 00:06:46.290 --> 00:06:47.625
  • So now, she's got to show the house, but now the house is
  • 00:06:47.625 --> 00:06:50.361
  • Completely empty.
  • 00:06:50.361 --> 00:06:51.696
  • I mean, she sold everything, and then threw everything else away.
  • 00:06:51.696 --> 00:06:54.465
  • Just a mammoth task if you've ever done that for someone.
  • 00:06:54.465 --> 00:06:58.503
  • And so, sandra is riding point on this whole process, and then
  • 00:06:58.503 --> 00:07:03.140
  • We gotta show the house.
  • 00:07:03.140 --> 00:07:04.475
  • But the problem is, there's, you know, come see this house, it's
  • 00:07:04.475 --> 00:07:06.344
  • Completely empty, except, oh, yeah, don't go in that bedroom,
  • 00:07:06.344 --> 00:07:08.546
  • There's an air mattress with some clothes in a closet and a
  • 00:07:08.546 --> 00:07:11.315
  • Computer on the floor.
  • 00:07:11.315 --> 00:07:12.650
  • You know, don't mind the guy camping out in the house.
  • 00:07:12.650 --> 00:07:14.185
  • So, you know, it's gonna be kinda hard to show this
  • 00:07:14.185 --> 00:07:15.987
  • House, right?
  • 00:07:15.987 --> 00:07:17.321
  • Well, so she starts showing the house, and so, we're like,
  • 00:07:17.321 --> 00:07:20.124
  • Roger, okay, thank you, you gotta go.
  • 00:07:20.124 --> 00:07:22.627
  • And he just ignores us.
  • 00:07:22.627 --> 00:07:23.995
  • So, sandra gives him a deadline, you know, gives him three weeks
  • 00:07:23.995 --> 00:07:26.430
  • By this date, he agreed that hey, on that monday, i'll
  • 00:07:26.430 --> 00:07:29.500
  • Be gone.
  • 00:07:29.500 --> 00:07:30.868
  • Monday comes, monday goes, he's still there, and it becomes
  • 00:07:30.868 --> 00:07:33.604
  • Apparent he's not moving out.
  • 00:07:33.604 --> 00:07:38.609
  • So, we sat on the couch late one afternoon, sandra calls roger, i
  • 00:07:38.609 --> 00:07:43.247
  • Said put it on speakerphone, and of course i'm trying not to get
  • 00:07:43.247 --> 00:07:47.919
  • Involved, because sandra, throughout the process, has
  • 00:07:47.919 --> 00:07:49.654
  • Said, andy, you cannot get involved, because i wanted to
  • 00:07:49.654 --> 00:07:52.723
  • Get involved, and i only had one tool.
  • 00:07:52.723 --> 00:07:55.793
  • You know, i wanna use my tool.
  • 00:07:55.793 --> 00:07:57.261
  • And she's like, you can't use your tool.
  • 00:07:57.261 --> 00:07:58.696
  • So, they have this conversation, speakerphone, and he is so rude.
  • 00:07:58.696 --> 00:08:04.769
  • To say i've never heard anyone speak to my wife this way.
  • 00:08:04.769 --> 00:08:07.939
  • I was so angry, and she's kinda leaning this way, and i'm
  • 00:08:07.939 --> 00:08:10.841
  • Reaching for the phone, i just want to take the phone and
  • 00:08:10.841 --> 00:08:13.177
  • Say--and she's like, no, no, no, no, and he's saying i'm going to
  • 00:08:13.177 --> 00:08:16.347
  • Sue you, you can't kick me out, the law doesn't allow you to
  • 00:08:16.347 --> 00:08:19.383
  • Kick out a renter.
  • 00:08:19.383 --> 00:08:20.751
  • I'm like, renter?
  • 00:08:20.751 --> 00:08:22.753
  • That assumes rent.
  • 00:08:22.753 --> 00:08:24.088
  • I mean, there's not--this guy's paid nothing.
  • 00:08:24.088 --> 00:08:26.023
  • He's taken advantage of an 80-year-old woman and we're
  • 00:08:26.023 --> 00:08:28.092
  • Tryin' to close her house so we can put money in the bank,
  • 00:08:28.092 --> 00:08:30.061
  • Because there's a monthly gap between her pension and her
  • 00:08:30.061 --> 00:08:32.196
  • Social security to stay in this assisted living place.
  • 00:08:32.196 --> 00:08:35.132
  • And he is so rude to sandra.
  • 00:08:35.132 --> 00:08:38.769
  • Okay, how do you think we responded to all this?
  • 00:08:38.769 --> 00:08:43.774
  • I mean, what's our response?
  • 00:08:43.774 --> 00:08:45.142
  • Well, you can imagine, because you can imagine your response.
  • 00:08:45.142 --> 00:08:47.111
  • You know what we did?
  • 00:08:47.111 --> 00:08:48.479
  • And this is kind of embarrassing, and i'm not even
  • 00:08:48.479 --> 00:08:49.814
  • Gonna give you the details it's so embarrassing.
  • 00:08:49.814 --> 00:08:51.315
  • We sat around day after day, night after night, coming up
  • 00:08:51.315 --> 00:08:54.118
  • With the most devious, manipulative ways you can
  • 00:08:54.118 --> 00:08:57.455
  • Imagine to get roger out of the house.
  • 00:08:57.455 --> 00:08:59.957
  • I'm telling you, there are times when we just listened to each
  • 00:08:59.957 --> 00:09:02.927
  • Other and think, "who are we?
  • 00:09:02.927 --> 00:09:04.295
  • Who have we become?"
  • 00:09:04.295 --> 00:09:05.630
  • But we realized what was happening.
  • 00:09:05.630 --> 00:09:08.132
  • We're starting to become like roger.
  • 00:09:08.132 --> 00:09:10.034
  • We're becoming like him, we don't even like him.
  • 00:09:10.034 --> 00:09:11.936
  • It was all we talked about to the point, honestly, it was as
  • 00:09:11.936 --> 00:09:15.373
  • If roger had moved in with us, because it so focused our
  • 00:09:15.373 --> 00:09:20.111
  • Attention every single day.
  • 00:09:20.111 --> 00:09:21.846
  • How do we get roger out of the house before this close?
  • 00:09:21.846 --> 00:09:24.815
  • And we couldn't even believe somebody would give us a
  • 00:09:24.815 --> 00:09:26.517
  • Contract, or give alice a contract on the house, because
  • 00:09:26.517 --> 00:09:29.286
  • They'd never seen the house empty, because there's a guy
  • 00:09:29.286 --> 00:09:31.188
  • Camping out in one of the bedrooms.
  • 00:09:31.188 --> 00:09:33.357
  • Now, in part two, i'm gonna come back and tell you how that
  • 00:09:33.357 --> 00:09:37.695
  • Story resolved.
  • 00:09:37.695 --> 00:09:39.063
  • So yeah, i know, ok, ok, sorry to do that.
  • 00:09:39.063 --> 00:09:41.432
  • But the point is simply this, and you know this, it is so
  • 00:09:41.432 --> 00:09:45.436
  • Difficult, it is so difficult to be good to people who just
  • 00:09:45.436 --> 00:09:48.906
  • Aren't good, right?
  • 00:09:48.906 --> 00:09:51.809
  • No matter what kind of faith you have, in the moment, it is so
  • 00:09:51.809 --> 00:09:55.046
  • Difficult to be kind to people who just seems like in their
  • 00:09:55.046 --> 00:09:58.649
  • Heart, they're just unkind or sensitive to people who
  • 00:09:58.649 --> 00:10:01.118
  • Are insensitive.
  • 00:10:01.118 --> 00:10:02.453
  • The golden rule, it just doesn't seem to apply.
  • 00:10:02.453 --> 00:10:04.655
  • You know the golden rule, do unto others as you would have
  • 00:10:04.655 --> 00:10:06.590
  • Others, what does it?
  • 00:10:06.590 --> 00:10:07.958
  • Do, yeah, do unto you.
  • 00:10:07.958 --> 00:10:09.760
  • And this is great, until somebody mistreats you, and it's
  • 00:10:09.760 --> 00:10:14.065
  • Great until somebody mistreats me, or mistreats somebody that
  • 00:10:14.065 --> 00:10:17.001
  • I love.
  • 00:10:17.001 --> 00:10:18.369
  • And for me, in this particular story, it's a double-edged
  • 00:10:18.369 --> 00:10:21.405
  • Sword, because i loved alice, and i wanted us to help alice,
  • 00:10:21.405 --> 00:10:25.476
  • But i was watching my wife be mistreated at the same time, and
  • 00:10:25.476 --> 00:10:28.412
  • I'm supposed to do unto roger as i would have roger do unto me?
  • 00:10:28.412 --> 00:10:31.882
  • And suddenly, the golden rule is out the window.
  • 00:10:31.882 --> 00:10:34.051
  • Now it's the iron rule.
  • 00:10:34.051 --> 00:10:35.720
  • I just made this up, but you understand the iron rule.
  • 00:10:35.720 --> 00:10:38.355
  • It's do unto others as they have done unto you, right?
  • 00:10:38.355 --> 00:10:41.692
  • And this doesn't only feel natural, it doesn't just feel
  • 00:10:41.692 --> 00:10:45.196
  • Natural to treat people the way they've treated us, in the
  • 00:10:45.196 --> 00:10:48.099
  • Moment, it just seems right.
  • 00:10:48.099 --> 00:10:50.000
  • It just seems fair.
  • 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:51.368
  • And in fact, if i were to go into detail about some of these
  • 00:10:51.368 --> 00:10:53.804
  • Crazy ideas we had to get roger out of the house, after hearing
  • 00:10:53.804 --> 00:10:56.874
  • Just the part of the story i've told you, you'd be like, well,
  • 00:10:56.874 --> 00:10:59.376
  • Yeah, i mean, why wouldn't you do all that?
  • 00:10:59.376 --> 00:11:03.247
  • It just seems right, it seems fair, it seems just, it
  • 00:11:03.247 --> 00:11:05.950
  • Seems even.
  • 00:11:05.950 --> 00:11:09.220
  • And then, there's this, and maybe this is a little close to
  • 00:11:09.220 --> 00:11:13.390
  • Home, because maybe this is maybe part of your story, or
  • 00:11:13.390 --> 00:11:16.861
  • Maybe part of your story growing up, or maybe it's part of the
  • 00:11:16.861 --> 00:11:19.396
  • Story of your first marriage.
  • 00:11:19.396 --> 00:11:21.499
  • When we're mistreated in a relationship, and we feel
  • 00:11:21.499 --> 00:11:25.136
  • Powerless to do anything about it, again, we're off balance, we
  • 00:11:25.136 --> 00:11:29.006
  • Compensate, but sometimes we compensate not in the
  • 00:11:29.006 --> 00:11:32.276
  • Relationship with the person that threw us off balance,
  • 00:11:32.276 --> 00:11:34.378
  • You've seen this happen, we compensate in
  • 00:11:34.378 --> 00:11:36.447
  • Another relationship.
  • 00:11:36.447 --> 00:11:37.782
  • We compensate somewhere or with somebody else.
  • 00:11:37.782 --> 00:11:40.584
  • I'll take it out on you because i can't take it out on him.
  • 00:11:40.584 --> 00:11:45.589
  • I can't take it out on her.
  • 00:11:45.589 --> 00:11:46.957
  • I can't get back at them.
  • 00:11:46.957 --> 00:11:48.893
  • I can't go back into the office and take it out on the people
  • 00:11:48.893 --> 00:11:51.896
  • That mistreated me at work, but i've got all this energy, i'm
  • 00:11:51.896 --> 00:11:54.532
  • Off balance, and then it's do unto others, it's do unto others
  • 00:11:54.532 --> 00:11:58.536
  • As someone else has done unto you.
  • 00:11:58.536 --> 00:12:01.038
  • So, round, and round, and round it goes.
  • 00:12:01.038 --> 00:12:02.506
  • And you know what?
  • 00:12:02.506 --> 00:12:03.874
  • We've all been there at some level.
  • 00:12:03.874 --> 00:12:05.209
  • Maybe not a big level, but at some level, we've all been a
  • 00:12:05.209 --> 00:12:08.813
  • Part of this dynamic.
  • 00:12:08.813 --> 00:12:10.414
  • So here's the question.
  • 00:12:10.414 --> 00:12:11.749
  • Here's what we're talkin' about.
  • 00:12:11.749 --> 00:12:13.083
  • What do we do?
  • 00:12:13.083 --> 00:12:14.451
  • What do you do about the mean people?
  • 00:12:14.451 --> 00:12:17.221
  • Maybe it was your ex.
  • 00:12:17.221 --> 00:12:18.589
  • Maybe it's a neighbor.
  • 00:12:18.589 --> 00:12:19.924
  • Maybe it's a boss, a sister, or sister-in-law, and there's just
  • 00:12:19.924 --> 00:12:23.494
  • No way to extricate yourself from the relationship because of
  • 00:12:23.494 --> 00:12:26.397
  • The nature of the relationship but they're just mean.
  • 00:12:26.397 --> 00:12:29.934
  • And it's fun, i'll admit it, it's fun to daydream about
  • 00:12:29.934 --> 00:12:34.171
  • Getting even.
  • 00:12:34.171 --> 00:12:35.506
  • But the problem of course is, and you know this, is that
  • 00:12:35.506 --> 00:12:38.075
  • Getting even makes us even.
  • 00:12:38.075 --> 00:12:41.445
  • Getting even makes us even with someone that we don't even like.
  • 00:12:41.445 --> 00:12:44.748
  • It makes us like someone that we dislike, so what do we do?
  • 00:12:44.748 --> 00:12:49.320
  • You can't ignore them, right?
  • 00:12:49.320 --> 00:12:50.721
  • That's impossible, and if you ignore them, you know what they
  • 00:12:50.721 --> 00:12:52.456
  • Do, right?
  • 00:12:52.456 --> 00:12:53.824
  • They just keep chipping away, chipping away, chipping away,
  • 00:12:53.824 --> 00:12:55.192
  • And eventually we break, and we react, and then it's like we've
  • 00:12:55.192 --> 00:12:58.963
  • Given them even more power over us.
  • 00:12:58.963 --> 00:13:01.999
  • So, ignoring them isn't the way forward, and getting even isn't
  • 00:13:01.999 --> 00:13:05.502
  • The way forward.
  • 00:13:05.502 --> 00:13:06.837
  • Now, fortunately, there's a third option.
  • 00:13:06.837 --> 00:13:09.607
  • It's the third option that it's not intuitive, it's a third
  • 00:13:09.607 --> 00:13:13.777
  • Option that actually decreases their power over us, and
  • 00:13:13.777 --> 00:13:17.815
  • Honestly, it's the third option that allows us to guard and
  • 00:13:17.815 --> 00:13:20.684
  • Protect our hearts, and it positions us, when this is said
  • 00:13:20.684 --> 00:13:24.989
  • And done, to tell a much better story.
  • 00:13:24.989 --> 00:13:27.391
  • Of course, the way forward is taught and modeled by jesus, but
  • 00:13:27.391 --> 00:13:31.295
  • It's also modeled in the old testament by a relatively
  • 00:13:31.295 --> 00:13:34.932
  • Unknown individual whose life intersects with the life
  • 00:13:34.932 --> 00:13:38.936
  • Of david.
  • 00:13:38.936 --> 00:13:40.271
  • Now, many of us, if you grew up around church, or in church, are
  • 00:13:40.271 --> 00:13:43.641
  • Familiar with who king david was, but this event doesn't take
  • 00:13:43.641 --> 00:13:46.777
  • Place when he's king david or even shepherd boy david, this
  • 00:13:46.777 --> 00:13:50.414
  • Event takes place when he is fugitive david.
  • 00:13:50.414 --> 00:13:54.084
  • After david, as a young teenager, killed goliath, you
  • 00:13:54.084 --> 00:13:57.454
  • Remember that story, he becomes a hero, a national hero in
  • 00:13:57.454 --> 00:14:01.125
  • Israel, in ancient israel.
  • 00:14:01.125 --> 00:14:02.459
  • And so, king saul, the king at the time, draws him in close,
  • 00:14:02.459 --> 00:14:05.796
  • Because david's a leader, he's a national hero.
  • 00:14:05.796 --> 00:14:08.465
  • You wanna keep your friends close, you wanna keep your
  • 00:14:08.465 --> 00:14:10.367
  • Potential rivals even closer.
  • 00:14:10.367 --> 00:14:13.003
  • And then king saul gets word that some rogue prophet has gone
  • 00:14:13.003 --> 00:14:17.074
  • To david's home as a little boy and anointed david to be the
  • 00:14:17.074 --> 00:14:21.278
  • Next king of israel.
  • 00:14:21.278 --> 00:14:23.447
  • Now, this is a real problem if you're already the king, because
  • 00:14:23.447 --> 00:14:26.684
  • Not only do you wanna finish out your years as king, you want
  • 00:14:26.684 --> 00:14:29.186
  • Your son, in his case jonathan, to become the next king.
  • 00:14:29.186 --> 00:14:31.488
  • So, this is messing with his dynasty, so king saul tries to
  • 00:14:31.488 --> 00:14:35.492
  • Kill david.
  • 00:14:35.492 --> 00:14:36.827
  • David escapes, he becomes a fugitive, he's living out in the
  • 00:14:36.827 --> 00:14:41.098
  • Wilderness, he's had to leave his family over time.
  • 00:14:41.098 --> 00:14:44.435
  • Because he's a leader, he attracts other men like him,
  • 00:14:44.435 --> 00:14:47.471
  • Other angry, mistreated outlaws.
  • 00:14:47.471 --> 00:14:49.707
  • They're outcast from society, they have no place to call home,
  • 00:14:49.707 --> 00:14:53.277
  • And they're all angry because each of them have their own
  • 00:14:53.277 --> 00:14:55.446
  • Story of being mistreated and the injustice that had happened
  • 00:14:55.446 --> 00:14:58.949
  • Under king saul.
  • 00:14:58.949 --> 00:15:00.284
  • So, david's got all this anger and all this frustration, of
  • 00:15:00.284 --> 00:15:02.319
  • Course like any of us, he's looking for a place to sort of
  • 00:15:02.319 --> 00:15:05.622
  • Take it out, somebody to take it out on, because king saul
  • 00:15:05.622 --> 00:15:08.125
  • Was untouchable.
  • 00:15:08.125 --> 00:15:09.493
  • And in this story, he finally finds a victim, and that's where
  • 00:15:09.493 --> 00:15:12.963
  • The story picks up.
  • 00:15:12.963 --> 00:15:14.331
  • So, i'll read part of the story, and then we're going to stop in
  • 00:15:14.331 --> 00:15:16.633
  • The middle, pick it up next time.
  • 00:15:16.633 --> 00:15:17.968
  • So, here's what happens.
  • 00:15:17.968 --> 00:15:19.336
  • "a certain man," this is in 1 samuel 25, and samuel is
  • 00:15:19.336 --> 00:15:21.905
  • Essentially david's biographer in a sense.
  • 00:15:21.905 --> 00:15:25.075
  • "a certain man in maon, who had property there in carmel, was
  • 00:15:25.075 --> 00:15:29.013
  • Very wealthy.
  • 00:15:29.013 --> 00:15:30.381
  • He had a thousand goats."
  • 00:15:30.381 --> 00:15:32.049
  • You know, you read this in ancient times it's like for us,
  • 00:15:32.049 --> 00:15:34.585
  • It's like what would you do with a thousand goats?
  • 00:15:34.585 --> 00:15:36.954
  • Anyway, so he had a thousand goats.
  • 00:15:36.954 --> 00:15:38.322
  • He had garages full of cars, think of it that way.
  • 00:15:38.322 --> 00:15:41.125
  • "he had 3,000 sheep which he was shearing in carmel, and his name
  • 00:15:41.125 --> 00:15:46.797
  • Was nabal."
  • 00:15:46.797 --> 00:15:48.165
  • Now, sheep shearing season, in ancient times, this is when
  • 00:15:48.165 --> 00:15:51.268
  • Wealthy people found out how much wealthier they had
  • 00:15:51.268 --> 00:15:53.804
  • Just become.
  • 00:15:53.804 --> 00:15:55.139
  • This was like a financial report, an annual
  • 00:15:55.139 --> 00:15:57.708
  • Financial report.
  • 00:15:57.708 --> 00:15:59.043
  • He's about to find out where he is financially, whether or not
  • 00:15:59.043 --> 00:16:01.478
  • He turned a profit, and if so, how much?
  • 00:16:01.478 --> 00:16:04.114
  • His name's nabal.
  • 00:16:04.114 --> 00:16:05.482
  • The text goes on and says this.
  • 00:16:05.482 --> 00:16:06.817
  • "his name was nabal and his wife's name was abigail.
  • 00:16:06.817 --> 00:16:10.487
  • She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband
  • 00:16:10.487 --> 00:16:13.824
  • Was harsh and mean in his dealings."
  • 00:16:13.824 --> 00:16:16.693
  • In fact, his name actually means heavy, and this hebrew word here
  • 00:16:16.693 --> 00:16:23.067
  • Actually means heavy, he was basically a pain to deal with.
  • 00:16:23.067 --> 00:16:26.036
  • He was a burden to deal with.
  • 00:16:26.036 --> 00:16:27.604
  • He was, in fact the text tells us, he was just a mean person.
  • 00:16:27.604 --> 00:16:31.075
  • The text continues, "while david and his men were in the
  • 00:16:31.075 --> 00:16:34.945
  • Wilderness, he heard that nabal was shearing sheep."
  • 00:16:34.945 --> 00:16:38.182
  • So, he was like, hey, this rich guy is about to get richer.
  • 00:16:38.182 --> 00:16:40.350
  • "so he sent ten of his young men, and he said to them, 'i
  • 00:16:40.350 --> 00:16:43.554
  • Want you to give nabal a message.
  • 00:16:43.554 --> 00:16:45.322
  • Go up to nabal at carmel and greet him in my name.'"
  • 00:16:45.322 --> 00:16:48.025
  • So when you show up, let everybody know you're coming in
  • 00:16:48.025 --> 00:16:50.360
  • David's name, and say to him, greet him this way.
  • 00:16:50.360 --> 00:16:53.430
  • Say, "long life to you, nabal.
  • 00:16:53.430 --> 00:16:55.365
  • Good health to you and your household, and good health to
  • 00:16:55.365 --> 00:16:58.168
  • All that is yours."
  • 00:16:58.168 --> 00:16:59.536
  • This was a formal ancient greeting that basically said i
  • 00:16:59.536 --> 00:17:02.306
  • Come in peace.
  • 00:17:02.306 --> 00:17:03.874
  • And then make sure you give him the message, and here's
  • 00:17:03.874 --> 00:17:06.110
  • The message.
  • 00:17:06.110 --> 00:17:07.478
  • "when your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them.
  • 00:17:07.478 --> 00:17:12.649
  • The whole time they were at carmel, nothing of theirs
  • 00:17:12.649 --> 00:17:16.286
  • Went missing."
  • 00:17:16.286 --> 00:17:17.654
  • In other words, while your shepherds were out watching over
  • 00:17:17.654 --> 00:17:19.990
  • Their flocks by night, night, after night, after night during
  • 00:17:19.990 --> 00:17:22.459
  • That season, our men were all around them all the time and we
  • 00:17:22.459 --> 00:17:26.396
  • Never stole anything.
  • 00:17:26.396 --> 00:17:28.132
  • So, there's a sense in which your profit, your profit is due
  • 00:17:28.132 --> 00:17:31.335
  • In part to our protection.
  • 00:17:31.335 --> 00:17:33.670
  • Not only did we not allow our men to steal anything from you,
  • 00:17:33.670 --> 00:17:36.406
  • We didn't allow the other rogues in the area to steal anything
  • 00:17:36.406 --> 00:17:39.276
  • From you as well.
  • 00:17:39.276 --> 00:17:40.611
  • And he said, "and if you don't take my word for it," the
  • 00:17:40.611 --> 00:17:43.614
  • Message continues this way, "ask your own servants and they'll
  • 00:17:43.614 --> 00:17:46.650
  • Tell you.
  • 00:17:46.650 --> 00:17:47.985
  • Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a
  • 00:17:47.985 --> 00:17:50.888
  • Festive time."
  • 00:17:50.888 --> 00:17:52.356
  • And please, if you would, "please give your servants and
  • 00:17:52.356 --> 00:17:56.260
  • Your son david whatever you can find for them."
  • 00:17:56.260 --> 00:18:00.464
  • In other words, you're gonna have extra, we kinda helped you
  • 00:18:00.464 --> 00:18:03.767
  • Create that extra, if you wouldn't mind sharing with us,
  • 00:18:03.767 --> 00:18:05.936
  • That would be great.
  • 00:18:05.936 --> 00:18:07.304
  • So, when david's men arrived, they went to carmel.
  • 00:18:07.304 --> 00:18:09.973
  • When they arrived, "they gave nabal this message in
  • 00:18:09.973 --> 00:18:12.943
  • David's name."
  • 00:18:12.943 --> 00:18:15.045
  • And then they waited, and they waited, and they waited.
  • 00:18:15.045 --> 00:18:21.151
  • So anyway, he keeps them waiting, but eventually nabal
  • 00:18:21.151 --> 00:18:24.188
  • Sends his answer, or perhaps he comes out and gives the answer
  • 00:18:24.188 --> 00:18:26.857
  • Himself, it's not clear.
  • 00:18:26.857 --> 00:18:28.225
  • Nabal answered, and here's what he said.
  • 00:18:28.225 --> 00:18:30.060
  • "nabal answered david's servants, 'who is this david?'"
  • 00:18:30.060 --> 00:18:33.764
  • You come in david's name, who is david?
  • 00:18:33.764 --> 00:18:35.299
  • "who is this son of jesse?"
  • 00:18:35.299 --> 00:18:36.967
  • So, he knew who david was, but he's like, you know what?
  • 00:18:36.967 --> 00:18:40.103
  • Yeah, we've heard of david, and you think he's such a big deal,
  • 00:18:40.103 --> 00:18:42.673
  • He's not such a big deal.
  • 00:18:42.673 --> 00:18:44.007
  • Who is this guy?
  • 00:18:44.007 --> 00:18:45.375
  • Hey, come on, he's just one of many.
  • 00:18:45.375 --> 00:18:46.710
  • "many servants are breaking away from their masters these days."
  • 00:18:46.710 --> 00:18:50.180
  • Your master is a nobody.
  • 00:18:50.180 --> 00:18:51.949
  • Your master is an outlaw.
  • 00:18:51.949 --> 00:18:53.850
  • I didn't ask for his help.
  • 00:18:53.850 --> 00:18:55.285
  • I didn't need his help.
  • 00:18:55.285 --> 00:18:56.753
  • I don't owe him anything.
  • 00:18:56.753 --> 00:18:58.755
  • So no, i'm not gonna share with david and his band of merry men.
  • 00:18:58.755 --> 00:19:04.261
  • You are dismissed.
  • 00:19:04.261 --> 00:19:05.662
  • Why, he says, why, "why should i take my bread and water, and the
  • 00:19:05.662 --> 00:19:10.867
  • Meat i have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it men coming
  • 00:19:10.867 --> 00:19:14.905
  • From," you know, where did you come from again?
  • 00:19:14.905 --> 00:19:17.207
  • So no, you're dismissed.
  • 00:19:17.207 --> 00:19:20.477
  • So, david's men turned around and they went back, "and when
  • 00:19:20.477 --> 00:19:24.214
  • They arrived, they repeated every word."
  • 00:19:24.214 --> 00:19:28.552
  • And then david said to his men, "oh well, it was worth a try."
  • 00:19:28.552 --> 00:19:34.791
  • No, david actually said to his men, "each of you strap on
  • 00:19:34.791 --> 00:19:39.830
  • Your sword."
  • 00:19:39.830 --> 00:19:41.431
  • So they did, and then an interesting detail in the text.
  • 00:19:41.431 --> 00:19:45.102
  • "and david strapped his on as well."
  • 00:19:45.102 --> 00:19:48.972
  • In other words, you mess with me, and you will see.
  • 00:19:48.972 --> 00:19:52.843
  • You mess with me, and you will pay.
  • 00:19:52.843 --> 00:19:56.079
  • Now, there's a reason i think why the author highlights david
  • 00:19:56.079 --> 00:20:00.317
  • Arming himself with his sword.
  • 00:20:00.317 --> 00:20:02.019
  • Because david's sword was like no other sword.
  • 00:20:02.019 --> 00:20:05.555
  • David's sword was actually a reminder that he did not need to
  • 00:20:05.555 --> 00:20:08.825
  • Return evil for evil.
  • 00:20:08.825 --> 00:20:10.193
  • David's sword was actually a reminder that he did not need to
  • 00:20:10.193 --> 00:20:12.663
  • Take matters into his own hands.
  • 00:20:12.663 --> 00:20:14.164
  • In fact, i'm just curious, do you know where david got his
  • 00:20:14.164 --> 00:20:16.566
  • Sword, anybody?
  • 00:20:16.566 --> 00:20:18.302
  • Goliath, that's right, he got a sword from goliath.
  • 00:20:18.302 --> 00:20:20.570
  • So, goliath's sword is a visual aid of god's promise of
  • 00:20:20.570 --> 00:20:25.008
  • Protection and provision to david.
  • 00:20:25.008 --> 00:20:27.878
  • God had chosen him, god had raised him up as a teenager, god
  • 00:20:27.878 --> 00:20:32.015
  • Had anointed him as king.
  • 00:20:32.015 --> 00:20:33.550
  • He did not need to take matters into his own hands.
  • 00:20:33.550 --> 00:20:36.320
  • Of anybody on the planet at that time, david was the one person
  • 00:20:36.320 --> 00:20:40.023
  • Who could turn to god for help, and god would in fact intervene
  • 00:20:40.023 --> 00:20:43.460
  • On his behalf, but david is hurt.
  • 00:20:43.460 --> 00:20:46.096
  • David's angry, and he can't see any of that, and to him, it's
  • 00:20:46.096 --> 00:20:49.666
  • Just an oversized sword.
  • 00:20:49.666 --> 00:20:51.702
  • The story that goes with the sword, he's forgotten the story.
  • 00:20:51.702 --> 00:20:54.705
  • He's forgotten god's provision because he's so angry, and he's
  • 00:20:54.705 --> 00:20:57.441
  • So hurt, and he redirects his frustration with king saul,
  • 00:20:57.441 --> 00:21:01.244
  • Who's untouchable, toward nabal.
  • 00:21:01.244 --> 00:21:05.549
  • So, about 400 men, this is amazing, "about 400 men went up
  • 00:21:05.549 --> 00:21:09.152
  • With david."
  • 00:21:09.152 --> 00:21:10.520
  • Four-hundred men, okay, this was an overreaction of
  • 00:21:10.520 --> 00:21:13.256
  • Epic proportion.
  • 00:21:13.256 --> 00:21:15.125
  • This was going to be a massacre.
  • 00:21:15.125 --> 00:21:18.895
  • You've heard, we've all heard that hurt people hurt people.
  • 00:21:18.895 --> 00:21:21.965
  • This is a case of hunted people hunt people.
  • 00:21:21.965 --> 00:21:25.936
  • So, he sets out, and it's so interesting, because the
  • 00:21:25.936 --> 00:21:28.338
  • Biographer once again let's get inside david's head.
  • 00:21:28.338 --> 00:21:30.807
  • He begins internally to build up a head of steam to build
  • 00:21:30.807 --> 00:21:33.810
  • His case.
  • 00:21:33.810 --> 00:21:35.145
  • He's gonna build a case to justify what he's not 100% sure
  • 00:21:35.145 --> 00:21:38.315
  • He should be doing.
  • 00:21:38.315 --> 00:21:39.649
  • You ever do that?
  • 00:21:39.649 --> 00:21:40.984
  • Hey, you know, andy, i got an idea.
  • 00:21:40.984 --> 00:21:42.452
  • I think this was sandra's idea.
  • 00:21:42.452 --> 00:21:43.787
  • Hey, let's go into the house when roger is not there and
  • 00:21:43.787 --> 00:21:45.555
  • Slice his air mattress, fold it up, put it on the street with is
  • 00:21:45.555 --> 00:21:48.325
  • Clothes and his computer, and change the locks.
  • 00:21:48.325 --> 00:21:50.560
  • It might have been my idea, anyway, you just visualize, you
  • 00:21:50.560 --> 00:21:53.964
  • Know, what can we do to get back at this person that has done so
  • 00:21:53.964 --> 00:21:56.833
  • Much to us?
  • 00:21:56.833 --> 00:21:58.368
  • In fact, here's what the biographer says.
  • 00:21:58.368 --> 00:22:00.070
  • That david had just said to his guys, "it's been useless, all my
  • 00:22:00.070 --> 00:22:04.040
  • Watching over this fellow's property," kind of building up
  • 00:22:04.040 --> 00:22:06.510
  • His case, "in the wilderness, so that nothing of his
  • 00:22:06.510 --> 00:22:09.646
  • Was missing."
  • 00:22:09.646 --> 00:22:10.981
  • All this i've done for him, think of all the things i've
  • 00:22:10.981 --> 00:22:13.350
  • Done for him.
  • 00:22:13.350 --> 00:22:14.718
  • Think of all the nights we stayed up.
  • 00:22:14.718 --> 00:22:16.052
  • Think of all the things we could've stolen.
  • 00:22:16.052 --> 00:22:17.521
  • Think of how wealthy we could already be.
  • 00:22:17.521 --> 00:22:19.856
  • But what has he done?
  • 00:22:19.856 --> 00:22:21.258
  • "he has paid me back evil for good."
  • 00:22:21.258 --> 00:22:26.563
  • Then he, you know, he invites god into the equation.
  • 00:22:26.563 --> 00:22:30.500
  • "may god deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by morning
  • 00:22:30.500 --> 00:22:34.871
  • I leave one male of all who belong to him alive."
  • 00:22:34.871 --> 00:22:41.611
  • In other words, i'm going to murder him.
  • 00:22:41.611 --> 00:22:44.047
  • I'm going to kill his male servants.
  • 00:22:44.047 --> 00:22:46.750
  • And i'm going to kill his sons.
  • 00:22:46.750 --> 00:22:49.553
  • That'll teach him to treat me this way.
  • 00:22:49.553 --> 00:22:52.589
  • So, we're going to pause the story there, but here's what
  • 00:22:52.589 --> 00:22:54.157
  • We have so far.
  • 00:22:54.157 --> 00:22:55.492
  • We got two characters, we have two responses, and we have no
  • 00:22:55.492 --> 00:22:59.362
  • Hero, right?
  • 00:22:59.362 --> 00:23:00.864
  • We have nabal, we have david, evil for good.
  • 00:23:00.864 --> 00:23:04.935
  • David did good, he responded with evil.
  • 00:23:04.935 --> 00:23:07.170
  • David, who's about to do evil for evil, nabal is somewhat
  • 00:23:07.170 --> 00:23:12.442
  • Maniacal, and david is about to be predictable.
  • 00:23:12.442 --> 00:23:19.249
  • I mean, who could blame him for what he's about to do?
  • 00:23:19.249 --> 00:23:22.652
  • And sometimes again, it just seems like evil for evil is the
  • 00:23:22.652 --> 00:23:25.455
  • Only option.
  • 00:23:25.455 --> 00:23:28.024
  • Turns out, as i said earlier, it's not, there's a
  • 00:23:28.024 --> 00:23:29.993
  • Third option.
  • 00:23:29.993 --> 00:23:31.361
  • We're gonna talk about that in part two.
  • 00:23:31.361 --> 00:23:32.729
  • But here's what i want you to do between now and part two.
  • 00:23:32.729 --> 00:23:35.365
  • I want to give you four questions to think about.
  • 00:23:35.365 --> 00:23:38.635
  • The question number one is this.
  • 00:23:38.635 --> 00:23:41.905
  • Do you want to be even with someone you don't even like?
  • 00:23:41.905 --> 00:23:45.242
  • No, i already know the answer to this question.
  • 00:23:45.242 --> 00:23:47.244
  • No, we don't, but our natural response to mean people
  • 00:23:47.244 --> 00:23:50.814
  • Oftentimes is an attempt to get even with people we don't even
  • 00:23:50.814 --> 00:23:54.017
  • Like, to be like someone that we would readily admit that
  • 00:23:54.017 --> 00:23:57.654
  • We dislike.
  • 00:23:57.654 --> 00:23:59.689
  • The question number two, wouldn't you rather be ahead?
  • 00:23:59.689 --> 00:24:04.928
  • I mean, do you want to get even with someone you don't
  • 00:24:04.928 --> 00:24:06.563
  • Even like, or wouldn't you rather be ahead?
  • 00:24:06.563 --> 00:24:08.532
  • Wouldn't you prefer to be unlike the person or the people that
  • 00:24:08.532 --> 00:24:12.936
  • You dislike?
  • 00:24:12.936 --> 00:24:14.304
  • And this is, i said earlier, this is so not intuitive, but
  • 00:24:14.304 --> 00:24:18.775
  • Here's the thing.
  • 00:24:18.775 --> 00:24:20.143
  • And when i say it, you know it's true.
  • 00:24:20.143 --> 00:24:22.012
  • Unlike any other arena of life, you actually relationally pull
  • 00:24:22.012 --> 00:24:26.683
  • Ahead by refusing to get even.
  • 00:24:26.683 --> 00:24:30.820
  • You actually pull ahead by refusing to get even, and that
  • 00:24:30.820 --> 00:24:37.294
  • Leads to a third question that we ask a lot around here within
  • 00:24:37.294 --> 00:24:40.864
  • Several different contexts, and the third question is this.
  • 00:24:40.864 --> 00:24:43.567
  • When this is nothing more than a story you tell, what story do
  • 00:24:43.567 --> 00:24:48.505
  • You wanna tell?
  • 00:24:48.505 --> 00:24:50.040
  • When your response to this current relationship is nothing
  • 00:24:50.040 --> 00:24:54.077
  • More than a story you tell, what story do you wanna tell?
  • 00:24:54.077 --> 00:24:58.648
  • Do you wanna tell the story that i ended up just like the person
  • 00:24:58.648 --> 00:25:01.618
  • That i dislike because i allowed them to infuriate me into acting
  • 00:25:01.618 --> 00:25:07.123
  • Just like them?
  • 00:25:07.123 --> 00:25:08.525
  • It's not a good story.
  • 00:25:08.525 --> 00:25:09.993
  • It's not the story that any of us wanna tell.
  • 00:25:09.993 --> 00:25:11.995
  • And then the fourth question, the fourth question is the
  • 00:25:11.995 --> 00:25:15.465
  • Onramp to the solution.
  • 00:25:15.465 --> 00:25:17.500
  • The fourth question is the onramp to pulling ahead, and the
  • 00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:21.705
  • Fourth question sets us up and puts us in this uncomfortable
  • 00:25:21.705 --> 00:25:24.941
  • Space that we know we probably should step into, and if you're
  • 00:25:24.941 --> 00:25:28.778
  • A jesus follower, if you're a christian, you know with
  • 00:25:28.778 --> 00:25:31.214
  • Certainty you've been called to step into, but it's
  • 00:25:31.214 --> 00:25:34.250
  • So uncomfortable.
  • 00:25:34.250 --> 00:25:36.720
  • The fourth question is this, what would it look like, and you
  • 00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:39.122
  • Don't have to commit to this, you just have to have an
  • 00:25:39.122 --> 00:25:41.524
  • Internal conversation.
  • 00:25:41.524 --> 00:25:42.959
  • What would it look like to return good for evil?
  • 00:25:42.959 --> 00:25:47.530
  • Not just refuse to react, or to react in like kind, but to
  • 00:25:47.530 --> 00:25:52.535
  • Be kind.
  • 00:25:52.535 --> 00:25:54.070
  • Not just refuse to be bad, but to take seriously the words of
  • 00:25:54.070 --> 00:25:59.376
  • Jesus, because he was so direct about this.
  • 00:25:59.376 --> 00:26:01.544
  • I mean, there's a lot of things jesus said we have a hard time
  • 00:26:01.544 --> 00:26:03.847
  • Figuring out, this is too clear.
  • 00:26:03.847 --> 00:26:07.417
  • He said i want you to do good to those who mistreat you.
  • 00:26:07.417 --> 00:26:15.058
  • Don't just put up with 'em, don't just forgive them, don't
  • 00:26:15.058 --> 00:26:19.496
  • Just ignore them, don't just try not to be like them.
  • 00:26:19.496 --> 00:26:23.333
  • Jesus says no, that's not enough.
  • 00:26:23.333 --> 00:26:25.702
  • I want you to think through how to do good to those who
  • 00:26:25.702 --> 00:26:32.809
  • Mistreat you.
  • 00:26:32.809 --> 00:26:34.144
  • Because jesus knew that doing good to people who have not been
  • 00:26:34.144 --> 00:26:36.713
  • Good to us, it's ultimately what frees us, what protects
  • 00:26:36.713 --> 00:26:40.717
  • Our heart.
  • 00:26:40.717 --> 00:26:42.085
  • Getting even is natural, it's predictable.
  • 00:26:42.085 --> 00:26:45.889
  • Jesus has invited us to be unpredictable.
  • 00:26:45.889 --> 00:26:49.025
  • Jesus has invited us to do something extraordinary.
  • 00:26:49.025 --> 00:26:52.796
  • It's as if he's saying don't be predictable, don't write a
  • 00:26:52.796 --> 00:26:55.532
  • Predictable story, write a remarkable story.
  • 00:26:55.532 --> 00:26:57.834
  • Write that story that's worth telling.
  • 00:26:57.834 --> 00:27:00.136
  • And what will determine whether or not that story's worth
  • 00:27:00.136 --> 00:27:02.305
  • Telling is not what the other person does, 'cause you have no
  • 00:27:02.305 --> 00:27:04.607
  • Control over that, it is 100% right here, in our decision
  • 00:27:04.607 --> 00:27:09.212
  • Whether or not to respond either in like kind, or to be kind, to
  • 00:27:09.212 --> 00:27:14.250
  • Do good for those who have mistreated us.
  • 00:27:14.250 --> 00:27:18.722
  • Remarkable begins with an honest answer to this question.
  • 00:27:18.722 --> 00:27:24.194
  • What would it look like?
  • 00:27:24.194 --> 00:27:25.729
  • What would it look like to return good for evil?
  • 00:27:25.729 --> 00:27:28.565
  • What would it look like to do good to the person who has
  • 00:27:28.565 --> 00:27:33.036
  • Mistreated you?
  • 00:27:33.036 --> 00:27:36.206
  • Because you don't pull ahead by attempting to get even.
  • 00:27:36.206 --> 00:27:42.579
  • And we will pick it up right there next time in part two of
  • 00:27:42.579 --> 00:27:45.215
  • "mean people."
  • 00:27:45.215 --> 00:27:47.250
  • Andy: hey everybody, thank you so much for tuning in.
  • 00:27:47.317 --> 00:27:49.352
  • If you'd like to watch this episode again or share it with a
  • 00:27:49.352 --> 00:27:52.188
  • Friend, head on over to the website at the bottom of
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  • The screen.
  • 00:27:54.290 --> 00:27:55.658
  • The website is the best place for you to find other "your
  • 00:27:55.658 --> 00:27:58.261
  • Move" episodes, access additional resources, and learn
  • 00:27:58.261 --> 00:28:01.030
  • More about our mission to engage culture with the teaching of
  • 00:28:01.030 --> 00:28:04.334
  • Jesus because we're convinced following jesus will make your
  • 00:28:04.334 --> 00:28:07.303
  • Life better and make the world a better place,
  • 00:28:07.303 --> 00:28:10.140
  • And now it's your move.
  • 00:28:10.140 --> 00:28:11.875
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:28:11.875 --> 00:28:21.885
  • ...
  • 00:28:25.121 --> 00:28:25.121