The Sex Talk | Better Together | TBN

The Sex Talk | Better Together

Watch The Sex Talk | Better Together
September 20, 2019
27:39

Is intimacy "just" sex? What are God's rules for physical intimacy? Let's talk about it. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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The Sex Talk | Better Together

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  • - Are you ready to have the talk?
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  • Today, we're answering tough questions about
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  • sex.
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  • (serene theme music)
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  • - Friends, we get to have a fun conversation today.
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  • I am so excited.
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  • - How fun?
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  • - Because it's honest conversation.
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  • And some people are afraid to touch some
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  • topics that might feel a little uncomfortable.
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  • But not this group of ladies.
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  • Us friends, we are gonna open up this
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  • fun box and just to make sure-
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  • - I'm gonna turn red.
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  • - Come on girls, come on girls.
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  • - Yes, Heather we are ready sister!
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  • - They're gonna go all in.
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  • I already know it.
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  • - We're gonna do a little Songs of Songs today, okay?
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  • For those that have some tender, gentle
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  • ears at home, we're just letting everyone know
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  • it's probably gonna be some PG,
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  • maybe even PG-13 conversation.
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  • - Send your kids in another room.
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  • - Yes, get your adult earbuds on, praise God.
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  • 'Cause we're gonna have some grown folks conversation.
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  • Today, I wanna talk about the topic of sex.
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  • And I wanna talk about sex before marriage,
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  • and sex after marriage, and what is-
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  • - There's sex before marriage?
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  • - There is, can you believe it?
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  • - Where is the world taking us?
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  • (laughs)
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  • - Right now, I'm seeing my age group
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  • and so many beneath saying,
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  • oh well, no, no, no, we're not engaged in sex.
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  • We're not doing this, we're not doing that.
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  • Because we have clintonialized the language
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  • of our modern culture to say- - That's real.
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  • - what is sex, and what isn't sex.
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  • - Now, explain clintonialized.
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  • - So, we have said
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  • only certain things are sex.
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  • Only certain things we would consider it to be intimacy.
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  • So we have vernacular like,
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  • oh we just hooked up.
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  • As in, they've had sex,
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  • but not in a monogamous relationship.
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  • - Are they're not calling it.
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  • - And they're not calling it sex.
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  • It's just a hookup; it's just a one night stand.
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  • Let's call it for what it is.
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  • And Heather, you had mentioned
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  • before even knowing Christ, you didn't even know
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  • that sex before marriage is wrong.
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  • What did you call it?
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  • - Fornification.
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  • (group laughs)
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  • I did; I literally did not know
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  • sex outside of marriage was wrong.
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  • And I love my mother to life.
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  • But she told me, if you're gonna have sex,
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  • get on birth control.
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  • So that's what I did.
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  • I was obedient.
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  • I didn't know, you know what I mean?
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  • And now we know, but I didn't.
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  • - A lot of parents say that to their kids erroneously.
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  • - I was never raised with that mindset.
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  • I wasn't raised really in the church
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  • to know that the Bible says flee fornication,
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  • sin clearly affects your body.
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  • I don't care what generation you're in.
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  • Having sex outside of marriage is damaging.
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  • Because the very spirit of God
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  • lives on the inside of you.
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  • It's dangerous to yoke yourself together
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  • with somebody that does not know Christ,
  • 00:02:50.210 --> 00:02:52.160
  • or even y'all are both believers.
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  • But you're not married; you're not committed.
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  • You're just having sex outside of marriage.
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  • What sex and intimacy does before marriage
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  • is it clouds your vision of that person.
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  • You have sex with them, and then you're like,
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  • you know, a month later you're like, wait.
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  • You're crazy?
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  • Yes, you blinded yourself.
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  • You know what I mean, by having sex outside of marriage.
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  • So, I will forever be an advocate
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  • for you know, and granted I was not
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  • a virgin when I got married.
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  • But when I realized how it was
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  • destroying my body, how I was yoking myself up together.
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  • I had all these soul ties and confusion
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  • with all these people.
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  • I had to step back and say, you know what,
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  • God I am going to be a born again virgin.
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  • And that's what I told my husband.
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  • I'm a born again virgin, and it's okay.
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  • All my sins are washed away.
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  • I'm not gonna keep repeating it.
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  • I'm not gonna beat myself up.
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  • I'm not gonna condemn myself.
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  • No, I'm a born again virgin,
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  • and I've learned from my mistakes.
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  • - This conversation around sex
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  • and sex before marriage, and is it okay,
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  • is it not okay, do we just not do it
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  • because the Bible says no.
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  • Listen, it's so much bigger.
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  • There is research coming out about
  • 00:03:52.090 --> 00:03:54.210
  • a chemical reaction that happens
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  • within two bodies coming together.
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  • From a spiritual standpoint,
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  • we might even use language as soul ties.
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  • That's when the spirit inside of you
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  • connects with the spirit inside of someone else.
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  • There is two souls intermingling.
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  • This is the power and the beauty
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  • that was designed to be in the context of marriage.
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  • But what happens is we're going out,
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  • and we're connecting with all these different people.
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  • It's glue coming together.
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  • Think of two pieces of paper independent
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  • with glue in the middle and drying.
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  • Every time you have sex with a new partner
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  • and break up, you are coming apart.
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  • Now, think of the shreds of paper
  • 00:04:28.080 --> 00:04:30.040
  • that are falling apart here.
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  • This is what happens in the act of random sex.
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  • Different partners, so and so and so and so.
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  • - When you repent from your sins,
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  • that means you turn direction.
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  • You go in a new direction.
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  • So I'm no longer gon' be hooking up with so and so.
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  • I'm not gonna go over to his house late at night.
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  • You are setting yourself up.
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  • It's about to go down.
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  • - That's right.
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  • - The freaks come out at night.
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  • - The hand gets moving, and baby you know
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  • what's about to happen.
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  • Get up and go in another room.
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  • - Netflix and chill leads to chill-ren, okay?
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  • We don't want to have that.
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  • - You gotta have boundaries.
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  • - Boundaries.
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  • - Boundaries are so important and so key.
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  • So yeah, I had to definitely learn,
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  • and I encourage people now that
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  • when you're in a courtship, and a courtship is
  • 00:05:08.190 --> 00:05:11.000
  • something with intent towards marriage.
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  • If they don't wanna get married then
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  • why are guys together?
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  • - Why are you dating? - Exactly.
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  • - You're wasting time.
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  • - The purpose of marriage is,
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  • the purpose of dating or courtship
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  • is for intent for marriage.
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  • If there's no end goal,
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  • then why are you in it?
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  • You need to ask him, are you
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  • interested in marriage? - Why a long engagement?
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  • Like you know, if you're already
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  • having that activity already,
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  • if you're having sex already,
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  • a long engagement, that person is not
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  • committed to you, hello, detach.
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  • Find someone new.
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  • - God gave us the laws.
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  • He said what was good for us,
  • 00:05:40.290 --> 00:05:44.080
  • and it wasn't to keep us from having fun.
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  • You know I think keeping ourselves for our spouses.
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  • That is just
  • 00:05:52.120 --> 00:05:53.250
  • good.
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  • That's just something good to do,
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  • because of what the circumstance
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  • that we reap from when we don't.
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  • You just leave a piece of yourself here and there,
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  • and it just gets bad.
  • 00:06:05.230 --> 00:06:07.010
  • And all of a sudden your life is a mess.
  • 00:06:07.010 --> 00:06:08.180
  • Your life is in shattered pieces
  • 00:06:08.180 --> 00:06:11.100
  • of our own doing and our own not bringing
  • 00:06:11.100 --> 00:06:14.160
  • our bodies under subjection to the will of the Lord.
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  • Not being disciplined in ourselves.
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  • And I know it's hard,
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  • and I know it's rough.
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  • And I know that God makes all things new.
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  • But his laws tell us what to do
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  • and what not to do for our good.
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  • It just makes us whole and healthy people
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  • when we follow what he says to do.
  • 00:06:35.190 --> 00:06:37.120
  • - Before marriage the enemy's tactics
  • 00:06:38.170 --> 00:06:40.110
  • is like, have sex, have sex, have sex, have sex.
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  • Then you get married, and the enemy's tactics is
  • 00:06:43.080 --> 00:06:45.130
  • - [Group] don't have sex!
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  • - You better preach!
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  • - And we have to be so aware, so aware of that.
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  • And know what, I'ma stick it to the enemy.
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  • Baby get in bed, come on!
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  • We need to unify this marriage.
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  • We're gonna make the devil a liar today.
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  • No, uh-uh.
  • 00:06:58.000 --> 00:06:59.060
  • - I agree, the attack is so great
  • 00:06:59.060 --> 00:07:00.210
  • on sex in marriage, especially with children.
  • 00:07:00.210 --> 00:07:03.020
  • It's like so glorified when you're single.
  • 00:07:03.020 --> 00:07:05.050
  • Like it's gonna be great.
  • 00:07:05.050 --> 00:07:06.120
  • You watch TV, and it's all glorified.
  • 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:08.050
  • Then you get married and you're like,
  • 00:07:08.050 --> 00:07:09.120
  • man, we need to, it's been a while.
  • 00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:10.240
  • We need to make sure that we're doing this.
  • 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:13.060
  • Sex is glorified in singleness, not in marriage.
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  • I mean, even when you look at the movies and stuff.
  • 00:07:16.220 --> 00:07:19.050
  • Like, it's not as glorified.
  • 00:07:19.050 --> 00:07:20.160
  • So it's glorified that way so you can
  • 00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:23.090
  • open up your heart to have sex outside of marriage,
  • 00:07:23.090 --> 00:07:25.120
  • which is destruction.
  • 00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:26.200
  • Think every time that you've had sex
  • 00:07:26.200 --> 00:07:28.000
  • outside of marriage, the shame and the guilt,
  • 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.030
  • and the way that you felt.
  • 00:07:30.030 --> 00:07:31.120
  • That didn't push you closer to Jesus.
  • 00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:33.230
  • It pulled you away from Him.
  • 00:07:33.230 --> 00:07:35.040
  • So, I wanna bring sexy back in marriage.
  • 00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:38.090
  • It can be beautiful.
  • 00:07:38.090 --> 00:07:39.070
  • God made sex for your enjoyment,
  • 00:07:39.070 --> 00:07:41.150
  • within the boundaries of marriage.
  • 00:07:41.150 --> 00:07:42.250
  • - What does it look like to change a narrative?
  • 00:07:42.250 --> 00:07:45.010
  • Because sex before marriage looks amazing,
  • 00:07:45.010 --> 00:07:47.200
  • and every cultural perspective
  • 00:07:47.200 --> 00:07:50.030
  • of sex after marriage looks boring.
  • 00:07:50.030 --> 00:07:52.160
  • And people wear flannel pajamas and hair rollers.
  • 00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:54.120
  • - And that's the attack of the enemy.
  • 00:07:54.120 --> 00:07:56.040
  • It's a reflection of what our culture
  • 00:07:56.040 --> 00:07:57.210
  • is trying to teach us, and most of us
  • 00:07:57.210 --> 00:07:59.150
  • here have bought into the lie.
  • 00:07:59.150 --> 00:08:01.150
  • And so we go and have sex.
  • 00:08:01.150 --> 00:08:03.130
  • And then it pans out to be nothing like, no fireworks.
  • 00:08:03.130 --> 00:08:08.110
  • It wasn't like what I saw in the movies.
  • 00:08:09.170 --> 00:08:11.220
  • What happened; is there something wrong with me?
  • 00:08:11.220 --> 00:08:13.120
  • And then the narrative changes.
  • 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:14.240
  • Hey, maybe you didn't connect with someone
  • 00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:17.010
  • that was a match to you,
  • 00:08:17.010 --> 00:08:18.070
  • so why don't you try a different sex?
  • 00:08:18.070 --> 00:08:20.100
  • So now you're going out there attaching with
  • 00:08:20.100 --> 00:08:22.270
  • other people, and so you find out okay,
  • 00:08:22.270 --> 00:08:25.110
  • that didn't work out.
  • 00:08:25.110 --> 00:08:26.190
  • So let's, maybe we should live together.
  • 00:08:26.190 --> 00:08:29.180
  • So if living together doesn't work,
  • 00:08:29.180 --> 00:08:31.150
  • well maybe we should get married.
  • 00:08:31.150 --> 00:08:32.240
  • - To find out if you're compatible.
  • 00:08:32.240 --> 00:08:34.090
  • - And then it's a wrong match,
  • 00:08:34.090 --> 00:08:36.070
  • and then you have these disappointed
  • 00:08:36.070 --> 00:08:38.080
  • individuals, you know, wanting to explore
  • 00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:42.000
  • sexual activity or having sex,
  • 00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:43.190
  • having intimacy outside of marriage,
  • 00:08:43.190 --> 00:08:46.050
  • outside of the framework of Jesus.
  • 00:08:46.050 --> 00:08:47.280
  • So when you go into a new relationship,
  • 00:08:47.280 --> 00:08:50.240
  • now redeemed by the Lord,
  • 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:52.090
  • now you're coming in with baggage.
  • 00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:54.130
  • And then a whole nother ministry
  • 00:08:54.130 --> 00:08:55.210
  • gets birthed in the church,
  • 00:08:55.210 --> 00:08:56.260
  • which is a deliverance ministry, right?
  • 00:08:56.260 --> 00:08:58.170
  • (group laugh)
  • 00:08:58.170 --> 00:09:01.170
  • When it comes to sexual activity,
  • 00:09:01.170 --> 00:09:03.080
  • I think most of the time in our own minds,
  • 00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:05.140
  • especially for the female psyche,
  • 00:09:05.140 --> 00:09:07.070
  • we have this, you know, romanticized view
  • 00:09:07.070 --> 00:09:10.200
  • of what we see in the movies.
  • 00:09:10.200 --> 00:09:12.070
  • Where movies or the locker room talk
  • 00:09:12.070 --> 00:09:14.270
  • has framed our world when it comes to sex.
  • 00:09:14.270 --> 00:09:18.140
  • And when it doesn't pan out, we get so disappointed.
  • 00:09:18.140 --> 00:09:21.100
  • And so we go on the hunt, on the prowl,
  • 00:09:21.100 --> 00:09:23.160
  • to find that connection.
  • 00:09:23.160 --> 00:09:25.170
  • And I think a lot of girls out there are wanting that.
  • 00:09:25.170 --> 00:09:28.240
  • - Somebody said to me, they said,
  • 00:09:28.240 --> 00:09:30.000
  • "Heather, you and your husband Cornelius
  • 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:31.240
  • did not have sex before marriage.
  • 00:09:31.240 --> 00:09:33.030
  • How did you know it was gonna be good?"
  • 00:09:33.030 --> 00:09:34.200
  • Like, I've gotten asked that question so many times.
  • 00:09:34.200 --> 00:09:36.210
  • - Same here.
  • 00:09:36.210 --> 00:09:38.040
  • - And so they said,
  • 00:09:38.040 --> 00:09:39.150
  • "Well how'd you know you'll have chemistry?"
  • 00:09:39.150 --> 00:09:40.200
  • I said baby chemistry is birthed
  • 00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:42.040
  • before you hit the bed.
  • 00:09:42.040 --> 00:09:44.080
  • - Thank you. - A year
  • 00:09:45.270 --> 00:09:47.040
  • and eight months of communicating,
  • 00:09:47.040 --> 00:09:48.120
  • and building it up, and building it up.
  • 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:50.060
  • So chemistry is developed before the bedroom.
  • 00:09:50.060 --> 00:09:52.190
  • All right let me give y'all ladies an example,
  • 00:09:52.190 --> 00:09:54.140
  • 'cause you already know.
  • 00:09:54.140 --> 00:09:56.000
  • You meet a guy that comes up to you, and he's like,
  • 00:09:56.000 --> 00:09:57.050
  • (mumbles)
  • 00:09:57.050 --> 00:09:58.160
  • You look at him like, no.
  • 00:09:58.160 --> 00:10:01.110
  • No chemistry, no, I'ma need you
  • 00:10:01.110 --> 00:10:03.160
  • to go take some classes, get your English together.
  • 00:10:03.160 --> 00:10:05.280
  • There's no chemistry there.
  • 00:10:05.280 --> 00:10:07.120
  • But when you meet a man, and he's like,
  • 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:08.140
  • "hey, how are you, beautiful?"
  • 00:10:08.140 --> 00:10:09.210
  • You're like, yes, hi!
  • 00:10:09.210 --> 00:10:11.220
  • My names is so and so, here's my phone number.
  • 00:10:11.220 --> 00:10:13.260
  • You see, the chemistry's being developed.
  • 00:10:13.260 --> 00:10:15.220
  • And when you talk to a person,
  • 00:10:15.220 --> 00:10:17.110
  • and you get to know them,
  • 00:10:17.110 --> 00:10:18.270
  • the chemistry is developed and you're being intimate
  • 00:10:18.270 --> 00:10:20.270
  • with that person with your words and your emotions.
  • 00:10:20.270 --> 00:10:23.060
  • And the thing is God made sex.
  • 00:10:23.060 --> 00:10:25.170
  • He can make it better; he can make it so good.
  • 00:10:25.170 --> 00:10:28.090
  • - Guilt free.
  • 00:10:28.090 --> 00:10:29.030
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:10:29.030 --> 00:10:30.010
  • - Nothing like guilt free.
  • 00:10:30.010 --> 00:10:31.160
  • - But I struggled with that
  • 00:10:31.160 --> 00:10:33.000
  • when I first got married for the first couple months.
  • 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:34.100
  • Like, can I have sex; is it okay?
  • 00:10:34.100 --> 00:10:35.240
  • 'Cause for so long, I beat myself up
  • 00:10:35.240 --> 00:10:38.100
  • with sex is bad, it's bad.
  • 00:10:38.100 --> 00:10:40.010
  • It's not bad; it's bad outside of marriage,
  • 00:10:40.010 --> 00:10:42.080
  • but it's good in marriage.
  • 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:43.190
  • It's good when it's God, you know what I mean?
  • 00:10:43.190 --> 00:10:45.220
  • - That's what God's rules and his laws,
  • 00:10:45.220 --> 00:10:48.290
  • he gave them to us because he wanted us
  • 00:10:48.290 --> 00:10:51.150
  • to have the best of everything.
  • 00:10:52.130 --> 00:10:55.110
  • If we would just follow the rules,
  • 00:10:55.110 --> 00:10:57.110
  • you will have the best of everything.
  • 00:10:57.110 --> 00:11:00.150
  • But Satan contorted that, saying he doesn't
  • 00:11:00.150 --> 00:11:02.270
  • want us to have any fun.
  • 00:11:02.270 --> 00:11:04.180
  • - Twisted it in the garden.
  • 00:11:04.180 --> 00:11:06.020
  • - He twisted it, and I mean, that was God's idea.
  • 00:11:06.020 --> 00:11:09.060
  • He said, it's not good that you be alone.
  • 00:11:09.060 --> 00:11:11.240
  • I'm gonna give you a helpmate, a playmate.
  • 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:14.140
  • - A playmate, yes!
  • 00:11:14.140 --> 00:11:15.090
  • - Oh, we're gon' play all right.
  • 00:11:16.060 --> 00:11:17.210
  • - And you're gonna come together,
  • 00:11:17.210 --> 00:11:19.240
  • and you're gonna procreate.
  • 00:11:19.240 --> 00:11:21.090
  • And you're gonna be fruitful and multiply.
  • 00:11:21.090 --> 00:11:24.090
  • - And it's not just about procreation.
  • 00:11:24.090 --> 00:11:26.030
  • It's also about recreation.
  • 00:11:26.030 --> 00:11:27.130
  • It is a good thing.
  • 00:11:27.130 --> 00:11:29.120
  • - You burn calories girl.
  • 00:11:29.120 --> 00:11:31.150
  • - It's cardio, extra cardio.
  • 00:11:31.150 --> 00:11:33.200
  • (group laughs)
  • 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:35.120
  • I said, you burn calories girl.
  • 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:37.290
  • - Amen to that.
  • 00:11:38.270 --> 00:11:40.040
  • - So the question that I have now
  • 00:11:40.040 --> 00:11:41.100
  • is if we don't need to figure out
  • 00:11:41.100 --> 00:11:44.020
  • chemistry per se, what does it look like
  • 00:11:44.020 --> 00:11:46.010
  • to forge intimacy without sexuality?
  • 00:11:46.010 --> 00:11:48.290
  • How do we put language, how do we give tips,
  • 00:11:50.040 --> 00:11:51.140
  • practical handles, for our single sisters
  • 00:11:51.140 --> 00:11:53.120
  • out there who are just like
  • 00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:54.210
  • screaming out, the struggle is real.
  • 00:11:54.210 --> 00:11:56.270
  • I am attracted to this person.
  • 00:11:56.270 --> 00:11:58.100
  • I have needs; I have these desires.
  • 00:11:58.100 --> 00:12:01.030
  • What do we do with that?
  • 00:12:01.030 --> 00:12:02.140
  • - Intimacy doesn't equal sex for me; it does not.
  • 00:12:02.140 --> 00:12:05.180
  • Intimacy for me is me sharing my heart with you.
  • 00:12:05.180 --> 00:12:08.200
  • It's me sharing my emotions.
  • 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:10.140
  • Intimacy is me being heard
  • 00:12:10.140 --> 00:12:13.150
  • and being loved,
  • 00:12:13.150 --> 00:12:15.080
  • and being accepted for who I am.
  • 00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:17.050
  • To me, that's more intimacy.
  • 00:12:17.050 --> 00:12:18.220
  • Now for that, does intimacy, can it lead to sex?
  • 00:12:18.220 --> 00:12:22.120
  • Yes.
  • 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:23.290
  • But is intimacy just sex?
  • 00:12:23.290 --> 00:12:25.280
  • For me, no it's not.
  • 00:12:25.280 --> 00:12:27.210
  • And I believe a lot of people
  • 00:12:27.210 --> 00:12:29.230
  • would think that way too.
  • 00:12:29.230 --> 00:12:30.210
  • Now if you ask another sector,
  • 00:12:30.210 --> 00:12:32.010
  • they may say, yes, they're the same.
  • 00:12:32.010 --> 00:12:33.240
  • But they're not.
  • 00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:35.090
  • To me, intimacy is into me, see, are you into me?
  • 00:12:35.090 --> 00:12:38.000
  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:38.280
  • And if I feel that there is
  • 00:12:38.280 --> 00:12:41.000
  • safety there that
  • 00:12:42.170 --> 00:12:45.000
  • you love me for me,
  • 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.020
  • you accept me for me and we're wedded,
  • 00:12:48.020 --> 00:12:50.290
  • then the other part is natural.
  • 00:12:50.290 --> 00:12:52.150
  • The other part is biology.
  • 00:12:52.150 --> 00:12:53.220
  • The other part is chemistry.
  • 00:12:53.220 --> 00:12:54.290
  • That's the easy part.
  • 00:12:54.290 --> 00:12:56.150
  • - I think before I met my husband,
  • 00:12:56.150 --> 00:12:59.210
  • coming from a traumatic background,
  • 00:13:00.260 --> 00:13:02.190
  • now walking with Jesus, having a history,
  • 00:13:02.190 --> 00:13:05.290
  • you know body history
  • 00:13:05.290 --> 00:13:07.060
  • of intimacy, but the bad intimacy.
  • 00:13:07.060 --> 00:13:10.230
  • Now coming into the Kingdom,
  • 00:13:10.230 --> 00:13:12.120
  • I think for me it was my natural inclination
  • 00:13:12.120 --> 00:13:15.180
  • was to be a safeguard, having safe space, safe margin.
  • 00:13:15.180 --> 00:13:19.140
  • And so coffee dates were great.
  • 00:13:19.140 --> 00:13:21.270
  • Developing intimacy, it was like
  • 00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:24.080
  • going to outings, getting to know
  • 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:26.240
  • the family, getting to know that person.
  • 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:28.220
  • Building bridges like if he likes books, I like books.
  • 00:13:28.220 --> 00:13:32.270
  • So whatever is your hobby, I'm all about it too.
  • 00:13:32.270 --> 00:13:36.060
  • What about you?
  • 00:13:36.060 --> 00:13:37.130
  • Like when you were on the dating scene,
  • 00:13:37.130 --> 00:13:40.160
  • like what was your connection of developing intimacy?
  • 00:13:40.160 --> 00:13:43.110
  • - She is on the dating scene. - I know!
  • 00:13:43.110 --> 00:13:44.220
  • I'm learning from you guys.
  • 00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:45.250
  • (group laughs)
  • 00:13:45.250 --> 00:13:48.260
  • Y'all tell me the tips.
  • 00:13:48.260 --> 00:13:50.110
  • Well I mean like for me honestly,
  • 00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:53.250
  • because where I'm at,
  • 00:13:53.250 --> 00:13:55.080
  • I'm at a place right now where I'm
  • 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:57.020
  • not a walled city,
  • 00:13:58.040 --> 00:14:00.060
  • but I am holding out for great.
  • 00:14:00.060 --> 00:14:03.270
  • Like and I don't want to go on
  • 00:14:03.270 --> 00:14:05.210
  • a thousand dates with the wrong person.
  • 00:14:05.210 --> 00:14:08.220
  • So when the right one comes,
  • 00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:10.090
  • I wanna have my energy reserved for that.
  • 00:14:10.090 --> 00:14:14.120
  • You know, in safe spaces of course.
  • 00:14:14.120 --> 00:14:17.130
  • I don't believe in sleeping with anybody before marriage.
  • 00:14:17.130 --> 00:14:20.030
  • I thank God, because he has kept me
  • 00:14:20.030 --> 00:14:21.190
  • sexually pure for the past for past 26 years.
  • 00:14:21.190 --> 00:14:23.230
  • I thank him.
  • 00:14:23.230 --> 00:14:24.280
  • It's not that I didn't have temptation.
  • 00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:26.090
  • Not that I didn't have opportunity.
  • 00:14:26.090 --> 00:14:28.190
  • It's because the Lord is a keeper
  • 00:14:28.190 --> 00:14:30.090
  • if we commit ourselves to him.
  • 00:14:30.090 --> 00:14:32.160
  • But I've had to practice certain things.
  • 00:14:32.160 --> 00:14:34.170
  • I know that there's certain people
  • 00:14:34.170 --> 00:14:36.120
  • I can't be left by myself with.
  • 00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:37.260
  • I'm like, I tell my girl friends every now and then,
  • 00:14:37.260 --> 00:14:39.170
  • don't leave me in the room, nope, don't.
  • 00:14:39.170 --> 00:14:42.190
  • 'Cause I don't trust them, and I don't trust
  • 00:14:42.190 --> 00:14:45.060
  • the flesh in me.
  • 00:14:45.060 --> 00:14:46.180
  • So you can't set yourself up for that.
  • 00:14:46.180 --> 00:14:49.070
  • There's certain things I don't watch.
  • 00:14:49.070 --> 00:14:51.240
  • There's certain magazines I don't buy.
  • 00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:53.240
  • There's certain things I don't
  • 00:14:53.240 --> 00:14:54.290
  • put in front of my face, not intentionally.
  • 00:14:54.290 --> 00:14:57.030
  • Now there are things that sometimes will come up,
  • 00:14:57.030 --> 00:14:58.240
  • and you're like, oh no Lord Jesus.
  • 00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:00.150
  • But for the most part you can't
  • 00:15:00.150 --> 00:15:01.290
  • feed yourself on the wrong kind of thing
  • 00:15:01.290 --> 00:15:04.090
  • and expect to get the right behavior out.
  • 00:15:04.090 --> 00:15:06.120
  • So we can hold ourselves to the standard
  • 00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:09.190
  • of the word and say, God because you said
  • 00:15:09.190 --> 00:15:12.050
  • because you wanna maximize my joy,
  • 00:15:12.050 --> 00:15:13.190
  • you wanna maximize my pleasure later on,
  • 00:15:13.190 --> 00:15:15.220
  • I can do these things.
  • 00:15:15.220 --> 00:15:16.290
  • And I have the power of the Holy Spirit
  • 00:15:16.290 --> 00:15:17.280
  • to do it as well.
  • 00:15:17.280 --> 00:15:19.060
  • So for me, I want it in the company
  • 00:15:19.060 --> 00:15:21.180
  • of my family and my friends.
  • 00:15:21.180 --> 00:15:23.110
  • I wanna do events that are fun.
  • 00:15:23.110 --> 00:15:25.110
  • I wanna be able to go to church together,
  • 00:15:25.110 --> 00:15:26.290
  • but I wanna do things outside of the church too.
  • 00:15:26.290 --> 00:15:29.090
  • I think that's one of those things
  • 00:15:29.090 --> 00:15:30.120
  • I think in Christiandom that you know,
  • 00:15:30.120 --> 00:15:32.180
  • we kinda have to be careful with, I would think.
  • 00:15:32.180 --> 00:15:34.260
  • Because I am an artist.
  • 00:15:34.260 --> 00:15:37.030
  • Because we are ministers.
  • 00:15:37.030 --> 00:15:39.050
  • Sometimes it can be thought of,
  • 00:15:39.050 --> 00:15:40.200
  • well wouldn't you just go to church all the time?
  • 00:15:40.200 --> 00:15:42.270
  • Wouldn't you just go to Christian events?
  • 00:15:42.270 --> 00:15:44.160
  • And I'm like, well life is more than that.
  • 00:15:44.160 --> 00:15:47.180
  • And God came, Christ came to give us life,
  • 00:15:47.180 --> 00:15:49.060
  • and that more abundantly.
  • 00:15:49.060 --> 00:15:50.250
  • It includes a lot of different things.
  • 00:15:50.250 --> 00:15:52.270
  • (calm music)
  • 00:15:52.270 --> 00:15:54.260
  • - Ladies we are stronger when we stand together!
  • 00:15:54.260 --> 00:15:57.200
  • - That's right.
  • 00:15:57.200 --> 00:15:59.050
  • - That's why this is so much more than just a TV show.
  • 00:15:59.050 --> 00:16:00.230
  • Better Together is a community
  • 00:16:00.230 --> 00:16:02.010
  • built on love and encouragement.
  • 00:16:02.010 --> 00:16:03.270
  • - If you wanna link arms with women
  • 00:16:03.270 --> 00:16:05.120
  • who are passionately following Jesus,
  • 00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:07.080
  • follow us @bettertogethertv.
  • 00:16:07.080 --> 00:16:09.090
  • We pray for each other, talk about the latest
  • 00:16:09.090 --> 00:16:11.100
  • episodes, and of course, make new friends.
  • 00:16:11.100 --> 00:16:14.070
  • We can't wait to see you there.
  • 00:16:14.070 --> 00:16:16.010
  • - Now being married, and knowing my husband
  • 00:16:18.150 --> 00:16:20.080
  • for ten years, married for almost nine,
  • 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:23.020
  • I'm often told, how do you bring
  • 00:16:23.020 --> 00:16:24.130
  • the spark back into a relationship?
  • 00:16:24.130 --> 00:16:26.150
  • What happens when you feel like
  • 00:16:26.150 --> 00:16:28.070
  • the loving feeling has been lost?
  • 00:16:28.070 --> 00:16:30.180
  • It's gonna be different for every couple,
  • 00:16:30.180 --> 00:16:32.050
  • but I would say, date your mate.
  • 00:16:32.050 --> 00:16:34.130
  • What were the things that made your date come alive?
  • 00:16:34.130 --> 00:16:37.060
  • And this not a one way street, ladies.
  • 00:16:37.060 --> 00:16:39.060
  • This is not our husband expecting
  • 00:16:39.060 --> 00:16:41.010
  • to buy us tickets for a hot air ballon ride,
  • 00:16:41.010 --> 00:16:43.120
  • and ride a horse down a beach in Mexico,
  • 00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:46.050
  • or to bring us rose petals.
  • 00:16:46.050 --> 00:16:47.130
  • Like, this is not season 22 of The Bachelorette.
  • 00:16:47.130 --> 00:16:49.160
  • All right, let's be honest.
  • 00:16:49.160 --> 00:16:50.280
  • What we really want is to be sought after
  • 00:16:50.280 --> 00:16:53.070
  • by a spouse who loves us.
  • 00:16:53.070 --> 00:16:55.120
  • And guess what, they want the same thing.
  • 00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:57.250
  • What would it look like for you to be the initiator?
  • 00:16:57.250 --> 00:17:01.000
  • What would it look like for you to write a love note?
  • 00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:03.120
  • What would it look like if you planned a date?
  • 00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:05.260
  • - What I think the scripture also lays out,
  • 00:17:05.260 --> 00:17:07.220
  • in the Old Testament, where Song of Solomon,
  • 00:17:07.220 --> 00:17:10.000
  • it paints a picture that's very broad.
  • 00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:12.110
  • A very long table, with a lot of variety
  • 00:17:12.110 --> 00:17:14.220
  • of food and illustrations.
  • 00:17:14.220 --> 00:17:16.190
  • And especially in the New Testament,
  • 00:17:16.190 --> 00:17:19.000
  • it gives the explanation that the marriage bed is undefiled.
  • 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:21.280
  • And so my
  • 00:17:21.280 --> 00:17:24.080
  • big take away from that is
  • 00:17:24.080 --> 00:17:26.180
  • there's a long table that's set for you,
  • 00:17:26.180 --> 00:17:30.010
  • as far as sexual activity, what pleases you.
  • 00:17:30.010 --> 00:17:33.200
  • And whatever you do decide as a couple
  • 00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:37.080
  • that you're committed to, you have to agree on things.
  • 00:17:37.080 --> 00:17:41.230
  • Like I don't think clearly in scripture,
  • 00:17:41.230 --> 00:17:43.290
  • pornography is a healthy thing.
  • 00:17:43.290 --> 00:17:45.090
  • - I was gonna ask that.
  • 00:17:45.090 --> 00:17:46.070
  • - Swinging both left and right
  • 00:17:46.070 --> 00:17:47.130
  • as a swinging couple is not a healthy thing.
  • 00:17:47.130 --> 00:17:49.130
  • - Inviting somebody else in.
  • 00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:50.270
  • - 'Cause you're inviting- - Masturbation is not healthy.
  • 00:17:50.270 --> 00:17:52.200
  • - STDs, someone else's sexual history.
  • 00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.090
  • You have to remember that our body is created for
  • 00:17:55.090 --> 00:17:57.230
  • a whole dialogue of history created with your partner.
  • 00:17:59.160 --> 00:18:03.080
  • So there's a history of memories that your body records.
  • 00:18:03.080 --> 00:18:06.080
  • And if it's that significant for someone who
  • 00:18:06.080 --> 00:18:08.180
  • has been traumatized through touch,
  • 00:18:08.180 --> 00:18:11.150
  • just imagine how much more through healthy touch
  • 00:18:11.150 --> 00:18:15.030
  • that that person begins to develop
  • 00:18:15.030 --> 00:18:16.250
  • and record memories within that person's body.
  • 00:18:16.250 --> 00:18:19.210
  • And so whatever you decide as far as
  • 00:18:19.210 --> 00:18:22.030
  • what the scripture says is this is healthy and helpful,
  • 00:18:22.030 --> 00:18:25.160
  • decide between you and your partner
  • 00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:27.100
  • what would be best for you.
  • 00:18:27.100 --> 00:18:28.210
  • - Expectations are key.
  • 00:18:28.210 --> 00:18:30.070
  • Because I have seen so many marriages and relationships
  • 00:18:30.070 --> 00:18:32.070
  • implode because they came with two different
  • 00:18:32.070 --> 00:18:34.220
  • ideas of what one person thought was okay,
  • 00:18:34.220 --> 00:18:37.020
  • and what one person didn't feel was okay.
  • 00:18:37.020 --> 00:18:39.210
  • And scripture is silent on certain sexual activity.
  • 00:18:39.210 --> 00:18:44.170
  • And so I love that Paul says,
  • 00:18:44.170 --> 00:18:45.250
  • work out your own salvation.
  • 00:18:45.250 --> 00:18:47.090
  • And I think when it comes to our relationships,
  • 00:18:47.090 --> 00:18:49.270
  • we have to have those changing conversations.
  • 00:18:49.270 --> 00:18:51.280
  • Because maybe what felt good in one season,
  • 00:18:51.280 --> 00:18:54.050
  • doesn't feel good in another season.
  • 00:18:54.050 --> 00:18:55.200
  • Or safe in one season, doesn't feel safe in another season.
  • 00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:58.000
  • What does it look like to have open conversation,
  • 00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:59.220
  • open dialogue?
  • 00:18:59.220 --> 00:19:01.010
  • And I love that you reference Solomon,
  • 00:19:01.010 --> 00:19:02.170
  • because scripture references this book
  • 00:19:02.170 --> 00:19:05.280
  • Songs of Solomon, and in some translations,
  • 00:19:05.280 --> 00:19:08.000
  • it's Song of Songs, being the apex
  • 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:10.100
  • of all of his writing this beautiful narrative.
  • 00:19:10.100 --> 00:19:13.140
  • It is a history of his relationship,
  • 00:19:13.140 --> 00:19:16.090
  • looking back on his relationship
  • 00:19:16.090 --> 00:19:18.000
  • with his wife, the love of his life.
  • 00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:20.120
  • And it looked different in each of those seasons.
  • 00:19:20.120 --> 00:19:23.050
  • In one season, it's hey, we're not gonna
  • 00:19:23.050 --> 00:19:24.260
  • open up love until the time is ready.
  • 00:19:24.260 --> 00:19:27.050
  • Hey, here come open up the garden.
  • 00:19:27.050 --> 00:19:29.090
  • Breathe on me.
  • 00:19:29.090 --> 00:19:30.040
  • Hey, drink of this well.
  • 00:19:30.040 --> 00:19:31.270
  • What is he alluding to?
  • 00:19:31.270 --> 00:19:33.110
  • Well, theologians debate this for a number of years.
  • 00:19:33.110 --> 00:19:35.230
  • I'm just saying, what does it look like
  • 00:19:35.230 --> 00:19:37.210
  • in various seasons to have these honest conversations?
  • 00:19:37.210 --> 00:19:40.030
  • What feels safe, and what are desires for both parties?
  • 00:19:40.030 --> 00:19:43.190
  • - Solomon did all kinds of stuff.
  • 00:19:43.190 --> 00:19:44.190
  • We can't even go there.
  • 00:19:44.190 --> 00:19:45.210
  • (group laughs)
  • 00:19:45.210 --> 00:19:47.210
  • So Solomon did all there was.
  • 00:19:47.210 --> 00:19:49.060
  • I would think he might've did all the above.
  • 00:19:49.060 --> 00:19:50.200
  • That's just my take on Solomon.
  • 00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:52.120
  • - I will never forget my children
  • 00:19:52.120 --> 00:19:54.170
  • were about nine, eight, and seven.
  • 00:19:54.170 --> 00:19:56.090
  • And we did a class, a homeschool class, about the body.
  • 00:19:56.090 --> 00:20:00.090
  • And then I talked to them and later on,
  • 00:20:00.090 --> 00:20:02.110
  • I think around 12, 11, and 10 about the sex talk.
  • 00:20:02.110 --> 00:20:06.120
  • And so at the end of the whole sex talk,
  • 00:20:06.120 --> 00:20:09.150
  • my girls looked at me like-
  • 00:20:09.150 --> 00:20:11.260
  • And one daughter went like this.
  • 00:20:13.030 --> 00:20:15.150
  • And then they told me,
  • 00:20:15.150 --> 00:20:16.220
  • mom, you ruined our innocence forever.
  • 00:20:16.220 --> 00:20:20.100
  • I'm just here to tell you that if you
  • 00:20:20.100 --> 00:20:22.210
  • give them the information,
  • 00:20:22.210 --> 00:20:24.110
  • they will determine for themselves,
  • 00:20:24.110 --> 00:20:27.080
  • this is probably the most natural way of sex protection.
  • 00:20:27.080 --> 00:20:31.220
  • I'm just telling you.
  • 00:20:31.220 --> 00:20:33.060
  • Get them involved, answer their questions,
  • 00:20:33.060 --> 00:20:35.150
  • have an open table where they can bring
  • 00:20:35.150 --> 00:20:37.230
  • any question to you, and it won't phase you.
  • 00:20:37.230 --> 00:20:40.060
  • Don't blink, don't go with a surprised face.
  • 00:20:40.060 --> 00:20:43.150
  • Just be prepared with the response.
  • 00:20:45.040 --> 00:20:47.210
  • And if you don't have a response,
  • 00:20:47.210 --> 00:20:51.120
  • why don't you walk away from the table saying,
  • 00:20:51.120 --> 00:20:53.070
  • "You know what, that's a great question.
  • 00:20:53.070 --> 00:20:55.220
  • Let's save that for another time,
  • 00:20:55.220 --> 00:20:57.250
  • so mommy can think about it,
  • 00:20:57.250 --> 00:20:59.080
  • and then we'll revisit that question again".
  • 00:20:59.080 --> 00:21:01.190
  • All of that to say is this:
  • 00:21:03.050 --> 00:21:05.000
  • is that it will protect and put a layer of information
  • 00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:08.020
  • inside your children, instead of having
  • 00:21:08.020 --> 00:21:10.050
  • a locker room teach your sons.
  • 00:21:10.050 --> 00:21:12.080
  • Instead of having a football field
  • 00:21:12.080 --> 00:21:14.220
  • with a whole bunch of horny boys
  • 00:21:14.220 --> 00:21:16.270
  • teach your kids about sex.
  • 00:21:16.270 --> 00:21:19.140
  • Or have a locker room at a gym in school,
  • 00:21:19.140 --> 00:21:23.090
  • in elementary school and in middle school,
  • 00:21:23.090 --> 00:21:25.180
  • to train your girls about what to wear,
  • 00:21:25.180 --> 00:21:28.190
  • what kind of underwear to wear,
  • 00:21:28.190 --> 00:21:30.030
  • what kind of, you know.
  • 00:21:30.030 --> 00:21:31.110
  • All these conversations are happening on campus.
  • 00:21:31.110 --> 00:21:34.250
  • And you'd be surprised how much your children know.
  • 00:21:34.250 --> 00:21:37.280
  • What about the little devices in their hands?
  • 00:21:37.280 --> 00:21:39.280
  • My children did not get a cell phone until they were older.
  • 00:21:39.280 --> 00:21:43.240
  • - The thing about pornography
  • 00:21:43.240 --> 00:21:45.020
  • is it doesn't want more sex.
  • 00:21:45.020 --> 00:21:47.010
  • It wants different sex.
  • 00:21:47.010 --> 00:21:48.050
  • - Yeah! - Now that's true.
  • 00:21:48.050 --> 00:21:49.190
  • - It wants different sex, over and over again.
  • 00:21:49.190 --> 00:21:52.260
  • Like if you don't understand,
  • 00:21:52.260 --> 00:21:54.090
  • you can quench that spirit, that lustful spirit.
  • 00:21:54.090 --> 00:21:56.010
  • It wants something other than your spouse.
  • 00:21:56.010 --> 00:21:58.050
  • - And it devours.
  • 00:21:58.050 --> 00:21:59.040
  • - Destroy. - It devours.
  • 00:21:59.040 --> 00:22:00.120
  • And it's gonna destroy, and divide,
  • 00:22:00.120 --> 00:22:01.130
  • and separate your marriage.
  • 00:22:01.130 --> 00:22:02.240
  • Now I wanna encourage anybody,
  • 00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:04.190
  • but my husband struggled with pornography
  • 00:22:04.190 --> 00:22:06.180
  • in the beginning of our marriage.
  • 00:22:06.180 --> 00:22:07.260
  • Because at 13 years old, he was exposed
  • 00:22:07.260 --> 00:22:09.230
  • to pornography. - A lot of guys were.
  • 00:22:09.230 --> 00:22:11.010
  • - And so he signed up for Covenant Eyes.
  • 00:22:11.010 --> 00:22:14.050
  • It's an app where I'm signed up.
  • 00:22:14.050 --> 00:22:16.180
  • He's got his accountability buddy's on there.
  • 00:22:16.180 --> 00:22:18.060
  • And it just tracks what he's doing.
  • 00:22:18.060 --> 00:22:20.110
  • And now, we're fine, but I'm still on it.
  • 00:22:20.110 --> 00:22:22.180
  • He's on it just for accountability.
  • 00:22:22.180 --> 00:22:25.000
  • So I encourage both couples to download that
  • 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:27.020
  • and be accountable to one another.
  • 00:22:27.020 --> 00:22:28.110
  • But pornography's destroying your marriage
  • 00:22:28.110 --> 00:22:30.110
  • and your life, and it's not gonna make your sex better.
  • 00:22:30.110 --> 00:22:33.140
  • And we have to ask ourself,
  • 00:22:33.140 --> 00:22:34.220
  • where did we get those ideas from about sex?
  • 00:22:34.220 --> 00:22:36.220
  • - The enemy.
  • 00:22:36.220 --> 00:22:38.210
  • - Some wives, you want your husband to come dance for you,
  • 00:22:38.210 --> 00:22:41.100
  • and jump on poles, and flip around.
  • 00:22:41.100 --> 00:22:43.230
  • But maybe you were going to strip clubs a lot.
  • 00:22:43.230 --> 00:22:45.270
  • And it's like you're trying to drag
  • 00:22:45.270 --> 00:22:47.240
  • the world's way of thinking into your marriage bed.
  • 00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:50.180
  • You know what I mean?
  • 00:22:50.180 --> 00:22:51.160
  • - You had an old template
  • 00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:53.050
  • of what intimacy was.
  • 00:22:53.050 --> 00:22:55.070
  • And so I think you have to handle that framework.
  • 00:22:55.070 --> 00:22:58.190
  • Get rid of that, and you know,
  • 00:22:58.190 --> 00:23:00.060
  • download a new, almost like a new way of thinking
  • 00:23:00.060 --> 00:23:03.240
  • into your life of what intimacy is.
  • 00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:06.050
  • - And I don't wanna teeter on legalism in any way,
  • 00:23:06.050 --> 00:23:08.240
  • but I think that we need to really hone in
  • 00:23:09.290 --> 00:23:12.090
  • the conversation on pornography.
  • 00:23:12.090 --> 00:23:14.110
  • It is a bigger issue. - Let's talk about it.
  • 00:23:14.110 --> 00:23:16.090
  • - It's been marked up as a man's problem.
  • 00:23:16.090 --> 00:23:19.060
  • - It's a woman's problem too. - What research is saying
  • 00:23:19.060 --> 00:23:20.280
  • is that it's now 50% of consumption
  • 00:23:20.280 --> 00:23:23.230
  • is women downloading porn and buying porn.
  • 00:23:23.230 --> 00:23:26.070
  • - I would raise that statistic a little bit higher.
  • 00:23:26.070 --> 00:23:30.010
  • There's more women. - And the addiction to it,
  • 00:23:30.010 --> 00:23:31.280
  • it has the same addictive qualities to that of cocaine.
  • 00:23:31.280 --> 00:23:34.150
  • The same stimulus in brain scans of what is going on,
  • 00:23:34.150 --> 00:23:38.050
  • a brain on cocaine is the same stimulation
  • 00:23:38.050 --> 00:23:40.160
  • that's happening in the brain.
  • 00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:42.020
  • I worked for a anti-human trafficking organization.
  • 00:23:42.020 --> 00:23:43.270
  • I did tons of research in pornography,
  • 00:23:43.270 --> 00:23:45.160
  • and I am so grieved at the tentacles,
  • 00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:48.100
  • the claws that it's getting onto
  • 00:23:48.100 --> 00:23:49.160
  • the heart, the mind, and the soul
  • 00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:50.290
  • of this next generation under the guise of it's okay.
  • 00:23:50.290 --> 00:23:53.230
  • My greater concern isn't necessarily hardcore porn,
  • 00:23:53.230 --> 00:23:57.030
  • but a porn that's filtered in through
  • 00:23:57.030 --> 00:23:59.000
  • regular daytime television, through online television.
  • 00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:02.070
  • And everything is- - lingerie commercials
  • 00:24:02.070 --> 00:24:03.180
  • - Deemed as acceptable- - Twitter,
  • 00:24:03.180 --> 00:24:05.130
  • you're just scrolling, you're like whoa!
  • 00:24:05.130 --> 00:24:06.230
  • - What happened; where did that come from?
  • 00:24:06.230 --> 00:24:09.010
  • - You know, I know that today it's very difficult
  • 00:24:09.010 --> 00:24:11.190
  • to keep our kids away from watching things,
  • 00:24:11.190 --> 00:24:15.290
  • seeing things, hearing things that are not of God.
  • 00:24:15.290 --> 00:24:19.110
  • But I think that we need to put
  • 00:24:20.100 --> 00:24:22.160
  • more importance on it as parents.
  • 00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:25.030
  • Because you know, that all comes from the Bible.
  • 00:24:25.030 --> 00:24:28.240
  • You know, the scriptures that say,
  • 00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:30.080
  • I will not look on things that are vile.
  • 00:24:30.080 --> 00:24:32.050
  • I will turn away from evil, things that aren't good for us.
  • 00:24:32.050 --> 00:24:36.290
  • And you know, it's just not good for us.
  • 00:24:36.290 --> 00:24:40.070
  • That's the bottom line.
  • 00:24:40.070 --> 00:24:42.040
  • We can look back and go, you know what,
  • 00:24:42.040 --> 00:24:44.000
  • that has lived in my head.
  • 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:45.200
  • That has lived in my memory.
  • 00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.100
  • And I shouldn't have watched that.
  • 00:24:48.150 --> 00:24:49.270
  • We all can say that about things,
  • 00:24:49.270 --> 00:24:52.210
  • - Speaking to the next generation.
  • 00:24:52.210 --> 00:24:53.240
  • Speaking to our family.
  • 00:24:53.240 --> 00:24:54.180
  • Speaking to our kids.
  • 00:24:54.180 --> 00:24:55.140
  • This is not okay.
  • 00:24:55.140 --> 00:24:56.210
  • - Right, and they don't understand
  • 00:24:56.210 --> 00:24:58.110
  • our mind records these images.
  • 00:24:58.110 --> 00:25:00.120
  • And once it's recorded, and it provided
  • 00:25:00.120 --> 00:25:03.240
  • a stimulus to your body, your body remembers
  • 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:06.070
  • how it was stimulated, you will use that,
  • 00:25:06.070 --> 00:25:09.190
  • and that's where women get fantasizing.
  • 00:25:09.190 --> 00:25:12.220
  • Fantasizing, even if you're having
  • 00:25:12.220 --> 00:25:14.240
  • an encounter or intimacy, and in the middle
  • 00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:17.150
  • of a sex act with your partner, with your spouse,
  • 00:25:17.150 --> 00:25:21.040
  • that image pops up.
  • 00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:23.070
  • And what do you do then?
  • 00:25:23.070 --> 00:25:24.130
  • You're no longer involved and engaged
  • 00:25:24.130 --> 00:25:26.080
  • with your intimate partner.
  • 00:25:26.080 --> 00:25:27.270
  • Now you're engaged with the person, the phantom ghost,
  • 00:25:27.270 --> 00:25:31.030
  • that's in the bedroom.
  • 00:25:31.030 --> 00:25:32.100
  • And so people don't understand that part.
  • 00:25:32.100 --> 00:25:34.210
  • And that's where I think if I could
  • 00:25:34.210 --> 00:25:37.180
  • just charge the next generation, it's that get control.
  • 00:25:37.180 --> 00:25:41.250
  • Get control of your senses, your eyes,
  • 00:25:41.250 --> 00:25:44.250
  • your hands, your physical impulses.
  • 00:25:44.250 --> 00:25:47.120
  • Once you practice control,
  • 00:25:47.120 --> 00:25:48.230
  • that's just practicing for purity.
  • 00:25:48.230 --> 00:25:50.260
  • Practice control, practice self-control.
  • 00:25:50.260 --> 00:25:53.200
  • That's a fruit of the Spirit.
  • 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:55.070
  • And once you have that,
  • 00:25:55.070 --> 00:25:57.060
  • then God will guide you to the right person,
  • 00:25:57.060 --> 00:25:59.290
  • to the right partner.
  • 00:25:59.290 --> 00:26:01.270
  • - Jesus exhibited such a great strength
  • 00:26:01.270 --> 00:26:04.010
  • of self-control and strength.
  • 00:26:04.010 --> 00:26:05.260
  • I believe that through the spirit of God,
  • 00:26:05.260 --> 00:26:07.230
  • we can say no to the devil.
  • 00:26:07.230 --> 00:26:09.190
  • We can say no to temptation.
  • 00:26:09.190 --> 00:26:11.050
  • We can be like Joseph and just flee
  • 00:26:11.050 --> 00:26:12.230
  • when there's sexual temptation.
  • 00:26:12.230 --> 00:26:14.090
  • In fact, Paul charges Timothy, his son in the faith.
  • 00:26:14.090 --> 00:26:16.270
  • He says, flee youthful lust.
  • 00:26:16.270 --> 00:26:19.070
  • Run away in those moments.
  • 00:26:19.070 --> 00:26:20.280
  • But you're not gonna be able to have
  • 00:26:20.280 --> 00:26:22.100
  • the insight, the foresight, or the hindsight
  • 00:26:22.100 --> 00:26:25.030
  • of the danger of the situation
  • 00:26:25.030 --> 00:26:26.120
  • unless the spirit of God is within you.
  • 00:26:26.120 --> 00:26:28.180
  • So I'm gonna pray for us and ask
  • 00:26:28.180 --> 00:26:30.030
  • the spirit of God to give us the strength that we need.
  • 00:26:30.030 --> 00:26:31.190
  • Whether you are married, single, divorced, or widowed.
  • 00:26:31.190 --> 00:26:34.220
  • Father God we come before you
  • 00:26:34.220 --> 00:26:35.280
  • and we ask for your divine strength.
  • 00:26:35.280 --> 00:26:37.230
  • To give us the strength that we need
  • 00:26:37.230 --> 00:26:39.020
  • to say no to temptation.
  • 00:26:39.020 --> 00:26:40.180
  • To keep our mind pure.
  • 00:26:40.180 --> 00:26:42.050
  • To keep our heart pure
  • 00:26:42.050 --> 00:26:43.090
  • to keep our conscience clean.
  • 00:26:43.090 --> 00:26:45.130
  • So through your power God,
  • 00:26:45.130 --> 00:26:46.200
  • we are asking for you to do a new
  • 00:26:46.200 --> 00:26:47.270
  • transforming work in our life.
  • 00:26:47.270 --> 00:26:49.120
  • Give us your spirit to walk away,
  • 00:26:49.120 --> 00:26:52.120
  • to run away, to sprint away from temptation.
  • 00:26:52.120 --> 00:26:55.220
  • In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray.
  • 00:26:55.220 --> 00:26:57.180
  • Amen.
  • 00:26:57.180 --> 00:26:59.030
  • - [Laurie] You can call the number on your screen
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  • right now to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:27:00.120 --> 00:27:02.020
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:27:02.020 --> 00:27:05.170
  • We love you, and most importantly, God loves you.
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  • - Go to bettertogether.tv to stream
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  • all of our latest conversations.
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  • - Here's what's coming up next on Better Together.
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  • - I'm naturally introverted,
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  • - [Laurie] Watch Better Together weekdays on TBN.
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