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Your Move with Andy Stanley

Andy Stanley - The Weight of Your Words (Part 3)

May 2, 2026 | 28:29

Andy Stanley - The Weight of Your Words (Part 3)
Your Move with Andy Stanley — to help people make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.
#Wordswespeak #Communication #Relationships #Peopleinyourlife #Blessing #Curses #Responsibility #Attitude #Blame #Hurting #Offense #Humility #Humble #Forgiveness #AndyStanley

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Your Move with Andy Stanley | Andy Stanley - The Weight of Your Words (Part 3) | May 2, 2026
  • ...
  • 00:00:00.633 --> 00:00:00.351
  • Andy stanley: hey, everybody, welcome to "your move" where we
  • 00:00:00.785 --> 00:00:02.020
  • Help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.
  • 00:00:02.153 --> 00:00:04.322
  • I'm andy stanley and i'll be your guide.
  • 00:00:04.456 --> 00:00:06.024
  • Now, here's something you've experienced, but you may never
  • 00:00:06.157 --> 00:00:08.493
  • Have thought about it.
  • 00:00:08.626 --> 00:00:09.861
  • There is no correlation between intent and outcome.
  • 00:00:09.961 --> 00:00:13.465
  • Here's what i mean.
  • 00:00:13.598 --> 00:00:14.833
  • If i break your window unintentionally, it's
  • 00:00:14.966 --> 00:00:16.835
  • Still broken.
  • 00:00:16.968 --> 00:00:18.169
  • It still has to be fixed.
  • 00:00:18.303 --> 00:00:19.537
  • The fact that it was an accident did not affect the outcome, and
  • 00:00:19.637 --> 00:00:22.874
  • The same is true in our relationships.
  • 00:00:22.974 --> 00:00:25.176
  • You didn't mean to hurt his feelings, you didn't mean to
  • 00:00:25.310 --> 00:00:27.779
  • Make her feel uncomfortable, but something still needs to
  • 00:00:27.879 --> 00:00:30.882
  • Be fixed.
  • 00:00:31.015 --> 00:00:32.250
  • This is a big deal, and that's why we're talking about it today
  • 00:00:32.350 --> 00:00:34.152
  • Right here on "your move."
  • 00:00:34.285 --> 00:00:35.520
  • Stick around.
  • 00:00:35.653 --> 00:00:36.855
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:00:36.988 --> 00:00:38.957
  • Andy: so when our oldest son, who is now 30, was 7 years
  • 00:00:43.128 --> 00:00:46.531
  • Old--this is a true story, 'cause i'm in church, so i
  • 00:00:46.531 --> 00:00:48.266
  • Wouldn't make this up, when he was 7 years old, our
  • 00:00:48.266 --> 00:00:51.903
  • Standard babysitter, you know how you have like the go-to
  • 00:00:51.903 --> 00:00:54.372
  • Babysitter that, you know, she's there, you know, and it's
  • 00:00:54.372 --> 00:00:56.574
  • Usually a woman, you know, there all the time?
  • 00:00:56.574 --> 00:00:58.476
  • This young lady was our standard go-to babysitter.
  • 00:00:58.476 --> 00:01:01.346
  • And one afternoon, she ran over his arm with her honda accord in
  • 00:01:01.346 --> 00:01:06.184
  • Our driveway, right over his arm.
  • 00:01:06.184 --> 00:01:07.986
  • I know--that was the proper response.
  • 00:01:07.986 --> 00:01:09.988
  • Earlier when i shared that story, it was just like quiet,
  • 00:01:09.988 --> 00:01:12.557
  • I'm like, the proper response is--yeah--anyway, so she ran
  • 00:01:12.557 --> 00:01:16.594
  • Over his arm in our driveway, so we're all running out there, you
  • 00:01:16.594 --> 00:01:18.796
  • Know, and the good--the silver lining is from that moment on,
  • 00:01:18.796 --> 00:01:22.867
  • Andrew had the upper hand in the relationship.
  • 00:01:22.867 --> 00:01:27.405
  • It's very difficult to say no to a child when you ran over his
  • 00:01:27.405 --> 00:01:30.041
  • Arm in his own driveway with your honda accord.
  • 00:01:30.041 --> 00:01:33.144
  • You know, "andrew, it's time to come up--go upstairs and get
  • 00:01:33.144 --> 00:01:35.480
  • Ready for bed."
  • 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:36.814
  • "i don't think so.
  • 00:01:36.814 --> 00:01:38.183
  • Remember when you ran over my arm with your honda accord, i'll
  • 00:01:38.183 --> 00:01:40.618
  • Take a root beer on crushed ice, please," you know.
  • 00:01:40.618 --> 00:01:43.888
  • Now melissa, the babysitter, was horrified, as you can imagine,
  • 00:01:43.888 --> 00:01:48.126
  • But as it turns out, it was an accident.
  • 00:01:48.126 --> 00:01:53.798
  • She didn't mean to run over his arm.
  • 00:01:53.798 --> 00:01:55.233
  • She didn't do it on purpose.
  • 00:01:55.233 --> 00:01:57.268
  • So when we found out, you know, we were home, you know, she was
  • 00:01:57.268 --> 00:02:00.371
  • Leaving, actually, 'cause we'd just gotten home, she's leaving,
  • 00:02:00.371 --> 00:02:02.407
  • It was in the daytime.
  • 00:02:02.407 --> 00:02:03.741
  • When we, you know, found out that it was an accident that she
  • 00:02:03.741 --> 00:02:06.010
  • Didn't mean to, we didn't see any reason to take andrew to the
  • 00:02:06.010 --> 00:02:08.613
  • Er because well, it was an accident, i mean, which meant he
  • 00:02:08.613 --> 00:02:13.151
  • Was fine, right?
  • 00:02:13.151 --> 00:02:14.485
  • And i said, "andrew, stop crying.
  • 00:02:14.485 --> 00:02:15.853
  • She didn't mean to do it.
  • 00:02:15.853 --> 00:02:17.188
  • Stop crying, it was an accident."
  • 00:02:17.188 --> 00:02:20.625
  • Besides, he had on under armour sweatshirt.
  • 00:02:20.625 --> 00:02:22.627
  • I kept saying, "you got on under armour sweatshirt, i mean you're
  • 00:02:22.627 --> 00:02:24.996
  • Fine and it was an accident."
  • 00:02:24.996 --> 00:02:27.065
  • Actually we did take andrew to the er as you would imagine,
  • 00:02:27.065 --> 00:02:30.101
  • Some of you are like, "what?"
  • 00:02:30.101 --> 00:02:31.469
  • Yeah, we did take him to the er because--and this is what we're
  • 00:02:31.469 --> 00:02:33.338
  • Gonna talk about for the next few minutes, so buckle up,
  • 00:02:33.338 --> 00:02:35.873
  • Because there is no necessary correlation between intent
  • 00:02:35.873 --> 00:02:40.345
  • And outcome.
  • 00:02:40.345 --> 00:02:41.713
  • There is no--i almost put there's no correlation, but
  • 00:02:41.713 --> 00:02:44.115
  • There--we'll give you a little wiggle room.
  • 00:02:44.115 --> 00:02:45.617
  • There's no necessary correlation between intent and outcome.
  • 00:02:45.617 --> 00:02:49.153
  • So if you came for something deep today, that's it.
  • 00:02:49.153 --> 00:02:53.825
  • Hey, we're in part three of the series.
  • 00:02:53.825 --> 00:02:55.226
  • If you've not been tracking along with us, you're coming in
  • 00:02:55.226 --> 00:02:57.295
  • At the end of the movie, but that's okay if you've been
  • 00:02:57.295 --> 00:02:59.230
  • Tracking along with us.
  • 00:02:59.230 --> 00:03:00.598
  • Part three of our series entitled, "the weight of
  • 00:03:00.598 --> 00:03:02.934
  • Your words."
  • 00:03:02.934 --> 00:03:04.269
  • And if you've ever been crushed by someone's words, you
  • 00:03:04.269 --> 00:03:06.904
  • Understand what we're talking about, because we have all been
  • 00:03:06.904 --> 00:03:08.940
  • Injured or crushed in some cases by the words of other people.
  • 00:03:08.940 --> 00:03:13.544
  • Words carry weight.
  • 00:03:13.544 --> 00:03:15.246
  • Words leave a mark.
  • 00:03:15.246 --> 00:03:16.848
  • Words leave a mark for good.
  • 00:03:16.848 --> 00:03:18.650
  • Words leave a mark potentially for bad.
  • 00:03:18.650 --> 00:03:21.686
  • Words build or destroy.
  • 00:03:21.686 --> 00:03:23.221
  • They discourage, they discourage, they inspire.
  • 00:03:23.221 --> 00:03:26.157
  • Sometimes words wound.
  • 00:03:26.157 --> 00:03:27.558
  • In our lives, mine included, we have all been shaped to some
  • 00:03:27.558 --> 00:03:30.395
  • Extent by the words spoken to us, the words spoken at us, the
  • 00:03:30.395 --> 00:03:35.500
  • Words spoken over us, and the words spoken about us, right?
  • 00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:40.772
  • Our lives have been shaped by the words that people said about
  • 00:03:40.772 --> 00:03:44.409
  • Us, and the other thing that's interesting, we talked about
  • 00:03:44.409 --> 00:03:46.277
  • This in the first installment of this series.
  • 00:03:46.277 --> 00:03:49.013
  • Our lives in some cases have been shaped by words we didn't
  • 00:03:49.013 --> 00:03:52.417
  • Hear, that we wanted to hear, that we needed to hear, but that
  • 00:03:52.417 --> 00:03:57.188
  • We never heard.
  • 00:03:57.188 --> 00:03:58.923
  • Phrases like this: "mommy loves you."
  • 00:03:58.923 --> 00:04:03.695
  • "i'm so proud of you."
  • 00:04:03.695 --> 00:04:07.031
  • "don't worry, son."
  • 00:04:07.031 --> 00:04:08.366
  • "i'll always have your back."
  • 00:04:08.366 --> 00:04:11.936
  • And the tension in this whole series is this, none of us doubt
  • 00:04:11.936 --> 00:04:15.773
  • That our lives have been impacted by the words that
  • 00:04:15.773 --> 00:04:17.675
  • People have spoken to us and over us and at us and about us.
  • 00:04:17.675 --> 00:04:21.245
  • We get that, we know how other people's words have affected us.
  • 00:04:21.245 --> 00:04:24.615
  • We recognize how people's words have affected us.
  • 00:04:24.615 --> 00:04:27.719
  • Well, but in spite of that, we are often slow to take
  • 00:04:27.719 --> 00:04:31.089
  • Responsibility for our words and the weight of our words when it
  • 00:04:31.089 --> 00:04:35.727
  • Comes to how our words impact other people and that should
  • 00:04:35.727 --> 00:04:40.431
  • Bother all of us.
  • 00:04:40.431 --> 00:04:41.799
  • I mean, this isn't like a christian thing or a
  • 00:04:41.799 --> 00:04:43.134
  • Religious thing.
  • 00:04:43.134 --> 00:04:44.502
  • We should all, you know, take responsibility for the weight of
  • 00:04:44.502 --> 00:04:45.970
  • Our words and how our words impact other people, but if
  • 00:04:45.970 --> 00:04:48.206
  • You're a jesus follower and if you're a christian, this isn't
  • 00:04:48.206 --> 00:04:50.608
  • An add-on.
  • 00:04:50.608 --> 00:04:51.943
  • This is actually part of what it means to follow jesus, as
  • 00:04:51.943 --> 00:04:55.246
  • Practical as this may sound.
  • 00:04:55.246 --> 00:04:57.248
  • So in this series, what we've done is we're unpacking three
  • 00:04:57.248 --> 00:05:00.051
  • Dynamics that are at play in every single conversation you
  • 00:05:00.051 --> 00:05:02.587
  • Have, or i would say in most conversations that you have and
  • 00:05:02.587 --> 00:05:06.057
  • They're--play whether you recognize it or not, and these
  • 00:05:06.057 --> 00:05:08.659
  • Three dynamics determine what people hear regardless of what
  • 00:05:08.659 --> 00:05:11.195
  • We say and how our words land with them regardless of our
  • 00:05:11.195 --> 00:05:15.299
  • Intent or regardless of what we mean.
  • 00:05:15.299 --> 00:05:17.735
  • So the first one we talked about in the first part of this series
  • 00:05:17.735 --> 00:05:20.371
  • Was this, that words aren't equally weighted, that some
  • 00:05:20.371 --> 00:05:22.807
  • Words weigh more than others, and that negatives way, way
  • 00:05:22.807 --> 00:05:26.277
  • Outweigh the positives, and that the ratio of our words is
  • 00:05:26.277 --> 00:05:29.647
  • Important if we want people to hear what we're actually saying.
  • 00:05:29.647 --> 00:05:32.316
  • Number two, the second part of the series, we talked about
  • 00:05:32.316 --> 00:05:34.752
  • Source determines weight.
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  • The source of a word determines the weight of a word.
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  • Who said it determines the impact of it.
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  • Who said it determines the impact of it and the takeaway
  • 00:05:43.594 --> 00:05:45.963
  • Was this, we said that when we're in conversations, we need
  • 00:05:45.963 --> 00:05:49.734
  • To remember who we are and what we represent to the person on
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  • The other side of us.
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  • Andy: hey, i wanted to take just a minute to address a growing
  • 00:05:57.141 --> 00:06:00.011
  • Crisis in america.
  • 00:06:00.011 --> 00:06:01.379
  • Did you know that nearly 75 million americans have no
  • 00:06:01.379 --> 00:06:04.615
  • Religious affiliation, none whatsoever?
  • 00:06:04.615 --> 00:06:07.018
  • Most of us know some of these people.
  • 00:06:07.018 --> 00:06:08.453
  • Many of us are related to some of these people.
  • 00:06:08.453 --> 00:06:10.455
  • So for us they aren't statistics, they're people we
  • 00:06:10.455 --> 00:06:13.257
  • Love and would love to see return to faith in jesus.
  • 00:06:13.257 --> 00:06:16.461
  • So at "your move" we are committed to reaching people
  • 00:06:16.461 --> 00:06:19.363
  • With the teaching of jesus right where they are and when they
  • 00:06:19.363 --> 00:06:22.700
  • Least expect it.
  • 00:06:22.700 --> 00:06:24.101
  • We use a research-backed digital strategy that's already making a
  • 00:06:24.101 --> 00:06:27.939
  • Difference, so, if you'll stick around after today's message, we
  • 00:06:27.939 --> 00:06:30.708
  • Would love to tell you more about it or visit the website or
  • 00:06:30.708 --> 00:06:33.945
  • Call the number on your screen to learn how you can be a part
  • 00:06:33.945 --> 00:06:36.514
  • Of this revolutionary approach to introducing and reintroducing
  • 00:06:36.514 --> 00:06:40.718
  • People to jesus.
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  • Andy: so today we're gonna talk about this third one.
  • 00:06:43.020 --> 00:06:45.323
  • It's a little bit more difficult and challenging to explain, so
  • 00:06:45.323 --> 00:06:48.793
  • I'm gonna try to give you some-- lots of illustrations then one
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  • Application at the very end.
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  • Number three is simply this, that intent is
  • 00:06:53.297 --> 00:06:55.466
  • Usually irrelevant.
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  • That intent, the intent of our words, oftentimes is usually
  • 00:06:57.368 --> 00:07:00.872
  • Irrelevant because going back to the big idea i introduced a few
  • 00:07:00.872 --> 00:07:03.808
  • Minutes ago, there is no necessary correlation when it
  • 00:07:03.808 --> 00:07:07.411
  • Comes to a lot of things, but especially our words.
  • 00:07:07.411 --> 00:07:10.047
  • There's no necessary correlation between what we intended and the
  • 00:07:10.047 --> 00:07:14.218
  • Outcome of what we said.
  • 00:07:14.218 --> 00:07:16.020
  • Now, in the physical world, this is so obvious, we don't even
  • 00:07:16.020 --> 00:07:20.258
  • Need to talk about it.
  • 00:07:20.258 --> 00:07:21.592
  • I mean, if you've ever accidentally broken a window, if
  • 00:07:21.592 --> 00:07:24.428
  • You've ever accidentally broken your husband's favorite mlb
  • 00:07:24.428 --> 00:07:27.632
  • Bobblehead, if you ever were visiting at your mother-in-law's
  • 00:07:27.632 --> 00:07:31.636
  • House and you broke one of her collector item plates, you get
  • 00:07:31.636 --> 00:07:36.007
  • This, right?
  • 00:07:36.007 --> 00:07:37.375
  • They were all--in every case this is an accident.
  • 00:07:37.375 --> 00:07:39.477
  • These were accidents but the window still has to be replaced,
  • 00:07:39.477 --> 00:07:42.313
  • The bobblehead still has to be glued back together, and the
  • 00:07:42.313 --> 00:07:44.882
  • Collector plate where you have to go online and try to find
  • 00:07:44.882 --> 00:07:47.251
  • That exact plate to match the other plates, and you know, it's
  • 00:07:47.251 --> 00:07:50.888
  • You know, generally an endeavor of futility, but still it
  • 00:07:50.888 --> 00:07:54.358
  • Doesn't matter.
  • 00:07:54.358 --> 00:07:55.693
  • The fact that it's broken, there's something you have
  • 00:07:55.693 --> 00:07:57.061
  • To do.
  • 00:07:57.061 --> 00:07:58.396
  • And here's the other thing, when it comes to physical objects and
  • 00:07:58.396 --> 00:08:00.631
  • Items, this is so obvious, again, it hardly needs to be
  • 00:08:00.631 --> 00:08:03.901
  • Stated but when it comes to our words, it's easy to miss.
  • 00:08:03.901 --> 00:08:07.004
  • An explanation or explaining does not equal repairing.
  • 00:08:07.004 --> 00:08:12.577
  • Explaining doesn't equal repairing.
  • 00:08:12.577 --> 00:08:15.012
  • We know this with physical objects.
  • 00:08:15.012 --> 00:08:16.681
  • Explaining what happened and that it was an accident does not
  • 00:08:16.681 --> 00:08:19.550
  • Equate to repairing anything.
  • 00:08:19.550 --> 00:08:22.153
  • In fact, in some cases with our words as we're gonna see, an
  • 00:08:22.153 --> 00:08:25.456
  • Explanation is actually irritating.
  • 00:08:25.456 --> 00:08:29.093
  • When it comes to hurtful words, an explanation is
  • 00:08:29.093 --> 00:08:31.195
  • Oftentimes irritating.
  • 00:08:31.195 --> 00:08:32.663
  • Not only does it not fix anything, it actually makes
  • 00:08:32.663 --> 00:08:35.266
  • Things worse, because in those moments, we don't need
  • 00:08:35.266 --> 00:08:39.403
  • An explanation.
  • 00:08:39.403 --> 00:08:40.771
  • In those moments when we've been hurt by someone's words, we
  • 00:08:40.771 --> 00:08:43.674
  • Don't need an explanation.
  • 00:08:43.674 --> 00:08:46.510
  • We need to be glued back together and an explanation
  • 00:08:46.510 --> 00:08:51.616
  • Doesn't glue us back together.
  • 00:08:51.616 --> 00:08:55.553
  • But the crazy thing is when i hurt someone with my words or
  • 00:08:55.553 --> 00:08:59.123
  • You hurt someone with your words, we forget all of that and
  • 00:08:59.123 --> 00:09:02.893
  • We retreat to the very thing we don't want the person who hurt
  • 00:09:02.893 --> 00:09:06.263
  • Us to retreat to.
  • 00:09:06.263 --> 00:09:07.598
  • We immediately retreat to intent.
  • 00:09:07.598 --> 00:09:10.868
  • "whoa, whoa, whoa, i didn't mean it that way.
  • 00:09:10.868 --> 00:09:12.603
  • I didn't mean it that way."
  • 00:09:12.603 --> 00:09:14.171
  • That's not glue.
  • 00:09:14.171 --> 00:09:15.506
  • Nobody's put back together with that, right?
  • 00:09:15.506 --> 00:09:17.074
  • "i didn't--that didn't come out right.
  • 00:09:17.074 --> 00:09:18.409
  • Wait, wait, let me back up."
  • 00:09:18.409 --> 00:09:19.744
  • That mean you can't--no, you can't back up.
  • 00:09:19.744 --> 00:09:21.112
  • "that didn't come out right.
  • 00:09:21.112 --> 00:09:22.446
  • I was just--i was trying to be funny.
  • 00:09:22.446 --> 00:09:24.048
  • Why are you crying?
  • 00:09:24.048 --> 00:09:25.416
  • I was trying--everybody's upset.
  • 00:09:25.416 --> 00:09:26.751
  • Why--i was just trying to be funny.
  • 00:09:26.751 --> 00:09:28.386
  • It wasn't my intent to hurt you."
  • 00:09:28.386 --> 00:09:32.523
  • Now, this is so important.
  • 00:09:32.523 --> 00:09:34.492
  • Do you know what that statement and the other three statements
  • 00:09:34.492 --> 00:09:36.794
  • And statements like them, do you know what these kinds of
  • 00:09:36.794 --> 00:09:39.764
  • Statements--and we've all said them.
  • 00:09:39.764 --> 00:09:41.832
  • Do you know all those statements, do you know what
  • 00:09:41.832 --> 00:09:43.701
  • Those statements communicate?
  • 00:09:43.701 --> 00:09:47.038
  • You don't do it on purpose, none of us do.
  • 00:09:47.038 --> 00:09:48.506
  • They actually communicate blame.
  • 00:09:48.506 --> 00:09:53.511
  • We're blaming the person we hurt for taking what we said the way
  • 00:09:53.511 --> 00:09:59.016
  • They took it.
  • 00:09:59.016 --> 00:10:00.785
  • I'm blaming the person i hurt with my words for taking my
  • 00:10:00.785 --> 00:10:04.388
  • Words the way that they took them.
  • 00:10:04.388 --> 00:10:06.090
  • It's their fault they got their feelings hurt.
  • 00:10:06.090 --> 00:10:07.892
  • They should be more mature, they should be tougher, they should
  • 00:10:07.892 --> 00:10:11.529
  • Be more professional, they should be smarter, and again, in
  • 00:10:11.529 --> 00:10:15.366
  • Those moments when we begin explaining our intent, our goal,
  • 00:10:15.366 --> 00:10:20.171
  • Our intent is not to blame, we're just explaining.
  • 00:10:20.171 --> 00:10:24.375
  • But explaining sounds like blaming.
  • 00:10:24.375 --> 00:10:33.718
  • Explaining feels like blaming, and you know that and i know
  • 00:10:33.718 --> 00:10:39.190
  • That, because we've been on the receiving end of that, and
  • 00:10:39.190 --> 00:10:42.293
  • They're talking, talking, talking, talking, talking,
  • 00:10:42.293 --> 00:10:44.228
  • Explaining, explaining, explaining, and they think
  • 00:10:44.228 --> 00:10:45.763
  • They're gluing us back together and they're just making it
  • 00:10:45.763 --> 00:10:48.265
  • Worse, right?
  • 00:10:48.265 --> 00:10:49.633
  • Because when someone, or let's just say we, when we combine an
  • 00:10:49.633 --> 00:10:52.870
  • Explanation with our apology, not only does the other person
  • 00:10:52.870 --> 00:10:57.074
  • Feel blame, they actually feel something else as well.
  • 00:10:57.074 --> 00:10:59.477
  • Again, we felt this.
  • 00:10:59.477 --> 00:11:00.878
  • They also feel pressure.
  • 00:11:00.878 --> 00:11:02.847
  • They feel an expectation.
  • 00:11:02.847 --> 00:11:05.049
  • Since i've explained myself, i expect you to feel better now
  • 00:11:05.049 --> 00:11:10.588
  • And then when our apology and our explanation doesn't work
  • 00:11:10.588 --> 00:11:14.425
  • Like a magic wand, now you're back in kansas now
  • 00:11:14.425 --> 00:11:17.728
  • And tu-tu-tu!
  • 00:11:17.728 --> 00:11:19.063
  • I mean, suddenly i'm supposed to suddenly be transformed and
  • 00:11:19.063 --> 00:11:22.533
  • Transported back to some moment before where everything's fine,
  • 00:11:22.533 --> 00:11:25.770
  • When it doesn't work like a magic wand or a jedi mind trick,
  • 00:11:25.770 --> 00:11:29.707
  • And they're still angry and withdrawn and upset, and we've
  • 00:11:29.707 --> 00:11:32.409
  • Already apologized and given our explanation.
  • 00:11:32.409 --> 00:11:34.445
  • Then you know what we do?
  • 00:11:34.445 --> 00:11:36.213
  • We press harder.
  • 00:11:36.213 --> 00:11:38.783
  • "i said i'm sorry.
  • 00:11:38.783 --> 00:11:41.152
  • I said, i'm sorry," implication:
  • 00:11:41.152 --> 00:11:42.887
  • Why aren't you fine now?
  • 00:11:42.887 --> 00:11:45.389
  • I expect you to be fine now that i've explained.
  • 00:11:45.389 --> 00:11:48.225
  • Why aren't we fine now?
  • 00:11:48.225 --> 00:11:50.995
  • Why aren't we--this is the implication.
  • 00:11:50.995 --> 00:11:53.063
  • Why aren't we back to where we were before i said what i said?
  • 00:11:53.063 --> 00:11:58.769
  • Ultimately, this is your fault.
  • 00:11:58.769 --> 00:12:01.639
  • I have done my part to get us back to where we were, and
  • 00:12:01.639 --> 00:12:04.809
  • You're not back there yet.
  • 00:12:04.809 --> 00:12:06.143
  • So, hey, i'll wait on you.
  • 00:12:06.143 --> 00:12:08.612
  • I've done all i can do.
  • 00:12:08.612 --> 00:12:13.517
  • We've been on the receiving end and we hate it, we dish it out,
  • 00:12:13.517 --> 00:12:17.087
  • And we miss it.
  • 00:12:17.087 --> 00:12:19.156
  • This is a big deal and the reason they're not better is
  • 00:12:19.156 --> 00:12:23.027
  • This, again, bring this back into the physical world.
  • 00:12:23.027 --> 00:12:25.362
  • This all makes perfect sense.
  • 00:12:25.362 --> 00:12:26.764
  • For the same reason that my apology for closing my car door
  • 00:12:26.764 --> 00:12:31.235
  • On your fingers doesn't automatically transport you back
  • 00:12:31.235 --> 00:12:33.938
  • To your pre-crushed fingers condition.
  • 00:12:33.938 --> 00:12:36.707
  • Because, don't miss this, apologies, apologies don't
  • 00:12:36.707 --> 00:12:41.078
  • Reverse and erase accidental injuries to the body.
  • 00:12:41.078 --> 00:12:45.883
  • Apologies don't reverse and erase accidental injuries to the
  • 00:12:45.883 --> 00:12:50.588
  • Soul when words are the damaging tool, when words have been used
  • 00:12:50.588 --> 00:12:55.125
  • To hurt.
  • 00:12:55.125 --> 00:12:56.460
  • They don't reverse and erase accidental injuries to the
  • 00:12:56.460 --> 00:12:59.296
  • Heart, to the relationship, to the security of the
  • 00:12:59.296 --> 00:13:02.733
  • Relationship, or to the confidence the other person has
  • 00:13:02.733 --> 00:13:06.370
  • In us.
  • 00:13:06.370 --> 00:13:07.705
  • It's a big deal.
  • 00:13:07.705 --> 00:13:09.073
  • Let me tell you how big a deal it is.
  • 00:13:09.073 --> 00:13:10.407
  • This is amazing.
  • 00:13:10.407 --> 00:13:11.742
  • James, the brother of jesus, said something that is amazing.
  • 00:13:11.742 --> 00:13:16.580
  • Now, if you generally think, "i don't believe the bible," you're
  • 00:13:16.580 --> 00:13:19.550
  • Gonna believe this part, all right?
  • 00:13:19.550 --> 00:13:20.885
  • Listen to this, "we all stumble in many ways."
  • 00:13:20.885 --> 00:13:24.588
  • Any exceptions in the room?
  • 00:13:24.588 --> 00:13:26.457
  • Yeah, exactly.
  • 00:13:26.457 --> 00:13:27.825
  • He says we all screw up in many ways.
  • 00:13:27.825 --> 00:13:29.260
  • We all mess up in many ways.
  • 00:13:29.260 --> 00:13:30.594
  • I mean, there's all kinds of stuff we do wrong, but "anyone
  • 00:13:30.594 --> 00:13:36.333
  • Who is never at fault in what they say is perfect."
  • 00:13:36.333 --> 00:13:42.606
  • Here's what he means by that.
  • 00:13:42.606 --> 00:13:44.375
  • He means if you can control your mouth, you have arrived.
  • 00:13:44.375 --> 00:13:49.880
  • Everything else is easy compared to that.
  • 00:13:49.880 --> 00:13:52.016
  • This is the--he said this is the epitome of maturity.
  • 00:13:52.016 --> 00:13:57.621
  • This is the highest standard you can attain to.
  • 00:13:57.621 --> 00:14:00.758
  • If you can ever get control of your mouth, james is like, you
  • 00:14:00.758 --> 00:14:03.994
  • Are golden, you are a mature person.
  • 00:14:03.994 --> 00:14:07.898
  • Because there's nothing more difficult to tame, he's gonna
  • 00:14:07.898 --> 00:14:10.301
  • Tell us than the tongue, our mouth, the words that we use.
  • 00:14:10.301 --> 00:14:13.504
  • In other words, mouth control.
  • 00:14:13.504 --> 00:14:15.239
  • Some of you need to put this on your refrigerator somewhere.
  • 00:14:15.239 --> 00:14:18.876
  • Mouth control is the ultimate self control.
  • 00:14:18.876 --> 00:14:22.346
  • Mouth control is the ultimate self control.
  • 00:14:22.346 --> 00:14:25.049
  • This is amazing.
  • 00:14:25.049 --> 00:14:26.383
  • Your mouth has the potential to inflict damage on every single
  • 00:14:26.383 --> 00:14:30.587
  • Person you know.
  • 00:14:30.587 --> 00:14:32.923
  • Your mouth has the potential to inflict damage.
  • 00:14:32.923 --> 00:14:34.992
  • In the lives of strangers, and the closer you are to someone,
  • 00:14:34.992 --> 00:14:38.762
  • You know this, the more power you have to inflict damage
  • 00:14:38.762 --> 00:14:41.498
  • On them.
  • 00:14:41.498 --> 00:14:42.866
  • I mean, your mouth and my mouth is our greatest weapon.
  • 00:14:42.866 --> 00:14:44.568
  • It is also our greatest potential to build other people
  • 00:14:44.568 --> 00:14:48.105
  • Up and james says, "if you can get control of that thing, woo!
  • 00:14:48.105 --> 00:14:53.043
  • You're golden, you're good to go."
  • 00:14:53.043 --> 00:14:55.479
  • Because mouth control is the ultimate, the self-control.
  • 00:14:55.479 --> 00:14:58.682
  • Then he says this, gives us a word picture that we can all
  • 00:14:58.682 --> 00:15:01.719
  • Relate to because of the last ten or 12 years of what we've
  • 00:15:01.719 --> 00:15:04.321
  • Seen out on the west coast and some other places in the
  • 00:15:04.321 --> 00:15:06.590
  • United states.
  • 00:15:06.590 --> 00:15:07.958
  • "consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."
  • 00:15:07.958 --> 00:15:14.965
  • That used to be something we would have to imagine, but over
  • 00:15:14.965 --> 00:15:17.134
  • The last ten or 12 years, we've seen what a campfire that's left
  • 00:15:17.134 --> 00:15:22.706
  • Unattended can do to tens of thousands of acres and
  • 00:15:22.706 --> 00:15:27.544
  • Neighborhoods and lives that have been threatened and lost,
  • 00:15:27.544 --> 00:15:31.315
  • And property damage that goes and counts up into the billions
  • 00:15:31.315 --> 00:15:34.585
  • Of dollars because of a single spark, one act of
  • 00:15:34.585 --> 00:15:38.589
  • Irresponsibility or just some freak of nature that starts a
  • 00:15:38.589 --> 00:15:42.192
  • Fire in a forest.
  • 00:15:42.192 --> 00:15:43.560
  • He says one single spark has the potential to burn down an entire
  • 00:15:43.560 --> 00:15:47.398
  • Forest, lay an entire forest to waste, one single spark.
  • 00:15:47.398 --> 00:15:51.869
  • "consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."
  • 00:15:51.869 --> 00:15:55.272
  • Your mouth, if i can personalize this, is a fire.
  • 00:15:55.272 --> 00:15:59.810
  • Your mouth is a spark.
  • 00:15:59.810 --> 00:16:02.279
  • My words, your words have the potential to be the spark that
  • 00:16:02.279 --> 00:16:06.917
  • Burns down a relationship, that burns down a marriage, that
  • 00:16:06.917 --> 00:16:13.123
  • Burns down a life, that burns down a child, that burns down
  • 00:16:13.123 --> 00:16:18.462
  • Somebody's self-esteem, someone's confidence and we know
  • 00:16:18.462 --> 00:16:21.632
  • That because we've had other people's fire inflicted on us.
  • 00:16:21.632 --> 00:16:27.137
  • The real danger of a fire is that it spreads.
  • 00:16:27.137 --> 00:16:30.240
  • That it spreads quickly, it's not isolated.
  • 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:32.443
  • Starts small, doesn't stay small.
  • 00:16:32.443 --> 00:16:34.711
  • A few words have the potential to create a great deal of harm.
  • 00:16:34.711 --> 00:16:39.316
  • Now, there are two things you do with an unintended fire,
  • 00:16:39.316 --> 00:16:43.153
  • Unintentional fire, two things.
  • 00:16:43.153 --> 00:16:45.355
  • You can either try to contain it or you can extinguish it.
  • 00:16:45.355 --> 00:16:49.693
  • When it comes to the fires we start in other people's lives
  • 00:16:49.693 --> 00:16:52.830
  • With our words, our natural inclination is to attempt to
  • 00:16:52.830 --> 00:16:57.768
  • Contain it.
  • 00:16:57.768 --> 00:17:00.637
  • That's why we explain it.
  • 00:17:00.637 --> 00:17:03.874
  • Explaining is not containing.
  • 00:17:03.874 --> 00:17:06.844
  • We think it is.
  • 00:17:06.844 --> 00:17:08.178
  • Explaining actually spreads the fire, and you know this because
  • 00:17:08.178 --> 00:17:12.583
  • Somebody's hurt you with their words and when they circle back
  • 00:17:12.583 --> 00:17:14.718
  • Around and try to explain, it does not help, it irritates you,
  • 00:17:14.718 --> 00:17:17.821
  • It reminds you they don't even understand the damage
  • 00:17:17.821 --> 00:17:22.359
  • They've done.
  • 00:17:22.359 --> 00:17:24.394
  • So, the goal, the goal for all of us as human beings, but the
  • 00:17:24.394 --> 00:17:28.999
  • Goal for those of us who are jesus's followers is to
  • 00:17:28.999 --> 00:17:32.202
  • Extinguish it, to put it out.
  • 00:17:32.202 --> 00:17:35.672
  • And word fires are extinguished with two things, and neither
  • 00:17:35.672 --> 00:17:39.143
  • Come natural, and for some of us it's even harder than
  • 00:17:39.143 --> 00:17:41.879
  • Other people.
  • 00:17:41.879 --> 00:17:43.280
  • Word fires, like any kind of relational conflict, are
  • 00:17:43.280 --> 00:17:46.316
  • Extinguished with a big dose of humility.
  • 00:17:46.316 --> 00:17:50.120
  • Humility means i'm going to submit myself to you.
  • 00:17:50.120 --> 00:17:53.657
  • Humility means i'm going to put you and your interest and your
  • 00:17:53.657 --> 00:17:57.294
  • Well-being ahead of my own, even if it costs me.
  • 00:17:57.294 --> 00:18:00.164
  • Humility is placing oneself under and making oneself
  • 00:18:00.164 --> 00:18:05.102
  • Available to someone else.
  • 00:18:05.102 --> 00:18:06.570
  • It's taking full responsibility, humility, and sensitivity.
  • 00:18:06.570 --> 00:18:12.876
  • Insensitive words require sensitivity to empower a person
  • 00:18:12.876 --> 00:18:18.415
  • To move beyond the insensitivity and explaining is insensitive.
  • 00:18:18.415 --> 00:18:24.988
  • That's why it makes it worse.
  • 00:18:24.988 --> 00:18:26.523
  • So we need humility and we need sensitivity.
  • 00:18:26.523 --> 00:18:29.826
  • That's how you begin to extinguish the fire.
  • 00:18:29.826 --> 00:18:33.230
  • An explanation, think about it this way, an explanation
  • 00:18:33.230 --> 00:18:36.733
  • Elevates me.
  • 00:18:36.733 --> 00:18:38.602
  • Humility elevates the other person.
  • 00:18:38.602 --> 00:18:41.905
  • An explanation elevates me.
  • 00:18:41.905 --> 00:18:43.273
  • How does it elevate me?
  • 00:18:43.273 --> 00:18:44.608
  • Because my explanation is, i wanna be understood.
  • 00:18:44.608 --> 00:18:46.610
  • I've hurt you, i've taken something from you and now i
  • 00:18:46.610 --> 00:18:49.246
  • Want you to understand me.
  • 00:18:49.246 --> 00:18:51.648
  • So, i'm gonna give you an application.
  • 00:18:51.648 --> 00:18:53.350
  • You don't need to write this down because you'll remember it.
  • 00:18:53.350 --> 00:18:56.587
  • What does it look like and what does it sound like to extinguish
  • 00:18:56.587 --> 00:19:00.958
  • A word fire?
  • 00:19:00.958 --> 00:19:02.826
  • Here's the answer to that question, you're ready?
  • 00:19:02.826 --> 00:19:04.628
  • It sounds like this.
  • 00:19:04.628 --> 00:19:06.863
  • "i'm so sorry."
  • 00:19:06.863 --> 00:19:11.702
  • And then here's the most important part...
  • 00:19:11.702 --> 00:19:19.576
  • Stop talking because anything you say after that sounds like
  • 00:19:19.576 --> 00:19:26.550
  • An excuse.
  • 00:19:26.550 --> 00:19:28.485
  • "i'm so sorry."
  • 00:19:28.485 --> 00:19:32.923
  • If you have to say something else, rinse and repeat.
  • 00:19:32.923 --> 00:19:37.494
  • "i'm so sorry.
  • 00:19:37.494 --> 00:19:40.197
  • There's no excuse for what i said.
  • 00:19:40.197 --> 00:19:43.900
  • You do not deserve that.
  • 00:19:43.900 --> 00:19:46.270
  • I'm so sorry," and then you sit in your guilt, while they sit in
  • 00:19:46.270 --> 00:19:53.644
  • Their hurt.
  • 00:19:53.644 --> 00:19:55.846
  • And then this is so important.
  • 00:19:55.846 --> 00:19:57.547
  • This is so hard for some of us.
  • 00:19:57.547 --> 00:19:59.082
  • For those of us who kind of have a leadership gear and you're a
  • 00:19:59.082 --> 00:20:01.585
  • Fixer and you wanna, you know, whenever there's a problem, you
  • 00:20:01.585 --> 00:20:03.720
  • Wanna step in, i understand that.
  • 00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:06.523
  • In that space and in that silence, everything in you is
  • 00:20:06.523 --> 00:20:10.927
  • Gonna say, and that little whatever whispering in your ear
  • 00:20:10.927 --> 00:20:13.597
  • Is gonna say, you need to take charge of the
  • 00:20:13.597 --> 00:20:17.134
  • Restoration process.
  • 00:20:17.134 --> 00:20:19.102
  • That is a mistake.
  • 00:20:19.102 --> 00:20:21.438
  • Restoration is not up to you in that moment.
  • 00:20:21.438 --> 00:20:26.543
  • You did the damage, you allow them to choose the speed and the
  • 00:20:26.543 --> 00:20:31.515
  • Method of recovery.
  • 00:20:31.515 --> 00:20:34.751
  • Specifically, don't tell them how bad you feel.
  • 00:20:34.751 --> 00:20:39.156
  • That's irritating and irrelevant.
  • 00:20:39.156 --> 00:20:41.491
  • You have made them feel bad.
  • 00:20:41.491 --> 00:20:43.427
  • It doesn't matter how bad you feel.
  • 00:20:43.427 --> 00:20:45.862
  • You should feel bad.
  • 00:20:45.862 --> 00:20:47.230
  • This is to say, "i feel so bad."
  • 00:20:47.230 --> 00:20:49.132
  • That's like a request for empathy.
  • 00:20:49.132 --> 00:20:50.567
  • Like, "would you please feel sorry for me?
  • 00:20:50.567 --> 00:20:51.968
  • I realize i devastated you with my words, but now i feel bad.
  • 00:20:51.968 --> 00:20:54.805
  • I need a little something coming my way."
  • 00:20:54.805 --> 00:20:56.606
  • No, you don't deserve anything coming your way.
  • 00:20:56.606 --> 00:20:58.442
  • I don't deserve anything coming my way, right?
  • 00:20:58.442 --> 00:21:00.110
  • I'm the perpetrator.
  • 00:21:00.110 --> 00:21:01.478
  • I'm the one that caused the problem.
  • 00:21:01.478 --> 00:21:02.813
  • You're not in a position to ask for anything, don't tell them
  • 00:21:02.813 --> 00:21:05.782
  • How bad you feel and don't ask for a hug.
  • 00:21:05.782 --> 00:21:10.921
  • Okay, that's a request for proximity.
  • 00:21:10.921 --> 00:21:12.889
  • I've just done this...to you with my words.
  • 00:21:12.889 --> 00:21:14.758
  • Now, i want you to come over here, sugar, come over
  • 00:21:14.758 --> 00:21:16.693
  • Here, baby.
  • 00:21:16.693 --> 00:21:18.028
  • No, you don't do that.
  • 00:21:18.028 --> 00:21:19.396
  • That's their decision.
  • 00:21:19.396 --> 00:21:20.731
  • And let me just say something for those of you with kids
  • 00:21:20.731 --> 00:21:22.332
  • Living in your home, this is important.
  • 00:21:22.332 --> 00:21:24.401
  • There's a continuum of how this applies with your kids.
  • 00:21:24.401 --> 00:21:28.004
  • When they're little itty bitty, you apologize quick, you
  • 00:21:28.004 --> 00:21:30.640
  • Reconcile quick because you can't let too much time go by.
  • 00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:33.343
  • The older they get, the more mature they get, you need to
  • 00:21:33.343 --> 00:21:36.213
  • Begin creating space for them to determine when and how to move
  • 00:21:36.213 --> 00:21:40.016
  • Back in your direction.
  • 00:21:40.016 --> 00:21:41.918
  • Don't use your authority as a parent to force proximity when
  • 00:21:41.918 --> 00:21:46.523
  • Your kids aren't ready.
  • 00:21:46.523 --> 00:21:48.358
  • Remember, you're in a relationship, it's not the same
  • 00:21:48.358 --> 00:21:53.063
  • Relationship, and that's hard as a parent.
  • 00:21:53.063 --> 00:21:55.766
  • There's a time and a place, and--and you may disagree with
  • 00:21:55.766 --> 00:21:58.668
  • This, what i'm about to say next, that's okay.
  • 00:21:58.668 --> 00:22:01.371
  • Don't ask for forgiveness.
  • 00:22:01.371 --> 00:22:04.875
  • Here's why.
  • 00:22:04.875 --> 00:22:06.510
  • Forgiveness is a gift.
  • 00:22:06.510 --> 00:22:09.946
  • You just took something from that person.
  • 00:22:09.946 --> 00:22:12.516
  • You owe them something.
  • 00:22:12.516 --> 00:22:15.118
  • Don't ask for something.
  • 00:22:15.118 --> 00:22:16.753
  • Don't ask for forgiveness.
  • 00:22:16.753 --> 00:22:18.155
  • You're not in a position to ask for anything.
  • 00:22:18.155 --> 00:22:22.225
  • That's a power play.
  • 00:22:22.225 --> 00:22:24.094
  • "i hurt you, now i need you to do the right thing because we
  • 00:22:24.094 --> 00:22:26.830
  • All know jesus says forgive and god says forgive and you need
  • 00:22:26.830 --> 00:22:29.266
  • To forgive.
  • 00:22:29.266 --> 00:22:30.634
  • So come on, i'm asking you, would you please forgive me?"
  • 00:22:30.634 --> 00:22:32.369
  • No, no, no, no, you just let that sit.
  • 00:22:32.369 --> 00:22:34.805
  • You say it and it didn't sound very christian.
  • 00:22:34.805 --> 00:22:36.239
  • It is christian.
  • 00:22:36.239 --> 00:22:37.574
  • Here's what jesus said, he said, "even the son of man didn't come
  • 00:22:37.574 --> 00:22:39.342
  • To be served, but to serve and to give my life a ransom
  • 00:22:39.342 --> 00:22:46.450
  • For many."
  • 00:22:46.450 --> 00:22:47.784
  • This is what it looks like to be others first when we've screwed
  • 00:22:47.784 --> 00:22:50.821
  • Up with our words.
  • 00:22:50.821 --> 00:22:52.289
  • I'm gonna elevate you.
  • 00:22:52.289 --> 00:22:54.257
  • I'm gonna give you space.
  • 00:22:54.257 --> 00:22:55.859
  • I'm gonna let you set the pace for restoration.
  • 00:22:55.859 --> 00:22:59.996
  • I'm not gonna ask anything from you, i'm just gonna submit
  • 00:22:59.996 --> 00:23:04.634
  • Myself to you.
  • 00:23:04.634 --> 00:23:07.904
  • That's how you extinguish a word fire.
  • 00:23:07.904 --> 00:23:11.441
  • It is not intuitive, because we are innately selfish.
  • 00:23:11.441 --> 00:23:18.782
  • And i wanna be understood, and i wanna be right, and i wanna come
  • 00:23:18.782 --> 00:23:22.686
  • Out looking okay.
  • 00:23:22.686 --> 00:23:24.488
  • And our heavenly father says, "but you're following my son."
  • 00:23:24.488 --> 00:23:28.725
  • The perfect son of god who laid down his life for you, so shut
  • 00:23:28.725 --> 00:23:34.764
  • Up and lay down your life for him and for her.
  • 00:23:34.764 --> 00:23:40.470
  • Imagine this world if that's how people responded to one another.
  • 00:23:40.470 --> 00:23:47.844
  • So wrapping up, every time we speak, every time we speak, our
  • 00:23:47.844 --> 00:23:51.982
  • Words betray intentions, right?
  • 00:23:51.982 --> 00:23:54.618
  • Three dynamics are always at play.
  • 00:23:54.618 --> 00:23:56.653
  • Words aren't equally weighted, negatives weigh more than
  • 00:23:56.653 --> 00:23:59.122
  • Positives, you know that.
  • 00:23:59.122 --> 00:24:00.457
  • Source determines weight, that means you gotta think about who
  • 00:24:00.457 --> 00:24:02.359
  • Am i, what do i represent to the person on the other side of me.
  • 00:24:02.359 --> 00:24:05.061
  • And intent is usually irrelevant.
  • 00:24:05.061 --> 00:24:08.164
  • Don't defend yourself with intent.
  • 00:24:08.164 --> 00:24:11.001
  • It just doesn't matter.
  • 00:24:11.001 --> 00:24:13.036
  • These three things determine what people hear and what they
  • 00:24:13.036 --> 00:24:15.872
  • Feel, regardless of what we think we're saying and when we
  • 00:24:15.872 --> 00:24:19.242
  • Get it wrong, and we're all gonna get it wrong, don't try to
  • 00:24:19.242 --> 00:24:23.179
  • Contain it.
  • 00:24:23.179 --> 00:24:24.514
  • Just decide i'm gonna humble myself, i'm gonna extinguish it.
  • 00:24:24.514 --> 00:24:29.085
  • It's the quickest way back to relational wholeness, assuming
  • 00:24:29.085 --> 00:24:34.124
  • They decide that they want you to re-establish
  • 00:24:34.124 --> 00:24:38.728
  • That relationship.
  • 00:24:38.728 --> 00:24:40.063
  • So here's the final question.
  • 00:24:40.063 --> 00:24:41.431
  • I know this is one of those pesky preacher questions, but i
  • 00:24:41.431 --> 00:24:43.033
  • Gotta ask anyway.
  • 00:24:43.033 --> 00:24:45.335
  • Is there anybody at home who has been crushed by your
  • 00:24:45.335 --> 00:24:50.774
  • Words recently?
  • 00:24:50.774 --> 00:24:55.946
  • Is there anybody in the neighborhood, anybody at work,
  • 00:24:55.946 --> 00:25:00.250
  • Maybe a friend, maybe a friend of a friend?
  • 00:25:00.250 --> 00:25:03.219
  • Maybe your kids had some friends over and you said that stupid
  • 00:25:03.219 --> 00:25:06.656
  • Dad thing or that stupid mom thing and they left and they're
  • 00:25:06.656 --> 00:25:08.825
  • Like, oh.
  • 00:25:08.825 --> 00:25:10.260
  • Is anybody been crushed by your words?
  • 00:25:10.260 --> 00:25:14.431
  • Is there a fire that you have attempted to contain by
  • 00:25:14.431 --> 00:25:18.935
  • Explaining that you need to just step back and extinguish?
  • 00:25:18.935 --> 00:25:24.574
  • The good news is this, your mouth, that's so dangerous, is
  • 00:25:24.574 --> 00:25:29.913
  • Also a tool that can bring about good if you'll choose to use it
  • 00:25:29.913 --> 00:25:33.450
  • That way.
  • 00:25:33.450 --> 00:25:34.784
  • If you will bring a big dose of humility and sensitivity back
  • 00:25:34.784 --> 00:25:38.421
  • Into the relationship and i know this is hard to hear when the
  • 00:25:38.421 --> 00:25:42.859
  • Person you need to apply it to is sitting next to you.
  • 00:25:42.859 --> 00:25:47.230
  • I know it's hard to--i know it's hard to hear this when the
  • 00:25:47.230 --> 00:25:49.232
  • Person you need to apply it to is somewhere close to you.
  • 00:25:49.232 --> 00:25:51.935
  • That requires a double dose of humility and i wanna encourage
  • 00:25:51.935 --> 00:25:56.006
  • You today to just go for it.
  • 00:25:56.006 --> 00:25:59.943
  • As hard as it is for you, it will be extraordinarily healing
  • 00:25:59.943 --> 00:26:04.047
  • For them.
  • 00:26:04.047 --> 00:26:05.415
  • Even if--and guys, let me just say to the guys, i know what
  • 00:26:05.415 --> 00:26:07.283
  • You're thinking.
  • 00:26:07.283 --> 00:26:08.618
  • You're like, "oh, but if i do it, she's gonna think i'm just
  • 00:26:08.618 --> 00:26:10.353
  • Doing it 'cause you said to."
  • 00:26:10.353 --> 00:26:11.855
  • Look up here, that's why it is a double dose of humility.
  • 00:26:11.855 --> 00:26:16.860
  • "you know what?
  • 00:26:16.860 --> 00:26:18.194
  • You're right, honey.
  • 00:26:18.194 --> 00:26:19.562
  • I'm doing this because andy talked about it and i'm doing it
  • 00:26:19.562 --> 00:26:22.799
  • Because it's what i need to do."
  • 00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:26.536
  • We can do this.
  • 00:26:26.536 --> 00:26:27.904
  • Go for it.
  • 00:26:27.904 --> 00:26:29.239
  • And whereas that's good advice for everybody if you're a jesus
  • 00:26:29.239 --> 00:26:31.274
  • Follower, this is what love sounds like.
  • 00:26:31.274 --> 00:26:34.010
  • This is what love does.
  • 00:26:34.010 --> 00:26:35.578
  • This is in some way what jesus did for us and for the world.
  • 00:26:35.578 --> 00:26:40.784
  • This is what loving one another sounds like.
  • 00:26:40.784 --> 00:26:43.653
  • So, in the words of paul, "do not let any stinky word, do not
  • 00:26:43.653 --> 00:26:48.291
  • Let any unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only
  • 00:26:48.291 --> 00:26:51.594
  • Words that are good for building others up according to their
  • 00:26:51.594 --> 00:26:55.331
  • Needs, not yours.
  • 00:26:55.331 --> 00:26:58.101
  • That it may benefit everyone who hears."
  • 00:26:58.101 --> 00:27:02.205
  • Your words carry weight.
  • 00:27:02.205 --> 00:27:05.475
  • Steward them well.
  • 00:27:05.475 --> 00:27:07.510
  • Andy: hey, thanks so much for watching.
  • 00:27:08.611 --> 00:27:10.313
  • You may find it hard to believe that 75 million americans claim
  • 00:27:10.313 --> 00:27:13.783
  • No religious affiliation.
  • 00:27:13.783 --> 00:27:15.919
  • On a personal note, perhaps you found it nearly impossible to
  • 00:27:15.919 --> 00:27:18.955
  • Believe that your son or your daughter or perhaps a grandchild
  • 00:27:18.955 --> 00:27:21.925
  • Drifted away from faith as part of that number.
  • 00:27:21.925 --> 00:27:24.728
  • This is a crisis culturally and perhaps for you it's a
  • 00:27:24.728 --> 00:27:27.697
  • Crisis personally.
  • 00:27:27.697 --> 00:27:29.032
  • At "your move," we are committed to addressing that crisis, we
  • 00:27:29.032 --> 00:27:33.136
  • Actually have a plan to solve it, but we need your help.
  • 00:27:33.136 --> 00:27:35.872
  • We've developed a digital online tool that invites people to take
  • 00:27:35.872 --> 00:27:39.275
  • A personal assessment that launches them on a journey that
  • 00:27:39.275 --> 00:27:42.679
  • Eventually intersects their questions with the teaching of
  • 00:27:42.679 --> 00:27:45.982
  • Jesus and ultimately with a bible-teaching church in
  • 00:27:45.982 --> 00:27:49.786
  • Their community.
  • 00:27:49.786 --> 00:27:51.121
  • Tens of thousands of people are currently engaged in this
  • 00:27:51.121 --> 00:27:53.389
  • Process, but we need your help to continue creating the bread
  • 00:27:53.389 --> 00:27:57.160
  • Crumbs, the content that keeps them moving forward on their
  • 00:27:57.160 --> 00:28:00.697
  • Faith journey.
  • 00:28:00.697 --> 00:28:02.098
  • We're attempting something that no one has ever attempted before
  • 00:28:02.098 --> 00:28:05.268
  • And it is already working.
  • 00:28:05.268 --> 00:28:07.036
  • To find out more, go to the website or call the number at
  • 00:28:07.036 --> 00:28:09.839
  • The bottom of the screen and as always, thank you so much for
  • 00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:13.009
  • Watching, and now it's your move.
  • 00:28:13.009 --> 00:28:15.245
  • ♪♪♪
  • 00:28:15.245 --> 00:28:24.921
  • ...
  • 00:28:25.955 --> 00:28:29.010