What Are Soul Ties? | Better Together | TBN

What Are Soul Ties? | Better Together

Watch What Are Soul Ties? | Better Together
January 15, 2020
25:38

How can we identify and break unhealthy spiritual and emotional bonds that keep us from healing? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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What Are Soul Ties? | Better Together

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  • - Souls knitted together,(soft new age music)
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  • the bond created isnot always healthy.
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  • How can we untiespiritual connections
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  • that block us from healing?
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  • Come on, let's talk about it.
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  • (inspirational new age music)
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  • - What I can reflectback on, growing up, is,
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  • it's the moments of, whenI was not serving the Lord,
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  • being in certain relationships.
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  • And I noticed certainpatterns that would happen
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  • in my life.
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  • And it took a woman ofGod, my spiritual mother,
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  • Cely May Olden,wherever you are,
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  • thank you, thank you, thank you.
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  • She was the one whowas like a third party
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  • looking from the outsidelooking into my life.
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  • And I lived with her,I learned how to pray,
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  • I learned, just thelife of a believer,
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  • an abundant life.
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  • And so, she saw thisinteraction, going back to what
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  • I was saying in the beginning,seeing this interaction
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  • between me and my stepfather.
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  • And we were outside of thechurch, and he was just sitting
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  • right next to me, and atthis point this was prior
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  • to me being married, priorto me meeting my husband,
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  • but we were at the churchthat I got saved in,
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  • he was sitting right next tome, and it was the interaction
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  • that we had.
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  • It was the way heinteracted with me,
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  • that was, in what shephrased it as inappropriate,
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  • his approach to me.
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  • Body language, the wayhis hand, as a male,
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  • would be on my thigh, justthings of that nature.
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  • The interaction; and shepulled me to the side
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  • when I returnedback to her place,
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  • pulled me to the sideand started to talkto me about that.
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  • And I never realized,because those red flags
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  • were almost railroaded, ifI could put it that way,
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  • I could not interpretthose red flags.
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  • And so I can look back at someof the unhealthy connections,
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  • of some of thephysical connections
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  • that I've had over my life.
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  • Not only did itstart with abuse,
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  • but the way hewould approach me,
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  • and I would sit thereand just take it.
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  • His impropriety, hisinappropriate way, manner.
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  • And so, when I thinkof soul ties, I think
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  • of that connection, lookingback in the scriptures
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  • with Dinah, and the princefrom, I believe it was Shechem,
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  • or a Hivite, of some type,
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  • and so I guess he wasinappropriate with her,
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  • he raped her.
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  • And then he would go back,and the phrase would be
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  • in one translation thathis soul clung to Dinah.
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  • So this, almost like thisclaving, this attachment,
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  • and I think that'swhat a soul tie is.
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  • It's an unhealthy tetheredway of connecting to someone.
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  • That happens chemically,when you have intimacy
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  • between two parties, and there's
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  • an emotional bond that happens.
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  • Well it happens just the sameway in a healthy connection,
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  • it happens in an unhealthyway, when an abuser approaches
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  • the person that they'regrooming to be abused.
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  • And so, that happened tome, but now those signs,
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  • I wasn't aware of.
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  • So when I think of soul ties,I think of those unhealthy
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  • attachments, whetherit's promiscuity,
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  • whether it's an abuser,whether it's an old boyfriend,
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  • whether it's anabusive relationship,
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  • whatever that is,(soft new age music)
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  • that's what a soul tie is.
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  • - When we think of soulties, I don't know what kind
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  • of images that conjures up inyour mind, what you think of,
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  • and what's healthy andwhat's not healthy.
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  • And reflecting on whetheran unhealthy soul tie
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  • can actually impactyour inner healing.
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  • And I think it can, becauseI think our very first
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  • soul tie, our very firstallegiance, is to Christ.
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  • That because of whathe did on the cross,
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  • that when we give our livesto him, that we are somehow,
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  • in a way that's hard forus to grasp on this earth,
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  • but we are in Christ,we are a new creation.
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  • So we are in him.
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  • Now, if we have tiesthat are unhealthy,
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  • the Holy Spirit wantsto work in your life
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  • and in my life to bringus closer to Jesus,
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  • but unhealthy soul tiescan keep pulling us away.
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  • And at some point, andthat's where I would
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  • really recommend, scripturesays if anybody lacks wisdom,
  • 00:04:54.742 --> 00:04:58.212
  • let them ask, and the Lordwould love to let us know.
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  • So I think when there'sany kind of soul tie
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  • and you're not sure ifit's healthy or not,
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  • ask the Holy Spiritto give you wisdom.
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  • And if it is somethingthat's hindering your journey
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  • with Christ, thenit's time to cut that.
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  • Perhaps sometimefurther down the road,
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  • when that person's maybein a different place,
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  • and you are too, butnever allow a soul tie
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  • to someone else toimpact what Christ
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  • through the Holy Spiritis doing in your life.
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  • - We have to understandthe anatomy of the soul,
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  • I think it's so importantto understand that is,
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  • because we know our body, weunderstand that we're spirit,
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  • but the word of God saysthat when God breathed
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  • into the nostrils of Adamhe became a living soul.
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  • And that is wherehis identity is,
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  • that's where who he is resides.
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  • That's his mind, hiswill, his emotions,
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  • it's the same for allof us, and I think
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  • we end up havinginfluences on our thoughts,
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  • on what we do, and how we feel,
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  • that are not appropriate,and we have to actually
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  • cast those thingsdown, because it does,
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  • it infects your relationships.
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  • Those soul ties, if you don'tintentionally break them,
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  • they will destroy you.
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  • And I know relationships thatI had prior to my husband,
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  • there was one relationshipin particular,
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  • I thought I wasgonna marry this guy.
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  • That I just knew wewere gonna get married,
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  • I loved him, and my husbandhates to hear me say that,
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  • 'cause he's like, how canyou love anybody before me?
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  • (shared laughing)
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  • But, it happened; I loved him.
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  • - [Woman] Bless his heart.
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  • - Hey, just don't lethim watch this one.
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  • Don't let him watch this one.
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  • - I'm definitely notletting him watch this.
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  • For the longest time Iwould think about this guy,
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  • and whenever his namewas mentioned I just felt
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  • a certain way, and heavenforbid he was in town
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  • and he wanted to havelunch, and I wanted to go,
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  • but I couldn't,'cause I was married.
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  • And I realized therewas ground in my soul
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  • that was knit to him.
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  • - That's a great word.- And you literally
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  • have to unwind it, andyou have to replace it
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  • with other thoughts, youhave to replace it with,
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  • and here's the thing,thoughts become habits,
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  • habits become character,character becomes destiny.
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  • And so we have tostop it in our mind.
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  • That's where the battle is.
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  • Once we change our thinking
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  • and we allow God then(soft new age music)
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  • to change how we feel, thenwe will change what we do.
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  • But it starts with our thoughts.
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  • - If I can encourageanybody who might be trying
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  • to sever those unhealthyties, soul ties
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  • to another person, I guessthe best advice would be this;
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  • if you do have kids,
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  • pretend you'retalking to your kid,
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  • and what would youtell your kid to do?
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  • You would tell your child,because you'd wanna protect
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  • your child, look, thisis not good for you.
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  • You need to stopbeing their friend.
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  • They're not a goodinfluence on you.
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  • You need to let go.
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  • And now look at yourself,what do you see?
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  • What do you need to let go of?
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  • Who's a bad influence on you?
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  • Who are you too closeto that it's just toxic?
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  • And the relationshipshould not be?
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  • It doesn't mean you can't just,
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  • talk every once in a whileon the phone, I don't know,
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  • but sometimes it's okay, andI wanna give you permission
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  • to have boundaries.
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  • Boundaries are good.
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  • Sometimes you need somebodyto give you permission,
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  • that it's okay to haveboundaries, and set them up.
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  • Because even ifpeople are mad at you,
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  • it is more importantfor you to protect
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  • your heart, and guard yourheart, 'cause you're God's gift.
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  • - When it comes to soul ties,it manifested in my bedroom.
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  • So these image, theseflashbacks, of childhood,
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  • things that happened to mewould revisit in the middle
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  • of an intimate moment.
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  • And so, how do I cut that?
  • 00:08:47.941 --> 00:08:50.210
  • And the Lord gave me sucha strong, prophetic image
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  • of almost like this furnace,this furnace in this space,
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  • and it was almostlike a mortuary,
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  • where they cremate things,and so the Lord said,
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  • Diana, I want youto take that thought
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  • and just put it into this oven,
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  • and it will beextinguished forever.
  • 00:09:09.596 --> 00:09:12.532
  • And so every time aflashback came to my mind,
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  • I would just pray to myself,Lord I just put that,
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  • I relinquish controlover that, I forgive,
  • 00:09:19.840 --> 00:09:23.644
  • I release it to you,and then in his hands
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  • he'll put it into that fire.
  • 00:09:26.146 --> 00:09:29.149
  • And that won't haunt me,the power of that memory
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  • won't revisit me, in themost intimate moments.
  • 00:09:32.285 --> 00:09:35.689
  • And I think most peoplefeel like they are tethered
  • 00:09:35.689 --> 00:09:38.291
  • to those memories,tethered to that history,
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  • and they feel like,oh, I can never build
  • 00:09:40.861 --> 00:09:44.064
  • a new life or a newway of thinking,
  • 00:09:44.064 --> 00:09:46.199
  • but I am a testimonyto that, that you can.
  • 00:09:46.199 --> 00:09:49.069
  • You can overcome, you canhave a healthy sex life,
  • 00:09:49.069 --> 00:09:53.807
  • you can be whole, complete,you won't feel fractured,
  • 00:09:53.807 --> 00:09:57.844
  • or feel duplicitous,like you're fragmented
  • 00:09:57.844 --> 00:10:01.348
  • on the inside.
  • 00:10:01.348 --> 00:10:02.683
  • Your body will becomeone with your spirit,
  • 00:10:02.683 --> 00:10:05.185
  • and with your soul.
  • 00:10:05.185 --> 00:10:07.521
  • And so, I think for meit was actually burning
  • 00:10:08.689 --> 00:10:11.258
  • that image.- Well you have
  • 00:10:11.258 --> 00:10:12.592
  • to cast down those thoughts.- Replacing it.
  • 00:10:12.592 --> 00:10:13.827
  • Yes, it's a vainimagination, yeah.
  • 00:10:13.827 --> 00:10:15.962
  • - And bring them into captivityto the hands of Christ,
  • 00:10:15.962 --> 00:10:18.632
  • which means rememberingwhat the word of God says,
  • 00:10:18.632 --> 00:10:22.002
  • and you did the right thing,which is, I'm gonna replace
  • 00:10:22.002 --> 00:10:24.037
  • these thoughts of shame,and pain, with the truth
  • 00:10:24.037 --> 00:10:27.140
  • of God's word, then youbegin to have a different
  • 00:10:27.140 --> 00:10:30.043
  • perspective, which allowsyou to feel differently.
  • 00:10:30.043 --> 00:10:32.646
  • I had to do the exact samething, 'cause, with being
  • 00:10:32.646 --> 00:10:35.482
  • sexually abused as achild, when my husband
  • 00:10:35.482 --> 00:10:37.250
  • wanted to be intimate,and you know how we,
  • 00:10:37.250 --> 00:10:39.186
  • he wants to say certain things,and those were some things
  • 00:10:39.186 --> 00:10:42.289
  • that had been saidto me as a child,
  • 00:10:42.289 --> 00:10:44.057
  • and so when he wouldsay those things
  • 00:10:44.057 --> 00:10:45.625
  • it would trigger me, and Iwould become really cold,
  • 00:10:45.625 --> 00:10:48.128
  • and God had to literallyhelp me to replace
  • 00:10:48.128 --> 00:10:50.964
  • those thoughts andimaginations, and recognize,
  • 00:10:50.964 --> 00:10:53.133
  • you are safe with yourhusband, he loves you,
  • 00:10:53.133 --> 00:10:55.535
  • he's not gonna hurt you, Ihave created him for you,
  • 00:10:55.535 --> 00:10:59.206
  • and replacing those thoughtsis what led to my freedom.
  • 00:10:59.206 --> 00:11:01.541
  • (soft new age music)
  • 00:11:01.541 --> 00:11:03.944
  • - We are here for you.
  • 00:11:03.944 --> 00:11:05.312
  • - Join our communityat Better Together TV
  • 00:11:05.312 --> 00:11:07.714
  • to connect with womenall over the world.
  • 00:11:07.714 --> 00:11:10.283
  • - We love you, but mostimportantly, Jesus loves you.
  • 00:11:10.283 --> 00:11:13.220
  • - I think soul ties canalso be through different
  • 00:11:16.490 --> 00:11:19.192
  • relationships, brothers,or a toxic friend,
  • 00:11:19.192 --> 00:11:23.363
  • or a sister, I thinksomeone's actions
  • 00:11:23.363 --> 00:11:28.368
  • that totally affectyou every time
  • 00:11:29.469 --> 00:11:30.737
  • they play out, is asoul tie, or can be.
  • 00:11:30.737 --> 00:11:33.907
  • - I actually experiencedthat with one of my friends
  • 00:11:33.907 --> 00:11:35.876
  • after Barry and I got married.
  • 00:11:35.876 --> 00:11:38.078
  • There was a girl thatI was very close to,
  • 00:11:38.078 --> 00:11:40.113
  • and maybe after wewere a month married,
  • 00:11:40.113 --> 00:11:43.850
  • she called me onenight, and she said,
  • 00:11:43.850 --> 00:11:45.218
  • I've just receivedsome terrible news,
  • 00:11:45.218 --> 00:11:47.120
  • and I said, oh gosh, what?
  • 00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:48.622
  • And she said, I've justbeen diagnosed HIV positive.
  • 00:11:48.622 --> 00:11:51.792
  • So I said to her,listen, you know what?
  • 00:11:51.792 --> 00:11:54.127
  • I sent her the airfare andI flew her into Nashville,
  • 00:11:54.127 --> 00:11:56.797
  • where we were living atthe time, and I said,
  • 00:11:56.797 --> 00:11:58.732
  • I'm gonna go to theclinic with you,
  • 00:11:58.732 --> 00:12:00.267
  • and we're just gonna findout exactly what's going on.
  • 00:12:00.267 --> 00:12:02.736
  • So she flew in, I went with her,
  • 00:12:02.736 --> 00:12:04.671
  • I remember sitting inthis clinic thinking
  • 00:12:04.671 --> 00:12:07.107
  • there are a lot of peoplein here who are gonna know
  • 00:12:07.107 --> 00:12:08.375
  • who I am. (shared laughing)
  • 00:12:08.375 --> 00:12:11.478
  • So, and then she had tosign a release to say
  • 00:12:11.478 --> 00:12:13.880
  • that I could go back in aweek and get the result.
  • 00:12:13.880 --> 00:12:17.217
  • So I go back in a weekand get the result,
  • 00:12:17.217 --> 00:12:19.152
  • and they're like, no,well there's nothing,
  • 00:12:19.152 --> 00:12:20.821
  • there's nothing wrong with her.
  • 00:12:20.821 --> 00:12:22.189
  • So I call my friend,and I said, great news,
  • 00:12:22.189 --> 00:12:24.090
  • you're absolutely fine.
  • 00:12:24.090 --> 00:12:25.358
  • And I said, why did youthink you did have this?
  • 00:12:25.358 --> 00:12:27.828
  • And she said, well I justdidn't feel very well,
  • 00:12:27.828 --> 00:12:29.896
  • and I'd been doing some things,
  • 00:12:29.896 --> 00:12:31.298
  • and honestly I've justkind of missed you.
  • 00:12:31.298 --> 00:12:33.133
  • And I thought, wellthat's really strange.(shared laughing)
  • 00:12:33.133 --> 00:12:36.870
  • Two months down theline she said, hey,
  • 00:12:36.870 --> 00:12:40.106
  • I just happened to bein town, is there anyway
  • 00:12:40.106 --> 00:12:42.709
  • that could have dinner?
  • 00:12:42.709 --> 00:12:44.010
  • And I'm like, yeah, sure, come.
  • 00:12:44.010 --> 00:12:45.378
  • And I said, youcan stay the night.
  • 00:12:45.378 --> 00:12:47.147
  • Two o'clock in themorning, she wakes me up
  • 00:12:47.147 --> 00:12:49.583
  • and she said, I'veswallowed a whole bottle
  • 00:12:49.583 --> 00:12:51.518
  • of Tylenol, I'vetried to kill myself.
  • 00:12:51.518 --> 00:12:53.954
  • So I'm waking my husband,I'm like, we have to get her
  • 00:12:53.954 --> 00:12:55.822
  • to the hospital,we go to the ER,
  • 00:12:55.822 --> 00:12:57.791
  • and she's taken back,and a while later
  • 00:12:57.791 --> 00:13:00.227
  • the doctor came out andsaid, why did you bring her?
  • 00:13:00.227 --> 00:13:02.762
  • And I said, becauseshe swallowed a wholebottle of pills.
  • 00:13:02.762 --> 00:13:05.498
  • He said, at the mostshe took two Tylenol,
  • 00:13:05.498 --> 00:13:07.467
  • there's nothing in her system.
  • 00:13:07.467 --> 00:13:09.603
  • And it was all this, Iwant to be with you now,
  • 00:13:09.603 --> 00:13:12.706
  • and if you're gonnabe with this guy,
  • 00:13:12.706 --> 00:13:14.441
  • I want to be part of it,
  • 00:13:14.441 --> 00:13:15.842
  • and it was a really hardthing, I had to sit down
  • 00:13:15.842 --> 00:13:17.878
  • and say to her, you know what?
  • 00:13:17.878 --> 00:13:18.979
  • This is not acceptable anymore.
  • 00:13:18.979 --> 00:13:20.780
  • It's not appropriate.
  • 00:13:20.780 --> 00:13:22.282
  • And even though I'm gratefulfor the friendship we had,
  • 00:13:22.282 --> 00:13:24.651
  • you have twice crosseda boundary, and lied,
  • 00:13:24.651 --> 00:13:28.388
  • to continue somethingthat is not healthy.
  • 00:13:28.388 --> 00:13:31.391
  • And for probably three, four,five, six years after that,
  • 00:13:31.391 --> 00:13:35.195
  • I would still get calls,and I would say, I'm sorry.
  • 00:13:35.195 --> 00:13:38.565
  • 'Cause there's sometimeswhen you have to cut off
  • 00:13:38.565 --> 00:13:41.334
  • something that's not healthy.
  • 00:13:41.334 --> 00:13:42.769
  • - And it was toxic.
  • 00:13:42.769 --> 00:13:44.404
  • - It's not that you don'tcare for the person,
  • 00:13:44.404 --> 00:13:46.373
  • but it's just what they'rebringing into your life.
  • 00:13:46.373 --> 00:13:49.042
  • And particularly thefirst years of marriage,
  • 00:13:49.042 --> 00:13:51.511
  • where you want to protectthat relationship,
  • 00:13:51.511 --> 00:13:54.247
  • and it was hard for meto do, but I had to say,
  • 00:13:54.247 --> 00:13:56.416
  • you know what?
  • 00:13:56.416 --> 00:13:57.250
  • This is not healthy.
  • 00:13:57.250 --> 00:13:58.785
  • - But see, that's actuallyhow you break soul ties,
  • 00:13:58.785 --> 00:14:01.421
  • because, again, youjust have to remember,
  • 00:14:01.421 --> 00:14:03.290
  • it's your mind, yourwill, and your emotions.
  • 00:14:03.290 --> 00:14:04.958
  • So you have to first, youhave to protect your mind,
  • 00:14:04.958 --> 00:14:08.094
  • protect your thoughts,that could involve blocking
  • 00:14:08.094 --> 00:14:11.131
  • somebody, that couldmean unfriending,
  • 00:14:11.131 --> 00:14:13.199
  • that could mean sitting downand having a conversation,
  • 00:14:13.199 --> 00:14:15.268
  • like, this just isn't working.
  • 00:14:15.268 --> 00:14:16.770
  • And then you have toprotect your feelings,
  • 00:14:16.770 --> 00:14:18.305
  • because there are people whowill play on your emotions.
  • 00:14:18.305 --> 00:14:21.141
  • They just, they know yourbuttons, and you have
  • 00:14:21.141 --> 00:14:24.077
  • to set boundaries tosay, you know what?
  • 00:14:24.077 --> 00:14:26.012
  • - Or manipulate.
  • 00:14:26.012 --> 00:14:26.947
  • - Or they'll manipulate you.
  • 00:14:26.947 --> 00:14:28.148
  • And then I think it'sall about, again,
  • 00:14:28.148 --> 00:14:30.283
  • what you do too.
  • 00:14:30.283 --> 00:14:31.551
  • Because, like you said,you just had to sit down
  • 00:14:31.551 --> 00:14:33.653
  • with her and say, you know what?
  • 00:14:33.653 --> 00:14:34.487
  • This isn't gonna work.
  • 00:14:34.487 --> 00:14:35.655
  • But you have tochange your thoughts,
  • 00:14:35.655 --> 00:14:36.990
  • you have to changeyour feelings,
  • 00:14:36.990 --> 00:14:38.491
  • you have to change whatyou do and what you allow,
  • 00:14:38.491 --> 00:14:40.226
  • and that means(soft new age music)
  • 00:14:40.226 --> 00:14:41.161
  • setting boundaries.
  • 00:14:41.161 --> 00:14:43.663
  • That's how you resolve it.
  • 00:14:43.663 --> 00:14:45.532
  • - I think sometimespeople can make us feel
  • 00:14:45.532 --> 00:14:50.303
  • so responsible for them.
  • 00:14:50.303 --> 00:14:53.273
  • And I think that's whenpeople cross the line.
  • 00:14:54.441 --> 00:14:57.777
  • I am not betweenanybody and God.
  • 00:14:59.579 --> 00:15:03.717
  • And we have got to step outof the way, in some cases,
  • 00:15:03.717 --> 00:15:08.588
  • and let them have theirown communication with God,
  • 00:15:08.588 --> 00:15:12.525
  • let them have their ownexperience with God,
  • 00:15:12.525 --> 00:15:15.729
  • and don't ever put someonebetween you and God.
  • 00:15:15.729 --> 00:15:19.733
  • Because there is noplace for man there.
  • 00:15:20.934 --> 00:15:23.970
  • - I started traveling withmy parents when I was nine
  • 00:15:25.438 --> 00:15:27.007
  • years old, and so whenI got my record deal,
  • 00:15:27.007 --> 00:15:29.676
  • I started traveling, inbuses, and going on tours,
  • 00:15:29.676 --> 00:15:32.245
  • and there were a bunchof men on the road,
  • 00:15:32.245 --> 00:15:34.981
  • so I had to travelwith my mother.
  • 00:15:34.981 --> 00:15:37.217
  • So of course, my mom had totake care of her little girl.
  • 00:15:37.217 --> 00:15:39.986
  • - Which is normal, which is,
  • 00:15:39.986 --> 00:15:41.287
  • that part is normal.- It's the way
  • 00:15:41.287 --> 00:15:42.789
  • it should be, you shouldhave your mother with you
  • 00:15:42.789 --> 00:15:45.025
  • when you're 14, 15, 16, witha bunch of men all the time.
  • 00:15:45.025 --> 00:15:49.095
  • Not that anythingweird, just to be there.
  • 00:15:49.095 --> 00:15:51.898
  • - A protective layer.
  • 00:15:51.898 --> 00:15:53.800
  • - So fast forward, when Iwas 23, I accidentally got
  • 00:15:53.800 --> 00:15:57.904
  • married andintentionally divorced.
  • 00:15:57.904 --> 00:16:00.440
  • - I accidentally got married.
  • 00:16:01.941 --> 00:16:03.910
  • - I'll get into thatlater. (shared laughing)
  • 00:16:03.910 --> 00:16:05.745
  • Accidentally married andintentionally divorced.
  • 00:16:05.745 --> 00:16:08.782
  • In that marriage, my soulwas never tied to him,
  • 00:16:08.782 --> 00:16:12.218
  • because I knew it was amistake from the moment
  • 00:16:12.218 --> 00:16:14.421
  • I married him.
  • 00:16:14.421 --> 00:16:15.355
  • But, I remember, whenI was frustrated,
  • 00:16:16.756 --> 00:16:19.993
  • or sad or something, Iwould go to my mom's house,
  • 00:16:19.993 --> 00:16:23.196
  • because she was the safeplace, she was really,
  • 00:16:23.196 --> 00:16:27.567
  • she was home.
  • 00:16:27.567 --> 00:16:29.135
  • She was still my spiritualcovering, because this man
  • 00:16:29.135 --> 00:16:32.972
  • was not really a believer.
  • 00:16:32.972 --> 00:16:34.841
  • Now fast forward, I'mintentionally divorced,
  • 00:16:34.841 --> 00:16:36.476
  • and I marry the most amazingman, my husband Nick,
  • 00:16:36.476 --> 00:16:40.280
  • and I remember thefirst year of marriage,
  • 00:16:41.381 --> 00:16:43.616
  • it was a struggle gettingthat tie to my mother severed,
  • 00:16:43.616 --> 00:16:48.621
  • so I could truly betied to my husband.
  • 00:16:49.823 --> 00:16:52.492
  • It was hard; and, there arestill moments it's so hard
  • 00:16:52.492 --> 00:16:55.995
  • because I seek herapproval so much.
  • 00:16:55.995 --> 00:16:59.365
  • I want her so muchto be proud of me,
  • 00:16:59.365 --> 00:17:01.401
  • and think I'm a greatwife and a great mom,
  • 00:17:01.401 --> 00:17:03.803
  • but I don't need her approval.
  • 00:17:05.705 --> 00:17:07.707
  • She's mom, and I loveher, and I will honor her,
  • 00:17:09.109 --> 00:17:11.711
  • and I am so blessedthat she's my mother,
  • 00:17:11.711 --> 00:17:14.447
  • but I am with this man.
  • 00:17:14.447 --> 00:17:17.550
  • We are one, together.
  • 00:17:17.550 --> 00:17:19.586
  • - You're leaving and cleaving.
  • 00:17:19.586 --> 00:17:21.020
  • - Yes, and I never realizedthat that was actually
  • 00:17:21.020 --> 00:17:23.790
  • what was going on, untilthis word came into my life.
  • 00:17:23.790 --> 00:17:27.560
  • - Wow.
  • 00:17:27.560 --> 00:17:28.728
  • - Yes, isn't that,it's fascinating to me.
  • 00:17:28.728 --> 00:17:30.864
  • And so, I didn't realizethat that's what I had
  • 00:17:30.864 --> 00:17:34.467
  • been doing over thecourse of this timeframe
  • 00:17:34.467 --> 00:17:36.669
  • in our marriage, and howI never even had that
  • 00:17:36.669 --> 00:17:40.373
  • in the first marriage.
  • 00:17:40.373 --> 00:17:41.875
  • Never was truly tied tohim because I could never
  • 00:17:41.875 --> 00:17:43.743
  • let go of this.
  • 00:17:43.743 --> 00:17:45.245
  • - When you have someonenow coming alongside you,
  • 00:17:45.245 --> 00:17:49.082
  • there's a bond that happens,there's a chemical reaction,
  • 00:17:49.082 --> 00:17:53.119
  • it happens in intimacy,in the act of marriage,
  • 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:56.723
  • the act of sex, andalso it happens,
  • 00:17:56.723 --> 00:17:59.526
  • and that's a healthyconnection, because of course
  • 00:17:59.526 --> 00:18:01.528
  • you're gonna consummateyour marriage.
  • 00:18:01.528 --> 00:18:03.296
  • And so, that happens there,but Havilah Cunnington
  • 00:18:03.296 --> 00:18:06.599
  • has a great curriculumcalled Moral Revolution,
  • 00:18:06.599 --> 00:18:10.170
  • and she explainsthe process of that.
  • 00:18:10.170 --> 00:18:12.438
  • So, this chemical reactionthat happens, the bonding
  • 00:18:12.438 --> 00:18:15.341
  • that happens between amother and father to a child,
  • 00:18:15.341 --> 00:18:19.078
  • where it happenswhen you're married,
  • 00:18:19.078 --> 00:18:23.216
  • it happens in friendship,the bond, the connection,
  • 00:18:23.216 --> 00:18:26.252
  • but that bond issupposed to be broken
  • 00:18:26.252 --> 00:18:28.955
  • when you marry someone,and leaving your family.
  • 00:18:28.955 --> 00:18:32.959
  • And the unhealthy flow, it'salmost like an umbilical cord,
  • 00:18:32.959 --> 00:18:36.095
  • if you don't detach, alife flows through that.
  • 00:18:36.095 --> 00:18:40.099
  • It flows into that person, itflows into that connection,
  • 00:18:40.099 --> 00:18:43.269
  • it flows into that relationship.
  • 00:18:43.269 --> 00:18:45.271
  • So whether good orbad, it's not helpful,
  • 00:18:45.271 --> 00:18:48.074
  • especially in the processof bonding with your husband
  • 00:18:48.074 --> 00:18:52.612
  • or your wife, andit happened with us,
  • 00:18:52.612 --> 00:18:54.781
  • it was a unhealthy connection
  • 00:18:54.781 --> 00:18:56.616
  • my husband had with his mom.
  • 00:18:56.616 --> 00:18:58.785
  • - Interesting.
  • 00:18:58.785 --> 00:19:00.119
  • - Let's talk aboutthat. (shared laughing)
  • 00:19:00.119 --> 00:19:04.924
  • - Because the connection,it's, now you're in
  • 00:19:04.924 --> 00:19:08.127
  • the consulting phase ofbeing a parent where,
  • 00:19:08.127 --> 00:19:12.599
  • before he got married,that will always happen,
  • 00:19:12.599 --> 00:19:15.235
  • but now the interactionwill be less when you do
  • 00:19:15.235 --> 00:19:19.172
  • get married, so the benefitsof, you have all that time
  • 00:19:19.172 --> 00:19:22.375
  • with your child, awesome,but in the process
  • 00:19:22.375 --> 00:19:24.677
  • of bonding withyour new partner,
  • 00:19:24.677 --> 00:19:26.546
  • it becomes a challenge.
  • 00:19:26.546 --> 00:19:28.047
  • Then all of a sudden(soft new age music)
  • 00:19:28.047 --> 00:19:29.015
  • it's not just one woman,
  • 00:19:29.015 --> 00:19:30.350
  • now you have two women.(shared laughing)
  • 00:19:30.350 --> 00:19:33.586
  • - Yeah, I do not want tobe that mother in law.
  • 00:19:33.586 --> 00:19:36.222
  • I had a beautiful exampleof a mother in law,
  • 00:19:37.590 --> 00:19:41.561
  • and I want to replicate that.
  • 00:19:41.561 --> 00:19:44.831
  • I want to be supportive,
  • 00:19:44.831 --> 00:19:46.566
  • I want to be as muchAudrey's mama as Cody's mom,
  • 00:19:47.900 --> 00:19:52.572
  • and be there when they need me,
  • 00:19:53.439 --> 00:19:54.674
  • and learn to shut mymouth when they don't.
  • 00:19:54.674 --> 00:19:56.943
  • - My husband's very closeto his family as well,
  • 00:19:58.011 --> 00:20:00.246
  • and that was a struggle,when we got married,
  • 00:20:00.246 --> 00:20:02.615
  • because what happens is nowpeople feel like they have
  • 00:20:02.615 --> 00:20:05.318
  • license to actually comein and have opinion.
  • 00:20:05.318 --> 00:20:09.222
  • They feel like they havelicense because you're going
  • 00:20:09.222 --> 00:20:11.791
  • to them and you're actuallyconsulting them on things
  • 00:20:11.791 --> 00:20:15.028
  • that you really shouldbe looking to God for,
  • 00:20:15.028 --> 00:20:16.829
  • and you should be talkingto your spouse about.
  • 00:20:16.829 --> 00:20:18.464
  • - When I got married, myhusband's mom, who was
  • 00:20:18.464 --> 00:20:22.769
  • emotional, I and ever hadanybody be half an inch
  • 00:20:22.769 --> 00:20:26.306
  • away from my faceand yell in my face,
  • 00:20:26.306 --> 00:20:28.408
  • 'cause I'm Scottish,and we're just more,
  • 00:20:28.408 --> 00:20:29.742
  • we're just more.
  • 00:20:29.742 --> 00:20:30.576
  • So, I said to Barry, I thinkshe just feels left out,
  • 00:20:31.978 --> 00:20:34.280
  • because he's an only son,and he was so close to them.
  • 00:20:34.280 --> 00:20:37.717
  • In the morning I would sayto her, good morning, mom,
  • 00:20:37.717 --> 00:20:39.585
  • can I get you a cup of coffee?
  • 00:20:39.585 --> 00:20:40.553
  • And she would just be nothing.
  • 00:20:40.553 --> 00:20:41.788
  • So on the second day,Barry said to her,
  • 00:20:41.788 --> 00:20:43.589
  • listen mom, this is myhome, this is my wife,
  • 00:20:43.589 --> 00:20:46.559
  • you can either talk toher, or you should go home,
  • 00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:48.961
  • and she went home.
  • 00:20:48.961 --> 00:20:49.862
  • And it took me years of, butit was really important to me
  • 00:20:51.331 --> 00:20:55.034
  • that my husband made that clear,
  • 00:20:55.034 --> 00:20:57.203
  • 'cause I thought, what onearth is gonna happen here?
  • 00:20:57.203 --> 00:20:59.138
  • - You will become the enemy.
  • 00:20:59.138 --> 00:21:01.741
  • But he took ownershipof that time.
  • 00:21:01.741 --> 00:21:04.977
  • - Man, I love that.
  • 00:21:04.977 --> 00:21:06.512
  • - And said, no, this is howyou're gonna treat my wife.
  • 00:21:06.512 --> 00:21:09.549
  • - And then the, it wasinteresting, 'cause in the end
  • 00:21:09.549 --> 00:21:11.184
  • when she had liver cancer, Iwas the one that nursed her,
  • 00:21:11.184 --> 00:21:14.153
  • I was the one that heldher until the final.
  • 00:21:14.153 --> 00:21:16.222
  • And we became really close,because we'd established
  • 00:21:16.222 --> 00:21:19.425
  • boundaries,appropriate boundaries.
  • 00:21:19.425 --> 00:21:22.028
  • - For many of us that arepeering into this conversation,
  • 00:21:23.396 --> 00:21:26.599
  • it's, can it happen?
  • 00:21:26.599 --> 00:21:28.368
  • Can I live a whole life?
  • 00:21:28.368 --> 00:21:29.635
  • And I'm here tosay, yes you can.
  • 00:21:29.635 --> 00:21:31.704
  • Yes you can, you canhave healthy bonds,
  • 00:21:31.704 --> 00:21:34.307
  • you can have healthythinking, you can have
  • 00:21:34.307 --> 00:21:36.442
  • the most intimatemoments where you react
  • 00:21:37.543 --> 00:21:39.712
  • in a healthfulway, you can build
  • 00:21:39.712 --> 00:21:42.081
  • a healthy life, and havehealthy kids at the same time,
  • 00:21:42.081 --> 00:21:45.118
  • so praise Jesus, amen.(shared laughing)
  • 00:21:45.118 --> 00:21:47.887
  • (soft new age music)
  • 00:21:47.887 --> 00:21:49.288
  • - Would you let me pray for you?
  • 00:21:49.889 --> 00:21:50.857
  • Father God, I thank you thatyour love for us is so fierce
  • 00:21:53.025 --> 00:21:57.997
  • that you would notlive without us,
  • 00:21:59.198 --> 00:22:00.733
  • and that you sent your sonJesus to die in my place,
  • 00:22:00.733 --> 00:22:04.670
  • in our place.
  • 00:22:05.271 --> 00:22:06.506
  • I mean, Christ said,Father, punish me now,
  • 00:22:06.506 --> 00:22:09.976
  • for everything thatSheila Walsh will ever do.
  • 00:22:09.976 --> 00:22:13.379
  • And Lord, for thosewho are watching,
  • 00:22:13.379 --> 00:22:15.148
  • I ask you now to putyour own name in there,
  • 00:22:15.148 --> 00:22:18.351
  • and now Lord I wantto bring unhealthy
  • 00:22:18.351 --> 00:22:21.287
  • soul ties before you.
  • 00:22:21.287 --> 00:22:23.656
  • And if you're listeningto this prayer,
  • 00:22:23.656 --> 00:22:25.224
  • if you're watching this,just take a moment here,
  • 00:22:25.224 --> 00:22:28.761
  • and bring those names to mind.
  • 00:22:28.761 --> 00:22:30.530
  • People from your past,things in your past
  • 00:22:31.697 --> 00:22:34.000
  • that you don'twanna think about,
  • 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:35.468
  • but if it's something thatthe Holy Spirit brings
  • 00:22:35.468 --> 00:22:37.770
  • to your mind, then just speakthat out before the Lord.
  • 00:22:37.770 --> 00:22:42.375
  • And now, let's bringthe blood of Christ
  • 00:22:42.375 --> 00:22:45.478
  • to cover that, andto sever that tie.
  • 00:22:45.478 --> 00:22:48.881
  • Lord, I thank you thatthere is power in the name
  • 00:22:48.881 --> 00:22:51.851
  • of the Lord, that there'spower in the blood of the lamb.
  • 00:22:51.851 --> 00:22:55.621
  • And right now, in Jesus name,we choose, and we ask you Lord
  • 00:22:55.621 --> 00:23:00.526
  • that you would sever thoseties, cut them off from us,
  • 00:23:01.961 --> 00:23:04.163
  • set us free to bewhole and free,
  • 00:23:04.163 --> 00:23:07.333
  • that our allegiance isto you, and to you alone.
  • 00:23:07.333 --> 00:23:11.838
  • And we ask it in the powerfulname of Jesus Christ, amen.
  • 00:23:11.838 --> 00:23:16.242
  • - [Announcer] You can callthe number on your screen
  • 00:23:19.812 --> 00:23:21.547
  • right now to talkto a prayer partner.
  • 00:23:21.547 --> 00:23:23.683
  • We're here for you 24 hoursa day, seven days a week.
  • 00:23:23.683 --> 00:23:27.353
  • We love you, but mostimportantly, Jesus loves you.
  • 00:23:27.353 --> 00:23:31.090
  • - The sign of stuckness,when you're trying to walk
  • 00:23:31.090 --> 00:23:34.927
  • through inner healing,is when it begins to seep
  • 00:23:34.927 --> 00:23:37.864
  • into your world, whenit begins to leak,
  • 00:23:37.864 --> 00:23:40.733
  • in your relationships,especially for me
  • 00:23:40.733 --> 00:23:42.702
  • the indicator was my marriage.
  • 00:23:42.702 --> 00:23:44.670
  • You may have feltvictorious in one stage,
  • 00:23:44.670 --> 00:23:47.773
  • but there's also anotherstage after that.
  • 00:23:47.773 --> 00:23:50.276
  • So you don't celebrate at thebottom of the mountaintop,
  • 00:23:50.276 --> 00:23:53.446
  • if I could put it that way,
  • 00:23:53.446 --> 00:23:54.647
  • and when you'rescaling the mountain,
  • 00:23:54.647 --> 00:23:55.948
  • you don't celebrateat a hundred feet.
  • 00:23:55.948 --> 00:23:57.483
  • No, you have tocelebrate at the top.
  • 00:23:57.483 --> 00:23:59.685
  • And so I think weget so enamored
  • 00:23:59.685 --> 00:24:04.023
  • with little successes,but those little successes
  • 00:24:04.023 --> 00:24:06.993
  • sometimes will stop inthe middle of the process,
  • 00:24:06.993 --> 00:24:09.929
  • and we'll clap andapplaud ourselves,
  • 00:24:09.929 --> 00:24:12.798
  • but there's still along journey after that
  • 00:24:12.798 --> 00:24:16.135
  • that really needs to happen.
  • 00:24:16.135 --> 00:24:18.204
  • And so, for me, Istarted to see and notice
  • 00:24:18.204 --> 00:24:21.908
  • when I wasn't myself,when I began to seep into
  • 00:24:21.908 --> 00:24:25.578
  • old patterns of behavior,especially in my marriage,
  • 00:24:25.578 --> 00:24:28.781
  • and that pushed meto a better life,
  • 00:24:28.781 --> 00:24:32.251
  • that pushed me to abetter way of thinking,
  • 00:24:32.251 --> 00:24:34.453
  • that pushed me to havebetter relationships.
  • 00:24:34.453 --> 00:24:37.557
  • And so, inner healing,it's so important,
  • 00:24:37.557 --> 00:24:41.127
  • when you really haveto not stay stuck,
  • 00:24:41.127 --> 00:24:44.363
  • but keep moving.
  • 00:24:44.363 --> 00:24:45.865
  • Not stay in one place,but keep on going forward.
  • 00:24:45.865 --> 00:24:49.035
  • Because if you stay stuck,you can also see in the life
  • 00:24:49.035 --> 00:24:52.505
  • of Michael, in the OldTestament, she stayed stuck
  • 00:24:52.505 --> 00:24:55.608
  • in a moment, and it reallycaused a deep barreness
  • 00:24:55.608 --> 00:24:59.579
  • in her spirit, so to speak.
  • 00:24:59.579 --> 00:25:01.480
  • And so, you never wanna bethat, you don't wanna be
  • 00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:03.616
  • that kind of woman.
  • 00:25:03.616 --> 00:25:05.117
  • - [Announcer] You can streambetter together episodes
  • 00:25:05.117 --> 00:25:07.053
  • on the go; downloadthe TBN app to watch
  • 00:25:07.053 --> 00:25:09.722
  • all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:25:09.722 --> 00:25:11.524
  • Here's what's coming upnext on better together.
  • 00:25:13.726 --> 00:25:16.862
  • - Our brokennessis not our burden,
  • 00:25:16.862 --> 00:25:19.031
  • our brokenness is our ministry.
  • 00:25:19.031 --> 00:25:21.033
  • All those things thatwe've gone through,
  • 00:25:21.033 --> 00:25:23.302
  • the divorce, theabortion, the rape,
  • 00:25:23.302 --> 00:25:25.237
  • the bankruptcy, all ofthat, God wants to use
  • 00:25:25.237 --> 00:25:29.241
  • as a tool to free other people.
  • 00:25:29.241 --> 00:25:32.912
  • - [Announcer] WatchBetter Together weekdays,
  • 00:25:32.912 --> 00:25:34.647
  • and Tuesday nights, only on TBN.
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