Katherine Wolf - Treasures In The Dark

December 29, 2024 | S

Messages of hope and redemption from Passion City Church in Atlanta, Georgia, with Louie Giglio.

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Passion with Louie Giglio | Katherine Wolf - Treasures In The Dark | December 29, 2024
  • ♪ ♪
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  • >> i love the beauty
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  • >> i love the beauty of isaiah 45:3.
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  • Of isaiah 45:3. it's a passage.
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  • It's a passage. if you have heard me
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  • If you have heard me talk before somewhere,
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  • Talk before somewhere, or read anything i've written,
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  • Or read anything i've written, you've no doubt heard
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  • You've no doubt heard me talk about it.
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  • Me talk about it. this book is named for it.
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  • This book is named for it. isaiah 45:3.
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  • Isaiah 45:3. it's just such a deep comfort.
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  • It's just such a deep comfort. i'm gonna read the first half
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  • I'm gonna read the first half of it right now,
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  • Of it right now, we'll talk about it later.
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  • We'll talk about it later. isaiah 45:3 says,
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  • Isaiah 45:3 says, and god says,
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  • And god says, "i will give you hidden
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  • "i will give you hidden treasure in the darkness,
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  • Treasure in the darkness, riches stored
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  • Riches stored in secret places."
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  • In secret places." it's glorious.
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  • It's glorious. i'll get to the rest at the end.
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  • I'll get to the rest at the end. but that is said to god's people
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  • But that is said to god's people living in exile and captivity
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  • Living in exile and captivity and horrific oppression.
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  • And horrific oppression. guys, sometimes certain
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  • Guys, sometimes certain treasures are only available
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  • Treasures are only available in the darkness.
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  • In the darkness. and sometimes,
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  • And sometimes, you couldn't see
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  • You couldn't see the treasure in front of you,
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  • The treasure in front of you, and that light.
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  • And that light. in the light of day when
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  • In the light of day when things are going great,
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  • Things are going great, we miss so much, don't we?
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  • We miss so much, don't we? we do not have eyes to see
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  • We do not have eyes to see the goodness of god
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  • The goodness of god in the land of the living
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  • In the land of the living all around us.
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  • All around us. if you've got --
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  • If you've got -- okay, so i love isaiah 45:3
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  • Okay, so i love isaiah 45:3 because i feel like what
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  • Because i feel like what he's just saying
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  • He's just saying so clearly is like,
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  • So clearly is like, don't miss it.
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  • Don't miss it. don't miss the treasure.
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  • Don't miss the treasure. if you are in the dark,
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  • If you are in the dark, if you have had to go
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  • If you have had to go into the horrific darkness,
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  • Into the horrific darkness, learn the right lessons.
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  • Learn the right lessons. don't miss it.
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  • Don't miss it. grab hold of it, cling to it,
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  • Grab hold of it, cling to it, let it inform the way you live
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  • Let it inform the way you live the rest of your life.
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  • The rest of your life. and i just --
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  • And i just -- i feel that charge.
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  • I feel that charge. like, i don't wanna waste this.
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  • Like, i don't wanna waste this. i don't wanna waste the pain.
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  • I don't wanna waste the pain. i believe that true
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  • I believe that true darkness can be sacred.
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  • Darkness can be sacred. and i'm going to share
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  • And i'm going to share just a few of my treasures
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  • Just a few of my treasures with you right now.
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  • With you right now. i -- this book is essentially
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  • I -- this book is essentially a collection of vignettes
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  • A collection of vignettes from my life that
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  • From my life that i like to call the treasure.
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  • I like to call the treasure. and they're essentially
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  • And they're essentially in three categories: hurting,
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  • In three categories: hurting, healing, and hoping.
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  • Healing, and hoping. and basically, they are looking
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  • And basically, they are looking with laser focus in areas
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  • With laser focus in areas of my life and redefining it.
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  • Of my life and redefining it. and so, here is my challenge
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  • And so, here is my challenge to you all today.
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  • To you all today. i ask a question at the end
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  • I ask a question at the end of every little chapter
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  • Of every little chapter that i'm going to put my hands
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  • That i'm going to put my hands on my hips and make
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  • On my hips and make a memory to all of you.
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  • A memory to all of you. wake up if you're asleep,
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  • Wake up if you're asleep, this is very important.
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  • This is very important. listen, if it is true for me,
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  • If it is true
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  • If it is true for katherine wolf,
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  • For katherine wolf, could it be true for you
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  • Could it be true for you and your story
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  • And your story and your specifics?
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  • And your specifics? here's the thing.
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  • Here's the thing. i am no superhero,
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  • I am no superhero, i am no saint.
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  • I am no saint. i'm not really that special.
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  • I'm not really that special. mom, if you're watching,
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  • Mom, if you're watching, yes i am.
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  • Yes i am. but i'm not special,
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  • But i'm not special, but i've got a special story
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  • But i've got a special story of god showing up,
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  • Of god showing up, and the thing is, you do too.
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  • And the thing is, you do too. you have a same story of god
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  • You have a same story of god leading you in you're deep pain.
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  • Leading you in you're deep pain. if you have eyes to see
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  • If you have eyes to see it that way,
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  • It that way, you are me.
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  • You are me. i am no different.
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  • I am no different. i am no superhero.
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  • I am no superhero. i am just believing
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  • For the goodness of god
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  • For the goodness of god in this broken story.
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  • In this broken story. and the same is true
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  • And the same is true for every single one of you.
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  • For every single one of you. so, once again,
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  • So, once again, i challenge you,
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  • I challenge you, don't miss it.
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  • Don't miss it. don't waste what god
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  • Don't waste what god is so clearly doing.
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  • Is so clearly doing. i love the book
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  • I love the book "walking in the dark."
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  • "walking in the dark." i think it's called
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  • I think it's called "walking in the dark"
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  • "walking in the dark" by barbara brown taylor.
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  • By barbara brown taylor. and she writes that new life
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  • And she writes that new life always starts in the dark.
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  • Always starts in the dark. whether it's a seed
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  • Whether it's a seed in the ground,
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  • In the ground, a baby in the womb,
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  • A baby in the womb, or jesus in the tomb.
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  • Or jesus in the tomb. it always starts in the dark.
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  • It always starts in the dark. now, it has just been such
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  • Now, it has just been such a comfort to me
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  • A comfort to me that i am a new creation.
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  • That i am a new creation. you know, you may have known
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  • You know, you may have known just my body is
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  • Just my body is not entirely restored.
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  • Not entirely restored. this is much,
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  • This is much, much better than
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  • Much better than it was after the stroke,
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  • It was after the stroke, but i still use a wheelchair,
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  • But i still use a wheelchair, i have a hand that
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  • I have a hand that doesn't work,
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  • Doesn't work, my face is paralyzed,
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  • My face is paralyzed, i'm deaf in one ear,
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  • I'm deaf in one ear, i'm nearly blind in one eye,
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  • I'm nearly blind in one eye, i have a number of,
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  • I have a number of, just, pretty significant
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  • Just, pretty significant health challenges.
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  • Health challenges. i'm a person living
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  • I'm a person living with disabilities now.
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  • With disabilities now. and yet, i'm a new creation.
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  • And yet, i'm a new creation. like, did i get the miracle
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  • Like, did i get the miracle or did i not?
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  • Or did i not? well, if you saw me
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  • Well, if you saw me in the grocery store,
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  • In the grocery store, you might not think
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  • You might not think i got the miracle,
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  • I got the miracle, and yet, i got the miracle.
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  • And yet, i got the miracle. the fact that i'm here
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  • The fact that i'm here is the miracle.
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  • Is the miracle. glory to god.
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  • [applause]
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  • Last year we celebrated
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  • Last year we celebrated 15 years post-stroke.
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  • 15 years post-stroke. and every year,
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  • And every year, we have a celebration called
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  • We have a celebration called "katherine lived day."
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  • "katherine lived day." we had a big party
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  • We had a big party last year --
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  • Last year -- two years ago now, actually.
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  • Two years ago now, actually. sixteen year,
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  • Sixteen year, about a year and a half ago.
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  • About a year and a half ago. and coming up
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  • And coming up to the 15 year mark,
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  • To the 15 year mark, i started asking my counselor,
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  • I started asking my counselor, like, it's weird.
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  • Like, it's weird. it's like that anniversary
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  • It's like that anniversary doesn't have the power
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  • Doesn't have the power it used to.
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  • It used to. i just don't feel
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  • I just don't feel so undone by that day.
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  • So undone by that day. april 21 normally makes me --
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  • April 21 normally makes me -- i don't want to get out of bed.
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  • I don't want to get out of bed. like, i hate april 21 --
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  • Like, i hate april 21 -- prior, prior me.
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  • Prior, prior me. and it just was, kinda,
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  • And it just was, kinda, like coming,
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  • Like coming, or not that big of a deal.
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  • Or not that big of a deal. and i'm like,
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  • And i'm like, "what's happening?
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  • "what's happening? is it just the passage of time
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  • Is it just the passage of time has taken the sting away?"
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  • Has taken the sting away?" and she, as she wisely does,
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  • And she, as she wisely does, suggested that could it be
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  • Suggested that could it be that you love who you've become?
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  • That you love who you've become? and -- oh, it just hit
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  • And -- oh, it just hit me like a ton of bricks.
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  • Me like a ton of bricks. i was like, "yes.
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  • I was like, "yes. that's it."
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  • That's it." my whole life,
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  • My whole life, i've walked with jesus since --
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  • I've walked with jesus since -- i accepted christ
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  • I accepted christ as a four year old.
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  • As a four year old. and i have always understood,
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  • And i have always understood, you don't love yourself.
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  • You don't love yourself. you don't love you because
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  • You don't love you because a good christian girl
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  • A good christian girl shouldn't do that.
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  • Shouldn't do that. she shouldn't love herself.
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  • She shouldn't love herself. that's just selfish.
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  • That's just selfish. wrong.
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  • Wrong. i am loving what jesus is in me.
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  • I am loving what jesus is in me. i am an image bearer.
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  • I am an image bearer. i am his workmanship.
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  • I am his workmanship. what on earth?
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  • What on earth? of course i love who i am
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  • Of course i love who i am becoming because i am becoming
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  • Becoming because i am becoming more like him.
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  • More like him. what on earth?
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  • What on earth? so, it really dramatically
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  • So, it really dramatically reframed everything for me.
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  • Reframed everything for me. i'm reminded of the deep truth
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  • I'm reminded of the deep truth of romans 12:2,
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  • Of romans 12:2, "do not conform to the pattern
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  • "do not conform to the pattern of this world,
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  • Of this world, but be transformed by
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  • But be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
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  • The renewing of your mind." suffering does change us.
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  • Suffering does change us. suffering changed me.
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  • Suffering changed me. and i couldn't conform anymore.
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  • And i couldn't conform anymore. didn't have that opportunity
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  • Didn't have that opportunity to conform.
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  • To conform. and yet, i didn't want to.
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  • And yet, i didn't want to. my mind is different because
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  • My mind is different because i've watched and witnessed jesus
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  • I've watched and witnessed jesus meet me in my suffering
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  • Meet me in my suffering and transform me.
  • 00:07:22.834 --> 00:07:25.170
  • And transform me. so, 15 years later,
  • 00:07:25.237 --> 00:07:27.639
  • So, 15 years later, now 16 and a half,
  • 00:07:27.706 --> 00:07:29.941
  • Now 16 and a half, i can love who i've become.
  • 00:07:30.008 --> 00:07:33.111
  • I can love who i've become. so, the treasure
  • 00:07:33.178 --> 00:07:34.779
  • So, the treasure takeaway for you,
  • 00:07:34.846 --> 00:07:36.348
  • Takeaway for you, which the treasure
  • 00:07:36.414 --> 00:07:36.982
  • Which the treasure takeaways are at
  • 00:07:37.048 --> 00:07:37.716
  • Takeaways are at the end of these chapters.
  • 00:07:37.782 --> 00:07:38.717
  • The end of these chapters. and this treasure takeaway
  • 00:07:38.783 --> 00:07:40.151
  • And this treasure takeaway is simply this:
  • 00:07:40.218 --> 00:07:41.920
  • Is simply this: my suffering can feel a little
  • 00:07:41.987 --> 00:07:45.056
  • More bearable when i love
  • 00:07:45.156 --> 00:07:47.826
  • More bearable when i love who i've become because of it.
  • 00:07:47.893 --> 00:07:51.696
  • Who i've become because of it. okay, next.
  • 00:07:51.763 --> 00:07:53.431
  • Okay, next. treasure takeaway number two.
  • 00:07:53.498 --> 00:07:55.567
  • Treasure takeaway number two. i, in college starting
  • 00:07:55.634 --> 00:07:57.869
  • At standford university
  • 00:07:57.969 --> 00:07:58.870
  • At standford university in birmingham,
  • 00:07:58.937 --> 00:07:59.871
  • In birmingham, and then after college
  • 00:07:59.938 --> 00:08:00.972
  • And then after college in atlanta was doing
  • 00:08:01.039 --> 00:08:02.707
  • In atlanta was doing a little bit of commercial
  • 00:08:02.774 --> 00:08:04.309
  • A little bit of commercial prep modeling,
  • 00:08:04.376 --> 00:08:05.710
  • Prep modeling, which you have never
  • 00:08:05.777 --> 00:08:06.678
  • Which you have never heard of this,
  • 00:08:06.745 --> 00:08:07.812
  • Heard of this, but essentially
  • 00:08:07.879 --> 00:08:08.914
  • But essentially i was doing modeling,
  • 00:08:08.980 --> 00:08:11.383
  • I was doing modeling, but, like,
  • 00:08:11.449 --> 00:08:12.217
  • But, like, not what you're thinking.
  • 00:08:12.284 --> 00:08:14.119
  • Not what you're thinking. do i look like a fashion model?
  • 00:08:14.185 --> 00:08:15.921
  • Do i look like a fashion model? please.
  • 00:08:15.987 --> 00:08:16.955
  • Please. i love food.
  • 00:08:17.022 --> 00:08:18.557
  • I love food. so no.
  • 00:08:18.623 --> 00:08:19.658
  • So no. i was modeling for, like,
  • 00:08:19.724 --> 00:08:21.359
  • I was modeling for, like, target ads, and disney catalogs,
  • 00:08:21.426 --> 00:08:23.395
  • Target ads, and disney catalogs, and commercials and things.
  • 00:08:23.461 --> 00:08:24.729
  • And commercials and things. and eventually,
  • 00:08:24.796 --> 00:08:25.830
  • And eventually, i got an agent
  • 00:08:25.897 --> 00:08:26.898
  • I got an agent in los angeles.
  • 00:08:26.965 --> 00:08:28.233
  • In los angeles. and that picture was my first
  • 00:08:28.300 --> 00:08:30.001
  • And that picture was my first headshot in los angeles
  • 00:08:30.068 --> 00:08:32.337
  • Headshot in los angeles of me doing,
  • 00:08:32.404 --> 00:08:34.205
  • Of me doing, like, weird little, sweet,
  • 00:08:34.272 --> 00:08:35.907
  • Like, weird little, sweet, wholesome commercials
  • 00:08:35.974 --> 00:08:36.975
  • Wholesome commercials and things.
  • 00:08:37.042 --> 00:08:38.410
  • And things. and it's funny because
  • 00:08:38.476 --> 00:08:41.346
  • And it's funny because it was never my calling.
  • 00:08:41.413 --> 00:08:42.681
  • It was never my calling. i was never like gonna
  • 00:08:42.747 --> 00:08:43.715
  • I was never like gonna be a commercial prep model
  • 00:08:43.782 --> 00:08:44.683
  • Be a commercial prep model with my life.
  • 00:08:44.749 --> 00:08:45.317
  • With my life. please.
  • 00:08:45.383 --> 00:08:46.084
  • Please. but it paid the bills while
  • 00:08:46.151 --> 00:08:47.586
  • But it paid the bills while my husband was in law school,
  • 00:08:47.652 --> 00:08:49.054
  • My husband was in law school, and it was a nice,
  • 00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:49.988
  • And it was a nice, little career.
  • 00:08:50.055 --> 00:08:51.323
  • Little career. and i was in los angeles,
  • 00:08:51.389 --> 00:08:52.724
  • And i was in los angeles, he was in law school there,
  • 00:08:52.791 --> 00:08:53.758
  • He was in law school there, and so it just, kinda, worked.
  • 00:08:53.825 --> 00:08:55.560
  • And so it just, kinda, worked. but then i had a massive stroke,
  • 00:08:55.627 --> 00:08:57.696
  • But then i had a massive stroke, and my face became paralyzed,
  • 00:08:57.762 --> 00:08:59.364
  • And my face became paralyzed, and i was in a wheelchair.
  • 00:08:59.431 --> 00:09:00.699
  • And i was in a wheelchair. obviously, that line
  • 00:09:00.765 --> 00:09:02.701
  • Obviously, that line of work is over.
  • 00:09:02.767 --> 00:09:04.302
  • Of work is over. i'm not going to be continuing
  • 00:09:04.369 --> 00:09:06.004
  • I'm not going to be continuing to be a commercial prep model.
  • 00:09:06.071 --> 00:09:07.973
  • To be a commercial prep model. like, done.
  • 00:09:08.039 --> 00:09:09.374
  • Like, done. oh well, cool while it lasted.
  • 00:09:09.441 --> 00:09:12.978
  • Oh well, cool while it lasted. so, post stroke, probably
  • 00:09:13.044 --> 00:09:15.380
  • So, post stroke, probably four years after the stroke,
  • 00:09:15.447 --> 00:09:18.717
  • Four years after the stroke, i started volunteering
  • 00:09:18.783 --> 00:09:19.751
  • I started volunteering to speak at go red luncheons,
  • 00:09:19.818 --> 00:09:22.687
  • To speak at go red luncheons, which are
  • 00:09:22.754 --> 00:09:23.221
  • Which are the american stroke association
  • 00:09:23.288 --> 00:09:24.823
  • The american stroke association luncheons that, like,
  • 00:09:24.889 --> 00:09:26.925
  • Luncheons that, like, inform people about how
  • 00:09:26.992 --> 00:09:28.893
  • Inform people about how young women have strokes
  • 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:30.195
  • Young women have strokes or something.
  • 00:09:30.261 --> 00:09:31.162
  • Or something. and i started volunteering
  • 00:09:31.229 --> 00:09:32.230
  • And i started volunteering at some of these.
  • 00:09:32.297 --> 00:09:32.964
  • At some of these. kinda one thing led to another
  • 00:09:33.031 --> 00:09:35.200
  • Kinda one thing led to another and i was speaking, like,
  • 00:09:35.266 --> 00:09:36.134
  • And i was speaking, like, a lot for these things.
  • 00:09:36.201 --> 00:09:38.236
  • A lot for these things. and i loved it, it was great.
  • 00:09:38.303 --> 00:09:40.105
  • And i loved it, it was great. and the head
  • 00:09:40.171 --> 00:09:41.106
  • And the head of marketing for
  • 00:09:41.172 --> 00:09:41.973
  • Of marketing for the american stroke association
  • 00:09:42.040 --> 00:09:43.608
  • The american stroke association called me and said,
  • 00:09:43.675 --> 00:09:46.011
  • Called me and said, "would you consider becoming
  • 00:09:46.077 --> 00:09:47.445
  • "would you consider becoming the face of the
  • 00:09:47.512 --> 00:09:48.613
  • The face of the american stroke association?"
  • 00:09:48.680 --> 00:09:50.582
  • American stroke association?" and i'm like,
  • 00:09:50.649 --> 00:09:52.517
  • And i'm like, "hmm, well not sure."
  • 00:09:52.584 --> 00:09:54.886
  • "hmm, well not sure." she said,
  • 00:09:54.953 --> 00:09:55.353
  • She said, "we're doing a new campaign
  • 00:09:55.420 --> 00:09:56.888
  • "we're doing a new campaign called the f.a.s.t campaign,"
  • 00:09:56.955 --> 00:09:58.790
  • Called the f.a.s.t campaign," f-a-s-t, "and we would like
  • 00:09:58.857 --> 00:10:00.291
  • For you, your face,
  • 00:10:00.392 --> 00:10:01.726
  • To be the f of that campaign
  • 00:10:01.793 --> 00:10:04.396
  • And it will be
  • 00:10:04.462 --> 00:10:06.731
  • This sum of money,"
  • 00:10:06.798 --> 00:10:08.199
  • Which was large,
  • 00:10:08.266 --> 00:10:09.200
  • And -- not very large,
  • 00:10:09.267 --> 00:10:10.702
  • But decent.
  • 00:10:10.769 --> 00:10:11.469
  • I mean decent.
  • 00:10:11.536 --> 00:10:12.937
  • "and basically, we'll use it,
  • 00:10:13.004 --> 00:10:16.508
  • You know,
  • 00:10:16.574 --> 00:10:17.008
  • Here and there.
  • 00:10:17.075 --> 00:10:17.676
  • It'll be this little campaign."
  • 00:10:17.742 --> 00:10:19.411
  • Turns out this is one
  • 00:10:19.477 --> 00:10:20.712
  • Of the largest campaigns
  • 00:10:20.779 --> 00:10:22.047
  • In ads council history,
  • 00:10:22.147 --> 00:10:23.948
  • In ads council history, it's on times square
  • 00:10:24.015 --> 00:10:25.183
  • It's on times square in new york,
  • 00:10:25.250 --> 00:10:25.950
  • In new york, it's on the sides of buses.
  • 00:10:26.017 --> 00:10:27.619
  • It's on the sides of buses. to this day, 13 years later,
  • 00:10:27.686 --> 00:10:30.755
  • To this day, 13 years later, it is literally in doctor's
  • 00:10:30.822 --> 00:10:32.524
  • It is literally in doctor's offices all over america.
  • 00:10:32.590 --> 00:10:34.626
  • Offices all over america. i mean,
  • 00:10:34.693 --> 00:10:35.293
  • I mean, this thing is everywhere.
  • 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:37.662
  • This thing is everywhere. it's so crazy.
  • 00:10:37.729 --> 00:10:39.664
  • It's so crazy. and i hope you're getting,
  • 00:10:39.731 --> 00:10:41.933
  • And i hope you're getting, like, the bizarre,
  • 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:44.402
  • Like, the bizarre, intense, upside-down
  • 00:10:44.469 --> 00:10:46.438
  • Intense, upside-down kingdom thing here.
  • 00:10:46.504 --> 00:10:48.339
  • Kingdom thing here. like, my very most successful
  • 00:10:48.406 --> 00:10:51.476
  • Like, my very most successful modeling gig was after my face
  • 00:10:51.543 --> 00:10:54.412
  • Modeling gig was after my face was paralyzed?
  • 00:10:54.479 --> 00:10:55.980
  • Was paralyzed? like, dude,
  • 00:10:56.047 --> 00:10:57.315
  • Like, dude, are you hearing the irony?
  • 00:10:57.382 --> 00:10:58.283
  • Are you hearing the irony? like, it's just unbelievable.
  • 00:10:58.349 --> 00:11:00.018
  • Like, it's just unbelievable. like, only in the upside-down
  • 00:11:00.085 --> 00:11:01.820
  • Like, only in the upside-down kingdom of god can you believe
  • 00:11:01.886 --> 00:11:03.354
  • Kingdom of god can you believe this kind of thing was real.
  • 00:11:03.421 --> 00:11:04.723
  • This kind of thing was real. so, here is where it's about
  • 00:11:04.789 --> 00:11:05.957
  • So, here is where it's about to get really, really nice.
  • 00:11:06.024 --> 00:11:07.926
  • To get really, really nice. and we'll first --
  • 00:11:07.992 --> 00:11:09.060
  • And we'll first -- isaiah 43:19 says,
  • 00:11:09.127 --> 00:11:10.895
  • Isaiah 43:19 says, "see i am doing a new thing!
  • 00:11:10.962 --> 00:11:14.866
  • "see i am doing a new thing! now it springs up,
  • 00:11:14.933 --> 00:11:16.067
  • Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
  • 00:11:16.134 --> 00:11:17.302
  • Do you not perceive it? i am making a way in
  • 00:11:17.368 --> 00:11:18.903
  • I am making a way in the wilderness and streams
  • 00:11:18.970 --> 00:11:20.872
  • The wilderness and streams in the wasteland."
  • 00:11:20.939 --> 00:11:22.474
  • In the wasteland." so here --
  • 00:11:22.540 --> 00:11:23.141
  • So here -- as if that is not,
  • 00:11:23.208 --> 00:11:24.476
  • As if that is not, like, nuts enough.
  • 00:11:24.542 --> 00:11:25.710
  • Like, nuts enough. i know you are shook.
  • 00:11:25.777 --> 00:11:26.878
  • I know you are shook. i am telling the story.
  • 00:11:26.945 --> 00:11:28.446
  • I am telling the story. i wrote about it in here
  • 00:11:28.513 --> 00:11:30.782
  • I wrote about it in here and i'll read it
  • 00:11:30.849 --> 00:11:31.649
  • And i'll read it and i'll be like,
  • 00:11:31.716 --> 00:11:32.884
  • And i'll be like, "how can this be true?
  • 00:11:32.951 --> 00:11:34.552
  • "how can this be true? how did that happen?
  • 00:11:34.619 --> 00:11:35.620
  • How did that happen? it is so nuts."
  • 00:11:35.687 --> 00:11:36.654
  • It is so nuts." so, here's where it
  • 00:11:36.721 --> 00:11:37.322
  • So, here's where it get really insane.
  • 00:11:37.388 --> 00:11:38.890
  • Get really insane. so, in the meantime
  • 00:11:38.957 --> 00:11:40.892
  • So, in the meantime of this all going down,
  • 00:11:40.959 --> 00:11:43.128
  • Of this all going down, i also am speaking
  • 00:11:43.194 --> 00:11:44.662
  • I also am speaking a lot to churches and, you know,
  • 00:11:44.729 --> 00:11:47.799
  • A lot to churches and, you know, have just like a sweet
  • 00:11:47.866 --> 00:11:48.933
  • Have just like a sweet tribe of people,
  • 00:11:49.000 --> 00:11:50.535
  • Tribe of people, particularly within
  • 00:11:50.602 --> 00:11:51.603
  • Particularly within the disability community,
  • 00:11:51.669 --> 00:11:52.637
  • The disability community, not so able-bodied women,
  • 00:11:52.704 --> 00:11:55.140
  • Not so able-bodied women, christian women, largely,
  • 00:11:55.206 --> 00:11:56.407
  • Christian women, largely, are really tracking with me.
  • 00:11:56.474 --> 00:11:58.610
  • Are really tracking with me. so, at three different speaking
  • 00:11:58.676 --> 00:12:02.280
  • So, at three different speaking events where i'm signing
  • 00:12:02.347 --> 00:12:03.948
  • Events where i'm signing books afterwards,
  • 00:12:04.015 --> 00:12:05.316
  • Books afterwards, women have come up to me
  • 00:12:05.383 --> 00:12:07.352
  • Women have come up to me in all random places in
  • 00:12:07.418 --> 00:12:09.120
  • In all random places in the us like wisconsin and said,
  • 00:12:09.187 --> 00:12:12.157
  • The us like wisconsin and said, "i had followed you for years,
  • 00:12:12.223 --> 00:12:15.527
  • "i had followed you for years, i read your first book,
  • 00:12:15.593 --> 00:12:16.694
  • I read your first book, 'hope heals,'
  • 00:12:16.761 --> 00:12:17.762
  • 'hope heals,' i then saw your face on
  • 00:12:17.829 --> 00:12:19.531
  • I then saw your face on the billboard
  • 00:12:19.597 --> 00:12:20.398
  • The billboard in rural wisconsin.
  • 00:12:20.465 --> 00:12:22.834
  • In rural wisconsin. weeks later,
  • 00:12:22.901 --> 00:12:24.102
  • Weeks later, my face started drooping,
  • 00:12:24.169 --> 00:12:26.004
  • My face started drooping, i went to the hospital
  • 00:12:26.070 --> 00:12:27.572
  • I went to the hospital because i remembered that
  • 00:12:27.639 --> 00:12:28.573
  • Because i remembered that was a warning sign of a stroke.
  • 00:12:28.640 --> 00:12:30.074
  • Was a warning sign of a stroke. i attribute you
  • 00:12:30.141 --> 00:12:31.176
  • I attribute you to saving my life."
  • 00:12:31.242 --> 00:12:34.546
  • To saving my life." i'm like,
  • 00:12:34.612 --> 00:12:35.847
  • I'm like, "i'm so sorry,
  • 00:12:35.914 --> 00:12:36.548
  • "i'm so sorry, could you save that again?"
  • 00:12:36.614 --> 00:12:38.249
  • Could you save that again?" like, a modeling job post
  • 00:12:38.316 --> 00:12:41.653
  • Like, a modeling job post stroke somehow meant --
  • 00:12:41.719 --> 00:12:43.588
  • Stroke somehow meant -- it saved --
  • 00:12:43.655 --> 00:12:44.189
  • It saved -- i mean, it's not real.
  • 00:12:44.255 --> 00:12:46.057
  • I mean, it's not real. like, i made this up, right?
  • 00:12:46.124 --> 00:12:47.892
  • Like, i made this up, right? y'all, i promise it is true.
  • 00:12:47.959 --> 00:12:49.727
  • Y'all, i promise it is true. it's all true.
  • 00:12:49.794 --> 00:12:50.562
  • It's all true. how insane is that story?
  • 00:12:50.628 --> 00:12:53.064
  • How insane is that story? so, here's the treasure
  • 00:12:53.131 --> 00:12:54.732
  • So, here's the treasure take away for you all.
  • 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:56.067
  • Take away for you all. god can use my deepest wounds
  • 00:12:56.134 --> 00:13:00.839
  • To bring healing to the world.
  • 00:13:00.939 --> 00:13:04.209
  • To bring healing to the world. number three.
  • 00:13:04.275 --> 00:13:05.476
  • Number three. and where are the boys?
  • 00:13:05.543 --> 00:13:06.477
  • And where are the boys? where are james and john, both?
  • 00:13:06.544 --> 00:13:08.112
  • Where are james and john, both? raise your hand.
  • 00:13:08.179 --> 00:13:08.980
  • Raise your hand. you guys over here?
  • 00:13:09.047 --> 00:13:09.948
  • Hey, boy --
  • 00:13:10.048 --> 00:13:10.715
  • Hey, boy -- oh, it's the giglios,
  • 00:13:10.782 --> 00:13:11.616
  • Oh, it's the giglios, hey guys.
  • 00:13:11.683 --> 00:13:12.951
  • Hey guys. this one's for y'all.
  • 00:13:13.017 --> 00:13:16.521
  • This one's for y'all. so, tragically in 2020,
  • 00:13:16.588 --> 00:13:20.124
  • So, tragically in 2020, the cherry on top
  • 00:13:20.191 --> 00:13:21.359
  • The cherry on top of 2020, november.
  • 00:13:21.426 --> 00:13:23.394
  • Of 2020, november. and many of you people in this
  • 00:13:23.461 --> 00:13:24.863
  • And many of you people in this room know this all too well.
  • 00:13:24.929 --> 00:13:27.232
  • Room know this all too well. i tore the unholy trinity,
  • 00:13:27.298 --> 00:13:30.902
  • I tore the unholy trinity, i call it.
  • 00:13:30.969 --> 00:13:31.903
  • I call it. the meniscus, acl, and mcl.
  • 00:13:31.970 --> 00:13:35.440
  • The meniscus, acl, and mcl. so, tore them all which meant
  • 00:13:35.506 --> 00:13:38.042
  • So, tore them all which meant a surgery to put on a prosthetic
  • 00:13:38.109 --> 00:13:41.846
  • A surgery to put on a prosthetic and months of no walking.
  • 00:13:41.913 --> 00:13:43.748
  • And months of no walking. back full time in a wheelchair.
  • 00:13:43.815 --> 00:13:45.717
  • Back full time in a wheelchair. and, my sweet husband, jay,
  • 00:13:45.783 --> 00:13:47.285
  • And, my sweet husband, jay, ordered off amazon
  • 00:13:47.352 --> 00:13:49.754
  • Ordered off amazon a bedside toilet.
  • 00:13:49.821 --> 00:13:52.624
  • A bedside toilet. but when it came,
  • 00:13:52.690 --> 00:13:53.992
  • But when it came, it was like an ikea
  • 00:13:54.058 --> 00:13:55.293
  • It was like an ikea bedside toilet,
  • 00:13:55.360 --> 00:13:56.227
  • Bedside toilet, so you had to assemble
  • 00:13:56.294 --> 00:13:58.396
  • So you had to assemble the whole thing.
  • 00:13:58.463 --> 00:13:59.631
  • Put it all together.
  • 00:13:59.731 --> 00:14:01.666
  • So, i'm sure i was making sweet
  • 00:14:01.733 --> 00:14:03.935
  • Jay do something else for me.
  • 00:14:04.002 --> 00:14:06.004
  • So, he enlists the boys
  • 00:14:06.070 --> 00:14:08.506
  • To assemble the bedside toilet.
  • 00:14:08.573 --> 00:14:11.309
  • So, now i know i've done it,
  • 00:14:11.376 --> 00:14:15.313
  • I've done it.
  • 00:14:15.380 --> 00:14:16.447
  • This is the moment that
  • 00:14:16.514 --> 00:14:18.316
  • I have ruined them.
  • 00:14:18.416 --> 00:14:19.517
  • This is that.
  • 00:14:19.617 --> 00:14:20.718
  • This is that. this is the moment they will
  • 00:14:20.785 --> 00:14:22.587
  • This is the moment they will be telling their counselor about
  • 00:14:22.654 --> 00:14:25.089
  • Be telling their counselor about when they're in their 40s.
  • 00:14:25.156 --> 00:14:27.125
  • When they're in their 40s. this is the moment,
  • 00:14:27.191 --> 00:14:28.159
  • This is the moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt,
  • 00:14:28.226 --> 00:14:29.827
  • Beyond a shadow of a doubt, it's done,
  • 00:14:29.894 --> 00:14:30.561
  • It's done, they're traumatized.
  • 00:14:30.628 --> 00:14:31.596
  • They're traumatized. i've ruined them.
  • 00:14:31.663 --> 00:14:33.364
  • I've ruined them. and what i did not consider was
  • 00:14:33.431 --> 00:14:37.669
  • And what i did not consider was a bedside toilet assembly is
  • 00:14:37.735 --> 00:14:40.438
  • A bedside toilet assembly is like the ultimate lego build
  • 00:14:40.505 --> 00:14:43.508
  • Like the ultimate lego build of all time.
  • 00:14:43.574 --> 00:14:45.343
  • Of all time. these guys are obsessed
  • 00:14:45.410 --> 00:14:47.145
  • These guys are obsessed with legos.
  • 00:14:47.211 --> 00:14:48.146
  • With legos. this was like the most
  • 00:14:48.212 --> 00:14:49.347
  • This was like the most fun thing,
  • 00:14:49.414 --> 00:14:50.114
  • Fun thing, put together mommy's
  • 00:14:50.181 --> 00:14:51.049
  • Put together mommy's bedside toilet.
  • 00:14:51.115 --> 00:14:52.483
  • Bedside toilet. plus a 13 year old at the time,
  • 00:14:52.550 --> 00:14:55.286
  • Plus a 13 year old at the time, and how old would you have been?
  • 00:14:55.353 --> 00:14:56.554
  • And how old would you have been? five.
  • 00:14:56.621 --> 00:14:57.255
  • Five. thirteen and five,
  • 00:14:57.322 --> 00:14:58.389
  • Thirteen and five, what would be funnier
  • 00:14:58.456 --> 00:14:59.424
  • What would be funnier than having to put momma's
  • 00:14:59.490 --> 00:15:01.359
  • Than having to put momma's bedside toilet together?
  • 00:15:01.426 --> 00:15:03.695
  • Bedside toilet together? so, it was like
  • 00:15:03.761 --> 00:15:04.996
  • So, it was like extremely hilarious.
  • 00:15:05.063 --> 00:15:07.332
  • Extremely hilarious. a lego build.
  • 00:15:07.398 --> 00:15:08.733
  • A lego build. and i don't know how many of you
  • 00:15:08.800 --> 00:15:11.102
  • And i don't know how many of you are aware that in
  • 00:15:11.169 --> 00:15:13.471
  • Are aware that in the modern world,
  • 00:15:13.538 --> 00:15:14.772
  • The modern world, we are not giving our children
  • 00:15:14.839 --> 00:15:16.774
  • We are not giving our children an opportunity to fail,
  • 00:15:16.841 --> 00:15:19.210
  • An opportunity to fail, to finish what they started,
  • 00:15:19.277 --> 00:15:20.945
  • To finish what they started, to be mature and complete
  • 00:15:21.012 --> 00:15:22.914
  • To be mature and complete lacking nothing.
  • 00:15:22.981 --> 00:15:24.749
  • Lacking nothing. and if you've read
  • 00:15:24.816 --> 00:15:25.583
  • And if you've read "the coddling
  • 00:15:25.650 --> 00:15:26.284
  • "the coddling of the american mind,"
  • 00:15:26.351 --> 00:15:26.884
  • Of the american mind," it's a problem.
  • 00:15:26.951 --> 00:15:28.319
  • It's a problem. so, what we did was
  • 00:15:28.386 --> 00:15:30.388
  • So, what we did was we let them figure it out.
  • 00:15:30.455 --> 00:15:32.623
  • We let them figure it out. put that thing together,
  • 00:15:32.690 --> 00:15:33.891
  • Put that thing together, it's complicated,
  • 00:15:33.958 --> 00:15:35.126
  • It's complicated, you can do those.
  • 00:15:35.193 --> 00:15:36.761
  • You can do those. you are going to complete
  • 00:15:36.828 --> 00:15:37.862
  • You are going to complete this lego build, go boys.
  • 00:15:37.929 --> 00:15:40.465
  • This lego build, go boys. and they did.
  • 00:15:40.531 --> 00:15:41.866
  • And they did. they completed it.
  • 00:15:41.933 --> 00:15:42.800
  • They completed it. they finished that
  • 00:15:42.867 --> 00:15:43.768
  • They finished that task for their momma.
  • 00:15:43.835 --> 00:15:44.669
  • Task for their momma. thank you, guys.
  • 00:15:44.736 --> 00:15:46.938
  • Thank you, guys. so.
  • 00:15:47.005 --> 00:15:47.271
  • [applause]
  • 00:15:47.672 --> 00:15:50.742
  • I'm reminded of the truth
  • 00:15:51.142 --> 00:15:52.677
  • I'm reminded of the truth of james 1:4,
  • 00:15:52.744 --> 00:15:54.245
  • Of james 1:4, "let perseverance finish
  • 00:15:54.312 --> 00:15:55.780
  • "let perseverance finish its work so that you may
  • 00:15:55.847 --> 00:15:57.548
  • Its work so that you may be mature and complete,
  • 00:15:57.615 --> 00:16:00.118
  • Be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
  • 00:16:00.184 --> 00:16:03.187
  • Not lacking anything." and that's it.
  • 00:16:03.254 --> 00:16:04.589
  • And that's it. you know, the treasure takeaway
  • 00:16:04.655 --> 00:16:05.923
  • You know, the treasure takeaway for this one
  • 00:16:05.990 --> 00:16:07.225
  • For this one is one of my favorites.
  • 00:16:07.291 --> 00:16:09.093
  • Is one of my favorites. and this is for all
  • 00:16:09.160 --> 00:16:10.561
  • And this is for all of you parents,
  • 00:16:10.628 --> 00:16:12.730
  • Of you parents, and siblings,
  • 00:16:12.797 --> 00:16:14.499
  • And siblings, and children who feel like
  • 00:16:14.565 --> 00:16:17.602
  • And children who feel like you're a burden
  • 00:16:17.668 --> 00:16:22.874
  • You're a burden on the people --
  • 00:16:22.940 --> 00:16:25.676
  • On the people -- i can't look at you.
  • 00:16:25.743 --> 00:16:26.744
  • I can't look at you. i -- for all of us that feel
  • 00:16:26.811 --> 00:16:29.414
  • I -- for all of us that feel like we're a burden on
  • 00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:30.982
  • Like we're a burden on the people that love us, man,
  • 00:16:31.049 --> 00:16:35.620
  • The people that love us, man, you know, that us being here
  • 00:16:35.686 --> 00:16:37.789
  • You know, that us being here is hurting their lives,
  • 00:16:37.855 --> 00:16:40.825
  • Is hurting their lives, that we're taking up space
  • 00:16:40.892 --> 00:16:42.060
  • That we're taking up space that we shouldn't be taking up.
  • 00:16:42.126 --> 00:16:44.429
  • That we shouldn't be taking up. well, here's the thing,
  • 00:16:44.495 --> 00:16:46.497
  • Well, here's the thing, the lord released me a long time
  • 00:16:46.564 --> 00:16:47.832
  • The lord released me a long time ago from that because
  • 00:16:47.899 --> 00:16:49.801
  • Ago from that because if you were not
  • 00:16:49.867 --> 00:16:50.735
  • If you were not supposed to be here,
  • 00:16:50.802 --> 00:16:52.303
  • Supposed to be here, even if you need
  • 00:16:52.370 --> 00:16:53.137
  • Even if you need care your entire life,
  • 00:16:53.204 --> 00:16:55.673
  • Care your entire life, you would not be here.
  • 00:16:55.740 --> 00:16:58.443
  • You would not be here. let me say that again.
  • 00:16:58.509 --> 00:16:59.544
  • Let me say that again. if you were not supposed
  • 00:16:59.610 --> 00:17:01.212
  • If you were not supposed to be here,
  • 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:02.847
  • To be here, you would not be here.
  • 00:17:02.914 --> 00:17:04.015
  • You would not be here. if there is breath
  • 00:17:04.082 --> 00:17:05.550
  • If there is breath in your lungs today,
  • 00:17:05.616 --> 00:17:07.518
  • In your lungs today, you are supposed to be here.
  • 00:17:07.585 --> 00:17:09.554
  • You are supposed to be here. that means you are worthy
  • 00:17:09.620 --> 00:17:11.089
  • That means you are worthy of care by the people who
  • 00:17:11.155 --> 00:17:12.623
  • Of care by the people who love you your whole life.
  • 00:17:12.690 --> 00:17:15.760
  • Love you your whole life. your whole life.
  • 00:17:15.827 --> 00:17:18.062
  • Your whole life. i know some of you,
  • 00:17:18.129 --> 00:17:18.996
  • I know some of you, probably like me,
  • 00:17:19.063 --> 00:17:19.897
  • Probably like me, if that was a lot of guilt
  • 00:17:19.964 --> 00:17:21.365
  • If that was a lot of guilt and shame that i don't
  • 00:17:21.432 --> 00:17:23.000
  • And shame that i don't want my sweet husband to spend
  • 00:17:23.067 --> 00:17:24.802
  • Want my sweet husband to spend his life caring for his wife,
  • 00:17:24.869 --> 00:17:26.337
  • His life caring for his wife, my kids.
  • 00:17:26.404 --> 00:17:28.039
  • My kids. but i've seen too much
  • 00:17:28.106 --> 00:17:29.640
  • But i've seen too much to know that it is not the most
  • 00:17:29.707 --> 00:17:31.275
  • To know that it is not the most beautiful thing in the world.
  • 00:17:31.342 --> 00:17:33.811
  • Beautiful thing in the world. we have a camp for families
  • 00:17:33.878 --> 00:17:35.213
  • We have a camp for families with disabilities where
  • 00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:36.347
  • With disabilities where you all should come.
  • 00:17:36.414 --> 00:17:37.215
  • You all should come. we're volunteer,
  • 00:17:37.281 --> 00:17:38.349
  • We're volunteer, or if you're disabled
  • 00:17:38.416 --> 00:17:39.484
  • Or if you're disabled you come for free.
  • 00:17:39.550 --> 00:17:41.052
  • You come for free. please apply, hopehealscamp.org.
  • 00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:44.021
  • Please apply, hopehealscamp.org. and i've seen so many families
  • 00:17:44.088 --> 00:17:46.891
  • And i've seen so many families where there is
  • 00:17:46.958 --> 00:17:47.558
  • Where there is a typical sibling,
  • 00:17:47.625 --> 00:17:48.726
  • A typical sibling, or typical child,
  • 00:17:48.793 --> 00:17:49.694
  • Or typical child, or typical parent,
  • 00:17:49.760 --> 00:17:50.728
  • Or typical parent, and then a disabled person.
  • 00:17:50.795 --> 00:17:52.730
  • And then a disabled person. and y'all, it's glorious.
  • 00:17:52.797 --> 00:17:54.966
  • And y'all, it's glorious. the typical people in those
  • 00:17:55.032 --> 00:17:56.634
  • The typical people in those scenarios are learning so much
  • 00:17:56.701 --> 00:18:00.071
  • Scenarios are learning so much about life, and service,
  • 00:18:00.138 --> 00:18:02.206
  • About life, and service, and loving, and compassion,
  • 00:18:02.273 --> 00:18:03.941
  • And loving, and compassion, and real empathy.
  • 00:18:04.008 --> 00:18:05.009
  • And real empathy. things i could never teach
  • 00:18:05.076 --> 00:18:06.310
  • Things i could never teach that my kids are getting.
  • 00:18:06.377 --> 00:18:08.913
  • That my kids are getting. so, the treasure take away
  • 00:18:08.980 --> 00:18:10.281
  • So, the treasure take away on this one is that:
  • 00:18:10.348 --> 00:18:11.883
  • On this one is that: i can see my suffering
  • 00:18:11.949 --> 00:18:14.252
  • As a curse on the people i love,
  • 00:18:14.352 --> 00:18:17.321
  • As a curse on the people i love, or as an inheritance
  • 00:18:17.388 --> 00:18:20.291
  • Or as an inheritance of breathtaking value.
  • 00:18:20.358 --> 00:18:24.929
  • Of breathtaking value. okay, last one.
  • 00:18:24.996 --> 00:18:27.865
  • Okay, last one. okay, i still got two minutes,
  • 00:18:27.932 --> 00:18:29.333
  • Okay, i still got two minutes, i'm gonna make it.
  • 00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:31.169
  • I'm gonna make it. okay.
  • 00:18:31.235 --> 00:18:32.370
  • Okay. so, as you may have
  • 00:18:32.436 --> 00:18:34.505
  • Heard reference to,
  • 00:18:34.605 --> 00:18:35.973
  • Heard reference to, i have some
  • 00:18:36.040 --> 00:18:36.641
  • I have some ongoing brain issues.
  • 00:18:36.707 --> 00:18:38.409
  • Ongoing brain issues. i have avm rapture,
  • 00:18:38.476 --> 00:18:40.178
  • I have avm rapture, that was a really bad stroke,
  • 00:18:40.244 --> 00:18:41.946
  • That was a really bad stroke, then i subsequently,
  • 00:18:42.013 --> 00:18:43.447
  • Then i subsequently, five years later,
  • 00:18:43.514 --> 00:18:45.016
  • Five years later, they discovered a brain aneurysm
  • 00:18:45.082 --> 00:18:46.817
  • They discovered a brain aneurysm and i had to have it coiled
  • 00:18:46.884 --> 00:18:48.319
  • And i had to have it coiled in a major surgery.
  • 00:18:48.386 --> 00:18:50.254
  • In a major surgery. then in 2017, which we have that
  • 00:18:50.321 --> 00:18:52.190
  • Then in 2017, which we have that picture of that hospital stay,
  • 00:18:52.256 --> 00:18:53.691
  • Picture of that hospital stay, i think.
  • 00:18:53.758 --> 00:18:54.659
  • I think. i was hospitalized for a series
  • 00:18:54.725 --> 00:18:57.128
  • I was hospitalized for a series of arteriovenous malfu -- sorry.
  • 00:18:57.195 --> 00:19:01.299
  • Of arteriovenous malfu -- sorry. arteriovenous dissections.
  • 00:19:01.365 --> 00:19:03.668
  • Arteriovenous dissections. that's another thing
  • 00:19:03.734 --> 00:19:04.602
  • That's another thing that could cause a stroke.
  • 00:19:04.669 --> 00:19:06.304
  • That could cause a stroke. and supposedly,
  • 00:19:06.370 --> 00:19:08.206
  • And supposedly, those were all separate.
  • 00:19:08.272 --> 00:19:09.674
  • Those were all separate. those were all, like,
  • 00:19:09.740 --> 00:19:10.775
  • Those were all, like, extremely not connected,
  • 00:19:10.841 --> 00:19:12.910
  • Extremely not connected, individual deals.
  • 00:19:12.977 --> 00:19:16.347
  • Individual deals. and once we moved to atlanta,
  • 00:19:16.414 --> 00:19:18.649
  • And once we moved to atlanta, i started seeing this
  • 00:19:18.716 --> 00:19:19.684
  • I started seeing this specialist at emory,
  • 00:19:19.750 --> 00:19:20.851
  • Specialist at emory, and ended up doing extensive,
  • 00:19:20.918 --> 00:19:22.787
  • And ended up doing extensive, extensive testing
  • 00:19:22.853 --> 00:19:23.921
  • Extensive testing with a geneticist.
  • 00:19:23.988 --> 00:19:25.523
  • With a geneticist. and they discovered that
  • 00:19:25.590 --> 00:19:27.191
  • And they discovered that it is all connected,
  • 00:19:27.258 --> 00:19:28.593
  • It is all connected, which of course it is,
  • 00:19:28.659 --> 00:19:29.727
  • Which of course it is, you know?
  • 00:19:29.794 --> 00:19:30.595
  • You know? but they didn't think it was.
  • 00:19:30.661 --> 00:19:31.862
  • But they didn't think it was. but yes, it's --
  • 00:19:31.929 --> 00:19:33.030
  • But yes, it's -- all the brain issues
  • 00:19:33.097 --> 00:19:34.265
  • All the brain issues are connected.
  • 00:19:34.332 --> 00:19:35.733
  • Are connected. and with literally the worst
  • 00:19:35.800 --> 00:19:40.004
  • And with literally the worst bedside manner you
  • 00:19:40.071 --> 00:19:41.372
  • Bedside manner you could imagine, with, like,
  • 00:19:41.439 --> 00:19:44.308
  • Could imagine, with, like, the care of, like,
  • 00:19:44.375 --> 00:19:46.310
  • The care of, like, i don't even know, a monster,
  • 00:19:46.377 --> 00:19:48.546
  • I don't even know, a monster, this guy comes in
  • 00:19:48.613 --> 00:19:50.181
  • This guy comes in the room and literally says,
  • 00:19:50.248 --> 00:19:53.517
  • The room and literally says, "mrs. wolf,
  • 00:19:53.584 --> 00:19:55.419
  • "mrs. wolf, your brain is very messed up."
  • 00:19:55.486 --> 00:19:58.422
  • [laughter]
  • 00:19:59.123 --> 00:20:00.658
  • And i'm like,
  • 00:20:01.392 --> 00:20:04.328
  • And i'm like, "your brain is very messed up."
  • 00:20:04.395 --> 00:20:05.796
  • [laughter]
  • 00:20:06.230 --> 00:20:07.398
  • I know.
  • 00:20:07.865 --> 00:20:08.599
  • I know. i know.
  • 00:20:08.666 --> 00:20:09.467
  • I know. i didn't say that.
  • 00:20:09.533 --> 00:20:10.234
  • I didn't say that. i thought it
  • 00:20:10.301 --> 00:20:10.835
  • I thought it but i didn't say it out.
  • 00:20:10.901 --> 00:20:14.238
  • But i didn't say it out. anyway, he proceeds to tell me
  • 00:20:14.305 --> 00:20:16.807
  • Anyway, he proceeds to tell me that i have an ongoing
  • 00:20:16.874 --> 00:20:18.175
  • That i have an ongoing neurological vascular condition
  • 00:20:18.242 --> 00:20:22.113
  • Neurological vascular condition that is so rare, it's unnamed,
  • 00:20:22.179 --> 00:20:25.216
  • That is so rare, it's unnamed, it's pretty much unsurvivable.
  • 00:20:25.283 --> 00:20:27.685
  • It's pretty much unsurvivable. said, there's very few living
  • 00:20:27.752 --> 00:20:29.086
  • Said, there's very few living cases on earth
  • 00:20:29.153 --> 00:20:30.221
  • Cases on earth of this condition.
  • 00:20:30.288 --> 00:20:31.856
  • Of this condition. and they essentially are
  • 00:20:31.922 --> 00:20:33.824
  • And they essentially are gonna monitor my care.
  • 00:20:33.891 --> 00:20:35.526
  • Gonna monitor my care. they don't know,
  • 00:20:35.593 --> 00:20:36.327
  • They don't know, they don't have
  • 00:20:36.394 --> 00:20:36.894
  • They don't have any protocols, nothing.
  • 00:20:36.961 --> 00:20:38.896
  • Any protocols, nothing. i just have some ongoing
  • 00:20:38.963 --> 00:20:41.198
  • I just have some ongoing neurological issues,
  • 00:20:41.265 --> 00:20:42.900
  • Neurological issues, which i'm reminded
  • 00:20:42.967 --> 00:20:43.734
  • Which i'm reminded at this moment,
  • 00:20:43.801 --> 00:20:44.735
  • At this moment, when i got this news,
  • 00:20:44.802 --> 00:20:45.803
  • When i got this news, i remember leaving
  • 00:20:45.870 --> 00:20:46.671
  • I remember leaving a sobbing voicemail
  • 00:20:46.737 --> 00:20:47.872
  • A sobbing voicemail on the giglios' machine.
  • 00:20:47.938 --> 00:20:49.940
  • On the giglios' machine. like, "you're not gonna believe,
  • 00:20:50.007 --> 00:20:51.309
  • Like, "you're not gonna believe, this is the worst thing
  • 00:20:51.375 --> 00:20:51.942
  • This is the worst thing in the world."
  • 00:20:52.009 --> 00:20:53.277
  • In the world." and i just --
  • 00:20:53.344 --> 00:20:54.078
  • And i just -- i come to y'all.
  • 00:20:54.145 --> 00:20:54.912
  • I come to y'all. so, thank you for letting me
  • 00:20:54.979 --> 00:20:56.013
  • So, thank you for letting me come lose it here and there,
  • 00:20:56.080 --> 00:20:57.682
  • Come lose it here and there, and start putting me
  • 00:20:57.748 --> 00:20:58.382
  • And start putting me on the stage here later
  • 00:20:58.449 --> 00:20:59.450
  • On the stage here later to talk about it.
  • 00:20:59.517 --> 00:21:00.651
  • To talk about it. kind of a beautiful full circle.
  • 00:21:00.718 --> 00:21:03.254
  • Kind of a beautiful full circle. actually, every one
  • 00:21:03.321 --> 00:21:04.588
  • Actually, every one of these stories is like that.
  • 00:21:04.655 --> 00:21:05.890
  • Of these stories is like that. i don't know
  • 00:21:05.956 --> 00:21:06.457
  • I don't know if y'all caught that.
  • 00:21:06.524 --> 00:21:08.025
  • If y'all caught that. they are like almost all, like,
  • 00:21:08.092 --> 00:21:09.960
  • They are like almost all, like, atlanta, all my wonderful
  • 00:21:10.027 --> 00:21:11.829
  • Atlanta, all my wonderful people stories.
  • 00:21:11.896 --> 00:21:15.299
  • People stories. they did not start there,
  • 00:21:15.366 --> 00:21:16.667
  • They did not start there, but they're here.
  • 00:21:16.734 --> 00:21:17.768
  • But they're here. i mean, the tearing of my acl,
  • 00:21:17.835 --> 00:21:20.404
  • I mean, the tearing of my acl, shelly giglio was at my house
  • 00:21:20.471 --> 00:21:22.306
  • Shelly giglio was at my house leaving me a fig plant, like,
  • 00:21:22.373 --> 00:21:25.109
  • Leaving me a fig plant, like, the day after.
  • 00:21:25.176 --> 00:21:26.877
  • The day after. just y'all are all
  • 00:21:26.944 --> 00:21:27.712
  • Just y'all are all over this story.
  • 00:21:27.778 --> 00:21:29.613
  • Over this story. this house is the story.
  • 00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:32.917
  • This house is the story. very beautiful.
  • 00:21:32.983 --> 00:21:34.352
  • Very beautiful. okay, so the end of this is
  • 00:21:34.418 --> 00:21:38.522
  • Okay, so the end of this is really important so,
  • 00:21:38.589 --> 00:21:39.990
  • Really important so, i don't want you to miss this.
  • 00:21:40.057 --> 00:21:41.892
  • I don't want you to miss this. basically, i have all these
  • 00:21:41.959 --> 00:21:43.361
  • Basically, i have all these ongoing brain issues,
  • 00:21:43.427 --> 00:21:44.862
  • Ongoing brain issues, and i thought surely lord,
  • 00:21:44.929 --> 00:21:48.132
  • And i thought surely lord, i've hit the quota.
  • 00:21:48.199 --> 00:21:49.967
  • I've hit the quota. like, i've had all these
  • 00:21:50.034 --> 00:21:51.202
  • Like, i've had all these brain issues,
  • 00:21:51.268 --> 00:21:52.036
  • Brain issues, so nothing else could
  • 00:21:52.103 --> 00:21:53.437
  • So nothing else could ever happen to me.
  • 00:21:53.504 --> 00:21:54.739
  • Ever happen to me. i am headed
  • 00:21:54.805 --> 00:21:55.573
  • I am headed to the beach for life.
  • 00:21:55.639 --> 00:21:58.008
  • To the beach for life. like, there is absolutely no way
  • 00:21:58.075 --> 00:22:00.611
  • Like, there is absolutely no way this is going to be ongoing.
  • 00:22:00.678 --> 00:22:02.713
  • This is going to be ongoing. please.
  • 00:22:02.780 --> 00:22:03.381
  • Please. you're right,
  • 00:22:03.447 --> 00:22:03.914
  • You're right, i'm on the other side.
  • 00:22:03.981 --> 00:22:05.716
  • I'm on the other side. and i've had to wake up
  • 00:22:05.783 --> 00:22:08.586
  • And i've had to wake up to the reality that this side
  • 00:22:08.652 --> 00:22:10.955
  • To the reality that this side of heaven,
  • 00:22:11.021 --> 00:22:11.655
  • Of heaven, there is no other side.
  • 00:22:11.722 --> 00:22:13.424
  • There is no other side. that while i am on earth,
  • 00:22:13.491 --> 00:22:15.493
  • That while i am on earth, there will be suffering,
  • 00:22:15.559 --> 00:22:17.061
  • There will be suffering, and pain,
  • 00:22:17.128 --> 00:22:18.162
  • And pain, and it will continue
  • 00:22:18.229 --> 00:22:19.397
  • And it will continue in a cycle until heaven.
  • 00:22:19.463 --> 00:22:21.665
  • In a cycle until heaven. so now, i see this world that we
  • 00:22:21.732 --> 00:22:24.902
  • So now, i see this world that we are in as not something i'm
  • 00:22:24.969 --> 00:22:27.071
  • Are in as not something i'm going to get to on earth.
  • 00:22:27.138 --> 00:22:29.607
  • Going to get to on earth. i'm gonna get one day to heaven,
  • 00:22:29.673 --> 00:22:31.475
  • I'm gonna get one day to heaven, but down here,
  • 00:22:31.542 --> 00:22:32.777
  • But down here, there will be continual
  • 00:22:32.843 --> 00:22:34.512
  • There will be continual hardship and suffering.
  • 00:22:34.578 --> 00:22:36.647
  • Hardship and suffering. you may know that that's
  • 00:22:36.714 --> 00:22:37.915
  • You may know that that's a reality in your head,
  • 00:22:37.982 --> 00:22:39.483
  • A reality in your head, but do you know in your heart
  • 00:22:39.550 --> 00:22:41.352
  • But do you know in your heart that it's going to be
  • 00:22:41.419 --> 00:22:42.253
  • That it's going to be this way down here?
  • 00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:44.021
  • This way down here? so much so that i've recognized
  • 00:22:44.088 --> 00:22:46.524
  • So much so that i've recognized that we are in the cycle
  • 00:22:46.590 --> 00:22:48.492
  • That we are in the cycle of hurt, this side of heaven.
  • 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.594
  • Of hurt, this side of heaven. we are cycling into the hard
  • 00:22:50.661 --> 00:22:53.264
  • We are cycling into the hard hurt of life.
  • 00:22:53.330 --> 00:22:55.533
  • Hurt of life. but you know what?
  • 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:57.067
  • But you know what? i think every time we cycle
  • 00:22:57.134 --> 00:22:58.669
  • I think every time we cycle through the hurt and suffering,
  • 00:22:58.736 --> 00:23:00.871
  • Through the hurt and suffering, we have the opportunity to be
  • 00:23:00.938 --> 00:23:02.873
  • We have the opportunity to be built different because of it.
  • 00:23:02.940 --> 00:23:05.509
  • Built different because of it. we have the opportunity
  • 00:23:05.576 --> 00:23:07.511
  • We have the opportunity to be fortified.
  • 00:23:07.578 --> 00:23:09.880
  • To be fortified. to go in different because we've
  • 00:23:09.947 --> 00:23:11.649
  • To go in different because we've been built different
  • 00:23:11.715 --> 00:23:12.883
  • Been built different each and every time.
  • 00:23:12.950 --> 00:23:14.285
  • Each and every time. so, i used to read romans 5:3
  • 00:23:14.351 --> 00:23:17.188
  • So, i used to read romans 5:3 like, "yeah, victory!
  • 00:23:17.254 --> 00:23:20.291
  • Like, "yeah, victory! suffering produces perseverance,
  • 00:23:20.357 --> 00:23:22.426
  • Suffering produces perseverance, and character, and hope,
  • 00:23:22.493 --> 00:23:23.527
  • And character, and hope, and hope will not
  • 00:23:23.594 --> 00:23:24.261
  • And hope will not put us to shame."
  • 00:23:24.328 --> 00:23:25.229
  • Put us to shame." and that's it, we'll get there.
  • 00:23:25.296 --> 00:23:27.598
  • And that's it, we'll get there. and wrong.
  • 00:23:27.665 --> 00:23:30.100
  • And wrong. i believe what that verse
  • 00:23:30.167 --> 00:23:31.669
  • I believe what that verse is telling us is,
  • 00:23:31.735 --> 00:23:32.903
  • Is telling us is, "because you're
  • 00:23:32.970 --> 00:23:33.838
  • "because you're gonna go back in.
  • 00:23:33.904 --> 00:23:35.539
  • Gonna go back in. you're suffering and you got
  • 00:23:35.606 --> 00:23:37.007
  • You're suffering and you got this cycle of ongoing hurt which
  • 00:23:37.074 --> 00:23:39.810
  • This cycle of ongoing hurt which you're gonna fill it
  • 00:23:39.877 --> 00:23:40.678
  • You're gonna fill it with ongoing hope because you
  • 00:23:40.744 --> 00:23:41.912
  • With ongoing hope because you have been fortified and built
  • 00:23:41.979 --> 00:23:43.414
  • Have been fortified and built differently every single time."
  • 00:23:43.481 --> 00:23:46.150
  • Differently every single time." so, you're going to go through
  • 00:23:46.217 --> 00:23:48.886
  • So, you're going to go through the worst life has to offer.
  • 00:23:48.953 --> 00:23:51.422
  • The worst life has to offer. guys, the takeaway,
  • 00:23:51.489 --> 00:23:53.757
  • Guys, the takeaway, and this is so powerful to me.
  • 00:23:53.824 --> 00:23:55.726
  • And this is so powerful to me. this takeaway is so true,
  • 00:23:55.793 --> 00:23:58.262
  • This takeaway is so true, take it home.
  • 00:23:58.329 --> 00:24:00.397
  • Take it home. hope is not a fixed point
  • 00:24:00.464 --> 00:24:03.501
  • I will reach.
  • 00:24:03.601 --> 00:24:05.202
  • I will reach. hope is the living force
  • 00:24:05.269 --> 00:24:08.072
  • Hope is the living force that propels me forward.
  • 00:24:08.138 --> 00:24:11.175
  • That propels me forward. propels me forward into
  • 00:24:11.242 --> 00:24:13.644
  • Propels me forward into the ongoing hurt
  • 00:24:13.711 --> 00:24:15.713
  • The ongoing hurt with an ongoing hope.
  • 00:24:15.779 --> 00:24:18.582
  • With an ongoing hope. how cool is that?
  • 00:24:18.649 --> 00:24:20.818
  • How cool is that? i'd love to tell you that
  • 00:24:20.885 --> 00:24:22.887
  • Everything is a-okay today.
  • 00:24:22.987 --> 00:24:25.356
  • Everything is a-okay today. and you know too much from this
  • 00:24:25.422 --> 00:24:27.458
  • And you know too much from this talk to know that's the truth.
  • 00:24:27.525 --> 00:24:29.326
  • Talk to know that's the truth. but i'm actually doing awesome.
  • 00:24:29.393 --> 00:24:31.328
  • But i'm actually doing awesome. do we have a modern picture
  • 00:24:31.395 --> 00:24:32.630
  • Do we have a modern picture of my family today?
  • 00:24:32.696 --> 00:24:33.731
  • Of my family today? my sweet boys,
  • 00:24:33.797 --> 00:24:34.532
  • My sweet boys, james and john, are 16 and 9.
  • 00:24:34.598 --> 00:24:38.202
  • And my husband, jay,
  • 00:24:38.302 --> 00:24:39.069
  • Who's somewhere is incredible.
  • 00:24:39.136 --> 00:24:42.139
  • And we're doing life.
  • 00:24:42.206 --> 00:24:44.208
  • Life is going on.
  • 00:24:44.275 --> 00:24:45.142
  • This is has been really rough,
  • 00:24:45.209 --> 00:24:46.577
  • I've had 13 major surgeries.
  • 00:24:46.644 --> 00:24:49.780
  • Since the stroke,
  • 00:24:49.847 --> 00:24:50.581
  • I've taken a number of falls,
  • 00:24:50.681 --> 00:24:53.150
  • I've taken a number of falls, i've ended up in the er
  • 00:24:53.217 --> 00:24:54.952
  • I've ended up in the er more times than i can remember.
  • 00:24:55.019 --> 00:24:57.922
  • More times than i can remember. it's been legit
  • 00:24:57.988 --> 00:25:00.558
  • It's been legit horrible, honestly.
  • 00:25:00.624 --> 00:25:03.460
  • Horrible, honestly. and yet, i know too much
  • 00:25:03.527 --> 00:25:05.963
  • And yet, i know too much to know that's the whole story.
  • 00:25:06.030 --> 00:25:09.366
  • To know that's the whole story. i thought recently that there's
  • 00:25:09.433 --> 00:25:12.369
  • I thought recently that there's been a lot of collateral
  • 00:25:12.436 --> 00:25:13.470
  • Been a lot of collateral damage post stroke.
  • 00:25:13.537 --> 00:25:15.472
  • Damage post stroke. there has been a whole
  • 00:25:15.539 --> 00:25:16.707
  • There has been a whole lot of collateral damage.
  • 00:25:16.774 --> 00:25:19.076
  • Lot of collateral damage. but i cannot even say that
  • 00:25:19.143 --> 00:25:21.345
  • But i cannot even say that without also telling you that
  • 00:25:21.412 --> 00:25:23.514
  • Without also telling you that there have been profound
  • 00:25:23.581 --> 00:25:26.250
  • There have been profound collateral gifts.
  • 00:25:26.317 --> 00:25:28.552
  • Collateral gifts. deep collateral gifts
  • 00:25:28.619 --> 00:25:30.521
  • Deep collateral gifts from the fallout.
  • 00:25:30.588 --> 00:25:31.922
  • From the fallout. the wreckage of my life has been
  • 00:25:31.989 --> 00:25:34.224
  • The wreckage of my life has been many incredibly beautiful things
  • 00:25:34.291 --> 00:25:37.962
  • Many incredibly beautiful things that i am so grateful for.
  • 00:25:38.028 --> 00:25:40.230
  • That i am so grateful for. and you know what?
  • 00:25:40.297 --> 00:25:41.565
  • And you know what? that is true in your story too.
  • 00:25:41.632 --> 00:25:43.968
  • That is true in your story too. no matter the wreckage,
  • 00:25:44.034 --> 00:25:46.403
  • No matter the wreckage, there is beauty in the ashes.
  • 00:25:46.470 --> 00:25:48.806
  • There is beauty in the ashes. don't miss it.
  • 00:25:48.872 --> 00:25:50.774
  • Don't miss it. the second part of isaiah 45:3
  • 00:25:50.841 --> 00:25:55.813
  • The second part of isaiah 45:3 tells us that god is giving
  • 00:25:55.879 --> 00:25:57.615
  • Tells us that god is giving us the treasure.
  • 00:25:57.681 --> 00:25:59.316
  • Us the treasure. and not so we might be rich.
  • 00:25:59.383 --> 00:26:01.518
  • And not so we might be rich. who really cares about that
  • 00:26:01.585 --> 00:26:02.720
  • Who really cares about that at the end of the day?
  • 00:26:02.786 --> 00:26:04.355
  • At the end of the day? but so that we may know
  • 00:26:04.421 --> 00:26:07.825
  • But so that we may know that he is god.
  • 00:26:07.891 --> 00:26:09.293
  • That he is god. the god of israel,
  • 00:26:09.360 --> 00:26:11.028
  • The god of israel, the god who summons us by name.
  • 00:26:11.095 --> 00:26:14.465
  • The god who summons us by name. so, here's the thought
  • 00:26:14.531 --> 00:26:15.599
  • So, here's the thought to close with.
  • 00:26:15.666 --> 00:26:17.067
  • To close with. god is summoning us by name.
  • 00:26:17.134 --> 00:26:21.405
  • God is summoning us by name. and maybe the only way he could
  • 00:26:21.472 --> 00:26:23.140
  • And maybe the only way he could have gotten this girl's
  • 00:26:23.207 --> 00:26:24.041
  • Have gotten this girl's attention was through
  • 00:26:24.108 --> 00:26:25.242
  • Attention was through the stroke.
  • 00:26:25.309 --> 00:26:26.577
  • The stroke. maybe this is him saying,
  • 00:26:26.644 --> 00:26:27.645
  • Maybe this is him saying, "wake up.
  • 00:26:27.711 --> 00:26:29.513
  • "wake up. wake up."
  • 00:26:29.580 --> 00:26:30.347
  • Wake up." pain has this crazy
  • 00:26:30.414 --> 00:26:31.415
  • Pain has this crazy way of waking you up,
  • 00:26:31.482 --> 00:26:32.316
  • Way of waking you up, doesn't it?
  • 00:26:32.383 --> 00:26:33.417
  • Doesn't it? suddenly, i'm not asleep,
  • 00:26:33.484 --> 00:26:35.052
  • Suddenly, i'm not asleep, i'm hurting.
  • 00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:36.487
  • I'm hurting. and i don't wanna hurt anymore.
  • 00:26:36.553 --> 00:26:38.455
  • And i don't wanna hurt anymore. but the way to not hurt
  • 00:26:38.522 --> 00:26:40.224
  • But the way to not hurt is to be near the healer.
  • 00:26:40.290 --> 00:26:42.126
  • Is to be near the healer. suddenly, you don't
  • 00:26:42.192 --> 00:26:42.826
  • Suddenly, you don't feel the hurt.
  • 00:26:42.893 --> 00:26:43.694
  • Feel the hurt. suddenly, you feel
  • 00:26:43.761 --> 00:26:44.561
  • Suddenly, you feel a little bullet proof.
  • 00:26:44.628 --> 00:26:46.363
  • A little bullet proof. i can't say that too loud
  • 00:26:46.430 --> 00:26:47.865
  • I can't say that too loud for a number of reasons,
  • 00:26:47.931 --> 00:26:48.999
  • For a number of reasons, but it's the truth.
  • 00:26:49.066 --> 00:26:50.134
  • But it's the truth. you've got this jesus
  • 00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:51.402
  • You've got this jesus bubble wrap on you now.
  • 00:26:51.468 --> 00:26:53.504
  • Bubble wrap on you now. much better than any other kind
  • 00:26:53.570 --> 00:26:55.806
  • Much better than any other kind 'cause it means that i'm safe
  • 00:26:55.873 --> 00:26:57.074
  • 'cause it means that i'm safe and secure in him
  • 00:26:57.141 --> 00:26:59.476
  • And secure in him and it changes everything.
  • 00:26:59.543 --> 00:27:01.111