Better Together LIVE | Episode 79 | TBN

Better Together LIVE | Episode 79

Watch Better Together LIVE | Episode 79
July 23, 2020
24:55

Can we disagree while extending grace and mercy? Healthy confrontation is necessary for change and growth. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Better Together LIVE | Episode 79

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  • - Healthy confrontation isnecessary for growth and change.
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  • Can we take a stand for whatis right and show mercy?
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  • Can we disagree while extendingforgiveness and grace?
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  • Come on, we needto talk about this.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - You know these are the days
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  • that need to be slatheredin forgiveness and grace.
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  • And I say that becausethese are the days
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  • when we are confrontingthings with more clarity
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  • than ever before.
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  • I mean, that's just what ourcountry is going through.
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  • You know, I feel I toldsomebody the other day,
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  • I feel like the Lord ismaking a classic scifi movie
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  • and that 2020 is justcrazy ridiculous, right?
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  • But we've had toconfront some things,
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  • we've had to personallyconfront idols.
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  • We have had to ina communal way,
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  • confront society...
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  • Societal issues like racism.
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  • I mean, we've doneit on this show.
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  • We've had the hard conversations
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  • and we are confronting thingsthat need to be confronted.
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  • But one of the thingsthe Lord has been laying
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  • in my heart lately is howmuch grace and forgiveness
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  • we also need to put on topof those conversations,
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  • Matthew 6:14-15 says
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  • "For if you forgiveothers their trespasses,
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  • "your heavenly fatherwill also forgive you.
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  • "But if you do not forgiveothers, their trespasses,
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  • "neither will your fatherforgive your trespasses."
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  • And this is a if then, if not,
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  • then not kind of situation
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  • where, you know, we'renot used to considering
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  • the word like this,
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  • but if we choose to not forgive,
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  • we are setting up ourselvesto not be forgiven.
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  • And, you know, as a womanof color in this society,
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  • I have had to confrontthings and offenses
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  • that need to be confronted
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  • and don't get me wrong,
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  • they absolutely needto be confronted.
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  • My friend the other dayhad the N word written
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  • on the sidewalk inher neighborhood.
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  • We're having, I mean,the things are real
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  • apart from things thatwe see in the news,
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  • there are those of usliving this every day
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  • and still the Lord tells me,
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  • "But you have enough grace
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  • "because I'velavished it on you.
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  • "You have enough graceto add to the situation."
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  • I was walking in myneighborhood the other day,
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  • and a white woman said to me,
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  • "Do you live around here,
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  • "'cause I've neverseen you before?"
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  • And I mean, it kindof threw me for a loop
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  • because I've been thespicy girl back in my day.
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  • And as the Lord hassanctified, you know,
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  • things out of me andgrace into to me, I had...
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  • I just said, I surehave, you know,
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  • been walking every day, rightpast your house, I guess,
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  • and decided to respondto her in grace.
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  • But that was actuallythe easy moment.
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  • The hard momentwas going back home
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  • and deciding to forgive her
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  • for creating in me a tension
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  • that I do my best
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  • to avoid because it's painful.
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  • It's hurtful, it's sad.
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  • And so one of the things
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  • the Lord has beenteaching me, is one,
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  • I cannot expect everybody
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  • to be in the stage ofhealing that best suits me
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  • at the time.
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  • I can't expect that.
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  • And two, forgiveness isnot an option it's required
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  • and no matter what happensas a believer in Jesus,
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  • as a follower of Christ,
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  • as one who is attemptingto move more closely
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  • into the footstepsof Jesus himself.
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  • I have to forgive.
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  • I have to be able to moveforward as hard as it is,
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  • as much as it makesme uncomfortable
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  • to walk around my neighborhood
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  • and creates rippleeffects in my life.
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  • I have to, once again, backto our first conversation,
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  • if it comes up in my mindand my heart 490 times
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  • each time I have tomanage that decision
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  • because it's what theLord has done for me,
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  • because it, and hesays right here,
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  • "If you do not forgiveothers, their trespasses,
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  • "neither will yourfather forgive yours."
  • 00:04:32.585 --> 00:04:35.121
  • Well, I'm not tryingto get to heaven
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  • and be turned away forsomething as small as that.
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  • And when I thinkof what that means,
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  • then all of a sudden thatbecomes as small as it is.
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  • Everything becomessmall when it's compared
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  • to my salvation
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  • and my eternity with the Lord.
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  • You know what I'm saying?
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  • - Yeah and I agree.
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  • I totally agree.
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  • I don't believe thatforgiving someone
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  • means to be passive.
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  • I hear all kinds of things.
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  • And especially now likeJanice to hear your story.
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  • I feel like sometimespeople just also need
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  • to know that their actionsare or could be offensive.
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  • No, I do believewe aren't supposed
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  • to take offense because thatis clearly in the Bible.
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  • However, I believethere is something
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  • that could have been well, yes,
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  • "I do live here.
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  • "However, you know, whenyou ask things like that,
  • 00:05:36.783 --> 00:05:39.986
  • "it could seem likeyou're trying to find,
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  • "you know, catchme doing something.
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  • 'So just try to be alittle mindful of that."
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  • And I feel like sometimeswhen you address things
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  • with wisdom rightthere in the moment,
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  • it's easier to forgivebecause at the end of the day,
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  • most of the time,
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  • it's just flat out ignorance.
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  • It's not like it'smalice in their heart.
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  • Not for everybody.
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  • I'm not speaking for the mass.
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  • I'm speaking for a lot of people
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  • who is just flat out ignorance.
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  • I have a fullyAfrican American son.
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  • My twins are mixed
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  • with my husband is like amelting pot of different races.
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  • And my son, my youngestson, he's white.
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  • I have heard somany ignorant things
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  • as far from the black community.
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  • Why would you adopt oneof them when you know,
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  • you know, it's a lot ofus who need to be adopted,
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  • from the whitecommunity is like,
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  • what are you doing?
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  • Are you okay?
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  • Is this your family?
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  • Is that your mom?
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  • I've heard so many things,
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  • but it's out of ignorance.
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  • It's not that, you know,
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  • they are intentionallytrying to be racist.
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  • Well, some people are,
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  • but I believe each momentcan be a teacher moment.
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  • If our first thing isnot to take offense.
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  • Like you won't haveto forgive someone
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  • if you don't take offense.
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  • So if you could kind ofknow, it's like from,
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  • Oh, you know what?
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  • You just need to be educated.
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  • Like you don't get offendedwhen your child tells you,
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  • you didn't put enough oilin the pot to cook my dinner
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  • because you know thatyour pot is nonstick
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  • and it doesn't require oil.
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  • So you just tell your child,
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  • "Oh no, it didn't require oil."
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  • So maybe it just needssome salt on the you know,
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  • something like that.
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  • It's just like,
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  • you wouldn't take offenseto that because you know,
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  • your child doesn't know.
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  • And that's a lot oftimes how I view people
  • 00:07:46.546 --> 00:07:49.282
  • with their ignorant stancesor how they view things.
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  • Because at the end of the day,
  • 00:07:54.887 --> 00:07:56.589
  • we all have different opinions.
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  • We all have differentperspectives.
  • 00:07:58.925 --> 00:08:00.960
  • We all have differentbackgrounds.
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  • We all have different cultures.
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  • So we view things the way ourenvironment has shaped us too.
  • 00:08:04.463 --> 00:08:09.468
  • And sometimes peoplejust need to talk
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  • how we operate inother environments.
  • 00:08:13.372 --> 00:08:16.342
  • And I believe that we need tobe patient with one another
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  • to allow that kindof growth to happen,
  • 00:08:20.413 --> 00:08:24.083
  • like with your spouse.
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  • - I totally agree with that,
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  • my only, the onlything that I would add
  • 00:08:26.953 --> 00:08:31.123
  • is that sometimes thatignorance is dangerous
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  • and I say, ripple effects
  • 00:08:34.026 --> 00:08:35.328
  • that can be dangerousfor this reason.
  • 00:08:35.328 --> 00:08:37.463
  • Like, and I, you know,I gave her a look
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  • that was confronting,
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  • but not without grace.
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  • I said, "I do this everyday, same place, same time."
  • 00:08:43.169 --> 00:08:47.173
  • And then, but here's thething in my neighborhood.
  • 00:08:47.173 --> 00:08:49.742
  • Also, there were acouple of break ins
  • 00:08:49.742 --> 00:08:52.345
  • and what went aroundin our HOA was that,
  • 00:08:52.345 --> 00:08:56.148
  • well, we did see one blackguy that we didn't recognize.
  • 00:08:56.148 --> 00:08:59.986
  • And so as a result,
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  • my husband doesn't takethe trash out at night
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  • because I neverwant him to be that
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  • not before identified black man.
  • 00:09:05.091 --> 00:09:07.293
  • And so while I don't, I'mnot offended personally,
  • 00:09:07.293 --> 00:09:11.797
  • by what she said, it is like,what you say has effect.
  • 00:09:11.797 --> 00:09:16.769
  • And some people'signorance weighs heavier
  • 00:09:17.903 --> 00:09:20.072
  • on others than otherpeople's ignorance.
  • 00:09:20.072 --> 00:09:22.675
  • And so, you know what I mean?
  • 00:09:22.675 --> 00:09:23.576
  • Like it's...
  • 00:09:23.576 --> 00:09:24.777
  • And then I have toforgive you for the fact
  • 00:09:24.777 --> 00:09:26.412
  • that my husband can't takethe trash out at night.
  • 00:09:26.412 --> 00:09:28.514
  • And so that's, that isprobably my process.
  • 00:09:28.514 --> 00:09:31.183
  • (laughs)
  • 00:09:31.183 --> 00:09:32.385
  • - And that's the thing,like, no, not even,
  • 00:09:32.385 --> 00:09:34.286
  • I didn't think thatwas your issue,
  • 00:09:34.286 --> 00:09:36.455
  • just using it as like a modelfor other people to see,
  • 00:09:36.455 --> 00:09:40.059
  • 'cause the thing is,
  • 00:09:40.059 --> 00:09:41.394
  • we have so many of these stories
  • 00:09:41.394 --> 00:09:44.230
  • and that's why I feel likeI don't want Christians
  • 00:09:44.230 --> 00:09:46.866
  • to like take on orhear us thinking.
  • 00:09:46.866 --> 00:09:50.736
  • We're saying, leteverything be passive
  • 00:09:50.736 --> 00:09:53.973
  • and you're forgiving.
  • 00:09:53.973 --> 00:09:56.509
  • And you're doing all ofthese things, it's no.
  • 00:09:56.509 --> 00:09:59.211
  • Because your ignorantcan be dangerous
  • 00:09:59.211 --> 00:10:01.647
  • because your ignorantcan mean my life
  • 00:10:01.647 --> 00:10:04.250
  • as an African American male,
  • 00:10:04.250 --> 00:10:07.486
  • you know, as myhusband or my son.
  • 00:10:07.486 --> 00:10:09.989
  • And that's why I feel
  • 00:10:09.989 --> 00:10:13.759
  • we should still be able
  • 00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:15.261
  • to boldly speak up.
  • 00:10:15.261 --> 00:10:16.929
  • If we don't take the offenseand correct the ignorance,
  • 00:10:16.929 --> 00:10:21.567
  • it can begin to help healing,
  • 00:10:21.567 --> 00:10:24.970
  • you know, in certain areas.
  • 00:10:24.970 --> 00:10:26.639
  • And I just, it's one of thosethings forgiveness and grace,
  • 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:31.577
  • you just have tokind of make sure
  • 00:10:32.745 --> 00:10:34.213
  • you don't take that offense
  • 00:10:34.213 --> 00:10:35.948
  • so that you cancorrect the ignorance
  • 00:10:35.948 --> 00:10:38.551
  • the way that it needs tobe corrected, in love.
  • 00:10:38.551 --> 00:10:41.954
  • - Right, I think it's thereality that we live in today.
  • 00:10:41.954 --> 00:10:46.392
  • We're trying to find a balance
  • 00:10:46.392 --> 00:10:48.527
  • between confrontation andreform and showing grace.
  • 00:10:48.527 --> 00:10:53.532
  • And I mean, it's a delicatebalance as we move forward.
  • 00:10:55.000 --> 00:10:59.271
  • But the point is thatwe are moving forward
  • 00:11:00.473 --> 00:11:04.944
  • and as a church I knowthat we're all committed
  • 00:11:06.112 --> 00:11:10.249
  • to moving forward, you know,
  • 00:11:10.249 --> 00:11:12.618
  • 1 Peter says
  • 00:11:12.618 --> 00:11:14.153
  • "Most important of all,
  • 00:11:14.153 --> 00:11:15.888
  • "continue to show deeplove for each other
  • 00:11:15.888 --> 00:11:20.392
  • "for love covers amultitude of sin."
  • 00:11:20.392 --> 00:11:23.562
  • And as Christian,Christian women,
  • 00:11:24.764 --> 00:11:28.434
  • that's our callingthat we're to love.
  • 00:11:28.434 --> 00:11:31.537
  • Right?
  • 00:11:31.537 --> 00:11:32.938
  • And I'm so blessedbecause I've had the honor
  • 00:11:32.938 --> 00:11:36.475
  • to be a pastor in a communityof many diverse people.
  • 00:11:36.475 --> 00:11:41.480
  • And I've joked about it lotsof times that, at my church,
  • 00:11:42.948 --> 00:11:44.984
  • I'm the minority.
  • 00:11:44.984 --> 00:11:46.652
  • And I'm so honored tobe in a church community
  • 00:11:46.652 --> 00:11:50.456
  • that loves me and acceptsme, even though I am white.
  • 00:11:50.456 --> 00:11:54.126
  • And with that being said,
  • 00:11:54.126 --> 00:11:56.162
  • I've learned a greatdeal about knowing
  • 00:11:56.162 --> 00:11:59.732
  • that I need to seethings differently.
  • 00:11:59.732 --> 00:12:02.968
  • I need to see things froma different point of view
  • 00:12:02.968 --> 00:12:07.239
  • than the way I saw it maybewhen I was a young woman
  • 00:12:07.239 --> 00:12:11.577
  • and God has honored me
  • 00:12:11.577 --> 00:12:14.613
  • to have theopportunity to do that.
  • 00:12:14.613 --> 00:12:17.449
  • So the idea that wecan just stay the same,
  • 00:12:17.449 --> 00:12:21.120
  • no we can't,
  • 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:22.555
  • we're called as Christiansto love one another.
  • 00:12:22.555 --> 00:12:27.326
  • And that is a action word.
  • 00:12:28.227 --> 00:12:30.496
  • We are to love in every way
  • 00:12:30.496 --> 00:12:33.899
  • with our words,
  • 00:12:33.899 --> 00:12:36.635
  • with our actions.
  • 00:12:36.635 --> 00:12:38.370
  • And we do that byliving a lifestyle
  • 00:12:38.370 --> 00:12:41.874
  • that honors people in ourcommunity in every way.
  • 00:12:41.874 --> 00:12:46.879
  • And I know that by showing love,
  • 00:12:46.879 --> 00:12:51.784
  • we can change our community.
  • 00:12:51.784 --> 00:12:54.253
  • And since I've had the chance
  • 00:12:54.253 --> 00:12:57.089
  • to be on BetterTogether recently,
  • 00:12:57.089 --> 00:12:59.058
  • I've had the opportunityto participate
  • 00:12:59.058 --> 00:13:01.193
  • in lots of community events
  • 00:13:01.193 --> 00:13:03.762
  • that I've never hada chance before.
  • 00:13:03.762 --> 00:13:06.131
  • I mean, I never had a chance
  • 00:13:06.131 --> 00:13:07.700
  • to do lots of amazingthings, you know,
  • 00:13:07.700 --> 00:13:10.102
  • and I'm seeing thatstanding up and saying,
  • 00:13:10.102 --> 00:13:14.440
  • "It matters."
  • 00:13:14.440 --> 00:13:15.708
  • That can bring change.
  • 00:13:15.708 --> 00:13:17.309
  • And so God is usingso many different ways
  • 00:13:17.309 --> 00:13:21.013
  • in our community right now.
  • 00:13:21.013 --> 00:13:23.449
  • And love is the way to do it.
  • 00:13:23.449 --> 00:13:25.918
  • Don't you think so, Laurie,
  • 00:13:25.918 --> 00:13:27.987
  • - Yeah it's theonly way to do it.
  • 00:13:27.987 --> 00:13:29.688
  • You know, it seems like the...
  • 00:13:29.688 --> 00:13:32.925
  • The atmosphere is justbringing out the best
  • 00:13:32.925 --> 00:13:35.895
  • and the worst in peopleacross the board.
  • 00:13:35.895 --> 00:13:39.064
  • This is certainly the timefor the church because,
  • 00:13:39.064 --> 00:13:43.002
  • because everything that welive and die by, you know,
  • 00:13:43.002 --> 00:13:45.838
  • if you read 1 Corinthians 13,
  • 00:13:45.838 --> 00:13:48.641
  • I just encourage you to readthat chapter every single day.
  • 00:13:48.641 --> 00:13:53.112
  • It doesn't matter whatyou do for the Lord.
  • 00:13:53.112 --> 00:13:55.648
  • It doesn't matterif you prophesy,
  • 00:13:55.648 --> 00:13:58.317
  • if you can sing like an angel,
  • 00:13:58.317 --> 00:13:59.818
  • if you have the tonguesof men and angels,
  • 00:13:59.818 --> 00:14:02.488
  • if you don't have love,
  • 00:14:02.488 --> 00:14:03.656
  • you are a empty gong
  • 00:14:03.656 --> 00:14:05.925
  • and in a brassy symbol
  • 00:14:05.925 --> 00:14:09.228
  • that stinks in thenostrils of God.
  • 00:14:09.228 --> 00:14:11.497
  • So we're in trouble.
  • 00:14:11.497 --> 00:14:13.365
  • If we don't do things in love.
  • 00:14:13.365 --> 00:14:15.668
  • And in Ephesians,
  • 00:14:15.668 --> 00:14:17.202
  • that was one of our scripturesthis week in Ephesians.
  • 00:14:17.202 --> 00:14:21.507
  • Let me just start with verse 29.
  • 00:14:21.507 --> 00:14:23.742
  • "Let no corrupt wordproceed out of your mouth,
  • 00:14:23.742 --> 00:14:27.746
  • "but what is good fornecessary edification
  • 00:14:27.746 --> 00:14:31.417
  • "that it may impartgrace to the hearers
  • 00:14:31.417 --> 00:14:35.187
  • "and do not grievethe Holy spirit of God
  • 00:14:35.187 --> 00:14:38.057
  • "by whom you were sealedfor the day of redemption,
  • 00:14:38.057 --> 00:14:40.859
  • "that all bitterness,wrath, anger, clamor,
  • 00:14:40.859 --> 00:14:45.297
  • "and evil speaking,
  • 00:14:45.297 --> 00:14:46.532
  • "be put away fromyou with all malice
  • 00:14:46.532 --> 00:14:49.601
  • "and be kind to one another,
  • 00:14:49.601 --> 00:14:51.704
  • "tenderhearted,forgiving one another,
  • 00:14:51.704 --> 00:14:54.440
  • "even as God and Christhas forgiven you."
  • 00:14:54.440 --> 00:14:58.644
  • And that's in black and white,
  • 00:14:58.644 --> 00:15:00.779
  • and that is God himself.
  • 00:15:00.779 --> 00:15:03.415
  • And if we don't startwalking in love,
  • 00:15:03.415 --> 00:15:05.818
  • I see Christians all day,either on social media,
  • 00:15:05.818 --> 00:15:09.922
  • either from the pulpit,
  • 00:15:09.922 --> 00:15:11.490
  • all day long,crucifying each other.
  • 00:15:11.490 --> 00:15:14.860
  • And guys, this is not the time.
  • 00:15:14.860 --> 00:15:17.763
  • This is the timeto rise and shine
  • 00:15:17.763 --> 00:15:20.799
  • because God hasgiven us the perfect,
  • 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:24.236
  • this is the perfectscenario guys,
  • 00:15:24.236 --> 00:15:27.239
  • to show who God isthrough Christians.
  • 00:15:27.239 --> 00:15:29.742
  • If you call yourselfa Christ follower,
  • 00:15:29.742 --> 00:15:32.745
  • let's act like itand get it right
  • 00:15:32.745 --> 00:15:35.147
  • and stop saying ugly thingsand doing ugly things.
  • 00:15:35.147 --> 00:15:38.884
  • And I am so sorry for whateverybody's going through,
  • 00:15:38.884 --> 00:15:42.921
  • but it's God's love
  • 00:15:42.921 --> 00:15:44.256
  • that is going totransform the hearts
  • 00:15:44.256 --> 00:15:46.759
  • and the minds of men, Sheila.
  • 00:15:46.759 --> 00:15:48.327
  • And there is noother way to do it.
  • 00:15:48.327 --> 00:15:50.496
  • Nothing else is gonna fix it.
  • 00:15:50.496 --> 00:15:52.197
  • A new president isnot gonna fix it.
  • 00:15:52.197 --> 00:15:54.366
  • New, new everything is notgoing to fix the problem.
  • 00:15:54.366 --> 00:15:58.437
  • - This program we've beentalking about forgiveness
  • 00:15:58.437 --> 00:16:01.073
  • and grace, but to me,there has to be an,
  • 00:16:01.073 --> 00:16:03.542
  • an element of godlyconfrontation.
  • 00:16:03.542 --> 00:16:06.545
  • Scripture tells us thatiron sharpens iron.
  • 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.315
  • And when I see some of thethings are going, I mean,
  • 00:16:10.315 --> 00:16:12.818
  • one of my friendssent me a meme.
  • 00:16:12.818 --> 00:16:14.420
  • You know, it's about 2020 sync.
  • 00:16:14.420 --> 00:16:17.556
  • Which chapter ofrevelation are we in?
  • 00:16:17.556 --> 00:16:19.625
  • I mean, it's like absolutelycrazy, crazy year.
  • 00:16:19.625 --> 00:16:24.329
  • And some of the evil that hasreally risen to the forefront.
  • 00:16:24.329 --> 00:16:28.767
  • I mean, the thought
  • 00:16:28.767 --> 00:16:30.202
  • that EJ can't take the garbageout at night is beyond.
  • 00:16:30.202 --> 00:16:33.639
  • I mean, that's ahellish, that is hellish,
  • 00:16:33.639 --> 00:16:36.608
  • but I think partof living in the...
  • 00:16:36.608 --> 00:16:39.778
  • The time that we're living in,
  • 00:16:39.778 --> 00:16:41.280
  • we are God's daughters onthe earth at this time.
  • 00:16:41.280 --> 00:16:44.116
  • And I think there has to bean element of confrontation
  • 00:16:44.116 --> 00:16:47.486
  • of what is evil,
  • 00:16:47.486 --> 00:16:48.821
  • because you know whoever,
  • 00:16:48.821 --> 00:16:50.122
  • I can't remember whosaid that all it takes
  • 00:16:50.122 --> 00:16:51.723
  • for evil to prosper is forgood men to do nothing.
  • 00:16:51.723 --> 00:16:55.160
  • And I think sometimes wesee some of these things
  • 00:16:55.160 --> 00:16:57.262
  • are happening in our culture
  • 00:16:57.262 --> 00:16:58.730
  • and we think, well,
  • 00:16:58.730 --> 00:16:59.965
  • I'm not really activelyparticipating in that.
  • 00:16:59.965 --> 00:17:00.999
  • This is not my problem.
  • 00:17:00.999 --> 00:17:02.034
  • But if it's,
  • 00:17:02.034 --> 00:17:03.535
  • if it's one person's problem,it's our problem, you know,
  • 00:17:03.535 --> 00:17:06.171
  • that we have to be able.
  • 00:17:06.171 --> 00:17:07.639
  • And it's how do we,as, as godly women,
  • 00:17:07.639 --> 00:17:10.976
  • how do we confrontsomething that,
  • 00:17:10.976 --> 00:17:13.712
  • that is clearly wrong,but also extend grace?
  • 00:17:13.712 --> 00:17:18.016
  • I mean, grace,
  • 00:17:18.016 --> 00:17:19.485
  • I have my mom's Bible thatshe was given when she was 10.
  • 00:17:19.485 --> 00:17:22.054
  • And she wrote in herlittle handwriting,
  • 00:17:22.054 --> 00:17:24.289
  • grace is love stooping.
  • 00:17:24.289 --> 00:17:26.692
  • And I think that'show God reached me,
  • 00:17:26.692 --> 00:17:29.228
  • his love stooped down.
  • 00:17:29.228 --> 00:17:30.929
  • And I think there'spart of engaging
  • 00:17:30.929 --> 00:17:32.898
  • in the conversationat the moment
  • 00:17:32.898 --> 00:17:34.600
  • where it's so easy whensomebody says something
  • 00:17:34.600 --> 00:17:37.870
  • like Brittney said,you just wanna say,
  • 00:17:37.870 --> 00:17:39.338
  • "You know, you're an idiot."
  • 00:17:39.338 --> 00:17:41.373
  • Or you know what, Janice,what you encountered.
  • 00:17:41.373 --> 00:17:44.376
  • It's like, it's mind blowing,
  • 00:17:44.376 --> 00:17:46.512
  • but being willing tokind of stay engaged
  • 00:17:46.512 --> 00:17:49.748
  • and help somebody understand,
  • 00:17:49.748 --> 00:17:51.216
  • "You know, what.
  • 00:17:51.216 --> 00:17:52.451
  • "You probably say,something like that,
  • 00:17:52.451 --> 00:17:53.886
  • "and it's a passing,but do you realize
  • 00:17:53.886 --> 00:17:56.054
  • "that you actuallyfired a little arrow
  • 00:17:56.054 --> 00:17:58.323
  • "right into my heart?
  • 00:17:58.323 --> 00:17:59.791
  • "And you know, I'm gonnahave to get this out."
  • 00:17:59.791 --> 00:18:02.728
  • That is finding the balance
  • 00:18:02.728 --> 00:18:05.030
  • between realizingthat some people,
  • 00:18:05.030 --> 00:18:06.899
  • when you try and say,
  • 00:18:06.899 --> 00:18:08.133
  • "You know, can I justtalk to you about that?"
  • 00:18:08.133 --> 00:18:09.768
  • I mean, I had itwhen people know
  • 00:18:09.768 --> 00:18:11.370
  • that I take medication
  • 00:18:11.370 --> 00:18:12.804
  • for clinical depression,
  • 00:18:12.804 --> 00:18:14.406
  • there's a big stigmawith mental illness
  • 00:18:14.406 --> 00:18:17.276
  • and I've had tolearn to stay engaged
  • 00:18:17.276 --> 00:18:19.611
  • rather than justdiscounting someone,
  • 00:18:19.611 --> 00:18:21.847
  • but say, "Can I, can I."
  • 00:18:21.847 --> 00:18:23.916
  • To me, grace requiresthat we go the extra mile
  • 00:18:23.916 --> 00:18:26.919
  • and we say,
  • 00:18:26.919 --> 00:18:27.853
  • "Can we talk about this?"
  • 00:18:27.853 --> 00:18:29.421
  • And some peoplewill still choose
  • 00:18:29.421 --> 00:18:31.390
  • to remain in their ignorance,
  • 00:18:31.390 --> 00:18:33.258
  • but I think we're called tocall one another up higher.
  • 00:18:33.258 --> 00:18:37.629
  • And the only way we can do thatis through the grace of God.
  • 00:18:37.629 --> 00:18:41.767
  • But Jesus, wouldn'task us to do something
  • 00:18:41.767 --> 00:18:44.236
  • that's not possible.
  • 00:18:44.236 --> 00:18:45.470
  • That's not who he is.
  • 00:18:45.470 --> 00:18:47.105
  • So if it is possible toforgive and extend grace,
  • 00:18:47.105 --> 00:18:51.276
  • then we do that armand arm with him.
  • 00:18:51.276 --> 00:18:53.812
  • And yeah.
  • 00:18:53.812 --> 00:18:55.314
  • And Janice, I mean,obviously it just,
  • 00:18:55.314 --> 00:18:58.784
  • that kind of thingjust blows me away.
  • 00:18:58.784 --> 00:19:00.886
  • - It's but you know, Iappreciate that Sheila,
  • 00:19:00.886 --> 00:19:04.256
  • and I know you love us.
  • 00:19:04.256 --> 00:19:05.290
  • And so it breaks your heart.
  • 00:19:05.290 --> 00:19:07.960
  • Like it breaks ours.
  • 00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:09.228
  • I think Brittney's right though.
  • 00:19:09.228 --> 00:19:10.963
  • You know, one of thethings on that walk
  • 00:19:10.963 --> 00:19:13.966
  • that I remember isthat I saw her finished
  • 00:19:13.966 --> 00:19:18.003
  • with what she was doing outside,
  • 00:19:18.003 --> 00:19:20.038
  • waiting for my family toapproach her so she could ask.
  • 00:19:20.038 --> 00:19:23.342
  • And so I kind of walked aheadof my children for that reason
  • 00:19:23.342 --> 00:19:26.511
  • to have that exchange with her
  • 00:19:26.511 --> 00:19:29.047
  • because I do not yet want to...
  • 00:19:29.047 --> 00:19:33.685
  • My three and a halfyear old Gabriel,
  • 00:19:33.685 --> 00:19:35.287
  • he's very smart andhe's gonna ask about it.
  • 00:19:35.287 --> 00:19:37.389
  • And so I just wantedit to be private.
  • 00:19:37.389 --> 00:19:39.558
  • And outside of that,
  • 00:19:39.558 --> 00:19:41.059
  • I think even with the HOA,
  • 00:19:41.059 --> 00:19:43.161
  • like we pushed back and said,
  • 00:19:43.161 --> 00:19:44.763
  • "Hey, that's not a good way
  • 00:19:44.763 --> 00:19:46.231
  • "to describe somebodyyou've never seen anymore."
  • 00:19:46.231 --> 00:19:49.735
  • It's a useless description.
  • 00:19:49.735 --> 00:19:51.570
  • And it's a potentiallyreckless one,
  • 00:19:51.570 --> 00:19:53.438
  • just like you wouldn't say,
  • 00:19:53.438 --> 00:19:54.706
  • "Hey, I saw a whiteguy who was six feet
  • 00:19:54.706 --> 00:19:57.175
  • "with Brown hair that I didn'tknow, walking around here."
  • 00:19:57.175 --> 00:19:59.845
  • Nobody gives that descriptionbecause it's useless.
  • 00:19:59.845 --> 00:20:03.115
  • And so I want you to thinkthat same way when you think,
  • 00:20:03.115 --> 00:20:06.251
  • "Oh, I saw a black man,I didn't know here."
  • 00:20:06.251 --> 00:20:08.453
  • And so that's,
  • 00:20:08.453 --> 00:20:09.288
  • that ends up how I,
  • 00:20:09.288 --> 00:20:10.856
  • that ends up beinghow I confronted.
  • 00:20:10.856 --> 00:20:13.025
  • But the grace part,
  • 00:20:13.025 --> 00:20:14.159
  • I think comes in deciding
  • 00:20:14.159 --> 00:20:17.062
  • that I don't get to determine
  • 00:20:17.062 --> 00:20:19.331
  • what their motives are
  • 00:20:19.331 --> 00:20:20.832
  • and that's thelavishing of the grace,
  • 00:20:20.832 --> 00:20:24.503
  • very practical that Itry to extend is that,
  • 00:20:24.503 --> 00:20:28.273
  • hey, I don't know whyshe would ask me that.
  • 00:20:28.273 --> 00:20:31.443
  • And I don't need to spendtime trying to figure it out.
  • 00:20:31.443 --> 00:20:34.880
  • (laughs)
  • 00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:35.714
  • You know what I mean?
  • 00:20:35.714 --> 00:20:36.948
  • Because that's gonnabe a waste of my time
  • 00:20:36.948 --> 00:20:38.450
  • and I'll never be able toprove that I'm right or wrong.
  • 00:20:38.450 --> 00:20:41.153
  • And so that ends upbeing the grace of it
  • 00:20:41.153 --> 00:20:43.855
  • is that since I cannotdetermine her motives,
  • 00:20:43.855 --> 00:20:47.025
  • it affects how I confront her.
  • 00:20:47.025 --> 00:20:49.261
  • And I can say to her verysternly with a sweet smile.
  • 00:20:49.261 --> 00:20:54.066
  • I do it every day.
  • 00:20:54.066 --> 00:20:55.667
  • And then she's gonnahave to wrestle with,
  • 00:20:55.667 --> 00:20:58.470
  • well, why would Iask this question?
  • 00:20:58.470 --> 00:21:00.238
  • And I'm gonna let herwrestle with that,
  • 00:21:00.238 --> 00:21:02.107
  • or I'm gonna let theHOA wrestle with,
  • 00:21:02.107 --> 00:21:04.109
  • "Well, why did we describe
  • 00:21:04.109 --> 00:21:05.744
  • "the guy that wedon't know this way?"
  • 00:21:05.744 --> 00:21:08.213
  • You guys go ahead andwrestle with that.
  • 00:21:08.213 --> 00:21:10.248
  • And I won't sit in anddetermine your motives
  • 00:21:10.248 --> 00:21:12.718
  • because once I'vedetermine your motives,
  • 00:21:12.718 --> 00:21:14.986
  • then I've createdthis record of debt
  • 00:21:14.986 --> 00:21:17.622
  • once again, that the Lord,
  • 00:21:17.622 --> 00:21:19.191
  • if you're a believerhas canceled
  • 00:21:19.191 --> 00:21:21.093
  • and I've decided myself
  • 00:21:21.093 --> 00:21:23.495
  • that you have to pay that debt.
  • 00:21:23.495 --> 00:21:25.163
  • And I need the pound of flesh
  • 00:21:25.163 --> 00:21:26.998
  • and wear it for my life.
  • 00:21:26.998 --> 00:21:28.700
  • I've decided thatthe pound of flesh
  • 00:21:28.700 --> 00:21:31.570
  • that Jesus gaveis enough for me.
  • 00:21:31.570 --> 00:21:33.271
  • How dare I decide that I know,
  • 00:21:33.271 --> 00:21:36.274
  • I need a pound of fleshof my own from you
  • 00:21:36.274 --> 00:21:39.378
  • for motives that Ican't prove about you.
  • 00:21:39.378 --> 00:21:41.947
  • And so it ends up being,don't decide on motives,
  • 00:21:41.947 --> 00:21:45.517
  • confront withgrace and realizing
  • 00:21:45.517 --> 00:21:48.653
  • that you can't prove whatpeople think and what they feel.
  • 00:21:48.653 --> 00:21:51.690
  • You can only talk about how youfeel and how it affects you.
  • 00:21:51.690 --> 00:21:55.394
  • And that's how youconfront, I think.
  • 00:21:55.394 --> 00:21:57.295
  • I don't know, Brittney,what do you think?
  • 00:21:57.295 --> 00:21:59.264
  • - Absolutely...
  • 00:21:59.264 --> 00:22:00.499
  • No, I mean, that'sabsolutely correct.
  • 00:22:00.499 --> 00:22:02.534
  • And I felt like the rootof all of this is love.
  • 00:22:02.534 --> 00:22:06.405
  • Like we can walk in thisforgiveness and this grace,
  • 00:22:06.405 --> 00:22:10.208
  • if we operate in love, likeGod has commanded us to do.
  • 00:22:10.208 --> 00:22:15.213
  • I mean, because atthe end of the day,
  • 00:22:16.381 --> 00:22:17.616
  • there are gonnabe so many things
  • 00:22:17.616 --> 00:22:19.050
  • that happen to us,
  • 00:22:19.050 --> 00:22:21.386
  • whether we cause itor whether we don't,
  • 00:22:21.386 --> 00:22:23.955
  • that we're going to have
  • 00:22:23.955 --> 00:22:25.690
  • to really put on ourbig girl panties.
  • 00:22:25.690 --> 00:22:29.194
  • I don't know what's okayto say on this show or not,
  • 00:22:29.194 --> 00:22:31.897
  • but we're really gonnahave to, you know,
  • 00:22:31.897 --> 00:22:34.533
  • be big girls or big guys,
  • 00:22:34.533 --> 00:22:36.535
  • big Christians about whatwe have to do with being,
  • 00:22:36.535 --> 00:22:40.138
  • trying not to takeoffense and knowing that,
  • 00:22:40.138 --> 00:22:43.575
  • you know, this person justmight need my guidance
  • 00:22:43.575 --> 00:22:47.913
  • to help them see otherthings differently.
  • 00:22:47.913 --> 00:22:50.582
  • Maybe they just need my help.
  • 00:22:50.582 --> 00:22:53.051
  • You know, maybe God put mein this position right here
  • 00:22:53.051 --> 00:22:56.721
  • in this moment to be the model.
  • 00:22:56.721 --> 00:22:59.458
  • And so I just wannareally pray for you now,
  • 00:22:59.458 --> 00:23:04.229
  • if you are having a hardtime struggling with that,
  • 00:23:04.229 --> 00:23:08.934
  • and father I thank youfor being so gracious
  • 00:23:08.934 --> 00:23:12.504
  • and so awesome and so forgiving
  • 00:23:12.504 --> 00:23:15.607
  • and being the modelthat we are to follow.
  • 00:23:15.607 --> 00:23:19.277
  • And father, I pray for eachand every last one of them now
  • 00:23:19.277 --> 00:23:23.181
  • who may have unforgivenessin their heart
  • 00:23:23.181 --> 00:23:27.085
  • or offense and or anythingthat is eating away at them.
  • 00:23:27.085 --> 00:23:31.990
  • And I pray that you justhelped them to let that go.
  • 00:23:31.990 --> 00:23:36.328
  • Just let that go.
  • 00:23:36.328 --> 00:23:37.929
  • If they can't,
  • 00:23:37.929 --> 00:23:39.731
  • if they don't feel youshaking them free right now,
  • 00:23:39.731 --> 00:23:43.134
  • Lord let them hear me loudly.
  • 00:23:43.134 --> 00:23:45.370
  • Every time they feel that way.
  • 00:23:45.370 --> 00:23:47.539
  • Let them hear me say,
  • 00:23:47.539 --> 00:23:49.274
  • "Let it go, just let it go."
  • 00:23:49.274 --> 00:23:51.843
  • And to help us to remember tobe the model in the moment,
  • 00:23:51.843 --> 00:23:55.914
  • to help us to be big girlsand big boys in Christ,
  • 00:23:55.914 --> 00:24:00.852
  • to be able to show the world
  • 00:24:00.852 --> 00:24:03.088
  • what forgiveness andgrace fully looks like
  • 00:24:03.088 --> 00:24:06.358
  • so that they can nowmodel after our pattern.
  • 00:24:06.358 --> 00:24:11.363
  • As we follow you God,
  • 00:24:12.097 --> 00:24:13.665
  • help us to be great leadersin Jesus name, we pray.
  • 00:24:13.665 --> 00:24:17.402
  • Amen.
  • 00:24:17.402 --> 00:24:18.236
  • - Amen.
  • 00:24:18.236 --> 00:24:19.271
  • - Thank you Lord.
  • 00:24:19.271 --> 00:24:20.372
  • Amen.
  • 00:24:20.372 --> 00:24:21.506
  • - Amen
  • 00:24:21.506 --> 00:24:22.741
  • You know our BetterTogether communities,
  • 00:24:22.741 --> 00:24:24.876
  • always here for you.
  • 00:24:24.876 --> 00:24:26.177
  • You can connect withus on social media
  • 00:24:26.177 --> 00:24:28.146
  • and let us know howwe can pray for you.
  • 00:24:28.146 --> 00:24:30.015
  • Thanks for joining us today.
  • 00:24:30.015 --> 00:24:31.983
  • Forgiveness is a specialgift from God to us,
  • 00:24:31.983 --> 00:24:36.087
  • and he commands us to extendthat same gift to others.
  • 00:24:36.087 --> 00:24:39.958
  • How can we turnaway from resentment
  • 00:24:39.958 --> 00:24:42.227
  • and forgive thosewho have hurt us
  • 00:24:42.227 --> 00:24:44.229
  • and walk in freedom.
  • 00:24:44.229 --> 00:24:45.330
  • Join us tomorrow.
  • 00:24:45.330 --> 00:24:46.531
  • We will see youthen we love y'all.
  • 00:24:46.531 --> 00:24:48.500
  • Bye, Bye.
  • 00:24:48.500 --> 00:24:49.334
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:24:50.235 --> 00:24:52.804