Praise | May 05, 2017 | TBN

Praise | May 05, 2017

Watch Praise | May 05, 2017
May 9, 2017
57:31

Leon Fontaine hosts Dr. Henry Cloud.

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Praise | May 05, 2017

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  • - FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, LEADERSHIP
  • 00:00:01.230 --> 00:00:04.190
  • EXPERT, PSYCHOLOGIST AND BET SELLING AUTHOR DOCTOR
  • 00:00:04.210 --> 00:00:07.210
  • HENRY CLOUD AND HOST PASTOR, SPEAKER AND
  • 00:00:07.230 --> 00:00:10.270
  • AUTHOR LEON FONTAINE NEXT ON PRAISE.
  • 00:00:10.290 --> 00:00:15.020
  • 00:00:15.040 --> 00:00:28.150
  • 00:00:28.150 --> 00:00:41.150
  • 00:00:41.150 --> 00:00:53.240
  • - LEON FONTAINE: HEY, EVERYONE.
  • 00:00:53.260 --> 00:00:55.160
  • WELCOME TODAY.
  • 00:00:55.180 --> 00:00:57.020
  • IT'S SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU JOINING US.
  • 00:00:57.040 --> 00:00:58.280
  • WE HAVE GOT 60 MINUTES OF INCREDIBLE CONTENT
  • 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:01.040
  • BECAUSE DOCTOR HENRY CLOUD IS WITH US, AND WE
  • 00:01:01.060 --> 00:01:03.230
  • ARE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:01:03.250 --> 00:01:07.120
  • AND IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD ABOUT THIS TOPIC
  • 00:01:07.140 --> 00:01:09.180
  • YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT UNLESS YOU UNDERSTAND
  • 00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:12.190
  • BOUNDARIES, EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES, RELATIONSHIP
  • 00:01:12.210 --> 00:01:15.080
  • BOUNDARIES, WORK BOUNDARIES, MOTHER-IN-LAW
  • 00:01:15.100 --> 00:01:19.020
  • BOUNDARIES, iPAD BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:20.230
  • THIS TOPIC IS HUGE.
  • 00:01:20.250 --> 00:01:22.280
  • IT'S IMPORTANT, AND IT IS THE KEY TO HAVING GREAT
  • 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:25.020
  • RELATIONSHIPS, SO WELCOME, HENRY.
  • 00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:27.160
  • IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH US.
  • 00:01:27.180 --> 00:01:29.010
  • - DR. HENRY CLOUD: IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE.
  • 00:01:29.030 --> 00:01:31.050
  • THAT WAS A BIG LIST.
  • 00:01:31.070 --> 00:01:32.220
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:01:32.240 --> 00:01:34.130
  • - I'M IMPRESSED WITH THAT.
  • 00:01:34.150 --> 00:01:35.260
  • - I WANTED TO GO THROUGH YOUR BIO.
  • 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:37.080
  • - I'M A PSYCHOLOGIST.
  • 00:01:37.100 --> 00:01:38.280
  • YOU MENTIONED MOTHER-IN-LAW.
  • 00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:40.090
  • DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT?
  • 00:01:40.110 --> 00:01:41.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:01:41.190 --> 00:01:42.220
  • IS THAT TOP ON YOUR MIND.
  • 00:01:42.240 --> 00:01:44.040
  • - YOU KNOW WHAT'S NICE ABOUT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS
  • 00:01:44.060 --> 00:01:45.110
  • THAT SHE ACTUALLY LOOKED AFTER ME MORE THAN SALLY
  • 00:01:45.130 --> 00:01:46.250
  • SO SHE WAS A PRETTY SPECIAL LADY.
  • 00:01:46.270 --> 00:01:47.250
  • - YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:01:47.270 --> 00:01:49.150
  • I'VE GOT A GREAT MOTHER-IN-LAW TOO, SO I'M
  • 00:01:49.170 --> 00:01:51.010
  • ALL FOR THEM.
  • 00:01:51.030 --> 00:01:52.260
  • - NOW, YOU WROTE THIS BOOK 25 YEARS AGO, AND I
  • 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:54.110
  • FOUND OUT TODAY IT'S STILL WHEREIN REGARDS TO
  • 00:01:54.130 --> 00:01:56.050
  • THE BEST SELLERS?
  • 00:01:56.070 --> 00:01:59.050
  • - I HAVEN'T CHECKED THIS MONTH BUT THIS SPRING I
  • 00:01:59.070 --> 00:02:01.050
  • MEAN LIKE NUMBER TWO NEW YORK TIMES.
  • 00:02:01.070 --> 00:02:03.140
  • - I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD ABOUT SOMETHING DOING
  • 00:02:03.160 --> 00:02:05.000
  • THAT WELL FOR 25 YEARS.
  • 00:02:05.020 --> 00:02:06.280
  • - IT'S CRAZY.
  • 00:02:07.000 --> 00:02:09.120
  • - IT SHOWS THOUGH THAT IT'S TOUCHING PEOPLE.
  • 00:02:09.140 --> 00:02:11.090
  • - WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK WHAT IT SHOWS TOO
  • 00:02:11.110 --> 00:02:13.260
  • IS THAT WE ALL LIVE IN A I CALL IT THE POST
  • 00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:16.220
  • GENESIS 3 WORLD, AND THAT'S WHERE THE FIRST
  • 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:20.020
  • BOUNDARY PROBLEM WAS.
  • 00:02:20.040 --> 00:02:22.190
  • YOU KNOW, GOD MADE LIFE HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO
  • 00:02:22.210 --> 00:02:25.030
  • WORK, AND WE SCREW IT UP AND WE UNPLUG FROM HIM,
  • 00:02:25.050 --> 00:02:27.090
  • AND WE GOT ALL THIS MESS.
  • 00:02:27.110 --> 00:02:30.010
  • AND GOD SAYS, SO WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
  • 00:02:30.030 --> 00:02:31.220
  • THAT'S A PARAPHRASE.
  • 00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:33.080
  • AND ADAM, THE FIRST THING HE DID WAS HE DID NOT
  • 00:02:33.100 --> 00:02:35.170
  • TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
  • 00:02:35.190 --> 00:02:37.160
  • HE SAID WELL, IT WAS THE WOMAN YOU GAVE ME.
  • 00:02:37.180 --> 00:02:39.110
  • IT WASN'T ME.
  • 00:02:39.130 --> 00:02:41.090
  • AND THEN GOD TURNS TO HER AND SHE SAID IT WAS
  • 00:02:41.110 --> 00:02:42.170
  • THE SERPENT.
  • 00:02:42.190 --> 00:02:44.130
  • - AND YOU KNOW, BOUNDARY PROBLEMS ARE ABOUT LOSING
  • 00:02:44.150 --> 00:02:47.090
  • CONTROL OF OURSELVES AND BEING CONTROLLED BY
  • 00:02:47.110 --> 00:02:50.020
  • OTHERS AND BLAMING AND THIS WHOLE RESPONSIBILITY
  • 00:02:50.040 --> 00:02:52.060
  • AND SELF-CONTROL IS ONE OF THE BIG KEYS TO LIFE.
  • 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:54.160
  • - OKAY.
  • 00:02:54.180 --> 00:02:56.180
  • IN YOUR BOOK, YOU USE I THINK YOU PROBABLY
  • 00:02:56.200 --> 00:02:58.230
  • CHANGED THE NAMES BUT IN YEARS OF CLINICAL
  • 00:02:58.250 --> 00:03:01.120
  • COUNSELING YOU HAD FAMILY AFTER FAMILY, COUPLE
  • 00:03:01.140 --> 00:03:03.210
  • AFTER COUPLE COME IN HERE, AND YOU BEGAN TO
  • 00:03:03.230 --> 00:03:06.060
  • RECOGNIZE I THINK THAT THIS ISSUE OF BOUNDARIES
  • 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:08.210
  • WAS SO HUGE.
  • 00:03:08.230 --> 00:03:10.210
  • BUT LET'S PAINT A PICTURE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE
  • 00:03:10.230 --> 00:03:12.220
  • LISTENING WHO GO OH YEAH, BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:15.050
  • HOW CRUCIAL, HOW PAINFUL IS LIFE IF YOU DON'T
  • 00:03:15.070 --> 00:03:17.220
  • FIGURE THIS OUT?
  • 00:03:17.240 --> 00:03:19.200
  • - IT CAN BE EXTRAORDINARILY PAINFUL.
  • 00:03:19.220 --> 00:03:21.290
  • AND YOU KNOW, AS A PSYCHOLOGIST I TEND TO
  • 00:03:22.010 --> 00:03:24.050
  • FOCUS ON I TALK ABOUT THREE AREAS OF OUR LIFE
  • 00:03:24.070 --> 00:03:26.200
  • THAT OUR LIFE IS LIKE A PIE, AND ONE OF THE BIG
  • 00:03:26.220 --> 00:03:28.250
  • AREAS OBVIOUSLY IS OUR RELATIONSHIPS.
  • 00:03:28.270 --> 00:03:31.040
  • AND THERE'S SO MUCH PAIN IN OUR RELATIONAL LIFE A
  • 00:03:31.060 --> 00:03:34.210
  • LOT OF TIMES BECAUSE OF BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:03:34.230 --> 00:03:36.140
  • JUST NEXT FOR EXAMPLE IF YOU HAVE ANYONE IN YOUR
  • 00:03:36.160 --> 00:03:39.040
  • LIFE, YOU KNOW, EXTENDED FAMILY OR FRIEND OR
  • 00:03:39.060 --> 00:03:41.130
  • ANYBODY THAT IS BASICALLY NOT TREATING YOU WELL AND
  • 00:03:41.150 --> 00:03:44.170
  • YOU TALK TO THEM, AND THEY WON'T STOP OR THEY
  • 00:03:44.190 --> 00:03:47.100
  • WON'T GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER OR THEY'RE ON
  • 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:50.020
  • DRUGS OR THEY'RE IRRESPONSIBLE, THAT'S A
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  • BOUNDARY PROBLEM.
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  • AND THAT PAIN CAN ACTUALLY BE ALLEVIATED
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  • WHEN WE UNDERSTAND WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:03:56.260 --> 00:04:00.050
  • SO THE RELATIONSHIP AREA, THE SECOND ONE IS THE
  • 00:04:00.070 --> 00:04:02.200
  • CLINICAL AREA, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY,
  • 00:04:02.220 --> 00:04:04.210
  • ADDICTIONS ALL OF THOSE CLINICAL PROBLEMS
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  • SOMEWHERE HAVE WITHIN THE MIX THERE'S A BOUNDARY
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  • PROBLEM SOMEWHERE THAT HAS TO BE WORKED OUT.
  • 00:04:11.100 --> 00:04:14.020
  • - THAT'S HUGE LIKE THAT CASE.
  • 00:04:14.040 --> 00:04:16.010
  • SO I'M GOING TO SAY THIS BACK TO YOU, YOU'RE
  • 00:04:16.030 --> 00:04:18.030
  • SAYING THEN THAT YOU TAKE ADDICTIONS, YOU TAKE ANY
  • 00:04:18.050 --> 00:04:20.130
  • OF THE PROBLEMS THAT ARE THERE, DEPRESSION, ET
  • 00:04:20.150 --> 00:04:22.260
  • CETERA, THAT YOU'RE GOING TO FIND SOMEWHERE
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  • IN THIS MIX WHEN YOU WORK WITH THIS PERSON
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  • BOUNDARIES ARE GOING, SO YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING
  • 00:04:27.250 --> 00:04:30.090
  • EVERYBODY'S GOT A PROBLEM IN A WAY.
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  • - WE ALL DO, AND IT IS NOT THAT IT'S JUST
  • 00:04:32.210 --> 00:04:34.260
  • BOUNDARY PROBLEMS THAT CAUSE DEPRESSION,
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  • ADDICTIONS, BUT WHAT I SAID WAS EXACTLY THE WAY
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  • YOU REPEATED IT, THERE'S GOING TO BE A BOUNDARY
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  • PROBLEM IN THERE THAT HAS TO BE RESOLVED BEFORE WE
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  • FULLY GET OVER THE DEPRESSION OR THE ANXIETY
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  • OR THE PANIC DISORDER OR WHATEVER IT IS.
  • 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:49.290
  • AND THEN THE THIRD AREA, AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT
  • 00:04:50.010 --> 00:04:52.230
  • ONE, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT ENOUGH BUT IT'S WHAT I
  • 00:04:52.250 --> 00:04:56.060
  • CALL A PERFORMANCE ARENA WHERE SEE, GOD MADE EACH
  • 00:04:56.080 --> 00:04:58.270
  • OF US WITH GIFTS AND ABILITIES IN VARIOUS
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  • CONTEXTS, AND WE OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO FIND OUT
  • 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:05.240
  • WHAT OUR GIFTS ARE AND WHAT OUR ABILITIES ARE,
  • 00:05:05.260 --> 00:05:08.290
  • AND THEN HAVE A DREAM AND HAVE THAT DREAM COME
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  • TO FRUITION.
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  • BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT'S A BOUNDARY PROBLEM.
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  • - OKAY.
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  • - ONE OF THE THINGS, I WAS TALKING -I GOT FIVE
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  • KIDS AND THEY'RE ALL GROWN UP AND SOME OF THEM
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  • ARE MARRIED.
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  • - OH.
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  • [ LAUGHTER ]
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  • - SALLY DESERVES THAT I THINK, BUT WHENEVER WE
  • 00:05:26.070 --> 00:05:28.260
  • WOULD TALK AND I WOULD MEET SOME OF THEIR
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  • FRIENDS WHO WERE BRILLIANT, YOU KNOW, IN
  • 00:05:30.230 --> 00:05:32.230
  • AN AREA, THEY GRADUATED TOP OF THEIR CLASSES AND
  • 00:05:32.250 --> 00:05:34.260
  • THEY'RE BRILLIANT IN WORK OR, BUT IF THEY DID NOT
  • 00:05:34.280 --> 00:05:37.130
  • HAVE THEIR SOCIAL LIFE, IF THEY WERE NOT SOCIALLY
  • 00:05:37.150 --> 00:05:40.210
  • INTELLIGENT IF I COULD PUT IT THAT WAY, THEY'RE
  • 00:05:40.230 --> 00:05:43.150
  • SO UNHAPPY.
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  • AND WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS THAT IF YOU
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  • DON'T LEARN AND UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES AND
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  • BOUNDARIES IN A MAN AND A WIFE THAT YOUR MARRIAGE
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  • CAN BE SO PAINFUL.
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  • IT COULD BE THE MOST PAINFUL THING YOU GOT
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  • UNTIL -LIKE WHEN I FIRST READ THE BOOK ON
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  • BOUNDARIES, I MEAN, IT WAS YEARS AGO, AND MY
  • 00:05:58.190 --> 00:06:00.290
  • EYES JUST OPENED UP TO ME AND WHAT I WAS ALLOWING
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  • PEOPLE TO DO TO ME.
  • 00:06:03.260 --> 00:06:05.220
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:07.020
  • - IT SET ME FREE.
  • 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:08.230
  • - WELL, WE TALK ABOUT BOUNDARIES AS THE EASIEST
  • 00:06:08.250 --> 00:06:11.020
  • DEFINITION, A BOUNDARY IS A PROPERTY LINE, OKAY.
  • 00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:14.090
  • WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOUR HOUSE, YOUR
  • 00:06:14.110 --> 00:06:16.110
  • APARTMENT, WHEREVER YOU LIVE, THERE'S A PROPERTY
  • 00:06:16.130 --> 00:06:18.230
  • LINE THAT SAYS THIS IS WHAT YOU OWN OR YOU RENT
  • 00:06:18.250 --> 00:06:21.180
  • SO YOU CONTROL IT.
  • 00:06:21.200 --> 00:06:23.180
  • THIS IS YOURS, ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:06:23.200 --> 00:06:25.230
  • NOW, THERE'S A PROPERTY LINE, AND NEXT DOOR THE
  • 00:06:25.250 --> 00:06:28.040
  • BIBLE SAYS IS YOUR NEIGHBOR, AND THAT'S
  • 00:06:28.060 --> 00:06:30.020
  • THEIR PROPERTY, ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:06:30.040 --> 00:06:32.010
  • SO WHAT HAPPENS IN LIFE?
  • 00:06:32.030 --> 00:06:34.060
  • WELL, PEOPLE STEP OVER THE LINE.
  • 00:06:34.080 --> 00:06:36.230
  • THE BIBLE CALLS THAT, INTERESTING WORD, TALKING
  • 00:06:36.250 --> 00:06:40.130
  • ABOUT SIN, TRESPASSING.
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  • WHEN YOU TRESPASS, YOU GET OVER THE LINE.
  • 00:06:44.090 --> 00:06:48.050
  • YOU GET OVER THE BOUNDARY, AND WE STEP IN
  • 00:06:48.070 --> 00:06:50.270
  • EACH OTHER'S LIFE, AND WE'LL THROW TRASH IN YOUR
  • 00:06:50.290 --> 00:06:53.060
  • YARD, OR WE WON'T CLEAN UP OUR YARD AND THE TRASH
  • 00:06:53.080 --> 00:06:55.140
  • STARTS TO FALL OVER THE FENCE, OR WE STAND THERE
  • 00:06:55.160 --> 00:06:58.020
  • AND SHOOT YOU WITH A SLING SHOT, OR COME PAINT
  • 00:06:58.040 --> 00:07:01.050
  • YOUR HOUSE GREEN WHEN YOU WANT IT BLUE.
  • 00:07:01.070 --> 00:07:03.190
  • THAT'S A CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR, SO VERY IMPORTANT.
  • 00:07:03.210 --> 00:07:08.040
  • - I KNOW EVEN AS A PASTOR WHEN I WOULD WALK
  • 00:07:08.060 --> 00:07:10.040
  • THE HALLWAYS OF THE CHURCH IF SOMEONE GOT
  • 00:07:10.060 --> 00:07:12.100
  • HOLD OF ME, THEY'D ASK ME QUESTIONS THAT WERE
  • 00:07:12.120 --> 00:07:13.140
  • SO PERSONAL.
  • 00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:15.060
  • AND I JUST FELT LIKE THEY'VE CROSSED A BOUNDARY.
  • 00:07:15.080 --> 00:07:16.140
  • OH PASTOR --
  • 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:18.030
  • - YOU FEEL IT INSIDE, RIGHT?
  • 00:07:18.050 --> 00:07:19.070
  • - YOU DO.
  • 00:07:19.090 --> 00:07:20.150
  • LIKE WHAT KIND OF BIRTH CONTROL ARE YOU GUYS ON?
  • 00:07:20.170 --> 00:07:21.180
  • I'M GOING, HELLO?
  • 00:07:21.200 --> 00:07:23.080
  • THAT'S NOT A CONVERSATION I'M GOING TO HAVE WITH YOU.
  • 00:07:23.100 --> 00:07:24.160
  • BUT I'M SERIOUS.
  • 00:07:24.180 --> 00:07:26.260
  • IT'S THINGS LIKE THAT.
  • 00:07:26.280 --> 00:07:29.010
  • - I THOUGHT I'D HEARD ALL THE BOUNDARY PROBLEM.
  • 00:07:29.030 --> 00:07:30.200
  • PASTORS BEING ASKED WHAT KIND OF BIRTH CONTROL
  • 00:07:30.220 --> 00:07:32.040
  • THEY'RE ON.
  • 00:07:32.060 --> 00:07:33.180
  • I HADN'T HEARD THAT.
  • 00:07:33.200 --> 00:07:35.010
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:07:35.030 --> 00:07:36.290
  • - ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER IT?
  • 00:07:37.010 --> 00:07:38.090
  • - I'M NOT ANSWERING IT.
  • 00:07:38.110 --> 00:07:39.260
  • - THAT WAS A BOUNDARY.
  • 00:07:39.280 --> 00:07:41.060
  • SEE, HE SAID I'M NOT ANSWERING THAT SO IT'S
  • 00:07:41.080 --> 00:07:42.090
  • OKAY TO SAY NO.
  • 00:07:42.110 --> 00:07:43.140
  • - I'M LEARNING SEE.
  • 00:07:43.160 --> 00:07:45.070
  • IT WAS A NO.
  • 00:07:45.090 --> 00:07:46.210
  • BUT FOR THOSE THAT ARE WATCHING TODAY, IF
  • 00:07:46.230 --> 00:07:48.140
  • THERE'S AN AREA OF PAIN WHERE, YOU KNOW -AND I
  • 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:50.140
  • THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THEY
  • 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:52.050
  • FEEL SO YUCK WITH SOME PEOPLE.
  • 00:07:52.070 --> 00:07:54.160
  • - THAT'S RIGHT.
  • 00:07:54.180 --> 00:07:57.010
  • - AND THEY JUST FEEL LIKE THEY NEED TO GET
  • 00:07:57.030 --> 00:07:58.200
  • AWAY FROM THEM AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.
  • 00:07:58.220 --> 00:08:00.210
  • - BUT WHAT YOU'VE SAID IS SO IMPORTANT.
  • 00:08:00.230 --> 00:08:03.150
  • YOU SAID, WHEN THAT PERSON STARTED TO CROSS
  • 00:08:03.170 --> 00:08:06.010
  • THAT LINE, YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL IT,
  • 00:08:06.030 --> 00:08:09.050
  • RIGHT, BUT SOMETHING INSIDE OF YOU SAID,
  • 00:08:09.070 --> 00:08:11.090
  • WAIT A MINUTE.
  • 00:08:11.110 --> 00:08:13.060
  • SOMETHING IS NOT OKAY HERE.
  • 00:08:13.080 --> 00:08:15.000
  • VERY INTERESTING.
  • 00:08:15.020 --> 00:08:17.070
  • THE BIBLE TELLS US IN HEBREWS CHAPTER SOMETHING.
  • 00:08:17.090 --> 00:08:21.140
  • I THINK IT'S FIVE, IT SAYS THAT SOLID FOOD IS
  • 00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:24.020
  • FOR THE MATURE WHO THROUGH PRACTICE OR
  • 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:27.170
  • EXPERIENCE, GET THIS PHRASE, HAVE LEARNED
  • 00:08:27.190 --> 00:08:31.180
  • THROUGH THEIR SENSES BEING TRAINED TO DISCERN
  • 00:08:31.200 --> 00:08:38.000
  • GOOD FROM EVIL.
  • 00:08:38.020 --> 00:08:39.260
  • YOUR SENSES.
  • 00:08:39.280 --> 00:08:41.170
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:08:41.190 --> 00:08:43.020
  • - ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:08:43.040 --> 00:08:44.110
  • NOW THINK ABOUT THIS.
  • 00:08:44.130 --> 00:08:46.000
  • WE KNOW THIS.
  • 00:08:46.020 --> 00:08:47.250
  • WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE NEUROLOGY OF HOW GOD
  • 00:08:47.270 --> 00:08:49.220
  • WIRED US, YOUR ENTIRE NERVOUS SYSTEM ALL THE
  • 00:08:49.240 --> 00:08:51.210
  • WAY THROUGH YOUR SPINAL COLUMN FEARS SINNERS,
  • 00:08:51.230 --> 00:08:53.080
  • DISCOMFORT SINNERS.
  • 00:08:53.100 --> 00:08:55.080
  • GOD HAS WIRED YOU WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT GOOD,
  • 00:08:55.100 --> 00:08:57.260
  • THE HAIR GOES UP ON YOUR BACK, RIGHT?
  • 00:08:57.280 --> 00:09:00.080
  • YOU START TO FEEL.
  • 00:09:00.100 --> 00:09:02.120
  • THERE'S A -YOU HAVE A SENSE.
  • 00:09:02.140 --> 00:09:05.280
  • PEOPLE CALL IT A GUT FEELING LIKE SOMETHING IS
  • 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:07.260
  • NOT -AND I LOVE THAT VERSE BECAUSE IT SAYS
  • 00:09:07.280 --> 00:09:09.290
  • THAT OUR SENSES HAVE GOT TO BE TRAINED.
  • 00:09:10.010 --> 00:09:11.210
  • - I LIKE THAT WORD.
  • 00:09:11.230 --> 00:09:12.290
  • - EXPERIENCE.
  • 00:09:13.010 --> 00:09:14.160
  • SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS.
  • 00:09:14.180 --> 00:09:16.150
  • YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY MIGHT COME
  • 00:09:16.170 --> 00:09:18.100
  • FROM ABUSIVE BACKGROUNDS OR THEY MIGHT COME FROM
  • 00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:20.140
  • OVERLY RELIGIOUS BACK ROUNDS THAT AREN'T
  • 00:09:20.160 --> 00:09:22.170
  • BIBLICAL BUT THEY'RE INTO RELIGION, THEY'LL SAY
  • 00:09:22.190 --> 00:09:25.100
  • THINGS LIKE, YOU KNOW, THAT HURTS.
  • 00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:28.270
  • AND A PARENT WILL GO, SHUT UP OR I'LL GIVE YOU
  • 00:09:28.290 --> 00:09:31.110
  • SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT.
  • 00:09:31.130 --> 00:09:34.000
  • NOW, THINK ABOUT THAT.
  • 00:09:34.020 --> 00:09:36.010
  • YOUR SENSES THAT GOD WIRED YOU WITH ARE SAYING
  • 00:09:36.030 --> 00:09:38.090
  • WAIT A MINUTE, THAT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD.
  • 00:09:38.110 --> 00:09:40.070
  • BUT YOU'RE BEING TRAINED OUT OF YOUR SENSES, OR
  • 00:09:40.090 --> 00:09:42.230
  • YOU'RE GIVING TO A RELATIVE AND YOU LEND
  • 00:09:42.250 --> 00:09:46.110
  • THEM $100 OR SOMETHING TO HELP THEM OUT OF A BIND.
  • 00:09:46.130 --> 00:09:49.130
  • AND THEN THEY COME BACK 15 MINUTES LATER, WELL, I
  • 00:09:49.150 --> 00:09:52.160
  • NEED ANOTHER -I'M BAILING THIS PERSON OUT, AND
  • 00:09:52.180 --> 00:09:56.250
  • THERE'S SOMETHING -AND THEN THEY SAID WELL,
  • 00:09:56.270 --> 00:09:58.250
  • DON'T YOU LOVE ME?
  • 00:09:58.270 --> 00:10:01.270
  • I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CHRISTIAN.
  • 00:10:01.290 --> 00:10:04.190
  • AND YOU GET TALKED OUT OF YOUR SENSES.
  • 00:10:04.210 --> 00:10:07.050
  • - THAT IS SO TRUE.
  • 00:10:07.070 --> 00:10:08.250
  • - AND GOD WANTS TO --
  • 00:10:08.270 --> 00:10:10.190
  • - SO TRUE.
  • 00:10:10.210 --> 00:10:12.200
  • - RESTORE YOU BACK TO YOUR SENSES.
  • 00:10:12.220 --> 00:10:14.110
  • - YOUR SENSES.
  • 00:10:14.130 --> 00:10:16.050
  • BECAUSE I WAS LITERALLY TRAINED BY I DON'T MEAN
  • 00:10:16.070 --> 00:10:18.110
  • MY PARENTS, I SOMEHOW PICKED THIS UP THAT I HAD
  • 00:10:18.130 --> 00:10:20.140
  • TO BE LIKE JESUS, AND JESUS WOULD DO ANYTHING
  • 00:10:20.160 --> 00:10:22.290
  • FOR ANYONE.
  • 00:10:23.010 --> 00:10:25.150
  • HE WOULD MEET EVERY NEED THEY HAD.
  • 00:10:25.170 --> 00:10:28.020
  • IF THEY JUST ASKED, HE WOULD RESPOND.
  • 00:10:28.040 --> 00:10:30.270
  • IT ALMOST KILLED ME PASTORING IN THE FIRST
  • 00:10:30.290 --> 00:10:32.220
  • FEW YEARS.
  • 00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:34.130
  • IT ALMOST KILLED ME.
  • 00:10:34.150 --> 00:10:36.080
  • - IT WILL.
  • 00:10:36.100 --> 00:10:37.270
  • AND THAT IS SUCH A GOOD POINT AS WELL.
  • 00:10:37.290 --> 00:10:39.190
  • YOU KNOW, IT'S SO INTERESTING WHEN YOU SEE
  • 00:10:39.210 --> 00:10:42.030
  • THE STUFF THAT'S OFTEN TIMES TAUGHT IN THE
  • 00:10:42.050 --> 00:10:43.290
  • CHURCH, RIGHT.
  • 00:10:44.010 --> 00:10:45.290
  • AND IN THE NAME OF LOVE WHAT WE DO IS OVEREXTEND
  • 00:10:46.010 --> 00:10:48.210
  • PEOPLE, AND WE BURN THEM OUT, AND THEY FEEL GUILTY.
  • 00:10:48.230 --> 00:10:50.220
  • THEY CAN'T SAY NO.
  • 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:52.150
  • BUT THAT'S CHURCHIANITY.
  • 00:10:52.170 --> 00:10:54.160
  • THAT'S NOT THE WORD OF GOD.
  • 00:10:54.180 --> 00:10:56.130
  • - SO TRUE.
  • 00:10:56.150 --> 00:10:58.140
  • - ONE OF MY FAVORITE BURN OUT STORIES.
  • 00:10:58.160 --> 00:11:00.140
  • MOSES WAS SITTING THERE AND HE'S THE COUNSELOR,
  • 00:11:00.160 --> 00:11:02.040
  • AND HE'S GOT ALL THESE CLIENTS COMING TO HIM AND
  • 00:11:02.060 --> 00:11:05.100
  • ALL THIS STUFF, AND JETHRO, HIS
  • 00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:07.190
  • FATHER-IN-LAW, LOOKS AT HIM.
  • 00:11:07.210 --> 00:11:10.080
  • HE SAYS, MOSES, WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS NOT GOOD.
  • 00:11:10.100 --> 00:11:13.140
  • YOU WILL BURN YOURSELF OUT.
  • 00:11:13.160 --> 00:11:15.240
  • YOU WILL WEAR YOURSELF OUT.
  • 00:11:15.260 --> 00:11:18.180
  • AND MOSES GOES, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
  • 00:11:18.200 --> 00:11:20.080
  • I'M HELPING THE PEOPLE.
  • 00:11:20.100 --> 00:11:22.120
  • HOW CAN THIS NOT BE GOOD.
  • 00:11:22.140 --> 00:11:24.230
  • HE SAID, YOU'RE GOING TO BURN YOURSELF OUT.
  • 00:11:24.250 --> 00:11:26.200
  • AND THEN HE SAYS DRAW A BOUNDARY AROUND YOUR
  • 00:11:26.220 --> 00:11:29.050
  • WORK, AND SAY LOOK, YOU RESERVE THESE KIND OF
  • 00:11:29.070 --> 00:11:33.130
  • CASES FOR YOU, AND YOU OFF LOAD THESE OTHER ONES
  • 00:11:33.150 --> 00:11:37.000
  • TO OTHER PEOPLE.
  • 00:11:37.020 --> 00:11:39.030
  • THAT WAS THE FIRST WORK LIFE BALANCE.
  • 00:11:39.050 --> 00:11:41.050
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:11:41.070 --> 00:11:42.260
  • - BOUNDARY.
  • 00:11:42.280 --> 00:11:45.020
  • BUT THEN YOU GO OVER IN THE NEW TESTAMENT AND
  • 00:11:45.040 --> 00:11:47.020
  • THERE'S A MILLION EXAMPLES OF THESE, BUT
  • 00:11:47.040 --> 00:11:49.070
  • LIKE 1 CORINTHIANS 9:7 SAYS GIVE AS YOU
  • 00:11:49.090 --> 00:11:53.020
  • HAVE PURPOSED IN YOUR HEART, AS YOU'VE DECIDED IN YOUR
  • 00:11:53.040 --> 00:11:56.270
  • HEART, FOR GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER.
  • 00:11:56.290 --> 00:12:01.290
  • IT SAYS DON'T GIVE UNDER COMPULSION
  • 00:12:02.010 --> 00:12:05.240
  • OR BEGRUDGINGLY.
  • 00:12:05.260 --> 00:12:08.010
  • - THAT SAID ME FREE, THAT VERSE.
  • 00:12:08.030 --> 00:12:11.030
  • - NOW, THINK ABOUT THOSE TWO WORDS, GIVE AS YOU
  • 00:12:11.050 --> 00:12:12.190
  • PURPOSE IN YOUR HEART NOT UNDER COMPULSION
  • 00:12:12.210 --> 00:12:14.280
  • OR BEGRUDGINGLY.
  • 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:16.290
  • WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN?
  • 00:12:17.010 --> 00:12:18.290
  • WELL, UNDER COMPULSION, I CAN TELL YOU THIS AS A
  • 00:12:19.010 --> 00:12:20.290
  • PSYCHOLOGIST, A COMPULSION IS SOMETHING
  • 00:12:21.010 --> 00:12:23.080
  • YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO DO.
  • 00:12:23.100 --> 00:12:25.200
  • THE GUILT IS TALKING TO YOU.
  • 00:12:25.220 --> 00:12:27.030
  • THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO YOU.
  • 00:12:27.050 --> 00:12:28.240
  • I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR THIS PERSON AND I'M NOT
  • 00:12:28.260 --> 00:12:30.200
  • FREE TO SAY NO.
  • 00:12:30.220 --> 00:12:32.220
  • AND THEN HE SAYS OR BEGRUDGINGLY.
  • 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:34.220
  • BEGRUDGINGLY IS WHEN I PUSH YOU AND PUSH YOU,
  • 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:38.260
  • AND YOU DON'T GIVE.
  • 00:12:38.280 --> 00:12:40.230
  • YOU GIVE IN BEGRUDGINGLY.
  • 00:12:40.250 --> 00:12:43.080
  • YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, BUT YOU'RE
  • 00:12:43.100 --> 00:12:45.190
  • GIVING IN.
  • 00:12:45.210 --> 00:12:47.180
  • AND GOD SAYS NO, FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO
  • 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:49.270
  • GIVE TO EACH PERSON, HOW MUCH TIME, HOW MUCH
  • 00:12:49.290 --> 00:12:51.210
  • RESOURCES, HOW MUCH ENERGY.
  • 00:12:51.230 --> 00:12:54.050
  • AND THEN GIVE THAT, BUT DO IT FREELY.
  • 00:12:54.070 --> 00:12:56.200
  • AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
  • 00:12:56.220 --> 00:12:58.140
  • YOU GO PAST THAT AND YOU'RE IN I THINK THE
  • 00:12:58.160 --> 00:13:03.050
  • BIBLE -NO, IT'S JUST IN THE GREEK OFFER HEBREW
  • 00:13:03.070 --> 00:13:04.250
  • WHERE IT SAYS CO DEPENDENT HELL. CAN YOU --
  • 00:13:04.270 --> 00:13:06.210
  • - WE'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO TOUCH -LIKE
  • 00:13:06.230 --> 00:13:11.000
  • THE BOOK COVERS SO MUCH MATERIAL THAT IF YOU'RE
  • 00:13:11.020 --> 00:13:13.030
  • LOOKING AT YOUR FIVE MONTH OLD AND TRYING TO
  • 00:13:13.050 --> 00:13:15.130
  • FIGURE THIS OUT AND A THREE YEAR OLD, YOU
  • 00:13:15.150 --> 00:13:17.160
  • LITERALLY COVER RAISING KIDS, MARRIAGE,
  • 00:13:17.180 --> 00:13:19.190
  • MOTHER-IN-LAWS, FATHER-IN-LAWS,
  • 00:13:19.210 --> 00:13:21.080
  • YOU PERSONALLY.
  • 00:13:21.100 --> 00:13:23.050
  • LIKE YESTERDAY JUST BEFORE I CAME -NO, TODAY
  • 00:13:23.070 --> 00:13:25.040
  • IS TUESDAY.
  • 00:13:25.060 --> 00:13:27.260
  • SUNDAY, I WAS WALKING THE CHURCH HALLWAY AND A
  • 00:13:27.280 --> 00:13:30.080
  • GENTLEMAN TALKED TO ME ABOUT HIS WIFE OF 20, 30
  • 00:13:30.100 --> 00:13:32.070
  • YEARS WHO IS LEAVING HIM, AND HE SAYS SHE SAYS THAT
  • 00:13:32.090 --> 00:13:34.190
  • HE'S A CONTROLLING HUSBAND.
  • 00:13:34.210 --> 00:13:39.040
  • AND IT'S LIKE 20 YEARS LATER SHE DECIDES SHE'S
  • 00:13:39.060 --> 00:13:41.260
  • FINISHED, SHE'S DONE, AND IT'S LIKE I DON'T
  • 00:13:41.280 --> 00:13:43.180
  • THINK SHE EVER EVER TOLD HIM.
  • 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:46.000
  • IT WAS JUST ONE DAY SHE'D HAD ENOUGH, AND BAM!
  • 00:13:46.020 --> 00:13:48.190
  • SHE SHOULD HAVE PROBABLY BEGAN TO BUILD HER OWN
  • 00:13:48.210 --> 00:13:52.140
  • BOUNDARY BECAUSE BOUNDARIES AREN'T ME
  • 00:13:52.160 --> 00:13:54.230
  • PUTTING BOUNDARIES ON YOU.
  • 00:13:54.250 --> 00:13:56.200
  • THEY'RE PERSONAL, CORRECT?
  • 00:13:56.220 --> 00:13:58.130
  • - RIGHT. IT'S SELF CONTROL.
  • 00:13:58.150 --> 00:14:01.000
  • AND IT'S INTERESTING -YOU KNOW, THAT IS A GREAT
  • 00:14:01.020 --> 00:14:03.270
  • EXAMPLE BECAUSE WHEN WE HAVE DIFFICULTY, AND I
  • 00:14:03.290 --> 00:14:09.140
  • HATE THE WORD CONFRONT BECAUSE IT SOUNDS SO
  • 00:14:09.160 --> 00:14:11.170
  • AGGRESSIVE, LITERALLY THE WORD CONFRONT MEANS TO
  • 00:14:11.190 --> 00:14:13.120
  • TURN YOUR FACE TOWARD SOMETHING.
  • 00:14:13.140 --> 00:14:15.170
  • THAT'S WHERE THE WORD COMES FROM, SO WHEN WE
  • 00:14:15.190 --> 00:14:17.190
  • CAN TURN OUR FACE TOWARDS AN ISSUE, SHE COULD HAVE
  • 00:14:17.210 --> 00:14:19.170
  • SAID TO HIM, YOU KNOW, I WANT US TO BE CLOSE.
  • 00:14:19.190 --> 00:14:22.230
  • I WANT US TO HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE, BUT THERE'S
  • 00:14:22.250 --> 00:14:24.280
  • CERTAIN THINGS WHEN YOU DO IT, IT CAUSES ME TO
  • 00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:27.050
  • MOVE AWAY FROM YOU REALLY.
  • 00:14:27.070 --> 00:14:29.150
  • AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT, RIGHT?
  • 00:14:29.170 --> 00:14:31.170
  • AND SHE COULD HAVE HAD THAT.
  • 00:14:31.190 --> 00:14:33.180
  • WELL, THERE WAS SOMETHING IN HER -INSIDE OF HER OR
  • 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:36.120
  • SOMETIMES IN THE WAY SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN ABUSED
  • 00:14:36.140 --> 00:14:38.210
  • FOR EVEN SAYING THAT.
  • 00:14:38.230 --> 00:14:41.110
  • FOR WHATEVER REASON WE DON'T DO IT.
  • 00:14:41.130 --> 00:14:43.150
  • AND THEN THAT CANCER JUST METASTASIZES AND IT GETS
  • 00:14:43.170 --> 00:14:46.070
  • BIGGER UNTIL FINALLY THIS LADY FEELS LIKE WELL, THE
  • 00:14:46.090 --> 00:14:51.040
  • ONLY THING I CAN DO IS BAIL OUT ON THE MARRIAGE,
  • 00:14:51.060 --> 00:14:55.150
  • AND THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER.
  • 00:14:55.170 --> 00:14:58.050
  • THE ANSWER IS, AND THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT THIS,
  • 00:14:58.070 --> 00:15:01.040
  • OUR BOUNDARIES ARE SEQUENTIAL IN STRENGTH.
  • 00:15:01.060 --> 00:15:04.230
  • THEY'RE LIKE AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.
  • 00:15:04.250 --> 00:15:07.000
  • MATTHEW 18 SAYS YOU GO TO THE PERSON FIRST, YOU
  • 00:15:07.020 --> 00:15:09.070
  • TALK TO THEM.
  • 00:15:09.090 --> 00:15:11.180
  • WELL, IF THEY DON'T LISTEN, WELL, THEN GET A
  • 00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:13.210
  • COUNSELOR IN THERE WITH YOU OR A COUPLE OF PEOPLE
  • 00:15:13.230 --> 00:15:15.130
  • OR YOUR PASTOR.
  • 00:15:15.150 --> 00:15:17.240
  • IF THEY DON'T LISTEN THEN, LET'S DO
  • 00:15:17.260 --> 00:15:19.210
  • AN INTERVENTION.
  • 00:15:19.230 --> 00:15:21.050
  • AND THEN IT SAYS IF THEY DON'T LISTEN THEN YOU
  • 00:15:21.070 --> 00:15:22.220
  • MIGHT HAVE TO SAY WELL, YOU HAVE TO GO LIVE
  • 00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:24.120
  • SOMEWHERE ELSE UNTIL YOU STOP USING HEROIN.
  • 00:15:24.140 --> 00:15:25.190
  • AND IT'S SEQUENTIAL.
  • 00:15:25.210 --> 00:15:27.100
  • BOUNDARIES ARE NOT A TOGGLE SWITCH, OFF OR ON.
  • 00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:29.100
  • - I NOTICE AS A PASTOR THERE'S A TON OF THESE
  • 00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:31.230
  • PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO ACT LIKE CHRIST, THEY'RE
  • 00:15:31.250 --> 00:15:34.100
  • TRYING TO BE LOVING, GIVING, THEY'VE BEEN TOLD
  • 00:15:34.120 --> 00:15:36.230
  • SUBMIT TO THE MAN, THEY'VE BEEN TOLD ALL
  • 00:15:36.250 --> 00:15:38.180
  • THESE THINGS.
  • 00:15:38.200 --> 00:15:40.180
  • AND IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS TOPIC
  • 00:15:40.200 --> 00:15:42.190
  • WE'RE DEALING WITH TODAY, BOUNDARIES, IT WILL BE AT
  • 00:15:42.210 --> 00:15:45.030
  • SOME POINT THEY EITHER HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,
  • 00:15:45.050 --> 00:15:46.200
  • THEY END UP IN THE HOSPITAL OR THEY PULL THE
  • 00:15:46.220 --> 00:15:48.210
  • TRIGGER, AND EVERYTHING IS FINISHED.
  • 00:15:48.230 --> 00:15:51.110
  • AND THEY COULD HAVE IF THEY'D HAVE KNOWN THIS
  • 00:15:51.130 --> 00:15:53.170
  • TEACHING OF UNDERSTANDING BOUNDARIES, THEY COULD
  • 00:15:53.190 --> 00:15:55.280
  • HAVE STARTED TO DEAL WITH IT, AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE
  • 00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:57.280
  • BEEN AS PAINFUL.
  • 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:00.080
  • - IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AS PAINFUL.
  • 00:16:00.100 --> 00:16:03.040
  • NOTHING, NOTHING ALMOST -I SHOULDN'T SAY NOTHING.
  • 00:16:03.060 --> 00:16:07.030
  • THERE ARE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN, BUT A LOT OF THE
  • 00:16:07.050 --> 00:16:08.290
  • ULTIMATE REALLY BAD PAIN WE GET INTO IS BECAUSE WE
  • 00:16:09.010 --> 00:16:11.090
  • AVOIDED SOME PAIN EARLY ON, LIKE YOU GOT A TOOTH
  • 00:16:11.110 --> 00:16:16.210
  • ACHE, YOUR SENSES TELL YOU OH, THAT HURTS.
  • 00:16:16.230 --> 00:16:19.210
  • I GOT TO PUT A BOUNDARY ON THIS DECAY.
  • 00:16:19.230 --> 00:16:23.060
  • I GO TO THE DENTIST AND I'M THEREFORE AN HOUR AND
  • 00:16:23.080 --> 00:16:26.100
  • IT HURTS, BUT THEN IT'S OVER.
  • 00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:28.150
  • BUT IF I IGNORE THAT CONFLICT, RIGHT, PUT IT
  • 00:16:28.170 --> 00:16:31.080
  • OFF, WELL, ROOT CANALS DON'T FEEL GOOD FOR WAY
  • 00:16:31.100 --> 00:16:33.200
  • MORE THAN AN HOUR.
  • 00:16:33.220 --> 00:16:36.080
  • AND THAT'S THE WHOLE THING.
  • 00:16:36.100 --> 00:16:38.170
  • YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ISSUES, AND GOD ADDRESSES THEM,
  • 00:16:38.190 --> 00:16:41.080
  • BUT HE DOESN'T WAIT TO SNUFF US OUT.
  • 00:16:41.100 --> 00:16:44.220
  • HE TALKS TO US EVERY DAY.
  • 00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:46.170
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:16:46.190 --> 00:16:48.130
  • - AND IT IS HARD.
  • 00:16:48.150 --> 00:16:50.050
  • WE HAVE TO BUILD THOSE SKILLS.
  • 00:16:50.070 --> 00:16:52.020
  • - TRUE.
  • 00:16:52.040 --> 00:16:54.000
  • - THEY'RE IN EVERY CONTEXT OF LIFE BUT LET'S
  • 00:16:54.020 --> 00:16:55.260
  • GET PRACTICAL FOR A SECOND.
  • 00:16:55.280 --> 00:16:57.230
  • - OKAY.
  • 00:16:57.250 --> 00:16:59.230
  • - I TELL A STORY IN THE BOOK ABOUT ONE DAY A
  • 00:16:59.250 --> 00:17:01.200
  • FAMILY CAME TO SEE ME AND IT WAS A MOM AND A DAD
  • 00:17:01.220 --> 00:17:03.020
  • AND TWO ADULT CHILDREN.
  • 00:17:03.040 --> 00:17:04.270
  • ADULT CHILDREN, WHATEVER THAT MEANS IN THEIR 20'S,
  • 00:17:04.290 --> 00:17:07.080
  • AND THE DAD SAYS I WANT YOU TO FIX MY SON.
  • 00:17:07.100 --> 00:17:09.070
  • SO I TURN TO THE YOUNG MAN, I SAID WHAT'S WRONG
  • 00:17:09.090 --> 00:17:10.190
  • WITH YOU.
  • 00:17:10.210 --> 00:17:12.030
  • HE SAYS, IT'S NOT ME. IT'S MY BROTHER.
  • 00:17:12.050 --> 00:17:13.270
  • I SAID WELL, WHERE IS HE?
  • 00:17:13.290 --> 00:17:15.170
  • HE SAID, HE DOESN'T WANT TO COME.
  • 00:17:15.190 --> 00:17:16.240
  • I SAID, WHY NOT?
  • 00:17:16.260 --> 00:17:18.130
  • HE SAID, WELL, HE DOESN'T THINK HE DOESN'T HAVE
  • 00:17:18.150 --> 00:17:19.140
  • ANY PROBLEMS.
  • 00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:21.010
  • I SAID, WELL, MAYBE HE DOESN'T.
  • 00:17:21.030 --> 00:17:22.080
  • THE FATHER SAYS, OH YES, HE DOES.
  • 00:17:22.100 --> 00:17:23.230
  • I SAID, WELL, HE'S NOT HERE.
  • 00:17:23.250 --> 00:17:25.010
  • AND THE FATHER GOT MAD.
  • 00:17:25.030 --> 00:17:26.100
  • HE SAYS, YES HE DOES.
  • 00:17:26.120 --> 00:17:27.110
  • HE HAS A LOT.
  • 00:17:27.130 --> 00:17:28.230
  • I SAID, ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:17:28.250 --> 00:17:30.220
  • TELL ME ABOUT HIS PROBLEMS.
  • 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:32.140
  • WELL, HE GOES ONTO TELL ME THIS STORY THIS KID
  • 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.040
  • HAS FLUNKED OUT OF THREE COLLEGES.
  • 00:17:34.060 --> 00:17:35.270
  • AFTER HE SAID THAT, I SAID I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
  • 00:17:35.290 --> 00:17:37.220
  • FLUNK OUT OF THREE COLLEGES.
  • 00:17:37.240 --> 00:17:39.060
  • I KNOW HOW TO FLUNK OUT OF ONE, BUT HOW DO YOU
  • 00:17:39.080 --> 00:17:41.230
  • GET IN THE SECOND ONE?
  • 00:17:41.250 --> 00:17:43.050
  • - YEAH, REALLY.
  • 00:17:43.070 --> 00:17:47.030
  • - WE FIND OUT WELL, DAD HELPED HIM GET IN THE
  • 00:17:47.050 --> 00:17:49.020
  • SECOND ONE. OKAY.
  • 00:17:49.040 --> 00:17:50.180
  • NO BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:52.020
  • AND THEN HE SAID HE'S GOT A DRUG PROBLEM, AND THEN
  • 00:17:52.040 --> 00:17:53.290
  • HE SAID, THE ONE THAT KILLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU
  • 00:17:54.010 --> 00:17:55.190
  • SAW THE PAIN IN THE FATHER'S HEART, HE SAID
  • 00:17:55.210 --> 00:17:57.110
  • HE'S 23 YEARS OLD, AND HE'S FLUNKED OUT OF THREE
  • 00:17:57.130 --> 00:17:59.010
  • SCHOOLS AND HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A COLLEGE
  • 00:17:59.030 --> 00:18:00.200
  • MAJOR SELECTED.
  • 00:18:00.220 --> 00:18:02.230
  • AND THEN I SAID, WELL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
  • 00:18:02.250 --> 00:18:04.210
  • LIKE THE SCHOOL THING, WHAT DID YOU DO?
  • 00:18:04.230 --> 00:18:06.130
  • HE SAID WELL, HE FLUNKED OUT THE FIRST COLLEGE
  • 00:18:06.150 --> 00:18:08.260
  • BECAUSE OF THE PARTYING AND STUFF.
  • 00:18:08.280 --> 00:18:11.100
  • I GOT HIM IN THE SECOND ONE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T
  • 00:18:11.120 --> 00:18:14.050
  • HAVE THE GRADES AND SO I TALKED TO THE BOARD
  • 00:18:14.070 --> 00:18:16.120
  • AND I KNOW THEM.
  • 00:18:16.140 --> 00:18:18.150
  • AND THEN HE SAID THIS, I DIDN'T WANT ALL THAT
  • 00:18:18.170 --> 00:18:20.040
  • PARTYING TO GET IN THE WAY SO WE BOUGHT HIM A
  • 00:18:20.060 --> 00:18:21.180
  • NICE CONDO OFF CAMPUS SO HE COULD STUDY.
  • 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:23.110
  • AND THEN HE SAID WELL, WE DIDN'T WANT WORK TO
  • 00:18:23.130 --> 00:18:25.010
  • INTERFERE WITH STUDYING BECAUSE HE REALLY NEEDED
  • 00:18:25.030 --> 00:18:26.290
  • TO MAKE GOOD GRADES, SO I MADE SURE HE HAD PLENTY
  • 00:18:27.010 --> 00:18:28.150
  • OF MONEY, AND HE FLUNKED OUT AGAIN.
  • 00:18:28.170 --> 00:18:29.250
  • AND I SAID IMAGINE THAT.
  • 00:18:29.270 --> 00:18:31.140
  • KIDS.
  • 00:18:31.160 --> 00:18:32.290
  • YOU KNOW, AND THEN I ASKED HIM THIS QUESTION.
  • 00:18:33.010 --> 00:18:34.190
  • I SAID WHERE IS HE TODAY?
  • 00:18:34.210 --> 00:18:38.270
  • HE SAID WELL HE'S IN VAIL SKIING.
  • 00:18:38.290 --> 00:18:44.180
  • AND I LOOKED AT HIM, AND I SAID YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:46.100
  • I CAN'T HELP YOUR SON.
  • 00:18:46.120 --> 00:18:48.140
  • HE SAID, WHY?
  • 00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:50.100
  • AND I SAID BECAUSE I AGREE WITH HIM.
  • 00:18:50.120 --> 00:18:52.080
  • HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.
  • 00:18:52.100 --> 00:18:55.180
  • THE FATHER LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS, WHAT ARE YOU
  • 00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:58.020
  • TALKING ABOUT?
  • 00:18:58.040 --> 00:18:59.210
  • HE'S GOT A DRUG PROBLEM.
  • 00:18:59.230 --> 00:19:01.140
  • HE'S FLUNKED -I SAID LISTEN TO ME, THE MAN IS
  • 00:19:01.160 --> 00:19:04.180
  • IN VAIL SKIING.
  • 00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:07.160
  • YOU THINK HE'S WORRIED ABOUT THAT?
  • 00:19:07.180 --> 00:19:11.170
  • HE DOESN'T HAVE THAT PROBLEMS.
  • 00:19:11.190 --> 00:19:13.040
  • HE DOES POINT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.
  • 00:19:13.060 --> 00:19:14.160
  • HE'S GOT A NEW HOUSE.
  • 00:19:14.180 --> 00:19:15.210
  • PLENTY OF MONEY.
  • 00:19:15.230 --> 00:19:17.090
  • HE DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:19:17.110 --> 00:19:20.040
  • YOU'VE GOT A DRUG PROBLEM, A FLUNK OUT OF
  • 00:19:20.060 --> 00:19:22.100
  • SCHOOL PROBLEM, A DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO
  • 00:19:22.120 --> 00:19:23.250
  • DO IN LIFE.
  • 00:19:23.270 --> 00:19:25.060
  • HE GOES THAT'S NOT ME.
  • 00:19:25.080 --> 00:19:26.170
  • THAT'S MY SON.
  • 00:19:26.190 --> 00:19:28.050
  • I SAID YOU'RE IN A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL.
  • 00:19:28.070 --> 00:19:29.210
  • DON'T TELL ME DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS.
  • 00:19:29.230 --> 00:19:31.090
  • PEOPLE ONLY COME HERE IF THEY HAVE PROBLEMS.
  • 00:19:31.110 --> 00:19:32.260
  • YOUR SON IS SKIING.
  • 00:19:32.280 --> 00:19:34.280
  • AND HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE.
  • 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:36.280
  • I SAID, HERE'S THE DEAL.
  • 00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:39.130
  • I CANNOT HELP YOUR SON BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE
  • 00:19:39.150 --> 00:19:41.030
  • ANY PROBLEMS, BUT I CAN HELP YOU BECAUSE YOU GOT
  • 00:19:41.050 --> 00:19:43.290
  • A LOT OF PROBLEMS.
  • 00:19:44.010 --> 00:19:46.110
  • AND HE SAID, WHY -I SAID YEAH, I JUST TOLD YOU ALL
  • 00:19:46.130 --> 00:19:48.170
  • THE PROBLEMS YOU HAVE.
  • 00:19:48.190 --> 00:19:50.110
  • SO HERE'S HOW I'M GOING TO HELP YOU.
  • 00:19:50.130 --> 00:19:52.010
  • I'M GOING TO HELP YOU TO HELP YOUR SON TO HAVE
  • 00:19:52.030 --> 00:19:54.070
  • SOME PROBLEMS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:19:54.090 --> 00:19:57.060
  • - WOW.
  • 00:19:57.080 --> 00:19:59.140
  • - HE SAID, SAY THAT AGAIN.
  • 00:19:59.160 --> 00:20:01.080
  • I SAID I'M GOING TO TELL BUT BOUNDARIES BECAUSE
  • 00:20:01.100 --> 00:20:03.280
  • SEE, YOUR SON DOESN'T EXPERIENCE ANY OF THE
  • 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:06.020
  • CONSEQUENCES FROM HIS BEHAVIOR, SOWING IS
  • 00:20:06.040 --> 00:20:08.010
  • REAPING IS WHAT GOD CALLS IT.
  • 00:20:08.030 --> 00:20:09.200
  • RIGHT NOW HE SOWS IRRESPONSIBILITY, DRUGS,
  • 00:20:09.220 --> 00:20:12.170
  • PARTYING, ALL THIS, AND YOU REAP
  • 00:20:12.190 --> 00:20:16.060
  • THE CONSEQUENCES.
  • 00:20:16.080 --> 00:20:18.180
  • SO IF YOU START TO HAVE BOUNDARIES, THEN HE'S
  • 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:20.200
  • GOING TO START TO FEEL THE PAIN OF
  • 00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:23.250
  • THOSE CONSEQUENCES.
  • 00:20:23.270 --> 00:20:26.180
  • HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS NEW HOUSE.
  • 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:28.190
  • HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE PLENTY OF MONEY IF HE
  • 00:20:28.210 --> 00:20:30.070
  • DOESN'T SHOW UP.
  • 00:20:30.090 --> 00:20:32.050
  • HE'S NOT GOING TO GET INTO ANOTHER SCHOOL AND
  • 00:20:32.070 --> 00:20:33.220
  • HAVE HIS TUITION PAID FOR IF HE DOESN'T MAKE THOSE
  • 00:20:33.240 --> 00:20:35.170
  • GRADES, AND THEN HE'S GOING TO HAVE SOMETHING
  • 00:20:35.190 --> 00:20:37.010
  • THAT NEVER HAPPENS.
  • 00:20:37.030 --> 00:20:38.170
  • HE'S GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM, AND PEOPLE WITH
  • 00:20:38.190 --> 00:20:40.030
  • PROBLEMS TEND TO GET PRETTY BUSY ABOUT
  • 00:20:40.050 --> 00:20:41.100
  • SOLVING THEM.
  • 00:20:41.120 --> 00:20:43.000
  • - WOW. THAT'S IS SO TRUE.
  • 00:20:43.020 --> 00:20:44.230
  • IF YOU'VE JUST JOINED US, MY GUEST TODAY IS DOCTOR
  • 00:20:44.250 --> 00:20:46.160
  • HENRY CLOUD.
  • 00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:48.130
  • WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TO ME I BELIEVE ONE OF THE
  • 00:20:48.150 --> 00:20:50.070
  • MOST IMPORTANT TOPICS, AND THAT IS BOUNDARIES
  • 00:20:50.090 --> 00:20:52.080
  • AND YOU LEARNING TO PUT BOUNDARIES IN YOUR LIFE.
  • 00:20:52.100 --> 00:20:56.080
  • SO IN THE STORY YOU JUST WERE TALKING ABOUT, DID
  • 00:20:56.100 --> 00:20:58.190
  • THIS DAD -LIKE IF WE'RE FRIENDS I CAN'T PUT
  • 00:20:58.210 --> 00:21:02.120
  • BOUNDARIES ON YOU AND CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT
  • 00:21:02.140 --> 00:21:06.220
  • YOU, CAN I?
  • 00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:08.200
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:21:08.220 --> 00:21:10.230
  • - SO BOUNDARIES ARE HOW I RESPOND.
  • 00:21:10.250 --> 00:21:12.100
  • - THAT'S RIGHT IS.
  • 00:21:12.120 --> 00:21:14.140
  • SO THE FATHER HE CAN NOT CONTROL THAT SON.
  • 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:16.140
  • IF HE COULD, HE WOULD HAVE FIXED IT A LOT TIME AGO.
  • 00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:19.040
  • - SURE HE WOULD HAVE.
  • 00:21:19.060 --> 00:21:21.090
  • - BUT WHAT HE CAN DO IS CONTROL HIMSELF.
  • 00:21:21.110 --> 00:21:23.220
  • SEE, THE BIBLE TALKS NEVER TALKS ABOUT THE
  • 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:25.220
  • FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT CONTROLLING OTHERS.
  • 00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:27.190
  • - THAT'S SO TRUE.
  • 00:21:27.210 --> 00:21:29.090
  • - IT SAYS THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT IS
  • 00:21:29.110 --> 00:21:31.000
  • SELF-CONTROL, SO WHAT WE HAD TO TEACH THE FATHER
  • 00:21:31.020 --> 00:21:34.030
  • TO DO IS BE IN CONTROL OF HIS GIVING.
  • 00:21:34.050 --> 00:21:39.250
  • BE IN CONTROL OF HOW HE HELPS, AND WE NEEDED TO
  • 00:21:39.270 --> 00:21:43.260
  • GET SOME BOUNDARIES WHERE HE COULD SAY, YOU KNOW,
  • 00:21:43.280 --> 00:21:47.010
  • JOEY, I REALLY WANT TO HELP YOU.
  • 00:21:47.030 --> 00:21:51.050
  • I REALLY WANT TO HELP YOU, BUT I ONLY HELP
  • 00:21:51.070 --> 00:21:54.220
  • PEOPLE THAT DO SOMETHING WITH MY HELP, SO IF I PUT
  • 00:21:54.240 --> 00:22:01.010
  • YOU IN ANOTHER SCHOOL OR IF I PAY FOR THIS, THEN
  • 00:22:01.030 --> 00:22:04.030
  • I'VE GOT TO SEE SOME FRUIT FROM MY INVESTMENT.
  • 00:22:04.050 --> 00:22:07.140
  • ARE YOU RECOGNIZING IN PARENTHESES PARABLE OF
  • 00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:09.250
  • THE TALENTS, FOR EXAMPLE?
  • 00:22:09.270 --> 00:22:11.240
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:22:11.260 --> 00:22:14.020
  • - JOHN 15, GOD SAYS YOU KNOW, IF WE'RE NOT
  • 00:22:14.040 --> 00:22:16.120
  • FRUITFUL HE DOES SOME PRUNING.
  • 00:22:16.140 --> 00:22:19.020
  • IF ANY MAN DOESN'T WORK, DON'T LET HIM EAT.
  • 00:22:19.040 --> 00:22:21.040
  • THIS IS ALL THROUGHOUT THE SCRIPTURES.
  • 00:22:21.060 --> 00:22:23.040
  • AND WE HAD TO TEACH HIM LOOK, GET IN CONTROL OF
  • 00:22:23.060 --> 00:22:25.270
  • YOUR GIVING, AND IF HE'S NOT PERFORMING, YOU HAVE
  • 00:22:25.290 --> 00:22:29.000
  • TO SAY NO, GO BACK AND STUDY.
  • 00:22:29.020 --> 00:22:31.270
  • BRING ME A GRADE THAT'S THIS HIGH, AND I'LL WRITE
  • 00:22:31.290 --> 00:22:34.190
  • ANOTHER CHECK.
  • 00:22:34.210 --> 00:22:36.290
  • BUT HE CAN'T CONTROL THE STUDYING OR NOT STUDYING.
  • 00:22:37.010 --> 00:22:39.050
  • HE CAN CONTROL HIS GIVING.
  • 00:22:39.070 --> 00:22:41.020
  • - SO HE'S RESCUING THIS KID FROM HIS CONSEQUENCES.
  • 00:22:41.040 --> 00:22:43.080
  • AND DOING SO-- IN A WAY, I GUESS I GOT TO SAY IS
  • 00:22:43.100 --> 00:22:46.090
  • HE CROSSING A BOUNDARY THAT HE SHOULDN'T BE?
  • 00:22:46.110 --> 00:22:48.040
  • - WELL, HE THINKS HE IS.
  • 00:22:48.060 --> 00:22:50.070
  • - OKAY.
  • 00:22:50.090 --> 00:22:52.130
  • - SEE, HE'S GOT A FANTASY, AND THE FANTASY
  • 00:22:52.150 --> 00:22:55.090
  • IS EXACTLY THAT, THAT HE CAN CHANGE THIS KID.
  • 00:22:55.110 --> 00:22:59.050
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:22:59.070 --> 00:23:01.010
  • - OBVIOUSLY HE CAN'T.
  • 00:23:01.030 --> 00:23:03.050
  • MY HAIR IS ABOUT TO CATCH ON FIRE.
  • 00:23:03.070 --> 00:23:06.140
  • I'M GOING TO TALK TO A LOT OF PARENTS RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.120
  • I'M GOING TO SCOLD YOU.
  • 00:23:08.140 --> 00:23:10.180
  • IF I WERE KING, WHICH NOBODY WILL LET ME BE,
  • 00:23:10.200 --> 00:23:12.180
  • BUT IF I WERE KING I WOULD SAY YOU WILL NEVER
  • 00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:16.200
  • SAY THIS PHRASE AGAIN IN OUR LAND, AND HERE'S THE
  • 00:23:16.220 --> 00:23:20.080
  • PHRASE, "YOU NEED."
  • 00:23:20.100 --> 00:23:23.030
  • YOU FOLLOW INEFFECTIVE PARENTS AROUND, AND
  • 00:23:23.050 --> 00:23:26.110
  • HERE'S WHAT THEY'LL DO.
  • 00:23:26.130 --> 00:23:29.040
  • THEY'LL WALK IN.
  • 00:23:29.060 --> 00:23:30.170
  • JOHNNY IS ON THE COUCH.
  • 00:23:30.190 --> 00:23:32.050
  • JOHNNY IS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
  • 00:23:32.070 --> 00:23:33.230
  • JOHNNY HASN'T LOOKED AT HIS HOMEWORK IN A LONG
  • 00:23:33.250 --> 00:23:35.230
  • TIME, AND MOM OR DAD COMES IN AND SAYS YOU
  • 00:23:35.250 --> 00:23:38.130
  • NEED TO GET OFF THAT COUCH AND YOU NEED TO GO
  • 00:23:38.150 --> 00:23:40.240
  • DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
  • 00:23:40.260 --> 00:23:43.100
  • PUT THAT VIDEO GAME AWAY.
  • 00:23:43.120 --> 00:23:45.090
  • YOU NEED TO STOP RIGHT NOW AND YOU NEED TO -YOU
  • 00:23:45.110 --> 00:23:47.080
  • NEED, YOU NEED, YOU NEED.
  • 00:23:47.100 --> 00:23:48.280
  • OKAY.
  • 00:23:49.000 --> 00:23:50.170
  • JOHNNY IS SITTING THERE.
  • 00:23:50.190 --> 00:23:52.090
  • HE DOESN'T NEED TO DO THAT.
  • 00:23:52.110 --> 00:23:54.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:23:54.040 --> 00:23:56.050
  • HE JUST NEEDS THIS CRAZY WOMAN TO GET OUT OF HIS FACE.
  • 00:23:56.070 --> 00:23:57.260
  • THAT'S ALL HE NEEDS.
  • 00:23:57.280 --> 00:23:59.140
  • IF I COULD JUST HAVE THAT, RIGHT?
  • 00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:01.200
  • SO THEN -AND THEN THEY GET INTO THIS THING.
  • 00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:03.120
  • JOHNNY NEVER CHANGES.
  • 00:24:03.140 --> 00:24:05.120
  • ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:24:05.140 --> 00:24:07.050
  • NOW WHAT IF MOM GETS STRUCK BY THE BOUNDARIES
  • 00:24:07.070 --> 00:24:08.270
  • LIGHTNING ONE DAY AND SHE CHANGES AND SHE REALIZES
  • 00:24:08.290 --> 00:24:11.150
  • SHE CAN'T CONTROL JOHNNY?
  • 00:24:11.170 --> 00:24:15.180
  • OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT WORKING, BUT SHE GOES IN
  • 00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:18.030
  • AND SAYS HEY, JOHNNY, GUESS WHAT?
  • 00:24:18.050 --> 00:24:20.200
  • WE ARE GOING TO GO -WE GOT A CHANCE TO GO TO THE
  • 00:24:20.220 --> 00:24:23.210
  • SUPER BOWL OR WE GOT A CHANCE TO GO ICE SKATING
  • 00:24:23.230 --> 00:24:25.170
  • OR GO -AND I'M GOING TO GO AND DAD IS GOING TO GO
  • 00:24:25.190 --> 00:24:28.020
  • AND YOUR SISTER IS GOING TO GO AND EVERYBODY IS
  • 00:24:28.040 --> 00:24:30.190
  • GOING TO GET TO GO BASICALLY WHO HAS THEIR
  • 00:24:30.210 --> 00:24:33.210
  • CHORES DONE BY 6 O'CLOCK.
  • 00:24:33.230 --> 00:24:37.110
  • ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:24:37.130 --> 00:24:39.080
  • SO I GOT SOME STUFF TO DO.
  • 00:24:39.100 --> 00:24:41.040
  • DAD'S GOT SOME STUFF TO DO, AND WE'RE GOING TO
  • 00:24:41.060 --> 00:24:43.010
  • HAVE AN INSPECTION AT 5:30.
  • 00:24:43.030 --> 00:24:44.270
  • NOW, I GAVE YOU TWO THINGS.
  • 00:24:44.290 --> 00:24:47.020
  • IF YOU CLEAN UP THE YARD LIKE I ASKED AND SHOW ME
  • 00:24:47.040 --> 00:24:49.070
  • THAT YOU'VE DONE YOUR HOMEWORK, THEN YOU GET TO
  • 00:24:49.090 --> 00:24:50.210
  • GO, ALL RIGHT?
  • 00:24:50.230 --> 00:24:52.240
  • SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE AN INSPECTION.
  • 00:24:52.260 --> 00:24:54.170
  • YOU GET TO GO.
  • 00:24:54.190 --> 00:24:56.040
  • NOW, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
  • 00:24:56.060 --> 00:24:58.070
  • I'M GOING TO COME DO THE INSPECTION, AND AT 5: 30
  • 00:24:58.090 --> 00:25:00.030
  • IF YOU'VE DONE IT YOU GET TO GO WITH US.
  • 00:25:00.050 --> 00:25:01.180
  • WE'RE PULLING FOR YOU.
  • 00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:03.010
  • HOPE YOU DO.
  • 00:25:03.030 --> 00:25:04.210
  • BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T, THAT'S FINE.
  • 00:25:04.230 --> 00:25:06.090
  • YOU CAN CHOOSE THAT OPTION.
  • 00:25:06.110 --> 00:25:08.020
  • DO YOU REMEMBER, WHAT WAS HER NAME, PHYLLIS THE
  • 00:25:08.040 --> 00:25:09.100
  • BABYSITTER FROM HELL.
  • 00:25:09.120 --> 00:25:11.110
  • DO YOU REMEMBER HER?
  • 00:25:11.130 --> 00:25:14.110
  • I CALLED HER AND SHE'S AVAILABLE ALL DAY TOMORROW.
  • 00:25:14.130 --> 00:25:15.280
  • SO IF YOU CHOOSE THAT OPTION, WE'RE GOING TO GO.
  • 00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.090
  • WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TIME.
  • 00:25:18.110 --> 00:25:20.220
  • WE'RE SAD YOU DIDN'T GET TO GO BUT WE'LL LET YOU
  • 00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:23.000
  • DO WHAT YOU WANT TO.
  • 00:25:23.020 --> 00:25:26.180
  • SO I'LL SEE YOU.
  • 00:25:26.200 --> 00:25:30.030
  • 5:30.
  • 00:25:30.050 --> 00:25:31.230
  • I'LL SEE YOU.
  • 00:25:31.250 --> 00:25:33.260
  • NOW, SHE WALKS OUT THE ROOM.
  • 00:25:33.280 --> 00:25:36.030
  • SHE'S PERFECTLY CALM.
  • 00:25:36.050 --> 00:25:37.220
  • THERE'S NO ANGER.
  • 00:25:37.240 --> 00:25:39.080
  • THERE'S ISN'T ANY CONFLICT.
  • 00:25:39.100 --> 00:25:40.250
  • NOW JOHNNY HAS A THOUGHT WHAT GOES THROUGH HIS
  • 00:25:40.270 --> 00:25:42.100
  • HEAD THAT HAS NEVER GONE THROUGH JOHNNY'S HEAD.
  • 00:25:42.120 --> 00:25:44.050
  • YOU KNOW WHAT THAT THOUGHT IS?
  • 00:25:44.070 --> 00:25:45.160
  • I NEED TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
  • 00:25:45.180 --> 00:25:47.140
  • HE'S NEVER HAD THAT THOUGHT.
  • 00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:49.140
  • I NEED TO DO THIS BECAUSE IF I DON'T, I'M WITH PHYLLIS
  • 00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:52.140
  • ALL DAY TOMORROW.
  • 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:56.090
  • - VERY GOOD.
  • 00:25:56.110 --> 00:25:58.040
  • - WE CAN'T CONTROL -YOU KNOW, WHEN JESUS LOOKED
  • 00:25:58.060 --> 00:26:00.150
  • AT THE RICH YOUNG RULER AND HE SAID HERE'S WHAT IT IS.
  • 00:26:00.170 --> 00:26:02.220
  • THIS IS WHAT YOU GOT TO GO DO AND WHAT DO YOU
  • 00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:05.030
  • WANT TO DO?
  • 00:26:05.050 --> 00:26:08.180
  • HE SAYS THAT TO US EVERY DAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
  • 00:26:08.200 --> 00:26:11.020
  • - THAT'S VERY -LET ME TAKE YOU TO ANOTHER SCENARIO.
  • 00:26:11.040 --> 00:26:13.150
  • PEOPLE WHO ARE DATING AND GETTING MARRIED, IT'S
  • 00:26:13.170 --> 00:26:16.170
  • LIKE THE DATING WORLD IS WHERE YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR
  • 00:26:16.190 --> 00:26:21.140
  • BEST ON BECAUSE YOU DON'T -BECAUSE DATING YOU'RE
  • 00:26:21.160 --> 00:26:24.170
  • NOT MARRIED SO THERE'S NOT THIS PRESSURE TO
  • 00:26:24.190 --> 00:26:26.130
  • STAY TOGETHER.
  • 00:26:26.150 --> 00:26:28.110
  • THERE'S ACTUALLY A PRESSURE TO FIND
  • 00:26:28.130 --> 00:26:30.030
  • SOMETHING WRONG AND BREAK IT OFF BECAUSE IT'S NOT
  • 00:26:30.050 --> 00:26:31.180
  • THE ONE THAT I WANT.
  • 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:33.220
  • IS IT IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE RIGHT THERE TO
  • 00:26:33.240 --> 00:26:35.160
  • ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES?
  • 00:26:35.180 --> 00:26:37.180
  • - WELL, THAT PRESSURE IS THERE A LOT OF TIMES.
  • 00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:39.170
  • IT'S THE PRESSURE TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE,
  • 00:26:39.190 --> 00:26:42.030
  • YOU KNOW, YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER, RIGHT?
  • 00:26:42.050 --> 00:26:45.130
  • BUT FOR SOME PEOPLE YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE THERE IS?
  • 00:26:45.150 --> 00:26:47.030
  • - WHAT?
  • 00:26:47.050 --> 00:26:49.100
  • - THEY'RE SO AFRAID OF LOSS AND AFRAID OF BEING
  • 00:26:49.120 --> 00:26:52.100
  • ALONE, THERE'S A PRESSURE TO HAVE TO MAKE THIS ONE
  • 00:26:52.120 --> 00:26:54.220
  • WORK BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID THAT IF THIS
  • 00:26:54.240 --> 00:26:58.050
  • DOESN'T WORK I'M ALONE IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:26:58.070 --> 00:27:01.110
  • AND YOU'VE HIT ON SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY
  • 00:27:01.130 --> 00:27:03.150
  • KEY, THAT OUR BOUNDARY PROBLEMS WHEN WE'RE
  • 00:27:03.170 --> 00:27:08.090
  • AFRAID TO SAY NO TO SOMETHING, SOME BAD
  • 00:27:08.110 --> 00:27:11.270
  • BEHAVIOR, THERE'S SOME NEED INSIDE OF US THAT'S
  • 00:27:11.290 --> 00:27:15.210
  • DRIVING THAT.
  • 00:27:15.230 --> 00:27:17.200
  • YOU KNOW, THE FATHER HAD A NEED TO NOT SEE HIS SON
  • 00:27:17.220 --> 00:27:20.130
  • STRUGGLE, AND HE JUST COULDN'T SAY NO TO HIM,
  • 00:27:20.150 --> 00:27:25.040
  • AND SOMETIMES WE HAVE OTHER KINDS OF NEEDS THAT
  • 00:27:25.060 --> 00:27:27.060
  • CAUSES A WEAK SPOT.
  • 00:27:27.080 --> 00:27:30.120
  • YOU KNOW, YOU GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO LEVITICUS 19,
  • 00:27:30.140 --> 00:27:33.000
  • AND IT SAYS THIS, IT SAYS REBUKE YOUR
  • 00:27:33.020 --> 00:27:36.230
  • NEIGHBOR FRANKLY.
  • 00:27:36.250 --> 00:27:39.120
  • IN OTHER WORDS, BE HONEST AND SET THESE BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:27:39.140 --> 00:27:41.180
  • AND THEN IT SAYS, DO NOT BE PARTIAL TO THE NEEDY
  • 00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:44.010
  • NOR DEFER TO THE GREAT AND POWERFUL.
  • 00:27:44.030 --> 00:27:49.090
  • IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, I LOVE, I LOVE THE BIBLE.
  • 00:27:49.110 --> 00:27:51.220
  • - I KNOW. IT'S AMAZING.
  • 00:27:51.240 --> 00:27:53.050
  • IT'S THE MOST AMAZING BOOK.
  • 00:27:53.070 --> 00:27:55.090
  • - AND HERE I'M THINKING ABOUT BOUNDARIES AND I
  • 00:27:55.110 --> 00:27:57.290
  • LOOK AT THIS VERSE AND I GO, OH MY GOSH, GOD HAS
  • 00:27:58.010 --> 00:27:59.290
  • JUST DESCRIBED THE WHOLE THING IN ONE VERSE
  • 00:28:00.030 --> 00:28:03.240
  • BECAUSE WE DON'T SAY NO TO SOMETIMES TO SOMEBODY
  • 00:28:03.260 --> 00:28:07.010
  • BECAUSE WE'RE AFRAID OH, THEY'RE NEEDY AND GOSH,
  • 00:28:07.030 --> 00:28:13.040
  • JOHNNY IS GOING TO HAVE A HARD SEMESTER AND IT'S
  • 00:28:13.060 --> 00:28:15.290
  • GOING TO BUM HIM OUT IF I DON'T GIVE INTO THIS.
  • 00:28:16.010 --> 00:28:18.200
  • AND WE FEEL SORRY FOR SOMEBODY SO WE DON'T GIVE
  • 00:28:18.220 --> 00:28:20.270
  • THEM THE DISCIPLINE THEY NEED.
  • 00:28:20.290 --> 00:28:23.040
  • OR THE GREAT AND POWERFUL, I CAN'T SAY NO
  • 00:28:23.060 --> 00:28:25.130
  • TO THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO GET MAD AT ME OR
  • 00:28:25.150 --> 00:28:27.240
  • THEY'RE GOING TO FIRE ME OR THEY'RE GOING TO -AND
  • 00:28:27.260 --> 00:28:31.080
  • THOSE ARE THE TWO PLACES WE LOSE IT.
  • 00:28:31.100 --> 00:28:32.290
  • WE OVER IDENTIFY WITH THE PAIN THAT BOUNDARIES
  • 00:28:33.010 --> 00:28:36.190
  • CAUSE SOMETIMES, OR WE OVER IDENTIFY WITH THAT
  • 00:28:36.210 --> 00:28:41.070
  • PERSON'S POWER IN TERMS OF THINKING THEY'RE MY
  • 00:28:41.090 --> 00:28:44.050
  • GOD AND I'VE GOT TO GIVE INTO THEM, AND NEITHER
  • 00:28:44.070 --> 00:28:47.120
  • ONE OF THEM WORKS.
  • 00:28:47.140 --> 00:28:48.280
  • SO BACK TO DATING.
  • 00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:50.090
  • - SO IF YOU'VE GOT A DATING, YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE
  • 00:28:50.110 --> 00:28:52.070
  • AND SHE REALLY LIKES THIS GUY, AND SHE THINKS OKAY,
  • 00:28:52.090 --> 00:28:55.150
  • THIS IS THE ONE I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE
  • 00:28:55.170 --> 00:28:57.130
  • WITH, BLAH BLAH, WHATEVER THAT FANTASY, WHATEVER
  • 00:28:57.150 --> 00:28:59.130
  • SHE'S SUPERIMPOSING ON THIS GUY.
  • 00:28:59.150 --> 00:29:01.050
  • - BEFORE IT WEARS OFF.
  • 00:29:01.070 --> 00:29:03.020
  • - THE CHINESE HAVE A SAYING.
  • 00:29:03.040 --> 00:29:05.070
  • "KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN BEFORE MARRIAGE
  • 00:29:05.090 --> 00:29:07.080
  • AND HALF SHUT AFTER."
  • 00:29:07.100 --> 00:29:08.180
  • - THAT'S NOT BAD. THAT'S NOT BAD.
  • 00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:11.070
  • - BUT LIKE, SO WOULD THERE BE ANY ADVICE YOU
  • 00:29:11.090 --> 00:29:13.160
  • WOULD GIVE PEOPLE WHO ARE WATCHING RIGHT NOW DATING
  • 00:29:13.180 --> 00:29:15.180
  • AND EVEN IN THE ENGAGEMENT PERIOD, WHICH
  • 00:29:15.200 --> 00:29:17.230
  • PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH
  • 00:29:17.250 --> 00:29:19.230
  • IT THEN ABOUT CREATING BOUNDARIES SO THAT THE
  • 00:29:19.250 --> 00:29:22.210
  • PERSON THAT YOU'RE WITH RECOGNIZES THE BOUNDARIES
  • 00:29:22.230 --> 00:29:28.220
  • AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA BE A DOOR MAT.
  • 00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:30.270
  • WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A DATING COUPLE?
  • 00:29:30.290 --> 00:29:32.170
  • - I WOULD SAY SO MUCH ABOUT THIS.
  • 00:29:32.190 --> 00:29:34.270
  • BEFORE I FORGET, I KNOW THINKING ABOUT ENGAGEMENT
  • 00:29:34.290 --> 00:29:37.170
  • WHERE THEY FEEL LIKE-- I WAS TALKING TO MY
  • 00:29:37.190 --> 00:29:40.150
  • FATHER-IN-LAW ABOUT THIS NOT TOO LONG AGO.
  • 00:29:40.170 --> 00:29:43.230
  • WE WERE LAUGHING ABOUT IT AND HE SAID AND I'LL SAY
  • 00:29:43.250 --> 00:29:46.140
  • IT AGAIN, I REMEMBER MY WIFE TOLD ME THAT RIGHT
  • 00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:53.130
  • BEFORE HE WALKED HER DOWN THE AISLE, HE TURNED TO
  • 00:29:53.150 --> 00:29:56.210
  • HER AND HE SAID IF YOU ARE NOT SURE ABOUT THIS,
  • 00:29:56.230 --> 00:30:03.080
  • IT'S FINE TO NOT WALK DOWN THAT AISLE.
  • 00:30:03.100 --> 00:30:06.100
  • - AT YOUR WEDDING? - AT THE WEDDING.
  • 00:30:06.120 --> 00:30:08.000
  • AND HE SAID BUT IF YOU ARE, LET'S GO FOR IT AND
  • 00:30:08.020 --> 00:30:12.200
  • THEN YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO WALK BACKWARDS.
  • 00:30:12.220 --> 00:30:16.050
  • NOW, HE SAID THAT AND HE SAID IT DIDN'T HAVE
  • 00:30:16.070 --> 00:30:18.260
  • ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME OR US, HE SAID IT TO ALL
  • 00:30:18.280 --> 00:30:21.140
  • FOUR OF HIS DAUGHTERS.
  • 00:30:21.160 --> 00:30:23.010
  • - WOW.
  • 00:30:23.030 --> 00:30:24.210
  • - BECAUSE WHAT HE WAS SAYING WAS YOU DON'T WANT
  • 00:30:24.230 --> 00:30:27.290
  • TO SAY YES TO SOMETHING THAT'S NOT GONNA BE GOOD
  • 00:30:28.010 --> 00:30:33.000
  • FOR YOU. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE INVITATIONS
  • 00:30:33.020 --> 00:30:35.200
  • HAVE BEEN SENT OUT. SEE, WE GET AFRAID
  • 00:30:35.220 --> 00:30:39.010
  • SO MANY TIMES OF HURTING SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS.
  • 00:30:39.030 --> 00:30:41.110
  • - SO TRUE.
  • 00:30:41.130 --> 00:30:43.080
  • - BUT IN THE DATING REALM, I MEAN YOU JUST
  • 00:30:43.100 --> 00:30:46.240
  • DON'T EVEN HIT THIS BUTTON, I'LL GO CRAZY
  • 00:30:46.260 --> 00:30:49.050
  • TALKING ABOUT THIS TOPIC.
  • 00:30:49.070 --> 00:30:50.130
  • - DO IT, THIS IS A HOT TOPIC RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:30:50.150 --> 00:30:51.290
  • - BECAUSE THIS IS BASICALLY, YOU KNOW
  • 00:30:52.010 --> 00:30:54.220
  • DATING IS ABOUT LEARNING AND IT'S ABOUT FINDING
  • 00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:57.120
  • OUT MORE ABOUT WHAT, WHO IS THIS PERSON, BECAUSE
  • 00:30:57.140 --> 00:31:01.050
  • YOU'RE SIGNING UP FOR A LONG DEAL HERE, RIGHT?
  • 00:31:01.070 --> 00:31:04.140
  • YOU ARE YOKED.
  • 00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:07.100
  • AND I THINK THAT WHAT WE'RE SEEING NOW,
  • 00:31:07.120 --> 00:31:13.070
  • ESPECIALLY IN OUR CULTURE IS AND IT STARTED I
  • 00:31:13.090 --> 00:31:16.090
  • REMEMBER BACK WHEN I WAS A GRADUATE STUDENT, I
  • 00:31:16.110 --> 00:31:19.100
  • READ A BOOK BY ROLLO MAY, AND HE SAID THE
  • 00:31:19.120 --> 00:31:22.130
  • MODERN MAN HAS TAKEN THE FIG LEAF, REMOVED IT FROM
  • 00:31:22.150 --> 00:31:28.090
  • THE GENITALS AND PUT IT ON THE FACE.
  • 00:31:28.110 --> 00:31:31.220
  • MEANING VERY FREE WITH OUR BODIES, BUT WE DON'T
  • 00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:37.020
  • GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
  • 00:31:37.040 --> 00:31:39.010
  • - NO INTIMACY.
  • 00:31:39.030 --> 00:31:40.060
  • - IN OUR PERSONHOOD.
  • 00:31:40.080 --> 00:31:41.240
  • AND YOU SEE THAT IN THE DATING WORLD THAT YOU'LL
  • 00:31:41.260 --> 00:31:43.290
  • SEE THIS INSTANTANEOUS GIVING UP OF ALL THE
  • 00:31:44.010 --> 00:31:47.250
  • BOUNDARIES EXCEPT NOT FINDING OUT WHO A PERSON IS.
  • 00:31:47.270 --> 00:31:53.140
  • THE BIBLE FLIPS THAT AND IT SAYS THAT YOU'VE GOT
  • 00:31:53.160 --> 00:31:57.170
  • TO SHOW PROPER I.D. BEFORE I LET YOU IN THE DOOR.
  • 00:31:57.190 --> 00:32:01.090
  • AND DATING, I THINK, IS AN INCREDIBLY GREAT
  • 00:32:01.110 --> 00:32:05.110
  • OPPORTUNITY TO FIND, IF YOU KEEP YOUR BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:32:05.130 --> 00:32:08.270
  • AND I TELL WOMEN, YOU KNOW, JESUS SAID DON'T
  • 00:32:08.290 --> 00:32:13.260
  • CAST YOUR PEARLS BEFORE SWINE.
  • 00:32:13.280 --> 00:32:16.200
  • SO YOU KNOW WHAT A SWINE IS, PIGS, RIGHT?
  • 00:32:16.220 --> 00:32:19.140
  • AND YOUR HEART IS YOUR PEARL.
  • 00:32:19.160 --> 00:32:23.090
  • HE SAID, SO I TELL THEM LOOK, YOU OUGHT TO HAVE
  • 00:32:23.110 --> 00:32:25.200
  • IN YOUR PURSE WHAT YOU NEED IS A SWINE TEST.
  • 00:32:25.220 --> 00:32:29.060
  • CARRY AROUND WITH YOU TO KNOW IF YOU'RE
  • 00:32:29.080 --> 00:32:31.080
  • WITH A HUMAN OR A PIG.
  • 00:32:31.100 --> 00:32:33.090
  • AND THE BEST SWINE TEST THAT A WOMAN DATING CAN
  • 00:32:33.110 --> 00:32:37.270
  • HAVE, ONE OF THE BEST BESIDES ASKING FOR HIS
  • 00:32:37.290 --> 00:32:40.040
  • CREDIT REPORT, BUT ONE OF THE BEST IS THE WORD NO
  • 00:32:40.060 --> 00:32:47.230
  • BECAUSE HOW SOMEONE RESPONDS TO THE WORD NO
  • 00:32:47.250 --> 00:32:52.280
  • IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST, BIGGEST CHARACTER
  • 00:32:53.000 --> 00:32:57.060
  • DIAGNOSIS THAT YOU'LL EVER GET.
  • 00:32:57.080 --> 00:32:58.270
  • - REALLY?
  • 00:32:58.290 --> 00:33:00.090
  • - YES. BECAUSE NO IS THE BASIC BOUNDARY.
  • 00:33:00.110 --> 00:33:03.000
  • - EXACTLY.
  • 00:33:03.020 --> 00:33:04.230
  • - SO LET'S SAY HE WANTS SOMETHING FROM HER, SHE'S
  • 00:33:04.250 --> 00:33:09.230
  • NOT READY TO GIVE, MAYBE IT COULD EVEN BE TIME,
  • 00:33:09.250 --> 00:33:13.220
  • MAYBE IT COULD BE LIKE PART OF HER HEART, OR
  • 00:33:13.240 --> 00:33:18.060
  • MAYBE IT CAN BE OPENING UP ABOUT SOMETHING SHE
  • 00:33:18.080 --> 00:33:20.170
  • DOESN'T WANT TO OPEN UP WITH, OR IT COULD BE HER
  • 00:33:20.190 --> 00:33:22.250
  • BODY, AND SHE SAYS NO, I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE
  • 00:33:22.270 --> 00:33:26.080
  • WITH THAT. A MAN THAT SAYS OH, OKAY, FINE.
  • 00:33:26.100 --> 00:33:31.090
  • SEE, IF HE CAN ACCEPT NO, THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT
  • 00:33:31.110 --> 00:33:37.020
  • FROM THE GUY THAT STARTS TO PRESSURE YOU PAST YOUR
  • 00:33:37.040 --> 00:33:40.110
  • NO. AND IF YOU GET SOMEBODY THAT CAN'T LOVE YOUR NO
  • 00:33:40.130 --> 00:33:45.040
  • AND THEY CAN ONLY LOVE YOUR YES, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE.
  • 00:33:45.060 --> 00:33:49.040
  • - IF SOMEONE CAN'T SAY NO IN A RELATIONSHIP,
  • 00:33:49.060 --> 00:33:52.120
  • THEY CEASE TO BE A UNIQUE ENTITY.
  • 00:33:52.140 --> 00:33:55.040
  • ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
  • 00:33:55.060 --> 00:33:56.130
  • THEY LITERALLY, YOU'RE GONNA BE SWARMED BY THIS
  • 00:33:56.150 --> 00:33:59.140
  • OTHER PERSON, WHETHER IT'S A GUY OR A GIRL
  • 00:33:59.160 --> 00:34:02.090
  • WITH HER BOY, OR BOY WITH A GIRL.
  • 00:34:02.110 --> 00:34:03.260
  • - OR A PARENT.
  • 00:34:03.280 --> 00:34:05.120
  • - OKAY, THAT'S MY NEXT PLACE AFTER THIS STORY.
  • 00:34:05.140 --> 00:34:07.160
  • - YOU CAN'T SAY NO TO A PARENT, AND A LOT OF
  • 00:34:07.180 --> 00:34:10.010
  • PARENTS IN THE NAME OF GOD WILL CRUSH THE "NO"
  • 00:34:10.030 --> 00:34:14.100
  • MUSCLE OUT OF THEIR KID.
  • 00:34:14.120 --> 00:34:17.020
  • YOU KNOW ONE, I BELIEVE ONE OF THE WORST--AND IT
  • 00:34:17.040 --> 00:34:20.270
  • WASN'T ALWAYS MEANT THIS WAY BUT ONE OF THE
  • 00:34:20.290 --> 00:34:23.070
  • WORST PHRASES YOU EVER HEAR IN PARENTING IS
  • 00:34:23.090 --> 00:34:25.120
  • YOU'VE GOT TO BREAK THEIR WILL.
  • 00:34:25.140 --> 00:34:27.070
  • ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
  • 00:34:27.090 --> 00:34:30.000
  • YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD WILL MEANS IN THE BIBLE?
  • 00:34:30.020 --> 00:34:33.000
  • IT MEANS DESIRE.
  • 00:34:33.020 --> 00:34:35.280
  • WHENEVER YOU SEE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT, THE WORD
  • 00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:38.090
  • WILL IS A WORD THAT MEANS DESIRE AND CHOICES ABOUT
  • 00:34:38.110 --> 00:34:42.120
  • OUR DESIRE. SO THAT'S PART OF THE IMAGE OF GOD.
  • 00:34:42.140 --> 00:34:45.280
  • SO YOU'VE GOT A KID THAT STARTS TO BE "STRONG
  • 00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:50.110
  • WILLED," GOD BLESS THAT STRONG WILL, AND WHAT
  • 00:34:50.130 --> 00:34:53.150
  • YOUR JOB AS A PARENT IS NOT TO BREAK IT BUT TO
  • 00:34:53.170 --> 00:34:57.240
  • DISCIPLINE IT, TRAIN IT SO IT WILLS, DESIRES TO
  • 00:34:57.260 --> 00:35:03.260
  • SAY YES TO GOOD THINGS AND NO TO BAD THINGS
  • 00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:07.250
  • BECAUSE HERE'S THE DEAL, WHEN THAT KID GETS TO BE
  • 00:35:07.270 --> 00:35:10.230
  • 16 YEARS OLD AND SOMEBODY OFFERS HIM DRUGS OR SEX
  • 00:35:10.250 --> 00:35:15.030
  • IN THE BACKSEAT OF A CAR, AND THEY DON'T HAVE A
  • 00:35:15.050 --> 00:35:18.170
  • WILL BECAUSE IT'S BROKEN INSTEAD OF TRAINED,
  • 00:35:18.190 --> 00:35:22.170
  • AND THEY CAN'T SAY NO, THEY'RE HEADED FOR A
  • 00:35:22.190 --> 00:35:25.020
  • LIFETIME OF DESTRUCTION.
  • 00:35:25.040 --> 00:35:26.190
  • AND IN DATING, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT PARENTS HAVE
  • 00:35:26.210 --> 00:35:29.210
  • GOT TO DO IS TEACH THEIR CHILDREN SELF-CONTROL.
  • 00:35:29.230 --> 00:35:32.260
  • NOT CONTROL YOUR KIDS.
  • 00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:35.100
  • BUILD THEIR SELF-CONTROL SO THEY FEEL FREE TO SAY
  • 00:35:35.120 --> 00:35:40.040
  • NO TO THINGS THAT THEY KNOW ARE NOT GOOD FOR THEM.
  • 00:35:40.060 --> 00:35:43.100
  • - SO TRUE BECAUSE I KNOW SO MANY SITUATIONS WITH
  • 00:35:43.120 --> 00:35:46.140
  • THESE GREAT CHRISTIAN FAMILIES AND THESE
  • 00:35:46.160 --> 00:35:49.000
  • PERFECT LITTLE CHRISTIAN KIDS, TO A CERTAIN
  • 00:35:49.020 --> 00:35:51.010
  • DEGREE, WHO FALL INTO SIN SO EASY.
  • 00:35:51.030 --> 00:35:54.050
  • AND YOU KNOW, I WANT TO GO TO A ROLL-IN RIGHT
  • 00:35:54.070 --> 00:35:57.120
  • NOW, AND I WANT YOU TO TALK A LITTLE BIT MORE
  • 00:35:57.140 --> 00:35:59.240
  • AND TAKE A LOOK AT A LITTLE MORE ABOUT
  • 00:35:59.260 --> 00:36:01.230
  • DR. CLOUD BECAUSE THE TOPIC WE'RE TALKING ABOUT--
  • 00:36:01.250 --> 00:36:03.200
  • - I HAVE TO WATCH THIS?
  • 00:36:03.220 --> 00:36:05.010
  • - YOU HAVE TO WATCH WITH ME.
  • 00:36:05.030 --> 00:36:07.090
  • IT'S JUST A CRUCIAL TOPIC.
  • 00:36:07.110 --> 00:36:08.270
  • IT WILL HELP YOU CREATE GREAT RELATIONSHIPS.
  • 00:36:08.290 --> 00:36:11.200
  • YOU CAN CHANGE THE PAIN YOU'RE IN RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:36:11.220 --> 00:36:14.060
  • TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ROLL-IN.
  • 00:36:14.080 --> 00:36:16.070
  • - ANNOUNCER: HE'S BEEN CALLED ONE OF THE 25 MOST
  • 00:36:18.060 --> 00:36:19.290
  • INFLUENTIAL LEADERS IN PERSONAL GROWTH AND
  • 00:36:20.010 --> 00:36:21.280
  • DEVELOPMENT. DR. HENRY CLOUD, LEADERSHIP EXPERT
  • 00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:25.150
  • AND PSYCHOLOGIST, HAS LONG BEEN RECOGNIZED FOR HIS
  • 00:36:25.170 --> 00:36:28.030
  • EXTENSIVE EXPERIENCE IN LEADERSHIP
  • 00:36:28.050 --> 00:36:30.000
  • AND BUSINESS PERFORMANCE.
  • 00:36:30.020 --> 00:36:31.290
  • - SOMETIMES IT'S JUST NOT GONNA HAPPEN,
  • 00:36:32.010 --> 00:36:34.230
  • AND WE NEED TO CHANGE COURSE.
  • 00:36:34.250 --> 00:36:40.000
  • SOMETIMES IT MEANS IF WE'VE BEEN TOO PASSIVE
  • 00:36:40.020 --> 00:36:42.020
  • WAITING ON GOD TO DO SOMETHING,
  • 00:36:42.040 --> 00:36:43.160
  • MAYBE GOD IS WAITING ON US.
  • 00:36:43.180 --> 00:36:45.290
  • - ANNOUNCER: ALSO A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING
  • 00:36:46.010 --> 00:36:47.250
  • AUTHOR, DR. CLOUD'S BOOKS HAVE SOLD OVER
  • 00:36:47.270 --> 00:36:50.020
  • 10 MILLION COPIES.
  • 00:36:50.040 --> 00:36:51.260
  • HIS BOUNDARIES SERIES ALONE SOLD OVER
  • 00:36:51.280 --> 00:36:53.170
  • 4 MILLION COPIES.
  • 00:36:53.190 --> 00:36:55.190
  • DR. CLOUD'S WORK HAS BEEN FEATURED BY THE NEW YORK
  • 00:36:55.210 --> 00:36:57.260
  • TIMES, WALL STREET JOURNAL, BOSTON GLOBE,
  • 00:36:57.280 --> 00:37:00.260
  • PUBLISHERS WEEKLY, LOS ANGELES TIMES,
  • 00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:03.090
  • AND MANY OTHER PUBLICATIONS.
  • 00:37:03.110 --> 00:37:05.150
  • HE'S A FREQUENT CONTRIBUTOR TO CNN,
  • 00:37:05.170 --> 00:37:07.200
  • FOX NEWS AND OTHER NATIONAL MEDIA OUTLETS,
  • 00:37:07.220 --> 00:37:10.200
  • A CONSULTANT FOR FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES AND
  • 00:37:10.220 --> 00:37:12.270
  • SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEUR, DR. CLOUD HAS BECOME A
  • 00:37:12.290 --> 00:37:16.000
  • SOUGHT AFTER SPEAKER SHARING THE STAGE WITH
  • 00:37:16.020 --> 00:37:18.120
  • MANY BUSINESS AND GLOBAL LEADERS SUCH AS TONY
  • 00:37:18.140 --> 00:37:20.270
  • BLAIR, CONDOLEEZZA RICE AND DESMOND TUTU.
  • 00:37:20.290 --> 00:37:24.030
  • HERE NOW ON PRAISE, DR. HENRY CLOUD.
  • 00:37:24.050 --> 00:37:27.200
  • - HEY, WELCOME BACK.
  • 00:37:29.020 --> 00:37:30.170
  • YOU KNOW, AS WE'RE TALKING, I WANT TO GO FOR
  • 00:37:30.190 --> 00:37:32.150
  • ABOUT FOUR MORE HOURS BECAUSE WE'RE KIND OF
  • 00:37:32.170 --> 00:37:34.190
  • JUST TOUCHING ON TOPIC BUT I THINK THAT'S
  • 00:37:34.210 --> 00:37:36.170
  • IMPORTANT BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY WE'RE GONNA GET
  • 00:37:36.190 --> 00:37:38.230
  • THROUGH THIS ENTIRE BOOK, AND WHEN I WENT THROUGH
  • 00:37:38.250 --> 00:37:41.040
  • THAT BOOK FOR THE FIRST TIME AND AGAIN AND AGAIN,
  • 00:37:41.060 --> 00:37:43.200
  • IT WAS AMAZING HOW I COULD FIND IN THOSE
  • 00:37:43.220 --> 00:37:45.290
  • CHAPTERS UNIQUE SPECIFIC PLACES LIKE RAISING A
  • 00:37:46.010 --> 00:37:49.130
  • THREE YEAR OLD AND TEACHING THEM, ALLOWING
  • 00:37:49.150 --> 00:37:52.000
  • THEM, HELPING THEM TO LEARN TO SAY NO.
  • 00:37:52.020 --> 00:37:54.220
  • DEALING WITH TEENS, MARRIAGE. WHEN IT COMES TO--
  • 00:37:54.240 --> 00:37:57.170
  • - AND HEAR A NO. - AND HEAR A NO.
  • 00:37:57.190 --> 00:38:00.040
  • - TO SAY NO BUT ALSO TO HEAR NO.
  • 00:38:00.060 --> 00:38:03.120
  • ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS I SEE OUT THERE
  • 00:38:03.140 --> 00:38:05.130
  • IN THE PARENTING WORLD RIGHT NOW IS WE'RE AFRAID
  • 00:38:05.150 --> 00:38:08.000
  • OF HURTING JOHNNY'S LITTLE SELF-ESTEEM,
  • 00:38:08.020 --> 00:38:10.280
  • SO JOHNNY WANTS TO DO SOMETHING AND THE PARENT
  • 00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:14.150
  • DOESN'T WANT JOHNNY TO TOUCH THAT, SO THE
  • 00:38:14.170 --> 00:38:18.070
  • TEACHING IS SO ALWAYS GIVE THEM A BETTER CHOICE.
  • 00:38:18.090 --> 00:38:23.090
  • BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FRUSTRATE HIM.
  • 00:38:23.110 --> 00:38:26.090
  • DOES LIFE GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT?
  • 00:38:26.110 --> 00:38:28.210
  • NONE OF US.
  • 00:38:28.230 --> 00:38:30.050
  • JOHNNY HAS GOT TO LEARN, NO JOHNNY YOU CAN'T TOUCH
  • 00:38:30.070 --> 00:38:33.120
  • THAT, AND I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU A BETTER ONE
  • 00:38:33.140 --> 00:38:37.040
  • BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE THAT ONE.
  • 00:38:37.060 --> 00:38:39.000
  • WHAT I'M GONNA TEACH YOU IS YOU'RE NOT GONNA TOUCH
  • 00:38:39.020 --> 00:38:41.020
  • THAT AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA THROW A TANTRUM ABOUT IT
  • 00:38:41.040 --> 00:38:46.130
  • EITHER BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN YOU'RE GONNA BE
  • 00:38:46.150 --> 00:38:49.080
  • IN TIME OUT OR SOMETHING ELSE.
  • 00:38:49.100 --> 00:38:51.250
  • HEARING NO IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS SAYING NO
  • 00:38:51.270 --> 00:38:57.100
  • BECAUSE IF I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN SAY NO,
  • 00:38:57.120 --> 00:38:59.250
  • AND I CAN'T RECEIVE YOUR NO, WE CAN'T
  • 00:38:59.270 --> 00:39:01.260
  • HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.
  • 00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:04.100
  • - YOU KNOW I HAVE A LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER, AND
  • 00:39:04.120 --> 00:39:06.220
  • SHE'S JUST A REAL CUTIE.
  • 00:39:06.240 --> 00:39:08.090
  • SHE'S VERY SOCIAL. SHE'S THREE.
  • 00:39:08.110 --> 00:39:10.020
  • AND IF I'VE GOT HER IN MY ARMS AND WALKING THROUGH
  • 00:39:10.040 --> 00:39:11.280
  • CHURCH, SOMETIMES PEOPLE THEY JUST WANT TO MEET ME
  • 00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:14.270
  • AND HER, AND THEY'LL SAY HI CUTIE, AND WANT TO
  • 00:39:14.290 --> 00:39:17.130
  • SHAKE MY HANDS, AND SOMETIMES SHE'LL GO NO,
  • 00:39:17.150 --> 00:39:20.110
  • AND JUST KIND OF BURY HER HEAD IN MY SHOULDER, AND
  • 00:39:20.130 --> 00:39:23.030
  • SHE DOESN'T WANT THE CONTACT OR TALK TO THAT
  • 00:39:23.050 --> 00:39:25.190
  • PERSON. I DON'T MAKE HER.
  • 00:39:25.210 --> 00:39:28.100
  • I LIKE THE FACT THAT SHE'S NOT SO--I HAVE TO DO.
  • 00:39:28.120 --> 00:39:33.070
  • AND IF I WAS TO MAKE HER, SHE'LL ACTUALLY GET TEARS
  • 00:39:33.090 --> 00:39:35.190
  • IN HER EYES WHERE SHE'S NOT COMFORTABLE PUTTING
  • 00:39:35.210 --> 00:39:37.160
  • HER HAND OUT AND SHAKING THAT MAN'S HAND.
  • 00:39:37.180 --> 00:39:39.140
  • IN A WAY, ISN'T THAT HELPING HER TO SAY NO?
  • 00:39:39.160 --> 00:39:42.080
  • - ABSOLUTELY!
  • 00:39:42.100 --> 00:39:44.030
  • DO YOU WANT HER GIVING HER HAND TO EVERY
  • 00:39:44.050 --> 00:39:46.010
  • STRANGER THAT COMES UP?
  • 00:39:46.030 --> 00:39:48.020
  • AND THEN THERE'S ALWAYS--HERE'S THE
  • 00:39:48.040 --> 00:39:50.270
  • PROBLEM WITH US HUMANS.
  • 00:39:50.290 --> 00:39:53.200
  • BOUNDARIES ARE LIKE A PROPERTY LINE, AND WHAT
  • 00:39:53.220 --> 00:39:56.290
  • DOES A FENCE DO AROUND YOUR PROPERTY LINE?
  • 00:39:57.010 --> 00:39:59.160
  • IT KEEPS THE GOOD STUFF IN, LIKE IT PROTECTS YOUR
  • 00:39:59.180 --> 00:40:03.000
  • CAR AND YOUR DOG AND YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR JEWELRY
  • 00:40:03.020 --> 00:40:06.240
  • AND ALL THIS STUFF, YOUR FOOD.
  • 00:40:06.260 --> 00:40:09.180
  • AND THE BAD STUFF OUT. RIGHT?
  • 00:40:09.200 --> 00:40:12.220
  • THAT'S WHY WE HAVE A LOCK ON OUR DOOR.
  • 00:40:12.240 --> 00:40:14.150
  • - SO TRUE. VERY WELL SAID.
  • 00:40:14.170 --> 00:40:16.090
  • - BUT AS HUMANS, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, WE TURN
  • 00:40:16.110 --> 00:40:20.170
  • THE WORLD UPSIDE DOWN.
  • 00:40:20.190 --> 00:40:22.150
  • SO SOMETIMES WHAT WE DO IS WE'LL KEEP THE BAD
  • 00:40:22.170 --> 00:40:26.090
  • STUFF IN AND THE GOOD STUFF OUT.
  • 00:40:26.110 --> 00:40:29.200
  • SO SOMETIMES LIFE IS INVITING US TO COME OUT
  • 00:40:29.220 --> 00:40:33.210
  • OF OUR SHYNESS, RIGHT?
  • 00:40:33.230 --> 00:40:35.290
  • NOW THAT'S GREAT.
  • 00:40:36.010 --> 00:40:37.110
  • THE THREE YEAR OLD, SHE'S SHY AND YOU'RE GONNA
  • 00:40:37.130 --> 00:40:40.000
  • HELP HER BUILD SKILLS AND SHE'S SAYING NO AND
  • 00:40:40.020 --> 00:40:41.270
  • YOU'RE ENCOURAGING THAT.
  • 00:40:41.290 --> 00:40:43.280
  • THIS IS WHY PARENTING IS SO HARD TOO.
  • 00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:46.250
  • ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS, SHE WENT THROUGH A LITTLE
  • 00:40:46.270 --> 00:40:48.250
  • PERIOD WHERE SHE AS KIND OF A PRETEEN, SHE STARTED
  • 00:40:48.270 --> 00:40:54.130
  • GETTING SOME ANXIETY ABOUT I DON'T WANT TO GO
  • 00:40:54.150 --> 00:40:58.130
  • ON A SLEEP OVER, NO I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
  • 00:40:58.150 --> 00:41:00.200
  • AND WITH THAT ONE, THAT WAS AVOIDING THE NEXT
  • 00:41:00.220 --> 00:41:06.170
  • DEVELOPMENTAL STEP OF GETTING OVER A FEAR.
  • 00:41:06.190 --> 00:41:09.140
  • AND THEN I NEED TO PUT THE BOUNDARY BEHIND HER
  • 00:41:09.160 --> 00:41:12.200
  • WHERE SHE CAN'T REGRESS INTO THE COMFORT OF NO,
  • 00:41:12.220 --> 00:41:15.220
  • YOU'RE GONNA GO AND YOU'RE GONNA STAY THERE.
  • 00:41:15.240 --> 00:41:18.110
  • AND I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!
  • 00:41:18.130 --> 00:41:20.050
  • WELL, YOU'RE GOING.
  • 00:41:20.070 --> 00:41:22.060
  • AND NOW SHE'S LIKE A SOCIAL ANIMAL.
  • 00:41:22.080 --> 00:41:24.250
  • BUT IT'S REALLY, WE'VE GOT TO LOOK AT HOW OLD IS
  • 00:41:24.270 --> 00:41:28.020
  • THE KID, WHAT'S APPROPRIATE FOR THEM.
  • 00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:29.270
  • AND I LOVE IT THAT SHE'S IN GRANDPA'S ARMS
  • 00:41:29.290 --> 00:41:34.060
  • AND GRANDPA IS SAFE AND SHE'S NOT SAYING
  • 00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:37.140
  • NO TO YOU IS THE POINT.
  • 00:41:37.160 --> 00:41:40.000
  • AND WHEN YOU WORRY ABOUT IT IS IF THEY WON'T
  • 00:41:40.020 --> 00:41:42.260
  • ATTACH AND THEY'RE SAYING NO TO SOMEBODY WHO HAS
  • 00:41:42.280 --> 00:41:45.290
  • SOMETHING GOOD FOR THEM AND THEN SAYING YES TO
  • 00:41:46.010 --> 00:41:48.180
  • THE WORLD AND ITS DANGERS.
  • 00:41:48.200 --> 00:41:50.080
  • THAT'S UPSIDE DOWN.
  • 00:41:50.100 --> 00:41:51.180
  • - WHAT I HEARD YOU SAYING HERE AND EARLIER
  • 00:41:51.200 --> 00:41:53.120
  • WAS IF WE THINK I'M A GREAT PARENT BECAUSE THIS
  • 00:41:53.140 --> 00:41:55.250
  • KID DOES WHAT I SAY WHEN I WANT IT HOW I WANT, HE
  • 00:41:55.270 --> 00:41:58.210
  • DOESN'T MESS WITH ME, THIS IS AN OBEDIENT KID.
  • 00:41:58.230 --> 00:42:01.050
  • A LOT OF CHRISTIANS HAVE THAT LOOK AT THEIR KIDS,
  • 00:42:01.070 --> 00:42:04.060
  • AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE SAYING WHEN THIS
  • 00:42:04.080 --> 00:42:05.280
  • KID GOES TO UNIVERSITY AND HE'S NEVER LEARNED TO
  • 00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:08.040
  • DEVELOP HIS NO MUSCLE AND THE PRESSURE OF HIS
  • 00:42:08.060 --> 00:42:11.160
  • FRIENDS TO JUST TRY A JOINT, SMOKE MARIJUANA,
  • 00:42:11.180 --> 00:42:14.130
  • WE'RE GONNA BE PARTYING, AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW
  • 00:42:14.150 --> 00:42:17.210
  • TO SAY, HE'S NOT EVEN DEVELOPED A NO.
  • 00:42:17.230 --> 00:42:19.190
  • - PREACH IT.
  • 00:42:19.210 --> 00:42:22.110
  • - WELL I WANT TO GO TO THE NEXT TOPIC NOW. MARRIAGE.
  • 00:42:22.130 --> 00:42:25.000
  • - BEFORE YOU GO TO MARRIAGE, I'VE GOT TO
  • 00:42:25.020 --> 00:42:26.160
  • TELL YOU A FUNNY STORY.
  • 00:42:26.180 --> 00:42:28.050
  • I'VE GOT TWO TEENAGE GIRLS.
  • 00:42:28.070 --> 00:42:30.150
  • AND THIS GUY SAYS TO ME WELL, I HOPE YOUR
  • 00:42:30.170 --> 00:42:35.030
  • DAUGHTERS GONNA BE DATING NOW, I HOPE YOU'RE GONNA
  • 00:42:35.050 --> 00:42:37.010
  • BRING THAT YOUNG MAN IN ON EVERY DATE AND SIT HIM
  • 00:42:37.030 --> 00:42:38.290
  • DOWN AND TELL HIM, READ HIM THE RIOT ACT AND MAKE
  • 00:42:39.010 --> 00:42:42.160
  • SURE THEY KNOW THEY BETTER NOT TOUCH YOUR
  • 00:42:42.180 --> 00:42:44.140
  • DAUGHTER AND ALL THIS. DO YOU DO THAT?
  • 00:42:44.160 --> 00:42:47.060
  • THEY'RE HOLDING ME ACCOUNTABLE TO THIS.
  • 00:42:47.080 --> 00:42:49.000
  • I SAID I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HERE.
  • 00:42:49.020 --> 00:42:52.100
  • HE SAID YOU INTERVIEW EVERY ONE OF THEM, DON'T
  • 00:42:52.120 --> 00:42:55.010
  • YOU? AND I SAID WELL WHAT IF I'M OUT OF TOWN?
  • 00:42:55.030 --> 00:42:58.280
  • HE GOES WELL. I SAID WHAT IF I'M OUT OF TOWN? IF
  • 00:42:59.000 --> 00:43:01.290
  • YOU'RE SAYING I'VE GOT TO INTERVIEW EVERY ONE OF
  • 00:43:02.010 --> 00:43:04.010
  • THEM, WHAT IF I'M OUT OF TOWN WHEN THE
  • 00:43:04.030 --> 00:43:05.190
  • HOMECOMING DANCE IS?
  • 00:43:05.210 --> 00:43:07.200
  • HE LOOKS AT ME AND I SAID SERIOUSLY, I'M ASKING YOU
  • 00:43:07.220 --> 00:43:10.290
  • A QUESTION, WHAT DO I DO?
  • 00:43:11.010 --> 00:43:13.230
  • I SAID I THINK WHAT YOU'RE ASKING ME IS AM I
  • 00:43:13.250 --> 00:43:17.220
  • DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO PROTECT MY DAUGHTER FROM
  • 00:43:17.240 --> 00:43:21.260
  • BAD GUYS. AND IF THAT'S THE QUESTION, YES.
  • 00:43:21.280 --> 00:43:26.070
  • AND IF YOU'RE ASKING ME DOES EVERY GUY THAT COMES
  • 00:43:26.090 --> 00:43:28.240
  • UP TO HER HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME? ABSOLUTELY.
  • 00:43:28.260 --> 00:43:33.000
  • BUT I THINK MY SYSTEM IS A LITTLE BETTER THAN
  • 00:43:33.020 --> 00:43:35.250
  • YOURS BECAUSE HERE'S WHY.
  • 00:43:35.270 --> 00:43:38.150
  • I WANT TO STRENGTHEN HER AND TEACH HER VALUES, AND
  • 00:43:38.170 --> 00:43:43.150
  • TEACH HER WHO IS GOOD FOR HER, AND WHO IS BAD FOR
  • 00:43:43.170 --> 00:43:46.220
  • HER, AND GIVE HER THAT CHARACTER AND THAT
  • 00:43:46.240 --> 00:43:50.010
  • ABILITY BECAUSE IN YOUR SYSTEM, AS SOON AS THEY
  • 00:43:50.030 --> 00:43:54.150
  • LEAVE THE HOUSE, SHE'S UNPROTECTED.
  • 00:43:54.170 --> 00:44:00.240
  • THE BIG BAD DAD IS AT HOME.
  • 00:44:00.260 --> 00:44:03.080
  • AND I THINK GOD'S SYSTEM WHERE HIS WAYS GET
  • 00:44:03.100 --> 00:44:06.150
  • INSIDE OF US, I DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE.
  • 00:44:06.170 --> 00:44:09.180
  • AND WHEN THAT KID TRIES TO DO SOMETHING, THEY GOT
  • 00:44:09.200 --> 00:44:12.070
  • TO GO THROUGH DAD BECAUSE DAD'S VOICE IS IN HER
  • 00:44:12.090 --> 00:44:14.290
  • HEAD, AND THAT'S WHAT GOD SAYS TO US, INTERNALIZE
  • 00:44:15.010 --> 00:44:18.150
  • HIS WAYS AND HAVE SELF-CONTROL.
  • 00:44:18.170 --> 00:44:20.170
  • - SO TRUE.
  • 00:44:20.190 --> 00:44:22.160
  • - SO THEN THEY GO TO SCHOOL AND THEN THEY GO
  • 00:44:22.180 --> 00:44:24.130
  • AND THEY'RE GONNA HAVE THE MAKEUP AND THE NO
  • 00:44:24.150 --> 00:44:27.210
  • MUSCLE WHERE THEY CAN SAY NO TO BAD THINGS.
  • 00:44:27.230 --> 00:44:29.150
  • - YEAH, THAT'S SO TRUE.
  • 00:44:29.170 --> 00:44:30.270
  • IN OUR-- SAL AND I, WE HAVE FIVE KIDS, SO--
  • 00:44:30.290 --> 00:44:34.080
  • - AND AGAIN...
  • 00:44:34.100 --> 00:44:36.110
  • - FOUR GIRLS AND A BOY.
  • 00:44:36.130 --> 00:44:37.280
  • BUT ONE OF THE BOYFRIENDS WAS DATING FROM A VERY
  • 00:44:38.000 --> 00:44:40.190
  • STRONG RELIGIOUS HOME, AND HE ACTUALLY MADE A
  • 00:44:40.210 --> 00:44:44.050
  • COMMENT TO MY DAUGHTER THAT HE WAS TRYING TO
  • 00:44:44.070 --> 00:44:46.180
  • KIND OF DATE AND THAT HE WAS SHOCKED HOW MUCH MY
  • 00:44:46.200 --> 00:44:50.140
  • WIFE DIDN'T SUBMIT TO ME. [LAUGHTER] I KNOW!
  • 00:44:50.160 --> 00:44:55.150
  • AND SO MY DAUGHTER WAS TELLING ME THIS, AND I
  • 00:44:55.170 --> 00:44:58.170
  • LAUGHED AND I SAID YOU THINK I WANT SOMEONE TO
  • 00:44:58.190 --> 00:45:02.220
  • SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH THAT I CAN CONTROL
  • 00:45:02.240 --> 00:45:04.240
  • AND MANIPULATE AND SHE'S GONNA SUBMIT TO ME.
  • 00:45:04.260 --> 00:45:06.220
  • I SAID I WANT A WARRIOR PRINCESS TO WALK
  • 00:45:06.240 --> 00:45:09.000
  • BESIDE ME THROUGH LIFE.
  • 00:45:09.020 --> 00:45:10.160
  • AND THAT'S WHAT, I HAVE TWO GIRLS THAT ARE
  • 00:45:10.180 --> 00:45:12.140
  • MARRIED AND BOTH THESE GUYS SOME POINT WHEN THEY
  • 00:45:12.160 --> 00:45:15.150
  • TALKED TO ME AND THEY WANTED TO KNOW IF THEY
  • 00:45:15.170 --> 00:45:18.060
  • COULD MARRY MY DAUGHTER, AND AT THAT TIME WE'D
  • 00:45:18.080 --> 00:45:20.180
  • SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER, I LOVED THEM
  • 00:45:20.200 --> 00:45:22.060
  • AND LAST THING I WANT TO SAY TO YOU IS YOU ARE
  • 00:45:22.080 --> 00:45:25.030
  • MARRYING ONE STRONG WOMAN.
  • 00:45:25.050 --> 00:45:27.190
  • I MEAN THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN.
  • 00:45:27.210 --> 00:45:29.160
  • I SAID SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A DOOR MATT,
  • 00:45:29.180 --> 00:45:31.180
  • YOU'RE NOT FINDING ONE.
  • 00:45:31.200 --> 00:45:32.290
  • BUT IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SHARE AN
  • 00:45:33.010 --> 00:45:34.160
  • INCREDIBLE LIFE, FIGHT, LAUGH, REJOICE TOGETHER,
  • 00:45:34.180 --> 00:45:37.090
  • AND YOU SEE THEM BOTH LIGHT UP BECAUSE THEY HAD
  • 00:45:37.110 --> 00:45:39.160
  • TO BE A MAN'S MAN TO MARRY THIS WOMAN.
  • 00:45:39.180 --> 00:45:42.090
  • THAT'S WHAT I WANTED AND THAT'S WHAT I GOT.
  • 00:45:42.110 --> 00:45:44.080
  • BUT SOME PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE, I MEAN THE
  • 00:45:44.100 --> 00:45:46.160
  • THINGS I'VE HEARD AS WELL, MY WIFE DOESN'T SUBMIT.
  • 00:45:46.180 --> 00:45:49.050
  • TALK TO HER.
  • 00:45:49.070 --> 00:45:50.260
  • OR ALL THAT MAN WANTS IS SEX AND HE'S SAYING I
  • 00:45:50.280 --> 00:45:53.040
  • HAVE TO BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS MY BODY IS NOT MY OWN.
  • 00:45:53.060 --> 00:45:55.270
  • YOU CAN TAKE VERSES IN THE BIBLE AND YOU CAN
  • 00:45:55.290 --> 00:45:58.260
  • BEGIN TO MANIPULATE YOUR OWN MARRIAGE, BUT IT'S
  • 00:45:58.280 --> 00:46:01.230
  • NOT GOING ANYWHERE HAPPY.
  • 00:46:01.250 --> 00:46:03.210
  • - NO, IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE HAPPY.
  • 00:46:03.230 --> 00:46:05.040
  • AND IT'S SO INTERESTING, GOD TALKS ABOUT THIS
  • 00:46:05.060 --> 00:46:09.080
  • MARRIAGE THING AS IT'S BASICALLY HE'S PAINTED A
  • 00:46:09.100 --> 00:46:15.220
  • PICTURE ON AN EASEL OF OUR LIVES, AND HE'S
  • 00:46:15.240 --> 00:46:21.040
  • SAYING LOOK AT MARRIAGE, THAT'S A PICTURE,
  • 00:46:21.060 --> 00:46:26.080
  • IT'S A PORTRAIT OF HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH US.
  • 00:46:26.100 --> 00:46:30.020
  • SO LET'S LOOK AT HOW, WE'RE THE BRIDE.
  • 00:46:30.040 --> 00:46:33.200
  • LET'S LOOK AT WHAT HE SAYS.
  • 00:46:33.220 --> 00:46:35.250
  • YOU GO TO GALATIANS 5 AND HE SAYS IT IS FOR FREEDOM
  • 00:46:35.270 --> 00:46:42.060
  • THAT CHRIST HAS DIED. FREEDOM.
  • 00:46:42.080 --> 00:46:46.250
  • BECAUSE WHERE THERE IS NOT FREEDOM,
  • 00:46:46.270 --> 00:46:50.080
  • THERE IS NOT LOVE.
  • 00:46:50.100 --> 00:46:52.060
  • - NO.
  • 00:46:52.080 --> 00:46:53.260
  • - YOU SAID EARLIER SOMEBODY THAT DOES EVERYTHING I
  • 00:46:53.280 --> 00:46:56.070
  • WANT, IF THEY'RE NOT FREE TO NOT, I GOT A SLAVE OR
  • 00:46:56.090 --> 00:47:01.150
  • I'VE GOT A ROBOT OR I'VE GOT A VIDEO GAME, BUT I
  • 00:47:01.170 --> 00:47:04.240
  • DON'T HAVE A PERSON.
  • 00:47:04.260 --> 00:47:06.280
  • AND WHAT I TRY TO TEACH OUR GIRLS IS THIS, THAT
  • 00:47:07.000 --> 00:47:10.150
  • FREEDOM EQUALS RESPONSIBILITY EQUALS LOVE.
  • 00:47:10.170 --> 00:47:17.170
  • AND IF ONE OF THOSE THREE EVER GETS OUT OF WHACK,
  • 00:47:17.190 --> 00:47:20.190
  • IF SOMEBODY IS CONTROLLING YOU AND
  • 00:47:20.210 --> 00:47:22.280
  • YOU'RE NOT FREE, YOUR LOVE'S GONNA BREAK DOWN
  • 00:47:23.000 --> 00:47:25.220
  • AND YOU'RE GONNA FIND YOURSELF KIND OF
  • 00:47:25.240 --> 00:47:28.100
  • SOMETIMES NOT LOVING VERY RESPONSIBLY BACK BECAUSE
  • 00:47:28.120 --> 00:47:30.220
  • YOU'VE GOT ALL THIS TOXIC STUFF GOING ON.
  • 00:47:30.240 --> 00:47:33.060
  • BUT IF WE CAN ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER AND SET THEM
  • 00:47:33.080 --> 00:47:36.100
  • FREE, AND THAT'S WHERE SUBMISSION HAPPENS.
  • 00:47:36.120 --> 00:47:40.170
  • SUBMISSION IS A I WANT TO, I WANT TO SERVE YOU.
  • 00:47:40.190 --> 00:47:46.100
  • A BOND SERVANT IN THE BIBLE WAS A SLAVE THAT
  • 00:47:46.120 --> 00:47:52.110
  • HAD BEEN SET FREE BY THE MASTER BUT LOVED THAT
  • 00:47:52.130 --> 00:47:57.090
  • SLAVE SO MUCH THE SLAVE CAME RUNNING BACK AND
  • 00:47:57.110 --> 00:47:59.050
  • SAID I WANT TO SUBMIT TO YOU, I WANT TO SERVE YOU.
  • 00:47:59.070 --> 00:48:02.000
  • AND WHEN WE SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER AND IN THAT SAME
  • 00:48:02.020 --> 00:48:04.260
  • PASSAGE IT SAYS SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER, THAT IT
  • 00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:08.110
  • COMES OUT OF LOVE AND FREEDOM.
  • 00:48:08.130 --> 00:48:09.210
  • IT DOESN'T COME OUT OF CONTROL.
  • 00:48:09.230 --> 00:48:11.170
  • - SO GOOD. SO IF COUPLES GET AHOLD OF THIS BOOK
  • 00:48:11.190 --> 00:48:15.090
  • AND THEY BOTH BEGIN TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO
  • 00:48:15.110 --> 00:48:18.210
  • TO EACH OTHER, BE ABLE TO--
  • 00:48:18.230 --> 00:48:20.020
  • - I HOPE SO.
  • 00:48:20.040 --> 00:48:21.200
  • - YEAH BECAUSE I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT
  • 00:48:21.220 --> 00:48:23.220
  • TO BE LIKE JESUS MEANS YOU DON'T SAY NO,
  • 00:48:23.240 --> 00:48:26.190
  • YOU JUST WHATEVER YOU NEED SWEETIE.
  • 00:48:26.210 --> 00:48:28.130
  • I MEAN, IF A WOMAN CAN CHANGE A MAN, SHE'S GONNA
  • 00:48:28.150 --> 00:48:31.210
  • FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE FELL IN LOVE
  • 00:48:31.230 --> 00:48:33.230
  • WITH WHO HE IS NOT WHO SHE CREATED.
  • 00:48:33.250 --> 00:48:36.030
  • AND I WOULD SAY THE SAME THING OF THAT MAN.
  • 00:48:36.050 --> 00:48:37.270
  • - SAY THAT AGAIN. YOU NEED TO PREACH THIS STUFF.
  • 00:48:37.290 --> 00:48:40.130
  • SERIOUSLY. SAY IT AGAIN.
  • 00:48:40.150 --> 00:48:42.110
  • - WELL, I THINK IF A WOMAN WITH CHANGE A MAN
  • 00:48:42.130 --> 00:48:45.290
  • THAT SHE'LL FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE
  • 00:48:46.010 --> 00:48:48.050
  • SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH WHO HE IS.
  • 00:48:48.070 --> 00:48:50.050
  • AND I'VE WATCHED IT AS A PASTOR.
  • 00:48:50.070 --> 00:48:52.050
  • - AND SHE'LL END UP CONTROLLING HIM.
  • 00:48:52.070 --> 00:48:53.220
  • - SHE'S CONTROLLING HIM AND THAT'S NOT
  • 00:48:53.240 --> 00:48:55.010
  • WHAT SHE MARRIED.
  • 00:48:55.030 --> 00:48:56.150
  • NOBODY WANTS, NO WOMAN WANTS A NICE GUY.
  • 00:48:56.170 --> 00:48:59.070
  • IT'S WHAT THEY SAY WHEN THEY BREAK UP WITH YOU.
  • 00:48:59.090 --> 00:49:01.050
  • MOM, I BROKE UP WITH SO-AND-SO.
  • 00:49:01.070 --> 00:49:03.170
  • HOW COME? YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
  • 00:49:03.190 --> 00:49:05.040
  • HE WAS A NICE GUY.
  • 00:49:05.060 --> 00:49:06.120
  • I DON'T WANT TO BE A NICE GUY,
  • 00:49:06.140 --> 00:49:07.130
  • I WANT TO BE A GREAT GUY.
  • 00:49:07.150 --> 00:49:08.290
  • - AND THAT IS SUCH A GOOD POINT BECAUSE SO
  • 00:49:09.010 --> 00:49:10.110
  • MANY WOMEN FALL INTO THE TRAP OF BEING ATTRACTED
  • 00:49:10.130 --> 00:49:12.260
  • TO THE BAD BOY.
  • 00:49:12.280 --> 00:49:14.030
  • - I KNOW.
  • 00:49:14.050 --> 00:49:15.170
  • - BECAUSE WHAT THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO ISN'T THE
  • 00:49:15.190 --> 00:49:18.030
  • BADNESS, IT'S THE AGGRESSION.
  • 00:49:18.050 --> 00:49:20.030
  • IT'S THE POWER.
  • 00:49:20.050 --> 00:49:22.110
  • AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE POWER IN
  • 00:49:22.130 --> 00:49:25.100
  • RELATIONSHIPS, AND A LOT OF TIMES THE NICE GUYS
  • 00:49:25.120 --> 00:49:29.150
  • ARE SO EMASCULATED THAT THE WOMEN GO WHAT'S WRONG
  • 00:49:29.170 --> 00:49:34.090
  • WITH HIM, HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY. WHY DOES SHE
  • 00:49:34.110 --> 00:49:35.290
  • WANT THE BAD ONE? BECAUSE HE'S GOT SOME STRENGTH.
  • 00:49:36.010 --> 00:49:40.160
  • - I THINK A LOT OF CHRISTIAN BOYS, GUYS
  • 00:49:40.180 --> 00:49:42.270
  • THINK JESUS IS A LONG HAIRED HIPPY IN A DRESS
  • 00:49:42.290 --> 00:49:45.210
  • WITH FLIP FLOPS.
  • 00:49:45.230 --> 00:49:47.030
  • THAT'S THEIR PICTURE OF JESUS.
  • 00:49:47.050 --> 00:49:48.190
  • AND THEN YOU GO TO REVELATION CHAPTER ONE
  • 00:49:48.210 --> 00:49:50.090
  • AND TWO AND SEE HIM AS THE KING OF KINGS.
  • 00:49:50.110 --> 00:49:52.230
  • I MEAN, THE ARMOR THAT'S ON AND JUST GET THIS
  • 00:49:52.250 --> 00:49:55.200
  • FRESH LOOK AT JESUS BECAUSE IT'S WHAT YOU'RE
  • 00:49:55.220 --> 00:49:58.080
  • SAYING IS VERY TRUE THAT THEY'RE
  • 00:49:58.100 --> 00:49:59.270
  • LOOKING FOR STRENGTH.
  • 00:49:59.290 --> 00:50:01.240
  • - AND I WOULD SAY TO THE MAN TOO THAT YOU'VE GOT
  • 00:50:01.260 --> 00:50:07.000
  • TO-YOU'VE GOT TO FIND A WOMAN THAT IS STRONG BUT
  • 00:50:07.020 --> 00:50:12.150
  • NOT CONTROLLING. RIGHT?
  • 00:50:12.170 --> 00:50:15.000
  • AND WOMEN, YOU'VE GOT TO BE STRONG BUT IF YOU'RE
  • 00:50:15.020 --> 00:50:19.070
  • CONTROLLING AND YOU CAN'T HEAR NO, I'M GONNA GIVE
  • 00:50:19.090 --> 00:50:22.150
  • YOU A WARNING HERE, IF YOU TRY TO CONTROL YOUR
  • 00:50:22.170 --> 00:50:25.270
  • HUSBAND, HE WILL MOVE AWAY FROM YOU.
  • 00:50:25.290 --> 00:50:30.080
  • HE WILL LEAVE YOU.
  • 00:50:30.100 --> 00:50:31.250
  • NOW HE MAY NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR, BUT HE MIGHT, BUT
  • 00:50:31.270 --> 00:50:34.130
  • HE MAY DETACH INTO VIDEO GAMES OR PORN OR HIS
  • 00:50:34.150 --> 00:50:38.150
  • HOBBIES OR WHATEVER AND HERE'S WHY.
  • 00:50:38.170 --> 00:50:40.120
  • IF YOU TRY TO CONTROL HIM, THE BIBLE HAS BUILT
  • 00:50:40.140 --> 00:50:44.250
  • INTO-GOD SAYS IN THE BIBLE HE'S BUILT INTO US
  • 00:50:44.270 --> 00:50:48.210
  • A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS MOTHER AND CLEAVE TO HIS
  • 00:50:48.230 --> 00:50:53.220
  • WIFE. LITTLE BOYS GROW UP WITH THIS WOMAN WHO'S IN
  • 00:50:53.240 --> 00:50:58.100
  • CHARGE OF THEIR LIFE.
  • 00:50:58.120 --> 00:51:00.100
  • SHE TELLS THEM WHEN TO DO EVERYTHING,
  • 00:51:00.120 --> 00:51:01.170
  • WHEN TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK, WHEN TO EAT.
  • 00:51:01.190 --> 00:51:02.290
  • HE IS DESIGNED BY GOD TO LEAVE THE WOMAN THAT
  • 00:51:03.010 --> 00:51:08.020
  • TRIES TO CONTROL HIM. AND HE WILL DO IT.
  • 00:51:08.040 --> 00:51:12.130
  • ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. SO SET HIM FREE.
  • 00:51:12.150 --> 00:51:15.050
  • MEN SET HER FREE AND COME TOGETHER.
  • 00:51:15.070 --> 00:51:18.160
  • AND IF IN YOUR MIND THE MARRIAGES WISHES,
  • 00:51:18.180 --> 00:51:23.180
  • NOT MY WISHES. SEE, THE HIGHEST ONE
  • 00:51:23.200 --> 00:51:27.000
  • IN THIS RELATIONSHIP IS THE RELATIONSHIP.
  • 00:51:27.020 --> 00:51:30.250
  • AND SOMETIMES I HAVE TO SAY NO TO WHAT I WANT
  • 00:51:30.270 --> 00:51:32.260
  • BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THE RELATIONSHIP.
  • 00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:35.060
  • SOMETIMES SHE'S GONNA SAY NO TO WHAT SHE WANTS
  • 00:51:35.080 --> 00:51:36.190
  • BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD.
  • 00:51:36.210 --> 00:51:38.030
  • THE MARRIAGE IS NUMBER ONE.
  • 00:51:38.050 --> 00:51:39.160
  • AND YET IN EVERYTHING GOD DOES, THERE'S A ONENESS
  • 00:51:39.180 --> 00:51:43.060
  • AND EACH PARTY HAS ITS NEEDS AS WELL.
  • 00:51:43.080 --> 00:51:47.130
  • SO IF THE MARRIAGE DOESN'T GIVE THE
  • 00:51:47.150 --> 00:51:49.180
  • INDIVIDUALS ENOUGH FREEDOM TO STILL BE
  • 00:51:49.200 --> 00:51:52.250
  • THEMSELVES, IT WILL BREAK THE MARRIAGE APART.
  • 00:51:52.270 --> 00:51:55.270
  • BUT IF THE INDIVIDUALS DON'T GIVE THE MARRIAGE
  • 00:51:55.290 --> 00:51:58.080
  • WHAT IT NEEDS, IT WILL EITHER BREAK THE
  • 00:51:58.100 --> 00:52:00.140
  • INDIVIDUALS OR BREAK THE MARRIAGE.
  • 00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:02.030
  • SO WE HAVE A TRINITARIAN GOD, THREE PEOPLE IN ONE,
  • 00:52:02.050 --> 00:52:06.190
  • THERE'S BOUNDARIES, THERE'S ONENESS, THERE'S
  • 00:52:06.210 --> 00:52:09.060
  • FREEDOM, THERE'S SUBMISSION AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
  • 00:52:09.080 --> 00:52:13.080
  • BUT YOU DON'T FIND CONTROL IN THERE.
  • 00:52:13.100 --> 00:52:14.250
  • - SO ARE YOU SAYING, I BETTER SAY THIS SO I
  • 00:52:14.270 --> 00:52:16.220
  • DON'T MISQUOTE YOU, ARE YOU SAYING THAT
  • 00:52:16.240 --> 00:52:18.140
  • IF A MAN HAS NEVER--
  • 00:52:18.160 --> 00:52:20.080
  • - IF YOU MISQUOTE ME, IT WILL PROBABLY GET BETTER.
  • 00:52:20.100 --> 00:52:22.170
  • - IF A MAN HAS NEVER SAID NO TO HIS WIFE, HE
  • 00:52:22.190 --> 00:52:25.200
  • DOESN'T HAVE BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:52:25.220 --> 00:52:27.130
  • AND IF A WOMAN HAS NEVER SAID NO, I DON'T MEAN
  • 00:52:27.150 --> 00:52:29.110
  • MEAN OR BAD, BUT I MEAN IF A WOMAN HAS NEVER BEEN
  • 00:52:29.130 --> 00:52:32.070
  • ABLE TO SAY NO OR SHARE WHAT SHE WANTS INSTEAD
  • 00:52:32.090 --> 00:52:35.100
  • THAT YOU'VE GOT A MARRIAGE WITH NO
  • 00:52:35.120 --> 00:52:37.150
  • BOUNDARIES AND YOU MUST FEEL AWFUL.
  • 00:52:37.170 --> 00:52:39.150
  • WOULD THAT BE SAID RIGHT?
  • 00:52:39.170 --> 00:52:41.090
  • OR AM I SAYING THAT WRONG?
  • 00:52:41.110 --> 00:52:42.260
  • - YEAH AND I WOULD SAY WAY BEFORE NEVER.
  • 00:52:42.280 --> 00:52:45.190
  • IT'S LIKE BASICALLY ANYTHING THAT-NOW I'M NOT
  • 00:52:45.210 --> 00:52:50.110
  • TALKING ABOUT NOT DOING THINGS YOU WANT TO DO.
  • 00:52:50.130 --> 00:52:53.200
  • THAT'S SERVICE.
  • 00:52:53.220 --> 00:52:55.240
  • JESUS DID SOMETHING HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO.
  • 00:52:55.260 --> 00:53:01.080
  • HE GOT CRUCIFIED.
  • 00:53:01.100 --> 00:53:03.160
  • EVERYTHING IN HIM SAID OH, I HATE THIS!
  • 00:53:03.180 --> 00:53:06.160
  • HIS CAPILLARIES WERE BURSTING AT EVEN THINKING
  • 00:53:06.180 --> 00:53:10.020
  • ABOUT THIS, AND HE'S GOING TO THIS, AND HE'S
  • 00:53:10.040 --> 00:53:12.130
  • CRYING GOD, WHERE ARE YOU IN THIS?
  • 00:53:12.150 --> 00:53:15.200
  • AND HE'S SAYING FATHER, TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!
  • 00:53:15.220 --> 00:53:18.030
  • THAT'S HOW HE FELT, BUT THERE WAS A BIGGER THING
  • 00:53:18.050 --> 00:53:23.030
  • AT STAKE, THE MARRIAGE WAS AT STAKE.
  • 00:53:23.050 --> 00:53:26.240
  • AND IT SAID FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE HIM,
  • 00:53:26.260 --> 00:53:31.210
  • THE MARRIAGE, HE ENDURED THE CROSS.
  • 00:53:31.230 --> 00:53:36.190
  • SO IN MARRIAGE, IF WE CAN THINK SHE WANTS ME TO DO
  • 00:53:36.210 --> 00:53:39.260
  • THIS, I WANTED TO PLAY GOLF THAT DAY,
  • 00:53:39.280 --> 00:53:42.140
  • BUT SOMETIMES FOR THE MARRIAGE AND THE JOY THAT
  • 00:53:42.160 --> 00:53:46.140
  • WE WANT TO HAVE, WE'LL SAY NO TO OURSELVES.
  • 00:53:46.160 --> 00:53:51.110
  • BUT OTHER TIMES IF ALL OF THIS IS GOING TO THE
  • 00:53:51.130 --> 00:53:55.170
  • CROSS EVERY DAY, I MEAN WE'VE GOT TO FIND SOME
  • 00:53:55.190 --> 00:53:57.180
  • LIVE MOMENTS IN THERE TOO, RIGHT?
  • 00:53:57.200 --> 00:54:00.050
  • AND WE'RE PROBABLY SHORT ON TIME BUT
  • 00:54:00.070 --> 00:54:02.240
  • I WANT TO SAY ONE THING.
  • 00:54:02.260 --> 00:54:04.260
  • WHEN JESUS WAS ASKED WHAT LOVE LOOKED LIKE, HE TOLD
  • 00:54:04.280 --> 00:54:08.090
  • THE STORY OF THE GOOD SAMARITAN.
  • 00:54:08.110 --> 00:54:10.130
  • THE GOOD SAMARITAN PICKS THIS GUY UP OFF THE ROAD,
  • 00:54:10.150 --> 00:54:12.290
  • PUTS HIM IN THE INN, GIVES THE GUY THE MONEY,
  • 00:54:13.010 --> 00:54:17.050
  • HE'S GIVING. HE'S NOT SELFISH. HE'S GIVING.
  • 00:54:17.070 --> 00:54:19.210
  • AND THEN HE SAYS TO THE INNKEEPER, I'VE GOT SOME
  • 00:54:19.230 --> 00:54:21.280
  • WORK TO GO DO, I'M GONNA GO AND I'LL COME BACK.
  • 00:54:22.000 --> 00:54:26.140
  • OKAY? NOW WHAT IF HE'S CODEPENDENT AND HAS NO
  • 00:54:26.160 --> 00:54:31.070
  • BOUNDARIES AND THEN THAT GUY SAYS WELL WHAT,
  • 00:54:31.090 --> 00:54:34.000
  • YOU'RE LEAVING?
  • 00:54:34.020 --> 00:54:35.230
  • THIS IS ALL YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME?
  • 00:54:35.250 --> 00:54:37.030
  • DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?
  • 00:54:37.050 --> 00:54:38.260
  • SEE, JESUS' PICTURE OF LOVE HAD BOUNDARIES.
  • 00:54:38.280 --> 00:54:40.280
  • - VERY GOOD.
  • 00:54:41.000 --> 00:54:42.050
  • HE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING THAT HE WANTED TO DO BUT
  • 00:54:42.070 --> 00:54:44.020
  • DIDN'T DO WHAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO.
  • 00:54:44.040 --> 00:54:46.060
  • SOMETIMES THIS JESUS COMPLEX IS YOU SHOULD DO
  • 00:54:46.080 --> 00:54:49.130
  • WHATEVER PEOPLE WANT ALL THE TIME,
  • 00:54:49.150 --> 00:54:50.200
  • THAT'S BEING LIKE JESUS.
  • 00:54:50.220 --> 00:54:52.050
  • BUT JESUS DID WHAT HE WANTED ALL THE TIME.
  • 00:54:52.070 --> 00:54:54.240
  • - ALL THE TIME.
  • 00:54:54.260 --> 00:54:56.050
  • AND SOME OF THAT WAS PURPOSEFULLY HURTING AND
  • 00:54:56.070 --> 00:54:59.170
  • SACRIFICING FOR OTHERS.
  • 00:54:59.190 --> 00:55:02.060
  • BUT HE WOULDN'T GO GET TIME BY HIMSELF AND HE
  • 00:55:02.080 --> 00:55:05.030
  • WOULDN'T GO TO A PARTY.
  • 00:55:05.050 --> 00:55:06.190
  • - OUR TIME HAS GONE BY SO FAST.
  • 00:55:06.210 --> 00:55:08.210
  • I WANT ABOUT THREE MORE HOURS WITH YOU.
  • 00:55:08.230 --> 00:55:10.180
  • BUT CHURCH ON DEMAND, TELL ME ABOUT THAT.
  • 00:55:10.200 --> 00:55:12.220
  • IT'S SOMETHING YOU'VE PUT TOGETHER.
  • 00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:14.050
  • - YEAH, WHAT OUR TEAM HAS DONE, I GET ASKED
  • 00:55:14.070 --> 00:55:18.160
  • BY CHURCHES ALL THE TIME AND I HAVE TO SAY NO,
  • 00:55:18.180 --> 00:55:21.230
  • THERE'S ONLY SO MANY WEEKENDS.
  • 00:55:21.250 --> 00:55:23.260
  • BUT I HAVE SPOKEN AT A LOT OF CHURCHES, AND I'VE
  • 00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:26.060
  • GOT THIS LIBRARY OF SERMONS AND ALSO A
  • 00:55:26.080 --> 00:55:28.250
  • LIBRARY OF BUSINESS OUTREACH AND COMMUNITY
  • 00:55:28.270 --> 00:55:30.270
  • OUTREACH TALKS THAT ARE FRIENDLY TO
  • 00:55:30.290 --> 00:55:33.030
  • NON-BELIEVERS.
  • 00:55:33.050 --> 00:55:35.000
  • AND SO WE TOOK ALL OF THAT AND CURATED IT AND
  • 00:55:35.020 --> 00:55:38.120
  • PUT IT IN THIS LIBRARY SO WHEN YOU SAY DO YOU WANT
  • 00:55:38.140 --> 00:55:41.160
  • ME TO COME PREACH AT YOUR CHURCH OR DO A COMMUNITY
  • 00:55:41.180 --> 00:55:43.140
  • OUTREACH OR BUSINESS EVENT OR WHATEVER, I CAN
  • 00:55:43.160 --> 00:55:46.140
  • SAY YEAH, I CAN COME NOW AND SO YOU TAKE THAT AND
  • 00:55:46.160 --> 00:55:49.190
  • YOU PUT IT ON THE BIG SCREEN AND HAVE THE
  • 00:55:49.210 --> 00:55:50.240
  • SERVICE AND YOU HAVE YOUR WORSHIP BAND.
  • 00:55:50.260 --> 00:55:52.120
  • - IF THEY WANT--
  • 00:55:52.140 --> 00:55:54.200
  • - I'LL COME PREACH IN YOUR CHURCH.
  • 00:55:54.220 --> 00:55:56.050
  • I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D WANT ME BUT I WILL COME.
  • 00:55:56.070 --> 00:55:58.240
  • - SO THE STUFF ON BOUNDARIES, IF THEY WANT
  • 00:55:58.260 --> 00:56:01.200
  • TO BEGIN TO DO EVEN A WEEKLY COURSE OR
  • 00:56:01.220 --> 00:56:03.260
  • SMALL GROUPS, IS THAT DEVELOPED?
  • 00:56:03.280 --> 00:56:05.190
  • - ABSOLUTELY.
  • 00:56:05.210 --> 00:56:07.150
  • - FOR PASTORS AND LEADERS THAT ARE WATCHING
  • 00:56:07.170 --> 00:56:09.100
  • RIGHT NOW, GET IT RIGHT INTO YOUR
  • 00:56:09.120 --> 00:56:10.250
  • ENTIRE CHURCH WORLD.
  • 00:56:10.270 --> 00:56:12.090
  • - AND WE HAVE A LEADERSHIP UNIVERSITY ON
  • 00:56:12.110 --> 00:56:14.160
  • DRCLOUD.COM THAT THEY CAN GET.
  • 00:56:14.180 --> 00:56:16.170
  • ALL SORTS OF STUFF. FREE DOWNLOADS.
  • 00:56:16.190 --> 00:56:20.000
  • - SO GO TO THAT. WHERE DO THEY GO?
  • 00:56:20.020 --> 00:56:21.200
  • CHURCH ON DEMAND?
  • 00:56:21.220 --> 00:56:23.060
  • - NO ACTUALLY, DRCLOUD.COM.
  • 00:56:23.080 --> 00:56:26.080
  • WWW.DRCLOUD.COM AND LOOK FOR CHURCH ON DEMAND.
  • 00:56:26.100 --> 00:56:32.020
  • - OKAY. WE HAVE BEEN JUST CHATTING ABOUT A LOT OF
  • 00:56:32.040 --> 00:56:35.080
  • AREAS TODAY, AND I JUST WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU
  • 00:56:35.100 --> 00:56:38.000
  • THAT IF SOMETHING WE HAVE SAID IS IN A SCENARIO
  • 00:56:38.020 --> 00:56:41.100
  • THAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH, THAT YOU NEED TO GET
  • 00:56:41.120 --> 00:56:44.120
  • AHOLD OF THIS BOOK, OR GO TO THAT WEBSITE
  • 00:56:44.140 --> 00:56:46.240
  • AND MAKE SURE AND GET MORE CONTENT.
  • 00:56:46.260 --> 00:56:49.180
  • THE BIBLE SAYS MY PEOPLE PERISH, IT DOESN'T SAY
  • 00:56:49.200 --> 00:56:53.070
  • FOR A LACK OF LOVE OR FOR A LACK OF PRAYER, IT
  • 00:56:53.090 --> 00:56:55.250
  • DOESN'T SAY-IT SAYS FOR A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE.
  • 00:56:55.270 --> 00:56:58.110
  • AND I DO NOT WANT SOMETHING TO END BECAUSE
  • 00:56:58.130 --> 00:57:00.140
  • I JUST DON'T KNOW IT.
  • 00:57:00.160 --> 00:57:03.200
  • THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE TODAY.
  • 00:57:03.220 --> 00:57:05.010
  • THIS WAS INCREDIBLE.
  • 00:57:05.030 --> 00:57:06.140
  • - THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP IN GETTING THROUGH
  • 00:57:06.160 --> 00:57:07.230
  • IT AND THE STORIES.
  • 00:57:07.250 --> 00:57:09.020
  • - GOD BLESS YOU GUYS!
  • 00:57:09.040 --> 00:57:10.170
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:57:10.190 --> 00:57:19.000