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Your Move with Andy Stanley

Andy Stanley - The Weight of Your Words (Part 1)

April 18, 2026 | 28:29

Andy Stanley - The Weight of Your Words (Part 1)
Your Move with Andy Stanley — to help people make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.
#Wordswespeak #Communication #Blessing #Curses #Relationships #Peopleinyourlife #WalkwithGod #Love #LoveofGod #UnconditionalLove #LoveyourNeighbor #Jesus #Savior #Offense #Profanity #Encouragement #Need #AndyStanley

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Your Move with Andy Stanley | Andy Stanley - The Weight of Your Words (Part 1) | April 18, 2026
  • ...
  • 00:00:00.633 --> 00:00:00.351
  • Andy stanley: hey, everybody, welcome to "your move," where we
  • 00:00:00.785 --> 00:00:02.020
  • Help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.
  • 00:00:02.153 --> 00:00:04.355
  • I'm andy stanley, and i'll be your guide.
  • 00:00:04.489 --> 00:00:05.990
  • And today, we're talking about words, because words
  • 00:00:06.124 --> 00:00:09.094
  • Carry weight.
  • 00:00:09.227 --> 00:00:10.462
  • They have the potential to build us up, or break us down; to
  • 00:00:10.562 --> 00:00:12.664
  • Inspire, or to wound.
  • 00:00:12.797 --> 00:00:14.499
  • And whether you realize it or not, your words carry weight,
  • 00:00:14.632 --> 00:00:17.335
  • Which means you need to weigh your words carefully.
  • 00:00:17.469 --> 00:00:20.305
  • And today, i'll tell you how, right here, on "your move."
  • 00:00:20.438 --> 00:00:23.274
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:00:23.408 --> 00:00:26.044
  • Andy: today, i am beginning a brand new series, a three-part
  • 00:00:30.281 --> 00:00:32.917
  • Series entitled "the weight of your words."
  • 00:00:32.917 --> 00:00:35.153
  • "the weight of your words," we've all been told or we've all
  • 00:00:35.153 --> 00:00:37.689
  • Heard that, you know, actions speak louder than words.
  • 00:00:37.689 --> 00:00:39.991
  • And when it comes to first-time acquaintances or neigh--for
  • 00:00:39.991 --> 00:00:43.461
  • Those neighbors that first--you know, they move in?
  • 00:00:43.461 --> 00:00:46.064
  • You know, that's probably true, that, you know, you gotta watch
  • 00:00:46.064 --> 00:00:48.299
  • What they do, because anybody can say whatever they need to
  • 00:00:48.299 --> 00:00:50.034
  • Say to get in good with you.
  • 00:00:50.034 --> 00:00:51.369
  • So actions do speak louder than words.
  • 00:00:51.369 --> 00:00:53.204
  • But when it comes to our more intimate relationships, you
  • 00:00:53.204 --> 00:00:55.607
  • Know, family relationships, the people that we would consider
  • 00:00:55.607 --> 00:00:58.743
  • Our best friends or our inner circle, the words and actions, i
  • 00:00:58.743 --> 00:01:02.647
  • Don't know.
  • 00:01:02.647 --> 00:01:03.982
  • I don't know that they speak louder.
  • 00:01:03.982 --> 00:01:05.350
  • I mean, it's tough.
  • 00:01:05.350 --> 00:01:06.684
  • I mean, it's like they're right there, neck-and-neck with each
  • 00:01:06.684 --> 00:01:08.620
  • Other, because words are so powerful.
  • 00:01:08.620 --> 00:01:11.456
  • The more intimate the relationship, the louder--or
  • 00:01:11.456 --> 00:01:14.759
  • Perhaps to the point of the series, the weightier those
  • 00:01:14.759 --> 00:01:17.395
  • Words become.
  • 00:01:17.395 --> 00:01:19.397
  • The greater their capacity, their words, to leave a mark for
  • 00:01:19.397 --> 00:01:22.967
  • Good or for bad, to build, destroy, encourage, discourage,
  • 00:01:22.967 --> 00:01:29.340
  • Inspire, or actually wound.
  • 00:01:29.340 --> 00:01:32.877
  • Words in those relationships are powerful, and to underscore just
  • 00:01:32.877 --> 00:01:36.247
  • How powerful words are in those, you know, those closer
  • 00:01:36.247 --> 00:01:39.184
  • Relationships, even--this is amazing to me.
  • 00:01:39.184 --> 00:01:41.753
  • Even words left unsaid.
  • 00:01:41.753 --> 00:01:45.323
  • Unsaid words--this is amazing.
  • 00:01:45.323 --> 00:01:47.425
  • Unsaid words, unsaid phrases have the potential to impact the
  • 00:01:47.425 --> 00:01:50.862
  • Trajectory of a person's life.
  • 00:01:50.862 --> 00:01:54.098
  • But here's thing, and here's where we take kind of a hard
  • 00:01:54.098 --> 00:01:56.367
  • Right turn.
  • 00:01:56.367 --> 00:01:57.702
  • Nobody would argue with that, right?
  • 00:01:57.702 --> 00:01:59.103
  • I mean, we're all quick to recognize the power that other
  • 00:01:59.103 --> 00:02:02.273
  • People's words have had over us and on our lives, but we're
  • 00:02:02.273 --> 00:02:06.144
  • Often slow to recognize, or-- and i think this is part of the
  • 00:02:06.144 --> 00:02:09.314
  • Problem--we're often slow to admit the fact that our words
  • 00:02:09.314 --> 00:02:13.051
  • Have equal power in the lives of other people.
  • 00:02:13.051 --> 00:02:16.854
  • I mean, because, you know, we've been impacted by other people's
  • 00:02:16.854 --> 00:02:19.123
  • Words, but when it comes to you, it's like, "no, this is just me,
  • 00:02:19.123 --> 00:02:21.593
  • I'm just me.
  • 00:02:21.593 --> 00:02:22.961
  • These are just words.
  • 00:02:22.961 --> 00:02:24.295
  • I mean, my words are just words, they're all equally weighted.
  • 00:02:24.295 --> 00:02:25.863
  • They don't even weigh that much."
  • 00:02:25.863 --> 00:02:27.232
  • And nothing could be further from the truth, and
  • 00:02:27.232 --> 00:02:28.700
  • Consequently, we use our words irresponsibly, not on purpose,
  • 00:02:28.700 --> 00:02:33.438
  • But because we just don't understand, or realize, or
  • 00:02:33.438 --> 00:02:36.207
  • Recognize, or embrace the fact that words carry weight, and
  • 00:02:36.207 --> 00:02:39.777
  • Your words carry weight, and more weight than you may think,
  • 00:02:39.777 --> 00:02:42.480
  • In specific relationships.
  • 00:02:42.480 --> 00:02:44.282
  • And the fact that words have the potential to destroy as well as
  • 00:02:44.282 --> 00:02:46.918
  • Build, and you know, undermine as well as inspire, that should
  • 00:02:46.918 --> 00:02:50.088
  • Impact all of us, and all of us should take that
  • 00:02:50.088 --> 00:02:51.990
  • Into consideration.
  • 00:02:51.990 --> 00:02:53.358
  • But if you're a christian, if you're a jesus follower, this is
  • 00:02:53.358 --> 00:02:57.528
  • Not optional.
  • 00:02:57.528 --> 00:02:59.030
  • This isn't--you know, this isn't the second tier.
  • 00:02:59.030 --> 00:03:01.799
  • This is first-tier stuff.
  • 00:03:01.799 --> 00:03:03.134
  • So here's what we're gonna do.
  • 00:03:03.134 --> 00:03:04.502
  • In this series, i'm gonna highlight three--or unpack,
  • 00:03:04.502 --> 00:03:07.538
  • Rather--three dynamics that are at play every time you have a
  • 00:03:07.538 --> 00:03:11.442
  • Conversation with someone who's important to you.
  • 00:03:11.442 --> 00:03:14.012
  • So today we're gonna unpack the first one, but before we do, i
  • 00:03:14.012 --> 00:03:17.148
  • Want to give you a little bit of incentive, because again, if
  • 00:03:17.148 --> 00:03:20.451
  • You're christian or jesus follower, this isn't optional.
  • 00:03:20.451 --> 00:03:23.588
  • This is part of what it means to follow jesus.
  • 00:03:23.588 --> 00:03:25.990
  • It is baked into the equation.
  • 00:03:25.990 --> 00:03:29.060
  • So, in this letter to first century christians living in
  • 00:03:29.060 --> 00:03:31.863
  • Ephesus, the apostle paul reminds them of something we
  • 00:03:31.863 --> 00:03:35.566
  • Talk about all the time.
  • 00:03:35.566 --> 00:03:36.934
  • He reminds his audience in this letter of jesus's first--you
  • 00:03:36.934 --> 00:03:39.904
  • Know, his new command marching orders.
  • 00:03:39.904 --> 00:03:42.140
  • His new command that was supposed to direct all the
  • 00:03:42.140 --> 00:03:44.876
  • Behavior, and all the thought patterns, and all the speech
  • 00:03:44.876 --> 00:03:47.045
  • Patterns of christians.
  • 00:03:47.045 --> 00:03:48.413
  • This whole idea that we are to love other people the way that
  • 00:03:48.413 --> 00:03:51.916
  • God, through christ, has loved us.
  • 00:03:51.916 --> 00:03:53.885
  • The way we say it here, if you're new with us, is we say we
  • 00:03:53.885 --> 00:03:56.788
  • Should always ask the question, "what does love require of me?"
  • 00:03:56.788 --> 00:04:00.758
  • So here's the apostle paul's words.
  • 00:04:00.758 --> 00:04:02.994
  • This is his way of saying what i tried to say.
  • 00:04:02.994 --> 00:04:04.996
  • Here's what he writes.
  • 00:04:04.996 --> 00:04:06.364
  • He says, "follow god's example, therefore, as dearly loved
  • 00:04:06.364 --> 00:04:09.233
  • Children, " and then the music changes, violins, "and walk
  • 00:04:09.233 --> 00:04:14.906
  • In the way of love."
  • 00:04:14.906 --> 00:04:16.774
  • "and walk in the way of love."
  • 00:04:16.774 --> 00:04:18.242
  • I mean, this just seems so gentle, and so soft, and so
  • 00:04:18.242 --> 00:04:21.045
  • Christian-esque, so romantic, right?
  • 00:04:21.045 --> 00:04:22.880
  • So passive, but it's not at all.
  • 00:04:22.880 --> 00:04:25.149
  • This is the way of love, and if you follow jesus in the gospels,
  • 00:04:25.149 --> 00:04:28.252
  • It becomes evident the way of love is bold, it's intentional,
  • 00:04:28.252 --> 00:04:31.989
  • Sometimes it's offensive.
  • 00:04:31.989 --> 00:04:33.358
  • It's always sacrificial, it always has the other person in
  • 00:04:33.358 --> 00:04:36.761
  • Mind, the person on the other side of you.
  • 00:04:36.761 --> 00:04:38.596
  • The way of love is attention-getting in the
  • 00:04:38.596 --> 00:04:40.765
  • First century.
  • 00:04:40.765 --> 00:04:42.100
  • It is what stopped people in the roman empire and ask, "what is
  • 00:04:42.100 --> 00:04:45.103
  • Up with these christians?
  • 00:04:45.103 --> 00:04:46.738
  • Why are they doing what they're doing?
  • 00:04:46.738 --> 00:04:48.406
  • What is so different about them?"
  • 00:04:48.406 --> 00:04:50.174
  • The way of love is dynamic.
  • 00:04:50.174 --> 00:04:51.976
  • The way of love impacts people.
  • 00:04:51.976 --> 00:04:53.878
  • The way of love is illustrated by jesus, and is illustrated and
  • 00:04:53.878 --> 00:04:57.215
  • Lived out by the first century believers, literally changed
  • 00:04:57.215 --> 00:05:00.752
  • The world.
  • 00:05:00.752 --> 00:05:02.086
  • This is why i come back to this over, and over, and over
  • 00:05:02.086 --> 00:05:04.722
  • With us.
  • 00:05:04.722 --> 00:05:06.057
  • Remember this, we get to choose--or you get to choose
  • 00:05:06.057 --> 00:05:08.259
  • Whether or not you follow jesus.
  • 00:05:08.259 --> 00:05:10.194
  • We get to choose whether or not we choose to follow jesus.
  • 00:05:10.194 --> 00:05:12.697
  • We do not get to choose.
  • 00:05:12.697 --> 00:05:14.699
  • We do not get to choose what it looks like, reacts like, or
  • 00:05:14.699 --> 00:05:18.302
  • Sounds like.
  • 00:05:18.302 --> 00:05:19.637
  • That has been prescribed to us.
  • 00:05:19.637 --> 00:05:21.839
  • We don't get to define love in the way of love, the way we want
  • 00:05:21.839 --> 00:05:24.809
  • To define it, because it is already defined for us.
  • 00:05:24.809 --> 00:05:27.278
  • Jesus prescribed it, and he modeled it for us.
  • 00:05:27.278 --> 00:05:31.149
  • So here's paul's words.
  • 00:05:31.149 --> 00:05:32.683
  • He says, "walk in the way of love, just as--" in other words,
  • 00:05:32.683 --> 00:05:36.421
  • We don't get to make it up, we don't get to define it
  • 00:05:36.421 --> 00:05:38.189
  • For ourselves.
  • 00:05:38.189 --> 00:05:39.524
  • "walk in the way of love just as christ loved us."
  • 00:05:39.524 --> 00:05:42.794
  • This is his new covenant command.
  • 00:05:42.794 --> 00:05:44.495
  • You are to love one another the way i have loved you.
  • 00:05:44.495 --> 00:05:47.999
  • And when he said that to them, you know this, the next day, he
  • 00:05:47.999 --> 00:05:50.301
  • Put on a demonstration of love that took his breath away, took
  • 00:05:50.301 --> 00:05:53.938
  • His life away, took your sin away.
  • 00:05:53.938 --> 00:05:57.875
  • That's the dynamic.
  • 00:05:57.875 --> 00:05:59.243
  • That's the power.
  • 00:05:59.243 --> 00:06:00.578
  • That's the thing that launched the movement that ultimately
  • 00:06:00.578 --> 00:06:04.081
  • Would change the world.
  • 00:06:04.081 --> 00:06:05.450
  • And he says, let me define it for you, "just as christ
  • 00:06:05.450 --> 00:06:07.084
  • Loved us," and here's what it looks like, this love.
  • 00:06:07.084 --> 00:06:09.687
  • "and gave himself up for us."
  • 00:06:09.687 --> 00:06:13.357
  • If you want to know what the way of love looks like, acts like,
  • 00:06:13.357 --> 00:06:15.726
  • And sounds like, again, you just follow jesus through the
  • 00:06:15.726 --> 00:06:19.730
  • Gospels, and it's there over, and over, and over.
  • 00:06:19.730 --> 00:06:21.966
  • So what the apostle paul does now is he takes this idea, sort
  • 00:06:21.966 --> 00:06:25.169
  • Of this overarching idea, and he applies it specifically to the
  • 00:06:25.169 --> 00:06:29.474
  • Words we choose and the words we use.
  • 00:06:29.474 --> 00:06:32.643
  • This is what the way of love sounds like.
  • 00:06:32.643 --> 00:06:35.513
  • This is what the jesus way sounds like.
  • 00:06:35.513 --> 00:06:39.917
  • Andy: hey, i wanted to take just a minute to address a growing
  • 00:06:39.917 --> 00:06:42.787
  • Crisis in america.
  • 00:06:42.787 --> 00:06:44.155
  • Did you know that nearly 75 million americans have no
  • 00:06:44.155 --> 00:06:47.391
  • Religious affiliation, none whatsoever?
  • 00:06:47.391 --> 00:06:49.794
  • Most of us know some of these people.
  • 00:06:49.794 --> 00:06:51.229
  • Many of us are related to some of these people, so for us they
  • 00:06:51.229 --> 00:06:54.298
  • Aren't statistics, they're people we love and would love
  • 00:06:54.298 --> 00:06:56.901
  • To see return to faith in jesus.
  • 00:06:56.901 --> 00:06:59.237
  • So, at "your move," we are committed to reaching people
  • 00:06:59.237 --> 00:07:02.139
  • With the teaching of jesus right where they are, and when they
  • 00:07:02.139 --> 00:07:05.510
  • Least expect it.
  • 00:07:05.510 --> 00:07:06.878
  • We use a research-backed digital strategy that's already making
  • 00:07:06.878 --> 00:07:10.515
  • A difference.
  • 00:07:10.515 --> 00:07:11.849
  • So, if you'll stick around after today's message, we would love
  • 00:07:11.849 --> 00:07:13.851
  • To tell you more about it, or visit the website, or call the
  • 00:07:13.851 --> 00:07:17.121
  • Number on your screen to learn how you can be a part of this
  • 00:07:17.121 --> 00:07:19.957
  • Revolutionary approach to introducing and reintroducing
  • 00:07:19.957 --> 00:07:23.461
  • People to jesus.
  • 00:07:23.461 --> 00:07:25.463
  • Andy: he says, "do not--" this is paul, again.
  • 00:07:25.463 --> 00:07:27.565
  • "do not let any unwholesome word--" and "unwholesome" in the
  • 00:07:27.565 --> 00:07:31.569
  • First century basically meant "stinky," "distasteful."
  • 00:07:31.569 --> 00:07:34.772
  • It was used of rotting fish.
  • 00:07:34.772 --> 00:07:36.807
  • Don't let any stinky, distasteful, offensive word,
  • 00:07:36.807 --> 00:07:39.944
  • "don't let any unwholesome word come out of your mouths."
  • 00:07:39.944 --> 00:07:42.880
  • In other words, he says, i want you to view your mouth as
  • 00:07:42.880 --> 00:07:45.182
  • A gate.
  • 00:07:45.182 --> 00:07:46.517
  • And when the stinky, and hateful, and offensive words
  • 00:07:46.517 --> 00:07:49.754
  • Storm the gate and rush the gate, don't let them through.
  • 00:07:49.754 --> 00:07:53.524
  • You're the gatekeeper, don't let them through.
  • 00:07:53.524 --> 00:07:55.626
  • Just--now--and now, we could, if--you know, if i hadn't
  • 00:07:55.626 --> 00:07:58.663
  • Studied so hard for today and prepared so hard, we could just
  • 00:07:58.663 --> 00:08:00.798
  • Stop the sermon right here.
  • 00:08:00.798 --> 00:08:02.133
  • Don't get any ideas, okay?
  • 00:08:02.133 --> 00:08:03.501
  • We could just stop right here and say, "go home and work
  • 00:08:03.501 --> 00:08:05.603
  • On that."
  • 00:08:05.603 --> 00:08:07.104
  • And if you went home and worked on that, there would be some
  • 00:08:07.104 --> 00:08:08.973
  • People, the people close to you would be so glad you're working
  • 00:08:08.973 --> 00:08:10.975
  • On it.
  • 00:08:10.975 --> 00:08:12.310
  • But we're not gonna stop there.
  • 00:08:12.310 --> 00:08:13.678
  • That's the negative. that's the negative.
  • 00:08:13.678 --> 00:08:15.046
  • "let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth."
  • 00:08:15.046 --> 00:08:18.516
  • And then he turns the page and says, "let me give you the
  • 00:08:18.516 --> 00:08:20.751
  • Way forward."
  • 00:08:20.751 --> 00:08:22.119
  • But only, "but only words," this is amazing, "that are good for
  • 00:08:22.119 --> 00:08:26.157
  • Building others up according to their needs."
  • 00:08:26.157 --> 00:08:29.961
  • Now, again, when you just read that, you think, "that's
  • 00:08:29.961 --> 00:08:33.431
  • So soft.
  • 00:08:33.431 --> 00:08:35.032
  • That's so unproductive."
  • 00:08:35.032 --> 00:08:37.368
  • Can you raise children that way?
  • 00:08:37.368 --> 00:08:39.503
  • Can you do performance reviews at work that way?
  • 00:08:39.503 --> 00:08:42.607
  • "hey, would you mind coming to work occasionally?
  • 00:08:42.607 --> 00:08:45.743
  • I don't wanna be too hard on you, maybe showing up on time
  • 00:08:45.743 --> 00:08:48.446
  • And turning--can you be a teacher in grade--" i mean, "can
  • 00:08:48.446 --> 00:08:52.249
  • You do this?"
  • 00:08:52.249 --> 00:08:53.584
  • And the answer is yes, because this is important.
  • 00:08:53.584 --> 00:08:56.153
  • Paul's point was not, "be nice."
  • 00:08:56.153 --> 00:08:59.390
  • His point is this: use your words to build others up.
  • 00:08:59.390 --> 00:09:05.930
  • That's the point.
  • 00:09:05.930 --> 00:09:07.264
  • Your words should build others up.
  • 00:09:07.264 --> 00:09:08.966
  • Words are like building material, and when you leave the
  • 00:09:08.966 --> 00:09:12.870
  • Construction site, that is, when you leave the conversation, the
  • 00:09:12.870 --> 00:09:16.607
  • Positive conversation, the not-so-positive conversation,
  • 00:09:16.607 --> 00:09:20.011
  • The things that you should say more of, and you finally started
  • 00:09:20.011 --> 00:09:22.346
  • Saying more of them, the things that you don't wanna say because
  • 00:09:22.346 --> 00:09:24.515
  • It hurts feelings, but they need to be said.
  • 00:09:24.515 --> 00:09:25.950
  • Whenever you leave the construction site, paul says,
  • 00:09:25.950 --> 00:09:28.753
  • The person on the other side of you should be built up.
  • 00:09:28.753 --> 00:09:32.823
  • They should be better for it.
  • 00:09:32.823 --> 00:09:35.493
  • But--and this is where it starts to break down for me, to
  • 00:09:35.493 --> 00:09:37.528
  • Be honest.
  • 00:09:37.528 --> 00:09:38.863
  • But in order for that to happen, for my words to build you, for
  • 00:09:38.863 --> 00:09:41.532
  • My words to ensure that the person on the other side of me
  • 00:09:41.532 --> 00:09:43.634
  • Is built up by my words, it means i have to be a student.
  • 00:09:43.634 --> 00:09:47.371
  • It means i have to pay attention to that person.
  • 00:09:47.371 --> 00:09:49.774
  • It means i have to understand that person.
  • 00:09:49.774 --> 00:09:51.709
  • It means i have to play into what i understand about
  • 00:09:51.709 --> 00:09:53.811
  • That person.
  • 00:09:53.811 --> 00:09:55.179
  • And that takes patience, that takes work.
  • 00:09:55.179 --> 00:09:58.049
  • That takes--as james said, "be quick to listen and slow
  • 00:09:58.049 --> 00:10:03.654
  • To speak," because paul says the goal is to choose words and to
  • 00:10:03.654 --> 00:10:10.327
  • Tailor words, look at this, "to their needs."
  • 00:10:10.327 --> 00:10:14.198
  • Now, again, this is where i struggle, and i'll tell you why.
  • 00:10:14.198 --> 00:10:16.734
  • And maybe it's just me, but i'm just gonna confess this on
  • 00:10:16.734 --> 00:10:19.336
  • The screen.
  • 00:10:19.336 --> 00:10:20.671
  • I'm confident that what they need to hear is what i need
  • 00:10:20.671 --> 00:10:25.409
  • To say.
  • 00:10:25.409 --> 00:10:27.645
  • I mean, i just feel like, because i have so much energy
  • 00:10:27.645 --> 00:10:30.114
  • Around what i need to say, that must be what they need to hear.
  • 00:10:30.114 --> 00:10:33.484
  • And this is when i always have to apologize, especially as
  • 00:10:33.484 --> 00:10:35.886
  • A parent.
  • 00:10:35.886 --> 00:10:37.254
  • I mean, how many times as a parent--you can relate to this.
  • 00:10:37.254 --> 00:10:39.023
  • You go upstairs, or you go to your child's room and you say
  • 00:10:39.023 --> 00:10:41.092
  • What needs to be said, and then 20 minutes later you're up
  • 00:10:41.092 --> 00:10:42.860
  • There apologizing.
  • 00:10:42.860 --> 00:10:44.195
  • You're like, "why am i apologizing?"
  • 00:10:44.195 --> 00:10:45.563
  • I said, because you didn't say what they needed to hear the way
  • 00:10:45.563 --> 00:10:48.232
  • They needed to hear it.
  • 00:10:48.232 --> 00:10:49.567
  • You said what you needed to say the way you needed to say it.
  • 00:10:49.567 --> 00:10:52.503
  • Paul's coming--going, "come on, grow up!
  • 00:10:52.503 --> 00:10:55.606
  • Be mature, guard that mouth.
  • 00:10:55.606 --> 00:10:57.007
  • Put a gatekeeper on that mouth.
  • 00:10:57.007 --> 00:10:58.843
  • You need to make sure that whatever comes out, it builds
  • 00:10:58.843 --> 00:11:01.612
  • Them up according to what they need."
  • 00:11:01.612 --> 00:11:04.515
  • And the reason i'm confident that i--that they need to hear
  • 00:11:04.515 --> 00:11:06.851
  • What i have to say is because i feel so much better after i've
  • 00:11:06.851 --> 00:11:09.553
  • Said it.
  • 00:11:09.553 --> 00:11:10.921
  • Just being honest, right?
  • 00:11:10.921 --> 00:11:12.256
  • I don't understand why they don't feel better.
  • 00:11:12.256 --> 00:11:14.425
  • The truth is--and i'm judging you a little bit, but i'm
  • 00:11:14.425 --> 00:11:17.027
  • Judging myself as well.
  • 00:11:17.027 --> 00:11:18.395
  • Most of us--maybe you're the exception.
  • 00:11:18.395 --> 00:11:20.164
  • Most of us are more dialed-in to what we need to say than what
  • 00:11:20.164 --> 00:11:24.135
  • Others need to hear.
  • 00:11:24.135 --> 00:11:27.538
  • Sometimes we hesitate, if we're honest.
  • 00:11:27.538 --> 00:11:30.274
  • Sometimes we hesitate to say what they need to hear.
  • 00:11:30.274 --> 00:11:32.643
  • Sometimes we hesitate to say what they need to hear because
  • 00:11:32.643 --> 00:11:34.345
  • It's uncomfortable for us, and all of a sudden, it's about
  • 00:11:34.345 --> 00:11:36.847
  • Us again.
  • 00:11:36.847 --> 00:11:38.215
  • Sometimes we're uncomfortable saying what needs to be said
  • 00:11:38.215 --> 00:11:39.917
  • Because we don't want to alienate them because we'll miss
  • 00:11:39.917 --> 00:11:42.820
  • Them, and again, it's back to us.
  • 00:11:42.820 --> 00:11:44.722
  • Or we fear their rejection, and all of a sudden it's back to us.
  • 00:11:44.722 --> 00:11:47.858
  • And before long, we're back to tailoring our words to what
  • 00:11:47.858 --> 00:11:52.096
  • Suits us and our need in the moment.
  • 00:11:52.096 --> 00:11:54.965
  • I select my words with me in mind.
  • 00:11:54.965 --> 00:11:59.503
  • This is why this is baked into following jesus, because
  • 00:11:59.503 --> 00:12:05.042
  • Christianity is an others-first life orientation.
  • 00:12:05.042 --> 00:12:09.847
  • Christianity is an others-first life orientation, which means
  • 00:12:09.847 --> 00:12:13.184
  • Everything about my life--and again, it is so easy to stand up
  • 00:12:13.184 --> 00:12:16.720
  • Here and say this with a microphone, okay?
  • 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:18.823
  • But whether it's easy for me or not, or whether i do it well or
  • 00:12:18.823 --> 00:12:21.792
  • Not all the time, the truth is christianity is an others-first
  • 00:12:21.792 --> 00:12:24.528
  • Orientation, which means i have to choose my words with the
  • 00:12:24.528 --> 00:12:28.566
  • Needs of other people over my needs to say things, and what i
  • 00:12:28.566 --> 00:12:31.235
  • Wanna hear me say, and what i wanna walk away thinking, "oh,
  • 00:12:31.235 --> 00:12:33.404
  • Well, i finally told them."
  • 00:12:33.404 --> 00:12:35.573
  • And before long, if we're not careful, it's all about us, it's
  • 00:12:35.573 --> 00:12:38.542
  • All about me, it's all about you.
  • 00:12:38.542 --> 00:12:40.144
  • I select my words with me in mind.
  • 00:12:40.144 --> 00:12:41.545
  • I say what's most helpful to me, according to my needs,
  • 00:12:41.545 --> 00:12:47.551
  • Which is fine if i care more about me than i care about you,
  • 00:12:47.551 --> 00:12:54.225
  • Which is fine if you care more about you than they care--then
  • 00:12:54.225 --> 00:12:58.529
  • You care about the person on the other side of you.
  • 00:12:58.529 --> 00:13:03.767
  • And this is where jesus just levels the playing field,
  • 00:13:03.767 --> 00:13:09.940
  • Because he never made it about him.
  • 00:13:09.940 --> 00:13:12.910
  • And then he says, "follow me."
  • 00:13:12.910 --> 00:13:15.179
  • He always made it about others.
  • 00:13:15.179 --> 00:13:16.513
  • And then he says, "follow me."
  • 00:13:16.513 --> 00:13:17.982
  • I know i quote this verse all the time, but it's a life verse
  • 00:13:17.982 --> 00:13:19.850
  • For me.
  • 00:13:19.850 --> 00:13:21.218
  • "for he says, 'for even the son of man--'" talking
  • 00:13:21.218 --> 00:13:22.553
  • About himself.
  • 00:13:22.553 --> 00:13:23.921
  • "for even the son of man--" i mean, the most important person
  • 00:13:23.921 --> 00:13:25.623
  • On planet earth.
  • 00:13:25.623 --> 00:13:26.957
  • The most important person that'll ever walk on
  • 00:13:26.957 --> 00:13:28.325
  • Planet earth!
  • 00:13:28.325 --> 00:13:29.693
  • Even the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve.
  • 00:13:29.693 --> 00:13:34.098
  • Here's that word again.
  • 00:13:34.098 --> 00:13:35.432
  • And give his life ransom for many.
  • 00:13:35.432 --> 00:13:40.037
  • And then he says to you, and he says to me,
  • 00:13:40.037 --> 00:13:42.139
  • "that's how i want you to parent.
  • 00:13:42.139 --> 00:13:43.474
  • That's how i want you to employ.
  • 00:13:43.474 --> 00:13:44.842
  • That's how i want you to boss.
  • 00:13:44.842 --> 00:13:46.176
  • That's how i want you to manage.
  • 00:13:46.176 --> 00:13:47.544
  • That's how i want you to neighbor.
  • 00:13:47.544 --> 00:13:48.879
  • That's how i want you to fiance.
  • 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:50.247
  • That's how i want you to romance.
  • 00:13:50.247 --> 00:13:51.582
  • That's how i want you to love."
  • 00:13:51.582 --> 00:13:53.550
  • And here's what we all know: christian or not, religious or
  • 00:13:53.550 --> 00:13:56.453
  • Not, you like it when other people do that for you,
  • 00:13:56.453 --> 00:14:00.925
  • Don't you?
  • 00:14:00.925 --> 00:14:02.526
  • In fact, you do that the right way with the right person, they
  • 00:14:02.526 --> 00:14:06.397
  • Will fall in love with you.
  • 00:14:06.397 --> 00:14:09.133
  • Paul concludes, says this, "but only words that are good for
  • 00:14:09.133 --> 00:14:12.603
  • Building others up, according to their needs, that--" and now he
  • 00:14:12.603 --> 00:14:15.205
  • Gives us the finish line, the win, the purpose, or the result.
  • 00:14:15.205 --> 00:14:18.709
  • Here it is, "that." here's the end.
  • 00:14:18.709 --> 00:14:20.210
  • Here's how you know if you did it right.
  • 00:14:20.210 --> 00:14:21.578
  • Here's how i know if i did it right.
  • 00:14:21.578 --> 00:14:22.913
  • "that it may benefit those who listen."
  • 00:14:22.913 --> 00:14:27.384
  • In other words, our words should be beneficial, whether they are
  • 00:14:27.384 --> 00:14:32.156
  • Received as beneficial or not, they should be beneficial.
  • 00:14:32.156 --> 00:14:34.825
  • Either immediately it's recognized, or later she comes
  • 00:14:34.825 --> 00:14:37.294
  • Back around, or he comes back around and says, "okay, i was so
  • 00:14:37.294 --> 00:14:40.030
  • Mad at you when you told me that, but i realize now that was
  • 00:14:40.030 --> 00:14:42.633
  • Hard for you to say, and you said it anyway, and thank you."
  • 00:14:42.633 --> 00:14:47.171
  • It leaves the other person better-off, built-up.
  • 00:14:47.171 --> 00:14:50.007
  • And that way, our words should be a gift.
  • 00:14:50.007 --> 00:14:52.910
  • Now, as you know, there's a right way to say hard things,
  • 00:14:52.910 --> 00:14:55.946
  • And we all need to hear hard things.
  • 00:14:55.946 --> 00:14:57.281
  • We all need, at times, to say hard things.
  • 00:14:57.281 --> 00:14:59.383
  • But here's the thing, and we're gonna move on.
  • 00:14:59.383 --> 00:15:01.785
  • People know--come on, and you know people know cause you know.
  • 00:15:01.785 --> 00:15:05.055
  • People know when we're saying hard things with us in mind or
  • 00:15:05.055 --> 00:15:07.491
  • Them in mind.
  • 00:15:07.491 --> 00:15:08.859
  • People know when we're saying hard things for our benefit or
  • 00:15:08.859 --> 00:15:10.995
  • For their benefit, which means when it comes to the words we
  • 00:15:10.995 --> 00:15:14.331
  • Choose, intent is as important as content, because it is
  • 00:15:14.331 --> 00:15:19.737
  • Difficult to receive difficult words if we don't trust the
  • 00:15:19.737 --> 00:15:23.741
  • Other person's intention.
  • 00:15:23.741 --> 00:15:25.275
  • It is difficult to receive negative words, or words we
  • 00:15:25.275 --> 00:15:28.078
  • Don't wanna hear, if we suspect someone's intent.
  • 00:15:28.078 --> 00:15:30.681
  • But when we know they really have our best interest in mind,
  • 00:15:30.681 --> 00:15:35.652
  • We can receive them.
  • 00:15:35.652 --> 00:15:36.987
  • And the same is true for you.
  • 00:15:36.987 --> 00:15:38.355
  • When you've been able to communicate to the person on the
  • 00:15:38.355 --> 00:15:40.157
  • Other side of you, "i really have your best interest in
  • 00:15:40.157 --> 00:15:42.359
  • Mind," and they are sure of that?
  • 00:15:42.359 --> 00:15:44.495
  • Of course, they're receptive.
  • 00:15:44.495 --> 00:15:47.431
  • And as jesus-followers, because we have been called to be in one
  • 00:15:47.431 --> 00:15:51.301
  • Another's lives and to encourage one another daily, it's so
  • 00:15:51.301 --> 00:15:54.805
  • Important for us to get this right.
  • 00:15:54.805 --> 00:15:58.409
  • So, in review, "do not let any unwholesome word come out of
  • 00:15:58.409 --> 00:16:02.079
  • Your mouth, only such words are good for building others up
  • 00:16:02.079 --> 00:16:04.415
  • According to their needs, that it may benefit those
  • 00:16:04.415 --> 00:16:07.051
  • Who listen."
  • 00:16:07.051 --> 00:16:08.385
  • That's what following jesus sounds like, which brings me,
  • 00:16:08.385 --> 00:16:11.088
  • Finally, to the first of these three dynamics we're gonna talk
  • 00:16:11.088 --> 00:16:13.223
  • About in this series that play into every conversation with the
  • 00:16:13.223 --> 00:16:16.527
  • People who are closest to us.
  • 00:16:16.527 --> 00:16:18.262
  • Three things that we should take into consideration because
  • 00:16:18.262 --> 00:16:21.632
  • Other--because we want other people to take them into
  • 00:16:21.632 --> 00:16:23.901
  • Consideration when they're talking to us, but oftentimes
  • 00:16:23.901 --> 00:16:26.303
  • They don't, and consequently, because we've not focused on
  • 00:16:26.303 --> 00:16:28.872
  • Them, because we've not put words around them, often times
  • 00:16:28.872 --> 00:16:31.108
  • We don't either.
  • 00:16:31.108 --> 00:16:32.709
  • So here's number one.
  • 00:16:32.709 --> 00:16:34.745
  • Number one: words are not equally weighted.
  • 00:16:34.745 --> 00:16:39.216
  • Words are not equally weighted.
  • 00:16:39.216 --> 00:16:41.485
  • Nobody's gonna write down what i'm about to say next because we
  • 00:16:41.485 --> 00:16:43.887
  • All know this, but for some reason, we forget it.
  • 00:16:43.887 --> 00:16:47.524
  • Negative words weigh way more than positive words.
  • 00:16:47.524 --> 00:16:51.929
  • Let's just say this out loud together.
  • 00:16:51.929 --> 00:16:53.931
  • Ready, all of us!
  • 00:16:53.931 --> 00:16:55.299
  • If you're watching online, "negative words weigh--
  • 00:16:55.299 --> 00:16:59.169
  • Than positive words," right.
  • 00:16:59.169 --> 00:17:00.971
  • Now, depending on the study you look at, and all kinds of
  • 00:17:00.971 --> 00:17:02.806
  • Studies have been done on this, the experts tell us that you
  • 00:17:02.806 --> 00:17:05.776
  • Need five to nine positives to counterbalance one negative.
  • 00:17:05.776 --> 00:17:11.315
  • But most of these surveys were done in
  • 00:17:11.315 --> 00:17:13.851
  • Marketplace relationships.
  • 00:17:13.851 --> 00:17:15.986
  • My theory--i have no science to back this up.
  • 00:17:15.986 --> 00:17:18.188
  • My theory is, in marriage, with your kids, with your parents,
  • 00:17:18.188 --> 00:17:21.992
  • With your brother, your sister, your best friend, it's not nine
  • 00:17:21.992 --> 00:17:24.628
  • To five, it's probably 25 or 30 to one positives to
  • 00:17:24.628 --> 00:17:28.899
  • Counterbalance one negative, right?
  • 00:17:28.899 --> 00:17:31.401
  • I mean, growing--think of it this way.
  • 00:17:31.401 --> 00:17:32.736
  • Growing up, you don't remember much of anything your parents--
  • 00:17:32.736 --> 00:17:36.039
  • You don't remember much of anything you said to your
  • 00:17:36.039 --> 00:17:39.109
  • Parents, but there are some things your parents said to you
  • 00:17:39.109 --> 00:17:41.979
  • That you will never forget, and the ones that you don't--the
  • 00:17:41.979 --> 00:17:44.214
  • Ones that you'll never forget are mostly negative
  • 00:17:44.214 --> 00:17:46.383
  • Things, right?
  • 00:17:46.383 --> 00:17:47.718
  • I mean, the conversation that began with, "son, never
  • 00:17:47.718 --> 00:17:51.021
  • Forget--" that's the only part of what they said that you
  • 00:17:51.021 --> 00:17:55.025
  • Remember, "son, never forget."
  • 00:17:55.025 --> 00:17:56.994
  • And you don't remember anything that followed, right?
  • 00:17:56.994 --> 00:17:59.663
  • But the negatives?
  • 00:17:59.663 --> 00:18:02.332
  • The critical, the cynical, the comparison?
  • 00:18:02.332 --> 00:18:08.906
  • Those arrows stuck, they were barbed.
  • 00:18:08.906 --> 00:18:12.276
  • They created wounds that maybe followed you for the rest of
  • 00:18:12.276 --> 00:18:15.078
  • Your life.
  • 00:18:15.078 --> 00:18:16.413
  • Every time you look in the mirror, you see that thing your
  • 00:18:16.413 --> 00:18:18.015
  • Mom or dad said about you, or your sister said about you.
  • 00:18:18.015 --> 00:18:19.650
  • Nobody else notices, but it's all you can notice because they
  • 00:18:19.650 --> 00:18:22.486
  • Just said it so many times,
  • 00:18:22.486 --> 00:18:27.124
  • Because words aren't equally weighted, but words weigh a lot.
  • 00:18:27.124 --> 00:18:34.131
  • When i was 16, i wanted to look like peter frampton.
  • 00:18:34.131 --> 00:18:41.104
  • And when i was 16, i actually had the hair to pull this off,
  • 00:18:41.104 --> 00:18:45.475
  • But it meant not cutting it off, right?
  • 00:18:45.475 --> 00:18:49.112
  • And my mom loved it.
  • 00:18:49.112 --> 00:18:50.547
  • In fact, to her dying day, i mean she died a few years ago,
  • 00:18:50.547 --> 00:18:53.383
  • And, and she would say--and she would look at me and she would
  • 00:18:53.383 --> 00:18:55.452
  • Put her hands and fingers in my hair and she'd go, "where are
  • 00:18:55.452 --> 00:18:57.487
  • All those curls?
  • 00:18:57.487 --> 00:18:58.855
  • Where are all those curls?"
  • 00:18:58.855 --> 00:19:00.190
  • I'm like, "they're--mom."
  • 00:19:00.190 --> 00:19:01.558
  • "you need to grow your hair."
  • 00:19:01.558 --> 00:19:02.893
  • I'm like, "i don't think so."
  • 00:19:02.893 --> 00:19:04.261
  • But anyway, so she loved it. she loved it.
  • 00:19:04.261 --> 00:19:05.629
  • And you know, here's a picture, so here i am.
  • 00:19:05.629 --> 00:19:07.297
  • Yeah, now i know what you're saying, so i'm gonna say it
  • 00:19:07.297 --> 00:19:11.468
  • For you.
  • 00:19:11.468 --> 00:19:12.803
  • You don't know who peter frampton is, but you know who
  • 00:19:12.803 --> 00:19:14.705
  • Napoleon dynamite is.
  • 00:19:14.705 --> 00:19:16.039
  • [congregation laughing]
  • 00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:18.542
  • And when i watched napoleon dynamite with my kids all those
  • 00:19:18.542 --> 00:19:21.311
  • Years ago, i thought, "i don't know what you're laughing about,
  • 00:19:21.311 --> 00:19:23.814
  • That's like my life story."
  • 00:19:23.814 --> 00:19:25.616
  • Even the handle of the the bicycle thing with the ramp,
  • 00:19:25.616 --> 00:19:27.851
  • Just don't go there.
  • 00:19:27.851 --> 00:19:29.186
  • Anyway, i just--you know, it was just, so my life.
  • 00:19:29.186 --> 00:19:30.854
  • So, anyway, my mom, she just thought it was so, so pretty.
  • 00:19:30.854 --> 00:19:33.056
  • We can--yeah, we can move on.
  • 00:19:33.056 --> 00:19:34.424
  • We--it's so pretty.
  • 00:19:34.424 --> 00:19:35.792
  • But my dad, my dad, he did not like it.
  • 00:19:35.792 --> 00:19:38.595
  • He would tell me, he said, "it makes you look like a girl."
  • 00:19:38.595 --> 00:19:41.965
  • You're laughing at that?
  • 00:19:41.965 --> 00:19:43.333
  • I thought i would get like a sympathy moan, okay?
  • 00:19:43.333 --> 00:19:45.802
  • Wow, tough crowd.
  • 00:19:45.802 --> 00:19:47.170
  • I know some of you are watching online, you're like, "oh, that's
  • 00:19:47.170 --> 00:19:48.872
  • Terrible, your dad would say this!"
  • 00:19:48.872 --> 00:19:50.240
  • So let me tell you about an incident.
  • 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:51.575
  • You all have these, i'm just sharing mine, okay?
  • 00:19:51.575 --> 00:19:53.477
  • And don't share this outside the room.
  • 00:19:53.477 --> 00:19:55.178
  • So i'm standing in the little foyer of our little house
  • 00:19:55.178 --> 00:19:58.315
  • In tucker.
  • 00:19:58.315 --> 00:19:59.683
  • I was 16 years old, and i'd just gotten back from getting a
  • 00:19:59.683 --> 00:20:02.352
  • Haircut where i got it cut short-ish, you know?
  • 00:20:02.352 --> 00:20:05.756
  • And my dad walks up to me.
  • 00:20:05.756 --> 00:20:07.324
  • I mean, i remember where i was standing.
  • 00:20:07.324 --> 00:20:09.326
  • He said, and i quote, "now you look like my son."
  • 00:20:09.326 --> 00:20:16.733
  • You are--don't laugh at that!
  • 00:20:16.733 --> 00:20:18.635
  • That is not the laugh line!
  • 00:20:18.635 --> 00:20:20.070
  • I know--now he looked at me, "now you look like my son."
  • 00:20:20.070 --> 00:20:22.939
  • And i still remember what i thought in that moment.
  • 00:20:22.939 --> 00:20:27.044
  • I thought, "whose son did i look like an hour ago?"
  • 00:20:27.044 --> 00:20:33.517
  • And how did i respond to those words that, today, i still
  • 00:20:33.517 --> 00:20:37.521
  • Remember them?
  • 00:20:37.521 --> 00:20:38.889
  • I followed in my father's footsteps and worked for him for
  • 00:20:38.889 --> 00:20:40.991
  • 12 years.
  • 00:20:40.991 --> 00:20:42.893
  • Because those weren't the only words he said, but i will never
  • 00:20:42.893 --> 00:20:48.198
  • Forget those, because negatives weigh more than positives.
  • 00:20:48.198 --> 00:20:54.338
  • You know that because you carry some of those wounds, but the
  • 00:20:54.338 --> 00:20:58.375
  • Point is, your words have the same potential to wound, and
  • 00:20:58.375 --> 00:21:02.979
  • You're just talking, talking, talking, talking, talking.
  • 00:21:02.979 --> 00:21:04.581
  • For you, they--all my words weigh 4 pounds, all my words
  • 00:21:04.581 --> 00:21:06.783
  • Weigh 4 pounds, and then some of your words weigh 104
  • 00:21:06.783 --> 00:21:09.486
  • Pounds, and you don't even know, you just keep going, we just
  • 00:21:09.486 --> 00:21:11.822
  • Keep going, and this isn't so important with people out there
  • 00:21:11.822 --> 00:21:14.524
  • In the outer world, but the people who are in our inner
  • 00:21:14.524 --> 00:21:16.593
  • Circle, it's huge!
  • 00:21:16.593 --> 00:21:18.295
  • And we are responsible for the damage we do with our words, and
  • 00:21:18.295 --> 00:21:21.898
  • We are responsible for the stewardship we have with our
  • 00:21:21.898 --> 00:21:24.768
  • Words when it comes to impacting the people around us in such a
  • 00:21:24.768 --> 00:21:27.504
  • Way that they walk away feeling like, "i was at a construction
  • 00:21:27.504 --> 00:21:30.240
  • Site and i'm built up, and i'm better.
  • 00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:32.709
  • And she is so dialed into--he is so dialed into my needs, and
  • 00:21:32.709 --> 00:21:36.179
  • It's like he or she chose the words that i needed, and i
  • 00:21:36.179 --> 00:21:39.182
  • Liked them.
  • 00:21:39.182 --> 00:21:40.550
  • Or i didn't like them, but i know that i needed them."
  • 00:21:40.550 --> 00:21:43.186
  • That's what we're called to, but we're all gonna slip up.
  • 00:21:43.186 --> 00:21:48.492
  • No way to get this right.
  • 00:21:48.492 --> 00:21:49.826
  • The only way not to slip up is to die early, and i don't
  • 00:21:49.826 --> 00:21:52.362
  • Recommend that.
  • 00:21:52.362 --> 00:21:53.830
  • So, it's imperative that we load up, come on, that we load up on
  • 00:21:53.830 --> 00:21:57.200
  • The positive and constructive, the positive and
  • 00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.469
  • The constructive.
  • 00:21:59.469 --> 00:22:00.837
  • Now, real quick, if you're a manager, or you're--you have
  • 00:22:00.837 --> 00:22:03.673
  • Employees that report to you, maybe you run a franchise, or
  • 00:22:03.673 --> 00:22:06.243
  • You maybe you run the company.
  • 00:22:06.243 --> 00:22:07.711
  • If you're a parent or a grandparent, listen, this is
  • 00:22:07.711 --> 00:22:09.946
  • So important.
  • 00:22:09.946 --> 00:22:11.314
  • The positive-to-negative ratio in loading up on the positive
  • 00:22:11.314 --> 00:22:14.418
  • And way overdoing the positive, that's what ensures that
  • 00:22:14.418 --> 00:22:19.256
  • Constructive criticism has its intended result, that what you
  • 00:22:19.256 --> 00:22:25.228
  • Wanted to be received is received.
  • 00:22:25.228 --> 00:22:27.697
  • What you want acted on is actually acted on.
  • 00:22:27.697 --> 00:22:30.300
  • It's what ensures that negative comments have result, or
  • 00:22:30.300 --> 00:22:33.303
  • Positive change, or result in positive change.
  • 00:22:33.303 --> 00:22:35.705
  • Now, here's where this lands with some of you.
  • 00:22:35.705 --> 00:22:37.541
  • I'm gonna press in a little hard.
  • 00:22:37.541 --> 00:22:39.676
  • Dads, if you're a man of few words--i have a feeling, if
  • 00:22:39.676 --> 00:22:45.482
  • You're a man of few words, the negatives come more easily than
  • 00:22:45.482 --> 00:22:48.485
  • The positives.
  • 00:22:48.485 --> 00:22:49.820
  • That's just kinda how it goes.
  • 00:22:49.820 --> 00:22:51.154
  • You don't say a lot of positive things, but you don't--you're
  • 00:22:51.154 --> 00:22:52.989
  • Just not that verbal.
  • 00:22:52.989 --> 00:22:55.192
  • But i mean, if something goes wrong, i mean, you're just--
  • 00:22:55.192 --> 00:22:57.227
  • [snaps fingers] you're on it.
  • 00:22:57.227 --> 00:22:58.595
  • And in your mind, "i--hey, i'm just telling you the truth, i'm
  • 00:22:58.595 --> 00:23:00.464
  • Just being honest."
  • 00:23:00.464 --> 00:23:01.965
  • So look up here.
  • 00:23:01.965 --> 00:23:04.201
  • If you want your correction-- and i'm not trying to be cute
  • 00:23:04.201 --> 00:23:07.204
  • With the rhyme, it just happens to rhyme.
  • 00:23:07.204 --> 00:23:08.538
  • If you want your correction to impact your children's
  • 00:23:08.538 --> 00:23:12.509
  • Direction, you've got to adjust your ratio.
  • 00:23:12.509 --> 00:23:16.146
  • You don't quit saying the hard things, you don't quit
  • 00:23:16.146 --> 00:23:18.281
  • Correcting, but it has got-- you've got to balance, and it's
  • 00:23:18.281 --> 00:23:21.117
  • Not one-to-one, or five-to-one, or ten-to-one with a dad.
  • 00:23:21.117 --> 00:23:25.188
  • Maybe it's 50-to-1.
  • 00:23:25.188 --> 00:23:27.724
  • I mean, look--you know, you're familiar with the idea of
  • 00:23:27.724 --> 00:23:30.093
  • Portion control, right?
  • 00:23:30.093 --> 00:23:31.795
  • Well, this is proportion control, and both
  • 00:23:31.795 --> 00:23:35.031
  • Require self-control.
  • 00:23:35.031 --> 00:23:40.437
  • Sarcasm will not make your children tougher.
  • 00:23:40.437 --> 00:23:44.074
  • Sarcasm will make it tougher for you to connect with your adult
  • 00:23:44.074 --> 00:23:47.043
  • Kids, i promise you.
  • 00:23:47.043 --> 00:23:48.945
  • Eradicate it, it doesn't accomplish anything.
  • 00:23:48.945 --> 00:23:51.915
  • And load up on the positives.
  • 00:23:51.915 --> 00:23:53.884
  • Bottom line, words, they're not equally weighted.
  • 00:23:53.884 --> 00:23:56.620
  • Words are not equally weighted.
  • 00:23:56.620 --> 00:23:59.990
  • Negatives weigh way more.
  • 00:23:59.990 --> 00:24:02.792
  • Negatives are necessary, but they bounce, and they wound if
  • 00:24:02.792 --> 00:24:08.164
  • They aren't the exception.
  • 00:24:08.164 --> 00:24:10.166
  • We've been told--i mean, you've heard this, right?
  • 00:24:10.166 --> 00:24:12.035
  • We've been told that it's possible to have too much of a
  • 00:24:12.035 --> 00:24:14.337
  • Good thing.
  • 00:24:14.337 --> 00:24:15.672
  • You've heard that before?
  • 00:24:15.672 --> 00:24:17.040
  • It's possible to have too much of a good thing.
  • 00:24:17.040 --> 00:24:18.375
  • When i hear that, nothing ever comes to mind.
  • 00:24:18.375 --> 00:24:20.644
  • Like, "huh, i can't think of anything that's too much, you
  • 00:24:20.644 --> 00:24:22.479
  • Know, a good thing, right?"
  • 00:24:22.479 --> 00:24:23.813
  • But that--and that may be true in some areas, but it is not
  • 00:24:23.813 --> 00:24:26.750
  • True when it comes to our words.
  • 00:24:26.750 --> 00:24:28.952
  • It is certainly not the case when it comes to our words.
  • 00:24:28.952 --> 00:24:31.454
  • I'm no professional counselor, but i feel like i can say this
  • 00:24:31.454 --> 00:24:34.124
  • With confidence.
  • 00:24:34.124 --> 00:24:35.458
  • No one traces the root of their problems back to too
  • 00:24:35.458 --> 00:24:38.695
  • Much encouragement.
  • 00:24:38.695 --> 00:24:40.730
  • You cannot overdose a person in encouragement, as long as you're
  • 00:24:40.730 --> 00:24:44.134
  • Actually being sincere.
  • 00:24:44.134 --> 00:24:45.702
  • And i just want to encourage all of you, whether it's at work or
  • 00:24:45.702 --> 00:24:48.204
  • Home, the neighborhood, let's overdose a little bit more on
  • 00:24:48.204 --> 00:24:51.207
  • Constructive and encouragement, because in order to pave the way
  • 00:24:51.207 --> 00:24:54.244
  • To say the hard things, in order to pave the way to say the
  • 00:24:54.244 --> 00:24:56.980
  • Things that are somewhat negative, even hurtful, or in
  • 00:24:56.980 --> 00:25:00.150
  • Some cases offensive, in order to be in a position--look
  • 00:25:00.150 --> 00:25:03.453
  • Up here.
  • 00:25:03.453 --> 00:25:04.821
  • In order to be in a position where you can actually love
  • 00:25:04.821 --> 00:25:06.656
  • Someone with your words, you pave the way by paving the way
  • 00:25:06.656 --> 00:25:12.696
  • With encouraging, positive, construction, sincere words.
  • 00:25:12.696 --> 00:25:16.399
  • And for some of you, you are so wired for this, you're listening
  • 00:25:16.399 --> 00:25:19.536
  • To this going, "well, like, yeah, doesn't everybody?"
  • 00:25:19.536 --> 00:25:21.705
  • No, not everybody.
  • 00:25:21.705 --> 00:25:23.039
  • And it's so easy for you that it's easy to judge some of the
  • 00:25:23.039 --> 00:25:24.941
  • Rest of us, i get that.
  • 00:25:24.941 --> 00:25:26.276
  • Good for you, keep going and model it for us.
  • 00:25:26.276 --> 00:25:28.945
  • But for some of us, for many of us, because we didn't grow up
  • 00:25:28.945 --> 00:25:31.514
  • With it, because we haven't received much of it, there's a
  • 00:25:31.514 --> 00:25:35.018
  • Tendency to hold back.
  • 00:25:35.018 --> 00:25:36.853
  • And again, if you're more concerned about you than the
  • 00:25:36.853 --> 00:25:39.522
  • Person on the other side of you, it's up to you.
  • 00:25:39.522 --> 00:25:43.159
  • But if you're a christian, if you're a jesus-follower, this is
  • 00:25:43.159 --> 00:25:46.863
  • Part of the equation.
  • 00:25:46.863 --> 00:25:49.366
  • So, between now and next time, here's a couple of questions to
  • 00:25:49.366 --> 00:25:53.870
  • Think about.
  • 00:25:53.870 --> 00:25:55.772
  • Where do you have work to do?
  • 00:25:55.772 --> 00:25:59.542
  • And who hopes you'll get to work soon?
  • 00:25:59.542 --> 00:26:04.481
  • Where do you have work to do?
  • 00:26:04.481 --> 00:26:07.017
  • And who hopes you'll get to work soon?
  • 00:26:07.017 --> 00:26:11.921
  • Who hopes this isn't just another sermon that's in one ear
  • 00:26:11.921 --> 00:26:15.425
  • And out the other?
  • 00:26:15.425 --> 00:26:16.993
  • Who's hoping that you're really listening and digesting
  • 00:26:16.993 --> 00:26:21.564
  • This today?
  • 00:26:21.564 --> 00:26:24.401
  • Do not--christians, do not let any unwholesome word proceed
  • 00:26:24.401 --> 00:26:32.742
  • From your mouths, but only words that are good for building
  • 00:26:32.742 --> 00:26:36.046
  • Others up according to their needs, or as one translation
  • 00:26:36.046 --> 00:26:39.649
  • Says, "according to the need," i love this phrase.
  • 00:26:39.649 --> 00:26:41.985
  • "according to the need of the moment, that it might benefit
  • 00:26:41.985 --> 00:26:46.890
  • Those who hear."
  • 00:26:46.890 --> 00:26:48.258
  • That it might benefit those on the other side of you.
  • 00:26:48.258 --> 00:26:54.064
  • This is what it sounds like to follow jesus.
  • 00:26:54.064 --> 00:27:00.070
  • And we will pick it up right there next time, in part two of
  • 00:27:00.070 --> 00:27:03.506
  • "the weight of your words."
  • 00:27:03.506 --> 00:27:08.078
  • Andy: hey, thanks so much for watching.
  • 00:27:08.078 --> 00:27:09.779
  • You may find it hard to believe that 75 million americans claim
  • 00:27:09.779 --> 00:27:13.216
  • No religious affiliation.
  • 00:27:13.216 --> 00:27:15.351
  • On a personal note, perhaps you found it nearly impossible to
  • 00:27:15.351 --> 00:27:18.421
  • Believe that your son, or your daughter, or perhaps a
  • 00:27:18.421 --> 00:27:20.824
  • Grandchild drifted away from faith as part of that number.
  • 00:27:20.824 --> 00:27:24.127
  • This is a crisis culturally, and perhaps, for you, it's a
  • 00:27:24.127 --> 00:27:27.130
  • Crisis personally.
  • 00:27:27.130 --> 00:27:28.498
  • At "your move," we are committed to addressing that crisis.
  • 00:27:28.498 --> 00:27:32.402
  • We actually have a plan to solve it, but we need your help.
  • 00:27:32.402 --> 00:27:35.305
  • We've developed a digital online tool that invites people to take
  • 00:27:35.305 --> 00:27:38.708
  • A personal assessment that launches them on a journey that
  • 00:27:38.708 --> 00:27:41.945
  • Eventually intersects their questions with the teaching of
  • 00:27:41.945 --> 00:27:45.281
  • Jesus, and ultimately with a bible-teaching church in
  • 00:27:45.281 --> 00:27:49.185
  • Their community.
  • 00:27:49.185 --> 00:27:50.553
  • Tens of thousands of people are currently engaged in this
  • 00:27:50.553 --> 00:27:52.956
  • Process, but we need your help to continue creating the bread
  • 00:27:52.956 --> 00:27:56.559
  • Crumbs, the content, that keeps them moving forward on their
  • 00:27:56.559 --> 00:28:00.130
  • Faith journey.
  • 00:28:00.130 --> 00:28:01.531
  • We're attempting something that no one has ever attempted
  • 00:28:01.531 --> 00:28:04.234
  • Before, and it is already working.
  • 00:28:04.234 --> 00:28:06.469
  • To find out more, go to the website, or call the number at
  • 00:28:06.469 --> 00:28:09.272
  • The bottom of the screen.
  • 00:28:09.272 --> 00:28:10.640
  • And as always, thank you so much for watching, and now, it's
  • 00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:14.043
  • Your move.
  • 00:28:14.043 --> 00:28:15.378
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:28:15.378 --> 00:28:24.220
  • ...
  • 00:28:25.488 --> 00:28:29.010