Abbie Halberstadt & Heidi St. John: Strength and Honor for our Moms | Takeaways with Kirk Cameron

May 5, 2025

Kirk Cameron is joined by Abbie Halberstadt sharing biblically sound strategies on how mothers can grow and thrive and author and speaker, Heidi St. John, to encourage ways that moms can boldly become who God created them to be.

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Takeaways with Kirk Cameron | Abbie Halberstadt & Heidi St. John: Strength and Honor for our Moms | Takeaways with Kirk Cameron | May 5, 2025

Kirk cameron: do you know what mom, m-o-m stands for?
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Masters of multitasking or you could say, management operations
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And maintenance and it would still apply to the fact that
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Our moms are amazing.
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It's easy to take for granted all that our mothers do for us.
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Taking care of the family, meeting the needs of the
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Children, maybe working a job to help with bills, volunteering,
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Cooking, cleaning the house, and the list goes on and on and on.
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So today, as mother's day is fast approaching, we want to
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Inspire women with some encouraging thoughts and
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Insights from our guests abbie halberstadt and heidi st. john.
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So let's get to it right now on "takeaways."
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Abbie halberstadt: so i have gained the reward
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Of perspective.
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This too shall pass, i'm gonna get through this, i have some
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Tools in my toolbox i didn't used to have.
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Heidi st. john: god is always doing something behind the
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Scenes and motherhood is every bit as much about the mom as it
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Is about her children.
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♪♪♪
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Kirk: mother of ten, abbie halberstadt offers advice,
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Encouragement, and biblically sound strategies to help with
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The challenges and the rewards of motherhood.
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She's back with us today, thankfully, to share what she's
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Learned striving to be a christ-like mom and has listed
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Them in her brand new book, "m is for mama."
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Abbie, thanks so much for coming back.
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Abbie: thanks for having me, kirk.
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Kirk: well, your book is called, "m is for mama" and i
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Particularly like the subtitle which is, "a rebellion against
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Mediocre motherhood."
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What made you come up with a title like this?
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Abbie: so, about five years ago, i noticed this trend.
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Now, i think it had been going for a while, but five-ish years
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Ago, i really noticed this trend of celebrating getting to the
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End of the day in motherhood with some sort of
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Substance abuse.
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Kirk: some sort of alcohol.
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Abbie: or oreos or feeling like--
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Kirk: or chocolate.
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Abbie: right, something that was necessary to survive.
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And well, i think that that's kind of a humorous thing we can
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All relate to like those really, really hard days.
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Kirk: i'm exhausted.
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This has just been a hard day.
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Abbie: yeah, and that's legit.
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There are really, really hard days in motherhood and parenting
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In general.
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So i don't wanna downplay that, but the comments often were
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Like, "girl, me too.
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I'm phoning it in this week.
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I've been hiding in the closet and i just can't."
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"i can't even" was kind of the general attitude, right?
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Kirk: i've heard these phrases.
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Abbie: and so it really started to worry me because when we see
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This trend of validating lack of effort in something that is so
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Worth every shred of effort that we have, you know that the
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Outcome's not going to be positive for the kids for sure,
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But i don't think it's positive for the moms either.
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Like, it's just a lose-lose all around.
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Kirk: how did we get here?
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I mean, what do you think are some of the influences that
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Contributed to this loss of altitude with regard to the
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Sacredness and the worthiness of giving it all to motherhood?
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Abbie: well, i don't wanna pretend like this is an entirely
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New problem.
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We go way back to paul who says, "the things i want to do are not
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The things i do.
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The things that i don't wanna do, those are the things
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I end up doing.
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Who can save me?
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What a wretch a man am i?"
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And of course, the answer is christ.
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And we see that we have marched resolutely farther and farther
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Away from judeo-christian values in our culture, western culture
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For sure, but we also know that we have this sin nature that we
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Are battling.
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And if we don't have christ, we can't win.
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He has not overcome it for those who do not have him.
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And so if you're looking at a culture that is replete with
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Moms that are struggling without christ, it makes sense that it
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Would seep into all aspects of society, but in the christian
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Circles as well.
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Kirk: so there's this battle between the flesh and the spirit
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And we can choose to feed the flesh and give in to chocolate
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And champagne at the end of the day and say, like you said,
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Like, "girl, i can't do this," whatever, or what was the phrase
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That you used?
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Abbie: i can't even.
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Kirk: i can't even.
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I can't even.
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I'm done, right?
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And or we can choose to be empowered by the spirit and say,
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"this is my calling.
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This was what i was made for.
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Yes, it's hard, yes, it's difficult."
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And you wanna have support and it's all realistic in the way we
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Go about it, but this is a great joy and a great privilege.
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Abbie: absolutely.
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The greatest privilege.
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I truly believe if you are a mother, is what you're doing.
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That is not to say that if you're not a mother, you don't
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Have great privileges that are the greatest for you.
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But motherhood is the only place where i can invest in eternal
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Souls that god entrusted to me specifically to train up and dig
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Into with wisdom and love and have fun with.
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Like, there are so many joyful aspects.
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It matters where you focus.
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Kirk: yeah, and i'm just so thankful that you're encouraging
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And inspiring moms to just be all in with this amazing job of
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Shaping the hearts and minds of the next generation.
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Abbie: well, i always say that i'm preaching to myself.
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This is not coming from a place of having arrived.
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My youngest are still two 4-year-old twins.
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I am still very much so in it with wiping bottoms and training
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Attitudes, my own included.
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I will never arrive until i'm in glory with my savior.
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And yet i wanna walk beside women and say, "yes, we can
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In christ's strength," not, "i can't even."
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Kirk: not, "i can't even."
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That's right.
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Encouraging them, inspiring them, comforting them, that's
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What we all want in our specific roles that we have.
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I love how in your book also, abbie, you have every chapter
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And you're contrasting christ-like motherhood with
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Mediocre motherhood.
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You know, sort of like the way paul talks about the old man and
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The new man and put off this way of mediocre and put on the more
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Excellent way.
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What are the rewards that moms get when they choose to follow
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The spirit and be a christ-like mom rather than a mediocre mom?
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Abbie: i think they are a multitude.
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You gain more appreciation for what you're doing rather than
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Doubting yourself constantly.
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You gain a closer relationship with christ because when you dig
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Into hard things, guess what?
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The hard things don't go away.
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Sometimes they get harder for a while.
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Sometimes when you pray for patience, you do not get handed
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This heavenly fruit basket of the fruit of the spirit.
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Instead, you get an opportunity to wake up in the middle of the
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Night and show patience to your toddler who's peed all over the
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Bathroom, you know.
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Kirk: yes, oh yeah.
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I remember it well.
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Abbie: that doesn't sound like i'm giving you an example
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Of a reward, but you find--so i have two sets of twins.
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My responses.
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Kirk: you have two sets of twins?
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Abbie: i have two sets of twins, yes.
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So, when i was learning these really hard lessons with these
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Super sensitive, hard to handle 3-year-old girls, guess what?
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Second set of twins come along and children after them
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In between.
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Do i respond the same way?
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No, i'm not nearly as stressed.
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I'm not nearly as overwrought.
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So i have gained the reward of perspective.
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This too shall pass.
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I'm gonna get through this.
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I have some tools in my toolbox i didn't used to have.
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And you also gain friends with your children.
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I'm not my child's friend first and foremost, but i like my kids
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As well as love them.
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And there's a huge reward in having little and big people in
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Your house that are related to you that you really enjoy being
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Around that you consider friends.
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Kirk: that's awesome.
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What about the moms that are saying, "abbie, all this sounds
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Great and you're the supermom.
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I'm sure you've got the cape and everything that."
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And you've got superpowers with ten kids, but i don't have half
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That many kids and i'm struggling just to keep my head
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Above water.
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I'm trying to get through the day and manage my sanity.
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What would you say to them?
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Abbie: well, for one, i would say, i come from a family of
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Two children.
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I'm the youngest of two whole kids in my family.
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I have no experience before becoming a mom with little kids
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Hardly at all.
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I had changed like a couple of diapers in the church nursery.
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I wouldn't have call myself naturally patient, naturally
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Motherly, like super warm and fuzzy and yet the lord has used
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My more--my mom calls me a barrel of fun drill sergeant.
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She's like, "you're tons of fun."
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But like, we are getting stuff done, you know.
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I think the lord has used my unique personality to bless
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My family.
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And so i would say that recognizing that when you are
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Weak, he is strong is so important.
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The areas that i struggle in the lord has helped me grow in by
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Giving me lots of opportunity to practice.
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But also i would say get some rhythms in your home that make
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You feel more sane.
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There are some practical things.
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It's not all just pie in the sky theology and feeling good and in
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My weakness, he is strong.
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Get some rhythms in your day that help you.
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Kirk: what are some rhythms like for example.
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Abbie: so we do bible reading at 7:30 in the morning
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Most mornings.
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Not every morning.
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It's not a like a legalistic thing, but we do bible reading.
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We're up, we're eating breakfast, we're doing bible
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Reading, and then we're going to--we're a homeschool family,
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So we're going to school next.
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We spend our morning doing school.
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We're gonna do lunch together.
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I'm gonna do a set of lunch dishes.
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I just load the dishwasher.
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I wake up and i put laundry in the laundry machine.
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What's that thing called?
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The washing machine.
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There we go.
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As i walk through our laundry room, which is on my way
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Downstairs, just some practical things that help you not feel
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Like life has you by the tail.
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Kirk: yeah, and to where you get overwhelmed and everything piles
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Up and then all of a sudden it's just like i'm gonna fall apart
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Because it's, but maintaining throughout the day and keeping
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Your sanity.
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Now what are some ways that some--that moms can support one
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Another as they're walking down this road of
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Christ-like motherhood?
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Abbie: yeah, so i spent all of my kids' younger years taking
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Them to the gym where i teach fitness classes.
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They would be in the childcare, like in the room on the other
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Side of the wall for me as i taught my class and then we
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Would go to the park with a mom friend.
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We would go and take a picnic somewhere.
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We would go on a walk.
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There are so many things that moms feel like keep them from
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Being able to do life with other people.
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And i say, don't let it stop you.
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Keep going with the children with you.
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Like, the more that you bring your kids along with you to do
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Life with you, the better they get at it.
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At first, it's a train wreck.
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You're herding cats.
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It's, you know, a lot of work.
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And if you take that lot of work up front and then go home and be
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A hermit and hide from your community, not because you want
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To, but because you feel like that's what you have to do,
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A lot of times the more isolated you become, the more despairing
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You become.
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But if you're willing to kind of put that work into the front end
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Of training your kids how to be like decent humans out in
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Public, you'll find that you can take them with you everywhere
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And really enjoy a lot of life with community.
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Kirk: so show us that you're actually human right now.
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Abbie: oh my word. definitely am.
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Kirk: what areas have you learned that you need to
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Grow in?
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Patience, gentleness, guilt, guilt and shame?
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Abbie: sure.
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I am not a naturally patient person.
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I'm going to be much more likely to say, "well, why did you
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Do that?
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Finish it quickly, do."
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You know, i mean, just, so i can tend to be too harsh in
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My speech.
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I write in "m is for mama" and a whole chapter called "the
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Gentleness challenge" about an episode of about three or four
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Months postpartum with my number eight where i struggle with
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Mom rage.
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It's called "postpartum rage."
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I didn't know it had a title.
00:11:39.944 --> 00:11:41.279
I just knew i was exacting, criticizing everyone.
00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:44.282
I felt irritable and like overstimulated all the time,
00:11:44.282 --> 00:11:47.385
Which overstimulation is a big mom thing.
00:11:47.385 --> 00:11:49.220
We have little hands plucking at us and little voices, loud
00:11:49.220 --> 00:11:52.323
Voices all the time.
00:11:52.323 --> 00:11:54.058
Someone's playing piano, somebody's dropping the milk jug
00:11:54.058 --> 00:11:56.694
On the floor, somebody's screaming because somebody
00:11:56.694 --> 00:11:58.797
Touched them, you know, it's just a lot to take in.
00:11:58.797 --> 00:12:01.299
Did i always handle that well?
00:12:01.299 --> 00:12:02.667
Do i always handle that well?
00:12:02.667 --> 00:12:04.169
No.
00:12:04.169 --> 00:12:05.537
I'm also not the most naturally organized when it comes
00:12:05.537 --> 00:12:07.038
To things.
00:12:07.038 --> 00:12:08.373
I have to send things to goodwill and if you open my toy
00:12:08.373 --> 00:12:10.809
Closet, my organization is get it in and close the door.
00:12:10.809 --> 00:12:14.646
There's not these perfectly labeled baskets like and there
00:12:14.646 --> 00:12:17.615
Doesn't have to be.
00:12:17.615 --> 00:12:18.950
There's so much freedom in christ to be the kind of mom he
00:12:18.950 --> 00:12:21.586
Has called you to be excellently without having to look over here
00:12:21.586 --> 00:12:24.823
And go, "well, i don't respond the way that she does exactly,"
00:12:24.823 --> 00:12:27.859
Or "my personality is different than hers," or "i don't have
00:12:27.859 --> 00:12:29.894
Her" this, that, or the other.
00:12:29.894 --> 00:12:31.563
You don't have to.
00:12:31.563 --> 00:12:33.665
Kirk: we're gonna talk more with abbie about christ-like
00:12:33.665 --> 00:12:35.800
Motherhood and later in the program, heidi st. john is gonna
00:12:35.800 --> 00:12:38.903
Join us and she's gonna share some words of wisdom that will
00:12:38.903 --> 00:12:41.739
Encourage and empower you.
00:12:41.739 --> 00:12:43.541
So stay with us.
00:12:43.541 --> 00:12:44.943
Heidi: i think that god's word is applicable for real life
00:12:44.943 --> 00:12:48.313
Situations and it ministers to moms right where they are.
00:12:48.313 --> 00:12:51.382
♪♪♪
00:12:51.382 --> 00:12:55.999
♪♪♪
00:12:55.999 --> 00:12:57.423
♪♪♪
00:12:57.523 --> 00:13:02.461
Kirk: hey, we're back talking about what it takes to
00:13:03.796 --> 00:13:05.965
Be a christ-like mom with abbie halberstadt.
00:13:05.965 --> 00:13:09.501
So, abbie, i love how every chapter of your book discusses
00:13:09.501 --> 00:13:14.974
The way moms need to shift their perspective on certain issues.
00:13:14.974 --> 00:13:18.811
From, "oh, this is awful, this is terrible.
00:13:18.811 --> 00:13:20.779
Why does this always happen to me?
00:13:20.779 --> 00:13:22.114
I have friends and they don't have to deal with these types
00:13:22.114 --> 00:13:23.849
Of things," to a perspective that says, "oh wait, god
00:13:23.849 --> 00:13:26.051
Has something for me in this and this is really cool."
00:13:26.051 --> 00:13:28.554
Can you give us some examples of areas where moms need to shift
00:13:28.554 --> 00:13:32.858
Their perspective?
00:13:32.858 --> 00:13:34.193
Abbie: yeah, okay.
00:13:34.193 --> 00:13:35.561
So i'm gonna start with something really basic.
00:13:35.561 --> 00:13:36.896
Potty training.
00:13:36.896 --> 00:13:38.264
I am the chillest potty training mom in the world now, but my
00:13:38.264 --> 00:13:40.132
First really, really struggled for a full year with, like,
00:13:40.132 --> 00:13:44.703
Scared of going to the bathroom, all of this stuff.
00:13:44.703 --> 00:13:46.639
It tore me up, turned me inside out.
00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:49.942
Well, guess what?
00:13:49.942 --> 00:13:51.310
Eighteen years later with my 4-year-old twins, i'm like,
00:13:51.310 --> 00:13:55.547
"when you tell me, mother, i shall not wear this diaper any
00:13:55.547 --> 00:13:58.550
Longer, that is when we shall potty train," you know.
00:13:58.550 --> 00:14:01.253
And so that perspective shift from, "i'm in control, i must
00:14:01.253 --> 00:14:05.991
Force this, this has to happen, or i'm not a good mom" to
00:14:05.991 --> 00:14:10.029
"this is going to happen.
00:14:10.029 --> 00:14:11.664
I'm not gonna have an 18-year-old that's not
00:14:11.664 --> 00:14:13.065
Potty trained."
00:14:13.065 --> 00:14:14.433
It's so basic and yet we can get ourselves so fearful and
00:14:14.433 --> 00:14:17.536
Worrying about tomorrow.
00:14:17.536 --> 00:14:18.938
So taking the trouble that we have in motherhood one day at
00:14:18.938 --> 00:14:22.374
A time and saying, "lord, i'm laying this at your feet.
00:14:22.374 --> 00:14:25.144
I don't really know what i'm doing.
00:14:25.144 --> 00:14:26.879
Please give me wisdom."
00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:28.213
Because the bible tells us in james that when we ask for
00:14:28.213 --> 00:14:29.949
Wisdom, it will be granted.
00:14:29.949 --> 00:14:32.818
That's a huge perspective shift.
00:14:32.818 --> 00:14:34.186
I'm not the one in control to begin with.
00:14:34.186 --> 00:14:39.258
Kirk: but how do you do that prior to having the experience
00:14:39.258 --> 00:14:43.595
Where you learned, "oh, that's right.
00:14:43.595 --> 00:14:45.264
I won't have an 18-year-old who's not yet potty trained."
00:14:45.264 --> 00:14:48.734
When you're in the midst of it and your child is only, you
00:14:48.734 --> 00:14:51.971
Know, 2-years-old or they're 6-years-old and they're still in
00:14:51.971 --> 00:14:54.840
Pull-ups, you don't have that personal experience
00:14:54.840 --> 00:14:59.345
Knowledge yet.
00:14:59.345 --> 00:15:00.679
So how do you get there with a perspective shift?
00:15:00.679 --> 00:15:02.047
Are there verses in scripture that tell you your child's going
00:15:02.047 --> 00:15:04.616
To get potty trained eventually," or like, how do you
00:15:04.616 --> 00:15:07.286
Do that?
00:15:07.286 --> 00:15:08.654
Abbie: no, but if you are steeped in god's word, there
00:15:08.654 --> 00:15:10.923
Are principles.
00:15:10.923 --> 00:15:12.291
It doesn't say anything about potty training, but as you study
00:15:12.291 --> 00:15:14.560
God's word, you start to recognize things.
00:15:14.560 --> 00:15:17.096
Like in isaiah, it talks about that the lord gently leads those
00:15:17.096 --> 00:15:20.265
With young.
00:15:20.265 --> 00:15:21.600
In other words, he's with you right as you train your children
00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:24.503
Every step of the way.
00:15:24.503 --> 00:15:25.838
We're the mothers, we're the ones with young.
00:15:25.838 --> 00:15:27.506
The lord's gently leading us.
00:15:27.506 --> 00:15:29.074
It says that god's gonna work all things together for our good
00:15:29.074 --> 00:15:32.144
For those that love him and are called according to his purpose.
00:15:32.144 --> 00:15:34.813
It says that we're to be content in all circumstances even when
00:15:34.813 --> 00:15:38.384
The child refuses to potty train or refuses to sleep train or
00:15:38.384 --> 00:15:41.920
Sleep through the night or refuses all the food that we
00:15:41.920 --> 00:15:44.456
Offer or refuses to listen to our curfew guidelines, you know,
00:15:44.456 --> 00:15:49.261
'cause i'm giving you some examples of younger years
00:15:49.261 --> 00:15:51.497
Because there's a lot of younger moms that are out there feeling
00:15:51.497 --> 00:15:53.365
Like they are just drowning.
00:15:53.365 --> 00:15:54.833
But man, those consistencies in training and holding the line
00:15:54.833 --> 00:15:58.971
And finding that balance between authority and becoming your
00:15:58.971 --> 00:16:03.008
Child's guidance counselor more, that's--it just keeps on going.
00:16:03.008 --> 00:16:06.845
We also know that when we're wondering what god's will is for
00:16:06.845 --> 00:16:09.515
Us in christ jesus, it's to give thanks in all circumstances and
00:16:09.515 --> 00:16:13.218
To pray continually.
00:16:13.218 --> 00:16:15.054
You know, if you don't know exactly what you should do next,
00:16:15.054 --> 00:16:18.223
I'm gonna say read your bible.
00:16:18.223 --> 00:16:20.025
And i'm gonna say you're gonna find a lot that you didn't even
00:16:20.025 --> 00:16:23.462
Realize was in there as you start to recognize that god's
00:16:23.462 --> 00:16:26.899
Word really never does return void.
00:16:26.899 --> 00:16:29.301
That it really is everything we need for life and godliness.
00:16:29.301 --> 00:16:32.104
Like the day to day gritty things that we have questions
00:16:32.104 --> 00:16:34.873
About, there are principles in god's word and so many moms are
00:16:34.873 --> 00:16:38.210
Not going to it because they feel overwhelmed, like they
00:16:38.210 --> 00:16:40.412
Don't have enough time.
00:16:40.412 --> 00:16:41.747
I say, get it in snippets.
00:16:41.747 --> 00:16:43.315
Read it aloud to your small children even they don't fully
00:16:43.315 --> 00:16:45.951
Understand it.
00:16:45.951 --> 00:16:47.286
Listen to it on audiobook.
00:16:47.286 --> 00:16:48.654
We have all of these apps.
00:16:48.654 --> 00:16:49.988
There's so many ways we have to get god's word in our heart and
00:16:49.988 --> 00:16:52.324
Yet we are shoving them away because it feels like too much
00:16:52.324 --> 00:16:55.861
When it's enough.
00:16:55.861 --> 00:16:57.229
It's what we need.
00:16:57.229 --> 00:16:58.564
It's sufficient.
00:16:58.564 --> 00:16:59.932
Kirk: it was a game changing shift in perspective for me when
00:16:59.932 --> 00:17:04.937
A wise old owl in my life reminded me that a sovereign god
00:17:04.937 --> 00:17:11.977
Has filtered everything that comes to me, no matter how
00:17:11.977 --> 00:17:16.014
Annoying it feels, no matter how exhausting it is, or how unfair
00:17:16.014 --> 00:17:20.552
It seems, all of it's been father filtered and is being
00:17:20.552 --> 00:17:25.390
Worked together for my good because i love him and he's
00:17:25.390 --> 00:17:29.962
Called me according to his purpose.
00:17:29.962 --> 00:17:31.363
Once i realized that, then every unjust accusation from another
00:17:31.363 --> 00:17:35.467
Person is a gift from god to me and therefore i can give thanks
00:17:35.467 --> 00:17:40.806
For this crank who's really irritating me if i shift my
00:17:40.806 --> 00:17:47.813
Perspective to say, "wait, this is coming to me, not primarily,
00:17:47.813 --> 00:17:51.750
But there's a mover behind this person that's actually
00:17:51.750 --> 00:17:57.489
Developing my character and sanctifying me through this."
00:17:57.489 --> 00:17:59.958
And does that apply to motherhood too?
00:17:59.958 --> 00:18:01.827
Abbie: one hundred percent.
00:18:01.827 --> 00:18:03.629
Motherhood is so sanctifying.
00:18:03.629 --> 00:18:05.164
In fact, i feel like it is one of the most wonderfully built in
00:18:05.164 --> 00:18:09.568
Forms of sanctification.
00:18:09.568 --> 00:18:11.170
You can't escape it.
00:18:11.170 --> 00:18:12.538
I mean, i suppose you could, but there wouldn't be any good
00:18:12.538 --> 00:18:15.574
In that.
00:18:15.574 --> 00:18:16.942
There are ways to escape it daily, but when we choose
00:18:16.942 --> 00:18:19.978
Instead to engage, we will be sanctified if we are taking it
00:18:19.978 --> 00:18:23.882
To the foot of the cross.
00:18:23.882 --> 00:18:25.284
And you were talking about, like, even if i'm being unjustly
00:18:25.284 --> 00:18:27.986
Treated, do our children sometimes 'cause a big theme on
00:18:27.986 --> 00:18:30.756
The internet is like, "my 5-year-old is bullying me."
00:18:30.756 --> 00:18:33.358
And my first response is like, "your 5-year-old's not a bully.
00:18:33.358 --> 00:18:35.761
He's a little sinner that's trying to get what he wants just
00:18:35.761 --> 00:18:37.763
Kind of like what we all are or he has some
00:18:37.763 --> 00:18:39.998
Developmental limitations."
00:18:39.998 --> 00:18:41.366
But there are times that our children genuinely treat
00:18:41.366 --> 00:18:43.635
Us unjustly.
00:18:43.635 --> 00:18:45.003
And you know what god's word has to say about that?
00:18:45.003 --> 00:18:46.572
"blessed are you when you bear up under unjust treatment well."
00:18:46.572 --> 00:18:51.043
If you're punished for what you've done wrong and you bear
00:18:51.043 --> 00:18:53.779
Up under it, no big deal.
00:18:53.779 --> 00:18:55.614
But if you bear up under unjust treatment, even if that unjust
00:18:55.614 --> 00:18:58.483
Treatment comes from your own offspring, then it says that the
00:18:58.483 --> 00:19:02.020
Lord is your just judge and he will fight for you.
00:19:02.020 --> 00:19:04.990
We don't have to get our own back every time.
00:19:04.990 --> 00:19:07.392
We don't have to win every argument.
00:19:07.392 --> 00:19:09.061
We serve a good judge and father.
00:19:09.061 --> 00:19:11.330
Kirk: that's so good.
00:19:11.330 --> 00:19:12.664
That's why theology is important.
00:19:12.664 --> 00:19:14.032
That's why reading the bible is so critical, even
00:19:14.032 --> 00:19:15.834
For motherhood.
00:19:15.834 --> 00:19:17.769
Abbie, there is a trend in society right now
00:19:17.769 --> 00:19:20.639
Toward self-care.
00:19:20.639 --> 00:19:22.474
Self-care is huge and it sounds great because, well, if i fall
00:19:22.474 --> 00:19:27.679
Apart, i can't really help anybody.
00:19:27.679 --> 00:19:29.448
I'm no good as a mom or as a dad, but when does self-care get
00:19:29.448 --> 00:19:33.385
Out of balance?
00:19:33.385 --> 00:19:34.753
Abbie: so i was just listening to ephesians 6 this morning and
00:19:34.753 --> 00:19:37.356
It has that really controversial passage about wives submitting
00:19:37.356 --> 00:19:40.425
To their husbands and then the not so controversial part is
00:19:40.425 --> 00:19:43.195
Where husbands have to love their wives.
00:19:43.195 --> 00:19:45.063
And the thing that stuck out to me today was that it says, you
00:19:45.063 --> 00:19:51.303
Know, "love your wife as you love yourself for whatever man
00:19:51.303 --> 00:19:53.839
Ever hated himself?"
00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:55.874
There's this built in assumption in scripture that we love
00:19:55.874 --> 00:19:58.477
Ourselves already.
00:19:58.477 --> 00:19:59.878
That we are prioritizing ourselves.
00:19:59.878 --> 00:20:01.546
Kirk: love your neighbor as yourself.
00:20:01.546 --> 00:20:02.914
Abbie: right, exactly.
00:20:02.914 --> 00:20:04.249
So the idea is, we probably, whether we realize it or not,
00:20:04.249 --> 00:20:07.519
Are already prioritizing ourselves.
00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:10.522
And the mindset shift in scripture is not neglect
00:20:10.522 --> 00:20:16.561
Yourself, not treat yourself like junk, not push away all
00:20:16.561 --> 00:20:22.601
Wants and needs in favor of solely focusing on someone else,
00:20:22.601 --> 00:20:26.505
But instead, do those things like you already do and then
00:20:26.505 --> 00:20:32.244
Make them a way that you can serve others.
00:20:32.244 --> 00:20:35.147
So i'm not into skipping meals for moms.
00:20:35.147 --> 00:20:38.250
I mean, self-denial in that area only makes you a hungry mom
00:20:38.250 --> 00:20:41.320
Who's likely to shout at your children, right?
00:20:41.320 --> 00:20:43.689
So we're not looking at that kind of self-denial, but the
00:20:43.689 --> 00:20:46.425
Self-care movement goes beyond that.
00:20:46.425 --> 00:20:48.360
It says, "you deserve," fill in the blank, "a little treat,
00:20:48.360 --> 00:20:53.565
A break from your kids, to be pampered."
00:20:53.565 --> 00:20:56.134
Some sort of blissful experience that will transport you away
00:20:56.134 --> 00:20:59.271
From your current reality so you don't have to deal with
00:20:59.271 --> 00:21:00.972
It anymore.
00:21:00.972 --> 00:21:02.307
And the underlying assumption and message is if you get these
00:21:02.307 --> 00:21:06.244
Things, you will be one, a better mom and two, satisfied
00:21:06.244 --> 00:21:10.215
By them.
00:21:10.215 --> 00:21:11.550
But what we actually find out is that the more often that we
00:21:11.550 --> 00:21:15.320
Focus on ourselves, the more we feel like we have a hole that we
00:21:15.320 --> 00:21:19.758
Cannot fill.
00:21:19.758 --> 00:21:21.360
Whereas, when scripture says, "take up your cross daily and
00:21:21.360 --> 00:21:24.963
Follow me.
00:21:24.963 --> 00:21:26.331
The first shall be last and the last shall be first."
00:21:26.331 --> 00:21:28.767
He who tries to kind of push himself to the forefront ends at
00:21:28.767 --> 00:21:32.971
The end of the line.
00:21:32.971 --> 00:21:34.506
We find that that's true in motherhood as we pour ourselves
00:21:34.506 --> 00:21:37.042
Out to our family, the lord pours in his goodness, his
00:21:37.042 --> 00:21:40.912
Strength, his peace that surpasses all understanding,
00:21:40.912 --> 00:21:44.716
His enjoyment when things really shouldn't be enjoyable.
00:21:44.716 --> 00:21:48.153
And i think there's a contrast between self-care movement,
00:21:48.153 --> 00:21:51.523
Which is wholly secular, and then actually having care from
00:21:51.523 --> 00:21:56.862
The father and going to him and saying, i need not self-care
00:21:56.862 --> 00:22:01.433
Primarily, but soul care.
00:22:01.433 --> 00:22:03.402
Which is the contrast that helps us to reframe that into
00:22:03.402 --> 00:22:06.705
Something that says, caring for my state of being with my
00:22:06.705 --> 00:22:11.243
Heavenly father by prioritizing his word, prayer, his
00:22:11.243 --> 00:22:14.913
Principles, truth, as only he gives us in his word, will
00:22:14.913 --> 00:22:19.017
Always trump manicures and girls' nights out.
00:22:19.017 --> 00:22:21.920
Not that those are bad things, but they cannot satisfy.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:25.123
Kirk: yeah, yeah.
00:22:25.123 --> 00:22:26.892
Abbie, who are some wise moms either in scripture or in
00:22:26.892 --> 00:22:31.730
Society today that inspire you?
00:22:31.730 --> 00:22:35.066
Abbie: so i'm working on a new book which will round out the
00:22:35.066 --> 00:22:38.036
Trilogy that this one started.
00:22:38.036 --> 00:22:39.404
I actually got 13 wise moms to contribute to it.
00:22:39.404 --> 00:22:42.307
First and foremost, i would say my own mom.
00:22:42.307 --> 00:22:43.875
I am very, very blessed with a mother who uses god's word as
00:22:43.875 --> 00:22:48.346
Her guide, who faithfully serves him, who has had a lot of
00:22:48.346 --> 00:22:51.817
Hardship in her life, and yet has always declared god is good.
00:22:51.817 --> 00:22:56.154
And who, when i was a child and struggling with something was
00:22:56.154 --> 00:22:59.891
The first to say, "go to jesus.
00:22:59.891 --> 00:23:02.494
Go to jesus.
00:23:02.494 --> 00:23:03.829
Dig deep into jesus.
00:23:03.829 --> 00:23:05.197
Find what god's word says."
00:23:05.197 --> 00:23:07.098
Jennifer flanders is a mom of 12.
00:23:07.098 --> 00:23:08.800
That's my personal mentor.
00:23:08.800 --> 00:23:10.168
She does all of this editing for my book.
00:23:10.168 --> 00:23:11.636
She is fantastic.
00:23:11.636 --> 00:23:13.004
She is such a resource.
00:23:13.004 --> 00:23:14.339
Sally clarkson is wonderful.
00:23:14.339 --> 00:23:15.707
Heidi st. john is wonderful.
00:23:15.707 --> 00:23:17.042
I know you're gonna have her on.
00:23:17.042 --> 00:23:18.944
Ginger hubbard, i'm thinking of people that are in my upcoming
00:23:18.944 --> 00:23:22.681
Book, september mccarthy.
00:23:22.681 --> 00:23:24.449
So many names of women that have gone before that i look up to
00:23:24.449 --> 00:23:28.253
And so many people in my everyday life.
00:23:28.253 --> 00:23:30.088
I have an incredible community of moms that are tightest to
00:23:30.088 --> 00:23:34.159
Women that are pouring into younger women.
00:23:34.159 --> 00:23:36.094
I know a lot of people don't have that and i consider myself
00:23:36.094 --> 00:23:38.330
So privileged and honored to have that, but we need it.
00:23:38.330 --> 00:23:41.233
We need so much of that example so that we can say, "what do
00:23:41.233 --> 00:23:45.136
I do?
00:23:45.136 --> 00:23:46.505
Like, you've done this before, help."
00:23:46.505 --> 00:23:49.474
Kirk: and moms who not just speak messages of motherhood,
00:23:49.474 --> 00:23:55.013
But live motherhood in front of young moms, new moms.
00:23:55.013 --> 00:24:00.418
And i'm so excited that people have a chance to get a hold of
00:24:00.418 --> 00:24:04.656
"m is for mama."
00:24:04.656 --> 00:24:06.024
Abbie, thanks so much for coming on "takeaways."
00:24:06.024 --> 00:24:07.459
Abbie: yeah, thank you for having me.
00:24:07.459 --> 00:24:08.860
Kirk: up next, we have some encouraging words for moms as we
00:24:08.860 --> 00:24:12.264
Celebrate upcoming mother's day.
00:24:12.264 --> 00:24:14.299
And after the break, we'll be joined by bestselling author and
00:24:14.299 --> 00:24:17.202
Speaker heidi st. john.
00:24:17.202 --> 00:24:18.870
Kirk: what encouragement would you give to other moms who are
00:24:18.870 --> 00:24:22.974
Really struggling with all the demands of motherhood?
00:24:22.974 --> 00:24:26.077
Mary wiley: yeah, i would say the days are long, but the years
00:24:26.077 --> 00:24:28.880
Are short.
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:30.315
The days go--seem to drag on for hours and hours and hours and
00:24:30.315 --> 00:24:35.253
Days and months and yet our kids grow up so quickly.
00:24:35.253 --> 00:24:39.658
Heather lawless: god gave you these babies to take care of and
00:24:39.658 --> 00:24:42.260
To love and to cherish and it goes by in a heartbeat.
00:24:42.260 --> 00:24:45.564
So just remember that god's gonna give you the strength you
00:24:45.564 --> 00:24:47.866
Need, but it goes by fast and to cherish every moment of it.
00:24:47.866 --> 00:24:52.504
Kirk: you're not a mom.
00:24:52.504 --> 00:24:54.306
Kelly minter: right.
00:24:54.306 --> 00:24:55.640
Kirk: what would you say to the ladies listening who don't have
00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:59.277
Children on mother's day.
00:24:59.277 --> 00:25:01.212
Kelly: yeah, it historically can be a little bit of a difficult
00:25:01.212 --> 00:25:03.715
Day for people in my situation, but i would encourage those who
00:25:03.715 --> 00:25:10.188
Are in that situation that you can hold longing and the
00:25:10.188 --> 00:25:14.092
Sufficiency of christ at the same time and it is good to have
00:25:14.092 --> 00:25:18.496
A mother's heart.
00:25:18.496 --> 00:25:19.864
It is good to long for children.
00:25:19.864 --> 00:25:21.199
It's good to have that longing.
00:25:21.199 --> 00:25:22.534
And i think sometimes we just try to shove it and go, "well,
00:25:22.534 --> 00:25:24.502
If god's not gonna give it to me, i'm gonna shove that away."
00:25:24.502 --> 00:25:26.905
I feel so blessed and it can be a little hard sometimes and it's
00:25:26.905 --> 00:25:31.977
Okay for both of those things to be true at the same time.
00:25:31.977 --> 00:25:35.880
♪♪♪
00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:40.998
♪♪♪
00:25:40.998 --> 00:25:41.988
♪♪♪
00:25:42.088 --> 00:25:46.959
Kirk: we're really excited to have heidi st. john
00:25:48.961 --> 00:25:50.896
With us today.
00:25:50.896 --> 00:25:52.264
She's been teaching on marriage and family for more than
00:25:52.264 --> 00:25:54.367
20 years.
00:25:54.367 --> 00:25:55.735
She's written dozens of bible studies for her online ministry,
00:25:55.735 --> 00:25:59.271
"faith that speaks," and she's a bestselling author, a sought
00:25:59.271 --> 00:26:02.308
After speaker, and a mom to seven children.
00:26:02.308 --> 00:26:05.945
"momstrong 365" is a new devotional and her sixth book in
00:26:05.945 --> 00:26:10.650
The momstrong collection.
00:26:10.650 --> 00:26:11.984
Heidi, thanks so much for coming on "takeaways."
00:26:11.984 --> 00:26:13.486
Heidi: thanks for having me. i'm glad to be here.
00:26:13.486 --> 00:26:16.188
Kirk: well, i'm so glad that you're continuing to write in
00:26:16.188 --> 00:26:18.157
This momstrong collection of books and this is unique in that
00:26:18.157 --> 00:26:21.694
It's a everyday devotional, right?
00:26:21.694 --> 00:26:24.096
Heidi: yeah, yeah, and honestly, when tyndall asked me if i would
00:26:24.096 --> 00:26:27.166
Do a 365, i thought, absolutely.
00:26:27.166 --> 00:26:29.735
I read the bible every day.
00:26:29.735 --> 00:26:31.070
I'll have something to say, you know what i learned.
00:26:31.070 --> 00:26:33.039
I don't read my bible every day.
00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:35.541
I want to, but and there were days i didn't have anything
00:26:35.541 --> 00:26:38.010
To say.
00:26:38.010 --> 00:26:39.345
You know, my mom always told me, "if you don't have
00:26:39.345 --> 00:26:40.813
Anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
00:26:40.813 --> 00:26:42.148
And sometimes when you're parenting a bunch of children
00:26:42.148 --> 00:26:43.482
And shepherding adult children and looking after grandkids, you
00:26:43.482 --> 00:26:45.985
Don't have anything nice to say.
00:26:45.985 --> 00:26:47.720
So sometimes it would catch up to me, but i'm really happy with
00:26:47.720 --> 00:26:50.756
How it turned out.
00:26:50.756 --> 00:26:52.124
Kirk: well, i love that you've called this collection
00:26:52.124 --> 00:26:54.093
"momstrong" and in it, you encourage moms to be strong in
00:26:54.093 --> 00:26:57.630
The lord in all of these books.
00:26:57.630 --> 00:27:01.300
What motivated you to write this?
00:27:01.300 --> 00:27:03.903
Heidi: well, i think moms today are really facing hurdles that
00:27:03.903 --> 00:27:07.473
Previous generations didn't have to face, right?
00:27:07.473 --> 00:27:09.542
I mean, we're talking about issues with the gen zers and
00:27:09.542 --> 00:27:13.412
The gen xers that previous generations didn't even--we
00:27:13.412 --> 00:27:16.716
Weren't even talking about.
00:27:16.716 --> 00:27:18.050
Kirk: like what?
00:27:18.050 --> 00:27:19.418
Heidi: well, well, we don't know what a woman is
00:27:19.418 --> 00:27:20.753
Apparently anymore.
00:27:20.753 --> 00:27:22.121
I mean, i'm tackling all the cultural, i'm tackling all the
00:27:22.121 --> 00:27:23.956
Cultural issues in here and trying to encourage moms, you
00:27:23.956 --> 00:27:27.093
Have to know what you believe because you can't pass on what
00:27:27.093 --> 00:27:29.528
You don't possess.
00:27:29.528 --> 00:27:30.896
And so a lot of it is just encouraging moms to be strong in
00:27:30.896 --> 00:27:33.699
The lord, to know his word, right?
00:27:33.699 --> 00:27:35.768
Cause i'm observing an entire generation of christians who
00:27:35.768 --> 00:27:38.871
Know all of the lyrics to all the modern worship songs, but we
00:27:38.871 --> 00:27:41.373
Don't know god's word and we can't defend it.
00:27:41.373 --> 00:27:43.309
And so trying to get moms back into the word as their primary
00:27:43.309 --> 00:27:46.812
Source of encouragement and truth as they shepherd the
00:27:46.812 --> 00:27:49.548
Next generation.
00:27:49.548 --> 00:27:50.883
Kirk: this is so important.
00:27:50.883 --> 00:27:52.251
Now, i have three daughters, three sons.
00:27:52.251 --> 00:27:54.653
I got one granddaughter now.
00:27:54.653 --> 00:27:56.021
Heidi: it's amazing. it's amazing.
00:27:56.021 --> 00:27:58.023
Kirk: and, you know, my hope and dream is that all my daughters
00:27:58.023 --> 00:28:00.059
Are gonna become moms, but what i am seeing is that there's all
00:28:00.059 --> 00:28:03.629
Of this pop psychology that is just flowing through instagram
00:28:03.629 --> 00:28:07.466
And youtube and everything on how you ought to be a mom or how
00:28:07.466 --> 00:28:10.469
You ought to be a dad and there's gentle parenting and
00:28:10.469 --> 00:28:12.905
There's all of this crazy stuff and, you know, i think there's
00:28:12.905 --> 00:28:16.776
A tendency with young moms, particularly to think that the
00:28:16.776 --> 00:28:19.044
Older moms, "well, you know, that's back like when you guys
00:28:19.044 --> 00:28:20.780
Rode horses and stuff, and you know, like right after they
00:28:20.780 --> 00:28:23.249
Invented fire, you raised us."
00:28:23.249 --> 00:28:25.451
Heidi: they might not be wrong.
00:28:25.451 --> 00:28:26.819
Kirk: but now we've got, you know, we've got this pop
00:28:26.819 --> 00:28:29.455
Psychologist and ai and and siri can tell me everything i need
00:28:29.455 --> 00:28:32.224
To know.
00:28:32.224 --> 00:28:33.559
And they're not seeing the bible as a coaching training manual
00:28:33.559 --> 00:28:36.996
For young moms or young dads.
00:28:36.996 --> 00:28:39.265
And that's really concerning.
00:28:39.265 --> 00:28:40.599
Heidi: well, this has been a problem for a long time.
00:28:40.599 --> 00:28:42.835
And when i was raising, you know, my oldest daughter is in
00:28:42.835 --> 00:28:45.971
Her mid-thirties now.
00:28:45.971 --> 00:28:47.606
And when she was young, my husband was pastoring in
00:28:47.606 --> 00:28:50.109
Portland, oregon, and one of the staffers came to our house for
00:28:50.109 --> 00:28:54.213
Lunch and i was showing my collection of parenting
00:28:54.213 --> 00:28:56.882
Books, right?
00:28:56.882 --> 00:28:58.217
They're all out on the table.
00:28:58.217 --> 00:28:59.585
And this pastor's wife, who i loved, still do, she looked at
00:28:59.585 --> 00:29:02.721
Me and she said, "well, heidi, there's one book
00:29:02.721 --> 00:29:04.056
That's missing."
00:29:04.056 --> 00:29:05.424
And i'm like, "well, what is it?
00:29:05.424 --> 00:29:06.759
I'm ready to write it down right?"
00:29:06.759 --> 00:29:08.127
She's like, "i don't see a bible.
00:29:08.127 --> 00:29:09.461
Like, i don't see a bible anywhere on your coffee table."
00:29:09.461 --> 00:29:11.630
And it wasn't like i don't read the bible, but i wasn't looking
00:29:11.630 --> 00:29:13.933
At it as a manual for loving my children well and shepherding
00:29:13.933 --> 00:29:18.237
My children.
00:29:18.237 --> 00:29:19.572
And she said something so profound to me that stuck
00:29:19.572 --> 00:29:20.940
With me.
00:29:20.940 --> 00:29:22.274
She said, "if you didn't have access to any of these other
00:29:22.274 --> 00:29:24.343
Books and all you had access to was the bible would be enough."
00:29:24.343 --> 00:29:27.646
It would be enough and it changed my life.
00:29:27.646 --> 00:29:29.815
Kirk: absolutely.
00:29:29.815 --> 00:29:31.183
It is and that's exciting to me because there's so
00:29:31.183 --> 00:29:32.618
Many books to read.
00:29:32.618 --> 00:29:33.953
There's no end to the number of books that you can read
00:29:33.953 --> 00:29:35.621
And publishers make a living off of printing a lot.
00:29:35.621 --> 00:29:36.956
I'm like, do we really need all these books?
00:29:36.956 --> 00:29:38.424
Do we need all of heidi st. john's six books, seven, eight
00:29:38.424 --> 00:29:41.760
Books in the series?
00:29:41.760 --> 00:29:43.429
Probably, but if we didn't have them and we had the bible, we'd
00:29:43.429 --> 00:29:46.265
Have enough.
00:29:46.265 --> 00:29:47.633
Heidi: it would be enough.
00:29:47.633 --> 00:29:48.968
Kirk: and i know that that's what you're ultimately directing
00:29:48.968 --> 00:29:50.536
People to, as you're saying, "moms, get strong in the lord,
00:29:50.536 --> 00:29:53.806
Know your bibles, understand what he says about loving and
00:29:53.806 --> 00:29:56.508
Caring for your children from the word of god because that's
00:29:56.508 --> 00:29:59.245
Where the power is.
00:29:59.245 --> 00:30:00.579
Heidi: that's where the power is and also it's where common sense
00:30:00.579 --> 00:30:02.548
Is found.
00:30:02.548 --> 00:30:03.916
The spirit of the living god who spoke through the men who wrote
00:30:03.916 --> 00:30:07.253
God's word and it gives us everything that we need, right?
00:30:07.253 --> 00:30:09.989
The bible says that everything that is contained in god's word
00:30:09.989 --> 00:30:12.458
Is what we need to cut through all the garbage is in the
00:30:12.458 --> 00:30:14.493
Culture right now.
00:30:14.493 --> 00:30:15.828
And it helps us to navigate with our children the culture which
00:30:15.828 --> 00:30:19.298
Is shifting, right?
00:30:19.298 --> 00:30:20.666
The sands are always shifting, but god's word doesn't change.
00:30:20.666 --> 00:30:23.369
It'll stay the same.
00:30:23.369 --> 00:30:24.703
Kirk: and do you think god's word has ability to deal with
00:30:24.703 --> 00:30:31.477
Things like facebook and tiktok and snapchat?
00:30:31.477 --> 00:30:34.713
Heidi: i do.
00:30:34.713 --> 00:30:36.081
Kirk: when it wasn't invented or a thing back when the
00:30:36.081 --> 00:30:37.549
Bible was written?
00:30:37.549 --> 00:30:38.884
Heidi: and all the things yet to be invented that
00:30:38.884 --> 00:30:40.219
Have not been invented.
00:30:40.219 --> 00:30:41.553
Kirk: well, how is that possible?
00:30:41.553 --> 00:30:42.888
Heidi: that our kids are going to face, right?
00:30:42.888 --> 00:30:44.223
I don't know how it's possible, but you know it's gonna happen
00:30:44.223 --> 00:30:45.925
Because we're living in a day and age right now where people
00:30:45.925 --> 00:30:48.160
Are asking questions and i'm like scratching my head going,
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:50.229
"five minutes ago we all agreed on this thing and now it's up
00:30:50.229 --> 00:30:52.665
For debate."
00:30:52.665 --> 00:30:53.999
And god's word settles those things.
00:30:53.999 --> 00:30:55.334
I mean, all of the issues that we are talking about in the
00:30:55.334 --> 00:30:57.569
Culture right now have already been settled by the word of god.
00:30:57.569 --> 00:30:59.772
Kirk: isn't that great?
00:30:59.772 --> 00:31:01.106
That demonstrates to me the timeless quality of the book,
00:31:01.106 --> 00:31:03.542
Which points to the god outside of time who knows all of this
00:31:03.542 --> 00:31:07.646
Stuff and is not surprised by any of it.
00:31:07.646 --> 00:31:09.782
Okay, heidi, in one of your devotionals here, you talk about
00:31:09.782 --> 00:31:13.285
The pollyanna principle where you talk to moms about shifting
00:31:13.285 --> 00:31:18.424
Their perspective and how perspective is everything.
00:31:18.424 --> 00:31:20.859
Can you unpack that?
00:31:20.859 --> 00:31:22.194
Heidi: yeah, i think when you, i think sometimes and this is
00:31:22.194 --> 00:31:24.563
Absolutely true with social media, right?
00:31:24.563 --> 00:31:26.799
We have this sort of pollyanna look, moms do, right?
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:29.401
And we're instagramming.
00:31:29.401 --> 00:31:30.769
Kirk: it's when pollyanna for generations who never
00:31:30.769 --> 00:31:32.104
Saw anything.
00:31:32.104 --> 00:31:33.472
Heidi: it's the glad game, right?
00:31:33.472 --> 00:31:34.807
If i just, if i can look out the window and see things the way
00:31:34.807 --> 00:31:37.242
That they should be, then that's the way that they will
00:31:37.242 --> 00:31:40.012
Be, right?
00:31:40.012 --> 00:31:41.380
But we recognize, because the story of pollyanna, boy, it
00:31:41.380 --> 00:31:43.916
Didn't work out for her, but she had a perspective that changed
00:31:43.916 --> 00:31:46.352
The way that she saw her circumstances.
00:31:46.352 --> 00:31:48.721
What i want moms to see is what god is doing, right?
00:31:48.721 --> 00:31:51.557
And so we can look beyond our circumstances 'cause bad days
00:31:51.557 --> 00:31:54.259
Don't make bad moms, right?
00:31:54.259 --> 00:31:55.627
And i've raised enough kids to know that you're gonna have
00:31:55.627 --> 00:31:57.763
Bad days.
00:31:57.763 --> 00:31:59.098
Sometimes you've got a series of bad days.
00:31:59.098 --> 00:32:00.466
Sometimes you might have a bad week or a bad month or heaven
00:32:00.466 --> 00:32:02.401
Forbid, a bad year.
00:32:02.401 --> 00:32:03.802
But the truth is, god is always doing something behind
00:32:03.802 --> 00:32:06.839
The scenes.
00:32:06.839 --> 00:32:08.173
And motherhood is every bit as much about the mom as it is
00:32:08.173 --> 00:32:11.076
About her children.
00:32:11.076 --> 00:32:12.411
And sometimes i think even more.
00:32:12.411 --> 00:32:13.779
And so if moms can get a hold of that principle and really allow
00:32:13.779 --> 00:32:17.182
It to shape them and shape their parenting, all of a sudden, the
00:32:17.182 --> 00:32:21.286
World looks a little bit different because you're not
00:32:21.286 --> 00:32:22.855
Seeing it through the lens of social media or through someone
00:32:22.855 --> 00:32:24.790
Who's posting their a reel on instagram, right?
00:32:24.790 --> 00:32:27.026
That's what we're doing with our devotions now.
00:32:27.026 --> 00:32:29.128
I kind of wish we'd stop doing that.
00:32:29.128 --> 00:32:30.763
I wish we'd stop because it's not real life.
00:32:30.763 --> 00:32:33.332
Real life looks a lot like me sitting at home with a nursing
00:32:33.332 --> 00:32:36.935
Baby on my lap and kids might be arguing on the floor and someone
00:32:36.935 --> 00:32:39.972
Who's trying to get a math lesson done and someone else
00:32:39.972 --> 00:32:41.974
Who's, you know, tossing with their sister.
00:32:41.974 --> 00:32:44.410
I think that god's word is applicable for real life
00:32:44.410 --> 00:32:47.780
Situations and it ministers to moms right where they are.
00:32:47.780 --> 00:32:50.582
And that to me is the power of it.
00:32:50.582 --> 00:32:53.185
Kirk: in your book, do you give moms practical strategies for
00:32:53.185 --> 00:32:57.289
Strengthening relationships in their family?
00:32:57.289 --> 00:32:59.658
Heidi: yeah, absolutely.
00:32:59.658 --> 00:33:00.993
Well, i mean, there's 365 devotions in here.
00:33:00.993 --> 00:33:02.995
So every day of every day of the year, something different to
00:33:02.995 --> 00:33:05.731
Read, a different scripture, a different topic.
00:33:05.731 --> 00:33:07.833
And i'm trying to tackle all of the important things.
00:33:07.833 --> 00:33:10.235
I'm talking about marriage, why it's so important to put your
00:33:10.235 --> 00:33:12.538
Marriage in front of your children.
00:33:12.538 --> 00:33:14.373
Well, it's not popular right now, but i really believe that
00:33:14.373 --> 00:33:17.009
God's word teaches at the marriage outside of our
00:33:17.009 --> 00:33:19.044
Relationship with the lord, the marriage is the primary
00:33:19.044 --> 00:33:21.213
Relationship in the home.
00:33:21.213 --> 00:33:22.581
So we nurture the marriage first and out of an overflow of what
00:33:22.581 --> 00:33:25.584
God does between me and my husband, we pour into
00:33:25.584 --> 00:33:27.920
Our children.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:29.288
And out of an overflow of what god does in our healthy home,
00:33:29.288 --> 00:33:31.323
Then we pour into our community, into our church, into, you know,
00:33:31.323 --> 00:33:34.793
For me it was writing or blogging or whatever it is,
00:33:34.793 --> 00:33:37.129
But we've got to honor god's priorities.
00:33:37.129 --> 00:33:38.730
And so i spent a lot of time talking about that.
00:33:38.730 --> 00:33:40.966
Kirk: this principle that you talk about.
00:33:40.966 --> 00:33:43.702
When you say to moms, "you were born for this."
00:33:43.702 --> 00:33:46.805
Why is this such an important theme to you?
00:33:46.805 --> 00:33:48.874
Heidi: well, i think it's kind of, it sort of overshadows my
00:33:48.874 --> 00:33:51.443
Whole life.
00:33:51.443 --> 00:33:52.778
It's why i wrote the first book in that series, "becoming
00:33:52.778 --> 00:33:54.246
Momstrong: how to fight with all that's in you for your family
00:33:54.246 --> 00:33:56.381
And your faith."
00:33:56.381 --> 00:33:57.749
And i came from a dysfunctional home.
00:33:57.749 --> 00:33:59.284
My parents divorced when i was 18-years-old.
00:33:59.284 --> 00:34:01.320
There was a lot of abuse in my home.
00:34:01.320 --> 00:34:03.455
And when i was pregnant with our oldest daughter, you might
00:34:03.455 --> 00:34:07.025
Remember doing this, kirk.
00:34:07.025 --> 00:34:08.393
I don't know if you and chelsea ever did this, but we
00:34:08.393 --> 00:34:10.028
Did childbirth education classes, right?
00:34:10.028 --> 00:34:11.630
They're the ones where they lie to you and they tell you if you
00:34:11.630 --> 00:34:14.032
Breathe a certain way, it won't hurt.
00:34:14.032 --> 00:34:15.734
Kirk: yeah, the moms classes.
00:34:15.734 --> 00:34:17.102
Heidi: right, right, those classes.
00:34:17.102 --> 00:34:18.437
And so we're in these classes, the very, very last week of
00:34:18.437 --> 00:34:20.506
These classes and i have this, you know, ginormous belly.
00:34:20.506 --> 00:34:23.275
I'm looking down and i've never had a baby before and everyone
00:34:23.275 --> 00:34:25.978
Leaves the class that night except for me and my husband.
00:34:25.978 --> 00:34:28.714
We're sitting on the couch and nola spalding is sitting next to
00:34:28.714 --> 00:34:32.117
Me and i just start crying.
00:34:32.117 --> 00:34:33.919
And she's like, "heidi, you know, you're all right.
00:34:33.919 --> 00:34:36.588
You were born for this."
00:34:36.588 --> 00:34:37.923
She was trying to tell me how my body was gonna work.
00:34:37.923 --> 00:34:39.525
Kirk: yeah, god made you this.
00:34:39.525 --> 00:34:40.859
Heidi: yeah, she had no idea.
00:34:40.859 --> 00:34:42.194
I wasn't afraid of the physical part of having a baby.
00:34:42.194 --> 00:34:44.296
I'd never had a baby.
00:34:44.296 --> 00:34:45.664
I didn't know to be afraid.
00:34:45.664 --> 00:34:46.999
That came later.
00:34:46.999 --> 00:34:48.333
I was afraid i wasn't gonna be a good mom.
00:34:48.333 --> 00:34:50.202
I was afraid that the way i saw parenting modeled was how i was
00:34:50.202 --> 00:34:54.139
Gonna parent my own children and that my unborn baby was gonna
00:34:54.139 --> 00:34:57.442
Grow up to fear me the way i feared my father.
00:34:57.442 --> 00:34:59.845
And all of these emotions were just cascading down.
00:34:59.845 --> 00:35:04.183
And she said, "heidi, you don't know who you are.
00:35:04.183 --> 00:35:07.186
You've been redeemed.
00:35:07.186 --> 00:35:08.520
You were born for this.
00:35:08.520 --> 00:35:09.888
God set you free and he's gonna do something new in
00:35:09.888 --> 00:35:12.724
This generation."
00:35:12.724 --> 00:35:14.092
And the lord made a promise to me and he's kept it through this
00:35:14.092 --> 00:35:17.663
Generation and now i'm seeing it in the next generation because
00:35:17.663 --> 00:35:20.766
We've got grandkids now.
00:35:20.766 --> 00:35:22.167
But the moment that nola said to me, "you were born for this," it
00:35:22.167 --> 00:35:26.705
Reminded me i was born for--i could've been born 100 years ago
00:35:26.705 --> 00:35:30.542
Or you could have, right, or 100 years from now.
00:35:30.542 --> 00:35:32.711
But god in his providence said, "no, this is the time."
00:35:32.711 --> 00:35:35.714
This is your time.
00:35:35.714 --> 00:35:37.049
This is the time.
00:35:37.049 --> 00:35:38.417
God put us right here and this is our time.
00:35:38.417 --> 00:35:39.751
So the question is, "father, what do you want us to do
00:35:39.751 --> 00:35:41.386
With the time that you've given us?"
00:35:41.386 --> 00:35:42.754
And for mothers, we know for sure that the moment god gives
00:35:42.754 --> 00:35:47.059
Us little one to shepherd and steward, that is our calling for
00:35:47.059 --> 00:35:50.429
That season, for that time and it is a precious responsibility.
00:35:50.429 --> 00:35:53.665
And moms need to know, you're the right mom for your kids.
00:35:53.665 --> 00:35:56.835
God gave them to you.
00:35:56.835 --> 00:35:58.170
He didn't give them to somebody else.
00:35:58.170 --> 00:35:59.504
He gave them to you.
00:35:59.504 --> 00:36:00.872
And for some reason, god gave heidi st. john, a woman
00:36:00.872 --> 00:36:02.341
Who cannot keep house plants alive, seven children, right?
00:36:02.341 --> 00:36:05.410
It's a miracle. [laughs]
00:36:05.410 --> 00:36:07.479
Kirk: that's right. water them weekly.
00:36:07.479 --> 00:36:10.182
Heidi: that's right. it's true.
00:36:10.182 --> 00:36:11.650
[laughs]
00:36:11.650 --> 00:36:13.018
Kirk: there's so much more that i wanna get into.
00:36:13.018 --> 00:36:14.686
Next, we're gonna hear from a few more moms sharing their
00:36:14.686 --> 00:36:17.155
Thoughts on this upcoming mother's day and then we'll be
00:36:17.155 --> 00:36:19.691
Back to talk with heidi right after the break.
00:36:19.691 --> 00:36:22.361
Kirk: what's something that you wish someone had told you as
00:36:22.361 --> 00:36:26.999
A young mother that you could tell someone now?
00:36:26.999 --> 00:36:30.969
Jennifer rothschild: i wish as a young mom someone had said to
00:36:30.969 --> 00:36:33.105
Me, "jennifer, you do not need to be a perfect mom.
00:36:33.105 --> 00:36:36.074
You just need to be an honest one."
00:36:36.074 --> 00:36:37.442
One of my things was because of blindness i could not see my
00:36:37.442 --> 00:36:42.347
Kids and i always felt like, "oh i hope i'm giving them what
00:36:42.347 --> 00:36:45.183
They need.
00:36:45.183 --> 00:36:46.551
I hope they're getting everything they need and i wanna
00:36:46.551 --> 00:36:47.953
Be more powerful than weak and i wanna be strong and perfect
00:36:47.953 --> 00:36:51.256
For them."
00:36:51.256 --> 00:36:52.924
And what i realized looking back and i wish someone had told me
00:36:52.924 --> 00:36:56.061
Is, "oh no, your power is in your honesty.
00:36:56.061 --> 00:37:00.065
Your influence is in your authenticity."
00:37:00.065 --> 00:37:03.068
So be dependent on god and trust him and be honest with your kids
00:37:03.068 --> 00:37:08.140
And that's gonna be the best upbringing they can have.
00:37:08.140 --> 00:37:10.809
Katherine wolf: what we are able to give our children through our
00:37:10.809 --> 00:37:15.647
Suffering is the greatest gift because our suffering is
00:37:15.647 --> 00:37:20.018
Teaching them how to live.
00:37:20.018 --> 00:37:22.421
Their father chauffeuring their mother around and taking her
00:37:22.421 --> 00:37:26.858
Everywhere and doing everything is showing my little boys what
00:37:26.858 --> 00:37:30.762
It means to be a man and that's powerful.
00:37:30.762 --> 00:37:34.266
Lisa harper: be their loudest cheerleader.
00:37:34.266 --> 00:37:37.369
My daughter went away for the first time last week, her 8th
00:37:37.369 --> 00:37:40.038
Grade trip to washington dc.
00:37:40.038 --> 00:37:41.907
And i was at the airport with balloons and flowers jumping up
00:37:41.907 --> 00:37:45.811
And down when she came through and she's 15, so she got just
00:37:45.811 --> 00:37:49.448
A little bit like, "mom."
00:37:49.448 --> 00:37:51.516
But she also was so proud she kept the flowers and she said,
00:37:51.516 --> 00:37:55.754
"mom, thank you for cheering for me."
00:37:55.754 --> 00:37:57.723
Life has some, some really sharp edges and so i'd say be your
00:37:57.723 --> 00:38:02.594
Kid's biggest cheer.
00:38:02.594 --> 00:38:04.463
It's what god does for us, right?
00:38:04.463 --> 00:38:06.331
♪♪♪
00:38:06.331 --> 00:38:11.370
♪♪♪
00:38:11.650 --> 00:38:16.689
Kirk: we're back with popular speaker and author,
00:38:18.691 --> 00:38:21.127
Heidi st. john.
00:38:21.127 --> 00:38:22.495
All right, heidi, i wanna get into some more of these
00:38:22.495 --> 00:38:24.163
Devotional thoughts for moms to make the moms strong.
00:38:24.163 --> 00:38:27.600
You talk to moms about the importance of teaching their
00:38:27.600 --> 00:38:30.569
Children to not give in to fear and panic and how praise is the
00:38:30.569 --> 00:38:36.075
Antidote to fear.
00:38:36.075 --> 00:38:38.811
Can you unpack that?
00:38:38.811 --> 00:38:40.146
Heidi: well, i think that's what god says, right?
00:38:40.146 --> 00:38:41.514
He says that god didn't give us the spirit of fear, so what do
00:38:41.514 --> 00:38:44.016
We know right away about fear?
00:38:44.016 --> 00:38:45.484
That's why i was telling my children, fear is a spirit.
00:38:45.484 --> 00:38:48.020
And the bible says it's not from him.
00:38:48.020 --> 00:38:49.822
So if it's not from god, then we have power, we have authority
00:38:49.822 --> 00:38:53.659
Because of god to overcome it.
00:38:53.659 --> 00:38:54.994
So god didn't give us a spirit of fear.
00:38:54.994 --> 00:38:56.362
What did he give us?
00:38:56.362 --> 00:38:57.696
Power, love, and a sound mind.
00:38:57.696 --> 00:38:59.131
And the way that we pass that on to our kids, kirk, this is the
00:38:59.131 --> 00:39:01.367
Most important thing because moms need to really wrap their
00:39:01.367 --> 00:39:03.102
Hearts around this.
00:39:03.102 --> 00:39:04.537
We pass these things on by modeling.
00:39:04.537 --> 00:39:06.772
It's much more, i mean, you know this, you guys have raised
00:39:06.772 --> 00:39:09.008
A bunch of kids.
00:39:09.008 --> 00:39:10.376
It's much more than the words that we say.
00:39:10.376 --> 00:39:12.311
It's the life that we live.
00:39:12.311 --> 00:39:13.646
It's how we react to certain situations, right?
00:39:13.646 --> 00:39:16.048
And we can't pass on what we don't possess.
00:39:16.048 --> 00:39:18.551
And i think we've seen a generation or maybe two or three
00:39:18.551 --> 00:39:22.221
Of parents who've been taught by the church that we go to church
00:39:22.221 --> 00:39:25.090
And the pastor suits us up for war, right?
00:39:25.090 --> 00:39:27.092
We go to church and he helps us drop on the armor of god, right?
00:39:27.092 --> 00:39:30.029
And hands us back the shield of faith.
00:39:30.029 --> 00:39:32.431
And then throughout the week, we sort of, you know, we drop the
00:39:32.431 --> 00:39:34.633
Shield and we put down the sword and we get a little tired and
00:39:34.633 --> 00:39:37.703
Our bible gets dusty and then we dust it off and we drag the
00:39:37.703 --> 00:39:40.206
Armor back to church and our pastor suits us up for
00:39:40.206 --> 00:39:42.608
War again.
00:39:42.608 --> 00:39:43.943
We've done the same thing with our children.
00:39:43.943 --> 00:39:45.311
But god says that the responsibility to pass on these
00:39:45.311 --> 00:39:47.479
Things belongs to parents.
00:39:47.479 --> 00:39:49.682
That he actually belongs--he gave that job to us and he's the
00:39:49.682 --> 00:39:52.985
One who's gonna empower us to shepherd our children
00:39:52.985 --> 00:39:55.921
Through it.
00:39:55.921 --> 00:39:57.289
And if our kids can see us, i just think this is--it's so
00:39:57.289 --> 00:39:59.758
Powerful 'cause i'm seeing it play out in my life now as my
00:39:59.758 --> 00:40:02.494
Kids are stepping onto the stage as adults.
00:40:02.494 --> 00:40:05.531
I'm watching that the things that they say around the dinner
00:40:05.531 --> 00:40:08.100
Table and we all get together or the campfires we have at our
00:40:08.100 --> 00:40:10.202
House on the weekends or whatever, they're starting to
00:40:10.202 --> 00:40:13.172
Learn for themselves that if they want their children to walk
00:40:13.172 --> 00:40:16.642
With the lord, they have to do it first.
00:40:16.642 --> 00:40:19.078
And that's the most important thing parents can teach
00:40:19.078 --> 00:40:20.880
Their children.
00:40:20.880 --> 00:40:22.214
We teach them by example.
00:40:22.214 --> 00:40:23.582
I could be wrong on the person, but i think it was saint francis
00:40:23.582 --> 00:40:25.517
Of assisi who said, "preach the gospel at all times and if
00:40:25.517 --> 00:40:27.953
Necessary, use words."
00:40:27.953 --> 00:40:29.688
And he was saying exactly the same thing.
00:40:29.688 --> 00:40:32.024
He was saying, our lives should speak for the gospel.
00:40:32.024 --> 00:40:34.760
And when we do that, i think that's when we start to see kids
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:37.596
Who go, "oh, this is what it looks like," right?
00:40:37.596 --> 00:40:39.899
'cause they're gonna encounter bumps in their own lives.
00:40:39.899 --> 00:40:42.401
And i mean, jay and i have encountered lots of bumps in our
00:40:42.401 --> 00:40:44.770
35 years of marriage and our kids have watched us walk
00:40:44.770 --> 00:40:48.040
Through those things.
00:40:48.040 --> 00:40:49.375
Sometimes we stumble and fall, sometimes we don't do it
00:40:49.375 --> 00:40:50.943
Perfectly, but we know to go to the lord when we don't have the
00:40:50.943 --> 00:40:54.146
Answers and cry out to him.
00:40:54.146 --> 00:40:55.581
Kirk: yeah, yeah.
00:40:55.581 --> 00:40:56.949
We could talk about this all day, but my wife says this all
00:40:56.949 --> 00:40:59.351
The time, "more is caught than taught."
00:40:59.351 --> 00:41:01.320
Kids are playing follow the leader.
00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:02.922
You're the leader.
00:41:02.922 --> 00:41:04.990
Be a portrait of the desired destination.
00:41:04.990 --> 00:41:09.028
And that's exactly right.
00:41:09.028 --> 00:41:10.596
Even when we blow it as parents, actually, that's a great
00:41:10.596 --> 00:41:14.934
Opportunity to model and lead your children in the art
00:41:14.934 --> 00:41:17.569
Of repentance.
00:41:17.569 --> 00:41:19.305
Let them watch you say, "i'm so embarrassed and i'm so terribly
00:41:19.305 --> 00:41:25.044
Sorry for what i did.
00:41:25.044 --> 00:41:26.378
This was wrong.
00:41:26.378 --> 00:41:27.746
Would you please forgive me?"
00:41:27.746 --> 00:41:29.081
Heidi: and you don't know what impact it's gonna have later
00:41:29.081 --> 00:41:30.616
On down the road.
00:41:30.616 --> 00:41:31.984
There was a moment in time, this is a long time ago, when our
00:41:31.984 --> 00:41:35.387
Oldest started, i think was probably around 14-years-old.
00:41:35.387 --> 00:41:37.356
And jay and i had it in our hearts that we were gonna be the
00:41:37.356 --> 00:41:39.625
Cool family, right?
00:41:39.625 --> 00:41:40.960
We're gonna have the foosball table in our basement and all
00:41:40.960 --> 00:41:42.661
The kids are gonna want to come hang out at our house.
00:41:42.661 --> 00:41:44.430
We just didn't realize we're gonna get older and we want
00:41:44.430 --> 00:41:46.332
To go to bed.
00:41:46.332 --> 00:41:47.700
We didn't realize we're gonna have more kids and we're like,
00:41:47.700 --> 00:41:49.301
"okay, never mind, 8 o'clock, heidi and jay are wheels
00:41:49.301 --> 00:41:51.070
Up, right?
00:41:51.070 --> 00:41:52.404
And the kids were making all kinds of noise in the kitchen
00:41:52.404 --> 00:41:54.006
And i was like, "hey guys, be quiet.
00:41:54.006 --> 00:41:55.374
You know, you're gonna wake up the baby.
00:41:55.374 --> 00:41:56.775
You wake her, you take her, you know."
00:41:56.775 --> 00:41:58.143
And like the fifth time, i don't know why i thought these 15 kids
00:41:58.143 --> 00:42:00.245
Would be quiet in my kitchen.
00:42:00.245 --> 00:42:01.747
But about the fifth time that i went out to the kitchen that
00:42:01.747 --> 00:42:04.049
Night, kirk, i'm embarrassed to say, i mean, i lost my cool on
00:42:04.049 --> 00:42:07.686
All these kids.
00:42:07.686 --> 00:42:09.054
There's like kids from the homeschool co-op and kids
00:42:09.054 --> 00:42:10.389
From the youth group.
00:42:10.389 --> 00:42:11.757
And it was like a scene from "the exorcist."
00:42:11.757 --> 00:42:13.092
Man, i was like, "be quiet."
00:42:13.092 --> 00:42:14.626
You know, i'm just tired and out of patience and rude.
00:42:14.626 --> 00:42:19.131
And all the kids were like, "whoa."
00:42:19.131 --> 00:42:20.733
You know, "this is st. john's coming unhinged," right?
00:42:20.733 --> 00:42:22.668
So they all went downstairs and i went back and got into bed and
00:42:22.668 --> 00:42:25.437
The holy spirit was like, "uh-uh, oh no.
00:42:25.437 --> 00:42:28.774
If you're gonna do that in front of your kids as friends, you can
00:42:28.774 --> 00:42:31.276
Go down and apologize in front of them."
00:42:31.276 --> 00:42:33.645
And it's like the holy spirit, like this loving father like
00:42:33.645 --> 00:42:35.914
Shepherds us, right, all through our whole lives.
00:42:35.914 --> 00:42:38.050
Kirk: and all that's important because they may have learned
00:42:38.050 --> 00:42:40.119
A more important lesson through your apology than learning to be
00:42:40.119 --> 00:42:44.490
Quiet at midnight and somebody else's house.
00:42:44.490 --> 00:42:45.824
Heidi: a hundred percent.
00:42:45.824 --> 00:42:47.192
And i went downstairs and i knocked on the door and i was
00:42:47.192 --> 00:42:48.994
Like, "i'm back," you know.
00:42:48.994 --> 00:42:50.662
And the kids are like, "ew."
00:42:50.662 --> 00:42:52.031
Kirk: "oh, no. not again."
00:42:52.031 --> 00:42:54.733
Heidi: "not again."
00:42:54.733 --> 00:42:56.068
And i just looked at savannah and i said, "honey,
00:42:56.068 --> 00:42:57.436
I am so sorry.
00:42:57.436 --> 00:42:58.771
I am so sorry i blew it."
00:42:58.771 --> 00:43:00.139
And i look over in the corner and savannah, of course, you
00:43:00.139 --> 00:43:01.774
Know, i hugged her, i apologized to all of her friends.
00:43:01.774 --> 00:43:03.242
I'm like, "please don't tell your parents that this happened.
00:43:03.242 --> 00:43:04.610
This will just be our little secret."
00:43:04.610 --> 00:43:05.978
I look in the corner and i see a 14-year-old girl and
00:43:05.978 --> 00:43:08.414
She's crying.
00:43:08.414 --> 00:43:09.782
And she's--and i say, "i'm so sorry, honey.
00:43:09.782 --> 00:43:12.217
I didn't mean to scare you."
00:43:12.217 --> 00:43:13.585
And she said, "no, you don't understand.
00:43:13.585 --> 00:43:14.920
I would give anything to hear my mom apologize just one time."
00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:19.058
And it turns out there's more power, i think, often in our
00:43:19.058 --> 00:43:21.360
Apology, kirk, than there is.
00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:23.062
And whether and if we just gloss it over and pretend like nothing
00:43:23.062 --> 00:43:25.631
Happened, god will use it.
00:43:25.631 --> 00:43:27.599
He honors that humility and that desire to make things right.
00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:30.769
Kirk: heidi, what are some of the scriptures that have helped
00:43:30.769 --> 00:43:33.372
You and strengthened you during the difficult challenging times
00:43:33.372 --> 00:43:36.742
Of motherhood?
00:43:36.742 --> 00:43:38.410
Heidi: i think it's knowing that god gives us wisdom when we need
00:43:38.410 --> 00:43:41.113
It, right?
00:43:41.113 --> 00:43:42.481
That's james 1, "if any of you lacks wisdom, all you gotta do
00:43:42.481 --> 00:43:44.750
Is ask god."
00:43:44.750 --> 00:43:46.118
And he's right there. he's ready.
00:43:46.118 --> 00:43:48.821
He'll give you the wisdom you need.
00:43:48.821 --> 00:43:50.155
Each one of our kids are different and you could,
00:43:50.155 --> 00:43:51.523
You know, i would call parenting a variation on a theme, right?
00:43:51.523 --> 00:43:53.192
We could have seven children and none of them respond to the same
00:43:53.192 --> 00:43:55.427
Discipline in the same way or the same correction or even the
00:43:55.427 --> 00:43:57.596
Same encouragement.
00:43:57.596 --> 00:43:58.964
And the other thing i think moms really need to know, and this
00:43:58.964 --> 00:44:01.100
Was so precious to me, is that the lord will never leave you
00:44:01.100 --> 00:44:04.636
And he'll never forsake you.
00:44:04.636 --> 00:44:05.971
That's isaiah 41:10, right?
00:44:05.971 --> 00:44:07.639
He says that he's never gonna go anywhere.
00:44:07.639 --> 00:44:09.541
And so it doesn't matter what you're going through.
00:44:09.541 --> 00:44:10.909
Maybe you're walking through a season with a prodigal or maybe
00:44:10.909 --> 00:44:13.579
You're up all night with a newborn and you think, "i can't
00:44:13.579 --> 00:44:15.614
Do this one more second," the lord says, "i didn't
00:44:15.614 --> 00:44:18.383
Go anywhere."
00:44:18.383 --> 00:44:19.718
He's available.
00:44:19.718 --> 00:44:21.086
He wants to talk to you, whether you've got a nursing baby on
00:44:21.086 --> 00:44:23.088
Your lap or you've got, you're waiting for your teenager at
00:44:23.088 --> 00:44:26.225
A soccer game.
00:44:26.225 --> 00:44:27.593
We can talk to the lord anytime and he'll give us wisdom
00:44:27.593 --> 00:44:30.395
And encouragement.
00:44:30.395 --> 00:44:31.730
And the energy and the strength that we need cause it's
00:44:31.730 --> 00:44:34.500
A big job.
00:44:34.500 --> 00:44:35.834
I mean, come on, you're shepherding kids right now.
00:44:35.834 --> 00:44:37.202
It's no joke because the enemy i think is really tearing down
00:44:37.202 --> 00:44:40.172
Families forcefully and purposefully and we have access
00:44:40.172 --> 00:44:44.109
To the living god.
00:44:44.109 --> 00:44:45.444
It's powerful. it's powerful.
00:44:45.444 --> 00:44:48.147
Kirk: you also talk about in "momstrong 365," the importance
00:44:48.147 --> 00:44:50.516
Of moms and dads seeing themselves as warriors fighting
00:44:50.516 --> 00:44:55.020
On behalf of their families.
00:44:55.020 --> 00:44:56.355
Why is that important?
00:44:56.355 --> 00:44:57.723
I think 'cause that's who god says we are.
00:44:57.723 --> 00:44:59.124
That's psalm 127, right?
00:44:59.124 --> 00:45:00.526
That your kids have been given to you, kirk, like arrows in the
00:45:00.526 --> 00:45:02.895
Hands of their warrior parents.
00:45:02.895 --> 00:45:04.696
And i always tell parents, "listen, we need more warriors
00:45:04.696 --> 00:45:07.633
And less worriers," right?
00:45:07.633 --> 00:45:09.801
It's so easy for us to worry about our kids, but god says,
00:45:09.801 --> 00:45:12.337
"you're a warrior."
00:45:12.337 --> 00:45:13.705
And so i was teaching on this years ago and a kid came back
00:45:13.705 --> 00:45:16.542
The next year to a conference that i was going at a repeat and
00:45:16.542 --> 00:45:19.211
He, instead of giving me a thank you note, dude he made me
00:45:19.211 --> 00:45:21.313
A sculpture.
00:45:21.313 --> 00:45:22.648
And it's beautiful.
00:45:22.648 --> 00:45:24.016
This illustration of a husband and a wife dressed in armor out
00:45:24.016 --> 00:45:27.686
On the battlefield and the husband is standing just
00:45:27.686 --> 00:45:30.355
A little bit in front of his wife, shield upright and you see
00:45:30.355 --> 00:45:32.858
Where the arrows of the enemy have penetrated his shield.
00:45:32.858 --> 00:45:36.395
And i'm not sitting behind him knitting a baby blanket.
00:45:36.395 --> 00:45:38.864
I've got my arm out, right, and the bow and i'm taking an arrow
00:45:38.864 --> 00:45:43.702
Out of that quiver and loading it into the bow.
00:45:43.702 --> 00:45:46.004
That's what god says it's like.
00:45:46.004 --> 00:45:47.639
We're on a battlefield.
00:45:47.639 --> 00:45:49.007
We don't wrestle against a flesh and blood enemy, right?
00:45:49.007 --> 00:45:51.677
And so god says, we need to be ready.
00:45:51.677 --> 00:45:53.212
And when we do it god's way, right?
00:45:53.212 --> 00:45:55.013
When you've got a husband and he understands his role as the head
00:45:55.013 --> 00:45:57.482
Of the home and the protector of his family and i understand my
00:45:57.482 --> 00:46:00.519
Role and we're getting ready to launch these arrows, it's
00:46:00.519 --> 00:46:04.089
A powerful illustration of what god wants to do with a husband
00:46:04.089 --> 00:46:07.526
And wife because we're part of a greater spiritual battle.
00:46:07.526 --> 00:46:10.195
And i think when we see ourselves that way, it reframes
00:46:10.195 --> 00:46:13.365
Parenting and it puts it in the light where it should be.
00:46:13.365 --> 00:46:15.901
I really believe that the restoration that we so
00:46:15.901 --> 00:46:18.237
Desperately need in this country needs to start at home.
00:46:18.237 --> 00:46:21.039
And it starts when moms again and dads realize how powerful
00:46:21.039 --> 00:46:24.943
It is.
00:46:24.943 --> 00:46:26.311
Mothers have been told for decades now, even generations,
00:46:26.311 --> 00:46:28.847
By the feminist movement that's really been lying to women that
00:46:28.847 --> 00:46:31.850
Motherhood is just a stop over on the highway of life, right?
00:46:31.850 --> 00:46:34.319
It's this thing that we do while we're getting ready to do the
00:46:34.319 --> 00:46:36.588
Important things in life, but motherhood is the important
00:46:36.588 --> 00:46:38.957
Thing, right?
00:46:38.957 --> 00:46:40.292
Fatherhood is the important thing.
00:46:40.292 --> 00:46:41.660
Marriage is the important thing and if we get back to focusing
00:46:41.660 --> 00:46:43.528
On what god says is important, i think we'd start to see
00:46:43.528 --> 00:46:46.665
Real reformation.
00:46:46.665 --> 00:46:48.000
The kind that changes hearts and lives and brings about
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:50.969
Restoration, it has to start at home.
00:46:50.969 --> 00:46:53.805
It has to start at home.
00:46:53.805 --> 00:46:55.173
And people that are modeling that right now, i think we're
00:46:55.173 --> 00:46:58.143
Gonna live to see, kirk, i mean, i'm here for it.
00:46:58.143 --> 00:47:00.712
I think we're gonna start to see stories of the next generation
00:47:00.712 --> 00:47:04.383
That are gonna reverberate long after we're gone.
00:47:04.383 --> 00:47:06.785
Kirk: yes, some of my favorite stories are stories of revival.
00:47:06.785 --> 00:47:10.255
We talk about the hebrides revival.
00:47:10.255 --> 00:47:11.723
We talk about the great awakening.
00:47:11.723 --> 00:47:13.325
You talk about these things that happened that changed the course
00:47:13.325 --> 00:47:15.927
Of families and nations.
00:47:15.927 --> 00:47:18.397
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could live to see another great
00:47:18.397 --> 00:47:22.301
Awakening in our country?
00:47:22.301 --> 00:47:23.635
And i agree with you.
00:47:23.635 --> 00:47:25.003
It's got to start in the heart, in the home, those that flow and
00:47:25.003 --> 00:47:29.141
Overflow to these greater circles of influence and we
00:47:29.141 --> 00:47:32.311
Might see a revival right here in america.
00:47:32.311 --> 00:47:34.246
Heidi: i'm here for it.
00:47:34.246 --> 00:47:35.614
People say it's too late.
00:47:35.614 --> 00:47:36.948
I don't think so at all.
00:47:36.948 --> 00:47:38.317
Kirk: not at all.
00:47:38.317 --> 00:47:39.651
Heidi: god can do anything.
00:47:39.651 --> 00:47:41.019
God can do anything.
00:47:41.019 --> 00:47:42.354
He's looking for people that will humble themselves and say,
00:47:42.354 --> 00:47:43.722
"father, we need your help.
00:47:43.722 --> 00:47:45.257
Come and help us."
00:47:45.257 --> 00:47:46.591
And he stands ready to help.
00:47:46.591 --> 00:47:47.959
He loves us. he loves us.
00:47:47.959 --> 00:47:50.662
Kirk: heidi, thank you so much for writing this book and for
00:47:50.662 --> 00:47:52.464
Coming on "takeaways."
00:47:52.464 --> 00:47:53.799
Heidi: thanks for having me.
00:47:53.799 --> 00:47:55.167
Kirk: after the break, we'll review today's "takeaways."
00:47:55.167 --> 00:47:57.836
♪♪♪
00:47:57.836 --> 00:48:03.376
♪♪♪
00:48:03.376 --> 00:48:04.409
♪♪♪
00:48:04.509 --> 00:48:07.245
Kirk: it was great to be joined by abbie halberstadt and
00:48:11.350 --> 00:48:14.453
Heidi st. john to talk about the opportunities moms and dads have
00:48:14.453 --> 00:48:18.657
In parenting today.
00:48:18.657 --> 00:48:20.025
Both shared important perspectives and sound advice
00:48:20.025 --> 00:48:23.628
For raising godly families.
00:48:23.628 --> 00:48:25.597
Here's my "takeaways."
00:48:25.597 --> 00:48:27.432
Develop family rhythms.
00:48:27.432 --> 00:48:29.534
This was good practical advice from abbie.
00:48:29.534 --> 00:48:32.237
She said that her family's simple routines like when and
00:48:32.237 --> 00:48:35.741
How they start their mornings, establishing group lunches, and
00:48:35.741 --> 00:48:39.044
Setting intentional clean up times help keep their
00:48:39.044 --> 00:48:42.381
Family sane.
00:48:42.381 --> 00:48:43.715
And i really valued her challenge to parents to bring
00:48:43.715 --> 00:48:47.119
Our kids with us wherever we go.
00:48:47.119 --> 00:48:49.454
Now sure that could be chaotic at times, but think about all
00:48:49.454 --> 00:48:53.191
The life skills they're learning along the way.
00:48:53.191 --> 00:48:56.161
This is also a good reminder that our children are watching
00:48:56.161 --> 00:48:59.231
Us and following our example.
00:48:59.231 --> 00:49:01.967
So how do we respond to people and to circumstances?
00:49:01.967 --> 00:49:05.203
They're watching.
00:49:05.203 --> 00:49:06.571
They'll learn what we say and how we say it.
00:49:06.571 --> 00:49:09.441
What we don't say and what we don't do.
00:49:09.441 --> 00:49:12.878
So think this week, what rhythms would be a help to your family
00:49:12.878 --> 00:49:16.848
And where can some of your kids come along with you this week?
00:49:16.848 --> 00:49:22.421
The reward of perspective.
00:49:22.421 --> 00:49:24.689
Abbie shared that after years of motherhood, she gained the
00:49:24.689 --> 00:49:27.659
Reward of a new perspective.
00:49:27.659 --> 00:49:30.328
With more years comes more wisdom from god who gives it
00:49:30.328 --> 00:49:33.965
Generously when we ask him, along with lessons learned while
00:49:33.965 --> 00:49:38.303
We parent in real time.
00:49:38.303 --> 00:49:40.605
So here's an encouragement for new parents.
00:49:40.605 --> 00:49:43.642
Practice makes perfect.
00:49:43.642 --> 00:49:45.777
You get better at it the more you do it.
00:49:45.777 --> 00:49:48.146
And for veteran parents, how have you seen god provide for
00:49:48.146 --> 00:49:52.651
Your journey as a mom or dad?
00:49:52.651 --> 00:49:55.353
Has he given you more wisdom?
00:49:55.353 --> 00:49:57.422
Do you now have more perspective, feeling less
00:49:57.422 --> 00:50:00.826
Stressed, and anxious than you used to?
00:50:00.826 --> 00:50:03.862
Developing a now friendship with your grown kids?
00:50:03.862 --> 00:50:07.532
Take time to thank god for being so faithful.
00:50:07.532 --> 00:50:12.270
You can't pass on what you don't possess.
00:50:12.270 --> 00:50:15.106
What a great point from heidi today challenging us to be
00:50:15.106 --> 00:50:19.144
Regular students of god's word ourselves and then living out
00:50:19.144 --> 00:50:22.414
The gospel that we speak of to our children.
00:50:22.414 --> 00:50:26.151
This includes not only modeling positive virtue to them, but
00:50:26.151 --> 00:50:29.821
Also admitting when we get things wrong, repenting of
00:50:29.821 --> 00:50:33.225
Our sin, and offering a sincere apology.
00:50:33.225 --> 00:50:37.062
Think tonight about how you can live out the sermon your
00:50:37.062 --> 00:50:41.066
Kids need to hear.
00:50:41.066 --> 00:50:43.902
Warriors over worriers.
00:50:43.902 --> 00:50:46.838
As parents, we often default to worrying about our kids because
00:50:46.838 --> 00:50:50.709
We love them and we want the best for them and we don't want
00:50:50.709 --> 00:50:53.311
Them to get hurt.
00:50:53.311 --> 00:50:54.646
But how powerful was that scriptural reminder from heidi
00:50:54.646 --> 00:50:57.983
Of psalm 127 that god created us as moms and dads to be warriors,
00:50:57.983 --> 00:51:04.222
Not worriers, and equipped us to raise our kids to live life
00:51:04.222 --> 00:51:08.827
God's way.
00:51:08.827 --> 00:51:10.161
He's also given us his promise that all things will work
00:51:10.161 --> 00:51:13.231
Together for good for those who love him and are the called
00:51:13.231 --> 00:51:17.002
According to his purpose.
00:51:17.002 --> 00:51:18.336
So if god keeps his promises and he does, what really is there to
00:51:18.336 --> 00:51:23.308
Worry about?
00:51:23.308 --> 00:51:25.644
That's all for this episode of "takeaways."
00:51:25.644 --> 00:51:27.712
Thanks for watching.
00:51:27.712 --> 00:51:29.047
And moms out there, happy mother's day.
00:51:29.047 --> 00:51:31.449
Remember, god has created you to be the mom for your kids.
00:51:31.449 --> 00:51:35.754
You were born for this, as heidi said.
00:51:35.754 --> 00:51:38.723
And if you've enjoyed the show, don't forget to set your dvr so
00:51:38.723 --> 00:51:41.860
You never miss an episode.
00:51:41.860 --> 00:51:43.295
And of course, you can always catch up on past episodes by
00:51:43.295 --> 00:51:46.598
Searching for "takeaways" on tbn+ or by visiting the kirk
00:51:46.598 --> 00:51:50.869
Cameron on tbn youtube channel.
00:51:50.869 --> 00:51:53.305
We'll see you here next time for more great conversations.
00:51:53.305 --> 00:51:58.109
♪♪♪
00:51:58.109 --> 00:52:03.181
♪♪♪
00:52:03.782 --> 00:52:03.782

Abbie Halberstadt & Heidi St. John: Strength and Honor for our Moms | Takeaways with Kirk Cameron

May 5, 2025

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